THE PULITZER PRIZE

W I N N I N G A U T H O R DE
 USA SZE95
CANADA 133.95

FROM THE ACCLAIMED AUTHOR

OF THE PULITZER PRIZE WINNER
^ A M A Z I N G ADVENTURES OF K A V A L I E R & - C L A Y
COMES AN EQUALLY DAZZLING. ORIGINAL. AND
IMAGINATIVE WORK OF FICTION.

F
or sixty years, Jewish refugees and their descen­
dants have prospered in the Federal District of
Sitka, a "temporary" safe haven created in the wake
of revelations of the Holocaust and the shocking 1948
collapse of the fledgling state of Israel. Proud, grateful,
and longing to be American, the Jews of the Sitka Dis­
trict have created their own little world in the Alaskan
panhandle, a vibrant, gritty, soulful, and complex fron­
tier city that moves to the music of Yiddish. For sixty
years they have been left alone, neglected and half-
forgotten in a backwater of history. Now the District
is set to revert to Alaskan control, and their dream is
coming to an end: once again the tides of history threaten
to sweep them up and carry them off into the unknown.
But homicide detective Meyer Landsman of the
District Police has enough problems without worrying
about the upcoming Reversion. His life is a shambles,
his marriage a wreck, his career a disaster. He and his
half-Tlingit partner, Berko Shemets, can't catch a break
in any of their outstanding cases. Landsman's new
supervisor is the love of his life—and also his worst
nightmare. And in the cheap hotel where he has washed
up, someone has just committed a murder—right
under Landsman's nose. Out of habit, obligation, and
a mysterious sense that it somehow offers him a shot
at redeeming himself, Landsman begins to investigate
the killing of his neighbor, a former chess prodigy. But
when word comes down from on high that the case
is to be dropped immediately, Landsman soon finds
himself contending with all the powerful forces of
faith, obsession, hopefulness, evil, and salvation that

[ C O N T I N U E D DN BACK F L A P ) 05D7
 [CONTINUED FRDM FRONT F L A P )

are his heritage—and with the unfinished business of

his marriage to Bina Gelbfish, the one person who
understands his darkest fears.
At once a gripping whodunit, a love story, an hom­
age to 1940s noir, and an exploration of the mysteries
of exile and redemption, The Tiddish 'Policemen's Union
is a novel only Michael Chabon could have written.

- M I C H A E L CHABON
is the bestselling author of The Amazing Adventures of
Kavalier & Clay, which won the 1001 Pulitzer Prize for
fiction. He lives in Berkeley, California, with his wife,
the novelist Ayelet Waldman, and their children.

J A C K E T DESIGN BY WILL STAEHLE

AUTHOR PHDTOGRAPH © 2DD7 STEPHANIE RAUSSER

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive

information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

Available from HarperAudio and HarperLuxe

HarperCollins.P^Wzs/?ers
www.harpercollins.com
O -Mil:
P R A I S E FOR T H E W O R K DF

IIIIAIi H»]
'A PROSE MAGICIAN. CHABON IS THAT RARE LITERARY ANOMALY:
A GENTLE-SPIRITED WRITER OF BOUNDLESS AMBITION."
-TIE YllUSE MSS ON THE FINAL SOLUTION

60SH°WOW. SUPER-COLOSSAL-SMART,
"ABSOLUTELY
FUNNY AND A CONTINUAL PLEASURE TD READ."
- wmsrumTsm mu 01 WE AMAIINB ADVENTURES OF KAVAUER 6 CLAY

"THE DEPTH OF CHABDN'S THDUGHT, HIS SHARP LANGUAGE, HIS INVENTIVENESS,

AND HIS AMBITIDN MAKE THIS A NDVEL DF TOWERING ACHIEVEMENT"
-EU YM MES BU SEWN ON THE AMAIINE ABVENTURES OF KAVAUER 8 CLAY

"A TOWERING, SWASHBUCKLING THRILL OF A BOOK."

-mEVffl ON THE AMAIINE ADVENTURES OE KAVAUER 5 CLAY
THE Y I D D I S H P O L I C E M E N ' S UNION
 ALSD BY MICHAEL CHABON

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh

A Model World and Other Stories

Wonder Boys

Werewolves in Their Touth

Amazing Adventures of Kavalier <& Clay

Summerland

The Final Solution

 THE YIDDISH
POLICEMEN'S UNION

A Novel

MICHAEL CHABON

HarperCollinsPwMs^ers
T H E Y I D D I S H P O L I C E M E N ' S U N I O N . Copyright © 2 0 0 7 by Michael Chabon.

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this
book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written
permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles
and reviews. For information, address HarperCollins Publishers, 1 0 East 53rd
Street, New York, NY 1 0 0 2 2 .

HarperCollins books may be purchased for educational, business, or sales

promotional use. For information, please write: Special Markets Department,
HarperCollins Publishers, 1 0 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 1 0 0 2 2 .

FIRST EDITION

Designed by Leah Carlson-Stanisic

Jacket and text illustrations by Will Staehle

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN: 9 7 8 - 0 - 0 0 - 7 1 4 9 8 2 - 7
ISBN-10: 0 - 0 0 - 7 1 4 9 8 2 - 4

07 08 09 10 11 ID/RRDIO 9 8
To Ayelet,
bashert
And they went to sea in a Sieve.

EDWARD LEAR
THE Y I D D I S H P O L I C E M E N ' S UNIDN
 •9 i

N
ine m o n t h s Landsman's been flopping at the H o t e l Z a m e n h o f
w i t h o u t a n y of his fellow r e s i d e n t s m a n a g i n g t o g e t t h e m s e l v e s
m u r d e r e d . N o w s o m e b o d y has p u t a bullet in t h e brain of t h e
o c c u p a n t of 208, a yid w h o was calling himself E m a n u e l Lasker.
" H e d i d n ' t a n s w e r t h e p h o n e , h e w o u l d n ' t o p e n h i s d o o r , " says
Tenenboym the night manager when he comes to roust Landsman.
L a n d s m a n lives in 5 0 5 , w i t h a v i e w of t h e n e o n sign o n t h e h o t e l
a c r o s s M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t . T h a t o n e is c a l l e d t h e B l a c k p o o l , a w o r d
t h a t figures in L a n d s m a n ' s n i g h t m a r e s . " I h a d t o l e t m y s e l f i n t o h i s
room."
T h e n i g h t m a n a g e r is a f o r m e r U . S . M a r i n e w h o k i c k e d a h e r o i n
h a b i t of his o w n b a c k in t h e sixties, after c o m i n g h o m e from t h e
s h a m b l e s of t h e C u b a n war. H e t a k e s a m o t h e r l y i n t e r e s t in t h e
user population of t h e Zamenhof. H e e x t e n d s c r e d i t to t h e m a n d
sees t h a t t h e y a r e left a l o n e w h e n t h a t is w h a t t h e y n e e d .
" D i d y o u t o u c h a n y t h i n g i n t h e r o o m ? " L a n d s m a n says.
T e n e n b o y m says, " O n l y t h e cash a n d j e w e l r y . "
L a n d s m a n p u t s on his trousers a n d shoes a n d hitches u p his
suspenders. T h e n he and T e n e n b o y m t u r n to look at t h e d o o r k n o b ,
w h e r e a n e c k t i e h a n g s , r e d w i t h a fat m a r o o n s t r i p e , a l r e a d y k n o t t e d
t o save t i m e . L a n d s m a n h a s e i g h t h o u r s t o go u n t i l his n e x t shift.
2 MICHAEL CHABON

E i g h t r a t h o u r s , s u c k i n g a t his b o t t l e , in his glass t a n k lined w i t h

w o o d s h a v i n g s . L a n d s m a n s i g h s a n d g o e s for t h e t i e . H e s l i d e s i t
o v e r h i s h e a d a n d p u s h e s u p t h e k n o t t o h i s collar. H e p u t s o n h i s
j a c k e t , feels for t h e w a l l e t a n d s h i e l d i n t h e b r e a s t p o c k e t , p a t s t h e
s h o l e m h e w e a r s in a h o l s t e r u n d e r his a r m , a c h o p p e d S m i t h &
Wesson Model 39.
" I h a t e t o w a k e y o u , D e t e c t i v e , " T e n e n b o y m says. " O n l y I
noticed that you d o n ' t really sleep."
" I s l e e p , " L a n d s m a n says. H e p i c k s u p t h e s h o t g l a s s t h a t h e is
c u r r e n t l y d a t i n g , a souvenir of t h e World's Fair of 1977. "It's j u s t I
d o i t i n m y u n d e r p a n t s a n d s h i r t . " H e lifts t h e g l a s s a n d t o a s t s t h e
t h i r t y y e a r s g o n e s i n c e t h e S i t k a W o r l d ' s Fair. A p i n n a c l e o f J e w i s h
c i v i l i z a t i o n i n t h e n o r t h , p e o p l e say, a n d w h o is h e t o a r g u e ? M e y e r
Landsman was fourteen that summer, and just discovering the
g l o r i e s o f J e w i s h w o m e n , for w h o m 1 9 7 7 m u s t h a v e b e e n s o m e k i n d
of a p i n n a c l e . " S i t t i n g u p in a c h a i r . " H e d r a i n s t h e glass. " W e a r i n g
a sholem."
A c c o r d i n g t o d o c t o r s , t h e r a p i s t s , a n d his ex-wife, L a n d s m a n
d r i n k s t o m e d i c a t e himself, t u n i n g t h e t u b e s a n d crystals of his
m o o d s w i t h a c r u d e h a m m e r of h u n d r e d - p r o o f p l u m brandy. But
t h e t r u t h is t h a t L a n d s m a n h a s o n l y t w o m o o d s : w o r k i n g a n d d e a d .
M e y e r L a n d s m a n is t h e m o s t d e c o r a t e d s h a m m e s i n t h e D i s t r i c t
of Sitka, t h e m a n w h o solved t h e m u r d e r of t h e beautiful F r o m a
Lefkowitz b y her furrier h u s b a n d , and caught Podolsky t h e Hospital
K i l l e r . H i s t e s t i m o n y s e n t H y m a n T s h a r n y t o f e d e r a l p r i s o n for
life, t h e f i r s t a n d l a s t t i m e t h a t c r i m i n a l c h a r g e s a g a i n s t a V e r b o v e r
w i s e g u y have ever b e e n m a d e t o stick. H e has t h e m e m o r y of a
c o n v i c t , t h e balls of a fireman, a n d t h e eyesight of a housebreaker.
W h e n t h e r e is c r i m e t o fight, L a n d s m a n t e a r s a r o u n d S i t k a l i k e a
m a n w i t h h i s p a n t l e g c a u g h t o n a r o c k e t . I t ' s l i k e t h e r e ' s a film
score playing behind him, heavy on the castanets. T h e problem
c o m e s in t h e h o u r s w h e n h e isn't w o r k i n g , w h e n his t h o u g h t s s t a r t
b l o w i n g o u t t h e o p e n w i n d o w of his b r a i n like pages from a blotter.
Sometimes it takes a heavy paperweight to pin t h e m d o w n .
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNIDN 3

" I h a t e t o m a k e m o r e w o r k for y o u , " T e n e n b o y m says.

During his days working Narcotics, Landsman arrested
T e n e n b o y m five t i m e s . T h a t is all t h e b a s i s for w h a t p a s s e s for
f r i e n d s h i p b e t w e e n t h e m . I t is a l m o s t e n o u g h .
" I t ' s n o t w o r k , T e n e n b o y m , " L a n d s m a n says. " I d o i t for l o v e . "
" I t ' s t h e s a m e for m e , " t h e n i g h t m a n a g e r says. " W i t h b e i n g a
n i g h t m a n a g e r of a crap-ass h o t e l . "
L a n d s m a n p u t s his h a n d on T e n e n b o y m ' s shoulder, a n d t h e y go
d o w n to take stock of t h e deceased, squeezing i n t o t h e Z a m e n h o f ' s
l o n e e l e v a t o r , o r ELEVATORO, as a s m a l l b r a s s p l a t e o v e r t h e d o o r
w o u l d h a v e i t . W h e n t h e h o t e l w a s b u i l t fifty y e a r s a g o , all o f i t s
directional signs, labels, notices, a n d w a r n i n g s w e r e p r i n t e d on
b r a s s p l a t e s in E s p e r a n t o . M o s t of t h e m a r e l o n g g o n e , v i c t i m s of
n e g l e c t , v a n d a l i s m , o r t h e fire c o d e .
T h e d o o r a n d d o o r frame of 208 d o n o t e x h i b i t signs of forced
entry. L a n d s m a n covers t h e k n o b w i t h his h a n d k e r c h i e f a n d n u d g e s
t h e d o o r o p e n w i t h t h e t o e o f h i s loafer.
"I got this funny feeling," T e n e n b o y m says as h e follows
L a n d s m a n i n t o t h e r o o m . " F i r s t t i m e I e v e r saw t h e guy. You k n o w
t h e expression 'a b r o k e n m a n ' ? "
L a n d s m a n allows t h a t t h e phrase rings a bell.
" M o s t of t h e p e o p l e it gets a p p l i e d t o d o n ' t really d e s e r v e i t , "
T e n e n b o y m says. " M o s t m e n , i n m y o p i n i o n , t h e y h a v e n o t h i n g
t h e r e t o b r e a k i n t h e first p l a c e . B u t t h i s L a s k e r . H e w a s l i k e o n e o f
t h o s e sticks y o u s n a p , it lights u p . You k n o w ? F o r a few h o u r s . A n d
y o u can h e a r b r o k e n glass r a t t l i n g i n s i d e of it. I d o n ' t k n o w , forget
it. It was j u s t a funny feeling."
" E v e r y b o d y has a funny feeling t h e s e d a y s , " L a n d s m a n says,
m a k i n g a few n o t e s i n h i s l i t t l e b l a c k p a d a b o u t t h e s i t u a t i o n o f t h e
room, even t h o u g h such notes are superfluous, because he rarely
forgets a detail of physical d e s c r i p t i o n . L a n d s m a n has been told,
by t h e same loose confederacy of physicians, psychologists, a n d his
f o r m e r s p o u s e , t h a t a l c o h o l w i l l kill h i s gift for r e c o l l e c t i o n , b u t so
far, t o h i s r e g r e t , t h i s c l a i m h a s p r o v e d false. H i s v i s i o n o f t h e p a s t
4 MICHAEL CHABON

r e m a i n s u n i m p a i r e d . " W e h a d to open a separate p h o n e line j u s t to

handle the calls."
" T h e s e are strange times to be a Jew," T e n e n b o y m agrees. " N o
doubt about it."
A small pile of p a p e r b a c k books sits a t o p t h e laminate dresser.
O n t h e b e d s i d e t a b l e Lasker k e p t a chessboard. It looks like h e had
a g a m e going, a m e s s y - l o o k i n g m i d d l e g a m e w i t h Black's k i n g u n d e r
attack at t h e center of t h e board and W h i t e having t h e advantage
of a c o u p l e of pieces. It's a c h e a p set, t h e b o a r d a s q u a r e of card
t h a t folds d o w n t h e m i d d l e , t h e p i e c e s h o l l o w , w i t h p l a s t i c n u b s
where they were extruded.
O n e l i g h t b u r n s i n a t h r e e - s h a d e floor l a m p b y t h e t e l e v i s i o n .
E v e r y o t h e r b u l b in t h e r o o m a p a r t from t h e b a t h r o o m t u b e has
b e e n r e m o v e d or allowed t o b u r n o u t . O n t h e windowsill sits a
p a c k a g e of a p o p u l a r b r a n d of over-the-counter laxative. The
w i n d o w is c r a n k e d o p e n i t s p o s s i b l e i n c h , a n d e v e r y few s e c o n d s
t h e m e t a l b l i n d s b a n g i n t h e stiff w i n d b l o w i n g i n off t h e G u l f o f
Alaska. T h e w i n d carries a sour t a n g of p u l p e d lumber, t h e smell
of b o a t diesel a n d t h e s l a u g h t e r a n d c a n n i n g of salmon. A c c o r d i n g
to " N o k h A m o l , " a song that Landsman and every other Alaskan
J e w of his g e n e r a t i o n l e a r n e d in g r a d e school, t h e smell of the
w i n d f r o m t h e G u l f fills a J e w i s h n o s e w i t h a s e n s e o f p r o m i s e ,
o p p o r t u n i t y , t h e c h a n c e t o s t a r t again. " N o k h A m o l " d a t e s from
t h e Polar Bear days, t h e early forties, a n d it's s u p p o s e d t o be an
e x p r e s s i o n o f g r a t i t u d e for a n o t h e r m i r a c u l o u s d e l i v e r a n c e : O n c e
Again. N o w a d a y s t h e J e w s of t h e Sitka District t e n d to hear t h e
i r o n i c e d g e t h a t w a s t h e r e all a l o n g .

" S e e m s like I've k n o w n a lot of chess-playing yids w h o used

s m a c k , " T e n e n b o y m says.
" S a m e h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says, looking d o w n at t h e deceased,
realizing h e has seen t h e y i d a r o u n d t h e Z a m e n h o f . L i t t l e b i r d of a
m a n . B r i g h t e y e , s n u b b e a k . B i t o f a flush i n t h e c h e e k s a n d t h r o a t
t h a t m i g h t have been rosacea. N o t a h a r d case, n o t a scumbag, not
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 5

q u i t e a lost soul. A yid n o t too different from L a n d s m a n , m a y b e ,

a p a r t from his choice of d r u g . C l e a n fingernails. Always a tie a n d
hat. Read a book with footnotes once. N o w L a s k e r lies o n his
b e l l y , o n t h e p u l l - d o w n b e d , face t o t h e w a l l , w e a r i n g o n l y a p a i r
of r e g u l a t i o n w h i t e u n d e r p a n t s . G i n g e r hair a n d g i n g e r freckles
a n d t h r e e days of golden s t u b b l e on his c h e e k . A t r a c e of a d o u b l e
c h i n t h a t L a n d s m a n p u t s d o w n t o a v a n i s h e d life as a fat b o y .
Eyes swollen in t h e i r b l o o d - d a r k o r b i t s . A t t h e b a c k of his h e a d
is a s m a l l , b u r n t h o l e , a b e a d o f b l o o d . N o s i g n o f a s t r u g g l e .
N o t h i n g to indicate t h a t Lasker saw it c o m i n g or even k n e w t h e
i n s t a n t w h e n i t c a m e . T h e p i l l o w , L a n d s m a n n o t i c e s , is m i s s i n g
from t h e b e d . " I f I'd k n o w n , m a y b e I w o u l d have p r o p o s e d a g a m e
or t w o . "

"I didn't k n o w you play."

" I ' m w e a k , " L a n d s m a n says. B y t h e c l o s e t , o n p l u s h c a r p e t t h e
m e d i c a t e d yellow-green of a t h r o a t lozenge, h e s p o t s a t i n y w h i t e
feather. L a n d s m a n jerks o p e n t h e closet door, a n d t h e r e o n t h e floor
is t h e p i l l o w , s h o t t h r o u g h t h e h e a r t t o s i l e n c e t h e c o n c u s s i o n o f
b u r s t i n g g a s e s i n a s h e l l . " I h a v e n o feel for t h e m i d d l e g a m e . "
" I n m y e x p e r i e n c e , D e t e c t i v e , " T e n e n b o y m s a y s , " i t ' s all m i d d l e
game."
" D o n ' t I k n o w i t , " L a n d s m a n says.
H e calls t o w a k e his p a r t n e r , Berko S h e m e t s .
" D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s , " L a n d s m a n says i n t o h i s m o b i l e p h o n e , a
d e p a r t m e n t - i s s u e S h o y f e r A T . " T h i s is y o u r p a r t n e r . "
" I b e g g e d y o u n o t t o d o t h i s a n y m o r e , M e y e r , " B e r k o says.
N e e d l e s s t o say, h e a l s o h a s e i g h t h o u r s t o g o u n t i l h i s n e x t s h i f t .
" Y o u h a v e a r i g h t t o b e a n g r y , " L a n d s m a n says. " O n l y I t h o u g h t
m a y b e y o u m i g h t still b e a w a k e . "
" I was a w a k e . "
Unlike L a n d s m a n , Berko S h e m e t s has n o t m a d e a mess of his
m a r r i a g e o r h i s p e r s o n a l life. E v e r y n i g h t h e s l e e p s i n t h e a r m s o f
h i s e x c e l l e n t w i f e , w h o s e l o v e for h i m is m e r i t e d , r e q u i t e d , a n d
B MICHAEL CHABDN

a p p r e c i a t e d b y h e r h u s b a n d , a steadfast m a n w h o never gives her

a n y c a u s e for s o r r o w o r a l a r m .
"A c u r s e o n y o u r h e a d , M e y e r , " B e r k o s a y s , a n d then, in
American, "God damn it."
"I have an a p p a r e n t homicide here at m y h o t e l , " L a n d s m a n
says. "A r e s i d e n t . A s i n g l e s h o t t o t h e b a c k o f t h e h e a d . S i l e n c e d
w i t h a pillow. Very t i d y "
"A h i t . "
" T h a t ' s the only reason I'm bothering you. T h e unusual nature
of t h e killing."
Sitka, w i t h a p o p u l a t i o n in t h e long j a g g e d s t r i p of t h e m e t r o area
of t h r e e p o i n t t w o million, averages a b o u t seventy-five homicides a
year. S o m e o f t h e s e a r e g a n g - r e l a t e d : R u s s i a n s h t a r k e r s w h a c k i n g o n e
a n o t h e r freestyle. T h e r e s t of Sitka's homicides are so-called crimes
o f p a s s i o n , w h i c h is a s h o r t h a n d w a y o f e x p r e s s i n g t h e m a t h e m a t i c a l
p r o d u c t o f a l c o h o l a n d f i r e a r m s . C o l d - b l o o d e d e x e c u t i o n s a r e as
r a r e as t h e y a r e t o u g h t o c l e a r f r o m t h e b i g w h i t e b o a r d i n t h e s q u a d
r o o m , w h e r e t h e t a l l y o f o p e n c a s e s is k e p t .
" Y o u ' r e off d u t y , M e y e r . C a l l i t i n . G i v e i t t o T a b a t c h n i k a n d
Karpas."
Tabatchnik and Karpas, the other two detectives who make
u p B S q u a d in t h e H o m i c i d e Section of t h e District Police, Sitka
Headquarters, are holding down the night shift this month.
L a n d s m a n h a s t o a c k n o w l e d g e a c e r t a i n a p p e a l in t h e idea of l e t t i n g
this pigeon shit on their fedoras.
" W e l l , I w o u l d , " L a n d s m a n says. " E x c e p t for t h i s is m y p l a c e
of r e s i d e n c e . "
" Y o u k n e w h i m ? " Berko says, his t o n e softening.
"No," L a n d s m a n says. " I d i d n o t k n o w t h e y i d . "
H e looks a w a y from t h e pale freckled e x p a n s e of t h e d e a d m a n
s t r e t c h e d o u t o n t h e p u l l - d o w n b e d . S o m e t i m e s h e c a n ' t h e l p feeling
s o r r y for t h e m , b u t i t ' s b e t t e r n o t t o g e t i n t o t h e h a b i t .
" L o o k , " L a n d s m a n says, " y o u go b a c k t o b e d . We can t a l k a b o u t
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 7

it t o m o r r o w . I ' m s o r r y I b o t h e r e d y o u . G o o d n i g h t . Tell E s t e r -
Malke I'm sorry."
" Y o u s o u n d a l i t t l e off, M e y e r , " B e r k o says. " Y o u o k a y ? "
In r e c e n t m o n t h s L a n d s m a n has p l a c e d a n u m b e r of calls t o his
p a r t n e r at q u e s t i o n a b l e h o u r s of t h e n i g h t , r a n t i n g a n d r a m b l i n g in
a n a l c o h o l i c d i a l e c t o f grief. L a n d s m a n b a i l e d o u t o n h i s m a r r i a g e
two years ago, and last April his y o u n g e r sister crashed her Piper
Super C u b i n t o t h e side of M o u n t D u n k e l b l u m , u p in t h e b u s h .
B u t L a n d s m a n is n o t t h i n k i n g o f N a o m i ' s d e a t h n o w , n o r o f t h e
s h a m e of his divorce. H e has b e e n s a n d b a g g e d b y a vision of s i t t i n g
in t h e g r i m y l o u n g e o f t h e H o t e l Z a m e n h o f , o n a c o u c h t h a t w a s
once w h i t e , playing chess w i t h E m a n u e l Lasker, or w h a t e v e r his
real n a m e was. S h e d d i n g t h e last of t h e i r fading glow on each o t h e r
a n d l i s t e n i n g t o t h e sweet c h i m i n g of b r o k e n glass inside. T h a t
L a n d s m a n loathes t h e g a m e of chess does n o t m a k e t h e p i c t u r e any
less t o u c h i n g .

" T h e guy played chess, Berko. I never knew. T h a t ' s all."

" P l e a s e , " Berko says, " p l e a s e , M e y e r , I b e g y o u , d o n ' t s t a r t w i t h
the crying."
" I ' m f i n e , " L a n d s m a n says. " G o o d n i g h t . "
L a n d s m a n calls t h e d i s p a t c h e r t o m a k e h i m s e l f t h e p r i m a r y
d e t e c t i v e o n t h e L a s k e r c a s e . A n o t h e r p i e c e - o f - s h i t h o m i c i d e is
n o t g o i n g t o p u t a n y s p e c i a l h u r t o n h i s c l e a r a n c e r a t e as p r i m a r y .
N o t t h a t i t r e a l l y m a t t e r s . O n t h e first o f J a n u a r y , sovereignty
over t h e w h o l e Federal D i s t r i c t of Sitka, a c r o o k e d p a r e n t h e s i s of
rocky shoreline r u n n i n g along t h e w e s t e r n edges of Baranof a n d
Chichagof islands, will r e v e r t t o t h e s t a t e of Alaska. T h e D i s t r i c t
P o l i c e , t o w h i c h L a n d s m a n h a s d e v o t e d h i s h i d e , h e a d , a n d s o u l for
t w e n t y y e a r s , w i l l b e d i s s o l v e d . I t is far f r o m c l e a r t h a t L a n d s m a n
or Berko S h e m e t s or a n y b o d y else will b e k e e p i n g his j o b . N o t h i n g
is c l e a r a b o u t t h e u p c o m i n g R e v e r s i o n , a n d t h a t is w h y t h e s e a r e
s t r a n g e t i m e s t o b e a Jew.
 2 IF

W
h i l e h e w a i t s for t h e b e a t l a t k e t o s h o w , L a n d s m a n k n o c k s
on doors. M o s t of t h e o c c u p a n t s of t h e Z a m e n h o f are o u t
for t h e n i g h t , i n b o d y o r m i n d , a n d for all t h a t h e g e t s
o u t o f t h e r e s t o f t h e m , h e m i g h t as w e l l b e k n o c k i n g o n d o o r s
a t t h e H i r s h k o v i t s S c h o o l for t h e Deaf. T h e y a r e a t w i t c h y , half-
addled, rank, a n d c r a n k y b u n c h of yids, t h e residents of t h e H o t e l
Zamenhof, b u t none of t h e m seems any m o r e d i s t u r b e d than usual
t o n i g h t . A n d n o n e o f t h e m s t r i k e s L a n d s m a n as t h e t y p e t o j a m a
l a r g e - c a l i b e r h a n d g u n a g a i n s t t h e b a s e of a m a n ' s skull a n d kill h i m
in s t o n e - c o l d blood.

" I ' m w a s t i n g m y t i m e w i t h these buffaloes," L a n d s m a n tells

T e n e n b o y m . "And y o u , y o u ' r e sure y o u d i d n ' t see a n y b o d y or
a n y t h i n g o u t of t h e o r d i n a r y ? "
" I ' m sorry, D e t e c t i v e . "
" Y o u ' r e a buffalo, t o o , T e n e n b o y m . "
"I don't dispute the charge."
" T h e service door?"
" D e a l e r s w e r e u s i n g i t , " T e n e n b o y m says. " W e h a d t o p u t i n a n
alarm. I would have heard."
Landsman gets T e n e n b o y m to telephone the day manager and
t h e w e e k e n d m a n , s n u g at h o m e in their beds. T h e s e g e n t l e m e n
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 9

a g r e e w i t h T e n e n b o y m t h a t , as far as t h e y k n o w , n o o n e h a s c a l l e d
for t h e d e a d m a n o r a s k e d a f t e r h i m . E v e r . N o t d u r i n g t h e e n t i r e
course of his stay at t h e Z a m e n h o f . N o v i s i t o r s , n o friends, n o t even
t h e delivery b o y from Pearl of M a n i l a . So, L a n d s m a n t h i n k s , t h e r e ' s
a difference b e t w e e n h i m a n d Lasker: L a n d s m a n has occasional
visits from R o m e l , b e a r i n g a b r o w n p a p e r b a g of lumpia.
" I ' m g o i n g t o g o c h e c k o u t t h e r o o f , " L a n d s m a n says. " D o n ' t l e t
a n y b o d y leave, a n d call m e w h e n t h e l a t k e d e c i d e s t o s h o w u p . "
L a n d s m a n r i d e s t h e e l e v a t o r o t o t h e e i g h t h floor a n d t h e n b a n g s
h i s w a y u p a flight o f s t e e l - e d g e d c o n c r e t e s t e p s t o t h e r o o f o f t h e
Zamenhof H e walks t h e perimeter, looking across M a x Nordau
Street to t h e roof of t h e Blackpool. H e peers over t h e n o r t h , east,
a n d s o u t h c o r n i c e s t o t h e s u r r o u n d i n g l o w s t r u c t u r e s six o r s e v e n
s t o r i e s d o w n . N i g h t is a n o r a n g e s m e a r o v e r S i t k a , a c o m p o u n d o f fog
a n d t h e light of s o d i u m - v a p o r s t r e e t l a m p s . I t has t h e t r a n s l u c e n c e of
o n i o n s c o o k e d i n c h i c k e n fat. T h e l a m p s o f t h e J e w s s t r e t c h f r o m t h e
s l o p e o f M o u n t E d g e c u m b e i n t h e w e s t , o v e r t h e s e v e n t y - t w o infilled
islands of t h e S o u n d , across t h e S h v a r t s n - Y a m , H a l i b u t P o i n t , S o u t h
Sitka, and t h e N a c h t a s y l , across H a r k a v y a n d t h e U n t e r s h t a t , before
t h e y a r e snuffed in t h e e a s t b y t h e B a r a n o f r a n g e . O n O y s s h t e l u n g
Island, t h e beacon at t h e t i p of t h e Safety P i n — s o l e r e m n a n t of t h e
World's F a i r — b l i n k s o u t its w a r n i n g to airplanes or yids. L a n d s m a n
c a n s m e l l fish offal f r o m t h e c a n n e r i e s , g r e a s e f r o m t h e fry p i t s a t
Pearl o f M a n i l a , t h e s p e w o f t a x i s , a n i n t o x i c a t i n g b o u q u e t o f fresh
h a t from G r i n s p o o n ' s F e l t i n g t w o b l o c k s a w a y

" I t ' s n i c e u p t h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says w h e n h e g e t s b a c k d o w n t o

t h e l o b b y , w i t h i t s a s h t r a y c h a r m , t h e y e l l o w i n g sofas, t h e s c a r r e d
chairs a n d tables at w h i c h y o u s o m e t i m e s see a c o u p l e of h o t e l
residents killing an h o u r w i t h a g a m e of pinochle. "I should go u p
more often."
" W h a t a b o u t t h e b a s e m e n t ? " T e n e n b o y m says. " Y o u g o i n g t o
look d o w n t h e r e ? "
" T h e b a s e m e n t , " L a n d s m a n says, a n d his h e a r t d e s c r i b e s a
s u d d e n k n i g h t m o v e in his c h e s t . " I g u e s s I'd b e t t e r . "
ID MICHAEL CHABDN

L a n d s m a n is a t o u g h g u y , i n h i s w a y , g i v e n t o t h e t a k i n g o f w i l d
chances. H e has b e e n called h a r d - b o i l e d a n d foolhardy, a m o m z e r , a
c r a z y son of a b i t c h . H e has faced d o w n s h t a r k e r s a n d p s y c h o p a t h s ,
has been shot at, b e a t e n , frozen, b u r n e d . H e has p u r s u e d suspects
b e t w e e n t h e flashing walls of u r b a n firefights and deep into bear
country. H e i g h t s , crowds, snakes, b u r n i n g houses, dogs schooled
t o h a t e t h e s m e l l o f a p o l i c e m a n , h e h a s s h r u g g e d t h e m all off o r
f u n c t i o n e d i n s p i t e o f t h e m . B u t w h e n h e finds h i m s e l f i n l i g h t l e s s o r
confined spaces, s o m e t h i n g in t h e a n i m a l c o r e of M e y e r L a n d s m a n
convulses. N o o n e b u t his ex-wife k n o w s it, b u t D e t e c t i v e M e y e r
L a n d s m a n is a f r a i d o f t h e d a r k .

" W a n t m e t o go w i t h y o u ? " T e n e n b o y m says, s o u n d i n g offhand,

b u t y o u n e v e r k n o w w i t h a s e n s i t i v e o l d fishwife l i k e T e n e n b o y m .
L a n d s m a n affects t o s c o r n t h e offer. " J u s t g i v e m e a d a m n
f l a s h l i g h t , " h e says.
T h e b a s e m e n t exhales its b r e a t h of c a m p h o r , h e a t i n g oil, a n d
cold dust. L a n d s m a n jerks a string t h a t lights a naked bulb, holds
his b r e a t h , a n d goes under.
A t t h e b o t t o m of t h e steps, h e passes t h r o u g h t h e lost-articles
r o o m , lined w i t h p e g b o a r d , furnished w i t h shelves and cubbyholes
t h a t h o l d t h e t h o u s a n d o b j e c t s a b a n d o n e d o r f o r g o t t e n in t h e h o t e l .
U n m a t e d s h o e s , fur h a t s , a t r u m p e t , a w i n d u p z e p p e l i n . A c o l l e c t i o n
of w a x g r a m o p h o n e cylinders f e a t u r i n g t h e e n t i r e r e c o r d e d o u t p u t
of t h e O r c h e s t r a Orfeon of I s t a n b u l . A logger's ax, t w o bicycles,
a p a r t i a l b r i d g e in a h o t e l glass. Wigs, canes, a glass eye, display
h a n d s left b e h i n d b y a m a n n e q u i n s a l e s m a n . P r a y e r b o o k s , p r a y e r
s h a w l s in t h e i r v e l v e t z i p p e r p o u c h e s , an o u t l a n d i s h idol w i t h t h e
b o d y o f a fat b a b y a n d t h e h e a d o f a n e l e p h a n t . T h e r e is a w o o d e n
s o f t - d r i n k c r a t e filled w i t h k e y s , a n o t h e r w i t h t h e e n t i r e r a n g e
a n d b r e a d t h of h a i r s t y l i n g tools, from irons t o eyelash c r i m p e r s .
F r a m e d p h o t o g r a p h s of families in b e t t e r days. A c r y p t i c t w i s t of
r u b b e r t h a t m i g h t b e a sex t o y , o r a c o n t r a c e p t i v e d e v i c e , o r t h e
p a t e n t e d s e c r e t o f a f o u n d a t i o n g a r m e n t . S o m e y i d e v e n left b e h i n d
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION II

a t a x i d e r m y m a r t e n , sleek a n d leering, its glass eye a h a r d b e a d of

ink.
L a n d s m a n p r o b e s t h e box of keys w i t h a pencil. H e looks inside
each hat, gropes along t h e shelves b e h i n d t h e a b a n d o n e d p a p e r b a c k
books. H e can hear his o w n h e a r t and smell his o w n aldehyde b r e a t h ,
a n d after a few m i n u t e s in t h e silence, t h e s o u n d of b l o o d in his
ears begins to r e m i n d h i m of s o m e b o d y talking. H e checks b e h i n d
t h e h o t - w a t e r tanks, lashed to one a n o t h e r w i t h straps of steel like
c o m r a d e s in a d o o m e d a d v e n t u r e .
T h e l a u n d r y is n e x t . W h e n h e p u l l s t h e s t r i n g for t h e l i g h t ,
n o t h i n g h a p p e n s . It's t e n d e g r e e s d a r k e r in h e r e , a n d t h e r e ' s n o t h i n g
t o s e e b u t b l a n k w a l l s , s e v e r e d h o o k u p s , d r a i n h o l e s i n t h e floor.
T h e Z a m e n h o f has n o t d o n e its o w n w a s h in years. L a n d s m a n looks
i n t o t h e d r a i n h o l e s , a n d t h e d a r k n e s s i n t h e m is o i l y a n d t h i c k .
L a n d s m a n feels a flutter, a w o r m , i n h i s belly. H e flexes h i s fingers
a n d c r a c k s t h e b o n e s o f h i s n e c k . A t t h e far e n d o f t h e l a u n d r y
r o o m , a d o o r t h a t is t h r e e p l a n k s n a i l e d t o g e t h e r b y a d i a g o n a l
f o u r t h seals a l o w d o o r w a y . T h e w o o d e n d o o r h a s a l o o p o f r o p e for
a latch a n d a p e g t o h o o k it on.
A crawl space. L a n d s m a n half dreads t h e p h r a s e alone.
H e calculates t h e c h a n c e t h a t a c e r t a i n style of killer, n o t a
professional, not a t r u e amateur, n o t even a n o r m a l maniac, m i g h t
be h i d i n g in t h a t crawl space. Possible; b u t it w o u l d b e p r e t t y t o u g h
for t h e f r e a k t o h a v e h o o k e d t h e l o o p o v e r t h e p e g f r o m i n s i d e . T h a t
l o g i c a l o n e is a l m o s t e n o u g h t o p e r s u a d e h i m n o t t o b o t h e r w i t h
the crawl space. In t h e e n d L a n d s m a n switches on t h e flash and
n o t c h e s it b e t w e e n his t e e t h . H e hikes u p his p a n t s legs a n d g e t s
d o w n on his knees. J u s t t o s p i t e himself, b e c a u s e s p i t i n g himself,
s p i t i n g o t h e r s , s p i t i n g t h e w o r l d is t h e p a s t i m e a n d o n l y p a t r i m o n y
of L a n d s m a n a n d his people. W i t h o n e h a n d h e u n h o l s t e r s his b i g
l i t t l e S & W , a n d w i t h t h e o t h e r h e fingers t h e l o o p o f r o p e . H e y a n k s
open t h e door of t h e crawl space.

" C o m e o u t , " h e says, lips dry, r a s p i n g like a scared old fart.

12 MICHAEL CHABDN

T h e e l a t i o n h e e x p e r i e n c e d o n t h e roof has cooled like b l o w n

f i l a m e n t . H i s n i g h t s a r e w a s t e d , h i s life a n d c a r e e r a s e r i e s o f
m i s t a k e s , h i s c i t y i t s e l f a b u l b t h a t is a b o u t t o g o b l a c k .
H e t h r u s t s h i s u p p e r b o d y i n t o t h e c r a w l s p a c e . T h e a i r is c o l d ,
w i t h a b i t t e r s m e l l o f m o u s e s h i t . T h e b e a m o f t h e p o c k e t flash
d r i b b l e s o v e r e v e r y t h i n g , s h a d o w i n g as m u c h as i t r e v e a l s . W a l l s
o f c i n d e r b l o c k , a n e a r t h e n floor, t h e c e i l i n g a l o a t h s o m e t a n g l e o f
w i r e s a n d f o a m i n s u l a t i o n . I n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e d i r t floor, a t t h e
b a c k , a d i s k o f r a w p l y w o o d lies s e t i n a c i r c u l a r m e t a l f r a m e , flush
w i t h t h e floor. L a n d s m a n h o l d s h i s b r e a t h a n d s w i m s t h r o u g h h i s
p a n i c t o t h e h o l e i n t h e floor, d e t e r m i n e d t o s t a y u n d e r for as l o n g
as h e c a n . T h e d i r t a r o u n d t h e f r a m e is u n d i s t u r b e d . A n e v e n l a y e r
o f d u s t lies o v e r w o o d a n d m e t a l a l i k e , n o m a r k s , n o s t r e a k s . T h e r e
is n o r e a s o n t o t h i n k a n y o n e h a s b e e n f o o l i n g w i t h i t . L a n d s m a n fits
his fingernails b e t w e e n t h e p l y w o o d a n d t h e f r a m e a n d p r i e s off t h e
c r u d e h a t c h . T h e flashlight reveals a t h r e a d e d t u b e of a l u m i n u m
screwed i n t o t h e e a r t h , laddered w i t h steel cleats. T h e frame t u r n s
o u t t o b e t h e e d g e o f t h e t u b e itself. J u s t w i d e e n o u g h t o a d m i t a
full-grown p s y c h o p a t h . O r a J e w i s h p o l i c e m a n w i t h fewer p h o b i a s
t h a n L a n d s m a n . H e c l i n g s t o t h e s h o l e m as t o a h a n d l e , w r e s t l i n g
w i t h a c r a z y n e e d t o fire i t i n t o t h e t h r o a t o f t h e d a r k n e s s . H e d r o p s
t h e p l y w o o d d i s k b a c k i n t o i t s f r a m e w i t h a c l a t t e r . N o w a y is h e
going down there.

T h e d a r k n e s s f o l l o w s h i m all t h e w a y b a c k u p t h e s t a i r s t o t h e
l o b b y , r e a c h i n g for h i s c o l l a r , t u g g i n g a t h i s s l e e v e .
" N o t h i n g , " he tells T e n e n b o y m , pulling himself together. H e
gives t h e w o r d a c h e e r y ring. It m i g h t be a p r e d i c t i o n of w h a t his
i n v e s t i g a t i o n i n t o t h e m u r d e r o f E m a n u e l L a s k e r is b o u n d t o r e v e a l ,
a s t a t e m e n t o f w h a t h e b e l i e v e s L a s k e r l i v e d for a n d d i e d for, a
realization of w h a t will r e m a i n , after t h e R e v e r s i o n , of L a n d s m a n ' s
hometown. "Nothing."
" Y o u k n o w w h a t K o h n s a y s , " says T e n e n b o y m . " K o h n says w e
g o t a g h o s t i n t h e h o u s e . " K o h n is t h e d a y m a n a g e r . " T a k i n g s h i t ,
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 13

moving shit around. Kohn figures i t for t h e g h o s t o f Professor

Zamenhof."
"If t h e y n a m e d a d u m p like this after m e , " L a n d s m a n says, " I ' d
h a u n t it, t o o . "
"You never know," T e n e n b o y m observes. "Especially nowadays."
Nowadays one never knows. O u t at Povorotny, a cat m a t e d w i t h
a r a b b i t a n d p r o d u c e d a d o r a b l e freaks w h o s e p h o t o s g r a c e d the
f r o n t p a g e o f t h e Sitka Tog. L a s t F e b r u a r y five h u n d r e d w i t n e s s e s all
u p a n d d o w n t h e D i s t r i c t s w o r e t h a t in t h e s h i m m e r of t h e a u r o r a
b o r e a l i s , for t w o n i g h t s r u n n i n g , t h e y o b s e r v e d t h e o u t l i n e s o f a
h u m a n face, w i t h b e a r d a n d s i d e l o c k s . V i o l e n t a r g u m e n t s broke
o u t o v e r t h e i d e n t i t y o f t h e b e a r d e d s a g e i n t h e sky, w h e t h e r o r
n o t t h e face w a s s m i l i n g ( o r m e r e l y s u f f e r i n g f r o m a m i l d a t t a c k
of gas), a n d t h e m e a n i n g of t h e w e i r d m a n i f e s t a t i o n . A n d j u s t last
week, a m i d t h e panic and feathers of a kosher s l a u g h t e r h o u s e on
Z h i t l o v s k y A v e n u e , a c h i c k e n t u r n e d o n t h e s h o c h e t as h e r a i s e d
his ritual knife a n d a n n o u n c e d , in A r a m a i c , t h e i m m i n e n t a d v e n t
o f M e s s i a h . A c c o r d i n g t o t h e Tog, t h e m i r a c u l o u s c h i c k e n o f f e r e d
a n u m b e r of s t a r t l i n g p r e d i c t i o n s , t h o u g h it n e g l e c t e d t o m e n t i o n
t h e s o u p i n w h i c h , h a v i n g o n c e m o r e fallen s i l e n t as G o d H i m s e l f ,
it afterward featured. Even t h e m o s t casual s t u d y of t h e r e c o r d ,
Landsman thinks, would show that strange times to be a Jew have
a l m o s t a l w a y s b e e n , as w e l l , s t r a n g e t i m e s t o b e a c h i c k e n .
I
n t h e s t r e e t t h e w i n d s h a k e s r a i n f r o m t h e flaps o f i t s o v e r c o a t .
L a n d s m a n tucks himself into t h e hotel doorway. T w o m e n , one
w i t h a cello case s t r a p p e d t o his back, t h e o t h e r cradling a violin
o r v i o l a , s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t t h e w e a t h e r t o w a r d t h e d o o r of Pearl of
M a n i l a a c r o s s t h e s t r e e t . T h e s y m p h o n y h a l l is t e n b l o c k s a n d a
w o r l d away from t h i s e n d of M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t , b u t t h e c r a v i n g of
a J e w for p o r k , i n p a r t i c u l a r w h e n i t h a s b e e n d e e p - f r i e d , is a force
g r e a t e r t h a n n i g h t o r d i s t a n c e o r a c o l d b l a s t off t h e G u l f o f A l a s k a .
L a n d s m a n h i m s e l f is f i g h t i n g t h e u r g e t o r e t u r n t o r o o m 5 0 5 , a n d
his b o t t l e of slivovitz, a n d his World's Fair souvenir glass.

Instead, he lights a papiros. After a decade of abstinence,

L a n d s m a n t o o k u p s m o k i n g again n o t q u i t e t h r e e years ago. His
then-wife was p r e g n a n t at t h e time. It was a much-discussed and
in s o m e q u a r t e r s a l o n g - d e s i r e d p r e g n a n c y — h e r first—but not a
planned one. As w i t h m a n y pregnancies that are discussed too long
t h e r e w a s a h i s t o r y of a m b i v a l e n c e in t h e p r o s p e c t i v e father. A t
s e v e n t e e n w e e k s a n d a d a y — t h e d a y L a n d s m a n b o u g h t his first
p a c k a g e of Broadways in t e n y e a r s — t h e y got a b a d result. S o m e
b u t n o t all o f t h e c e l l s t h a t m a d e u p t h e f e t u s , c o d e - n a m e d D j a n g o ,
h a d an e x t r a c h r o m o s o m e o n t h e t w e n t i e t h pair. A mosaicism,
it was called. It m i g h t cause grave abnormalities. It m i g h t have
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 15

n o effect a t all. I n t h e a v a i l a b l e l i t e r a t u r e , a f a i t h f u l p e r s o n c o u l d
find e n c o u r a g e m e n t , a n d a f a i t h l e s s o n e a m p l e r e a s o n t o d e s p o n d .
L a n d s m a n ' s v i e w of t h i n g s — a m b i v a l e n t , d e s p o n d e n t , a n d w i t h n o
faith in a n y t h i n g — p r e v a i l e d . A d o c t o r w i t h h a l f a d o z e n l a m i n a r i a
d i l a t o r s b r o k e t h e seal o n t h e life o f D j a n g o L a n d s m a n . Three
m o n t h s later, L a n d s m a n a n d his c i g a r e t t e s m o v e d o u t of t h e h o u s e
o n T s h e r n o v i t s I s l a n d t h a t h e a n d B i n a h a d s h a r e d for n e a r l y all t h e
fifteen y e a r s o f t h e i r m a r r i a g e . I t w a s n o t t h a t h e c o u l d n ' t l i v e w i t h
t h e g u i l t . H e j u s t c o u l d n ' t live w i t h it a n d Bina, t o o .
A n old m a n , p u s h i n g himself like a r i c k e t y h a n d c a r t , weaves
a c o u r s e t o w a r d t h e d o o r o f t h e h o t e l . A s h o r t m a n , u n d e r five
feet, d r a g g i n g a l a r g e v a l i s e . L a n d s m a n o b s e r v e s t h e l o n g w h i t e
coat, w o r n open over a w h i t e suit w i t h a waistcoat, a n d t h e wide-
b r i m m e d w h i t e h a t pulled d o w n over his ears. A w h i t e b e a r d a n d
sidelocks, wispy and thick at t h e same t i m e . T h e valise an a n c i e n t
chimera of stained b r o c a d e a n d s c r a t c h e d hide. T h e w h o l e r i g h t side
o f t h e m a n ' s b o d y s a g s five d e g r e e s l o w e r t h a n t h e left, w h e r e t h e
suitcase, which m u s t contain t h e old boy's e n t i r e collection of lead
i n g o t s , w e i g h s i t d o w n . T h e m a n s t o p s a n d r a i s e s a finger, as if h e
has a q u e s t i o n to pose of L a n d s m a n . T h e w i n d toys w i t h t h e man's
whiskers a n d w i t h t h e b r i m of his hat. F r o m his b e a r d , a r m p i t s ,
b r e a t h , and skin, t h e w i n d plucks a rich smell of stale tobacco a n d
w e t flannel a n d t h e s w e a t o f a m a n w h o lives i n t h e s t r e e t . L a n d s m a n
n o t e s t h e color of t h e m a n ' s a n t i q u a t e d b o o t s , yellowish ivory, like
his b e a r d , w i t h s h a r p toes a n d b u t t o n s r u n n i n g u p t h e sides.

L a n d s m a n recalls t h a t h e u s e d t o see t h i s n u t a l o t , b a c k w h e n
h e w a s a r r e s t i n g T e n e n b o y m for p e t t y t h e f t a n d p o s s e s s i o n . T h e
y i d w a s n o y o u n g e r t h e n a n d is n o o l d e r n o w . P e o p l e u s e d t o c a l l
h i m E l i j a h , b e c a u s e h e t u r n e d u p i n all k i n d s o f u n l i k e l y s p o t s ,
w i t h his p u s h k e box a n d his indefinable air of h a v i n g s o m e t h i n g
i m p o r t a n t t o say.
" D a r l i n g , " h e says t o L a n d s m a n now. " T h i s is t h e Hotel
Zamenhof, no?"
H i s Yiddish s o u n d s a bit exotic t o L a n d s m a n , flavored with
IE MICHAEL CHABON

D u t c h m a y b e . H e is b e n t a n d frail, b u t h i s face, a p a r t f r o m c r o w ' s -

feet a r o u n d t h e b l u e eyes, looks y o u t h f u l a n d u n l i n e d . T h e eyes
t h e m s e l v e s h o l d a m a t c h flame of e a g e r n e s s t h a t puzzles L a n d s m a n .
T h e p r o s p e c t of a n i g h t at t h e Z a m e n h o f does n o t often give rise
to such anticipation.
" T h a t ' s r i g h t . " L a n d s m a n offers E l i j a h t h e P r o p h e t a B r o a d w a y ,
a n d t h e little m a n t a k e s t w o a n d t u c k s o n e i n t o t h e r e l i q u a r y of
his b r e a s t p o c k e t . " H o t a n d cold water. Licensed s h a m m e s right
on the premises."
"Are y o u t h e manager, sweetness?"
L a n d s m a n can't help smiling at that. H e steps aside, gesturing
t o w a r d t h e d o o r . " T h e m a n a g e r ' s i n s i d e , " h e says.
B u t t h e little m a n j u s t stands t h e r e g e t t i n g rained on, his beard
f l u t t e r i n g l i k e a flag o f t r u c e . H e g a z e s u p a t t h e faceless face o f
t h e Z a m e n h o f , g r a y in t h e m u r k y s t r e e t l i g h t . A n a r r o w pile of
d i r t y w h i t e b r i c k a n d s l i t w i n d o w s , t h r e e o r f o u r b l o c k s off t h e
t a w d r i e s t s t r e t c h o f M o n a s t i r S t r e e t , t h e p l a c e h a s all t h e a l l u r e
o f a d e h u m i d i f i e r . I t s n e o n s i g n b l i n k s o n a n d off, t o r m e n t i n g t h e
d r e a m s of t h e losers across t h e street at t h e Blackpool.
" T h e Z a m e n h o f , " t h e old m a n says, e c h o i n g t h e i n t e r m i t t e n t
letters on t h e neon sign. " N o t t h e Zamenhof. T h e Zamenhof."
N o w the latke, a rookie named Netsky, comes jogging up,
h o l d i n g o n t o h i s r o u n d , flat, w i d e - b r i m m e d p a t r o l m a n ' s h a t .
" D e t e c t i v e , " t h e l a t k e says, o u t of b r e a t h , a n d t h e n gives t h e old
man a squint and a nod. "Evening, Grandpa. Right, uh, Detective,
s o r r y , I j u s t g o t t h e c a l l , I w a s h u n g u p for a m i n u t e t h e r e . " N e t s k y
h a s coffee o n h i s b r e a t h a n d p o w d e r e d s u g a r o n t h e r i g h t cuff o f h i s
blue coat. "Where's the dead yid?"
" I n t w o - o h - e i g h t , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , o p e n i n g t h e d o o r for t h e
latke, t h e n t u r n i n g back to t h e old m a n . " C o m i n g in, G r a n d p a ? "
"No," Elijah says, w i t h a h i n t of m i l d e m o t i o n t h a t L a n d s m a n
c a n ' t q u i t e r e a d . I t m i g h t b e r e g r e t , o r relief, o r t h e g r i m s a t i s f a c t i o n
o f a m a n w i t h a t a s t e for d i s a p p o i n t m e n t . T h e n i c k e r t r a p p e d in
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 17

t h e o l d m a n ' s e y e s h a s g i v e n w a y t o a film o f t e a r s . " I w a s o n l y

c u r i o u s . T h a n k y o u , Officer L a n d s m a n . "
" I t ' s D e t e c t i v e n o w , " L a n d s m a n says, s t a r t l e d t h a t t h e old m a n
h a s r e t r i e v e d h i s n a m e . " Y o u remember m e , G r a n d p a ? "
"I r e m e m b e r e v e r y t h i n g , d a r l i n g . " Elijah reaches i n t o a h i p
p o c k e t of his bleach yellow coat a n d takes o u t his p u s h k e , a w o o d e n
c a s k e t , a b o u t t h e s i z e o f a b o x m e a n t for i n d e x c a r d s , p a i n t e d
b l a c k . O n t h e f r o n t o f t h e b o x , H e b r e w w o r d s a r e p a i n t e d : L'ERETZ
YISROEL. C u t i n t o t h e t o p o f t h e b o x is a n a r r o w s l i t for c o i n s o r a
f o l d e d d o l l a r b i l l . "A s m a l l d o n a t i o n ? " E l i j a h says.
T h e Holy Land has never seemed m o r e r e m o t e or unattainable
t h a n i t d o e s t o a J e w o f S i t k a . I t is o n t h e far s i d e o f t h e p l a n e t , a
w r e t c h e d place r u l e d b y m e n u n i t e d only in t h e i r resolve t o k e e p
o u t all b u t a w o r n fistful o f s m a l l - c h a n g e J e w s . F o r h a l f a c e n t u r y ,
Arab strongmen and Muslim partisans, Persians and Egyptians,
socialists and nationalists a n d m o n a r c h i s t s , p a n - A r a b i s t s a n d p a n -
I s l a m i s t s , t r a d i t i o n a l i s t s a n d t h e P a r t y o f A l i , h a v e all s u n k t h e i r
t e e t h i n t o E r e t z Yisroel a n d w o r r i e d it d o w n t o b o n e a n d gristle.
J e r u s a l e m is a c i t y o f b l o o d a n d s l o g a n s p a i n t e d o n t h e w a l l , s e v e r e d
heads on telephone poles. O b s e r v a n t Jews a r o u n d the world have
n o t a b a n d o n e d t h e i r h o p e t o dwell o n e d a y in t h e l a n d of Z i o n . B u t
Jews have b e e n t o s s e d o u t of t h e j o i n t t h r e e t i m e s n o w — i n 586
BCE, in 7 0 CE a n d w i t h s a v a g e finality i n 1 9 4 8 . I t ' s h a r d e v e n for t h e
faithful n o t t o feel a s e n s e o f d i s c o u r a g e m e n t a b o u t t h e i r c h a n c e s
of o n c e again g e t t i n g a foot in t h e door.

L a n d s m a n gets o u t his wallet a n d pokes a folded t w e n t y i n t o

E l i j a h ' s p u s h k e . " L o t s o f l u c k , " h e says.
T h e little m a n hoists his h e a v y valise a n d s t a r t s t o shuffle
away. L a n d s m a n r e a c h e s o u t a n d p u l l s a t E l i j a h ' s s l e e v e , a q u e s t i o n
f o r m u l a t i n g in h i s h e a r t , a c h i l d ' s q u e s t i o n a b o u t t h e o l d w i s h o f h i s
p e o p l e for a h o m e . E l i j a h t u r n s w i t h a l o o k o f p r a c t i c e d w a r i n e s s .
M a y b e L a n d s m a n is s o m e k i n d o f t r o u b l e m a k e r . L a n d s m a n feels
t h e q u e s t i o n e b b a w a y like t h e n i c o t i n e in his b l o o d s t r e a m .
18 MICHAEL CHABON

" W h a t y o u g o t i n t h e b a g , G r a n d p a ? " L a n d s m a n says. " L o o k s

heavy."
"It's a book."
"One book?"
"It's very big."
"Long story?"
"Very long."
" W h a t ' s it a b o u t ? "
" I t ' s a b o u t M e s s i a h , " E l i j a h says. " N o w p l e a s e t a k e y o u r h a n d
off o f m e . "
L a n d s m a n lets go. T h e old m a n s t r a i g h t e n s his b a c k a n d raises
his h e a d . T h e c l o u d s o n his eyes b l o w over, a n d h e looks angry,
disdainful, a n d n o t in t h e least old.
" M e s s i a h is c o m i n g , " h e says. I t i s n ' t q u i t e a w a r n i n g a n d y e t
s o m e h o w as a p r o m i s e o f r e d e m p t i o n , i t l a c k s a c e r t a i n w a r m t h .
" T h a t works out well," Landsman says, j e r k i n g his thumb
t o w a r d t h e h o t e l l o b b y . "As o f t o n i g h t w e h a v e a v a c a n c y . "
Elijah looks h u r t , or m a y b e j u s t d i s g u s t e d . H e opens the
b l a c k b o x a n d l o o k s i n s i d e . H e t a k e s o u t t h e t w e n t y - d o l l a r bill
t h a t L a n d s m a n gave h i m a n d h a n d s it back. T h e n he picks u p
his suitcase, settles his floppy w h i t e h a t d o w n over his head, and
t r u d g e s off i n t o t h e r a i n .
L a n d s m a n c r u m p l e s t h e t w e n t y a n d d r o p s it i n t o h i s h i p p o c k e t .
H e g r i n d s his p a p i r o s u n d e r his shoe a n d goes i n t o t h e h o t e l .
" W h o ' s t h e n u t ? " N e t s k y says.
" T h e y call h i m E l i j a h . H e ' s h a r m l e s s , " says T e n e n b o y m f r o m
b e h i n d t h e s t e e l m e s h o f t h e r e c e p t i o n w i n d o w . " Y o u u s e d t o see
h i m a r o u n d s o m e t i m e s . A l w a y s p i m p i n g for M e s s i a h . " T e n e n b o y m
clacks a gold t o o t h p i c k against his molars. " L i s t e n , Detective,
I ' m n o t s u p p o s e d t o s a y a n y t h i n g . B u t I m i g h t as w e l l t e l l y o u .
M a n a g e m e n t is s e n d i n g o u t a l e t t e r t o m o r r o w . "
" I c a n ' t w a i t t o h e a r t h i s , " L a n d s m a n says.
" T h e o w n e r s sold o u t to a Kansas C i t y c o n c e r n . "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION - 19

"They're tossing us."

" M a y b e , " T e n e n b o y m says. " M a y b e n o t . N o b o d y ' s s t a t u s is clear.

B u t it's n o t o u t of t h e q u e s t i o n t h a t y o u m i g h t h a v e t o m o v e o u t . "
"Is t h a t w h a t it's g o i n g t o say in t h e l e t t e r ? "
T e n e n b o y m s h r u g s . " T h e l e t t e r ' s all w r i t t e n i n l a w y e r . "
L a n d s m a n p u t s N e t s k y t h e latke on t h e front door. " D o n ' t tell
t h e m w h a t t h e y heard or saw," he r e m i n d s h i m . "And d o n ' t give
t h e m a h a r d t i m e , e v e n if t h e y l o o k l i k e t h e y c o u l d u s e o n e . "
M e n a s h e Shpringer, t h e c r i m i n a l i s t w o r k i n g t h e g r a v e y a r d shift,
b l o w s i n t o t h e l o b b y i n a b l a c k c o a t a n d fur h a t , w i t h a r a t t l i n g o f
rain. In o n e h a n d S h p r i n g e r carries a d r i p p i n g u m b r e l l a . W i t h t h e
o t h e r he tows a c h r o m e c a d d y to which his black vinyl toolbox a n d
a p l a s t i c b i n , w i t h h o l e s for h a n d l e s , a r e s t r a p p e d w i t h b u n g e e c o r d .
S h p r i n g e r is a f i r e p l u g , h i s b o w e d l e g s a n d s i m i a n a r m s affixed t o
h i s n e c k w i t h o u t a p p a r e n t b e n e f i t o f s h o u l d e r s . H i s face is m o s t l y
jowl a n d his ridged forehead looks like o n e of t h o s e d o m e d beehives
y o u s e e r e p r e s e n t i n g I n d u s t r y i n m e d i e v a l w o o d c u t s . T h e b i n is
b l a z o n e d w i t h t h e s i n g l e w o r d EVIDENCE i n b l u e l e t t e r s .
" A r e y o u l e a v i n g t o w n ? " S h p r i n g e r says. I t ' s n o t a n u n c o m m o n
g r e e t i n g t h e s e d a y s . A l o t o f p e o p l e h a v e left t o w n i n t h e p a s t
c o u p l e o f y e a r s , fled t h e D i s t r i c t for t h e s h o r t r o s t e r o f p l a c e s t h a t
will w e l c o m e t h e m , o r t h a t h a v e t i r e d o f h e a r i n g a b o u t p o g r o m s
s e c o n d h a n d a n d a r e h o p i n g t o t h r o w o n e for t h e m s e l v e s . L a n d s m a n
says t h a t as far as h e k n o w s , h e is n o t g o i n g a n y w h e r e . M o s t o f
t h e places t h a t will t a k e J e w s r e q u i r e t h a t y o u h a v e a n e a r relative
living t h e r e . All of L a n d s m a n ' s n e a r e s t relatives are d e a d o r facing
Reversion themselves.
" T h e n let m e say g o o d b y e t o y o u now, forever," Shpringer
says. " T o m o r r o w n i g h t a t t h i s t i m e I w i l l b e b a s k i n g i n t h e w a r m
Saskatchewan sun."
"Saskatoon?" L a n d s m a n guesses.
" T h i r t y b e l o w t h e y h a d t o d a y , " S h p r i n g e r says. " T h a t w a s t h e
high."
2D MICHAEL CHABON

" L o o k a t i t t h i s w a y , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u c o u l d b e l i v i n g i n

this d u m p . "
" T h e Z a m e n h o f . " I n h i s m e m o r y , S h p r i n g e r p u l l s L a n d s m a n ' s file,
a n d frowns at its c o n t e n t s . " T h a t ' s right. H o m e sweet h o m e , eh?"
" I t s u i t s m e in m y c u r r e n t s t y l e of life."
S h p r i n g e r s miles a t h i n s m i l e from w h i c h a l m o s t e v e r y t r a c e of
p i t y has been erased.
" W h i c h w a y t o t h e d e a d m a n ? " h e says.
 • § 4

F
i r s t t h i n g S h p r i n g e r s c r e w s i n all t h e l i g h t b u l b s t h a t Lasker
loosened. T h e n he lowers his safety glasses a n d goes t o w o r k .
H e gives L a s k e r a m a n i c u r e a n d p e d i c u r e a n d looks i n s i d e his
m o u t h for a s e v e r e d f i n g e r o r a b r o n z e d o u b l o o n . H e lifts p r i n t s
w i t h his d u s t and b r u s h . H e takes 317 Polaroids. H e takes p i c t u r e s
of t h e c o r p s e , t h e r o o m , t h e p e r f o r a t e d pillow, t h e fingerprints he
has raised. H e takes a p i c t u r e of t h e chessboard.
" O n e for m e , " L a n d s m a n says.

Shpringer snaps a second shot of the board t h a t the m u r d e r

obliged Lasker to a b a n d o n . T h e n he h a n d s it to L a n d s m a n , an
eyebrow raised.
" V a l u a b l e c l u e , " L a n d s m a n says.
O n e piece at a time, Shpringer undoes t h e dead man's N i m z o -
C r o a t i a n D e f e n s e o r w h a t e v e r i t is h e h a d g o i n g , z i p p i n g e a c h
chessman into its o w n baggie.
"How'd you get so dirty?" he says without looking at
Landsman.
Landsman notices the bright brown dust clinging to his
s h o e t o p s , h i s cuffs, t h e k n e e s o f h i s p a n t s . " I w a s l o o k i n g i n t h e
basement. There's a huge, I don't know, service pipe d o w n t h e r e . "
H e feels t h e b l o o d flow i n t o h i s c h e e k s . " I h a d t o c h e c k i t o u t . "
22 MICHAEL CHABON

"A W a r s a w t u n n e l , " S h p r i n g e r says. " T h e y g o all t h r o u g h t h i s

p a r t of t h e U n t e r s h t a t . "
"You don't believe t h a t . "
" W h e n t h e g r e e n e r s g o t h e r e after t h e war. T h e ones w h o h a d
b e e n in t h e g h e t t o a t Warsaw. A t Bialystok. T h e e x - p a r t i s a n s . I
g u e s s s o m e o f t h e m d i d n ' t t r u s t t h e A m e r i c a n s v e r y m u c h . So t h e y
d u g t u n n e l s . J u s t i n c a s e t h e y h a d t o fight a g a i n . T h a t ' s t h e r e a l
reason it's called t h e U n t e r s h t a t . "
"A r u m o r , S h p r i n g e r . A n u r b a n m y t h . I t ' s j u s t a u t i l i t y p i p e . "
Shpringer grunts. H e bags the bath towel, the hand towel, and
a w o r n tile of soap. H e c o u n t s t h e ginger p u b i c hairs pasted to the
t o i l e t s e a t a n d t h e n b a g s e a c h o n e . " S p e a k i n g o f r u m o r s , " h e says,
" w h a t d o y o u hear from Felsenfeld?"
Felsenfeld is Inspector Felsenfeld, the squad commander.
" W h a t d o y o u m e a n , w h a t d o I h e a r from him? I j u s t saw h i m this
a f t e r n o o n , " L a n d s m a n says. " I d i d n ' t hear a n y t h i n g f r o m h i m , t h e
m a n h a s n ' t u t t e r e d t h r e e w o r d s t o g e t h e r in t e n years. W h a t kind
o f q u e s t i o n is t h a t ? W h a t r u m o r s ? "
"Just wondering."
S h p r i n g e r is r u n n i n g h i s fingers i n t h e i r l a t e x g l o v e a c r o s s t h e
f r e c k l e d s k i n o f L a s k e r ' s left a r m . I t b e a r s n e e d l e t r a c k s a n d f a i n t
m a r k s w h e r e t h e d e c e a s e d t i e d h i m s e l f off.
" F e l s e n f e l d ' s h a n d w a s o n h i s b e l l y all d a y , " L a n d s m a n says,
reflecting. " M a y b e I h e a r d h i m say 'reflux.' " T h e n : " W h a t d o y o u
see?"
S h p r i n g e r f r o w n s a t t h e flesh a b o v e L a s k e r ' s e l b o w , w h e r e t h e
t o u r n i q u e t m a r k s are b u n c h e d . " L o o k s like h e used a b e l t , " he
s a y s . " O n l y h i s b e l t is t o o w i d e t o h a v e m a d e t h e s e m a r k s . " H e h a s
already p u t Lasker's belt, along w i t h t w o pairs of gray trousers and
t w o blue blazers, into a b r o w n paper bag.
" H i s w o r k s a r e i n t h e d r a w e r , i n a b l a c k z i p , " L a n d s m a n says. " I
didn't look too close."
S h p r i n g e r o p e n s t h e d r a w e r in Lasker's b e d s i d e table a n d takes
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 23

o u t t h e black toilet kit. H e unzips it a n d t h e n m a k e s a funny s o u n d

in his t h r o a t . T h e cover of t h e k i t o p e n s t o w a r d L a n d s m a n . A t first
L a n d s m a n c a n ' t see w h a t has c a u g h t S h p r i n g e r ' s i n t e r e s t .
" W h a t d o y o u k n o w a b o u t t h i s L a s k e r ? " S h p r i n g e r says.
" I ' m willing to v e n t u r e that on occasion he played chess,"
L a n d s m a n says. O n e o f t h e t h r e e b o o k s i n t h e r o o m is a c r e a s e d a n d
b r o k e n - b a c k e d p a p e r b a c k e d i t i o n o f Three Hundred Chess Games b y
Siegbert Tarrasch. It has a manila pocket p a s t e d to its inside back
cover, w i t h a r e t u r n c a r d t h a t s h o w s it w a s last b o r r o w e d from t h e
c e n t r a l b r a n c h of t h e Sitka P u b l i c L i b r a r y in July 1986. L a n d s m a n
c a n ' t h e l p t h i n k i n g t h a t h e first m a d e l o v e t o h i s f u t u r e e x - w i f e i n
July 1986. Bina was t w e n t y at t h e t i m e , a n d L a n d s m a n w a s t w e n t y -
three, a n d it was t h e h e i g h t of t h e n o r t h e r n s u m m e r . July 1986
is t h e d a t e s t a m p e d o n t o t h e c a r d i n t h e p o c k e t o f Landsman's
illusions. T h e o t h e r t w o books are c h e a p Yiddish thrillers. " B e y o n d
that I k n o w goat shit."

As S h p r i n g e r has inferred from t h e m a r k s o n Lasker's arm,

the deceased's apparent t o u r n i q u e t of choice was a leather strap,
black, a b o u t half an inch wide. S h p r i n g e r pulls it o u t of t h e zip a n d
h o l d s i t u p b e t w e e n t w o f i n g e r s as if i t m i g h t b i t e . H a l f w a y a l o n g
t h e s t r a p hangs a small leather box designed to hold a slip of p a p e r
on which a scribe, w i t h i n k a n d a feather, has w r i t t e n four passages
from t h e T o r a h . Each m o r n i n g t h e p i o u s J e w t w i n e s o n e of t h e s e
d o o d a d s a l o n g h i s left a r m , t i e s a n o t h e r t o h i s f o r e h e a d , a n d p r a y s
for u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e k i n d o f G o d W h o o b l i g e s s o m e b o d y t o d o
s o m e t h i n g l i k e t h a t e v e r y d a m n d a y o f h i s life. B u t t h e r e is n o t h i n g
inside the box on Emanuel Lasker's prayer strap. It's j u s t t h e t h i n g
he chose t o use t o dilate t h e vein in his a r m .

" T h a t ' s a n e w o n e , " S h p r i n g e r says. " T y i n g off w i t h t e f i l l i n . "

" N o w t h a t I t h i n k a b o u t i t , " L a n d s m a n says, " h e h a d t h e look.
Like m a y b e he used to be black hat. T h e y take on a k i n d of a — I
d o n ' t know. T h e y look s h o r n . "
L a n d s m a n pulls on a glove a n d , g r i p p i n g Lasker's chin, tilts
24 MICHAEL CHABON

from side t o side t h e d e a d m a n ' s h e a d w i t h its swollen m a s k of

b l o o d vessels. " I f he u s e d t o w e a r a b e a r d , t h e n it w a s a while a g o , "
h e says. " S k i n t o n e o n h i s face is e v e n . "
H e l e t s g o o f L a s k e r ' s face a n d s t e p s a w a y f r o m t h e b o d y . I t
w o u l d n o t b e q u i t e a c c u r a t e t o s a y t h a t h e p e g g e d L a s k e r for
a f o r m e r b l a c k h a t . B u t w i t h t h e c h i n o f a fat b o y , a n d t h e a i r
of r u i n a t i o n , L a n d s m a n f i g u r e d L a s k e r for h a v i n g o n c e been
s o m e t h i n g m o r e t h a n a sockless j u n k i e in a c h e a p h o t e l . He
sighs. " W h a t I w o u l d n ' t give t o b e l y i n g on t h e s u n n y b e a c h e s of
Saskatoon."
T h e r e are noises in t h e hallway, a n d t h e r a t t l e of m e t a l a n d
s t r a p s , a n d t h e n e x t m o m e n t t w o w o r k e r s from t h e m o r g u e c o m e
in w i t h a collapsible gurney. S h p r i n g e r tells t h e m t o b r i n g t h e
e v i d e n c e b i n a n d t h e b a g s h e h a s filled, a n d t h e n l u m b e r s o u t , o n e
w h e e l o f h i s t r o l l e y s q u e a k i n g as h e g o e s .
" P i e c e of s h i t , " L a n d s m a n informs t h e m o r g u e boys, m e a n i n g
t h e case, n o t the victim. This judgment does not appear to
s u r p r i s e o r c o m e t o t h e m as n e w s . L a n d s m a n g o e s b a c k u p t o h i s
r o o m to rejoin his b o t t l e of slivovitz a n d t h e World's Fair shot
glass t h a t has c a p t u r e d his affections. H e sits d o w n in t h e chair b y
t h e p r e s s b o a r d d e s k , w i t h a d i r t y s h i r t for a s e a t c u s h i o n . H e t a k e s
t h e P o l a r o i d o u t o f h i s p o c k e t a n d s t u d i e s t h e g a m e t h a t L a s k e r left
behind, trying to decide w h e t h e r the next move was to be White's
o r Black's, a n d w h a t w o u l d b e t h e n e x t m o v e after t h a t . B u t t h e r e
a r e t o o m a n y p i e c e s , a n d i t is t o o d i f f i c u l t t o h o l d t h e m o v e s i n h i s
h e a d , a n d L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t o w n a n y t h i n g like a chess set on w h i c h
t o l a y i t all o u t . A f t e r a f e w m i n u t e s h e feels h i m s e l f d r i f t i n g off
to sleep. B u t n o , he isn't going to d o t h a t , n o t w h e n he k n o w s t h a t
what awaits him are trite Escher dreams, woozy checkerboards,
giant rooks casting phallic shadows.

H e t a k e s off h i s c l o t h e s , a n d s t e p s u n d e r t h e s h o w e r , a n d lies
d o w n for h a l f a n h o u r w i t h h i s e y e s w i d e o p e n , t a k i n g m e m o r i e s —
of his l i t t l e s i s t e r in h e r S u p e r C u b , of Bina in t h e s u m m e r of
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 25

1 9 8 6 — o u t o f t h e i r p l a s t i c b a g s . H e s t u d i e s t h e m as if t h e y a r e
t r a n s c r i p t i o n s , in a d u s t y b o o k s t o l e n from t h e library, of b y g o n e
checkmates and brilliancies. After half an h o u r of t h a t useful
p u r s u i t , he gets u p a n d p u t s on a clean shirt a n d tie, a n d goes d o w n
t o S i t k a C e n t r a l t o file h i s r e p o r t .
L
a n d s m a n l e a r n e d t o h a t e t h e g a m e of chess at t h e h a n d s of his
father a n d his uncle H e r t z . T h e brothers-in-law were boyhood
friends b a c k in L o d z , fellow m e m b e r s of t h e M a k k a b i Y o u t h
Chess Club. Landsman remembers how they used to talk about the
day, in t h e s u m m e r of 1939, w h e n t h e g r e a t T a r t a k o w e r d r o p p e d
b y t o p u t o n a d e m o n s t r a t i o n for t h e b o y s o f t h e M a k k a b i . S a v i e l l y
T a r t a k o w e r was a Polish citizen, a grandmaster, and a character
f a m o u s for h a v i n g s a i d " T h e b l u n d e r s a r e all t h e r e o n t h e b o a r d ,
w a i t i n g t o b e m a d e . " H e c a m e from Paris to r e p o r t on a t o u r n a m e n t
for a F r e n c h c h e s s j o u r n a l a n d t o v i s i t w i t h t h e d i r e c t o r o f the
M a k k a b i Y o u t h C h e s s C l u b , an old c o m r a d e from his days on t h e
R u s s i a n f r o n t i n t h e a r m y o f F r a n z Josef. A t t h e d i r e c t o r ' s u r g i n g ,
T a r t a k o w e r n o w proposed a g a m e against the club's best young
player, Isidor L a n d s m a n .

They sat d o w n t o g e t h e r , t h e s t r a p p i n g w a r v e t e r a n in his

bespoke suit and harsh good humor, and the stammering fifteen-
year-old w i t h a wall eye, a receding hairline, and a mustache that
was often m i s t a k e n for a s o o t y t h u m b p r i n t . T a r t a k o w e r drew
Black, and Landsman's father chose t h e English Opening. For t h e
first hour, Tartakower's play was inattentive, even autonomic. H e
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 27

left h i s g r e a t c h e s s e n g i n e i d l i n g a n d p l a y e d b y t h e b o o k . T h i r t y -
four m o v e s in, w i t h genial s c o r n , h e offered L a n d s m a n ' s f a t h e r a
draw. L a n d s m a n ' s father n e e d e d t o piss, his ears w e r e r i n g i n g , h e
w a s o n l y s t a v i n g off t h e i n e v i t a b l e . B u t h e d e c l i n e d . H i s g a m e b y
n o w w a s b a s e d o n n o t h i n g b u t feel a n d d e s p e r a t i o n . H e r e a c t e d ,
he refused exchanges, his sole assets a s t u b b o r n n a t u r e a n d a w i l d
sense of t h e board. After s e v e n t y moves a n d four h o u r s a n d t e n
m i n u t e s o f play, T a r t a k o w e r , n o t s o g e n i a l a n y m o r e , r e p e a t e d h i s
e a r l i e r offer. L a n d s m a n ' s f a t h e r , p l a g u e d b y t i n n i t u s , a b o u t t o w e t
his p a n t s , a c c e p t e d . In later years L a n d s m a n ' s father s o m e t i m e s let
on t h a t his m i n d , t h a t q u e e r organ, never q u i t e recovered from
t h e ordeal of this game. B u t of course t h e r e w e r e w o r s e ordeals to
come.

" T h a t w a s n o t i n t h e l e a s t e n j o y a b l e , " T a r t a k o w e r is s u p p o s e d
t o have told L a n d s m a n ' s father, r i s i n g from his chair. Y o u n g H e r t z
S h e m e t s , w i t h h i s u n f a i l i n g e y e for w e a k n e s s , s p o t t e d a t r e m o r i n
T a r t a k o w e r ' s h a n d , h o l d i n g a h a s t i l y fetched glass of Tokay. T h e n
T a r t a k o w e r p o i n t e d t o Isidor L a n d s m a n ' s skull. " B u t I ' m sure it
w a s preferable t o b e i n g o b l i g e d t o live in t h e r e . "
N o t q u i t e t w o years later, H e r t z S h e m e t s , his m o t h e r , and
his kid sister, Freydl, arrived on B a r a n o f Island, Alaska, w i t h t h e
first w a v e o f G a l i t z e r s e t t l e r s . H e c a m e o n t h e n o t o r i o u s Diamond,
a World War I - e r a t r o o p t r a n s p o r t t h a t Secretary Ickes o r d e r e d
t a k e n o u t o f m o t h b a l l s a n d r e c h r i s t e n e d as a l e f t - h a n d e d m e m o r i a l ,
o r so l e g e n d h a s i t , t o t h e l a t e A n t h o n y D i m o n d , t h e Alaska
Territory's nonvoting delegate to t h e H o u s e of Representatives.
( U n t i l t h e fatal i n t e r v e n t i o n o n a W a s h i n g t o n , D . C . , s t r e e t c o r n e r
of a d r u n k e n , taxi-driving schlemiel n a m e d D e n n y Lanning—
e t e r n a l h e r o of t h e Sitka J e w s — D e l e g a t e D i m o n d h a d b e e n on t h e
verge of g e t t i n g t h e A l a s k a n S e t t l e m e n t A c t killed in c o m m i t t e e . )
T h i n , pale, bewildered, H e r t z S h e m e t s s t e p p e d from t h e Diamond,
from t h e d a r k a n d t h e r e e k of s o u p a n d r u s t y p u d d l e s , t o t h e clean
cold spice of Sitka pine. W i t h his family a n d his people he w a s
ZB MICHAEL CHABON

n u m b e r e d , i n o c u l a t e d , d e l o u s e d , t a g g e d like a m i g r a n t b i r d b y t h e
s t i p u l a t i o n s of t h e Alaskan S e t t l e m e n t A c t of 1940. In a c a r d b o a r d
p o c k e t b o o k h e carried an "Ickes p a s s p o r t , " a special e m e r g e n c y
visa p r i n t e d on special flimsy p a p e r w i t h special s m e a r y ink.
T h e r e w a s n o w h e r e e l s e for h i m t o g o . I t s a i d s o , i n l a r g e t y p e ,
on t h e front of an Ickes p a s s p o r t . H e w o u l d n o t be p e r m i t t e d to
travel to Seattle, or San Francisco, or even J u n e a u or Ketchikan.
All t h e n o r m a l q u o t a s o n Jewish i m m i g r a t i o n t o t h e U n i t e d States
r e m a i n e d in force. E v e n w i t h t h e t i m e l y d e a t h of D i m o n d , t h e A c t
could n o t b e forced u p t h e A m e r i c a n b o d y politic w i t h o u t a certain
a m o u n t of muscle and grease, and restrictions on Jewish m o v e m e n t
w e r e p a r t of t h e deal.
O n t h e heels of J e w s from G e r m a n y a n d Austria, t h e S h e m e t s
family w a s d u m p e d w i t h t h e i r fellow G a l i t z e r s a t C a m p Slattery, in
a m u s k e g s w a m p t e n miles from t h e h a r d - b i t t e n , half-decrepit t o w n
of S i t k a , c a p i t a l of t h e old R u s s i a n A l a s k a colony. In drafty, tin-
r o o f e d h u t s a n d b a r r a c k s , t h e y u n d e r w e n t six m o n t h s o f i n t e n s i v e
acclimatization by a crack team o f fifteen billion mosquitoes
w o r k i n g u n d e r c o n t r a c t w i t h t h e U.S. I n t e r i o r D e p a r t m e n t . H e r t z
w a s c o n s c r i p t e d for a r o a d g a n g , t h e n a s s i g n e d t o t h e c r e w t h a t
b u i l t t h e S i t k a airfield. H e lost t w o m o l a r s w h e n h e w a s s m a c k e d b y
a shovel, w o r k i n g a m u c k d e t a i l d e e p in a caisson s u n k in t h e m u d of
Sitka harbor. In later years, w h e n e v e r you drove w i t h h i m over t h e
T s h e r n o v i t s B r i d g e , h e w o u l d r u b a t his jaw, a n d his h a r d eyes in his
s h a r p face w o u l d t a k e o n a w i s t f u l air. F r e y d l w a s s e n t t o s c h o o l i n
a chilly b a r n w h o s e roof r a n g w i t h steady rain. T h e i r m o t h e r was
t a u g h t t h e r u d i m e n t s of a g r i c u l t u r e , t h e use of plow, fertilizer, a n d
irrigation hose. Brochures and posters held u p the short Alaskan
g r o w i n g s e a s o n as a n a l l e g o r y o f t h e b r i e f d u r a t i o n o f h e r stay.
Mrs. S h e m e t s o u g h t t o t h i n k o f t h e S i t k a S e t t l e m e n t as a c e l l a r o r
p o t t i n g s h e d in w h i c h , like flower b u l b s , she a n d h e r c h i l d r e n could
b e p u t u p for t h e w i n t e r , u n t i l t h e i r h o m e soil t h a w e d e n o u g h t o
a l l o w t h e m t o b e r e p l a n t e d t h e r e . N o o n e i m a g i n e d t h a t t h e soil o f
E u r o p e w o u l d b e s o w e d so d e e p l y w i t h s a l t a n d a s h .
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 29

D e s p i t e t h e agricultural palaver, t h e m o d e s t h o m e s t e a d s a n d
farm cooperatives p r o p o s e d b y t h e Sitka S e t t l e m e n t C o r p o r a t i o n
never materialized. Japan a t t a c k e d Pearl H a r b o r . The Interior
Department's attention wandered toward more pressing strategic
c o n c e r n s , s u c h as oil r e s e r v e s a n d m i n i n g . A t t h e c o n c l u s i o n o f
t h e i r t e r m a t " I c k e s C o l l e g e , " t h e S h e m e t s family, l i k e m o s t o f t h e i r
f e l l o w r e f u g e e s , w e r e k i c k e d l o o s e t o f e n d for t h e m s e l v e s . J u s t as
D e l e g a t e D i m o n d h a d p r e d i c t e d , t h e y drifted u p t o t h e raw, n e w l y
b o o m i n g t o w n of Sitka. H e r t z s t u d i e d c r i m i n a l j u s t i c e at t h e n e w
S i t k a T e c h n i c a l I n s t i t u t e a n d , o n g r a d u a t i n g i n 1 9 4 8 , w a s h i r e d as a
p a r a l e g a l b y t h e f i r s t b i g U.S. l a w f i r m t o o p e n a b r a n c h office h e r e .
H i s sister, Freydl, L a n d s m a n ' s m o t h e r , was a m o n g t h e earliest Girl
Scouts in t h e s e t t l e m e n t .

N i n e t e e n f o r t y - e i g h t : S t r a n g e t i m e s t o b e a Jew. I n August
t h e defense of J e r u s a l e m collapsed a n d t h e o u t n u m b e r e d J e w s of
t h e t h r e e - m o n t h - o l d republic of Israel w e r e r o u t e d , massacred,
a n d d r i v e n i n t o t h e sea. A s H e r t z w a s s t a r t i n g h i s j o b a t F o e h n
H a r m a t t a n & Buran, the H o u s e C o m m i t t e e on Territories and
I n s u l a r Affairs b e g a n a l o n g - d e l a y e d r e v i e w o f s t a t u s c a l l e d for
by the Sitka S e t t l e m e n t Act. Like t h e rest of C o n g r e s s , like m o s t
Americans, the House C o m m i t t e e was sobered by grim revelations
of t h e s l a u g h t e r of t w o m i l l i o n J e w s in E u r o p e , b y t h e b a r b a r i t y of
t h e r o u t of Z i o n i s m , by t h e plight of t h e refugees of Palestine a n d
Europe. A t t h e same t i m e , t h e y w e r e practical souls. T h e p o p u l a t i o n
of Sitka S e t t l e m e n t h a d already swollen t o t w o million. In d i r e c t
violation of t h e act, Jews h a d spread u p a n d d o w n t h e w e s t e r n shore
o f B a r a n o f I s l a n d , o u t t o K r u z o f , all t h e w a y u p t o W e s t C h i c h a g o f
Island. T h e e c o n o m y was booming. American Jews were lobbying
hard. In t h e e n d , C o n g r e s s g r a n t e d t h e Sitka S e t t l e m e n t " i n t e r i m
s t a t u s " as a f e d e r a l d i s t r i c t . B u t c a n d i d a c y for s e p a r a t e s t a t e h o o d
w a s e x p l i c i t l y r u l e d o u t . NO JEWLASKA, LAWMAKERS PROMISE, r a n
t h e h e a d l i n e i n t h e Daily Times. T h e e m p h a s i s w a s a l w a y s o n t h e
w o r d " i n t e r i m . " In sixty years t h a t status w o u l d revert, a n d t h e
S i t k a J e w s w o u l d b e left o n c e a g a i n t o s h i f t for t h e m s e l v e s .
3D MICHAEL CHABDN

O n e w a r m S e p t e m b e r a f t e r n o o n n o t l o n g after, H e r t z S h e m e t s
was walking d o w n Seward Street, prolonging his lunch break,
w h e n h e b u m p e d i n t o his old c h u m from L o d z , Isidor L a n d s m a n .
L a n d s m a n ' s father h a d j u s t arrived in Sitka, alone, aboard the
Williwaw, fresh from a t o u r of t h e d e a t h a n d D P c a m p s of E u r o p e .
H e was twenty-five, bald, a n d missing m o s t of his teeth. H e was
six feet t a l l a n d w e i g h e d 1 2 5 p o u n d s . H e s m e l l e d funny, talked
c r a z y , a n d h a d o u t l i v e d h i s e n t i r e family. H e w a s o b l i v i o u s t o t h e
raucous frontier e n e r g y of d o w n t o w n Sitka, t h e w o r k crews of
y o u n g Jewesses in t h e i r b l u e h e a d scarves, singing N e g r o spirituals
w i t h Y i d d i s h l y r i c s t h a t p a r a p h r a s e d L i n c o l n a n d M a r x . T h e lively
s t e n c h o f fish flesh a n d felled t r e e a n d t u r n e d e a r t h , t h e r u m b l e
o f t h e d r e d g e r s a n d s t e a m s h o v e l s g r a d i n g m o u n t a i n s a n d filling i n
Sitka S o u n d , n o n e of it s e e m e d t o t o u c h h i m . H e w a l k e d w i t h his
h e a d d o w n , a h u n c h i n h i s s h o u l d e r s , as if o n l y b u r r o w i n g t h r o u g h
t h i s w o r l d o n his inexplicable w a y from o n e s t r a n g e d i m e n s i o n t o
t h e n e x t . N o t h i n g p e n e t r a t e d or i l l u m i n a t e d t h e d a r k t u n n e l of his
passage. But w h e n Isidor L a n d s m a n realized that the grinning m a n ,
hair slicked, shoes like a c o u p l e of Kaiser a u t o m o b i l e s , smelling of
t h e grilled-onion cheeseburger he had j u s t c o n s u m e d at the lunch
c o u n t e r of W o o l w o r t h ' s , w a s his old friend H e r t z S h e m e t s from t h e
M a k k a b i Y o u t h C h e s s C l u b , h e lifted his eyes. T h e e t e r n a l k i n k
w e n t o u t of his shoulder. H e o p e n e d his m o u t h a n d closed it again,
speechless w i t h o u t r a g e , joy, a n d w o n d e r . T h e n h e b u r s t i n t o tears.

H e r t z took Landsman's father back to Woolworth's, bought him

l u n c h ( a n e g g s a n d w i c h , h i s first m i l k s h a k e , a d e c e n t p i c k l e ) a n d
t h e n led h i m d o w n t o Lincoln S t r e e t , t o t h e n e w H o t e l Einstein,
i n w h o s e café t h e g r e a t e x i l e s o f J e w i s h c h e s s m e t e v e r y d a y t o
d e m o l i s h o n e a n o t h e r w i t h o u t p i t y or h e a r t . L a n d s m a n ' s father,
h a l f d e m e n t e d a t t h i s p o i n t b y f a t , s u g a r , a n d t h e l i n g e r i n g ill
e f f e c t s o f t y p h u s , m o p p e d u p t h e r o o m . H e t o o k o n all c o m e r s a n d
s e n t t h e m o u t of t h e E i n s t e i n so s o u n d l y t h r a s h e d t h a t o n e or t w o
of t h e m never forgave h i m .
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNIDN 31

Even then he displayed t h e mournful, agonized style of play t h a t

h e l p e d r u i n t h e g a m e for L a n d s m a n as a c h i l d . " Y o u r f a t h e r p l a y e d
chess," H e r t z Shemets once said, "like a m a n w i t h a t o o t h a c h e , a
h e m o r r h o i d , a n d g a s . " H e s i g h e d , h e m o a n e d . H e t u g g e d i n fits a t
t h e p a t c h y r e m n a n t of his b r o w n hair, o r c h a s e d it w i t h his fingers
b a c k a n d f o r t h a c r o s s h i s p a t e l i k e a p a s t r y c h e f s c a t t e r i n g flour o n
a m a r b l e slab. T h e b l u n d e r s of his o p p o n e n t s w e r e each a s e p a r a t e
c r a m p in t h e a b d o m e n . H i s o w n m o v e s , h o w e v e r d a r i n g , h o w e v e r
startling and original a n d strong, s t r u c k h i m like successive pieces
o f t e r r i b l e n e w s , so t h a t h e c o v e r e d h i s m o u t h a n d r o l l e d h i s e y e s
at t h e sight of t h e m .
Uncle H e r t z ' s style was n o t h i n g like t h a t . H e played calmly,
w i t h an air of u n c o n c e r n , k e e p i n g his b o d y at a slight angle t o t h e
b o a r d , as if e x p e c t i n g v e r y s h o r t l y t o b e s e r v e d a m e a l o r t o t a k e
a p r e t t y girl o n t o his lap. B u t his eyes saw e v e r y t h i n g , t h e w a y
t h e y ' d seen t h e telltale t r e m o r in T a r t a k o w e r ' s h a n d t h a t d a y at t h e
M a k k a b i Y o u t h C h e s s C l u b . H e t o o k in his reversals w i t h o u t a l a r m
a n d his chances w i t h a faint air of a m u s e m e n t . S m o k i n g Broadways
end on end, he w a t c h e d his old friend s q u i r m a n d m u t t e r his w a y
t h r o u g h t h e assembled geniuses of t h e Einstein. T h e n , w h e n t h e
r o o m was laid t o w a s t e , H e r t z m a d e t h e n e c e s s a r y m o v e . H e i n v i t e d
Isidor L a n d s m a n home.

In t h e s u m m e r of 1948, t h e S h e m e t s family lived in a t w o - r o o m

a p a r t m e n t in a b r a n d - n e w b u i l d i n g o n a b r a n d - n e w i s l a n d . T h e
b u i l d i n g w a s h o m e t o t w o d o z e n f a m i l i e s , all o f t h e m P o l a r B e a r s ,
as t h e first-wave refugees called t h e m s e l v e s . T h e m o t h e r slept in
t h e b e d r o o m , F r e y d l g o t t h e sofa, a n d H e r t z m a d e h i s b e d o n t h e
floor. B y n o w t h e y w e r e all s t a u n c h A l a s k a n J e w s , w h i c h m e a n t t h e y
were Utopians, which m e a n t t h e y saw imperfection everywhere
t h e y l o o k e d . A b a r b - t o n g u e d a n d q u a r r e l s o m e family, i n p a r t i c u l a r
F r e y d l S h e m e t s , w h o a t f o u r t e e n a l r e a d y s t o o d five f e e t e i g h t i n c h e s
tall a n d w e i g h e d 110 k i l o g r a m s . She t o o k o n e l o o k a t L a n d s m a n ' s
father, h o v e r i n g u n c e r t a i n l y in t h e d o o r w a y of t h e a p a r t m e n t , a n d
32 MICHAEL CHABDN

c o r r e c t l y d i a g n o s e d h i m t o b e as u n r e c l a i m a b l e a n d i n a c c e s s i b l e as
t h e w i l d e r n e s s t h a t s h e h a d c o m e t o r e g a r d as h e r h o m e . I t w a s love
at first s i g h t .
I n l a t e r y e a r s i t w a s t o u g h for L a n d s m a n t o g e t m u c h o u t o f h i s
f a t h e r a b o u t w h a t if a n y t h i n g h e h a d seen in F r e y d l S h e m e t s . She
w a s n o t a b a d - l o o k i n g girl. E g y p t i a n - e y e d , olive-skinned, in her
s h o r t p a n t s , h i k i n g b o o t s , a n d t h e rolled sleeves of h e r P e n d l e t o n
s h i r t , s h e e x u d e d t h e o l d M a k k a b i m o v e m e n t s p i r i t o f mens sana in
corpore sano. S h e p i t i e d I s i d o r L a n d s m a n d e e p l y for t h e loss o f h i s
family, for t h e s u f f e r i n g h e h a d e n d u r e d i n t h e c a m p s . B u t s h e w a s
o n e of t h o s e Polar Bear k i d s w h o h a n d l e d t h e i r o w n feelings of
guilt at h a v i n g e s c a p e d t h e filth, t h e s t a r v a t i o n , t h e d i t c h e s a n d
killing factories b y offering survivors a c o n s t a n t s t r e a m of advice,
i n f o r m a t i o n , a n d c r i t i c i s m d i s g u i s e d as m o r a l e b o o s t i n g . A s if t h e
c h o k i n g , l o w - h a n g i n g b l a c k p a l l o f t h e D e s t r u c t i o n c o u l d b e lifted
by one d e t e r m i n e d kibitzer.

T h a t first n i g h t L a n d s m a n ' s f a t h e r s l e p t , w i t h H e r t z , o n t h e
floor of t h e S h e m e t s a p a r t m e n t . T h e next day Freydl took h i m
s h o p p i n g for c l o t h e s , p a y i n g for t h e m o u t o f h e r o w n b a t m i t z v a h
n e s t egg. She h e l p e d h i m r e n t a r o o m from a r e c e n t w i d o w e r w h o
lived in t h e b u i l d i n g . S h e m a s s a g e d his scalp w i t h an o n i o n , in t h e
b e l i e f t h a t t h i s w o u l d c a u s e h i s h a i r t o r e n e w itself. S h e fed h i m
c a l f l i v e r for h i s t i r e d b l o o d . F o r t h e n e x t five y e a r s , s h e n u d g e d
a n d b a d g e r e d a n d bullied h i m u n t i l h e sat u p s t r a i g h t , m a d e eye
c o n t a c t w h e n speaking, learned American, and wore dentures. She
m a r r i e d h i m t h e d a y after she t u r n e d eighteen, and got a j o b at t h e
Sitka Tog, w o r k i n g h e r w a y u p t h r o u g h t h e w o m e n ' s p a g e t o f e a t u r e s
e d i t o r . S h e w o r k e d s i x t y t o s e v e n t y - f i v e h o u r s a w e e k , five d a y s a
w e e k , u n t i l h e r d e a t h from cancer, w h e n L a n d s m a n was in college.
D u r i n g t h a t t i m e H e r t z S h e m e t s impressed the American lawyers
a t F o e h n H a r m a t t a n so m u c h t h a t t h e y t o o k u p a s u b s c r i p t i o n
a n d pulled t h e strings t h e y n e e d e d to pull to send h i m to law
s c h o o l i n S e a t t l e . H e l a t e r b e c a m e t h e first J e w h i r e d b y t h e S i t k a
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 33

d e t a i l o f t h e F B I , i t s first d i s t r i c t d i r e c t o r , a n d e v e n t u a l l y , h a v i n g
caught Hoover's eye, ran t h e Bureau's regional counterintelligence
program.
Landsman's father played chess.
E v e r y m o r n i n g , i n r a i n , s n o w , o r fog, h e w a l k e d t w o m i l e s t o t h e
H o t e l E i n s t e i n coffee s h o p , s a t d o w n a t a n a l u m i n u m - t o p p e d t a b l e
in t h e b a c k , f a c i n g t h e d o o r , a n d t o o k o u t a s m a l l s e t o f m a p l e a n d
c h e r r y c h e s s m e n t h a t h a d b e e n a p r e s e n t from his brother-in-law.
E v e r y n i g h t h e sat at his b e n c h in t h e b a c k of t h e l i t t l e h o u s e o n
Adler S t r e e t w h e r e L a n d s m a n g r e w u p , in H a l i b u t P o i n t , l o o k i n g
over t h e eight or n i n e c o r r e s p o n d e n c e g a m e s he h a d going at any
o n e t i m e . H e w r o t e n o t e s for Chess Review. H e revised a biography
o f T a r t a k o w e r t h a t h e n e v e r q u i t e finished o r a b a n d o n e d . H e d r e w
a p e n s i o n from t h e G e r m a n g o v e r n m e n t . A n d , w i t h t h e h e l p of
his brother-in-law, h e t a u g h t his son t o h a t e t h e g a m e h e h i m s e l f
loved.

"You don't w a n t to do t h a t , " Landsman's father would plead

after L a n d s m a n released, w i t h b l o o d l e s s fingers, his k n i g h t or
p a w n t o m e e t t h e f a t e t h a t a l w a y s c a m e as a s u r p r i s e t o L a n d s m a n ,
no m a t t e r h o w m u c h he studied, p r a c t i c e d , or played t h e g a m e of
chess. " T a k e it from m e . "
"I do."
"You don't."
B u t in t h e s e r v i c e o f h i s o w n s m a l l m i s e r y , L a n d s m a n c o u l d
b e s t u b b o r n , too. Satisfied, b u r n i n g w i t h s h a m e , h e w o u l d w a t c h
unfold t h e g r i m d e s t i n y t h a t h e h a d b e e n u n a b l e t o foresee. A n d
L a n d s m a n ' s f a t h e r w o u l d d e m o l i s h h i m , flay h i m , v i v i s e c t him,
g a z i n g a t h i s s o n all t h e w h i l e f r o m b e h i n d t h e s a g g i n g p o r c h o f
h i s face.
After s o m e years of this s p o r t , L a n d s m a n sat d o w n at his
mother's typewriter to w r i t e his father a l e t t e r in w h i c h he
c o n f e s s e d h i s l o a t h i n g for t h e g a m e o f c h e s s , a n d b e g g e d h i s f a t h e r
n o t t o force h i m t o p l a y a n y m o r e . L a n d s m a n c a r r i e d t h i s l e t t e r i n
34 MICHAEL CHABON

h i s s a t c h e l for a w e e k , e n d u r i n g t h r e e m o r e b l o o d y d e f e a t s , a n d
t h e n m a i l e d i t f r o m t h e U n t e r s h t a t p o s t office. T w o d a y s l a t e r ,
Isidor L a n d s m a n killed himself, in r o o m 21 of t h e H o t e l E i n s t e i n ,
b y an overdose of N e m b u t a l .
After that L a n d s m a n started to have some problems. H e wet
t h e b e d , g o t fat, s t o p p e d t a l k i n g . H i s m o t h e r p u t h i m in t h e r a p y
w i t h a r e m a r k a b l y g e n t l e a n d ineffectual d o c t o r n a m e d M e l a m e d .
It w a s n o t u n t i l t w e n t y - t h r e e years after his father's d e a t h t h a t
L a n d s m a n r e d i s c o v e r e d t h e f a t a l l e t t e r , i n a b o x t h a t a l s o h e l d a fair
c o p y of t h e unfinished b i o g r a p h y of Tartakower. It t u r n e d o u t t h a t
L a n d s m a n ' s father h a d n e v e r even o p e n e d t h e l e t t e r from his son,
let alone read it. By t h e t i m e t h e m a i l m a n delivered it, Landsman's
father was already dead.
 •3) G p"

L
a n d s m a n is t r i p p i n g o n t h e m e m o r y o f t h o s e o l d c h e s s - p l a y i n g
y i d s , h u n c h e d a t t h e b a c k o f t h e C a f é E i n s t e i n , as h e d r i v e s o u t
t o p i c k u p B e r k o . I t is six-fifteen i n t h e m o r n i n g , b y h i s w a t c h .
B y t h e sky, t h e e m p t y b o u l e v a r d , a n d t h e s t o n e o f d r e a d l y i n g i n
h i s belly, i t is t h e d e a d o f n i g h t . S u n r i s e , t h i s c l o s e t o t h e a r c t i c
c i r c l e a n d t h e w i n t e r s o l s t i c e , is s t i l l a t l e a s t t w o h o u r s off.
Landsman is a t the wheel of a 1971 Chevrolet Chevelle
Super Sport, which he bought t e n years ago in an access of
n o s t a l g i c o p t i m i s m a n d h a s d r i v e n u n t i l all i t s s e c r e t flaws seem
i n d i s t i n g u i s h a b l e from his o w n . In t h e ' 7 1 m o d e l year, t h e C h e v e l l e
w e n t from t w o pairs of h e a d l i g h t b u l b s t o a single pair. R i g h t n o w
o n e o f t h e s e b u l b s is b l o w n . L a n d s m a n g r o p e s h i s w a y c y c l o p s - s t y l e
along t h e p r o m e n a d e . A h e a d of h i m rise t h e t o w e r blocks of t h e
S h v a r t s n - Y a m , on t h e i r artificial spit of l a n d in t h e m i d d l e of S i t k a
S o u n d , h u d d l e d in t h e d a r k n e s s like p r i s o n e r s r o u n d e d u p w i t h a
powerful hose.

Russian shtarkers developed the Shvartsn-Yam during the

m i d - e i g h t i e s , o n p u r e s t q u a k e - b a i t l a n d f i l l , i n t h e first h e a d y d a y s
of legalized casino g a m b l i n g . T i m e - s h a r e s , v a c a t i o n h o m e s , a n d
bachelor pads, t h a t was t h e idea, w i t h t h e G r a n d Yalta casino and
its j u m p i n g tables at t h e c e n t e r of t h e action. B u t legal g a m b l i n g
36 MICHAEL CHABON

is o u t n o w , b a n n e d b y t h e T r a d i t i o n a l V a l u e s A c t , a n d t h e c a s i n o
b u i l d i n g h o u s e s a K o s h e r M a r t , a Walgreens, a n d a Big M a c h e r
o u t l e t s t o r e . T h e s h t a r k e r s w e n t b a c k t o b a n k r o l l i n g illegal policy
rackets, b e t t i n g mills, and floating craps games. T h e swingers and
v a c a t i o n e r s gave w a y t o a p o p u l a t i o n of upper-lowlifes, Russian
i m m i g r a n t s , a s m a t t e r i n g of u l t r a - o r t h o d o x J e w s , a n d a b u n c h of
b o h e m i a n semiprofessionals w h o like t h e a t m o s p h e r e of ruined
festivity t h a t lingers in t h e n e i g h b o r h o o d like a s t r a n d of tinsel on
the branch of a bare tree.
T h e T a y t s h - S h e m e t s family lives in t h e D n y e p e r , o n t h e t w e n t y -
f o u r t h floor. T h e D n y e p e r is r o u n d as a s t a c k o f p i e t i n s . M a n y o f
i t s r e s i d e n t s , s p u r n i n g fine v i e w s o f M o u n t E d g e c u m b e ' s c o l l a p s e d
cone, t h e g l e a m i n g Safety Pin, or t h e lights of t h e U n t e r s h t a t ,
have enclosed their curving balconies with storm windows and
louvers in o r d e r t o gain an e x t r a r o o m . T h e T a y t s h - S h e m e t s e s did
t h a t w h e n t h e b a b y c a m e a l o n g : t h e first b a b y . N o w b o t h l i t t l e
T a y t s h - S h e m e t s e s sleep o u t t h e r e , stashed away on t h e balcony
like d i s u s e d skis.
Landsman parks the Super Sport in t h e spot behind the
Dumpsters t h a t h e h a s c o m e t o v i e w as h i s o w n , t h o u g h he
s u p p o s e s a m a n s h o u l d n o t c o m e t o c h e r i s h t e n d e r feelings t o w a r d
a p a r k i n g p l a c e . S i m p l y h a v i n g a p l a c e t o p u t h i s c a r t h a t is t w e n t y -
four stories d o w n from a s t a n d i n g i n v i t a t i o n t o breakfast should
n e v e r p a s s , i n a m a n ' s h e a r t , for a h o m e c o m i n g .
H e ' s a few m i n u t e s a h e a d of six-thirty, a n d t h o u g h he's p r e t t y
s u r e t h a t e v e r y b o d y is a w a k e i n t h e T a y t s h - S h e m e t s h o u s e h o l d , h e
d e c i d e s t o t a k e t h e s t a i r s . T h e D n y e p e r s t a i r w e l l r e e k s o f sea air,
cabbage, cold cement. W h e n he gets to the top, he lights a papiros
t o r e w a r d h i m s e l f for i n d u s t r y a n d s t a n d s o n t h e T a y t s h - S h e m e t s
d o o r m a t , keeping t h e m e z u z a h company. H e has one lung coughed
u p and t h e o t h e r on its w a y w h e n Ester-Malke T a y t s h opens the
door. She holds a h o m e p r e g n a n c y test stick w i t h a bead, on its
business end, of w h a t m u s t be urine. W h e n she notices Landsman
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 37

noticing it, she coolly makes it d i s a p p e a r i n t o a p o c k e t of her

bathrobe.
"You k n o w t h e r e ' s a d o o r b e l l , r i g h t ? " s h e says t h r o u g h a t a n g l e d
c u r t a i n o f h a i r , b r i c k - b r o w n a n d t o o fine for t h e b o b s h e a l w a y s
s p o r t s . I t h a s a w a y o f s p i l l i n g a c r o s s h e r face, e s p e c i a l l y w h e n s h e
is c r a c k i n g w i s e . " I m e a n , c o u g h i n g w o r k s , t o o . "
She leaves t h e d o o r o p e n a n d L a n d s m a n s t a n d i n g t h e r e o n t h e
t h i c k c o i r m a t t h a t says GET LOST. L a n d s m a n t o u c h e s t w o fingers t o
t h e m e z u z a h on his w a y in a n d t h e n gives t h e m a p e r f u n c t o r y kiss.
T h a t is w h a t y o u d o if y o u a r e a b e l i e v e r , l i k e B e r k o , o r a m o c k i n g
asshole, like L a n d s m a n . H e h a n g s his h a t a n d overcoat on an elk-
antler rack b y t h e front door. H e follows E s t e r - M a l k e ' s skinny
ass, w r a p p e d in her w h i t e c o t t o n r o b e , d o w n t h e hall a n d i n t o t h e
k i t c h e n . T h e k i t c h e n is n a r r o w , l a i d o u t g a l l e y - s t y l e , t h e s t o v e ,
sink, and refrigerator d o w n one side, cabinets d o w n t h e other. A t
t h e e n d a breakfast bar, w i t h t w o stools, overlooks t h e l i v i n g - d i n i n g
r o o m . S t e a m c u r l s o u t o f a waffle i r o n o n t h e c o u n t e r i n c a r t o o n -
l o c o m o t i v e puffs. T h e d r i p - f i l t e r coffee m a k e r h a w k s a n d s p i t s l i k e
a d e c r e p i t Jewish p o l i c e m a n after t e n flights of steps.

L a n d s m a n s i d l e s u p t o t h e s t o o l h e favors a n d s t a n d s b e s i d e i t .
F r o m t h e hip pocket of his t w e e d blazer he takes a p o c k e t chess set
and u n w r a p s it. H e b o u g h t it at t h e all-night d r u g s t o r e on Korczak
P l a t z . " F a t m a n s t i l l i n h i s p a j a m a s ? " h e says.
"Getting dressed."
"Fat baby?"
"Picking the necktie."
"And t h e o t h e r o n e , w h a t ' s his n a m e ? " In fact, his n a m e , t h a n k s
t o a r e c e n t v o g u e for c r a f t i n g g i v e n n a m e s f r o m f a m i l y n a m e s , is
F e i n g o l d T a y t s h - S h e m e t s . T h e y call h i m G o l d y . F o u r y e a r s a g o
L a n d s m a n h a d t h e h o n o r t o h o l d d o w n G o l d y ' s s c r a w n y legs w h i l e
an ancient J e w w i t h a knife c a m e after his foreskin. " H i s Majesty."
In answer, she n o d s h e r h e a d t o w a r d t h e l i v i n g - d i n i n g .
" S t i l l s i c k ? " L a n d s m a n says.
38 MICHAEL CHABON

"Better today."
L a n d s m a n goes a r o u n d t h e breakfast bar, p a s t t h e glass-topped
d i n i n g t a b l e , a n d o v e r t o t h e b i g w h i t e s e c t i o n a l sofa t o g e t a l o o k
a t w h a t t h e t e l e v i s i o n is d o i n g t o h i s g o d s o n . " L o o k w h o i t i s , " h e
says.
Goldy is wearing his polar-bear jammies, the height of
retrospective chic for an Alaskan Jewish kid. Polar bears,
s n o w f l a k e s , i g l o o s , t h e n o r t h e r n i m a g e r y t h a t w a s so u b i q u i t o u s
w h e n L a n d s m a n w a s a b o y , i t ' s all b a c k i n s t y l e a g a i n . O n l y t h i s
t i m e it s e e m s t o b e m e a n t ironically. Snowflakes, yes, t h e Jews
found t h e m here, t h o u g h , t h a n k s to greenhouse gases, t h e r e are
m e a s u r a b l y fewer t h a n in t h e old days. B u t n o polar bears. N o
i g l o o s . N o r e i n d e e r . M o s t l y j u s t a l o t o f a n g r y I n d i a n s , fog, a n d
r a i n , a n d h a l f a c e n t u r y o f a s e n s e o f m i s t a k e n n e s s so k e e n , w o r k e d
so d e e p i n t o t h e s y s t e m s of t h e J e w s , t h a t it e m e r g e s e v e r y w h e r e ,
even on their children's pajamas.

" Y o u r e a d y t o w o r k t o d a y , G o l d e l e ? " L a n d s m a n says. H e lays t h e

b a c k o f h i s h a n d a g a i n s t t h e b o y ' s f o r e h e a d . I t feels n i c e a n d c o o l .
Goldy's Shnapish the Dog yarmulke hangs crooked, and Landsman
s m o o t h s it a n d a d j u s t s t h e b o b b y p i n t h a t holds it in place. " R e a d y
t o fight c r i m e ? "
"Sure thing, Uncle."
L a n d s m a n reaches o u t to shake t h e boy's hand, and w i t h o u t even
looking, G o l d y slides his d r y p a w i n t o L a n d s m a n ' s . A m i n u t e blue
r e c t a n g l e of l i g h t s w i m s o n t h e t e a r layer of t h e b o y ' s d a r k b r o w n
eyes. L a n d s m a n has w a t c h e d this p r o g r a m w i t h his godson before,
on t h e e d u c a t i o n a l c h a n n e l . Like 90 p e r c e n t of t h e television t h e y
w a t c h , i t c o m e s f r o m t h e s o u t h a n d is s h o w n d u b b e d i n t o Y i d d i s h .
It c o n c e r n s t h e a d v e n t u r e s of a pair of children w i t h Jewish names
w h o look like t h e y m i g h t b e p a r t Indian a n d have n o visible p a r e n t s .
T h e y d o h a v e a c r y s t a l l i n e magical d r a g o n scale t h a t t h e y wish on
in o r d e r t o travel t o a l a n d of p a s t e l d r a g o n s , each d i s t i n g u i s h e d
b y its color a n d its p a r t i c u l a r b r a n d of imbecility Little b y little,
t h e children spend m o r e and m o r e time with their magical dragon
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 39

scale u n t i l o n e d a y t h e y t r a v e l off t o t h e l a n d o f r a i n b o w i d i o c y
and never r e t u r n ; t h e i r bodies are found b y t h e n i g h t m a n a g e r of
t h e i r c h e a p flop, e a c h w i t h a b u l l e t i n t h e b a c k o f t h e h e a d . M a y b e ,
L a n d s m a n t h i n k s , s o m e t h i n g gets lost in t h e t r a n s l a t i o n .
" S t i l l w a n t t o b e a n o z w h e n y o u g r o w u p ? " L a n d s m a n says.
"Like your dad and your uncle Meyer?"
" Y e s , " G o l d y says w i t h o u t e n t h u s i a s m . " Y o u b e t I d o . "
" T h a t ' s the boy."
T h e y s h a k e h a n d s a g a i n . T h i s c o n v e r s a t i o n is t h e e q u i v a l e n t o f
Landsman's kissing t h e m e z u z a h , t h e k i n d of t h i n g t h a t s t a r t s o u t
as a j o k e a n d e n d s u p as a s t r a p t o h a n g o n t o .
" Y o u t a k i n g u p c h e s s ? " E s t e r - M a l k e says w h e n h e w a l k s b a c k
into the kitchen.
" G o d f o r b i d , " says L a n d s m a n . H e c l i m b s u p o n t o h i s s t o o l a n d
struggles^with t h e tiny p a w n s and k n i g h t s a n d kings of t h e travel
s e t , s e t t i n g t h e m u p t o r e f l e c t t h e b o a r d left b e h i n d b y t h e s o - c a l l e d
E m a n u e l Lasker. H e has a h a r d t i m e telling t h e pieces a p a r t , b u t
e v e r y t i m e h e h o l d s o n e u p t o h i s face t o g e t a g o o d l o o k a t i t , h e
drops it.
" S t o p l o o k i n g a t m e t h a t w a y , " h e says t o E s t e r - M a l k e , j u s t
guessing. " I d o n ' t like i t . "
" D a m n it, M e y e r , " she says, w a t c h i n g his h a n d s . " Y o u have t h e
shakes."
" I d i d n ' t s l e e p all n i g h t . "
"Uh-huh."
T h e t h i n g a b o u t E s t e r - M a l k e T a y t s h is t h a t b e f o r e s h e w e n t
b a c k t o school, b e c a m e a social w o r k e r , a n d m a r r i e d B e r k o , she
e n j o y e d a b r i e f b u t d i s t i n g u i s h e d c a r e e r as a S o u t h S i t k a f u c k u p .
She has a c o u p l e of s m a l l - b o r e criminals in h e r p a s t , a r e g r e t t e d
t a t t o o o n h e r belly, a n d a b r i d g e i n h e r j a w , a s o u v e n i r o f t h e l a s t
m a n t o m i s t r e a t her. L a n d s m a n h a s k n o w n h e r l o n g e r t h a n B e r k o
has, h a v i n g b u s t e d h e r on a v a n d a l i s m c h a r g e w h e n she w a s still
in h i g h s c h o o l . E s t e r - M a l k e u n d e r s t a n d s h o w t o h a n d l e a l o s e r , b y
i n t u i t i o n a n d h a b i t , a n d w i t h o u t a n y of t h e r e p r o a c h she b r i n g s
4D MICHAEL CHABDN

t o bear on h e r o w n w a s t e d y o u t h . She goes to t h e refrigerator and

t a k e s o u t a b o t t l e o f B r u n e r A d l e r , p o p s t h e t o p , a n d h a n d s it t o
L a n d s m a n . H e rolls it a g a i n s t his sleepless t e m p l e s , t h e n takes a
l o n g swallow.
"So," h e says, feeling b e t t e r in an i n s t a n t . " Y o u ' r e l a t e ? "
S h e p u t s o n a h a l f - t h e a t r i c a l e x p r e s s i o n o f g u i l t , g o e s for t h e
p r e g n a n c y - t e s t stick, t h e n leaves h e r h a n d in t h e p o c k e t , c l u t c h i n g
t h e stick w i t h o u t taking it out. L a n d s m a n k n o w s , because she has
broached the subject once or twice, that Ester-Malke worries he
m i g h t e n v y h e r a n d Berko t h e i r successful p r o g r a m of b r e e d i n g
a n d t h e i r t w o fine s o n s . L a n d s m a n d o e s , a t t i m e s , w i t h b i t t e r n e s s .
B u t w h e n she brings it u p , h e generally b o t h e r s t o d e n y it.
" S h i t , " h e says as a b i s h o p g o e s s k i t t e r i n g a c r o s s t h e floor a n d
disappears under the bar counter.
" W a s it a black o n e or a w h i t e ? "
"Black. A bishop. Shit. It's g o n e . "
E s t e r - M a l k e goes to t h e spice rack, t i g h t e n s t h e w a i s t b a n d of
h e r r o b e , s t u d i e s h e r o p t i o n s . " H e r e , " s h e says. S h e t a k e s o u t a j a r
of chocolate sprinkles, unscrews it, tips one into her palm, and
h a n d s it t o L a n d s m a n . " U s e t h a t . "
L a n d s m a n is k n e e l i n g o n t h e g r o u n d u n d e r t h e c o u n t e r . He
finds t h e m i s s i n g b i s h o p a n d m a n a g e s t o p o k e it i n t o its hole at h 6 .
E s t e r - M a l k e p u t s t h e jar b a c k in t h e c a b i n e t a n d r e t u r n s her r i g h t
h a n d to t h e m y s t e r y of her b a t h r o b e pocket.
L a n d s m a n e a t s t h e c h o c o l a t e s p r i n k l e . " B e r k o k n o w s ? " h e says.
E s t e r - M a l k e s h a k e s h e r h e a d , h i d i n g b e h i n d h e r hair. "It's
n o t h i n g , " s h e says.
"Officially n o t h i n g ? "
She shrugs.
" D i d n ' t you look at t h e t e s t ? "
" I ' m afraid t o . "
" Y o u ' r e a f r a i d t o w h a t ? " says B e r k o , a p p e a r i n g a t t h e d o o r t o
the kitchen with young Pinchas Taytsh-Shemets—inevitably,
P i n k y — t u c k e d i n t o t h e c r o o k of his r i g h t a r m . A m o n t h ago t h e y
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 41

m a d e a p a r t y for t h e k i d , w i t h a c a k e a n d a c a n d l e . S o , L a n d s m a n
r e c k o n s , t h a t w i l l b r i n g i n t h e t h i r d T a y t s h - S h e m e t s , if any, a t
a r o u n d t w e n t y - o n e , t w e n t y - t w o m o n t h s after t h e second. And
seven m o n t h s after Reversion. Seven m o n t h s i n t o t h e unknown
world to come. A n o t h e r d i m i n u t i v e p r i s o n e r of h i s t o r y a n d fate,
a n o t h e r p o t e n t i a l M e s s i a h — f o r M e s s i a h , s a y t h e e x p e r t s , is b o r n
i n t o e v e r y g e n e r a t i o n — t o fill t h e sails o f E l i j a h t h e Prophet's
d e m e n t e d caravel of d r e a m s . Ester-Malke's h a n d e m e r g e s from
her p o c k e t w i t h o u t t h e p r e g n a n c y t e s t , a n d she gives L a n d s m a n a
South Sitka high sign w i t h o n e arched eyebrow.
"Afraid t o h e a r w h a t I h a d t o e a t y e s t e r d a y , " L a n d s m a n says. B y
w a y o f c r e a t i n g a d i v e r s i o n , h e t a k e s L a s k e r ' s c o p y o f Three Hundred
Chess Games o u t o f t h e o t h e r h i p p o c k e t o f h i s j a c k e t a n d lays i t o n
the bar beside the chessboard.
" T h i s is a b o u t y o u r d e a d j u n k i e ? " B e r k o s a y s , e y e i n g t h e b o a r d .
" E m a n u e l L a s k e r , " L a n d s m a n says. " B u t t h a t w a s j u s t a n a m e
in t h e r e g i s t r a t i o n . W e f o u n d n o k i n d o f I D o n h i m a t a l l . W e d o n ' t
know who he was yet."
" E m a n u e l L a s k e r . I feel I k n o w t h e n a m e . " B e r k o s q u e e z e s s i d e w a y s
i n t o t h e k i t c h e n in his suit p a n t s a n d shirtsleeves. T h e p a n t s are
heather-gray merino with double pleats, the shirt white on white. A t
his t h r o a t , t i e d w i t h a h a n d s o m e k n o t , h a n g s a n a v y n e c k t i e p a t t e r n e d
w i t h o r a n g e b l o b s . T h e t i e is e x t r a l o n g , t h e t r o u s e r s c a p a c i o u s a n d
h e l d u p b y n a v y s u s p e n d e r s t a x e d b y t h e s p a n a n d t h e a r c o f h i s belly.
U n d e r t h e shirt he wears t h e fringed four-corner, a n d a t r i m blue
y a r m u l k e perches on t h e glossy black furze at t h e b a c k of his h e a d ,
b u t n o b e a r d will g r o w o n h i s c h i n . T h e r e is n o t a b e a r d t o b e f o u n d
o n t h e c h i n s o f a n y o f t h e m e n in h i s m a t e r n a l family, r e a c h i n g b a c k
all t h e way, n o d o u b t , t o t h e t i m e w h e n R a v e n c r e a t e d e v e r y t h i n g
( a p a r t from t h e s u n , w h i c h h e s t o l e ) . B e r k o S h e m e t s is o b s e r v a n t ,
b u t in h i s o w n w a y a n d for h i s o w n r e a s o n s . H e is a m i n o t a u r , a n d t h e
w o r l d o f J e w s is h i s l a b y r i n t h .

