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The Three Modern Relationship Models and Why They Are All Flawed

Relationships between men and women have taken on many different configurations throughout
history. Depending on one’s culture, having a harem of seven women could be an impressive status
symbol or a serious crime punishable by death. If you lived in America in the 1950s, one man and
one woman with opposite roles was the ideal (women wanted this set up too, by the way.) Now a
days, that same dynamic is called “sexist.”
There are three common patterns of interacting with women that have emerged to replace this
“sexist” traditional paradigm. I say “interacting” because these are not all prescriptions for meeting a
wife or finding a LTR. Rather, they are beliefs or world views about the role a woman should play in a
man’s life. As I’ll demonstrate, each model is flawed and heavily stacks the cards against men. At the
end I propose a new model that incorporates the best parts of each, while avoiding beta-slavery,
emotional manipulation, financial ruin, and other common pitfalls.
Model 1 = The “Modern” Long Term Relationship
A lot of guys end up in long term relationships. However, societal pressures make these
arrangements much more difficult than when our grandfathers were dating. First, we need to
consider the flip side of the modern trend of indefinitely postponing marriage and children. Indeed,
the "median age for a first marriage is higher than it’s ever been…almost half of millennials seem
disinclined to tie the knot before they are well into their 30s.” (1) No kids and no wife may initially
seem to preserve one’s freedom. But, entering into a LTR with no intention of creating a stable family
begs the question: why have a relationship at all? What are you getting out of spending so much
time with this one woman? What is she adding to your life? Two answers are usually given:
 “I really like her” (emotional fulfillment)
 Regular sex
These reasons have certainly been the rationale for my past relationships. What’s important to note
is an objective and natural purpose (eventually creating a family) has been replaced by sensation
seeking and "feelings." Without kids and serious commitment at least in the back of each partner’s
mind, modern LTR’s devolve into getting “high” off attention, sexual gratification, and drama from
another person. None of these baser ego drives are beneficial for a man’s long term personal
development. You might argue that we have an inherent need for companionship, and I will expand
more upon that point at the end.
Basing a relationship mainly on feelings enhances women’s already hypergamous nature, and gives
them the green light to constantly seek new partners once the “feelz” run dry. This creates a subtle
sense of tension in the modern LTR. Indeed, once you’re in the “feeling domain,” you’ve already lost
frame and will never be totally at ease with the relationship, since there’s nothing giving it “weight."
The modern relationship is like fiat currency - it might look good on paper for awhile, but we left the
“gold standard” (i.e. traditional gender roles) years ago. There aren’t any responsibilities and serious
convictions backing these partnerships up, so they must inevitably crash.
Indeed, if you plan to spend the next decade having kids and raising a family (as a woman), your
career must take a back seat. This places added importance on the man’s role as bread winner. There
is balance and mutual respect here; both individuals function as part of one team with clear goals.
After thirty years of “liberation,” however, it is nearly guaranteed that any woman you date will be
seriously pursuing a career. Obviously I'm all for smart and hardworking women, but this dynamic
has ended the “need” for gender polarity. No kids, no marriage, and no bread winner means your
partner is just a “friend” and someone whom you share mutual feelings with. This dynamic is fine at
17, but for men in their mid 20s and 30s? Really? This set up is subconsciously unfulfilling for both
partners since it is out of line with our true needs as men and women.
Model 2 = The Alpha Player
Some men, consciously or intuitively, pick up on the issues with the Modern LTR and therefore
decide to “break free” by becoming Alpha players. In hopes of avoiding the baggage and lack of
polarity characteristic of modern relationships, the Alpa Player refuses to be tied down to a single
woman and even takes pleasure in separating himself from politically correct culture.
At first, there is some freedom and frame here. Spinning multiple plates gives one an abundance
mentality, and puts rejections into a larger context. The drive to meet as many women as possible
also encourages a self improvement mindset, since the sexual marketplace is highly competitive.
Lifting, dressing better, and practicing one’s social skills all start to matter a lot more once you leave
the security of a LTR. These are positive developments.
The problem, though, (and most Alpha players will never admit this) is the model still encourages
sensation seeking and therefore will never be ultimately fulfilling. Look at the guys who’ve become
professionals at this lifestyle - Roosh V, Tucker Max, Mystery, etc. All three ended up saying, at the
end of the day, “It’s empty." That should tell you something, because these guys built entire
businesses about hooking up with hot women.
The Alpha Player is still on the hamster wheel of sensation. This ride can be fun for awhile, but
eventually one starts to notice it’s not going anywhere. The Alpha player’s drive to get laid also
results in a different kind of slavery. He becomes reliant on the ego gratification gleaned from
weekend conquests, and may feel incomplete when things don’t work out. Yes, we talk about
outcome independence and abundance mentality. But look, I’ve read all the material and have a fair
amount of experience in the Game. If your identity is tied up in getting laid, it does hurt when things
go dry. You might not even consciously be aware of this - it could manifest in general feelings of
irritability, or other life problems.
Which brings me to my last point. The Alpha Player still seeks gratification from women. The woman’s
“yes or no” to his advances still determines his success for the night. His workout regimen and new
sense of style, although a step in the right direction, also come about from a desire to please women.