H e c a m e t o live w i t h t h e L a n d s m a n s in t h e h o u s e o n A d l e r
S t r e e t o n a d a y in l a t e s p r i n g 1 9 8 1 , a s h a m b l i n g g i a n t b o y k n o w n ,
42 MICHAEL CHABON

in t h e Sea M o n s t e r H o u s e of t h e R a v e n M o i e t y of t h e L o n g h a i r
T r i b e , as J o h n n y " t h e J e w " Bear. H e s t o o d five feet n i n e i n c h e s i n
his m u k l u k s t h a t a f t e r n o o n , t h i r t e e n years old a n d only an inch
shorter t h a n L a n d s m a n at eighteen. U n t i l t h a t m o m e n t no one had
ever m e n t i o n e d t h i s b o y t o L a n d s m a n or his little sister. N o w t h e
kid was g o i n g t o b e sleeping in t h e b e d r o o m t h a t h a d o n c e served
M e y e r a n d N a o m i ' s f a t h e r as K l e i n b o t t l e for t h e i n f i n i t e l o o p o f
his insomnia.
" W h o t h e h e l l a r e y o u ? " L a n d s m a n a s k e d h i m as t h e k i d s t o l e
sideways i n t o t h e living r o o m . T w i s t i n g a billed c a p in his h a n d s ,
t a k i n g e v e r y t h i n g in w i t h his d a r k , a l l - c o n s u m i n g gaze. H e r t z and
Freydl w e r e s t a n d i n g o u t on t h e front walk, screaming at each
other. Apparently, Landsman's uncle had neglected to mention to
his sister t h a t his son w a s c o m i n g t o live at h e r h o u s e .
" M y n a m e is J o h n n y B e a r , " B e r k o s a i d . " I ' m p a r t o f t h e S h e m e t s
Collection."
H e r t z Shemets remains a noted expert on Tlingit art and
artifacts. A t one t i m e this h o b b y or pastime sent him wandering
deeper and farther into the Indianer-Lands than any other Jew
of his g e n e r a t i o n . So, yes, his s t u d y of N a t i v e c u l t u r e a n d his
t r i p s i n t o t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s w e r e a b e a r d for h i s COINTELPRO
w o r k d u r i n g t h e s i x t i e s . B u t t h e y w e r e n o t only a b e a r d . Hertz
S h e m e t s w a s d r a w n t o t h e I n d i a n w a y o f life. H e l e a r n e d t o gaff a
seal w i t h a s t e e l h o o k , t h r o u g h t h e e y e , a n d t o s l a u g h t e r a n d p u t
u p a b e a r , a n d t o e n j o y t h e flavor o f c a n d l e f i s h g r e a s e as m u c h as
t h a t of schmaltz. A n d he fathered a child on Miss Laurie Jo Bear
of H o o n a h . W h e n she was killed d u r i n g t h e so-called Synagogue
R i o t s , h e r half-Jew son, an object of t o r m e n t a n d scorn a m o n g t h e
R a v e n M o i e t y , a p p e a l e d for r e s c u e t o t h e f a t h e r h e b a r e l y k n e w . I t
w a s a ZTPischenzug, a n u n e x p e c t e d m o v e i n t h e o r d e r l y u n f o l d i n g o f
a g a m e . I t c a u g h t U n c l e H e r t z off g u a r d .

" W h a t are y o u going to do, t u r n h i m away?" he yelled at

L a n d s m a n ' s m o t h e r . " T h e y ' r e m a k i n g h i s life a l i v i n g h e l l u p t h e r e .
H i s m o t h e r is d e a d . M u r d e r e d b y J e w s . "
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 43

In fact, eleven N a t i v e A l a s k a n s w e r e killed in t h e r i o t i n g t h a t

followed t h e b o m b i n g of a p r a y e r h o u s e t h a t a g r o u p of J e w s h a d
b u i l t on d i s p u t e d land. T h e r e are p o c k e t s in t h e s e islands w h e r e
t h e m a p d r a w n b y H a r o l d Ickes falters a n d gives way, dotted
s t r e t c h e s of t h e Line. M o s t of t h e m are t o o r e m o t e or m o u n t a i n o u s
t o b e i n h a b i t e d , frozen or flooded y e a r - r o u n d . B u t s o m e of t h e s e
c r o s s h a t c h e d p a t c h e s , choice a n d level a n d t e m p e r a t e , h a v e p r o v e d
irresistible over t h e years t o t h e J e w s in t h e i r millions. J e w s w a n t
livable space. In t h e seventies s o m e of t h e m , m o s t l y m e m b e r s of
small O r t h o d o x sects, b e g a n t o t a k e it.
T h e c o n s t r u c t i o n of a prayer h o u s e at St. Cyril b y t h e splinter
f r o m a s p l i n t e r o f a s e c t f r o m L i s i a n s k i w a s t h e final o u t r a g e for
m a n y Natives. It was m e t w i t h d e m o n s t r a t i o n s , rallies, lawyers,
a n d d a r k r u m b l i n g s from C o n g r e s s over y e t a n o t h e r affront to
peace and p a r i t y by t h e overweening Jews of t h e n o r t h . T w o days
before its consecration, s o m e b o d y — n o o n e ever c a m e forward or
was c h a r g e d — t h r e w a double Molotov t h r o u g h a window, b u r n i n g
the prayer house to its concrete pad. T h e c o n g r e g a n t s and their
s u p p o r t e r s s w a r m e d i n t o t h e t o w n of St. Cyril, s m a s h i n g c r a b
traps, breaking t h e w i n d o w s of t h e Alaska N a t i v e Brotherhood
h a l l , a n d s e t t i n g s p e c t a c u l a r fire t o a s h e d f u l o f R o m a n c a n d l e s a n d
c h e r r y b o m b s . T h e driver of a t r u c k l o a d of a n g r y yids lost c o n t r o l
of t h e w h e e l a n d p l o w e d i n t o t h e g r o c e r y s t o r e w h e r e L a u r i e Jo
w o r k e d as a c h e c k e r , k i l l i n g h e r i n s t a n t l y . T h e S y n a g o g u e R i o t s
r e m a i n t h e lowest m o m e n t in t h e b i t t e r a n d inglorious h i s t o r y of
Tlingit-Jewish relations.

" I s t h a t m y f a u l t ? Is t h a t m y p r o b l e m ? " L a n d s m a n ' s mother

y e l l e d b a c k . " A n I n d i a n l i v i n g i n m y h o u s e , t h a t is s o m e t h i n g I d o
not need!"
T h e c h i l d r e n l i s t e n e d t o t h e m for a w h i l e , J o h n n y B e a r s t a n d i n g
in t h e d o o r w a y , k i c k i n g a t h i s duffel b a g w i t h t h e t o e o f his
sneaker.
"Good thing you don't speak Yiddish," Landsman told the
y o u n g e r boy.
44 MICHAEL CHABON

" I d o n ' t n e e d t o , d i c k w a d , " s a i d J o h n n y t h e Jew. " I b e e n h e a r i n g

t h i s s h i t all m y l i f e . "
After t h e t h i n g was s e t t l e d — a n d it h a d been settled before
L a n d s m a n ' s m o t h e r e v e r s t a r t e d w i t h t h e y e l l i n g — H e r t z c a m e in
t o say g o o d b y e . H i s son h a d t w o inches on h i m . W h e n h e t o o k t h e
b o y i n h i s a r m s for a q u i c k stiff h u g , i t l o o k e d l i k e t h e s i d e c h a i r
w a s e m b r a c i n g t h e c o u c h . T h e n h e s t e p p e d away.
" I ' m sorry, J o h n , " h e said. H e g r i p p e d his son b y t h e ears and
h e l d o n t i g h t . H e s c a n n e d t h e b o y ' s face l i k e a t e l e g r a m . " I w a n t
you to k n o w that. I d o n ' t w a n t you ever to look at m e and think
t h a t I ' m feeling a n y t h i n g b u t sorry."
" I w a n t t o live w i t h y o u , " said t h e b o y tonelessly.
"So you have m e n t i o n e d . " T h e words were harsh and the manner
c a l l o u s , b u t all a t o n c e — i t s h o c k e d t h e h e l l o u t o f L a n d s m a n —
t h e r e w a s a s h i n e of t e a r s in U n c l e H e r t z ' s eyes. " I ' m w e l l - k n o w n ,
J o h n , as a c o m p l e t e s o n o f a b i t c h . Y o u ' d b e w o r s e off w i t h m e t h a n
living in t h e s t r e e t . " H e looked a r o u n d his sister's living r o o m ,
t h e p l a s t i c slipcovers on t h e f u r n i t u r e , t h e a r t like b a r b e d wire, t h e
a b s t r a c t m e n o r a h . " G o d k n o w s w h a t t h e y ' l l m a k e of y o u h e r e . "
"A J e w , " s a i d J o h n n y B e a r , a n d i t w a s h a r d t o t e l l w h e t h e r h e
m e a n t i t as a b o a s t o r a p r e d i c t i o n o f r u i n . " L i k e y o u . "
" T h a t s e e m s u n l i k e l y , " H e r t z said. " I ' d like t o see t h e m m a n a g e
that. Goodbye, John."
H e gave N a o m i a p a t on t h e head. Just before he w e n t out,
he stopped to shake hands with Landsman. " H e l p your cousin,
Meyerle, he's going to need it."
" H e looks like h e can h e l p himself."
" H e does, d o e s n ' t h e ? " said U n c l e H e r t z . " T h a t at least he gets
from m e . "
N o w B e r S h e m e t s , as h e c a m e i n t i m e t o s t y l e h i m s e l f , lives
l i k e a J e w , w e a r s a s k u l l c a p a n d f o u r - c o r n e r l i k e a Jew. H e r e a s o n s
as a J e w , w o r s h i p s as a J e w , f a t h e r s a n d l o v e s h i s wife a n d s e r v e s
t h e p u b l i c as a Jew. H e s p i n s t h e o r y w i t h h i s h a n d s , k e e p s k o s h e r ,
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 45

and sports a penis c u t (his father saw t o it before a b a n d o n i n g t h e

infant Bear) on t h e bias. B u t t o look at, he's p u r e T l i n g i t . T a r t a r
e y e s , d e n s e b l a c k h a i r , b r o a d face b u i l t for j o y b u t t r a i n e d i n t h e
craft of sorrow. T h e Bears a r e a b i g p e o p l e , a n d Berko s t a n d s t w o
m e t e r s t a l l i n h i s s o c k s a n d w e i g h s i n a t 110 k i l o g r a m s . H e h a s a b i g
h e a d , b i g f e e t , b i g b e l l y a n d h a n d s . E v e r y t h i n g a b o u t B e r k o is b i g
e x c e p t for t h e b a b y i n h i s a r m s , s m i l i n g s h y l y a t L a n d s m a n w i t h h i s
t h a t c h o f b l a c k h o r s e h a i r s t a n d i n g u p l i k e m a g n e t i z e d i r o n filings.
C u t e as a b u t t o n , L a n d s m a n w o u l d b e t h e f i r s t t o a c k n o w l e d g e ,
b u t even after a year, t h e sight of P i n k y still p u t s a d e n t in t h e
soft p l a c e b e h i n d L a n d s m a n ' s s t e r n u m . P i n k y w a s b o r n e x a c t l y t w o
years after D j a n g o ' s d u e d a t e — S e p t e m b e r 22.

"Emanuel Lasker was a famous chess player," L a n d s m a n informs

B e r k o , w h o t a k e s a m u g o f coffee f r o m E s t e r - M a l k e a n d f r o w n s i n t o
t h e s t e a m . "A G e r m a n Jew. I n t h e t e e n s a n d t w e n t i e s . " H e s p e n t
t h e h o u r b e t w e e n five a n d six a t h i s c o m p u t e r i n t h e d e s o l a t e s q u a d
r o o m , s e e i n g w h a t h e c o u l d t u r n u p . "A m a t h e m a t i c i a n . L o s t t o
C a p a b l a n c a , like e v e r y b o d y else b a c k t h e n . T h e b o o k w a s in t h e
room. A n d a chessboard, set u p t h a t way."
Berko has h e a v y eyelids, soulful, b r u i s e d - l o o k i n g , b u t when
he d r o p s t h e m d o w n over t h o s e p o p eyes, it's like t h e b e a m of a
f l a s h l i g h t b l e e d i n g t h r o u g h a s l i t , a l o o k so c o l d a n d s k e p t i c a l i t c a n
lead i n n o c e n t m e n t o d o u b t t h e i r o w n alibis.
"And y o u feel," h e says, w i t h a significant glance at t h e b o t t l e of
b e e r in L a n d s m a n ' s h a n d , " t h a t t h e c o n f i g u r a t i o n of pieces o n t h e
b o a r d , w h a t ? " T h e s l i t d r a w s n a r r o w e r , t h e b e a m flares b r i g h t e r .
" E n c o d e s t h e n a m e of his killer?"
" I n t h e a l p h a b e t o f A t l a n t i s , " L a n d s m a n says.
"Uh-huh."
" T h e J e w p l a y e d c h e s s . A n d h e t i e d off w i t h t e f l l l i n . And
somebody killed h i m w i t h a great deal of care a n d discretion. I
d o n ' t know. M a y b e t h e r e ' s n o t h i n g in t h e chess angle. I c a n ' t g e t
a n y t h i n g o u t of it. I w e n t t h r o u g h t h e w h o l e b o o k , b u t I c o u l d n ' t
46 MICHAEL CHABON

f i g u r e o u t w h i c h g a m e h e w a s p l a y i n g . If any. T h o s e d i a g r a m s , I
don't know, I get a headache looking at them. I get a headache just
looking at t h e board, a curse on i t . "
L a n d s m a n ' s v o i c e c o m e s o u t s o u n d i n g e v e r y b i t as h o l l o w a n d
h o p e l e s s as h e feels, w h i c h w a s n o t h i s i n t e n t i o n a t all. B e r k o l o o k s
o v e r t h e t o p o f P i n k y ' s h e a d a t h i s w i f e , t o s e e if h e r e a l l y n e e d s t o
worry about Landsman.
" T e l l y o u w h a t , M e y e r . I f y o u p u t d o w n t h a t b e e r , " B e r k o says,
t r y i n g a n d failing n o t t o s o u n d like a p o l i c e m a n , "I'll let y o u hold
this nice baby. H o w a b o u t that? L o o k at h i m . L o o k at t h o s e thighs,
c o m e o n . Y o u h a v e t o s q u e e z e t h e m . P u t d o w n t h e b e e r , all r i g h t ?
A n d h o l d t h i s n i c e b a b y for a m i n u t e . "
" H e is a n i c e b a b y , " L a n d s m a n says. H e r e m o v e s a n o t h e r i n c h
of beer from t h e b o t t l e . T h e n he p u t s it d o w n , a n d s h u t s u p , and
takes t h e baby, a n d smells h i m , a n d does t h e usual injury to his
h e a r t . P i n k y smells like y o g u r t a n d l a u n d r y soap. A h i n t of his
father's b a y r u m . L a n d s m a n carries t h e b a b y t o t h e d o o r w a y of t h e
k i t c h e n , a n d t r i e s n o t t o i n h a l e , a n d w a t c h e s as E s t e r - M a l k e p e e l s
a s h e e t o f waffles f r o m t h e i r o n . S h e is u s i n g a n o l d W e s t i n g h o u s e
w i t h B a k é l i t e h a n d l e s in t h e s h a p e of leaves. It can b l a s t o u t four
c r i s p waffles a t a t i m e .
"Buttermilk?" Berko says, studying the chessboard now,
s t r o k i n g a finger a l o n g h i s h e a v y u p p e r l i p .
" W h a t e l s e ? " E s t e r - M a l k e says.
"Real, or milk with vinegar?"
"We did a double-blind test, Berko." Ester-Malke hands
L a n d s m a n a p l a t e o f waffles i n e x c h a n g e for h e r y o u n g e r s o n , a n d
e v e n t h o u g h h e d o e s n ' t feel l i k e e a t i n g , L a n d s m a n is h a p p y t o m a k e
t h e t r a d e . "You can't tell t h e difference, r e m e m b e r ? "
" W e l l , h e c a n ' t p l a y c h e s s , e i t h e r , " L a n d s m a n says. " B u t l o o k a t
him pretending."
" F u c k y o u , M e y e r , " B e r k o says. " O k a y , n o w , s e r i o u s l y , w h i c h
p i e c e is t h e b a t t l e s h i p ? "
T h e family chess m a d n e s s had b u r n e d o u t or redirected its
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 47

energies b y t h e t i m e Berko c a m e t o live w i t h L a n d s m a n a n d his

m o t h e r . I s i d o r L a n d s m a n h a d b e e n d e a d for six y e a r s , a n d H e r t z
S h e m e t s h a d t r a n s f e r r e d his skills a t f e i n t i n g a n d a t t a c k t o a m u c h
larger chessboard. T h a t m e a n t t h e r e was no one t o teach Berko t h e
g a m e b u t L a n d s m a n , a d u t y t h a t L a n d s m a n carefully neglected.
" B u t t e r ? " E s t e r - M a l k e says. S h e l a d l e s f r e s h b a t t e r i n t o the
cells o f t h e waffle i r o n w h i l e P i n k y s i t s o n h e r h i p a n d offers h i s
unsolicited advice.
"No butter."
"Syrup?"
" N o syrup."
" Y o u d o n ' t r e a l l y w a n t a waffle, d o y o u , M e y e r ? " B e r k o says. H e
a b a n d o n s t h e p r e t e n s e of s t u d y i n g t h e b o a r d a n d m o v e s o n t o t h e
v o l u m e b y S i e g b e r t T a r r a s c h as if h e w i l l b e a b l e t o m a k e h e a d s o r
tails of t h a t .
"Not i n all h o n e s t y , " L a n d s m a n says. " B u t I k n o w that I
should."
E s t e r - M a l k e e a s e s t h e lid o f t h e i r o n d o w n o n t o t h e g r i d s o f
b a t t e r . " I ' m p r e g n a n t , " s h e says i n a m i l d t o n e .
" W h a t ? " Berko says, l o o k i n g u p from t h e b o o k of orderly
surprises. " F u c k ! " T h i s word is s p o k e n in A m e r i c a n , Berko's
p r e f e r r e d l a n g u a g e for s w e a r i n g a n d h a r s h t a l k . H e s t a r t s w o r k i n g
over t h e stick of i m a g i n a r y c h e w i n g g u m t h a t s e e m s t o a p p e a r in
his m o u t h w h e n e v e r he's g e t t i n g r e a d y t o blow. " T h a t ' s g r e a t , Es.
T h a t ' s j u s t great. You k n o w ? Because t h e r e ' s still o n e fucking d e s k
d r a w e r in t h i s shit-ass a p a r t m e n t t h a t d o e s n ' t h a v e a m o t h e r f u c k i n g
b a b y in i t ! "
T h e n h e r a i s e s Three Hundred Chess Games o v e r h i s h e a d and
p r e p a r e s , showily, t o h u r l it across t h e b r e a k f a s t b a r a n d into
t h e l i v i n g - d i n i n g r o o m . T h i s is t h e S h e m e t s i n h i m c o m i n g o u t .
L a n d s m a n ' s m o t h e r w a s a l s o a b i g o n e for t h e h u r l i n g o f o b j e c t s
in anger, a n d t h e h i s t r i o n i c displays of U n c l e H e r t z , t h a t cool
customer, are rare b u t legendary.
" E v i d e n c e , " L a n d s m a n r e m i n d s him. Berko raises t h e book
48 MICHAEL CHABON

higher, a n d L a n d s m a n says, " E v i d e n c e , G o d d a m n it!" a n d t h e n

Berko throws it. T h e book struggles through t h e air, pages
fluttering, a n d strikes s o m e t h i n g jingly, p r o b a b l y t h e silver spice
b o x o n t h e g l a s s - t o p p e d d i n i n g table. T h e b a b y sticks o u t his lower
lip, t h e n sticks it o u t a l i t t l e farther, t h e n h e s i t a t e s , looking from
his m o t h e r to his father a n d back. T h e n he b u r s t s into desolate
s o b s . B e r k o g l a r e s a t P i n k y as if b e t r a y e d . H e g o e s a r o u n d t h e b a r
to retrieve the mishandled evidence.
" W h a t d i d T a t e h d o ? " E s t e r - M a l k e says t o t h e b a b y , k i s s i n g h i s
c h e e k a n d s c o w l i n g a t t h e large b l a c k - e d g e d h o l e in t h e air t h a t
B e r k o h a s left b e h i n d . " D i d b a d D e t e c t i v e S u p e r - s p e r m t h r o w t h e
silly o l d b o o k ? "
"Good waffle!" Landsman says, setting down his plate
u n t o u c h e d . H e raises his voice. "Hey, Berko, I'm, uh, I t h i n k I'm
g o i n g t o w a i t d o w n in t h e car." H e swipes E s t e r - M a l k e ' s cheek w i t h
h i s l i p s . " T e l l w h a t ' s - h i s - n a m e U n c l e M e y e r l e says g o o d b y e . "
L a n d s m a n goes o u t to t h e elevators, w h e r e the wind whistles
d o w n t h e shafts. T h e n e i g h b o r , F r i e d , c o m e s o u t in his l o n g black
c o a t , h i s w h i t e h a i r c o m b e d b a c k a n d c u r l i n g a t h i s collar. F r i e d
is a n o p e r a s i n g e r , a n d t h e T a y t s h - S h e m e t s e s feel h e l o o k s d o w n
o n t h e m . B u t t h a t is o n l y b e c a u s e F r i e d h a s t o l d t h e m h e is b e t t e r
t h a n t h e y are. S i t k a n i k s generally t a k e care t o m a i n t a i n this v i e w of
t h e i r n e i g h b o r s , i n p a r t i c u l a r o f t h e N a t i v e s a n d all t h o s e w h o d w e l l
in t h e s o u t h . F r i e d a n d L a n d s m a n get i n t o t h e elevator together.
F r i e d a s k s L a n d s m a n if h e h a s f o u n d a n y d e a d b o d i e s lately, a n d
L a n d s m a n a s k s F r i e d if h e h a s m a d e a n y d e a d c o m p o s e r s t u r n o v e r
in t h e i r graves lately, a n d after t h a t , t h e y d o n ' t say a n y t h i n g m u c h .
L a n d s m a n g o e s b a c k o u t t o h i s p a r k i n g p l a c e a n d g e t s i n t o t h e car.
H e r u n s t h e e n g i n e a n d s i t s i n t h e h e a t b l o w i n g i n off t h e e n g i n e .
W i t h t h e smell of P i n k y o n his collar a n d t h e cool d r y g h o s t of
G o l d y ' s h a n d i n h i s , h e p l a y s g o a l k e e p e r as a s q u a d o f u n p r o f i t a b l e
r e g r e t s m o u n t s a steady a t t a c k on his ability to get t h r o u g h a day
w i t h o u t feeling a n y t h i n g . H e c l i m b s o u t a n d s m o k e s a p a p i r o s in
t h e rain. H e t u r n s his eyes n o r t h , across t h e marina, to t h e looping
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 49

a l u m i n u m s p i k e o n i t s w i n d s w e p t i s l a n d . O n c e m o r e h e feels a s h a r p
n o s t a l g i a for t h e fair, for t h e h e r o i c J e w i s h e n g i n e e r i n g o f t h e S a f e t y
P i n (officially t h e P r o m i s e o f S a n c t u a r y T o w e r , b u t n o b o d y c a l l s i t
t h a t ) , a n d for t h e c l e a v a g e o f t h e u n i f o r m e d l a d y w h o u s e d t o t e a r
your ticket on t h e elevator ride to t h e r e s t a u r a n t at t h e Safety Pin's
tip. T h e n h e g e t s b a c k i n t h e car. A f e w m i n u t e s l a t e r , B e r k o c o m e s
o u t of t h e b u i l d i n g a n d rolls like a b a s s d r u m i n t o t h e S u p e r S p o r t .
H e has t h e b o o k a n d t h e p o c k e t chess set in o n e h a n d , b a l a n c i n g
t h e m a t o p h i s left t h i g h .
" S o r r y a b o u t all t h a t , " h e says. " W h a t a j e r k , h u h ? "
" N o big deal."
" W e ' l l j u s t h a v e t o find a b i g g e r p l a c e . "
"Right."
"Somewhere."
"That's the trick."
"It's a blessing."
" Y o u b e t . M a z e l tov, B e r k o . "
L a n d s m a n ' s c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s a r e so i r o n i c t h a t t h e y a r e h e a r t f e l t ,
a n d t h e y a r e so h e a r t f e l t t h a t t h e y c a n o n l y c o m e off as i n s i n c e r e ,
a n d h e a n d h i s p a r t n e r s i t t h e r e for a w h i l e , n o t g o i n g a n y w h e r e ,
listening to t h e m congeal.
" E s t e r - M a l k e says s h e ' s so t i r e d , s h e d o e s n ' t e v e n remember
h a v i n g sex w i t h m e , " B e r k o says w i t h a d e e p s i g h .
"Maybe you didn't."
" I t ' s a m i r a c l e , y o u ' r e saying. L i k e t h e t a l k i n g c h i c k e n in t h e
butcher shop."
"Uh-huh."
"A s i g n a n d a p o r t e n t . "
" O n e w a y of looking at i t . "
" S p e a k i n g o f s i g n s , " B e r k o says. H e o p e n s t h e S i t k a P u b l i c
L i b r a r y ' s l o n g - m i s s i n g c o p y o f Three Hundred Chess Games t o i t s i n s i d e
back cover a n d slides t h e r e t u r n card from its p a s t e d p o c k e t . B e h i n d
t h e c a r d lies a p h o t o g r a p h , a t h r e e - b y - f i v e c o l o r s n a p s h o t , g l o s s y
w i t h a w h i t e b o r d e r . I t is t h e p i c t u r e o f a l i t e r a l s i g n , a r e c t a n g l e
50 MICHAEL CHABDN

of black plastic i n t o w h i c h are s t a m p e d t h r e e w h i t e r o m a n letters,

w i t h a s t a m p e d w h i t e a r r o w u n d e r n e a t h , p o i n t i n g t o t h e left. T h e
sign dangles on t w o l e n g t h s of slender chain from a d i r t y w h i t e
s q u a r e of acoustic tile.
"PIE," L a n d s m a n r e a d s .
" I t s e e m s t o h a v e fallen o u t i n t h e c o u r s e o f m y vigorous
e x a m i n a t i o n o f t h e e v i d e n c e , " B e r k o says. " I f i g u r e i t m u s t h a v e
been w e d g e d into t h e card pocket, or w i t h your keen shammes
vision, y o u w o u l d have noticed it. Recognize it?"
" Y e s , " L a n d s m a n says. " I k n o w i t . "
A t t h e a i r p o r t t h a t serves t h e r a w n o r t h e r n city of Y a k o v y —
t h e t e r m i n u s f r o m w h i c h y o u s e t off, if y o u a r e a J e w l o o k i n g for
m o d e s t a d v e n t u r e , i n t o t h e m o d e s t b u s h of t h e D i s t r i c t — t u c k e d
a w a y a t t h e far e n d o f t h e m a i n b u i l d i n g , a m o d e s t o p e r a t i o n offers
pie, a n d o n l y p i e , A m e r i c a n - s t y l e . T h e p l a c e is n o t h i n g m o r e t h a n
a w i n d o w t h a t o p e n s o n t o a k i t c h e n e q u i p p e d w i t h five g l e a m i n g
ovens. N e x t to the w i n d o w hangs a whiteboard, and every day the
p r o p r i e t o r s — a couple of hostile Klondikes and their mysterious
d a u g h t e r — w r i t e o u t a list of t h e day's wares: blackberry, apple
r h u b a r b , p e a c h , b a n a n a c r e a m . T h e p i e is g o o d , e v e n f a m o u s i n a
m o d e s t way. A n y b o d y w h o h a s p a s s e d t h r o u g h t h e Y a k o v y airfield
k n o w s i t , a n d t h e r e a r e r u m o r s o f p e o p l e w h o w i l l fly i n f r o m J u n e a u
or Fairbanks or farther away to eat it. Landsman's late sister was a
d e v o t e e of t h e c o c o n u t c r e a m in particular.

"So, n u , " B e r k o says. " S o w h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? "

" I k n e w i t , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h e m i n u t e I w a l k e d i n t o t h e
r o o m a n d s a w L a s k e r l y i n g t h e r e , I s a i d t o myself, L a n d s m a n , t h i s
w h o l e c a s e is g o i n g t o t u r n o n a q u e s t i o n o f p i e . "
"So y o u t h i n k it m e a n s n o t h i n g . "
" N o t h i n g m e a n s n o t h i n g , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , a n d all o f a s u d d e n
h e feels c h o k e d u p , t h r o a t s w o l l e n , e y e s b u r n i n g w i t h t e a r s . M a y b e
it's lack of sleep, or t o o m u c h t i m e s p e n t in t h e c o m p a n y of his shot
glass. O r m a y b e it's t h e s u d d e n i m a g e of N a o m i , leaning a g a i n s t a
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 51

wall o u t s i d e t h a t nameless a n d inexplicable pie shop, scarfing u p a

slice o f c o c o n u t c r e a m p i e f r o m a p a p e r p l a t e w i t h a p l a s t i c f o r k ,
eyes closed, lips p u r s e d a n d s t r e a k e d w i t h w h i t e , g r o o v i n g o n a
m o u t h f u l o f c r e a m , c r u s t a n d c u s t a r d i n a p r o f o u n d a n d a n i m a l way.
" G o d d a m n it, Berko. I wish I had s o m e of t h a t pie r i g h t now."
" I w a s t h i n k i n g t h e s a m e t h i n g , " B e r k o says.
 •3) 7

F
or twenty-seven years Sitka Central has been temporarily
h o u s e d in e l e v e n m o d u l a r b u i l d i n g s in a v a c a n t lot b e h i n d t h e
old Russian orphanage. R u m o r holds that the modulars began
life as a B i b l e c o l l e g e i n S l i d e l l , L o u i s i a n a . T h e y a r e w i n d o w l e s s ,
l o w - c e i l i n g e d , flimsy, a n d c r a m p e d . T h e v i s i t o r finds, p a c k e d i n t o
t h e H o m i c i d e m o d u l a r , a r e c e p t i o n a r e a , a n office for e a c h o f t h e t w o
d e t e c t i v e i n s p e c t o r s , a shower stall w i t h a toilet a n d sink, a squad
r o o m (four cubicles, four chairs, four t e l e p h o n e s , a c h a l k b o a r d , a n d
a r o w of mail s l o t s ) , an i n t e r r o g a t i o n h o t b o x , a n d a b r e a k r o o m .
T h e b r e a k r o o m c o m e s e q u i p p e d w i t h a coffee b r e w e r a n d a s m a l l
refrigerator. T h e b r e a k r o o m has also long h o u s e d a t h r i v i n g colony
of spores t h a t , at a p o i n t in t h e r e m o t e p a s t , s p o n t a n e o u s l y evolved
t h e form a n d a p p e a r a n c e of a love seat. B u t w h e n L a n d s m a n a n d
B e r k o p u l l i n t o t h e g r a v e l l o t b y t h e H o m i c i d e m o d u l a r , a p a i r of
Filipino c u s t o d i a n s are lugging o u t t h e m o n s t r o u s fungus.
" I t ' s m o v i n g , " B e r k o says.

P e o p l e h a v e b e e n t h r e a t e n i n g for y e a r s t o g e t r i d o f t h e sofa,
b u t i t is a s h o c k t o L a n d s m a n t o s e e i t finally o n i t s way. E n o u g h
of a shock t h a t it takes h i m a second or t w o t o register t h e w o m a n
s t a n d i n g a l o n g s i d e t h e s t e p s . S h e is h o l d i n g a b l a c k u m b r e l l a a n d
wearing a bright orange parka with a blazing dyed-green ruff
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 53

o f s y n t h e t i c fur. H e r r i g h t a r m is r a i s e d , i n d e x finger extended

t o w a r d t h e t r a s h b i n s , like a p a i n t i n g of t h e angel M i c h a e l c a s t i n g
A d a m a n d Eve from t h e G a r d e n . A lock of c o r k s c r e w i n g r e d h a i r
h a s s p r u n g free o f t h e g r e e n fur r u f f a n d d a n g l e s d o w n o v e r h e r
face. T h i s is a c h r o n i c p r o b l e m for h e r . W h e n s h e is k n e e l i n g t o
e x a m i n e a d o u b t f u l s t a i n o n t h e floor o f a c r i m e s c e n e , o r s t u d y i n g
a p h o t o g r a p h u n d e r a loupe, she has to blow t h a t lock of hair o u t
of t h e w a y w i t h a s h a r p , i r r i t a t e d puff of b r e a t h .
N o w s h e is s c o w l i n g a t t h e S u p e r S p o r t as L a n d s m a n c u t s t h e
engine. She lowers h e r a l l - b a n i s h i n g h a n d . F r o m this d i s t a n c e , it
l o o k s t o L a n d s m a n as if t h e l a d y is t h r e e o r f o u r c u p s t h e w o r s e for
s t r o n g coffee, a n d s o m e b o d y h a s a l r e a d y p i s s e d h e r off o n c e t h i s
m o r n i n g , m a y b e t w i c e . L a n d s m a n w a s m a r r i e d t o h e r for t w e l v e
y e a r s , w o r k i n g t h e s a m e H o m i c i d e s q u a d for five. H e is s e n s i t i v e
to her moods.
" T e l l m e y o u d i d n ' t k n o w a b o u t t h i s , " h e says t o B e r k o , c u t t i n g
the engine.
" I s t i l l d o n ' t k n o w a b o u t i t , " B e r k o says. " I ' m h o p i n g if I c l o s e
m y e y e s for a s e c o n d a n d t h e n o p e n t h e m a g a i n , i t ' s g o i n g t o t u r n
out not to be true."
L a n d s m a n t r i e s i t . " N o d i c e , " h e says w i t h r e g r e t , a n d g e t s o u t
o f t h e car. " G i v e u s a m i n u t e . "
" P l e a s e , t a k e all t h e t i m e y o u w a n t . "
Landsman requires ten seconds to cross t h e gravel lot. Bina
l o o k s h a p p y t o s e e h i m for a c o u n t o f t h r e e , f o l l o w e d b y a t w o - c o u n t
o f l o o k i n g a n x i o u s a n d lovely. S h e p l a y s o u t t h e l a s t five s e c o n d s b y
l o o k i n g r e a d y t o m i x i t u p w i t h L a n d s m a n , if t h a t ' s h o w h e w a n t s
t h i n g s t o go.
" W h a t t h e fuck?" L a n d s m a n says, h a t i n g t o d i s a p p o i n t her.
" T w o m o n t h s o f e x - w i f e , " B i n a says. " A f t e r t h a t , i t ' s a n y b o d y ' s
guess."
J u s t a f t e r t h e i r d i v o r c e c a m e t h r o u g h , B i n a h e a d e d s o u t h for
a y e a r , e n r o l l i n g i n s o m e k i n d o f l e a d e r s h i p t r a i n i n g p r o g r a m for
w o m e n police detectives. O n her r e t u r n , she accepted t h e lofty
54 MICHAEL CHABON

p o s t of d e t e c t i v e i n s p e c t o r at t h e Yakovy H o m i c i d e Section. T h e r e
she found s t i m u l u s a n d fulfillment leading investigations i n t o t h e
h y p o t h e r m i a deaths of u n e m p l o y e d salmon fishermen amid the
d r a i n a g e channels of t h e Venice of N o r t h w e s t Chichagof Island.
L a n d s m a n h a s n ' t seen her since his sister's funeral, and he gathers
from t h e p i t y i n g look she gives his old chassis t h a t he has gone
f u r t h e r d o w n h i l l in t h e m o n t h s since t h e n .
" A r e n ' t y o u h a p p y t o s e e m e , M e y e r ? " s h e says. " Y o u d o n ' t say
anything about my parka?"
" I t ' s e x t r e m e l y o r a n g e , " L a n d s m a n says.
" Y o u n e e d t o b e v i s i b l e u p t h e r e , " s h e says. " I n t h e w o o d s . O r
they'll think you're a bear and shoot you."
"It's a nice color on y o u , " L a n d s m a n hears himself manage.
"Goes with your eyes."
B i n a a c c e p t s a c o m p l i m e n t as if i t ' s a c a n o f s o d a t h a t she
suspects h i m of h a v i n g shaken. "So y o u ' r e saying y o u ' r e s u r p r i s e d , "
s h e says.
"I'm surprised."
"You didn't hear about Felsenfeld?"
"It's Felsenfeld. W h a t w o u l d I h e a r ? " H e recalls Shpringer
having asked h i m t h e same question t h e n i g h t before, and n o w
t h e i n s i g h t c o m e s t o h i m w i t h a k e e n n e s s w o r t h y of t h e m a n w h o
c a u g h t P o d o l s k y t h e H o s p i t a l Killer. " F e l s e n f e l d s k i p p e d . "
" T u r n e d i n h i s b a d g e t w o n i g h t s a g o . Left for Melbourne,
A u s t r a l i a , l a s t n i g h t . H i s w i f e ' s s i s t e r lives t h e r e . "
" A n d n o w I h a v e t o w o r k for y o u ? " H e k n o w s i t c a n ' t h a v e
b e e n B i n a ' s i d e a ; a n d t h e m o v e , e v e n if i t ' s o n l y for t w o m o n t h s , is
u n q u e s t i o n a b l y a p r o m o t i o n for h e r . B u t h e c a n ' t q u i t e b e l i e v e t h a t
she c o u l d p e r m i t such a t h i n g — t h a t she w o u l d b e able t o s t a n d it.
"That's impossible."
" A n y t h i n g is p o s s i b l e n o w a d a y s , " B i n a says. " I r e a d i t i n t h e
newspaper."
A l l a t o n c e t h e l i n e s o f h e r face a r e s m o o t h e d o v e r , a n d h e sees
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 55

w h a t a s t r a i n i t is for h e r s t i l l t o b e a r o u n d h i m , h o w r e l i e v e d s h e is
when Berko Shemets walks up.
" E v e r y o n e is h e r e ! " s h e says.
When Landsman turns around he finds his p a r t n e r standing
right b e h i n d him. Berko o w n s considerable p o w e r s of s t e a l t h t h a t ,
naturally, h e a t t r i b u t e s t o his I n d i a n forebears. L a n d s m a n likes t o
ascribe t h e m t o powerful forces of surface t e n s i o n , t h e w a y Berko's
e n o r m o u s s n o w s h o e feet w a r p t h e e a r t h .
" W e l l , w e l l , w e l l , " B e r k o says g e n i a l l y . F r o m t h e first t i m e t h a t
L a n d s m a n b r o u g h t Bina h o m e , she a n d Berko s e e m e d t o share an
u n d e r s t a n d i n g of, a n a n g l e o n , a l a u g h a t t h e e x p e n s e o f L a n d s m a n ,
t h e funny little s o r e h e a d in t h e last p a n e l of a c o m i c s t r i p w i t h t h e
b l a c k lily o f a n e x p l o d e d c i g a r w i l t i n g i n h i s p u s s . S h e h o l d s o u t h e r
hand, and they shake.
" W e l c o m e b a c k , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , " h e says s h e e p i s h l y .
" I n s p e c t o r , " she says, " a n d it's Gelbfish. A g a i n . "
B e r k o shuffles c a r e f u l l y t h r o u g h t h e h a n d o f f a c t s s h e h a s j u s t
d e a l t h i m . " M y m i s t a k e , " h e says. " H o w ' d y o u l i k e Y a k o v y ? "
" I t w a s all r i g h t . "
"Fun town?"
"I really w o u l d n ' t know."
"Meet anybody?"
Bina shakes her head, b l u s h i n g , t h e n b l u s h i n g m o r e deeply at
t h e t h o u g h t t h a t s h e w a s b l u s h i n g . " I j u s t w o r k e d , " s h e says. " Y o u
know me."
T h e s o d d e n p i n k m a s s o f t h e o l d sofa d i s a p p e a r s a r o u n d t h e
c o r n e r of t h e m o d u l a r , a n d L a n d s m a n e x p e r i e n c e s a n o t h e r m o m e n t
of i n s i g h t .
" T h e B u r i a l S o c i e t y is c o m i n g , " h e says. H e m e a n s t h e t r a n s i t i o n
t a s k force f r o m t h e U.S. I n t e r i o r D e p a r t m e n t , t h e a d v a n c e m e n
for R e v e r s i o n , c o m e t o w a t c h o v e r a n d p r e p a r e t h e c o r p s e for
i n t e r m e n t in t h e grave of history. For t h e p a s t year or so, t h e y have
been m u r m u r i n g their bureaucratic kaddish over every p a r t of t h e
5G MICHAEL CHABON

District bureaucracy, making inventories and recommendations.

L a y i n g t h e f o u n d a t i o n , L a n d s m a n i m a g i n e s , so t h a t w h e n a n y t h i n g
s u b s e q u e n t l y goes a w r y o r t u r n s sour, b l a m e can p l a u s i b l y b e laid
a t t h e feet of t h e J e w s .
" G e n t l e m a n n a m e d S p a d e , " s h e says. " S h o w i n g u p s o m e t i m e
Monday, T u e s d a y at t h e latest."
"Felsenfeld" L a n d s m a n says w i t h d i s g u s t . T y p i c a l t h a t t h e m a n
w o u l d slink o u t t h r e e days before a s h o m e r from t h e Burial Society
is d u e t o c o m e c a l l i n g . "A b l a c k y e a r o n h i m . "
T w o m o r e c u s t o d i a n s c o m e b a n g i n g o u t of t h e trailer, c a r r y i n g
off t h e d i v i s i o n a l p o r n o g r a p h y l i b r a r y a n d a life-size c a r d b o a r d
c u t o u t p h o t o g r a p h o f t h e p r e s i d e n t o f A m e r i c a , w i t h h i s cleft
c h i n , his golfer's t a n , his air of self-importance, w o r n lightly,
quarterback-style. T h e detectives like t o d r e s s t h e cardboard
p r e s i d e n t in lacy u n d e r p a n t s a n d p e l t h i m w i t h w a d d e d clots of
w e t toilet paper.
" T i m e t o m e a s u r e S i t k a C e n t r a l for a s h r o u d , " B e r k o says,
w a t c h i n g it go.
" Y o u d o n ' t e v e n b e g i n t o u n d e r s t a n d , " Bina says, a n d L a n d s m a n
u n d e r s t a n d s a t o n c e , f r o m t h e d a r k s e a m i n h e r v o i c e , t h a t s h e is
t r y i n g t o c o n t a i n , w i t h effort, a q u a n t u m of v e r y b a d n e w s . T h e n
Bina says, " I n s i d e , b o y s , " s o u n d i n g like e v e r y o t h e r c o m m a n d i n g
officer L a n d s m a n h a s b e e n o b l i g e d t o o b e y . A m o m e n t a g o t h e i d e a
o f h a v i n g t o s e r v e u n d e r h i s e x - w i f e e v e n for t w o m o n t h s d i d n o t
seem imaginable, b u t seeing the way she jerks her head toward the
m o d u l a r a n d o r d e r s t h e m inside gives h i m reason to h o p e t h a t his
f e e l i n g s a b o u t h e r , n o t t h a t h e s t i l l h a s any, o f c o u r s e , m i g h t t u r n
to t h e universal gray of discipline.
F o l l o w i n g c l a s s i c r e f u g e e t r a d i t i o n t h e office is as F e l s e n f e l d left
it, p h o t o g r a p h s , half-dead h o u s e p l a n t s , b o t t l e s of seltzer on t h e
file c a b i n e t n e x t t o a f a m i l y - s i z e t u b o f a n t a c i d c h e w s .
" S i t , " Bina says, g o i n g a r o u n d t o t h e r u b b e r i z e d steel d e s k
chair a n d s e t t l i n g herself i n t o it w i t h careless resolve. She t h r o w s
off t h e o r a n g e p a r k a , r e v e a l i n g a d u s t - b r o w n w o o l p a n t s u i t w o r n
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 57

over a w h i t e oxford-cloth s h i r t , an outfit m u c h m o r e in k e e p i n g

w i t h L a n d s m a n ' s idea of h o w Bina t h i n k s a b o u t clothes. H e tries
a n d fails n o t t o o b s e r v e t h e w a y h e r h e a v y b r e a s t s , e a c h o f w h o s e
moles a n d freckles h e can still p r o j e c t like c o n s t e l l a t i o n s a g a i n s t
the planetarium d o m e of his i m a g i n a t i o n , strain against the
placket a n d p o c k e t s of h e r shirt. H e a n d Berko h a n g t h e i r coats
on t h e hooks b e h i n d t h e d o o r a n d c a r r y t h e i r h a t s in t h e i r h a n d s .
T h e y each t a k e o n e of t h e r e m a i n i n g chairs. Felsenfeld's wife in
h e r p h o t o g r a p h a n d his c h i l d r e n in t h e i r s h a v e n o t g r o w n a n y less
homely since t h e last t i m e L a n d s m a n looked at t h e m . T h e salmon
a n d h a l i b u t a r e s t i l l a s t o n i s h e d t o find t h e m s e l v e s h a n g i n g d e a d a t
t h e e n d of Felsenfeld's lines.

" O k a y , l i s t e n , b o y s , " B i n a says. S h e is a w o m a n for b e l l i n g c a t s

a n d t a k i n g b u l l s b y t h e h o r n s . " W e ' r e all a w a r e o f t h e a w k w a r d n e s s
o f t h e s i t u a t i o n h e r e . I t c o u l d b e w e i r d e n o u g h if I j u s t u s e d t o
s q u a d w i t h y o u b o t h . T h e fact t h a t o n e of y o u u s e d t o b e m y
h u s b a n d , a n d t h e o t h e r o n e my, u h , cousin, well, s h i t . " T h e last
w o r d is s p o k e n i n flawless A m e r i c a n , as a r e t h e n e x t four. " K n o w
what I'm saying?"
She pauses, seeming to await a response. L a n d s m a n t u r n s to
Berko. "You w e r e t h e cousin, r i g h t ? "
Bina smiles to s h o w L a n d s m a n t h a t she d o e s n ' t t h i n k he's
p a r t i c u l a r l y funny. S h e r e a c h e s a r o u n d b e h i n d h e r a n d d r a g s o v e r
from t h e i r p l a c e o n t h e file c a b i n e t a p i l e o f p a l e b l u e file f o l d e r s ,
e a c h o f t h e m a t l e a s t h a l f a n i n c h t h i c k a n d all o f t h e m f l a g g e d w i t h
a t a b of c o u g h - s y r u p - r e d plastic. A t t h e s i g h t of it, L a n d s m a n ' s
h e a r t s i n k s , j u s t as i t d o e s w h e n b y ill c h a n c e h e h a p p e n s t o m e e t
his o w n r e g a r d in a mirror.
"See these?"
"Yes, Inspector Gelbfish," Berko says, sounding strangely
insincere. " I see t h e m . "
"Know what they are?"
" I k n o w t h e y c a n ' t b e o u r o p e n c a s e s , " L a n d s m a n says. "All
piled u p together on your d e s k . "
58 MICHAEL CHABDN

" O n e g o o d t h i n g a b o u t Y a k o v y ? " B i n a says.

T h e y await their chief's r e p o r t on her travels.
She says, " T h e r a i n . T w o h u n d r e d i n c h e s a year. R a i n s t h e s m a r t
ass r i g h t o u t of p e o p l e . E v e n y i d s . "
" T h a t ' s a l o t o f r a i n , " B e r k o says.
" N o w , j u s t l i s t e n t o m e . A n d l i s t e n carefully, p l e a s e , b e c a u s e I
w i l l b e s p e a k i n g b u l l s h i t . I n t w o m o n t h s a U.S. M a r s h a l is g o i n g
to stride i n t o this godforsaken m o d u l a r w i t h his c u t - r a t e suit and
his Sunday-school w a y of talking a n d r e q u e s t t h a t I t u r n over t h e
k e y s t o t h e f r e a k s h o w t h a t is t h e B S q u a d file c a b i n e t s , o v e r w h i c h ,
as o f t h i s m o r n i n g , i t is m y h o n o r t o p r e s i d e . " T h e y a r e t a l k e r s ,
t h e Gelbfishes, speech m a k e r s a n d r e a s o n e r s a n d aces of wheedling.
Bina's f a t h e r n e a r l y t a l k e d L a n d s m a n o u t of m a r r y i n g her. O n t h e
n i g h t b e f o r e t h e w e d d i n g . " A n d really, I s a y t h a t s i n c e r e l y . Y o u b o t h
k n o w t h a t I h a v e b e e n w o r k i n g m y a s s off m y w h o l e a d u l t life,
h o p i n g t h a t o n e d a y I'd b e f o r t u n a t e e n o u g h t o p a r k it in t h i s chair,
behind this desk, and t r y to maintain the grand Sitka Central
t r a d i t i o n t h a t e v e r y o n c e in a w h i l e w e c a t c h a m u r d e r e r a n d p u t
h i m in jail. A n d n o w h e r e I a m . U n t i l t h e first of J a n u a r y . "

" W e feel t h e s a m e w a y , B i n a , " B e r k o s a y s , s o u n d i n g m o r e s i n c e r e

this time. "Freak show and all."
L a n d s m a n s a y s t h a t i t g o e s d o u b l e for h i m .
" I a p p r e c i a t e t h a t , " s h e says. " A n d I k n o w h o w b a d y o u feel
about . . . this."
S h e r e s t s h e r l o n g , f r e c k l e d h a n d o n t h e s t a c k o f files. I f a c c u r a t e l y
g a t h e r e d , it will c o m p r i s e eleven folders, t h e oldest d a t i n g back
over t w o y e a r s . T h e r e a r e t h r e e o t h e r p a i r s of d e t e c t i v e s in t h e
H o m i c i d e s e c t i o n , a n d n o n e o f t h e m c o u l d b o a s t o f s u c h a fine, t a l l
stack of u n s o l v e d cases.
" W e ' r e c l o s e o n t h e F e y t e l , " B e r k o says. " W e ' r e j u s t w a i t i n g o n
t h e district a t t o r n e y t h e r e . A n d Pinsky. A n d t h e Zilberblat thing.
Zilberblat's m o t h e r — "
B i n a h o l d s u p h e r h a n d , c u t t i n g B e r k o off. L a n d s m a n says
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 59

n o t h i n g . H e is t o o a s h a m e d t o s p e a k . A s far as h e is c o n c e r n e d ,
t h a t p i l e o f f o l d e r s is a m o n u m e n t t o h i s r e c e n t d e c l i n e . T h a t i t ' s
n o t a n o t h e r t e n inches taller testifies t o t h e steadfastness his b i g
little cousin Berko has s h o w n in c a r r y i n g h i m .
" S t o p , " B i n a says. " J u s t s t o p r i g h t t h e r e . A n d p a y a t t e n t i o n ,
b e c a u s e t h i s is t h e p a r t w h e r e I flash m y f l u e n t g r a s p o f b u l l s h i t . "
She reaches b e h i n d her back a n d takes a sheet of p a p e r from h e r
i n - b o x , as w e l l as a n o t h e r , m u c h t h i n n e r b l u e file t h a t L a n d s m a n
recognizes at once, since he created it himself at four-thirty t h a t
morning. She reaches into t h e breast pocket of her suit jacket and
takes o u t a pair of half-glasses t h a t L a n d s m a n has n e v e r seen before.
S h e is g e t t i n g o l d , a n d h e is g e t t i n g o l d , r i g h t o n s c h e d u l e , a n d y e t
as t i m e r u i n s t h e m , t h e y a r e n o t , s t r a n g e l y e n o u g h , m a r r i e d t o
each other.
"A p o l i c y h a s b e e n f o r m u l a t e d b y t h e w i s e J e w s w h o o v e r s e e
o u r d e s t i n y as p o l i c e officers o f t h e S i t k a D i s t r i c t , " B i n a b e g i n s .
She scans t h e sheet of p a p e r w i t h an air of a g i t a t i o n , even dismay.
" I t t a k e s off f r o m t h e a d m i r a b l e p r i n c i p l e t h a t w h e n authority
is t u r n e d o v e r t o t h e U . S . M a r s h a l for S i t k a , i t w o u l d b e a n i c e
t h i n g for e v e r y o n e , n o t t o m e n t i o n p r o v i d i n g a d e q u a t e p o s t e r i o r
c o v e r a g e , if t h e r e w e r e n o a c t i v e c a s e s o u t s t a n d i n g . "
" G i v e m e a f u c k i n g b r e a k , B i n a , " B e r k o says i n A m e r i c a n . H e
h a s g r a s p e d f r o m t h e s t a r t w h a t I n s p e c t o r G e l b f i s h is g e t t i n g a t . I t
takes Landsman another m i n u t e to catch on.
" N o cases o u t s t a n d i n g , " h e r e p e a t s w i t h idiotic calm.
" T h i s policy," Bina says, " h a s b e e n given t h e c a t c h y n a m e of
'effective r e s o l u t i o n . ' Essentially, w h a t t h a t m e a n s is, y o u a r e t o
d e v o t e e x a c t l y as m u c h t i m e t o r e s o l v i n g y o u r o u t s t a n d i n g c a s e s as
t h e r e r e m a i n d a y s i n y o u r t e n u r e as h o m i c i d e d e t e c t i v e s c a r r y i n g
t h e D i s t r i c t shield. Say r o u g h l y n i n e w e e k s . You h a v e eleven cases
o u t s t a n d i n g . You can, y o u know, d i v v y it u p h o w e v e r y o u w a n t .
H o w e v e r y o u w a n t t o w o r k i t , t h a t ' s fine w i t h m e . "
" W r a p u p ? " B e r k o says. " Y o u m e a n — "
GO MICHAEL CHABON

"You know what I mean, D e t e c t i v e , " B i n a says. T h e r e is

n o e m o t i o n i n h e r v o i c e a n d n o r e a d a b l e e x p r e s s i o n o n h e r face.
" S t i c k t h e m t o w h a t e v e r s t i c k y p e o p l e y o u c a n f i n d . If t h e y w o n ' t
s t i c k , u s e a l i t t l e glue. T h e r e s t of t h e m " — a h i n t of a c a t c h in h e r
v o i c e — " j u s t b l a c k - f l a g a n d file i n c a b i n e t n i n e . "
N i n e is w h e r e t h e y k e e p t h e c o l d c a s e s . F i l i n g a c a s e in c a b i n e t
n i n e s a v e s l e s s s p a c e b u t is o t h e r w i s e t h e s a m e as l i g h t i n g i t o n fire
a n d t a k i n g t h e a s h e s o u t for a w a l k i n a g a l e - f o r c e w i n d .
" B u r y t h e m ? " Berko says, h o i s t i n g it i n t o a q u e s t i o n r i g h t at
the end.
" P u t in a g o o d - f a i t h effort, w i t h i n t h e l i m i t s of t h i s n e w policy
w i t h t h e m u s i c a l n a m e , a n d t h e n , if t h a t fails, p u t in a b a d - f a i t h
effort." Bina stares at t h e d o m e d p a p e r w e i g h t on Felsenfeld's desk.
I n s i d e t h e p a p e r w e i g h t is a t i n y m o d e l , a c a r t o o n i n c h e a p p l a s t i c ,
of t h e Sitka skyline. A j u m b l e of high-rises clustered a r o u n d t h e
S a f e t y P i n , t h a t l o n e l y d i g i t p o i n t e d a t t h e s k y as if i n a c c u s a t i o n .
" A n d t h e n s l a p a b l a c k flag o n t h e m . "
" Y o u s a i d e l e v e n , " L a n d s m a n says.
"You noticed t h a t . "
" A f t e r l a s t n i g h t , t h o u g h , w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t , I n s p e c t o r , a n d
as e m b a r r a s s i n g as i t is. W e l l . I t ' s t w e l v e . N o t e l e v e n . T w e l v e o p e n
c a s e s for S h e m e t s a n d L a n d s m a n . "
Bina picks u p t h e slim b l u e folder t h a t L a n d s m a n gave b i r t h to
t h e n i g h t before. " T h i s o n e ? " She opens it a n d studies, or p r e t e n d s
to study, L a n d s m a n ' s r e p o r t on t h e a p p a r e n t gun murder, at point
b l a n k , of t h e m a n w h o called h i m s e l f E m a n u e l Lasker. "Yes. Okay.
N o w I w a n t y o u t o w a t c h h o w t h i s is d o n e . "
S h e o p e n s t h e t o p d r a w e r o f F e l s e n f e l d ' s d e s k , w h i c h , for t h e
n e x t t w o m o n t h s , at least, will b e hers. She r u m m a g e s a r o u n d inside
i t , g r i m a c i n g as if t h e d r a w e r c o n t a i n s a p i l e o f u s e d f o a m - r u b b e r
e a r p l u g s , w h i c h , last t i m e L a n d s m a n looked, w a s i n d e e d t h e case.
S h e p u l l s o u t a p l a s t i c t a b for m a r k i n g a c a s e folder. A b l a c k o n e .
She pries loose t h e red t a b t h a t L a n d s m a n a t t a c h e d to t h e Lasker
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 61

file e a r l y t h a t m o r n i n g , a n d s u b s t i t u t e s t h e b l a c k o n e i n i t s p l a c e ,
b r e a t h i n g shallowly t h e w a y y o u d o w h e n y o u clean a n a s t y w o u n d
or s p o n g e u p s o m e t h i n g awful from t h e r u g . She ages t e n y e a r s , it
seems t o L a n d s m a n , in t h e t e n s e c o n d s it t a k e s h e r t o m a k e t h e
switch. T h e n she holds t h e n e w l y cold case away from h e r body,
t w e e z i n g it b e t w e e n t w o fingers of o n e h a n d .
" E f f e c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n , " s h e says.
T
h e N o z , as t h e n a m e i m p l i e s , is t h e l a w e n f o r c e m e n t bar,
o w n e d b y a c o u p l e of ex-nozzes, choked w i t h t h e s m o k e of noz
grievance a n d gossip. It never closes, a n d it never r u n s short
o f o f f - d u t y l a w e n f o r c e m e n t officers t o p r o p u p i t s b i g o a k bar.
J u s t t h e p l a c e , t h e N o z , if y o u w a n t t o g i v e v o i c e t o y o u r o u t r a g e
over t h e latest m a s t e r w o r k of bullshit to be h a n d e d d o w n b y t h e
d e p a r t m e n t a l b i g s . So L a n d s m a n a n d B e r k o s t e e r w e l l c l e a r o f t h e
N o z . T h e y w a l k p a s t t h e Pearl of Manila, t h o u g h its Filipino-style
C h i n e s e d o n u t s b e c k o n like g l i t t e r i n g s u g a r - d u s t e d t o k e n s of a
b e t t e r existence. T h e y avoid Feter Shnayer, and Karlinsky's, and
t h e I n s i d e P a s s a g e , a n d t h e N y u - Y o r k e r G r i l l . T h i s early in t h e
m o r n i n g , m o s t of t h e m are closed anyway, a n d t h e j o i n t s t h a t are
o p e n t e n d to service cops, firefighters, paramedics.

T h e y h u n c h u p their shoulders against t h e cold and hurry, the

big m a n and t h e little one, b u m p i n g against each other. T h e breath
comes o u t of their bodies in billows t h a t t w i n e a n d are absorbed
i n t o t h e g r e a t e r fog l y i n g o v e r t h e U n t e r s h t a t . F a t s t r e a m e r s o f fog
twist along the streets, smearing headlights and neon, blotting out
t h e h a r b o r , leaving a t r a c k of oily silver b e a d s on t h e lapels of coats
and the crowns of hats.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN B3

" N o b o d y g o e s t o t h e N y u - Y o r k e r , " B e r k o says. " W e o u g h t t o

b e fine t h e r e . "
" I saw T a b a t c h n i k in t h e r e o n e t i m e . "
" I ' m p r e t t y s u r e T a b a t c h n i k w o u l d n e v e r s t e a l t h e p l a n s for
your secret weapon, Meyer."
L a n d s m a n o n l y w i s h e s h e w e r e i n p o s s e s s i o n o f t h e p l a n s for
s o m e k i n d o f d e a t h ray, o r m i n d - c o n t r o l b e a m , s o m e t h i n g t o s h a k e
t h e c o r r i d o r s o f p o w e r . P u t s o m e g e n u i n e fear o f G o d i n t o the
A m e r i c a n s . S t a v e off, j u s t for a y e a r , a d e c a d e , a c e n t u r y , t h e t i d e
of J e w i s h exile.
T h e y are about to brave the grim Front Page, w i t h its clotted
m i l k a n d i t s coffee f r e s h f r o m a s t i n t as a b a r i u m e n e m a a t S i t k a
G e n e r a l , w h e n L a n d s m a n sees old D e n n i s B r e n n a n ' s k h a k i ass
taking u p a t o t t e r i n g stool at t h e counter. T h e press p r e t t y well
a b a n d o n e d t h e F r o n t P a g e y e a r s a g o , w h e n t h e Blat w e n t u n d e r a n d
t h e Tog m o v e d i t s offices t o a n e w b u i l d i n g o u t b y t h e a i r p o r t . B u t
B r e n n a n left S i t k a for f o r t u n e a n d g l o r y a w h i l e b a c k . H e m u s t h a v e
j u s t b l o w n b a c k i n t o t o w n p r e t t y r e c e n t l y . I t ' s a safe b e t n o b o d y ' s
t o l d h i m t h e F r o n t P a g e is d e a d .
" T o o l a t e , " B e r k o says. " B a s t a r d s a w u s . "
For a m o m e n t Landsman isn't sure the bastard did. Brennan's
b a c k is t o t h e d o o r , a n d h e ' s s t u d y i n g t h e s t o c k s p a g e o f the
prominent American newspaper whose Sitka bureau he constituted
before he got his big b r e a k . L a n d s m a n takes hold of Berko's coat
a n d s t a r t s t o t o w his p a r t n e r d o w n t h e s t r e e t . H e has t h o u g h t of
t h e p e r f e c t p l a c e for t h e m t o t a l k , m a y b e g e t a b i t e , w i t h o u t b e i n g
overheard.
"Detective Shemets. A m o m e n t . "
"Too late," Landsman concedes.
H e turns, and Brennan's there, that large-headed man, hatless
a n d c o a t l e s s , n e c k t i e b l o w n o v e r h i s s h o u l d e r , a p e n n y i n h i s left
loafer, b a n k r u p t i n t h e r i g h t . P a t c h e s o n t h e e l b o w s o f h i s t w e e d
jacket, its color a practical shade of g r a v y stain. H i s cheek could
G4 MICHAEL CHABON

u s e a shave a n d his p a t e a fresh coat of w a x . M a y b e t h i n g s d i d n ' t

g o so w e l l for D e n n i s B r e n n a n o u t i n t h e b i g t i m e .
" L o o k at t h e head on t h a t sheygets, t h e t h i n g has its own
a t m o s p h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h i n g h a s ice c a p s . "
"Indeed the man has a very big head."
" E v e r y t i m e I s e e i t , I feel s o r r y for n e c k s . "
" M a y b e I s h o u l d get m y h a n d s a r o u n d his. Give it some
support."
B r e n n a n p u t s u p his larval w h i t e fingers a n d blinks his little
eyes, t h e colorless blue of s k i m m e d milk. H e works u p a practiced
r u e f u l s m i l e , b u t L a n d s m a n n o t e s t h a t h e k e e p s a g o o d f o u r feet o f
Ben M a y m o n Street b e t w e e n h i m and Berko.
"A n e e d t o r e p e a t t h e r a s h t h r e a t s o f y o r e d o e s n o t , I a s s u r e
y o u , e x i s t , D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s , " t h e r e p o r t e r says i n h i s swift a n d
p r e p o s t e r o u s Yiddish. " E v e r g r e e n a n d r i p e w i t h t h e sap of t h e i r
original violence they remain."
B r e n n a n s t u d i e d G e r m a n in college a n d learned his Yiddish
from s o m e p o m p o u s old G e r m a n at t h e I n s t i t u t e , and he talks,
somebody once remarked, "like a sausage recipe with footnotes." A
heavy drinker, u n s u i t e d b y t e m p e r a m e n t to long twilight and rain.
T h r o w s off a false s c e n t o f b e i n g s t o l i d a n d s l o w o n t h e u p t a k e ,
in a w a y c o m m o n a m o n g d e t e c t i v e s a n d r e p o r t e r s . B u t a shlemiel
all t h e s a m e . N o o n e e v e r s e e m e d m o r e a s t o n i s h e d b y t h e s p l a s h
D e n n i s B r e n n a n m a d e in S i t k a t h a n B r e n n a n himself.
" T h a t I fear y o u r w r a t h l e t u s a g r e e b e f o r e h a n d , Detective.
A n d t h a t j u s t n o w I p r e t e n d e d n o t t o see y o u w a l k i n g p a s t this
d e s o l a t e h o l e w h o s e s o l e r e c o m m e n d a t i o n , a p a r t f r o m t h e fact t h a t
t h e m a n a g e m e n t has f o r g o t t e n , in m y long a b s e n c e , t h e s t a t e of m y
c r e d i t , is a t o t a l l a c k o f n e w s p a p e r r e p o r t e r s . I k n e w , h o w e v e r , t h a t
w i t h m y luck, such a s t r a t e g y was likely to r e t u r n at a later t i m e
and bite me upon the ass."
" N o t h i n g is t h a t h u n g r y , B r e n n a n , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u w e r e
p r o b a b l y safe."
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION B5

Brennan looks h u r t . A sensitive soul, this m a c r o c e p h a l i c gentile,

a n u r s e r of s l i g h t s , r e s i s t a n t t o b a n t e r a n d irony. H i s c o n v o l u t e d
s t y l e o f t a l k i n g m a k e s e v e r y t h i n g h e says s o u n d l i k e a j o k e , a f a c t
t h a t only c o m p o u n d s t h e m a n ' s n e e d t o b e t a k e n seriously.
" D e n n i s J. B r e n n a n , " B e r k o says. " W o r k i n g t h e S i t k a beat
again?"
" F o r m y s i n s , D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s , for m y s i n s . "
T h i s goes w i t h o u t saying. A s s i g n m e n t to t h e Sitka bureau
of a n y of t h e s t a t e s i d e n e w s p a p e r s o r n e t w o r k s t h a t b o t h e r to
m a i n t a i n o n e is a p r o v e r b i a l p u n i s h m e n t for i n c o m p e t e n c e or
failure. B r e n n a n ' s r e a s s i g n m e n t h e r e m u s t b e t h e m a r k of some
kind of colossal c o c k - u p .
" I t h o u g h t t h a t w a s w h y t h e y s e n t y o u away, B r e n n a n , " B e r k o
says, a n d n o w h e ' s t h e o n e w h o i s n ' t j o k i n g . H i s e y e s g o d e a d , a n d
h e c h e w s t h a t i m a g i n a r y p i e c e o f D o u b l e m i n t o r seal fat o r t h e
gristly k n o b of Brennan's heart. " F o r y o u r sins."
" T h e m o t i v a t i o n , D e t e c t i v e , for m y l e a v i n g a c u p o f t e r r i b l e
coffee a n d a b r o k e n a p p o i n t m e n t w i t h a n i n f o r m a n t w h o , i n a n y
case, lacks a n y t h i n g r e s e m b l i n g i n f o r m a t i o n , t o c o m e o u t h e r e a n d
risk your possible anger."
" B r e n n a n , p l e a s e , I b e g y o u t o s p e a k A m e r i c a n , " B e r k o says.
" W h a t t h e fuck d o y o u w a n t ? "
" I w a n t a s t o r y , " B r e n n a n says. " W h a t else? A n d I k n o w I'll n e v e r
g e t o n e f r o m y o u u n l e s s I t r y t o c l e a r t h e air. S o . F o r t h e r e c o r d . "
O n c e again h e lashes himself t o t h e tiller of his F l y i n g D u t c h m a n
version of t h e m o t h e r t o n g u e . " I lack t h e i n t e n t i o n t o u n d o or t o
t a k e b a c k a n y t h i n g . Inflict suffering o n t h i s g r o s s l y e n l a r g e d h e a d
of m i n e , please, b u t I s t a n d b e h i n d w h a t I w r o t e , e v e r y w o r d of it,
t o t h i s day. I t w a s a c c u r a t e a n d s u p p o r t e d a n d s o u r c e d . A n d y e t I
d o n o t m i n d t e l l i n g y o u t h a t t h e w h o l e s o r r y affair left a b a d t a s t e
in m y m o u t h — "
" W a s it t h e t a s t e of y o u r ass?" L a n d s m a n s u g g e s t s brightly.
" M a y b e you've been biting u p o n yourself."
B6 MICHAEL CHABON

B r e n n a n sails m a d l y o n . L a n d s m a n g e t s t h e feeling t h a t the

g o y h a s b e e n s a v i n g u p t h i s s p i e l for a w h i l e n o w . T h a t m a y b e h e ' s
l o o k i n g for s o m e t h i n g m o r e f r o m B e r k o t h a n a s t o r y .
" C e r t a i n l y i t w a s a g o o d t h i n g for m y c a r e e r , s o - c a l l e d . F o r
a few years. It p r o p e l l e d m e o u t of t h e b o o n d o c k s , y o u s h o u l d
p a r d o n t h e expression, t o L.A., Salt Lake, Kansas City." As he
n a m e s t h e stations of his decline, Brennan's voice gets lower and
softer. " S p o k a n e . B u t I k n o w t h a t i t w a s a p a i n f u l t h i n g for y o u a n d
y o u r family, D e t e c t i v e . A n d s o , if y o u w o u l d a l l o w m e , I w o u l d l i k e
t o offer m y a p o l o g y for t h e h u r t t h a t I c a u s e d . "
J u s t after t h e elections t h a t carried t h e c u r r e n t a d m i n i s t r a t i o n
to its first t e r m i n p o w e r , D e n n i s J. B r e n n a n w r o t e a s e r i e s o f
a r t i c l e s for h i s p a p e r . H e p r e s e n t e d , i n c a r e f u l a n d d o g g e d d e t a i l ,
t h e sordid h i s t o r y of c o r r u p t i o n , malfeasance, and unconstitutional
s k u l l d u g g e r y e n g a g e d in b y H e r t z S h e m e t s , over t h e course of
forty years at the FBI. T h e COINTELPRO program was shut down,
its business was farmed out to other d e p a r t m e n t s , and Uncle
H e r t z was driven into r e t i r e m e n t and disgrace. Landsman, who
w a s s h o c k e d b y n o t h i n g , f o u n d i t t o u g h t o g e t o u t o f b e d for a
c o u p l e o f d a y s a f t e r t h e first a r t i c l e r a n . H e ' d k n o w n as w e l l as
anyone a n d b e t t e r t h a n a l m o s t everyone t h a t his uncle was badly
flawed b o t h as a m a n a n d as a n officer o f t h e law. B u t if y o u w a n t e d
t o g o l o o k i n g for t h e r e a s o n s t h a t a k i d b e c a m e a n o z , i t a l m o s t
n e v e r p a i d t o search a n y w h e r e b u t a b r a n c h or t w o u p t h e family
t r e e . F l a w s a n d all, U n c l e H e r t z w a s a h e r o t o L a n d s m a n . S m a r t ,
t o u g h , u n r e m i t t i n g , p a t i e n t , m e t h o d i c a l , s u r e o f h i s a c t i o n s . If h i s
willingness to c u t c o r n e r s , his bad temper, his secretiveness did
n o t m a k e h i m a hero, t h e y definitely m a d e him a noz.

"I'm going to put this very gently, D e n n i s , " Berko says,

" b e c a u s e y o u ' r e all r i g h t . Y o u w o r k h a r d , y o u ' r e a d e c e n t w r i t e r ,
a n d y o u ' r e t h e o n l y g u y I k n o w w h o m a k e s m y p a r t n e r look like a
clotheshorse: Fuck you."
B r e n n a n n o d s . " I figured y o u m i g h t s a y t h a t , " h e r e p l i e s , s a d l y
a n d in A m e r i c a n .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION G7

" M y f a t h e r ' s a f u c k i n g h e r m i t , " B e r k o says. " H e ' s a m u s h r o o m ,

h e lives u n d e r a l o g w i t h t h e e a r w i g s a n d t h e c r a w l y things.
Whatever nefarious shit he was u p to, he was only doing w h a t he
t h o u g h t w a s g o o d for t h e J e w s , a n d y o u k n o w w h a t ' s f u c k e d up
a b o u t t h a t ? H e w a s right, because n o w look at the motherfucking
m e s s w e ' r e in w i t h o u t h i m . "
"Jesus, Shemets, I hate to hear that. A n d I hate to t h i n k t h a t
a s t o r y I w r o t e h a d a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h — t h a t it led t o , in a n y
w a y — t h e p r e d i c a m e n t y o u y i d s n o w find y o u r s e l f i n . . . . A h , f u c k
it. Forget i t . "
" O k a y , " L a n d s m a n says. H e g r a b s h o l d o f B e r k o ' s s l e e v e a g a i n .
"Come."
" H e y , u h , yeah. So w h e r e y o u g u y s going? W h a t ' s u p ? "
"Just fighting c r i m e , " L a n d s m a n says. " S a m e as l a s t t i m e y o u
blew through here."
B u t n o w t h a t he's u n b u r d e n e d himself, t h e h o u n d i n s i d e B r e n n a n
can smell it on Berko a n d L a n d s m a n . M a y b e h e c o u l d smell it o n
t h e m f r o m a b l o c k away, c o u l d s e e i t t h r o u g h t h e g l a s s , a h i t c h i n
Berko's rolling gait, an e x t r a kilo of s t o o p in L a n d s m a n ' s shoulder.
M a y b e the whole apology routine has been building to the question
h e d r a g s u p , in his n a t i v e t o n g u e , n a k e d a n d p l a i n :
" W h o died?"
"A y i d i n a p r e d i c a m e n t , " B e r k o t e l l s h i m . " D o g b i t e s m a n . "
T
h e y leave B r e n n a n s t a n d i n g o u t s i d e t h e F r o n t Page, w i t h his
n e c k t i e s m a c k i n g h i m on t h e forehead like a remorseful p a l m ,
a n d walk to t h e c o r n e r of Seward and d o w n Peretz, t h e n t u r n
i n j u s t p a s t t h e P a l a t z T h e a t e r , in t h e lee o f B a r a n o f C a s t l e H i l l , t o
a black door, in a black m a r b l e facade, w i t h a big p i c t u r e w i n d o w
painted black.
" Y o u a r e n o t s e r i o u s , " B e r k o says.
" I n fifteen y e a r s I n e v e r s a w a n o t h e r s h a m m e s a t t h e V o r s h t . "
" I t ' s n i n e - t h i r t y in t h e m o r n i n g on a Friday, Meyer. T h e r e ' s
n o b o d y in t h e r e b u t t h e r a t s . "
" N o t t r u e , " L a n d s m a n says. H e leads B e r k o a r o u n d t o t h e side
d o o r a n d lays h i s k n u c k l e s a g a i n s t i t , t w o t a p s . " I a l w a y s f i g u r e d
t h i s w a s t h e p l a c e t o p l a n m y m i s d e e d s , if I e v e r f o u n d m y s e l f w i t h
misdeeds that needed planning."
T h e heavy steel door swings open w i t h a groan, revealing Mrs.
K a l u s h i n e r , d r e s s e d t o go t o s h u l o r a j o b at t h e b a n k , in a g r a y skirt
s u i t a n d b l a c k p u m p s , w i t h h e r hair d o n e u p in p i n k foam rollers.
I n h e r h a n d s h e c a r r i e s a p a p e r c u p filled w i t h a l i q u i d t h a t l o o k s
l i k e coffee o r m a y b e p r u n e j u i c e . M r s . K a l u s h i n e r c h e w s t o b a c c o .
T h e c u p is h e r c o n s t a n t if n o t s o l e c o m p a n i o n .
" Y o u , " s h e s a y s , m a k i n g a face l i k e s h e j u s t t a s t e d e a r w a x o n
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 69

h e r fingertip. T h e n , in h e r refined way, she s p i t s i n t o t h e c u p . F r o m

force o f w i s e h a b i t , s h e t a k e s a l o n g l o o k u p a n d d o w n t h e a l l e y
t o see w h a t style of t r o u b l e t h e y h a v e b r o u g h t along. S h e m a k e s a
rapid and b r u t a l s t u d y of t h e giant y a r m u l k e - w e a r i n g Indian w h o
w a n t s t o c o m e i n t o h e r place of b u s i n e s s . In t h e p a s t , t h e p e o p l e
L a n d s m a n h a s b r o u g h t h e r e , a t t h i s h o u r o f t h e day, h a v e all b e e n
twitchy, m o u s e - e y e d s h t i n k e r s like B e n n y " S h p i l k e s " P l o t n e r a n d
Z i g m u n d L a n d a u , t h e Heifetz of Informers. N o b o d y ever looked
less l i k e a s h t i n k e r t h a n B e r k o S h e m e t s . A n d w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t
to t h e beanie a n d t h e fringes, n o w a y w o u l d this b e a m i d d l e m a n or
even a low-echelon street wiseguy, not w i t h t h a t Indian puss. W h e n ,
a f t e r c a r e f u l c o n s i d e r a t i o n , s h e c a n ' t fit B e r k o i n t o h e r t a x o n o m y o f
lowlifes, M r s . K a l u s h i n e r s p i t s i n t o h e r c u p . T h e n she r e t u r n s h e r
gaze to L a n d s m a n and sighs. By o n e k i n d of reckoning, she owes
L a n d s m a n s e v e n t e e n favors; b y a n o t h e r , she o u g h t t o give h i m a
p u n c h i n t h e belly. S h e s t e p s a s i d e a n d l e t s t h e m p a s s .

T h e p l a c e is as e m p t y as a n o f f - d u t y d o w n t o w n b u s a n d s m e l l s
t w i c e as b a d . S o m e b o d y c a m e t h r o u g h r e c e n t l y w i t h a b u c k e t o f
bleach t o p a i n t in s o m e h i g h n o t e s over t h e V o r s h t ' s s t e a d y b a s s
line of sweat a n d urinals. T h e keen n o s e can also d e t e c t , above or
b e n e a t h it all, t h e c o a t - l i n i n g smell of w o r n dollar bills.
" S i t t h e r e , " M r s . K a l u s h i n e r says, w i t h o u t i n d i c a t i n g w h e r e
she w o u l d like t h e m t o sit. T h e r o u n d tables t h a t c r o w d t h e s t a g e
w e a r o v e r t u r n e d c h a i r s l i k e s e t s o f a n t l e r s . L a n d s m a n flips t w o o f
t h e m , and he and Berko take their seats away from t h e stage, b y t h e
heavily b o l t e d front door. M r s . K a l u s h i n e r w a n d e r s i n t o t h e b a c k
r o o m , and t h e beaded c u r t a i n clatters b e h i n d her w i t h t h e s o u n d of
loose t e e t h in a b u c k e t .
" W h a t a d o l l , " B e r k o says.
"A s w e e t h e a r t , " L a n d s m a n a g r e e s . " S h e o n l y c o m e s i n h e r e i n
the mornings. T h a t way she never has to look at t h e clientele." T h e
V o r s h t is t h e p l a c e w h e r e t h e m u s i c i a n s o f S i t k a d o t h e i r d r i n k i n g ,
after t h e t h e a t e r s a n d t h e o t h e r c l u b s close d o w n . L o n g after
m i d n i g h t t h e y c o m e h u d d l i n g in, s n o w o n t h e i r h a t s , rain in t h e i r
7D MICHAEL CHABDN

cuffs, a n d p a c k t h e l i t t l e s t a g e , a n d kill o n e a n o t h e r w i t h c l a r i n e t s
a n d riddles. As usual w h e n angels gather, t h e y d r a w a following of
devils: gangsters, ganefs, and hard-luck w o m e n . "She doesn't care
for m u s i c i a n s . "
"But her husband was a — Oh. I get it."
N a t h a n Kalushiner, u n t i l his d e a t h , was t h e o w n e r of the
Vorsht and t h e king of t h e C-soprano clarinet. H e was a gambler,
a n d a j u n k i e , a n d a v e r y b a d m a n in m a n y r e s p e c t s , b u t h e c o u l d
p l a y l i k e t h e r e w a s a d y b b u k i n s i d e h i m . L a n d s m a n , a m u s i c lover,
u s e d t o l o o k o u t for t h e c r a z y l i t t l e s h k o t z a n d t r y t o e x t r i c a t e h i m
from t h e u g l y s i t u a t i o n s in w h i c h K a l u s h i n e r ' s p o o r j u d g m e n t a n d
gnawed-at soul landed h i m . T h e n o n e day Kalushiner disappeared,
a l o n g w i t h t h e wife of a w e l l - k n o w n R u s s i a n s h t a r k e r , leaving M r s .
K a l u s h i n e r n o t h i n g b u t t h e V o r s h t a n d t h e goodwill of its c r e d i t o r s .
Parts of N a t h a n Kalushiner, b u t n o t his C - s o p r a n o clarinet, later
w a s h e d u p u n d e r t h e d o c k s u p a t Yakovy.
" A n d t h a t ' s t h e guy's d o g ? " Berko says, p o i n t i n g t o t h e stage.
At the spot where Kalushiner used to stand and blow every night
sits a curly half-terrier m u t t , w h i t e w i t h b r o w n spots and a black
p a t c h a r o u n d o n e e y e . H e ' s j u s t s i t t i n g , e a r s r a i s e d , as if l i s t e n i n g
t o s o m e e c h o e d voice or m u s i c in his b r a i n . A l e n g t h of slack chain
c o n n e c t s h i m to a steel loop m o u n t e d on t h e wall.
" T h a t ' s H e r s h e l , " L a n d s m a n says. T h e r e ' s s o m e t h i n g p a i n f u l t o
h i m a b o u t t h e dog's p a t i e n t m i e n , his c a n i n e air of calm e n d u r a n c e .
L a n d s m a n l o o k s away. " F i v e y e a r s h e ' s b e e n s t a n d i n g t h e r e . "
"Touching."
" I guess. T h e a n i m a l , t o b e h o n e s t , h e gives m e t h e willies."
Mrs. K a l u s h i n e r r e a p p e a r s , c a r r y i n g a m e t a l b o w l filled w i t h
pickled t o m a t o e s a n d c u c u m b e r s , a basket of p o p p y - s e e d rolls, and
a b o w l o f s o u r c r e a m . T h a t ' s all b a l a n c e d a l o n g h e r left a r m . T h e
r i g h t h a n d , of course, carries t h e p a p e r s p i t t o o n .
"Beautiful pickles," Berko suggests, and when that gets him
nowhere, he tries, " C u t e dog."
W h a t ' s t o u c h i n g , t h i n k s L a n d s m a n , is t h e effort t h a t Berko
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 71

S h e m e t s is a l w a y s w i l l i n g t o p u t i n t o s t a r t i n g a c o n v e r s a t i o n w i t h
somebody T h e tighter people clam up, the m o r e d e t e r m i n e d old
B e r k o b e c o m e s . T h a t w a s t r u e o f h i m e v e n as a b o y H e h a d t h a t
eagerness to engage w i t h people, especially w i t h his vacuum-
packed cousin Meyer.
"A d o g is a d o g , " M r s . K a l u s h i n e r says. S h e s l a m s d o w n the
pickles a n d sour c r e a m , d r o p s t h e b a s k e t of rolls, a n d t h e n r e t r e a t s
t o t h e b a c k r o o m w i t h a n o t h e r clash of beads.
" S o I n e e d t o ask y o u a favor," L a n d s m a n says, his gaze o n t h e
dog, w h o has lowered himself to t h e stage on his a r t h r i t i c knees
a n d lies w i t h h i s h e a d o n h i s f o r e p a w s . " A n d I ' m h o p i n g v e r y m u c h
t h a t you'll say n o . "
"Does this favor have anything to do with 'effective
resolution'?"
"Are y o u m o c k i n g t h e c o n c e p t ? "
" N o t n e c e s s a r y , " B e r k o says. " T h e c o n c e p t m o c k s i t s e l f . " H e
plucks a pickled t o m a t o from t h e d i s h , d a b s it in t h e s o u r c r e a m ,
t h e n p o k e s i t n e a t l y i n t o h i s m o u t h w i t h a forefinger. H e s c r e w s
u p h i s face w i t h p l e a s u r e a t t h e r e s u l t a n t s o u r s q u i r t o f p u l p a n d
brine. "Bina looks g o o d . "
"I t h o u g h t she looked good."
"A l i t t l e b u t c h . "
"So y o u always said."
"Bina, B i n a . " Berko gives his h e a d a b l e a k s h a k e , o n e that
s o m e h o w m a n a g e s a t t h e s a m e t i m e t o l o o k f o n d . " I n h e r l a s t life,
she m u s t have been a w e a t h e r v a n e . "
" I t h i n k y o u ' r e w r o n g , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u ' r e r i g h t , but
you're wrong."
" Y o u ' r e s a y i n g B i n a is n o t a c a r e e r i s t . "
"I'm not saying t h a t . "
" S h e is, M e y e r , a n d s h e always has b e e n . T h a t ' s o n e of the
t h i n g s I h a v e a l w a y s m o s t l i k e d a b o u t h e r . B i n a is a s m a r t c o o k i e .
S h e is t o u g h . S h e is p o l i t i c a l . S h e is v i e w e d as l o y a l , a n d i n t w o
d i r e c t i o n s , u p a n d d o w n , a n d t h a t is a h a r d t r i c k t o p u l l off. S h e is
72 MICHAEL CHABON

i n s p e c t o r m a t e r i a l all a r o u n d . I n a n y p o l i c e f o r c e , i n a n y c o u n t r y
in t h e w o r l d . "
" S h e w a s first i n h e r c l a s s , " L a n d s m a n says. " A t t h e a c a d e m y . "
" B u t you scored higher on the entrance exam."
" W h y , y e s , " L a n d s m a n says. " I d i d . H a v e I m e n t i o n e d that
before?"
" E v e n U.S. M a r s h a l s a r e s m a r t e n o u g h t o n o t i c e Bina G e l b f i s h , "
B e r k o says. " I f s h e is t r y i n g t o m a k e s u r e t h e r e ' s a p l a c e for h e r i n
Sitka law e n f o r c e m e n t after Reversion, I ' m n o t going to b l a m e her
for t h a t . "
" Y o u m a k e y o u r p o i n t , " L a n d s m a n says. " O n l y I d o n ' t b u y i t .
T h a t isn't w h y she t o o k this job. O r it's n o t t h e only r e a s o n . "
" W h y did she, t h e n ? "
L a n d s m a n shrugs. "I d o n ' t k n o w , " he admits. " M a y b e she ran
o u t of t h i n g s to d o t h a t m a k e sense."
" I h o p e not. O r t h e next t h i n g you know, she'll be getting back
together with you."
" G o d forbid."
"Horrors."
L a n d s m a n p r e t e n d s to spit t h r e e times over his shoulder. T h e n ,
r i g h t as h e ' s w o n d e r i n g if t h i s c u s t o m h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h e
habit of chewing tobacco, Mrs. Kalushiner comes back, dragging
t h e g r e a t l e g i r o n o f h e r life.
" I h a v e h a r d - b o i l e d e g g s , " s h e says m e n a c i n g l y . " I h a v e b a g e l . I
have jellied leg."
" J u s t a l i t t l e s o m e t h i n g t o d r i n k , M r s . K . , " L a n d s m a n says.
"Berko?"
" B u r p w a t e r , " B e r k o says. " W i t h a t w i s t o f l i m e . "
"You w a n t t o e a t , " she tells h i m . It isn't a guess.
" W h y n o t ? " B e r k o says. "All r i g h t , b r i n g m e a c o u p l e o f e g g s . "
Mrs. Kalushiner turns to Landsman, and h e feels Berko's
eyes on his, d a r i n g h i m and e x p e c t i n g h i m to order a slivovitz.
L a n d s m a n c a n feel B e r k o ' s f a t i g u e , h i s i m p a t i e n c e a n d i r r i t a t i o n
w i t h L a n d s m a n a n d his p r o b l e m s . It's a b o u t t i m e he pulled himself
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 73

t o g e t h e r , i s n ' t it? F i n d s o m e t h i n g w o r t h l i v i n g h i s life for, a n d g e t

on it w i t h it.
" C o c a - C o l a , " L a n d s m a n says. " I f y o u p l e a s e . "
T h i s m a y b e t h e first t h i n g t h a t L a n d s m a n o r a n y o n e h a s e v e r
d o n e t o s u r p r i s e t h e w i d o w of N a t h a n Kalushiner. She raises o n e
s t e e l - g r a y e y e b r o w , t h e n t u r n s away. B e r k o r e a c h e s for o n e o f t h e
p i c k l e d c u c u m b e r s , s h a k i n g off t h e p e p p e r c o r n s a n d c l o v e s t h a t
s t u d its freckled green skin. H e c r u n c h e s it b e t w e e n his t e e t h a n d
frowns happily.
" I t takes a s o u r w o m a n t o m a k e a g o o d p i c k l e , " h e says, a n d
t h e n , as if o f f h a n d , t e a s i n g , " S u r e y o u d o n ' t w a n t a n o t h e r b e e r ? "
L a n d s m a n w o u l d love a beer. H e can t a s t e t h e b i t t e r c a r a m e l
of it on t h e b a c k of his t o n g u e . In t h e m e a n t i m e , t h e o n e t h a t
E s t e r - M a l k e g a v e h i m h a s y e t t o l e a v e h i s b o d y , b u t L a n d s m a n is
g e t t i n g i n d i c a t i o n s t h a t i t h a s i t s b a g s p a c k e d a n d is r e a d y t o g o .
T h e proposition or appeal t h a t he has d e t e r m i n e d to m a k e to his
p a r t n e r n o w s t r i k e s h i m as p e r h a p s t h e s t u p i d e s t i d e a h e h a s e v e r
h a d , c e r t a i n l y n o t w o r t h l i v i n g for. B u t i t w i l l h a v e t o d o .
" F u c k y o u , " h e says, g e t t i n g u p from t h e table. " I n e e d t o t a k e
a leak."
In t h e men's r o o m , L a n d s m a n discovers t h e b o d y of an electric
guitarist. F r o m a table at t h e back of t h e Vorsht, L a n d s m a n has
often a d m i r e d t h i s y i d a n d his p l a y i n g . H e w a s a m o n g t h e first
to i m p o r t t h e techniques and a t t i t u d e s of A m e r i c a n a n d British
rock guitarists to t h e Bulgars and freylekhs of Jewish d a n c e music.
H e is r o u g h l y t h e s a m e a g e a n d b a c k g r o u n d as L a n d s m a n , g r e w
u p in H a l i b u t P o i n t , a n d i n m o m e n t s o f v a i n g l o r y , L a n d s m a n h a s
c o m p a r e d himself, or r a t h e r his d e t e c t i v e w o r k , t o t h e i n t u i t i v e
a n d flashy p l a y i n g o f t h i s m a n w h o a p p e a r s t o b e d e a d o r p a s s e d
o u t i n t h e s t a l l w i t h h i s m o n e y h a n d i n t h e t o i l e t b o w l . T h e m a n is
wearing a black leather three-piece suit and a red ribbon necktie.
H i s c e l e b r a t e d fingers have b e e n d e n u d e d of t h e i r r i n g s , leaving
g h o s t l y i n d e n t a t i o n s . A w a l l e t lies o n t h e t i l e d floor, l o o k i n g e m p t y
and distended.
74 MICHAEL CHABDN

T h e musician snores once. Landsman employs those intuitive

and flashy s k i l l s i n f e e l i n g a t t h e m a n ' s c a r o t i d for a p u l s e . I t ' s
steady. T h e air a r o u n d t h e musician h u m s almost to b u r n i n g w i t h
t h e r a d i a n c e o f a l c o h o l . T h e w a l l e t s e e m s t o h a v e b e e n rifled o f
its cash and identification. L a n d s m a n pats d o w n t h e musician and
finds a p i n t o f C a n a d i a n v o d k a i n t h e left h i p p o c k e t o f h i s l e a t h e r
blazer. T h e y g o t his cash b u t n o t his booze. L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t w a n t
a d r i n k . I n f a c t , h e feels a l u r c h i n s i d e h i m a t t h e i d e a o f p o u r i n g
t h i s g a r b a g e i n t o h i s belly, s o m e k i n d o f m o r a l m u s c l e t h a t r e c o i l s .
H e chances a q u i c k p e e k i n t o t h e c o b w e b b y r o o t cellar of his soul.
H e c a n ' t h e l p n o t i c i n g t h a t t h i s p u l s e o f r e v u l s i o n for w h a t i s , a f t e r
all, a p o p u l a r b r a n d of C a n a d i a n v o d k a seems to have s o m e t h i n g
t o d o w i t h his ex-wife, w i t h h e r b e i n g b a c k in t h e S i t k a again a n d
l o o k i n g so s t r o n g a n d j u i c y a n d B i n a . T h e d a i l y s i g h t o f h e r is g o i n g
t o b e t o r m e n t , like G o d t o r t u r i n g M o s e s w i t h a glimpse of Z i o n
f r o m t h e t o p o f M o u n t P i s g a h e v e r y s i n g l e d a y o f h i s life.

L a n d s m a n u n c a p s t h e b o t t l e o f v o d k a a n d t a k e s a l o n g stiff
p u l l . I t b u r n s l i k e a c o m p o u n d o f s o l v e n t a n d lye. S e v e r a l i n c h e s
r e m a i n i n t h e b o t t l e w h e n h e is t h r o u g h , b u t L a n d s m a n h i m s e l f
is filled t o p t o b o t t o m w i t h n o t h i n g b u t t h e b u r n o f r e m o r s e . A l l
the old parallels it once pleased him to d r a w between the guitarist
and himself are t u r n e d against him. After a brief b u t vigorous
d e b a t e , L a n d s m a n d e c i d e s n o t t o t h r o w t h e b o t t l e in t h e t r a s h ,
w h e r e it will b e of n o u s e t o a n y o n e . H e transfers it t o t h e s n u g h i p
p o c k e t of his o w n decline. H e d r a g s t h e musician o u t of t h e stall
a n d c a r e f u l l y d r i e s h i s r i g h t h a n d . L a s t h e t a k e s t h e p i s s h e c a m e in
h e r e to take. T h e m u s i c of L a n d s m a n ' s urine against porcelain and
w a t e r lures t h e musician i n t o o p e n i n g his eyes.

" I ' m fine," h e t e l l s L a n d s m a n f r o m t h e floor.

" S u r e y o u a r e , s w e e t n e s s , " L a n d s m a n says.
" J u s t d o n ' t call m y w i f e . "
" I w o n ' t , " L a n d s m a n a s s u r e s h i m , b u t t h e y i d is a l r e a d y o u t
again. L a n d s m a n drags the musician o u t into the back hallway and
l e a v e s h i m o n t h e floor w i t h a p h o n e b o o k u n d e r h i s h e a d for a
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 75

pillow. T h e n h e g o e s b a c k t o t h e t a b l e a n d B e r k o S h e m e t s a n d t a k e s
a well-behaved sip from his glass of b u b b l e s a n d s y r u p .
" M m m , " h e says. " C o k e . "
"So," says B e r k o . " T h i s favor o f y o u r s . "
" Y e a h , " L a n d s m a n says. H i s r e s u r g e n t c o n f i d e n c e i n h i m s e l f
a n d h i s i n t e n t i o n s , t h e s e n s e o f w e l l - b e i n g , is c l e a r l y a n i l l u s i o n
p r o d u c e d b y a s n o r t of lousy v o d k a . H e rationalizes this with
t h e t h o u g h t t h a t f r o m t h e p o i n t o f v i e w of, say, G o d , all h u m a n
c o n f i d e n c e is a n i l l u s i o n a n d e v e r y i n t e n t i o n a j o k e . " K i n d o f a b i g
one."
B e r k o k n o w s w h e r e L a n d s m a n is h e a d i n g . B u t L a n d s m a n i s n ' t
q u i t e ready to go t h e r e yet.
" Y o u a n d E s t e r - M a l k e , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u g u y s a p p l i e d for
residency."
"Is that your big question?"
"No, t h i s is j u s t t h e b u i l d u p . "
" W e a p p l i e d for g r e e n c a r d s . E v e r y b o d y i n t h e D i s t r i c t has
a p p l i e d for a r e s i d e n c y c a r d , u n l e s s t h e y ' r e g o i n g t o C a n a d a o r
Argentina or wherever. Jesus, Meyer, d i d n ' t y o u ? "
" I k n o w I m e a n t t o , " L a n d s m a n says. " M a y b e I d i d . I c a n ' t
remember."
T h i s is t o o s h o c k i n g for B e r k o t o p r o c e s s , a n d n o t w h a t L a n d s m a n
h a s l e d t h e m h e r e t o say.
" I d i d , all r i g h t ? " L a n d s m a n says. " I r e m e m b e r n o w . S u r e . F i l l e d
o u t m y 1-999 a n d e v e r y t h i n g . "
B e r k o n o d s as if h e b e l i e v e s L a n d s m a n ' s lie.
"So," L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u g u y s a r e p l a n n i n g t o s t i c k a r o u n d ,
t h e n . Stay in S i t k a . "
"Assuming we can get d o c u m e n t e d . "
"Any reason to t h i n k y o u w o n ' t ? "
"Just t h e n u m b e r s . T h e y ' r e saying it's going t o b e u n d e r forty
p e r c e n t . " B e r k o s h a k e s h i s h e a d , w h i c h is p r e t t y m u c h t h e n a t i o n a l
g e s t u r e at t h e m o m e n t w h e n it comes t o t h e q u e s t i o n of w h e r e t h e
o t h e r Sitka Jews are going t o go, or w h a t t h e y are going t o d o , after
7G MICHAEL CHABON

Reversion. Actually, no guarantees have been m a d e at all—the

4 0 p e r c e n t f i g u r e is j u s t a n o t h e r r u m o r a t t h e e n d o f t i m e — a n d
there are some wild-eyed radicals claiming t h a t the actual n u m b e r
o f J e w s w h o w i l l b e p e r m i t t e d t o r e m a i n as l e g a l r e s i d e n t s o f t h e
n e w l y e n l a r g e d s t a t e o f A l a s k a w h e n R e v e r s i o n is finally e n f o r c e d
w i l l b e c l o s e r t o 10 o r e v e n 5 p e r c e n t . T h e s e a r e t h e s a m e p e o p l e
g o i n g a r o u n d c a l l i n g for a r m e d r e s i s t a n c e , s e c e s s i o n , a d e c l a r a t i o n
o f i n d e p e n d e n c e , a n d so f o r t h . L a n d s m a n h a s p a i d v e r y little
attention to the controversies and rumors, to the most important
q u e s t i o n in his local u n i v e r s e .

" T h e o l d m a n ? " L a n d s m a n says. " D o e s n ' t h e h a v e a n y j u i c e

left?"
F o r forty y e a r s — a s D e n n y B r e n n a n ' s series r e v e a l e d — H e r t z
S h e m e t s u s e d h i s p o s i t i o n as l o c a l d i r e c t o r o f t h e F B I ' s d o m e s t i c
surveillance program to run his own private game on the
A m e r i c a n s . T h e B u r e a u f i r s t r e c r u i t e d h i m i n t h e fifties t o f i g h t
C o m m u n i s t s a n d t h e Yiddish Left, w h i c h , t h o u g h fractious, was
strong, h a r d e n e d , e m b i t t e r e d , suspicious of t h e Americans, and,
in t h e case of t h e f o r m e r Israelis, n o t especially grateful t o be
h e r e . H e r t z S h e m e t s ' s b r i e f w a s t o m o n i t o r a n d i n f i l t r a t e t h e local
R e d p o p u l a t i o n ; H e r t z w i p e d t h e m o u t . H e fed t h e s o c i a l i s t s t o
the C o m m u n i s t s , and the Stalinists to the Trotskyites, and the
H e b r e w Z i o n i s t s to t h e Yiddish Zionists, and w h e n feeding time
w a s o v e r , h e w i p e d t h e m o u t h s o f t h o s e s t i l l s t a n d i n g a n d fed t h e m
t o each other. S t a r t i n g in t h e late sixties, H e r t z was t u r n e d loose
o n t h e n a s c e n t r a d i c a l m o v e m e n t a m o n g t h e T l i n g i t , a n d in t i m e
he pulled its t e e t h and claws, too.

B u t t h o s e a c t i v i t i e s w e r e a f r o n t , as B r e n n a n s h o w e d , for H e r t z ' s
r e a l a g e n d a : t o o b t a i n P e r m a n e n t S t a t u s for t h e D i s t r i c t : P.S.,
o r e v e n , in his w i l d e s t d r e a m s , s t a t e h o o d . " E n o u g h w a n d e r i n g , "
L a n d s m a n can r e m e m b e r his u n c l e saying t o his father, w h o s e soul
r e t a i n e d to t h e d a y he died a tinge of r o m a n t i c Z i o n i s m . " E n o u g h
w i t h e x p u l s i o n s a n d m i g r a t i o n s a n d d r e a m i n g a b o u t n e x t year in
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 77

t h e c a m e l l a n d s . I t ' s t i m e for u s t o t a k e w h a t w e c a n g e t a n d stay-

put."
So e v e r y y e a r , i t t u r n e d o u t , U n c l e H e r t z d i v e r t e d u p t o h a l f
his o p e r a t i n g b u d g e t t o c o r r u p t t h e p e o p l e w h o h a d a u t h o r i z e d it.
H e b o u g h t s e n a t o r s , b a i t e d c o n g r e s s i o n a l h o n e y p o t s , a n d a b o v e all
r o m a n c e d r i c h A m e r i c a n J e w s w h o s e i n f l u e n c e h e s a w as c r i t i c a l
to his plan. T h r e e t i m e s P e r m a n e n t S t a t u s bills c a m e u p a n d died,
t w i c e i n c o m m i t t e e , o n c e i n a b i t t e r a n d c l o s e b a t t l e o n t h e floor. A
y e a r after t h a t floor fight, t h e c u r r e n t p r e s i d e n t o f A m e r i c a r a n a n d
won on a platform that showcased the long-overdue enforcement
o f R e v e r s i o n , p l e d g i n g t o r e s t o r e " A l a s k a for A l a s k a n s , w i l d a n d
c l e a n . " A n d D e n n i s B r e n n a n c h a s e d H e r t z u n d e r a log.
" T h e o l d m a n ? " B e r k o says. " D o w n t h e r e o n h i s v e s t - p o c k e t
I n d i a n r e s e r v a t i o n ? W i t h h i s g o a t ? A n d a f r e e z e r full o f m o o s e m e a t ?
Yeah, he's a fucking gray e m i n e n c e in t h e c o r r i d o r s of power. B u t
a n y w a y , i t ' s l o o k i n g all r i g h t . "
"Is it?"
"Ester-Malke and I both already got three-year work p e r m i t s . "
"That's a good sign."
" S o t h e y say."
"Naturally, you wouldn't want to do anything to endanger your
status."
"No."
"Disobey orders. Piss somebody off. Neglect your express
duty."
"Never."
" T h a t ' s s e t t l e d , t h e n . " L a n d s m a n reaches i n t o t h e p o c k e t of his
blazer a n d takes o u t t h e chess set. " D i d I ever tell y o u a b o u t t h e
n o t e m y f a t h e r left w h e n h e k i l l e d h i m s e l f ? "
" I h e a r d it w a s a p o e m . "
" C a l l i t d o g g e r e l , " L a n d s m a n says. " S i x l i n e s o f Y i d d i s h v e r s e
addressed to an u n n a m e d female."
"Oho."
78 MICHAEL CHABDN

"No, n o . N o t h i n g racy. I t w a s , w h a t , i t w a s a n expression

o f r e g r e t for h i s i n a d e q u a c y . C h a g r i n a t h i s f a i l u r e . A n a v o w a l
o f d e v o t i o n a n d r e s p e c t . A t o u c h i n g s t a t e m e n t o f g r a t i t u d e for
t h e c o m f o r t s h e h a d g i v e n h i m , a n d a b o v e a l l , for t h e m e a s u r e o f
forgetfulness t h a t her c o m p a n y h a d b r o u g h t to h i m over t h e long,
b i t t e r course of t h e y e a r s . "
"You have it m e m o r i z e d . "
" I d i d . B u t I n o t i c e d s o m e t h i n g a b o u t i t t h a t b o t h e r e d m e . So
t h e n I m a d e myself forget i t . "
" W h a t did you notice?"
L a n d s m a n i g n o r e s t h e q u e s t i o n as M r s . K a l u s h i n e r a r r i v e s w i t h
t h e e g g s , six o f t h e m , p e e l e d a n d a r r a n g e d o n a d i s h w i t h six r o u n d
i n d e n t a t i o n s , e a c h t h e s i z e o f a n e g g ' s fat b o t t o m . S a l t . P e p p e r . A
jar of m u s t a r d .
" M a y b e if t h e y t o o k t h e l e a s h off h i m , " B e r k o s a y s , p o i n t i n g
t o H e r s h e l w i t h h i s t h u m b , " h e w o u l d g o o u t for a s a n d w i c h o r
something."
" H e l i k e s t h e l e a s h , " M r s . K a l u s h i n e r says. " W i t h o u t i t , h e
d o e s n ' t s l e e p . " She leaves t h e m again.
" T h a t b o t h e r s m e , " Berko says, w a t c h i n g H e r s h e l .
"I know what you mean."
B e r k o salts an e g g a n d b i t e s it. H i s t e e t h leave c a s t e l l a t i o n s in
t h e b o i l e d w h i t e . " S o t h i s p o e m , t h e n , " h e says. " T h e v e r s e . "
"So, naturally," Landsman says, "everyone assumed the
addressee of m y father's verse to b e m y mother. S t a r t i n g w i t h m y
mother."
" S h e fit t h e d e s c r i p t i o n . "
" S o i t w a s g e n e r a l l y a g r e e d . T h a t is w h y I n e v e r t o l d a n y b o d y
w h a t I h a d d e d u c e d . I n m y first official c a s e as a j u n i o r s h a m m e s . "
"Which was?"
" W h i c h w a s t h a t if y o u p u t t o g e t h e r t h e first l e t t e r s o f e a c h o f
t h e six l i n e s o f t h e p o e m , t h e y s p e l l e d o u t a n a m e . C a i s s a . "
" C a i s s a ? W h a t k i n d o f n a m e is t h a t ? "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 79

" I b e l i e v e i t is L a t i n , " L a n d s m a n says. " C a i s s a is t h e g o d d e s s o f

chess players."
H e o p e n s t h e lid o f t h e p o c k e t c h e s s s e t t h a t h e b o u g h t a t t h e
d r u g s t o r e o n K o r c z a k P l a t z . T h e p i e c e s i n p l a y r e m a i n as h e a r r a n g e d
t h e m a t t h e T a y t s h - S h e m e t s a p a r t m e n t e a r l i e r t h a t m o r n i n g , as left
b e h i n d b y t h e m a n w h o called himself E m a n u e l Lasker. O r b y his
killer, o r b y p a l e C a i s s a , t h e g o d d e s s o f c h e s s p l a y e r s , d r o p p i n g i n
to b i d farewell t o a n o t h e r o n e of h e r h a p l e s s w o r s h i p p e r s . Black
d o w n to t h r e e p a w n s , a pair of k n i g h t s , a b i s h o p , a n d a r o o k . W h i t e
h o l d i n g o n t o all o f h i s m a j o r a n d m i n o r p i e c e s a n d a p a i r o f p a w n s ,
one of t h e m a move away from p r o m o t i o n . A s t r a n g e d i s o r d e r e d
a s p e c t t o t h e s i t u a t i o n , as if t h e g a m e t h a t l e d u p t o t h i s m o v e h a d
been a chaotic one.

"If it was a n y t h i n g else, B e r k o , " L a n d s m a n says, a p o l o g i z i n g

w i t h u p t u r n e d p a l m s . "A d e c k o f c a r d s . A c r o s s w o r d p u z z l e . A
bingo card."
" I g e t i t , " B e r k o says.
" I t had to be an unfinished g o d d a m n e d g a m e of c h e s s . "
B e r k o t u r n s t h e b o a r d a r o u n d a n d s t u d i e s i t for a m o m e n t o r
two, t h e n l o o k s u p a t L a n d s m a n . Now is the time for you to ask me, h e
says w i t h t h o s e g r e a t d a r k e y e s o f h i s .
"So. Like I said. I n e e d t o ask y o u a favor."
"No," Berko says, " y o u d o n ' t . "
" Y o u h e a r d t h e lady. Y o u s a w h e r b l a c k - f l a g i t . T h e t h i n g w a s a
piece of sh it t o b e g i n w i t h . B i n a m a d e it official."
"You don't think so."
" P l e a s e , B e r k o , d o n ' t s t a r t h a v i n g r e s p e c t for m y judgment
now," Landsman says. " N o t after all t h i s w o r k I ' v e p u t into
undermining it."
Berko has been staring at the dog with increasing fixity.
Abruptly, he gets u p and goes over to t h e stage. H e clomps u p t h e
three wooden steps and stands looking d o w n at Hershel. Then
h e h o l d s o u t h i s h a n d t o b e sniffed. T h e d o g c l a m b e r s b a c k i n t o
80 MICHAEL CHABON

a s i t t i n g p o s i t i o n a n d r e a d s w i t h his nose t h e t r a n s c r i p t of t h e
b a c k o f B e r k o ' s h a n d , b a b i e s a n d waffles a n d t h e i n t e r i o r o f a 1 9 7 1
Super Sport. Berko crouches heavily beside the dog and unhooks
t h e clasp of t h e leash from t h e collar. H e t a k e s h o l d of t h e dog's
h e a d in his m a s s i v e h a n d s a n d looks i n t o t h e dog's eyes. " E n o u g h
a l r e a d y , " h e says. " H e i s n ' t c o m i n g . "
T h e d o g r e g a r d s B e r k o as if s i n c e r e l y i n t e r e s t e d i n t h i s b i t o f
n e w s . T h e n h e l u r c h e s t o his h i n d legs a n d h o b b l e s over t o t h e s t e p s
a n d t u m b l e s carefully d o w n t h e m . Toenails clacking, he crosses the
c o n c r e t e floor t o t h e t a b l e w h e r e L a n d s m a n s i t s a n d l o o k s u p as if
for c o n f i r m a t i o n .
" T h a t ' s t h e s t r a i g h t ernes, H e r s h e l , " L a n d s m a n tells t h e dog.
" T h e y used dental records."
T h e dog appears to consider this; then, much to Landsman's
s u r p r i s e , h e w a l k s over t o t h e front door. Berko gives L a n d s m a n a
l o o k o f r e p r i m a n d : What did I tellyouFHe darts a glance toward the
b e a d e d c u r t a i n , t h e n s l i d e s b a c k t h e b o l t , t u r n s t h e key, a n d o p e n s
t h e d o o r . T h e d o g t r o t s r i g h t o u t as if h e h a s p r e s s i n g b u s i n e s s
elsewhere.
Berko c o m e s b a c k t o t h e table, looking like he has j u s t liberated
a s o u l f r o m t h e w h e e l o f k a r m a . " Y o u h e a r d t h e lady. W e h a v e n i n e
w e e k s , " h e says. " G i v e o r t a k e . W e c a n afford t o w a s t e a d a y o r t w o
l o o k i n g b u s y w h i l e w e p o k e a r o u n d i n t o this d e a d j u n k i e from y o u r
flop."
" Y o u a r e g o i n g t o h a v e a b a b y , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h e r e w i l l b e
five o f y o u . "
"I hear what you're saying."
"I'm s a y i n g , t h a t ' s five T a y t s h - S h e m e t s e s we are going to
f u c k o v e r if s o m e b o d y is l o o k i n g for r e a s o n s t o d e n y p e o p l e t h e i r
r e s i d e n c y c a r d s , a s w i d e l y r e p o r t e d , a n d o n e o f t h o s e r e a s o n s is a
r e c e n t c i t a t i o n for a c t i n g i n d i r e c t c o n t r a d i c t i o n o f o r d e r s f r o m a
s u p e r i o r officer, n o t t o m e n t i o n e g r e g i o u s flouting o f d e p a r t m e n t a l
policy, h o w e v e r idiotic a n d c r a v e n . "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 81

Berko blinks and p o p s a n o t h e r pickled t o m a t o i n t o his m o u t h .

H e c h e w s i t , a n d s i g h s . " I n e v e r h a d a b r o t h e r o r a s i s t e r , " h e says.
"All I e v e r h a d w a s c o u s i n s . M o s t o f t h e m w e r e I n d i a n s , a n d t h e y
d i d n ' t w a n t to k n o w me. T w o w e r e Jews. O n e of t h o s e Jews, m a y
h e r n a m e b e a b l e s s i n g , is d e a d . T h a t l e a v e s m e w i t h y o u . "
" I a p p r e c i a t e t h i s , B e r k o , " L a n d s m a n says. " I w a n t y o u t o k n o w
that."
" F u c k t h a t s h i t , " B e r k o says i n A m e r i c a n . " W e ' r e g o i n g t o t h e
Einstein, aren't we?"
" Y e a h , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h a t ' s w h e r e I figured we ought to
start."
Before t h e y can s t a n d u p o r t r y t o s e t t l e t h i n g s w i t h M r s .
K a l u s h i n e r , t h e r e is a s c r a t c h i n g a t t h e f r o n t d o o r a n d t h e n a l o n g ,
l o w m o a n . T h e s o u n d is h u m a n a n d f o r l o r n , a n d i t m a k e s t h e h a i r
on L a n d s m a n ' s n a p e s t a n d erect. H e goes t o t h e front d o o r a n d lets
in t h e d o g , w h o c l i m b s b a c k u p o n t o t h e s t a g e t o t h e p l a c e w h e r e h e
has w o r n away t h e p a i n t on t h e floorboards, and sits, ears raised to
c a t c h t h e s o u n d o f a v a n i s h e d h o r n , w a i t i n g p a t i e n t l y for t h e l e a s h
to be restored.
T
h e n o r t h e n d o f P e r e t z S t r e e t is all s l a b c o n c r e t e , s t e e l p i l l a r s ,
a l u m i n u m - r i m m e d w i n d o w s double-glazed against t h e cold.
T h e b u i l d i n g s i n t h i s p a r t o f t h e U n t e r s h t a t w e n t u p in t h e
e a r l y fifties, r a p i d l y a s s e m b l e d s h e l t e r m a c h i n e s b u i l t b y s u r v i v o r s ,
w i t h a kind of noble ugliness. N o w t h e y have only the ugliness
of age a n d vacancy. E m p t y s t o r e f r o n t s , p a p e r e d - o v e r glass. In
t h e w i n d o w s of 1911, w h e r e Landsman's father used to attend
m e e t i n g s of t h e E d e l s h t a t Society before t h e storefront gave way
t o a b e a u t y - s u p p l y o u t l e t , a p l u s h k a n g a r o o w i t h a sardonic leer
h o l d s a c a r d b o a r d sign: A U S T R A L I A O R B U S T . A t 1906 t h e H o t e l
E i n s t e i n l o o k s , as s o m e w a g r e m a r k e d o n i t s o p e n i n g t o t h e p u b l i c ,
l i k e a r a t c a g e s t o r e d i n a fish t a n k . I t is a f a v o r i t e v e n u e for t h e
s u i c i d e s o f S i t k a . I t is a l s o , b y c u s t o m a n d c h a r t e r , t h e h o m e o f t h e
Einstein Chess Club.

A m e m b e r of t h e Einstein C h e s s C l u b n a m e d M e l e k h Gaystik
w o n t h e world c h a m p i o n s h i p title over the D u t c h m a n Jan T i m m a n
a t St. P e t e r s b u r g in 1980. T h e W o r l d ' s F a i r fresh in t h e i r m e m o r y ,
S i t k a n i k s v i e w e d G a y s t i k ' s t r i u m p h as f u r t h e r p r o o f o f t h e i r m e r i t
a n d i d e n t i t y as a p e o p l e . G a y s t i k w a s s u b j e c t t o fits o f r a g e , b l a c k
m o o d s , a n d b o u t s o f i n c o h e r e n c e , b u t t h e s e flaws w e r e o v e r l o o k e d
in t h e general c e l e b r a t i o n .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 82

O n e f r u i t o f G a y s t i k ' s v i c t o r y w a s t h e gift o f t h e h o t e l b a l l r o o m
b y t h e E i n s t e i n m a n a g e m e n t , free o f r e n t , t o t h e c h e s s c l u b . H o t e l
w e d d i n g s w e r e o u t o f v o g u e , a n d m a n a g e m e n t h a d b e e n t r y i n g for
years to clear t h e p a t z e r s , w i t h t h e i r m u t t e r i n g s a n d s m o k e , from
t h e coffee s h o p . G a y s t i k p r o v i d e d m a n a g e m e n t t h e e x c u s e t h e y
n e e d e d . T h e y s e a l e d off t h e m a i n d o o r s o f t h e b a l l r o o m so t h a t y o u
c o u l d e n t e r o n l y t h r o u g h t h e b a c k , off a n alley. T h e y p u l l e d u p t h e
fine a s h w o o d p a r q u e t r y a n d l a i d d o w n a d e m e n t e d c h e c k e r b o a r d
of l i n o l e u m in s h a d e s of s o o t , bile, a n d s u r g i c a l - s c r u b green.
T h e modernist chandelier was replaced by banks of fluorescent
t u b e s b o l t e d t o t h e high c o n c r e t e ceiling. T w o m o n t h s later, t h e
y o u n g w o r l d c h a m p i o n w a n d e r e d i n t o t h e o l d coffee s h o p w h e r e
L a n d s m a n ' s father h a d o n c e m a d e his m a r k , sat d o w n in a b o o t h at
t h e b a c k , t o o k o u t a C o l t .38 D e t e c t i v e Special, a n d s h o t h i m s e l f in
t h e m o u t h . T h e r e w a s a n o t e i n h i s p o c k e t . I t s a i d o n l y I liked things
better the way they were before.

" E m a n u e l L a s k e r , " t h e R u s s i a n says t o t h e t w o d e t e c t i v e s , l o o k i n g

u p from t h e c h e s s b o a r d , u n d e r a n o l d n e o n c l o c k t h a t a d v e r t i s e s t h e
d e f u n c t n e w s p a p e r , t h e Blat. H e is a s k e l e t a l m a n , h i s s k i n t h i n , p i n k ,
and peeling. H e wears a p o i n t e d black b e a r d . H i s eyes are close-set
a n d t h e color of cold seawater. " E m a n u e l L a s k e r . " T h e Russian's
shoulders h u n c h , a n d h e d u c k s his h e a d , a n d his r i b c a g e swells a n d
n a r r o w s . It looks like laughter, b u t n o s o u n d c o m e s o u t . " I w i s h t h a t h e
does come around h e r e . " Like t h a t of m o s t Russian i m m i g r a n t s , t h e
m a n ' s Y i d d i s h is e x p e r i m e n t a l a n d b r u s q u e . H e r e m i n d s L a n d s m a n
of somebody, t h o u g h L a n d s m a n c a n ' t say w h o m . " I give h i m such a
k i c k t o h i s ass for h i m . "

"You ever look at his g a m e s ? " t h e Russian's o p p o n e n t w a n t s to

k n o w . H e is a y o u n g m a n w i t h p u d d i n g c h e e k s a n d r i m l e s s g l a s s e s
and a complexion t i n g e d w i t h g r e e n , like t h e w h i t e of a dollar bill.
T h e l e n s e s o f h i s g l a s s e s ice o v e r as h e a i m s t h e m a t L a n d s m a n .
"You ever look at his g a m e s , D e t e c t i v e ? "
" J u s t t o m a k e this clear," L a n d s m a n says, " t h a t i s n ' t t h e L a s k e r
w e have in m i n d . "
84 MICHAEL CHABON

" T h i s m a n w a s o n l y u s i n g t h e n a m e as a n a l i a s , " B e r k o says.

" O t h e r w i s e w e ' d b e l o o k i n g for a m a n w h o ' s a l r e a d y b e e n d e a d
sixty years."
"You look at Lasker's games today," the young man continues,
"there's too much complexity. H e makes everything too hard."
" O n l y i t s e e m s c o m p l e x i t y t o y o u , V e l v e l , " says t h e R u s s i a n ,
"for t h e reason of h o w m u c h y o u are s i m p l e . "
T h e s h a m m e s e s h a v e i n t e r r u p t e d t h e i r g a m e in its d e n s e m i d d l e
stages w i t h t h e Russian, p l a y i n g W h i t e , h o l d i n g an unassailable
k n i g h t o u t p o s t . T h e m e n are still c a u g h t u p in t h e i r g a m e , t h e w a y
a p a i r of m o u n t a i n s g e t s c a u g h t u p in a w h i t e o u t . T h e i r n a t u r a l
i m p u l s e is t o t r e a t t h e d e t e c t i v e s w i t h t h e a b s t r a c t c o n t e m p t t h e y
r e s e r v e for all k i b i t z e r s . L a n d s m a n w o n d e r s if h e a n d B e r k o o u g h t
to wait u n t i l t h e players have finished and t h e n t r y again. But there
a r e o t h e r g a m e s in p r o g r e s s , o t h e r players t o q u e s t i o n . A r o u n d
t h e old b a l l r o o m , legs s c r a t c h t h e l i n o l e u m like fingernails on a
c h a l k b o a r d . C h e s s m e n click like t h e c y l i n d e r t u r n i n g in M e l e k h
Gaystik's .38. T h e m e n — t h e r e are no w o m e n h e r e — p l a y by means
of steadily h e c t o r i n g t h e i r o p p o n e n t s w i t h self-aspersions, chilly
laughter, whistling, harumphs.

"As l o n g as w e ' r e m a k i n g t h i n g s c l e a r , " B e r k o says, "this

m a n w h o called himself E m a n u e l Lasker, b u t was not t h e n o t e d
w o r l d c h a m p i o n b o r n in P r u s s i a in 1 8 6 8 , has d i e d , a n d w e are
i n v e s t i g a t i n g t h a t d e a t h . I n o u r c a p a c i t y as h o m i c i d e d e t e c t i v e s ,
w h i c h w e m e n t i o n e d b u t w i t h o u t , it s e e m s , m a k i n g m u c h of an
impression."
"A J e w w i t h b l o n d h a i r , " t h e R u s s i a n says.
" A n d f r e c k l e s , " V e l v e l says.
" Y o u s e e , " t h e R u s s i a n says. " W e p a y c l o s e a t t e n t i o n . " He
snatches u p o n e of his rooks t h e w a y you pluck at a stray hair on
s o m e b o d y ' s collar. T o g e t h e r his fingers a n d t h e r o o k t a k e t h e i r
t r i p d o w n t h e file a n d b r e a k t h e b a d n e w s t o t h e B l a c k ' s r e m a i n i n g
bishop with a tap.
Velvel s p e a k s R u s s i a n now, w i t h a Yiddish a c c e n t , offering
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 85

h i s w i s h e s for t h e r e s u m p t i o n o f f r i e n d l y r e l a t i o n s b e t w e e n his
opponent's m o t h e r and a well-endowed stallion.
" I a m o r p h a n , " t h e R u s s i a n says.
H e s i t s b a c k i n h i s c h a i r as if e x p e c t i n g h i s o p p o n e n t t o r e q u i r e
s o m e t i m e t o r e c o v e r from t h e loss of his b i s h o p . H e k n o t s his
a r m s a r o u n d h i s c h e s t a n d j a m s h i s h a n d s i n t o h i s a r m p i t s . I t is t h e
g e s t u r e of a m a n w h o w a n t s t o s m o k e a p a p i r o s in a r o o m w h e r e t h e
habit has been forbidden. L a n d s m a n w o n d e r s w h a t his father w o u l d
h a v e d o n e w i t h h i m s e l f if t h e E i n s t e i n C h e s s C l u b h a d banned
s m o k i n g w h i l e h e w a s alive. T h e m a n c o u l d go t h r o u g h a w h o l e
pack of Broadways in a single g a m e .
"Blond," the Russian says, the very soul of helpfulness.
"Freckles. W h a t else, please?"
L a n d s m a n shuffles t h r o u g h h i s s c a n t y h a n d o f d e t a i l s , t r y i n g t o
d e c i d e w h i c h o n e t o play. "A s t u d e n t o f t h e g a m e , w e ' r e g u e s s i n g .
U p on his chess history. H e h a d a b o o k b y S i e g b e r t T a r r a s c h in his
r o o m . A n d t h e n t h e r e ' s t h e alias h e w a s u s i n g . "
"So astute," the Russian says w i t h o u t bothering to sound
s i n c e r e . "A c o u p l e o f t o p - d o l l a r s h a m m e s e s . "
T h e r e m a r k d o e s n o t so m u c h r a n k l e L a n d s m a n as n u d g e h i m
half a wisecrack closer to r e m e m b e r i n g this b o n y Russian w i t h t h e
p e e l i n g skin. "At o n e t i m e , p o s s i b l y , " h e c o n t i n u e s m o r e slowly,
g r o p i n g for t h e m e m o r y , w a t c h i n g t h e R u s s i a n , " t h e d e c e a s e d w a s
a p i o u s Jew. A b l a c k h a t . "
T h e Russian t u g s his h a n d s o u t from u n d e r his a r m s . H e sits
f o r w a r d in his chair. T h e ice o n his Baltic eyes s e e m s t o thaw
all a t o n c e . " H e w a s s m a c k a d d i c t ? " H i s t o n e b a r e l y q u a l i f i e s as
a question, and when Landsman doesn't immediately deny the
c h a r g e , h e says, " F r a n k . " H e p r o n o u n c e s t h e n a m e A m e r i c a n - s t y l e ,
w i t h a l o n g , s h a r p v o w e l a n d a s h a d o w l e s s R. " A h , n o . "
" F r a n k , " Velvel a g r e e s .
"I—" T h e Russian slumps, knees spread, hands dangling at
h i s s i d e s . " D e t e c t i v e s , c a n I t e l l y o u o n e t h i n g ? " h e says. " T r u l y ,
s o m e t i m e s I h a t e t h i s l a m e n t a b l e e x c u s e for a w o r l d . "
8G MICHAEL CHABDN

" T e l l u s a b o u t F r a n k , " B e r k o says. " Y o u l i k e d h i m . "

T h e Russian hoists his shoulders, his eyes iced over again. "I d o
n o t l i k e a n y o n e , " h e says. " B u t w h e n F r a n k c o m e s i n h e r e , a t l e a s t
I d o n o t r u n s c r e a m i n g o u t t h e d o o r . H e is funny. N o t h a n d s o m e
m a n . B u t h a n d s o m e voice. Serious voice. Like t h e m a n w h o plays
serious m u s i c on t h e radio. A t t h r e e o'clock in t h e m o r n i n g , you
k n o w , t a l k i n g a b o u t S h o s t a k o v i c h . H e says t h i n g s i n s e r i o u s v o i c e ,
i t ' s funny. E v e r y t h i n g h e s a y s , a l w a y s i t ' s a l i t t l e b i t c r i t i c i s m . C u t
of y o u r hair, h o w u g l y y o u r p a n t s , h o w Velvel j u m p s e v e r y t i m e a
p e r s o n m e n t i o n s his wife."
" T r u e e n o u g h , " V e l v e l says. " I d o . "
"Always t e a s i n g y o u , b u t , I d o n ' t k n o w why, it d o n ' t piss you
off."
" I t w a s — Y o u felt l i k e h e w a s h a r d e r o n h i m s e l f , " Velvel says.
" W h e n y o u p l a y h i m , e v e n t h o u g h h e w i n s e v e r y t i m e , y o u feel
y o u p l a y b e t t e r a g a i n s t h i m t h a n w i t h t h e assholes in t h i s c l u b , "
t h e R u s s i a n says. " F r a n k is n e v e r a s s h o l e . "
" M e y e r , " says B e r k o , soft. H e flies t h e flags o f h i s e y e b r o w s i n
t h e direction of t h e next table. T h e y have an audience.
L a n d s m a n t u r n s . T w o m e n confront each o t h e r over a game
in its early stages. O n e w e a r s t h e m o d e r n j a c k e t a n d p a n t s a n d
full b e a r d o f a L u b a v i t c h e r Jew. H i s b e a r d is d e n s e a n d b l a c k as
if s h a d e d i n w i t h a soft p e n c i l . A s t e a d y h a n d h a s p i n n e d a b l a c k
v e l o u r skullcap t r i m m e d w i t h b l a c k silk t o t h e black t a n g l e of his
hair. H i s n a v y o v e r c o a t a n d b l u e fedora h a n g from a h o o k set i n t o
t h e m i r r o r e d wall b e h i n d h i m . T h e l i n i n g of his coat a n d t h e label
of his h a t a r e reflected in t h e glass. E x h a u s t i o n stains t h e u n d e r l i d s
o f h i s e y e s : f e r v e n t e y e s , b o v i n e a n d s a d . H i s o p p o n e n t is a B o b o v e r
i n a l o n g r o b e , b r i t c h e s , w h i t e h o s e , a n d s l i p p e r s . H i s s k i n is as p a l e
as a p a g e o f c o m m e n t a r y . H i s h a t p e r c h e s o n h i s l a p , a b l a c k c a k e o n
a b l a c k d i s h . H i s s k u l l c a p lies flat as a s e w n p o c k e t a g a i n s t t h e b a c k
of his c r o p p e d head. T o t h e eye n o t disillusioned b y police work,
t h e y m i g h t a p p e a r t o b e as l o s t as a n y p a i r o f E i n s t e i n p a t z e r s in
t h e diffused r a d i a n c e of t h e i r g a m e . L a n d s m a n w o u l d be willing t o
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 87

bet a h u n d r e d dollars, however, t h a t n e i t h e r of t h e m even k n o w s

w h o s e m o v e i t is. T h e y h a v e b e e n l i s t e n i n g t o e v e r y w o r d a t t h e
n e i g h b o r i n g table; t h e y a r e l i s t e n i n g now.
Berko walks over to t h e table on t h e o t h e r side of t h e Russian
a n d Velvel. It's u n o c c u p i e d . H e picks u p a b e n t w o o d c h a i r w i t h a
ripped cane seat a n d swings it a r o u n d to a s p o t b e t w e e n t h e table
o f t h e b l a c k h a t s a n d t h e t a b l e w h e r e t h e R u s s i a n is b r e a k i n g V e l v e l
d o w n . H e sits d o w n in t h a t g r a n d fat-man w a y h e has, s p r e a d i n g his
l e g s , t o s s i n g t h e flaps o f h i s o v e r c o a t b e h i n d h i m , as if h e is g o i n g
t o m a k e a fine m e a l o f t h e m a l l . H e t a k e s off h i s o w n h o m b u r g ,
p a l m i n g it by t h e c r o w n . H i s Indian hair s t a n d s t h i c k a n d l u s t r o u s ,
t h r e a d e d l a t e l y w i t h silver. G r a y h a i r m a k e s B e r k o l o o k w i s e r a n d
k i n d e r , a n effect t h a t , t h o u g h h e is r e l a t i v e l y w i s e a n d f a i r l y k i n d ,
h e will n o t h e s i t a t e t o a b u s e . T h e b e n t w o o d c h a i r g r o w s a l a r m e d at
t h e scope a n d c o n t o u r of Berko's b u t t o c k s .

"Hi!" B e r k o says t o t h e b l a c k h a t s . H e r u b s h i s p a l m s t o g e t h e r ,
t h e n s p r e a d s t h e m a c r o s s h i s t h i g h s . A l l t h e m a n n e e d s is a n a p k i n
t o t u c k i n t o his collar, a fork, a n d a knife. " H o w a r e y o u ? "
W i t h t h e art a n d d e t e r m i n a t i o n of t h e v e r y w o r s t actors, t h e
black hats look up, surprised.
" W e d o n ' t w a n t a n y t r o u b l e , " t h e L u b a v i t c h e r says.
"My favorite p h r a s e in t h e Y i d d i s h language," Berko says
sincerely. " N o w , h o w a b o u t w e g e t y o u in o n t h i s d i s c u s s i o n ? T e l l
us a b o u t F r a n k . "
" W e d i d n o t k n o w h i m , " t h e L u b a v i t c h e r says. " F r a n k w h o ? "
T h e B o b o v e r says n o t h i n g .
" F r i e n d B o b o v e r , " L a n d s m a n says g e n t l y . " Y o u r n a m e . "
" M y n a m e is S a l t i e l L a p i d u s , " t h e B o b o v e r says. H i s e y e s a r e
g i r l i s h a n d shy. H e folds h i s f i n g e r s i n h i s l a p , o n t o p o f h i s h a t .
"And I k n o w n o t h i n g a b o u t a n y t h i n g . "
"You played w i t h this F r a n k ? You k n e w h i m ? "
Saltiel L a p i d u s gives his h e a d a h a s t y shake. " N o . "
" Y e s , " t h e L u b a v i t c h e r says. " H e w a s k n o w n t o u s . "
L a p i d u s g l a r e s a t h i s f r i e n d , a n d t h e L u b a v i t c h e r l o o k s away.
88 MICHAEL CHABON

L a n d s m a n r e a d s t h e s t o r y . C h e s s is p e r m i t t e d t o t h e p i o u s J e w ,
even—alone among games—on the Sabbath. But the Einstein
C h e s s C l u b is a r e s o l u t e l y s e c u l a r i n s t i t u t i o n . T h e Lubavitcher
dragged the Bobover into this profane temple on a Friday morning
w i t h S a b b a t h c o m i n g a n d b o t h of t h e m h a v i n g b e t t e r things to
do. H e s a i d e v e r y t h i n g w o u l d b e fine, w h a t h a r m c o u l d c o m e o f it?
A n d n o w see.
L a n d s m a n is c u r i o u s , e v e n t o u c h e d . A f r i e n d s h i p a c r o s s s e c t a r i a n
l i n e s is n o t a c o m m o n p h e n o m e n o n , i n h i s e x p e r i e n c e . I n t h e p a s t ,
it has s t r u c k h i m t h a t , a p a r t from h o m o s e x u a l s , only chess players
h a v e f o u n d a r e l i a b l e w a y t o b r i d g e , i n t e n s e l y b u t w i t h o u t fatal
violence, t h e gulf t h a t separates any given pair of m e n .
" I h a v e seen h i m h e r e , " t h e L u b a v i t c h e r declares, his eyes on
h i s f r i e n d , as if t o s h o w h i m t h e y h a v e n o t h i n g t o fear. " T h i s s o -
called F r a n k . M a y b e I played h i m o n e or t w o times. In m y opinion,
he was a highly talented player."
" C o m p a r e d t o y o u , F i s h k i n , " t h e R u s s i a n s a y s , " a m o n k e y is
Raul Capablanca."
" Y o u , " L a n d s m a n says t o t h e R u s s i a n , h i s v o i c e l e v e l , p l a y i n g a
hunch. "You knew he was a heroin addict. H o w ? "
"Detective Landsman," the Russian says, half reproachful.
"You do not recognize me?"
I t felt l i k e a h u n c h . B u t i t w a s o n l y a m i s l a i d m e m o r y .
"Vassily Shitnovitzer," L a n d s m a n says. I t h a s n o t b e e n so
l o n g — a d o z e n y e a r s — s i n c e h e a r r e s t e d a y o u n g Russian of t h a t
n a m e for c o n s p i r a c y t o sell h e r o i n . A r e c e n t i m m i g r a n t , a f o r m e r
c o n v i c t s w e p t clear of t h e chaos t h a t followed t h e collapse of t h e
T h i r d Russian Republic. A m a n with broken Yiddish, this heroin
d e a l e r , a n d p a l e e y e s s e t t o o c l o s e t o g e t h e r . " A n d y o u k n e w m e all
this time."
" Y o u a r e h a n d s o m e fellow. H a r d t o f o r g e t , " S h i t n o v i t z e r says.
"Also s n a p p y d r e s s e r . "
" S h i t n o v i t z e r s p e n t a long t i m e in B u t y r k a , " L a n d s m a n tells
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 89

Berko, m e a n i n g t h e n o t o r i o u s M o s c o w p r i s o n . " N i c e guy. U s e t o

sell j u n k f r o m t h e k i t c h e n o f t h e coffee s h o p h e r e . "
" Y o u s o l d h e r o i n t o F r a n k ? " B e r k o says t o S h i t n o v i t z e r .
" I a m r e t i r e d , " Vassily S h i t n o v i t z e r says, s h a k i n g his head.
"Sixty-four federal m o n t h s in E l l e n s b u r g , W a s h i n g t o n . W o r s e t h a n
B u t y r k a . N e v e r a g a i n I d o n ' t t o u c h t h a t stuff, D e t e c t i v e s , a n d e v e n
if I d o , b e l i e v e m e , I d o n ' t g o n e a r F r a n k . I a m c r a z y , b u t I a m n o t
lunatic."
L a n d s m a n feels t h e b u m p a n d t h e s k i d as t h e t i r e s l o c k . T h e y
have just hit something.
" W h y n o t ? " Berko says, k i n d l y a n d wise. " W h y d o e s selling
smack to Frank make you not just a criminal b u t a lunatic, Mr.
Shitnovitzer?"
T h e r e is a s m a l l , d e c i s i v e c l i n k , a b i t h o l l o w , l i k e false t e e t h
c l a p p i n g t o g e t h e r . Velvel t i p s o v e r h i s k i n g .
" I r e s i g n , " says V e l v e l . H e t a k e s off h i s g l a s s e s , s l i p s t h e m i n t o
his p o c k e t , a n d s t a n d s up. H e forgot an a p p o i n t m e n t . H e ' s late
for w o r k . H i s m o t h e r is c a l l i n g h i m o n t h e u l t r a s o n i c frequency
r e s e r v e d b y t h e g o v e r n m e n t for J e w i s h m o t h e r s i n t h e e v e n t o f
lunch.
" S i t d o w n , " B e r k o says w i t h o u t t u r n i n g a r o u n d . T h e k i d s i t s
down.
A c r a m p has seized Shitnovitzer's i n t e s t i n e s ; t h a t ' s h o w it looks
to Landsman.
" B a d m a z e l , " h e says finally.
"Bad mazel," L a n d s m a n repeats, letting his d o u b t and his
disappointment show
" L i k e a c o a t . A h a t o f b a d m a z e l o n h i s h e a d . So m u c h b a d m a z e l ,
you don't w a n t to touch him or share oxygen nearby."
" I s a w h i m p l a y i n g five g a m e s a t o n c e , " V e l v e l offers. " F o r a
h u n d r e d dollars. H e w o n t h e m all. T h e n I saw h i m v o m i t i n g in t h e
alley."
" D e t e c t i v e s , p l e a s e , " S a l t i e l L a p i d u s says i n a p a i n e d v o i c e . " W e
90 MICHAEL CHABON

have n o t h i n g to do w i t h this. We k n o w n o t h i n g about this man.

H e r o i n . V o m i t i n g in alleys. Please, w e ' r e already uncomfortable
enough."
"Embarrassed," the Lubavitcher suggests.
"Sorry" L a p i d u s c o n c l u d e s . " A n d w e h a v e n o t h i n g t o say. S o ,
please, may we go?"
" S u r e t h i n g , " B e r k o says. " T a k e off. J u s t w r i t e d o w n y o u r n a m e s
a n d c o n t a c t i n f o r m a t i o n for u s b e f o r e y o u g o . "
H e t a k e s o u t h i s s o - c a l l e d n o t e b o o k , a s m a l l , fat s h e a f o f p a p e r
h e l d t o g e t h e r w i t h an e x t r a - l a r g e p a p e r clip. A t a n y given m o m e n t
it m i g h t b e found t o c o n t a i n business cards, tides tables, to-do
lists, chronological listings of English kings, theories scrawled
at t h r e e in t h e m o r n i n g , five-dollar bills, j o t t e d recipes, folded
c o c k t a i l n a p k i n s w i t h t h e l a y o u t of a S o u t h S i t k a alley in w h i c h
a h o o k e r w a s k i l l e d . H e shuffles t h r o u g h h i s n o t e b o o k u n t i l h e
arrives at a b l a n k scrap of index card, w h i c h he h a n d s to Fishkin
t h e L u b a v i t c h e r . H e h o l d s o u t his s t u b of pencil, b u t , n o t h a n k
you, Fishkin has a p e n of his o w n . H e w r i t e s d o w n his n a m e and
a d d r e s s a n d t h e n u m b e r of his Shoyfer, t h e n passes it to L a p i d u s ,
who does the same.

" O n l y , " F i s h k i n says, " d o n ' t call us. D o n ' t c o m e t o o u r h o m e s . I

b e g y o u . W e d o n ' t h a v e a n y t h i n g t o say. T h e r e ' s n o t h i n g a b o u t t h a t
J e w t h a t w e can tell y o u . "
E v e r y n o z in t h e D i s t r i c t learns t o r e s p e c t t h e silence of t h e
b l a c k h a t . I t is a r e f u s a l t o a n s w e r t h a t c a n s p r e a d a n d g a t h e r a n d
d e e p e n u n t i l , l i k e a fog, i t fills t h e s t r e e t s o f a n e n t i r e b l a c k - h a t
n e i g h b o r h o o d . B l a c k h a t s w i e l d skillful a t t o r n e y s , a n d p o l i t i c a l
clout, a n d b o i s t e r o u s n e w s p a p e r s , a n d can enfold a hapless inspector
or even a c o m m i s s i o n e r in a g r e a t b l a c k - h a t t e d s t i n k t h a t d o e s n ' t go
a w a y u n t i l t h e w i t n e s s o r s u s p e c t is k i c k e d l o o s e o r t h e c h a r g e s a r e
d r o p p e d . L a n d s m a n w o u l d n e e d t h e full w e i g h t o f t h e d e p a r t m e n t
b e h i n d h i m , a n d at t h e v e r y least his skipper's approval, before he
c o u l d i n v i t e L a p i d u s a n d F i s h k i n i n t o t h e h o t b o x of t h e h o m i c i d e
modular.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 91

H e risks a glance at Berko, w h o risks a slight shake of t h e head.

"Go," L a n d s m a n says.
L a p i d u s l u r c h e s t o his feet like a m a n d e f e a t e d b y his b o w e l s .
T h e b u s i n e s s o f c o a t a n d g a l o s h e s is u n d e r t a k e n w i t h a s h o w o f
b a t t e r e d dignity. H e r e t u r n s t h e iron lid of his h a t b y half-inches t o
his h e a d , t h e w a y y o u ease d o w n a m a n h o l e cover. W i t h a g r i e v i n g
eye, he watches Fishkin sweep his unplayed m o r n i n g i n t o a h i n g e d
w o o d e n box. Side b y side, t h e black hats c o n d u c t t h e m s e l v e s a m o n g
t h e tables, p a s t t h e o t h e r players, w h o look u p t o w a t c h t h e m go.
J u s t b e f o r e t h e y r e a c h t h e d o o r s , t h e left l e g o f S a l t i e l L a p i d u s
c o m e s u n s t r u n g a t i t s t u n i n g key. H e s a g s , g i v e s w a y , a n d r e a c h e s
to steady himself w i t h a h a n d on t h e s h o u l d e r of his friend. T h e
floor u n d e r h i s feet is b a r e a n d s m o o t h . A s far as L a n d s m a n c a n t e l l ,
t h e r e is n o t h i n g t o c a t c h t h e t o e .

"I never saw such a sad Bobover," h e observes. "Jew was on t h e

verge of t e a r s . "
"You w a n t to push him again?"
"Just an inch or t w o . "
" T h a t ' s all y o u g e t w i t h t h e m a n y w a y , " B e r k o s a y s .
T h e y h u r r y p a s t t h e patzers: a seedy violinist from t h e Sitka
O d e o n ; a c h i r o p o d i s t , y o u see his p i c t u r e o n b u s b e n c h e s . B e r k o
b u r s t s t h r o u g h t h e d o o r s after L a p i d u s a n d F i s h k i n . Landsman
is a b o u t t o f o l l o w w h e n s o m e t h i n g w i s t f u l t u g s a t h i s m e m o r y , a
whiff of s o m e b r a n d of aftershave t h a t n o b o d y w e a r s a n y m o r e , t h e
jangling chorus of a song t h a t was m o d e r a t e l y p o p u l a r o n e A u g u s t
twenty-five s u m m e r s ago. L a n d s m a n t u r n s to t h e table nearest t h e
door.
A n o l d m a n s i t s c l e n c h e d l i k e a fist a r o u n d a c h e s s b o a r d , f a c i n g
an e m p t y chair. H e has t h e pieces set u p o n t h e i r o p e n i n g s q u a r e s
a n d h a s d r a w n o r a s s i g n e d h i m s e l f W h i t e . W a i t i n g for h i s o p p o n e n t
t o show. S h i n i n g s k u l l e d g e d w i t h t u f t s o f g r a y i s h h a i r l i k e p o c k e t
l i n t . T h e l o w e r p a r t o f h i s face h i d d e n b y t h e c a n t o f h i s h e a d .
Visible to L a n d s m a n are t h e hollows of his t e m p l e s , his halo of
dandruff, t h e b o n y b r i d g e of his nose, t h e grooves o n his b r o w like
32 MICHAEL CHABON

a g r i d left i n r a w p i e c r u s t b y t h e t i n e s o f a f o r k . A n d t h e f u r i o u s
h u n c h of his s h o u l d e r s , g r i p p i n g t h e p r o b l e m of t h e c h e s s b o a r d ,
p l a n n i n g his brilliant campaign. T h e y were broad shoulders at one
t i m e , t h e shoulders of a hero or a m o v e r of pianos.
" M r . L i t v a k , " L a n d s m a n says.
L i t v a k selects his king's k n i g h t t h e w a y a p a i n t e r chooses a
b r u s h . H i s h a n d s r e m a i n agile a n d ropy. H e d a u b s an arcing s t r o k e
t o w a r d t h e c e n t e r of t h e b o a r d ; h e always favored t h e h y p e r m o d e r n
s t y l e o f play. A t t h e s i g h t o f t h e R é t i O p e n i n g a n d L i t v a k ' s h a n d s ,
L a n d s m a n is f l o o d e d , a l m o s t k n o c k e d d o w n , b y t h e o l d d r e a d o f
chess, b y t h e t e d i u m , t h e i r r i t a t i o n , t h e s h a m e of t h o s e days s p e n t
b r e a k i n g his father's h e a r t over t h e c h e s s b o a r d s in t h e E i n s t e i n
coffee s h o p .
H e says l o u d e r , " A l t e r L i t v a k . "
L i t v a k l o o k s u p , p u z z l e d a n d m y o p i c . H e w a s a m a n for a fistfight,
barrel-chested, a hunter, a fisherman, a soldier. W h e n h e r e a c h e d
for a c h e s s m a n , y o u s a w t h e flash o f t h e l i g h t n i n g b o l t o n h i s b i g
gold A r m y R a n g e r ring. N o w he looks s h r u n k e n , depleted, t h e king
i n t h e s t o r y r e d u c e d b y t h e c u r s e o f e t e r n a l life t o a c r i c k e t i n t h e
a s h e s o f t h e h e a r t h . O n l y t h e v a u l t i n g n o s e r e m a i n s as t e s t a m e n t
t o t h e f o r m e r g r a n d e u r o f h i s face. L o o k i n g a t t h e w r e c k a g e o f t h e
m a n , L a n d s m a n t h i n k s t h a t if h i s f a t h e r h a d n o t t a k e n h i s o w n life,
h e w o u l d i n all l i k e l i h o o d b e d e a d n e v e r t h e l e s s .
Litvak makes an i m p a t i e n t or petitioning gesture w i t h his
h a n d . H e takes from his b r e a s t p o c k e t a m a r b l e d black n o t e p a d and
a fat f o u n t a i n p e n . H e w e a r s h i s b e a r d n e a t l y t r i m m e d , as ever. A
h o u n d s t o o t h blazer, tasseled b o a t shoes, a display handkerchief, a
scarf s t r u n g t h r o u g h his lapels. T h e m a n has n o t lost his s p o r t i n g
air. I n t h e p l e a t s o f h i s t h r o a t is a s h i n i n g scar, a w h i t i s h c o m m a
t i n g e d w i t h p i n k . As h e w r i t e s in t h e p a d w i t h his big W a t e r m a n ,
L i t v a k ' s b r e a t h c o m e s t h r o u g h his g r e a t fleshy n o s e in p a t i e n t
g u s t s . T h e s c r a t c h o f t h e n i b is all t h a t r e m a i n s t o h i m for a v o i c e .
H e p a s s e s t h e p a d t o L a n d s m a n . H i s s c r i p t is s t e a d y a n d clear.
Do I know you
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 93

His gaze sharpens, and he cocks his head to o n e side, sizing

L a n d s m a n u p , r e a d i n g t h e w r i n k l e d s u i t , t h e p o r k p i e h a t , t h e face
like H e r s h e l t h e dog's, k n o w i n g L a n d s m a n w i t h o u t recognizing
him. H e takes back the p a d and a p p e n d s one w o r d to his question.
Do I know you Detective
" M e y e r L a n d s m a n , " L a n d s m a n says, h a n d i n g t h e old m a n a
business card. " Y o u k n e w m y father. I u s e d t o c o m e h e r e w i t h h i m
f r o m t i m e t o t i m e . B a c k w h e n t h e c l u b w a s i n t h e coffee s h o p . "
T h e r e d - r i m m e d e y e s w i d e n . W o n d e r m i n g l e s w i t h h o r r o r as M r .
L i t v a k i n t e n s i f i e s h i s s t u d y o f L a n d s m a n , s e a r c h i n g for s o m e p r o o f
of this unlikely claim. H e t u r n s a p a g e in his p a d a n d p r o n o u n c e s
his findings in t h e m a t t e r .
Impossible No way Meyerle Landsman could be such a lumpy old sack
of onions
"Afraid s o , " L a n d s m a n says.
What are you doing here terrible chess player
" I was only a k i d , " L a n d s m a n says, horrified t o d e t e c t a c r e a k
of self-pity in his t o n e . W h a t an awful p l a c e , w h a t w r e t c h e d m e n ,
what a cruel and pointless game. "Mr. Litvak, you d o n ' t h a p p e n to
k n o w a m a n , I g a t h e r he plays here s o m e t i m e s , a J e w m a y b e t h e y
call h i m F r a n k ? "
Tes I know him has he done something wrong
" H o w well d o y o u k n o w h i m ? "
Not as well as I would like
" D o you k n o w w h e r e he lives, Mr. Litvak? H a v e y o u seen h i m
recently?"
Months pis say you are not a homicide det.
" A g a i n , " L a n d s m a n says, " I ' m afraid s o . "
T h e o l d m a n b l i n k s . If h e is s h o c k e d o r s a d d e n e d b y the
i n f e r e n c e , y o u c a n ' t r e a d i t a n y w h e r e i n h i s face o r b o d y l a n g u a g e .
B u t t h e n a m a n n o t in c o n t r o l of his e m o t i o n s w o u l d n e v e r g e t v e r y
far w i t h t h e R é t i O p e n i n g . M a y b e t h e r e is a h i n t o f s h a k i n e s s i n t h e
w o r d h e w r i t e s n e x t in his p a d .
Overdose?
94 MICHAEL CHABON

" G u n s h o t , " L a n d s m a n says.

T h e d o o r to t h e club creaks o p e n , and a couple of patzers come
in from t h e alley l o o k i n g g r a y a n d cold. A g a u n t scarecrow barely
o u t of his teens, w i t h a t r i m m e d golden beard and a suit that's too
s m a l l for h i m , a n d a s h o r t , c h u b b y m a n , d a r k a n d c u r l y - b e a r d e d ,
i n a s u i t t h a t ' s m u c h t o o l a r g e . T h e i r c r e w c u t s l o o k p a t c h y , as if
self-inflicted, a n d t h e y w e a r m a t c h i n g black c r o c h e t e d y a r m u l k e s .
T h e y h e s i t a t e a m o m e n t in t h e doorway, a b a s h e d , looking at Mr.
L i t v a k as if t h e y e x p e c t t o b e s c o l d e d .
T h e old m a n speaks t h e n , inhaling t h e w o r d s , his voice a
dinosaurian g h o s t . It's an awful sound, a malfunction of the
w i n d p i p e . A m o m e n t after it fades, L a n d s m a n realizes t h a t he said,
" M y grandnephews."
L i t v a k waves t h e m in a n d passes L a n d s m a n ' s c a r d t o t h e c h u b b y
one.
" N i c e t o m e e t y o u , D e t e c t i v e , " t h e c h u b b y o n e says w i t h t h e
h i n t of an a c c e n t , m a y b e A u s t r a l i a n . H e t a k e s t h e e m p t y chair,
glances at t h e board, and s m a r t l y brings o u t his o w n king's knight.
" S o r r y , U n c l e A l t e r . T h a t o n e w a s l a t e , as u s u a l . "
T h e s k i n n y o n e h a n g s b a c k w i t h his h a n d on t h e o p e n d o o r of
the club.
" L a n d s m a n ! " B e r k o c a l l s f r o m t h e alley, w h e r e h e h a s F i s h k i n
and Lapidus corralled beside the Dumpster. It appears to Landsman
t h a t L a p i d u s is b a w l i n g l i k e a c h i l d . " W h a t t h e h e l l ? "
" R i g h t t h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says. " I h a v e t o g o , M r . L i t v a k . " F o r
an i n s t a n t he handles t h e b o n e s , h o r n , and leather of t h e old man's
h a n d . " W h e r e c a n I r e a c h y o u if I n e e d t o t a l k t o y o u s o m e m o r e ? "
L i t v a k w r i t e s o u t an a d d r e s s a n d t e a r s t h e leaf from his p a d .
"Madagascar?" Landsman says, r e a d i n g t h e n a m e of some
u n i m a g i n a b l e s t r e e t in T a n a n a r i v e . " T h a t ' s a n e w o n e . " A t the
sight of t h a t faraway address, at t h e t h o u g h t of t h a t house on rue
J e a n B a r t , L a n d s m a n feels a p r o f o u n d e b b i n h i s w i l l t o p u r s u e t h e
m a t t e r o f t h e d e a d y i d i n 2 0 8 . W h a t d i f f e r e n c e w i l l i t m a k e if h e
c a t c h e s t h e killer? A y e a r from now, J e w s will b e Africans, a n d t h i s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 95

o l d b a l l r o o m w i l l b e filled w i t h t e a - d a n c i n g g e n t i l e s , a n d e v e r y c a s e
t h a t ever was o p e n e d or closed b y a Sitka p o l i c e m a n will have b e e n
filed i n c a b i n e t n i n e . " W h e n a r e y o u l e a v i n g ? "
"Next week," says the chubby great-nephew, sounding
doubtful.
T h e old m a n e m i t s a n o t h e r horrible reptilian croak, one t h a t
n o b o d y u n d e r s t a n d s . H e w r i t e s , t h e n slides t h e n o t e p a d across t o
his g r e a t - n e p h e w .
" ' M a n makes p l a n s , ' " the kid reads. " ' A n d G o d l a u g h s . ' "
 5
•§11 û*

S
ometimes when the younger black hats are caught by the
police, they t u r n h a u g h t y and angry and d e m a n d their rights
as A m e r i c a n s u b j e c t s . A n d s o m e t i m e s t h e y b r e a k d o w n a n d
cry. M e n t e n d t o c r y , i n L a n d s m a n ' s e x p e r i e n c e , w h e n t h e y h a v e
b e e n l i v i n g for a l o n g t i m e w i t h a s e n s e o f T i g h t n e s s a n d safety,
a n d t h e n t h e y r e a l i z e t h a t all a l o n g , j u s t u n d e r t h e i r b o o t s , l a y
t h e a b y s s . T h a t is p a r t o f t h e p o l i c e m a n ' s j o b , t o j e r k b a c k t h e
p r e t t y c a r p e t t h a t covers over t h e d e e p j a g g e d h o l e in t h e floor.
L a n d s m a n w o n d e r s if t h a t ' s h o w i t is w i t h S a l t i e l L a p i d u s . T e a r s
s t r e a m d o w n his c h e e k s . A g l i n t i n g t h r e a d of m u c u s d a n g l e s from
his r i g h t nostril.

" M r . L a p i d u s is f e e l i n g a l i t t l e s a d , " B e r k o says. " B u t h e w o n ' t

say w h y . "
L a n d s m a n feels a r o u n d i n t h e p o c k e t o f h i s o v e r c o a t for a p a c k a g e
o f K l e e n e x a n d finds o n e m i r a c u l o u s s h e e t . L a p i d u s h e s i t a t e s , t h e n
t a k e s it a n d b l o w s his n o s e w i t h feeling.
" I s w e a r t o y o u , I d i d n ' t k n o w t h e m a n , " L a p i d u s says. " I
d o n ' t k n o w w h e r e he lived, w h o he was. I don't k n o w anything.
I s w e a r o n m y life. W e p l a y e d c h e s s a f e w t i m e s . H e always
won."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 97

" Y o u ' r e j u s t g r i e v i n g for t h e s a k e o f h u m a n i t y , t h e n , " L a n d s m a n

says, t r y i n g t o k e e p t h e s a r c a s m o u t o f h i s t o n e .
" E x a c t l y r i g h t , " L a p i d u s says, a n d t h e n h e balls t h e t i s s u e in his
fist a n d t o s s e s t h a t c r u m p l e d f l o w e r i n t o t h e g u t t e r .
" A r e y o u g o i n g t o t a k e u s i n ? " F i s h k i n d e m a n d s . " B e c a u s e if y o u
are, t h e n I w a n t t o call a l a w y e r . A n d if y o u ' r e n o t , t h e n y o u h a v e
to let us g o . "
"A b l a c k - h a t l a w y e r , " B e r k o s a y s , a n d i t ' s a k i n d o f m o a n o r p l e a
d i r e c t e d t o w a r d L a n d s m a n . " W o e is m e . "
" G e t g o i n g , t h e n , " L a n d s m a n says.
B e r k o g i v e s t h e m a n o d . T h e t w o m e n c r u n c h off t h r o u g h t h e
filthy s l u s h o f t h e alley.
"So, n u , I ' m i r r i t a t e d , " B e r k o says. " I a d m i t t h i s o n e is s t a r t i n g
to irritate me."
L a n d s m a n n o d s a n d s c r a t c h e s at t h e s t u b b l e of his c h i n in a
w a y t h a t is m e a n t t o s i g n i f y d e e p r a t i o c i n a t i o n , b u t h i s h e a r t a n d
t h o u g h t s are h u n g u p in t h e m e m o r y of chess g a m e s t h a t h e lost t o
m e n w h o were already old t h i r t y years ago.
" D i d y o u s e e t h a t o l d g u y i n t h e r e ? " h e says. " B y t h e d o o r . A l t e r
L i t v a k . B e e n h a n g i n g a r o u n d t h e E i n s t e i n for y e a r s . U s e d t o p l a y
m y father. Your father, t o o . "
" I ' v e h e a r d t h e n a m e . " B e r k o l o o k s b a c k a t t h e s t e e l fire d o o r
t h a t is t h e E i n s t e i n C l u b ' s g r a n d e n t r a n c e . " W a r h e r o . C u b a . "
" T h e m a n has no voice, he has to w r i t e e v e r y t h i n g d o w n . I
a s k e d h i m w h e r e I c o u l d find h i m if I n e e d e d t o t a l k t o h i m , a n d h e
w r o t e that he was going to Madagascar."
"That's a new one."
"That's what I said."
"Did he know our Frank?"
" N o t well, he said."
" N o b o d y k n e w o u r F r a n k , " B e r k o says. " B u t e v e r y b o d y is v e r y
s a d t h a t h e d i e d . " H e b u t t o n s h i s c o a t o v e r h i s belly, t u r n s u p h i s
c o l l a r , s e t t l e s h i s h a t m o r e firmly o n h i s h e a d . " E v e n y o u . "
98 MICHAEL CHABDN

" F u c k y o u , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h e y i d w a s n o t h i n g t o m e . "

" M a y b e h e was a Russian? T h a t m i g h t explain t h e chess. A n d
y o u r p a l V a s s i l y ' s b e h a v i o r . M a y b e L e b e d o r M o s k o w i t s is b e h i n d
the hit."
"If he's Russian, it d o e s n ' t explain w h a t t h e t w o black hats
w e r e so a f r a i d of," L a n d s m a n says. " T h o s e t w o d o n ' t k n o w from
M o s k o w i t s . R u s s i a n s h t a r k e r s , a g a n g l a n d h i t , it j u s t d o e s n ' t m e a n
t h a t m u c h t o y o u r average Bobover." H e gives his chin a n o t h e r
few p u l l s a n d t h e n m a k e s u p his m i n d . H e looks u p at t h e s t r i p
of r a d i a n t g r a y sky t h a t s t r e t c h e s a l o n g t h e t o p of t h e n a r r o w
a l l e y b e h i n d t h e H o t e l E i n s t e i n . " I w o n d e r w h a t t i m e s u n s e t is
tonight."
" W h y ? We're going to poke a stick into the Harkavy, Meyer? I
d o n ' t t h i n k B i n a w i l l c a r e m u c h for t h a t , w e s t a r t s t i r r i n g u p t h e
black hats down there."
"You d o n ' t , e h ? " L a n d s m a n smiles. H e takes t h e valet ticket
from his p o c k e t . " T h e n w e ' d b e t t e r steer clear of t h e H a r k a v y . "
" U h - o h . You have t h a t s m i l e . "
"You d o n ' t like this smile?"
" O n l y I ' v e n o t i c e d w h a t c o m e s a f t e r is u s u a l l y a q u e s t i o n t h a t
you plan to answer yourself."
" H o w a b o u t t h i s o n e . W h a t k i n d of a y i d , Berko, tell m e this,
w h a t k i n d of a y i d can m a k e a p r i s o n - h a r d Russian sociopath w a n t
t o c r a p in his p a n t s , a n d b r i n g tears t o t h e eyes of t h e m o s t pious
black h a t in S i t k a ? "
" I k n o w y o u w a n t m e t o say a V e r b o v e r , " B e r k o says. After
B e r k o p a s s e d o u t of t h e a c a d e m y , his first b i l l e t w a s t h e Fifth
Precinct, the Harkavy, where the Verbovers landed, along with
m o s t of t h e i r fellow black h a t s , after t h e 1948 arrival of t h e n i n t h
Verbover r e b b e , father-in-law of t h e p r e s e n t model, w i t h the
pitiful r e m n a n t of his c o u r t . It was a classic g h e t t o a s s i g n m e n t ,
trying to help and protect people who disdain and despise you
a n d t h e a u t h o r i t y y o u r e p r e s e n t . I t e n d e d w h e n t h e y o u n g half-
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 99

I n d i a n l a t k e t o o k a b u l l e t in t h e s h o u l d e r , t w o i n c h e s from his
h e a r t , in t h e S h a v u o s M a s s a c r e a t G o l d b l a t t ' s D a i r y R e s t a u r a n t .
" I k n o w t h a t ' s w h o y o u w a n t m e t o say."
T h i s is h o w B e r k o o n c e e x p l a i n e d t o L a n d s m a n t h e s a c r e d g a n g
k n o w n as t h e C h a s i d s o f V e r b o v : T h e y s t a r t e d o u t , b a c k i n t h e
U k r a i n e , b l a c k h a t s l i k e all t h e o t h e r b l a c k h a t s , s c o r n i n g and
k e e p i n g t h e i r d i s t a n c e from t h e t r a s h a n d h o o - h a h of t h e secular
world, inside their i m a g i n a r y g h e t t o wall of ritual and faith. T h e n
t h e e n t i r e s e c t w a s b u r n e d i n t h e fires o f t h e D e s t r u c t i o n , d o w n t o
a hard, dense core of s o m e t h i n g blacker t h a n any hat. W h a t was
left o f t h e n i n t h V e r b o v e r r e b b e e m e r g e d f r o m t h o s e fires with
e l e v e n d i s c i p l e s a n d , a m o n g h i s family, o n l y t h e s i x t h o f h i s e i g h t
d a u g h t e r s . H e rose i n t o t h e air like a c h a r r e d s c r a p of p a p e r a n d
blew to this narrow strip between the Baranof M o u n t a i n s and the
end of t h e world. A n d here he found a w a y to r e m a k e t h e old-style
black-hat d e t a c h m e n t . H e carried its logic t o its logical e n d , t h e
w a y evil g e n i u s e s d o in c h e a p novels. H e b u i l t a c r i m i n a l e m p i r e
that profited on the meaningless t o h u b o h u b e y o n d the theoretical
w a l l s , o n b e i n g s so f l a w e d , c o r r u p t e d , a n d h o p e l e s s o f r e d e m p t i o n
t h a t only cosmic c o u r t e s y led t h e Verbovers even t o consider t h e m
h u m a n a t all.

"I had t h e same t h o u g h t , of c o u r s e , " Berko confesses. " W h i c h

I i m m e d i a t e l y s u p p r e s s e d . " H e c l a p s h i s b i g h a n d s o v e r h i s face
a n d l e a v e s t h e m t h e r e for a m o m e n t b e f o r e d r a g g i n g t h e m s l o w l y
d o w n , pulling at his cheeks until t h e y s t r e t c h p a s t his chin like t h e
j o w l flaps o f a b u l l d o g . " W o e is m e , M e y e r , y o u w a n t u s t o g o o u t
to Verbov Island?"
" F u c k , n o , " L a n d s m a n says i n A m e r i c a n . " T r u t h , B e r k o . I h a t e
t h a t p l a c e . If w e h a v e t o g o t o a n i s l a n d , I ' d m u c h r a t h e r g o t o
Madagascar."
T h e y s t a n d t h e r e in t h e alley b e h i n d t h e E i n s t e i n , thinking
t h r o u g h t h e n u m e r o u s a r g u m e n t s a g a i n s t a n d t h e few t h a t c a n
b e m a d e i n favor o f p i s s i n g off t h e m o s t p o w e r f u l underworld
 MICHAEL CHABON

characters n o r t h of t h e 55th parallel. T h e y a t t e m p t to generate

a l t e r n a t e e x p l a n a t i o n s for t h e s q u i r r e l l y b e h a v i o r o f t h e p a t z e r s in
the Einstein.
" W e ' d b e t t e r s e e I t z i k Z i m b a l i s t , " B e r k o says finally. " A n y b o d y
e l s e o u t t h e r e , i t ' s g o i n g t o b e as u s e f u l as t a l k i n g t o a d o g . A n d a
dog already broke m y heart once today."
 • 3 ) 12

T
h e s t r e e t g r i d h e r e o n t h e i s l a n d is s t i l l S i t k a ' s , r u l e d and
n u m b e r e d , b u t a p a r t from t h a t , y o u are g o n e , s w e e t n e s s : star-
shot, t e l e p o r t e d , s p u n clear t h r o u g h t h e w o r m h o l e to t h e p l a n e t
of t h e Jews. Friday afternoon on Verbov Island, a n d L a n d s m a n ' s
Chevelle S u p e r S p o r t surfs t h e w a v e of black h a t s a l o n g A v e n u e 2 2 5 .
T h e h a t s i n q u e s t i o n a r e felt n u m b e r s , w i t h h i g h , d e n t e d c r o w n s
a n d m i l e - w i d e b r i m s , t h e k i n d favored b y overseers in p l a n t a t i o n
melodramas. T h e w o m e n sport head scarves and glossy wigs s p u n
from t h e h a i r o f t h e p o o r J e w e s s e s o f M o r o c c o a n d M e s o p o t a m i a .
T h e i r coats a n d long dresses are t h e finest rags of Paris a n d N e w
Y o r k , t h e i r s h o e s t h e flower o f Italy. B o y s c a r e e n d o w n t h e s i d e w a l k s
on in-line roller skates in a slipstream of scarves a n d sidelocks,
flashing t h e o r a n g e linings of t h e i r u n z i p p e d parkas. Girls h o b b l e d
b y long skirts go a l o n g b r a i d e d a r m in a r m , r a u c o u s c h a i n s of
V e r b o v e r girls v e h e m e n t a n d c l a n n i s h as s c h o o l s o f p h i l o s o p h y . T h e
s k y h a s t u r n e d steely, t h e w i n d h a s d i e d , a n d t h e a i r c r a c k l e s w i t h
t h e a l c h e m y of c h i l d r e n a n d t h e p r o m i s e of snow.

" L o o k at t h i s p l a c e , " L a n d s m a n says. " I t ' s h o p p i n g . "

" N o t one e m p t y storefront."
"And m o r e of these no-good yids t h a n ever."
102 MICHAEL CHABON

L a n d s m a n s t o p s for a r e d a t N W T w e n t y - e i g h t h S t r e e t . O u t s i d e
a c o r n e r s t o r e , b y a s t u d y hall, T o r a h bachelors loiter, S c r i p t u r e
grifters, u n m a t c h a b l e luftmensches and garden-variety hoodlums.
W h e n t h e y n o t i c e L a n d s m a n ' s car, w i t h i t s r e e k o f p l a i n c l o t h e s m a n
h u b r i s a n d i t s i n f l a m m a t o r y d o u b l e - S o n t h e g r i l l e , t h e y l e a v e off
yelling at o n e a n o t h e r a n d give L a n d s m a n t h e Bessarabian fish-eye.
H e is o n t h e i r turf. H e g o e s c l e a n - s h a v e n a n d d o e s n o t tremble
b e f o r e G o d . H e is n o t a V e r b o v e r J e w a n d t h e r e f o r e is n o t r e a l l y a
J e w a t a l l . A n d if h e is n o t a J e w , t h e n h e is n o t h i n g .
" L o o k a t t h o s e a s s h o l e s l o o k i n g , " L a n d s m a n says. " I d o n ' t l i k e
it."
"Meyer."
T h e t r u t h is, b l a c k - h a t J e w s m a k e L a n d s m a n angry, a n d t h e y
a l w a y s h a v e . H e finds t h a t i t is a p l e a s u r a b l e a n g e r , r i c h w i t h l a y e r s
of envy, c o n d e s c e n s i o n , r e s e n t m e n t , a n d pity. H e p u t s t h e car in
gear a n d shoves open his door.
"Meyer. N o . "
L a n d s m a n steps a r o u n d t h e open door of t h e Super Sport.
H e feels t h e w o m e n w a t c h i n g . H e s m e l l s t h e s u d d e n fear o n t h e
b r e a t h of t h e m e n a r o u n d h i m , like caries of t h e t e e t h . H e hears
t h e l a u g h t e r of t h e c h i c k e n s t h a t have n o t y e t m e t t h e i r fates, t h e
h u m of t h e air c o m p r e s s o r s k e e p i n g t h e c a r p alive in t h e i r t a n k s .
H e ' s g l o w i n g l i k e a n e e d l e t h a t y o u h e a t t o kill a t i c k .
"So, n u , " h e says t o t h e y i d s o n t h e corner. " W h i c h o n e of y o u
buffaloes w a n t s a r i d e in m y s w e e t n o z m o b i l e ? "
A yid steps forward, a fair-skinned slab, low a n d wide, w i t h a
l u m p y forehead a n d a forked yellow beard. "I suggest you r e t u r n to
y o u r v e h i c l e , O f f i c e r , " h e says softly, r e a s o n a b l y . " A n d g o o n w h e r e
you're going."
L a n d s m a n g r i n s . " I s t h a t w h a t y o u s u g g e s t ? " h e says.
T h e o t h e r s t r e e t - c o r n e r m e n s t e p f o r w a r d n o w , filling i n t h e
s p a c e all a r o u n d the bruiser with the lightning beard. There
m u s t b e t w e n t y of t h e m , m o r e t h a n L a n d s m a n believed at first.
L a n d s m a n ' s g l o w g u t t e r s , flickers l i k e a l i g h t b u l b g o i n g b a d .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 103

" I ' l l p u t i t a n o t h e r w a y , " says t h e b l o n d b r u i s e r , a b u l g e a t h i s

h i p d r a w i n g t h e a t t e n t i o n o f h i s fingers. " G e t b a c k i n t h e c a r . "
L a n d s m a n pulls at his chin. M a d n e s s , he thinks. C h a s i n g a
t h e o r e t i c a l l e a d i n a n o n e x i s t e n t c a s e , y o u l o s e y o u r t e m p e r for
no reason. T h e next t h i n g you know, you have caused an incident
a m o n g a b r a n c h of black h a t s w i t h c l o u t , money, a n d a s t o c k p i l e
of M a n c h u r i a n a n d s u r p l u s R u s s i a n firearms recently estimated
by police intelligence, in a confidential r e p o r t , t o b e a d e q u a t e t o
t h e needs of a guerrilla i n s u r g e n c y in a small C e n t r a l A m e r i c a n
republic. M a d n e s s , t h e reliable m a d n e s s of L a n d s m a n .
" H o w about you c o m e over here a n d m a k e m e ? " L a n d s m a n
says.
T h a t ' s w h e n Berko opens his door a n d displays his ancestral
B e a r b u l k in t h e s t r e e t . H i s profile is r e g a l , w o r t h y o f a c o i n o r a
carved m o u n t a i n s i d e . A n d h e carries in his r i g h t h a n d t h e u n c a n n i e s t
h a m m e r a n y J e w o r g e n t i l e is e v e r l i k e l y t o see. I t ' s a r e p l i c a o f t h e
o n e t h a t C h i e f K a t l i a n is r e p o r t e d t o h a v e s w u n g d u r i n g t h e R u s s i a n -
T l i n g i t w a r o f 1 8 0 4 , w h i c h t h e R u s s i a n s l o s t . B e r k o f a s h i o n e d i t for
t h e p u r p o s e of i n t i m i d a t i n g yids w h e n h e was t h i r t e e n a n d n e w t o
t h e i r l a b y r i n t h , a n d i t h a s n o t failed i t s p u r p o s e y e t , w h i c h is w h y
B e r k o k e e p s it i n t h e b a c k s e a t o f L a n d s m a n ' s car. T h e h e a d is a
t h i r t y - f i v e - p o u n d block of m e t e o r i t e iron t h a t H e r t z S h e m e t s d u g
u p a t a n o l d R u s s i a n s i t e n e a r Yakovy. T h e h a n d l e w a s c a r v e d w i t h
a Sears h u n t i n g k n i f e from a f o r t y - o u n c e b a s e b a l l b a t . I n t e r l o c k i n g
b l a c k r a v e n s a n d r e d sea m o n s t e r s w r i t h e a l o n g t h e s h a f t , g r i n n i n g
big-toothed grins. T h e i r p i g m e n t a t i o n used u p fourteen Flair pens.
A pair of raven feathers dangles on a leather t h o n g from t h e t o p of
t h e shaft. T h i s d e t a i l m a y n o t b e h i s t o r i c a l l y a c c u r a t e , b u t i t w o r k s
o n t h e y i d d i s h m i n d t o s a v a g e effect, s a y i n g :

Indianer.
T h e w o r d gets h a n d e d u p and d o w n t h e stalls a n d storefronts.
S i t k a J e w s r a r e l y see or s p e a k t o I n d i a n s , e x c e p t in federal c o u r t
or in t h e small J e w i s h t o w n s a l o n g t h e L i n e . It t a k e s v e r y l i t t l e
i m a g i n a t i o n for t h e s e V e r b o v e r s t o p i c t u r e B e r k o a n d h i s h a m m e r
ID4 MICHAEL CHABON

e n g a g e d in t h e w h o l e s a l e s p a t t e r i n g of paleface b r a i n p a n s . T h e n
t h e y c a t c h s i g h t o f B e r k o ' s y a r m u l k e , a n d a f l u t t e r o f fine w h i t e
f r i n g e a t h i s w a i s t f r o m h i s r i t u a l f o u r - c o r n e r , a n d y o u c a n feel
all t h a t g i d d y x e n o p h o b i a d r a i n off t h e c r o w d , l e a v i n g a r e s i d u e
o f r a c i s t v e r t i g o . T h a t ' s h o w i t g o e s for B e r k o S h e m e t s i n t h e
D i s t r i c t of Sitka w h e n h e b r e a k s o u t t h e h a m m e r a n d goes Indian.
Fifty years of m o v i e scalpings a n d w h i s t l i n g arrows and b u r n i n g
C o n e s t o g a s h a v e t h e i r effect o n p e o p l e ' s m i n d s . A n d t h e n s h e e r
incongruity does the rest.
" B e r k o S h e m e t s , " says t h e m a n w i t h t h e f o r k e d b e a r d , b l i n k i n g ,
as b i g s l o w f e a t h e r s o f s n o w b e g i n t o fall o n h i s s h o u l d e r s a n d h a t .
"What's up, yid?"
" D o v i d S u s s m a n , " Berko says, l o w e r i n g t h e h a m m e r . " I t h o u g h t
it was y o u . "
O n t o h i s c o u s i n h e t r a i n s h i s b i g m i n o t a u r e y e s full o f l o n g
suffering a n d r e p r o a c h . It was n o t Berko's idea to c o m e to Verbov
Island. I t w a s n o t Berko's idea t o p u r s u e t h e Lasker case after t h e y
h a d b e e n t o l d t o l a y off. I t w a s n o t B e r k o ' s i d e a t o flee in s h a m e t o a
cheap U n t e r s h t a t flophouse where mystery junkies get capped by
t h e goddess of chess.
"A s w e e t S a b b a t h t o y o u , S u s s m a n , " B e r k o s a y s , t o s s i n g t h e
h a m m e r i n t o t h e b a c k o f L a n d s m a n ' s car. W h e n i t h i t s t h e floor,
t h e springs inside t h e b u c k e t seats r i n g like bells.
"A s w e e t S a b b a t h t o y o u , t o o , D e t e c t i v e , " S u s s m a n says. T h e
o t h e r yids echo t h e greeting, a bit unsure. T h e n they t u r n away
a n d r e s u m e t h e i r b a c k - a n d - f o r t h o v e r a fine p o i n t o f p o t k o s h e r i n g
or V I N erasure.
W h e n t h e y g e t i n t h e car, B e r k o s l a m s t h e d o o r a n d s a y s , " I hate
doing that."
T h e y d r i v e d o w n A v e n u e 2 2 5 , a n d e v e r y face t u r n s t o l o o k a t
t h e I n d i a n J e w in t h e b l u e C h e v r o l e t .
" S o m u c h for a s k i n g a f e w d i s c r e e t q u e s t i o n s , " B e r k o says
b i t t e r l y . " O n e day, M e y e r , so h e l p m e , I ' m g o i n g t o u s e m y h e a d
knocker on y o u . "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN ID5

" M a y b e y o u s h o u l d , " L a n d s m a n says. " M a y b e I w o u l d w e l c o m e

i t as t h e r a p y . "
T h e y crawl west on Avenue 225 t o w a r d t h e s h o p of Itzik
Zimbalist. C o u r t s and cul-de-sacs, single-family neo-Ukrainians
and condominium units, steep-roofed clapboard structures painted
somber colors and built right o u t to t h e p r o p e r t y lines. The
h o u s e s j o s t l e a n d s h o u l d e r o n e a n o t h e r t h e w a y b l a c k h a t s d o in
synagogue.
" N o t a s i n g l e for-sale s i g n , " L a n d s m a n o b s e r v e s . " L a u n d r y o n
e v e r y line. All t h e o t h e r sects h a v e b e e n p a c k i n g u p t h e T o r a h s
and the hatboxes. T h e Harkavy's half a ghost t o w n . But n o t t h e
Verbovers. Either they're totally oblivious to Reversion, or t h e y
know something we don't."
" T h e y ' r e V e r b o v e r s , " B e r k o says. " W h i c h w a y w o u l d y o u b e t ? "
"You're saying the rebbe p u t t h e fix i n . G r e e n cards for
everyone." Landsman considers this possibility. H e k n o w s , of
course, t h a t a criminal o r g a n i z a t i o n like t h e Verbover r i n g c a n ' t
flourish w i t h o u t t h e r e a d y services of b a g m e n a n d s e c r e t l o b b y i s t s ,
w i t h o u t regular applications of grease a n d b o d y English to t h e
works of g o v e r n m e n t . T h e Verbovers, w i t h their T a l m u d i c g r a s p
o f s y s t e m s , t h e i r d e e p p o c k e t s , a n d t h e i m p e n e t r a b l e face they
present to the outer world have broken or rigged m a n y mechanisms
o f c o n t r o l . B u t t o h a v e f i g u r e d a w a y t o gaff t h e e n t i r e I N S l i k e a
Coke machine with a dollar on a string?

" N o b o d y h a s t h a t m u c h w e i g h t , " L a n d s m a n says. " N o t e v e n

the Verbover r e b b e . "
B e r k o d u c k s h i s h e a d a n d g i v e s h i s s h o u l d e r s a h a l f - s h r u g , as
if h e d o e s n ' t w a n t t o s a y a n y t h i n g m o r e l e s t t e r r i b l e f o r c e s be
unleashed, scourges and plagues and holy tornadoes.
" J u s t b e c a u s e y o u d o n ' t b e l i e v e i n m i r a c l e s , " h e says.
Z
imbalist, t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n , t h a t learned old fart, he's
r e a d y w h e n a r u m o r of I n d i a n s in a b l u e h u n k of M i c h i g a n
m u s c l e c o m e s r u m b l i n g u p t o his front door. Zimbalist's s h o p
is a s t o n e b u i l d i n g w i t h a z i n c r o o f a n d b i g d o o r s o n r o l l e r s , a t t h e
wide e n d of a cobbled platz. T h e platz starts n a r r o w at one end and
b r o a d e n s o u t l i k e t h e n o s e o f a c a r t o o n Jew. H a l f a d o z e n c r o o k e d
lanes t u m b l e i n t o it, following p a t h s first laid d o w n b y long-
vanished Ukrainian goats or aurochs, past housefronts that are
faithful copies of lost U k r a i n i a n originals. A D i s n e y s h t e t l , b r i g h t
a n d c l e a n as a f r e s h l y f o r g e d b i r t h c e r t i f i c a t e . A n a r t f u l j u m b l e o f
m u d - b r o w n and mustard-yellow houses, wood and plaster with
t h a t c h e d roofs. A c r o s s from Z i m b a l i s t ' s s h o p , at t h e n a r r o w e n d
of t h e p l a t z , s t a n d s t h e h o u s e of H e s k e l S h p i l m a n , t e n t h in t h e
d y n a s t i c line from t h e original r e b b e of Verbov, h i m s e l f a famous
w o r k e r of m i r a c l e s . T h r e e n e a t w h i t e c u b e s of s p o t l e s s s t u c c o , w i t h
m a n s a r d roofs of b l u e slate tile a n d tall w i n d o w s , s h u t t e r e d a n d
narrow. A n e x a c t c o p y of t h e original h o m e , b a c k in Verbov, of t h e
p r e s e n t r e b b e ' s wife's g r a n d f a t h e r , t h e e i g h t h Verbover r e b b e , r i g h t
d o w n t o t h e n i c k e l - p l a t e d b a t h t u b in t h e u p s t a i r s w a s h r o o m . Even
before t h e y t u r n e d to m o n e y laundering, smuggling, and graft,
Verbover r e b b e s d i s t i n g u i s h e d t h e m s e l v e s from t h e c o m p e t i t i o n b y
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN ID7

t h e splendor of their waistcoats, t h e F r e n c h silver on their S a b b a t h

t a b l e , t h e soft I t a l i a n b o o t s o n t h e i r f e e t .
T h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n is s m a l l , frail, s l o p e - s h o u l d e r e d , c a l l h i m
seventy-five b u t looking t e n years older. P a t c h y c i n d e r - g r a y hair
w o r n too long, sunken d a r k eyes, and pale skin t i n g e d yellow like
a c e l e r y h e a r t . H e w e a r s a z i p c a r d i g a n w i t h c o l l a r flaps a n d a p a i r
o f o l d p l a s t i c s a n d a l s , n a v y b l u e , o v e r w h i t e s o c k s w i t h a h o l e for
t h e left b i g t o e a n d i t s h o r n . H i s h e r r i n g b o n e t r o u s e r s a r e s t a i n e d
w i t h egg yolk, acid, tar, e p o x y fixative, sealing wax, green paint,
m a s t o d o n b l o o d . T h e m a v e n ' s face is b o n y , m o s t l y n o s e a n d c h i n ,
e v o l v e d for n o t i c i n g , p r o b i n g , c u t t i n g s t r a i g h t t o g a p s , b r e a c h e s ,
a n d l a p s e s . H i s full a s h y b e a r d f l u t t e r s i n t h e w i n d l i k e b i r d fluff
c a u g h t on a b a r b e d - w i r e fence. In a h u n d r e d years of h e l p l e s s n e s s ,
t h i s w o u l d b e t h e l a s t face t h a t L a n d s m a n w o u l d e v e r t u r n t o h o p i n g
for a i d o r i n f o r m a t i o n , b u t B e r k o k n o w s m o r e a b o u t b l a c k - h a t life
t h a n L a n d s m a n ever will.

S t a n d i n g n e x t t o Z i m b a l i s t , in front of t h e a r c h e d s t o n e d o o r
of t h e shop, a beardless y o u n g b a c h e l o r h o l d s an u m b r e l l a t o k e e p
t h e s n o w off t h e o l d f a r t ' s h e a d . T h e b l a c k c a k e o f t h e k i d ' s h a t is
already d u s t e d w i t h a q u a r t e r inch of frosting. Z i m b a l i s t gives h i m
t h e a t t e n t i o n y o u give a t r e e in a p o t .
" Y o u ' r e f a t t e r t h a n e v e r , " h e says b y w a y o f g r e e t i n g as B e r k o
swaggers toward him, some ghost of the weight of t h e war h a m m e r
l i n g e r i n g i n h i s g a i t . " B i g as a s o f a . "
"Professor Zimbalist," Berko says, s w i n g i n g that invisible
m a l l e t . " Y o u l o o k l i k e s o m e t h i n g t h a t fell o u t o f a u s e d v a c u u m -
cleaner bag."
" E i g h t years you d o n ' t b o t h e r m e . "
"Yeah, I t h o u g h t I'd give y o u a b r e a k . "
" T h a t ' s nice. T o o b a d e v e r y o t h e r J e w in t h i s a c c u r s e d p o t a t o
p a r i n g o f a D i s t r i c t k e p t r i g h t o n b a n g i n g m e a k e t t l e all d a y l o n g . "
H e t u r n s to the bachelor with t h e umbrella. "Tea. Glasses. J a m . "
T h e bachelor m u r m u r s an Aramaic allusion to abject obedience
q u o t e d f r o m t h e Tractate on the Hierarchy of Dogs, Cats, and Mice, o p e n s
108 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e d o o r for t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n , a n d t h e y g o i n . I t ' s o n e v a s t ,
echoing room, divided by theory into a garage, a workshop, and
a n office t h a t ' s l i n e d w i t h s t e e l m a p c a b i n e t s , f r a m e d t e s t i m o n i a l s ,
a n d all t h e b l a c k - s p i n e d v o l u m e s o f t h e e n d l e s s , b o t t o m l e s s Law.
T h e b i g rolling d o o r s are t h e r e t o let t h e v a n s go in a n d o u t . T h r e e
v a n s , j u d g i n g f r o m t h e t r e y o f oil s t a i n s o n t h e s m o o t h c e m e n t
floor.
Landsman gets p a i d — a n d lives—to notice what normal people
miss, b u t it seems to h i m t h a t until he walked into Zimbalist the
b o u n d a r y maven's shop, he hasn't given enough a t t e n t i o n to string.
String, twine, rope, cord, tape, filament, lanyard, hawser, and cable;
p o l y p r o p y l e n e , h e m p , r u b b e r , r u b b e r i z e d c o p p e r , Kevlar, steel, silk,
flax, b r a i d e d v e l v e t . T h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n h a s v a s t s t r e t c h e s o f
t h e T a l m u d b y h e a r t . T o p o g r a p h y , geography, geodesy, geometry,
t r i g o n o m e t r y , t h e y ' r e a reflex, like s i g h t i n g a l o n g t h e b a r r e l of a
g u n . B u t t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n lives a n d d i e s b y t h e q u a l i t y o f h i s
s t r i n g . M o s t of i t — y o u can m e a s u r e it in m i l e s , or in v e r s h t s , or
in h a n d s , like a b o u n d a r y m a v e n — i s coiled n e a t l y on spools h u n g
from t h e wall or s t a c k e d neatly, b y size, on m e t a l spindles. B u t a
l o t o f i t is h e a p e d h e r e a n d t h e r e i n c r a z e s a n d t a n g l e s . B r a m b l e s ,
hair c o m b i n g s , h u g e t h o r n y elf k n o t s of s t r i n g a n d wire, blowing
a r o u n d t h e s h o p like t u m b l e w e e d s .

" T h i s is m y p a r t n e r , P r o f e s s o r , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , " B e r k o
says. " Y o u w a n t s o m e b o d y t o b a n g y o u a k e t t l e , l e t m e t e l l y o u . "
"A p a i n i n t h e a s s l i k e y o u ? "
"Don't get me started."
L a n d s m a n and t h e professor shake hands.
" I k n o w t h i s o n e , " t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n says, c o m i n g in close t o
g e t a b e t t e r l o o k a t L a n d s m a n , g i v i n g h i m t h e s q u i n t - e y e as if h e ' s
one of the maven's ten t h o u s a n d b o u n d a r y maps. " T h a t caught the
maniac Podolsky. T h a t sent H y m a n T s h a r n y to p r i s o n . "
L a n d s m a n s t i f f e n s a n d s h a k e s o u t t h e foil s h e e t o f h i s b l a s t
s h i e l d , r e a d y for a n e a r f u l . H y m a n T s h a r n y , a V e r b o v e r dollar
w a s h e r w i t h a s t r i n g of video stores, hired t w o Filipino s h l o s s e r s —
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION IDS

contract killers—to help him c e m e n t a tricky business deal. But

L a n d s m a n ' s b e s t i n f o r m e r is B e n i t o T a g a n e s , t h e Filipino-style
Chinese d o n u t king. Benito's information led L a n d s m a n t o the
r o a d h o u s e b y t h e airfield w h e r e t h e h a p l e s s s h l o s s e r s w e r e w a i t i n g
for a p l a n e , a n d t h e i r t e s t i m o n y p u t T s h a r n y a w a y , d e s p i t e t h e b e s t
efforts o f t h e t h i c k e s t c o u r t r o o m k e v l a r t h a t V e r b o v e r m o n e y c o u l d
b u y . H y m a n T s h a r n y is s t i l l t h e o n l y V e r b o v e r e v e r t o b e c o n v i c t e d
a n d s e n t e n c e d on c r i m i n a l c h a r g e s in t h e D i s t r i c t .
" L o o k a t h i m . " Z i m b a l i s t ' s face b r e a k s o p e n a t t h e bottom.
H i s t e e t h are like t h e pipes of an o r g a n m a d e of b o n e s . H i s laugh
s o u n d s like a h a n d f u l of r u s t y forks a n d nail h e a d s c l a t t e r i n g o n t h e
ground. " H e t h i n k s I give a shit a b o u t t h e s e people, m a y their loins
b e as w i t h e r e d as t h e i r s o u l s . " T h e m a v e n s t o p s l a u g h i n g . " W h a t ,
you t h o u g h t I was one of t h e m ? "
I t feels l i k e t h e d e a d l i e s t q u e s t i o n L a n d s m a n h a s e v e r been
a s k e d . " N o , P r o f e s s o r , " h e says. L a n d s m a n a l s o h a d s o m e d o u b t
t h a t Zimbalist was really a professor, b u t t h e r e in t h e office,
above t h e h e a d of t h e b a c h e l o r s t r u g g l i n g w i t h t h e electric k e t t l e ,
are t h e framed credentials a n d certificates from t h e Yeshiva of
Warsaw (1939), t h e Polish Free State (1950), and Bronfman
Manual and Technical (1955). Also those testimonials, haskamos,
a n d affidavits, each in its s o b e r b l a c k frame, o n e from w h a t looks t o
b e e v e r y r a b b i in t h e D i s t r i c t , t w o - b i t a n d b i g - t i m e , from Y a k o v y
to Sitka. L a n d s m a n makes a s h o w of giving Z i m b a l i s t another
once-over, b u t it's o b v i o u s j u s t from t h e b i g y a r m u l k e c o v e r i n g t h e
eczema at t h e b a c k of his skull, w i t h its fancy e m b r o i d e r y of silver
t h r e a d , t h a t t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n isn't a Verbover. " I w o u l d n ' t m a k e
that mistake."

" N o ? W h a t a b o u t m a r r y i n g one of t h e m , like I did? W o u l d y o u

make that mistake?"
" W h e n it comes t o m a r r i a g e I like t o let o t h e r p e o p l e m a k e t h e
m i s t a k e s , " L a n d s m a n says. " M y e x - w i f e , for e x a m p l e . "
Z i m b a l i s t w a v e s t h e m over, p a s t t h e s t o u t o a k m a p t a b l e , t o
a couple of b r o k e n ladder-back chairs b e s i d e a m a s s i v e rolltop
I ID MICHAEL CHABON

d e s k . T h e b a c h e l o r c a n ' t g e t o u t o f h i s w a y fast e n o u g h , a n d t h e
b o u n d a r y m a v e n g r a b s h i m b y t h e ear.
" W h a t a r e y o u d o i n g ? " H e seizes t h e kid's h a n d . " L o o k at t h o s e
fingernails! F e h ! " H e d r o p s t h e h a n d as if i t ' s a p i e c e o f b a d fish.
"Go, get o u t of h e r e , get on t h e radio. F i n d o u t w h e r e those idiots
a r e a n d w h a t ' s t a k i n g so l o n g . "
H e p o u r s w a t e r i n t o a p o t a n d t h r o w s i n a fistful o f l o o s e t e a
t h a t looks suspiciously like s h r e d d e d string. " O n e e r u v t h e y have
t o p a t r o l . O n e ! I h a v e t w e l v e m e n w o r k i n g for m e , t h e r e ' s n o t a
s i n g l e o n e o f t h e m w h o c o u l d n ' t g e t l o s t t r y i n g t o find h i s f o o t -
fingers a t t h e far e n d o f h i s s o c k s . "
L a n d s m a n has p u t a lot of w o r k i n t o t h e avoidance of having to
u n d e r s t a n d c o n c e p t s like t h a t of t h e eruv, b u t he k n o w s t h a t it's
a typical Jewish ritual dodge, a scam run on God, that controlling
motherfucker. It has something to do with pretending that
t e l e p h o n e poles a r e d o o r p o s t s , a n d t h a t t h e w i r e s a r e lintels. You
c a n t i e off a n a r e a u s i n g p o l e s a n d s t r i n g s a n d call i t a n e r u v , t h e n
p r e t e n d o n t h e S a b b a t h t h a t this e r u v y o u ' v e d r a w n — i n t h e case
of Z i m b a l i s t a n d his crew, it's p r e t t y m u c h t h e whole D i s t r i c t —
is y o u r h o u s e . T h a t w a y y o u c a n g e t a r o u n d t h e S a b b a t h b a n o n
c a r r y i n g in a p u b l i c place, a n d w a l k t o shul w i t h a c o u p l e of Alka-
Seltzers in y o u r p o c k e t , a n d it isn't a sin. G i v e n e n o u g h string
a n d e n o u g h poles, a n d w i t h a little creative use of existing walls,
f e n c e s , cliffs, a n d r i v e r s , y o u c o u l d t i e a c i r c l e a r o u n d p r e t t y m u c h
a n y p l a c e a n d call it an eruv.

B u t s o m e b o d y has t o lay d o w n t h o s e lines, s u r v e y t h e territory,

m a i n t a i n t h e s t r i n g s a n d t h e poles, a n d g u a r d t h e i n t e g r i t y of t h e
make-believe walls and doors against weather, vandalism, bears,
and the telephone company. That's where the boundary maven
comes in. H e has the whole strings-and-poles m a r k e t cornered.
T h e V e r b o v e r s t o o k h i m u p first, a n d w i t h t h e i r s t r o n g - a r m t a c t i c s
b e h i n d h i m , o n e b y o n e t h e Satmar, Bobov, L u b a v i t c h , Ger, a n d
all t h e o t h e r b l a c k - h a t s e c t s h a v e c o m e t o r e l y o n h i s s e r v i c e s a n d
h i s e x p e r t i s e . W h e n a q u e s t i o n a r i s e s as t o w h e t h e r o r n o t s o m e
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN III

p a r t i c u l a r s t r e t c h o f s i d e w a l k o r l a k e f r o n t o r o p e n field is c o n t a i n e d
w i t h i n a n e r u v , Z i m b a l i s t , t h o u g h n o t a r a b b i , is t h e o n e t o w h o m
all t h e r a b b i s defer. O n h i s m a p s a n d h i s c r e w s a n d h i s s p o o l s o f
polypropylene baling t w i n e d e p e n d s t h e state of t h e souls of e v e r y
p i o u s J e w in t h e D i s t r i c t . By s o m e a c c o u n t s , h e ' s t h e m o s t p o w e r f u l
y i d in t o w n . A n d t h a t ' s w h y h e ' s a l l o w e d t o s i t d o w n b e h i n d h i s b i g
oak desk w i t h its s e v e n t y - t w o p i g e o n h o l e s , s m a c k in t h e m i d d l e of
Verbov Island, a n d d r i n k a glass of t e a w i t h t h e m a n w h o c o l l a r e d
H y m a n Tsharny.
" W h a t ' s t h e m a t t e r w i t h y o u ? " h e says t o B e r k o , e a s i n g h i m s e l f
w i t h a r u b b e r y squeak o n t o an inflatable d o n u t cushion. H e takes
a p a c k a g e of Broadways from a c i g a r e t t e clip on his d e s k . " W h y are
you going a r o u n d scaring e v e r y b o d y w i t h t h a t h a m m e r of y o u r s ? "
" M y partner was disappointed by the welcome we received,"
B e r k o says.
" I t lacked t h a t S a b b a t h glow," L a n d s m a n says, l i g h t i n g a p a p i r o s
of his o w n . " I n m y o p i n i o n . "
Z i m b a l i s t slides a t h r e e - c o r n e r e d c o p p e r a s h t r a y across the
d e s k . O n t h e s i d e o f t h e a s h t r a y , i t says K R A S N Y ' S T O B A C C O A N D
S T A T I O N E R Y , w h i c h is w h e r e I s i d o r L a n d s m a n u s e d t o g o for h i s
m o n t h l y c o p y o f Chen Review. Krasny's, w i t h its lending library
and encyclopedic humidor and annual p o e t r y prize, was crushed
by American chain stores years ago, a n d at t h e sight of this h o m e l y
ashtray, t h e squeeze box of L a n d s m a n ' s h e a r t gives a nostalgic
wheeze.
" T w o y e a r s o f m y life I g a v e t h o s e p e o p l e , " B e r k o says. " Y o u ' d
t h i n k s o m e of them could remember me. A m I that easy to
forget?"
" L e t m e tell y o u s o m e t h i n g , D e t e c t i v e . " W i t h a n o t h e r s q u e a k of
t h e r u b b e r d o n u t , Z i m b a l i s t is u p a g a i n a n d p o u r i n g t e a i n t o t h r e e
filthy glasses. " T h e w a y t h e y b r e e d a r o u n d h e r e , t h o s e p e o p l e y o u
s a w in t h e s t r e e t t o d a y a r e n ' t t h e o n e s y o u k n e w e i g h t y e a r s a g o ,
those are their grandchildren. Nowadays they're b o r n p r e g n a n t . "
H e h a n d s t h e m each a s t e a m i n g glass, too h o t t o hold. It scalds
112 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e t i p s of L a n d s m a n ' s fingers. It smells like grass, rose hips, m a y b e

a h i n t of string.
" T h e y k e e p o n m a k i n g n e w J e w s , " Berko says, s t i r r i n g a spoonful
o f j a m i n t o h i s g l a s s . " N o b o d y is m a k i n g p l a c e s t o p u t t h e m . "
" T h a t is t h e t r u t h , " Z i m b a l i s t says as h i s b o n y a s s h i t s t h e
d o n u t . H e grimaces. "Strange times to be a Jew."
" N o t a r o u n d h e r e , a p p a r e n t l y , " says L a n d s m a n . " S t r i c t l y life
as u s u a l o n V e r b o v I s l a n d . A s t o l e n B M W i n e v e r y d r i v e w a y a n d a
t a l k i n g c h i c k e n in e v e r y p o t . "
" T h e s e p e o p l e d o n ' t w o r r y u n t i l t h e r e b b e tells t h e m to w o r r y , "
Z i m b a l i s t says.
" M a y b e t h e y d o n ' t h a v e a n y t h i n g t o w o r r y a b o u t , " B e r k o says.
" M a y b e t h e r e b b e already t o o k care of t h e p r o b l e m . "
"I wouldn't know."
" I d o n ' t b e l i e v e t h a t for a s e c o n d . "
"So don't believe it."
O n e of t h e garage d o o r s goes sliding back on its wheels, and a
w h i t e van pulls in, a b r i g h t m a s k of s n o w on its windshield. Four
m e n in yellow coveralls pile o u t of t h e v a n , t h e i r noses red, t h e i r
beards tied u p in black nets. T h e y start blowing their noses and
s t a m p i n g t h e i r f e e t , a n d Z i m b a l i s t h a s t o g o o v e r a n d yell a t t h e m
for a w h i l e . I t t u r n s o u t t h e r e w a s a p r o b l e m n e a r t h e r e s e r v o i r i n
S h o l e m - A l e y k h e m Park, some idiot at Municipal p u t u p a handball
wall, r i g h t s m a c k in t h e m i d d l e of a make-believe d o o r w a y b e t w e e n
t w o l i g h t p o l e s . T h e y all t r a m p o v e r t o t h e m a p t a b l e i n t h e m i d d l e
o f t h e office. W h i l e Z i m b a l i s t g e t s d o w n t h e a p p r o p r i a t e c h a r t a n d
u n r o l l s it, t h e c r e w m e m b e r s t a k e t u r n s n o d d i n g a n d flexing t h e i r
scowling muscles at L a n d s m a n and Berko. After t h a t the crew just
ignores them.

" T h e y s a y t h e m a v e n h a s a s t r i n g m a p for e v e r y c i t y w h e r e t e n
J e w i s h m e n e v e r b u m p e d n o s e s , " B e r k o says t o L a n d s m a n . " C l e a r
on back to Jericho."
" I s t a r t e d t h a t r u m o r myself," Z i m b a l i s t says, k e e p i n g his eyes
on t h e c h a r t . H e t r a c k s d o w n t h e site, a n d o n e of t h e boys sketches
 THE Y I D D I S H P D L I C E M E N ' S UNIDN 113

in t h e h a n d b a l l w a l l w i t h t h e s t u b o f a p e n c i l . Z i m b a l i s t q u i c k l y
p l o t s o u t a w o r k a r o u n d t h a t will h o l d t h r o u g h s u n d o w n t o m o r r o w ,
a salient in t h e g r e a t i m a g i n a r y wall of t h e eruv. H e s e n d s his b o y s
back d o w n to t h e H a r k a v y to r u n some plastic pipe u p t h e sides of
a c o u p l e o f n e a r b y p h o n e p o l e s , so t h a t t h e S a t m a r s w h o l i v e o n t h e
e a s t s i d e o f S h o l e m - A l e y k h e m P a r k c a n t a k e t h e i r d o g s o u t for a
walk w i t h o u t e n d a n g e r i n g their souls.
" I ' m s o r r y , " h e says, c o m i n g b a c k a r o u n d t h e d e s k . H e w i n c e s .
" I d o n ' t e n j o y t h e a c t o f s i t t i n g a n y m o r e . N o w , w h a t c a n I d o for
you? I d o u b t v e r y m u c h t h a t y o u c a m e h e r e w i t h a q u e s t i o n a b o u t
re s bus harabim."
" W e ' r e working a homicide, Professor Z i m b a l i s t , " Landsman
says. " A n d w e h a v e r e a s o n t o b e l i e v e t h e d e c e a s e d m a y h a v e b e e n a
Verbover, or h a d ties to t h e Verbovers, at least at o n e t i m e . "
" T i e s , " t h e m a v e n says, g i v i n g t h e m a g l i m p s e of t h o s e p i p e -
organ stalactites of his. "I s u p p o s e I k n o w something about
those."
" H e was living in a h o t e l on M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t u n d e r t h e n a m e
of E m a n u e l Lasker."
"Lasker? Like the chess player?" There's a crease in the
p a r c h m e n t of Z i m b a l i s t ' s y e l l o w f o r e h e a d , a n d d e e p in t h e eye
s o c k e t s , a s c r a p e o f flint a n d s t e e l : s u r p r i s e , p u z z l e m e n t , a m e m o r y
k i n d l i n g . " I u s e d t o f o l l o w t h e g a m e , " h e e x p l a i n s . "A l o n g t i m e
ago."
" S o d i d I , " L a n d s m a n says. " S o d i d o u r d e a d g u y , r i g h t u p t o
t h e e n d . N e x t t o t h e b o d y , t h e r e w a s a g a m e all s e t u p . H e w a s
reading Siegbert T a r r a s c h . A n d he was familiar t o t h e regulars at
t h e E i n s t e i n C h e s s C l u b . T h e y k n e w h i m as F r a n k . "
" F r a n k , " t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n says, g i v i n g it a Yankee t w a n g .
" F r a n k , F r a n k , F r a n k . T h a t w a s h i s first n a m e ? I t ' s a c o m m o n
J e w i s h l a s t n a m e , b u t a first n a m e , n o . Y o u k n o w for a f a c t h e w a s a
Jew, t h i s F r a n k ? "
Berko and L a n d s m a n exchange a quick look. T h e y d o n ' t k n o w
a n y t h i n g for s u r e . T h e p h y l a c t e r i e s i n t h e n i g h t s t a n d c o u l d h a v e
114 MICHAEL CHABON

b e e n a p l a n t o r a m e m e n t o , s o m e t h i n g left b e h i n d b y a p r i o r
o c c u p a n t of r o o m 208. N o b o d y at t h e Einstein C l u b claimed to
h a v e seen F r a n k t h e d e a d j u n k i e in s h u l , r o c k i n g in t h e g r i p of t h e
S t a n d i n g Prayer.
" W e have r e a s o n t o b e l i e v e , " Berko r e p e a t s calmly, " t h a t he
m a y at one t i m e have been a Verbover Jew."
" W h a t kind of reason?"
" T h e r e w e r e a c o u p l e of likely t e l e p h o n e p o l e s , " L a n d s m a n
says. " W e t i e d a s t r i n g b e t w e e n t h e m . "
H e reaches i n t o his p o c k e t a n d takes o u t an envelope. H e passes
o n e of Shpringer's d e a t h Polaroids across t h e desk to Z i m b a l i s t ,
w h o holds it at a r m ' s l e n g t h , long e n o u g h to form t h e idea t h a t
it's a p i c t u r e of a corpse. H e takes a d e e p b r e a t h a n d purses his
lips, g e t t i n g r e a d y t o lay o n t h e m a solid professorial c o n s i d e r a t i o n
of t h e e v i d e n c e at h a n d . A p i c t u r e of a d e a d m a n , it's a break,
t o b e h o n e s t , i n t h e r o u t i n e o f a b o u n d a r y m a v e n ' s life. T h e n h e
looks at t h e p i c t u r e , a n d in t h e i n s t a n t before h e regains a b s o l u t e
c o n t r o l o f h i s f e a t u r e s L a n d s m a n s e e s Z i m b a l i s t t a k e a swift p u n c h
i n t h e belly. T h e w i n d d e p a r t s h i s l u n g s , a n d t h e b l o o d d r a i n s f r o m
h i s face. I n h i s e y e s , t h e s t e a d y m a v e n flicker o f i n t e l l i g e n c e is
s n u f f e d o u t . F o r a s e c o n d L a n d s m a n is l o o k i n g a t a P o l a r o i d o f a
d e a d b o u n d a r y m a v e n . T h e n t h e l i g h t s c o m e b a c k o n in t h e o l d
f a r t ' s face. B e r k o a n d L a n d s m a n w a i t a l i t t l e , a n d t h e n a l i t t l e m o r e ,
a n d L a n d s m a n u n d e r s t a n d s t h a t t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n is fighting as
h a r d as h e c a n t o m a i n t a i n t h a t c o n t r o l , t o h o l d o n t o t h e c h a n c e o f
m a k i n g h i s n e x t w o r d s Detectives, I have never seen that man before in my
life, a n d h a v i n g i t s o u n d p l a u s i b l e , i n e v i t a b l e , t r u e .

" W h o w a s h e , P r o f e s s o r Z i m b a l i s t ? " B e r k o says a t l a s t .

Z i m b a l i s t sets t h e p h o t o g r a p h d o w n on t h e d e s k a n d looks at
it s o m e m o r e , n o t b o t h e r i n g a b o u t w h a t his eyes or his lips m i g h t
be doing.
" O y , t h a t b o y , " h e says. " T h a t s w e e t , s w e e t b o y . "
He takes a handkerchief from t h e p o c k e t of his zippered
c a r d i g a n a n d b l o t s t h e tears from his cheeks a n d barks once. It's
 THE Y I D D I S H P O L I C E M E N ' S UNION 115

a horrible s o u n d . L a n d s m a n picks u p t h e maven's glass of tea a n d

p o u r s it i n t o his o w n . F r o m his h i p p o c k e t , h e t a k e s t h e b o t t l e of
v o d k a h e i m p o u n d e d in t h e m e n ' s r o o m of t h e V o r s h t t h a t m o r n i n g .
H e p o u r s t w o fingers i n t o t h e glass of tea a n d t h e n h o l d s t h e c u p
o u t to t h e old fart.
Z i m b a l i s t takes t h e v o d k a w i t h o u t a w o r d a n d knocks it d o w n
in o n e s h o t . T h e n h e r e t u r n s t h e h a n d k e r c h i e f t o i t s p o c k e t a n d
gives L a n d s m a n his p h o t o g r a p h .
" I t a u g h t t h a t b o y t o p l a y c h e s s , " h e says. " W h e n t h a t m a n w a s
a boy, I m e a n . Before h e g r e w u p . I ' m sorry, I ' m n o t m a k i n g s e n s e . "
H e g o e s for a n o t h e r B r o a d w a y , b u t h e h a s a l r e a d y s m o k e d t h e m a l l .
It takes h i m a while to figure this o u t . H e sits t h e r e , p o k i n g a r o u n d
i n t h e foil w i t h a h o o k e d finger, as if h e ' s g o i n g for t h e p e a n u t i n
a p a c k a g e o f C r a c k e r J a c k . L a n d s m a n fixes h i m u p w i t h a s m o k e .
"Thanks, Landsman. Thank you."
B u t t h e n h e d o e s n ' t say a n y t h i n g , h e j u s t sits t h e r e w a t c h i n g t h e
papiros b u r n d o w n . H e peers o u t from his c a v e r n o u s eyeholes at
Berko, t h e n steals a cardplayer peek at L a n d s m a n . H e ' s recovering
from t h e s h o c k n o w . T r y i n g t o m a p t h e s i t u a t i o n , t h e l i n e s h e
cannot cross, t h e doorways t h a t he m u s t n ' t step t h r o u g h on peril
o f h i s s o u l . T h e h a i r y , m o t t l e d c r a b o f h i s h a n d flicks o n e o f i t s l e g s
t o w a r d t h e t e l e p h o n e on his desk. In a n o t h e r m i n u t e , t h e t r u t h a n d
d a r k n e s s o f life w i l l o n c e a g a i n h a v e b e e n r e m a n d e d t o t h e c u s t o d y
of lawyers.
T h e garage door creaks and rumbles, and w i t h a m o a n of
gratitude, Zimbalist starts to p o p u p again, b u t this time Berko
b e a t s h i m t o his feet. H e d r o p s a h e a v y h a n d o n t h e old m a n ' s
shoulder.
" S i t d o w n , P r o f e s s o r , " h e says. " I b e g y o u . T a k e i t s l o w if y o u
have t o , b u t please, sit y o u r ass d o w n o n t h a t d o n u t . " H e leaves
t h e h a n d w h e r e it is, g i v i n g Z i m b a l i s t a g e n t l e s q u e e z e , a n d n o d s
toward the garage. "Meyer."
L a n d s m a n crosses t h e w o r k s h o p to t h e garage a n d hauls o u t his
s h i e l d . H e w a l k s d i r e c t l y i n t o t h e p a t h o f t h e v a n as if t h e s h i e l d
116 MICHAEL CHABON

r e a l l y is a b a d g e t h a t c a n s t o p a t w o - t o n C h e v y T h e d r i v e r h i t s
t h e brakes, a n d t h e h o w l of tires echoes against t h e cold stone
walls of t h e garage. T h e d r i v e r rolls d o w n his window. H e has t h e
full Z i m b a l i s t c r e w e q u i p a g e : b e a r d i n a n e t , y e l l o w c o v e r a l l , w e l l
developed scowl.
" W h a t gives, D e t e c t i v e ? " he w a n t s to know.
" G o t a k e a d r i v e , " L a n d s m a n says. " W e ' r e t a l k i n g . " H e r e a c h e s
over to t h e d i s p a t c h panel a n d grabs hold of t h e skulking bachelor
b y t h e collar of his l o n g coat. D a n g l e s t h e kid like a p u p p y a r o u n d
t o t h e p a s s e n g e r side of t h e v a n a n d d r a g s o p e n t h e side door, t h e n
tenderly shoves t h e bachelor into the van. "And take this little
pisher with you."
" B o s s ? " t h e d r i v e r calls over t o t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n . After a
m o m e n t Z i m b a l i s t n o d s a n d w a v e s t h e d r i v e r away.
" B u t w h e r e s h o u l d I g o ? " t h e d r i v e r says t o L a n d s m a n .
" I d o n ' t k n o w , " L a n d s m a n says. H e d r a g s t h e v a n ' s d o o r s h u t
and shoves it h o m e . " G o b u y m e a nice p r e s e n t . "
L a n d s m a n p o u n d s on t h e h o o d of t h e v a n , a n d it rolls back
o u t i n t o t h e s t o r m of w h i t e lines b e i n g k n i t like strings of t h e
b o u n d a r y maven across t h e replica housefronts and t h e blazing
g r a y sky. L a n d s m a n p u l l s t h e g a r a g e d o o r i n t o p l a c e a n d t h r o w s
the latch.
" N u , h o w a b o u t y o u s t a r t o v e r ? " h e says t o Z i m b a l i s t w h e n
h e s i t s d o w n a g a i n i n t h e l a d d e r b a c k c h a i r . H e c r o s s e s h i s legs
a n d l i g h t s a n o t h e r p a p i r o s for e a c h o f t h e m . " W e h a v e p l e n t y o f
time."
" C o m e o n , P r o f e s s o r , " B e r k o says. " Y o u k n o w t h e v i c t i m s i n c e
he's a boy, r i g h t ? All t h o s e m e m o r i e s have g o t t o b e g o i n g a r o u n d
a n d a r o u n d i n y o u r h e a d r i g h t n o w . A s b a d as y o u feel, i t ' s g o i n g t o
feel b e t t e r if y o u j u s t s t a r t t a l k i n g . "
" I t i s n ' t t h a t , " t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n says. " I t ' s — I t i s n ' t t h a t . "
H e takes t h e lit p a p i r o s from L a n d s m a n , a n d this t i m e he smokes
m o s t o f i t b e f o r e h e s t a r t s t o t a l k . H e is a l e a r n e d y i d , a n d h e likes
t o have his t h o u g h t s in order.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 117

" H i s n a m e is M e n a c h e m , " h e b e g i n s . " M e n d e l . H e i s , o r w a s ,

thirty-eight, a year older than you, Detective Shemets, b u t he had
t h e same birthday, A u g u s t fifteenth, isn't t h a t right? Eh? I t h o u g h t
so. Y o u see? This is t h e m a p c a b i n e t . " H e t a p s h i s h a i r l e s s d o m e .
" M a p s of Jericho, D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s , J e r i c h o a n d T y r e . "
T a p p i n g t h e m a p cabinet gets a little o u t of c o n t r o l , a n d h e
k n o c k s t h e y a r m u l k e off h i s h e a d . W h e n h e g r a b s a t i t , a s h c a s c a d e s
all d o w n h i s s w e a t e r .
"Mendele's IQ^was measured at one-seventy," he continues.
"By the time he was eight or nine, he could read Hebrew, Aramaic,
J u d e o - S p a n i s h , L a t i n , G r e e k . T h e m o s t difficult t e x t s , t h e t h o r n i e s t
tangles of logic a n d a r g u m e n t . By t h e n M e n d e l e was already
a m u c h b e t t e r chess player t h a n I could ever h o p e to be. H e had
a r e m a r k a b l e m e m o r y for r e c o r d e d g a m e s ; h e h a d o n l y t o r e a d a
t r a n s c r i p t once, a n d after t h a t , h e c o u l d r e p r o d u c e it o n a b o a r d
or in his h e a d , m o v e b y m o v e , w i t h o u t a m i s t a k e . W h e n h e w a s
o l d e r a n d t h e y d i d n ' t l e t h i m p l a y so m u c h a n y m o r e , h e w o u l d w o r k
t h r o u g h famous g a m e s in his h e a d . H e m u s t h a v e k n o w n t h r e e , four
hundred games by heart."

" T h a t ' s w h a t t h e y u s e d t o say a b o u t M e l e k h G a y s t i k , " L a n d s m a n

says. " H e h a d t h a t k i n d o f m i n d for t h e g a m e . "
" M e l e k h G a y s t i k , " Z i m b a l i s t says. " G a y s t i k w a s a freak. I t w a s
n o t h u m a n , t h e w a y G a y s t i k played. H e h a d a m i n d like s o m e k i n d of
bug, t h e only t h i n g he k n e w to d o was eat you. H e w a s r u d e . Filthy.
M e a n . M e n d e l e w a s n ' t l i k e t h a t a t all. H e m a d e t o y s for h i s s i s t e r s ,
d o l l s o u t o f c l o t h e s p i n s a n d felt, a h o u s e f r o m a b o x o f o a t m e a l .
A l w a y s g l u e o n h i s f i n g e r s , a c l o t h e s p i n i n h i s p o c k e t w i t h a face o n
i t . I w o u l d g i v e h i m t w i n e for t h e hair. E i g h t l i t t l e s i s t e r s h a n g i n g off
h i m all t h e t i m e . A p e t d u c k t h a t u s e d t o follow h i m a r o u n d l i k e a
d o g . " Z i m b a l i s t ' s t h i n b r o w n lips h i t c h t h e m s e l v e s u p at t h e c o r n e r s .
" B e l i e v e it o r n o t , I o n c e a r r a n g e d for a m a t c h t o b e p l a y e d b e t w e e n
M e n d e l a n d M e l e k h G a y s t i k . You c o u l d d o s u c h t h i n g s — G a y s t i k
w a s always b r o k e a n d in d e b t , a n d h e w o u l d h a v e p l a y e d a g a i n s t
a h a l f - d r u n k b e a r if t h e m o n e y w a s r i g h t . T h e b o y w a s t w e l v e a t
118 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e t i m e , G a y s t i k t w e n t y - s i x . It was t h e year before he won the

c h a m p i o n s h i p a t P e t e r s b u r g . T h e y p l a y e d t h r e e g a m e s in t h e b a c k
of m y shop, w h i c h at t h a t t i m e — y o u r e m e m b e r , D e t e c t i v e — w a s on
R i n g e l b l u m A v e n u e . I offered G a y s t i k five t h o u s a n d d o l l a r s t o p l a y
a g a i n s t M e n d e l e . T h e b o y w o n t h e first a n d t h e t h i r d . T h e s e c o n d
g a m e h e h a d B l a c k a n d p l a y e d G a y s t i k t o a d r a w . Yes, G a y s t i k w a s
only too happy to keep the match a secret."
" W h y ? " L a n d s m a n w a n t s to know. " W h y did t h e games have to
be kept secret?"
" B e c a u s e t h i s b o y , " t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n says. " T h e o n e w h o
d i e d in a h o t e l r o o m o n M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t . N o t a nice h o t e l , I
imagine."
"A f l e a b a g , " L a n d s m a n says.
" H e was s h o o t i n g heroin i n t o his a r m ? "
L a n d s m a n n o d s , a n d after a h a r d second or t w o , Z i m b a l i s t
nods, too.
"Yes. Of course. N u . T h e reason why I was obliged to arrange
t h e g a m e s in secret w a s t h a t t h i s b o y h a d b e e n forbidden t o play
chess with outsiders. Somehow or other, I never learned how,
M e n d e l e ' s father got w i n d of t h e m a t c h against Gaystik. It was a
n e a r t h i n g for m e . I n s p i t e o f t h e fact t h a t m y wife w a s a r e l a t i v e
o f t h e f a t h e r , I a l m o s t l o s t h i s haskama, w h i c h a t t h a t t i m e w a s t h e
foundation of m y business. I built this whole operation on t h a t
endorsement."
" T h e father. You're n o t s a y i n g — i t was H e s k e l Shpilman,"
B e r k o says. " T h e m a n t h e r e i n t h e p i c t u r e is t h e s o n o f t h e V e r b o v e r
rebbe."
L a n d s m a n n o t i c e s h o w q u i e t i t is o n V e r b o v I s l a n d , i n t h e s n o w ,
i n s i d e a s t o n e b a r n , w i t h d a r k c o m i n g o n , as t h e p r o f a n e w e e k a n d
t h e w o r l d t h a t p r o f a n e d it p r e p a r e t o b e p l u n g e d i n t o t h e flame of
two matched candles.
" T h a t ' s r i g h t , " Z i m b a l i s t says a t l a s t . " M e n d e l S h p i l m a n . T h e
only son. H e had a twin b r o t h e r w h o was b o r n dead. Later, that
w a s i n t e r p r e t e d as a s i g n . "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 119

L a n d s m a n s a y s , "A s i g n o f w h a t ? T h a t h e w o u l d b e a p r o d i g y ?
T h a t he w o u l d t u r n o u t t o b e a j u n k i e living in a c h e a p U n t e r s h t a t
flop?"
" N o t t h a t , " says Z i m b a l i s t . " T h a t n o b o d y i m a g i n e d . "
" T h e y said . . . t h e y u s e d t o say . . . " Berko b e g i n s . H e s c r e w s u p
h i s face, as if h e k n o w s w h a t h e ' l l s a y n e x t is g o i n g t o i r k L a n d s m a n
o r g i v e h i m c a u s e for s c o r n . H e u n s c r e w s h i s b r o w n e y e s , l e t s i t
pass. H e can't b r i n g himself to repeat it. " M e n d e l Shpilman. D e a r
God. I heard some stories."
"A l o t o f s t o r i e s , " Z i m b a l i s t says. " N o t h i n g b u t s t o r i e s t i l l h e
was t w e n t y years old."
" W h a t k i n d of s t o r i e s ? " L a n d s m a n says, d u l y irked. " S t o r i e s
a b o u t what? Tell m e already, d a m n y o u . "
S
o Z i m b a l i s t tells t h e m a M e n d e l story.
A c e r t a i n w o m a n , h e says, w a s d y i n g of cancer at Sitka
G e n e r a l H o s p i t a l . A w o m a n o f h i s a c q u a i n t a n c e , call her.
T h i s w a s b a c k i n 1 9 7 3 . T h e w o m a n w a s t w i c e a w i d o w , h e r first
h u s b a n d a g a m b l e r s h o t b y s h t a r k e r s in G e r m a n y before t h e war,
h e r s e c o n d a s t r i n g m o n k e y in Z i m b a l i s t ' s e m p l o y w h o got tangled
in a live p o w e r line. It w a s t h r o u g h s u p p o r t i n g t h e w i d o w of his
d e a d w o r k e r w i t h c a s h a n d f a v o r s t h a t Z i m b a l i s t g o t t o k n o w her.
I t ' s n o t i m p o s s i b l e t h a t t h e y fell i n l o v e . T h e y w e r e b o t h p a s t t h e
a g e o f f o o l i s h p a s s i o n , s o t h e y w e r e p a s s i o n a t e w i t h o u t b e i n g fools.
S h e w a s a d a r k , lean w o m a n a l r e a d y in t h e h a b i t of c o n t r o l l i n g h e r
a p p e t i t e s . T h e y k e p t t h e i r affair a s e c r e t f r o m e v e r y o n e , n o t l e a s t
Mrs. Zimbalist.

T o v i s i t h i s l a d y f r i e n d i n t h e h o s p i t a l w h e n s h e t o o k ill,
Zimbalist resorted to subterfuge, stealth, and the bribing of
o r d e r l i e s . H e s l e p t o n a t o w e l o n t h e floor o f t h e w a r d , c u r l e d
b e t w e e n h e r b e d a n d t h e wall. In t h e half-dark, w h e n his mistress
called o u t from t h e d i s t a n c e s of m o r p h i n e , h e w o u l d spill w a t e r
b e t w e e n h e r c r a c k e d lips a n d cool h e r forehead w i t h a d a m p cloth.
T h e c l o c k o n t h e h o s p i t a l w a l l h u m m e d t o itself, g o t a n t s y , k e p t
s n a p p i n g off p i e c e s o f t h e n i g h t w i t h i t s m i n u t e h a n d . I n the
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 121

m o r n i n g Z i m b a l i s t w o u l d creep back to his s h o p on R i n g e l b l u m

A v e n u e — h e t o l d his wife h e w a s s l e e p i n g t h e r e b e c a u s e his s n o r i n g
w a s so b a d — a n d w a i t for t h e boy.
Almost every morning after worship and study, Mendel
Shpilman w o u l d c o m e and play chess. Chess was p e r m i t t e d , even
t h o u g h t h e Verbover r a b b i n a t e a n d t h e larger c o m m u n i t y of t h e
p i o u s v i e w e d i t as a w a s t e o f t h e b o y ' s t i m e . T h e o l d e r M e n d e l
g o t — t h e m o r e d a z z l i n g his feats of scholarship, the brighter
h i s r e p u t a t i o n for a c u m e n b e y o n d h i s y e a r s — t h e m o r e painful
this w a s t e appeared. It was n o t j u s t M e n d e l ' s m e m o r y , t h e agile
r e a s o n i n g , t h e g r a s p o f p r e c e d e n t , h i s t o r y , law. N o , e v e n as a k i d ,
M e n d e l S h p i l m a n s e e m e d t o i n t u i t t h e m e s s y h u m a n flow that
b o t h p o w e r e d t h e Law and r e q u i r e d its elaborate system of drains
a n d sluices. Fear, d o u b t , l u s t , d i s h o n e s t y , b r o k e n v o w s , m u r d e r
a n d love, u n c e r t a i n t y a b o u t t h e i n t e n t i o n s of G o d a n d m e n , l i t t l e
M e n d e l s a w all o f t h a t n o t o n l y i n t h e A r a m a i c a b s t r a c t b u t w h e n
it a p p e a r e d in his father's s t u d y , c l o t h e d in t h e d a r k s e r g e a n d j u i c y
m o t h e r t o n g u e o f e v e r y d a y life. I f c o n f l i c t s e v e r a r o s e i n t h e b o y ' s
m i n d , d o u b t s a b o u t t h e relevance of t h e L a w t h a t h e was learning
in t h e Verbover c o u r t at t h e feet of a b u n c h of k i n g - s i z e ganefs a n d
crooks, they never showed. N o t when he was a kid w h o believed,
a n d n o t w h e n t h e d a y c a m e t h a t h e t u r n e d his b a c k o n it all. H e
h a d t h e k i n d of m i n d t h a t c o u l d h o l d a n d c o n s i d e r c o n t r a d i c t o r y
propositions w i t h o u t losing its balance.

I t w a s b e c a u s e t h e S h p i l m a n s w e r e so p r o u d o f h i s e x c e l l e n c e as
a Jewish son a n d scholar t h a t t h e y t o l e r a t e d t h e side of M e n d e l ' s
c h a r a c t e r t h a t l o v e d o n l y t o play. M e n d e l w a s a l w a y s g e t t i n g u p
elaborate p r a n k s a n d hoaxes, staging plays t h a t featured his sisters,
his a u n t s , t h e d u c k . S o m e p e o p l e t h o u g h t t h e g r e a t e s t miracle
M e n d e l ever p e r f o r m e d was to p e r s u a d e his formidable father, year
after year, t o t a k e t h e p a r t of Q u e e n V a s h t i in t h e P u r i m s h p i e l .
T h e sight of t h a t somber emperor, t h a t m o u n t a i n of dignity, t h a t
fearsome b u l k m i n c i n g a r o u n d in h i g h - h e e l e d shoes! A b l o n d wig!
Lipstick and rouge, bangles and spangles! It m i g h t have been the
122 MICHAEL CHABON

m o s t h o r r i b l e feat o f f e m a l e i m p e r s o n a t i o n J e w r y e v e r p r o d u c e d .
P e o p l e l o v e d i t . A n d t h e y l o v e d M e n d e l for m a k i n g i t happen
e a c h year. B u t it w a s j u s t a n o t h e r p r o o f of t h e love t h a t H e s k e l
S h p i l m a n h a d for h i s b o y . A n d i t w a s t h e s a m e l o v i n g i n d u l g e n c e
t h a t p e r m i t t e d M e n d e l to w a s t e an h o u r every day at chess, w i t h
t h e p r o v i s o t h a t his o p p o n e n t b e c h o s e n from t h e c o m m u n i t y of
Verbov.
M e n d e l c h o s e t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n , t h e l o n e o u t s i d e r in t h e i r
m i d s t . It was a small display of rebellion or p e r v e r s i t y t h a t some,
in l a t e r y e a r s , w o u l d h a v e o c c a s i o n t o r e v i s i t . B u t in t h e Verbov
o r b i t , o n l y Z i m b a l i s t h a d even a p r a y e r of b e a t i n g M e n d e l .
" H o w is s h e ? " M e n d e l s a i d t o Z i m b a l i s t o n e m o r n i n g a f t e r t h e
l a d y f r i e n d h a d b e e n d y i n g a t S i t k a G e n e r a l for t w o m o n t h s a n d
was nearly gone.
Zimbalist experienced a shock at the q u e s t i o n — n o t h i n g to
c o m p a r e t o t h e fate of t h e w i d o w ' s second h u s b a n d , of course, b u t
e n o u g h t o s t o p h i s h e a r t for a b e a t o r t w o . H e r e m e m b e r s e v e r y
g a m e t h a t he and M e n d e l Shpilman ever played against each other,
h e s a y s , e x c e p t for t h i s o n e ; o f t h i s g a m e h e c a n m a n a g e t o r e c a l l a
s o l i t a r y m o v e . Z i m b a l i s t ' s w i f e w a s a S h p i l m a n , a c o u s i n t o t h i s boy.
Z i m b a l i s t ' s l i v e l i h o o d , h i s h o n o r , p e r h a p s e v e n h i s life, d e m a n d e d
t h a t t h e secret of his a d u l t e r y be kept. H e was absolutely certain
t h a t s o far i t h a d b e e n . T h r o u g h h i s w i r e s a n d s t r i n g s , t h e b o u n d a r y
m a v e n felt e v e r y w h i s p e r a n d r u m o r t h e w a y a s p i d e r h e a r s i n i t s
f e e t t h e t h r a s h i n g s o f a fly. T h e r e w a s n o w a y w o r d o f i t c o u l d
have reached Mendel Shpilman w i t h o u t Zimbalist hearing about
it first.

H e s a i d , " H o w is w h o ? "
T h e b o y stared at h i m . M e n d e l was n o t a h a n d s o m e kid. H e had
a p e r p e t u a l flush, c l o s e - s e t e y e s , a s e c o n d a n d h i n t s o f a t h i r d c h i n
w i t h o u t c l e a r b e n e f i t o f a first. B u t t h e e y e s , t h o u g h t o o s m a l l a n d
t o o n e a r t h e b r i d g e o f h i s n o s e , w e r e d e n s e a n d fitful w i t h c o l o r ,
like t h e s p o t s on a b u t t e r f l y w i n g , blue, green, gold. Pity, mockery,
forgiveness. N o j u d g m e n t . N o reproach.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 123

" N e v e r m i n d , " M e n d e l said gently. T h e n h e m o v e d his q u e e n ' s

bishop, r e t u r n i n g it to its original position on t h e board.
T h e move had no p u r p o s e t h a t Zimbalist, p o n d e r i n g it, could
see. At one m o m e n t fantastic schools of chess seemed to be
contained or implied by it. T h e next it a p p e a r e d to be only w h a t ,
i n all l i k e l i h o o d , i t w a s : a k i n d o f r e t r a c t i o n .
Z i m b a l i s t s t r u g g l e d for t h e n e x t h o u r t o u n d e r s t a n d t h a t m o v e ,
a n d for t h e s t r e n g t h t o r e s i s t c o n f i d i n g t o a t e n - y e a r - o l d w h o s e
universe was bounded by the study house, the shul, and the door
to his m o t h e r ' s kitchen, t h e sorrow a n d d a r k r a p t u r e of Z i m b a l i s t ' s
love for t h e d y i n g w i d o w , h o w s o m e s e c r e t t h i r s t o f h i s o w n w a s
q u e n c h e d every t i m e h e d r i b b l e d cool w a t e r t h r o u g h her peeling
lips.
T h e y played t h r o u g h t h e r e m a i n d e r of t h e i r h o u r w i t h o u t further
c o n v e r s a t i o n . B u t w h e n i t w a s t i m e for t h e b o y t o g o , h e t u r n e d i n
t h e d o o r w a y of t h e shop on R i n g e l b l u m A v e n u e a n d t o o k h o l d of
Z i m b a l i s t ' s s l e e v e . H e h e s i t a t e d as if r e l u c t a n t o r e m b a r r a s s e d . O r
m a y b e he was feeling afraid. T h e n h e g o t a h a r d p i n c h e d e x p r e s s i o n
o n h i s face t h a t Z i m b a l i s t r e c o g n i z e d as t h e i n t e r n a l i z e d v o i c e o f
t h e rebbe, r e m i n d i n g his son of his d u t y t o serve t h e c o m m u n i t y .
" W h e n y o u see h e r t o n i g h t , " M e n d e l said, " t e l l h e r t h a t I s e n d
her m y blessing. Tell her I say h e l l o . "
"I will," Z i m b a l i s t said, or r e m e m b e r s saying.
" T e l l h e r f r o m m e t h a t all w i l l b e w e l l . "
T h e l i t t l e m o n k e y face, t h e s a d m o u t h , t h e e y e s s a y i n g t h a t for
as m u c h as h e k n e w y o u a n d l o v e d y o u , h e m i g h t s t i l l b e p u l l i n g
y o u r leg.
"Oh, I will," Zimbalist said, a n d then he broke down in
hiccuping sobs. T h e b o y t o o k a clean h a n d k e r c h i e f from his p o c k e t
and gave it t o Z i m b a l i s t . Patiently, h e held t h e b o u n d a r y maven's
h a n d . H i s fingers w e r e soft, a b i t s t i c k y . O n t h e i n s i d e o f h i s w r i s t ,
his y o u n g e r sister Reyzl h a d scrawled h e r n a m e in r e d ink. W h e n
Z i m b a l i s t regained his c o m p o s u r e , M e n d e l let go of his h a n d a n d
stuffed t h e d a m p h a n d k e r c h i e f i n t o his p o c k e t .
124 MICHAEL CHABON

"See y o u t o m o r r o w , " h e said.

T h a t n i g h t , w h e n Z i m b a l i s t c r e p t o n t o t h e w a r d , j u s t before
h e s p r e a d h i s t o w e l o n t h e floor, h e s p o o n e d t h e b o y ' s b l e s s i n g
i n t o t h e ear of his u n c o n s c i o u s mistress. H e did it w i t h o u t h o p e
a n d w i t h v e r y l i t t l e i n t h e w a y o f f a i t h . I n t h e d a r k o f five A.M.,
Z i m b a l i s t ' s lady friend w o k e h i m a n d told h i m to go h o m e and eat
b r e a k f a s t w i t h h i s w i f e . I t w a s t h e first c o h e r e n t t h i n g s h e h a d s a i d
in weeks.
" D i d y o u give her m y blessing?" M e n d e l asked h i m w h e n t h e y
sat d o w n to play later t h a t m o r n i n g .
"I did."
" W h e r e is s h e ? "
"At Sitka G e n e r a l . "
" W i t h other people? O n a w a r d ? "
Zimbalist nodded.
"And you gave m y blessing to t h e o t h e r people, too?"
T h e idea h a d n e v e r o c c u r r e d t o Z i m b a l i s t . " I d i d n ' t say a n y t h i n g
t o t h e m , " h e said. " I d o n ' t k n o w t h e m . "
" T h e r e was m o r e t h a n e n o u g h blessing to go a r o u n d , " M e n d e l
informed h i m . " T e l l t h e m . Give it t o t h e m t o n i g h t . "
B u t t h a t n i g h t , w h e n Z i m b a l i s t w e n t t o visit his lady friend,
s h e h a d b e e n m o v e d t o a n o t h e r w a r d , o n e w h e r e n o b o d y w a s in
d a n g e r of d e a t h , a n d s o m e h o w or other, Z i m b a l i s t forgot t h e boy's
r e m i n d e r . T w o w e e k s later, t h e w o m a n ' s d o c t o r s sent her h o m e ,
s h a k i n g t h e i r h e a d s in p u z z l e m e n t . T w o w e e k s after t h a t , an X ray
s h o w e d n o t r a c e of t h e c a n c e r in h e r body.
B y t h e n s h e a n d Z i m b a l i s t h a d b r o k e n off t h e i r affair b y m u t u a l
a g r e e m e n t , a n d h e slept e v e r y n i g h t in t h e m a r i t a l bed. T h e daily
m e e t i n g s w i t h M e n d e l in t h e b a c k of t h e s h o p on Ringelblum
A v e n u e c o n t i n u e d for a w h i l e , b u t Z i m b a l i s t f o u n d t h a t h e h a d
lost his p l e a s u r e in t h e m . T h e a p p a r e n t miracle of t h e cancer c u r e
forever altered his relations w i t h M e n d e l Shpilman. Zimbalist
could n o t shake a sense of v e r t i g o t h a t c a m e over h i m every t i m e
M e n d e l l o o k e d at h i m w i t h his close-set eyes, flecked w i t h p i t y a n d
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 125

gold. T h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n ' s faith in faithlessness h a d b e e n s h a k e n

b y a s i m p l e q u e s t i o n — H o w is she?—by a d o z e n w o r d s of blessing,
by a simple bishop move that seemed to imply a chess beyond t h e
chess t h a t Zimbalist knew.
I t w a s as r e p a y m e n t for t h e m i r a c l e t h a t Z i m b a l i s t h a d a r r a n g e d
t h e secret m a t c h b e t w e e n M e n d e l a n d M e l e k h G a y s t i k , k i n g of t h e
Café E i n s t e i n a n d f u t u r e c h a m p i o n of t h e w o r l d . T h r e e g a m e s in t h e
b a c k r o o m of a s h o p on R i n g e l b l u m A v e n u e , w i t h t h e b o y w i n n i n g
t w o o u t of t h r e e . W h e n this act of s u b t e r f u g e w a s u n c o v e r e d — a n d
n o t t h e o t h e r ; no o n e else ever learned of t h e a f f a i r — t h e visits
b e t w e e n Z i m b a l i s t a n d M e n d e l S h p i l m a n w e r e b r o k e n off. After
that, he and Mendel never shared another hour at the board.
" T h a t ' s w h a t c o m e s f r o m g i v i n g o u t b l e s s i n g s , " says Z i m b a l i s t
t h e b o u n d a r y maven. " B u t it t o o k M e n d e l S h p i l m a n a long t i m e t o
figure t h a t o u t . "
Y o u m e t t h i s ganef," L a n d s m a n half asks Berko as t h e y h u m p
along behind the boundary maven through the Sabbath snow
t o t h e rebbe's door. For t h e j o u r n e y across t h e platz, Zimbalist
w a s h e d h i s face a n d a r m p i t s i n a s i n k a t t h e b a c k o f t h e s h o p . H e
w e t a c o m b a n d r a k e d all s e v e n t e e n o f h i s h a i r s i n t o a m o i r e a c r o s s
the t o p of his head. T h e n he p u t on a b r o w n corduroy sport coat,
an o r a n g e d o w n vest, black galoshes, a n d over e v e r y t h i n g , a belted
b e a r s k i n c o a t t r a i l i n g a s m e l l o f m o t h b a l l s l i k e a m u f f l e r t w e n t y feet
long. F r o m a m o o s e a n t l e r b y t h e door, t h e m a v e n t o o k a football
o r m i n i a t u r e o t t o m a n m a d e o f w o l v e r i n e fur a n d s e t i t o n t o p o f
his head. N o w h e w a d d l e s along ahead of t h e detectives, reeking
of n a p h t h a l e n e , looking like a small bear u r g e d b y cruel masters to
p e r f o r m d e m e a n i n g feats. U n d e r an h o u r before d a r k , a n d t h e s n o w
f a l l i n g is l i k e p i e c e s o f b r o k e n d a y l i g h t . T h e S i t k a s k y is d u l l s i l v e r
p l a t e a n d t a r n i s h i n g fast.