This is still dependent behavior, and is not how a fully functional man should operate. Indeed, all this
time spent chasing women is also time spent NOT studying History, Natural Law, Government,
Politics, Science and other masculine topics that provide immense “mental gains.” The true “Game”
exists outside the barroom and is certainly not premised on whether or not a woman decides to give
you a dopamine release.
Model 3 = “Modern” Marriage (or Marriage 2.0)
The modern marriage is characterized by fluid gender roles and high divorce rates. 40-50% of first
time marriages will end in divorce (2), with 2/3 of them being initiated by women. (3) Divorce can be
very costly. The average annual child support payment from ex-husbands is $5,450 per child. Of
course, this price tag climbs significantly if the man makes a lot of money. It’s also worth noting that
85% of childcare payments come from men (4).
This is a tough situation. Marriage seems to be a good way to negate women’s hypergamous
instincts and to provide a solid foundation for a man to build his life upon. But with the laws and
divorce rates both trending in the wrong direction, this former bedrock of society is no longer a safe
The NY Times writes that, as a result of Feminism, "marriage has evolved to its modern-day form,
based on love and shared passions, and often two incomes and shared housekeeping duties.” For
years growing up, I would have labeled that development unequivocally “good.” What’s fascinating,
though, is that studies have shown that Western women’s levels of happiness have steadily declined
during the past three or four decades of “progress.” A 2009 study from the National Bureau of
Economic Research indicated, “The paradox of women’s declining relative well-being is found across
various datasets, measures of subjective well-being, and is pervasive across demographic groups and
industrialized countries.” (6) There is a Stanford study coming out later this year that argues a similar
point. Furthermore, during the “oppressive” housewife era of the 50s and 60s, women actually
reported being happier than men. (7)
So now we find ourselves in a fucked up, 1984 type situation where everything is backwards.
Women’s liberation actually leads to women’s depression. Laws designed to “equalize” marriage end
up screwing men. These trends all play out in the background, and are probably the basis for the
epidemic use of antidepressants amongst middle aged women.
Given all these factors, marriage is no longer a safe bet for any man. Even if you find the “right” girl,
there is so much craziness going on in the culture right now, that entering into marriage just
represents too big of a risk across the board.
Towards a New Model of Relationship for the Modern Man
Even with the issues listed above, we can’t swear off women completely. Interacting with the
opposite sex is undoubtedly healthy and life affirming. Men have sex drives and need to actualize
that energy somehow. On a very practical level, going out with a woman on Saturday night is just a
better use of time than sitting around and playing video games. We need to think of a new
conceptual model that will allow us to enjoy the company of women without being forced into being
beta providers, child support sugar daddies, and other hellish roles.
The first step is a return to masculine and feminine polarity. I have been in relationships where the
poles aren’t clearly established, and it simply doesn’t work. The attraction doesn’t last, and mutual
disrespect between the parties inevitably seeps in. We may not be able to return to 1950s era roles,
but the modern man can certainly consciously seek out women that exhibit more feminine
characteristics and who are philosophically opposed to feminism and other leftist causes.
Number two, is the return of actual dating. I’ve been through the college hook up scene, the Tinder
Game, and the bar/club scene. These methods of interacting with women are all based on easy sex
and instant gratification. This is fine for the 19 year old aspiring Alpha, but for older guys you must
realize that immediately having sex with a girl gives you no time to establish masculine-feminine
polarity. The point of dating is to set the “ground rules” for the relationship, and if she indicates she
won’t comply, then you just move on.
Any social system (bars, college, etc.) that places sex as the end-goal will actually be dominated by
the hot women. This group is the gatekeeper of sex and therefore retains power. You really can’t
escape that fact. As men, we need to stop being controlled by sensation and use our brains instead of
our dicks to create a paradigm that doesn’t fuck over 90% of us. Don’t be afraid to date in the old-
school way, and to even wait on having sex until you’re sure you’re dealing with a high quality
woman. You’ll be surprised at how much easier it is to maintain Frame when the woman can’t hold
sex over you.
Third, is to get clear about your life purpose. Disney lied about love being the most magical and
special thing in the world. Having a life partner is great, but those butterflies are just chemicals in
your brain tricking you into reproducing. Dominate these ephemeral feelings with logic and put
them into their larger context. If your life goal is to find “the One” you’re already completely screwed.
A man first needs to be driven by his life purpose and goals, and then the rest will follow. Lock down
your career, build up a business, get in the best shape of your life, or relentlessly pursue knowledge
and wisdom. Whatever you find particularly exciting - pursue that first and foremost, and women will
be highly attracted to your focus and ambition.
So far we have: look for feminine women, don’t be afraid to actually date, think with your head and
not your dick, and put your life purpose front and center. “That’s great,” you might be thinking, “but
what’s the end game here? How do I not get divorce raped?” If you do decide to get married, make
sure you’re going in with clear commitment. Sign a pre-nup and then have kids right away. Make
sure there is a purpose for your marriage besides being “BFF’s.”
That’s all I got for now. I think a relationship model that works for the modern man is something we
as a community need to nail down. I’ve provided a start, but there’s much more to discuss. Curious
to hear everyone’s opinion.
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