" Y e a h , I m e t h i m , " B e r k o says. " T h e y b r o u g h t m e in t o see

h i m r i g h t after I s t a r t e d w o r k i n g t h e Fifth Precinct. T h e y h a d a
c e r e m o n y i n h i s office, o v e r t h e s t u d y h a l l o n S o u t h A n s k y S t r e e t .
H e p i n n e d s o m e t h i n g t o t h e c r o w n o f m y l a t k e , a g o l d leaf. A f t e r
t h a t h e used t o send m e a nice b a s k e t of fruit at P u r i m . Delivered
right to m y house, even t h o u g h I never gave o u t m y h o m e address.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNIDN 127

Every year pears and oranges until we moved o u t to t h e Shvartsn-

Yam."
"I hear he's kind of on t h e large side."
" H e ' s c u t e . C u t e as a f u c k i n g b u t t o n . "
" T h a t stuff t h e maven was j u s t telling us a b o u t M e n d e l . T h e
w o n d e r s and miracles. Berko, y o u believe any of t h a t ? "
" Y o u k n o w i t ' s n o t a b o u t b e l i e v i n g for m e , M e y e r . I t n e v e r h a s
been."
"But do y o u — I ' m curious—do y o u r e a l l y feel l i k e you're
w a i t i n g for M e s s i a h ? "
Berko s h r u g s , u n i n t e r e s t e d in t h e q u e s t i o n , k e e p i n g his eyes o n
t h e t r a c k o f t h e b l a c k g a l o s h e s i n t h e s n o w . " I t ' s M e s s i a h , " h e says.
" W h a t else can y o u d o b u t w a i t ? "
"And t h e n w h e n he comes, what? Peace on e a r t h ? "
" P e a c e , p r o s p e r i t y . P l e n t y t o e a t . N o b o d y s i c k o r lonely. N o b o d y
selling anything. I d o n ' t k n o w . "
" A n d P a l e s t i n e ? W h e n M e s s i a h c o m e s , all t h e J e w s m o v e b a c k
there? T o t h e p r o m i s e d land? F u r h a t s a n d all?"
" I h e a r d M e s s i a h c u t a d e a l w i t h t h e b e a v e r s , " B e r k o says. " N o
m o r e fur."
U n d e r t h e glow of a b i g iron gas l a m p m o u n t e d , b y an iron
bracket, to t h e front of t h e rebbe's house, a loose k n o t of men
is k i l l i n g t h e l a s t o f t h e w e e k . H a n g e r s - o n , t h e r e b b e - s t r u c k , a n
o u t r i g h t simpleton or two. A n d the usual i m p r o m p t u mess of would-
b e S w i s s G u a r d s w h o m a k e t h e j o b t o u g h e r for t h e b i k s h o l d i n g u p
either side of t h e front door. E v e r y b o d y ' s telling e v e r y b o d y else
to go h o m e a n d bless t h e light w i t h t h e i r families, leave t h e r e b b e
t o eat his S a b b a t h d i n n e r in p e a c e already. N o b o d y ' s q u i t e leaving,
n o b o d y ' s q u i t e s t i c k i n g a r o u n d . T h e y s w a p a u t h e n t i c lies a b o u t
recent miracles and p o r t e n t s , n e w Canadian immigration scams,
a n d forty n e w versions of t h e s t o r y of t h e I n d i a n w i t h t h e h a m m e r ,
how he recited the Alenu while dancing an Indian p a t c h tanz.

W h e n t h e y hear t h e c r u n c h a n d c h i m i n g of Z i m b a l i s t ' s galoshes

c o m i n g t o w a r d t h e m a c r o s s t h e p l a t z , t h e y l e a v e off m a k i n g t h e i r
128 MICHAEL CHABON

noises, o n e b y one, like a calliope r u n n i n g o u t of steam. Fifty years

Z i m b a l i s t has b e e n living in t h e i r m i d s t a n d he's still, b y s o m e
tangle of choice a n d necessity, an outsider. H e ' s a wizard, a juju
m a n , w i t h his fingers o n t h e s t r i n g s t h a t r i n g t h e D i s t r i c t , a n d his
p a l m s c u p p i n g t h e brackish w a t e r of their souls every Sabbath.
P e rch ed at t h e t o p s of t h e b o u n d a r y maven's poles, his c r e w s can
see i n t o e v e r y w i n d o w , t h e y can listen in o n e v e r y t e l e p h o n e call.
O r a t l e a s t t h a t is w h a t t h e s e m e n h a v e h e a r d .
" C o m i n g t h r o u g h , p l e a s e , " t h e m a v e n s a y s , h e a d i n g for the
front s t e p s w i t h t h e i r p r e t t y railings of curlicued w r o u g h t iron.
" F r i e n d Belsky, m o v e a s i d e . "
T h e m e n m a k e w a y as if Z i m b a l i s t is r u n n i n g t o w a r d a w a t e r
b u c k e t h o l d i n g s o m e t h i n g o n fire. B e f o r e t h e y c a n q u i t e c l o s e u p
t h e g a p , t h e y see L a n d s m a n a n d Berko c o m i n g t h e i r w a y a n d t h r o w
d o w n a s i l e n c e s o h e a v y t h a t L a n d s m a n c a n feel i t p r e s s i n g o n t h e
sides of his h e a d . H e can h e a r t h e s n o w fizzing a n d t h e sizzle each
s n o w f l a k e m a k e s as i t h i t s t h e t o p o f t h e g a s l a m p . T h e m e n p u t
o n a n e x h i b i t i o n o f h a r d l o o k s a n d i n n o c e n t l o o k s a n d l o o k s so
b l a n k t h e y t h r e a t e n t o v a c u u m all t h e a i r f r o m L a n d s m a n ' s l u n g s .
S o m e b o d y says, " I d o n ' t see a n y h a m m e r . "
D e t e c t i v e s L a n d s m a n a n d S h e m e t s wish t h e m t h e joy of t h e
S a b b a t h . T h e n t h e y t u r n their a t t e n t i o n to t h e biks b y t h e door,
a couple of thickset, red-haired, pop-eyed boys w i t h p u g noses
a n d d e n s e w o o l l y b e a r d s t h e r u s t y gold of b r i s k e t gravy. T w o red
R u d a s h e v s k y s , b i k s f r o m a l o n g l i n e o f b i k s , b r e d for s i m p l i c i t y ,
density, power, a n d l i g h t n e s s of foot.
" P r o f e s s o r Z i m b a l i s t , " says t h e R u d a s h e v s k y t o t h e left o f t h e
d o o r . "A g o o d S a b b a t h t o y o u . "
"And to you, Friend Rudashevsky. I regret to disturb your
w a t c h on this peaceful a f t e r n o o n . " T h e b o u n d a r y maven settles
t h e furry o t t o m a n m o r e s n u g l y o n his h e a d . Off t o a flowery s t a r t ,
b u t w h e n h e g o e s t o o p e n t h e d r a w e r o f h i s face, n o m o r e c o i n
falls o u t . L a n d s m a n r e a c h e s i n t o h i s h i p p o c k e t . Z i m b a l i s t is j u s t
s t a n d i n g t h e r e , h i s a r m s h a n g i n g s l a c k , m a y b e t h i n k i n g i t ' s all h i s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 129

fault, t h a t it was chess t h a t b e n t t h e b o y from t h e G o d - d i r e c t e d

angle of his glory, a n d n o w Z i m b a l i s t has t o go in t h e r e a n d tell
t h e father t h e s o r r y e n d i n g of t h e tale. So L a n d s m a n b r u s h e s u p
against Z i m b a l i s t ' s shoulder, w i t h his fingers a r o u n d t h e cold
s m o o t h n e c k of t h e p i n t of C a n a d i a n v o d k a in his p o c k e t . H e t a p s
t h e b o t t l e a g a i n s t Z i m b a l i s t ' s b o n y claw u n t i l t h e old fart c a t c h e s
on and palms it.
" N u , Yossele, it's D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s , " Berko says, t a k i n g over
the operation, squinting up into the scattering gaslight with a hand
over his eyes. T h e g a n g of m e n b e h i n d t h e m b e g i n s t o m u r m u r ,
sensing n o w the quick unfolding of s o m e t h i n g bad and marvelous.
T h e w i n d jerks t h e snowflakes back a n d forth on its h u n d r e d hooks.
"What's up, yid?"
" D e t e c t i v e , " says t h e R u d a s h e v s k y t o t h e r i g h t , m a y b e Y o s s e l e ' s
brother, m a y b e his cousin. M a y b e b o t h at once. " W e h e a r d y o u
w e r e in t h e n e i g h b o r h o o d . "
" T h i s is D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , m y p a r t n e r . C o u l d y o u p l e a s e
tell R a b b i S h p i l m a n t h a t w e ' d l i k e t o h a v e a m o m e n t o f h i s t i m e ?
P l e a s e b e l i e v e , w e w o u l d n ' t d i s t u r b h i m a t t h i s h o u r if i t w a s n ' t so
important."
Black h a t s , even Verbovers, d o n ' t usually challenge t h e r i g h t or
a u t h o r i t y of p o l i c e m e n t o c o n d u c t police b u s i n e s s in t h e H a r k a v y
or on Verbov Island. T h e y don't cooperate, b u t they usually d o n ' t
interfere. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t o e n t e r t h e h o m e of exile's s t r o n g e s t
r a b b i , a t t h e v e r y b r i n k o f t h e h o l i e s t m o m e n t o f t h e w e e k , for
t h a t y o u n e e d a g o o d r e a s o n . Y o u n e e d t o b e c o m i n g t o t e l l h i m , for
e x a m p l e , t h a t h i s o n l y s o n is d e a d .
"A m o m e n t o f t h e r e b b e ' s t i m e ? " says a R u d a s h e v s k y .
"If you had a million dollars, please d o n ' t m i n d m y saying so,
w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t , D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s , " says t h e o t h e r , b r o a d e r
of s h o u l d e r a n d hairier of k n u c k l e t h a n Yossele, laying a h a n d over
h i s h e a r t , " i t w o u l d n ' t b e w o r t h so m u c h as t h a t . "
L a n d s m a n t u r n s to Berko. " H a v e y o u got t h a t kind of m o n e y
on you?"
 MICHAEL CHABON

Berko j a b s L a n d s m a n in t h e side w i t h an elbow. L a n d s m a n never

w a l k e d a b l a c k - h a t b e a t in his latke days, g r o p i n g his w a y along a
m u r k y sea b o t t o m of b l a n k looks a n d silences t h a t could c r u s h
a submarine. Landsman doesn't know how to show the proper
respect.
" C o m e , Yossele. S h m e r l , s w e e t n e s s , " Berko croons. " I n e e d t o
get h o m e t o m y table. Let us i n . "
Y o s s e l e t u g s o n h i s b r i s k e t - c o l o r e d c h i n muffler. T h e n t h e o t h e r
b e g i n s t o s p e a k i n a low, s t e a d y u n d e r t o n e . T h e b i k is w e a r i n g ,
h i d d e n b y one of his looping a u b u r n sidelocks, a headset-style
microphone and earpiece.
" I a m t o i n q u i r e r e s p e c t f u l l y , " t h e b i k says a f t e r a m o m e n t , t h e
f o r c e o f t h e o r d e r f l o w i n g a c r o s s h i s f e a t u r e s , s o f t e n i n g t h e m as i t
s t i f f e n s h i s d i c t i o n , " w h a t b u s i n e s s b r i n g s t h e d i s t i n g u i s h e d officers
o f t h e l a w t o t h e r e b b e ' s h o m e so l a t e t h i s F r i d a y a f t e r n o o n . "
" I d i o t s ! " Z i m b a l i s t says, a s l u g of v o d k a in h i m , c a r e e r i n g u p
t h e s t e p s l i k e a fool o f a b e a r o n a u n i c y c l e . H e g r a b s t h e l a p e l s o f
Y o s s e l e R u d a s h e v s k y ' s c o a t a n d d a n c e s w i t h t h e m , left a n d r i g h t ,
a n g e r a n d grief. " T h e y ' r e h e r e a b o u t M e n d e l e ! "
T h e m e n s t a n d i n g a r o u n d in front of t h e S h p i l m a n h o u s e have
been muttering and commenting and critiquing the performance,
b u t t h e y s h u t u p . Life w h e e z e s i n a n d o u t o f t h e i r l u n g s , r a t t l e s
in t h e s n o t of t h e i r noses. T h e h e a t of t h e l a n t e r n vaporizes t h e
snow. T h e air s e e m s t o s h a t t e r like a w o r l d of t i n y w i n d o w s w i t h
a tinkling sound. And Landsman feels s o m e t h i n g t h a t makes
h i m w a n t t o p u t a h a n d t o t h e b a c k o f h i s n e c k . H e is a d e a l e r in
e n t r o p y and a disbeliever by trade and inclination. T o Landsman,
h e a v e n is k i t s c h , G o d a w o r d , a n d t h e s o u l , a t m o s t , t h e c h a r g e o n
y o u r b a t t e r y . B u t in t h e t h r e e - s e c o n d lull t h a t follows Z i m b a l i s t ' s
c r y i n g o u t t h e n a m e of t h e rebbe's lost son, L a n d s m a n has t h e
feeling t h a t s o m e t h i n g c o m e s fluttering a m o n g t h e m . Dipping
d o w n over t h e c r o w d of m e n , b r u s h i n g t h e m w i t h its wing. M a y b e
it's j u s t t h e k n o w l e d g e , leaping from m a n t o m a n , of w h y these
t w o h o m i c i d e detectives m u s t have come at this hour. O r m a y b e
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 131

it's t h e old p o w e r t o c o n j u r e of a n a m e in w h i c h t h e i r fondest h o p e

once resided. O r m a y b e L a n d s m a n j u s t needs a good night's sleep
in a h o t e l w i t h n o d e a d J e w s i n i t .
Yossele t u r n s t o S h m e r l , t h e d o u g h of his f o r e h e a d kneaded,
holding on to Z i m b a l i s t w i t h t h e brainless t e n d e r n e s s of a b r u t a l
m a n . S h m e r l speaks a n o t h e r few syllables i n t o t h e h e a r t of the
Verbover rebbe's house. H e looks east, west. H e checks w i t h t h e
m a n d o l i n m a n o n t h e roof; t h e r e is a l w a y s a m a n o n t h e r o o f w i t h
a s e m i a u t o m a t i c m a n d o l i n . T h e n he eases open t h e paneled door.
Yossele sets old Z i m b a l i s t d o w n w i t h a j i n g l i n g of g a l o s h e s clasps
a n d p a t s h i m on t h e c h e e k . " I f y o u p l e a s e , D e t e c t i v e s , " h e says.
Y o u c o m e i n t o a w a i n s c o t e d h a l l , a d o o r a t t h e far e n d , o n t h e
left a w o o d e n s t a i r l e a d i n g u p t o t h e s e c o n d floor. T h e s t a i r s a n d
r i s e r s , t h e w a i n s c o t , e v e n t h e f l o o r b o a r d s a r e all c u t f r o m b i g s l a b s
of some kind of pine, k n o t t y a n d b u t t e r - c o l o r e d . A l o n g t h e wall
opposite t h e stairway r u n s a low b e n c h , also k n o t t y p i n e , covered
in a p u r p l e v e l v e t c u s h i o n , w o r n t o a s h i n e in p a t c h e s a n d b e a r i n g
six r o u n d i n d e n t a t i o n s m a d e b y y e a r s o f V e r b o v e r b u t t o c k s .
" T h e e s t e e m e d d e t e c t i v e s will p l e a s e w a i t h e r e , " S h m e r l says.
H e a n d Yossele r e t u r n t o t h e i r p o s t s , l e a v i n g L a n d s m a n and
Berko u n d e r t h e steady b u t indifferent s c r u t i n y of a t h i r d h u l k i n g
R u d a s h e v s k y w h o lounges against t h e b a l u s t e r at t h e b o t t o m of
the stairs.
" S i t , P r o f e s s o r , " says t h e i n d o o r R u d a s h e v s k y .
" T h a n k y o u , " h e says. " B u t I d o n ' t c a r e t o s i t . "
" Y o u all r i g h t , P r o f e s s o r ? " B e r k o s a y s , l a y i n g a h a n d o n the
maven's arm.
"A h a n d b a l l c o u r t , " Z i m b a l i s t says as if i n r e p l y t o t h e q u e s t i o n .
" W h o plays handball a n y m o r e ? "
S o m e t h i n g in t h e p o c k e t of Z i m b a l i s t ' s coat c a t c h e s Berko's eye.
L a n d s m a n t a k e s a s u d d e n i n t e r e s t i n a s m a l l w o o d e n r a c k affixed t o
t h e wall b y t h e door, well stocked w i t h t w o slick, colorful b r o c h u r e s .
O n e is e n t i t l e d " W h o Is t h e V e r b o v e r R e b b e ? " a n d i t i n f o r m s h i m
t h a t t h e y are s t a n d i n g in t h e formal or c e r e m o n i a l e n t r a n c e of t h e
132 MICHAEL CHABON

h o u s e , a n d t h a t t h e family comes a n d goes a n d does its living at t h e

o t h e r e n d , j u s t like in t h e h o u s e of t h e p r e s i d e n t of A m e r i c a . T h e
o t h e r b r o c h u r e t h e y ' r e g i v i n g a w a y is c a l l e d " F i v e G r e a t T r u t h s
a n d Five Big Lies A b o u t Verbover H a s i d i s m . "
"I saw the movie," Berko says, r e a d i n g over Landsman's
shoulder.
T h e s t a i r c r e a k s . T h e R u d a s h e v s k y m u m b l e s , as if a n n o u n c i n g
a c h a n g e in t h e d i n n e r m e n u , " R a b b i B a r o n s h t e y n . "
Landsman knows Baronshteyn only by reputation. Another
b o y w o n d e r , w i t h a l a w d e g r e e in a d d i t i o n t o his r a b b i ' s s m i k h a ,
he married o n e of the rebbe's eight daughters. H e is never
p h o t o g r a p h e d , a n d h e n e v e r leaves Verbov Island, unless y o u believe
t h e s t o r i e s o f h i s s n e a k i n g i n t o s o m e S o u t h S i t k a r o a c h m o t e l in
t h e d e a d of n i g h t to exact personal r e t r i b u t i o n on a policy-game
skimmer, or on some shlosser w h o mishandled a hit.
"Detective Shemets, Detective Landsman. I am Aryeh
Baronshteyn, the rebbe's gabay."
L a n d s m a n is s u r p r i s e d b y h o w y o u n g h e i s , t h i r t y a t t h e o u t s i d e .
H i g h , n a r r o w f o r e h e a d , b l a c k e y e s h a r d as a c o u p l e o f s t o n e s left
o n a g r a v e m a r k e r . H e has c o n c e a l e d his girlish m o u t h in t h e m a n l y
b l o o m of a K i n g S o l o m o n b e a r d , fitted w i t h careful s t r e a k s of g r a y
t o s u g g e s t m a t u r i t y . T h e sidelocks h a n g l i m p a n d orderly. H e has
t h e air of a self-denier, b u t his c l o t h e s b e t r a y t h e old Verbover love
o f flash. H i s c a l v e s a r e p l u m p a n d m u s c u l a r i n t h e i r s i l k g a r t e r s
a n d w h i t e h o s e . H e k e e p s h i s l o n g feet e n c a s e d i n b r u s h e d b l a c k
v e l v e t e e n slippers. T h e frock c o a t looks fresh from t h e b e s p o k e
needle of M o s e s a n d Sons on Asch Street. O n l y t h e plain k n i t
s k u l l c a p h a s a m o d e s t air. U n d e r n e a t h i t , h i s b r u s h - c u t h a i r g l i n t s
l i k e t h e b u s i n e s s e n d o f a p a i n t - s t r i p p i n g r o t o r . H i s face d i s p l a y s n o
t r a c e of w a r i n e s s , b u t L a n d s m a n can see w h e r e w a r i n e s s has b e e n
carefully erased.

"Reb Baronshteyn," Berko murmurs, taking off his hat.

L a n d s m a n does likewise.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 133

B a r o n s h t e y n k e e p s his h a n d s in t h e p o c k e t s of his frock c o a t , a

s a t i n n u m b e r w i t h v e l o u r l a p e l s a n d p o c k e t flaps. H e ' s m a k i n g a n
a t t e m p t to look at his ease, b u t some m e n j u s t d o n ' t k n o w h o w to
s t a n d a r o u n d w i t h t h e i r h a n d s in t h e i r p o c k e t s a n d l o o k n a t u r a l .
" W h a t d o y o u w a n t h e r e ? " h e says. H e m i m e s a g l a n c e a t h i s
w a t c h , p o k i n g it from t h e cuff of his m i l l e d c o t t o n s h i r t j u s t l o n g
e n o u g h for t h e m t o r e a d t h e n a m e o f P a t e k P h i l i p p e o n i t s face. " I t ' s
very late."
" W e ' r e h e r e t o t a l k t o R e b b e S h p i l m a n , R a b b i , " L a n d s m a n says.
" I f y o u r t i m e is so p r e c i o u s , t h e n w e s u r e l y d o n ' t w a n t t o w a s t e i t
by talking to you."
" I t i s n ' t m y t i m e t h a t I fear t o h a v e y o u w a s t e , Detective
L a n d s m a n . A n d I c a n t e l l y o u r i g h t n o w t h a t if y o u a t t e m p t to
display, in t h i s h o u s e , t h e d i s r e s p e c t f u l a t t i t u d e a n d disgraceful
b e h a v i o r for w h i c h y o u a r e n o t o r i o u s , t h e n y o u w i l l n o t r e m a i n i n
t h i s h o u s e . Is t h a t c l e a r ? "
"I think you have m e mixed u p w i t h the other Detective Meyer
L a n d s m a n , " L a n d s m a n says. " I ' m t h e o n e w h o ' s j u s t d o i n g h i s
job."
" T h e n y o u a r e h e r e as p a r t o f a m u r d e r i n v e s t i g a t i o n ? M a y I a s k
in w h a t w a y i t c o n c e r n s t h e r e b b e ? "
" W e r e a l l y d o n e e d t o t a l k t o t h e r e b b e , " B e r k o says. " I f h e t e l l s
u s h e ' d l i k e t o h a v e y o u p r e s e n t , y o u ' r e w e l c o m e t o stay. B u t w i t h
all d u e r e s p e c t , R a b b i , w e ' r e n o t h e r e t o a n s w e r y o u r q u e s t i o n s .
And we aren't here to waste anybody's time."
"In addition to being his adviser, D e t e c t i v e , I a m t h e rebbe's
a t t o r n e y . You k n o w t h a t . "
" W e ' r e aware of t h a t , sir."
" M y office is a c r o s s t h e p l a t z , " B a r o n s h t e y n says, g o i n g t o
t h e front d o o r a n d h o l d i n g it o p e n like a gracious d o o r m a n . S n o w
p o u r s d o w n p a s t t h e o p e n doorway, g l o w i n g in t h e gaslight like an
endless j a c k p o t of coins. " I ' m sure I will b e able t o a n s w e r w h a t e v e r
questions you have."
134 MICHAEL CHABON

" B a r o n s h t e y n , y o u p u p p y G e t o u t of their w a y "

Z i m b a l i s t is o n h i s f e e t n o w , h a t c o l l a p s i n g o v e r o n e ear, in h i s
v a s t m a n g y c o a t a n d h i s m i a s m a o f m o t h b a l l s a n d grief.
" P r o f e s s o r Z i m b a l i s t . " B a r o n s h t e y n ' s t o n e is o n e o f w a r n i n g ,
b u t h i s e y e g r o w s k e e n as h e t a k e s i n t h e r u i n o f t h e b o u n d a r y
m a v e n . H e m a y n e v e r have seen Z i m b a l i s t in p r o x i m i t y t o an
e m o t i o n . T h e spectacle clearly interests h i m . " H a v e a care."
"You t r i e d to t a k e his place. Well, n o w you have it. H o w does
it feel?" Z i m b a l i s t t o t t e r s a s t e p closer t o t h e gabay. T h e r e m u s t
b e all k i n d s o f c o r d s a n d t r i p w i r e s c r i s s c r o s s i n g t h e s p a c e b e t w e e n
t h e m . B u t for o n c e t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n s e e m s t o h a v e m i s l a i d h i s
s t r i n g m a p . " H e ' s m o r e alive even n o w t h a n y o u will ever b e , y o u
smelt, you waxworks."
H e c r a s h e s p a s t B e r k o a n d L a n d s m a n , r e a c h i n g for t h e b a n i s t e r
o r t h e gabay's t h r o a t . B a r o n s h t e y n d o e s n ' t flinch. Berko g r a b s h o l d
of t h e belt at t h e waist of t h e bearskin coat a n d drags Zimbalist
back.
"Who i s ? " says B a r o n s h t e y n . " W h o a r e y o u t a l k i n g a b o u t ? " H e
looks at L a n d s m a n . " D e t e c t i v e , did s o m e t h i n g happen to M e n d e l
Shpilman?"
L a n d s m a n will r e v i e w t h e p e r f o r m a n c e later w i t h Berko, b u t
h i s f i r s t i m p r e s s i o n is t h a t B a r o n s h t e y n s o u n d s s u r p r i s e d b y t h e
possibility.
" P r o f e s s o r , " B e r k o says. " W e a p p r e c i a t e t h e h e l p . T h a n k y o u . "
H e zips u p Z i m b a l i s t ' s s w e a t e r a n d b u t t o n s his jacket. H e tucks one
side of t h e bearskin coat over t h e o t h e r and k n o t s t h e belt tightly
at t h e w a i s t . " N o w , please, go h o m e . Yossele, S h m e r l , s o m e b o d y
w a l k t h e p r o f e s s o r h o m e b e f o r e h i s wife g e t s w o r r i e d a n d calls t h e
police."
Yossele takes Z i m b a l i s t b y t h e a r m , a n d t h e y s t a r t d o w n t h e
steps.
Berko s h u t s t h e d o o r against t h e cold. " T a k e us to t h e rebbe,
c o u n s e l o r , " h e says. " N o w . "
 • § 1 6 (F

R
a b b i H e s k e l S h p i l m a n is a d e f o r m e d m o u n t a i n , a g i a n t r u i n e d
dessert, a cartoon house with the windows shut and the sink
left r u n n i n g . A l i t t l e k i d l u m p e d h i m t o g e t h e r , a m o b o f k i d s ,
blind o r p h a n s w h o never laid eyes on a m a n . T h e y c l u m p e d the
d o u g h of his a r m s a n d legs t o t h e d o u g h of his body, t h e n j a m m e d
his h e a d d o w n o n t o p . A m i l l i o n a i r e c o u l d cover a R o l l s - R o y c e w i t h
t h e fine b l a c k s i l k - a n d - v e l v e t e x p a n s e o f t h e r e b b e ' s f r o c k coat
and trousers. It w o u l d r e q u i r e t h e brain s t r e n g t h of t h e e i g h t e e n
g r e a t e s t sages in h i s t o r y t o r e a s o n t h r o u g h t h e a r g u m e n t s a g a i n s t
a n d i n favor o f c l a s s i f y i n g t h e r e b b e ' s m a s s i v e b o t t o m as e i t h e r a
c r e a t u r e of t h e deep, a m a n - m a d e s t r u c t u r e , or an unavoidable act
o f G o d . If h e s t a n d s u p , o r if h e s i t s d o w n , i t d o e s n ' t m a k e a n y
difference in w h a t y o u see.

" I s u g g e s t w e d i s p e n s e w i t h t h e p l e a s a n t r i e s , " t h e r e b b e says.

His voice comes pitched high, droll, t h e voice of t h e well-
proportioned, scholarly m a n he m u s t have been once. L a n d s m a n
has h e a r d t h a t it's a glandular disorder. H e has h e a r d t h a t the
V e r b o v e r r e b b e , for all h i s b u l k , m a i n t a i n s t h e d i e t o f a m a r t y r ,
b r o t h and roots and a daily c r u s t of bread. B u t L a n d s m a n prefers t o
s e e t h e m a n as d i s t e n d e d w i t h t h e g a s o f v i o l e n c e a n d c o r r u p t i o n .
136 MICHAEL CHABDN

H i s b e l l y filled w i t h b o n e s a n d s h o e s a n d t h e h e a r t s o f m e n , h a l f
d i g e s t e d i n t h e a c i d o f h i s Law.
" S i t d o w n a n d tell m e w h a t y o u c a m e h e r e t o say."
" W e c a n d o t h a t , r e b b e , " B e r k o says.
T h e y e a c h t a k e a c h a i r i n f r o n t o f t h e r e b b e ' s d e s k . T h e office
is p u r e A u s t r o - H u n g a r i a n e m p i r e . B e h e m o t h s o f m a h o g a n y , e b o n y
a n d b i r d ' s - e y e m a p l e c r o w d t h e w a l l s , o r n a t e as c a t h e d r a l s . I n t h e
corner by the door stands the famous Verbover Clock, a survivor
o f t h e o l d h o m e b a c k i n U k r a i n e . L o o t e d w h e n R u s s i a fell, t h e n
s h i p p e d back to G e r m a n y , it survived t h e d r o p p i n g of t h e atomic
b o m b o n B e r l i n i n 1 9 4 6 a n d all t h e c o n f u s i o n s o f t h e t i m e t h a t
f o l l o w e d . I t r u n s c o u n t e r c l o c k w i s e , r e v e r s e - n u m b e r e d w i t h t h e first
twelve letters of t h e H e b r e w alphabet. Its recovery was a t u r n i n g
p o i n t in t h e f o r t u n e s of t h e Verbover c o u r t a n d m a r k e d t h e s t a r t of
Heskel Shpilman's ascent. Baronshteyn takes up a position behind
a n d to t h e r i g h t of t h e r e b b e , at a lectern w h e r e he can keep one
e y e o n t h e s t r e e t , o n e e y e o n w h a t e v e r v o l u m e is b e i n g c o m b e d for
p r e c e d e n t s a n d justifications, a n d o n e eye, a lidless inner eye, on
t h e m a n w h o is t h e c e n t e r o f h i s e x i s t e n c e .

L a n d s m a n c l e a r s h i s t h r o a t . H e is t h e p r i m a r y , a n d t h i s is h i s
j o b to do. H e steals a n o t h e r glance at t h e Verbover Clock. T h e r e
a r e s e v e n m i n u t e s r e m a i n i n g i n t h i s s o r r y e x c u s e for a w e e k .
" B e f o r e y o u b e g i n , D e t e c t i v e s , " says A r y e h B a r o n s h t e y n , " l e t m e
s t a t e for t h e r e c o r d t h a t I a m h e r e i n m y c a p a c i t y as a t t o r n e y t o R a b b i
S h p i l m a n . R e b b e , if y o u h a v e a n y d o u b t a b o u t w h e t h e r y o u o u g h t t o
a n s w e r a q u e s t i o n p u t t o y o u b y t h e d e t e c t i v e s , p l e a s e r e f r a i n from
a n s w e r i n g , a n d a l l o w m e t o a s k t h e m t o clarify o r r e p h r a s e i t . "
" T h i s i s n ' t a n i n t e r r o g a t i o n , R a b b i B a r o n s h t e y n , " B e r k o says.
"You are welcome here, more than welcome, Aryeh," the rebbe
says. " I n d e e d , I i n s i s t t h a t y o u b e p r e s e n t . B u t as m y g a b a y a n d m y
s o n - i n - l a w . N o t as m y l a w y e r . F o r t h i s I d o n ' t n e e d a l a w y e r . "
" I f I may, d e a r R e b b e . T h e s e m e n a r e h o m i c i d e d e t e c t i v e s . You
a r e t h e V e r b o v e r r e b b e . If y o u d o n ' t n e e d a lawyer, t h e n n o b o d y n e e d s
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 137

a lawyer. A n d believe m e , e v e r y b o d y n e e d s a lawyer." B a r o n s h t e y n

slides a p a d of yellow p a p e r from t h e i n t e r i o r of t h e l e c t e r n , w h e r e
he no d o u b t keeps his vials of c u r a r e a n d his necklaces of severed
h u m a n ears. H e u n s c r e w s t h e cap of a fountain p e n . " I will at least
take notes. O n , " h e d e a d p a n s , " a legal p a d . "
T h e Verbover r e b b e c o n t e m p l a t e s L a n d s m a n from d e e p inside
t h e r e d o u b t o f h i s flesh. H e h a s l i g h t e y e s , s o m e w h e r e b e t w e e n g r e e n
and gold. T h e y ' r e n o t h i n g like t h e pebbles a b a n d o n e d b y m o u r n e r s
o n B a r o n s h t e y n ' s t o m b s t o n e p u s s . F a t h e r l y e y e s t h a t suffer and
f o r g i v e a n d find a m u s e m e n t . T h e y k n o w w h a t L a n d s m a n h a s l o s t ,
w h a t he has s q u a n d e r e d a n d let slip from his g r a s p t h r o u g h d o u b t ,
faithlessness, a n d t h e p u r s u i t of b e i n g t o u g h . T h e y u n d e r s t a n d t h e
f u r i o u s w o b b l e t h a t t h r o w s off t h e t r a j e c t o r y o f L a n d s m a n ' s g o o d
i n t e n t i o n s . T h e y c o m p r e h e n d t h e l o v e affair t h a t L a n d s m a n h a s
w i t h violence, his wild willingness t o p u t his b o d y o u t t h e r e on
the street to break and to be broken. Until this m i n u t e Landsman
d i d n ' t g r a s p w h a t h e a n d e v e r y n o z in t h e D i s t r i c t , a n d t h e R u s s i a n
s h t a r k e r s a n d s m a l l - t i m e w i s e g u y s , a n d t h e FBI a n d t h e 1RS a n d
the ATF, were up against. H e never understood how the other
sects could tolerate a n d even defer to t h e p r e s e n c e of t h e s e p i o u s
g a n g s t e r s in t h e i r b l a c k - h a t m i d s t . You c o u l d lead m e n w i t h a p a i r
of eyes like t h a t . You c o u l d s e n d t h e m t o t h e v e r y lip of w h a t e v e r
abyss you chose.

"Tell me why you are here, Detective L a n d s m a n , " the rebbe

says.
T h r o u g h t h e d o o r o f t h e o u t e r office c o m e s t h e m u f f l e d j a n g l e
o f a t e l e p h o n e . T h e r e is n o p h o n e o n t h e d e s k a n d n o n e i n s i g h t .
T h e r e b b e w o r k s s o m e feat o f s e m a p h o r e w i t h h a l f a n e y e b r o w a n d
a m i n o r muscle of t h e eye. B a r o n s h t e y n p u t s d o w n his p e n . T h e
r i n g i n g s w e l l s a n d d w i n d l e s as B a r o n s h t e y n s l i p s t h e b l a c k m i s s i v e
o f h i s b o d y t h r o u g h t h e s l o t o f t h e office d o o r . A m o m e n t l a t e r ,
L a n d s m a n hears him answer. T h e w o r d s are unclear, t h e t o n e c u r t ,
m a y b e even harsh.
138 MICHAEL CHABON

T h e r e b b e catches L a n d s m a n t r y i n g to eavesdrop a n d p u t s his

eyebrow muscles to m o r e s t r e n u o u s use.
" R i g h t , " says L a n d s m a n . " I t ' s l i k e t h i s . I t so h a p p e n s , R a b b i
S h p i l m a n , t h a t I live in t h e Z a m e n h o f . It's a h o t e l , n o t a g o o d o n e ,
d o w n on M a x N o r d a u Street. Last night the manager knocked
on m y d o o r a n d asked m e w o u l d I m i n d c o m i n g d o w n to have a
look at a n o t h e r g u e s t in t h e h o t e l . T h e m a n a g e r h a d been w o r r i e d
a b o u t t h i s g u e s t . H e w a s afraid t h e J e w m i g h t have overdosed.
A n d so h e h a d l e t h i m s e l f i n t o t h e r o o m . I t t u r n e d o u t t h a t t h e
m a n was dead. H e was r e g i s t e r e d u n d e r an a s s u m e d name. H e
h a d n o identification. B u t t h e r e w e r e a few h i n t s of t h i s a n d t h a t
in his r o o m . A n d t o d a y m y p a r t n e r a n d I followed u p on o n e of
t h o s e h i n t s , a n d i t l e d u s h e r e . T o y o u . W e b e l i e v e — w e a r e all b u t
c e r t a i n — t h a t the dead man was your son."

B a r o n s h t e y n s i d l e s b a c k i n t o t h e r o o m as L a n d s m a n is g i v i n g
t h e n e w s . H i s face h a s b e e n w i p e d , as if w i t h a soft c l o t h , o f all
p r i n t s or s m u d g e s of e m o t i o n .
"All b u t c e r t a i n , " t h e r e b b e says d u l l y , n o t h i n g m o v i n g i n h i s
face b u t t h e l i g h t s i n h i s e y e s . " I s e e . A l l b u t c e r t a i n . H i n t s o f t h i s
and that."
" W e h a v e a p i c t u r e , " L a n d s m a n says. O n c e a g a i n h e p r o d u c e s
like a g r i m m a g i c i a n S h p r i n g e r ' s p h o t o g r a p h of t h e d e a d J e w in
208. H e s t a r t s t o pass it t o t h e r e b b e b u t consideration, a sudden
flutter of s y m p a t h y , stops his h a n d .
" P e r h a p s i t w o u l d b e b e s t , " says B a r o n s h t e y n , " i f I — "
"No," t h e r e b b e says.
S h p i l m a n takes t h e p h o t o g r a p h from L a n d s m a n a n d , w i t h b o t h
h a n d s , b r i n g s i t v e r y c l o s e t o h i s face, s t r a i g h t u p i n t o t h e p r e c i n c t
o f h i s r i g h t e y e b a l l . H e ' s o n l y n e a r s i g h t e d , b u t t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g
v a m p i r i c i n t h e g e s t u r e , as if h e ' s t r y i n g t o d r a i n a v i t a l l i q u o r f r o m
t h e p h o t o g r a p h w i t h t h e l a m p r e y m o u t h of his eye. H e m e a s u r e s
it from t o p t o b o t t o m a n d e n d t o e n d . H i s expression never alters.
T h e n h e lowers t h e p h o t o g r a p h t o t h e c l u t t e r of his d e s k a n d
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 139

clucks his t o n g u e once. B a r o n s h t e y n s t e p s forward t o t a k e a look at

t h e p i c t u r e , b u t t h e r e b b e w a v e s h i m off a n d s a y s , " I t ' s h i m . "
Landsman, his i n s t r u m e n t s dialed up t o full gain, widest
a p e r t u r e , is t u n e d to catch s o m e faint radiation of r e g r e t or
satisfaction t h a t m i g h t escape t h e singularities at t h e h e a r t of
B a r o n s h t e y n ' s eyes. A n d it's t h e r e ; a brief t r a c e r arc of particles
lights t h e m up. B u t w h a t L a n d s m a n d e t e c t s in t h a t i n s t a n t , t o his
s u r p r i s e , is d i s a p p o i n t m e n t . F o r a n i n s t a n t A r y e h B a r o n s h t e y n l o o k s
l i k e a m a n w h o j u s t d r e w a n a c e o f s p a d e s a n d is c o n t e m p l a t i n g t h e
fan o f u s e l e s s d i a m o n d s i n h i s h a n d . H e e x h a l e s a s h o r t b r e a t h , h a l f
a sigh, and walks slowly back t o his lectern.
" S h o t , " t h e r e b b e says.
" O n c e , " says L a n d s m a n .
"By w h o m , please?"
"Well, we don't k n o w t h a t . "
"Any witnesses?"
" N o t so far."
"Motive?"
L a n d s m a n says n o , t h e n t u r n s t o B e r k o for c o n f i r m a t i o n , a n d
Berko gives his h e a d a s o m b e r shake.
"Shot" T h e R e b b e s h a k e s h i s h e a d as if m a r v e l i n g : How do you
like that? W i t h n o d i s c e r n i b l e c h a n g e i n h i s v o i c e o r m a n n e r , h e s a y s ,
"You are well, Detective S h e m e t s ? "
"I can't complain, Rabbi Shpilman."
" Y o u r wife a n d c h i l d r e n ? H e a l t h y a n d s t r o n g ? "
" T h e y could be worse."
" T w o sons, I believe, one an infant."
" R i g h t , as u s u a l . "
T h e massive cheeks t r e m b l e in a s s e n t or satisfaction. T h e r e b b e
m u r m u r s a conventional blessing on t h e heads of Berko's little boys.
T h e n his gaze rolls in L a n d s m a n ' s d i r e c t i o n , a n d w h e n it locks o n
h i m , L a n d s m a n feels a s t a b o f p a n i c . T h e r e b b e k n o w s e v e r y t h i n g .
H e knows about the mosaic chromosome and the boy Landsman
I4D MICHAEL CHABON

sacrificed t o p r e s e r v e h a r d - e a r n e d illusions a b o u t t h e t e n d e n c y of
life t o g e t t h i n g s w r o n g . A n d n o w h e ' s g o i n g t o offer a b l e s s i n g
for D j a n g o , t o o . B u t t h e r e b b e says n o t h i n g , a n d t h e g e a r s in t h e
V e r b o v e r C l o c k g r i n d away. B e r k o g l a n c e s a t h i s w r i s t w a t c h ; t i m e
to get h o m e to t h e candles a n d t h e wine. T o his blessed boys, w h o
c o u l d b e w o r s e . T o E s t e r - M a l k e , w i t h t h e b r a i d e d loaf of a n o t h e r
c h i l d t u c k e d s o m e w h e r e i n h e r belly. H e a n d L a n d s m a n h a v e n o
d i s p e n s a t i o n t o b e h e r e p a s t s u n d o w n , i n v e s t i g a t i n g a case t h a t
officially n o l o n g e r e x i s t s . N o o n e ' s life is a t s t a k e . T h e r e is n o t h i n g
t o b e d o n e t o save a n y of t h e m , n o t t h e y i d s in t h i s r o o m , n o t t h e
yid, poor thing, w h o brought them here.

"Rabbi Shpilman?"
"Yes, Detective Landsman?"
" A r e y o u all r i g h t ? "
" D o I s e e m 'all r i g h t ' t o y o u , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n ? "
" I ' v e o n l y j u s t h a d t h e h o n o r o f m e e t i n g y o u , " L a n d s m a n says
carefully, m o r e in d e f e r e n c e t o Berko's sensibilities t h a n t o t h e
r a b b i o r h i s office. " B u t t o b e h o n e s t , y o u s e e m all r i g h t . "
"In a way t h a t appears suspicious? T h a t seems to inculpate me,
perhaps?"
" R e b b e , p l e a s e , n o j o k e s , " B a r o n s h t e y n says.
"As t o t h a t , " L a n d s m a n says, i g n o r i n g t h e m o u t h p i e c e , "I
w o u l d n ' t v e n t u r e an o p i n i o n . "
" M y s o n h a s b e e n d e a d t o m e for m a n y y e a r s , D e t e c t i v e . M a n y
y e a r s . I t o r e m y c l o t h e s a n d s a i d k a d d i s h a n d l i t a c a n d l e for h i s loss
l o n g a g o . " T h e w o r d s t h e m s e l v e s t r a d e in a n g e r a n d b i t t e r n e s s ,
b u t h i s t o n e is b r e a t h t a k i n g l y v o i d o f e m o t i o n . " W h a t y o u f o u n d
in t h e Z a m e n h o f H o t e l — w a s it t h e Z a m e n h o f ? — w h a t y o u found
t h e r e , if i t is h i m , t h a t w a s o n l y a h u s k . T h e k e r n e l w a s l o n g s i n c e
cut out and spoiled."
"A h u s k , " L a n d s m a n says. " I s e e . "
H e k n o w s w h a t a h a r d t h i n g it can be t o have fathered a heroin
addict. H e has seen this k i n d of coldness before. But s o m e t h i n g
r a n k l e s h i m a b o u t t h e s e y i d s w h o t e a r t h e i r l a p e l s a n d s i t s h i v a for
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 141

living children. It seems to L a n d s m a n to m a k e a m o c k e r y of b o t h

the living and the dead.
" N o w , all r i g h t . F r o m w h a t I h a v e h e a r d , " L a n d s m a n c o n t i n u e s ,
" a n d I certainly d o n ' t claim to u n d e r s t a n d it, y o u r s o n — a s a b o y —
he showed certain, well, indications, or . . . t h a t he m i g h t be . . . I'm
n o t s u r e I h a v e t h i s r i g h t . T h e T z a d d i k H a - D o r , is t h a t it? I f t h e
c o n d i t i o n s w e r e r i g h t , if t h e J e w s o f t h i s g e n e r a t i o n w e r e w o r t h y ,
t h e n h e m i g h t r e v e a l h i m s e l f a s , u h , as M e s s i a h . "
" I t ' s r i d i c u l o u s , n u , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , " t h e r e b b e says. " T h e
very idea makes you smile."
" N o t a t a l l , " L a n d s m a n says. " B u t if y o u r s o n w a s M e s s i a h , t h e n
I g u e s s w e ' r e all i n t r o u b l e . B e c a u s e r i g h t n o w h e ' s l y i n g i n a d r a w e r
d o w n in t h e b a s e m e n t o f S i t k a G e n e r a l . "
" M e y e r , " B e r k o says.
" W i t h all d u e r e s p e c t , " L a n d s m a n p u t s i n .
T h e r e b b e d o e s n ' t a n s w e r a t first, a n d w h e n h e finally speaks,
it is w i t h e v i d e n t c a r e . " W e a r e t a u g h t b y t h e B a a l S h e m T o v , o f
b l e s s e d m e m o r y , t h a t a m a n w i t h t h e p o t e n t i a l t o b e M e s s i a h is
b o r n i n t o e v e r y g e n e r a t i o n . T h i s is t h e T z a d d i k H a - D o r . Now,
Mendel. Mendele, Mendele."
He closes his eyes. H e might be remembering. He might
be fighting back tears. H e opens them. They're dry, and he
remembers.
" M e n d e l h a d a r e m a r k a b l e n a t u r e as a boy. I ' m n o t t a l k i n g a b o u t
m i r a c l e s . M i r a c l e s a r e a b u r d e n for a t z a d d i k , n o t t h e p r o o f o f o n e .
M i r a c l e s p r o v e n o t h i n g e x c e p t t o t h o s e w h o s e f a i t h is b o u g h t v e r y
c h e a p , sir. T h e r e w a s s o m e t h i n g in M e n d e l e . T h e r e w a s a fire. T h i s
is a c o l d , d a r k p l a c e , D e t e c t i v e s . A g r a y , w e t p l a c e . M e n d e l e g a v e off
light a n d w a r m t h . You w a n t e d t o s t a n d close t o h i m . T o w a r m y o u r
h a n d s , t o m e l t t h e i c e o n y o u r b e a r d . T o b a n i s h t h e d a r k n e s s for a
m i n u t e o r t w o . B u t t h e n w h e n y o u left M e n d e l e , y o u stayed w a r m ,
and it s e e m e d like t h e r e w a s a little m o r e l i g h t , m a y b e o n e candle's
w o r t h , i n t h e w o r l d . A n d t h a t w a s w h e n y o u r e a l i z e d t h e fire w a s
i n s i d e o f y o u all t h e t i m e . A n d t h a t w a s t h e m i r a c l e . J u s t t h a t . " H e
142 MICHAEL CHABON

s t r o k e s h i s b e a r d , p u l l i n g o n i t , as if t r y i n g t o t h i n k o f s o m e t h i n g
he m i g h t have missed. " N o t h i n g else."
" W h e n w a s t h e l a s t t i m e y o u s a w h i m ? " B e r k o says.
" T w e n t y - t h r e e y e a r s a g o , " t h e r e b b e says w i t h o u t h e s i t a t i o n .
" O n t h e t w e n t i e t h of Elul. N o o n e in this h o u s e has s p o k e n t o or
seen h i m since t h e n . "
" N o t even his m o t h e r ? "
T h e q u e s t i o n shocks t h e m all, even L a n d s m a n , t h e y i d w h o
asked it.
" D o y o u s u p p o s e , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , t h a t m y wife w o u l d
ever a t t e m p t to subvert m y a u t h o r i t y w i t h respect to this or any
other matter?"
" I s u p p o s e e v e r y t h i n g , R a b b i S h p i l m a n , " L a n d s m a n says. " I
don't mean anything by it."
" H a v e y o u c o m e h e r e w i t h a n y n o t i o n s , " B a r o n s h t e y n says,
" a b o u t w h o m i g h t have killed M e n d e l ? "
"Actually—" Landsman begins.
"Actually," t h e Verbover r e b b e says, c u t t i n g L a n d s m a n off.
H e p l u c k s a s h e e t of p a p e r from t h e chaos of his d e s k , t r a c t a t e s ,
p r o m u l g a t i o n s , a n d b a n s , classified d o c u m e n t s , a d d i n g m a c h i n e
tapes, surveillance r e p o r t s on t h e habits of m a r k e d m e n . T h e r e ' s a
s e c o n d o r t w o o f t r o m b o n i n g as h e b r i n g s t h e p a p e r w i t h i n f o c u s i n g
r a n g e . T h e flesh o f h i s r i g h t a r m s l o s h e s i n t h e w i n e s k i n o f h i s
sleeve. " T h e s e p a r t i c u l a r h o m i c i d e d e t e c t i v e s are n o t s u p p o s e d to
b e i n v e s t i g a t i n g t h i s m a t t e r a t all. A m I w r o n g ? "
H e sets d o w n t h e paper, and L a n d s m a n has to wonder h o w he
e v e r c o u l d h a v e seen a n y t h i n g in t h e r e b b e ' s eyes b u t t e n t h o u s a n d
m i l e s o f f r o z e n s e a . L a n d s m a n is s h o c k e d , k n o c k e d o v e r b o a r d i n t o
t h a t cold w a t e r . T o k e e p h i m s e l f afloat, h e clings t o t h e ballast
of his c y n i c i s m . D i d t h e o r d e r t o black-flag t h e Lasker case c o m e
s t r a i g h t f r o m V e r b o v I s l a n d ? H a s S h p i l m a n k n o w n all a l o n g t h a t
h i s s o n is d e a d , m u r d e r e d i n r o o m 2 0 8 o f t h e H o t e l Z a m e n h o f ?
D i d h e h i m s e l f o r d e r t h e killing? A r e t h e b u s i n e s s a n d directives of
t h e H o m i c i d e S e c t i o n o f S i t k a C e n t r a l r o u t i n e l y s u b m i t t e d for h i s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 143

i n s p e c t i o n ? T h e s e m i g h t m a k e i n t e r e s t i n g q u e s t i o n s if L a n d s m a n
could get his h e a r t o u t of his m o u t h a n d ask t h e m .
" W h a t d i d h e d o ? " L a n d s m a n says a t l a s t . " E x a c t l y w h y w a s
he dead to you already? W h a t did he know? W h a t , while we're
o n t h e s u b j e c t , d o you k n o w , R e b b e ? R a b b i B a r o n s h t e y n ? I k n o w
y o u p e o p l e h a v e t h e fix i n . I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t k i n d o f d e a l y o u ' v e
w o r k e d for y o u r s e l v e s . B u t l o o k i n g a r o u n d t h i s fine i s l a n d o f y o u r s ,
I can see, y o u s h o u l d excuse t h e e x p r e s s i o n , t h a t y o u are c a r r y i n g a
lot of serious w e i g h t . "
" M e y e r , " Berko says, a w a r n i n g in it.
" D o n ' t y o u c o m e b a c k h e r e , L a n d s m a n , " t h e r e b b e says. " D o n ' t
e v e r b o t h e r a n y o n e i n t h i s h o u s e h o l d , o r a n y o f t h e folk o n t h i s
island. Stay away from Z i m b a l i s t . A n d s t a y a w a y from m e . If I h e a r
t h a t y o u h a v e so m u c h as a s k e d o n e o f m y p e o p l e t o l i g h t y o u r
c i g a r e t t e , I w i l l h a v e y o u a n d y o u r s h i e l d . Is t h a t c l e a r ? "
" W i t h all d u e r e s p e c t — " L a n d s m a n b e g i n s .
"An e m p t y f o r m u l a i n y o u r c a s e , s u r e l y . "
" N e v e r t h e l e s s , " L a n d s m a n says, r e c o v e r i n g himself. " I f I h a d a
d o l l a r for e v e r y t i m e s o m e s h t a r k e r w i t h a g l a n d u l a r p r o b l e m t r i e d
t o s c a r e m e off a c a s e , w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t , I w o u l d n ' t h a v e t o s i t
h e r e l i s t e n i n g t o t h r e a t s from a m a n w h o c a n ' t even m a n a g e t o s h e d
a t e a r for t h e s o n I ' m s u r e h e h e l p e d i n t o a n e a r l y g r a v e . W h e t h e r
he died t w e n t y - t h r e e years ago or last n i g h t . "
" P l e a s e d o n o t m i s t a k e m e for s o m e t w o - b i t H i r s h b e y n A v e n u e
w i s e g u y , " t h e r e b b e says. " I a m n o t t h r e a t e n i n g y o u . "
"No? W h a t are you, blessing m e ? "
" I ' m looking at you, Detective L a n d s m a n . I u n d e r s t a n d that
like m y son, p o o r t h i n g , y o u m a y n o t h a v e b e e n p r o v i d e d b y t h e
H o l y N a m e w i t h t h e m o s t a d m i r a b l e of fathers."
" R a v H e s k e l ! " B a r o n s h t e y n cries.
But t h e rabbi ignores his gabay a n d moves on before L a n d s m a n
can ask h i m w h a t t h e hell he t h i n k s h e k n o w s a b o u t p o o r old
Isidor.
" I can see t h a t at o n e t i m e , a g a i n like M e n d e l , y o u m a y h a v e
144 MICHAEL CHABON

b e e n s o m e t h i n g v e r y m u c h m o r e t h a n y o u a r e t o d a y You m a y have
b e e n a fine s h a m m e s . B u t I d o u b t t h a t y o u h a v e e v e r q u a l i f i e d as a
great sage."
" O n t h e c o n t r a r y , " L a n d s m a n says.
"So. Please believe m e w h e n I tell y o u t h a t you need to find
a n o t h e r u s e for t h e t i m e t h a t r e m a i n s t o y o u . "
Inside t h e Verbover Clock, an old system of h a m m e r s and
c h i m e s takes u p a melody, older still, t h a t welcomes to every Jewish
h o m e a n d h o u s e of p r a y e r t h e b r i d e of t h e e n d of t h e week.
" W e ' r e o u t of t i m e , " says B a r o n s h t e y n . " G e n t l e m e n . "
T h e d e t e c t i v e s s t a n d , a n d t h e m e n wish o n e a n o t h e r t h e j o y of
t h e S a b b a t h . T h e n t h e d e t e c t i v e s p u t o n t h e i r h a t s a n d t u r n for
t h e door.
" W e ' l l n e e d s o m e o n e t o i d e n t i f y t h e b o d y , " B e r k o says.
" U n l e s s y o u w a n t us to p u t h i m o u t by t h e c u r b , " L a n d s m a n
says.
" W e w i l l s e n d s o m e o n e t o m o r r o w , " t h e r e b b e says. H e t u r n s in
his chair, s h o w i n g t h e m his back. H e b o w s his head, t h e n reaches
for a p a i r o f c a n e s h a n g i n g f r o m a h o o k o n t h e w a l l b e h i n d h i m .
T h e canes have silver heads, chased w i t h gold. H e stabs t h e m into
t h e c a r p e t a n d t h e n , w i t h t h e wheeze of a n t i q u e machinery, hoists
h i m s e l f t o his feet. "After t h e S a b b a t h . "
B a r o n s h t e y n follows t h e m b a c k d o w n t h e s t a i r s t o t h e R u d a s h e v s k y
b y t h e door. O v e r their heads, t h e floorboards of the s t u d y u t t e r a
g r i e v o u s c r e a k . T h e y h e a r t h e s h a r p t a p s a n d r a i n - b a r r e l slosh o f t h e
r e b b e ' s t r e a d . T h e f a m i l y will h a v e g a t h e r e d in t h e b a c k p a r t o f t h e
h o u s e , w a i t i n g for h i m t o c o m e a n d b l e s s t h e m all.
B a r o n s h t e y n o p e n s t h e front d o o r of t h e replica house. Shmerl
a n d Yossele s t e p i n t o t h e hall, s n o w on t h e i r h a t s a n d shoulders,
s n o w in t h e i r w i n t r y g r a y eyes. T h e b r o t h e r s or cousins or cousin-
b r o t h e r s form t h e points of a triangle w i t h the indoor version, a
t h r e e - f i n g e r e d fist o f s o l i d R u d a s h e v s k y c l o s i n g a r o u n d L a n d s m a n
and Berko.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 145

B a r o n s h t e y n s h o v e s h i s n a r r o w face i n c l o s e t o L a n d s m a n ' s .
L a n d s m a n lids his n o s t r i l s a g a i n s t a smell of t o m a t o seeds, t o b a c c o ,
sour cream.
"This is a l i t t l e i s l a n d , " B a r o n s h t e y n says. " B u t there are
a t h o u s a n d places on it w h e r e a noz, even a d e c o r a t e d s h a m m e s ,
c o u l d g e t l o s t a n d n e v e r c o m e o u t . So b e c a r e f u l , D e t e c t i v e s , all
right? A n d a good Sabbath to you b o t h . "
L
ook at L a n d s m a n , one shirttail hanging out, snow-dusted
p o r k p i e k n o c k e d t o t h e left, c o a t h o o k e d t o a t h u m b o v e r h i s
s h o u l d e r . H a n g i n g o n t o a s k y - b l u e c a f e t e r i a t i c k e t as if i t ' s t h e
s t r a p k e e p i n g h i m o n his feet. H i s c h e e k n e e d s t h e razor. H i s back
is k i l l i n g h i m . F o r r e a s o n s h e d o e s n ' t u n d e r s t a n d — o r m a y b e for n o
r e a s o n — h e h a s n ' t h a d a d r i n k of alcohol since n i n e - t h i r t y in t h e
m o r n i n g . S t a n d i n g in t h e c h r o m e - a n d - t i l e d e s o l a t i o n of t h e Polar-
S h t e r n Kafeteria a t n i n e o'clock o n a F r i d a y n i g h t , in a s n o w s t o r m ,
h e ' s t h e l o n e l i e s t J e w i n t h e S i t k a D i s t r i c t . H e c a n feel t h e s h i f t i n g
of s o m e t h i n g d a r k a n d irresistible i n s i d e h i m , a h u n d r e d t o n s of
black m u d on a hillside, g a t h e r i n g its skirts t o go sliding. T h e
t h o u g h t o f f o o d , e v e n a g o l d e n i n g o t o f t h e n o o d l e p u d d i n g t h a t is
t h e c r o w n jewel of t h e P o l a r - S h t e r n Kafeteria, m a k e s h i m queasy.
B u t h e h a s n ' t e a t e n all day.

I n f a c t , L a n d s m a n k n o w s t h a t h e is n o t , b y a l o n g s h o t , t h e
l o n e l i e s t J e w i n t h e S i t k a D i s t r i c t . H e s c o r n s h i m s e l f for e v e n
e n t e r t a i n i n g t h e n o t i o n . T h e p r e s e n c e o f s e l f - p i t y i n h i s t h o u g h t s is
p r o o f t h a t h e is c i r c l i n g t h e b u n g h o l e , s p i r a l i n g i n w a r d a n d d o w n ,
d o w n , d o w n . T o resist this Coriolis m o t i o n , L a n d s m a n relies on
t h r e e t e c h n i q u e s . O n e is w o r k , b u t w o r k is n o w officially a j o k e .
O n e is a l c o h o l , w h i c h m a k e s t h e d r o p c o m e f a s t e r a n d g o d e e p e r
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 147

a n d l a s t l o n g e r b u t h e l p s h i m n o t t o c a r e . T h e t h i r d is t o h a v e a
b i t e . So h e c a r r i e s h i s b l u e t i c k e t a n d h i s t r a y t o t h e b i g L i t v a k l a d y
b e h i n d t h e glass c o u n t e r , w i t h t h e h a i r n e t a n d t h e p o l y e t h y l e n e
g l o v e s a n d t h e m e t a l s p o o n , a n d f o r k s i t over.
" T h e cheese b l i n t z e s , p l e a s e , " h e says, n o t w a n t i n g cheese
b l i n t z e s o r e v e n b o t h e r i n g t o s e e if t h e y a r e o n t h e m e n u t o n i g h t .
" H o w are you, Mrs. Nemintziner?"
Mrs. Nemintziner gentles three tight blintzes onto a white
plate with a blue stripe on the rim. T o o r n a m e n t the evening meals
of t h e lonely souls of Sitka, she has p r e p a r e d several d o z e n slices
of pickled c r a b a p p l e on l e t t u c e leaves. She tricks o u t L a n d s m a n ' s
d i n n e r w i t h one of these corsages. T h e n she p u n c h e s his ticket a n d
s l i n g s h i s p l a t e a t h i m . " H o w s h o u l d I b e ? " s h e says.
L a n d s m a n a c k n o w l e d g e s t h a t t h e a n s w e r t o t h i s q u e s t i o n is
b e y o n d h i m . H e c a r r i e s h i s t r a y o f b l i n t z e s filled w i t h cottage
c h e e s e t o t h e coffee u r n s a n d d r a i n s off a m u g ' s w o r t h . H e h a n d s
over his p u n c h e d ticket a n d his cash t o t h e cashier, t h e n w a n d e r s
a c r o s s t h e w a s t e l a n d o f t h e d i n i n g a r e a , p a s t t w o o f h i s r i v a l s for
t h e t i t l e o f l o n e l i e s t Jew. H e h e a d s for t h e t a b l e h e p r e f e r s , b y t h e
front w i n d o w s , w h e r e he can k e e p an eye on t h e s t r e e t . A t t h e n e x t
t a b l e , s o m e b o d y left a h a l f - e a t e n p l a t e o f c o r n e d b e e f a n d b o i l e d
p o t a t o e s a n d a h a l f - e m p t y glass of w h a t a p p e a r s t o b e b l a c k - c h e r r y
soda. T h e a b a n d o n e d meal, and t h e stained c r u m p l e of t h e n a p k i n
fill L a n d s m a n w i t h a m i l d n a u s e a o f m i s g i v i n g . B u t t h i s is h i s t a b l e ,
a n d i t is a fact t h a t a n o z l i k e s t o b e a b l e t o k e e p a n e y e o n t h e
s t r e e t . L a n d s m a n sits d o w n , t u c k s his n a p k i n i n t o his collar, c u t s
apart a cheese blintz, and p u t s some i n t o his m o u t h . H e chews. H e
s w a l l o w s . G o o d boy.

O n e o f h i s r i v a l s i n t h e P o l a r - S h t e r n t o n i g h t is a b o t t o m - r u n g
b e t r u n n e r n a m e d Penguin Simkowitz w h o m i s h a n d l e d a lot of
s o m e b o d y ' s m o n e y a few y e a r s b a c k a n d w a s b e a t e n so b a d l y b y
s h t a r k e r s t h a t it a d d l e d his b r a i n a n d speech. T h e o t h e r , w o r k i n g
over a p l a t e of h e r r i n g in c r e a m , L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t know. B u t t h e
y i d ' s left e y e s o c k e t is c o n c e a l e d b e h i n d a t a n a d h e s i v e b a n d a g e .
148 MICHAEL CHABDN

T h e left l e n s o f h i s e y e g l a s s e s is m i s s i n g . H i s h a i r is r e s t r i c t e d t o
t h r e e d o w n y g r a y p a t c h e s at t h e front of his head. H e c u t his cheek
s h a v i n g . W h e n t h i s m a n s i l e n t l y b e g i n s t o w e e p i n t o his p l a t e of
herring, L a n d s m a n tips over his king.
T h e n h e sees B u c h b i n d e r , t h a t a r c h a e o l o g i s t of d e l u s i o n . A
d e n t i s t , he was driven by his talent w i t h pliers and the lost-wax
m o l d , in classic d e n t i s t m a n n e r t o t a k e u p s o m e after-hours form of
m i n i a t u r e m a d n e s s s u c h as j e w e l r y m a k i n g o r d o l l h o u s e p a r q u e t r y
B u t t h e n , as h a p p e n s s o m e t i m e s t o d e n t i s t s , B u c h b i n d e r g o t a l i t t l e
c a r r i e d away. T h e d e e p e s t , o l d e s t m a d n e s s o f t h e J e w s t o o k h o l d o f
h i m . H e s t a r t e d t o t u r n o u t r e - c r e a t i o n s of t h e c u t l e r y a n d g e t u p s
employed by t h e ancient Koyenim, the high priests of Yahweh. To
scale a t first b u t s o o n full-size. Blood b u c k e t s , g o b b e t forks, ash
s h o v e l s , all o f i t as r e q u i r e d b y L e v i t i c u s for t h e o l d h o l y b a r b e c u e s
in J e r u s a l e m . H e u s e d t o k e e p a m u s e u m , m a y b e it's still t h e r e , u p
a t t h e t i r e d e n d of I b n E z r a S t r e e t . A s t o r e f r o n t in t h e b u i l d i n g
w h e r e B u c h b i n d e r p u l l e d t h e t e e t h of lowlife J e w s . In t h e display
w i n d o w t h e T e m p l e of S o l o m o n , b u i l t from c a r d b o a r d , buried
u n d e r a s a n d s t o r m of d u s t , o r n a m e n t e d w i t h c h e r u b i m and dead
flies. T h e p l a c e g o t v a n d a l i z e d a l o t b y t h e n e i g h b o r h o o d j u n k i e s .
You u s e d t o g e t a call, w o r k i n g t h e U n t e r s h t a t b e a t , c o m e in t h e r e
a t t h r e e i n t h e m o r n i n g t o find B u c h b i n d e r w e e p i n g a m o n g t h e
b r o k e n s h o w c a s e s , a t u r d floating in s o m e g i l d e d c o p p e r c e n s e r of
the high priest.

When Buchbinder sees Landsman, his eyes narrow with

s u s p i c i o n or m y o p i a . R e t u r n i n g from t h e m e n ' s r o o m t o his p l a t e
of c o r n e d beef a n d his c h e r r y soda, w o r k i n g over t h e b u t t o n s of
h i s fly w i t h t h e a b s e n t a i r o f a m a n i n t h e g r i p o f a s t a r t l i n g b u t
u s e l e s s i n f e r e n c e a b o u t t h e w o r l d . B u c h b i n d e r is a s t o u t m a n , a
G e r m a n , e n v e l o p e d in a c a r d i g a n w i t h raglan sleeves a n d a k n i t
sash. B e t w e e n t h e arc of t h e m a n ' s belly a n d t h e k n o t t e d sash are
h i n t s of p a s t strife, b u t an u n d e r s t a n d i n g appears to have been
r e a c h e d . T w e e d t r o u s e r s , o n h i s feet a p a i r o f h i k i n g s n e a k e r s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 149

H i s h a i r a n d b e a r d , d a r k b l o n d w i t h flecks o f g r a y a n d silver. A
metal clasp grips a crewel w o r k y a r m u l k e to t h e back of his head.
H e tosses a smile in L a n d s m a n ' s d i r e c t i o n like a m a n d r o p p i n g a
q u a r t e r i n a c r i p p l e ' s c u p , fishes s o m e c l o s e l y p r i n t e d t o m e f r o m h i s
hip pocket, and r e s u m e s his meal. H e rocks back a n d forth while he
reads and chews.
" S t i l l r u n n i n g t h a t m u s e u m o f y o u r s , D o c t o r ? " L a n d s m a n says.
B u c h b i n d e r looks u p , puzzled, t r y i n g to place this i r r i t a t i n g
stranger with the blintzes.
"It's Landsman. Sitka Central. M a y b e you remember, I used
£Q 33

" O h , y e s , " h e says w i t h a t i g h t s m i l e . " H o w a r e y o u ? W e a r e a n

i n s t i t u t e , n o t a m u s e u m , b u t t h a t is all r i g h t . "
"Sorry."
" N o h a r m has b e e n d o n e , " h e says, his s u p p l e Y i d d i s h fitted
w i t h a stiffening w i r e of t h e G e r m a n accent t o w h i c h he a n d his
fellow y e k k e s , e v e n a f t e r s i x t y y e a r s , s t u b b o r n l y c l i n g . " I t is a
common mistake."
I t c a n ' t b e all that c o m m o n , L a n d s m a n t h i n k s , b u t h e s a y s , " S t i l l
up there on Ibn Ezra?"
"No," says D r . B u c h b i n d e r . H e w i p e s a s t r e a k o f b r o w n m u s t a r d
f r o m h i s l i p s w i t h h i s n a p k i n . " N o , sir, I h a v e c l o s e d i t down.
Officially a n d p e r m a n e n t l y . "
H i s m a n n e r is g r a n d i l o q u e n t , e v e n c e l e b r a t o r y , w h i c h s t r i k e s
L a n d s m a n as o d d , g i v e n t h e c o n t e n t o f h i s d e c l a r a t i o n .
"Tough neighborhood," Landsman suggests.
"Oh, they were animals," Buchbinder says w i t h the same
cheeriness. " I c a n ' t tell y o u h o w m a n y t i m e s t h e y b r o k e m y h e a r t . "
H e stuffs a l a s t forkful o f c o r n e d b e e f i n t o h i s m o u t h a n d s u b j e c t s
it t o p r o p e r h a n d l i n g b y his t e e t h . " B u t I d o u b t t h e y ' l l t r o u b l e m e
in m y n e w l o c a t i o n . "
" A n d w h e r e is t h a t ? "
B u c h b i n d e r smiles, dabs at his b e a r d , t h e n p u s h e s back from t h e
I5D MICHAEL CHABON

table. H e raises an eyebrow, keeping t h e big surprise to himself a

m o m e n t longer.
" W h e r e e l s e ? " h e says a t l a s t . " J e r u s a l e m . "
" W o w , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , k e e p i n g t h e s t r a i g h t e s t face h e ' s g o t . H e
h a s n e v e r s e e n t h e r e g u l a t i o n s for a d m i s s i o n o f J e w s t o J e r u s a l e m ,
b u t h e ' s fairly c e r t a i n t h a t n o t b e i n g an o b s e s s e d religious l u n a t i c
is a t t h e t o p o f t h e l i s t . " J e r u s a l e m , e h ? T h a t ' s a l o n g w a y . "
"Yes, it is."
"Lock, stock, and barrel?"
" T h e whole operation."
" K n o w anyone there?"
T h e r e a r e s t i l l J e w s l i v i n g i n J e r u s a l e m , as t h e r e a l w a y s h a v e
b e e n . A few. T h e y w e r e t h e r e l o n g b e f o r e t h e Z i o n i s t s started
showing up, their trunks packed with Hebrew dictionaries,
a g r i c u l t u r a l m a n u a l s , a n d p l e n t y o f t r o u b l e for e v e r y o n e .
" N o t r e a l l y , " B u c h b i n d e r says. " A p a r t f r o m — w e l l . " H e p a u s e s
a n d lowers his voice. " M e s s i a h . "
" W e l l , t h a t ' s a g o o d s t a r t , " L a n d s m a n says. " I h e a r h e ' s i n w i t h
the best people there."
B u c h b i n d e r n o d s , u n t o u c h a b l e in t h e s u g a r - c u b e s a n c t u a r y of
h i s d r e a m . " L o c k , s t o c k , a n d b a r r e l , " h e says. H e r e t u r n s h i s b o o k
t o h i s j a c k e t p o c k e t a n d stuffs h i m s e l f a n d t h e s w e a t e r i n t o a n o l d
blue anorak. "Good night, Landsman."
" G o o d n i g h t , D r . B u c h b i n d e r . P u t i n a g o o d w o r d for m e w i t h
Messiah."
" O h , " h e says, " t h e r e ' s n o n e e d of t h a t . "
" N o need or no p o i n t ? "
A b r u p t l y , t h e m e r r y e y e s t u r n as s t e e l y as t h e d i s c o f a d e n t i s t ' s
mirror. T h e y assay Landsman's condition w i t h t h e insight of
t w e n t y - f i v e y e a r s s p e n t s e a r c h i n g t i r e l e s s l y for p o i n t s o f w e a k n e s s
a n d r o t . J u s t for a m o m e n t L a n d s m a n d o u b t s t h e m a n ' s i n s a n i t y .
" T h a t ' s u p t o y o u , " B u c h b i n d e r says. " I s n ' t i t ? "
 s B u c h b i n d e r p u s h e s o u t of t h e Polar-Shtern, h e stops to

 h o l d t h e d o o r for a b l a z i n g o r a n g e p a r k a c a r r i e d o n a g u s t o f
s l a n t i n g s n o w . B i n a is d r a g g i n g t h a t o l d o v e r s t u f f e d
t o t e of hers s l u n g over o n e shoulder. F r o m it a c l u t c h of d o c u m e n t s
cowhide

p r o t r u d e s , h i g h l i g h t e d in yellow, s t a p l e d a n d p a p e r - c l i p p e d and
n a g g e d w i t h s t r i p s of colored t a p e . She t h r o w s b a c k t h e h o o d of
h e r p a r k a . S h e h a s p u s h e d u p h e r h a i r , a n d p i n n e d i t u p , a n d left i t
t o f e n d for i t s e l f a t t h e b a c k o f h e r h e a d . I t s c o l o r is a w i s t f u l s h a d e
t h a t L a n d s m a n r e m e m b e r s o b s e r v i n g in only o n e o t h e r place in his
life, a n d t h a t w a s d e e p i n t h e g r o o v e s o f t h e f i r s t p u m p k i n h e e v e r
beheld, a big dark red-orange brute. She lugs her t o t e over to t h e
t i c k e t lady. W h e n s h e c o m e s t h r o u g h t h e t u r n s t i l e o n h e r w a y t o
t h e stacks of cafeteria trays, L a n d s m a n will c o m e d i r e c t l y i n t o h e r
line of sight.

At once Landsman makes the m a t u r e decision to p r e t e n d that

he has n o t seen Bina. H e looks o u t t h e p l a t e w i n d o w s at K h a l y a s t r e
S t r e e t . T h e d e p t h o f s n o w f a l l h e e s t i m a t e s a t c l o s e t o six i n c h e s .
T h r e e s e p a r a t e trails of f o o t p r i n t s s n a k e in a n d o u t of o n e a n o t h e r ,
t h e e d g e s o f e a c h p r i n t b l u r r i n g as i t fills w i t h fallen s n o w . A c r o s s
t h e street, handbills p a s t e d to t h e b o a r d e d w i n d o w s of Krasny's
Tobacco and Stationery advertise t h e performance, last n i g h t at
152 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e V o r s h t , o f t h e g u i t a r i s t w h o g o t r o l l e d i n t h e t o i l e t for h i s
finger rings a n d cash. F r o m t h e p h o n e pole at t h e corner, a craze of
w i r e s r u n s o u t i n all d i r e c t i o n s , m a p p i n g t h e w a l l s a n d d o o r w a y s o f
this great i m a g i n a r y g h e t t o of t h e Jews. T h e i n v o l u n t a r y processes
of L a n d s m a n ' s s h a m m e s m i n d r e c o r d t h e details of t h e scene. B u t
h i s c o n s c i o u s t h o u g h t s a r e f o c u s e d o n t h e m o m e n t w h e n B i n a will
see h i m s i t t i n g t h e r e , a l o n e at his t a b l e , c h e w i n g o n a b l i n t z , a n d
call h i s n a m e .
T h i s m o m e n t takes its sweet t i m e showing up. L a n d s m a n risks
a s e c o n d l o o k . B i n a a l r e a d y h a s h e r d i n n e r o n a t r a y a n d is w a i t i n g
for h e r c h a n g e w i t h h e r b a c k t o L a n d s m a n . S h e s a w h i m ; s h e m u s t
h a v e s e e n h i m . T h a t is w h e n t h e g r e a t f i s s u r e o o z e s o p e n , t h e
hillside gives way, a n d t h e wall of black m u d c o m e s rolling d o w n .
L a n d s m a n a n d B i n a w e r e m a r r i e d t o e a c h o t h e r for t w e l v e y e a r s a n d
t o g e t h e r for five b e f o r e t h a t . E a c h w a s t h e o t h e r ' s first lover, first
b e t r a y e r , f i r s t r e f u g e , f i r s t r o o m m a t e , first a u d i e n c e , first p e r s o n t o
t u r n to when s o m e t h i n g — even the marriage itself—went wrong.
F o r half t h e i r lives, t h e y t a n g l e d t h e i r histories, bodies, p h o b i a s ,
theories, recipes, libraries, record collections. T h e y mounted
s p e c t a c u l a r a r g u m e n t s , n o s e - t o - n o s e , h a n d s flying, s p i t t l e flying,
throwing things, kicking things, breaking things, rolling around
o n t h e g r o u n d g r a b b i n g u p fistfuls o f e a c h o t h e r ' s h a i r . T h e n e x t
d a y h e w o u l d b e a r t h e r e d m o o n s of Bina's nails in his cheeks a n d
on t h e m e a t of his c h e s t , a n d she w o r e his p u r p l e fingerprints like
a n a r m l e t . F o r s o m e t h i n g l i k e s e v e n y e a r s o f t h e i r lives t o g e t h e r
t h e y f u c k e d a l m o s t e v e r y day. A n g r y , l o v i n g , s i c k , w e l l , c o l d , h o t ,
half asleep. T h e y w e n t at it on e v e r y m a n n e r of b e d , c o u c h , and
c u s h i o n . O n f u t o n s a n d t o w e l s a n d old s h o w e r c u r t a i n s , in t h e b a c k
of a p i c k u p t r u c k , b e h i n d a D u m p s ter, on t o p of a w a t e r tower,
i n s i d e a r a c k of coats at a H a n d s of Esau dinner. T h e y even fucked
e a c h o t h e r — o n c e — o n t h e g i a n t f u n g u s in t h e b r e a k r o o m .

A f t e r B i n a c a m e o v e r f r o m N a r c o t i c s , t h e y w o r k e d t h e s a m e shift
i n H o m i c i d e for f o u r s o l i d y e a r s . L a n d s m a n p a r t n e r e d w i t h Z e l l y
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 153

Boybriker, and then Berko, and Bina had poor old Morris Handler.
B u t o n e d a y t h e s a m e sly a n g e l w h o h a d b r o u g h t t h e m t o g e t h e r i n
t h e first p l a c e a r r a n g e d a c o n f l u e n c e o f l e a v e s t a k e n a n d i n j u r i e s t o
M o r r i s H a n d l e r t h a t left L a n d s m a n a n d B i n a p a r t n e r s , for t h e o n e
and only t i m e , on t h e G r i n s h t e y n case. T o g e t h e r t h e y e n d u r e d t h a t
v i s i t a t i o n o f f a i l u r e , f a i l i n g e v e r y d a y for h o u r s , f a i l i n g i n t h e i r b e d
at n i g h t , failing in t h e s t r e e t s of S i t k a . T h e m u r d e r e d girl, A r i e l a ,
and t h e b r o k e n G r i n s h t e y n s , m o t h e r a n d father, ugly a n d r u i n e d
a n d h a t i n g e a c h o t h e r a n d t h e h o l e t h e y w e r e left h o l d i n g o n t o :
H e and Bina had shared t h a t , too. A n d t h e n t h e r e was Django, w h o
t o o k form a n d i m p e t u s from t h e failure of t h e G r i n s h t e y n case,
from t h a t hole s h a p e d like a p l u m p l i t t l e girl. Bina a n d L a n d s m a n
were t w i s t e d together, a b r a i d e d pair of c h r o m o s o m e s w i t h a
m y s t e r y flaw. A n d n o w ? N o w e a c h o f t h e m p r e t e n d s n o t t o s e e t h e
o t h e r a n d l o o k s away.
L a n d s m a n l o o k s away.

T h e f o o t p r i n t s i n t h e s n o w h a v e b e c o m e s h a l l o w as a n a n g e l ' s .
Across t h e street a small, b e n t m a n leans i n t o t h e w i n d , d r a g g i n g
a heavy suitcase past t h e b o a r d e d w i n d o w s of Krasny's. T h e w i d e
w h i t e b r i m o f h i s h a t flaps l i k e t h e w i n g s o f a b i r d . Landsman
w a t c h e s t h e p r o g r e s s of Elijah t h e P r o p h e t t h r o u g h t h e s n o w s t o r m
a n d p l a n s h i s o w n d e a t h . T h i s is a f o u r t h s t r a t e g y h e h a s e v o l v e d
to cheer himself w h e n he's going d o w n t h e drain. B u t of course h e
has t o b e careful n o t t o o v e r d o it.
L a n d s m a n , t h e son a n d p a t e r n a l g r a n d s o n of suicides, has seen
h u m a n beings d i s p a t c h t h e m s e l v e s in e v e r y possible way, from t h e
i n e p t t o t h e efficient. H e k n o w s h o w i t s h o u l d a n d s h o u l d n o t b e
performed. Bridge leaps a n d dives from h o t e l w i n d o w s : p i c t u r e s q u e
b u t iffy. S t a i r w e l l l e a p s : u n r e l i a b l e , a n i m p u l s e d e c i s i o n , t o o m u c h
like an a c c i d e n t a l d e a t h . Slashing w r i s t s , w i t h o r w i t h o u t the
p o p u l a r b u t u n n e c e s s a r y b a t h t u b variation: h a r d e r t h a n it seems,
t i n g e d w i t h a girlish love of theater. R i t u a l d i s e m b o w e l m e n t w i t h
a samurai sword: hard work, requires a second, and would smack,
154 MICHAEL CHABON

i n a y i d , o f a f f e c t a t i o n . L a n d s m a n h a s n e v e r s e e n i t d o n e t h a t way,
b u t he k n e w a noz once who claimed that he had. Landsman's
g r a n d f a t h e r t h r e w h i m s e l f u n d e r t h e w h e e l s o f a s t r e e t c a r in L o d z ,
w h i c h s h o w e d a d e g r e e of d e t e r m i n a t i o n t h a t L a n d s m a n has always
a d m i r e d . H i s father e m p l o y e d t h i r t y 100 m g t a b l e t s of N e m b u t a l ,
w a s h e d d o w n w i t h a glass of c a r a w a y v o d k a , a m e t h o d t h a t has
m u c h to r e c o m m e n d it. A d d a plastic bag over t h e head, capacious
a n d free o f h o l e s , a n d y o u h a v e y o u r s e l f s o m e t h i n g n e a t , q u i e t , a n d
reliable.
B u t w h e n h e e n v i s i o n s t a k i n g h i s o w n life, L a n d s m a n l i k e s t o
d o it w i t h a h a n d g u n , like M e l e k h G a y s t i k , t h e c h a m p i o n of t h e
w o r l d . H i s o w n c h o p p e d M o d e l 3 9 is m o r e t h a n e n o u g h s h o l e m for
t h e j o b . If y o u k n o w w h e r e t o p u t t h e m u z z l e ( j u s t i n s i d e t h e angle
o f t h e m e n t u m ) a n d h o w t o s t e e r y o u r s h o t ( 2 0 d e g r e e s off t h e
v e r t i c a l , t o w a r d t h e l i z a r d c o r e o f t h e b r a i n ) , i t ' s fast a n d r e l i a b l e .
M e s s y , b u t L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t h a v e a n y q u a l m s , for s o m e r e a s o n ,
about leaving behind a mess.
" S i n c e w h e n d o y o u like b l i n t z e s ? "
H e j u m p s at t h e s o u n d of her voice. H i s k n e e bangs t h e table
leg, a n d coffee s p l a s h e s t h e p l a t e g l a s s i n a n e x i t - w o u n d s p a t t e r .
" H e y , S k i p p e r , " h e s a y s i n A m e r i c a n . H e s c r a b b l e s for a n a p k i n ,
b u t h e t o o k o n l y o n e f r o m t h e d i s p e n s e r b y t h e t r a y s . T h e coffee
is r u n n i n g e v e r y w h e r e . H e g r a b s r a n d o m s c r a p s o f p a p e r f r o m h i s
j a c k e t p o c k e t a n d b l o t s at t h e s p r e a d i n g spill.
" A n y b o d y s i t t i n g h e r e ? " S h e b a l a n c e s t h e t r a y in o n e h a n d a n d
fights off h e r s w o l l e n b r i e f c a s e w i t h t h e o t h e r . S h e ' s w e a r i n g a
particular expression t h a t he k n o w s well. Eyebrows arched, slight
f o r e t a s t e o f a s m i l e . I t ' s t h e face s h e p u t s o n b e f o r e s h e w a l k s i n t o a
h o t e l ballroom to m i n g l e w i t h a b u n c h of male law enforcement, or
e n t e r s a g r o c e r y s t o r e in t h e H a r k a v y w e a r i n g a skirt t h a t d o e s n ' t
c o v e r h e r k n e e s . I t ' s a face t h a t s a y s , Vm not looking for trouble here.
I just came in for a pack of gum. S h e d r o p s t h e b a g a n d s i t s b e f o r e h e
has a c h a n c e t o reply.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 155

" P l e a s e , " h e says, p u l l i n g his o w n p l a t e b a c k t o m a k e r o o m . Bina

h a n d s h i m some m o r e napkins, a n d he takes care of t h e mess. H e
d u m p s t h e c l u m p of soggy p a p e r on a n e i g h b o r i n g table. " I d o n ' t
know why I ordered them. You're right, cheese blintzes, feh."
B i n a lays d o w n a n a p k i n w i t h a k n i f e , f o r k , a n d s p o o n . S h e
takes t w o plates from t h e t r a y a n d sets t h e m side b y side: a scoop
of t u n a salad on o n e of M r s . N e m i n t z i n e r ' s l e t t u c e leaves, a n d a
glinting golden s q u a r e of noodle p u d d i n g . She reaches d o w n i n t o
her bulging t o t e bag and pulls o u t a small plastic box w i t h a hinged
lid. It c o n t a i n s a r o u n d pill b o x w i t h a t h r e a d e d lid from w h i c h s h e
t i p s o u t a v i t a m i n p i l l , a fish-oil p i l l , a n d t h e e n z y m e t a b l e t t h a t
lets her s t o m a c h digest milk. Inside t h e h i n g e d plastic box she also
carries p a c k e t s of salt, p e p p e r , h o r s e r a d i s h , a n d h a n d - w i p e s , a doll
size b o t t l e o f T a b a s c o s a u c e , c h l o r i n e p i l l s for t r e a t i n g d r i n k i n g
w a t e r , P e p t o - B i s m o l c h e w s , a n d G o d k n o w s w h a t else. If y o u go t o
a c o n c e r t , Bina has o p e r a glasses. If y o u n e e d t o sit o n t h e g r a s s ,
she whips o u t a towel. A n t traps, a corkscrew, candles and m a t c h e s ,
a d o g muzzle, a penknife, a tiny aerosol can of freon, a magnifying
g l a s s — L a n d s m a n has seen e v e r y t h i n g c o m e o u t of t h a t overstuffed
cowhide at one t i m e or another.

You have t o look t o J e w s like Bina Gelbfish, L a n d s m a n t h i n k s ,

to explain t h e wide r a n g e a n d persistence of t h e race. Jews w h o
c a r r y t h e i r h o m e s in an old c o w h i d e b a g , o n t h e b a c k of a c a m e l ,
in t h e b u b b l e of air a t t h e c e n t e r of t h e i r b r a i n s . J e w s w h o l a n d o n
t h e i r feet, h i t t h e g r o u n d r u n n i n g , r i d e o u t t h e v i c i s s i t u d e s , a n d
m a k e t h e b e s t o f w h a t falls t o h a n d , f r o m E g y p t t o B a b y l o n , f r o m
M i n s k G u b e r n y a to t h e D i s t r i c t of Sitka. M e t h o d i c a l , organized,
p e r s i s t e n t , r e s o u r c e f u l , p r e p a r e d . B e r k o is r i g h t : B i n a w o u l d flourish
in a n y p r e c i n c t h o u s e in t h e w o r l d . A m e r e r e d r a w i n g of b o r d e r s , a
c h a n g e i n g o v e r n m e n t s , t h o s e t h i n g s c a n n e v e r faze a J e w e s s w i t h a
good s u p p l y of h a n d w i p e s in h e r bag.

" T u n a salad," L a n d s m a n observes, t h i n k i n g of h o w she s t o p p e d

eating tuna when she found out she was p r e g n a n t w i t h Django.
156 MICHAEL CHABON

" Y e a h , I t r y t o i n g e s t as m u c h m e r c u r y as I c a n , " B i n a says,

r e a d i n g t h e m e m o r y o n h i s face. S h e s w a l l o w s t h e e n z y m e t a b l e t .
" M e r c u r y ' s k i n d of m y t h i n g n o w a d a y s . "
Landsman jerks a t h u m b toward Mrs. Nemintziner, standing
ready with her spoon.
"You ought to order the baked thermometer."
" I w o u l d , " she says, " b u t t h e y o n l y h a d r e c t a l . "
"See Penguin?"
" P e n g u i n S i m k o w i t z ? W h e r e ? " She looks a r o u n d , t u r n i n g from
t h e w a i s t , a n d L a n d s m a n seizes t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o p e e r i n t o her
s h i r t . H e c a n s e e t h e f r e c k l e d t o p o f h e r left b r e a s t , t h e l a c e e d g e o f
her b r a c u p , t h e d a r k indication of her nipple against t h e cup. T h e
d e s i r e floods h i m t o r u n his h a n d inside h e r s h i r t , t o h o l d h e r b r e a s t ,
t o c l i m b i n t o t h e soft h o l l o w t h e r e a n d c u r l u p a n d fall a s l e e p . W h e n
s h e t u r n s b a c k , s h e c a t c h e s h i m in his d r e a m of cleavage. L a n d s m a n
feels a b u r n i n h i s c h e e k s . " H u h , " s h e says.
" H o w w a s y o u r d a y ? " L a n d s m a n s a y s , as if i t ' s t h e m o s t n a t u r a l
question he could ask.
" L e t ' s m a k e a d e a l , " s h e s a y s , a n d h e r t o n e ices over. S h e b u t t o n s
t h e t o p b u t t o n o f h e r b l o u s e . " H o w a b o u t w e s i t h e r e , y o u a n d I,
a n d eat o u r d i n n e r s t o g e t h e r , a n d w e d o n ' t say o n e d a m n e d w o r d
a b o u t m y day. H o w d o e s t h a t s o u n d t o y o u , M e y e r ? "
" I t h i n k t h a t s o u n d s all r i g h t , " h e says.
"Good."
She s p o o n s u p a m o u t h f u l of t u n a salad. H e catches t h e glint
of her g o l d - r i m m e d b i c u s p i d a n d t h i n k s of t h e day she c a m e h o m e
w i t h it, looped o n n i t r o u s oxide a n d i n v i t i n g h i m to p u t his t o n g u e
i n t o h e r m o u t h a n d s e e h o w i t felt. A f t e r t h e first b i t e o f t u n a s a l a d ,
B i n a g e t s s e r i o u s . S h e shovels in t e n or eleven m o r e spoonfuls,
chewing and swallowing with abandon. H e r breath comes through
h e r n o s t r i l s i n a v i d j e t s . H e r e y e s a r e fixed o n t h e i n t e r c o u r s e o f
h e r p l a t e a n d s p o o n . A girl w i t h a h e a l t h y a p p e t i t e , t h a t w a s his
m o t h e r ' s first r e c o r d e d s t a t e m e n t o n t h e s u b j e c t o f B i n a G e l b f i s h
t w e n t y years ago. Like m o s t of his m o t h e r ' s c o m p l i m e n t s , it was
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 157

convertible to an insult w h e n needed. But L a n d s m a n t r u s t s only

a w o m a n w h o e a t s l i k e a m a n . W h e n t h e r e is n o t h i n g left b u t a
m a y o n n a i s e s l i c k o n t h e l e t t u c e leaf, B i n a w i p e s h e r m o u t h o n h e r
napkin a n d lets o u t a d e e p sigh of satiety.
" N u , w h a t s h o u l d w e t a l k a b o u t , t h e n ? N o t y o u r day, e i t h e r . "
"Definitely n o t . "
" W h a t does t h a t leave u s ? "
" I n m y c a s e , " L a n d s m a n says, " n o t v e r y m u c h . "
" S o m e things never change." She pushes away t h e e m p t y plate
a n d calls f o r w a r d t h e n o o d l e p u d d i n g t o m e e t i t s f a t e . I t m a k e s h i m
h a p p i e r t h a n h e has b e e n in y e a r s j u s t t o see h e r g i v i n g t h a t k u g e l
t h e eye.
" I s t i l l l i k e t o t a l k a b o u t m y c a r , " h e says.
" Y o u k n o w I d o n ' t c a r e for l o v e p o e t r y . "
"Definitely let's n o t talk a b o u t R e v e r s i o n . "
"Agreed. A n d I do not w a n t to hear a b o u t t h e talking chicken,
or t h e k r e p l a c h s h a p e d like t h e h e a d of M a i m o n i d e s , or a n y of t h a t
other miraculous shit."
H e w o n d e r s w h a t Bina w o u l d m a k e of t h e s t o r y t h a t Z i m b a l i s t
told t h e m t o d a y a b o u t t h e m a n lying in a d r a w e r in t h e b a s e m e n t
of Sitka General.
" N o t h i n g a b o u t J e w s a t a l l , l e t ' s s t i p u l a t e , " L a n d s m a n says.
" S t i p u l a t e d , Meyer, I a m h e a r t i l y sick of J e w s . "
"And n o t Alaska."
"God, no."
" N o politics. N o t h i n g a b o u t Russia, or M a n c h u r i a , or Germany,
or the A r a b s . "
" I a m h e a r t i l y sick of t h e A r a b s , t o o . "
" H o w a b o u t t h e n o o d l e p u d d i n g , t h e n ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" G o o d , " s h e says. " O n l y , p l e a s e , M e y e r , e a t a l i t t l e , i t m a k e s m y
h e a r t a c h e t o l o o k a t y o u , m y G o d , y o u ' r e so t h i n . H e r e , y o u h a v e
to have a bite of this. I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t t h e y d o to it, s o m e b o d y
told m e t h e y p u t a little ginger. L e t m e tell y o u , u p in Yakovy, a
g o o d k u g e l is s o m e t h i n g y o u d r e a m a b o u t . "
158 MICHAEL CHABON

She c u t s h i m a piece of noodle p u d d i n g a n d starts t o p o k e it

r i g h t i n t o his m o u t h w i t h h e r fork. S o m e t h i n g like a cold h a n d
g r a b s h o l d o f h i s g u t s a t t h e s i g h t o f t h e k u g e l c o m i n g h i s way. H e
a v e r t s h i s face. T h e f o r k s t o p s i n m i d - t r a j e c t o r y . B i n a d u m p s t h e
w e d g e of egg c u s t a r d a n d noodle, jeweled w i t h sultanas, o n t o his
plate beside the unmolested blintzes.
" A n y w a y , y o u s h o u l d t r y i t , " s h e says. S h e t a k e s a c o u p l e o f
b i t e s h e r s e l f , t h e n lays d o w n h e r f o r k . " I g u e s s t h a t ' s all t h e r e is t o
say a b o u t n o o d l e p u d d i n g . "
L a n d s m a n s i p s h i s coffee, a n d B i n a s w a l l o w s h e r r e m a i n i n g p i l l s
w i t h a glass of water.
" N u , " s h e says.
" O k a y , t h e n , " says L a n d s m a n .
I f h e l e t s h e r g o , h e w i l l n e v e r lie i n t h e h o l l o w o f h e r b r e a s t ,
asleep. H e will never sleep again w i t h o u t t h e h e l p of a handful of
N e m b u t a l o r t h e g o o d offices o f h i s c h o p p e d M - 3 9 .
Bina p u s h e s back from t h e table a n d pulls on her parka. She
r e t u r n s t h e plastic box t o t h e leather case, t h e n shoulders it w i t h a
groan. " G o o d night, Meyer."
" W h e r e are you staying?"
" W i t h m y p a r e n t s , " s h e says in t h e t o n e y o u m i g h t u s e t o
pronounce a death sentence on the planet.
" O y vey."
" T e l l m e a b o u t i t . J u s t u n t i l I find a p l a c e . A n y w a y , i t c a n ' t b e
worse than the Hotel Zamenhof."
S h e z i p s u p h e r c o a t a n d t h e n s t a n d s t h e r e for a l o n g few
s e c o n d s , s u b m i t t i n g h i m t o h e r s h a m m e s i n s p e c t i o n . H e r g a z e is
n o t as c o m p r e h e n s i v e as h i s — s h e m i s s e s t h e d e t a i l s s o m e t i m e s —
b u t t h e t h i n g s t h a t s h e d o e s see, s h e can link u p q u i c k l y in h e r
m i n d to the things that she knows about w o m e n and men, victims
and m u r d e r e r s . She can shape t h e m w i t h confidence into narratives
t h a t h o l d t o g e t h e r a n d m a k e s e n s e . S h e d o e s n o t s o l v e c a s e s so
m u c h as t e l l t h e s t o r i e s o f t h e m .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 159

" L o o k at you. You are like a h o u s e falling d o w n . "

" I k n o w , " L a n d s m a n says, feeling his c h e s t t i g h t e n .
"I heard you were bad, but I thought they were just trying to
cheer m e u p . "
H e laughs a n d wipes his c h e e k w i t h t h e sleeve of his j a c k e t .
" W h a t ' s t h i s ? " s h e says. W i t h t h e n a i l s o f h e r t h u m b and
forefinger, s h e t w e e z e s a c r u m p l e d , c o f f e e - s t a i n e d w a d o f p a p e r f r o m
t h e mass of n a p k i n s t h a t L a n d s m a n d u m p e d o n t o t h e n e i g h b o r i n g
t a b l e . L a n d s m a n m a k e s a g r a b a t i t , b u t B i n a ' s t o o fast for h i m , a n d
s h e a l w a y s w a s . S h e p u l l s a p a r t t h e w a d a n d s t r e t c h e s i t flat.
"'Five Great Truths and Five Big Lies About Verbover
H a s i d i s m , ' " s h e says. H e r e y e b r o w s r e a c h for e a c h o t h e r a c r o s s t h e
b r i d g e of her nose. " Y o u t h i n k i n g of t u r n i n g black h a t o n m e ? "
H e doesn't answer quickly enough, and she gathers what there
is t o b e g a t h e r e d f r o m h i s face a n d h i s s i l e n c e a n d w h a t s h e k n o w s
a b o u t h i m , w h i c h is b a s i c a l l y e v e r y t h i n g .
" W h a t a r e y o u u p t o , M e y e r ? " s h e says. A l l a t o n c e s h e l o o k s
as w e a r y a n d s p e n t as h e feels. " N o . N e v e r m i n d . I ' m t o o f u c k i n g
t i r e d . " She c r u m p l e s t h e Verbover b r o c h u r e back u p , a n d t h r o w s it
at his head.
" W e s a i d w e w e r e n ' t g o i n g t o t a l k a b o u t i t , " L a n d s m a n says.
" Y e a h , w e l l , w e s a i d a l o t o f t h i n g s , " s h e says. " Y o u a n d I . "
She half t u r n s , g e t t i n g a p u r c h a s e on t h e s h o u l d e r s t r a p of t h e
b a g in w h i c h s h e lives h e r life. " I w a n t t o s e e y o u t o m o r r o w i n m y
office."
" H m m . R i g h t . O n l y t h e t h i n g i s , " L a n d s m a n says, " I ' m j u s t
c o m i n g off a t w e l v e - d a y s h i f t . "
This statement, while correct, makes no apparent impression
on Bina. She m i g h t n o t have h e a r d h i m , or he m i g h t n o t be s p e a k i n g
an I n d o - E u r o p e a n language.
" I ' l l s e e y o u t o m o r r o w , " h e says. " U n l e s s I b l o w m y b r a i n s o u t
tonight."
" I s a i d n o l o v e p o e t r y , " B i n a says. S h e g a t h e r s u p a t u m b l i n g c o i l
IGD MICHAEL CHABDN

of h e r d a r k - p u m p k i n hair a n d shoves it i n t o a t o o t h e d clip above

a n d b e h i n d h e r r i g h t ear. " B r a i n s o r n o b r a i n s . Be i n m y office a t
nine."
L a n d s m a n watches her walk across t h e dining area to the doors
of t h e Polar-Shtern Kafeteria. H e bets himself a dollar that she
w o n ' t look back at h i m before she p u t s u p her hood and steps out
i n t o t h e snow. B u t he's a c h a r i t a b l e m a n , a n d it w a s a s u c k e r b e t ,
a n d so h e n e v e r b o t h e r s t o c o l l e c t .
 hen the telephone wakes him at six t h e n e x t morning,
L a n d s m a n is s i t t i n g i n t h e w i n g c h a i r , i n h i s w h i t e u n d e r p a n t s ,
w i t h a t e n d e r hold on t h e grip of his M - 3 9 .
T e n e n b o y m is j u s t g o i n g off d u t y " Y o u a s k e d , " h e s a y s , a n d
then he hangs up.
L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t r e m e m b e r p u t t i n g i n for a w a k e - u p call.
H e d o e s n ' t r e m e m b e r p o l i s h i n g off t h e b o t t l e o f s l i v o v i t z that
stands e m p t y on t h e scratched u r e t h a n e surface of t h e oak-veneer
t a b l e t o p , n e x t t o t h e w i n g chair. H e d o e s n ' t r e m e m b e r e a t i n g t h e
noodle p u d d i n g w h o s e r e m a i n i n g t h i r d n o w h u d d l e s in a c o r n e r of
a plastic clamshell co n tainer beside t h e b o t t l e of slivovitz. F r o m
t h e p o s i t i o n o f t h e s h a r d s o f p a i n t e d g l a s s o n t h e floor, h e c a n
r e c o n s t r u c t h a v i n g h u r l e d his 1977 S i t k a W o r l d ' s Fair s h o t glass
against t h e radiator. M a y b e h e w a s feeling f r u s t r a t e d over b e i n g
u n a b l e t o m a k e a n y p r o g r e s s w i t h t h e p o c k e t c h e s s s e t t h a t lies
facedown u n d e r t h e bed, its m i n u t e chessmen sprinkled liberally
a r o u n d t h e r o o m . B u t h e h a s n o m e m o r y o f t h e t h r o w itself, o r o f
s h a t t e r i n g glass. H e m i g h t have b e e n d r i n k i n g a t o a s t t o s o m e t h i n g
o r s o m e o n e , w i t h t h e r a d i a t o r s t a n d i n g i n for a f i r e p l a c e . H e d o e s n ' t
remember. But n o t h i n g a b o u t t h e squalid scenery of r o o m 505 can
b e s a i d t o s u r p r i s e h i m , l e a s t o f all t h e l o a d e d s h o l e m i n h i s h a n d .
162 MICHAEL CHABON

H e checks the firing pin safety a n d r e t u r n s t h e gun to its

holster, s l u n g across t h e b a c k of t h e w i n g chair. T h e n h e goes over
t o t h e wall a n d d r a g s t h e p u l l - d o w n b e d from its n o t c h . H e peels
b a c k t h e covers a n d climbs in. T h e linens are clean, a n d t h e y smell
of t h e s t e a m p r e s s a n d of t h e d u s t in t h e h o l e in t h e wall. Dimly,
L a n d s m a n recalls conceiving a r o m a n t i c project, s o m e t i m e around
m i d n i g h t t h e n i g h t b e f o r e , t o s h o w u p for w o r k early, see w h a t
forensics a n d ballistics have m a d e of t h e Shpilman case, m a y b e
even go o u t to t h e islands, t h e Russian neighborhoods, and t r y to
n u d g e t h e p a t z e r ex-con Vassily Shitnovitzer. D o w h a t he can, give
it his b e s t s h o t , before Bina takes a pair of pliers t o his t e e t h a n d
claws at nine. H e smiles ruefully at t h e h e a d s t r o n g y o u n g bravo he
w a s l a s t m i d n i g h t . A six A . M . w a k e u p call.

H e pulls t h e covers u p over his h e a d a n d closes his eyes.

Unbidden, the configuration of p a w n s a n d p i e c e s lays itself
o u t o n a c h e s s b o a r d in his m i n d , t h e Black k i n g h e m m e d in b u t
u n c h e c k e d at t h e c e n t e r of t h e b o a r d , t h e W h i t e p a w n on t h e
b file a b o u t t o b e c o m e s o m e t h i n g b e t t e r . T h e r e is n o longer
a n y n e e d for t h e p o c k e t s e t ; t o h i s h o r r o r , h e h a s t h e t h i n g b y
h e a r t . H e tries to drive it from his m i n d , to e x p u n g e it, to sweep
a s i d e t h e p i e c e s a n d fill i n all t h e w h i t e c h e c k e r s w i t h b l a c k . A n
all-black board, u n c o r r u p t e d by pieces or players, gambits or
e n d g a m e s , t e m p o o r t a c t i c s o r m a t e r i a l a d v a n t a g e , b l a c k as t h e
Baranof Mountains.
H e is s t i l l l y i n g t h e r e , all t h e w h i t e s q u a r e s o f h i s m i n d b l o t t e d
o u t , in his u n d e r p a n t s a n d socks, w h e n t h e r e ' s a k n o c k at t h e door.
H e sits u p , facing t h e w a l l , his h e a r t a d r u m b a n g i n g in his t e m p l e s ,
t h e sheets p u l l e d d o w n t i g h t over h i m like he's a kid h o p i n g to
s p o o k s o m e b o d y . H e ' s b e e n l y i n g o n h i s s t o m a c h , m a y b e for a
while. H e r e m e m b e r s h e a r i n g , from t h e b o t t o m of a t o m b of black
m u d , in a l i g h t l e s s cave a m i l e b e n e a t h t h e surface of t h e e a r t h , t h e
d i s t a n t v i b r a t i o n s o f h i s S h o y f e r , a n d s o m e t i m e a f t e r t h a t , t h e soft
c h i r p i n g of t h e p h o n e on t h e oak-veneer table. But he was buried
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 163

so d e e p u n d e r t h e m u d t h a t e v e n if t h e t e l e p h o n e s h a d b e e n m e r e
t e l e p h o n e s in a d r e a m , h e w o u l d n o t h a v e h a d t h e s t r e n g t h o r t h e
i n c l i n a t i o n t o a n s w e r t h e m . H i s p i l l o w is d r e n c h e d i n a foul b r e w
of d r u n k - s w e a t , p a n i c , a n d saliva. H e looks a t his w a t c h . It's t e n -
twenty.
"Meyer?"
L a n d s m a n falls b a c k o n t o t h e b e d , u p s i d e d o w n a n d t a n g l e d i n
t h e s h e e t s . " I q u i t , " h e says. " B i n a , I r e s i g n . "
B i n a d o e s n ' t s a y a n y t h i n g r i g h t away. L a n d s m a n h o p e s s h e h a s
accepted his resignation—which is superfluous anyway—and
r e t u r n e d to the modular, a n d t h e m a n from t h e Burial Society, a n d
h e r t r a n s i t i o n f r o m J e w i s h p o l i c e w o m a n t o a n officer o f t h e l a w o f
t h e g r e a t s t a t e o f A l a s k a . O n c e h e is s u r e s h e h a s g o n e , L a n d s m a n
w i l l a r r a n g e for t h e m a i d w h o c h a n g e s t h e b e d d i n g a n d towels
o n c e a w e e k t o c o m e i n a n d s h o o t h i m . T h e n all s h e h a s t o d o t o
b u r y h i m is r e t u r n t h e p u l l - d o w n b e d t o i t s n o t c h i n t h e w a l l . H i s
c l a u s t r o p h o b i a , h i s fear o f t h e d a r k , w i l l n o l o n g e r t r o u b l e h i m .
A m o m e n t later, he hears t h e t e e t h of a k e y in a lock, a n d t h e
d o o r of r o o m 505 swings o p e n . Bina c r e e p s in t h e w a y y o u c r e e p
i n t o a sickroom, a cardiac w a r d , e x p e c t i n g a shock, r e m i n d e r s of
mortality, grim truths about the b o d y
" J e s u s f u c k i n g C h r i s t , " s h e says w i t h t h a t f l a w l e s s hardpan
a c c e n t o f h e r s . I t is a n e x p r e s s i o n t h a t a l w a y s s t r i k e s L a n d s m a n as
c u r i o u s , o r a t l e a s t as s o m e t h i n g t h a t h e w o u l d p a y m o n e y t o see.
She w a d e s t h r o u g h pieces of L a n d s m a n ' s g r a y suit a n d a b a t h
t o w e l a n d s t a n d s a t t h e foot o f t h e b e d . H e r e y e s t a k e i n t h e p i n k
w a l l p a p e r p a t t e r n e d w i t h g a r l a n d s i n b u r g u n d y flock, t h e g r e e n
plush carpet w i t h its r a n d o m m o t i f of b u r n spots and mystery
stains, t h e b r o k e n glass, t h e e m p t y b o t t l e , t h e peeling a n d c h i p p e d
veneer of t h e p r e s s b o a r d furniture. W a t c h i n g her w i t h his head at
t h e foot o f t h e p u l l - d o w n b e d , L a n d s m a n e n j o y s t h e l o o k o f h o r r o r
o n h e r face, m o s t l y b e c a u s e if h e d o e s n ' t , t h e n h e w i l l h a v e t o feel
ashamed.
 MICHAEL CHABON

" H o w d o y o u s a y ' s h i t h e a p ' i n E s p e r a n t o ? " B i n a says. S h e g o e s

over to t h e v e n e e r table a n d looks d o w n at t h e last b e d r a g g l e d curls
of n o o d l e p u d d i n g l y i n g in t h e g r e a s e - s t r e a k e d c l a m s h e l l .
"At least y o u a t e s o m e t h i n g . "
S h e t u r n s t h e w i n g c h a i r a r o u n d t o face t h e b e d , t h e n l o w e r s
h e r t o t e t o t h e g r o u n d . She s t u d i e s t h e seat of t h e chair. F r o m
h e r f a c e , h e c a n s e e t h a t s h e ' s w o n d e r i n g if s h e o u g h t t o g o a f t e r
t h e seat of t h e chair w i t h s o m e t h i n g c a u s t i c or a n t i b a c t e r i a l o u t
of h e r m a g i c bag. A t last she lowers herself i n t o t h e w i n g chair,
a l i t t l e a t a t i m e . She's d r e s s e d in a g r a y p a n t s u i t , s o m e k i n d of
slick stuff w i t h an i r i d e s c e n t u n d e r - s h e e n of black. U n d e r the
j a c k e t s h e w e a r s a s i l k s h e l l i n c e l a d o n g r e e n . H e r face is b a r e
e x c e p t for t w o s t r e a k s o f b r i c k l i p r o u g e o n h e r m o u t h . A t t h i s
h o u r of t h e day, h e r m o r n i n g effort t o c o n t r o l h e r t a n g l e d h a i r
w i t h p i n s a n d c l i p s h a s n o t y e t b e g u n t o fail. I f s h e s l e p t w e l l l a s t
n i g h t , i n t h e n a r r o w b e d i n h e r o l d r o o m , o n t h e t o p floor o f a
two-family h o u s e on J a p o n s k i Island, w i t h old Mr. O y s h e r a n d his
p r o s t h e t i c leg b u m p i n g a r o u n d d o w n s t a i r s , it d o e s n ' t s h o w in t h e
h o l l o w s a n d s h a d o w s o f h e r face. H e r e y e b r o w s a r e all i n v o l v e d
w i t h each o t h e r again. H e r r o u g e d lips have n a r r o w e d to a brick-
red seam two millimeters wide.

"So how's your m o r n i n g going, Inspector?"

" I d o n ' t l i k e w a i t i n g , " s h e says. " A n d I e s p e c i a l l y d o n ' t l i k e
w a i t i n g for y o u . "
" M a y b e y o u d i d n ' t h e a r m e , " L a n d s m a n says. " I q u i t . "
" I t ' s funny, b u t y o u r e p e a t i n g t h a t p a r t i c u l a r b i t of idiocy does
surprisingly little to improve m y m o o d . "
" I c a n ' t w o r k for y o u , B i n a . C o m e o n . T h a t ' s j u s t i n s a n e . I t ' s
e x a c t l y t h e k i n d of i n s a n i t y I w o u l d e x p e c t from t h e d e p a r t m e n t
r i g h t n o w . I f t h i n g s a r e t h a t b a d , if t h a t ' s w h a t i t c o m e s t o , t h e n
f o r g e t i t . I ' m s i c k o f all t h i s p l a y - o u t - t h e - s t r i n g j a z z . S o , n u , I q u i t .
W h a t d o y o u n e e d m e for? S l a p b l a c k flags o n all o u r c a s e s . O p e n ,
closed. W h o gives a d a m n ? It's j u s t a b u n c h of d e a d y i d s anyway."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 165

" I w e n t t h r o u g h t h e s t a c k a g a i n , " s h e says. H e n o t e s t h a t a f t e r

all t h e s e y e a r s , s h e h a s r e t a i n e d h e r t h r i l l i n g p o w e r t o i g n o r e h i m
a n d his b o u t s of blackness. " I d i d n ' t see a n y t h i n g in a n y of t h e m
t h a t looked like it w a s g o i n g t o tie in w i t h t h e V e r b o v e r s . " She
reaches into her briefcase and takes o u t a pack of Broadways, shakes
o n e l o o s e , a n d fits i t t o h e r l i p s . S h e says t h e n e x t e i g h t w o r d s i n a n
o f f h a n d w a y t h a t h e i m m e d i a t e l y s u s p e c t s . " E x c e p t for m a y b e t h a t
junkie you found downstairs."
"You black-flagged that one," Landsman replies with a
policeman's perfect disingenuousness. "You're smoking again,
too?"
" T o b a c c o , m e r c u r y . " She b r u s h e s b a c k a coil of h a i r a n d l i g h t s
her papiros, blows smoke. "Playing out the string."
"Let m e have o n e . "
She passes h i m t h e Broadway and h e sits u p s , w i n d i n g himself
in a c a r e f u l t o g a o f b e d l i n e n s . S h e l o o k s h i m o v e r i n h i s s p l e n d o r
as s h e l i g h t s a s e c o n d p a p i r o s . S h e n o t e s t h e g r a y h a i r a r o u n d h i s
n i p p l e s , t h e p r o g r e s s o f flab a t h i s w a i s t , h i s b o n y k n e e s .
" S l e e p i n g i n s o c k s a n d u n d e r w e a r , " s h e says. " A l w a y s a b a d s i g n
with you."
" I g u e s s I h a v e t h e c a f a r d , " h e says. " I g u e s s i t k i n d o f h i t m e
last n i g h t . "
"Last night?"
"Last year?"
S h e l o o k s a r o u n d for s o m e t h i n g t o u s e as a n a s h t r a y . " D i d y o u
a n d Berko go o u t to Verbov Island y e s t e r d a y , " she says, " t o p o k e
around this Lasker thing?"
T h e r e ' s really n o p o i n t in lying t o her. B u t L a n d s m a n has b e e n
d i s o b e y i n g o r d e r s far t o o l o n g t o s t a r t t e l l i n g t h e t r u t h a b o u t i t
now.
" Y o u d i d n ' t g e t a c a l l ? " h e says.
"A call? F r o m V e r b o v I s l a n d ? O n a S a t u r d a y m o r n i n g ? Who
t h e r e ' s g o i n g t o call m e o n a S a t u r d a y m o r n i n g ? " H e r e y e s g e t
IBG MICHAEL CHABON

s h r e w d , t i g h t at t h e c o r n e r s . "And w h a t are t h e y g o i n g t o tell m e

when they do?"
"I'm sorry," Landsman says. " E x c u s e me. I can't hold it
anymore."
H e gets u p , s t a n d s r i g h t u p in his u n d e r w e a r w i t h a sheet h a n g i n g
off h i m . H e p a d s a r o u n d t h e p u l l - d o w n b e d t o t h e t i n y b a t h r o o m
w i t h its sink a n d its steel m i r r o r and its shower head. T h e r e ' s no
c u r t a i n , j u s t a d r a i n i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e floor. H e c l o s e s t h e d o o r a n d
u r i n a t e s for a l o n g t i m e , w i t h g e n u i n e p l e a s u r e . S e t t i n g t h e b u r n i n g
p a p i r o s o n t h e e d g e o f t h e t o i l e t t a n k , h e g i v e s h i s face s o m e b r i s k
business with soap and a washcloth. There's a wool bathrobe, white
w i t h r e d , g r e e n , yellow, a n d black stripes in an I n d i a n p a t t e r n , on
a h o o k b e h i n d t h e b a t h r o o m door. H e ties it a r o u n d himself. H e
p u t s t h e p a p i r o s b a c k i n t o his m o u t h a n d looks at h i m s e l f in t h e
scratched rectangle of polished steel that's m o u n t e d above the sink.
W h a t h e s e e s t h e r e affords h i m n o s u r p r i s e s o r u n k n o w n d e p t h s . H e
flushes t h e toilet and goes back into the room.

" B i n a , " h e s a y s , " I d i d n o t k n o w t h i s m a n . H e w a s p u t i n m y way.

I was given the o p p o r t u n i t y to k n o w him, I suppose, b u t I declined
it. If t h i s m a n a n d I h a d g o t t e n t o k n o w each o t h e r , possibly w e
w o u l d have b e c o m e pals. M a y b e n o t . H e h a d his t h i n g w i t h heroin,
a n d t h a t w a s p r o b a b l y e n o u g h for h i m . I t u s u a l l y is. B u t w h e t h e r I
k n e w h i m or not, and w h e t h e r we could have grown old together
h o l d i n g h a n d s o n a sofa d o w n i n t h e l o b b y , is n e i t h e r h e r e n o r t h e r e .
S o m e b o d y c a m e i n t o t h i s h o t e l , m y h o t e l , a n d s h o t t h a t m a n in t h e
b a c k o f t h e h e a d w h i l e h e w a s off i n d r e a m l a n d . A n d t h a t b o t h e r s
me. Set aside whatever general objections I m i g h t have worked u p
over t h e years t o t h e u n d e r l y i n g c o n c e p t of homicide. Forget a b o u t
right and w r o n g , law and order, police procedure, departmental
p o l i c y , R e v e r s i o n , J e w s a n d I n d i a n s . T h i s d u m p is m y h o u s e . F o r
t h e n e x t t w o m o n t h s , o r h o w e v e r l o n g i t t u r n s o u t t o b e , I live h e r e .
All t h e s e h a r d - l u c k s p a y i n g r e n t on a p u l l - d o w n b e d a n d a sheet of
s t e e l b o l t e d t o t h e b a t h r o o m w a l l , for b e t t e r o r w o r s e , t h e y ' r e m y
p e o p l e now. I c a n ' t h o n e s t l y say I like t h e m v e r y m u c h . S o m e of
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION

t h e m a r e all r i g h t . M o s t o f t h e m a r e p r e t t y b a d . B u t I ' l l b e d a m n e d
if I ' m g o i n g t o l e t s o m e b o d y w a l k i n h e r e a n d p u t a b u l l e t i n t h e i r
heads."
B i n a h a s b o i l e d u p t w o c u p s o f i n s t a n t coffee. S h e h a n d s o n e t o
L a n d s m a n . " B l a c k a n d s w e e t , " s h e says. " R i g h t ? "
"Bina."
" Y o u ' r e o n y o u r o w n . T h e b l a c k flag s t a y s p u t . Y o u g e t c a u g h t ,
y o u g e t in a j a m , y o u g e t y o u r k n e e s b r o k e n b y R u d a s h e v s k y s , I
d o n ' t k n o w a n y t h i n g a b o u t i t . " She goes over t o her b a g a n d takes
o u t a n a c c o r d i o n file t h i c k w i t h f o l d e r s . S h e p u t s i t o n t h e v e n e e r
t a b l e . " T h e f o r e n s i c is o n l y a p a r t i a l . S h p r i n g e r s o r t o f left it
h a n g i n g . Blood a n d hair. L a t e n t s . It i s n ' t m u c h . T h e ballistics a r e
still o u t . "
" B i n a , t h a n k y o u . Bina, l i s t e n , t h i s guy. H i s n a m e w a s n ' t Lasker.
This g u y — "
She p u t s a h a n d to his m o u t h . She has n o t t o u c h e d h i m in
t h r e e y e a r s . I t p r o b a b l y w o u l d b e t o o m u c h t o s a y t h a t h e feels t h e
d a r k n e s s lift a t t h e t o u c h o f h e r f i n g e r t i p s a g a i n s t h i s l i p s . B u t i t
shivers, a n d light bleeds in a m o n g t h e cracks.
" I d o n ' t k n o w a n y t h i n g a b o u t i t , " s h e says. She r e m o v e s h e r
h a n d . S h e t a k e s a s i p o f i n s t a n t coffee a n d m a k e s a face. " F e h . "
She p u t s d o w n t h e c u p , picks u p her bag, a n d goes to t h e door.
She s t o p s a n d looks b a c k at L a n d s m a n , s t a n d i n g t h e r e in the
b a t h r o b e t h a t s h e b o u g h t for h i m o n h i s b i r t h d a y w h e n h e t u r n e d
thirty-five.
" Y o u h a v e s o m e n e r v e , " s h e says. " I c a n ' t b e l i e v e y o u a n d B e r k o
went out there."
" W e h a d t o tell h i m his son was d e a d . "
" H i s son."
"Mendel Shpilman. T h e rebbe's only son."
B i n a o p e n s h e r m o u t h , t h e n c l o s e s i t . N o t a s t o n i s h e d so m u c h
as e n g a g e d , s i n k i n g h e r t e r r i e r t e e t h i n t o t h e i n f o r m a t i o n , g n a w i n g
on t h e b l o o d y j o i n t of it. L a n d s m a n can see t h a t she likes t h e
w a y i t g i v e s a g a i n s t t h e s h a r p g r i p o f h e r jaw. B u t h e r e y e s t a k e
IG8 MICHAEL CHABON

o n a w e a r i n e s s t h a t L a n d s m a n recognizes. Bina will never lose

h e r d e t e c t i v e ' s a p p e t i t e for p e o p l e ' s s t o r i e s , L a n d s m a n thinks,
o f p u z z l i n g h e r w a y b a c k t h r o u g h t h e m f r o m t h e final b u r s t o f
v i o l e n c e t o t h e first m i s t a k e . B u t s o m e t i m e s a s h a m m e s g e t s a
l i t t l e t i r e d of t h a t h u n g e r .
"And w h a t d i d t h e r e b b e say?" She lets go of t h e d o o r k n o b w i t h
an air of g e n u i n e r e g r e t .
" H e seemed a little bitter."
" D i d he seem surprised?"
" N o t especially, b u t I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t y o u can m a k e of t h a t . I
t a k e i t t h e k i d h a d b e e n h e a d i n g d o w n t h e c h u t e for a l o n g t i m e . D o
I t h i n k S h p i l m a n w o u l d h a v e fed h i s o w n s o n a b u l l e t ? I n t h e o r y ,
s u r e . T h a t g o e s d o u b l e for B a r o n s h t e y n . "
H e r b a g h i t s t h e floor l i k e a b o d y . S h e s t a n d s a n d w o r k s h e r
s h o u l d e r i n a s m a l l a c h i n g c i r c l e . H e c o u l d offer t o m a s s a g e i t for
her, b u t wisely, h e refrains.
"I suppose I can expect a phone call," she says. "From
B a r o n s h t e y n . A s s o o n as t h e r e a r e t h r e e s t a r s i n t h e s k y . "
" W e l l , I w o u l d n ' t listen t o o carefully w h e n h e tries to tell y o u
h o w b r o k e n u p h e is t h a t M e n d e l S h p i l m a n is o u t o f t h e p i c t u r e .
E v e r y b o d y l o v e s i t w h e n t h e p r o d i g a l r e t u r n s , e x c e p t for t h e g u y
t h a t ' s b e e n s l e e p i n g in his p a j a m a s . " L a n d s m a n t a k e s a sip of t h e
coffee, d r e a d f u l l y b i t t e r a n d s w e e t .
" T h e prodigal."
" H e was s o m e k i n d of a miracle kid. A t chess, at T o r a h , at
languages. I heard a story today about him healing a woman's
cancer, n o t t h a t I really believe t h a t , b u t . I guess t h e r e were a lot
of stories going a r o u n d a b o u t h i m inside t h e black-hat world. T h a t
he m i g h t be t h e T z a d d i k H a - D o r — y o u k n o w w h a t t h a t is?"
" S o r t of. Yes. A n y w a y , I k n o w w h a t t h e w o r d s m e a n , " B i n a says.
H e r f a t h e r , G u r y e h G e l b f i s h , is a l e a r n e d m a n i n t h e t r a d i t i o n a l
sense, a n d h e s q u a n d e r e d a c e r t a i n p o r t i o n of his l e a r n i n g on his
only child, a girl. " T h e r i g h t e o u s m a n of this g e n e r a t i o n . "
" S o t h e s t o r y is t h a t t h e s e g u y s , t h e s e t z a d d i k s , t h e y h a v e b e e n
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 169

s h o w i n g u p for w o r k , o n e p e r g e n e r a t i o n , for t h e p a s t c o u p l e o f
t h o u s a n d y e a r s , r i g h t ? C o o l i n g t h e i r h e e l s . W a i t i n g for t h e t i m e t o
b e r i g h t , o r t h e w o r l d t o b e r i g h t , or, s o m e p e o p l e say, for t h e t i m e
t o b e w r o n g a n d t h e w o r l d t o b e as w r o n g as i t c a n b e . S o m e o f
t h e m w e k n o w a b o u t . M o s t of t h e m k e p t a p r e t t y low profile. I
g u e s s t h e i d e a is t h a t t h e T z a d d i k H a - D o r c o u l d b e a n y o n e . "
" H e is d e s p i s e d a n d r e j e c t e d o f m e n , " B i n a s a y s , o r r a t h e r ,
r e c i t e s . "A m a n o f s o r r o w s a n d a c q u a i n t e d w i t h g r i e f . "
" T h a t ' s w h a t I ' m s a y i n g , " says L a n d s m a n . " A n y o n e . A b u m . A
scholar. A j u n k i e . E v e n a s h a m m e s . "
" I g u e s s i t c o u l d b e , " B i n a says. S h e w o r k s i t o u t i n h e r m i n d , t h e
road from w o n d e r - w o r k i n g p r o d i g y of t h e Verbovers t o m u r d e r e d
j u n k i e i n a flophouse o n M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t . T h e s t o r y a d d s u p i n a
w a y t h a t a p p e a r s t o s a d d e n her. "Anyway, I ' m glad it i s n ' t m e . "
"You don't w a n t to redeem the world a n y m o r e ? "
"Did I used to want to redeem the world?"
"I think that you did, yes."
She considers it, r u b b i n g t h e side of her nose w i t h a finger,
t r y i n g t o r e m e m b e r . " I guess I g o t over i t , " she says, b u t L a n d s m a n
doesn't b u y that. Bina never stopped w a n t i n g to redeem t h e world.
She j u s t let t h e world she was t r y i n g t o r e d e e m get smaller a n d
smaller u n t i l , at o n e p o i n t , it c o u l d b e b o u n d e d in t h e h a t of a
h o p e l e s s p o l i c e m a n . " I t ' s all t a l k i n g c h i c k e n s t o m e n o w . "
She should probably exit on t h a t line, b u t she stands a r o u n d
for a n o t h e r fifteen seconds of u n r e d e e m e d t i m e , l e a n i n g a g a i n s t
t h e door, w a t c h i n g L a n d s m a n fiddle w i t h t h e frayed e n d s of his
b a t h r o b e sash.
"What are y o u going to tell B a r o n s h t e y n when he calls?"
L a n d s m a n says.
" T h a t y o u w e r e t o t a l l y o u t of line, a n d I'll see t h a t y o u c o m e
u p for a b o a r d . I m a y h a v e t o lift y o u r s h i e l d . I'll t r y t o fight i t , b u t
w i t h this s h o m e r from t h e Burial Society c o m i n g — S p a d e , a c u r s e
on h i m — I d o n ' t have a lot of r o o m t o m a n e u v e r . A n d n e i t h e r d o
you."
I7D MICHAEL CHABON

"Okay, you warned me," Landsman says. "I have been

warned."
"So what are you going to do?"
" N o w ? N o w I w a n t to p u t a touch on the mother. Shpilman
s a i d n o b o d y e v e r h e a r d f r o m M e n d e l o r s p o k e t o h i m . B u t for s o m e
r e a s o n , I ' m n o t i n c l i n e d t o t a k e h i s w o r d for i t . "
" B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n . T h a t is g o i n g t o b e a t o u g h t o u c h , " B i n a
says. " E s p e c i a l l y for a m a n . "
" T r u e , " L a n d s m a n says w i t h a d i s p l a y o f w i s t f u l n e s s .
"No," B i n a says. " N o , M e y e r . F o r g e t i t . Y o u a r e o n y o u r o w n . "
" S h e ' l l b e at t h e funeral. All y o u n e e d t o d o i s — "
"All I n e e d t o d o , " B i n a s a y s , " i s s t a y o u t o f t h e w a y o f s h o m e r s ,
w a t c h m y ass, a n d get t h r o u g h t h e next t w o m o n t h s without
s e t t i n g fire t o i t . "
" I ' d b e h a p p y t o w a t c h y o u r a s s for y o u , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , j u s t
for o l d t i m e s ' s a k e .
" G e t d r e s s e d , " B i n a says. " A n d d o y o u r s e l f a favor? C l e a n t h i s
shit u p . L o o k at t h i s d u m p . I c a n ' t believe y o u ' r e living like this.
Sweet G o d , a r e n ' t y o u a s h a m e d of yourself?"
Once Bina Gelbfish believed in M e y e r Landsman. Or she
believed, from t h e m o m e n t she m e t h i m , t h a t t h e r e was a sense
in t h a t m e e t i n g , t h a t s o m e d e t e c t a b l e i n t e n t i o n lay b e h i n d t h e i r
m a r r i a g e . T h e y w e r e t w i s t e d like a pair of c h r o m o s o m e s , of course
t h e y w e r e , b u t w h e r e L a n d s m a n saw in t h a t t w i s t i n g t o g e t h e r o n l y
a tangle, a chance snarling of lines, Bina saw t h e h a n d of t h e M a k e r
o f K n o t s . A n d for h e r f a i t h , L a n d s m a n r e p a i d h e r w i t h h i s f a i t h i n
N o t h i n g itself.
" O n l y e v e r y t i m e I s e e y o u r f a c e , " L a n d s m a n says.
L
andsman cadges half a d o z e n papiroses from the weekend
m a n a g e r , K r a n k h e i t , t h e n k i l l s a n h o u r s e t t i n g fire t o three
of t h e m while t h e r e p o r t s on t h e d e a d m a n in 208 r e n d e r u p
t h e i r pitiful a c c o u n t of p r o t e i n s a n d grease m a r k s a n d d u s t . As
Bina said, t h e r e ' s n o t h i n g n e w in any of it. T h e killer seems t o
h a v e b e e n a p r o f e s s i o n a l , a s h l o s s e r o f skill w h o left n o t r a c e o f
his passage. T h e d e a d m a n ' s fingerprints match those on record
for a M e n a c h e m - M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , a r r e s t e d s e v e n t i m e s o n d r u g
charges over t h e past ten years, u n d e r a v a r i e t y of aliases, i n c l u d i n g
W i l h e l m S t e i n i t z , A r o n N i m z o v i t c h , a n d R i c h a r d R é t i . So m u c h ,
a n d n o m o r e , is clear.

L a n d s m a n c o n t e m p l a t e s s e n d i n g d o w n for a p i n t , b u t h e t a k e s
a h o t s h o w e r i n s t e a d . A l c o h o l h a s failed h i m , t h e t h o u g h t o f f o o d
t u r n s h i s s t o m a c h , a n d l e t ' s face i t , i f h e w a s e v e r r e a l l y g o i n g t o
kill h i m s e l f , h e w o u l d h a v e d o n e s o l o n g b e f o r e n o w . S o , all r i g h t ,
w o r k is a j o k e ; i t r e m a i n s w o r k . A n d t h a t is t h e t r u e c o n t e n t o f t h e
a c c o r d i o n file t h a t B i n a b r o u g h t h i m , h e r m e s s a g e t o h i m a c r o s s
t h e divide of d e p a r t m e n t a l policy a n d m a r i t a l e s t r a n g e m e n t and
c a r e e r s r o l l i n g i n o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n s : Just keep at it.

L a n d s m a n frees h i s l a s t c l e a n s u i t f r o m i t s p l a s t i c s a c k , s h a v e s
his c h i n , w o r k s u p a l u s t r o u s n a p in his p o r k p i e h a t w i t h his h a t
172 MICHAEL CHABON

b r u s h . H e is off d u t y t o d a y , b u t d u t y m e a n s n o t h i n g , t o d a y m e a n s
n o t h i n g , n o t h i n g m e a n s a n y t h i n g b u t a clean suit, t h r e e fresh
Broadways, t h e w o b b l e of t h e h a n g o v e r j u s t b e h i n d his eyes, t h e
m u r m u r o f t h e b r u s h a g a i n s t t h e w h i s k e y - b r o w n felt o f h i s h a t .
A n d , all r i g h t , m a y b e a t r a c e i n h i s h o t e l r o o m o f t h e s m e l l o f B i n a ,
of t h e s o u r collar of h e r s h i r t , h e r v e r b e n a soap, t h e marjoram
s m e l l o f h e r a r m p i t . H e r i d e s d o w n i n t h e e l e v a t o r f e e l i n g as if h e
has s t e p p e d o u t from u n d e r t h e o n r u s h i n g s h a d o w of a p l u m m e t i n g
p i a n o , s o m e k i n d o f j a z z y c l a n g o r i n h i s ear. T h e k n o t o f h i s g o l d -
a n d - g r e e n r e p n e c k t i e p r e s s e s its t h u m b a g a i n s t his l a r y n x like a
s c r u p l e p r e s s i n g a g a i n s t a g u i l t y c o n s c i e n c e , a r e m i n d e r t h a t h e is
a l i v e . H i s h a t is as g l o s s y as a s e a l .

M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t has n o t b e e n p l o w e d ; t h e road c r e w s of
Sitka, slashed to skeletons, concentrate on the arterials and the
highway. L a n d s m a n leaves t h e S u p e r S p o r t w i t h t h e g a r a g e m a n
after r e t r i e v i n g his r u b b e r overshoes from t h e t r u n k . T h e n he
s t o m p s his w a y carefully t h r o u g h t h e foot-deep drifts to M a b u h a y
D o n u t s on Monastir Street.
T h e F i l i p i n o - s t y l e C h i n e s e d o n u t , o r s h t e k e l e h , is t h e g r e a t
c o n t r i b u t i o n of t h e D i s t r i c t of S i t k a t o t h e food lovers of the
w o r l d . In its p r e s e n t form, it c a n n o t b e found in t h e Philippines. N o
C h i n e s e t r e n c h e r m a n w o u l d r e c o g n i z e i t as t h e f r u i t o f h i s n a t i v e
fry k e t t l e s . L i k e t h e s t o r m g o d Y a h w e h o f S u m e r i a , t h e s h t e k e l e h
was not invented by the Jews, but the world would sport neither
G o d nor t h e shtekeleh w i t h o u t Jews and their desires. A panatela
of fried d o u g h n o t q u i t e s w e e t , n o t q u i t e salty, rolled in sugar,
c r i s p - s k i n n e d , t e n d e r i n s i d e , a n d h o n e y c o m b e d w i t h air p o c k e t s .
You sink it in y o u r p a p e r c u p of m i l k y tea a n d close y o u r eyes, a n d
for t e n fat s e c o n d s , y o u s e e m t o g l i m p s e t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f finer
things.

T h e h i d d e n m a s t e r o f t h e F i l i p i n o - s t y l e C h i n e s e d o n u t is B e n i t o
T a g a n e s , p r o p r i e t o r a n d king of t h e b u b b l i n g vats at Mabuhay.
M a b u h a y , d a r k , c r a m p e d , i n v i s i b l e f r o m t h e s t r e e t , s t a y s o p e n all
n i g h t l o n g . I t d r a i n s t h e b a r s a n d cafés a f t e r h o u r s , c o n c e n t r a t e s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 173

the wicked and t h e guilty along its chipped Formica counter, and
thrums with the gossip of criminals, p o l i c e m e n , shtarkers and
s h l e m i e l s , w h o r e s a n d n i g h t o w l s . W i t h t h e fat a p p l a u d i n g i n t h e
f r y e r s , t h e e x h a u s t fans r o a r i n g , a n d t h e b o o m b o x b l a s t i n g t h e
h e a r t s i c k kundimans of Benito's M a n i l a c h i l d h o o d , t h e clientele
m a k e s free w i t h t h e i r s e c r e t s . A g o l d e n m i s t o f k o s h e r oil h a n g s
in t h e a i r a n d baffles t h e s e n s e s . W h o c o u l d o v e r h e a r w i t h e a r s
full o f K o s h e r F r y a n d t h e w a i l i n g o f D i o m e d e s M a t u r a n ? But
Benito Taganes overhears, and he remembers. Benito could draw
y o u a f a m i l y t r e e for A l e x e i L e b e d , t h e c h i e f t a i n o f t h e R u s s i a n
mob, o n l y o n i t y o u w o u l d find n o t g r a n d p a r e n t s a n d n i e c e s b u t
b a g m e n , bump-offs, a n d offshore b a n k a c c o u n t s . H e c o u l d sing y o u
a kundiman o f w i v e s w h o r e m a i n l o y a l t o t h e i r i m p r i s o n e d h u s b a n d s
and husbands doing time because their wives d r o p p e d dimes on
t h e m . H e k n o w s w h o ' s k e e p i n g t h e h e a d of F u r r y M a r k o v in his
g a r a g e , a n d w h i c h n a r c o t i c s i n s p e c t o r is o n t h e p a y r o l l o f A n a t o l y
Moskowits the Wild Beast. O n l y n o b o d y k n o w s t h a t he k n o w s b u t
Meyer Landsman.

"A d o n u t , R e b T a g a n e s , " L a n d s m a n says w h e n h e c o m e s s t o m p i n g

in f r o m t h e alley, s h i v e r i n g t h e c r u s t o f s n o w f r o m h i s o v e r s h o e s .
T h e S i t k a S a t u r d a y a f t e r n o o n lies d e a d as a f a i l e d m e s s i a h i n i t s
w i n d i n g r a g of snow. T h e r e w a s n o b o d y o n t h e s i d e w a l k , h a r d l y a
car in t h e s t r e e t . B u t h e r e i n s i d e M a b u h a y D o n u t s , t h r e e o r four
floaters, solitaries, a n d d r u n k s b e t w e e n b e n d e r s lean a g a i n s t the
sparkly resin counter, sucking t h e tea from t h e i r s h t e k e l e h s a n d
w o r k i n g t h e calculations of t h e i r n e x t b i g m i s t a k e s .
" O n l y o n e ? " B e n i t o says. H e is a s q u a t , t h i c k m a n w i t h s k i n
t h e color of t h e m i l k y tea h e serves, his cheeks p i t t e d like a p a i r of
d a r k m o o n s . T h o u g h h i s h a i r is b l a c k , h e ' s p a s t s e v e n t y . A s a y o u n g
m a n he was t h e flyweight c h a m p i o n of L u z o n , a n d w i t h his thick
fingers a n d t h e t a t t o o e d s a l a m i s o f h i s f o r e a r m s h e g e t s t a k e n for
a t o u g h customer, which serves t h e needs of his business. H i s big
c a r a m e l e y e s b e t r a y h i m , so h e k e e p s t h e m h o o d e d a n d d o w n c a s t .
But L a n d s m a n has looked into t h e m . T o r u n a shtinker, you have to
174 MICHAEL CHABDN

see t h e b r o k e n h e a r t inside t h e d e a d e s t p a n . " L o o k like y o u should

to eat a couple, maybe three, Detective."
Benito elbows aside t h e n e p h e w or cousin he's got working t h e
fry b a s k e t , a n d s n a k e - c h a r m s a r o p e o f r a w d o u g h i n t o t h e fat. A
f e w m i n u t e s l a t e r , L a n d s m a n is h o l d i n g a t i g h t p a p e r p a c k e t o f
h e a v e n in his h a n d .
"I have that information you wanted on Olivia's sister's
d a u g h t e r , " L a n d s m a n says a r o u n d a w a r m s u g a r y m o u t h f u l .
B e n i t o d r a w s a c u p o f t e a for L a n d s m a n a n d t h e n n o d s t o w a r d
t h e alley. H e p u l l s o n h i s a n o r a k a n d t h e y g o o u t . B e n i t o t a k e s a
r i n g of keys from his belt loop a n d works o p e n an iron door t w o
d o o r s d o w n f r o m M a b u h a y D o n u t s . T h i s is w h e r e B e n i t o k e e p s
his lover, O l i v i a , in t h r e e small, t i d y r o o m s w i t h a W a r h o l p o r t r a i t
of D i e t r i c h a n d a b i t t e r smell of v i t a m i n s and r o t t e n gardenia.
Olivia's n o t t h e r e . T h e lady has b e e n in a n d o u t of t h e hospital
lately, d y i n g in c h a p t e r s , w i t h a cliff-hanger at t h e e n d of e v e r y
one. B e n i t o w a v e s L a n d s m a n i n t o a r e d l e a t h e r a r m c h a i r p i p e d in
w h i t e . O f c o u r s e , L a n d s m a n h a s n o i n f o r m a t i o n for B e n i t o a b o u t
a n y o f O l i v i a ' s s i s t e r s ' d a u g h t e r s . O l i v i a is n o t r e a l l y a lady, e i t h e r ,
b u t L a n d s m a n is a l s o t h e o n l y o n e w h o k n o w s t h a t a b o u t B e n i t o
T a g a n e s t h e d o n u t king. Years ago, a serial r a p i s t n a m e d Kohn
forced himself on Miss Olivia L a g d a m e o and found o u t her secret.
K o h n ' s second b i g s u r p r i s e t h a t n i g h t w a s t h e c h a n c e a p p e a r a n c e o f
P a t r o l m a n L a n d s m a n . W h a t L a n d s m a n d i d t o K o h n ' s face left t h e
m o m z e r t a l k i n g w i t h a s l u r for t h e r e s t o f h i s life. So i t ' s a m i x t u r e
o f g r a t i t u d e a n d s h a m e , a n d n o t m o n e y , t h a t d r i v e s t h e flow o f
i n f o r m a t i o n from B e n i t o t o t h e m a n w h o saved Olivia.

"Ever hear anything about the son of Heskel Shpilman?"

L a n d s m a n says, s e t t i n g d o w n t h e d o n u t s a n d t h e c u p of tea. " K i d
named Mendel?"
B e n i t o s t a n d s , h a n d s clasped b e h i n d his back, like a b o y called
o n t o r e c i t e a p o e m a t s c h o o l . " O v e r t h e y e a r s , " h e says. "A t h i n g
or two. Junkie, no?"
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 175

L a n d s m a n arcs o n e fuzzy e y e b r o w a q u a r t e r of an inch. You

don't answer a shtinker's questions, especially not the rhetorical
ones.
"Mendel Shpilman," Benito decides. "Seen him around maybe
a few t i m e . F u n n y guy. T a l k a l i t t l e T a g a l o g . S i n g a l i t t l e F i l i p i n o
song. W h a t h a p p e n , he n o t d e a d ? "
Still Landsman doesn't say anything, but he likes Benny
T a g a n e s , a n d r u n n i n g h i m a l w a y s feels a l i t t l e r u d e . T o c o v e r t h e
silence, he picks u p t h e shtekeleh a n d takes a b i t e . It's still w a r m ,
and there's a h i n t of vanilla, a n d t h e c r u s t c r u n c h e s b e t w e e n his
t e e t h like a c a r a m e l glaze on a p o t of c u s t a r d . As it goes i n t o
Landsman's m o u t h , Benito watches with the appraising coldness
of an o r c h e s t r a c o n d u c t o r a u d i t i o n i n g a flutist.
" T h a t ' s good, Benny."
"Don't insult me, Detective, I beg you."
"Sorry."
"I k n o w it's g o o d . "
"The best."
" N o t h i n g i n y o u r life e v e n c o m e s c l o s e . "
T h i s is so e a s i l y t r u e t h a t t h e s e n t i m e n t b r i n g s a s t i n g o f t e a r s
to Landsman's eyes, and to cover t h a t , he eats a n o t h e r d o n u t .
" S o m e b o d y w a s l o o k i n g for t h e y i d , " B e n i t o says i n h i s r o u g h a n d
fluent Yiddish. " T w o , t h r e e m o n t h s back. A c o u p l e s o m e b o d i e s . "
"You saw t h e m ? "
Benito shrugs. His tactics and operations he keeps a mystery
from L a n d s m a n , t h e c o u s i n s a n d n e p h e w s a n d t h e n e t w o r k of s u b -
shtinkers he employs.
" S o m e b o d y s a w t h e m , " h e says. " I t m i g h t h a v e b e e n m e . "
"Were they black hats?"
B e n i t o c o n s i d e r s t h e q u e s t i o n for a l o n g m o m e n t , a n d L a n d s m a n
can see it t r o u b l e s h i m in a w a y t h a t ' s s o m e h o w scientific, a l m o s t
p l e a s u r a b l e . H e g i v e s h i s h e a d a slow, c e r t a i n s h a k e . " N o black
h a t s , " h e says. " B u t b e a r d s . "
I7G MICHAEL CHABON

"Beards? You m e a n , w h a t , t h e y w e r e religious t y p e s ? "

"Little yarmulkes. Neat beards. Young m e n . "
"Russians? Accents?"
"If I heard about these young men, then the one who told me
d i d n ' t s a y n o t h i n g a b o u t a c c e n t s . If I s a w t h e m myself, t h e n I ' m
s o r r y , I d o n ' t r e m e m b e r . H e y , w h a t ' s t h e m a t t e r , w h a t for y o u d o n ' t
write this down, Detective?"
Early o n in t h e i r c o l l a b o r a t i o n , L a n d s m a n m a d e a s h o w of
t a k i n g B e n i t o ' s i n f o r m a t i o n v e r y s e r i o u s l y . N o w h e fishes o u t h i s
n o t e b o o k and scratches a line or t w o , j u s t to keep t h e d o n u t king
happy. H e ' s n o t sure w h a t to m a k e of t h e m , these t w o or t h r e e neat
young Jews, religious b u t not black hat.
" A n d t h e y w e r e a s k i n g w h a t , e x a c t l y , p l e a s e ? " h e says.
"Whereabouts. Information."
"Did they get it?"
" N o t at M a b u h a y D o n u t s . N o t from a T a g a n e s . "
B e n i t o ' s S h o y f e r r i n g s , a n d h e s n a p s i t o p e n a n d lays i t a g a i n s t
h i s ear. A l l t h e h a r d n e s s g o e s o u t o f t h e l i n e s a r o u n d h i s m o u t h .
H i s face m a t c h e s h i s e y e s n o w , soft, b r i m m i n g w i t h feeling. H e
r a t t l e s on t e n d e r l y in T a g a l o g . L a n d s m a n catches t h e lowing s o u n d
of his o w n last n a m e .
" H o w ' s O l i v i a ? " L a n d s m a n a s k s as B e n i t o c l o s e s h i s p h o n e a n d
l a d l e s a y a r d o f c o l d p l a s t e r i n t o t h e m o l d o f h i s face.
" S h e c a n ' t e a t , " B e n i t o says. " N o m o r e s h t e k e l e h s . "
"That's a shame."
T h e y ' r e t h r o u g h . L a n d s m a n g e t s u p , slips t h e n o t e b o o k b a c k
i n t o his h i p p o c k e t , a n d feeds h i m s e l f t h e last bite. H e feels
s t r o n g e r a n d h a p p i e r t h a n h e has in weeks or p e r h a p s m o n t h s .
T h e r e is s o m e t h i n g i n t h e d e a t h o f M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , a s t o r y t o
g r a b h o l d of, a n d i t ' s s h a k i n g t h e d u s t a n d s p i d e r s off h i m . O r e l s e
i t ' s t h e d o n u t . T h e y h e a d for t h e d o o r , b u t B e n i t o p u t s a h a n d o n
Landsman's arm.
" W h y y o u d o n ' t ask m e a n y t h i n g else, D e t e c t i v e ? "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 177

" W h a t w o u l d y o u like m e to ask y o u ? " L a n d s m a n frowns, t h e n

lights doubtfully on a question. "You heard s o m e t h i n g today, maybe?
S o m e t h i n g o u t of Verbov I s l a n d ? " It's h a r d t o i m a g i n e b u t not
inconceivable t h a t w o r d of Verbover d i s p l e a s u r e over L a n d s m a n ' s
visit to the rebbe already would have reached Benito's ears.
" V e r b o v I s l a n d ? N o , a n o t h e r t h i n g . Y o u s t i l l l o o k i n g for the
Zilberblat?"
V i k t o r Z i l b e r b l a t is o n e o f t h e e l e v e n o u t s t a n d i n g c a s e s t h a t
Landsman and Berko are supposed to be resolving effectively.
Zilberblat was s t a b b e d to d e a t h last M a r c h o u t s i d e of t h e H o f b r a u
t a v e r n in t h e N a c h t a s y l , t h e o l d G e r m a n q u a r t e r , a few b l o c k s
from h e r e . T h e knife w a s small a n d d u l l , a n d t h e m u r d e r h a d an
u n s t u d i e d air.
"Somebody see the brother," Benito Taganes says. "Rafi.
Sneaking around."
N o b o d y w a s s o r r y t o s e e V i k t o r g o , l e a s t o f all h i s b r o t h e r ,
Rafael. V i k t o r h a d a b u s e d Rafael, c h e a t e d h i m , h u m i l i a t e d h i m , a n d
m a d e free w i t h h i s c a s h a n d h i s w o m a n . A f t e r V i k t o r d i e d , R a f a e l
left t o w n , w h e r e a b o u t s u n k n o w n . T h e e v i d e n c e l i n k i n g R a f a e l t o
t h e k n i f e is i n c o n c l u s i v e a t b e s t . T w o s e m i r e l i a b l e w i t n e s s e s p u t
h i m f o r t y m i l e s a w a y f r o m t h e N a c h t a s y l for t w o h o u r s o n e i t h e r
side of t h e likely t i m e of his b r o t h e r ' s m u r d e r . B u t Rafi Z i l b e r b l a t
has a l o n g a n d m o n o t o n o u s police r e c o r d , a n d h e will d o v e r y nicely,
L a n d s m a n reflects, given t h e lowered s t a n d a r d of p r o o f t h a t t h e
new policy implies.

" S n e a k i n g w h e r e ? " L a n d s m a n says. T h e i n f o r m a t i o n is l i k e a h o t

b l a c k m o u t h f u l o f coffee. H e c a n feel h i m s e l f c o i l i n g a r o u n d R a f a e l
Z i l b e r b l a t ' s freedom like a h u n d r e d - p o u n d snake.
" T h a t Big M a c h e r s t o r e , it's g o n e now, u p at G r a n i t e C r e e k .
S o m e b o d y s e e h i m s n e a k i n g in a n d o u t o f t h e r e . C a r r y i n g t h i n g s . A
can of p r o p a n e . M a y b e he living inside t h e e m p t y s t o r e . "
" T h a n k s , B e n n y , " L a n d s m a n says. " I ' l l c h e c k i t o u t . "
L a n d s m a n s t a r t s t o let himself o u t of t h e a p a r t m e n t . B e n i t o
178 MICHAEL CHABDN

Taganes takes hold of his sleeve. H e smooths t h e collar of

Landsman's overcoat w i t h a paternal hand. H e brushes away the
c r u m b s of c i n n a m o n sugar.
" Y o u r w i f e , " h e says. " H e r e a g a i n ? "
" I n all h e r g l o r y . "
" N i c e lady. B e n n y says h e l l o . "
"I'll tell h e r t o d r o p by."
"No, y o u d o n ' t tell h e r n o t h i n g . " Benito grins. " N o w she your
boss."
" S h e w a s a l w a y s m y b o s s , " L a n d s m a n says. " N o w i t ' s j u s t
official."
T h e grin w i n k s o u t , a n d L a n d s m a n averts his gaze from the
s p e c t a c l e o f B e n i t o T a g a n e s ' s g r i e v i n g e y e s . B e n i t o ' s wife is a
voiceless a n d s h a d o w y l i t t l e w o m a n , b u t M i s s O l i v i a in h e r h e y d a y
c o n d u c t e d herself like t h e boss of half t h e world.
" B e t t e r for y o u , " B e n i t o says. " Y o u n e e d . "
 e
• § 2 1 0"

L
a n d s m a n straps an e x t r a clip to his belt a n d drives o u t to t h e
north end, past Halibut Point, where the city sputters and the
w a t e r reaches across t h e land like t h e a r m of a policeman. J u s t
off t h e I c k e s H i g h w a y , t h e w r e c k o f a s h o p p i n g c e n t e r m a r k s t h e
e n d o f t h e d r e a m o f J e w i s h S i t k a . T h e p u s h t o fill e v e r y s p a c e f r o m
h e r e to Yakovy w i t h t h e J e w s of t h e w o r l d gave o u t in this p a r k i n g
lot. T h e r e was n o P e r m a n e n t S t a t u s , n o influx of n e w jewflesh from
t h e b i t t e r c o r n e r s a n d d a r k alleys of D i a s p o r a . T h e p l a n n e d h o u s i n g
d e v e l o p m e n t s r e m a i n lines on blue paper, e n c u m b e r i n g s o m e steel
drawer.

T h e G r a n i t e C r e e k Big M a c h e r o u t l e t died a b o u t t w o years ago.

Its d o o r s are c h a i n e d a n d a l o n g its w i n d o w l e s s flank w h e r e Y i d d i s h
and R o m a n characters once spelled o u t t h e n a m e of t h e store, t h e r e
is o n l y a c r y p t i c s e r i e s o f h o l e s , d o m i n o p i p s , a b r a i l l e o f f a i l u r e .
Landsman leaves his car at the median and hikes across
t h e g i a n t frozen b l a n k o f t h e p a r k i n g l o t t o w a r d t h e f r o n t d o o r . T h e
s n o w is n o t as d e e p h e r e as in t h e s t r e e t s o f t h e c e n t r a l city. T h e
s k y is h i g h a n d p a l e gray, w i t h d a r k e r g r a y t i g e r s t r i p e s . L a n d s m a n
huffs t h r o u g h h i s n o s t r i l s as h e m a r c h e s t o w a r d t h e glass d o o r s , t h e i r
handles p i n i o n e d like a r m s w i t h a d a n g l i n g l e n g t h of b l u e r u b b e r i z e d
chain. L a n d s m a n has this idea t h a t he's going t o k n o c k on those
i an MICHAEL CHABON

d o o r s w i t h his shield h e l d h i g h a n d his a t t i t u d e v i b r a t i n g like a

f o r c e field, a n d t h a t s l i n k i n g w h i p p e t o f a m a n , Rafi Z i l b e r b l a t , is
g o i n g t o s t e p s h e e p i s h a n d b l i n k i n g i n t o t h e s n o w - d a z z l i n g day.
T h e first b u l l e t b l a c k e n s t h e air a l o n g s i d e L a n d s m a n ' s r i g h t ear
l i k e a fat h u m m i n g fly. H e d o e s n ' t e v e n k n o w i t ' s a b u l l e t u n t i l h e
h e a r s , o r r e m e m b e r s h e a r i n g , a muffled b u r s t a n d t h e n a c l a m o r of
t h e glass. B y t h e n h e ' s falling o n his belly in t h e snow, f l a t t e n i n g
h i m s e l f o n t h e g r o u n d , w h e r e t h e n e x t b u l l e t finds t h e b a c k o f
his h e a d a n d b u r n s it like a trail of gasoline t o u c h e d b y a m a t c h .
L a n d s m a n d r a g s o u t h i s s h o l e m , b u t t h e r e is a c o b w e b in h i s h e a d
o r o v e r h i s face, a n d a p a r a l y s i s o f r e g r e t affects h i m . H i s p l a n w a s
n o plan at all, a n d n o w it has g o n e b a d . H e has no b a c k u p . N o b o d y
k n o w s w h e r e h e is b u t B e n i t o T a g a n e s , w i t h h i s m o l a s s e s g a z e a n d
h i s all b u t u n i v e r s a l s i l e n c e . L a n d s m a n is g o i n g t o d i e i n a d e s o l a t e
p a r k i n g lot at t h e m a r g i n of t h e w o r l d . H e closes his eyes. H e o p e n s
t h e m , a n d t h e c o b w e b is d e n s e r a n d s p a r k l i n g w i t h s o m e k i n d o f
dew. F o o t s t e p s in t h e snow, m o r e t h a n o n e p e r s o n . L a n d s m a n raises
h i s g u n a n d t a k e s a i m t h r o u g h t h e s p a r k l i n g s t r a n d s o f w h a t e v e r is
g o i n g w r o n g i n h i s b r a i n . H e fires.

T h e r e is a c r y o f p a i n , f e m i n i n e , a w h u f f o f b r e a t h , a n d t h e n
t h e lady wishes a cancer u p o n Landsman's testicles. Snow packs
L a n d s m a n ' s ears a n d m e l t s i n t o t h e collar of his coat a n d d o w n
his neck. S o m e b o d y snatches at Landsman's gun and tries to
d r a g h i m t o his feet. P o p c o r n on t h e b r e a t h . T h e b a n d a g e over
L a n d s m a n ' s e y e s s t r e t c h e s t h i n as h e l u r c h e s u p r i g h t . H e c a n see
t h e m u s t a c h i o e d s n o u t of Rafi Z i l b e r b l a t , a n d b y t h e d o o r s of
t h e B i g M a c h e r , a p l u m p b o t t l e b l o n d e l y i n g o n h e r b a c k , h e r life
p u m p i n g f r o m h e r b e l l y i n t o t h e s t e a m i n g r e d snow. A n d a c o u p l e
of g u n s , o n e of t h e m in Z i l b e r b l a t ' s h a n d , p o i n t e d at L a n d s m a n ' s
h e a d . A t t h e glint of t h e a u t o m a t i c , t h e c o b w e b of L a n d s m a n ' s
r e g r e t s a n d s e l f - r e c r i m i n a t i o n s g o e s away. T h e s m e l l o f p o p c o r n ,
c o m i n g from inside t h e a b a n d o n e d s t o r e , alters his p e r c e p t i o n of
t h e smell of b l o o d a n d b r i n g s o u t t h e sweetness of it. L a n d s m a n
d u c k s a n d lets go of his S m i t h & Wesson.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 181

Z i l b e r b l a t w a s y a n k i n g so h a r d o n t h e g u n t h a t w h e n L a n d s m a n
u n c l e n c h e s , t h e o t h e r m a n goes t u m b l i n g b a c k w a r d i n t o t h e snow.
L a n d s m a n scrambles on t o p of Z i l b e r b l a t . H e ' s j u s t a c t i n g now,
w i t h o u t a t h o u g h t in his head. H e y a n k s his s h o l e m loose a n d t u r n s
i t a r o u n d , a n d t h e w o r l d p u l l s t h e t r i g g e r o n all i t s g u n s . Z i l b e r b l a t
g r o w s a h o r n of blood from t h e c r o w n of his h e a d . T h e c o b w e b s are
n o w in L a n d s m a n ' s e a r s . H e c a n h e a r o n l y t h e b r e a t h a t t h e b a c k o f
his t h r o a t a n d his o w n b l o o d p u l s i n g .
For an i n s t a n t a s t r a n g e peace o p e n s like an u m b r e l l a inside
L a n d s m a n as h e s t r a d d l e s t h e m a n h e j u s t k i l l e d , k n e e s b u r n i n g
in t h e snow. H e r e t a i n s t h e p r e s e n c e o f m i n d t o r e c o g n i z e t h a t
t h i s t r a n q u i l l i t y is n o t n e c e s s a r i l y a g o o d s i g n . T h e n t h e d o u b t s
b e g i n t o c r o w d in a r o u n d t h e k n o w l e d g e of t h e m e s s h e has m a d e ,
b y s t a n d e r s g a t h e r i n g a r o u n d a suicide leaper. L a n d s m a n s t a g g e r s t o
his feet. H e sees t h e g o r e o n his c o a t , t h e t a t t e r s of b r a i n , a t o o t h .
T w o d e a d h u m a n s in t h e snow. T h e smell of p o p c o r n , a b u t t e r y
s t i n k of feet, o v e r w h e l m s h i m .
W h i l e h e is b u s y h e a v i n g u p h i s g u t s i n t o t h e s n o w , a n o t h e r
m a n w a n d e r s o u t of t h e Big M a c h e r s t o r e . A y o u n g m a n w i t h a r a t
s n o u t a n d a l o p i n g g a i t . L a n d s m a n r e t a i n s t h e w i t t o m a r k h i m as a
Zilberblat. T h i s Z i l b e r b l a t has his a r m s raised a n d a wild look on
h i s face. H i s h a n d s a r e e m p t y . B u t w h e n h e s e e s L a n d s m a n b l e e d i n g
a n d s i c k o n all f o u r s , h e a b a n d o n s h i s p r o j e c t o f s u r r e n d e r . H e p i c k s
u p t h e a u t o m a t i c lying on t h e g r o u n d b y t h e ruin of his brother.
L a n d s m a n c a r e e n s t o h i s f e e t , a n d t h e t r a i l o f fire a t t h e b a c k o f
h i s h e a d flares u p . H e feels t h e g r o u n d g i v e w a y , a n d t h e n t h e r e is a
roaring blackness.

After h e dies, h e w a k e s u p l y i n g f a c e d o w n in t h e snow. H e c a n ' t

feel s n o w o n h i s c h e e k . T h e w i l d r i n g i n g i n h i s e a r s is g o n e . H e
h u m p s himself u p to a s i t t i n g p o s i t i o n . T h e b l o o d from t h e b a c k of
his h e a d has s c a t t e r e d r h o d o d e n d r o n s in t h e snow. T h e m a n a n d t h e
w o m a n h e s h o t h a v e n o t m o v e d , b u t t h e r e is n o s i g n o f t h e y o u n g
Z i l b e r b l a t w h o d i d o r d i d n o t s h o o t a n d kill h i m . W i t h a s u d d e n
clarity of t h o u g h t a n d a m o u n t i n g suspicion t h a t h e has f o r g o t t e n
182 MICHAEL CHABDN

t o die, L a n d s m a n p a t s himself d o w n . H i s w a t c h , wallet, car keys,

c e l l p h o n e , g u n , a n d b a d g e a r e g o n e . H e l o o k s for h i s c a r p a r k e d i n
t h e d i s t a n c e , a l o n g t h e f r o n t a g e r o a d . W h e n h e sees t h a t his S u p e r
S p o r t is g o n e , h e k n o w s t h a t h e is s t i l l a l i v e , b e c a u s e o n l y life c o u l d
offer s u c h a b i t t e r v i s t a .
" A n o t h e r f u c k i n g Z i l b e r b l a t , " h e says. " A n d t h e y ' r e all l i k e
that."
H e is c o l d . H e c o n s i d e r s e n t e r i n g t h e B i g M a c h e r , b u t t h e s t e n c h
o f p o p c o r n k e e p s h i m away. H e t u r n s f r o m t h e y a w n i n g d o o r s a n d
lifts h i s e y e s t o w a r d t h e h i g h h i l l a n d b e y o n d i t t h e m o u n t a i n s ,
b l a c k w i t h t r e e s . T h e n h e sits d o w n in t h e snow. After a w h i l e , h e
lies d o w n . I t ' s s n u g a n d c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d t h e r e ' s a s m e l l o f c o o l
d u s t , a n d h e c l o s e s h i s e y e s a n d falls a s l e e p , f o l d e d u p i n t o h i s n i c e
d a r k l i t t l e h o l e i n t h e w a l l o f t h e H o t e l Z a m e n h o f , a n d for o n c e i n
h i s life, t h e c l a u s t r o p h o b i a d o e s n ' t t r o u b l e h i m , n o t a b i t .
 • § 22 ( £ •

L
a n d s m a n is h o l d i n g a b a b y b o y . T h e b a b y c r i e s , for n o v e r y
grave reason. H i s w a i l i n g c o n s t r i c t s L a n d s m a n ' s h e a r t in a
p l e a s u r a b l e way. L a n d s m a n feels r e l i e v e d t o d i s c o v e r t h a t h e h a s
a fat h a n d s o m e b a b y w h o s m e l l s o f waffles a n d s o a p . H e s q u e e z e s
t h e puffy f e e t , g a u g e s t h e w e i g h t o f t h e l i t t l e g r a n d f a t h e r i n h i s
a r m s , at once negligible a n d vast. H e t u r n s t o Bina t o tell h e r t h e
g o o d n e w s : I t w a s all a m i s t a k e . H e r e is t h e i r boy. B u t t h e r e is n o
Bina to tell, only t h e m e m o r y in L a n d s m a n ' s n o s t r i l s of rain on
h e r hair. A n d t h e n h e w a k e s u p a n d r e a l i z e s t h a t t h e c r y i n g b a b y is
Pinky Shemets, having his diaper c h a n g e d or r e g i s t e r i n g a p r o t e s t
over s o m e t h i n g or other. L a n d s m a n blinks, a n d t h e w o r l d i n t r u d e s
i n t h e f o r m o f a b a t i k w a l l c o v e r i n g , a n d h e is h o l l o w e d o u t , as if i t ' s
t h e first t i m e , b y t h e l o s s o f h i s s o n .

L a n d s m a n is l y i n g o n B e r k o a n d E s t e r - M a l k e ' s b e d , o n his
side, facing t h e wall w i t h its d y e d linen scene of Balinese g a r d e n s
a n d savage birds. S o m e o n e has u n d r e s s e d h i m , leaving h i m in his
u n d e r p a n t s . H e sits up. T h e skin at t h e b a c k of his h e a d prickles,
a n d t h e n a c o r d of pain goes t a u t . L a n d s m a n p a t s t h e site of his
injury. A b a n d a g e m e e t s his fingers, a c r i n k l y o b l o n g of g a u z e a n d
tape. S u r r o u n d i n g it, a q u e e r hairless p a t c h of scalp. M e m o r i e s
fall o n t o p o f o n e a n o t h e r w i t h a s l a p p i n g s o u n d l i k e c r i m e - s c e n e
184 MICHAEL CHABON

p h o t o g r a p h s fresh from Dr. S h p r i n g e r ' s d e a t h c a m e r a . A jocular

e m e r g e n c y r o o m t e c h , a n X ray, a n i n j e c t i o n o f m o r p h i n e , a l o o m i n g
s w a b d i p p e d in B e t a d i n e . Before t h a t , t h e light from a s t r e e t l a m p
s t r i p i n g t h e w h i t e vinyl ceiling of an ambulance. A n d before t h a t .
Before t h e r i d e in t h e a m b u l a n c e . P u r p l e slush. S t e a m from the
s p i l l e d c o n t e n t s o f a h u m a n g u t . A h o r n e t a t h i s ear. A r e d j e t
b u r s t i n g f r o m t h e f o r e h e a d o f R a f i Z i l b e r b l a t . A c i p h e r o f h o l e s in
a b l a n k e x p a n s e of plaster. L a n d s m a n backs away from t h e m e m o r y
o f w h a t h a p p e n e d i n t h e B i g M a c h e r p a r k i n g l o t , so q u i c k l y t h a t
h e b u m p s r i g h t i n t o t h e p a n g o f l o s i n g D j a n g o L a n d s m a n in h i s
dream.

" W o e is m e , " L a n d s m a n says. H e w i p e s h i s e y e s . H e w o u l d g i v e

u p a g l a n d , a m i n o r o r g a n , for a p a p i r o s .
T h e b e d r o o m d o o r o p e n s , a n d Berko c o m e s in, c a r r y i n g an
almost-full p a c k of Broadways.
" H a v e I e v e r t o l d y o u t h a t I love y o u ? " L a n d s m a n says, k n o w i n g
full w e l l t h a t h e n e v e r h a s .
" Y o u n e v e r h a v e , t h a n k G o d , " B e r k o says. " I g o t t h e s e f r o m t h e
neighbor, t h e Fried w o m a n . I told her it was a police seizure."
"I am insanely grateful."
"I note the adverb."
Berko n o t e s also t h a t L a n d s m a n has been crying; one eyebrow
s h o o t s u p , h a n g s s u s p e n d e d , drifts d o w n like a t a b l e c l o t h s e t t l i n g
o n t o a table.
" B a b y o k a y ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" T e e t h . " Berko takes a coat h a n g e r from a h o o k on t h e back of
t h e b e d r o o m door. O n t h e h a n g e r are L a n d s m a n ' s clothes, neat and
b r u s h e d . B e r k o feels a r o u n d i n t h e h i p p o c k e t o f L a n d s m a n ' s b l a z e r
and produces a matchbook. T h e n he comes and stands by the bed
and holds out the papiroses and matches.
" I c a n ' t h o n e s t l y c l a i m , " says L a n d s m a n , " t h a t I k n o w w h a t I ' m
doing here."
"It was Ester-Malke's idea. K n o w i n g how you feel about
hospitals. T h e y said y o u d i d n ' t need to stay."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 185

"Have a seat."
T h e r e is n o c h a i r i n t h e r o o m . L a n d s m a n slides over, and
Berko sits d o w n on t h e e d g e of t h e b e d , c a u s i n g a l a r m a m o n g t h e
bedsprings.
" I t ' s r e a l l y o k a y if I s m o k e ? "
" N o t really, n o . G o s t a n d b y t h e w i n d o w . "
L a n d s m a n tips h i m s e l f o u t of t h e b e d . W h e n h e rolls u p t h e
b a m b o o s h a d e o n t h e w i n d o w , h e is s u r p r i s e d t o s e e t h a t it's
p o u r i n g rain. T h e smell of rain b l o w s in t h r o u g h t h e t w o inches
t h e w i n d o w has been cranked o p e n , explaining t h e fragrance of
Bina's h a i r in his d r e a m . L a n d s m a n looks d o w n t o t h e p a r k i n g lot
of t h e a p a r t m e n t b u i l d i n g a n d o b s e r v e s t h a t t h e s n o w h a s m e l t e d
a n d b e e n w a s h e d away. T h e l i g h t feels all w r o n g , t o o .
" W h a t t i m e is i t ? "
" F o u r - t h i r t y . . . t w o , " B e r k o says w i t h o u t c h e c k i n g h i s w a t c h .
" W h a t d a y is i t ? "
"Sunday."
L a n d s m a n c r a n k s o p e n t h e w i n d o w all t h e w a y a n d h o o k s h i s
left b u t t o c k o v e r t h e sill. R a i n falls o n h i s a c h i n g h e a d . H e l i g h t s h i s
p a p i r o s a n d t a k e s a l o n g d r a g a n d t r i e s t o d e c i d e if h e ' s d i s t u r b e d
b y t h i s i n f o r m a t i o n . " L o n g t i m e s i n c e I d i d t h a t , " h e says. " S l e p t
t h r o u g h a whole day."
"You m u s t have n e e d e d i t , " Berko observes blandly. A sideways
look in L a n d s m a n ' s d i r e c t i o n . " E s t e r - M a l k e ' s t h e o n e w h o took
y o u r p a n t s off, b y t h e way. J u s t so y o u k n o w . "
L a n d s m a n flicks a s h o u t o f t h e w i n d o w . " I w a s s h o t . "
" G r a z e d . T h e y said it's m o r e like a k i n d of b u r n . T h e y d i d n ' t
need to stitch it."
" T h e r e w e r e t h r e e of t h e m . Rafael Z i l b e r b l a t . A pisher I m a d e
for h i s b r o t h e r . A n d s o m e c h i c k e n . T h e b r o t h e r t o o k m y c a r , m y
wallet. M y b a d g e a n d m y s h o l e m . Left m e t h e r e . "
"So it was r e c o n s t r u c t e d . "
" I w a n t e d t o call for h e l p , b u t t h e l i t t l e r a t f a c e J e w t o o k m y
Shoyfer, t o o . "
186 MICHAEL CHABON

T h e m e n t i o n of L a n d s m a n ' s p h o n e makes Berko smile.

" W h a t ? " L a n d s m a n says.
"So, y o u r p i s h e r ' s t o o l i n g a l o n g . N o r t h o n t h e I c k e s , h e a d e d for
Yakovy, F a i r b a n k s , I r k u t s k . "
"Uh-huh."
"Your p h o n e rings. Your pisher answers it."
"And it's y o u ? "
"Bina."
" I like i t . "
" T w o m i n u t e s on t h e p h o n e w i t h t h e Z i l b e r b l a t , she has his
w h e r e a b o u t s , his d e s c r i p t i o n , t h e n a m e of his d o g w h e n h e was
e l e v e n . A c o u p l e o f l a t k e s p i c k h i m u p five m i n u t e s l a t e r o u t s i d e
K r e s t o v . Y o u r c a r is fine. Y o u r w a l l e t s t i l l h a d c a s h i n i t . "
L a n d s m a n affects t o t a k e a n i n t e r e s t i n t h e w a y t h a t fire t u r n s
c u r e d t o b a c c o t o flakes o f a s h . " A n d m y b a d g e a n d g u n ? " h e says.
"Ah."
"Ah."
" Y o u r b a d g e a n d y o u r g u n are n o w in t h e h a n d s of your
c o m m a n d i n g officer."
"Does she intend to r e t u r n t h e m ? "
Berko reaches over and smooths the indentation that Landsman
left i n t h e s u r f a c e o f h i s b e d .
" I t w a s s t r i c t l y line of d u t y , " L a n d s m a n says, his t o n e s o u n d i n g
w h i n y e v e n t o h i s o w n ear. " I g o t a t i p o n Rafi Z i l b e r b l a t . " H e
shrugs and runs his fingers a l o n g t h e b a n d a g e at t h e b a c k of his
head. "I just wanted to talk to the yid."
"You should have called m e first."
"I didn't w a n t to bother you on a Saturday."
It's no excuse, a n d it comes o u t even lamer t h a n Landsman
hoped.
" N u , I'm an i d i o t , " L a n d s m a n admits. "And a bad policeman,
too."
"Rule number one."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 187

" I k n o w . I j u s t felt l i k e d o i n g s o m e t h i n g r i g h t t h e n . I d i d n ' t

t h i n k it was going t o go t h e w a y t h a t it w e n t . "
" I n a n y c a s e , " B e r k o says. " T h e p i s h e r . T h e l i t t l e b r o t h e r . C a l l s
h i m s e l f Willy Z i l b e r b l a t . H e confessed o n his l a t e b r o t h e r ' s behalf.
Says i n d e e d R a f i k i l l e d V i k t o r . W i t h h a l f a p a i r o f s c i s s o r s . "
" H o w about that."
"All o t h e r t h i n g s b e i n g e q u a l , I w o u l d s a y B i n a h a s r e a s o n t o b e
h a p p y w i t h y o u on t h a t one. You r e s o l v e d it v e r y effectively."
"Half a p a i r o f s c i s s o r s . "
" H o w ' s t h a t for r e s o u r c e f u l ? "
"Frugal, even."
"And t h e chicken y o u h a n d l e d so r o u g h l y — t h a t w a s y o u , t o o ? "
"It was m e . "
" N i c e l y d o n e , M e y e r . " T h e r e is n o s a r c a s m i n B e r k o ' s t o n e o r
face. " Y o u p u t a p i l l i n Y a c h e v e d F l e d e r m a n . "
"I did not."
"You had yourself quite a day."
" T h e nurse?"
" O u r colleagues on the B Squad are delighted w i t h y o u . "
"That killed that old geezer, what's his name, Herman
Pozner?"
" I t w a s t h e i r o n l y o p e n case from last year. T h e y t h o u g h t s h e
w a s in M e x i c o . "
" F u c k m e , " L a n d s m a n says i n A m e r i c a n .
" T a b a t c h n i k a n d K a r p a s a l r e a d y p u t i n a g o o d w o r d for y o u
w i t h B i n a , as I u n d e r s t a n d . "
Landsman grinds the papiros out against t h e side of the
b u i l d i n g , t h e n flicks t h e b u t t i n t o t h e r a i n . T a b a t c h n i k a n d K a r p a s
are really kicking t h e asses of L a n d s m a n a n d S h e m e t s ; it's n o t even
close.
" E v e n w h e n I have good l u c k , " h e says, " i t ' s b a d l u c k . " H e sighs.
" H a s t h e r e been a n y t h i n g o u t of Verbov Island?"
"Not a peep."
 88 MICHAEL CHABON

" N o t h i n g in t h e p a p e r s ? "
" N o t i n t h e Licht o r t h e Rut" T h e s e are the leading black-hat
dailies, " N o r u m o r s t h a t I've heard. N o b o d y ' s talking a b o u t it.
Nothing. Total silence."
L a n d s m a n g e t s u p off t h e w i n d o w s i l l a n d g o e s t o t h e p h o n e o n
t h e table beside t h e bed. H e dials a n u m b e r he m e m o r i z e d years
ago, asks a q u e s t i o n , gets an answer, hangs up. " T h e Verbovers
picked u p M e n d e l Shpilman's b o d y late last n i g h t . "
T h e t e l e p h o n e in L a n d s m a n ' s h a n d s t a r t l e s , c h i r p i n g like a
r o b o t bird. H e passes it t o Berko.
" H e s e e m s f i n e , " B e r k o says a f t e r a m o m e n t . " Y e s , I i m a g i n e
t h a t h e will n e e d s o m e rest. All r i g h t . " H e lowers t h e h a n d s e t a n d
stares at it, covering t h e m o u t h p i e c e w i t h t h e pad of his t h u m b .
"Your ex-wife."
" I h e a r y o u ' r e fine," B i n a t e l l s L a n d s m a n w h e n h e g e t s o n t h e
phone.
" S o t h e y t e l l m e , " L a n d s m a n says.
" T a k e some t i m e , " she suggests. "Give yourself a b r e a k . "
T h e i m p o r t t a k e s a s e c o n d t o r e g i s t e r , h e r t o n e is so g e n t l e a n d
unruffled.
" Y o u w o u l d n o t , " h e says. " B i n a , p l e a s e t e l l m e t h i s is n o t
true."
" T w o dead people. By your gun. N o witnesses b u t a kid w h o
d i d n ' t s e e w h a t h a p p e n e d . I t ' s a u t o m a t i c . S u s p e n s i o n w i t h pay,
pending a review by the board."
"They were shooting guns at m e . I h a d a reliable tip, I
a p p r o a c h e d w i t h m y g u n i n m y h o l s t e r , I w a s p o l i t e as a m o u s e .
A n d they started shooting at m e . "
"And of c o u r s e y o u ' l l g e t t h e c h a n c e t o tell y o u r story. In t h e
m e a n t i m e , I ' m g o i n g t o k e e p y o u r shield a n d y o u r g u n in this
nice p i n k plastic Hello K i t t y zipper b a g t h a t Willy Zilberblat was
c a r r y i n g t h e m a r o u n d i n , o k a y ? A n d y o u j u s t t r y t o g e t y o u r s e l f all
n i c e a n d b e t t e r , all r i g h t ? "
" T h i s t h i n g c o u l d t a k e w e e k s t o s o r t o u t , " L a n d s m a n says. " B y
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 189

t h e t i m e I ' m b a c k o n d u t y , t h e r e m i g h t n o t be a S i t k a C e n t r a l . T h e r e
a r e n o g r o u n d s for a s u s p e n s i o n h e r e , a n d y o u k n o w i t . U n d e r t h e
circumstances, you can keep m e on active d u t y while t h e review
goes forward, a n d still b e r u n n i n g t h i s case t o t a l l y b y t h e b o o k . "
" T h e r e a r e b o o k s , " B i n a says. " A n d t h e r e a r e b o o k s . "
" D o n ' t b e c r y p t i c , " h e says, a n d t h e n in A m e r i c a n , " W h a t t h e
fuck?"
F o r a l o n g c o u p l e of s e c o n d s , Bina d o e s n ' t reply.
" I h a d a call f r o m C h i e f I n s p e c t o r V a y n g a r t n e r . L a s t n i g h t . N o t
l o n g , " she says, "after d a r k . "
"I see."
" H e t e l l s m e be j u s t h a d a c a l l . O n h i s home p h o n e , t h i s is.
A n d I guess t h e e s t e e m e d g e n t l e m a n on t h e o t h e r e n d of t h e line
was maybe a little upset about certain behaviors that Detective
M e y e r L a n d s m a n m i g h t h a v e b e e n e x h i b i t i n g in t h i s g e n t l e m a n ' s
neighborhood on Friday afternoon. Creating public disturbances.
Showing grave disrespect for the locals. Operating without
a u t h o r i t y or approval."
"And Vayngartner replied?"
" H e said y o u w e r e a good d e t e c t i v e , b u t y o u w e r e k n o w n t o
have certain p r o b l e m s . "
A n d t h e r e , L a n d s m a n , is t h e l i n e for y o u r h e a d s t o n e .
" S o w h a t d i d y o u t e l l V a y n g a r t n e r ? " h e says. " W h e n h e c a l l e d t o
ruin your Saturday night."
" M y S a t u r d a y n i g h t . M y S a t u r d a y n i g h t is l i k e a m i c r o w a v e
b u r r i t o . V e r y t o u g h t o r u i n s o m e t h i n g t h a t s t a r t s o u t so b a d t o
begin w i t h . As it h a p p e n s , I told C h i e f I n s p e c t o r V a y n g a r t n e r h o w
you had just been shot."
"And he said?"
" H e said t h a t in l i g h t of t h i s fresh e v i d e n c e , h e m i g h t h a v e t o
r e c o n s i d e r l o n g - h e l d a t h e i s t i c beliefs. A n d t h a t I s h o u l d d o w h a t e v e r
I c o u l d t o m a k e s u r e y o u w e r e c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d t h a t for t h e n e x t
l i t t l e t i m e , y o u g o t p l e n t y o f r e s t . So t h a t ' s w h a t I ' m d o i n g . Y o u ' r e
s u s p e n d e d , w i t h full pay, u n t i l f u r t h e r n o t i c e . "
ISD MICHAEL CHABDN

"Bina. Bina, please. You k n o w h o w I a m . "

"I do."
" I f I c a n ' t w o r k — You c a n ' t — "
" I h a v e t o . " T h e t e m p e r a t u r e o f h e r v o i c e d r o p s so q u i c k l y t h a t
ice c r y s t a l s t i n k l e o n t h e line. " Y o u k n o w h o w m u c h of a choice I
have in a s i t u a t i o n like t h i s . "
"You mean when gangsters pull strings to keep a murder
investigation from going forward? T h a t t h e k i n d of situation you
mean?"
" I a n s w e r t o t h e c h i e f i n s p e c t o r , " B i n a e x p l a i n s , as if s h e ' s
t a l k i n g t o a d o n k e y . S h e k n o w s p e r f e c t l y w e l l t h a t t h e r e is n o t h i n g
L a n d s m a n h a t e s m o r e t h a n b e i n g t r e a t e d like he's s t u p i d . "And y o u
answer to me."
" I w i s h y o u h a d n ' t c a l l e d m y p h o n e , " L a n d s m a n says after a
m o m e n t . " B e t t e r y o u should j u s t have let m e d i e . "
"Don't be melodramatic," Bina says. "Oh, and you're
welcome."
" A n d w h a t a m I s u p p o s e d t o d o n o w , b e s i d e s b e g r a t e f u l for
h a v i n g m y balls c u t off?"
" T h a t ' s u p to you, Detective. Maybe you could t r y thinking
a b o u t t h e f u t u r e for a c h a n g e . "
" T h e f u t u r e , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u m e a n , w h a t , l i k e f l y i n g
cars? H o t e l s o n t h e m o o n ? "
" I m e a n your future."
" Y o u w a n t t o go t o t h e m o o n w i t h m e , Bina? I h e a r t h e y still
take Jews."
"Goodbye, Meyer."
She h a n g s u p . L a n d s m a n c u t s t h e c o n n e c t i o n on his e n d a n d
s t a n d s t h e r e for a m i n u t e w i t h B e r k o w a t c h i n g h i m f r o m the
b e d . L a n d s m a n feels a l a s t s u r g e o f a n g e r a n d e n t h u s i a s m b l o w
t h r o u g h h i m , like a clot of d u s t b e i n g cleared from a pipe. T h e n
he's empty.
H e sits d o w n o n t h e b e d . H e g e t s in u n d e r t h e covers a n d t u r n s
h i s face b a c k t o t h e B a l i n e s e s c e n e o n t h e w a l l a n d c l o s e s h i s e y e s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 191

" U h , M e y e r ? " B e r k o says. B u t L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t a n s w e r . " Y o u

p l a n n i n g t o s t a y in m y b e d a w h o l e lot l o n g e r ? "
L a n d s m a n sees n o p e r c e n t a g e in a n s w e r i n g t h e q u e s t i o n . A f t e r
a m i n u t e B e r k o b o u n c e s h i m s e l f off t h e m a t t r e s s a n d o n t o h i s f e e t .
L a n d s m a n c a n feel h i m s t u d y i n g t h e s i t u a t i o n , a p p r a i s i n g t h e d e p t h
of black w a t e r t h a t s e p a r a t e s t h e t w o p a r t n e r s , t r y i n g t o m a k e t h e
r i g h t call.
" F o r w h a t i t ' s w o r t h , " B e r k o says finally, " B i n a a l s o c a m e t o s e e
y o u in t h e E R . "
L a n d s m a n finds h e h a s n o m e m o r y o f t h i s v i s i t a t a l l . I t ' s g o n e ,
like t h e s q u e e z e of a b a b y ' s foot a g a i n s t his p a l m .
" Y o u w e r e d o p e d u p p r e t t y g o o d , " B e r k o says. " T a l k i n g m a n y
kinds of s h i t . "
"Did I embarrass myself with her?" Landsman manages to ask
in a t i n y v o i c e .
" Y e s , " B e r k o s a y s , " I fear t h a t y o u d i d . "
T h e n h e w i t h d r a w s from his o w n b e d r o o m a n d leaves L a n d s m a n
t h e r e t o p u z z l e o u t t h e q u e s t i o n , if h e c a n m u s t e r t h e s t r e n g t h , o f
how much further he can sink.
L a n d s m a n can h e a r t h e m t a l k i n g a b o u t h i m in t h e h u s h e d t o n e s
r e s e r v e d for m a d m e n , a s s h o l e s , a n d u n w a n t e d g u e s t s . A l l t h r o u g h
t h e r e s t o f t h e a f t e r n o o n , as t h e y e a t t h e i r d i n n e r . T h r o u g h the
uproar of b a t h a n d ass-powdering a n d a b e d t i m e s t o r y t h a t r e q u i r e s
B e r k o S h e m e t s t o h o n k l i k e a g o o s e . L a n d s m a n lies o n h i s s i d e w i t h
a b u r n i n g seam at t h e b a c k of his skull a n d drifts in a n d o u t of
consciousness of t h e smell of rain at t h e w i n d o w , t h e m u r m u r i n g
a n d c l a m o r of t h e family in t h e o t h e r r o o m . E v e r y h o u r t h a t p a s s e s ,
a n o t h e r h u n d r e d w e i g h t o f s a n d is p o u r e d i n t h r o u g h a t i n y h o l e
in L a n d s m a n ' s s o u l . F i r s t h e c a n ' t lift h i s h e a d off t h e m a t t r e s s .
T h e n he can't seem t o o p e n his eyes. After his eyes are closed, w h a t
h a p p e n s is n e v e r q u i t e s l e e p , a n d t h e t h o u g h t s t h a t p l a g u e h i m ,
though atrocious, are never quite dreams.

S o m e t i m e in t h e m i d d l e of t h e n i g h t , G o l d y careers i n t o t h e
r o o m . H i s t r e a d is h e a v y a n d l u m b e r i n g , a b a b y m o n s t e r ' s . He
192 MICHAEL CHABON

d o e s n ' t j u s t climb i n t o t h e b e d , h e roils t h e b l a n k e t s t h e w a y a wire

w h i s k roils a b a t t e r . Its like he's fleeing s o m e t h i n g , p a n i c k e d , b u t
w h e n L a n d s m a n speaks, asks h i m what's w r o n g , t h e b o y doesn't
a n s w e r . H i s e y e s a r e c l o s e d , a n d h i s h e a r t b e a t s s t e a d i l y a n d low.
W h a t e v e r h e w a s r u n n i n g f r o m , h e f o u n d s h e l t e r f r o m i t in h i s
p a r e n t s ' b e d . T h e k i d is s o u n d a s l e e p . H e s m e l l s l i k e a p i e c e o f
c u t apple that's s t a r t i n g to t u r n . H e digs his toes i n t o t h e small
of L a n d s m a n ' s b a c k w i t h care a n d w i t h o u t mercy. H e grinds his
t e e t h . T h e s o u n d o f i t is l i k e d u l l s h e a r s o n a s h e e t o f t i n .
After an h o u r of this k i n d of t r e a t m e n t , a r o u n d four-thirty, t h e
b a b y s t a r t s t o s c r e a m , w a y o u t on his balcony. L a n d s m a n can hear
Ester-Malke t r y i n g to comfort him. Ordinarily, she would bring
h i m i n t o her b e d , b u t that's n o t an o p t i o n t o n i g h t , a n d it takes
her a long t i m e to settle t h e little grandfather d o w n . By the time
E s t e r - M a l k e w a n d e r s i n t o t h e b e d r o o m w i t h t h e b a b y in h e r a r m s ,
he's snuffling a n d q u i e t e r a n d a l m o s t asleep. E s t e r - M a l k e d u m p s
P i n k y b e t w e e n his b r o t h e r and L a n d s m a n and walks out.
R e u n i t e d in t h e i r p a r e n t s ' b e d , t h e S h e m e t s boys set u p a
w h i s t l i n g a n d r u m b l i n g a n d a b l a t t i n g of inner valves t h a t w o u l d
s h a m e t h e g r a n d p i p e o r g a n of T e m p l e E m a n u - E l . T h e boys
e x e c u t e a s e r i e s o f m a n e u v e r s , a k u n g fu o f s l u m b e r , t h a t d r i v e s
L a n d s m a n to t h e v e r y limit of t h e bed. T h e y c h o p at L a n d s m a n ,
stab him with their toes, grunt and mutter. T h e y masticate the
fiber of t h e i r d r e a m s . A r o u n d d a w n , s o m e t h i n g v e r y b a d h a p p e n s
in t h e b a b y ' s diaper. It's t h e w o r s t n i g h t t h a t L a n d s m a n has ever
s p e n t o n a m a t t r e s s , a n d t h a t is s a y i n g a g o o d d e a l .
T h e coffeemaker begins its e x p e c t o r a t i o n s a r o u n d seven. A
f e w t h o u s a n d m o l e c u l e s o f coffee v a p o r t u m b l e i n t o t h e b e d r o o m
a n d w o r r y t h e h a i r s i n s i d e L a n d s m a n ' s b e a k . H e h e a r s t h e shuffle
of slippers a g a i n s t t h e c a r p e t in t h e hall. H e fights long a n d h a r d
a g a i n s t t h e i m p u l s e t o a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t E s t e r - M a l k e is s t a n d i n g
t h e r e , i n t h e d o o r w a y o f h e r b e d r o o m , r u i n g h i m a n d e v e r y fit o f
c h a r i t y t o w a r d h i m t h a t ' s ever seized her. H e d o e s n ' t care. W h y
s h o u l d h e care? A t last L a n d s m a n realizes t h a t in his s t r u g g l e n o t
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 193

t o c a r e a b o u t a n y t h i n g lie t h e p a r a d o x i c a l s e e d s o f d e f e a t : S o , all
right, he cares. H e opens o n e eye. E s t e r - M a l k e leans a g a i n s t t h e
d o o r j a m b , h u g g i n g herself, s u r v e y i n g t h e s c e n e o f d e s t r u c t i o n i n
a place that once was her bed. W h a t e v e r t h e n a m e of t h e e m o t i o n
i n s p i r e d i n a m o t h e r b y t h e s i g h t o f filial c u t e n e s s , i t c o m p e t e s i n
her expression w i t h h o r r o r a n d d i s m a y at t h e spectacle of L a n d s m a n
in h i s u n d e r p a n t s .
"I need you o u t of m y b e d , " she w h i s p e r s . " S o o n a n d in a w a y
that's lasting."
"All r i g h t , " says L a n d s m a n . T a k i n g s t o c k o f h i s w o u n d s , h i s
a c h e s , t h e p r e v a i l i n g d i r e c t i o n o f h i s m o o d s , h e s i t s u p . F o r all
t h e t o r m e n t o f t h e n i g h t , h e feels o d d l y s e t t l e d . M o r e p r e s e n t ,
somehow, in his limbs a n d skin a n d senses. S o m e h o w , m a y b e , a
little m o r e real. H e has n o t shared a b e d w i t h a n o t h e r h u m a n b e i n g
i n o v e r t w o y e a r s . H e w o n d e r s if t h a t is a p r a c t i c e h e o u g h t n o t t o
have foregone. H e takes his clothes from t h e d o o r a n d p u t s t h e m
on. C a r r y i n g his socks a n d b e l t , h e follows E s t e r - M a l k e b a c k d o w n
t h e hall.
" T h o u g h t h e couch has its p o i n t s , " E s t e r - M a l k e continues.
" F o r example, it features no babies or four-year-olds."
"You have a serious toenail problem among your youth,"
L a n d s m a n says. " A l s o s o m e t h i n g , I t h i n k i t m i g h t b e a s e a o t t e r ,
d i e d a n d is r o t t i n g i n t h e l i t t l e o n e ' s d i a p e r . "
I n t h e k i t c h e n s h e p o u r s t h e m e a c h a c u p o f coffee. T h e n s h e
g o e s t o t h e d o o r a n d r e t r i e v e s t h e Tog f r o m t h e m a t t h a t says GET
LOST. L a n d s m a n sits on his stool at t h e c o u n t e r a n d stares i n t o t h e
m u r k of t h e living r o o m w h e r e t h e b u l k of his p a r t n e r rears u p
f r o m t h e floor l i k e a n i s l a n d . T h e c o u c h is a w r e c k o f b l a n k e t s .
L a n d s m a n is a b o u t t o t e l l E s t e r - M a l k e I don't deserve friends like
you w h e n s h e c o m e s b a c k i n t o t h e k i t c h e n , r e a d i n g t h e p a p e r , a n d
says, " N o w o n d e r y o u n e e d e d so m u c h s l e e p . " S h e b u m p s i n t o t h e
d o o r w a y . S o m e t h i n g g o o d o r t e r r i b l e o r u n b e l i e v a b l e is d e s c r i b e d
on t h e front page.
L a n d s m a n r e a c h e s for h i s r e a d i n g g l a s s e s i n t h e p o c k e t o f h i s
 34 MICHAEL CHABON

j a c k e t . T h e y a r e c r a c k e d a t t h e n o s e p i e c e , e a c h l e n s s e v e r e d from
its m a t e . It's t r u l y a pair of glasses, t w o monocles on their stems.
E s t e r - M a l k e g e t s t h e e l e c t r i c i a n ' s t a p e , y e l l o w as a h a z a r d w a r n i n g ,
from t h e d r a w e r u n d e r t h e p h o n e . She b i n d s u p t h e glasses a n d
p a s s e s t h e m b a c k t o L a n d s m a n . T h e g o b o f t a p e is as t h i c k as a
filbert. It d r a w s t h e gaze even of t h e wearer, leaving h i m cross­
eyed.
"I'll bet that looks really good," h e says, t a k i n g u p the
newspaper.
T w o b i g s t o r i e s l e a d off t h e n e w s i n t h i s m o r n i n g ' s Tog. O n e
is a n a c c o u n t o f a n a p p a r e n t s h o o t - o u t , l e a v i n g t w o d e a d , i n t h e
d e s e r t e d p a r k i n g lot of a Big M a c h e r o u t l e t store. T h e principals
were a lone homicide detective, Meyer Landsman, forty-two, and
t w o s u s p e c t s l o n g s o u g h t b y S i t k a law e n f o r c e m e n t in c o n n e c t i o n
w i t h a p a i r o f a p p a r e n t l y u n r e l a t e d m u r d e r s . T h e o t h e r s t o r y is
headlined:

"BOY TZADDIK" F O U N D DEAD IN SITKA HOTEL

T h e a c c o m p a n y i n g t e x t w h i p s u p a tissue of miracles, evasions,

a n d o u t r i g h t lies a b o u t t h e life a n d d e a t h o f M e n a c h e m - M e n d e l
Shpilman, late T h u r s d a y night, at the H o t e l Z a m e n h o f on M a x
Nordau Street. According to the medical examiner's office—
the examining doctor himself having moved to Canada—the
p r e l i m i n a r y f i n d i n g o n c a u s e o f d e a t h is s o m e t h i n g k n o w n i n fairy
t a l e s as " d r u g - r e l a t e d m i s a d v e n t u r e . " " T h o u g h l i t t l e k n o w n t o t h e
w o r l d o u t s i d e , " t h e Tog's m a n w r i t e s ,

in t h e closed w o r l d of t h e pious, Mr. Shpilman

w a s v i e w e d , for t h e b e t t e r p a r t o f h i s e a r l y life,
as a p r o d i g y , a w o n d e r , a n d a h o l y t e a c h e r , i n d e e d ,
as p o s s i b l y t h e l o n g - p r o m i s e d R e d e e m e r . T h e o l d
S h p i l m a n h o m e o n S. A n s k y S t r e e t i n t h e H a r k a v y
was often t h r o n g e d w i t h visitors and supplicants
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 195

d u r i n g Mr. Shpilman's childhood, w i t h t h e d e v o u t

a n d t h e c u r i o u s t r a v e l i n g f r o m as far as B u e n o s
Aires and Beirut to meet t h e talented boy who
w a s b o r n o n t h e fateful n i n t h d a y o f t h e m o n t h o f
Av. M a n y h o p e d a n d e v e n a r r a n g e d t o b e p r e s e n t
on o n e of a n u m b e r of occasions w h e n rumors
flew t h a t h e w a s a b o u t t o " d e c l a r e h i s k i n g d o m . "
But Mr. Shpilman never m a d e any declarations.
T w e n t y - t h r e e y e a r s a g o , o n t h e d a y p r o j e c t e d for
his m a r r i a g e to a d a u g h t e r of t h e Shtrakenzer
r e b b e , h e all b u t d i s a p p e a r e d , a n d d u r i n g t h e l o n g
i g n o m i n y o f M r . S h p i l m a n ' s r e c e n t life, t h e e a r l y
promise had largely been forgotten.

T h e chaff from t h e M E ' s office is t h e o n l y i t e m i n t h e story

resembling an explanation of t h e d e a t h . H o t e l m a n a g e m e n t and
t h e C e n t r a l Division are said to have declined c o m m e n t . A t the
e n d of t h e article, L a n d s m a n learns t h a t t h e r e will b e n o s y n a g o g u e
s e r v i c e , j u s t t h e b u r i a l itself, a t t h e o l d M o n t e f i o r e c e m e t e r y , t o b e
presided over b y t h e father of t h e deceased.
" B e r k o said h e d i s o w n e d h i m , " E s t e r - M a l k e says, r e a d i n g over
L a n d s m a n ' s shoulder. " H e said t h e old m a n w a n t e d n o t h i n g t o d o
with the kid. I guess he changed his m i n d . "
R e a d i n g t h e a r t i c l e , L a n d s m a n suffers a c r a m p o f e n v y t o w a r d
M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , t e m p e r e d b y p i t y . L a n d s m a n s t r u g g l e d for m a n y
years u n d e r t h e w e i g h t of fatherly e x p e c t a t i o n s , b u t h e has n o
i d e a h o w i t m i g h t feel t o fulfill o r e x c e e d t h e m . I s i d o r L a n d s m a n ,
h e k n o w s , w o u l d h a v e l o v e d t o f a t h e r a s o n as g i f t e d as M e n d e l .
L a n d s m a n c a n ' t h e l p t h i n k i n g t h a t if h e h a d b e e n a b l e t o p l a y c h e s s
l i k e M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , m a y b e h i s f a t h e r w o u l d h a v e felt h e h a d
s o m e t h i n g t o l i v e for, a s m a l l m e s s i a h t o r e d e e m h i m . L a n d s m a n
t h i n k s of t h e l e t t e r t h a t he s e n t his father, h o p i n g t o gain his freedom
f r o m t h e b u r d e n o f t h a t life a n d t h o s e e x p e c t a t i o n s . H e c o n s i d e r s
t h e years h e s p e n t b e l i e v i n g t h a t h e c a u s e d I s i d o r L a n d s m a n a fatal
 BG MICHAEL CHABDN

grief. H o w m u c h g u i l t d i d M e n d e l S h p i l m a n feel? H a d h e b e l i e v e d
w h a t w a s s a i d o f h i m , i n h i s gift o r w i l d c a l l i n g ? I n t h e a t t e m p t t o
free h i m s e l f f r o m t h a t b u r d e n , d i d M e n d e l feel t h a t h e m u s t t u r n
h i s b a c k n o t o n l y o n h i s f a t h e r b u t o n all t h e J e w s i n t h e w o r l d ?
"I don't think Rabbi Shpilman ever changes his mind,"
L a n d s m a n says. " I t h i n k s o m e b o d y w o u l d h a v e t o c h a n g e i t for
him."
" W h o would that be?"
"If I had t o guess? I ' m thinking that maybe it w a s the
mother."
" G o o d for h e r . T r u s t a m o t h e r n o t t o l e t t h e m t o s s h e r s o n o u t
like an e m p t y b o t t l e . "
" T r u s t a m o t h e r , " L a n d s m a n says. H e s t u d i e s t h e p h o t o g r a p h
i n t h e Tog o f M e n d e l S h p i l m a n a t fifteen, b e a r d p a t c h y , s i d e l o c k s
flying, coolly p r e s i d i n g over a conference of y o u n g T a l m u d i s t s w h o
s e e t h e d a n d s u l k e d a r o u n d h i m . " T h e T z a d d i k H a - D o r , in B e t t e r
Days," reads the caption.
"What are you thinking about, Meyer?" Ester-Malke says,
s t r i k i n g a n o t e of d o u b t .
" T h e f u t u r e , " L a n d s m a n says.
 • § 2 3 g*

m o b o f b l a c k - h a t J e w s c h u g s i t s w a y , a f r e i g h t t r a i n o f grief, f r o m

 t h e g a t e s o f t h e c e m e t e r y — t h e h o u s e o f life, t h e y c a l l i t — u p
a hillside t o w a r d a hole c u t i n t o t h e m u d . A p i n e box slick w i t h
rain pitches and tosses on t h e surf of w e e p i n g m e n . Satmars hold
umbrellas over t h e h e a d s of Verbovers. G e r e r s a n d Shtrakenzers
and Viznitzers link a r m s w i t h t h e boldness of schoolgirls on a lark.
Rivalries, grudges, sectarian disputes, m u t u a l excommunications,
t h e y ' v e b e e n l a i d a s i d e for a d a y s o t h a t e v e r y o n e c a n m o u r n w i t h
due passion a yid w h o was forgotten b y t h e m until last Friday night.
N o t even a y i d — t h e shell of a y i d , t h i n n e d t o t r a n s p a r e n c y a r o u n d
t h e h a r d void of a t w e n t y - y e a r j u n k h a b i t . E v e r y g e n e r a t i o n loses
t h e m e s s i a h i t h a s failed t o d e s e r v e . N o w t h e p i o u s o f t h e S i t k a
District have p i n p o i n t e d t h e site of their collective u n w o r t h i n e s s
a n d g a t h e r e d in t h e rain t o lay it in t h e g r o u n d .

A r o u n d t h e g r a v e s i t e , b l a c k c l u m p s o f fir t r e e s s w a y l i k e g r i e v i n g
Chasids. Beyond the cemetery walls, hats and black umbrellas
shelter t h o u s a n d s of t h e u n w o r t h i e s t of t h e u n w o r t h y a g a i n s t t h e
rain. D e e p s t r u c t u r e s of obligation a n d c r e d i t have determined
w h i c h a r e p e r m i t t e d t o e n t e r t h e g a t e s o f t h e h o u s e o f life a n d
which must stand outside kibitzing, with rain soaking into their
hose. T h e s e d e e p s t r u c t u r e s , in t u r n , have d r a w n t h e a t t e n t i o n of
198 MICHAEL CHABON

detectives from Burglary, C o n t r a b a n d , a n d F r a u d . L a n d s m a n picks

o u t Skolsky, B u r w i t z , Feld, a n d G l o b u s , always w i t h his shirttail
h a n g i n g o u t , p e r c h e d on t h e roof of a gray F o r d Victoria. It's n o t
every day t h a t the entire Verbover hierarchy comes out and stands
a r o u n d o n a hillside, p o s e d in r e l a t i o n t o o n e a n o t h e r like circles on
a p r o s e c u t o r ' s flow c h a r t . O n t h e r o o f o f a W a l - M a r t a q u a r t e r m i l e
away, t h r e e A m e r i c a n s in b l u e w i n d b r e a k e r s p o i n t t h e i r t e l e p h o t o
lenses a n d t h e t r e m b l i n g pistil of a c o n d e n s e r m i c r o p h o n e . A stout
blue c o r d of latkes a n d m o t o r c y c l e u n i t s has been stitched t h r o u g h
t h e c r o w d t o k e e p i t f r o m c o m i n g u n d o n e . T h e p r e s s is h e r e , t o o ,
c a m e r a m e n a n d r e p o r t e r s f r o m C h a n n e l 1, f r o m t h e l o c a l p a p e r s ,
c r e w s f r o m t h e N B C affiliate o v e r i n J u n e a u a n d a c a b l e n e w s
c h a n n e l . D e n n i s B r e n n a n , w i t h o u t t h e s e n s e o r m a y b e e n o u g h felt
in t h e w o r l d t o cover t h a t b i g h e a d of his a g a i n s t t h e rain. T h e n you
have t h e half-believing, and t h e half-observant, and the m o d e r n
O r t h o d o x , and the merely credulous, and the skeptical, and the
c u r i o u s , a n d a h e a l t h y d e l e g a t i o n from t h e Einstein C h e s s C l u b .

L a n d s m a n c a n s e e t h e m all f r o m t h e v a n t a g e o f h i s p o w e r l e s s n e s s
a n d his exile, r e u n i t e d w i t h his Super Sport on a b a r r e n hilltop
a c r o s s M i z m o r B o u l e v a r d f r o m t h e h o u s e o f life. H e ' s p a r k e d i n
a cul-de-sac s o m e d e v e l o p e r laid o u t , paved, t h e n saddled w i t h
t h e n a m e of T i k v a h Street, the H e b r e w w o r d d e n o t i n g hope and
c o n n o t i n g t o t h e Yiddish ear on this g r i m afternoon at t h e e n d of
t i m e s e v e n t e e n flavors o f i r o n y . T h e h o p e d - f o r h o u s e s w e r e n e v e r
b u i l t . W o o d e n s t a k e s t i e d w i t h o r a n g e flags a n d n y l o n c o r d m a p o u t
a m i n i a t u r e Z i o n in t h e m u d a r o u n d t h e cul-de-sac, a g h o s t l y e r u v
o f f a i l u r e . L a n d s m a n is f l y i n g s o l o , s o b e r as a c a r p i n a b a t h t u b ,
c l u t c h i n g a p a i r o f b i n o c u l a r s i n h i s c l a m m y g r i p . T h e n e e d for a
d r i n k is l i k e a m i s s i n g t o o t h . H e c a n ' t k e e p h i s m i n d off i t , a n d y e t
t h e r e ' s s o m e t h i n g p l e a s u r a b l e in p r o b i n g t h e gap. O r m a y b e t h e
a c h e o f s o m e t h i n g m i s s i n g is j u s t t h e h o l e left b e h i n d w h e n B i n a
lifted his b a d g e .

L a n d s m a n w a i t s o u t t h e f u n e r a l i n h i s car, s t u d y i n g i t t h r o u g h
t h e good Zeiss lenses a n d r u n n i n g d o w n t h e car b a t t e r y with a
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 199

C B C radio d o c u m e n t a r y about the blues singer Robert Johnson,

w h o s e s i n g i n g v o i c e s o u n d s as b r o k e n a n d r e e d y as a J e w s a y i n g
k a d d i s h in t h e r a i n . L a n d s m a n h a s a c a r t o n of B r o a d w a y s , a n d h e
b u r n s t h e m wildly, t r y i n g t o d r i v e from t h e S u p e r S p o r t ' s i n t e r i o r
a l i n g e r i n g o d o r o f W i l l y Z i l b e r b l a t . I t ' s a foul s m e l l , l i k e a p o t o f
w a t e r in w h i c h t w o days ago s o m e b o d y b o i l e d n o o d l e s . B e r k o t r i e d
to p e r s u a d e L a n d s m a n t h a t he was i m a g i n i n g this residue of t h e
l i t t l e Z i l b e r b l a t ' s b r i e f t e n u r e i n s i d e L a n d s m a n ' s life. B u t L a n d s m a n
is h a p p y for t h e e x c u s e t o f u m i g a t e w i t h c i g a r e t t e s , w h i c h d o n ' t kill
t h e u r g e for a d r i n k b u t s o m e h o w d u l l i t s b i t e .
Berko also t r i e d t o p e r s u a d e L a n d s m a n t o w a i t a d a y or t w o on
t h e m a t t e r of M e n d e l Shpilman's d e a t h b y m i s a d v e n t u r e . As t h e y
r o d e d o w n in t h e e l e v a t o r from t h e a p a r t m e n t , h e d a r e d L a n d s m a n
t o look h i m s t r a i g h t in t h e eye a n d tell h i m t h a t L a n d s m a n ' s p l a n
for t h i s d a m p M o n d a y a f t e r n o o n d i d n o t c o n s i s t o f s h o w i n g u p ,
s h o r n of his b a d g e a n d his g u n , t o h u r l i m p e r t i n e n t q u e s t i o n s at
t h e g r i e v i n g q u e e n o f g a n g s t e r s as s h e d e p a r t e d f r o m t h e h o u s e o f
life a n d t h e r e m a i n s o f h e r o n l y s o n .
" Y o u c a n ' t g e t n e a r h e r , " B e r k o i n s i s t e d as h e f o l l o w e d L a n d s m a n
o u t of t h e elevator a n d across t h e l o b b y t o t h e d o o r of t h e Dnyeper.
Berko was in his e l e p h a n t i n e pajamas. Pieces of a s u i t w e r e spilling
o u t of his a r m s . H e h a d his shoes h o o k e d over t w o fingers, his b e l t
a r o u n d his neck. F r o m t h e b r e a s t p o c k e t of his m u s t a r d pajamas
w i t h t h e i r w h i t e p i n s t r i p e t h e p o i n t s of t w o slices of t o a s t p r o t r u d e d
l i k e a p o c k e t s q u a r e . " A n d e v e n if y o u c a n , y o u s t i l l c a n ' t . "
H e was making a nice policeman-like distinction between the
things t h a t balls could accomplish a n d t h o s e t h a t t h e b r e a k e r s of
balls w o u l d never p e r m i t .
" T h e y will stiff-arm y o u , " Berko said. " T h e y will s h a k e o u t y o u r
p a n t s for t h e s m a l l c h a n g e . T h e y w i l l b r i n g y o u u p o n c h a r g e s . "
Landsman could not refute the point. Batsheva Shpilman rarely
s e t foot b e y o n d t h e b o u n d a r y o f h e r d e e p a n d t i n y w o r l d . B u t w h e n
she did, it was likely t o b e in a h e a v y t h i c k e t of iron a n d lawyers.
" N o badge, no backing, no w a r r a n t , no investigation, looking half
2D0 MICHAEL CHABON

c r a z y w i t h e g g o n y o u r s u i t , y o u b o t h e r t h e lady, y o u c o u l d g e t
s h o t , w i t h o n l y m i n o r a f t e r e f f e c t s for t h e s h o o t e r s . "
Berko t r a i l e d L a n d s m a n o u t of t h e b u i l d i n g , d a n c i n g i n t o his
socks a n d shoes, d o w n to t h e b u s s t o p at t h e corner.
" Y o u ' r e saying d o n ' t d o it, B e r k o , " L a n d s m a n said, " o r j u s t
d o n ' t d o i t w i t h o u t you*. Y o u t h i n k I ' l l l e t y o u p i s s a w a y w h a t e v e r
shot you and Ester-Malke have to get through to the other end
of Reversion? Y o u ' r e crazy. I've d o n e y o u a lot of disservices a n d
caused y o u a lot of t r o u b l e over t h e years, b u t I h o p e I'm n o t t h a t
m u c h o f a n a s s . A n d if y o u ' r e s a y i n g y o u d o n ' t t h i n k I s h o u l d d o i t
period, well..."
L a n d s m a n s t o p p e d m a r c h i n g . T h e full w e i g h t o f g o o d s e n s e
behind this second argument struck him.
"I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t I'm saying, Meyer. I'm j u s t saying, fuck."
Berko g o t t h i s look s o m e t i m e s , m o r e w h e n h e w a s a boy, a shine of
s i n c e r i t y o n t h e w h i t e s o f h i s e y e s . L a n d s m a n h a d t o l o o k away. H e
t u r n e d h i s face t o t h e w i n d b l o w i n g i n off t h e S o u n d . " I ' m s a y i n g
a t l e a s t d o n ' t t a k e t h e b u s , all r i g h t ? L e t m e d r i v e y o u d o w n t o t h e
i m p o u n d yard, at least."
T h e r e was a d i s t a n t r u m b l e , a screech of air brakes. T h e 6 I B
Harkavy appeared farther down the promenade, kicking up a
s h i m m e r i n g c u r t a i n of rain.
"At least t h i s , " Berko said. H e h o i s t e d his suit jacket b y t h e
c o l l a r . H e h e l d i t o u t as if h e w a n t e d L a n d s m a n t o p u t i t o n . " I n
the pocket. Take it."
L a n d s m a n w e i g h s t h e s h o l e m in his h a n d n o w — a c u t e l i t t l e
Beretta .22 w i t h a p l a s t i c g r i p — p o i s o n s himself on nicotine,
tries to u n d e r s t a n d t h e l a m e n t a t i o n s of this black Delta yid, Mr.
Johnson. After a period t h a t he doesn't b o t h e r to n o t e or measure,
call i t a n h o u r , t h e l o n g d a r k t r a i n , d i s c h a r g e d o f i t s g o o d s , s t a r t s
b a c k d o w n t h e hill t o w a r d t h e gates. A t t h e h e a d of it, puffing
slowly, h e a d e r e c t , b r o a d - b r i m m e d h a t r u n n i n g r a i n , c o m e s t h e
locomotive b u l k of t h e t e n t h Verbover rebbe. Behind h i m c o m e t h e
s t r i n g of d a u g h t e r s , seven or twelve of t h e m , and their h u s b a n d s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN

a n d c h i l d r e n , a n d t h e n L a n d s m a n sits u p a n d dials in a crisp Z e i s s

image of Batsheva S h p i l m a n . H e ' s b e e n e x p e c t i n g s o m e k i n d of
w i t c h y a m a l g a m of M r s . M a c b e t h a n d A m e r i c a n first l a d y : M a r i l y n
M o n r o e K e n n e d y in h e r p i n k p i l l b o x h a t , w i t h m e s m e r i c spirals
for e y e s . B u t as B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n c o m e s i n t o c l e a r v i e w , r i g h t
b e f o r e s h e falls b e l o w t h e l i n e o f m o u r n e r s j a m m i n g t h e c e m e t e r y
gates, L a n d s m a n r e m a r k s a small, b o n y frame, an o l d - l a d y h a l t in
h e r t r e a d . H e r face is c o n c e a l e d b e h i n d a b l a c k v e i l . H e r c l o t h e s a r e
u n r e m a r k a b l e , a v e h i c l e for b l a c k n e s s .
As t h e Shpilmans a p p r o a c h t h e gates, t h e line of uniformed
nozzes gathers into a tight k n o t , driving t h e crowd back. L a n d s m a n
s l i p s t h e g u n i n t o h i s h i p p o c k e t , s w i t c h e s off t h e r a d i o , a n d g e t s
o u t o f t h e car. T h e r a i n h a s s l o w e d t o a s t e a d y fine m e s h . H e b e g i n s
t o lope d o w n t h e hill t o w a r d M i z m o r B o u l e v a r d . O v e r t h e last h o u r
the crowd has swollen, b u n c h i n g u p a r o u n d t h e c e m e t e r y gates.
Jiggling, shifting, p r o n e to s u d d e n mass lurches, a n i m a t e d b y t h e
Brownian m o t i o n of collective woe. T h e uniformed latkes are
w o r k i n g h a r d , t r y i n g to clear a p a t h b e t w e e n t h e family a n d t h e b i g
black four-by-fours of t h e funeral cortege.
Landsman scrapes and stumbles, shredding weeds, gathering
clots of m u d on his shoes. As h e e x e r t s h i m s e l f o n t h e s l i p p e r y
hillside, his injuries s t a r t t o b o t h e r h i m . H e w o n d e r s if t h e d o c t o r s
missed a b r o k e n rib. A t o n e p o i n t h e loses his footing a n d slides, his
heels c u t t i n g ten-foot g o u g e s in t h e m u d , a n d e n d s b y falling o n his
ass. H e ' s t o o s u p e r s t i t i o u s n o t t o s e e t h i s as a b a d o m e n , b u t w h e n
y o u ' r e a p e s s i m i s t , all o m e n s a r e b a d .
T h e t r u t h is t h a t h e h a s n o p l a n a t a l l , n o t e v e n t h e g r a c e l e s s
and r u d i m e n t a r y one that Berko envisioned. L a n d s m a n has been
a n o z for e i g h t e e n y e a r s , a d e t e c t i v e for t h i r t e e n , s p e n t t h e l a s t
seven w o r k i n g h o m i c i d e , a t o p m a n , a p r i n c e of p o l i c e m e n . H e has
never been n o b o d y before, a crazy little Jew w i t h a question and a
gun. H e doesn't know how one proceeds under the circumstances,
except w i t h t h e certainty, p r e s s e d t o t h e h e a r t like a k e e p s a k e of
love, t h a t in t h e e n d n o t h i n g really m a t t e r s .
202 MICHAEL CHABON

M i z m o r B o u l e v a r d is a p a r k i n g l o t , m o u r n e r s a n d s p e c t a t o r s
in a haze of diesel fumes. L a n d s m a n t h r e a d s a course a m o n g the
b u m p e r s a n d fenders a n d t h e n p l u n g e s i n t o t h e mass of people
j a m m e d o n t o t h e p a r k w a y s t r i p . B o y s a n d y o u n g m e n , h o p i n g for a
b e t t e r view, have c l i m b e d u p i n t o t h e b r a n c h e s of a r o w of luckless
European larches t h a t never q u i t e took root along the median. T h e
y i d s a r o u n d L a n d s m a n g e t o u t of his way, a n d w h e n t h e y d o n ' t get
o u t of his way, L a n d s m a n gives t h e m a h i n t w i t h t h e b o n e s of his
shoulder.
T h e y smell of l a m e n t a t i o n , these yids, long underwear, tobacco
s m o k e o n w e t o v e r c o a t s , m u d . T h e y ' r e p r a y i n g like t h e y ' r e going to
faint, fainting like it's a k i n d of observance. W e e p i n g w o m e n cling
to each other and break open their throats. T h e y aren't m o u r n i n g
M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , t h e y c a n ' t b e . I t ' s s o m e t h i n g e l s e t h e y feel h a s
g o n e o u t of t h e w o r l d , t h e s h a d o w of a shadow, t h e h o p e of a hope.
T h i s h a l f - i s l a n d t h e y h a v e c o m e t o l o v e as h o m e is b e i n g t a k e n
from t h e m . T h e y are like goldfish in a bag, a b o u t t o b e d u m p e d
back i n t o t h e big black lake of Diaspora. But that's too m u c h to
t h i n k a b o u t . So i n s t e a d , t h e y l a m e n t t h e l o s s o f a l u c k y b r e a k t h e y
n e v e r g o t , a c h a n c e t h a t w a s n o c h a n c e at all, a k i n g w h o was never
g o i n g t o c o m e i n t h e first p l a c e , e v e n w i t h o u t a j a c k e t e d s l u g i n
t h e brainpan. L a n d s m a n p u t s his shoulder to t h e m and m u t t e r s ,
"Pardon me."

H e m a k e s for o n e g r e a t b e a s t o f a l i m o u s i n e , a c u s t o m t w e n t y -
foot s t r e t c h four-by-four. T h e j o u r n e y from t h e t o p of t h e hill,
d o w n t h e hillside, across t h e boulevard, t h r o u g h the umbrellas and
beards a n d Jewish ululations to t h e side of t h e big-ass limousine
h a s a k i n d o f j u m p y , h a n d h e l d q u a l i t y i n h i s i m a g i n a t i o n as h e lives
i t . A m a t e u r f o o t a g e o f a n a s s a s s i n a t i o n a t t e m p t in p r o g r e s s . B u t
L a n d s m a n hasn't come to shoot anybody. H e just w a n t s to talk to
t h e lady, g e t h e r a t t e n t i o n , c a t c h h e r e y e . H e j u s t w a n t s t o a s k h e r
one q u e s t i o n . W h i c h q u e s t i o n , nu, t h a t he doesn't know.
In t h e e n d s o m e b o d y b e a t s h i m t o it: in fact, a d o z e n m e n .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 203

T h e reporters have tunneled their way t h r o u g h the black hats

like L a n d s m a n , d i g g i n g w i t h t h e i r s c a p u l a e a n d e l b o w s . W h e n t h e
d i m i n u t i v e w o m a n in t h e black veil t o t t e r s t h r o u g h t h e g a t e s on
t h e a r m of her son-in-law, t h e y haul o u t t h e q u e s t i o n s t h e y have
b r o u g h t . T h e y u n p o c k e t t h e m like stones a n d t h r o w t h e m all
at once. T h e y vandalize t h e w o m a n w i t h q u e s t i o n s . She pays n o
a t t e n t i o n ; h e r h e a d n e v e r t u r n s , t h e veil n e v e r t r e m b l e s or p a r t s .
B a r o n s h t e y n guides t h e dead man's m o t h e r to t h e h u l k of the
limo. T h e chauffeur climbs d o w n from t h e s t r e t c h four-by-four's
passenger seat. H e ' s a j o c k e y - s h a p e d Filipino w i t h a scar on his
c h i n l i k e a s e c o n d s m i l e . H e r u n s t o o p e n t h e d o o r for h i s e m p l o y e r .
L a n d s m a n is s t i l l a c o u p l e o f h u n d r e d f e e t away. H e i s n ' t g o i n g t o
m a k e it in t i m e t o ask h e r a q u e s t i o n , or t o d o a n y t h i n g a t all.

A g r o w l , a feral r o l l i n g i n t h e t h r o a t , l o w a n d h a l f h u m a n , a
r u m b l e of w a r n i n g or d a r k a d m o n i t i o n : o n e of t h e black hats
standing by t h e cars has taken a reporter's q u e s t i o n amiss. O r m a y b e
h e ' s t a k e n t h e m all a m i s s , a l o n g w i t h t h e s t y l e i n w h i c h t h e y w e r e
t e n d e r e d . L a n d s m a n sees t h e a n g r y b l a c k h a t , w i d e , b l o n d , tieless,
h i s s h i r t t a i l s u n t u c k e d , a n d r e c o g n i z e s h i m as D o v i d S u s s m a n , t h e
yid w h o m Berko Shemets teased o u t on Verbov Island. A bruiser
w i t h a b u l g e a t t h e h i n g e o f h i s j a w a n d a n o t h e r u n d e r h i s left a r m .
Sussman t h r o w s an a r m a r o u n d t h e neck of D e n n i s B r e n n a n , p o o r
t h i n g , gets h i m in a c h o k e hold. L e c t u r i n g B r e n n a n w i t h his t e e t h
a t h i s ear, S u s s m a n d r a g s t h e r e p o r t e r b a c k , o u t o f t h e p a t h o f t h e
f a m i l y as t h e y c o m e t h r o u g h t h e g a t e s .

T h a t ' s w h e n o n e of t h e latkes s t e p s in t o i n t e r v e n e , w h i c h , after

all, is w h a t h e ' s t h e r e for. B u t b e c a u s e h e ' s s c a r e d — t h e k i d l o o k s
s c a r e d — m a y b e h e ' s t o o free w i t h h i s t r u n c h e o n w h e n i t c o m e s t o
t h e bones of D o v i d Sussman's head. T h e r e ' s a sick snap, a n d t h e n
Sussman turns to liquid and pours himself o n t o the g r o u n d at the
latke's feet.
For an i n s t a n t t h e crowd, t h e afternoon, t h e w h o l e w i d e w o r l d
of J e w s b r e a t h e s in a n d forgets t o b r e a t h e o u t a g a i n . - A f t e r that
2D4 MICHAEL CHABDN

i t ' s m a d n e s s , a J e w i s h r i o t , a t o n c e v i o l e n t a n d v e r b a l , fat w i t h
i n t e m p e r a t e accusations a n d implacable curses. Skin diseases are
called d o w n , d a m n a t i o n s a n d h e m o r r h a g e s . Yelling, surging black
h a t s , s t i c k s a n d fists, s h o u t i n g a n d s c r e a m i n g , b e a r d s f l u t t e r i n g l i k e
c r u s a d e r flags, s w e a r i n g , t h e s m e l l o f c h u r n i n g m u d , o f b l o o d a n d
ironed trousers. T w o m e n carry a b a n n e r stretched between poles,
b i d d i n g farewell t o t h e i r lost p r i n c e M e n a c h e m ; s o m e b o d y grabs
o n e p o l e a n d s o m e b o d y else g r a b s another. T h e b a n n e r tears loose
a n d gets sucked i n t o t h e gears of t h e crowd. T h e poles are p u t to
w o r k o n t h e j a w s a n d c r a n i u m s of p o l i c e m e n . T h e w o r d F A R E W E L L
p a i n s t a k i n g l y p a i n t e d o n t h e b a n n e r g e t s t o r n free a n d s p a t o u t . I t
sails i n t o t h e air over t h e h e a d s of t h e m o u r n e r s a n d t h e p o l i c e m e n ,
the gangsters and the pious, the living and the dead.

L a n d s m a n loses t r a c k of t h e r e b b e , b u t h e sees a b u n c h of
R u d a s h e v s k y s p i l e t h e m o t h e r , B a t s h e v a , i n t o t h e b a c k o f t h e four-
by-four. T h e chauffeur g r a b s t h e driver's-side d o o r and kicks u p
i n t o his seat like a g y m n a s t . T h e R u d a s h e v s k y s p o u n d on t h e side
o f t h e c a r , s a y i n g , "go go go." L a n d s m a n , s t i l l g r o p i n g i n h i s p o c k e t s
for t h e s h i n i n g c o i n o f o n e g o o d q u e s t i o n , w a t c h e s , a n d w a t c h i n g ,
h e n o t i c e s a s u i t e o f s m a l l t h i n g s . T h e F i l i p i n o c h a u f f e u r is r a t t l e d .
H e d o e s n ' t fasten his s h o u l d e r s t r a p . H e d o e s n ' t give a g o o d solid
cattle-clearing blast on his h o r n . A n d t h e s t e m of t h e lock at t h e
t o p of t h e d o o r panel never drops. T h e chauffeur simply t h r o w s
t h e l o n g black four-by-four i n t o gear a n d rolls forward, gaining too
m u c h s p e e d for s u c h a c r o w d e d a r e a .

L a n d s m a n s t e p s b a c k as t h e f o u r - b y - f o u r shoulders its way

t o w a r d h i m . A s t r a n d of m o u r n e r s d e t a c h e s itself from t h e g r e a t e r
black braid a n d d r a g s along b e h i n d Batsheva Shpilman's four-by-
four. A s l i p s t r e a m o f s o r r o w . F o r a n i n s t a n t t h e m o u r n e r s h a n g i n g
o n t o t h e car serve t o b l o c k t h e R u d a s h e v s k y s ' v i e w of t h e four-by-
four, a n d o f a n y o n e fool e n o u g h t o t r y t o c l i m b i n s i d e i t . L a n d s m a n
n o d s , c a t c h i n g t h e r h y t h m of t h e crowd's m a d n e s s a n d his o w n .
H e w a t c h e s for h i s m o m e n t a n d w i g g l e s h i s fingers. W h e n t h e c a r
r u m b l e s by, h e y a n k s o p e n t h e r e a r d o o r .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 2D5

I n s t a n t l y , t h e p o w e r o f t h e e n g i n e is t r a n s l a t e d i n t o a s e n s e o f
p a n i c in his legs. It's like a p r o o f of t h e p h y s i c s of his foolishness,
t h e inescapable m o m e n t u m of his o w n b a d luck. As he gets d r a g g e d
a l o n g b e s i d e t h e c a r for fifteen f e e t o r s o , h e finds t i m e t o w o n d e r
if t h i s w a s h o w t h e e n d c a m e for h i s s i s t e r , a q u i c k d e m o n s t r a t i o n
of g r a v i t y a n d mass. H i s w r i s t s s t r a i n t h e i r cables. T h e n h e g e t s a
knee u p into t h e limousine's interior a n d t u m b l e s in.
 • § 2 4 g*

d a r k cavern lit w i t h b l u e diodes. Cool, dry, fragrant with

 s o m e k i n d of l e m o n d e o d o r i z e r . L a n d s m a n senses in h i m s e l f
a trace of t h a t smell, a l e m o n y h i n t of boundless h o p e and
energy. T h i s m a y have been t h e s t u p i d e s t t h i n g he's ever done,
b u t i t n e e d e d t o b e d o n e , a n d t h e f e e l i n g o f h a v i n g d o n e i t , for t h i s
i n s t a n t , is t h e a n s w e r t o t h e o n l y q u e s t i o n h e k n o w s h o w t o a s k .
" T h e r e ' s g i n g e r a l e , " says t h e q u e e n o f V e r b o v I s l a n d . S h e ' s
folded like a t h r o w r u g , coiled in a s h a d o w y b a c k c o r n e r of t h e
i n t e r i o r . H e r d r e s s is d r a b b u t c u t o f fine stuff, a n d t h e l i n i n g o f
h e r r a i n c o a t b e t r a y s a fashionable logo. " D r i n k it, I d o n ' t care t o . "
B u t L a n d s m a n gives his a t t e n t i o n to t h e rear-facing seat, u p b y
t h e c h a u f f e u r , a n d t h e l i k e l i e s t s o u r c e o f t r o u b l e . S i t t i n g t h e r e is
six feet, m a y b e t w o h u n d r e d p o u n d s , of female in a b l a c k s h a r k s k i n
suit w i t h a w h i t e - o n - w h i t e collarless shirt. T h i s formidable person's
eyes are g r a y a n d h a r d . T h e y r e m i n d L a n d s m a n of t h e backs of t w o
dull spoons. She wears a w h i t e earpiece w o r m e d around the flange
o f h e r left e a r , a n d h e r t o m a t o - g r a v y h a i r is c u t s h o r t as a m a n ' s .
" I d i d n ' t k n o w t h e y m a d e l a d y R u d a s h e v s k y s , " L a n d s m a n says,
c r o u c h e d on his toes in t h e w i d e space b e t w e e n t h e front- a n d rear-
facing benches.
 THE YIDDISH PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 2D7

" T h a t is S h p r i n t z l , " says h i s h o s t e s s in t h e b a c k o f t h e car.

T h e n B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n lifts h e r v e i l . T h e b o d y is frail, p e r h a p s
e v e n g a u n t , b u t i t c a n ' t b e w i t h a g e , b e c a u s e t h e f i n e - f e a t u r e d face,
t h o u g h h o l l o w , is s m o o t h , a p l e a s u r e t o l o o k a t . S h e h a s w i d e - s e t e y e s
o f a b l u e t h a t w a v e r s b e t w e e n h e a r t b r e a k i n g a n d fatal. H e r m o u t h
is u n p a i n t e d b u t full a n d r e d . T h e n o s t r i l s i n h e r l o n g , s t r a i g h t n o s e
a r c h l i k e a p a i r o f w i n g s . H e r face is so s t r o n g a n d lovely, a n d h e r
f r a m e so w a s t e d , t h a t i t ' s d i s t u r b i n g t o l o o k a t her. H e r h e a d s i t s a t o p
her veined t h r o a t like an alien p a r a s i t e , p r e y i n g on h e r body. " I w a n t
you to b e sure t o notice t h a t she h a s n ' t killed you y e t . "
" T h a n k y o u , S h p r i n t z l , " L a n d s m a n says.
" N o p r o b l e m , " S h p r i n t z l R u d a s h e v s k y says i n A m e r i c a n , i n a
voice like an o n i o n rolling in a b u c k e t .
Batsheva Shpilman p o i n t s to t h e o p p o s i t e e n d of t h e backseat.
H e r h a n d is g l o v e d i n b l a c k v e l v e t , b u t t o n e d a t t h e c u f f w i t h t h r e e
b l a c k s e e d p e a r l s . L a n d s m a n t a k e s t h e s u g g e s t i o n a n d g e t s u p off
t h e floor. T h e s e a t is v e r y c o m f o r t a b l e . H e c a n feel t h e c o l d s w e a t
of an i m a g i n a r y highball a g a i n s t his fingertips.
"Also, she h a s n ' t c o n t a c t e d any of h e r b r o t h e r s o r c o u s i n s in t h e
o t h e r c a r s , e v e n t h o u g h , as y o u s e e , s h e ' s w i r e d r i g h t t o t h e m . "
" T i g h t - k n i t b u n c h , t h e R u d a s h e v s k y s , " L a n d s m a n says, b u t h e
understands what she wants him to understand: "You w a n t e d to
talk to m e . "
" D i d I?" she says, a n d h e r lips c o n t e m p l a t e b u t d e c i d e a g a i n s t
lifting at o n e corner. " Y o u ' r e t h e o n e w h o b a r g e d i n t o m y car."
" O h , is t h i s a c a r ? M y m i s t a k e , I t h o u g h t i t w a s t h e S i x t y - o n e
bus."
S h p r i n t z l R u d a s h e v s k y ' s w i d e face t a k e s o n a p h i l o s o p h i c a l ,
even mystic, blankness. She looks like she's w e t t i n g h e r p a n t s a n d
enjoying the w a r m t h . " T h e y ' r e asking a b o u t you, darling," she
says t o t h e o l d e r w o m a n w i t h a n u r s e l i k e t e n d e r n e s s . " T h e y w a n t
t o k n o w if y o u ' r e all r i g h t . "
" T e l l t h e m I ' m fine, S h p r i n t z e l e h . T e l l t h e m w e ' r e o n o u r w a y
2D8 MICHAEL CHABON

h o m e . " S h e t u r n s h e r soft e y e s t o w a r d L a n d s m a n . " W e ' l l d r o p y o u

at y o u r h o t e l . I w a n t t o see i t . " T h e y ' r e a color he's never seen,
h e r e y e s , a b l u e y o u w o u l d find i n b i r d p l u m a g e o r a s t a i n e d - g l a s s
window. "Will that suit you, Detective Landsman?"
L a n d s m a n says t h a t w i l l s u i t h i m fine. W h i l e S h p r i n t z l R u d a ­
shevsky murmurs into a concealed microphone, her employer
lowers t h e p a r t i t i o n a n d gives i n s t r u c t i o n s t o t h e chauffeur that
will t a k e t h e m t o t h e c o r n e r of M a x N o r d a u a n d Berlevi.
" Y o u look t h i r s t y , D e t e c t i v e , " she says, raising t h e p a r t i t i o n
a g a i n . " Y o u ' r e s u r e y o u w o n ' t h a v e a g i n g e r ale? S h p r i n t z e l e h , g e t
t h e g e n t l e m a n a glass g i n g e r a l e . "
" T h a n k you, ma'am, I'm not thirsty."
B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n ' s eyes w i d e n , narrow, w i d e n again. She's
t a k i n g i n v e n t o r y of h i m , checking it against w h a t she k n o w s or
h a s h e a r d . H e r g a z e is q u i c k a n d u n s p a r i n g . S h e w o u l d p r o b a b l y
m a k e a fine d e t e c t i v e . " N o t for g i n g e r a l e , " s h e says.
T h e y t u r n o n t o L i n c o l n a n d roll a l o n g t h e shoreline, p a s t
O y s s h t e l u n g Island a n d t h e b r o k e n p r o m i s e of t h e Safety Pin,
h e a d e d t o w a r d t h e U n t e r s h t a t . In n i n e m i n u t e s t h e y will arrive
a t t h e H o t e l Z a m e n h o f . T h o s e eyes of h e r s d r o w n h i m in a j a r of
ether. T h e y stick him w i t h pins to a corkboard.
" S u r e , all r i g h t , w h y n o t ? " L a n d s m a n says.
S h p r i n t z l R u d a s h e v s k y fixes h i m a c o l d b o t t l e o f g i n g e r ale.
L a n d s m a n h o l d s it t o his t e m p l e s , t h e n takes a swallow, fighting it
d o w n w i t h a sensation of medicinal v i r t u e .
" I h a v e n ' t sat t h i s close t o a s t r a n g e m a n in forty-five years,
D e t e c t i v e , " B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n says. " I t ' s v e r y w r o n g . I s h o u l d b e
ashamed."
"Particularly given y o u r choice of male c o m p a n i o n s , " L a n d s m a n
says.
" D o y o u m i n d ? " S h e l o w e r s t h e b l a c k m o i r e , a n d h e r face is
g o n e f r o m t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n . " I ' l l feel m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e . "
"Suit yourself."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 2D9

" N u , " s h e says. T h e v e i l puffs o u t w i t h h e r b r e a t h . "All r i g h t .

Yes, I wanted to talk to you."
"I wanted to talk to you, too."
" W h y ? D o y o u t h i n k t h a t I killed m y son?"
"No, ma'am, I don't. But I was hoping you might k n o w who
did."
"So!" s h e d e c l a r e s , a l o w t h r i l l i n h e r v o i c e , as if s h e h a s c a u g h t
Landsman out. " H e was murdered."
" U h , well, yes, he was, m a ' a m . D i d n ' t — W h a t did y o u r h u s b a n d
tell y o u ? "
"What my husband tells m e , " she says, m a k i n g it sound
rhetorical, like t h e t i t l e of a v e r y slim t r a c t . " Y o u ' r e married,
Detective?"
"I was."
" T h e m a r r i a g e failed?"
" I g u e s s t h a t ' s t h e b e s t w a y t o p u t i t . " H e r e f l e c t s for a m o m e n t .
"I guess that's really t h e only way."
" M y m a r r i a g e is a c o m p l e t e s u c c e s s , " s h e says w i t h o u t a t r a c e
of boastfulness or p r i d e . " D o y o u u n d e r s t a n d w h a t t h a t m e a n s ? "
"No, m a ' a m , " L a n d s m a n says. " I ' m n o t s u r e t h a t I d o . "
"In every marriage, there are things," she begins. She shakes
her h e a d once, a n d t h e veil t r e m b l e s . " O n e of m y g r a n d s o n s w a s
at m y h o u s e today, before t h e funeral. N i n e years old. I p u t the
t e l e v i s i o n for h i m i n t h e s e w i n g r o o m , y o u ' r e n o t s u p p o s e d t o , b u t
w h a t does it m a t t e r , t h e little s h k o t z was b o r e d . I sat w i t h h i m
ten minutes, watching. It was that cartoon p r o g r a m , the wolf t h a t
chases t h e blue rooster."
L a n d s m a n says t h a t h e k n o w s i t .
" T h e n y o u k n o w , " she says, " h o w t h a t wolf can r u n in t h e
m i d d l e o f t h e air. H e k n o w s h o w t o fly, b u t o n l y so l o n g as h e s t i l l
t h i n k s h e ' s t o u c h i n g t h e g r o u n d . A s s o o n as h e l o o k s d o w n , a n d
sees w h e r e h e i s , a n d u n d e r s t a n d s w h a t ' s g o i n g o n , t h e n h e falls a n d
smashes into the g r o u n d . "
2ID MICHAEL CHABON

" I ' v e s e e n t h a t b i t , " L a n d s m a n says.

" T h a t ' s h o w i t is i n a s u c c e s s f u l m a r r i a g e , " says t h e r a b b i ' s wife.
" I h a v e s p e n t t h e l a s t fifty y e a r s r u n n i n g i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e air.
N o t looking d o w n . O u t s i d e of w h a t G o d requires, I never talk to
m y husband. O r vice versa."
" M y p a r e n t s h a d i t w o r k e d o u t t h e s a m e w a y , " L a n d s m a n says.
H e w o n d e r s if h e a n d B i n a m i g h t h a v e l a s t e d l o n g e r if t h e y h a d
given t h i s t r a d i t i o n a l r o u t e a try. " O n l y t h e y d i d n ' t m u c h t r o u b l e
themselves over God's r e q u i r e m e n t s . "
" I h e a r d a b o u t M e n d e l ' s d e a t h from m y son-in-law, A r y e h . A n d
t h a t m a n never tells m e a n y t h i n g b u t lies."
L a n d s m a n hears someone j u m p i n g u p and d o w n on a leather
valise. It t u r n s o u t to be t h e s o u n d of Shprintzl Rudashevsky's
laughter.
" G o o n , " M r s . S h p i l m a n says. " P l e a s e . T e l l m e . "
" G o on. N u . Your son was shot. In a way t h a t — Well, to be
f r a n k , m a ' a m , h e w a s e x e c u t e d . " L a n d s m a n is g l a d for t h e v e i l
w h e n h e p r o n o u n c e s t h a t w o r d . " W h o by, t h a t w e c a n ' t say. W e ' v e
l e a r n e d t h a t s o m e m e n , t w o o r t h r e e m e n , w e r e l o o k i n g for M e n d e l ,
asking a r o u n d . T h e s e m e n m i g h t n o t have been v e r y nice. T h a t was
a few m o n t h s b a c k . W e k n o w h e w a s u s i n g h e r o i n w h e n h e died. So,
a t t h e e n d , h e felt n o t h i n g . N o p a i n , I m e a n . "
" N o t h i n g , you m e a n , " she corrects him. T w o blots, blacker
t h a n black silk, s p r e a d across t h e veil. " G o o n . "
" I ' m sorry, m a ' a m . A b o u t y o u r son. I s h o u l d have said t h a t
r i g h t off."
"I was relieved that you d i d n ' t . "
" W e think that whoever did this to him was better than amateur.
B u t look, I a d m i t it, since Friday m o r n i n g we're g e t t i n g m o r e or
less n o w h e r e w i t h o u r i n v e s t i g a t i o n of y o u r son's d e a t h . "
" Y o u k e e p s a y i n g ' w e , ' " s h e says. " M e a n i n g , n a t u r a l l y , S i t k a
Central."
N o w h e w i s h e s h e c o u l d see h e r eyes. B e c a u s e h e g e t s the
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 21

d i s t i n c t i d e a t h a t s h e is t o y i n g w i t h h i m . T h a t s h e k n o w s h e h a s n o
right or a u t h o r i t y at his back.
" N o t e x a c t l y , " L a n d s m a n says.
" T h e Homicide division."
"No."
"You and your partner."
"Again, n o . "
" W e l l , t h e n , m a y b e I ' m c o n f u s e d , " s h e says. " W h o is t h i s ' w e '
g e t t i n g n o w h e r e investigating m y son's d e a t h ? "
" A t t h i s p o i n t ? I, h m m , i t ' s s o r t o f a t h e o r e t i c a l i n q u i r y . "
"I see."
" B y an i n d e p e n d e n t e n t i t y . "
" M y son-in-law," she says, " c l a i m s t h a t y o u have b e e n s u s p e n d e d
because you c a m e b y t h e island. C a m e b y m y house. You i n s u l t e d
m y h u s b a n d . Y o u b l a m e d h i m for b e i n g a b a d f a t h e r t o M e n d e l .
Aryeh told m e t h a t your b a d g e has been taken away."
L a n d s m a n rolls t h e cool shaft of t h e g i n g e r ale glass a l o n g his
f o r e h e a d . " Y e s , w e l l . T h i s e n t i t y I ' m t a l k i n g a b o u t , " h e says. " S o
m a y b e t h e y d o n ' t give o u t w i t h b a d g e s . "
"Only with theories."
"That's right."
"Such as?"
" S u c h as. A l l r i g h t , h e r e ' s o n e : Y o u w e r e i n o c c a s i o n a l , m a y b e
even regular, c o m m u n i c a t i o n w i t h M e n d e l . You h e a r d from h i m .
You k n e w w h e r e h e was. H e called y o u u p e v e r y o n c e in a w h i l e .
H e sent you p o s t c a r d s . M a y b e y o u even saw h i m from t i m e t o t i m e ,
o n t h e sly. T h i s s e c r e t r i d e h o m e t h a t y o u a n d F r i e n d R u d a s h e v s k y
a r e so k i n d l y p r o v i d i n g m e , for e x a m p l e , i t s o r t o f g i v e s m e i d e a s i n
that direction."
" I h a v e n o t seen m y s o n , m y M e n d e l , in over t w e n t y y e a r s , " s h e
says. " N o w I n e v e r w i l l a g a i n . "
" B u t why, M r s . Shpilman? W h a t h a p p e n e d ? W h y d i d h e leave
t h e Verbovers? W h a t d i d he do? Was t h e r e a break? A n a r g u m e n t ? "
212 MICHAEL CHABDN

S h e d o e s n ' t a n s w e r for a m i n u t e , l i k e s h e ' s fighting the long

h a b i t of saying n o t h i n g t o anyone, let alone t o a secular policeman,
a b o u t M e n d e l . O r m a y b e she's fighting t h e m o u n t i n g sense of
p l e a s u r e s h e will t a k e , in s p i t e of herself, in r e m e m b e r i n g h e r son
aloud.
" S u c h a m a t c h I m a d e for h i m , " s h e says.
 t h o u s a n d g u e s t s , s o m e f r o m as far a w a y as M i a m i B e a c h a n d

 Buenos Aires. Seven c a t e r i n g trailers a n d a Volvo t r u c k stuffed

w i t h food a n d w i n e . G i f t s , s w a g , a n d t r i b u t e s i n h e a p s t o r i v a l
t h e Baranof R a n g e . T h r e e days of fasting a n d prayer. T h e e n t i r e
Muzikant family of klezmorim, enough for half a symphony
orchestra. E v e r y last Rudashevsky, even t h e great-grandfather, half
d r u n k a n d s h o o t i n g off a n a n c i e n t N a g a n t r e v o l v e r i n t o t h e air. F o r
a w e e k l e a d i n g u p t o t h e day, a l i n e o f p e o p l e i n t h e h a l l , o u t t h e
door, a r o u n d t h e corner, a n d t w o blocks d o w n R i n g e l b l u m Avenue,
h o p i n g for a b l e s s i n g f r o m t h e b r i d e g r o o m k i n g . A l l d a y a n d n i g h t a
noise a r o u n d t h e h o u s e like a m o b in search of a r e v o l u t i o n .

A n h o u r b e f o r e t h e w e d d i n g t h e y w e r e s t i l l t h e r e , w a i t i n g for
h i m , h a t s a n d s l i c k u m b r e l l a s i n t h e s t r e e t . H e w a s n o t likely, t h i s
late, t o see t h e m o r h e a r t h e i r pleas a n d s o b s t o r i e s . B u t y o u n e v e r
knew. It was always M e n d e l ' s n a t u r e t o m a k e t h e unpredictable
move.
She was at t h e window, p e e r i n g t h r o u g h t h e c u r t a i n s at the
p e t i t i o n e r s , w h e n t h e girl c a m e t o say t h a t M e n d e l w a s g o n e a n d t h a t
t w o ladies w e r e h e r e t o see her. M r s . S h p i l m a n ' s b e d r o o m o v e r l o o k e d
t h e side y a r d , b u t she c o u l d see b e t w e e n t h e n e i g h b o r i n g h o u s e s
214 MICHAEL CHABON

t h r o u g h t o t h e c o r n e r : h a t s a n d u m b r e l l a s , slick w i t h rain. Jews

s h o u l d e r e d t o g e t h e r , s o a k e d i n l o n g i n g for a g l i m p s e o f M e n d e l .
W e d d i n g day, f u n e r a l day.
" G o n e , " she said. She d i d n o t t u r n from t h e window. She had
t h e s e n s a t i o n o f m i n g l e d f u t i l i t y a n d f u l f i l l m e n t o n e feels in d r e a m s .
T h e r e w a s n o p o i n t in a s k i n g t h e q u e s t i o n , a n d y e t it w a s t h e only
t h i n g s h e w a s a b l e t o say. " G o n e w h e r e ? "
" N o b o d y k n o w , m i s s u s . N o b o d y see h i m since last n i g h t . "
"Last night."
"This morning."
L a s t n i g h t s h e h a d p r e s i d e d a t a f o r s h p i e l for t h e d a u g h t e r o f
t h e S h t r a k e n z e r rebbe. A brilliant m a t c h . A bride of talent and
accomplishment, beautiful, with a fiery streak that Mendel's
s i s t e r s l a c k e d b u t w h i c h h i s m o t h e r k n e w h e r s o n a d m i r e d i n her.
O f course, the Shtrakenzer bride, though perfect, was not suitable;
Mrs. S h p i l m a n k n e w t h a t . L o n g before t h e m a i d c a m e t o say t h a t
n o b o d y c o u l d f i n d M e n d e l , t h a t h e h a d d i s a p p e a r e d s o m e t i m e in
t h e c o u r s e of t h e n i g h t , M r s . Shpilman had k n o w n t h a t no degree
o f a c c o m p l i s h m e n t , b e a u t y , o r fire i n a g i r l w o u l d e v e r s u i t h e r
son. B u t t h e r e was always a shortfall, w a s n ' t there? Between t h e
m a t c h that the Holy O n e , blessed be H e , envisioned and the reality
of t h e situation u n d e r t h e c h u p p a h . Between c o m m a n d m e n t and
o b s e r v a n c e , h e a v e n a n d e a r t h , h u s b a n d a n d w i f e , Z i o n a n d Jew.
T h e y called t h a t shortfall " t h e w o r l d . " O n l y w h e n Messiah came
would t h e b r e a c h b e c l o s e d , all s e p a r a t i o n s , d i s t i n c t i o n s , and
distances collapsed. U n t i l then, thanks be u n t o His N a m e , sparks,
b r i g h t s p a r k s , m i g h t l e a p a c r o s s t h e g a p , as b e t w e e n e l e c t r i c p o l e s .
A n d w e m u s t b e g r a t e f u l for t h e i r m o m e n t a r y l i g h t .

T h a t was h o w she h a d p l a n n e d , at least, t o p u t it to M e n d e l ,

s h o u l d h e ever seek h e r c o u n s e l o n t h e m a t t e r of his b e t r o t h a l to
t h e d a u g h t e r of t h e S h t r a k e n z e r rebbe.
" Y o u r h u s b a n d p r e t t y a n g r y , " said t h e girl, Betty, a Filipina,
l i k e all t h e g i r l s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 215

" W h a t did he say?"

" H e d i d n ' t say a n y t h i n g , m i s s u s . T h a t h o w I k n o w he's angry.
Sending o u t lot of people looking every place. Calling t h e mayor."
Mrs. S h p i l m a n t u r n e d f r o m t h e w i n d o w , t h e p h r a s e They were
obliged to call off the wedding m e t a s t a s i z i n g i n h e r a b d o m e n . B e t t y
was g a t h e r i n g u p w a d s of tissue p a p e r from t h e T u r k e y c a r p e t .
" W h a t ladies?" M r s . S h p i l m a n said. " W h o are they? A r e t h e y
Verbovers?"
" O n e m a y b e . O t h e r n o t . O n l y say t h e y h o p i n g t o t a l k t o y o u . "
" W h e r e are they?"
" D o w n s t a i r s i n y o u r office. O n e l a d y all i n b l a c k c l o t h e s , v e i l o n
h e r face. L o o k l i k e m a y b e h e r h u s b a n d j u s t d i e . "
Mrs. S h p i l m a n c a n ' t r e m e m b e r a n y m o r e w h e n t h e first h o p e l e s s
m e n a n d t e r m i n a l c a s e s s t a r t e d t o c o m e a r o u n d l o o k i n g for M e n d e l .
Possibly t h e y c a m e in s e c r e t a t first, t o t h e b a c k door, e n c o u r a g e d
b y r e p o r t s from o n e or t h e o t h e r of t h e h o u s e m a i d s . T h e r e w a s a
maid whose womb had been made barren by a botched operation
in C e b u w h e n s h e w a s a g i r l . M e n d e l t o o k o n e o f t h o s e d o l l s h e
m a d e h i s s i s t e r s f r o m felt a n d a c l o t h e s p i n , p i n n e d a c r a y o n e d
blessing b e t w e e n its w o o d e n legs, a n d slipped it i n t o h e r p o c k e t .
T e n m o n t h s after t h a t , R e m e d i o s gave b i r t h t o a son. T h e r e w a s
Dov-Ber G u r s k y , t h e i r driver, secretly t e n t h o u s a n d dollars in t h e
w r o n g w i t h a Russian finger-breaker. M e n d e l h a n d e d G u r s k y a
five-dollar bill, u n b i d d e n , a n d said h e h o p e d it m i g h t h e l p . T w o
days later, a lawyer in St. Louis w r o t e t o i n f o r m G u r s k y t h a t h e h a d
j u s t i n h e r i t e d half a million from an uncle h e never knew. By t h e
t i m e of M e n d e l ' s b a r m i t z v a h , t h e sick a n d d y i n g , t h e bereft, t h e
p a r e n t s of d a m n e d c h i l d r e n , t h e y w e r e g e t t i n g t o b e a real p a i n in
t h e neck. C o m i n g a r o u n d at any h o u r of t h e d a y or n i g h t . Wailing
and begging. Mrs. Shpilman had taken steps to protect Mendel,
s e t t i n g h o u r s a n d c o n d i t i o n s . B u t t h e b o y h a d a gift. A n d i t w a s i n
t h e n a t u r e o f a gift t h a t i t b e e n d l e s s l y g i v e n .

" I c a n ' t see t h e m n o w , " M r s . S h p i l m a n said, s i t t i n g d o w n on h e r

2IG MICHAEL CHABON

n a r r o w bed, w i t h its w h i t e candlewick bedspread and the pillows

she h a d e m b r o i d e r e d before M e n d e l w a s b o r n . " T h e s e ladies of
yours." Sometimes when they could not get to Mendel, the women
w o u l d c o m e t o h e r , t o t h e r e b b e t z i n , a n d s h e w o u l d b l e s s t h e m as
w e l l as s h e c o u l d , w i t h t h e l i t t l e w h e r e w i t h a l s h e b r o u g h t t o t h e
t a s k . " I h a v e t o finish d r e s s i n g . T h e w e d d i n g is i n o n e h o u r , B e t t y .
O n e h o u r ! T h e y ' l l find h i m . "
S h e h a d b e e n w a i t i n g for h i m t o b e t r a y h e r for y e a r s , e v e r
s i n c e s h e h a d first u n d e r s t o o d t h a t h e w a s w h a t h e w a s . S u c h a
f r i g h t e n i n g w o r d t o a m o t h e r , w i t h i t s i m p l i c a t i o n o f fragile b o n e s ,
vulnerability to predators, nothing to protect the bird but its
feathers. A n d flight. Of course flight. She had u n d e r s t o o d this
a b o u t h i m l o n g before h e u n d e r s t o o d it himself. B r e a t h e d it in from
t h e soft n a p e o f h i s i n f a n t n e c k . R e a d i t l i k e a h i d d e n t e x t i n t h e
fuzzy k n o b s of his k n e e s in s h o r t p a n t s . A t o u c h of girlishness in
t h e w a y h e l o w e r e d h i s e y e s w h e n o t h e r s p r a i s e d h i m . A n d t h e n , as
h e g o t o l d e r , s h e c o u l d n o t fail t o n o t e , t h o u g h h e t r i e d t o c o n c e a l
it, the way he grew uncomfortable, tongue-tied, seeming to bank
h i s fire w h e n a R u d a s h e v s k y o r c e r t a i n o f h i s m a l e c o u s i n s c a m e
into the room.

All t h r o u g h t h e m a k i n g of the match, the betrothal, the

p l a n n i n g for t h e w e d d i n g , s h e h a d b e e n s t u d y i n g M e n d e l e for s i g n s
of a p p r e h e n s i o n or unwillingness. B u t he r e m a i n e d t r u e to his d u t y
and her plans. Sarcastic at times, yes, even irreverent, mocking her
for h e r s t e a d f a s t b e l i e f t h a t t h e H o l y N a m e , b l e s s e d b e H e , s p e n d s
H i s t i m e like an o l d h o u s e w i f e m a k i n g m a t c h e s a m o n g t h e souls of
t h e n o t - y e t - b o r n . O n c e h e h a d s n a t c h e d u p a scrap of w h i t e tulle
h e r d a u g h t e r s h a d left i n t h e p a r l o r , c o v e r e d h i s h e a d w i t h i t , a n d
offered in a voice t h a t w a s an u n c a n n y i m i t a t i o n of his b e t r o t h e d ' s
an i n v e n t o r y of t h e physical s h o r t c o m i n g s of M e n d e l S h p i l m a n .
E v e r y o n e l a u g h e d , b u t i n h e r h e a r t w a s a l i t t l e b i r d flutter o f d r e a d .
A p a r t f r o m t h a t m o m e n t , h e a p p e a r e d t o r e m a i n as h e h a d b e e n ,
u n s t i n t i n g in his d e v o t i o n t o t h e 613 c o m m a n d m e n t s , t o t h e s t u d y
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 217

o f T o r a h a n d T a l m u d , t o h i s p a r e n t s , t o t h e f a i t h f u l for w h o m h e
was t h e i r star. Surely, even now, M e n d e l w o u l d b e found.
She rolled u p her stockings, p u t on her dress, s t r a i g h t e n e d her
slip. S h e p u t o n t h e w i g t h a t s h e ' d h a d m a d e e s p e c i a l l y for t h e
w e d d i n g at a cost of t h r e e t h o u s a n d dollars. It w a s a m a s t e r p i e c e ,
ash b l o n d w i t h h i n t s of r e d a n d gold, d o n e u p in b r a i d s like h e r o w n
hair when she was a y o u n g w o m a n . It was n o t until she had settled
t h a t shining snood of m o n e y o n t o her c r o p p e d p a t e t h a t she b e g a n
to panic.
O n a d e a l t a b l e s a t a b l a c k t e l e p h o n e w i t h n o d i a l . If s h e p i c k e d
i t u p , a n i d e n t i c a l p h o n e w o u l d r i n g i n h e r h u s b a n d ' s office. I n
t e n years of living in t h i s h o u s e , s h e h a d u s e d it o n l y t h r e e t i m e s ,
o n c e in p a i n a n d t w i c e in anger. O v e r t h e p h o n e h u n g a f r a m e d
p h o t o g r a p h of her grandfather, t h e e i g h t h r e b b e , her g r a n d m o t h e r ,
a n d h e r m o t h e r a t t h e a g e o f five o r s i x , p o s e d u n d e r a p a s t e b o a r d
willow, along t h e b a n k s of a p a i n t e d s t r e a m . Black c l o t h e s , t h e
d r e a m y c l o u d o f h e r g r a n d f a t h e r ' s b e a r d , o v e r all t h e r a d i a n t a s h
of t i m e t h a t s e t t l e d o n t h e d e a d in old p h o t o s . M i s s i n g from t h e
g r o u p was her m o t h e r ' s brother, w h o s e n a m e was a k i n d of c u r s e
so p o t e n t i t m u s t n e v e r b e s p o k e n . H i s a p o s t a s y , t h o u g h n o t o r i o u s ,
r e m a i n e d u n k n o w n t o her. All s h e u n d e r s t o o d w a s t h a t it had
b e g u n w i t h a h i d d e n b o o k c a l l e d The Mysterious Island, discovered
in a drawer, a n d c u l m i n a t e d w i t h a r e p o r t of h e r u n c l e h a v i n g b e e n
s p o t t e d on a s t r e e t in Warsaw, beardless a n d w e a r i n g a s t r a w b o a t e r
more scandalous t h a n any French novel.

She placed her h a n d on t h e receiver of t h e p h o n e w i t h no dial.

Panic in h e r o r g a n s , p a n i c in h e r t e e t h .
" I w o u l d n ' t a n s w e r if I c o u l d , " h e r h u s b a n d s a i d f r o m right
b e h i n d her. " I f y o u h a v e t o b r e a k t h e S a b b a t h , a t l e a s t d o n ' t w a s t e
the sin."
T h o u g h h e w a s n o t t h e n so l u n a r as h e b e c a m e i n l a t e r y e a r s ,
t h e s i g h t o f h e r h u s b a n d s t a n d i n g i n h e r b e d r o o m w a s a c a u s e for
w o n d e r , t h e a d v e n t o f a s e c o n d m o o n i n t h e sky. H e t o o k a l o o k
218 MICHAEL CHABON

around at the needlepoint chairs, the green valance, the white-satin

blank of her bed, her bottles and jars. She saw h i m struggle to keep
a m o c k i n g smile o n his lips. B u t t h e expression h e m a n a g e d was
s o m e t h i n g at once avid a n d repelled. It r e m i n d e d her of t h e smile
w i t h w h i c h h e r h u s b a n d h a d o n c e received an e m b a s s y from s o m e
far-off c o u r t i n E t h i o p i a o r Y e m e n , a s l o e - e y e d r a b b i i n a g a u d y
kaftan. T h a t i m p o s s i b l e black r a b b i w i t h his o u t l a n d i s h T o r a h ,
t h e r e a l m of w o m e n : T h e y w e r e d i v i n e w h i m s , c o n v o l u t i o n s of
God's t h o u g h t , t h a t it was almost a heresy to imagine or t r y to
understand.
T h e l o n g e r h e s t o o d t h e r e , t h e less a m u s e d a n d t h e m o r e l o s t
h e s e e m e d t o b e c o m e . Finally, she w a s m o v e d t o pity. H e d i d n o t
b e l o n g here. It was a m e a s u r e of t h e spreading stain of w r o n g n e s s
o n t h i s d a y t h a t h e h a d t r a v e l e d so far o n h i s e m b a s s y t o t h i s l a n d
of tasseled cushions a n d rosewater.
" S i t , " she said. " P l e a s e . "
G r a t e f u l , slow, h e e n d a n g e r e d a c h a i r . " H e w i l l b e f o u n d , " h e
s a i d , h i s v o i c e soft a n d t h r e a t e n i n g .
She d i d n ' t like t h e look of h i m . K n o w i n g t h a t o t h e r w i s e he
m i g h t s t r i k e p e o p l e as g r o s s , h e w a s o r d i n a r i l y a m a n o f t i d y h a b i t s .
B u t his hose w e r e c r o o k e d now, his shirt m i s b u t t o n e d . H i s cheeks
w e r e m o t t l e d w i t h fatigue, a n d his w h i s k e r s s t r a y e d like he had
been yanking at t h e m .
" E x c u s e m e , d a r l i n g , " she said. She o p e n e d t h e d o o r to her
d r e s s i n g r o o m a n d w e n t inside. She d e s p i s e d t h e d a r k colors favored
b y Verbover w o m e n of her generation. T h e r o o m i n t o which she
r e t r e a t e d was h u n g w i t h indigo, d e e p p u r p l e , heliotrope. A t a small
v a n i t y chair w i t h a fringed skirt, she sat d o w n . She reached o u t
w i t h a stockinged toe a n d closed t h e door, leaving a one-inch gap.
"I h o p e you d o n ' t m i n d . It's b e t t e r this way."
" H e will b e f o u n d , " h e r h u s b a n d r e p e a t e d , m o r e matter-of-fact
now, t r y i n g t o r e a s s u r e h e r a n d n o t himself.
" H e ' d b e t t e r b e , " s h e s a i d . " S o I c a n kill h i m . "
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 219

" C a l m yourself."
" I s a y t h a t v e r y c a l m l y . Is h e d r u n k ? W a s t h e r e d r i n k i n g ? "
" H e w a s f a s t i n g . H e w a s fine. S u c h a t e a c h i n g h e m a d e u s l a s t
night on Parshat Chayei Sarah. It was electric. A stopped heart
would have begun beating again. But w h e n he finished, there
w e r e t e a r s o n h i s face. H e s a i d h e n e e d e d air. N o o n e h a s s e e n h i m
since."
" I ' l l kill h i m , " s h e s a i d .
T h e r e was n o reply from t h e b e d r o o m , only t h e r a s p of b r e a t h ,
steady, implacable. She r e g r e t t e d t h e t h r e a t . It was r h e t o r i c on
h e r lips, b u t in his m i n d , t h a t l i b r a r y in a b o n e p i t , it t o o k o n a
d a n g e r o u s color of agency.
" D o you know, b y any chance, w h e r e h e is?" h e r h u s b a n d said
after a p a u s e , a n d t h e r e w a s d a n g e r in t h e l i g h t n e s s of his t o n e .
" H o w would I know that?"
" H e talks t o y o u . H e c o m e s t o see y o u h e r e . "
"Never."
"I know he does."
" H o w could you k n o w that? Unless you have t u r n e d the maids
into spies."
H i s silence confirmed t h e scope of h e r household's c o r r u p t i o n .
S h e felt a g l o r i o u s s e i z u r e o f r e s o l v e n e v e r t o l e a v e h e r d r e s s i n g
room again.
" I d i d n ' t c o m e h e r e t o find a n a r g u m e n t o r t o r e p r o a c h y o u .
O n the contrary, I hoped that I m i g h t b o r r o w a c u p of your usual
c a l m p r u d e n c e . N o w t h a t I a m h e r e , I feel c o m p e l l e d , a g a i n s t m y
j u d g m e n t as a r a b b i a n d as a m a n , b u t w i t h t h e full s u p p o r t o f m y
u n d e r s t a n d i n g as a f a t h e r , t o r e p r o a c h y o u . "
"For what?"
" H i s a b e r r a t i o n . T h e freakish s t r e a k . T h e t w i s t in his soul. T h a t
is y o u r f a u l t . A s o n l i k e t h a t is t h e f r u i t o f h i s m o t h e r ' s t r e e . "
" G o to the window," she told him. " L o o k t h r o u g h t h e drape.
See t h o s e p o o r s u i t o r s a n d fools a n d b r o k e n y i d s c o m e t o r e c e i v e a
220 MICHAEL CHABDN

b l e s s i n g t h a t y o u , y o u w o u l d never, in y o u r p o w e r , in y o u r l e a r n i n g ,
w o u l d never be able t o bestow, honestly. N o t t h a t such an inability
has ever h a m p e r e d y o u , in t h e p a s t , from offering i t . "
" I can bless in o t h e r w a y s . "
" L o o k at t h e m ! "
"You look at t h e m . C o m e o u t of t h a t closet and look."
" I ' v e s e e n t h e m , " s h e s a i d t h r o u g h h e r t e e t h . " A n d t h e y all have
a t w i s t in t h e s o u l . "
" B u t t h e y h i d e i t . O u t o f m o d e s t y a n d h u m i l i t y a n d t h e fear o f
G o d , t h e y c l o t h e it. G o d c o m m a n d s us t o cover o u r h e a d s in H i s
presence. N o t to stand bareheaded."
S h e h e a r d t h e s c r a p e a n d c r e a k o f h i s c h a i r l e g a n d t h e shuffle
o f h i s f e e t i n t h e i r s l i p p e r s . S h e h e a r d t h e w r e c k e d j o i n t o f h i s left
h i p c r a c k a n d s n a p . H e g r u n t e d in p a i n .
" T h a t is all I a s k o f M e n d e l , " h e c o n t i n u e d . " W h a t a m a n m a y
t h i n k , w h a t h e feels, t h e s e h a v e n o i n t e r e s t , n o r e l e v a n c e t o m e , o r
t o G o d . I t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r t o t h e w i n d w h e t h e r a flag is r e d o r i t ' s
blue."
"Or pink."
T h e r e was a n o t h e r silence. T h i s one carried a lighter charge
s o m e h o w , as if h e w a s c o m i n g t o a c o n c l u s i o n o r r e m e m b e r i n g h o w
i t m i g h t h a v e felt a t o n e t i m e t o find a m u s e m e n t i n h e r l i t t l e j o k e .
" I w i l l find h i m , " h e s a i d . " I w i l l s i t h i m d o w n a n d t e l l h i m
w h a t I k n o w . E x p l a i n t o h i m t h a t as l o n g as h e o b e y s G o d a n d H i s
c o m m a n d m e n t s a n d g i v e s r i g h t e o u s l y , t h e r e is a p l a c e for h i m h e r e .
T h a t I w i l l n o t t u r n m y b a c k t o h i m first. T h a t t h e c h o i c e lies w i t h
him to abandon us."
" C a n a m a n b e a T z a d d i k H a - D o r b u t live h i d d e n from h i m s e l f
and everyone around him?"
"A T z a d d i k H a - D o r is a l w a y s h i d d e n . T h a t ' s a m a r k o f his
nature. M a y b e I should explain that to him. Tell him that t h e s e —
f e e l i n g s — h e e x p e r i e n c e s a n d s t r u g g l e s a g a i n s t a r e , i n a way, t h e
p r o o f o f h i s fitness t o r u l e . "
" M a y b e h e isn't r u n n i n g away from m a r r i a g e to this girl," she
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 22

said. " M a y b e t h a t isn't w h a t f r i g h t e n s h i m . W h a t h e c a n ' t live

w i t h . " T h e sentence she had never spoken to her h u s b a n d took u p
its usual station at t h e t i p of h e r t o n g u e . She h a d b e e n c o m p o s i n g
a n d r e f i n i n g a n d a b a n d o n i n g e l e m e n t s o f i t i n h e r m i n d for t h e p a s t
forty years, like t h e stanzas of a p o e m w r i t t e n b y a p r i s o n e r d e n i e d
t h e u s e o f p a p e r a n d p e n . " M a y b e t h e r e is a n o t h e r k i n d o f self-
deception he can't reconcile himself to living w i t h . "
" H e h a s n o c h o i c e , " h e r h u s b a n d s a i d . " E v e n if h e h a s fallen
i n t o u n b e l i e f . E v e n if i n s t a y i n g h e r e , h e r i s k s h y p o c r i s y o r c a n t . A
m a n w i t h his t a l e n t s , his gifts, c a n n o t b e allowed t o m o v e a n d w o r k
a n d h a z a r d his f o r t u n e o u t t h e r e in t h a t u n c l e a n w o r l d . H e w o u l d
be a d a n g e r t o everyone. In p a r t i c u l a r t o himself."
" T h a t wasn't the self-deception I m e a n t . I m e a n t the kind
t h a t — t h a t V e r b o v e r s all e n g a g e i n . "
Silence t h e n , o m i n o u s , n e i t h e r h e a v y n o r light, t h e v a s t silence
of a dirigible before t h e s t a t i c spark.
" I ' m n o t a w a r e , " he said, " o f any o t h e r s t h a t confront h i m . "
S h e l e t h e r s e n t e n c e d r o p ; s h e h a d b e e n r u n n i n g i n t h e a i r for
t o o l o n g b y t h e n t o l o o k d o w n for m o r e t h a n a s e c o n d .
"So he m u s t be held here, t h e n , " she said. " W i t h or w i t h o u t his
consent."
"Believe m e , m y dear. A n d d o n o t m i s t a k e m e . T h e a l t e r n a t i v e
w o u l d b e s o m e t h i n g far w o r s e . "
She reeled a m o m e n t , t h e n r u s h e d from h e r d r e s s i n g r o o m t o
see w h a t w a s i n h i s e y e s w h e n h e t h r e a t e n e d t h e life o f h i s o w n
s o n , as s h e c o n s t r u e d i t , for t h e s i n o f b e i n g w h a t G o d h a d p l e a s e d
t o m a k e h i m . B u t , s i l e n t as a d i r i g i b l e , h e h a d s a i l e d . I n s t e a d , s h e
found only Betty, back to r e n e w the visitors' appeal. B e t t y was a
g o o d s e r v a n t , b u t s h e h a d t h e F i l i p i n o k n a c k for t a k i n g i n t e n s e
p l e a s u r e in s c a n d a l . She h a d a h a r d t i m e c o n c e a l i n g h e r d e l i g h t in
the news she b r o u g h t .
" O n e lady, m i s s u s , s a y s h e b r i n g i n g a m e s s a g e f r o m M e n d e l , "
B e t t y said. "Say, s o r r y , h e ' s n o t c o m i n g h o m e . N o w e d d i n g t o d a y ! "
" H e ' s c o m i n g h o m e , " M r s . S h p i l m a n said, fighting the wish to
222 MICHAEL CHABDN

s l a p B e t t y ' s face. " M e n d e l w o u l d n e v e r . . . " S h e s t o p p e d h e r s e l f

b e f o r e s h e c o u l d s a y t h e w o r d s : Mendel would never leave without
saying goodbye.
T h e w o m a n b e a r i n g a m e s s a g e from h e r son w a s n o t a Verbover.
S h e w a s a m o d e r n J e w e s s , d r e s s e d m o d e s t l y o u t o f r e s p e c t for t h e
n e i g h b o r h o o d in a l o n g p a t t e r n e d skirt a n d a stylish d a r k cloak.
T e n o r fifteen y e a r s o l d e r t h a n M r s . S h p i l m a n . A d a r k - e y e d , d a r k -
haired w o m a n w h o at o n e t i m e m u s t have been v e r y beautiful. She
j u m p e d u p from t h e w i n g chair b y t h e w i n d o w w h e n M r s . Shpilman
c a m e i n , a n d g a v e h e r n a m e as B r u k h . H e r f r i e n d w a s a p l u m p
t h i n g , p i o u s b y t h e look of her, p e r h a p s Satmar, in a long black
dress with black stockings and a broad-brimmed hat pulled down
over an inferior shaydl. H e r stockings bagged, and t h e rhinestone
b u c k l e o n h e r h a t b a n d , p o o r t h i n g , w a s c o m i n g u n g l u e d . T h e veil
b u n c h e d a t t h e u p p e r left i n a w a y t h a t s t r u c k M r s . S h p i l m a n as
p i t e o u s . L o o k i n g a t t h i s b e r e f t c r e a t u r e , s h e f o r g o t for a m o m e n t
t h e awful n e w s t h a t h a d b r o u g h t t h e t w o w o m e n t o h e r house. A
b l e s s i n g w e l l e d u p i n s i d e o f h e r w i t h a f o r c e so u r g e n t s h e c o u l d
b a r e l y c o n t a i n it. S h e w a n t e d t o t a k e t h e s h a b b y w o m a n in h e r
a r m s a n d kiss h e r in a w a y t h a t lasted, t h a t b u r n e d sadness a w a y
S h e w o n d e r e d if t h a t w a s h o w i t felt t o b e M e n d e l all t h e t i m e .

" W h a t is t h i s n o n s e n s e ? " s h e s a i d . " S i t d o w n . "

"I'm very sorry, M r s . S h p i l m a n , " said t h e B r u k h woman,
r e s u m i n g h e r s e a t , p e r c h e d o n t h e e d g e as if t o s h o w t h a t s h e d i d
n o t p l a n t o stay.
" H a v e you seen M e n d e l ? "
"Yes."
" A n d w h e r e is h e ? "
" H e ' s s t a y i n g w i t h a f r i e n d . H e w o n ' t b e t h e r e for l o n g . "
"He's coming back."
"No. N o , I ' m sorry, M r s . S h p i l m a n . B u t y o u will b e able t o reach
M e n d e l t h r o u g h this person. Whenever you need to. Wherever he
goes."
" W h a t p e r s o n , t e l l m e ? W h o is t h i s f r i e n d ? "
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 223

"If I tell y o u , y o u have t o p r o m i s e t o k e e p t h e i n f o r m a t i o n t o

yourself. O t h e r w i s e , M e n d e l s a y s " — s h e g l a n c e d a t h e r f r i e n d as if
h o p i n g for s o m e m o r a l s u p p o r t t o g e t p a s t t h e n e x t s e v e n w o r d s —
" y o u will never h e a r from h i m a g a i n . "
" B u t m y d e a r , I n e v e r want to hear from h i m a g a i n , " M r s .
S h p i l m a n said. " S o t h e r e ' s really n o p o i n t in telling m e w h e r e h e
is, is t h e r e ? "
"I suppose n o t . "
" O n l y t h a t if y o u d o n ' t t e l l m e w h e r e h e i s , a n d n o n o n s e n s e , I
will have y o u s e n t over t o R u d a s h e v s k y ' s G a r a g e a n d let t h e m g e t
t h e information o u t of y o u t h e w a y t h e y like to d o i t . "
" O h , now, I ' m n o t afraid of y o u , " said t h e B r u k h w o m a n w i t h
an a s t o n i s h i n g h i n t of a s m i l e in h e r voice.
" N o ? A n d w h y is t h a t ? "
"Because Mendel told me not to be."
S h e c o u l d feel t h e r e a s s u r a n c e , c a t c h t h e e c h o o f i t i n t h e B r u k h
woman's voice a n d manner. A n air of teasing, of t h e playfulness
t h a t M e n d e l i m p o s e d o n all o f h i s d e a l i n g s w i t h h i s m o t h e r , a n d
w i t h his d r e a d father, too. M r s . S h p i l m a n h a d always t h o u g h t of it
as a d e v i l i n s i d e o f h i m , b u t n o w s h e s a w t h a t i t m i g h t b e s i m p l y a
m e a n s o f s u r v i v a l , p r o t e c t i o n . F e a t h e r s for t h e l i t t l e b i r d .
" H e ' s a fine o n e t o t a l k a b o u t n o t b e i n g a f r a i d . R u n n i n g a w a y
from his d u t y a n d his family like this. W h y d o e s n ' t h e w o r k s o m e
of t h a t m a g i c of his o n h i m s e l f ? T e l l m e t h a t . D r a g his pitiful,
c o w a r d l y self b a c k h e r e a n d s p a r e h i s f a m i l y a w o r l d o f d i s g r a c e
and embarrassment, not to mention a beautiful, innocent girl."
" H e w o u l d if h e c o u l d , " t h e B r u k h w o m a n s a i d , a n d t h e w i d o w
beside her, w h o h a d said n o t h i n g , heaved a sigh. " I really d o believe
that, Mrs. Shpilman."
" A n d w h y c a n ' t he? T e l l m e t h a t . "
"You know."
"I don't know anything."
B u t s h e d i d k n o w . A p p a r e n t l y , so d i d t h e s e t w o s t r a n g e w o m e n
w h o h a d c o m e t o w a t c h h e r cry. M r s . S h p i l m a n d r o p p e d i n t o a w h i t e -
224 MICHAEL CHABON

p a i n t e d Louis XIV chair w i t h a n e e d l e p o i n t c u s h i o n , heedless of

creases t h a t t h i s s u d d e n p l u n g e m a d e in t h e silk of h e r d r e s s . She
c o v e r e d h e r face w i t h h e r h a n d s a n d c r i e d . F o r t h e s h a m e a n d t h e
indignity. For t h e r u i n a t i o n of m o n t h s , a n d years, of p l a n n i n g
and hopes and discussion, the endless embassies and back-and-
forth b e t w e e n t h e c o u r t s of Verbov and S h t r a k e n z . But mostly,
s h e c o n f e s s e s , s h e c r i e d for h e r s e l f . B e c a u s e s h e h a d d e t e r m i n e d
w i t h h e r c u s t o m a r y r e s o l v e t h a t s h e w o u l d n e v e r see h e r only,
beloved, r o t t e n son again.
W h a t a selfish w o m a n ! I t w a s o n l y l a t e r t h a t s h e t h o u g h t t o
s p a r e a m o m e n t ' s r e g r e t for t h e w o r l d t h a t M e n d e l w o u l d n e v e r
redeem.
A f t e r M r s . S h p i l m a n h a d b e e n c r y i n g for a m i n u t e o r t w o , t h e
f r u m p y w i d o w rose from t h e o t h e r w i n g chair a n d c a m e t o s t a n d
b e s i d e her.
" P l e a s e , " she said in a h e a v y voice, a n d p u t a p l u m p h a n d on
Mrs. S h p i l m a n ' s a r m , a h a n d w h o s e k n u c k l e s w e r e c o v e r e d i n fine
g o l d e n hair. It w a s h a r d t o believe t h a t o n l y t w e n t y years ago, M r s .
S h p i l m a n h a d b e e n a b l e t o fit t h e e n t i r e t h i n g i n t o h e r m o u t h .
" Y o u ' r e p l a y i n g g a m e s , " M r s . S h p i l m a n said, once she h a d
r e g a i n e d t h e p o w e r of r a t i o n a l t h o u g h t . In t h e w a k e of t h e initial
s h o c k , w h i c h s t o p p e d h e r h e a r t , s h e felt a s t r a n g e s e n s e o f relief.
If M e n d e l w a s n i n e layers d e e p , t h e n e i g h t of t h o s e layers w e r e
p u r e g o o d n e s s . G o o d n e s s far b e t t e r t h a n s h e a n d h e r husband,
h a r d p e o p l e w h o h a d s u r v i v e d a n d p r o s p e r e d in a h a r d world, could
h a v e e n g e n d e r e d f r o m t h e i r o w n flesh w i t h o u t s o m e k i n d o f d i v i n e
i n t e r c e s s i o n . B u t t h e i n n e r m o s t layer, t h e n i n t h l a y e r o f M e n d e l
S h p i l m a n , was a n d always h a d been a devil, a shkotz t h a t liked to
give h e a r t attacks t o his m o t h e r . "You're playing g a m e s ! "
"No."
H e lifted t h e v e i l a n d l e t h e r see t h e p a i n , t h e u n c e r t a i n t y . S h e
s a w t h a t h e f e a r e d h e w a s m a k i n g a g r a v e m i s t a k e . S h e r e c o g n i z e d as
h e r o w n t h e d e t e r m i n a t i o n w i t h w h i c h h e was willing t o m a k e it.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 225

"No, M a m a , " M e n d e l said. " I c a m e t o say g o o d b y e . " T h e n ,

r e a d i n g t h e e x p r e s s i o n o n h e r face, w i t h a s h a k y s m i l e : " A n d n o ,
I'm not a transvestite."
"Aren't you?"
"No!"
"You look like a t r a n s v e s t i t e t o m e . "
"A n o t e d e x p e r t . "
" I w a n t y o u o u t of t h i s h o u s e . " B u t s h e o n l y w a n t e d h i m t o stay,
h i d d e n on her side of t h e h o u s e , d r e s s e d in t h a t f r u m p y rag, h e r
b a b y , h e r p r i n c e l i n g , h e r d e v i l i s h boy.
"I'm going."
" I n e v e r w a n t t o see y o u a g a i n . I d o n ' t w a n t t o call y o u , I d o n ' t
w a n t y o u t o call m e . I d o n ' t w a n t t o k n o w w h e r e y o u a r e . "
S h e h a d o n l y t o s u m m o n h e r h u s b a n d , a n d M e n d e l w o u l d stay.
In s o m e w a y t h a t w a s n o m o r e u n t h i n k a b l e t h a n t h e u n d e r l y i n g
facts o f h e r c o m f o r t a b l e life, t h e y w o u l d m a k e h i m stay.
"All r i g h t , M a m a , " h e s a i d .
" D o n ' t call m e t h a t . "
"All r i g h t , M r s . S h p i l m a n , " h e s a i d , a n d i n h i s m o u t h i t s o u n d e d
a f f e c t i o n a t e , familiar. S h e s t a r t e d t o c r y a g a i n . " B u t j u s t s o y o u
know. I ' m staying w i t h a friend."
W a s t h e r e a l o v e r ? W a s i t p o s s i b l e for h i m t o h a v e l e d a life so
secret?
"A ' f r i e n d ' ? " s h e s a i d .
"An o l d f r i e n d . H e ' s j u s t h e l p i n g m e . M r s . B r u k h h e r e is h e l p i n g
me, too."
" M e n d e l saved m y life," said M r s . B r u k h . " O n c e u p o n a t i m e . "
" B i g d e a l , " s a i d M r s . S h p i l m a n . " S o h e s a v e d y o u r life. A l o t o f
good it d i d h i m . "
"Mrs. S h p i l m a n , " said M e n d e l . H e t o o k h e r h a n d s a n d clasped
t h e m t i g h t l y b e t w e e n his o w n w a r m p a l m s . H i s skin b u r n e d t w o
degrees h o t t e r t h a n everyone else's. W h e n y o u t o o k his t e m p e r a t u r e ,
the t h e r m o m e t e r read 100.6.
22G MICHAEL CHABDN

" G e t y o u r h a n d s off m e , " s h e m a n a g e d t o say. " N o w . "

H e kissed h e r o n t h e t o p of t h e h e a d , a n d even t h r o u g h t h e layer
of alien hair, t h e i m p r i n t of t h a t kiss s e e m e d t o linger. T h e n h e let
go of h e r h a n d s , l o w e r e d his veil, a n d l u m b e r e d o u t of t h e r o o m ,
hose sagging, w i t h the Brukh w o m a n h u r r y i n g out behind him.
Mrs. S h p i l m a n s a t i n t h e L o u i s X I V c h a i r for a l o n g t i m e , h o u r s ,
y e a r s . A c o l d n e s s filled h e r , a n i c y d i s g u s t for C r e a t i o n , for G o d a n d
H i s m i s b e g o t t e n w o r k s . A t first t h e h o r r o r s h e felt s e e m e d t o b e a r
u p o n h e r son a n d t h e sin t h a t h e w a s refusing t o s u r r e n d e r , b u t
t h e n i t t u r n e d i n t o a h o r r o r for herself. S h e c o n s i d e r e d t h e c r i m e s
a n d h u r t s t h a t h a d b e e n c o m m i t t e d t o h e r b e n e f i t , a n d all o f t h a t
e v i l o n l y a d r o p o f w a t e r i n a g r e a t b l a c k sea. A n awful p l a c e , t h i s
sea, t h i s gulf b e t w e e n t h e I n t e n t i o n a n d t h e A c t t h a t p e o p l e called
" t h e w o r l d . " M e n d e l ' s flight w a s n o t a refusal t o s u r r e n d e r ; it was a
s u r r e n d e r . T h e T z a d d i k H a - D o r was t e n d e r i n g his resignation. H e
c o u l d n o t b e w h a t t h a t w o r l d a n d its J e w s , in t h e rain w i t h their
h e a r t a c h e s a n d their umbrellas, w a n t e d h i m to be, w h a t his m o t h e r
and father w a n t e d h i m to be. H e could n o t even be w h a t he w a n t e d
h i m s e l f t o b e . S h e h o p e d — s i t t i n g t h e r e , s h e p r a y e d — t h a t o n e day,
a t least, h e m i g h t find a w a y t o b e w h a t h e w a s .

A s s o o n as t h e p r a y e r flew u p w a r d f r o m h e r h e a r t , s h e m i s s e d
h e r s o n . S h e l o n g e d for h e r s o n . S h e r e p r o a c h e d h e r s e l f b i t t e r l y for
having sent Mendel away without first finding out where he was
s t a y i n g , w h e r e h e w o u l d g o , h o w she c o u l d see h i m o r h e a r his voice
from t i m e t o t i m e . T h e n she o p e n e d t h e h a n d s h e h a d enfolded a
last t i m e in his, a n d found, c u r l e d in h e r r i g h t p a l m , a t i n y l e n g t h
of string.
 • 3 ) 2B

Y
e s , " she says, " I h e a r d from h i m . F r o m t i m e t o t i m e . I d o n ' t w a n t
this to s o u n d cynical, D e t e c t i v e , b u t it was usually w h e n h e was
in t r o u b l e or n e e d e d money. C i r c u m s t a n c e s t h a t , in M e n d e l ' s
c a s e , m a y h i s n a m e b e for a b l e s s i n g , t e n d e d t o c o i n c i d e . "
" W h e n was t h e last t i m e ? "
" E a r l i e r t h i s year. L a s t s p r i n g . Yes, I r e m e m b e r it w a s t h e d a y
before Erev Pesach."
"So, April. A r o u n d — "
T h e lady R u d a s h e v s k y takes o u t a fancy Shoyfer M a z i k , starts
pressing b u t t o n s , a n d comes u p w i t h t h e d a t e of t h e day p r e c e d i n g
t h e first e v e n i n g o f P a s s o v e r . L a n d s m a n r e m a r k s , a l i t t l e s t a r t l e d ,
t h a t i t w a s a l s o t h e l a s t full d a y o f h i s s i s t e r ' s life.
" W h e r e was he calling from?"
" M a y b e a hospital. I d o n ' t know. I could hear a public address,
a l o u d s p e a k e r , in t h e b a c k g r o u n d . M e n d e l said h e w a s g o i n g t o
d i s a p p e a r . T h a t h e h a d t o d i s a p p e a r for a w h i l e , t h a t h e w o u l d n ' t b e
able t o call. H e a s k e d m e t o s e n d m o n e y t o a b o x d o w n in P o v o r o t n y
that he sometimes used."
" D i d he sound afraid?"
T h e veil t r e m b l e s like a t h e a t e r c u r t a i n , s e c r e t m o t i o n s t a k i n g
p l a c e o n i t s o t h e r s i d e . S h e n o d s slowly.
228 MICHAEL CHABON

" D i d h e say w h y h e n e e d e d t o d i s a p p e a r ? D i d h e say s o m e b o d y

was after h i m ? "
" I d o n ' t t h i n k so. N o . J u s t t h a t h e n e e d e d m o n e y a n d h e w a s
going to disappear."
"And that's it."
"As far as I — N o . Yes. I a s k e d h i m if h e w a s e a t i n g . He
s o m e t i m e s — T h e y forget to e a t . "
"I know it."
" A n d h e t o l d m e , ' D o n ' t w o r r y , ' h e says, 'I j u s t a t e a w h o l e b i g
piece of c h e r r y p i e . ' "
" P i e , " L a n d s m a n says. " C h e r r y p i e . "
"Does that mean something to you?"
" Y o u n e v e r k n o w , " h e s a y s , b u t h e c a n feel h i s r i b c a g e r i n g i n g
u n d e r t h e m a l l e t of his h e a r t . " M r s . S h p i l m a n , y o u said y o u heard
a l o u d s p e a k e r . D o y o u t h i n k h e m i g h t have b e e n calling from an
airport?"
" N o w t h a t you m e n t i o n it, yes."
T h e car slows a n d stops. L a n d s m a n sits forward a n d looks o u t
t h r o u g h t h e s m o k e d glass. T h e y ' r e in front of t h e H o t e l Zamenhof.
Mrs. Shpilman drops her window with a b u t t o n , and the gray
a f t e r n o o n b l o w s i n t o t h e car. S h e r a i s e s t h e v e i l a n d p e e r s u p a t
t h e face o f t h e h o t e l . S h e s t a r e s a t i t for a l o n g t i m e . A p a i r o f
seedy m e n , alcoholics, o n e of w h o m L a n d s m a n once p r e v e n t e d
f r o m a c c i d e n t a l l y u r i n a t i n g i n t o t h e o t h e r ' s t r o u s e r cuff, s t a g g e r
o u t of t h e hotel's lobby slung against each other, a h u m a n lean-to
t h r o w n u p against t h e rain. T h e y p u t on a vaudeville with a sheet
o f n e w s p a p e r a n d t h e w i n d , t h e n l u r c h off i n t o t h e n i g h t , a c o u p l e
of t a t t e r e d m o t h s . T h e q u e e n of V e r b o v I s l a n d lowers t h e veil
a g a i n a n d p u t s h e r w i n d o w u p . L a n d s m a n c a n feel t h e r e p r o a c h f u l
q u e s t i o n s b u r n i n g t h r o u g h t h e black tissue. H o w can he stand to
live in s u c h a d u m p ? W h y d i d n ' t h e d o a b e t t e r j o b of p r o t e c t i n g
h e r son?

" W h o t o l d y o u t h a t I lived h e r e ? " h e t h i n k s t o ask her. " Y o u r

son-in-law?"
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 229

"No, he d i d n ' t m e n t i o n it. I h e a r d a b o u t it from t h e o t h e r

Detective Landsman. T h e one you used to be married to."
"She told you about me?"
"She telephoned today Once, m a n y years ago, we had some
trouble with a man who was hurting women. A very bad man, a
s i c k m a n . T h i s w a s b a c k i n t h e H a r k a v y , o n S. A n s k y S t r e e t . T h e
w o m e n w h o had been h u r t didn't w a n t to talk to t h e police. Your
ex-wife w a s v e r y helpful t o m e t h e n , a n d I ' m still in h e r d e b t . She
is a g o o d w o m a n . A g o o d p o l i c e w o m a n . "
" N o doubt about it."
" S h e s u g g e s t e d t o m e t h a t if y o u h a p p e n e d t o c o m e a r o u n d ,
I w o u l d n ' t b e e n t i r e l y m i s t a k e n in p u t t i n g s o m e confidence in
you."
" T h a t w a s n i c e o f h e r , " L a n d s m a n says w i t h p e r f e c t s i n c e r i t y .
"She spoke m o r e highly of you than I would have i m a g i n e d . "
" L i k e y o u said, m a ' a m . She's a g o o d w o m a n . "
" B u t y o u left h e r a n y w a y . "
" N o t because she was a good w o m a n . "
"Because you were a bad man?"
" I t h i n k I w a s , " L a n d s m a n says. " S h e w a s t o o p o l i t e t o s a y s o . "
" I t h a s b e e n m a n y y e a r s , " M r s . S h p i l m a n says. " B u t as I r e c a l l ,
politeness was n o t a great s t r e n g t h of t h a t Jewess." She p u s h e s t h e
b u t t o n t h a t unlocks t h e door. L a n d s m a n o p e n s t h e d o o r a n d climbs
d o w n from t h e b a c k of t h e l i m o u s i n e . "At a n y r a t e , I ' m glad t h a t I
h a d n ' t seen this dreadful h o t e l before now, or I never w o u l d have let
you anywhere near m e . "
"It's n o t m u c h , " L a n d s m a n says, rain p a t t e r i n g t h e b r i m of his
hat. " B u t it's h o m e . "
"No, i t i s n ' t , " B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n says. " B u t I ' m s u r e i t m a k e s
i t e a s i e r for y o u t o t h i n k s o . "
 • § 27

T
h e Y i d d i s h P o l i c e m e n ' s U n i o n , ' " says t h e p i e m a n .
H e p e e r s at L a n d s m a n across t h e steel c o u n t e r of his shop,
c r o s s i n g h i s a r m s t o s h o w t h a t h e is w i s e t o t h e s t r a t a g e m s o f
J e w s . H e n a r r o w s h i s e y e s as i f h e ' s t r y i n g t o s p o t a t y p o g r a p h i c a l
e r r o r o n t h e face o f a c o u n t e r f e i t R o l e x . L a n d s m a n ' s A m e r i c a n is
just good enough to make him sound suspect.
"That's right," Landsman says. H e w i s h e s t h e r e w e r e n ' t a
c o r n e r m i s s i n g from his m e m b e r s h i p c a r d in t h e S i t k a c h a p t e r of
t h e H a n d s of Esau, t h e international fraternal organization of
J e w i s h p o l i c e m e n . I t h a s a s i x - p o i n t s h i e l d i n o n e c o r n e r . I t s t e x t is
p r i n t e d in Yiddish. It carries n o a u t h o r i t y or w e i g h t , n o t even w i t h
L a n d s m a n , a m e m b e r i n g o o d s t a n d i n g for t w e n t y y e a r s . " W e ' r e all
over t h e w o r l d . "
" T h a t d o e s n ' t s u r p r i s e m e o n e b i t , " t h e p i e m a n says w i t h a
show of asperity. " B u t , mister, I only serve pie."
" A r e y o u e a t i n g p i e o r a r e n ' t y o u ? " says t h e p i e m a n ' s wife.
L i k e h e r h u s b a n d , s h e is a m p l e a n d p a l e . H e r h a i r is t h e c o l o r l e s s
c o l o r o f a s h e e t o f foil u n d e r a w a n l i g h t . T h e d a u g h t e r is in
the back among the berries and the crusts. T o the bush pilots,
h u n t e r s , r e s c u e c r e w s , a n d o t h e r r e g u l a r s w h o f r e q u e n t t h e airfield
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 231

a t Yakovy, i t ' s c o n s i d e r e d a p i e c e o f l u c k t o s p o t t h e p i e m a n ' s

d a u g h t e r . L a n d s m a n h a s n ' t s e e n h e r for y e a r s . " I f y o u d o n ' t w a n t
a n y p i e , t h e r e is n o e a r t h l y r e a s o n t o b e w a s t i n g y o u r t i m e a t t h i s
window. People behind you have planes to c a t c h . "
She takes t h e c a r d from h e r h u s b a n d a n d h a n d s it b a c k to
L a n d s m a n . H e d o e s n o t b l a m e h e r for h e r r u d e n e s s . T h e Y a k o v y
airfield is a k e y s t a t i o n o n t h e n o r t h e r n r o u t e o f t h e world's
shysters, c h a r l a t a n s , grift d o c t o r s , a n d real e s t a t e hacks. P o a c h e r s ,
smugglers, wayward Russians. Drug mules, Native criminals,
Yankee h a r d cases. T h e Yakovy j u r i s d i c t i o n has n e v e r q u i t e b e e n
d e f i n e d . J e w s , I n d i a n s , a n d K l o n d i k e s all m a k e t h e i r c l a i m s . H e r p i e
has greater moral character t h a n half her clientele. T h e pie lady
has no reason t o t r u s t or to coddle L a n d s m a n , w i t h his g i m c r a c k
card and a shaved p a t c h on t h e back of his head. Still, her r u d e n e s s
g i v e s h i m a s h a r p p a n g o f r e g r e t for t h e l o s s o f h i s b a d g e . I f
L a n d s m a n h a d a b a d g e , h e w o u l d say, The people behind me can go
fuck themselves, lady, and you can give yourself a nice thick boysenberry
high colonic. I n s t e a d , h e m a k e s a s h o w o f c o n s i d e r i n g t h e i n d i v i d u a l s
g a t h e r e d in a m o d e r a t e l y l o n g line b e h i n d h i m . F i s h e r m a n , k a y a k e r s ,
small b u s i n e s s m e n , s o m e c o r p o r a t e t y p e s .

Each of t h e m c o m e s u p w i t h a noise or b i t of e y e b r o w s e m a p h o r e
t o s h o w t h a t h e is e a g e r for p i e a n d l o s i n g p a t i e n c e w i t h L a n d s m a n
a n d his dog-eared credentials.
" I will have a piece of t h e a p p l e c r u m b l e , " L a n d s m a n says. " O f
which I have fond m e m o r i e s . "
" T h e c r u m b l e is m y f a v o r i t e , " says t h e w i f e , s o f t e n i n g a l i t t l e .
She sends her h u s b a n d to t h e back c o u n t e r w i t h a nod. T h e c r u m b l e
is t h e r e o n a g l e a m i n g p e d e s t a l , a f r e s h o n e , u n c u t . " C o f f e e ? "
"Yes, please."
" À la m o d e ? "
"No, thanks." Landsman slides t h e p h o t o g r a p h of Mendel
Shpilman across t h e counter. " W h a t a b o u t you? Ever seen h i m ? "
T h e w o m a n eyes t h e p h o t o w i t h each h a n d t u c k e d carefully
232 MICHAEL CHABON

into t h e opposite a r m p i t . L a n d s m a n gauges that she recognizes

S h p i l m a n r i g h t away. T h e n s h e t u r n s t o t a k e f r o m h e r h u s b a n d a
p a p e r p l a t e l a d e n w i t h a slice of c r u m b l e . She sets it on a t r a y w i t h
a s m a l l S t y r o f o a m c u p o f coffee a n d a p l a s t i c fork r o l l e d u p i n a
paper napkin.
" T w o - f i f t y , " s h e says. " G o s i t b y t h e b e a r . "
T h e b e a r w a s s h o t b y y i d s of t h e sixties. D o c t o r s , from t h e
look of t h e m , in ski caps a n d P e n d l e t o n s . T h e y b r i m w i t h t h e
o d d , b e s p e c t a c l e d m a n l i n e s s of t h a t g o l d e n p e r i o d in t h e h i s t o r y
of t h e D i s t r i c t of S i t k a . A c a r d , t y p e d in Y i d d i s h a n d A m e r i c a n ,
is p i n n e d t o t h e w a l l u n d e r n e a t h t h e p h o t o g r a p h o f t h e f a t a l five
m e n . I t says t h a t t h e bear, s h o t n e a r L i s i a n s k i , w a s a 3 . 7 - m e t e r ,
f o u r - h u n d r e d - k i l o b r o w n . O n l y i t s s k e l e t o n is p r e s e r v e d i n s i d e
t h e glass case b e s i d e w h i c h L a n d s m a n sits d o w n w i t h his slice of
a p p l e c r u m b l e a n d h i s c u p o f coffee. H e h a s s a t h e r e m a n y t i m e s
in t h e p a s t , c o n t e m p l a t i n g t h i s t e r r i b l e i v o r y x y l o p h o n e over a
piece of pie. M o s t recently, he sat h e r e w i t h his sister, m a y b e a
year before she died. H e w a s w o r k i n g t h e G o r s e t m a c h e r case. She
h a d j u s t d r o p p e d off a p a r t y o f f i s h e r m e n c o m i n g i n f r o m the
bush.

L a n d s m a n t h i n k s a b o u t N a o m i . I t is a l u x u r y , l i k e a slice o f p i e .
I t is as d a n g e r o u s a n d w e l c o m e as a d r i n k . H e i n v e n t s d i a l o g u e for
N a o m i , t h e w o r d s w i t h which she m i g h t m o c k and ridicule him
if s h e w e r e h e r e . F o r h i s s a n g u i n a r y r o l l i n t h e s n o w w i t h t h o s e
Z i l b e r b l a t i d i o t s . F o r d r i n k i n g g i n g e r ale w i t h a p i o u s old lady
in t h e b a c k of t h a t h y p e r t r o p h i e d four-by-four. For t h i n k i n g he
could outlast his d r i n k i n g p r o b l e m and stay h y p e d long enough
t o find t h e k i l l e r o f M e n d e l S h p i l m a n . F o r t h e loss o f h i s b a d g e .
F o r l a c k i n g t h e n e c e s s a r y o u t r a g e a b o u t R e v e r s i o n , for h a v i n g n o
s t a n c e t o w a r d i t . N a o m i c l a i m e d t h a t s h e h a t e d J e w s for t h e i r m e e k
s u b m i s s i o n t o f a t e , for t h e t r u s t t h e y p u t i n G o d o r t h e g e n t i l e s .
But t h e n N a o m i h a d a stance t o w a r d everything. She policed and
m a i n t a i n e d h e r s t a n c e s ; buffed a n d c u r a t e d t h e m . She w o u l d also,
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 233

L a n d s m a n t h i n k s , h a v e c r i t i c i z e d h i s c h o i c e n o t t o t a k e h i s p i e à la
mode.
" T h e Y i d d i s h P o l i c e m e n ' s U n i o n , " says t h e p i e m a n ' s d a u g h t e r ,
s i t t i n g d o w n o n t h e b e n c h b e s i d e L a n d s m a n . S h e h a s t a k e n off h e r
apron a n d w a s h e d her hands. Above t h e elbows, h e r freckled a r m s
a r e d u s t e d w i t h flour. T h e r e is flour i n h e r b l o n d e y e b r o w s . S h e
w e a r s h e r h a i r t i e d b a c k i n a b l a c k e l a s t i c . S h e is a h a u n t i n g l y p l a i n
w o m a n w i t h w a t e r y b l u e e y e s , a b o u t L a n d s m a n ' s a g e . S h e g i v e s off
a smell of b u t t e r , tobacco, a n d a sour t a n g of d o u g h t h a t he finds
weirdly erotic. She lights a m e n t h o l c i g a r e t t e a n d sends a j e t of
smoke toward him. "That's a new one."
She tucks t h e c i g a r e t t e i n t o her m o u t h a n d holds o u t her h a n d
to take the m e m b e r s h i p card. She p r e t e n d s n o t to struggle w i t h its
t e x t . " I c a n r e a d Y i d d i s h , y o u k n o w , " s h e says finally. " I t ' s n o t l i k e
it's fucking A z t e c or w h a t e v e r . "
" I r e a l l y a m a p o l i c e m a n , " L a n d s m a n says. " I ' m j u s t m a k i n g a
p r i v a t e i n q u i r y t o d a y . T h a t is w h y I d o n ' t u s e t h e b a d g e . "
" S h o w m e t h e p i c t u r e , " s h e says. L a n d s m a n h a n d s h e r the
m u g s h o t of M e n d e l S h p i l m a n . She n o d s , a n d t h e c a r a p a c e of h e r
weariness splits along a m o m e n t a r y seam.
"Miss, you knew him?"
She hands back the mug shot. Shakes her head, makes a
d i s m i s s i v e f r o w n . " W h a t h a p p e n e d t o h i m ? " s h e says.
" H e w a s m u r d e r e d , " L a n d s m a n says. " S h o t i n t h e h e a d . "
" T h a t ' s h a r s h , " s h e says. " O h , J e s u s . "
L a n d s m a n t a k e s a fresh p a c k a g e of t i s s u e s from t h e p o c k e t of
his overcoat a n d passes t h e m t o her. She b l o w s h e r n o s e a n d t h e n
balls u p t h e tissue in h e r fist.
" H o w d i d y o u k n o w h i m ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" I g a v e h i m a r i d e , " s h e says. " O n e t i m e . T h a t ' s i t . "
"To where?"
"A m o t e l d o w n o n R o u t e T h r e e . I l i k e d h i m . H e w a s funny. H e
w a s s w e e t . K i n d o f h o m e l y . K i n d o f a m e s s . H e t o l d m e h e h a d a,
234 MICHAEL CHABDN

you know, a problem. W i t h drugs. But that he was trying to get

better. H e s e e m e d — H e just had this way about h i m . "
"Comforting?"
" M m . N o . H e w a s j u s t , u h , really, I d o n ' t k n o w . R e a l l y there.
F o r like an hour, I t h o u g h t I w a s in love w i t h h i m . "
" B u t you weren't really?"
" I g u e s s I n e v e r r e a l l y g o t t h e c h a n c e t o find o u t . "
" D i d y o u h a v e sex w i t h h i m ? "
" Y o u ' r e a c o p , all r i g h t , " s h e says. "A ' n o z , ' i s n ' t t h a t i t ? "
"That's right."
"No, I d i d n ' t h a v e sex w i t h h i m . I w a n t e d to. I i n v i t e d myself
i n t o t h e m o t e l r o o m w i t h h i m . I g u e s s I k i n d of, l i k e , y o u k n o w .
T h r e w myself at h i m . T h a t ' s n o reflection on h i m . Like I said, he
w a s s u p e r nice a n d all, b u t h e was a mess. H i s t e e t h . Anyway, I
guess he picked u p on it."
"Picked up on what?"
" T h a t I — I have a little b i t of a p r o b l e m , too. W h e n I get
a r o u n d m e n . T h a t ' s w h y I d o n ' t really basically get a r o u n d t h e m a
lot. D o n ' t get a n y ideas, I d o n ' t like y o u at all."
"No, ma'am."
"I did therapy, twelve-step. I got born again. T h e only thing
t h a t really helped was baking pies."
" N o w o n d e r t h e y ' r e so g o o d . "
"Ha."
" H e d i d n ' t t a k e y o u u p o n y o u r offer."
" H e wouldn't. H e was very sweet. H e b u t t o n e d u p m y shirt.
I felt l i k e a l i t t l e g i r l . T h e n h e g a v e m e s o m e t h i n g . S o m e t h i n g h e
said t h a t I could k e e p . "
" W h a t was that?"
S h e l o w e r s h e r g a z e , a n d b l o o d c o l o r s h e r face so d e e p l y ,
L a n d s m a n can a l m o s t hear t h e h u m of it. H e r next w o r d s c o m e o u t
thick and whispery.
" H i s b l e s s i n g , " s h e says. T h e n , m o r e clearly, " H e s a i d h e w a s
giving m e his blessing."
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 235

" I ' m fairly c e r t a i n h e w a s g a y , " L a n d s m a n s a y s . " B y t h e w a y . "

" I k n o w , " s h e says. " H e t o l d m e . H e d i d n ' t u s e t h a t w o r d . H e
d i d n ' t r e a l l y u s e a n y w o r d , o r if h e d i d , I d o n ' t r e m e m b e r i t . I t h i n k
w h a t h e s a i d , i t w a s t h a t h e d i d n ' t c a r e t o bother with it a n y m o r e . H e
said h e r o i n w a s s i m p l e r a n d m o r e reliable. H e r o i n a n d c h e c k e r s . "
"Chess. H e played chess."
" W h a t e v e r . I still g o t his blessing, r i g h t ? "
She seems to need t h e answer to this q u e s t i o n to be yes.
" Y e s , " L a n d s m a n says.
" F u n n y l i t t l e Jew. T h e f r e a k y t h i n g i s , I d o n ' t k n o w . I t k i n d o f
like, w o r k e d . "
"What worked?"
" T h e blessing. I m e a n , I h a v e a b o y f r i e n d now. A real o n e . W e ' r e
totally d a t i n g , it's v e r y s t r a n g e . "
" I ' m h a p p y for y o u b o t h , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , f e e l i n g a s t a b o f e n v y
o f h e r , o f all t h e s e p e o p l e w h o w e r e l u c k y e n o u g h t o h a v e M e n d e l
S h p i l m a n lay a b l e s s i n g o n t h e m . H e t h i n k s o f all t h e t i m e s h e m u s t
h a v e w a l k e d r i g h t p a s t M e n d e l , all t h e c h a n c e s t h a t h e m i s s e d . " S o ,
y o u ' r e saying, w h e n you gave h i m t h e ride t o t h e m o t e l , it was j u s t
a, w e l l , a p i c k u p . I t w a s j u s t b e c a u s e y o u — y o u w e r e p l a n n i n g t o ,
you know."
" J u m p his bones? N o . " She steps on t h e c i g a r e t t e w i t h t h e toe
o f h e r s h e e p s k i n b o o t . " I t w a s a favor. F o r a f r i e n d o f m i n e . D r i v i n g
h i m , I m e a n . S h e k n e w t h e g u y . F r a n k , s h e c a l l e d h i m . S h e flew h i m
in h e r e from s o m e w h e r e . She w a s a p i l o t . S h e a s k e d m e t o give h i m
a lift, h e l p h i m find a p l a c e t o stay. S o m e p l a c e l o w t o t h e g r o u n d ,
she said. So, w h a t e v e r , I said I w o u l d . "
" N a o m i , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h a t w a s y o u r f r i e n d ? "
" U h - h u h . You k n e w h e r ? "
" I k n o w h o w m u c h s h e l i k e d p i e , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h i s F r a n k ,
he was a client of hers?"
" I g u e s s so. I d o n ' t r e a l l y k n o w . I d i d n ' t a s k . B u t t h e y flew i n
h e r e t o g e t h e r . H e m u s t h a v e h i r e d h e r . Y o u c o u l d p r o b a b l y find t h a t
o u t w i t h t h a t fancy card y o u ' r e c a r r y i n g . "
23G MICHAEL CHABON

L a n d s m a n feels a n u m b n e s s e n t e r h i s l i m b s , a w e l c o m e n u m b n e s s ,
a s e n s e o f d o o m t h a t is i n d i s t i n g u i s h a b l e f r o m p e a c e f u l n e s s , l i k e t h e
b i t e of a p r e d a t o r s n a k e t h a t prefers t o s w a l l o w its v i c t i m s alive
a n d t r a n q u i l . T h e pie man's d a u g h t e r inclines her head t o w a r d the
u n t o u c h e d slice of a p p l e c r u m b l e on t h e p a p e r p l a t e , t a k i n g u p t h e
e m p t y space between t h e m on the bench.
" Y o u a r e so h u r t i n g m y f e e l i n g s , " s h e says.
 • § 2 8 g"

I
n every p i c t u r e of t h e m taken d u r i n g a long s t r e t c h of their
c h i l d h o o d , L a n d s m a n is p o s e d w i t h h i s a r m s l u n g a r o u n d his
sister's shoulders. In t h e early ones, t h e t o p of h e r h e a d reaches
t o j u s t a b o v e h i s belly. I n t h e l a s t s u c h p i c t u r e , t h e r e is a p h a n t o m
m u s t a c h e on L a n d s m a n ' s u p p e r lip, a n d he has t h e a d v a n t a g e of
a n i n c h , m a y b e t w o . T h e first t i m e y o u s p o t t e d t h e t r e n d i n t h e
p i c t u r e s , i t s e e m e d c u t e : a b i g b r o t h e r l o o k i n g o u t for h i s k i d
sister. Seven o r e i g h t p i c t u r e s in, t h e p r o t e c t i v e g e s t u r e t o o k o n
a m e n a c i n g air. A f t e r a d o z e n , y o u s t a r t e d t o w o r r y a b o u t t h o s e
L a n d s m a n k i d s . H u d d l e d t o g e t h e r , b r a v e l y s m i l i n g for t h e c a m e r a ,
like d e s e r v i n g c h i l d r e n in t h e a d o p t i o n c o l u m n of a n e w s p a p e r .

" O r p h a n e d b y t r a g e d y , " N a o m i said o n e n i g h t , t u r n i n g the

pages of an old a l b u m . T h e p a g e s w e r e w a x e d b o a r d c o v e r e d w i t h a
crinkly sheet of p o l y u r e t h a n e t o h o l d t h e p h o t o s d o w n . T h e layer of
p l a s t i c g a v e t h e f a m i l y d e p i c t e d i n t h e a l b u m a p r e s e r v e d q u a l i t y , as
if it h a d b e e n b a g g e d l i k e e v i d e n c e . " T w o l o v a b l e m o p p e t s l o o k i n g
for a h o m e . "
" O n l y Freydl w a s n ' t dead y e t , " L a n d s m a n said, k n o w i n g h e was
h a n d i n g h e r a fat s t r a i g h t - l i n e . T h e i r m o t h e r h a d d i e d a f t e r a brief,
b i t t e r s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t c a n c e r , h a v i n g l i v e d j u s t l o n g e n o u g h for
N a o m i to b r e a k her h e a r t b y d r o p p i n g o u t of college.
238 MICHAEL CHABDN

N a o m i said, " N o w y o u tell m e . "

Lately, w h e n h e looks a t t h e s e p i c t u r e s , L a n d s m a n sees h i m s e l f
as t r y i n g t o h o l d h i s s i s t e r d o w n , t o k e e p h e r f r o m flying off a n d
crashing into a mountain.
N a o m i w a s a t o u g h k i d , so m u c h t o u g h e r t h a n Landsman
e v e r n e e d e d t o b e . S h e w a s t w o y e a r s y o u n g e r , c l o s e e n o u g h for
e v e r y t h i n g L a n d s m a n d i d or said to c o n s t i t u t e a m a r k t h a t m u s t
b e s u r p a s s e d o r a t h e o r y t o d i s p r o v e . S h e w a s b o y i s h as a g i r l a n d
m a n n i s h as a w o m a n . W h e n s o m e d r u n k e n fool a s k e d if s h e w a s a
l e s b i a n , s h e w o u l d say, " I n e v e r y t h i n g b u t s e x u a l p r e f e r e n c e . "
It was from an early boyfriend t h a t she had c a u g h t t h e itch to
fly. L a n d s m a n n e v e r a s k e d h e r w h a t t h e a t t r a c t i o n w a s , w h y s h e
h a d w o r k e d so l o n g a n d h a r d t o g e t h e r c o m m e r c i a l l i c e n s e a n d
crash t h e h o m o i d i o t i c w o r l d of male b u s h pilots. She was n o t one
for p o i n t l e s s s p e c u l a t i o n , h i s d a s h i n g s i s t e r . B u t as Landsman
u n d e r s t a n d s it, t h e w i n g s of an a i r p l a n e are e n g a g e d in a c o n s t a n t
b a t t l e w i t h t h e a i r t h a t e n v e l o p s t h e m , d e n t i n g a n d baffling a n d
w a r p i n g i t , b e n d i n g a n d s t a v i n g i t off. F i g h t i n g i t t h e w a y a s a l m o n
fights a g a i n s t t h e c u r r e n t of t h e river in w h i c h it's going t o die.
L i k e a s a l m o n — t h a t a q u a t i c Z i o n i s t , f o r e v e r d r e a m i n g o f i t s fatal
h o m e — N a o m i u s e d u p h e r s t r e n g t h a n d e n e r g y in struggle.

N o t t h a t t h i s effort e v e r s h o w e d i n h e r f o r t h r i g h t m a n n e r , h e r
cocky bearing, her smile. She h a d t h e Errol F l y n n style of keeping a
s t r a i g h t face o n l y w h e n s h e w a s j o k i n g , a n d g r i n n i n g l i k e a j a c k p o t
w i n n e r w h e n e v e r t h i n g s got rough. Slap a pencil m u s t a c h e on t h e
Jewess, a n d y o u c o u l d have s e n t h e r s w i n g i n g from t h e rigging of a
t h r e e - m a s t e r , s w o r d in h a n d . She w a s n o t c o m p l i c a t e d , L a n d s m a n ' s
l i t t l e sister, a n d in t h a t r e s p e c t , she was u n i q u e a m o n g t h e w o m e n
of his a c q u a i n t a n c e .
" S h e w a s a f u c k i n g l o o n , " says t h e a i r traffic m a n a g e r o f t h e
Flight Service Station at t h e Yakovy airport. He's Larry Spiro,
a skinny, s t o o p - s h o u l d e r e d J e w from S h o r t H i l l s , N e w Jersey. A
m e x i c a n , as t h e S i t k a J e w s c a l l t h e i r s o u t h e r n c o u s i n s ; m e x i c a n s
call t h e S i t k a J e w s i c e b e r g e r s , o r " t h e frozen C h o s e n . " Spiro's t h i c k
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 233

e y e g l a s s e s c o r r e c t for a s t i g m a t i s m , a n d b e h i n d t h e m , h i s e y e s h a v e
a s k e p t i c a l w o b b l e . W i r y g r a y h a i r s t a n d s o u t all o v e r h i s h e a d , l i k e
b e a m s of o u t r a g e in a n e w s p a p e r c a r t o o n . H e w e a r s a w h i t e oxford
shirt w i t h his m o n o g r a m on t h e p o c k e t a n d a r e d n e c k t i e s t r i p e d
w i t h g o l d . Slowly, a n t i c i p a t i n g t h e s h o t o f w h i s k e y i n f r o n t o f h i m ,
he p u s h e s b a c k his sleeves. H i s t e e t h are t h e color of t h e collar of
his shirt.
" C h r i s t . " Like m o s t m e x i c a n s w o r k i n g in t h e D i s t r i c t , Spiro
clings fiercely t o A m e r i c a n . F o r a n E a s t C o a s t J e w , t h e D i s t r i c t o f
Sitka c o n s t i t u t e s t h e exile of exiles, H a t z e p l a t z , t h e b a c k half acre
o f n o w h e r e . T o s p e a k A m e r i c a n for a J e w l i k e S p i r o is t o k e e p h i m s e l f
l i v i n g in t h e r e a l w o r l d , t o p r o m i s e h i m s e l f t h a t h e ' s g o i n g b a c k s o o n .
H e s m i l e s . " I n e v e r s a w a w o m a n g e t i n t o so m u c h t r o u b l e . "
T h e y are s i t t i n g in t h e l o u n g e of E r n i e ' s S k a g w a y Bar a n d Grill,
in t h e low a l u m i n u m slab t h a t w a s t h e t e r m i n a l b u i l d i n g b a c k w h e n
t h i s w a s j u s t a n airfield a t t h e e d g e o f t h e b u s h . T h e y a r e i n a b o o t h
a t t h e r e a r , w a i t i n g for t h e i r s t e a k s . E r n i e ' s S k a g w a y is r e g a r d e d b y
m a n y as o f f e r i n g t h e o n l y d e c e n t s t e a k d i n n e r b e t w e e n A n c h o r a g e
a n d V a n c o u v e r . E r n i e flies t h e m i n f r o m C a n a d a e v e r y day, b l o o d y
a n d p a c k e d i n ice. T h e d e c o r is m i n i m a l as a s n a c k b a r ' s , v i n y l a n d
l a m i n a t e a n d s t e e l . T h e p l a t e s a r e p l a s t i c , t h e n a p k i n s c r i n k l y as t h e
p a p e r on a d o c t o r ' s table. You o r d e r y o u r food a t a c o u n t e r a n d sit
d o w n w i t h a n u m b e r o n a s p i n d l e . T h e w a i t r e s s e s a r e r e n o w n e d for
t h e i r a d v a n c e d a g e , ill h u m o r , a n d p h y s i c a l r e s e m b l a n c e t o t h e c a b s
o f l o n g - h a u l t r u c k s . A l l t h e a t m o s p h e r e i n t h e p l a c e is t h e p r o d u c t
of its liquor license a n d its clientele: p i l o t s , h u n t e r s a n d fishermen,
and t h e usual Yakovy mix of shtarkers a n d s u b rosa o p e r a t o r s . O n
a F r i d a y n i g h t i n s e a s o n , y o u c a n b u y o r sell a n y t h i n g f r o m m o o s e
m e a t t o k e t a m i n e , a n d h e a r s o m e o f t h e m o s t a r r a n t lies e v e r p u t
to language.

A t six o ' c l o c k o n a M o n d a y e v e n i n g , i t ' s m o s t l y a i r p o r t staff a n d

a few l o o s e p i l o t s h o l d i n g u p t h e bar. Q u i e t J e w s , h a r d w o r k e r s , m e n
in k n i t n e c k t i e s , a n d o n e A m e r i c a n b u s h p i l o t , h a l f f l u e n t i n Y i d d i s h ,
m a k i n g t h e c l a i m t h a t h e o n c e flew t h r e e h u n d r e d m i l e s w i t h o u t
240 MICHAEL CHABDN

r e a l i z i n g h e w a s u p s i d e d o w n . T h e b a r i t s e l f is a n i n c o n g r u o u s
b e h e m o t h , o a k , m o c k V i c t o r i a n , s a l v a g e d from t h e failure o f a
c o w b o y - t h e m e d A m e r i c a n s t e a k h o u s e f r a n c h i s e d o w n in S i t k a .
" T r o u b l e , " L a n d s m a n says. " R i g h t u p t o t h e e n d . "
Spiro frowns. H e was t h e m a n a g e r on d u t y at Yakovy w h e n
N a o m i ' s p l a n e flew i n t o M o u n t D u n k e l b l u m . T h e r e w a s n o t h i n g
S p i r o c o u l d h a v e d o n e t o p r e v e n t t h e c r a s h , b u t t h e s u b j e c t is
painful to h i m . H e zips o p e n his nylon briefcase and pulls o u t a
t h i c k b l u e folder. I t c o n t a i n s a t h i c k d o c u m e n t c l i p p e d w i t h a h e a v y
clip a n d several loose sheets.
" I g l a n c e d a t t h e s u m m a r y a g a i n , " h e says i n a s o m b e r t o n e .
" T h e weather was decent. H e r plane was a little overdue for
s e r v i c e . H e r final c o m m u n i c a t i o n w a s r o u t i n e . "
" M m , " says L a n d s m a n .
" W e r e y o u l o o k i n g for s o m e t h i n g n e w ? " S p i r o ' s t o n e is n o t
q u i t e p i t y i n g b u t p r e p a r e d t o t u r n t h a t w a y if n e c e s s a r y .
"I don't know, Spiro. I'm j u s t looking."
Landsman takes the folder, and pages quickly through
the thick d o c u m e n t — a c o p y of the FAA investigator's final
d e t e r m i n a t i o n — t h e n sets it aside a n d picks u p o n e of t h e loose
sheets underneath.
" T h a t ' s t h e flight p l a n y o u w e r e a s k i n g a b o u t . F o r t h e m o r n i n g
before t h e crash."
L a n d s m a n s t u d i e s t h e f o r m , w h i c h affirms t h e i n t e n t i o n o f
p i l o t N a o m i L a n d s m a n t o fly h e r P i p e r S u p e r C u b f r o m P e r i l S t r a i t ,
A l a s k a , t o Yakovy, D.S., c a r r y i n g o n e passenger. T h e form looks
l i k e a c o m p u t e r p r i n t o u t , i t s b l a n k s n e a t l y filled i n t w e l v e - p o i n t
Times Roman.
" S o s h e p h o n e d t h i s o n e i n , is t h a t i t ? " L a n d s m a n c h e c k s t h e
time stamp. " T h a t m o r n i n g at five-thirty."
" S h e used t h e a u t o m a t e d s y s t e m , yes. M o s t people d o . "
" P e r i l S t r a i t , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h a t ' s w h e r e ? O u t b y T e n a k e e ,
right?"
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 241

" S o u t h of t h e r e . "
"So, w e ' r e t a l k i n g a b o u t a w h a t — a t w o - h o u r flight f r o m t h e r e
to here?"
" M o r e or less."
" I g u e s s s h e w a s f e e l i n g o p t i m i s t i c , " L a n d s m a n says. " S h e p u t
h e r arrival t i m e at a q u a r t e r p a s t six. F o r t y - f i v e m i n u t e s from t h e
t i m e t h e t h i n g was filed."
S p i r o h a s t h e k i n d o f m i n d t h a t is d r a w n t o a n d r e p e l l e d b y
anomaly. H e takes t h e folder from L a n d s m a n a n d t u r n s it a r o u n d .
H e pages t h r o u g h t h e stack of d o c u m e n t s t h a t he collected a n d
copied after a g r e e i n g t o let L a n d s m a n b u y h i m a s t e a k .
" S h e did a r r i v e a t a q u a r t e r p a s t s i x , " h e says. " I t ' s n o t e d r i g h t
h e r e i n t h e A F S S log. S i x - s e v e n t e e n . "
"So e i t h e r — Let m e get this straight. Either she m a d e the
t w o - h o u r h o p from Peril S t r a i t t o Y a k o v y in less t h a n forty-five
m i n u t e s , " L a n d s m a n says, " o r else . . . O r else she c h a n g e d her
flight p l a n t o c o m e t o Yakovy, w h e n s h e w a s a l r e a d y e n r o u t e a n d
heading someplace else."
T h e steaks come; t h e waitress takes away their n u m b e r on its
p o l e a n d l e a v e s t h e i r t h i c k s l a b s o f C a n a d i a n beef. T h e y s m e l l g o o d
and t h e y look good. Spiro ignores t h e m . H e has forgotten his d r i n k .
H e sifts t h r o u g h t h e p i l e o f p a g e s .
" O k a y , h e r e ' s t h e d a y b e f o r e . S h e flew f r o m S i t k a t o P e r i l S t r a i t
w i t h t h r e e p a s s e n g e r s . S h e t o o k off a t f o u r a n d c l o s e d o u t h e r flight
p l a n a t s i x - t h i r t y . O k a y , so t h e n i t ' s d a r k w h e n t h e y g e t t h e r e . S h e ' s
planning to stay overnight. T h e n the next m o r n i n g . . ." Spiro
stops. " H u h . "
"What?"
"Here's— I'm guessing this was her original flight plan.
L o o k s l i k e s h e w a s p l a n n i n g t o g o b a c k t o Sitka t h e n e x t m o r n i n g .
Originally. N o t to c o m e h e r e to Yakovy."
"With how many passengers?"
"None."
242 MICHAEL CHABDN

" A f t e r s h e ' s b e e n flying a w h i l e , s u p p o s e d l y h e a d e d for S i t k a ,

a n d alone b u t actually w i t h a m y s t e r y passenger on board, she
suddely switches her destination to Yakovy"
" T h a t ' s h o w it looks."
" P e r i l S t r a i t , " L a n d s m a n says. " W h a t ' s i n P e r i l S t r a i t ? "
" W h a t ' s anywhere? M o o s e , bears. Deer. Fish. A n y t h i n g a Jew
wants to kill."
" I d o n ' t t h i n k s o , " L a n d s m a n says. " I d o n ' t t h i n k t h i s w a s a
fishing trip."
S p i r o f r o w n s , t h e n g e t s u p a n d goes over t o t h e bar. H e sidles
u p t o t h e A m e r i c a n pilot, a n d t h e y converse. T h e pilot looks wary,
p e r h a p s c o n s t i t u t i o n a l l y so. B u t h e n o d s a n d f o l l o w s S p i r o b a c k t o
the booth.
" R o c k y K i t k a , " S p i r o says. " D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n . " T h e n h e
sits d o w n a n d takes care of his steak.
Kitka has on black leather jeans and a m a t c h i n g vest worn
o v e r h i s b a r e s k i n , w h i c h is c o v e r e d f r o m w r i s t s t o t h r o a t t o t h e
w a i s t b a n d of his p a n t s in N a t i v e - t h e m e d t a t t o o i n g . B i g - t o o t h e d
w h a l e s a n d b e a v e r s a n d , d o w n h i s left b i c e p s , a s n a k e o r a n eel w i t h
a sly e x p r e s s i o n in its eye.
" Y o u ' r e a p i l o t ? " L a n d s m a n says.
"No, I ' m a p o l i c e m a n . " H e laughs w i t h a t o u c h i n g sincerity at
his o w n display of w i t .
" P e r i l S t r a i t , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u ' v e b e e n t h e r e ? "
K i t k a shakes his head, b u t L a n d s m a n disbelieves him at once.
" K n o w anything about the place?"
"Just t h e w a y it looks from t h e sky."
" K i t k a , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h a t ' s a N a t i v e n a m e . "
" M y father's Tlingit. M y mother's Scotch-Irish and G e r m a n
a n d S w e d i s h . P r e t t y m u c h e v e r y t h i n g in t h e r e b u t Jew."
" L o t of N a t i v e s at Peril S t r a i t ? "
" N o t h i n g b u t . " K i t k a says i t w i t h s i m p l e a u t h o r i t y , t h e n r e c a l l s
his claim n o t t o k n o w a n y t h i n g a b o u t Peril S t r a i t , a n d his eyes slide
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 243

away from L a n d s m a n ' s , l i g h t i n g o n t h e s t e a k . H e looks e x t r e m e l y

hungry.
" N o white people?"
" O n e o r t w o , m a y b e , t u c k e d a w a y b a c k in t h e c o v e s . "
" A n d J e w s ? " L a n d s m a n says.
K i t k a gets a h a r d look in his eye, a p r o t e c t i v e look. " L i k e I said.
I j u s t k n o w i t t o fly p a s t . "
" I ' m m a k i n g a l i t t l e i n v e s t i g a t i o n , " L a n d s m a n says. " I t t u r n s o u t
t h e r e m i g h t b e s o m e t h i n g over t h e r e t o i n t e r e s t a J e w from S i t k a . "
" T h a t ' s Alaska o v e r t h e r e , " K i t k a says. "A J e w i s h c o p , w i t h all
d u e r e s p e c t , h e c a n a s k q u e s t i o n s all d a y l o n g i n t h a t n e i g h b o r h o o d ,
isn't n o b o d y has to answer t h e m . "
L a n d s m a n slides over in t h e b o o t h . " C o m e o n , s w e e t n e s s , " h e
says i n Y i d d i s h . " S t o p l o o k i n g a t i t . I t ' s y o u r s . I d i d n ' t t o u c h i t . "
"You aren't going to eat it?"
"I have no appetite, I don't k n o w why."
" I t ' s t h e N e w Y o r k , i s n ' t it? I l o v e t h e N e w Y o r k . "
K i t k a sits d o w n , a n d L a n d s m a n slides t h e plate t o w a r d h i m .
H e d r i n k s h i s c u p o f coffee a n d w a t c h e s t h e t w o m e n d e s t r o y t h e i r
d i n n e r s . K i t k a looks m u c h h a p p i e r w h e n he's d o n e , less w a r y , less
fearful o f b e i n g s e t u p .
" S h i t , t h a t is g o o d m e a t , " h e says. H e t a k e s a l o n g s w a l l o w o f
ice w a t e r f r o m a r e d p l a s t i c s c h o o n e r . H e l o o k s a t S p i r o , t h e n a w a y ,
then back at L a n d s m a n , then away again. H e stares i n t o t h e w a t e r
glass. " P r i c e o f a m e a l , " h e says b i t t e r l y . T h e n : " T h e y g o t s o m e
k i n d of h o n o r r a n c h . I hear. F o r religious J e w s t h a t g e t h o o k e d o n
drugs and w h a t n o t . I guess even those beards of yours, t h e y get
into the drugs and the drinking and the petty crime."
" T h a t makes sense, t h e y ' d w a n t to p u t it someplace o u t of t h e
w a y , " S p i r o says. " T h e r e ' s a l o t o f s h a m e i n v o l v e d . "
" I d o n ' t k n o w , " L a n d s m a n says. " I t ' s n o t e a s y t o g e t p e r m i s s i o n
to start a Jewish business of any kind on t h e o t h e r side of t h e Line.
N o t even a do-good business like t h a t . "
244 MICHAEL CHABDN

" L i k e I s a i d , " K i t k a says. " I j u s t h e a r d a few t h i n g s . P r o b a b l y

it's b u l l s h i t . "
" W e i r d , " says S p i r o . H e ' s i n t h e w o r l d o f t h e d o s s i e r a g a i n ,
flipping back and forth a m o n g t h e pages.
L a n d s m a n says, " T e l l m e w h a t ' s w e i r d . "
" W e l l , I ' m l o o k i n g t h r o u g h all t h i s , a n d y o u k n o w w h a t I d o n ' t
see? I d o n ' t s e e h e r f l i g h t p l a n f o r — f o r t h e fatal o n e . Y a k o v y b a c k
t o S i t k a . " H e takes o u t his Shoyfer a n d hits t w o keys and waits.
" I k n o w s h e filed o n e . I r e m e m b e r s e e i n g i t . Bella? S p i r o . A r e y o u
b u s y ? U h - h u h . O k a y . L i s t e n . C a n y o u c h e c k s o m e t h i n g for m e ? I
n e e d y o u t o p u l l a flight p l a n from t h e s y s t e m . " H e gives t h e on-
d u t y m a n a g e r N a o m i ' s n a m e a n d t h e d a t e a n d t i m e of her final
flight. " C a n y o u r u n that? Y e a h . "
" D i d y o u k n o w m y s i s t e r , M r . K i t k a ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" Y o u m i g h t s a y t h a t , " K i t k a says. " S h e k i c k e d m y ass o n e t i m e . "
" J o i n t h e c l u b , " L a n d s m a n says.
" T h a t c a n ' t b e , " Spiro says, his voice t i g h t . " C o u l d y o u check
again?"
N o w n o o n e says a n y t h i n g . T h e y j u s t w a t c h S p i r o l i s t e n i n g t o
Bella at t h e o t h e r e n d of t h e line.
" S o m e t h i n g ' s n o t r i g h t , B e l l a , " S p i r o says finally. " I ' m c o m i n g
back over t h e r e . "
H e h a n g s u p , l o o k i n g as if h i s fine s t e a k h a s b e g u n t o d i s a g r e e
with him.
" W h a t is i t ? " L a n d s m a n says. " W h a t ' s t h e m a t t e r ? "
" S h e c a n ' t find t h e f l i g h t p l a n i n t h e s y s t e m . " H e s t a n d s u p a n d
g a t h e r s t o g e t h e r t h e s c a t t e r e d p a g e s o f N a o m i ' s file. " B u t I k n o w
t h a t c a n ' t b e r i g h t , b e c a u s e i t ' s r e f e r e n c e d b y n u m b e r r i g h t h e r e in
the crash report." H e stops. " O r not."
Again h e b a t s back a n d forth t h e pages of t h e thick clipped
sheaf of c l o s e - t y p e d p a g e s t h a t c o m p r i s e t h e r e s u l t s of t h e FAA
i n v e s t i g a t i o n i n t o N a o m i ' s fatal e n c o u n t e r w i t h t h e northwest
slope of M o u n t D u n k e l b l u m .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 245

" S o m e b o d y ' s b e e n i n t h i s file," h e says a t l a s t , u n w i l l i n g l y a t

first, his m o u t h a slit. As t h e conclusion s p r e a d s t h r o u g h his m i n d ,
he relaxes i n t o it. Goes slack. " S o m e b o d y w i t h w e i g h t . "
" W e i g h t , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h e k i n d o f w e i g h t i t t a k e s , for
example, to get permission to build a Jewish r e h a b c enter on BIA
land?"
" T o o m u c h w e i g h t for m e , " S p i r o says. H e s l a m s t h e c o v e r o f t h e
file s h u t , stuffs i t u n d e r h i s a r m . " I c a n ' t b e h e r e w i t h y o u a n y m o r e ,
L a n d s m a n . I ' m s o r r y . T h a n k s for t h e s t e a k d i n n e r . "
A f t e r h e g o e s , L a n d s m a n t a k e s o u t h i s cell p h o n e a n d d i a l s a
n u m b e r in t h e A l a s k a n area c o d e . W h e n t h e w o m a n o n t h e o t h e r
e n d a n s w e r s , h e says, " W i l f r e d D i c k . "
" H o l y J e s u s , " K i t k a says. " L o o k o u t . "
But Landsman gets only a desk sergeant.
" T h e i n s p e c t o r a i n ' t h e r e , " t h e s e r g e a n t says. " W h a t ' s this
about?"
" M a y b e you heard something, I don't know, about some honor
r a n c h o u t a t P e r i l S t r a i t ? " L a n d s m a n says. " D o c t o r s w i t h b e a r d s ? "
" B e t h T i k k u n ? " says t h e s e r g e a n t , as if i t ' s a n A m e r i c a n g i r l
whose last n a m e r h y m e s w i t h " c h i c k e n " . " I k n o w i t . "
T h i s k n o w l e d g e , his t o n e implies, has n o t b r o u g h t h i m happiness
a n d is n o t l i k e l y t o d o so a n y t i m e s o o n .
" I m i g h t w a n t t o p a y a l i t t l e v i s i t t h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says. " S a y
tomorrow. T h i n k that would be okay?"
T h e s e r g e a n t c a n n o t s e e m t o find a n a d e q u a t e r e p l y t o t h i s
a p p a r e n t l y s i m p l e q u e s t i o n . " T o m o r r o w , " h e says a t l a s t .
"Yes, I t h o u g h t I w o u l d fly o u t t h e r e . H a v e a l o o k a r o u n d t h e
grounds."
"Huh."
" W h a t ' s t h e m a t t e r , S e r g e a n t ? T h i s B e t h T i k k u n p l a c e , is i t o n
the up-and-up?"
" T h a t c a l l s for a n o p i n i o n , " t h e s e r g e a n t says. " I n s p e c t o r D i c k
d o n ' t l e t u s h a v e t h o s e . I'll b e s u r e t o t e l l h i m y o u c a l l e d . "
246 MICHAEL CHABDN

" Y o u h a v e a n a i r p l a n e , R o c k y ? " L a n d s m a n s a y s , k i l l i n g t h e call

w i t h his m i d d l e finger.
" I l o s t i t , " K i t k a says. " I n a p o k e r g a m e . T h a t ' s h o w c o m e I ' m
w o r k i n g for a J e w o w n e r . "
" N o offense."
" T h a t ' s r i g h t , " K i t k a says. " N o o f f e n s e . "
"So, let's say I w a n t e d t o p a y a visit t o this t e m p l e of healing
o u t t h e r e at Peril S t r a i t . "
" I g o t a p i c k u p t o m o r r o w , a c t u a l l y , " K i t k a says. " O v e r to
F r e s h w a t e r Bay. I m i g h t b e a b l e t o b e n d a l i t t l e t o t h e r i g h t o n t h e
way over there. But I'm not going to hang around with the meter
r u n n i n g . " H e grins a b e a v e r - t o o t h grin. "And it's going t o cost you
a hell of a lot m o r e t h a n a steak d i n n e r . "
 • § 2 9 g*

badge of grass, a green brooch p i n n e d at t h e collarbone of a

 m o u n t a i n t o a v a s t b l a c k c l o a k o f fir t r e e s . A t t h e c e n t e r o f t h e
clearing, a handful of b u i l d i n g s clad in b r o w n shakes r a d i a t e
from a circular f o u n t a i n , l i n k e d b y p a t h s a n d s e p a r a t e d b y q u i l t e d
p a t c h e s o f l a w n a n d g r a v e l . A p i t c h a t t h e far e n d , c h a l k e d for s o c c e r ,
r i n g e d b y a n o v a l t r a c k . T h e p l a c e h a s t h e feel o f a b o a r d i n g s c h o o l ,
a b a c k w o o d s a c a d e m y for w a y w a r d y o u n g w e a l t h . H a l f a d o z e n
m e n circle t h e t r a c k in s h o r t s a n d h o o d e d s w e a t s h i r t s . O t h e r s sit
o r lie p r o n e i n t h e c e n t e r o f t h e field, s t r e t c h i n g b e f o r e e x e r c i s e ,
legs a n d a r m s , a n g l e s o n t h e g r o u n d . A n a l p h a b e t o f m e n s c a t t e r e d
o n a g r e e n p a g e . W h e n t h e p l a n e d i p s a w i n g o v e r t h e p l a y i n g field,
t h e h o o d s of t h e s w e a t s h i r t s t r a i n on its fuselage like t h e m u z z l e s
o f a n t i a i r c r a f t c a n n o n . F r o m t h e s k y i t is h a r d t o b e s u r e , b u t i n
Landsman's judgment, the men move and stand and stretch their
p a l e l o n g legs l i k e y o u t h f u l t y p e s in excellent h e a l t h . Another
f e l l o w c o m e s o u t o f t h e folds o f t h e f o r e s t i n a d a r k c o v e r a l l . H e
follows t h e arc of t h e C e s s n a , r i g h t a r m c r o o k e d a t t h e e l b o w a n d
p r e s s e d a g a i n s t h i s face, m a k i n g t h e c a l l : We have company. Beyond
t h e w o o d s , L a n d s m a n c a t c h e s a flicker o f d i s t a n t g r e e n , a roof, a
s c a t t e r i n g of w h i t e c l u m p s t h a t m i g h t b e piles of snow.
248 MICHAEL CHABDN

Kitka muscles the plane around with a shuddering and a rattling

a n d a g r o a n , a n d t h e n t h e y fall o u t o f t h e s k y all a t o n c e , t h e n a
l i t t l e a t a t i m e , a n d h i t t h e w a t e r w i t h a final s m a c k . M a y b e i t w a s
Landsman doing the groaning.
" I n e v e r t h o u g h t I ' d s a y t h i s , " K i t k a says as t h e L y c o m i n g
engine drops i n t o idle a n d t h e y can hear themselves think. " B u t
six h u n d r e d d o l l a r s d o n ' t s e e m l i k e q u i t e e n o u g h . "
H a l f an h o u r o u t of Yakovy, L a n d s m a n d e c i d e d t o spice u p
t h e i r j o u r n e y w i t h a j u d i c i o u s application of v o m i t . T h e plane
was h a r r o w e d b y t h e smell of t w e n t y years of r o t t i n g moose flesh,
a n d L a n d s m a n b y r e m o r s e a t h a v i n g b r o k e n his vow, t a k e n after
N a o m i ' s d e a t h , t o r e p u d i a t e travel b y v e r y small airplane. Still,
t h e display of airsickness r e m a i n s an a c h i e v e m e n t , given h o w little
L a n d s m a n has e a t e n in t h e p a s t several days.
" I a m s o r r y , R o c k y , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , t r y i n g t o lift h i s v o i c e u p
o u t o f h i s s o c k s . " I g u e s s I w a s n ' t r e a d y t o fly a g a i n y e t . "
L a n d s m a n ' s l a s t t r i p b y a i r w a s u n d e r t a k e n w i t h h i s s i s t e r in
h e r S u p e r C u b , t o n o ill effect. B u t t h a t w a s a g o o d a i r p l a n e , a n d
N a o m i w a s a s k i l l e d p i l o t , a n d t h e w e a t h e r w a s fine, a n d L a n d s m a n
w a s d r u n k . T h i s t i m e h e r i s k e d t h e skies in a b i t t e r c o n d i t i o n of
s o b r i e t y . T h r e e p o t s o f b a d m o t e l coffee f o r k e d h i s n e r v o u s s y s t e m .
H e flew a t t h e j o i n t m e r c y o f a stiff c h o p b l o w i n g i n f r o m t h e Y u k o n
a n d a b a d pilot, one w h o s e caution m a d e h i m reckless and whose
s e l f - d o u b t m a d e h i m b o l d . L a n d s m a n s w a y e d in t h e canvas w e b b i n g
of t h e w e a r y old 206 t h a t t h e m a n a g e m e n t of T u r k e l Regional
A i r w a y s h a s s e e n fit t o e n t r u s t t o R o c k y K i t k a . T h e p l a n e r u m b l e d
a n d j u d d e r e d a n d s h o o k . All t h e p i n s a n d b o l t s c a m e loose from
L a n d s m a n ' s skeleton, and his head got t u r n e d a r o u n d backward,
a n d h i s a r m s fell off, a n d h i s e y e b a l l r o l l e d u n d e r t h e c a b i n h e a t e r .
Somewhere over t h e M o o r e M o u n t a i n s , Landsman's vow backed
u p on him.

K i t k a t h r o w s o p e n t h e d o o r a n d leaps w i t h t h e m o o r i n g line
onto the floatplane d o c k . L a n d s m a n staggers o u t of t h e cabin o n t o
the graying cedar planks. H e stands blinking, reeling, breathing
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 249

d e e p lungfuls o f t h e local a i r w i t h i t s s c o u r i n g s m e l l o f p i n e n e e d l e
and sea w r a c k . H e s t r a i g h t e n s h i s t i e a n d settles his h a t o n h i s
head.
P e r i l S t r a i t is a j u m b l e o f b o a t s , a fuel p u m p , a r o w o f w e a t h e r e d
houses in t h e colors of a r u s t e d - o u t engine. T h e houses h u d d l e
on their pilings like skinny-legged ladies. A m a n g y s t r e t c h of
boardwalk noses a m o n g t h e houses before w a n d e r i n g over t o t h e
b o a t s l i p s t o l i e d o w n . I t all s e e m s t o b e h e l d t o g e t h e r b y a c r a z e
of hawser, tangles o f fishing line, scraps o f p u r s e seine s t r u n g w i t h
c r u s t e d floats. T h e w h o l e v i l l a g e m i g h t b e n o t h i n g b u t d r i f t w o o d
a n d w i r e , flotsam f r o m t h e d r o w n i n g o f a far-off* t o w n .
The floatplane dock appears t o have n o physical connection t o
t h e b o a r d w a l k o r t h e v i l l a g e o f P e r i l S t r a i t . I t is s o l i d , w e l l b u i l t ,
new-looking, white concrete a n d gray-painted beams. It boasts of
engineering a n d t h e logistical needs of m e n w i t h money. A t t h e
shore end, it t e r m i n a t e s in a steel gate. Beyond t h e gate, a w i n d i n g
metal stair has been w h i p s t i t c h e d u p t h e hillside t o a clearing a t
the top. Alongside t h e stairs, a perpendicular railway cuts straight
uphill, w i t h a railed p l a t f o r m t o e l e v a t e w h a t c a n n o t g o b y stair.
A small m e t a l sign b o l t e d t o t h e railing o f t h e d o c k r e a d s B E T H
TIKKUN R E T R E A T C E N T E R in Yiddish a n d A m e r i c a n , a n d beneath

t h i s , i n A m e r i c a n , P R I V A T E P R O P E R T Y . L a n d s m a n fixes h i s g a z e o n
the Yiddish characters. T h e y look o u t of place a n d homely in this
wild corner of Baranof Island, a gathering of lurching little Yiddish
policemen in black suits and fedoras.

K i t k a fills h i s S t e t s o n w i t h w a t e r f r o m a t a p m o u n t e d a g a i n s t
a post of t h e dock, a n d splashes d o w n t h e inside of his plane, o n e
hatful o f n o n p o t a b l e w a t e r after a n o t h e r . L a n d s m a n is m o r t i f i e d t o
have m a d e this j o b necessary, b u t K i t k a a n d v o m i t appear t o b e old
a c q u a i n t a n c e s , a n d t h e m a n never q u i t e loses h i s smile. W i t h t h e
edge of a plasticized spotter's guide t o Alaskan whales a n d fishes,
Kitka squeegees o u t of the cabin door a c o m p o u n d of vomitus a n d
s e a w a t e r . H e r i n s e s off t h e s p o t t e r ' s g u i d e , g i v e s i t a s h a k e . T h e n
he stands in t h e doorway, h a n g i n g from t h e arch b y o n e h a n d , a n d
25D MICHAEL CHABDN

l o o k s d o w n a t L a n d s m a n o n t h e d o c k . T h e sea s l a p s a g a i n s t t h e
p o n t o o n s of t h e C e s s n a a n d against t h e pilings. T h e w i n d blowing
d o w n f r o m t h e S t i k i n e R i v e r h u m s i n L a n d s m a n ' s ear. I t s t i r s t h e
b r i m of his h a t . O v e r in t h e village, a w o m a n ' s voice rises, r a g g e d ,
b a w l i n g o u t h e r child or h e r m a n . T h e r e follows t h e p a r o d i e b a r k i n g
of a dog.
" G u e s s t h e y k n o w y o u ' r e c o m i n g , " K i t k a says. " F o l k s u p t o p
there." His smile t u r n s sheepish, narrowing almost to a pout. "I
guess w e k i n d of m a d e sure of t h a t . "
" I already paid s o m e b o d y a surprise visit this week; it d i d n ' t
w o r k o u t so g o o d , " L a n d s m a n says. H e u n p o c k e t s t h e B e r e t t a ,
p o p s t h e clip, checks t h e magazine. " I d o u b t t h e y can really be
surprised."
" Y o u k n o w w h o t h e y a r e ? " K i t k a says, his eyes on t h e sholem.
"No," L a n d s m a n says. " I d o n ' t . D o y o u ? "
"Seriously, b r o , " K i t k a says, " i f I d i d , I w o u l d tell you. Even
though you puked up m y plane."
" W h o e v e r t h e y a r e , " L a n d s m a n says, d r i v i n g h o m e t h e clip, " I
t h i n k t h e y m i g h t have killed m y little sister."
K i t k a m u l l s t h i s s t a t e m e n t as if s e a r c h i n g i t for w e a k p o i n t s o r
l o o p h o l e s . " I h a v e t o b e i n F r e s h w a t e r b y t e n , " h e says w i t h a s h o w
of regret.
"No," L a n d s m a n says. " I u n d e r s t a n d . "
"Otherwise, bro, I would totally back you up."
"Hey, come on. What are you saying? This isn't your
problem."
" Y e a h , b u t I m e a n , N a o m i . She w a s a fucking piece of w o r k ,
though."
"Tell me about it."
" A c t u a l l y , s h e n e v e r r e a l l y l i k e d m e all t h a t m u c h . "
" S h e c o u l d r u n h o t a n d c o l d , " L a n d s m a n says, d r o p p i n g t h e g u n
back i n t o t h e h i p p o c k e t of his jacket. " S o m e t i m e s . "
"All r i g h t , t h e n , " K i t k a s a y s , k i c k i n g a s p l a s h o f w a t e r o u t o f
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 251

his airplane w i t h t h e toe of o n e R o p e r b o o t . " H e y , listen. You t a k e

care."
"I don't really k n o w h o w to do t h a t , " L a n d s m a n a d m i t s .
" Y o u h a d t h a t i n c o m m o n , t h e n , " says K i t k a . " Y o u a n d y o u r
sister."
Landsman clatters down the dock and tries the k n o b on the
s t e e l g a t e j u s t for f u n . T h e n h e t o s s e s h i s s a t c h e l t o t h e o t h e r s i d e
of t h e g a t e a n d c l a m b e r s u p a n d over t h e grille after it. As h e goes
over t h e t o p of t h e g a t e , his foot g e t s c a u g h t in t h e b a r s of t h e
g r i l l e . H i s s h o e falls off. H e t u m b l e s a n d s p i l l s d o w n t o t h e o t h e r
side, landing w i t h a m e a t y t h u d . H e bites his t o n g u e , a n d there's
a s a l t s p u r t o f b l o o d . H e d u s t s h i m s e l f off a n d g l a n c e s b a c k a t t h e
d o c k t o m a k e s u r e K i t k a g o t all o f t h a t . L a n d s m a n w a v e s t o s h o w
t h a t h e ' s all r i g h t . A f t e r a m o m e n t K i t k a w a v e s b a c k . H e c l o s e s t h e
door of t h e plane. T h e engine snaps awake. T h e propeller vanishes
into t h e d a r k sheen of its o w n revolution.
L a n d s m a n s t a r t s t h e l o n g c l i m b t o t h e t o p of t h e stairs. If
a n y t h i n g , he's in w o r s e s h a p e n o w t h a n h e was w h e n h e t r i e d t o
c o n q u e r t h e s t a i r w a y in t h e S h e m e t s e s ' a p a r t m e n t b u i l d i n g o n
F r i d a y m o r n i n g . L a s t n i g h t h e lay a w a k e o n t h e stiff g r i t t y p a c k e t
of a m o t e l m a t t r e s s . T w o days ago h e w a s s h o t at a n d b e a t e n in t h e
snow. H e a c h e s . H e w h e e z e s . T h e r e ' s s o m e k i n d o f m y s t e r y p a i n i n
h i s r i b a n d a n o t h e r i n h i s left k n e e . H e h a s t o s t o p o n c e , h a l f w a y
up, to smoke a hortatory cigarette. H e turns to watch the Cessna
wobble and h u m its way into t h e low m o r n i n g clouds, a b a n d o n i n g
L a n d s m a n t o w h a t feels, r i g h t t h e n , l i k e a l o n e l y f a t e .
L a n d s m a n h a n g s from t h e railing, h i g h above t h e d e s e r t e d b e a c h
and t h e village. D o w n below, on t h e crooked b o a r d w a l k , s o m e p e o p l e
have e m e r g e d from t h e i r h o u s e s t o w a t c h h i m climb. H e waves t o
t h e m , and t h e y obligingly wave back. H e steps on t h e e n d of his
papiros and r e s u m e s his steady u p w a r d t r u d g e . H e has t h e r u s h of
t h e w a t e r s i n t h e i n l e t for c o m p a n y , t h e d i s t a n t c h u c k l i n g o f c r o w s .
T h e n t h e s e s o u n d s fade. H e h e a r s o n l y his b r e a t h i n g , t h e c h i m i n g
252 MICHAEL CHABDN

of h i s soles a g a i n s t t h e m e t a l t r e a d s of t h e stairway, t h e c r e a k i n g
strap of his satchel.
At the top, a whitewashed flagpole flies t w o flags. O n e is t h e
flag o f t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s o f A m e r i c a . T h e o t h e r is a m o d e s t w h i t e
n u m b e r b l a z o n e d w i t h a p a l e b l u e S t a r o f D a v i d . T h e flagpole s t a n d s
in a r i n g o f w h i t e w a s h e d s t o n e s e n c i r c l e d b y a c o n c r e t e a p r o n . A t
the base of t h e flagpole, a small metal plaque reads FLAGPOLE
ERECTED THROUGH THE GENEROSITY OF BARRY AND RHONDA

G R E E N B A U M BEVERLY HILLS C A L I F O R N I A . A w a l k w a y leads from

the circular apron to t h e largest of t h e buildings that Landsman

s a w f r o m t h e air. T h e o t h e r s a r e n o m o r e t h a n c r a c k e r b o x e s c l a d i n
cedar shake, b u t this o n e m a k e s a g e s t u r e in t h e d i r e c t i o n of style.
I t s r o o f is p i t c h e d a n d c l a d i n r i b b e d s t e e l , p a i n t e d d a r k g r e e n .
I t s w i n d o w s a r e fitted w i t h t r a n s o m s a n d m u l l i o n s . A d e e p p o r c h
w r a p s t h e b u i l d i n g o n t h r e e s i d e s , i t s p i l l a r s t h e t r u n k s o f fir t r e e s ,
still w e a r i n g t h e i r b a r k . A t t h e c e n t e r of t h e p o r c h , a w i d e set of
steps leads u p from t h e c o n c r e t e walk.
Two men stand on the uppermost porch step, watching
L a n d s m a n come toward t h e m . Both have heavy beards b u t no
s i d e l o c k s . N o h o s e , n o b l a c k h a t s . T h e o n e t o t h e left is y o u n g ,
t h i r t y at t h e outside. H e ' s tall, even looming, w i t h a forehead
like a c o n c r e t e b u n k e r a n d a n u n d e r s l u n g j a w . H i s b e a r d is
unruly, p r o n e t o black ringlets, w i t h a w h o r l of b a r e skin on each
c h e e k . H i s b i g h a n d s d a n g l e at his sides, p u l s i n g like a couple of
cephalopods. H e wears a black suit with a generous drape and
a d a r k r e p tie. L a n d s m a n reads t h e t w i t c h of longing in t h e b i g
m a n ' s fingers a n d t r i e s t o m a r k t h e v e s t for t h e p r e s e n c e o f a g u n .
As L a n d s m a n g e t s closer, t h e b i g m a n ' s eyes cool t o a lightless
black.

T h e o t h e r m a n is a b o u t L a n d s m a n ' s a g e , h e i g h t , a n d b u i l d . H e ' s
g o n e softer a r o u n d t h e m i d d l e t h a n L a n d s m a n , a n d h e leans o n a
cane f o r m e d w i t h a c u r v e from s o m e d a r k , glossy w o o d . H i s beard
is c h a r c o a l s t r e a k e d w i t h a s h , t r i m m e d , a l m o s t d e b o n a i r . H e w e a r s
a t w e e d s u i t c o m p l e t e w i t h v e s t , a n d h e puffs a t h o u g h t f u l p i p e .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 253

H e s e e m s c o n t e n t if n o t d e l i g h t e d t o s e e L a n d s m a n c o m i n g h i s
way, c u r i o u s , a d o c t o r a n t i c i p a t i n g m i l d a n o m a l y o r a w r i n k l e i n
t h e usual p r e s e n t a t i o n . H i s shoes are m o c c a s i n loafers, laced w i t h
leather thong.
L a n d s m a n stops at t h e b o t t o m s t e p of t h e p o r c h a n d hitches
u p his satchel. A w o o d p e c k e r r a t t l e s its c u p of dice. For a m o m e n t
t h a t a n d t h e hisses of p i n e needles are t h e o n l y s o u n d s . T h e y m i g h t
b e t h e o n l y t h r e e m e n i n all o f s o u t h e a s t e r n A l a s k a . B u t L a n d s m a n
c a n feel o t h e r e y e s w a t c h i n g h i m t h r o u g h t h e p a r t i n g s o f w i n d o w
c u r t a i n s , t h r o u g h g u n s i g h t s , p e r i s c o p e s , a n d p e e p h o l e s . H e c a n feel
t h e i n t e r r u p t e d life o f t h e p l a c e , m o r n i n g e x e r c i s e , t h e r i n s i n g o f
coffee c u p s . H e c a n s m e l l e g g s s c o r c h e d i n b u t t e r , t o a s t e d b r e a d .
" I d o n ' t k n o w h o w t o t e l l y o u t h i s , " says t h e t a l l m a n w i t h t h e
patchy beard. His voice seems to spend too long b o u n c i n g a r o u n d
in his c h e s t before it e m e r g e s . T h e w o r d s c o m e o u t t h i c k , p o u r e d
w i t h a s l o w l a d l e . " B u t y o u r r i d e j u s t left w i t h o u t y o u . "
" A m I g o i n g s o m e w h e r e ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" Y o u a r e n ' t s t a y i n g h e r e , m y f r i e n d , " says t h e m a n i n t h e t w e e d
s u i t . A s s o o n as h e says t h e w o r d " f r i e n d " all f r i e n d l i n e s s s e e m s t o
d r a i n from his m a n n e r .
" B u t I have a r e s e r v a t i o n , " L a n d s m a n says, w a t c h i n g t h e b i g
man's restless hands. " I ' m younger than I look."
T h e s o u n d like t h e b o n e s in t h e i r b u c k e t , s o m e w h e r e in t h e
woods.
"Okay, I'm no kid, and I don't have a reservation, b u t I do have
a s u b s t a n c e a b u s e p r o b l e m , " L a n d s m a n says. " S u r e l y t h a t c o u n t s
for s o m e t h i n g . "
" M i s t e r — " says t h e m a n i n t h e t w e e d s u i t , c o m i n g d o w n o n e
step. L a n d s m a n can smell the b i t t e r shag he smokes.
" L i s t e n , " L a n d s m a n says, " I h e a r d a b o u t t h e g o o d w o r k y o u
p e o p l e a r e d o i n g h e r e , all r i g h t ? I ' v e t r i e d e v e r y t h i n g . I k n o w i t ' s
crazy, b u t I ' m at t h e e n d of m y r o p e , a n d I d o n ' t have a n y w h e r e
else t o g o . "
T h e m a n in t h e t w e e d suit looks b a c k at t h e tall m a n at t h e t o p
254 MICHAEL CHABDN

o f t h e s t e p s . T h e y d o n ' t s e e m t o h a v e a n y i d e a w h o L a n d s m a n is
o r w h a t t o m a k e o f h i m . A l l t h e fun o f t h e p a s t s e v e r a l d a y s , in
p a r t i c u l a r t h e t o r t u r o u s h o p from Yakovy, s e e m s t o have r u b b e d
off s o m e o f t h e n o z f r o m L a n d s m a n ' s a u r a . H e h o p e s a n d fears t h a t
h e looks o n l y like a loser, d r a g g i n g his b a d l u c k in a satchel over
one arm.
" I n e e d h e l p , " h e says, a n d t o his s u r p r i s e , his eyes g e t h o t w i t h
tears. " I ' m in a b a d way." H i s voice breaks. " I ' m p r e p a r e d t o a d m i t
that."
" W h a t ' s y o u r n a m e ? " says t h e t a l l m a n slowly. H i s e y e s a r e
w a r m w i t h o u t amity. T h e y p i t y L a n d s m a n w i t h o u t taking much
of an i n t e r e s t in h i m .
"Felnboyger," Landsman tries, dragging out the name from
some ancient arrest report. "Lev Felnboyger."
" D o e s anyone k n o w you're here, Mr. Felnboyger?"
" O n l y m y wife. A n d t h e p i l o t , of c o u r s e . "
L a n d s m a n sees t h a t t h e t w o m e n k n o w each o t h e r well e n o u g h
to e n g a g e in a furious argument without speaking or moving
a n y t h i n g b u t their eyes.
" I ' m Dr. R o b o y , " says t h e tall m a n at last. H e swings o n e of his
h a n d s t o w a r d L a n d s m a n , like t h e payload of a c r a n e at t h e e n d of
its cable. L a n d s m a n w a n t s t o g e t o u t of its way, b u t h e takes h o l d
of its cool d r y b u l k . "Please, Mr. Felnboyger, c o m e inside."
H e f o l l o w s t h e m a c r o s s t h e s a n d e d fir p l a n k s o f t h e p o r c h . H i g h
in t h e rafters of t h e p o r c h , h e s p o t s a w a s p ' s n e s t , a n d h e w a t c h e s
i t for a s i g n o f life, b u t i t s e e m s as d e s e r t e d as e v e r y o t h e r s t r u c t u r e
on this hilltop.
T h e y c o m e into an e m p t y lobby furnished, w i t h a podiatrist's
flair, i n soft b e i g e o b l o n g s o f f o a m . D r a b l o w - p i l e c a r p e t , e g g -
c a r t o n gray. O n t h e w a l l s h a n g t r a d e m a r k - t r i t e s c e n e s o f S i t k a
life, s a l m o n b o a t s a n d Y e s h i v a b a c h e l o r s , café s o c i e t y o n M o n a s t i r
Street, a swinging klezmer that might be a stylized Nathan
Kalushiner. Again L a n d s m a n has t h e u n e a s y sensation t h a t it has
all b e e n i n s t a l l e d a n d h u n g t h a t m o r n i n g . T h e r e is n o flake o f a s h
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 255

i n t h e a s h t r a y s . T h e r a c k o f i n f o r m a t i o n a l b r o c h u r e s is w e l l s t o c k e d
w i t h copies of " D r u g D e p e n d e n c y : W h o N e e d s I t ! " a n d "Life: T o
R e n t o r t o O w n ? " O n t h e w a l l , a t h e r m o s t a t s i g h s as if suffering
from t h e t e d i u m . T h e r o o m smells of fresh c a r p e t a n d e x t i n g u i s h e d
pipe. O v e r t h e d o o r t o a c a r p e t e d hallway, an adhesive p l a q u e reads
LOBBY F U R N I S H I N G S COURTESY OF B O N N I E A N D R O N A L D L E D E R E R

BOCA RATON FLORIDA.

" H a v e a seat, p l e a s e , " Dr. R o b o y says in his t h i c k b l a c k s y r u p

of a voice. " F l i g l e r ? "
T h e m a n in t h e t w e e d suit goes b a c k t o t h e F r e n c h d o o r s , o p e n s
t h e left p a n e l , a n d c h e c k s t h e t h r o w b o l t s a t t h e t o p a n d b o t t o m .
T h e n h e c l o s e s t h e p a n e l , l o c k s i t , a n d p o c k e t s t h e key. H e w a l k s
back past Landsman, brushing against him with a padded tweed
shoulder.
"Fligler," L a n d s m a n says, t a k i n g h o l d of t h e smaller m a n ' s a r m
gently. "You a doctor, t o o ? "
F l i g l e r s h a k e s off L a n d s m a n ' s h a n d . H e p r o d u c e s a b o o k o f
m a t c h e s f r o m h i s p o c k e t . " Y o u b e t , " h e says w i t h o u t sincerity
or c o n v i c t i o n . W i t h t h e fingers of his r i g h t h a n d , h e peels b a c k a
m a t c h from t h e m a t c h b o o k , scrapes it i n t o flame, a n d t o u c h e s it t o
t h e b o w l o f h i s p i p e , all i n a s i n g l e c o n t i n u o u s m o t i o n . W h i l e h i s
r i g h t h a n d is b u s y e n t e r t a i n i n g L a n d s m a n w i t h t h i s m i n o r f e a t , h i s
left h a n d p l u n g e s i n t o t h e p o c k e t o f L a n d s m a n ' s j a c k e t a n d c o m e s
away w i t h t h e .22.
" T h e r e ' s y o u r p r o b l e m r i g h t t h e r e , " h e says, h o l d i n g t h e g u n u p
w h e r e e v e r y o n e can see it. " W a t c h t h e d o c t o r , n o w . "
Landsman watches dutifully as Fligler raises the gun,
considering it w i t h a keen medical eye. B u t t h e n t h e n e x t m i n u t e
a door slams s o m e w h e r e inside L a n d s m a n ' s h e a d , a n d after t h a t h e
gets distracted—for half a s e c o n d — b y t h e d r o n e of a t h o u s a n d
w a s p s flying i n t h r o u g h t h e p o r c h o f h i s left ear.
L
a n d s m a n c o m e s t o on his b a c k , looking u p at a r o w of iron
kettles. T h e y dangle with precision on sturdy hooks from
a r a c k t h r e e feet a b o v e his h e a d . In L a n d s m a n ' s nostrils,
a nostalgic smell of c a m p k i t c h e n , cooking gas and dish soap,
scorched onion, h a r d water, a faint stink of tackle box. M e t a l
like a chill of f o r e b o d i n g a g a i n s t his nape. H e ' s s t r e t c h e d out
o n a l o n g s t a i n l e s s - s t e e l c o u n t e r , h a n d s cuffed b e h i n d his b a c k ,
j a m m e d u p against his sacrum. Barefoot, drooling, ready to be
p l u c k e d a n d stuffed in t h e b o d y c a v i t y w i t h l e m o n a n d m a y b e a
nice sprig of sage.

"I heard some crazy rumors about you," Landsman says.

"Cannibalism I never heard."
" I w o u l d n ' t e a t y o u , L a n d s m a n , " affirms B a r o n s h t e y n . " N o t if
I was t h e h u n g r i e s t m a n in Alaska a n d t h e y served you to m e w i t h
a s i l v e r f o r k . I d o n ' t m u c h c a r e for p i c k l e s . " H e ' s s i t t i n g o n a h i g h
s t o o l t o L a n d s m a n ' s left, a r m s c r o s s e d u n d e r t h e s k i r t s o f h i s l u s h
black beard.
H e ' s o u t of u n i f o r m in a pair of n e w blue d u n g a r e e s , flannel
s h i r t t u c k e d in at t h e w a i s t a n d b u t t o n e d a l m o s t t o t h e top. A
fat h i d e b e l t w i t h a h e a v y b u c k l e a n d b l a c k r a n g e r b o o t s . T h e
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 257

s h i r t t o o b i g for h i s f r a m e , t h e t r o u s e r s stiff as p l a t e i r o n . E x c e p t
for t h e s k u l l c a p , B a r o n s h t e y n l o o k s l i k e a s k i n n y k i d d o n e u p as a
l u m b e r j a c k for a s c h o o l play, b o g u s b e a r d a n d a l l . W i t h h i s b o o t
h e e l s h o o k e d o n t h e r a i l o f t h e s t o o l , t h e cuffs o f h i s t r o u s e r s h i k e
t o b e t r a y a few h o s e - p a l e i n c h e s o f t h i n s h a n k .
" W h o is t h i s y i d ? " says t h e g a u n t g i a n t , R o b o y . Landsman
c r a n e s h i s n e c k a n d t a k e s i n t h e d o c t o r , if h e is a d o c t o r , p e r c h e d o n
a steel stool of his o w n d o w n b y L a n d s m a n ' s feet. Bags u n d e r his
eyes like smears of g r a p h i t e . Beside h i m s t a n d s N u r s e Fligler, c a n e
h o o k e d over o n e a r m , w a t c h i n g a p a p i r o s die in t h e c u s t o d y of his
r i g h t h a n d , t h e left h a n d t u c k e d o m i n o u s l y i n t o t h e h i p p o c k e t o f
his t w e e d jacket. " W h y d o y o u k n o w h i m ? "
A p a n o p l y o f k n i v e s , c l e a v e r s , c h o p p e r s , a n d o t h e r t o o l s is
ranged along a m a g n e t i c rack on t h e kitchen wall w i t h i n easy grasp
of t h e i n d u s t r i o u s c h e f or shlosser.
" T h i s y i d is a s h a m m e s n a m e d L a n d s m a n . "
" T h i s is a p o l i c e m a n ? " R o b o y says. H e l o o k s l i k e h e j u s t b i t i n t o
a b o n b o n filled w i t h s o m e a c r i d p a s t e . " H e c a r r i e s n o b a d g e . F l i g l e r ,
the man had a badge?"
" I found n o b a d g e or o t h e r form of law e n f o r c e m e n t l a b e l i n g , "
F l i g l e r says.
" T h a t is b e c a u s e I h a d h i s b a d g e t a k e n a w a y f r o m h i m , " B a r o n ­
s h t e y n says. " I s n ' t t h a t r i g h t , D e t e c t i v e ? "
"I'll ask t h e q u e s t i o n s h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says, s q u i r m i n g t o find
a m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e w a y of l y i n g o n t o p of his o w n cuffed h a n d s .
"If you don't m i n d . "
" I t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r if h e h a s a b a d g e o r d o e s n ' t , " F l i g l e r o p i n e s .
" O u t here a Jewish badge means goat shit."
"I don't care for that kind of language, Friend Fligler,"
B a r o n s h t e y n says. "As I b e l i e v e I h a v e m e n t i o n e d b e f o r e . "
" Y o u h a v e , b u t I c a n n e v e r h e a r i t e n o u g h , " F l i g l e r says.
B a r o n s h t e y n r e g a r d s Fligler. In t h e p i t s of his skull h i d d e n g l a n d s
s e c r e t e t h e i r v e n o m . " F r i e n d F l i g l e r h e r e w a s all for s h o o t i n g y o u a n d
258 MICHAEL CHABDN

d u m p i n g y o u r b o d y i n t h e w o o d s , " h e says a m i a b l y t o L a n d s m a n ,
k e e p i n g his eyes on t h e m a n w i t h t h e g u n in his p o c k e t .
" W a y o u t i n t h e w o o d s , " F l i g l e r says. " S e e w h a t c o m e s a l o n g
and gnaws on your carcass."
" T h a t y o u r t r e a t m e n t p l a n , D o c ? " L a n d s m a n says, c r a n i n g his
head a r o u n d to t r y to m a k e eye contact w i t h Roboy. " N o w o n d e r
M e n d e l S h p i l m a n c h e c k e d o u t o f h e r e so q u i c k l a s t s p r i n g . "
T h e y feed o n t h e m e a t o f t h i s r e m a r k , g a u g i n g i t s flavor a n d
v i t a m i n c o n t e n t . B a r o n s h t e y n allows a m o d i c u m of reproach to
flow i n t o h i s p o i s o n o u s g a z e . Ton had the yid, says t h e l o o k t h a t h e
flicks a t D r . R o b o y . And you let him get away.
B a r o n s h t e y n leans close, c r a n i n g in from his stool, a n d speaks,
w i t h t h a t m e n a c i n g t e n d e r n e s s o f h i s . H i s b r e a t h is s t a l e a n d a c r i d .
C h e e s e r i n d s , b r e a d heels, g r o u n d s at t h e b o t t o m of a cup. " W h a t
a r e y o u d o i n g , F r i e n d L a n d s m a n , " h e says, " w a y o u t h e r e w h e r e
you don't belong?"
B a r o n s h t e y n looks genuinely puzzled. T h e Jew desires to be
informed. T h i s may, L a n d s m a n t h i n k s , be t h e only desire t h e m a n
e v e r p e r m i t s h i m s e l f t o feel.
" I c o u l d a s k y o u t h e s a m e t h i n g , " L a n d s m a n says, t h i n k i n g
t h a t m a y b e B a r o n s h t e y n h a s n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h i s p l a c e , is
o n l y a v i s i t o r , l i k e L a n d s m a n . M a y b e h e is w o r k i n g t h e s a m e t r a i l ,
r e t r a c i n g t h e r e c e n t t r a j e c t o r y o f M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , t r y i n g t o find
t h e spot w h e r e t h e rebbe's son crossed t h e s h a d o w t h a t killed h i m .
" W h a t is t h i s p l a c e , a b o a r d i n g s c h o o l for w a y w a r d V e r b o v e r s ? W h o
are t h e s e characters? You missed a belt loop, b y t h e way."
Baronshteyn's fingers stray t o w a r d his waist, t h e n he sits back
a n d m a k e s a face t h a t r e s e m b l e s a s m i l e . " W h o k n o w s y o u ' r e h e r e ? "
h e says. " B e s i d e s t h e flyer?"
L a n d s m a n feels a s t a b o f d r e a d for R o c k y K i t k a , flying u p s i d e
d o w n t h r o u g h life for h u n d r e d s o f m i l e s w i t h o u t k n o w i n g it.
L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t k n o w v e r y m u c h a b o u t t h e s e y i d s of Peril S t r a i t ,
b u t i t s e e m s fairly c l e a r t h a t t h e y c a n b e a w f u l l y t o u g h o n a b u s h
pilot.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 259

" W h a t flyer?" h e says.

" I t h i n k w e h a v e t o a s s u m e t h e w o r s t , " D r . R o b o y says. " T h i s
f a c i l i t y is c l e a r l y c o m p r o m i s e d . "
"You have been spending too m u c h time w i t h those p e o p l e , "
B a r o n s h t e y n says. " Y o u a r e s t a r t i n g t o t a l k l i k e t h e m . " W i t h o u t
t a k i n g h i s e y e s off L a n d s m a n , h e u n b u c k l e s h i s b e l t a n d f e e d s i t
through the loop that he missed. "You m a y be right, Roboy." H e
cinches t h e belt t i g h t w i t h a d i s t i n c t air of s e l f - p u n i s h m e n t . " B u t I
would be willing to bet that L a n d s m a n told nobody. N o t even that
fat I n d i a n p a r t n e r o f h i s . L a n d s m a n is o u t o n a l i m b , a n d h e k n o w s
it. H e has n o s u p p o r t . N o j u r i s d i c t i o n , n o s t a n d i n g , n o t even a
badge. H e w o u l d n ' t tell anyone he w a s g o i n g t o t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s ,
b e c a u s e h e w o u l d b e afraid t h e y w o u l d t r y t o t a l k h i m o u t of it. O r
w o r s e , forbid h i m t o go. T h e y w o u l d tell h i m t h a t his j u d g m e n t has
been impaired b y his desire to avenge his sister's d e a t h . "

R o b o y w r i n g s his eyebrows over his nose like a pair of fretful

h a n d s . " H i s s i s t e r ? " h e says. " W h o ' s h i s s i s t e r ? "
"Am I r i g h t , L a n d s m a n ? "
"I wish I could reassure you, Baronshteyn. But I w r o t e out
a c o m p l e t e a c c o u n t of e v e r y t h i n g I k n o w a b o u t y o u a n d this
operation."
"Is that right?"
" T h e p h o n y y o u t h t r e a t m e n t facility."
" I s e e , " B a r o n s h t e y n says w i t h m o c k g r a v i t y . " T h e p h o n y y o u t h
t r e a t m e n t facility. Q u i t e a s h o c k i n g t a l e . "
"A f r o n t for y o u r p a r t n e r s h i p w i t h R o b o y a n d F l i g l e r a n d t h e i r
powerful friends." Landsman's heart thrashes w i t h t h e wildness of
his guessing. H e ' s w o n d e r i n g w h y any J e w s w o u l d n e e d or w a n t such
a large facility o u t h e r e a n d h o w t h e y c o u l d m a n a g e t o p e r s u a d e t h e
Natives to let t h e m build it. C o u l d t h e y have b o u g h t t h e m s e l v e s a
piece of t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s t o b u i l d a n e w M c S h t e t l ? O r w a s this
g o i n g t o b e t h e t r a n s f e r p o i n t for a h u m a n - s m u g g l i n g o p e r a t i o n ,
s o m e k i n d o f V e r b o v e r airlift o u t o f A l a s k a m a d e w i t h o u t b e n e f i t
o f v i s a s o r p a s s p o r t s ? " T h e fact t h a t y o u k i l l e d M e n d e l S h p i l m a n
2BD MICHAEL CHABDN

a n d m y sister t o k e e p t h e m from talking a b o u t w h a t you w e r e d o i n g

here. T h e n used your government connections through Roboy and
Fligler to cover u p t h e c r a s h . "
" Y o u w r o t e all t h i s d o w n , d i d y o u ? "
"Yes, a n d s e n t it t o m y lawyer, t o b e o p e n e d in t h e case t h a t I
s h o u l d s u d d e n l y , for e x a m p l e , v a n i s h f r o m t h e face o f t h e e a r t h . "
"Your lawyer."
"That's right."
"And w h a t lawyer would that be?"
"Sender Slonim."
" S e n d e r S l o n i m , I s e e , " B a r o n s h t e y n s a y s , n o d d i n g as if fully
p e r s u a d e d b y L a n d s m a n ' s c l a i m . "A g o o d J e w b u t a b a d l a w y e r . " H e
slides d o w n from t h e stool, a n d t h e t h u d of his b o o t s p u t s a p e r i o d
t o his e x a m i n a t i o n of t h e prisoner. " I ' m satisfied. F r i e n d Fligler."
T h e r e is a snik a n d t h e s c r a p e o f a s o l e a g a i n s t l i n o l e u m , a n d t h e
n e x t t h i n g L a n d s m a n k n o w s , a s h a d o w l o o m s at his r i g h t eye. T h e
space b e t w e e n t h e steel tip and Landsman's cornea can be measured
i n t h e flicker o f a n e y e l a s h . L a n d s m a n j e r k s h i s h e a d away, b u t a t
t h e o t h e r e n d of t h e knife, Fligler grabs hold of Landsman's ear
a n d y a n k s . L a n d s m a n c u r l s u p i n t o a ball a n d tries t o roll d o w n
from t h e counter. Fligler smacks L a n d s m a n ' s b a n d a g e d w o u n d w i t h
t h e h e a d of his c a n e , a n d a j a g g e d s t a r b u r s t s across t h e b a c k of
L a n d s m a n ' s eyes. W h i l e he's b u s y r i n g i n g like a bell of pain, Fligler
t u r n s L a n d s m a n o n t o h i s belly. H e c l i m b s o n t o p o f h i m a n d j e r k s
h i s h e a d b a c k a n d lays t h e k n i f e a g a i n s t h i s t h r o a t .

" I m a y n o t h a v e a b a d g e , " L a n d s m a n says w i t h difficulty. He

a d d r e s s e s h i m s e l f t o Dr. Roboy, w h o m h e senses t o b e t h e least
r e s o l u t e y i d i n t h e r o o m . " B u t I ' m s t i l l a n o z . Y o u p e o p l e kill m e ,
i t ' s a w o r l d o f t r o u b l e for w h a t e v e r y o u h a v e g o i n g h e r e . "
" P r o b a b l y n o t , " F l i g l e r says.
" N o t i n all l i k e l i h o o d , " B a r o n s h t e y n a g r e e s . " N o n e o f y o u y i d s
is e v e n g o i n g t o be a p o l i c e m a n t w o m o n t h s f r o m n o w . "
The thin string of carbon and iron atoms that is the
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 2BI

consequential feature of t h e knife blade b u r n s one d e g r e e h o t t e r

against Landsman's windpipe.
"Fligler . . . " R o b o y says, w i p i n g his m o u t h w i t h o n e g i a n t
hand.
" P l e a s e , F l i g l e r , " L a n d s m a n says. " C u t m y t h r o a t . I'll t h a n k y o u
for i t . G o o n , y o u p u s s y . "
F r o m t h e o t h e r side of t h e k i t c h e n d o o r c o m e s a c h u r n of
a g i t a t e d m a l e v o i c e s . A p a i r o f f e e t s c r a p e s t h e floor, a b o u t to
knock, and hesitates. N o t h i n g happens.
" W h a t is i t ? " R o b o y says b i t t e r l y .
"A w o r d , D o c t o r , " says a v o i c e , y o u n g , A m e r i c a n , speaking
American.
" D o n ' t d o a n y t h i n g , " R o b o y says. " J u s t w a i t . "
Just before t h e door swings s h u t b e h i n d Roboy, Landsman
hears a voice begin t o speak, a r u s h of a n g u l a r syllables t h a t d o n o t
r e g i s t e r o n h i s b r a i n as a n y t h i n g b u t t h r o a t y n o i s e .
Fligler settles his w e i g h t more securely into the small of
L a n d s m a n ' s back. T h e r e follows t h e small a w k w a r d n e s s of s t r a n g e r s
i n a n e l e v a t o r . B a r o n s h t e y n c o n s u l t s h i s fine S w i s s w a t c h .
" H o w m u c h o f i t d i d I h a v e r i g h t ? " L a n d s m a n says. " J u s t so I
know."
" H a , " F l i g l e r says. " I c o u l d l a u g h . "
"Roboy is a t r a i n e d r e h a b i l i t a t i o n therapist," Baronshteyn
says w i t h a s h o w o f t o l e r a n t p a t i e n c e , s o u n d i n g r e m a r k a b l y l i k e
B i n a w h e n s p e a k i n g t o o n e o f t h e five b i l l i o n p e o p l e , L a n d s m a n
a m o n g t h e m , w h o m she considers to be on balance an idiot. " T h e y
were genuinely t r y i n g to help t h e rebbe's son. Mendel's presence
here was e n t i r e l y voluntary. W h e n h e m a d e t h e decision t o leave,
there was nothing they could do to stop h i m . "
" I ' m s u r e t h e n e w s b r o k e y o u r h e a r t , " L a n d s m a n says.
"And what do you mean by t h a t ? "
"I suppose a cleaned-up M e n d e l Shpilman was no t h r e a t to you?
T o y o u r s t a t u s as h e i r a p p a r e n t ? "
2B2 MICHAEL CHABDN

" O y , " B a r o n s h t e y n says. " W h a t y o u d o n ' t k n o w . "

T h e k i t c h e n d o o r o p e n s a n d R o b o y slips b a c k inside, e y e b r o w s
a r c h e d . Before t h e d o o r b a n g s s h u t , L a n d s m a n catches a glimpse of
t w o y o u n g m e n , b e a r d e d a n d d r e s s e d in ill-fitting d a r k suits. Big
b o y s , o n e w i t h t h e b l a c k snail of an e a r p h o n e c u r l e d in t h e shell of
h i s ear. O n t h e o u t s i d e o f t h e d o o r a s m a l l p l a q u e r e a d s K I T C H E N
EQUIPPED THROUGH THE GENEROSITY OF MR. AND MRS. LANCE

P E A R L S T E I N PIKES VILLE M D .

" E i g h t m i n u t e s , " R o b o y says. " T e n a t t h e m o s t . "

"Someone coming?" Landsman says. "Who is it? Heskel
Shpilman? O r does he even k n o w you're here, Baronshteyn? Did
y o u c o m e t o c u t a deal w i t h t h e s e people? A r e t h e y m o v i n g in on
Verbover action? W h a t did they w a n t w i t h Mendel? Were you going
t o u s e h i m t o force t h e r e b b e ' s h a n d ? "
" S o u n d s t o m e as t h o u g h y o u n e e d t o r e a d t h a t l e t t e r o f y o u r s
a g a i n , " B a r o n s h t e y n o b s e r v e s . " O r g e t S e n d e r Slonim t o tell y o u
w h a t it says."
L a n d s m a n can h e a r p e o p l e m o v i n g a r o u n d , c h a i r legs s c r e e c h i n g
a g a i n s t a w o o d e n floor. I n t h e d i s t a n c e , t h e w h i r r a n d c l i c k o f a n
e l e c t r i c m o t o r , a g o l f c a r t z i p p i n g away.
"We cannot do this now," Roboy says, c o m i n g close to
L a n d s m a n , l o o m i n g o v e r h i m . H i s d e n s e b e a r d flocks h i s e n t i r e face
from t h e c h e e k b o n e s d o w n , flourishing i n h i s n o s t r i l s , w i n d i n g in
fine t e n d r i l s f r o m t h e flaps o f h i s e a r s . " T h e l a s t t h i n g h e w a n t s is
any h i n t of a mess. Okay, D e t e c t i v e . " H i s slow voice t u r n s syrupy,
a b r u p t l y w a r m e r . A p e r f u n c t o r y a f f e c t i o n suffuses i t , a n d L a n d s m a n
stiffens, a w a i t i n g t h e b a d t h i n g t h a t this surely b e t o k e n s , w h i c h
p r o v e s t o b e o n l y a stick in t h e a r m , q u i c k a n d e x p e r t .
In t h e d r e a m y s e c o n d s t h a t p r e c e d e his loss of c o n s c i o u s n e s s , t h e
g u t t u r a l l a n g u a g e t h a t L a n d s m a n h e a r d R o b o y s p e a k i n g plays like
a r e c o r d i n g in his ear, a n d h e m a k e s a d a z z l i n g leap i n t o i m p o s s i b l e
u n d e r s t a n d i n g , like t h e s u d d e n c o n s c i o u s n e s s in a d r e a m of one's
h a v i n g i n v e n t e d a g r e a t t h e o r y o r w r i t t e n a fine p o e m t h a t i n t h e
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 2G3

morning turns out to be gobbledygook. T h e y are talking, those

Jews on t h e o t h e r side of t h e door, a b o u t roses and frankincense.
T h e y are s t a n d i n g in a d e s e r t w i n d u n d e r t h e d a t e p a l m s , a n d
L a n d s m a n is t h e r e , i n flowing r o b e s t h a t k e e p o u t t h e b i b l i c a l s u n ,
s p e a k i n g H e b r e w , a n d t h e y a r e all f r i e n d s a n d b r o t h e r s t o g e t h e r ,
and t h e m o u n t a i n s skip like r a m s , a n d t h e hills like little lambs.
L
a n d s m a n w a k e s from a d r e a m of feeding his r i g h t ear t o t h e
propeller blades of a Cessna 206. H e stirs under a clammy
b l a n k e t , e l e c t r i c b u t u n p l u g g e d , in a r o o m n o t m u c h larger t h a n
t h e c o t he's s t r e t c h e d across. H e t o u c h e s a c a u t i o u s finger t o t h e
s i d e o f h i s h e a d . W h e r e F l i g l e r o r i g i n a l l y s a p p e d h i m , t h e flesh is
s w o l l e n a n d m o i s t . L a n d s m a n ' s left s h o u l d e r is k i l l i n g h i m , t o o .
In a n a r r o w w i n d o w o p p o s i t e t h e c o t , metal-slat blinds leak
t h e d i s a p p o i n t e d g r a y of a N o v e m b e r a f t e r n o o n in s o u t h e a s t e r n
A l a s k a . I t ' s n o t l i g h t o o z i n g t h r o u g h so m u c h as a r e s i d u e o f l i g h t ,
a d a y h a u n t e d b y t h e m e m o r y of t h e sun.
L a n d s m a n tries to sit u p a n d discovers t h a t his s h o u l d e r h u r t s
so m u c h b e c a u s e s o m e b o d y h a s b e e n k i n d e n o u g h t o h a n d c u f f his
left w r i s t t o a s t e e l l e g o f t h e c o t f r a m e . W i t h h i s a r m j e r k e d u p
over his h e a d , L a n d s m a n p r a c t i c e d s o m e k i n d of b r u t a l c h i r o p r a c t i c
o n his s h o u l d e r in t h e t h r a s h i n g a n d t o s s i n g of sleep. T h e s a m e
k i n d soul w h o c h a i n e d h i m was t h o u g h t f u l e n o u g h to r e m o v e his
t r o u s e r s , s h i r t , a n d j a c k e t , r e d u c i n g h i m o n c e a g a i n t o a m a n in his
underpants.
H e sits u p on his h a u n c h e s at t h e h e a d of t h e cot. T h e n he eases
h i m s e l f b a c k w a r d off t h e m a t t r e s s s o t h a t h e c a n s q u a t w i t h h i s
left a r m h a n g i n g a t a m o r e n a t u r a l a n g l e , h i s s h a c k l e d h a n d r e s t i n g
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 2B5

a g a i n s t t h e floor. T h e floor is y e l l o w l i n o l e u m , t h e c o l o r o f t h e
i n s i d e o f a u s e d c i g a r e t t e filter, a n d a s c o l d a s a n M E ' s s t e t h o s c o p e .
It features an extensive collection of d u s t lemmings and d u s t wigs
and a w i n g e d smear of black-fly grease. T h e walls are cinder block
painted a thick, glossy shade of dentifrice blue. O n t h e wall beside
L a n d s m a n ' s h e a d , a f a m i l i a r h a n d h a s p e n n e d a t i n y m e s s a g e for
L a n d s m a n in t h e m o r t a r line b e t w e e n t w o cinder blocks: THIS
DETAINMENT CELL COURTESY O F T H E GENEROSITY O F NEAL AND

R I S A N U D E L M A N S H O R T H I L L S N E W J E R S E Y . H e w a n t s tO l a u g h , b u t

t h e sight o f his sister's droll a l p h a b e t in this place raises t h e hair o n

t h e back of his neck.
A p a r t from t h e b e d , t h e o n l y o t h e r furnishing, in t h e c o r n e r
b y t h e d o o r , is a m e t a l w a s t e b a s k e t . T h e w a s t e b a s k e t is a t h i n g f o r
c h i l d r e n , b l u e a n d y e l l o w w i t h a c a r t o o n d o g c a v o r t i n g i n a field
of daisies. L a n d s m a n s t a r e s a t i t for a l o n g t i m e , t h i n k i n g a b o u t
nothing, thinking about children's garbage a n d dogs in cartoons.
T h e obscure unease t h a t P l u t o h a s always inspired, a d o g o w n e d
b y a m o u s e , d a i l y c o n f r o n t e d w i t h t h e m u t a t i o n a l h o r r o r o f Goofy.
A n i n v i s i b l e g a s c l o u d s h i s t h o u g h t s , e x h a u s t f r o m a b u s left p a r k e d
with its engine r u n n i n g in t h e middle of his brain.
Landsman c r o u c h e s b y t h e c o t for a n o t h e r minute or so,
collecting himself like a b e g g a r chasing s c a t t e r e d d i m e s along t h e
sidewalk. T h e n h e drags t h e c o t t o t h e d o o r a n d sits d o w n o n i t .
I n a w a y t h a t is b o t h m e t h o d i c a l a n d w i l d , h e b e g i n s t o k i c k a t t h e
door w i t h his bare heels. I t ' s a hollow steel door, a n d it m a k e s a
t h u n d e r o u s s o u n d w h e n k i c k e d t h a t ' s p l e a s a n t for a m o m e n t , b u t
t h e n t h e pleasure palls. N e x t L a n d s m a n tries loud a n d r e p e a t e d
cries of " H e l p m e , I c u t myself a n d I ' m b l e e d i n g ! " H e yells u n t i l
h e is h o a r s e a n d k i c k s u n t i l h i s f e e t t h r o b . A t l a s t h e g e t s t i r e d o f
k i c k i n g a n d y e l l i n g . H e n e e d s t o u r i n a t e . Badly. H e l o o k s a t t h e
trash c a n a n d t h e n a t t h e door. I t m i g h t b e t h e traces of t h e d r u g
i n h i s s y s t e m , o r t h e h a t r e d h e feels f o r t h a t t i n y r o o m i n w h i c h h i s
s i s t e r p a s s e d h e r l a s t n i g h t o n e a r t h , a n d for t h e m e n w h o c h a i n e d
h i m still in u n d e r w e a r t o i t . M a y b e all h i s e n r a g e d y e l l i n g h a s
2GG MICHAEL CHABDN

e n g e n d e r e d an a c t u a l rage. B u t t h e idea of b e i n g obliged t o piss

i n t o a S h n a p i s h t h e D o g w a s t e b a s k e t m a k e s L a n d s m a n angry.
H e drags t h e bed over to t h e window, and shoves t h e blinds
r a t t l i n g t o o n e s i d e . T h e w i n d o w p a n e is p e b b l e d g l a s s . R i p p l e s o f
a g r e e n a n d g r a y w o r l d set in a h e a v y steel frame. A t o n e t i m e —
m a y b e u n t i l v e r y r e c e n t l y — t h e r e was a latch, b u t his thoughtful
h o s t s h a v e r e m o v e d i t . N o w t h e r e is o n l y o n e w a y t o g e t the
window open. Landsman goes for the wastebasket, dragging
t h e c o t b a c k a n d forth b e h i n d h i m like a h a n d y s y m b o l . H e raises
t h e w a s t e b a s k e t , t a k e s a i m , a n d h u r l s i t a g a i n s t t h e p e b b l e d glass
o f t h e t a l l w i n d o w . I t b o u n c e s off a n d flies b a c k a t L a n d s m a n ,
s t r i k i n g h i m s q u a r e l y in t h e forehead. A m o m e n t later, he tastes
b l o o d for t h e s e c o n d t i m e t h a t d a y as i t t r i c k l e s d o w n h i s c h e e k t o
t h e c o r n e r of his lips.

" S h n a p i s h , y o u b a s t a r d , " h e says.

H e s h o v e s t h e c o t all t h e w a y o v e r a g a i n s t t h e l o n g w a l l a n d
t h e n , w o r k i n g w i t h h i s free h a n d , t i p s t h e m a t t r e s s off t h e c o t
frame. H e stands t h e m a t t r e s s against t h e opposite wall. H e grabs
h o l d of t h e c o t frame o n e i t h e r side a n d , lifting from t h e k n e e s ,
h e a v e s i t u p off t h e g r o u n d . H e s t a n d s t h e r e a m o m e n t , h o l d i n g
t h e r i c k e t y frame parallel t o his body. H e wavers u n d e r t h e sudden
w e i g h t , w h i c h is n o t g r e a t b u t t a x e s h i s s t r e n g t h all t h e s a m e . H e
takes a s t e p b a c k w a r d , lowers his head, a n d drives t h e cot frame
t h r o u g h t h e w i n d o w . G r e e n l a w n a n d fog b l o w i n t o L a n d s m a n ' s
d a z z l e d vision. T r e e s , c r o w s , h o v e r i n g h o r n e t s of b r o k e n glass,
t h e g u n - b a r r e l - g r a y w a t e r s of t h e strait, a b r i g h t w h i t e floatplane
t r i m m e d i n r e d . T h e n t h e c o t f r a m e j e r k s free o f L a n d s m a n ' s g r a s p
a n d leaps t h r o u g h g a p i n g glass fangs o u t i n t o t h e m o r n i n g .

As a k i d in school, L a n d s m a n r e c e i v e d g o o d m a r k s in physics.
N e w t o n i a n m e c h a n i c s , b o d i e s at r e s t a n d in m o t i o n , a c t i o n s a n d
r e a c t i o n s , g r a v i t y a n d m a s s . H e f o u n d m o r e sense in physics t h a n in
a n y t h i n g else t h e y ever t r i e d t o teach h i m . A n idea like m o m e n t u m ,
for e x a m p l e , t h e t e n d e n c y o f a b o d y i n m o t i o n t o s t a y i n m o t i o n .
So m a y b e L a n d s m a n s h o u l d n o t b e q u i t e so s u r p r i s e d w h e n t h e c o t
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 267

f r a m e d o e s n o t c o n t e n t i t s e l f w i t h s h a t t e r i n g t h e w i n d o w . T h e r e is
a s h a r p , j o i n t - p o p p i n g t u g o n t h e b o n e s o f h i s s h o u l d e r , a n d h e is
s e i z e d a g a i n b y t h e n a m e l e s s e m o t i o n h e felt w h e n h e t r i e d t o c l i m b
aboard Mrs. Shpilman's moving limousine: the sudden awareness,
l i k e a n i n v e r s e s a t o r i , t h a t h e h a s m a d e a g r a v e if n o t f a t a l e r r o r .
T h i s is L a n d s m a n ' s l u c k : H e l a n d s i n a p i l e o f s n o w . I t ' s a
furtive, die-hard p a t c h t u c k e d d e e p i n t o t h e s h a d o w on t h e n o r t h
side of t h e barracks. T h e o n l y s n o w visible in t h e e n t i r e c o m p o u n d ,
a n d L a n d s m a n falls r i g h t i n t o i t . H i s j a w s s n a p t o g e t h e r , m a k i n g
e a c h t o o t h r i n g o u t w i t h i t s o w n p u r e t o n e as t h e i m p a c t o f h i s a s s
against the g r o u n d conducts its N e w t o n i a n business w i t h t h e rest
of his skeleton.
H e lifts h i s h e a d u p o u t o f t h e s n o w . C o l d a i r flows o v e r t h e
b a c k o f h i s n e c k . F o r t h e first t i m e s i n c e t a k i n g w i n g , h e r e m a r k s
o n t h e fact t h a t h e is f r e e z i n g . H e s t a n d s u p , h i s j a w s t i l l c h i m i n g .
Snow streaks his b a c k like w e l t s raised b y a w i r e lash. H e lurches
a n d s t a g g e r s t o t h e left u n d e r t h e w e i g h t o f t h e c o t f r a m e . I t offers
t o h e l p h i m sit d o w n a g a i n in t h e snow. S i n k i n t o it, p l u n g e his s o r e
h e a d i n t o t h e cold, clean pile of snow. C l o s e his eyes. R e l a x .
J u s t t h e n h e h e a r s a soft s c r a p e o f s o l e s c o m i n g f r o m a r o u n d t h e
c o r n e r of t h e b u i l d i n g , a pair of erasers r u b b i n g away t h e m a r k s
o f t h e i r o w n p a s s a g e . A flawed g a i t , t h e e x t r a h o p a n d shuffle o f a
m a n w i t h a limp. L a n d s m a n takes hold of t h e cot frame a n d hoists
it, t h e n backs u p against t h e shingled side of t h e barracks. W h e n
h e sees o n e h i k i n g b o o t , t h e t w e e d cuff o f F l i g l e r ' s t r o u s e r l e g , h e
t h r u s t s t h e cot frame out. As Fligler r o u n d s t h e corner, t h e steel
e d g e o f t h e c o t f r a m e c a t c h e s h i m full i n t h e face. A r e d h a n d o f
blood s p r e a d s its fingers across Fligler's c h e e k s a n d forehead. H i s
c a n e flies u p i n t h e a i r a n d s t r i k e s t h e p a v e m e n t w i t h a m a r i m b a n o t e .
T h e c o t f r a m e , as if s h y w i t h o u t i t s b e s t f r i e n d , d r a g s L a n d s m a n
along w i t h it, o n t o Fligler, in a heap. T h e smell of Fligler's b l o o d
fills L a n d s m a n ' s n o s t r i l s . L a n d s m a n s c r a m b l e s t o h i s f e e t , g r a b b i n g
w i t h h i s free h a n d for t h e s h o l e m i n F l i g l e r ' s s l a c k f i n g e r s .

H e raises t h e a u t o m a t i c , c o n t e m p l a t i n g s h o o t i n g t h e m a n on t h e
ZGB MICHAEL CHABDN

g r o u n d w i t h a certain black willingness. T h e n he glances t o w a r d the

m a i n h o u s e , five h u n d r e d f e e t away. S e v e r a l d a r k s h a p e s a r e m o v i n g
b e h i n d t h e F r e n c h d o o r s o n t h i s s i d e . T h e d o o r flies o p e n , a n d t h e
h o l e - m o u t h e d p a n s o f b i g y o u n g y i d s i n s u i t s fill t h e d o o r w a y .
L a n d s m a n e n v i e s t h e m t h e i r y o u t h f u l c a p a c i t y for w o n d e r b u t s t i l l
raises t h e g u n in t h e i r d i r e c t i o n . T h e y d u c k a n d p u l l b a c k , a n d
in t h e i r p a r t i n g , a tall, slim, fair-haired m a n s t a n d s revealed. T h e
n e w arrival, fresh from t h e h o l d of his b r i g h t w h i t e floatplane. T h e
h a i r is r e a l l y s o m e t h i n g , l i k e a flare o f s u n l i g h t o n a s h e e t o f s t e e l .
Penguins on his sweater, b a g g y c o r d u r o y p a n t s . For an i n s t a n t the
m a n in t h e p e n g u i n s w e a t e r frowns at L a n d s m a n , l o o k i n g confused.
T h e n s o m e b o d y d r a g s h i m b a c k f r o m t h e d o o r w a y as L a n d s m a n
tries to take aim.

T h e cuff digs i n t o L a n d s m a n ' s w r i s t , s h a r p e n o u g h t o a b r a d e

t h e flesh. H e c h a n g e s h i s a i m , p o i n t i n g t h e g u n a t h i s o w n left a r m .
H e s q u e e z e s off a s i n g l e c a r e f u l s h o t , a n d t h e h a n d c u f f s l i d e s free, a
bangle at his w r i s t . L a n d s m a n lowers t h e bed frame to t h e g r o u n d
w i t h a n a i r o f m i l d r e g r e t , as if i t ' s t h e b o d y o f a b u m b l i n g b u t loyal
family r e t a i n e r w h o has served t h e L a n d s m a n s well. T h e n he takes
off i n t o t h e w o o d s t o w a r d a g a p i n t h e t r e e s . T h e r e m u s t b e a t l e a s t
t w e n t y y o u n g h e a l t h y J e w s r u n n i n g after h i m , s h o u t i n g , cursing,
g i v i n g o r d e r s . F o r t h e first m i n u t e h e e x p e c t s t o see t h e b r a n c h i n g
l i g h t n i n g of a b u l l e t in his b r a i n a n d t o go d o w n u n d e r n e a t h t h e
s l o w r o l l o f i t s t h u n d e r . B u t t h e r e is n o t h i n g ; t h e y m u s t h a v e b e e n
given orders n o t to shoot.

The last thing he wants is any hint of a mess.

L a n d s m a n finds h i m s e l f r u n n i n g a l o n g a d i r t r o a d , n e a t a n d
well m a i n t a i n e d , m a r k e d w i t h red reflectors on metal stakes. H e
r e m e m b e r s t h e d i s t a n t p a t c h of g r e e n t h a t h e c a u g h t sight of from
t h e air, b e y o n d t h e f o r e s t , d o t t e d w i t h p i l e s o f snow. H e f i g u r e s t h i s
p a t h m u s t lead there. It m u s t lead, at any rate, somewhere.
L a n d s m a n r u n s t h r o u g h t h e w o o d s . T h e d i r t t r a c k is t h i c k
w i t h fallen n e e d l e s t h a t muffle t h e t h u d o f h i s b a r e h e e l s . H e c a n
a l m o s t see t h e h e a t d e p a r t i n g his body, s h i m m e r i n g waves of it
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 2G3

t h a t trail along b e h i n d . H e has a t a s t e at t h e b a c k of his m o u t h

t h a t ' s like t h e m e m o r y of t h e smell of Fligler's b l o o d . T h e links
on t h e b r o k e n chain d a n g l e from t h e handcuff, t i n k l i n g . S o m e w h e r e
a w o o d p e c k e r is k n o c k i n g o u t i t s b r a i n s a g a i n s t t h e s i d e o f a t r e e .
L a n d s m a n ' s o w n b r a i n is w o r k i n g t o o h a r d , t r y i n g t o f i g u r e t h e s e
men and their business. T h e crippled professor t y p e whose T E C - 9
L a n d s m a n is p a c k i n g . T h e d o c t o r w i t h t h e c o n c r e t e f o r e h e a d . T h e
deserted barracks room. T h e honor ranch that was no such thing.
T h e s t r a p p i n g lads cooling their heels on t h e property. T h e golden
m a n in t h e p e n g u i n s w e a t e r w h o w i l l n o t t o l e r a t e a m e s s .
M e a n w h i l e , a n o t h e r s e g m e n t o f h i s b r a i n is b u s y t r y i n g to
g a u g e t h e a i r t e m p e r a t u r e — call i t 3 7 , 3 8 d e g r e e s F — a n d from
t h e r e t o calculate or recall s o m e table h e m i g h t have seen o n c e t h a t
g a v e t h e t i m e i t t a k e s h y p o t h e r m i a t o kill a J e w i s h p o l i c e m a n i n h i s
u n d e r p a n t s . B u t t h e r u l i n g cells of t h a t g r e a t r u i n e d o r g a n , a d d l e d
and drugged, are telling him only to run and keep on running.
T h e w o o d s give o u t a b r u p t l y , a n d he's s t a n d i n g in front of a
m a c h i n e shed, m o l d e d g r a y p a n e l s of steel, n o w i n d o w s , w i t h a
r i p p l e d p l a s t i c roof. A s c r o t a l p a i r o f p r o p a n e t a n k s h u d d l e s a g a i n s t
t h e s i d e o f t h e b u i l d i n g . T h e w i n d is s h a r p e r h e r e , a n d L a n d s m a n
feels i t l i k e a flow o f b o i l i n g w a t e r o v e r h i s flesh. H e r u n s a r o u n d
to t h e o t h e r side of t h e shed. It s t a n d s at t h e e d g e of a b a r r e n
e x p a n s e of s t r a w - c o v e r e d g r o u n d . W a y in t h e d i s t a n c e , a b a n d of
g r e e n g r a s s d i s s o l v e s i n t o t h e r o l l i n g fog. A g r a v e l t r a c k l e a d s a w a y
from t h e s h e d , a l o n g t h e b a r e field o f s t r a w . F i f t y y a r d s farther
a l o n g , t h e t r a c k forks. O n e f o r k r u n s t o t h e e a s t , t o w a r d t h a t b a n d
of g r e e n . T h e o t h e r r u n s on s t r a i g h t a n d d i s a p p e a r s i n t o a d a r k
s t a n d of trees. L a n d s m a n t u r n s b a c k t o t h e shed. A b i g d o o r on
rollers. L a n d s m a n drags it t h u n d e r i n g t o o n e side. D i s a s s e m b l e d
refrigeration equipment, c r y p t i c pieces of m a c h i n e s , one wall
c o v e r e d in an A r a b i c w r i t t e n in l e n g t h s of b l a c k r u b b e r h o s e . A n d ,
right by t h e door, one of those t h r e e - w h e e l e d electric carts called
Z u m z u m s ( t h e D i s t r i c t ' s n u m b e r t w o e x p o r t , after Shofar-brand
c e l l u l a r t e l e p h o n e s ) . T h i s o n e is t r i c k e d o u t w i t h a f l a t b e d , t h e b e d
27D MICHAEL CHABDN

lined w i t h a sheet of m u d - s t r e a k e d black rubber. L a n d s m a n climbs

u p b e h i n d t h e w h e e l . A s c o l d as h i s a s s a l r e a d y i s , as c o l d as t h e w i n d
is b l o w i n g d o w n f r o m t h e Y u k o n , t h e v i n y l s e a t o f t h a t Z u m z u m
is e v e n c o l d e r . L a n d s m a n t h u m b s i t s s t a r t e r s w i t c h . H e s t e p s o n
t h e pedal, a n d w i t h a t h u n k a n d a w h i r r of differential gears, he's
off. H e r u m b l e s u p t o t h e f o r k i n t h e r o a d a n d h e s i t a t e s b e t w e e n
t h e w o o d s a n d t h a t t r a n q u i l b a n d of g r e e n grass, v a n i s h i n g like a
p r o m i s e o f p e a c e f u l n e s s i n t o t h e fog. T h e n h e s m a s h e s d o w n t h e
pedal.
J u s t before he p l u n g e s i n t o t h e s t a n d of trees, L a n d s m a n looks
b a c k o v e r his s h o u l d e r , a n d sees t h e y i d s of Peril S t r a i t c o m i n g
a f t e r h i m i n a b i g b l a c k F o r d C a u d i l l o , s p l a s h i n g g r a v e l as i t r o u n d s
t h e c o r n e r of t h e s u p p l y shed. L a n d s m a n has n o idea w h e r e it c a m e
f r o m or, for t h a t m a t t e r , h o w i t g o t h e r e ; h e d i d n ' t s e e a n y c a r s a t
all f r o m t h e air. I t ' s five h u n d r e d m e t e r s b e h i n d t h e Z u m z u m a n d
g a i n i n g easily.
In t h e w o o d s , gravel gives w a y t o a r o u g h t r a c k of packed e a r t h
t h a t slips a m o n g h a n d s o m e Sitka spruces, high a n d secretive. As
L a n d s m a n w h i r r s along, h e c a t c h e s sight b e t w e e n t h e trees of a
h i g h c h a i n - l i n k fence t o p p e d b y gay g l i n t i n g curls of razor wire.
T h e s t e e l m e s h f e n c e is w o v e n w i t h s l a t s o f g r e e n p l a s t i c . I n p l a c e s
a g a p a p p e a r s in t h e g r e e n w e a v e of t h e fence. T h r o u g h these
gaps, L a n d s m a n glimpses a n o t h e r steel shed, a clearing, posts,
crossbeams, interlaced cables. A h u g e frame s t r e t c h e d w i t h a w e b
of c a r g o n e t , d i s t e n d e d coils of b a r b e d w i r e , r o p e swings. It m i g h t
b e a n a t h l e t i c f a c i l i t y , s o m e k i n d o f t h e r a p e u t i c p l a y g r o u n d for
p a t i e n t s in recovery. S u r e , a n d t h e p e o p l e in t h e C a u d i l l o m i g h t
j u s t be b r i n g i n g h i m his pants.

T h e b l a c k c a r is u n d e r t w o h u n d r e d y a r d s f r o m h i m now. T h e
p a s s e n g e r in its front seat rolls d o w n his w i n d o w a n d climbs o u t
t o sit on t h e t o p of his door, s t e a d y i n g himself w i t h one h a n d on
t h e r o o f r a c k . T h e o t h e r h a n d , L a n d s m a n o b s e r v e s , is b u s y g e t t i n g
r e a d y t o fire a h a n d g u n . I t ' s a fair, b e a r d e d y o u n g m a n i n a b l a c k
suit, c r o p p e d hair, a sober tie like Roboy's. H e takes his t i m e w i t h
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 271

the shot, reckoning the ever-dwindling distance. A flash blooms

a r o u n d his h a n d , a n d t h e b a c k of t h e Z u m z u m e x p l o d e s w i t h a
crack and a spray of fiberglass slivers. L a n d s m a n lets o u t a c r y a n d
t a k e s h i s f o o t off t h e a c c e l e r a t o r p e d a l . So m u c h for n o t m a k i n g a
mess.
H e b u m p s a l o n g o n m o m e n t u m for a n o t h e r five o r t e n f e e t a n d
then comes to a stop. T h e y o u n g m a n h a n g i n g o u t of t h e Caudillo's
w i n d o w r a i s e s h i s firing a r m a n d j u d g e s t h e effect o f h i s s h o t . T h e
jagged hole in t h e fiberglass b o d y o f t h e Z u m z u m is p r o b a b l y
disappointing to the poor kid. But he has to be h a p p y a b o u t the
fact t h a t h i s m o v i n g t a r g e t h a s j u s t b e c o m e s t a t i o n a r y . H i s n e x t
s h o t is g o i n g t o b e a l o t e a s i e r . T h e k i d l o w e r s h i s a r m a g a i n w i t h
a p a t i e n t s l o w n e s s t h a t is a l m o s t o s t e n t a t i o u s , a l m o s t c r u e l . I n
his care a n d his p a r s i m o n i o u s a t t i t u d e t o w a r d b u l l e t s , L a n d s m a n
senses t h e hallmark of rigorous t r a i n i n g a n d an athlete's g r a s p of
eternity.
S u r r e n d e r unfurls across L a n d s m a n ' s h e a r t like t h e s h a d o w of
a flag. T h e r e is n o w a y h e c a n o u t r a c e t h e C a u d i l l o , n o t i n a s h o t -
u p Z u m z u m t h a t o n a g o o d d a y t o p s o u t a r o u n d fifteen m i l e s p e r
hour. A w a r m blanket, m a y b e a h o t c u p of tea: T h e s e strike h i m
as a d e q u a t e r e c o m p e n s e for f a i l u r e . T h e C a u d i l l o c o m e s c h a r g i n g
t o w a r d h i m a n d t h e n s l o s h e s t o a h a l t i n a s p r a y o f fallen n e e d l e s .
T h r e e of its d o o r s swing o p e n a n d t h r e e m e n c l i m b o u t , l u m b e r i n g
y o u n g yids in ill-fitting suits a n d m e t e o r - b l a c k shoes, s t e e r i n g t h e i r
a u t o m a t i c pistols t o w a r d L a n d s m a n . T h e g u n s s e e m t o t h r u m in
t h e i r h a n d s as if t h e y c o n t a i n w i l d life o r g y r o s c o p e s . T h e g u n m e n
c a n b a r e l y r e s t r a i n t h e m . H a r d b o y s , n e c k t i e s flying, t h e i r b e a r d s
t r i m m e d neat along the jawline, their skullcaps small crocheted
saucers.

T h e rear door on t h e near side remains firmly s h u t , b u t b e h i n d

it L a n d s m a n m a k e s o u t t h e o u t l i n e of a f o u r t h m a n . T h e hard
boys close on L a n d s m a n in t h e i r m a t c h i n g s u i t s , w i t h t h e i r e a r n e s t
haircuts.
L a n d s m a n stands u p a n d t u r n s a r o u n d w i t h his h a n d s in t h e
272 MICHAEL CHABDN

air. " Y o u ' r e c l o n e s , r i g h t ? " h e says as t h e t h r e e h a r d b o y s s u r r o u n d

h i m . "At t h e e n d of t h e p i c t u r e , it always t u r n s o u t to be clones."
" S h u t u p , " says t h e n e a r e s t h a r d b o y , s p e a k i n g A m e r i c a n , a n d
L a n d s m a n is a b o u t t o a s s e n t w h e n h e h e a r s a s o u n d l i k e s o m e t h i n g
b o t h fibrous a n d d o u g h y b e i n g slowly t o r n in t w o . In t h e t i m e it
takes h i m t o o b s e r v e in t h e eyes of t h e h a r d boys t h a t t h e y hear it,
too, t h e s o u n d s h a r p e n s a n d rises t o a s t e a d y c h o p p i n g , a sheet of
p a p e r c a u g h t i n t h e b l a d e s o f a fan. T h e s o u n d g r o w s l o u d e r a n d
m o r e layered. T h e hacking cough of an old m a n . A heavy w r e n c h
c l a n g i n g a g a i n s t a c o l d c e m e n t floor. T h e f l a t u l e n c e o f a b u r s t
balloon streaking across t h e living r o o m and k n o c k i n g over a lamp.
T h r o u g h t h e t r e e s a l i g h t a p p e a r s , s t i t c h i n g a n d s t a g g e r i n g like a
b u m b l e b e e , a n d s u d d e n l y , L a n d s m a n k n o w s i t for w h a t i t is.

" D i c k , " h e says s i m p l y a n d n o t w i t h o u t w o n d e r , a n d a s h u d d e r

s h a k e s h i m d e e p d o w n t o h i s b o n e s . T h e l i g h t is a n o l d s i x - v o l t
l a m p , n o m o r e powerful t h a n a large flashlight, flickering and w a n
in t h e g l o o m of t h e s p r u c e forest. T h e e n g i n e t h a t d r i v e s t h e l i g h t
t o w a r d t h e p a r t y o f J e w s is a V - T w i n , c u s t o m - m a n u f a c t u r e d . You
c a n h e a r t h e s p r i n g s o f t h e f r o n t f o r k s as t h e y r e g i s t e r e v e r y j o l t
in t h e road.
" F u c k h i m , " m u t t e r s o n e of t h e h a r d boys. "And his fucking
Matchbox motorcycle."
L a n d s m a n has h e a r d different stories a b o u t I n s p e c t o r Willie
D i c k a n d h i s m o t o r c y c l e . S o m e s a y t h a t i t w a s m a d e for a f u l l - g r o w n
B o m b a y m i l l i o n a i r e of smaller t h a n average s t a t u r e , o t h e r s t h a t it
w a s o r i g i n a l l y p r e s e n t e d as a t h i r t e e n t h b i r t h d a y gift t o t h e P r i n c e
o f W a l e s , a n d s t i l l o t h e r s t h a t i t o n c e b e l o n g e d t o a d a r e d e v i l freak
in a circus d o w n in T e x a s o r A l a b a m a o r s o m e e x o t i c place like t h a t .
A t first g l a n c e , i t is a s t o c k 1 9 6 1 R o y a l E n f i e l d C r u s a d e r , g u n m e t a l
g r a y in t h e s u n l i g h t , its s t u n n i n g c h r o m i u m t r i m carefully r e s t o r e d .
You h a v e t o g e t u p n e x t t o it, o r see it a l o n g s i d e a n o r m a l - s i z e d
m o t o r c y c l e , t o r e a l i z e t h a t i t is b u i l t t o t w o - t h i r d s scale. W i l l i e
D i c k , t h o u g h f u l l - g r o w n a n d t h i r t y - s e v e n y e a r s o l d , is o n l y f o u r
feet seven i n c h e s tall.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 273

D i c k r u m b l e s p a s t t h e Z u m z u m , s q u e a k s t o a s t o p , kills t h e
e l d e r l y B r i t i s h e n g i n e . H e c l i m b s off t h e b i k e a n d c o m e s s w a g g e r i n g
over to L a n d s m a n .
" W h a t t h e f u c k ? " h e s a y s , p u l l i n g off h i s g l o v e s , b l a c k l e a t h e r
g a u n t l e t s of t h e sort t h a t m i g h t be w o r n b y M a x von S y d o w playing
E r w i n R o m m e l . H i s v o i c e is a l w a y s s u r p r i s i n g l y r i c h a n d d e e p ,
given t h e boyishness of his frame. H e describes a slow circuit of
a p p r a i s a l a r o u n d t h e flower of J e w i s h law e n f o r c e m e n t . " D e t e c t i v e
Meyer L a n d s m a n ! " H e t u r n s to t h e h a r d boys a n d m a k e s a s t u d y of
their hardness. " G e n t l e m e n . "
" I n s p e c t o r D i c k , " says t h e o n e w h o t o l d L a n d s m a n t o shut
up. T h e b o y h a s a j a i l h o u s e air, h o n e d a n d s t e a l t h y , a t o o t h b r u s h
s h a r p e n e d t o a shiv. " W h a t b r i n g s y o u t o o u r n e c k o f t h e w o o d s ? "
" W i t h all d u e r e s p e c t , M r . G o l d — i t is G o l d , r i g h t ? y e a h — t h i s
is my m o t h e r f u c k i n g n e c k o f t h e w o o d s . " D i c k s t e p s o u t f r o m t h e
g r o u p c e n t e r e d a r o u n d L a n d s m a n . H e stares in t o get a look at
t h e s h a d o w w a t c h i n g from b e h i n d t h e closed d o o r of t h e C a u d i l l o .
Landsman can't be certain, b u t whoever's there doesn't look big
e n o u g h t o b e R o b o y or t h e golden m a n in t h e p e n g u i n sweater. A
h u n c h e d little shadow, furtive and watchful. "I was here before you,
a n d I'll b e h e r e a l o n g t i m e a f t e r y o u y i d s a r e g o n e . "
Detective Inspector Wilfred Dick is a full-blood Tlingit,
d e s c e n d e d from t h e C h i e f D i c k w h o inflicted t h e last recorded
fatality in t h e h i s t o r y of R u s s i a n - T l i n g i t r e l a t i o n s , s h o o t i n g a n d
killing a m a r o o n e d , half-starved Russian s u b m a r i n e r he caught
r a i d i n g h i s c r a b t r a p s a t S t a g B a y i n 1 9 4 8 . W i l l i e D i c k is m a r r i e d ,
w i t h n i n e c h i l d r e n b y h i s first a n d o n l y w i f e , w h o m L a n d s m a n h a s
n e v e r s e e n . N a t u r a l l y , s h e is r e p u t e d t o b e a g i a n t e s s . I n 1 9 9 3 o r ' 9 4
D i c k successfully c o m p l e t e d t h e I d i t a r o d d o g - s l e d r a c e , c o m i n g in
n i n t h a m o n g forty-seven finishers. H e has a P h . D . in c r i m i n o l o g y
from G o n z a g a U n i v e r s i t y i n S p o k a n e , W a s h i n g t o n . D i c k ' s first
a c t as a n a d u l t m a l e o f h i s t r i b e w a s t o t r a v e l , i n a n o l d B o s t o n
whaler, from t h e D i c k village at S t a g Bay t o T r i b a l Police c e n t r a l
h e a d q u a r t e r s in A n g o o n , in o r d e r t o p e r s u a d e t h e s u p e r i n t e n d e n t
274 MICHAEL CHABDN

t o set aside, in his case, t h e m i n i m u m h e i g h t r e q u i r e m e n t s for

T r i b a l P o l i c e officers. T h e s t o r i e s o f h o w t h i s w a s a c c o m p l i s h e d a r e
s l a n d e r o u s , salacious, h a r d t o believe, or s o m e c o m b i n a t i o n of t h e
t h r e e . W i l l i e D i c k h a s all t h e u s u a l b a d q u a l i t i e s o f v e r y s m a l l , v e r y
intelligent men: vanity, arrogance, overcompetitiveness, a long
m e m o r y for i n j u r i e s a n d s l i g h t s . H e is a l s o h o n e s t , d o g g e d , a n d
f e a r l e s s , a n d h e o w e s L a n d s m a n a favor; D i c k h a s a l o n g m e m o r y
for f a v o r s , t o o .
" I ' m t r y i n g to imagine w h a t you m a d H e b r e w s are u p to, and
e v e r y o n e o f m y t h e o r i e s is m o r e f u c k e d u p t h a n t h e l a s t o n e , " h e
says.
" T h i s m a n is a p a t i e n t h e r e , " says G o l d . " H e w a s t r y i n g t o
c h e c k o u t a l i t t l e early, is a l l . "
" S o y o u w e r e g o i n g t o s h o o t h i m , " D i c k says. " T h a t ' s some
badass fucking therapy, you guys. D a m n ! Strict Freudian, h u h ? "
H e t u r n s back to L a n d s m a n a n d looks h i m u p and d o w n . Dick's
d a r k face is h a n d s o m e , i n a w a y , t h e a v i d e y e s o p e r a t i n g from
t h e cover of a sage forehead, t h e chin dimpled, t h e nose straight
a n d regular. T h e last t i m e L a n d s m a n saw h i m , Dick k e p t having
to t a k e a pair of r e a d i n g glasses o u t of his shirt p o c k e t and p u t
t h e m o n . N o w h e has given in t o s e n e s c e n c e a n d a d o p t e d a slick
b l a c k - a n d - b r u s h e d - s t e e l pair of Italian spectacles, t h e kind w o r n
i n t h o u g h t f u l i n t e r v i e w s b y a g i n g B r i t i s h r o c k g u i t a r i s t s . H e is
d r e s s e d in stiff b l a c k j e a n s , b l a c k c o w b o y b o o t s , a n d a r e d - a n d -
b l a c k - p l a i d s h i r t w i t h a n o p e n collar. O v e r h i s s h o u l d e r s h e w e a r s ,
as u s u a l , a s h o r t c l o a k , h e l d i n p l a c e w i t h a b r a i d e d r a w h i d e t h o n g ,
m a d e f r o m t h e s k i n o f a b e a r h e h u n t e d a n d k i l l e d h i m s e l f . H e is a n
affected c r e a t u r e , Willie D i c k — h e smokes black c i g a r e t t e s — b u t
h e is a fine h o m i c i d e d e t e c t i v e .

" J e s u s C h r i s t , L a n d s m a n . Y o u l o o k l i k e a f u c k i n g fetal p i g I s a w
o n e t i m e pickled in a j a r . "
H e u n t i e s t h e b r a i d e d t h o n g w i t h t h e fingers of o n e hand
a n d shrugs o u t of t h e cloak. T h e n he tosses it to Landsman.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 275

F o r a n i n s t a n t i t ' s as c o l d as s t e e l a g a i n s t L a n d s m a n ' s b o d y , t h e n
w o n d e r f u l l y w a r m . D i c k k e e p s t h e g r i n of m o c k e r y in p l a c e b u t ,
for L a n d s m a n ' s b e n e f i t — o n l y L a n d s m a n c a n s e e i t — e x t i n g u i s h e s
e v e r y last t r a c e of h u m o r from his eyes.
" I s p o k e t o t h a t e x - w i f e o f y o u r s , " h e says i n a n e a r - w h i s p e r , t h e
voice h e uses t o t h r e a t e n s u s p e c t s a n d i n t i m i d a t e w i t n e s s e s . "After
I g o t y o u r m e s s a g e . Y o u h a v e less f u c k i n g r i g h t t o b e h e r e t h a n a
fucking eyeless African m o l e r a t . " H e raises his voice nearly t o t h e
p o i n t of staginess. " D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , w h a t d i d I tell y o u I w a s
g o i n g t o d o t o y o u r J e w i s h ass t h e n e x t t i m e I c a u g h t y o u r u n n i n g
a r o u n d Indian c o u n t r y w i t h o u t benefit of c l o t h i n g ? "
"I d-don't remember," Landsman says, seized b y a v i o l e n t
t r e m o r o f g r a t i t u d e a n d e x p o s u r e . " Y o u s - s a i d so m a n y t h i n g s . "
Dick walks over to t h e Caudillo, and knocks on t h e closed door
like he w a n t s t o c o m e in. T h e d o o r o p e n s , a n d D i c k s t a n d s b e h i n d it
a n d c o n v e r s e s i n a l o w v o i c e w i t h w h o e v e r is s i t t i n g i n s i d e , k e e p i n g
w a r m . After a m o m e n t D i c k c o m e s b a c k a n d tells G o l d , " M a n in
charge wants to speak to you."
G o l d goes a r o u n d t h e o p e n d o o r t o talk t o t h e m a n in charge.
W h e n he comes back, he looks like his sinuses have b e e n p u l l e d o u t
t h r o u g h h i s e a r s a n d h e b l a m e s L a n d s m a n for i t . H e n o d s o n c e t o
Dick.
" D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , " D i c k says. " I ' m v e r y m u c h fucking
afraid t h a t y o u a r e u n d e r a r r e s t . "
 e
•3) 32 0"
n t h e e m e r g e n c y r o o m at t h e I n d i a n h o s p i t a l in St. C y r i l , t h e
I n d i a n d o c t o r l o o k s L a n d s m a n o v e r a n d p r o n o u n c e s h i m fit t o
b e j a i l e d . T h e d o c t o r ' s n a m e is R a u , a n d h e ' s f r o m M a d r a s , a n d
h e ' s h e a r d all o f t h e j o k e s b e f o r e . H e ' s h a n d s o m e i n t h e Sal M i n e o
style, b i g obsidian eyes a n d a m o u t h like a cake-icing rose. M i l d
frostbite, he tells L a n d s m a n , n o t h i n g serious, t h o u g h one h o u r and
forty-seven m i n u t e s after his r e s c u e , L a n d s m a n still can't seem t o
s u p p r e s s t h e t e m b l o r s t h a t rise from i n n e r faults t o shake his body.
C o l d to t h e h o n e y c o m b of his bones.

" W h e r e ' s t h e big d o g w i t h t h e little t h i n g of b r a n d y a r o u n d

h i s n e c k ? " L a n d s m a n says a f t e r t h e d o c t o r t e l l s h i m h e c a n t a k e off
t h e b l a n k e t a n d p u t o n t h e j a i l h o u s e c l o t h e s t h a t lie i n a n e a t s t a c k
beside t h e sink. " W h e n does he show up?"
" D o y o u e n j o y b r a n d y ? " D r . R a u s a y s , as if h e ' s r e a d i n g f r o m
a p h r a s e b o o k , as if h e h a s n o t t h e s l i g h t e s t i n t e r e s t e i t h e r i n h i s
q u e s t i o n or in any a n s w e r t h a t L a n d s m a n m i g h t ever p r o d u c e .
L a n d s m a n t a g s i t a t o n c e as a c l a s s i c i n t e r r o g a t o r ' s t o n e , so c o l d
t h a t i t l e a v e s a b u r n . D r . R a u ' s g a z e r e m a i n s r e s o l u t e l y fixed o n a n
e m p t y c o r n e r o f t h e r o o m . " I s t h a t s o m e t h i n g y o u feel y o u n e e d ? "
" W h o said a n y t h i n g a b o u t n e e d i n g ? " L a n d s m a n says, fumbling
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 277

w i t h t h e b u t t o n fly o f s o m e w o r n t w i l l t r o u s e r s . C o t t o n w o r k s h i r t ,
laceless canvas sneaks. T h e y w a n t t o d r e s s h i m like a w i n o , o r a
beach b u m , or some o t h e r kind of loser w h o t u r n s u p n a k e d at y o u r
intake desk, homeless, no visible m e a n s of s u p p o r t . T h e shoes are
too big, b u t otherwise, everything's a perfect fit.
" N o c r a v i n g ? " T h e r e ' s a fleck o f a s h i n t h e A o f t h e d o c t o r ' s
n a m e tag. H e picks at it w i t h a fingernail. " Y o u ' r e n o t feeling t h e
need of a d r i n k r i g h t n o w ? "
" M a y b e I j u s t want o n e , " L a n d s m a n says. " D i d y o u e v e r t h i n k
of t h a t ? "
" M a y b e , " t h e d o c t o r says. " O r m a y b e y o u a r e f o n d o f l a r g e ,
salivating dogs."
" O k a y , k n o c k i t off, D o c , " L a n d s m a n says. " L e t ' s n o t play
games."
"All r i g h t . " D r . R a u t u r n s h i s p l u m p face t o L a n d s m a n . T h e i r i s e s
of his eyes are like cast iron. " B a s e d on m y e x a m i n a t i o n , I w o u l d
guess t h a t you are going t h r o u g h alcoholic w i t h d r a w a l , D e t e c t i v e
L a n d s m a n . In a d d i t i o n to e x p o s u r e , y o u ' r e also suffering from
dehydration, tremors, palpitations, and your pupils are enlarged.
Y o u r b l o o d s u g a r is low, w h i c h t e l l s m e y o u p r o b a b l y h a v e n ' t b e e n
e a t i n g . L o s s o f a p p e t i t e is a n o t h e r s y m p t o m o f w i t h d r a w a l . Your
b l o o d p r e s s u r e is e l e v a t e d , a n d y o u r r e c e n t b e h a v i o r a p p e a r s to
have b e e n , from w h a t I g a t h e r , q u i t e e r r a t i c . E v e n v i o l e n t . "
L a n d s m a n tugs on t h e w r i n k l e d lapels of t h e collar of his
chambray work shirt, trying to smooth t h e m out. Like cheap
window blinds, they keep rolling themselves up.
" D o c t o r , " h e says, " f r o m o n e m a n w i t h X - r a y eyeballs t o a n o t h e r ,
I r e s p e c t y o u r k e e n n e s s , b u t t e l l m e , p l e a s e , if t h e c o u n t r y o f I n d i a
w e r e b e i n g c a n c e l e d , a n d in t w o m o n t h s , a l o n g w i t h e v e r y o n e y o u
loved, you w e r e going to be tossed i n t o t h e j a w s of t h e wolf w i t h
n o w h e r e t o go a n d n o o n e t o give a fuck, a n d half t h e w o r l d h a d
j u s t s p e n t t h e p a s t t h o u s a n d y e a r s t r y i n g t o kill H i n d u s , d o n ' t y o u
think you might take up drinking?"
278 MICHAEL CHABDN

" T h a t or ranting to strange doctors."

" T h e d o g w i t h t h e b r a n d y n e v e r g e t s wise w i t h t h e frozen g u y , "
L a n d s m a n says w i s t f u l l y .
"Detective Landsman."
"Yes, Doc."
" I h a v e b e e n e x a m i n i n g y o u for t h e l a s t e l e v e n m i n u t e s , a n d in
t h a t t i m e you have p r o d u c e d three prolonged speeches. R a n t s , I
w o u l d call t h e m . "
" Y e s , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , a n d n o w h i s b l o o d b e g i n s t o flow for t h e
first t i m e : i n t o his c h e e k s . " I t h a p p e n s s o m e t i m e s . "
" Y o u like t o m a k e speeches?"
" T h e y come and go."
"Verbal jags."
"I've heard t h e m called t h a t . "
F o r t h e first t i m e L a n d s m a n n o t i c e s t h a t D r . R a u is s e c r e t l y
c h e w i n g s o m e t h i n g , w o r k i n g it w i t h his b a c k t e e t h . T h e faint smell
of anise leaks from his frosting-pink lips.
The doctor makes a note on Landsman's c h a r t . "Are you
c u r r e n t l y u n d e r t h e care of a psychiatrist or taking any medication
for d e p r e s s i o n ? "
"Depression? I seem depressed to you?"
" I t ' s r e a l l y j u s t a w o r d , " t h e d o c t o r says. " I ' m l o o k i n g a t
possible s y m p t o m s . F r o m w h a t Inspector Dick has told me, and
from m y e x a m i n a t i o n of you, it seems at least possible t h a t you
m i g h t possibly have s o m e kind of m o o d disorder."
" Y o u a r e n ' t t h e f i r s t p e r s o n t o s a y t h a t , " L a n d s m a n says. " I ' m
s o r r y t o have t o b r e a k it to y o u . "
"Are you taking medication?
"No, n o t really."
" N o t really?"
"No. I don't want to."
"You don't want to."
" I ' m , y o u know. Afraid I m i g h t lose m y e d g e . "
" T h a t e x p l a i n s t h e d r i n k i n g , t h e n , " t h e d o c t o r says. H i s w o r d s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 279

seem tinged w i t h a sardonic whiff of licorice. " I hear it does

w o n d e r s for o n e ' s e d g e . " H e g o e s t o t h e d o o r , o p e n s i t , a n d a n
I n d i a n n o z c o m e s i n t o t a k e L a n d s m a n away. " I n m y e x p e r i e n c e ,
D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , if I m a y , " t h e d o c t o r c o n c l u d e s h i s o w n j a g ,
" t h e p e o p l e w h o w o r r y a b o u t l o s i n g t h e i r e d g e , o f t e n t h e y fail t o
see t h e y a l r e a d y l o s t t h e blade a l o n g t i m e a g o . "
" T h e s w a m i s p e a k s , " says t h e I n d i a n n o z .
" L o c k h i m u p , " t h e d o c t o r s a y s , t o s s i n g L a n d s m a n ' s file i n t o t h e
tray m o u n t e d to t h e wall.
T h e Indian noz has a head like a r e d w o o d b u r l a n d t h e w o r s t
haircut L a n d s m a n has ever seen, s o m e k i n d of u n g o d l y h y b r i d of
a high-and-tight and a p o m p a d o u r . H e leads L a n d s m a n t h r o u g h a
series of b l a n k hallways, u p a flight of steel s t a i r s , t o a r o o m at t h e
b a c k of t h e St. C y r i l jail. It has an o r d i n a r y steel door, n o bars. It's
reasonably clean a n d reasonably well lit. T h e b u n k has a m a t t r e s s ,
a pillow, a n d a b l a n k e t , folded t r i m . T h e t o i l e t has a seat. T h e r e ' s a
metal mirror bolted to the wall.
" T h e V I P s u i t e , " says t h e I n d i a n n o z .
" Y o u s h o u l d s e e w h e r e I l i v e , " L a n d s m a n says. " I t ' s a l m o s t as
n i c e as t h i s . "
" N o t h i n g p e r s o n a l , " t h e n o z says. " T h e i n s p e c t o r w a n t e d to
make sure you k n e w that."
" W h e r e is t h e i n s p e c t o r ? "
" D e a l i n g w i t h this. W e get a c o m p l a i n t from t h o s e people, he
h a s n i n e flavors o f s h i t t o d e a l w i t h . " A h u m o r l e s s g r i n c o n t o r t s h i s
face. " Y o u f u c k e d u p t h a t g i m p y l i t t l e J e w p r e t t y b a d . "
" W h o a r e t h e y ? " L a n d s m a n says. " S e r g e a n t , w h a t t h e f u c k a r e
those Jews u p to over t h e r e ? "
" I t ' s a r e t r e a t c e n t e r , " t h e s e r g e a n t says w i t h t h e s a m e b u r n i n g
lack of emotion that Dr. Rau put into his questions about
Landsman's alcoholism. "For w a y w a r d Jew y o u t h trapped by the
scourge of c r i m e a n d d r u g s . A n y w a y s , t h a t ' s w h a t I h e a r d . H a v e
yourself a nice nap, Detective."
After t h e Indian n o z leaves, L a n d s m a n crawls i n t o t h e b u n k a n d
Z8D MICHAEL CHABDN

p u l l s t h e b l a n k e t o v e r h i s h e a d , a n d b e f o r e h e c a n p r e v e n t himself,
b e f o r e h e h a s t i m e e v e n t o feel s o m e t h i n g a n d k n o w t h a t h e is
f e e l i n g i t , a s o b g e t s w r e n c h e d l o o s e f r o m s o m e d e e p n i c h e a n d fills
his w i n d p i p e . T h e tears t h a t b u r n his eyes are like his alcoholic
t r e m o r s : T h e y have n o use, a n d h e c a n ' t seem t o get on t o p of
t h e m . H e c l a m p s h i s p i l l o w d o w n o v e r h i s face a n d feels for t h e first
t i m e h o w u t t e r l y a l o n e N a o m i left h i m .
T o calm himself, h e goes b a c k to M e n d e l S h p i l m a n on t h e bed
in r o o m 2 0 8 . H e i m a g i n e s h i m s e l f l y i n g o n t h e p u l l d o w n b e d in
t h a t w a l l p a p e r e d cell, r u n n i n g t h r o u g h t h e moves of Alekhine's
s e c o n d g a m e a g a i n s t C a p a b l a n c a a t B u e n o s A i r e s in 1927, w h i l e
t h e s m a c k t u r n e d h i s b l o o d i n t o a flood o f s u g a r a n d h i s b r a i n i n t o
a l a p p i n g t o n g u e . So. O n c e h e h a d b e e n f i t t e d for t h e s u i t o f t h e
T z a d d i k H a - D o r a n d t h e n d e c i d e d t h a t it w a s a straitjacket. All
r i g h t . T h e n a l o t o f w a s t e d y e a r s . H u s t l i n g c h e s s for d r u g m o n e y .
C h e a p hotels. H i d i n g himself from the incompatible destinies
c h o s e n for h i m b y h i s g e n e s a n d b y h i s G o d . T h e n o n e d a y s o m e
m e n d i g h i m u p a n d d u s t h i m off a n d t a k e h i m a w a y t o P e r i l S t r a i t .
A place w i t h a d o c t o r , a facility b u i l t t h r o u g h t h e g e n e r o s i t y of t h e
B a r r y s a n d t h e M a r v i n s a n d t h e Susies of Jewish A m e r i c a , w h e r e
t h e y can clean h i m u p , p a t c h h i m together. Why? Because t h e y
need h i m . Because t h e y i n t e n d to r e s t o r e h i m to practical use. A n d
h e w a n t s t o g o w i t h t h e m , t h e s e m e n . H e a g r e e s t o d o so. N a o m i
n e v e r w o u l d h a v e flown S h p i l m a n a n d h i s e s c o r t s if s h e sniffed a n y
k i n d o f c o e r c i o n i n t h e j o b . So t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g i n i t — m o n e y ,
t h e p r o m i s e of h e a l i n g or r e c a p t u r e d glory, reconciliation w i t h
t h e family, a n e v e n t u a l p a y o f f i n d r u g s — f o r S h p i l m a n . B u t w h e n
h e a r r i v e s a t P e r i l S t r a i t t o s t a r t h i s n e w life, s o m e t h i n g c h a n g e s
S h p i l m a n ' s m i n d . S o m e t h i n g t h a t h e l e a r n s , o r r e a l i z e s , o r sees. O r
m a y b e h e j u s t g e t s c o l d f e e t . A n d t u r n s for h e l p t o t h e w o m a n w h o
s e r v e d a n y n u m b e r o f p e o p l e , g e n e r a l l y t h e m o s t l o s t , as t h e o n l y
f r i e n d t h e y h a d i n t h e w o r l d . N a o m i flies h i m o u t a g a i n , c h a n g i n g
h e r flight p l a n e n r o u t e , a n d f i n d s h i m a r i d e t o a c h e a p m o t e l w i t h
t h e p i e m a n ' s d a u g h t e r . I n p a y m e n t for h e r h u b r i s , t h e s e m y s t e r y
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 281

J e w s c r a s h N a o m i ' s a i r p l a n e for h e r . T h e n t h e y g o o u t h u n t i n g for

M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , gone t o g r o u n d again. H i d i n g from his possible
selves. L y i n g t h e r e in his r o o m at t h e Z a m e n h o f , f a c e d o w n o n t h e
b e d , t o o far g o n e t o t h i n k a b o u t A l e k h i n e a n d C a p a b l a n c a a n d t h e
Q u e e n ' s I n d i a n D e f e n s e . T o o far g o n e t o h e a r t h e k n o c k o n t h e
door.
" Y o u d o n ' t h a v e t o knock, B e r k o , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h i s is a
jail."
T h e r e ' s a r a t t l e of keys, a n d t h e n t h e Indian n o z t h r o w s o p e n t h e
door. B e r k o S h e m e t s s t a n d s b e h i n d h i m . H e h a s d r e s s e d h i m s e l f as for
a safari d e e p i n t o t h e b u s h . J e a n s , flannel s h i r t , l a c e - u p l e a t h e r h i k i n g
boots, a grayish-brown fisherman's vest equipped with seventy-
two pockets, sub-pockets, and sub-sub-pockets. At first glance,
h e l o o k s a l m o s t l i k e a t y p i c a l if r a t h e r l a r g e A l a s k a n b u s h r u n n e r .
You c a n h a r d l y m a k e o u t t h e p o l o - p l a y e r i n s i g n i a t h a t o r n a m e n t s
h i s s h i r t . B e r k o ' s u s u a l d i s c r e e t s k u l l c a p h a s b e e n l a i d a s i d e i n favor
o f a n o u t s i z e e m b r o i d e r e d n u m b e r , c y l i n d r i c a l , a d w a r f fez. B e r k o
always lays o n t h e J e w a l i t t l e t h i c k w h e n h e is o b l i g e d t o t r a v e l t o
t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s . L a n d s m a n c a n ' t t e l l f r o m h e r e , b u t h i s p a r t n e r is
p r o b a b l y w e a r i n g h i s S t a r o f D a v i d cuff l i n k s , t o o .

" I ' m sorry," L a n d s m a n tells h i m . " I k n o w I ' m always sorry, b u t

this time, believe m e , I could n o t be sorrier."
" W e ' l l s e e a b o u t t h a t , " B e r k o says. " C o m e o n , h e w a n t s to
see u s . "
" W h o does?"
" T h e e m p e r o r of t h e F r e n c h . "
L a n d s m a n gets u p from t h e b e d , goes t o t h e sink, t h r o w s s o m e
w a t e r o n h i s face.
" A m I free t o g o ? " h e a s k s t h e I n d i a n n o z as h e w a l k s o u t t h e
d o o r o f t h e c e l l . " Y o u ' r e t e l l i n g m e I ' m free t o g o ? "
" Y o u ' r e a free m a n , " says t h e n o z .
" D o n ' t y o u b e l i e v e i t , " says L a n d s m a n .
 33 g»

F r o m h i s c o r n e r office o n t h e g r o u n d floor o f t h e S t . C y r i l s t a t i o n
h o u s e , I n s p e c t o r D i c k h a s a fine v i e w o f t h e p a r k i n g l o t . Six
D u m p s t e r s p l a t e d a n d h o o p e d like iron m a i d e n s a g a i n s t bears.
Beyond the D u m p s t e r s a subalpine meadow, and then the snow­
c a p p e d g h e t t o w a l l t h a t k e e p s t h e J e w s a t bay. D i c k is s l o u c h e d
a g a i n s t t h e b a c k of his t w o - t h i r d s - s c a l e d e s k chair, a r m s crossed,
chin s u n k to his chest, staring o u t t h e casement window. N o t at the
m o u n t a i n s or t h e m e a d o w , grayish g r e e n in t h e late light, tufted
w i t h w i s p s o f fog, o r e v e n a t t h e a r m o r e d D u m p s t e r s . H i s g a z e
travels n o f a r t h e r t h a n t h e p a r k i n g l o t — n o f a r t h e r t h a n his 1961
Royal Enfield C r u s a d e r . L a n d s m a n recognizes t h e expression on
D i c k ' s face. I t ' s t h e e x p r e s s i o n t h a t g o e s w i t h t h e f e e l i n g L a n d s m a n
g e t s w h e n h e l o o k s a t h i s C h e v e l l e S u p e r S p o r t , o r a t t h e face o f B i n a
G e l b f i s h . T h e face o f a m a n w h o feels h e w a s b o r n i n t o t h e w r o n g
w o r l d . A m i s t a k e h a s b e e n m a d e ; h e is n o t w h e r e h e b e l o n g s . E v e r y
s o o f t e n h e feels h i s h e a r t c a t c h , l i k e a k i t e o n a t e l e p h o n e w i r e ,
o n s o m e t h i n g t h a t s e e m s t o p r o m i s e h i m a h o m e in t h e w o r l d or a
m e a n s o f g e t t i n g t h e r e . A n A m e r i c a n c a r m a n u f a c t u r e d i n h i s far-
off b o y h o o d , say, o r a m o t o r c y c l e t h a t o n c e b e l o n g e d t o t h e f u t u r e
k i n g o f E n g l a n d , o r t h e face o f a w o m a n w o r t h i e r t h a n h i m s e l f o f
being loved.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 283

" I h o p e y o u ' r e d r e s s e d , " D i c k says w i t h o u t t u r n i n g f r o m the

w i n d o w . T h e w i s t f u l flicker i n h i s e y e s h a s b e e n s n u f f e d . T h e r e is
n o l o n g e r a n y t h i n g h a p p e n i n g i n h i s face a t a l l . " B e c a u s e t h e t h i n g s
I w i t n e s s e d in t h o s e w o o d s — C h r i s t , I a l m o s t h a d t o fucking b u r n
m y m o t h e r f u c k i n g b e a r s k i n . " H e affects t o s h u d d e r . " T h e T l i n g i t
N a t i o n d o e s n ' t p a y m e a n y w h e r e n e a r e n o u g h t o m a k e u p for h a v i n g
t o look at y o u s t a n d i n g a r o u n d in y o u r u n d e r p a n t s . "
" T h e T l i n g i t N a t i o n , " says B e r k o S h e m e t s , p r o n o u n c i n g it
like t h e n a m e of a n o t o r i o u s s c a m o r a claim a b o u t t h e l o c a t i o n of
A t l a n t i s . H e i n t r u d e s h i s b u l k o n t h e f u r n i s h i n g s o f D i c k ' s office.
"So, w h a t , t h e y still p a y t h e salaries a r o u n d here? Because M e y e r
was j u s t telling m e it m i g h t b e o t h e r w i s e . "
D i c k t u r n s , s l o w a n d lazy, a n d h i k e s u p a c o r n e r o f h i s u p p e r l i p
t o b a r e a few i n c i s o r s a n d c u s p i d s . " J o h n n y t h e J e w , " h e says. " W e l l ,
well. Beanie a n d all. A n d clearly y o u h a v e n ' t h a d a n y difficulties
lately saying t h e holy blessing over t h e Filipino d o n u t . "
"Fuck you, Dick, you anti-Semitic m i d g e t . "
" F u c k you, Johnny, and your chickenshit insinuations about m y
i n t e g r i t y as a p o l i c e officer."
In his rich b u t r u s t y T l i n g i t , Berko expresses a wish t o o n e d a y
see D i c k l y i n g d e a d a n d s h o e l e s s i n t h e s n o w .
" G o s h i t i n t h e o c e a n , " D i c k says i n f l a w l e s s Y i d d i s h .
T h e y step toward each other, and t h e large m a n takes t h e small
one into his embrace. T h e y p o u n d at each other's backs, searching
for t h e t u b e r c u l a r s p o t s i n t h e i r s l o w l y d y i n g f r i e n d s h i p , s o u n d i n g
t h e d e p t h s of t h e i r a n c i e n t e n m i t y like a d r u m . In t h e year of
misery t h a t p r e c e d e d his defection to t h e Jewish side of his n a t u r e ,
before his m o t h e r was c r u s h e d b y a r u n a w a y t r u c k l o a d of r i o t i n g
Jews, y o u n g John Bear discovered basketball and Wilfred Dick,
t h e n a f o u r - f o o t - t w o p o i n t g u a r d . I t w a s h a t r e d a t first s i g h t , t h e
k i n d o f g r a n d r o m a n t i c h a t r e d t h a t i n t h i r t e e n - y e a r - o l d b o y s is
i n d i s t i n g u i s h a b l e from o r t h e n e a r e s t t h e y can g e t t o love.
" J o h n n y B e a r , " D i c k says. " W h a t t h e f u c k , y o u g r e a t b i g J e w ? "
Berko s h r u g s , r u b b i n g at t h e b a c k of his n e c k in a s h e e p i s h w a y
284 MICHAEL CHABDN

t h a t m a k e s h i m look like a thirteen-year-old c e n t e r w h o has j u s t

w a t c h e d s o m e t h i n g small and n a s t y squirt past him on a drive to
t h e b a s k e t . " Y e a h , h e y , W i l l i e D . , " h e says.
"Sit down, you fat motherfucker," Dick says. " Y o u , too,
L a n d s m a n , a n d all t h o s e u g l y f r e c k l e s o n y o u r ass c r a c k . "
B e r k o g r i n s , a n d t h e y all s i t d o w n , D i c k o n h i s s i d e o f h i s d e s k ,
t h e J e w i s h p o l i c e m e n o n t h e i r s . T h e t w o c h a i r s for v i s i t o r s a r e
s t a n d a r d scale, a l o n g w i t h t h e b o o k s h e l v e s a n d e v e r y t h i n g else
i n t h e office a p a r t f r o m D i c k ' s d e s k a n d c h a i r . T h e effect is fun
h o u s e , n a u s e a t i n g . O r m a y b e t h a t ' s a n o t h e r s y m p t o m of alcoholic
w i t h d r a w a l . D i c k t a k e s o u t his black c i g a r e t t e s a n d p u s h e s an
a s h t r a y across t h e d e s k t o w a r d L a n d s m a n . H e leans b a c k in his
c h a i r a n d p u t s his b o o t s u p o n t h e d e s k . H e w e a r s t h e sleeves of
his Woolrich shirt rolled back. H i s forearms are r o p y and b r o w n .
C u r l i n g g r a y h a i r s p e e p over his o p e n collar, a n d his chic eyeglasses
a r e folded in t h e p o c k e t of his s h i r t .

" T h e r e a r e so m a n y p e o p l e I w o u l d r a t h e r b e l o o k i n g a t r i g h t
n o w , " h e says. " L i t e r a l l y m i l l i o n s . "
" T h e n close y o u r fucking e y e s , " Berko suggests.
D i c k c o m p l i e s . H i s e y e l i d s a r e d a r k a n d glossy, b r u i s e d - l o o k i n g .
" L a n d s m a n , " h e s a y s , as if e n j o y i n g t h e b l i n d n e s s , " h o w w a s y o u r
room?"
" T h e s h e e t s h a d a t o u c h m o r e l a v e n d e r w a t e r t h a n I c a r e for,"
L a n d s m a n says. " O t h e r t h a n t h a t , I r e a l l y h a v e n o c o m p l a i n t s . "
D i c k o p e n s h i s e y e s . " I t h a s b e e n m y g o o d f o r t u n e as a n a g e n t o f
l a w e n f o r c e m e n t o n t h i s r e s e r v a t i o n t o h a v e r e l a t i v e l y few d e a l i n g s
w i t h J e w s over t h e y e a r s , " h e b e g i n s . " O h , a n d before e i t h e r of
y o u starts cinching u p his s p h i n c t e r on m e over m y supposed
a n t i - S e m i t i s m , let m e j u s t s t i p u l a t e r i g h t n o w t h a t I d o n ' t give
a flying fuck w h e t h e r I offend y o u r p o r k - s h u n n i n g asses or n o t ,
a n d o n b a l a n c e , I w o u l d s a y t h a t I h o p e I d o . T h e fat m a n t h e r e
k n o w s perfectly well, or he should, t h a t I hate everyone equally
a n d w i t h o u t favor, r e g a r d l e s s o f c r e e d o r D N A . "
" U n d e r s t o o d , " says B e r k o .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 285

" W e feel t h e s a m e w a y a b o u t y o u , " L a n d s m a n says.

" M y p o i n t is t h a t J e w s m e a n b u l l s h i t . A t h o u s a n d laminated
l a y e r s o f p o l i t i c s a n d lies b u f f e d t o a h i g h s h e e n . T h e r e f o r e , I
b e l i e v e p r e c i s e l y ass p o i n t t w o p e r c e n t o f a n y t h i n g t h a t w a s t o l d
t o m e b y this s u p p o s e d Dr. Roboy, w h o s e c r e d e n t i a l s , b y t h e way,
c h e c k o u t as l e g i t i m a t e b u t w i t h a c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f m u d a t t h e
b o t t o m , a b o u t h o w y o u c a m e t o b e s c o o t i n g d o w n t h a t r o a d in y o u r
skivvies, L a n d s m a n , w i t h a Jew c o w b o y taking p o t s h o t s at you o u t
t h e w i n d o w of his car."
L a n d s m a n starts to explain, b u t Dick holds u p one of his girlish
h a n d s , t h e n a i l s n e a t a n d glossy.
" L e t m e finish. T h o s e g e n t l e m e n , n o , J o h n n y , t h e y d o n o t p a y
m y s a l a r y , fuck y o u v e r y m u c h . B u t t h r o u g h m e a n s n o t g i v e n t o
me to understand, and that I don't have the stomach to speculate
about, those g e n t l e m e n have friends, T l i n g i t friends, w h o d o pay
m y salary, or t o b e specific, w h o sit on t h e c o u n c i l t h a t d o e s . A n d
if t h o s e w i s e t r i b a l e l d e r s w e r e t o i n d i c a t e t o m e t h a t t h e y w o u l d
n o t t a k e i t a m i s s if I b o o k e d y o u r p a r t n e r h e r e , a n d h e l d h i m o n
charges of t r e s p a s s i n g a n d burglary, n o t t o m e n t i o n c o n d u c t i n g an
i l l e g a l a n d u n a u t h o r i z e d i n v e s t i g a t i o n , t h e n t h a t is w h a t I w o u l d
have to do. T h o s e Jewish squirrels o u t t h e r e at Peril S t r a i t , a n d I
k n o w y o u k n o w i t p a i n s m e t o s a y t h i s , for b e t t e r o r w o r s e , t h e y ' r e
my m o t h e r f u c k i n g J e w i s h s q u i r r e l s . A n d t h e i r facility, for as l o n g as
t h e y o c c u p y i t , c o m e s u n d e r t h e full c o l o r a n d p r o t e c t i o n o f T r i b a l
l a w e n f o r c e m e n t . E v e n if, a f t e r I g o t o all t h e t r o u b l e t o s a v e y o u r
f r e c k l e - a s s e d life o u t t h e r e , L a n d s m a n , a n d d r a g y o u d o w n h e r e a n d
h o u s e y o u a t c o n s i d e r a b l e e x p e n s e , f u c k if t h o s e J e w s d o n ' t s e e m t o
l o s e all i n t e r e s t in y o u . "

" T a l k a b o u t v e r b a l j a g s , " L a n d s m a n says t o B e r k o . T o Dick

h e says, " T h e y g o t a d o c t o r h e r e , I r e a l l y t h i n k y o u o u g h t t o s e e
him."
" B u t m u c h as I ' d l i k e t o s e n d y o u b a c k t o g e t y o u r a s s h u n g
on a h o o k b y t h a t ex-wife of y o u r s , L a n d s m a n , " D i c k b a r r e l s o n ,
" a n d t r y as I m i g h t , I c a n ' t s e e m t o l e t y o u g o w i t h o u t a s k i n g j u s t
28G MICHAEL CHABDN

o n e q u e s t i o n , e v e n k n o w i n g in a d v a n c e t h a t y o u ' r e b o t h J e w s , of
a s o r t , a n d t h a t a n y a n s w e r y o u g i v e m e is o n l y g o i n g t o a d d t o
t h e layers of bullshit t h a t are already b l i n d i n g m e w i t h their high
Jewish shine."
T h e y w a i t for t h e q u e s t i o n , a n d i t c o m e s , a n d D i c k ' s m a n n e r
h a r d e n s . All traces of v e r b o s i t y a n d t e a s i n g vanish.
" A r e w e t a l k i n g a b o u t a h o m i c i d e ? " h e says.
"Yes," Landsman says a t the same time that Berko says,
"Officially, n o . "
" T w o , " L a n d s m a n i n s i s t s . " T w o , B e r k o . I m a k e t h e m for N a o m i ,
too."
" N a o m i ? " B e r k o says. " M e y e r , w h a t t h e f u c k ? "
L a n d s m a n goes over it from t h e b e g i n n i n g , leaving o u t n o t h i n g
r e l e v a n t , f r o m t h e k n o c k o n t h e d o o r of. h i s r o o m a t t h e Z a m e n h o f
t o his i n t e r v i e w w i t h M r s . S h p i l m a n , from t h e pie man's d a u g h t e r
w h o sent h i m i n t o t h e FAA records to t h e presence of Aryeh
B a r o n s h t e y n at Peril Strait.
" H e b r e w ? " B e r k o says. " M e x i c a n s s p e a k i n g H e b r e w ? "
" T h a t ' s w h a t i t s o u n d e d l i k e t o m e , " L a n d s m a n says. " N o t
synagogue Hebrew, either." Landsman knows H e b r e w when he
h e a r s i t . B u t t h e H e b r e w h e k n o w s is t h e t r a d i t i o n a l b r a n d , t h e
o n e his a n c e s t o r s c a r r i e d w i t h t h e m t h r o u g h t h e millennia of their
E u r o p e a n e x i l e , o i l y a n d s a l t y as a p i e c e o f fish s m o k e d t o p r e s e r v e
i t , i t s flesh f l a v o r e d s t r o n g l y b y Y i d d i s h . T h a t k i n d o f H e b r e w is
n e v e r e m p l o y e d for h u m a n c o n v e r s a t i o n . I t ' s o n l y for t a l k i n g t o
G o d . If it w a s H e b r e w t h a t L a n d s m a n h e a r d a t Peril S t r a i t , it was
n o t t h e old salt-herring t o n g u e b u t some spiky dialect, a language
of alkali a n d rocks. It s o u n d e d t o h i m like t h e H e b r e w b r o u g h t over
b y t h e Z i o n i s t s a f t e r 1 9 4 8 . T h o s e h a r d d e s e r t J e w s t r i e d fiercely
t o h o l d o n t o i t i n t h e i r e x i l e b u t , as w i t h t h e G e r m a n J e w s b e f o r e
t h e m , got o v e r w h e l m e d b y t h e t e e m i n g t u m u l t of Yiddish, a n d by
t h e painful association of t h e i r l a n g u a g e w i t h r e c e n t failure a n d
d i s a s t e r . A s far as L a n d s m a n k n o w s , t h a t k i n d o f H e b r e w is e x t i n c t
e x c e p t a m o n g a few l a s t h o l d o u t s m e e t i n g a n n u a l l y i n l o n e l y h a l l s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 287

" I o n l y c a u g h t a w o r d o r t w o . I t w a s fast a n d I c o u l d n ' t f o l l o w i t . I

guess that was t h e idea."
H e tells t h e m a b o u t w a k i n g in t h e r o o m w h e r e N a o m i w r o t e h e r
epitaph on a wall, about the barracks and t h e training course and
t h e g r o u p s of idle y o u n g m e n w i t h g u n s .
As h e tells it, D i c k gets m o r e a n d m o r e i n t e r e s t e d in s p i t e of
h i m s e l f , a s k i n g q u e s t i o n s , p o k i n g h i s n o s e i n t o t h e affair w i t h a n
i n s t i n c t i v e , s t u b b o r n love of stinks.
" I k n e w y o u r s i s t e r , " h e says w h e n L a n d s m a n w i n d s u p a t t h e
r e s c u e in t h e w o o d s of Peril S t r a i t . " I w a s s o r r y w h e n s h e d i e d . A n d
this holy fudge-packer s o u n d s like exactly t h e k i n d of s t r a y m u t t
she w o u l d have r i s k e d h e r ass for."
" B u t w h a t d i d t h e y w a n t from M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , t h e s e J e w s
w i t h t h e i r v i s i t o r w h o d o e s n ' t l i k e m e s s e s ? " B e r k o says. " T h a t ' s t h e
p a r t I d o n ' t g e t . W h a t a r e t h e y doing o u t t h e r e ? "
T h e q u e s t i o n s s t r i k e L a n d s m a n as i n e v i t a b l e , l o g i c a l , a n d key,
b u t t h e y s e e m t o c o o l D i c k ' s a r d o r for t h e c a s e .
"You have n o t h i n g , " h e says, his m o u t h a bloodless h y p h e n . "And
l e t m e t e l l y o u , L a n d s m a n , w i t h t h e s e P e r i l S t r a i t J e w s , s u c h is far
from t h e c a s e . T h e y h a v e so m u c h w e i g h t b e h i n d t h e m , g e n t l e m e n ,
let m e tell y o u , t h e y c o u l d m a k e y o u a d i a m o n d o u t of a fossilized
turd."
" W h a t d o y o u k n o w a b o u t t h e m , W i l l i e ? " B e r k o says.
"I don't know shit."
" T h e m a n i n t h e C a u d i l l o , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h e o n e y o u w e n t
over a n d talked to. H e was also an A m e r i c a n ? "
" I w o u l d say n o t , a s h r i v e l e d - u p raisin of a y i d . H e d i d n ' t c a r e
t o t e l l m e h i s n a m e . A n d I ' m n o t s u p p o s e d t o i n q u i r e . B e i n g as h o w
t h e T r i b a l P o l i c e officiai p o l i c y o n t h a t p l a c e , as I t h i n k I m a y h a v e
a l r e a d y m e n t i o n e d , is ' I d o n ' t k n o w s h i t . ' "
" C o m e o n , W i l f r e d , " B e r k o says. " W e ' r e t a l k i n g a b o u t N a o m i . "
"I appreciate that. But I know enough about Landsman h e r e —
fuck, I k n o w e n o u g h a b o u t h o m i c i d e d e t e c t i v e s p e r i o d — t o k n o w
t h a t s i s t e r o r n o s i s t e r , t h i s is n o t a b o u t f i n d i n g o u t t h e t r u t h . I t ' s
288 MICHAEL CHABDN

n o t a b o u t g e t t i n g t h e s t o r y r i g h t . B e c a u s e y o u a n d I, w e k n o w ,
g e n t l e m e n , t h a t t h e s t o r y is w h a t e v e r w e d e c i d e i t i s , a n d h o w e v e r
n i c e a n d n e a t w e m a k e i t , i n t h e e n d a s t o r y is n e v e r g o i n g t o m a k e
a d a m n b i t o f d i f f e r e n c e t o t h e d e a d . W h a t y o u w a n t , L a n d s m a n , is
t o p a y t h o s e f u c k e r s b a c k . B u t t h a t is n e v e r g o i n g t o h a p p e n . You
are never going to get t h e m . N o fucking way."
" W i l l i e b o y , " B e r k o says. " C o m e c l e a n . S o , d o n ' t d o i t for h i m .
D o n ' t d o it b e c a u s e his sister, N a o m i , was such a great fucking
kid."
By m e a n s of t h e silence t h a t follows, he supplies a t h i r d reason
for D i c k t o c l u e t h e m i n .
" Y o u ' r e s a y i n g , " D i c k s a y s , " t h a t I s h o u l d d o i t for y o u . "
"I am saying t h a t . "
" B e c a u s e o f all w e o n c e m e a n t t o e a c h o t h e r i n t h e s p r i n g t i m e
of o u r lives."
" I m i g h t n o t go t h a t far."
" T h a t is so f u c k i n g t o u c h i n g , " D i c k says. H e l e a n s f o r w a r d a n d
pushes t h e b u t t o n on his intercom. " M i n t y , get m y bearskin out
o f t h e t r a s h a n d b r i n g i t i n h e r e , so I c a n t h r o w u p o n i t . " H e l e t s
u p o n t h e b u t t o n b e f o r e M i n t y c a n r e p l y . " I ' m n o t d o i n g fuck-all
for y o u , D e t e c t i v e B e r k o S h e m e t s . B u t b e c a u s e I l i k e d y o u r s i s t e r ,
L a n d s m a n , I'll t i e t h e s a m e k n o t i n y o u r b r a i n t h a t t h o s e s q u i r r e l s
h a v e t i e d i n m i n e , a n d l e t y o u t r y t o figure o u t w h a t t h e h e l l i t
means."
T h e d o o r opens, a n d a y o u n g , w i d e w o m a n comes in, half again
as t a l l as h e r b o s s , c a r r y i n g t h e b e a r s k i n c l o a k l i k e i t c o n t a i n s
t h e p h o t o r e s i d u e of t h e risen b o d y of Jesus C h r i s t . Dick springs
t o h i s f e e t , g r a b s t h e c l o a k , a n d , w i t h a g r i m a c e , as if fearing
c o n t a m i n a t i o n , k n o t s it a r o u n d his neck b y t h e thong.
" F i n d t h a t o n e a c o a t a n d a h a t , " h e says, j e r k i n g a t h u m b t o w a r d
L a n d s m a n . " S o m e t h i n g w i t h a nice stink on it, salmon guts or
m u s c a t e l . T a k e t h e c o a t off M a r v i n K l a g , h e ' s p a s s e d o u t i n A 7 . "
 • § 34 (F

I
n t h e s u m m e r of 1897, m e m b e r s of t h e p a r t y of t h e Italian
m o u n t a i n e e r A b r u z z i , fresh from t h e i r c o n q u e s t of M o u n t S a i n t
Elias, inflamed barflies a n d t e l e g r a p h o p e r a t o r s in t h e t o w n of
Yakutat w i t h a tale of h a v i n g seen, from t h e slopes of t h e second-
h i g h e s t A l a s k a n p e a k , a c i t y i n t h e sky. S t r e e t s , h o u s e s , t o w e r s ,
trees, m o v i n g c r o w d s of p e o p l e , c h i m n e y s t r a i l i n g s m o k e . A g r e a t
c i v i l i z a t i o n , in t h e m i d s t o f t h e c l o u d s . A c e r t a i n T h o r n t o n i n t h e
party passed around a photograph; the city captured on T h o r n t o n ' s
b l u r r e d p l a t e w a s a f t e r w a r d i d e n t i f i e d as B r i s t o l , E n g l a n d , some
t w e n t y - f i v e h u n d r e d t r a n s p o l a r m i l e s away. T e n y e a r s l a t e r , the
explorer Peary blew a f o r t u n e in a bid t o s t r i k e C r o c k e r L a n d , a
l a n d of lofty p e a k s t h a t h e a n d his m e n h a d g l i m p s e d d a n g l i n g in
the sky on a prior j o u r n e y n o r t h . Fata morgana, t h e p h e n o m e n o n
was called. A m i r r o r m a d e of w e a t h e r a n d light a n d t h e i m a g i n a t i o n
of m e n r a i s e d o n s t o r i e s of h e a v e n .

Meyer Landsman sees c o w s , r e d - s p o t t e d white milk cows

m i l l i n g l i k e a n g e l s i n a w i d e g r e e n afterlife o f g r a s s .
T h e t h r e e p o l i c e m e n d r o v e all t h e w a y b a c k d o w n t o P e r i l S t r a i t
so t h a t D i c k c o u l d w o w t h e m w i t h t h i s d o u b t f u l v i s i o n . C r a m m e d
for t w o h o u r s i n t o t h e c a b o f D i c k ' s p i c k u p , t h e y s m o k e d and
29D MICHAEL CHABDN

a b u s e d o n e a n o t h e r , b u m p i n g a l o n g T r i b a l R o u t e 2. Back t h r o u g h
d e e p m i l e s o f f o r e s t . P o t h o l e s t h e s i z e o f b a t h t u b s . R a i n t o s s e d in
vandalistic handfuls at t h e windshield. Back t h r o u g h the village
of J i m s , a r o w of steel roofs a l o n g an i n l e t , h o u s e s j u m b l e d like t h e
last ten cans of beans on a grocery shelf before t h e hurricane hits.
D o g s a n d boys a n d basketball hoops, an old flatbed e m b o d i e d by
w e e d s a n d s p i k y s p r a y s o f c r o w b e r r y , a c h i m e r a o f t r u c k a n d leaf.
Just past t h e portable Assembly of G o d church the paved tribal
r o u t e gave w a y t o sand a n d gravel. Five miles farther, it devolved to
a m e r e slash c u t t h r o u g h t h e ooze. Dick swore a n d fought t h e stick
as h i s b i g G M C s u r f e d t h e t i d e s o f m u d a n d g r i t . T h e b r a k e a n d g a s
w e r e r i g g e d t o suit a m a n of his s t a t u r e , a n d he h a n d l e d t h e m like
H o r o w i t z sailing t h r o u g h a s t o r m of Liszt. E v e r y t i m e t h e y hit a
b u m p , s o m e critical piece of L a n d s m a n was c r u s h e d by a t u m b l i n g
slab of S h e m e t s .

W h e n they ran o u t of m u d , they abandoned the truck and

h i k e d d o w n t h r o u g h a d e n s e g r o w t h of h e m l o c k . T h e f o o t i n g w a s
slippery, t h e trail a s u g g e s t i o n offered b y scraps of yellow police
t a p e s t u c k t o t h e trees. N o w t h e trail has led, after ten m i n u t e s '
squelching a n d splashing in a dense m i s t t h a t verged at m o m e n t s
o n o u t r i g h t r a i n , t o an electrified fence. C o n c r e t e p y l o n s d r i v e n
d e e p , w i r e s t a u t a n d e v e n . A w e l l - m a d e f e n c e , a s t a r k fence. A
b r u t a l g e s t u r e for J e w s t o m a k e o n I n d i a n l a n d , a n d o n e t h a t h a s n o
p r e c e d e n t o r l i c e n s e , as far as L a n d s m a n k n o w s .
On t h e o t h e r side of t h e e l e c t r i c fence, t h e fata morgana
s h i m m e r s . G r a s s . P a s t u r e l a n d , r i c h a n d glossy. A h u n d r e d g o o d -
looking freckled c a t t l e w i t h delicate heads.
" C o w s , " L a n d s m a n says, a n d t h e w o r d s o u n d s like a m o o of
doubtfulness.
" T h e y l o o k l i k e d a i r y c o w s , " B e r k o says.
" T h e y ' r e A y r s h i r e s , " says D i c k . " I s n a p p e d s o m e p i c t u r e s l a s t
t i m e I c a m e o u t h e r e . A p r o f e s s o r of a g r i c u l t u r e d o w n in Davis,
C
C a l i f o r n i a , I D ' d t h e m for m e . A S c o t t i s h b r e e d . ' " D i c k w o r k s h i s
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 291

voice u p i n t o his nose, m o c k i n g t h a t Californian professor. ' " K n o w n

5
for i t s h a r d i n e s s a n d a b i l i t y t o t h r i v e i n n o r t h e r n l a t i t u d e s . "
"Cows," Landsman says again. He can't shake the eerie
s e n s e o f d i s l o c a t i o n , o f m i r a g e , o f s e e i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t is n o t
t h e r e . S o m e t h i n g t h a t n o n e t h e l e s s h e k n o w s , r e c o g n i z e s , a half-
r e m e m b e r e d r e a l i t y o u t of stories of heaven or his o w n p a s t . F r o m
t h e days of t h e "Ickes c o l l e g e s , " w h e n t h e A l a s k a n D e v e l o p m e n t
C o r p o r a t i o n dispensed t r a c t o r s a n d seed a n d sacks of fertilizer
to t h e fugitive boatloads, Jews of t h e D i s t r i c t have d r e a m e d a n d
d e s p a i r e d of t h e Jewish farm. " C o w s in A l a s k a . "
T h e Polar Bear g e n e r a t i o n suffered t w o g r e a t d i s a p p o i n t m e n t s .
T h e first a n d s t u p i d e s t w a s d u e t o t h e t o t a l a b s e n c e , h e r e i n t h e
fabled n o r t h , of icebergs, p o l a r b e a r s , w a l r u s e s , p e n g u i n s , t u n d r a ,
s n o w in v a s t q u a n t i t i e s , a n d , a b o v e all, E s k i m o s . T h o u s a n d s of
S i t k a b u s i n e s s e s s t i l l b e a r b i t t e r a n d fanciful n a m e s s u c h as W a l r u s
Drug, or Eskimo Wig and Hairpiece, or N a n o o k ' s T a v e r n .
T h e second d i s a p p o i n t m e n t w a s c e l e b r a t e d in p o p u l a r songs
o f t h e p e r i o d , l i k e "A C a g e o f G r e e n . " T w o m i l l i o n J e w s g o t off
t h e b o a t s a n d found n o rolling p r a i r i e s d o t t e d w i t h buffalo. No
feathered Indians on horseback. O n l y a spine of flooded mountains
a n d fifty t h o u s a n d T l i n g i t v i l l a g e - d w e l l e r s a l r e a d y i n p o s s e s s i o n o f
m o s t o f t h e flat a n d u s a b l e l a n d . N o w h e r e t o s p r e a d o u t , t o g r o w ,
t o d o a n y t h i n g m o r e t h a n c r o w d t o g e t h e r in t h e t e e m i n g style of
Vilna and Lodz. T h e h o m e s t e a d i n g d r e a m s of a million landless
Jews, fanned b y movies, light fiction, a n d informational b r o c h u r e s
provided by the United States D e p a r t m e n t of the Interior—
snuffed o n a r r i v a l . E v e r y few y e a r s s o m e U t o p i a n s o c i e t y o r o t h e r
w o u l d acquire a t r a c t of green t h a t r e m i n d e d s o m e d r e a m e r of a
cow p a s t u r e . T h e y w o u l d found a colony, i m p o r t livestock, p e n a
manifesto. A n d t h e n t h e climate, t h e m a r k e t s , a n d t h e s t r e a k of
d o o m t h a t m a r b l e d J e w i s h life w o u l d w o r k t h e i r c h a r m . T h e d r e a m
f a r m w o u l d l a n g u i s h a n d fail.

L a n d s m a n feels t h a t h e ' s l o o k i n g a t t h a t d r e a m , l u s t r o u s a n d
292 MICHAEL CHABDN

v e r d a n t . A m i r a g e o f t h e o l d o p t i m i s m , t h e h o p e for t h e f u t u r e o n
w h i c h h e w a s r a i s e d . T h a t f u t u r e itself, i t s e e m s t o h i m — t h a t w a s
t h e fata m o r g a n a .
" T h e r e ' s s o m e t h i n g f u n n y a b o u t t h a t o n e , " B e r k o says, s t a r i n g
t h r o u g h t h e binoculars that Dick b r o u g h t along, and Landsman
c a n h e a r t h e t u g i n h i s v o i c e , a fish p l a y i n g a t t h e e n d o f h i s l i n e .
" G i v e m e , " L a n d s m a n says, t a k i n g t h e b i n o c u l a r s a n d raising
t h e m t o h i s face. H e t r i e s , b u t t h e y ' r e all j u s t c o w s t o h i m .
" T h a t one. By t h e t w o over t h e r e , facing t h e o t h e r way." Berko
guides t h e lenses w i t h a b r u s q u e hand, settling t h e m on a cow
w h o s e m o t t l e d h i d e is p e r h a p s a r i c h e r r e d t h a n i t s s i s t e r s ' , a m o r e
d a z z l i n g w h i t e , i t s h e a d s t u r d i e r , less l a d y l i k e . L i k e a v i d fingers, i t s
lips tear at t h e grass.
"There's something different," Landsman allows. " B u t so
what?"
" I ' m n o t s u r e , " B e r k o says. I t s o u n d s s l i g h t l y less t h a n t r u t h f u l .
" W i l l i e , d o y o u k n o w for s u r e t h e s e c o w s b e l o n g t o o u r m y s t e r y
Jews?"
" W e saw the little buckaroo Jewboys with our own eyes," Dick
says. " T h e o n e s f r o m t h e c a m p o r s c h o o l o r w h a t e v e r i t is. R o u n d i n g
t h e m u p . D r i v i n g t h e m t h a t way, t o w a r d t h e c a m p u s . T h e y used
some kind of bossy Scottish d o g to help t h e m . M e and m y boys
followed t h e m a w a y s . "
" T h e y d i d n ' t see y o u ? "
" I t w a s g e t t i n g d a r k . A n y w a y , w h a t t h e fuck d o y o u t h i n k , o f
c o u r s e t h e y didn^t see us, w e ' r e I n d i a n s , G o d d a m n it. A b o u t half
a m i l e i n , t h e r e ' s a s t a t e - o f - t h e - a r t d a i r y i n g b a r n . A c o u p l e o f silos.
I t ' s a m e d i u m - s m a l l o p e r a t i o n , a n d i t ' s d e f i n i t e l y all J e w . "
" S o w h a t is g o i n g o n h e r e ? " L a n d s m a n says. " I s i t a r e h a b c e n t e r
o r a d a i r y f a r m ? O r is i t s o m e k i n d o f w e i r d c o m m a n d o t r a i n i n g
facility p r e t e n d i n g t o be b o t h ? "
" Y o u r c o m m a n d o l i k e s h i s m i l k f r e s h f r o m t h e c o w , " D i c k says.
T h e y s t a n d t h e r e l o o k i n g a t t h e c o w s . L a n d s m a n fights a n u r g e
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 293

t o l e a n o n t h e e l e c t r i c f e n c e . T h e r e ' s a fool o f a d e v i l i n h i m t h a t
w a n t s t o feel t h e t h r u m o f c u r r e n t . T h e r e ' s a c u r r e n t i n h i m t h a t
w a n t s t o feel t h e d e v i l i n t h e w i r e . S o m e t h i n g b o t h e r s h i m , n a g s
at h i m , a b o u t t h i s v i s i o n , t h i s C r o c k e r L a n d of c o w s . H o w e v e r
real it m a y be, it's also impossible. It s h o u l d n o t be h e r e ; n o y i d
s h o u l d h a v e b e e n able t o s w i n g s u c h a feat of real e s t a t e . L a n d s m a n
has k n o w n or had dealings w i t h m a n y of t h e great a n d t h e wicked
Jews of his g e n e r a t i o n , t h e rich m e n , t h e m a d Utopians, t h e so-
called visionaries, t h e politicians w h o t u r n t h e law on their lathes.
L a n d s m a n considers t h e w a r l o r d s of t h e R u s s i a n n e i g h b o r h o o d s
with their stockpiles of w e a p o n s and d i a m o n d s a n d sturgeon
roe. H e r u n s t h r o u g h his m e n t a l d o c k e t of smuggler kings a n d
gray-market moguls, gurus of m i n o r cults. M e n w i t h influence,
c o n n e c t i o n s , u n l i m i t e d funds. N o n e of t h e m c o u l d have p u l l e d
off s o m e t h i n g l i k e t h i s , n o t e v e n H e s k e l S h p i l m a n o r A n a t o l y
Moskowits the Wild Beast. N o m a t t e r how powerful, every yid
i n t h e D i s t r i c t is t e t h e r e d b y t h e l e a s h o f 1 9 4 8 . H i s k i n g d o m is
b o u n d i n i t s n u t s h e l l . H i s s k y is a p a i n t e d d o m e , h i s h o r i z o n a n
electrified fence. H e has t h e flight a n d k n o w s t h e f r e e d o m o n l y of
a balloon on a string.

M e a n w h i l e , B e r k o is j e r k i n g o n t h e k n o t o f h i s n e c k t i e i n a w a y
that L a n d s m a n has come to associate w i t h t h e i m m i n e n t e m e r g e n c e
of a theory.
" W h a t is i t , B e r k o ? " h e says.
" S h e ' s n o t a w h i t e c o w w i t h r e d s p o t s , " B e r k o says w i t h finality.
" S h e ' s a red c o w w i t h w h i t e s p o t s . "
H e sets his h a t on t h e b a c k of his h e a d a n d p u r s e s his lips. H e
takes several b a c k w a r d steps away from t h e fence, a n d hikes u p his
t r o u s e r legs. Slowly at first, h e lopes t o w a r d t h e fence. A n d t h e n ,
to Landsman's horror, shock, a n d mild elation, Berko leaps. H i s
b u l k leaves t h e g r o u n d . H e sticks o u t o n e leg a n d h o o k s t h e o t h e r
b e h i n d h i m . H i s t r o u s e r cuffs p u l l b a c k t o r e v e a l g r e e n s o c k s a n d
pale shins. T h e n he comes d o w n , w i t h a gust of exhalation, on t h e
294 MICHAEL CHABDN

o t h e r side of t h e fence. H e s t a g g e r s u n d e r his o w n i m p a c t , t h e n

plunges forward into t h e world of cows.
" W h a t t h e f u c k , " L a n d s m a n says.
" T e c h n i c a l l y , I h a v e t o a r r e s t h i m n o w , " says D i c k .
T h e cows react to the intrusion with complaint and protest but
little in t h e w a y of e m o t i o n . B e r k o m a k e s s t r a i g h t for t h e o n e
t h a t ' s b o t h e r i n g h i m , m a r c h e s r i g h t u p t o i t . I t s h i e s away, l o w i n g .
H e h o l d s u p his a r m s , p a l m s o u t w a r d . H e speaks t o it in Yiddish,
A m e r i c a n , T l i n g i t , O l d a n d M o d e r n B o v i n e . H e c i r c l e s i t slowly,
l o o k i n g i t u p a n d d o w n . L a n d s m a n s e e s B e r k o ' s p o i n t : T h i s c o w is
n o t like t h e o t h e r s , in c o n t o u r or c o l o r a t i o n .
T h e cow s u b m i t s to Berko's inspection. H e p u t s a h a n d on its
crop, a n d it w a i t s , hoofs s p r e a d , k n o c k - k n e e d , h e a d c a n t e d at a
listening angle. Berko ducks d o w n and peers at its underside. H e
r u n s h i s fingers a l o n g i t s r i b s , u p i t s n e c k , t o t h e p o l l o f i t s h e a d ,
t h e n b a c k a l o n g i t s flank t o t h e t e n t l i k e r i g g i n g o f i t s h i p s . T h e r e
his h a n d s t o p s , in t h e m i d d l e of a w h i t e p a t c h of hide. Berko raises
t h e fingers o f h i s r i g h t h a n d t o h i s m o u t h , m o i s t e n s t h e t i p s , t h e n
r u b s in a circular m o t i o n a g a i n s t t h e w h i t e p a t c h of t h e cow's r u m p .
H e t a k e s h i s fingers a w a y , c o n t e m p l a t e s t h e m , s m i l e s , f r o w n s . T h e n
h e l u m b e r s b a c k a c r o s s t h e field a n d s t o p s a t t h e f e n c e , o p p o s i t e
Landsman.

H e h o l d s u p h i s r i g h t h a n d as if i n s o l e m n p a r o d y o f t h e s a l u t e
of a c i g a r - s t o r e I n d i a n , a n d L a n d s m a n sees t h a t his fingers are
s t r e a k e d w i t h flakes o f w h i t e .
" F a k e s p o t s , " B e r k o says.
H e b a c k s u p a n d c o m e s at t h e fence again. L a n d s m a n a n d D i c k
g e t o u t of his way, a n d he's u p a n d a i r b o r n e , a n d t h e n t h e g r o u n d
rings w i t h t h e i m p a c t of him.
" S h o w - o f f , " L a n d s m a n says.
" A l w a y s w a s , " says D i c k .
" S o , " says L a n d s m a n , " w h a t a r e y o u s a y i n g ? T h e c o w is w e a r i n g
a disguise?"
"That's what I'm saying."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 295

"Somebody painted white spots on a red cow."

"So it a p p e a r s . "
" T h i s fact h a s s i g n i f i c a n c e t o y o u . "
" I n a s e n s e , " B e r k o says. " I n a c e r t a i n c o n t e x t . I b e l i e v e t h a t c o w
m a y be a red heifer."
" G e t o u t o f h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says. "A r e d h e i f e r . "
" T h i s is a J e w t h i n g , I t a k e i t , " D i c k says.
" W h e n t h e T e m p l e i n J e r u s a l e m is r e s t o r e d , " B e r k o s a y s , " a n d
i t ' s t i m e t o m a k e t h e t r a d i t i o n a l s i n o f f e r i n g , t h e B i b l e says y o u
n e e d a p a r t i c u l a r k i n d o f cow. A r e d h e i f e r , w i t h o u t b l e m i s h . P u r e .
I guess t h e y ' r e p r e t t y scarce, p u r e r e d heifers. In fact, I believe
t h e r e have been only nine of t h e m since t h e b e g i n n i n g of history.
I t w o u l d b e p r e t t y c o o l t o find o n e . I t w o u l d b e l i k e finding a five-
leaf c l o v e r . "
" W h e n t h e Temple is r e s t o r e d , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , t h i n k i n g o f
B u c h b i n d e r t h e d e n t i s t a n d his m a d m u s e u m . " T h a t ' s after M e s s i a h
comes?"
" S o m e p e o p l e , " B e r k o says s l o w l y , b e g i n n i n g t o understand
w h a t L a n d s m a n is b e g i n n i n g t o u n d e r s t a n d , " s a y M e s s i a h will
t a r r y u n t i l t h e T e m p l e is r e b u i l t . U n t i l a l t a r w o r s h i p g e t s r e s t o r e d .
B l o o d sacrifices, a p r i e s t h o o d , t h e w h o l e s o n g a n d d a n c e . "
" S o if y o u g o t h o l d o f a r e d h e i f e r , say. A n d y o u h a d all t h e t o o l s
r e a d y , r i g h t ? A n d t h e f u n n y h a t s a n d stuff. A n d y o u , u m , y o u b u i l t
t h e T e m p l e . . . y o u c o u l d b a s i c a l l y force M e s s i a h t o c o m e ? "
" N o t t h a t I'm a religious m a n , G o d k n o w s , " D i c k p u t s in. " B u t
I feel c o m p e l l e d t o p o i n t o u t t h a t t h e M e s s i a h a l r e a d y came, a n d y o u
bastards fucking killed t h e motherfucker."
T h e y hear a h u m a n voice in t h e d i s t a n c e , amplified t h r o u g h a
loudspeaker, speaking t h a t strange desert Hebrew. A t t h e sound,
L a n d s m a n ' s h e a r t t u r n s over, a n d h e t a k e s a s t e p t o w a r d t h e t r u c k .
" L e t ' s g e t o u t o f h e r e , " h e says. " I h a v e s p e n t s o m e t i m e w i t h
t h e s e m e n , a n d m y s t r o n g i m p r e s s i o n is t h a t t h e y a r e n o t v e r y
nice."
W h e n t h e y g e t safely b a c k t o t h e t r u c k , D i c k s t a r t s t h e e n g i n e
296 MICHAEL CHABDN

b u t k e e p s i t i n n e u t r a l w i t h t h e b r a k e o n . T h e y s i t t h e r e , filling u p
t h e cab w i t h c i g a r e t t e s m o k e . L a n d s m a n b u m s o n e of Dick's black
o n e s a n d is f o r c e d t o c o n c e d e t h a t i t ' s a fine e x a m p l e o f t h e r o l l e r ' s
craft.
" I ' m j u s t g o i n g t o go a h e a d a n d say this now, Willie," L a n d s m a n
says a f t e r h e ' s s m o k e d t h e N a t S h e r m a n h a l f w a y d o w n . " A n d I'd
like y o u t o t r y t o d e n y i t . "
"I'll do m y b e s t . "
" O n the way out here, we were talking, and you alluded to a
c e r t a i n a m o u n t of, u h , o d o r o u s n e s s c o m i n g o u t o f t h i s p l a c e . "
"I did."
"A s t i n k o f m o n e y , y o u s a i d . "
" T h e r e is m o n e y b e h i n d these buckaroos, no doubt about
that."
" B u t f r o m t h e m i n u t e I first h e a r d a b o u t t h i s p l a c e , s o m e t h i n g ' s
b e e n b o t h e r i n g m e . N o w I figure I ' v e s e e n m o s t o f t h e o p e r a t i o n .
F r o m t h e sign on t h e floatplane dock to those cows. A n d it's
bothering me even m o r e . "
"And what's t h a t ? "
" T h a t is, I ' m sorry, I d o n ' t care h o w m u c h m o n e y t h e y t h r o w
a r o u n d . I b u y t h a t a m e m b e r of y o u r tribal council m i g h t take
a b r i b e f r o m a J e w e v e r y n o w a n d t h e n . B u s i n e s s is b u s i n e s s , a
d o l l a r ' s a d o l l a r , a n d so f o r t h . W h o k n o w s , I h a v e h e a r d p e o p l e
a r g u e t h a t t h e flow o f i l l e g a l f u n d s b a c k a n d f o r t h o v e r t h e L i n e
is t h e c l o s e s t t h a t J e w s a n d I n d i a n s e v e r c o m e t o p e a c e , l o v e , a n d
understanding."
"That's sweet."
" O b v i o u s l y , t h e s e J e w s , w h a t e v e r i t is t h e y ' r e d o i n g , t h e y d o n ' t
w a n t t o s h a r e t h e n e w s w i t h o t h e r J e w s . A n d t h e D i s t r i c t is l i k e a
house with too many people and not enough bedrooms. Everybody
k n o w s e v e r y b o d y ' s b u s i n e s s . N o b o d y has a s e c r e t in S i t k a , it's j u s t
a b i g s h t e t l . You have a secret, it m a k e s sense t o t r y t o h i d e it o u t
here."
"But."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 297

" B u t odor or not, business or n o t , secret or n o t , I ' m sorry, t h e r e

is n o w a y i n h e l l t h e T l i n g i t a r e e v e r g o i n g t o l e t a b u n c h o f J e w s
c o m e i n h e r e , i n t h e h e a r t o f t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s , a n d b u i l d all t h i s .
I don't care h o w m u c h Jewish coin gets t h r o w n a r o u n d . "
"You're saying n o t even us Indians are t h a t gutless a n d debased.
T o give o u r w o r s t e n e m y t h a t k i n d of t o e h o l d . "
" H o w a b o u t , l e t ' s say, u s J e w s a r e t h e w o r l d ' s m o s t e v i l s c h e m e r s ,
we r u n t h e w o r l d from o u r secret h e a d q u a r t e r s on t h e d a r k side
of t h e m o o n . B u t even w e have o u r l i m i t a t i o n s . D o y o u like t h a t
better?"
"I'm not going to argue the point."
" T h e Indians w o u l d never allow it unless t h e y w e r e e x p e c t i n g
s o m e k i n d o f b i g payoff. R e a l l y b i g . A s b i g as t h e D i s t r i c t , l e t ' s
say."
" L e t ' s say," D i c k says, his voice s o u n d i n g t i g h t .
" I f i g u r e d t h e A m e r i c a n a n g l e i n all t h i s w a s w h a t e v e r c h a n n e l
s o m e b o d y u s e d t o g e t N a o m i ' s c r a s h file p u l l e d . B u t n o J e w c o u l d
ever g u a r a n t e e a payoff like t h a t . "
" P e n g u i n S w e a t e r , " B e r k o says. " H e fixes i t so t h e I n d i a n s g e t
the District under Native sovereignty once we're gone. For that,
the Indians help t h e Verbovers and friends set u p their secret d a i r y
farm o u t h e r e . "
" B u t w h a t d o e s P e n g u i n S w e a t e r g e t o u t o f i t ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" W h a t ' s i n i t for t h e U . S . ? "
"You have n o w arrived at a place of great darkness, B r o t h e r
L a n d s m a n , " D i c k s a y s , p u t t i n g t h e t r u c k i n t o g e a r . " W h i c h I fear
y o u will have t o e n t e r w i t h o u t Wilfred D i c k . "
" I h a t e t o s a y t h i s , c o u s i n , " L a n d s m a n says t o B e r k o , p u t t i n g
a h a n d on his shoulder. " B u t I t h i n k w e have t o go d o w n t o t h e
Massacre Spot."
" G o d f u c k i n g d a m n i t , " says B e r k o i n A m e r i c a n .
 •3) 35

F o r t y - t w o miles s o u t h of t h e Sitka city limits, a house crafted

from salvage planks and gray shingles teeters on t w o dozen
pilings over a slough. A nameless backwater, riddled with bears
and prone to methane flatulence. A g r a v e y a r d of r o w b o a t s , tackle,
p i c k u p t r u c k s , a n d , s o m e w h e r e d e e p d o w n , a d o z e n R u s s i a n fur
h u n t e r s a n d t h e i r A l e u t dog-soldiers. A t o n e e n d of t h e slough, back
i n t h e b u s h e s , a m a g n i f i c e n t T l i n g i t l o n g h o u s e is b e i n g d i s m a n t l e d
b y s a l m o n b e r r y and devil's club. A t t h e o t h e r e n d stretches a rocky
beach, l i t t e r e d w i t h a t h o u s a n d black stones on which an ancient
people e t c h e d t h e shapes of animals and stars. It was on this beach,
i n 1 8 5 4 , t h a t t h o s e twelvepromyshlennikis a n d A l e u t s u n d e r Y e v g e n y
Simonof m e t a b l o o d y e n d at t h e h a n d s of a T l i n g i t chief n a m e d
Kohklux. Over a century later, t h e great-great-granddaughter
o f C h i e f K o h k l u x , M r s . P u l l m a n , b e c a m e t h e s e c o n d I n d i a n wife
taken by a five-foot-six Jewish chess player and spymaster n a m e d
Hertz Shemets.

A t c h e s s , as i n s e c r e t s t a t e c r a f t , U n c l e H e r t z w a s k n o w n for h i s
s e n s e of t h e clock, an excess of p r u d e n c e , a n d a t i r e s o m e d e p t h of
p r e p a r a t i o n . H e r e a d u p o n h i s o p p o n e n t s , m a d e a fatal s t u d y o f
t h e m . H e s o u g h t t h e p a t t e r n of weakness, t h e unresolved complex,
t h e tic. For twenty-five years he c o n d u c t e d a secret campaign
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 299

a g a i n s t t h e p e o p l e o n t h e far s i d e o f t h e L i n e , t r y i n g t o w e a k e n
t h e i r hold on t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s , a n d in t h a t t i m e h e b e c a m e a
recognized a u t h o r i t y on their c u l t u r e and h i s t o r y H e learned to
savor t h e T l i n g i t l a n g u a g e , w i t h its s u c k i n g - c a n d y vowels and
its c h e w y consonants. H e u n d e r t o o k p r o f o u n d research i n t o t h e
fragrance a n d heft of T l i n g i t w o m e n .
W h e n h e m a r r i e d M r s . P u l l m a n ( n o o n e e v e r c a l l e d t h e lady,
m a y she r e s t in peace, M r s . S h e m e t s ) , h e d e v e l o p e d an i n t e r e s t
in h e r g r e a t - g r e a t - g r a n d f a t h e r ' s v i c t o r y over Simonof. H e spent
h o u r s in t h e l i b r a r y a t B r o n f m a n , p o r i n g over T s a r i s t - e r a m a p s . H e
annotated interviews conducted by Methodist missionaries with
ninety-nine-year-old T l i n g i t crones w h o w e r e six-year-old girls
w h e n t h o s e w a r h a m m e r s w e n t t o w o r k o n all t h o s e t h i c k R u s s i a n
skulls. H e d i s c o v e r e d t h a t in t h e U S G S s u r v e y of 1949, t h e o n e t h a t
set t h e p r o p e r boundaries of t h e D i s t r i c t of Sitka, t h e M a s s a c r e
S p o t s o m e h o w g o t d r a w n as T l i n g i t l a n d . E v e n t h o u g h i t lies w e s t
o f t h e B a r a n o f r a n g e , t h e M a s s a c r e S p o t is l e g a l l y N a t i v e , a g r e e n
badge of Indianness d a u b e d on t h e Jewish side of Baranof Island.
W h e n H e r t z discovered this error, he had Berko's s t e p m o t h e r b u y
up the land with m o n e y — a s Dennis Brennan later d o c u m e n t e d —
t a k e n from his C O I N T E L P R O slush fund. H e b u i l t his s p i d e r - l e g g e d
house on it. A n d w h e n M r s . P u l l m a n died, H e r t z S h e m e t s i n h e r i t e d
t h e Simonof Massacre Spot. H e declared it t h e world's c r u m m i e s t
Indian reservation, and himself the world's crummiest Indian.

" A s s h o l e , " B e r k o s a y s , w i t h less r a n c o r t h a n L a n d s m a n m i g h t

have expected, c o n t e m p l a t i n g his father's r i c k e t y dwelling t h r o u g h
t h e windshield of t h e Super Sport.
" W h e n ' s t h e last t i m e y o u saw h i m ? "
B e r k o t u r n s t o h i s p a r t n e r w i t h h i s e y e s r o l l e d b a c k as if t o
s e a r c h a n i n n e r file o n L a n d s m a n for t h e r e c o r d o f a q u e s t i o n t h a t
n e e d e d less a n s w e r i n g . " L e t m e a s k y o u t h i s , M e y e r . I f y o u w e r e
me, w h e n w o u l d you have seen h i m last?"
Landsman parks the Super Sport behind the old man's Buick
R o a d m a s t e r , a m u d - s t r e a k e d b l u e b e a s t w i t h fake w o o d panels
3DD MICHAEL CHABDN

a n d a b u m p e r sticker a d v e r t i s i n g , in Yiddish a n d A m e r i c a n , t h e
W O R L D - F A M O U S SIMONOF MASSACRE SPOT A N D G E N U I N E TLINGIT

L O N G H O U S E . A l t h o u g h t h e roadside a t t r a c t i o n has been defunct

for a w h i l e , t h e b u m p e r s t i c k e r is b r i g h t a n d c r i s p . T h e r e a r e s t i l l a
d o z e n c a r t o n s of t h e m s t a c k e d in t h e l o n g h o u s e .
" G i v e m e a h i n t , " L a n d s m a n says.
"Jokes a b o u t foreskins."
"Oh, right."
" E v e r y single j o k e a b o u t a foreskin ever d e v i s e d . "
" I h a d n o i d e a t h e r e w e r e so m a n y , " L a n d s m a n says. " I t w a s a n
education."
" C o m e o n , " B e r k o s a y s , c l i m b i n g o u t o f t h e car. " L e t ' s g e t t h i s
over w i t h . "
L a n d s m a n e y e s t h e h u l k o f t h e G e n u i n e L o n g h o u s e , off i n t h e
d r y t h i c k e t of b e r r y vines a n d devil's club, a g a u d y - p a i n t e d wreck.
I n f a c t , t h e r e is n o t h i n g g e n u i n e a b o u t t h e L o n g h o u s e . Hertz
S h e m e t s b u i l t it w i t h t h e h e l p of t w o I n d i a n brothers-in-law, his
n e p h e w M e y e r , a n d his son Berko o n e s u m m e r after t h e b o y c a m e to
l i v e o n A d l e r S t r e e t . H e b u i l t i t for f u n , w i t h n o t h o u g h t o f t u r n i n g
i t i n t o t h e r o a d s i d e a t t r a c t i o n t h a t h e t r i e d a n d failed t o m a k e o f
it after his ouster. Berko was fifteen that summer, and Landsman
twenty. T h e kid crafted every surface of his personality to conform
t o t h e c u r v a t u r e of L a n d s m a n ' s . H e d e v o t e d t w o solid m o n t h s to
t h e t a s k o f t r a i n i n g h i m s e l f t o o p e r a t e a S k i l s a w , as L a n d s m a n d i d ,
w i t h a p a p i r o s j i g g l i n g o n his lip a n d t h e s m o k e s t i n g i n g his eyes.
By t h e n L a n d s m a n w a s already set on t a k i n g his police exams,
a n d t h a t s u m m e r B e r k o d e c l a r e d h i s i d e n t i c a l a m b i t i o n , b u t if
L a n d s m a n h a d b e e n t a l k i n g a b o u t b e c o m i n g a blowfly, B e r k o w o u l d
have found a w a y to learn t o love d u n g .

L i k e m o s t p o l i c e m e n , L a n d s m a n sails d o u b l e - h u l l e d against
tragedy, stabilized a g a i n s t heave a n d s t o r m . It's t h e shallows he
h a s t o w o r r y a b o u t , t h e h a i r l i n e fissures, t h e l i t t l e f r e a k s o f t o r q u e .
T h e m e m o r y o f t h a t s u m m e r , for e x a m p l e , o r t h e t h o u g h t t h a t h e
has long since e x h a u s t e d t h e p a t i e n c e of a kid w h o once w o u l d have
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 3DI

waited a thousand years to spend an h o u r w i t h h i m shooting cans

off a f e n c e w i t h a n a i r rifle. T h e s i g h t o f t h e L o n g h o u s e b r e a k s
s o m e s m a l l , as y e t u n b r o k e n f a c e t o f L a n d s m a n ' s h e a r t . A l l o f t h e
things t h e y m a d e , d u r i n g t h e i r m i n u t e in t h i s c o r n e r of t h e m a p ,
dissolved in b r a m b l e s of s a l m o n b e r r y a n d o b l i v i o n .
" B e r k o , " h e says as t h e y c r u n c h a c r o s s t h e h a l f - f r o z e n m u d o f
t h e world's c r u m m i e s t Indian reservation. H e takes his cousin b y
t h e elbow. " I ' m s o r r y I've b e e n s u c h a m e s s . "
"You don't need t o a p o l o g i z e , " B e r k o says. " I t ' s n o t your
fault."
" I ' m g o o d now. I ' m b a c k , " L a n d s m a n says, a n d t h e w o r d s r i n g
t r u e t o h i s o w n e a r in t h e m o m e n t . " I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t d i d i t . T h e
hypothermia, maybe. O r getting into this whole thing with Shpilman.
O r , fine, l a y i n g off t h e b o o z e . B u t I ' m b a c k t o m y o l d s e l f "
"Uh-huh."
" D o e s n ' t it seem t h a t w a y t o y o u ? "
" S u r e . " Berko m i g h t be agreeing w i t h a child or a n u t . H e m i g h t
n o t b e a g r e e i n g a t all. " Y o u s e e m all r i g h t . "
"Ringing endorsement."
"I d o n ' t w a n t to get i n t o it now, tell m e , d o y o u m i n d ? I j u s t
w a n t t o go in t h e r e , h i t t h e old m a n w i t h o u r q u e s t i o n s , a n d g e t
back h o m e to Ester-Malke and t h e boys. T h a t okay w i t h you?"
" T h a t ' s fine, B e r k o . O f c o u r s e . "
"Thank you."
T h e y t r a m p t h r o u g h a congealed sludge of m u d a n d p a t c h y
gravel, frozen p u d d l e s , each o n e s t r e t c h e d w i t h a t h i n d r u m h e a d of
ice. A cartoon stairway, splintered, wigwagging, leads to a weather-
gray cedar front door. T h e d o o r h a n g s c r o o k e d , c r u d e l y w i n t e r i z e d
w i t h thick strips of rubber.
" W h e n y o u say it's n o t m y f a u l t , " L a n d s m a n b e g i n s .
"Man! I need to piss."
" T h e i m p l i c a t i o n i s , y o u t h i n k I ' m c r a z y . M e n t a l l y ill. N o t
r e s p o n s i b l e for m y a c t i o n s . "
"I'm knocking on this door now."
3D2 MICHAEL CHABDN

H e knocks twice, hard enough to imperil the hinges.

" N o t fit t o w e a r a s h i e l d , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , t r u l y w i s h i n g h e
could let t h e subject drop. " I n o t h e r w o r d s . "
" Y o u r ex-wife m a d e t h a t call, n o t m e . "
"But you don't disagree."
" W h a t d o I k n o w a b o u t m e n t a l i l l n e s s ? " B e r k o says. " I ' m n o t t h e
o n e w h o w a s a r r e s t e d for r u n n i n g n a k e d t h r o u g h t h e w o o d s , t h r e e
h o u r s from h o m e , after b r a i n i n g a m a n w i t h an iron b e d frame."
H e r t z S h e m e t s c o m e s t o t h e d o o r , t h e s h a v e o n h i s j o w l s as fresh
as t w o d r o p l e t s o f b l o o d . H e ' s w e a r i n g a g r a y flannel suit over a
w h i t e s h i r t , w i t h a p o p p y - r e d n e c k t i e . H e smells like v i t a m i n B,
s p r a y s t a r c h , s m o k e d fish. H e ' s t i n i e r t h a n e v e r , j e r k y as a w o o d e n
m a n on a stick.
" O l d b o y , " h e c a l l s L a n d s m a n , b r e a k i n g a few o f t h e b o n e s in
his nephew's hand.
" L o o k i n g g o o d , U n c l e H e r t z , " L a n d s m a n says. T a k i n g a c l o s e r
l o o k , h e s e e s t h a t t h e s u i t is s h i n y a t t h e e l b o w s a n d k n e e s . T h e
n e c k t i e b e a r s t e s t i m o n y t o s o m e p a s t m e a l of s o u p a n d has been
k n o t t e d t h r o u g h t h e soft l a p e l s n o t o f a s h i r t b u t o f a w h i t e p a j a m a
t o p j a m m e d h a s t i l y i n t o t h e t r o u s e r s . B u t L a n d s m a n is h a r d l y o n e
t o c r i t i c i z e . H e ' s w e a r i n g h i s e m e r g e n c y s u i t , p o p p e d l o o s e from
its crevice at t h e b a c k of his t r u n k a n d unbailed, a black n u m b e r
in viscose a n d wool b l e n d w i t h gold b u t t o n s m e a n t t o look like
R o m a n c o i n s . H e b o r r o w e d i t o n c e , for a l a s t - m i n u t e f u n e r a l h e
forgot h e w a s p l a n n i n g t o a t t e n d , from an u n l u c k y g a m b l e r n a m e d
G l u k s m a n . It m a n a g e s to look b o t h funereal a n d gaudy, has fierce
w r i n k l e s , a n d smells of D e t r o i t t r u n k .

" T h a n k s for t h e w a r n i n g , " U n c l e H e r t z s a y s , l e t t i n g g o o f t h e

w r e c k a g e of L a n d s m a n ' s h a n d .
" T h a t o n e t h e r e w a s all for s u r p r i s i n g y o u , " L a n d s m a n says,
n o d d i n g t o w a r d B e r k o . " B u t I k n e w y o u ' d w a n t t o g o o u t a n d kill
something."
Uncle H e r t z p u t s his palms t o g e t h e r and bows. Like a true
h e r m i t , h e t a k e s h i s d u t i e s a s a h o s t v e r y s e r i o u s l y . I f t h e h u n t i n g is
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 3D3

poor, t h e n h e will have d r a g g e d s o m e t h i n g well m a r b l e d o u t of t h e

d e e p freeze a n d p u t i t o n t h e s t o v e w i t h s o m e c a r r o t s a n d o n i o n s
and a c r u s h e d handful of t h e h e r b s t h a t h e g r o w s a n d h a n g s u p in
a s h e d b e h i n d h i s c a b i n . H e w i l l h a v e s e e n t o i t t h a t t h e r e is ice
for t h e w h i s k e y a n d c o l d b e e r for t h e s t e w . A b o v e a l l , h e w i l l h a v e
w a n t e d to shave and p u t on a tie.
T h e old m a n tells L a n d s m a n t o go i n t o t h e h o u s e , a n d L a n d s m a n
o b e y s h i m , w h i c h l e a v e s H e r t z s t a n d i n g t h e r e t o face h i s son.
L a n d s m a n w a t c h e s , a n i n t e r e s t e d p a r t y l i k e all J e w i s h m e n f r o m t h e
m o m e n t t h a t A b r a h a m g o t I s a a c t o lie d o w n o n t h a t m o u n t a i n t o p
a n d b a r e h i s p u l s i n g r i b c a g e t o t h e sky. T h e o l d m a n r e a c h e s o u t
a n d t a k e s h o l d of t h e sleeve of Berko's l u m b e r j a c k s h i r t . H e rolls
t h e fabric b e t w e e n his fingers. Berko submits to the examination
w i t h a l o o k o f g e n u i n e p a i n o n h i s face. I t h a s t o b e k i l l i n g h i m ,
L a n d s m a n k n o w s , to appear before his father w e a r i n g a n y t h i n g b u t
his b e s t Italian finery.
"So, w h e r e ' s t h e B i g B l u e O x ? " t h e o l d m a n says a t l a s t .
" I d o n ' t k n o w , " B e r k o says. " B u t I t h i n k h e m a y h a v e y o u r
pajama b o t t o m s . "
Berko s m o o t h s t h e p i n c h e d place t h a t his father m a d e in his
sleeve. H e w a l k s p a s t t h e old m a n a n d c o m e s i n t o t h e h o u s e .
"Asshole," h e says, u n d e r his b r e a t h , a l m o s t . H e e x c u s e s h i m s e l f t o
use the toilet.
" S l i v o v i t z , " t h e o l d m a n s a y s , g o i n g for t h e b o t t l e s , a h u d d l e d
skyline like a m i n i a t u r e replica of t h e S h v a r t s n - Y a m on a black
e n a m e l tray. " I s n ' t t h a t i t ? "
" S e l t z e r , " L a n d s m a n says. W h e n h i s u n c l e a r c h e s a n e y e b r o w ,
h e s h r u g s . " I g o t a n e w d o c t o r . I n d i a n fellow. W a n t s m e t o g i v e u p
booze."
"And since w h e n d o you listen to d o c t o r s or Indians?"
"Since never," Landsman admits.
" S e l f - m e d i c a t i o n is a L a n d s m a n t r a d i t i o n . "
"So is b e i n g a Jew," Landsman says. " L o o k where that's
got us."
3D4 >>>>> MICHAEL CHABDN

" S t r a n g e times to be a Jew," the old m a n agrees. H e turns

from t h e b a r a n d p r e s e n t s L a n d s m a n w i t h a h i g h b a l l glass fitted
with a lemon-slice yarmulke. T h e n he pours himself a generous
s h o t of slivovitz a n d raises it t o L a n d s m a n w i t h an expression of
h u m o r o u s c r u e l t y t h a t L a n d s m a n k n o w s well a n d in w h i c h he long
since ceased t o see a n y h u m o r .
" T o s t r a n g e t i m e s , " t h e o l d m a n says.
H e eases it back, a n d w h e n he looks at L a n d s m a n , he glows
like a m a n w h o j u s t said s o m e t h i n g w i t t y t h a t b r o k e u p a room.
L a n d s m a n k n o w s h o w m u c h it m u s t be killing H e r t z to w a t c h t h e
skiff h e p o l e d for s o m a n y y e a r s , w i t h all h i s c r a f t a n d s t r e n g t h ,
d r i f t i n g e v e r n e a r e r t o t h e falls o f R e v e r s i o n . H e p o u r s h i m s e l f
a second q u i c k o n e a n d knocks it back w i t h no show of pleasure.
N o w it's L a n d s m a n ' s t u r n to raise an eyebrow.
" Y o u h a v e y o u r d o c t o r , " U n c l e H e r t z says. " I h a v e m i n e . "
U n c l e H e r t z ' s c a b i n is a s i n g l e l a r g e r o o m w i t h a loft that
g o e s all t h e w a y a r o u n d t h r e e s i d e s . A l l t h e t r i m a n d f u r n i s h i n g
is h o r n , b o n e , s i n e w , h i d e , a n d p e l t . Y o u r e a c h t h e loft b y a s t e e p
c o m p a n i o n w a y at t h e back, next to t h e kitchenette. In one corner
is t h e o l d m a n ' s b e d , n e a t l y m a d e . B e s i d e t h e b e d , o n a s m a l l , r o u n d
table, stands a chessboard. T h e pieces are rosewood and maple.
O n e o f W h i t e ' s m a p l e k n i g h t s is m i s s i n g i t s left h o r s e ear. O n e o f
B l a c k ' s r o s e w o o d p a w n s h a s a b l o n d flaw o n i t s k n o b . T h e b o a r d
has a n e g l e c t e d , c h a o t i c air; a Vicks inhaler s t a n d s a m i d t h e pieces
at one end, a possible threat to White's king at e l .
" I see y o u ' r e p l a y i n g t h e M e n t h o l y p t u s D e f e n s e , " L a n d s m a n
says, t u r n i n g t h e b o a r d t o get a b e t t e r look. "Correspondence
game?"
H e r t z is c r o w d i n g L a n d s m a n , e x h a l i n g h i s b r e a t h o f plum
b r a n d y , t h e u n d e r n o t e o f h e r r i n g so o i l y a n d s h a r p y o u c a n feel
t h e l i t t l e b o n e s in it. J o s t l e d , L a n d s m a n tips t h e w h o l e t h i n g t o t h e
g r o u n d w i t h a clatter.
" Y o u w e r e a l w a y s t h e m a s t e r o f t h a t m o v e , " H e r t z says. " T h e
Landsman Gambit."
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 305

"Shit, Uncle H e r t z , I'm sorry." Landsman crouches and gropes

a r o u n d u n d e r t h e o l d m a n ' s b e d for t h e p i e c e s .
" D o n ' t w o r r y a b o u t i t ! " t h e o l d m a n says. " I t ' s all r i g h t . I t w a s n ' t
a g a m e , I was j u s t fooling a r o u n d . I d o n ' t play b y mail a n y m o r e . I
l i v e a n d d i e b y t h e sacrifice. I l i k e t o d a z z l e t h e m w i t h s o m e c r a z y ,
beautiful combination. T o u g h to do t h a t on a postcard. D o you
recognize the set?"
H e r t z helps L a n d s m a n r e t u r n t h e pieces t o their box, also m a p l e ,
lined w i t h green velveteen. T h e inhaler h e slips i n t o a p o c k e t .
"No," L a n d s m a n says. L a n d s m a n is t h e o n e , e x e c u t i n g the
Landsman G a m b i t during a t a n t r u m m a n y years ago, w h o cost the
W h i t e k n i g h t i t s ear.
" W h a t d o you think? You gave it to h i m . "
T h e r e a r e five b o o k s s t a c k e d o n t h e n i g h t s t a n d b y t h e o l d
man's b e d . A Yiddish t r a n s l a t i o n of C h a n d l e r . A F r e n c h b i o g r a p h y
of M a r c e l D u c h a m p . A p a p e r b a c k a t t a c k o n t h e w i l y a g e n d a of
t h e T h i r d R u s s i a n R e p u b l i c t h a t w a s p o p u l a r in t h e U.S. t h e year
b e f o r e . A P e t e r s o n field g u i d e t o m a r i n e m a m m a l s . A n d s o m e t h i n g
c a l l e d Kampf in t h e original G e r m a n , b y E m a n u e l Lasker.
T h e toilet flushes, a n d t h e r e is t h e s o u n d o f B e r k o d a s h i n g
w a t e r over his hands.
" S u d d e n l y , e v e r y b o d y ' s r e a d i n g L a s k e r , " L a n d s m a n says. H e p i c k s
u p t h e b o o k , heavy, black, t h e t i t l e e m b o s s e d in gilded black letter,
a n d is m i l d l y s u r p r i s e d t o d i s c o v e r t h a t i t h a s n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h
chess. N o d i a g r a m s , no figurine q u e e n s a n d h o r s e s , j u s t p a g e after
p a g e of t h o r n y G e r m a n prose. " S o t h e m a n w a s a p h i l o s o p h e r , t o o ? "
" H e considered it his t r u e calling. E v e n t h o u g h h e was a genius
a t c h e s s a n d h i g h e r m a t h e m a t i c s . I ' m s o r r y t o say, as a p h i l o s o p h e r ,
m a y b e h e w a s n ' t s u c h a g e n i u s . W h y , w h o e l s e is r e a d i n g E m a n u e l
Lasker? N o b o d y reads E m a n u e l Lasker a n y m o r e . "
" T h a t ' s even m o r e t r u e n o w t h a n it w a s a w e e k a g o , " Berko
says, c o m i n g o u t o f t h e b a t h r o o m , d r y i n g h i s h a n d s o n a t o w e l .
H e gravitates naturally toward the dinner table. T h e big wood­
b l o c k t a b l e is l a i d for t h r e e . T h e p l a t e s a r e e n a m e l e d t i n , t h e g l a s s e s
306 MICHAEL CHABDN

plastic, and t h e knives have bone handles and fearsome blades, the
k i n d y o u m i g h t u s e t o c u t t h e liver still t h r o b b i n g from t h e a b d o m e n
o f a b e a r . T h e r e is a p i t c h e r o f i c e d t e a a n d a n e n a m e l e d p o t o f
coffee. T h e m e a l t h a t H e r t z S h e m e t s h a s p r e p a r e d is p l e n t i f u l , h o t ,
and heavily weighted toward moose.
" M o o s e c h i l i , " t h e o l d m a n says. " I g r o u n d t h e m e a t l a s t fall, I
h a v e it in v a c u u m b a g s in t h e d e e p freeze. Killed t h e m o o s e , t o o ,
of c o u r s e . A cow, a t h o u s a n d - p o u n d e r . T h e chili I m a d e today, t h e
b e a n s are k i d n e y b e a n s , a n d I t h r e w in a can of t u r t l e beans I h a d
l y i n g a r o u n d . O n l y I w a s n ' t s u r e i t w o u l d b e e n o u g h , so I h e a t e d u p
a f e w m o r e t h i n g s I h a d i n t h e freezer. T h e r e ' s a q u i c h e l o r r a i n e —
t h a t ' s e g g , n a t u r a l l y , w i t h t o m a t o a n d b a c o n , t h e b a c o n is m o o s e
bacon. I s m o k e d it myself."
" T h e eggs a r e m o o s e e g g s , " B e r k o says, d u p l i c a t i n g perfectly
his father's mildly p o m p o u s tone.
T h e old m a n p o i n t s t o a w h i t e glass b o w l piled h i g h w i t h uniform
m e a t b a l l s i n a r e d d i s h - b r o w n g r a v y . " S w e d i s h m e a t b a l l s , " h e says.
" M o o s e m e a t b a l l s . A n d t h e n s o m e c o l d r o a s t m o o s e , if a n y b o d y
w a n t s a s a n d w i c h . I b a k e d t h e b r e a d myself. A n d t h e m a y o n n a i s e is
h o m e m a d e . I c a n ' t abide m a y o n n a i s e from a j a r . "
T h e y sit d o w n t o e a t w i t h t h e lonely old m a n . Years ago his
d i n i n g r o o m w a s a lively r e g i o n , t h e o n l y t a b l e in t h e s e d i v i d e d
islands at w h i c h Indians a n d Jews regularly sat d o w n t o g e t h e r to eat
g o o d food w i t h o u t rancor. T h e r e w a s California w i n e t o d r i n k a n d
b e e x p a t i a t e d u p o n b y t h e old m a n . Silent t y p e s , h a r d cases, and
t h e o d d special a g e n t or l o b b y i s t from W a s h i n g t o n m i n g l e d w i t h
t o t e m carvers, chess b u m s , and Native fishermen. H e r t z submitted
t o t h e raillery of M r s . P u l l m a n . H e w a s t h e k i n d of d o m i n e e r i n g
old c u t t h r o a t w h o chose to m a r r y a w o m a n w h o would knock him
d o w n a p e g or t w o in front of his friends. S o m e h o w it only m a d e
him look stronger.

" I p u t i n a c a l l o r t w o , " U n c l e H e r t z says a f t e r s e v e r a l m i n u t e s

of c h e s s - d e e p c o n c e n t r a t i o n o n his food. "After y o u called t o say
you were coming down."
 THE Y I D D I S H P D L I C E M E N ' S UNIDN 3D7

" D i d y o u ? " B e r k o says. "A c a l l o r t w o . "

" T h a t ' s r i g h t . " H e r t z has a w a y of smiling, or of p r o d u c i n g a
s m i l e - l i k e effect, w h e r e h e lifts o n l y t h e u p p e r l i p o n t h e r i g h t s i d e
o f h i s m o u t h , a n d o n l y for h a l f a s e c o n d , f l a s h i n g o n e y e l l o w i n c i s o r .
It looks like s o m e o n e has c a u g h t h i m b y t h e lip o n an invisible
f i s h h o o k a n d is g i v i n g t h e l i n e a s h a r p t u g . " F r o m w h a t I g a t h e r , y o u
have been m a k i n g a n u i s a n c e of yourself, M e y e r l e . U n p r o f e s s i o n a l
conduct. Erratic behavior. Lost your badge and g u n . "
W h a t e v e r e l s e h e m a y h a v e b e e n , for f o r t y y e a r s U n c l e H e r t z
w a s a s w o r n officer o f t h e l a w w i t h a f e d e r a l s h i e l d i n h i s b i l l f o l d .
T h o u g h h e u n d e r s e l l s i t , t h e n o t e o f r e p r o a c h is u n m i s t a k a b l e . H e
t u r n s to his son. "And I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k y o u ' r e d o i n g , "
h e says. " E i g h t w e e k s a w a y f r o m t h e v o i d . T w o c h i l d r e n a n d , m a z e l
tov and kaynahora, a third on the way."
Berko doesn't b o t h e r to ask h o w his father k n o w s t h a t Ester-
M a l k e is p r e g n a n t . I t w o u l d o n l y feed t h e o l d m a n ' s v a n i t y . H e j u s t
n o d s a n d p u t s a w a y a few m o r e m o o s e m e a t b a l l s . T h e y a r e g o o d ,
t h e meatballs, moist w i t h h i n t s of r o s e m a r y a n d smoke.
" Y o u a r e r i g h t , " B e r k o says. " I t ' s m a d n e s s . A n d I d o n ' t s a y t h a t
I love o r c a r e for t h a t b u f f a l o t h e r e , l o o k a t h i m , w i t h n o b a d g e a n d
no gun, b o t h e r i n g people and r u n n i n g a r o u n d w i t h frostbite on his
k n e e c a p s , a n y m o r e t h a n I d o for m y w i f e o r m y c h i l d r e n , b e c a u s e
I d o n ' t . O r t h a t i t m a k e s a n y s e n s e for m e t o t a k e r i s k s w i t h t h e i r
f u t u r e o n h i s behalf, b e c a u s e i t d o e s n ' t . " A s h e c o n t e m p l a t e s the
bowl of meatballs, his b o d y e m i t s a w e a r y s o u n d , a Yiddish s o u n d ,
h a l f w a y b e t w e e n a b e l c h a n d a l a m e n t a t i o n . " B u t if w e ' r e t a l k i n g
a b o u t v o i d s , w h a t c a n I say, t h a t ' s n o t t h e t y p e o f c i r c u m s t a n c e s I
w a n t t o b e facing w i t h o u t M e y e r a r o u n d . "

" Y o u see h o w l o y a l , " U n c l e H e r t z tells L a n d s m a n . " T h a t ' s j u s t

h o w I felt a b o u t y o u r f a t h e r , m a y h i s n a m e b e for a b l e s s i n g , b u t t h e
c o w a r d left m e h i g h a n d d r y . "
His tone aspires to lightness, b u t t h e s u b s e q u e n t blot of silence
s e e m s t o d a r k e n t h e r e m a r k . T h e y c h e w t h e i r f o o d , a n d life feels
long and ponderous. H e r t z gets u p and pours himself another shot.
3DB MICHAEL CHABDN

H e s t a n d s b y t h e w i n d o w , w a t c h i n g t h e s k y t h a t is l i k e a m o s a i c
pieced t o g e t h e r from t h e b r o k e n shards of a t h o u s a n d mirrors, each
o n e t i n t e d a different s h a d e of g r a y T h e w i n t e r sky of s o u t h e a s t e r n
A l a s k a is a T a l m u d o f g r a y , a n i n e x h a u s t i b l e c o m m e n t a r y o n a
T o r a h of rain clouds a n d d y i n g light. U n c l e H e r t z has always been
t h e m o s t c o m p e t e n t , s e l f - a s s u r e d m a n L a n d s m a n k n o w s , n e a t as
an o r i g a m i airplane, a q u i c k p a p e r needle folded w i t h precision,
impervious to turbulence. Accurate, methodical, dispassionate.
T h e r e w e r e always h i n t s of shadow, of i r r a t i o n a l i t y a n d violence,
b u t t h e y w e r e c o n t a i n e d b e h i n d t h e wall of H e r t z ' s m y s t e r i o u s
I n d i a n a d v e n t u r e s , h i d d e n o n t h e far s i d e o f t h e L i n e , c o v e r e d o v e r
b y h i m w i t h t h e careful b a c k w a r d kicks of an a n i m a l concealing
i t s spoor. B u t n o w a m e m o r y surfaces in L a n d s m a n from t h e days
following his father's d e a t h , of U n c l e H e r t z s i t t i n g c r u m p l e d like a
w a d of tissue in a c o r n e r of t h e k i t c h e n on A d l e r S t r e e t , shirttails
h a n g i n g , n o o r d e r t o his hair, s h i r t m i s b u t t o n e d , t h e d w i n d l i n g
c o n t e n t s of a b o t t l e of slivovitz on t h e kitchen table beside him
m a r k i n g l i k e a b a r o m e t e r t h e p l u m m e t i n g a t m o s p h e r e o f h i s grief.

" W e h a v e o u r s e l v e s a p u z z l e , U n c l e H e r t z , " says L a n d s m a n . " I s

why we're here."
" T h a t a n d t h e m a y o n n a i s e , " B e r k o says.
"A p u z z l e . " T h e o l d m a n t u r n s f r o m t h e w i n d o w , h i s e y e s h a r d
again and wary. " I h a t e puzzles."
" W e ' r e n o t a s k i n g y o u t o s o l v e a n y , " B e r k o says.
" D o n ' t take t h a t t o n e w i t h m e , John Bear," the old m a n snaps.
" I d o n ' t c a r e for i t . "
" T o n e ? " B e r k o says, h i s v o i c e s t a c k e d l i k e a m e a s u r e o f m u s i c a l
score w i t h a half-dozen t o n e s , a c h a m b e r e n s e m b l e of insolence,
r e s e n t m e n t , s a r c a s m , p r o v o c a t i o n , i n n o c e n c e , a n d s u r p r i s e . "Tone?"
L a n d s m a n g i v e s B e r k o a l o o k t h a t is m e a n t t o r e m i n d him
n o t o f h i s a g e a n d s t a t i o n i n life b u t o f t h e m a n i f e s t u n c o o l n e s s
o f b i c k e r i n g w i t h o n e ' s r e l a t i v e s . I t ' s a n o l d a n d w e l l - w o r n facial
e x p r e s s i o n d a t i n g f r o m t h e t i m e o f B e r k o ' s first strife-filled y e a r s
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 3D9

w i t h t h e L a n d s m a n s . I t n e v e r t a k e s l o n g e r t h a n a few m i n u t e s ,
w h e n e v e r t h e y g e t t o g e t h e r , for e v e r y o n e t o r e v e r t t o t h e s t a t e o f
n a t u r e , like a p a r t y m a r o o n e d b y a s h i p w r e c k . T h a t ' s w h a t a family
is. A l s o t h e s t o r m a t s e a , t h e s h i p , a n d t h e u n k n o w n s h o r e . A n d
t h e h a t s a n d t h e w h i s k e y stills t h a t y o u m a k e o u t of b a m b o o a n d
c o c o n u t s . A n d t h e fire t h a t y o u l i g h t t o k e e p a w a y t h e b e a s t s .
"There's something we're trying to explain," Landsman begins
a g a i n . "A s i t u a t i o n . A n d t h e r e a r e a s p e c t s o f t h e s i t u a t i o n that
r e m i n d e d us of y o u . "
Uncle H e r t z p o u r s a n o t h e r shot of slivovitz, carries it to t h e
t a b l e , a n d s i t s d o w n . " S t a r t f r o m t h e s t a r t , " h e says.
" T h e s t a r t is a d e a d j u n k i e i n m y h o t e l . "
"Aha."
"You've been following i t . "
" I h e a r d s o m e t h i n g o n t h e r a d i o , " t h e o l d m a n says. " M a y b e
I read a little s o m e t h i n g in t h e paper, t o o . " H e always b l a m e s t h e
n e w s p a p e r s for t h e t h i n g s h e k n o w s . " H e w a s t h e s o n o f H e s k e l
S h p i l m a n . T h e o n e t h e y h a d s u c h h i g h h o p e s for w h e n h e w a s a
kid."
" H e w a s m u r d e r e d , " L a n d s m a n says. " C o n t r a r y t o w h a t y o u
m i g h t have read. A n d w h e n h e died, h e was in hiding. H e ' d b e e n in
h i d i n g , f r o m o n e t h i n g a n d a n o t h e r , for m o s t o f h i s life, b u t w h e n
he died, I think he was trying to duck some men he had run out on.
I was able t o trace his m o v e m e n t s back t o t h e Yakovy a i r p o r t last
April. H e showed u p there the day before N a o m i d i e d . "
" T h i s has s o m e t h i n g to d o w i t h N a o m i ? "
" T h e s e m e n w h o w e r e l o o k i n g for S h p i l m a n . A n d w h o , w e ' r e
a s s u m i n g , k i l l e d h i m . L a s t A p r i l t h e y h i r e d N a o m i t o fly t h e g u y
o u t to a farm t h e y r u n , s u p p o s e d t o b e s o m e k i n d of a t h e r a p y
f a c i l i t y for t r o u b l e d k i d s . O u t i n P e r i l S t r a i t . B u t w h e n h e g o t t h e r e ,
he panicked. H e wanted out. H e came to N a o m i to help him, and
s h e s n e a k e d h i m o u t o f t h e r e a n d flew h i m b a c k t o c i v i l i z a t i o n . T o
Yakovy. S h e d i e d t h e n e x t d a y . "
310 MICHAEL CHABDN

" P e r i l S t r a i t ? " t h e o l d m a n says. " T h e s e a r e N a t i v e s , t h e n ?

Y o u ' r e s a y i n g Indians k i l l e d M e n d e l S h p i l m a n ? "
"No," B e r k o says. " T h e s e m e n w i t h t h e y o u t h r e h a b . O n a g o o d
t h o u s a n d acres j u s t n o r t h of t h e village t h e r e . It seems t o have
been b u i l t w i t h m o n e y from A m e r i c a n Jews. T h e people r u n n i n g it
a r e y i d s . A n d as far as w e c a n t e l l , t h e p l a c e is a f r o n t for t h e i r r e a l
operation."
" W h i c h is w h a t ? G r o w i n g m a r i j u a n a ? "
" W e l l , for o n e t h i n g , t h e y h a v e a h e r d o f A y r s h i r e d a i r y c o w s , "
B e r k o says. " M a y b e a h u n d r e d h e a d o f t h e m . "
" T h a t ' s for o n e t h i n g . "
" F o r a n o t h e r , t h e y seem t o b e r u n n i n g s o m e k i n d of p a r a m i l i t a r y
t r a i n i n g facility. T h e i r l e a d e r m i g h t b e a n o l d m a n , a Jew. W i l f r e d
D i c k g o t a l o o k a t h i m , h e w a s t h e r e . B u t t h e face m e a n t n o t h i n g
t o D i c k . W h o e v e r h e is, h e s e e m s t o h a v e ties t o t h e Verbovers, or
at least to A r y e h Baronshteyn. But we d o n ' t k n o w w h y or what
kind."
" T h e r e w a s a n A m e r i c a n t h e r e , t o o , " L a n d s m a n says. " H e flew
i n for a m e e t i n g w i t h B a r o n s h t e y n a n d t h e s e o t h e r mysterious
J e w s . T h e y all s e e m e d a l i t t l e w o r r i e d a b o u t t h e A m e r i c a n . T h e y
seemed to t h i n k he m i g h t n o t be h a p p y w i t h t h e m or how they
were running things."
T h e old m a n g e t s u p from t h e table a n d goes t o a h u t c h t h a t
separates his e a t i n g from his sleep. F r o m a h u m i d o r he takes a cigar
a n d rolls it b e t w e e n his p a l m s . H e rolls it a long t i m e , back and
forth, u n t i l it seems t o d i s a p p e a r from his t h o u g h t s entirely.
" I h a t e p u z z l e s , " h e says finally.
" W e k n o w t h a t , " B e r k o says.
"You know that."
U n c l e H e r t z r u n s t h e cigar b a c k a n d forth u n d e r his nose,
i n h a l i n g deeply, eyes closed, t a k i n g p l e a s u r e n o t o n l y in t h e smell, it
s e e m s t o L a n d s m a n , b u t i n t h e c o o l n e s s o f t h e s m o o t h leaf a g a i n s t
t h e flesh o f h i s n o s t r i l s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 211

" T h i s is m y first q u e s t i o n , " U n c l e H e r t z s a y s , o p e n i n g h i s e y e s .

" M a y b e m y only one."
T h e y w a i t for t h e q u e s t i o n w h i l e h e t r i m s t h e c i g a r , fits i t t o h i s
narrow lips, works t h e m u p a n d d o w n .
" W h a t c o l o r w e r e t h e c o w s ? " h e says.
 • § 3 6 (F

T h e r e w a s a r e d o n e , " B e r k o s a y s , slow, a b i t g r u d g i n g , l i k e h e
missed it w h e n t h e coin got p a l m e d , even t h o u g h he was staring
hard at the magician's hands.
"All r e d ? " t h e o l d m a n s a y s . " R e d f r o m h o r n t o t a i l ? "
" S h e w a s d i s g u i s e d , " B e r k o says. " S p r a y e d w i t h s o m e k i n d o f
w h i t e p i g m e n t . I c a n ' t t h i n k of a n y reason y o u ' d w a n t to d o t h a t
unless you had s o m e t h i n g a b o u t her t h a t you w a n t e d to hide. Such
as t h a t s h e w a s , y o u k n o w . " H e w i n c e s . " W i t h o u t b l e m i s h . "
" O h , for G o d ' s s a k e , " t h e o l d m a n says.
" W h o are t h e s e p e o p l e , U n c l e H e r t z ? You know, d o n ' t y o u ? "
" W h o a r e t h e s e p e o p l e ? " H e r t z S h e m e t s says. " T h e y ' r e y i d s .
Yids w i t h a scheme. I k n o w that's a tautology."
H e c a n ' t s e e m t o m a k e u p his m i n d t o l i g h t t h e cigar. H e sets
it d o w n , picks it u p , sets it d o w n again. L a n d s m a n g e t s t h e feeling
h e ' s w e i g h i n g a s e c r e t r o l l e d t i g h t i n i t s d a r k - v e i n e d leaf. A c o u r s e
of action, a tricky exchange of pieces.
"All r i g h t , " H e r t z says a t l a s t , " s o I l i e d : H e r e ' s a n o t h e r q u e s t i o n
for y o u . M e y e r , m a y b e y o u r e m e m b e r a y i d , w h e n y o u w e r e a l i t t l e
boy, h e u s e d t o c o m e a r o u n d t h e E i n s t e i n C h e s s C l u b . H e u s e d t o
j o k e w i t h y o u , y o u h a d q u i t e a t h i n g for h i m . Y i d n a m e d L i t v a k . "
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 313

" I s a w A l t e r L i t v a k t h e o t h e r d a y , " L a n d s m a n says. " A t the

Einstein."
"Did you?"
" H e lost his voice."
"Yes, he w a s in an a c c i d e n t , his t h r o a t w a s c r u s h e d b y t h e w h e e l .
H i s wife w a s k i l l e d . I t w a s o u t o n R o o s e v e l t B o u l e v a r d , w h e r e t h e y
p l a n t e d all t h o s e c h o k e c h e r r y t r e e s . T h e o n l y o n e t h a t d i d n ' t d i e ,
t h a t w a s t h e t r e e t h e y h i t . T h e o n l y c h o k e c h e r r y t r e e in t h e S i t k a
District."
" I r e m e m b e r w h e n t h e y p l a n t e d t h o s e t r e e s , " L a n d s m a n says.
"For the World's Fair."
" D o n ' t g e t w i s t f u l o n m e , " t h e o l d m a n says. " G o d k n o w s I ' v e
h a d m y fill o f w i s t f u l J e w s , s t a r t i n g w i t h myself. Y o u n e v e r s e e a
wistful I n d i a n . "
"That's because they hide them when they hear you're coming
a r o u n d , " B e r k o says. " T h e w o m e n a n d w i s t f u l I n d i a n s . S h u t u p a n d
tell us a b o u t L i t v a k . "
" H e u s e d t o w o r k for m e , " H e r t z says. " F o r m a n y , m a n y y e a r s . "
H i s t o n e g o e s flat, a n d L a n d s m a n is s u r p r i s e d t o s e e t h a t h i s
u n c l e is a n g r y . L i k e all S h e m e t s e s , H e r t z w a s h a n d e d d o w n a h o t
t e m p e r , b u t i t s e r v e d h i m ill i n h i s w o r k , so a t s o m e p o i n t h e h a d
it killed.
" A l t e r L i t v a k w a s a f e d e r a l a g e n t ? " L a n d s m a n says.
"No. H e w a s n o t . T h e m a n h a s n o t d r a w n a n official g o v e r n m e n t
salary, as far as I k n o w , s i n c e h e w a s h o n o r a b l y d i s c h a r g e d f r o m t h e
U.S. A r m y thirty-five years ago."
" W h y a r e y o u so a n g r y a t h i m ? " B e r k o s a y s , w a t c h i n g h i s f a t h e r
t h r o u g h t h e l a n t e r n slits of his eyes.
H e r t z is s t a r t l e d b y t h e q u e s t i o n , t r i e s t o h i d e i t . " I n e v e r g e t
a n g r y , " h e says. " E x c e p t w i t h y o u , s o n . " H e s m i l e s . " S o h e s t i l l
goes to t h e E i n s t e i n . I d i d n ' t k n o w t h a t . H e w a s always m o r e of
a c a r d p l a y e r t h a n a patzer. H e d i d b e t t e r in g a m e s t h a t favor t h e
bluff. D e c e i t . C o n c e a l m e n t . "
314 MICHAEL CHABON

L a n d s m a n r e m e m b e r s t h e pair of tough-looking y o u n g m e n
w h o m L i t v a k i n t r o d u c e d as h i s g r a n d n e p h e w s . T h e r e w a s o n e o f
t h e m in t h e w o o d s at Peril S t r a i t , he realizes, d r i v i n g t h e F o r d
C a u d i l l o w i t h t h e s h a d o w in t h e backseat. T h e s h a d o w of a m a n
w h o d i d n ' t w a n t L a n d s m a n t o g e t a l o o k a t h i s face.
" H e was t h e r e , " L a n d s m a n tells Berko. "At Peril Strait. H e was
t h e m y s t e r y m a n in t h e car."
" W h a t d i d L i t v a k d o for y o u ? " B e r k o says. " F o r all t h o s e m a n y ,
many years?"
H e r t z h e s i t a t e s , looking from Berko t o L a n d s m a n and back.
" S o m e o f t h i s , s o m e o f t h a t . A l l s t r i c t l y off t h e b o o k s . H e h a d
a n u m b e r of useful skills. A l t e r L i t v a k m a y b e t h e m o s t t a l e n t e d
m a n I e v e r m e t . H e u n d e r s t a n d s s y s t e m s a n d c o n t r o l . H e is p a t i e n t
and methodical. H e used to be incredibly strong. A good pilot, a
t r a i n e d m e c h a n i c . W o n d e r f u l a t o r i e n t e e r i n g . V e r y e f f e c t i v e as a
teacher. As a trainer. Shit."
H e s t a r e s d o w n in m i l d w o n d e r at t h e s n a p p e d halves of his
cigar, o n e in each h a n d . H e d r o p s t h e m o n t o his p l a t e of sauce
s t r e a k s a n d s p r e a d s a n a p k i n over t h e e v i d e n c e of his e m o t i o n .
" T h e y i d b e t r a y e d m e , " h e says. " T o t h a t r e p o r t e r . H e c o l l e c t e d
e v i d e n c e o n m e for y e a r s a n d t h e n h a n d e d i t all o v e r t o B r e n n a n . "
" W h y w o u l d h e d o t h a t ? " B e r k o says. " I f h e w a s y o u r y i d ? "
" I really c a n ' t a n s w e r y o u r q u e s t i o n . " H e r t z shakes his head,
h a t i n g p u z z l e s , f a c e d for t h e r e s t o f h i s life w i t h t h i s o n e . " M o n e y ,
m a y b e , t h o u g h I n e v e r k n e w h i m t o t a k e a n i n t e r e s t i n t h e stuff.
C e r t a i n l y n o t his beliefs. L i t v a k has n o beliefs. N o c o n v i c t i o n s . N o
loyalty except to t h e m e n w h o serve u n d e r h i m . H e saw h o w things
w e r e g o i n g w h e n t h i s b u n c h t o o k over in W a s h i n g t o n . H e k n e w
t h a t I w a s t h r o u g h b e f o r e I k n e w i t myself. I s u p p o s e h e d e c i d e d
t h e m o m e n t w a s r i p e . M a y b e h e g o t t i r e d o f w o r k i n g for m e , h e
w a n t e d t h e j o b for h i m s e l f . E v e n a f t e r t h e A m e r i c a n s g o t r i d o f m e
a n d s h u t d o w n t h e i r official o p e r a t i o n s , t h e y s t i l l n e e d e d a m a n
i n S i t k a . T h e y r e a l l y c o u l d n ' t find a n y o n e b e t t e r for t h e i r m o n e y
t h a n A l t e r L i t v a k . M a y b e h e j u s t g o t t i r e d of losing t o m e at chess.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 315

M a y b e he saw a chance t o b e a t m e , a n d h e t o o k it. B u t h e was never

m y yid. Permanent Status never m e a n t anything to him. Neither,
I ' m c e r t a i n , d o e s t h e c a u s e h e ' s w o r k i n g for n o w . "
" T h e r e d h e i f e r , " B e r k o says.
" A n d so t h e i d e a , f o r g i v e m e , " L a n d s m a n s a y s , " b u t t a l k m e
t h r o u g h i t . F i n e , y o u h a v e a r e d h e i f e r w i t h o u t a s i n g l e flaw. A n d
s o m e h o w or o t h e r , y o u g e t it over t o J e r u s a l e m . "
" T h e n y o u kill i t , " B e r k o says. " A n d y o u b u r n i t t o a s h e s , a n d
you m a k e a p a s t e of t h e ashes, a n d you d a b a little of t h a t on y o u r
priests. O t h e r w i s e t h e y c a n ' t go i n t o t h e Sanctuary, in t h e T e m p l e ,
because t h e y are u n c l e a n . " H e checks w i t h his father. " D o I have
that right?"
" M o r e or less."
"Okay, b u t here's t h e t h i n g I d o n ' t get. Isn't t h e r e — w h a t ' s it
c a l l e d ? " L a n d s m a n says. " T h a t m o s q u e . O n t h e h i l l t h e r e w h e r e t h e
Temple used to be?"
" I t i s n ' t a m o s q u e , M e y e r l e . I t ' s a s h r i n e , " H e r t z says. " Q u b b a t
As-Sakhrah. T h e D o m e of t h e R o c k . T h e t h i r d holiest site in Islam.
B u i l t in t h e s e v e n t h c e n t u r y b y A b d a l - M a l i k , o n t h e p r e c i s e s i t e
of t h e t w o T e m p l e s of t h e Jews. T h e s p o t w h e r e A b r a h a m w e n t t o
sacrifice I s a a c , w h e r e J a c o b s a w t h e l a d d e r r e a c h i n g u p t o h e a v e n .
T h e n a v e l o f t h e w o r l d . Yes. If y o u w a n t e d t o r e b u i l d t h e T e m p l e
a n d r e i n s t i t u t e t h e o l d r i t u a l s , as a w a y o f h a s t e n i n g t h e c o m i n g o f
Messiah, t h e n you w o u l d need to do s o m e t h i n g a b o u t t h e D o m e of
t h e R o c k . It's in t h e way."
"Bombs," Berko says with an exaggerated nonchalance.
"Explosives. T h a t p a r t of t h e p a c k a g e w i t h A l t e r L i t v a k ? "
" D e m o l i t i o n s , " t h e o l d m a n says. H e r e a c h e s for h i s d r i n k , b u t
i t ' s g o n e . " Y e s , t h e y i d is a n e x p e r t . "
L a n d s m a n p u s h e s b a c k from t h e table a n d s t a n d s up. H e g e t s his
h a t f r o m t h e d o o r . " W e n e e d t o g e t b a c k , " h e says. " W e n e e d t o t a l k
to somebody. W e n e e d to tell B i n a . "
H e o p e n s h i s p h o n e , b u t t h e r e ' s n o s i g n a l t h i s far o u t f r o m S i t k a .
H e goes to t h e t e l e p h o n e on t h e wall, b u t Bina's n u m b e r kicks h i m
31B MICHAEL CHABDN

r i g h t o v e r t o v o i c e m a i l . " Y o u n e e d t o find A l t e r L i t v a k , " h e t e l l s

her. " F i n d h i m a n d h o l d h i m a n d d o n o t let h i m g o . "
W h e n h e t u r n s b a c k t o t h e t a b l e , h e sees father a n d son still
s i t t i n g t h e r e ; B e r k o is p u t t i n g s o m e i n t e n s e q u e s t i o n t o H e r t z
S h e m e t s w i t h o u t s a y i n g a n y t h i n g . Berko has his h a n d s folded in
h i s l a p l i k e a w e l l - b e h a v e d c h i l d , b u t h e is n o t a w e l l - b e h a v e d c h i l d ,
a n d if h e k e e p s h i s fingers i n t e r t w i n e d , t h e n i t is o n l y t o p r e v e n t
t h e m from e n a c t i n g s o m e mischief or h a r m . After an interval t h a t
feels t o L a n d s m a n l i k e a v e r y l o n g t i m e , U n c l e H e r t z l o o k s d o w n .
" T h e p r a y e r h o u s e a t S t . C y r i l , " B e r k o says. " T h e r i o t s . "
" T h e St. Cyril r i o t s , " H e r t z S h e m e t s agrees.
"God damn it."
"Berko—"
" G o d d a m n i t ! I n d i a n s a l w a y s said i t w a s t h e J e w s t h a t b l e w
it u p . "
"You have to u n d e r s t a n d the pressure we were under," H e r t z
says. " A t t h e t i m e . "
" O h , I d o , " B e r k o says. " B e l i e v e m e . T h e b a l a n c i n g a c t . T h e
fine l i n e . "
" T h o s e Jews, those fanatics, t h e people m o v i n g into t h e disputed
areas. T h e y w e r e e n d a n g e r i n g t h e s t a t u s of t h e e n t i r e D i s t r i c t .
C o n f i r m i n g t h e A m e r i c a n s ' w o r s t fears a b o u t w h a t w e w o u l d d o if
t h e y gave us P e r m a n e n t S t a t u s . "
" U h - h u h , " B e r k o says. " Y e a h . O k a y . A n d w h a t a b o u t M o m ? W a s
she endangering the District, too?"
U n c l e H e r t z speaks t h e n , o r r a t h e r t h e w i n d e m e r g e s from his
l u n g s t h r o u g h t h e g a t e s of his t e e t h in a w a y t h a t r e s e m b l e s h u m a n
speech. H e looks d o w n at his lap and makes t h e s o u n d again, and
L a n d s m a n realizes t h a t he's saying he's sorry. S p e a k i n g a language
in w h i c h h e has never b e e n schooled.
" Y o u k n o w , I t h i n k I m u s t h a v e a l w a y s k n o w n , " B e r k o says,
g e t t i n g u p from t h e table. H e takes his h a t a n d coat from t h e h o o k .
" B e c a u s e I n e v e r l i k e d y o u . N o t f r o m t h e first m i n u t e , y o u b a s t a r d .
C o m e on, Meyer."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 317

L a n d s m a n follows his p a r t n e r o u t . G o i n g t h r o u g h t h e door, h e

h a s t o g e t o u t o f t h e w a y so t h a t B e r k o c a n g o b a c k i n . B e r k o t o s s e s
aside his h a t a n d c o a t . H e h i t s h i m s e l f in t h e h e a d t w i c e , w i t h b o t h
h a n d s at once. T h e n h e c r u s h e s an invisible s p h e r e , r o u g h l y t h e size
of his father's c r a n i u m , b e t w e e n his o u t s p r e a d fingers.
" I t r i e d m y w h o l e l i f e , " h e says finally. " I m e a n , f u c k , l o o k a t
me!" H e snatches t h e skullcap from t h e b a c k of his h e a d a n d holds
i t u p , c o n t e m p l a t i n g i t w i t h a s u d d e n h o r r o r as if i t ' s t h e flesh o f
h i s s c a l p . H e flicks i t t o w a r d t h e o l d m a n . I t h i t s H e r t z o n t h e n o s e
a n d falls o n t o t h e p i l e w i t h t h e n a p k i n , t h e b r o k e n c i g a r , t h e m o o s e
gravy. " L o o k at t h i s s h i t ! " H e g r a b s t h e front of his s h i r t a n d y a n k s
it o p e n in a s k i t t e r of b u t t o n s . H e e x p o s e s t h e h o m e l y w h i t e p a n e l
o f h i s f r i n g e d f o u r - c o r n e r s , l i k e t h e w o r l d ' s flimsiest flak j a c k e t , h i s
holy w h i t e Kevlar, t r i m m e d w i t h a s t r i p e of s e a - c r e a t u r e blue. " I
h a t e this fucking t h i n g . " T h e four-corners comes u p over his head,
a n d h e s h r u g s a n d w h i p s i t off, w h i c h l e a v e s h i m i n a w h i t e c o t t o n
tee. " E v e r y d a m n d a y o f m y life, I g e t u p i n t h e m o r n i n g a n d p u t
t h i s s h i t o n a n d p r e t e n d t o b e s o m e t h i n g I ' m n o t . S o m e t h i n g I'll
n e v e r b e . F o r you."

" I never asked y o u t o o b s e r v e t h e r e l i g i o n , " t h e old m a n says,

not looking up. "I don't think I ever p u t any kind of—"
" I t h a s n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h religion" B e r k o says. " I t h a s e v e r y t h i n g
to do, G o d d a m n it, w i t h fathers."
It comes t h r o u g h t h e m o t h e r , of course, one's b e i n g or n o t b e i n g
a Jew. B u t B e r k o k n o w s t h a t . H e ' s k n o w n i t s i n c e t h e d a y h e m o v e d
t o Sitka. H e sees it e v e r y t i m e h e looks i n t o a m i r r o r .
" I t ' s all n o n s e n s e , " t h e o l d m a n g o e s o n , a l i t t l e m u m b l y , h a l f
t o himself. "A s l a v e r e l i g i o n . T y i n g y o u r s e l f u p . B o n d a g e g e a r ! I ' v e
n e v e r w o r n t h a t n o n s e n s e in m y life."
"No?" B e r k o says.
I t c a t c h e s L a n d s m a n off g u a r d , h o w q u i c k a n d h o w m a s s i v e is
t h e transfer of Berko S h e m e t s from t h e d o o r w a y of t h e cabin t o
t h e d i n i n g t a b l e . B e f o r e L a n d s m a n c a n q u i t e u n d e r s t a n d w h a t is
happening, Berko has jerked t h e ritual u n d e r g a r m e n t d o w n over
318 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e o l d m a n ' s h e a d . H e c r a d l e s t h e h e a d in o n e a r m w h i l e , w i t h t h e
o t h e r , h e w i n d s t h e k n o t t e d fringes a r o u n d a n d a r o u n d , defining in
fine s t r a n d s o f w o o l t h e c o n t o u r s o f t h e o l d m a n ' s face. I t ' s as if h e ' s
p a c k i n g a s t a t u e for s h i p m e n t . T h e o l d m a n k i c k s , r a k e s a t t h e a i r
w i t h his fingernails.
" Y o u n e v e r w o r e o n e , e h ? " B e r k o says. " Y o u n e v e r f u c k i n g w o r e
one! T r y mine! T r y mine, you prick!"
" S t o p . " L a n d s m a n goes t o t h e r e s c u e of t h e m a n w h o s e a d d i c t i o n
t o t a c t i c s of sacrifice led, m a y b e n o t p r e d i c t a b l y b u t directly, t o t h e
d e a t h o f L a u r i e J o Bear. " B e r k o , c o m e o n . S t o p n o w . " H e t a k e s h o l d
of Berko's e l b o w a n d drags h i m aside, a n d w h e n he's got himself
b e t w e e n t h e t w o , h e s t a r t s s h o v i n g t h e b i g m a n t o w a r d t h e door.
" O k a y . " Berko t h r o w s u p his hands and lets L a n d s m a n push
h i m a c o u p l e o f f e e t i n t h a t d i r e c t i o n . " O k a y , I ' m d o n e . G e t off m e ,
Meyer."
L a n d s m a n eases u p , l e t t i n g go of his p a r t n e r . Berko t u c k s his tee
i n t o h i s t r o u s e r s a n d s t a r t s t o b u t t o n h i s s h i r t , b u t all t h e b u t t o n s
h a v e flown away. H e l e a v e s i t , s m o o t h s d o w n t h e b l a c k b a d g e r o f
h i s h a i r w i t h a w i d e p a l m , s t o o p s t o r e t r i e v e h i s h a t a n d c o a t from
t h e floor, a n d w a l k s o u t . N i g h t c o m e s c u r l i n g w i t h t h e fog i n t o t h e
house on its stilts above t h e water.
L a n d s m a n t u r n s b a c k t o t h e o l d m a n , w h o is s i t t i n g t h e r e w i t h
his h e a d s h r o u d e d in t h e four-corners, like a h o s t a g e w h o c a n n o t b e
p e r m i t t e d t o s e e t h e faces o f h i s c a p t o r s .
" Y o u w a n t s o m e h e l p , U n c l e H e r t z ? " L a n d s m a n says.
"I'm fine," t h e o l d m a n says, his voice faint, muffled b y t h e
cloth. " T h a n k you."
" Y o u j u s t w a n t t o sit t h e r e like t h a t ? "
T h e old m a n d o e s n ' t reply. L a n d s m a n p u t s o n his h a t a n d walks
out.
T h e y are j u s t g e t t i n g i n t o t h e car w h e n t h e y hear t h e g u n s h o t ,
a b o o m t h a t in t h e d a r k n e s s m a p s t h e m o u n t a i n s , lights t h e m u p
w i t h r e f l e c t e d e c h o e s , t h e n f a d e s away.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 319

" F u c k , " B e r k o says. H e is b a c k i n s i d e t h e h o u s e b e f o r e L a n d s m a n

has even reached t h e stairs. By t h e t i m e L a n d s m a n r u n s in, Berko
has c r o u c h e d d o w n beside his father, w h o has a s s u m e d a s t r a n g e
a t t i t u d e o n t h e floor b e s i d e h i s b e d , a h u r d l e r ' s s t r i d e , o n e l e g
d r a w n t o h i s c h e s t a n d t h e o t h e r flung o u t b e h i n d h i m . I n h i s r i g h t
h a n d , he keeps a loose g r i p on a black s n u b - n o s e d revolver; in his
left h a n d , t h e r i t u a l f r i n g e . B e r k o s t r a i g h t e n s h i s f a t h e r o u t , r o l l s
h i m o v e r o n t o h i s b a c k , a n d feels for a p u l s e a t t h e t h r o a t . T h e r e is
a slick r e d p a t c h on t h e r i g h t side of t h e old m a n ' s f o r e h e a d , j u s t
above t h e c o r n e r of his eye. Scorched hair m a t t e d w i t h blood. A
p o o r s h o t , from t h e look of it.
" O h , s h i t , " B e r k o says. " O h , s h i t , o l d m a n . Y o u f u c k e d i t u p . "
" H e fucked it u p , " L a n d s m a n agrees.
" O l d m a n ! " Berko shouts, and t h e n he lowers his voice to a
g u t t u r a l r a s p a n d c r o o n s s o m e t h i n g , a w o r d or t w o , in t h e l a n g u a g e
t h a t h e left b e h i n d .
T h e y stop t h e bleeding a n d pack t h e w o u n d . L a n d s m a n looks
a r o u n d for t h e b u l l e t a n d finds t h e w o r m h o l e t h a t i t c h e w e d t h r o u g h
the plywood wall.
" W h e r e ' d he get t h i s ? " L a n d s m a n says, p i c k i n g u p t h e g u n .
It's a h o m e l y t h i n g , w o r n at t h e e d g e s , an o l d m a c h i n e . " T h e .38
Detective Special?"
" I d o n ' t know. H e has a lot of g u n s . H e likes g u n s . T h a t ' s t h e
one t h i n g w e h a d in c o m m o n . "
" I t h i n k it m i g h t b e t h e g u n t h a t M e l e k h G a y s t i k u s e d in t h e
Café E i n s t e i n . "
" T h a t w o u l d n ' t s u r p r i s e m e a t a l l , " B e r k o says. H e s h o u l d e r s
t h e b u r d e n of his father, a n d t h e y c a r r y h i m d o w n t o t h e car a n d
lay h i m i n t h e b a c k s e a t o n a p i l e o f t o w e l s . L a n d s m a n s w i t c h e s o n
t h e u n d e r c o v e r s i r e n t h a t h e h a s u s e d m a y b e t w i c e i n five y e a r s .
T h e n they drive back u p over t h e m o u n t a i n .
T h e r e is a n u r g e n t - c a r e c e n t e r a t N a y e s h t a t , b u t m a n y h a v e
d i e d t h e r e so t h e y d e c i d e t o t a k e h i m all t h e w a y i n t o Sitka
32D MICHAEL CHABDN

G e n e r a l . A l o n g t h e w a y , B e r k o c a l l s h i s wife. H e e x p l a i n s t o h e r ,
n o t v e r y coherently, t h a t his father a n d a m a n n a m e d Alter Litvak
w e r e i n d i r e c t l y r e s p o n s i b l e for h i s m o t h e r ' s d e a t h d u r i n g t h e w o r s t
I n d i a n - J e w v i o l e n c e in t h e s i x t y - y e a r h i s t o r y of t h e D i s t r i c t , and
t h a t his f a t h e r has s h o t h i m s e l f in t h e h e a d . H e tells h e r t h a t t h e y
are going to d u m p the old man at the Sitka General ER, because
h e is a p o l i c e m a n , G o d d a m n i t , a n d h e h a s a j o b t o d o , a n d b e c a u s e
t h e o l d m a n c a n g o a n d d i e for all h e c a r e s . E s t e r - M a l k e a p p e a r s t o
a c c e p t t h i s p r o j e c t as s t a t e d , a n d B e r k o h a n g s u p t h e p h o n e . T h e y
d i s a p p e a r i n t o a z o n e w i t h o u t c e l l u l a r t e l e p h o n e c o v e r a g e for t e n o r
fifteen m i n u t e s , a n d w h e n t h e y e m e r g e f r o m i t , h a v i n g s a i d n o t h i n g ,
t h e y a r e n e a r l y t o t h e c i t y l i m i t s a n d t h e S h o y f e r is r i n g i n g .

"No," Berko says, a n d t h e n , m o r e angrily, " N o . " H e listens

t o h i s w i f e ' s r e a s o n i n g for a l i t t l e u n d e r a m i n u t e . L a n d s m a n h a s
n o i d e a w h a t s h e ' s s a y i n g t o h i m , w h e t h e r s h e ' s p r e a c h i n g from
t h e t e x t of professional c o n d u c t , or of c o m m o n decency, or of
forgiveness, or of t h e d u t y of a son t o a father t h a t t r a n s c e n d s or
p r e c e d e s t h e m all. I n t h e e n d Berko s h a k e s his h e a d . H e looks over
t h e b a c k s e a t a t t h e o l d J e w s t r e t c h e d o u t t h e r e . "All r i g h t . " H e
closes t h e t e l e p h o n e .
" Y o u c a n d r o p m e off a t t h e h o s p i t a l , " h e s a y s , sounding
d e f e a t e d . " J u s t c a l l m e w h e n y o u find t h a t f u c k i n g L i t v a k . "
 n e e d t o s p e a k t o K a t h e r i n e S w e e n e y , " B i n a says i n t o t h e t e l e p h o n e .
S w e e n e y , t h e a s s i s t a n t U n i t e d S t a t e s A t t o r n e y , is e a r n e s t and
c o m p e t e n t a n d m a y v e r y well listen t o w h a t Bina has called her
t o say. L a n d s m a n r e a c h e s o v e r , d a r t s h i s h a n d a c r o s s h e r d e s k , a n d
cuts the connection with a fingertip. Bina stares at h i m w i t h great
slow w i n g b e a t s of her eyelids. H e has t a k e n her b y surprise. A r a r e
feat.
"They are behind this," Landsman says, his finger on the
button.
" K a t h y S w e e n e y is b e h i n d t h i s , " s h e s a y s , k e e p i n g t h e r e c e i v e r
t o h e r ear.
"Well, no. I d o u b t t h a t . "
" T h e S i t k a U S . A t t o r n e y ' s office is b e h i n d i t ? "
"Maybe. No, probably not."
"But you're saying the Justice D e p a r t m e n t . "
"Yes. I d o n ' t know. Bina, I ' m sorry. I j u s t d o n ' t k n o w h o w h i g h
u p it goes."
T h e s u r p r i s e h a s f a d e d ; h e r g a z e is s t e a d y a n d unblinking.
"Okay. N o w , y o u listen t o m e . F i r s t of all, t a k e y o u r h a i r y d a m n e d
finger off o f m y t e l e p h o n e . "
322 MICHAEL CHABDN

L a n d s m a n w i t h d r a w s t h e offending digit before t h e laser b e a m s

from her eyes can sever it cleanly at t h e knuckle.
"Don't you touch my telephone, Meyer."
"Never again."
" I f t h e s t o r y y o u h a v e b e e n t e l l i n g m e is t r u e , " B i n a says, a
teacher addressing a roomful of imbecile five-year-olds, "then
I n e e d t o tell K a t h y Sweeney. I p r o b a b l y n e e d t o tell t h e State
D e p a r t m e n t . I m a y even n e e d t o get h o l d of t h e D e p a r t m e n t of
Defense."
"But—"
" B e c a u s e I d o n ' t k n o w if y o u a r e a w a r e o f t h i s , b u t the Holy Land
is not part of this precinct."
" G r a n t e d , of course. B u t listen. S o m e o n e w i t h w e i g h t , serious
w e i g h t , g o t i n t o t h e F A A d a t a b a s e a n d v a n i s h e d t h a t file. T h e s a m e
kind of weight promised t h e T l i n g i t Council they could have the
D i s t r i c t b a c k if t h e y l e t L i t v a k r u n h i s p r o g r a m o u t o f P e r i l S t r a i t
for a l i t t l e w h i l e . "
"Dick told you that?"
" H e s u g g e s t e d i t s t r o n g l y . A n d w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t t o t h e
L e d e r e r s from Boca R a t o n , I a m sure t h a t same w e i g h t has been
w r i t i n g c h e c k s for t h e c l a n d e s t i n e s i d e o f t h e o p e r a t i o n . The
t r a i n i n g facility. W e a p o n s a n d s u p p o r t . T h e c a t t l e b r e e d i n g . T h e y
are behind this."
" T h e U.S. G o v e r n m e n t . "
" T h i s is w h a t I ' m s a y i n g . "
"Because t h e y t h i n k t h e idea of a b u n c h of crazy yids r u n n i n g
a r o u n d A r a b Palestine, b l o w i n g u p shrines a n d following Messiahs
a n d s t a r t i n g W o r l d W a r T h r e e is a r e a l l y g o o d i d e a . "
" T h e y ' r e j u s t as c r a z y , B i n a . Y o u k n o w t h e y a r e . M a y b e t h e y ' r e
hoping for W o r l d W a r T h r e e . M a y b e t h e y w a n t t o c r a n k u p a n e w
C r u s a d e . M a y b e t h e y t h i n k if t h e y d o t h i s t h i n g , i t w i l l m a k e J e s u s
c o m e back. O r m a y b e it has n o t h i n g to d o w i t h any of t h a t , and
i t ' s all r e a l l y a b o u t o i l , y o u k n o w , s e c u r i n g t h e i r s u p p l y o f t h e s t u f f
o n c e a n d for a l l . I d o n ' t k n o w . "
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNIDN 323

" G o v e r n m e n t conspiracies, Meyer."

"I k n o w h o w it s o u n d s . "
"Talking chickens, Meyer."
"I'm sorry."
"You promised."
"I know."
She picks u p t h e t e l e p h o n e a n d dials t h e A U S A .
"Bina. Please. H a n g u p t h e p h o n e . "
" I have been in a lot of d a r k c o r n e r s w i t h y o u , M e y e r L a n d s m a n , "
s h e says. " I ' m n o t g o i n g t o g o t o t h i s o n e . "
L a n d s m a n g u e s s e s h e c a n ' t b l a m e h e r for t h a t .
W h e n s h e g e t s S w e e n e y o n t h e l i n e , B i n a fills h e r i n o n the
r u d i m e n t s of L a n d s m a n ' s tale: T h e Verbovers a n d a g r o u p of
messianic Jews have banded together and are planning to attack
an i m p o r t a n t Muslim s h r i n e in Palestine. She leaves o u t the
s u p e r n a t u r a l a n d c o m p l e t e l y speculative e l e m e n t s . She leaves o u t
t h e deaths of N a o m i L a n d s m a n a n d M e n d e l S h p i l m a n . She m a n a g e s
to m a k e it s o u n d j u s t far-fetched e n o u g h t o be credible.
" I ' m g o i n g t o s e e if w e c a n m a y b e t r a c k t h i s L i t v a k d o w n , " s h e
tells Sweeney. " O k a y , Kathy. T h a n k s . I k n o w it does. I h o p e it i s . "
She hangs u p t h e p h o n e . She picks u p t h e s o u v e n i r globe on
t h e desk, w i t h its m i n i a t u r e skyline of Sitka, gives it a shake, a n d
watches t h e s n o w c o m e d o w n . She has m o v e d e v e r y t h i n g else o u t of
t h e office, t h e b r i c - a - b r a c , t h e p h o t o g r a p h s . J u s t t h e s n o w g l o b e a n d
h e r s h e e p s k i n s i n f r a m e s o n t h e w a l l . A r u b b e r t r e e a n d a ficus a n d a
w h i t e - s p o t t e d p i n k o r c h i d i n a g r e e n g l a s s p o t . I t ' s all s t i l l as p r e t t y
as t h e u n d e r s i d e o f a b u s . B i n a s i t s i n t h e m i d d l e o f i t i n a n o t h e r
g r i m p a n t s u i t , her hair piled u p a n d h e l d in place b y m e t a l clasps,
r u b b e r b a n d s , a n d o t h e r useful i t e m s from h e r d e s k drawer.
" S h e d i d n ' t l a u g h , " L a n d s m a n says. " D i d s h e ? "
" S h e ' s n o t t h e t y p e , " B i n a says. " B u t n o . S h e w a n t s more
information. For w h a t it's w o r t h , I g o t t h e feeling this w a s n ' t t h e
first she'd h e a r d a b o u t A l t e r L i t v a k . She said she'd like t o m a y b e
b r i n g h i m i n if w e c a n find h i m . "
324 MICHAEL CHABON

" B u c h b i n d e r , " L a n d s m a n says. " D r . R u d o l f B u c h b i n d e r . You

r e m e m b e r , he was going o u t of t h e Polar-Shtern t h e o t h e r night
when you were coming in."
" T h a t d e n t i s t from d o w n on Ibn Ezra S t r e e t ? "
" H e t o l d m e h e w a s r e l o c a t i n g t o J e r u s a l e m , " L a n d s m a n says. " I
thought he was talking nonsense."
" T h e S o m e t h i n g I n s t i t u t e , " she remembers.
" W i t h an M . "
"Miryam."
"Moriah."
S h e g e t s o n h e r c o m p u t e r a n d f i n d s a l i s t i n g for t h e M o r i a h
I n s t i t u t e in t h e u n l i s t e d - n u m b e r directory, at 822 M a x Nordau
Street, seventh floor.
" E i g h t - t w e n t y - t w o , " L a n d s m a n says. " H u h . "
" I s n ' t t h a t y o u r block?" Bina dials t h e t e l e p h o n e n u m b e r she
found.
" R i g h t across t h e s t r e e t , " L a n d s m a n says, feeling sheepish.
" T h e Blackpool H o t e l . "
" M a c h i n e , " s h e says. S h e k i l l s t h e call w i t h a f i n g e r t i p and
p u n c h e s i n a f o u r - d i g i t . " T h i s is G e l b f i s h . "
S h e a r r a n g e s for p a t r o l m e n a n d p l a i n c l o t h e s officers t o s t a k e
o u t t h e d o o r s a n d e n t r y w a y s of t h e H o t e l Blackpool. She r e t u r n s
t h e p h o n e to its cradle a n d t h e n sits there, looking at it.
" O k a y , " L a n d s m a n says. " L e t ' s g o . "
But Bina doesn't move.
" Y o u k n o w , i t w a s n i c e n o t h a v i n g t o l i v e w i t h all y o u r b u l l s h i t .
N o t having to put up with twenty-four-hour Landsmania."
" I e n v y y o u t h a t , " L a n d s m a n says.
" H e r t z , Berko, y o u r m o t h e r , y o u r father. All of y o u . " She a d d s
in A m e r i c a n , " B u n c h of fucking n u t j o b s . "
"I know."
" N a o m i w a s t h e o n l y s a n e p e r s o n in t h e family."
" S h e u s e d t o s a y t h e s a m e t h i n g a b o u t y o u , " L a n d s m a n says.
" O n l y s h e u s e d t o say, ' i n t h e w o r l d . ' "
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 325

T w o quick raps on t h e door. L a n d s m a n gets u p , t h i n k i n g it's

going to be Berko.
"Hi, t h e r e , " says t h e m a n a t t h e d o o r i n A m e r i c a n . " I d o n ' t
t h i n k I've h a d t h e p l e a s u r e . "
" W h o a r e y o u ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" M e is y o u r b u r i a l s o c i e t i e s , " t h e m a n says i n w r e t c h e d but
energetic Yiddish.
" M r . S p a d e is h e r e t o o v e r s e e t h e t r a n s i t i o n , " B i n a says. " I t h i n k
I mentioned that he might be coming, Detective L a n d s m a n . "
"I think you did."
" D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , " S p a d e says, l a p s i n g mercifully into
American. " T h e notorious."
He's n o t t h e potbellied golf t y p e L a n d s m a n imagined. He's
too young, plain-faced, big a r o u n d t h e chest a n d shoulders. H e ' s
wearing a gray worsted suit b u t t o n e d over a w h i t e shirt w i t h a
n e c k t i e t h e s t i p p l e d b l u e o f v i d e o s t a t i c . H i s n e c k is a m a s s o f r a z o r
b u m p s and missed whiskers. T h e p r o t r u s i o n of his A d a m ' s apple
suggests u n f a t h o m a b l e d e p t h s of e a r n e s t n e s s a n d sincerity. In his
lapel h e w e a r s a p i n in t h e s h a p e of a stylized fish.
" H o w a b o u t y o u a n d I s i t d o w n w i t h y o u r c o m m a n d i n g officer
for a m o m e n t ? "
"All r i g h t , " L a n d s m a n says. " B u t I p r e f e r t o s t a n d . "
" S u i t yourself. H o w a b o u t w e g e t o u t of t h e d o o r w a y , t h o u g h . "
Landsman steps aside, waving him into the room. Spade shuts
t h e door.
" D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n . I have reason t o b e l i e v e , " S p a d e says,
" t h a t you have been c o n d u c t i n g an u n a u t h o r i z e d a n d , given t h e
fact t h a t y o u a r e c u r r e n t l y u n d e r s u s p e n s i o n — "
" W i t h p a y , " L a n d s m a n says.
" — i l l e g a l investigation i n t o a case t h a t has been officially
d e s i g n a t e d inactive. W i t h h e l p from Detective Berko Shemets,
also u n a u t h o r i z e d . A n d , t a k i n g a w i l d guess, well, I w o u l d n ' t b e
s u r p r i s e d if y o u t u r n e d o u t t o h a v e b e e n h e l p i n g h i m , t o o , I n s p e c t o r
Gelbfish."
32G MICHAEL CHABON

" S h e has b e e n n o t h i n g b u t a p a i n in t h e ass, a c t u a l l y , " L a n d s m a n

says. " T o b e h o n e s t . N o h e l p at a l l . "
" I j u s t c a l l e d t h e A U S A ' s o f f i c e , " B i n a says.
" D i d you really?"
" T h e y m a y be taking this one over."
"For real?"
"It's o u t of m y jurisdiction. T h e r e ' s b e e n — t h e r e m a y have
b e e n — a t h r e a t . A g a i n s t a foreign t a r g e t . By D i s t r i c t r e s i d e n t s . "
" H u h - u h ! " S p a d e l o o k s a t o n c e s c a n d a l i z e d a n d p l e a s e d . "A
threat? G e t o u t of t o w n ! "
A c o l d d e n s e f l u i d fills B i n a ' s g a z e , s o m e w h e r e b e t w e e n m e r c u r y
a n d s l u d g e . " I ' m t r y i n g t o find a m a n n a m e d A l t e r L i t v a k , " s h e
says, a g r e a t w e a r i n e s s d r a g g i n g at t h e c o r n e r s of her voice. " H e
m a y or m a y n o t b e involved w i t h t h i s t h r e a t . In any case, I'd like t o
see w h a t h e k n o w s a b o u t t h e m u r d e r of M e n d e l S h p i l m a n . "
" U h - h u h , " S p a d e says a m i a b l y , a l i t t l e d i s t r a c t e d , m a y b e , l i k e
s o m e o n e p r e t e n d i n g t o t a k e a n i n t e r e s t i n t h e m i n u t i a e o f y o u r life
w h i l e surfing s o m e i n n e r I n t e r n e t of his m i n d . " O k a y , b u t , see, t h e
t h i n g i s , m a ' a m . S p e a k i n g a s — W h a t d o y o u call i t a g a i n ? T h e m a n
from t h e , u h , Burial Society w h o sits w i t h t h e c o r p s e w h e n it's a
Jew?"
" T h e y c a l l t h a t a s h o m e r , " B i n a says.
" R i g h t . S p e a k i n g as t h e l o c a l s h o m e r a r o u n d h e r e , I h a v e t o say:
No. W h a t y o u a r e g o i n g t o d o is t o l e a v e t h i s m e s s , a n d M r . L i t v a k ,
alone."
Bina w a i t s a l o n g t i m e before s a y i n g a n y t h i n g . T h e w e a r i n e s s of
h e r v o i c e s e e m s t o flow i n t o h e r s h o u l d e r s , h e r j a w , t h e l i n e s o f h e r
face. " A r e y o u m i x e d u p i n t h i s , S p a d e ? " s h e says.
" M e personally? N o , m a ' a m . T h e transition team? H u h - u h .
T h e A l a s k a R e v e r s i o n C o m m i s s i o n ? N o way. T h e t r u t h i s , I d o n ' t
k n o w v e r y m u c h a b o u t t h i s m e s s at all. A n d w h a t I d o k n o w ,
I ' m n o t a t l i b e r t y t o say. I ' m i n r e s o u r c e m a n a g e m e n t , I n s p e c t o r .
T h a t ' s w h a t I d o . A n d I ' m h e r e t o t e l l y o u , w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t ,
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 327

t h a t e n o u g h of y o u r resources have a l r e a d y b e e n w a s t e d on this

matter."
" T h e y a r e m y r e s o u r c e s , M r . S p a d e , " B i n a says. " F o r t w o m o r e
m o n t h s , I can talk to w h a t e v e r witnesses I w a n t to talk to. I can
arrest whoever I want to arrest."
" N o t if t h e A U S A t e l l s y o u t o b a c k off."
T h e telephone rings.
" T h a t w i l l b e t h e A U S A , " L a n d s m a n says.
B i n a p i c k s u p t h e p h o n e . " H e l l o , K a t h y , " s h e says. S h e l i s t e n s for
a m i n u t e , n o d d i n g , saying n o t h i n g . T h e n she says, " I u n d e r s t a n d , "
a n d h a n g s u p t h e p h o n e . H e r v o i c e is c a l m a n d d e v o i d o f f e e l i n g .
T h e r e ' s a t i g h t s m i l e o n h e r face, a n d s h e d u c k s h e r h e a d i n h u m i l i t y ,
as if s h e h a s b e e n b e a t e n fair a n d s q u a r e . L a n d s m a n c a n feel t h a t s h e
is d e l i b e r a t e l y n o t l o o k i n g a t h i m , b e c a u s e if s h e l o o k s a t h i m , s h e
might tear up. A n d he k n o w s h o w o u t r a g e d Bina Gelbfish has to get
b e f o r e t h e r e is a n y d a n g e r o f t e a r s .
" A n d I h a d e v e r y t h i n g fixed u p so n i c e , " s h e says.
" A n d t h i s p l a c e , l e t m e t e l l y o u , " L a n d s m a n says. " B e f o r e y o u
got here, it was a s h a m b l e s . "
" I w a s j u s t g o i n g t o h a n d i t all o v e r t o y o u , " s h e t e l l s S p a d e . "All
w r a p p e d up. Free of c r u m b s . N o loose s t r i n g s . "
She w o r k e d it w i t h such care, a c c u m u l a t e d t h e c r e d i t s , kissed
t h e asses t h a t n e e d e d t o b e kissed. S w e p t o u t t h e stables. T i e d
u p Sitka C e n t r a l and a t t a c h e d herself t o t h e t o p like a d e c o r a t i v e
bow.
" I e v e n g o t r i d o f t h a t w r e t c h e d l o v e s e a t , " s h e says. " W h a t t h e
h e l l is g o i n g o n h e r e , S p a d e ? "
" I h o n e s t l y d o n ' t k n o w , m a ' a m . A n d e v e n if I d i d k n o w , I w o u l d
say t h a t I d i d n ' t . "
"Your orders are to keep things s m o o t h on this e n d . "
"Yes, ma'am."
" T h e other end being Palestine."
" I d o n ' t k n o w m u c h a b o u t P a l e s t i n e , " S p a d e says. " I ' m from
328 MICHAEL CHABON

L u b b o c k . M y w i f e is f r o m N a c o g d o c h e s , t h o u g h , a n d t h a t ' s o n l y
a b o u t forty miles from P a l e s t i n e . "
B i n a l o o k s b l a n k for a m o m e n t , a n d t h e n u n d e r s t a n d i n g s e e m s
t o r e d d e n her cheeks like anger. " D o n ' t y o u s t a n d t h e r e and m a k e
j o k e s , " s h e says. " D o n ' t y o u d a r e . "
"No, m a ' a m , " S p a d e says, a n d it's his t u r n t o go a little red.
" I t a k e t h i s j o b v e r y s e r i o u s l y , Mr. S p a d e . A n d y o u h a d b e t t e r ,
let m e tell y o u , y o u h a d b e t t e r fucking t a k e m e seriously."
"Yes, ma'am."
Bina g e t s u p from b e h i n d t h e d e s k a n d takes her o r a n g e p a r k a
from its h o o k . " I a m g o i n g t o b r i n g in A l t e r L i t v a k . Q u e s t i o n h i m .
Possibly a r r e s t h i m . You w a n t t o s t o p m e , t r y to s t o p m e . " Parka
w h u f f i n g , s h e b r u s h e s p a s t S p a d e , w h o ' s c a u g h t off g u a r d b y t h e
m o v e . " B u t if y o u t r y t o s t o p m e , t h i n g s w i l l n o t b e smooth o n y o u r
end. I promise you that."
A n d s h e ' s g o n e for a s e c o n d . T h e n s h e s t i c k s h e r h e a d b a c k i n t o
the doorway, pulling on her dazzling orange coat.
" H e y , y i d , " she tells L a n d s m a n . " I could use a little b a c k u p . "
L a n d s m a n p u t s on his h a t a n d goes after her, n o d d i n g to Spade
on his w a y o u t .
" P r a i s e t h e L o r d , " L a n d s m a n says.
 • § 3 8 (F

T
h e M o r i a h I n s t i t u t e is t h e s o l e o c c u p a n t o f t h e s e v e n t h a n d
u p p e r m o s t s t o r y o f t h e H o t e l B l a c k p o o l . T h e r e is f r e s h p a i n t
on t h e walls of t h e c o r r i d o r a n d a spotless m a u v e c a r p e t on t h e
floor. A t t h e far e n d , b e s i d e t h e d o o r t o 7 0 7 , s m a l l b l a c k c h a r a c t e r s
on a discreet brass p l a t e spell o u t t h e n a m e of t h e I n s t i t u t e in
A m e r i c a n a n d Yiddish, a n d b e n e a t h t h a t , in r o m a n c h a r a c t e r s : S O L
A N D DOROTHY ZIEGLER CENTER. Bina pushes a buzzer. She looks
u p i n t o t h e lens of t h e s e c u r i t y c a m e r a t h a t looks d o w n at t h e m .
"You r e m e m b e r t h e d e a l , " Bina tells h i m . It's n o t a q u e s t i o n .
"I am to shut u p . "
" T h a t ' s such a small p a r t of i t . "
"I am not even here. I don't even exist."

S h e b u z z e s a g a i n , a n d j u s t as s h e r a i s e s h e r k n u c k l e s t o k n o c k ,
B u c h b i n d e r o p e n s t h e d o o r . H e is w e a r i n g a d i f f e r e n t enormous
s w e a t e r - j a c k e t , t h i s o n e i n c o r n f l o w e r b l u e w i t h flecks o f p a l e g r e e n
a n d s a l m o n , o v e r b a g g y c h i n o s a n d a B r o n f m a n U. s w e a t s h i r t . H i s
face a n d h a n d s a r e s m u d g e d w i t h i n k o r g r e a s e .
" I n s p e c t o r G e l b f i s h , " Bina says, s h o w i n g h i m h e r b a d g e . " S i t k a
C e n t r a l . I ' m l o o k i n g for A l t e r L i t v a k . I h a v e r e a s o n t o b e l i e v e h e
may be here."
330 MICHAEL CHABON

A d e n t i s t is n o t a m a n o f g u i l e , as a r u l e . B u c h b i n d e r ' s face r e a d s
plainly and w i t h o u t concealment: H e was expecting them.
" I t is v e r y l a t e , " h e t r i e s . " U n l e s s y o u — "
" A l t e r L i t v a k , D r . B u c h b i n d e r . Is h e h e r e ? "
L a n d s m a n can see B u c h b i n d e r w r e s t l i n g w i t h t h e m e c h a n i c s
a n d t r a j e c t o r i e s , t h e w i n d s h e a r o f t e l l i n g a lie.
"No. N o , h e is n o t . "
" D o you k n o w w h e r e he is?"
"No. N o , Inspector, I do not."
" U h - h u h . O k a y . A n y c h a n c e y o u m i g h t b e l y i n g t o m e , Dr.
Buchbinder?"
T h e r e is a brief, d e n s e p a u s e . T h e n h e c l o s e s t h e d o o r in t h e i r
faces. B i n a r a p s , h e r fist t h e r e l e n t l e s s h e a d a n d b i l l o f a w o o d p e c k e r .
A m o m e n t later, B u c h b i n d e r o p e n s t h e door, t u c k i n g his Shoyfer
away i n t o a p o c k e t of his sweater. H e n o d s , his cheeks, jowls,
a n d t h e t w i n k l e i n h i s e y e a r r a n g e d t o g e n i a l effect. S o m e o n e h a s
d e c a n t e d a small h o p p e r of m o l t e n iron i n t o his spine.
" P l e a s e c o m e i n , " h e says. " M r . L i t v a k w i l l s e e y o u . H e is
upstairs."
" I s n ' t t h i s t h e t o p f l o o r ? " B i n a says.
" T h e r e is a p e n t h o u s e . "
" F l e a b a g s d o n ' t h a v e p e n t h o u s e s , " L a n d s m a n says. B i n a s h o o t s
him a look. He's supposed to be invisible, inaudible, a ghost.
B u c h b i n d e r l o w e r s h i s v o i c e . " I t u s e d t o b e for t h e m a i n t e n a n c e
m a n , I g a t h e r . B u t t h e y h a v e fixed i t u p . T h i s w a y , p l e a s e , t h e r e is
a back stair."
T h e internal walls have been knocked out, and Buchbinder
leads t h e m t h r o u g h t h e gallery of t h e Ziegler Center. It's a cool,
d i m space, p a i n t e d w h i t e , n o t h i n g like t h e g r i m y old e x - s t a t i o n e r y
s h o p on I b n E z r a S t r e e t . T h e l i g h t e m e r g e s from a g r i d w o r k of glass
or L u c i t e c u b e s set a t o p c a r p e t e d pedestals. Each c u b e displays its
o b j e c t , a silver shovel, a c o p p e r b o w l , an inexplicable g a r m e n t like
s o m e t h i n g w o r n b y t h e Z o r v o l d i a n a m b a s s a d o r in a space o p e r a .
T h e r e m u s t b e m o r e t h a n a h u n d r e d objects on display, m a n y
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 331

of t h e m w o r k e d in gold a n d g e m s t o n e s . E a c h of t h e m a d v e r t i s e s
the names of t h e A m e r i c a n Jews w h o s e g e n e r o s i t y m a d e their
construction possible.
" Y o u ' v e c o m e u p i n t h e w o r l d , " L a n d s m a n says.
"Yes, i t ' s w o n d e r f u l , " B u c h b i n d e r says. "A m i r a c l e . "
A d o z e n l a r g e p a c k i n g c r a t e s h a v e b e e n l i n e d u p a t t h e far e n d
of t h e r o o m , spilling e x u b e r a n t coils of shaved p i n e . A d e l i c a t e
silver h a n d l e p r o t r u d e s from t h e excelsior, c h a s e d w i t h gold. A t t h e
c e n t e r of t h e r o o m , o n a low, b r o a d t a b l e , a s c a l e m o d e l o f a s t o n e -
furrowed b a r e hill soaks u p t h e g l o w of a d o z e n h a l o g e n s p o t s . T h e
h i l l t o p , w h e r e I s a a c w a i t e d for h i s f a t h e r t o p r y t h e m u s c l e o f life
from h i s b o d y , is as flat as a p l a c e m a t o n a t a b l e . O n i t s f l a n k s ,
s t o n e houses, s t o n e alleys, t i n y olive a n d c y p r e s s trees w i t h fuzzy
foliage. T i n y J e w s w r a p p e d i n t i n y p r a y e r s h a w l s c o n t e m p l a t e t h e
v o i d a t t h e t o p o f t h e h i l l , as if t o i l l u s t r a t e o r m o d e l t h e p r i n c i p l e ,
thinks Landsman, that every Jew has a personal Messiah w h o never
comes.
" I d o n ' t see t h e T e m p l e , " Bina says, s e e m i n g l y in s p i t e of
herself.
B u c h b i n d e r e m i t s an o d d g r u n t , animal a n d c o n t e n t e d . T h e n he
p r e s s e s a b u t t o n i n t h e floor w i t h t h e t o e o f o n e loafer. T h e r e f o l l o w s
a soft c l i c k a n d t h e h u m o f a t i n y fan. A n d t h e n , b u i l t t o s c a l e ,
the Temple, erected by Solomon, destroyed by the Babylonians,
rebuilt, r e s t o r e d b y t h e same king of Judaea w h o c o n d e m n e d C h r i s t
to die, destroyed b y t h e R o m a n s , sealed and b u i l t over b y the
Abbasids, resumes its rightful place at t h e navel of t h e world. T h e
technology generating the image imparts a miraculous radiance to
t h e m o d e l . It s h i m m e r s like a fata m o r g a n a . In d e s i g n , t h e p r o p o s e d
T h i r d T e m p l e is a r e s t r a i n e d d i s p l a y o f s t o n e m a s o n m i g h t , c u b e s
and pillars and sweeping plazas. H e r e a n d t h e r e a carved S u m e r i a n
m o n s t e r l e n d s a t o u c h o f t h e b a r b a r i c . T h i s is t h e p a p e r t h a t G o d
left t h e J e w s h o l d i n g , L a n d s m a n t h i n k s , t h e p r o m i s e t h a t w e h a v e
been banging H i m a kettle a b o u t ever since. T h e rook t h a t a t t e n d s
t h e k i n g at t h e e n d g a m e of t h e w o r l d .
332 MICHAEL CHABON

" N o w t u r n o n t h e c h o o - c h o o , " L a n d s m a n says.

A t t h e b a c k of t h e space t h e r e ' s a n a r r o w stair, o p e n on one side
a n d flush a g a i n s t t h e wall o n t h e other. I t leads u p t o an e n a m e l e d
b l a c k s t e e l d o o r . B u c h b i n d e r g i v e s a soft k n o c k .
T h e y o u n g m a n w h o o p e n s t h e d o o r is o n e o f t h e g r a n d n e p h e w s
from t h e Einstein, t h e driver of t h e Caudillo, t h e p l u m p , broad-
shouldered American kid with the pink nape.
" I b e l i e v e M r . L i t v a k is e x p e c t i n g m e , " B i n a says b r i g h t l y . " I ' m
Inspector Gelbfish."
" Y o u c a n h a v e five m i n u t e s , " says t h e y o u n g m a n i n s e r v i c e a b l e
Y i d d i s h . H e c a n ' t b e o l d e r t h e n t w e n t y . H e h a s a t u r n e d - i n left e y e
a n d m o r e a c n e t h a n b e a r d o n h i s b a b y c h e e k s . " M r . L i t v a k is a b u s y
man."
"And. w h o a r e y o u ? "
" Y o u can call m e M i c k y . "
She steps right u p to h i m and jams her chin toward the meat
o f h i s t h r o a t . " M i c k y , I k n o w t h i s m a k e s m e a b a d p e r s o n in y o u r
e y e s , b u t I d o n ' t r e a l l y c a r e h o w b u s y M r . L i t v a k is. I n e e d t o t a l k
t o h i m for as l o n g as i t t a k e s m e t o d o t h a t . N o w t a k e m e t o h i m ,
s w e e t n e s s , o r y o u ' r e n o t g o i n g t o b e b u s y a t all for a v e r y l o n g
time."
M i c k y s h o o t s a l o o k a t L a n d s m a n as if t o say, What a ballbreaker.
Landsman pretends not to understand.
" I f y o u w i l l e x c u s e m e , p l e a s e , " B u c h b i n d e r says w i t h a b o w t o
each of t h e m . " I have v e r y m u c h w o r k t o d o . "
" A r e y o u g o i n g s o m e w h e r e , D o c t o r ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" I a l r e a d y t o l d y o u t h i s , " t h e d e n t i s t says. " M a y b e y o u o u g h t t o
try writing things down."
T h e p e n t h o u s e o f t h e B l a c k p o o l H o t e l is n o t h i n g s p e c i a l . A
t w o - r o o m suite. T h e o u t e r room holds a sleeper couch, a wet bar
a n d m i n i - f r i d g e , an a r m c h a i r , a n d seven y o u n g m e n in d a r k suits
a n d b a d h a i r c u t s . T h e b e d is all f o l d e d away, b u t y o u c a n s m e l l t h a t
t h e r o o m h a s b e e n s l e p t i n b y y o u n g m e n , m a y b e as m a n y as s e v e n .
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 333

T h e p i p e d c o r n e r of a b e d s h e e t p o k e s from t h e c r a c k of t h e seat
c u s h i o n l i k e a s h i r t t a i l c a u g h t i n a fly.
T h e young m e n are watching a very large television tuned
to a satellite n e w s channel. O n t h e screen, t h e p r i m e m i n i s t e r of
M a n c h u r i a is s h a k i n g h a n d s w i t h five M a n c h u r i a n a s t r o n a u t s . T h e
b o x t h a t t h e t e l e v i s i o n c a m e i n is s i t t i n g o n t h e floor b e s i d e i t s f o r m e r
contents. Bottled sports drinks a n d bags of sunflower seeds on t h e
coffee t a b l e , s c a t t e r e d a m o n g d r i f t s o f s u n f l o w e r h u l l s . L a n d s m a n
marks three guns, automatics, two j a m m e d into waistbands, one
into a sock. M a y b e t h e b u t t of a fourth u n d e r somebody's t h i g h .
N o b o d y is h a p p y t o s e e t h e d e t e c t i v e s . I n f a c t , t h e y o u n g m e n s e e m
sullen, keyed up. Anxious to be a n y w h e r e else b u t here.
" S h o w us t h e w a r r a n t . " It's Gold, t h e s h a r p e n e d little prison
s h a n k of a mexican from Peril S t r a i t . H e peels h i m s e l f from the
couch and comes t o w a r d t h e m . W h e n he recognizes L a n d s m a n , his
single e y e b r o w gets tangled at its apex. "Lady, t h a t o n e has n o r i g h t
to be here. G e t him o u t . "
" T a k e i t e a s y , " B i n a says. " W h a t ' s y o u r n a m e ? "
" H e ' s G o l d , " says L a n d s m a n .
"Ah, yes. G o l d , look at t h e s i t u a t i o n . T h e r e a r e o n e , t w o , t h r e e ,
seven of y o u . T h e r e a r e t w o of u s . "
"I'm not even h e r e , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u ' r e j u s t imagin­
ing m e . "
"I a m here to talk to A l t e r L i t v a k , a n d I d o n ' t need a piece of
p a p e r t o d o t h a t , s w e e t n e s s . E v e n if I w a n t e d t o a r r e s t h i m , I c o u l d
always get t h e w a r r a n t later." She gives h i m h e r w i n n i n g smile,
slightly shopworn. " H o n e s t . "
G o l d h e s i t a t e s . H e s t a r t s t o c h e c k w i t h h i s six c o m r a d e s t o s e e
w h a t t h e y t h i n k he should do, b u t s o m e aspect of t h a t process, or
o f life i n g e n e r a l , s t r i k e s h i m as p o i n t l e s s . H e g o e s t o t h e d o o r o f
t h e b e d r o o m and knocks. O n t h e o t h e r side of t h e door, a set of
p u n c t u r e d b a g p i p e s gives o u t a d y i n g w h e e z e .
T h e r o o m is as s p a r t a n a n d n e a t as H e r t z S h e m e t s ' s cabin,
334 MICHAEL CHABON

c o m p l e t e w i t h chessboard. N o television. N o radio. Just a chair

a n d a b o o k s h e l f a n d a folding c o t in t h e corner. A steel b l i n d t h a t
r e a c h e s t o t h e floor r a t t l e s i n t h e w i n d off t h e Gulf. L i t v a k s i t s
on t h e c o t , k n e e s t o g e t h e r , a b o o k o p e n on his lap, sipping some
k i n d o f c a n n e d n u t r i t i o n a l s h a k e t h r o u g h a flexible g r e e n d r i n k i n g
straw. W h e n Bina a n d L a n d s m a n w a l k in, L i t v a k sets t h e can d o w n
on t h e bookshelf b e s i d e t h e m a r b l e d pad. H e m a r k s his place w i t h
a l e n g t h o f r i b b o n a n d c l o s e s h i s b o o k . L a n d s m a n c a n s e e t h a t i t is
a n o l d h a r d b a c k e d i t i o n o f T a r r a s c h , p o s s i b l y Three Hundred Chess
Games. T h e n L i t v a k l o o k s u p . H i s e y e s a r e t w o d u l l p e n n i e s . H i s
face is n o t h i n g b u t h o l l o w s a n d a n g l e s , a n a n n o t a t i o n i n t h e y e l l o w
l e a t h e r o f h i s s k u l l . H e w a i t s as if t h e y h a v e c o m e t o s h o w h i m
a c a r d t r i c k , a c o m p l i c a t e d g r a n d f a t h e r l y e x p r e s s i o n o n h i s face,
prepared both to be disappointed and to pretend to be amused.

" I ' m Bina Gelbfish. You k n o w M e y e r L a n d s m a n . "

I k n o w y o u , t o o , say t h e old m a n ' s eyes.
" R e b L i t v a k d o e s n ' t s p e a k , " G o l d says. " H e ' s c r i p p l e d i n t h e
voice b o x . "
" I u n d e r s t a n d , " says B i n a . S h e t a k e s m e a s u r e o f t h e d e v a s t a t i o n
w r o u g h t b y t i m e , injury, a n d physics on t h e m a n w i t h whom,
seventeen, eighteen years ago, she danced the rumba at the
w e d d i n g of L a n d s m a n ' s cousin Shefra Sheynfeld. H e r b r a s h lady-
s h a m m e s m a n n e r h a s b e e n p u t away, t h o u g h n o t a b a n d o n e d . N e v e r
a b a n d o n e d . H o l s t e r e d , say, w i t h t h e s a f e t y off, a n d o n e h a n d p o i s e d ,
fingers flexing, at h e r hip. " M r . L i t v a k , I have b e e n h e a r i n g s o m e
p r e t t y wild stories a b o u t y o u from m y d e t e c t i v e h e r e . "
L i t v a k r e a c h e s for t h e p a d , c r o s s e d w i t h t h e s l e e k e b o n y c i g a r
of his W a t e r m a n . H e o p e n s t h e p a d w i t h t h e fingers of o n e h a n d ,
spreads it on his k n e e , s t u d y i n g Bina t h e w a y he studied the
c h e s s b o a r d a t t h e E i n s t e i n C l u b , l o o k i n g for h i s o p e n i n g , s e e i n g
t w e n t y possibilities, e l i m i n a t i n g n i n e t e e n . H e u n s c r e w s his pen.
H e ' s on t h e v e r y last page. H e m a r k s it.
Tou don't care for wild stories
"No, sir, I d o n ' t . T h a t ' s r i g h t . I h a v e b e e n a p o l i c e d e t e c t i v e for
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 335

a lot of years, a n d I can c o u n t on o n e h a n d t h e n u m b e r of t i m e s t h a t

somebody's wild s t o r y of w h a t h a p p e n e d in a case t u r n s o u t t o b e
useful or t r u e . "
Tough break—to favor simple explanations in a world full of Jews
"Agreed."
A hard lot to be a Jewish policeman then
" I l i k e i t , " B i n a says s i m p l y , w i t h f e e l i n g . " I ' m g o i n g t o m i s s i t
w h e n it's d o n e . "
L i t v a k s h r u g s as if t o s u g g e s t t h a t h e w o u l d l i k e t o s y m p a t h i z e ,
if o n l y h e c o u l d . H i s h a r d , b r i g h t r e d - r i m m e d e y e s s l i d e t o t h e
d o o r w a y a n d , w i t h o n e a r c h e d e y e b r o w , f o r m a q u e s t i o n for G o l d .
G o l d shakes his head. T h e n h e goes b a c k to t h e w a t c h i n g t h e T V
" I r e a l i z e i t ' s n o t e a s y , " B i n a says. " B u t s u p p o s e y o u t e l l u s w h a t
you k n o w about Mendel Shpilman, Mr. Litvak."
"And N a o m i L a n d s m a n , " L a n d s m a n p u t s in.
Tou think I killed Mendel you're as clueless as he is
" I d o n ' t t h i n k a n y t h i n g a t a l l , " B i n a says.
Lucky you
" I t ' s a gift I h a v e . "
Litvak checks his watch and makes a broken sound that
L a n d s m a n t a k e s for a p a t i e n t s i g h . H e s n a p s h i s f i n g e r s , a n d w h e n
G o l d t u r n s , L i t v a k w a v e s t h e filled-in n o t e p a d . G o l d goes i n t o
t h e o u t e r r o o m a n d c o m e s b a c k h o l d i n g a fresh p a d . H e crosses
t h e r o o m a n d p a s s e s i t t o L i t v a k , a l o n g w i t h a l o o k t h a t offers t o
dispense w i t h or dispose of t h e a n n o y i n g visitors b y any o n e of a
n u m b e r o f i n t e r e s t i n g m e t h o d s . L i t v a k w a v e s t h e k i d away, s e n d s
h i m back t o t h e d o o r w a y w i t h one h a n d . T h e n h e slides over a n d
pats the vacated space beside him. Bina unzips her p a r k a a n d sits
d o w n . L a n d s m a n d r a g s over t h e b e n t w o o d chair. L i t v a k o p e n s t h e
n o t e p a d t o i t s first f r e s h p a g e .

Every Messiah fails, w r i t e s L i t v a k , the moment he tries to redeem

himself
 • § 3 9 (F

T
h e y h a d a pilot of their o w n , a good one, a C u b a veteran n a m e d
F r u m w h o flew t h e b u s r u n f r o m S i t k a . F r u m h a d s e r v e d u n d e r
L i t v a k at M a t a n z a s a n d in t h e b l o o d y debacle of Santiago. H e
w a s b o t h faithful a n d w i t h o u t a s h r e d of faith, a c o m b i n a t i o n of
traits prized b y L i t v a k , w h o found himself obliged to c o n t e n d on
e v e r y side w i t h t h e s o m e t i m e s v o l u n t a r y t r e a c h e r y of believers.
T h e p i l o t F r u m believed only w h a t his i n s t r u m e n t panel said. H e
was sober, m e t i c u l o u s , c o m p e t e n t , quiet, t o u g h . W h e n he landed a
l o a d o f r e c r u i t s a t P e r i l S t r a i t , t h e b o y s left F r u m ' s a i r p l a n e w i t h a
sense of w h a t k i n d of soldier t h e y w a n t e d to become.

Send Frum, Litvak w r o t e w h e n they received the news from

t h e case h a n d l e r , M r . C a s h d o l l a r , of a m i r a c u l o u s b i r t h in O r e g o n .
F r u m left o n a T u e s d a y . O n W e d n e s d a y — h o w , t h e b e l i e v e r s w o u l d
say, c o u l d this be mere chance?—Mendel Shpilman stumbled
i n t o B u c h b i n d e r ' s c a b i n e t o f w o n d e r s o n t h e s e v e n t h floor o f t h e
Blackpool H o t e l , saying h e w a s d o w n t o his last blessing a n d ready
t o s p e n d it o n himself. By n o w t h e p i l o t F r u m was a t h o u s a n d miles
away, o n a r a n c h o u t s i d e of C o r v a l l i s , w h e r e Fligler a n d Cashdollar,
w h o flew o u t f r o m W a s h i n g t o n , w e r e h a v i n g t r o u b l e c o m i n g t o
t e r m s w i t h t h e b r e e d e r of t h e magical red animal.

T h e r e w e r e , o f c o u r s e , o t h e r p i l o t s a v a i l a b l e t o fly S h p i l m a n
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNIDN 337

o u t t o Peril S t r a i t , b u t t h e y w e r e o u t s i d e r s , or y o u n g believers. A n
outsider could never be trusted, and Litvak worried that Shpilman
might disappoint a y o u n g believer and start t h e evil tongues
w a g g i n g . S h p i l m a n w a s in a v e r y fragile c o n d i t i o n , a c c o r d i n g t o Dr.
Buchbinder. H e was agitated and crotchety, or sleepy and listless,
a n d h e w e i g h e d o n l y fifty-five k i l o s . R e a l l y , h e w a s n o t m u c h i n t h e
w a y of a T z a d d i k H a - D o r at all.
O n such short notice, there was one o t h e r pilot w h o m Litvak
considered, a n o t h e r one u t t e r l y w i t h o u t faith, b u t discreet and
reliable, a n d w i t h an ancient tie t o L i t v a k on w h i c h h e d a r e d t o pin
h i s h o p e s . A t first h e t r i e d t o d i s m i s s t h e n a m e f r o m h i s t h o u g h t s ,
b u t i t k e p t r e t u r n i n g . H e w a s w o r r i e d t h a t if t h e y h e s i t a t e d , t h e y
w o u l d lose S h p i l m a n again; t w i c e a l r e a d y t h e y i d h a d b a c k e d o u t of
a p r o m i s e t o s e e k t r e a t m e n t w i t h R o b o y a t P e r i l S t r a i t . So L i t v a k
ordered this faithless, reliable pilot t r a c k e d d o w n a n d offered
t h e j o b . S h e t o o k i t , for a t h o u s a n d d o l l a r s m o r e t h a n L i t v a k h a d
i n t e n d e d t o pay.
"A woman" said t h e d o c t o r , shifting his q u e e n s i d e r o o k , a m o v e
t h a t g a v e h i m n o a d v a n t a g e t h a t L i t v a k c o u l d see. D r . R o b o y , i n
Litvak's m e a s u r e d view, had a vice c o m m o n to believers: H e w a s
all s t r a t e g y a n d n o t a c t i c s . H e w a s p r o n e t o m o v e for t h e s a k e o f
m o v i n g , t o o focused on t h e goal t o b o t h e r w i t h t h e i n t e r v e n i n g
sequence. " H e r e . In this place."
T h e y w e r e s i t t i n g i n t h e office o n t h e s e c o n d floor o f t h e m a i n
building, w i t h a view of t h e strait, t h e r a g t a g Indian village w i t h
its nets a n d crazed b o a r d w a l k , t h e j u t t i n g a r m of t h e b r a n d - n e w
floatplane d o c k . T h e office w a s R o b o y ' s , w i t h a d e s k i n t h e c o r n e r
for M o i s h F l i g l e r w h e n h e w a s a r o u n d a n d c o u l d b e k e p t b e h i n d a
desk. Alter L i t v a k preferred to d o w i t h o u t t h e l u x u r y of a desk,
a n office, a h o m e . H e s l e p t i n g u e s t r o o m s , g a r a g e s , o n s o m e b o d y ' s
c o u c h . H i s d e s k w a s a k i t c h e n t a b l e , h i s office t h e t r a i n i n g g r o u n d ,
t h e Einstein Chess C l u b , t h e back r o o m of t h e M o r i a h I n s t i t u t e .
We have men in this place who are less manly, L i t v a k w r o t e i n h i s
n o t e p a d , I should have hired her before
338 MICHAEL CHABON

H e forced an e x c h a n g e of b i s h o p s , o p e n i n g a s u d d e n b r e a c h in
W h i t e ' s c e n t e r . H e s a w t h a t h e h a d m a t e , in o n e of t w o w a y s , w i t h i n
f o u r m o v e s . T h e p r o s p e c t o f v i c t o r y w a s t e d i o u s . H e w o n d e r e d if
h e h a d e v e r c a r e d a t all for t h e g a m e o f c h e s s . H e t o o k u p h i s p e n
a n d w r o t e o u t a n i n s u l t , e v e n t h o u g h , i n a l m o s t five y e a r s , i t h a d
p r o v e d i m p o s s i b l e t o g e t a rise o u t of Roboy.
If we had a hundred like her I would be cleaning your clock by now on a
terrace overlooking the Mount of Olives
" H u m p h , " said Dr. Roboy, fingering a pawn, watching Litvak's
face as L i t v a k w a t c h e d t h e sky.
Dr. R o b o y sat w i t h his back t o t h e window, a d a r k p a r e n t h e s i s
b r a c k e t i n g t h e c h e s s b o a r d , h i s l o n g , j u t t i n g face s l a c k w i t h the
effort of g u e s s i n g a t t h e b l e a k n e s s of his i m m e d i a t e chess future.
B e h i n d h i m t h e w e s t e r n s k y w a s all m a r m a l a d e a n d s m o k e . T h e
c r u m p l e d m o u n t a i n s , folds o f g r e e n t h a t l o o k e d b l a c k , a n d p u r p l e
that looked black, and luminous blue fissures o f w h i t e snow. T o
t h e s o u t h w e s t a full m o o n w a s s e t t i n g early, s h a r p - e d g e d a n d gray,
l o o k i n g like a h i g h - r e s o l u t i o n b l a c k - a n d - w h i t e p h o t o g r a p h of itself
p a s t e d t o t h e sky.
" E v e r y t i m e y o u look o u t t h e w i n d o w , " R o b o y said, "I t h i n k
it's because t h e y ' r e here. I wish y o u w o u l d stop. You're m a k i n g m e
n e r v o u s . " H e t i p p e d over his king, p u s h e d b a c k from t h e b o a r d ,
a n d u n f u r l e d h i s g r e a t m a n t i s b o d y o n e j o i n t a t a t i m e . " I c a n ' t play,
I ' m sorry. You win. I ' m t o o keyed u p . "
H e s t a r t e d t o s t a l k b a c k a n d f o r t h a c r o s s t h e office.
I don't see what you are so worried about you have the easy job
"Is t h a t so?"
He has to redeem Israel, you just have to redeem him
R o b o y s t o p p e d p a c i n g a n d t u r n e d t o face L i t v a k , w h o p u t d o w n
his pen a n d set a b o u t r e t u r n i n g t h e pieces to their maple box.
" T h r e e h u n d r e d boys are r e a d y t o die at his b a c k , " R o b o y said,
p e e v i s h . " T h i r t y t h o u s a n d V e r b o v e r s w i l l b e s t a k i n g t h e i r lives
and fortunes on this man. U p r o o t i n g their homes, p u t t i n g their
f a m i l i e s a t r i s k . If o t h e r s follow, t h e n w e a r e t a l k i n g a b o u t m i l l i o n s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 333

I'm glad you can m a k e jokes a b o u t t h a t . I ' m glad it d o e s n ' t m a k e

you nervous to look out that w i n d o w and w a t c h t h e sky and k n o w
t h a t h e is finally o n h i s w a y . "
Litvak stopped p u t t i n g away the pieces and looked o u t the
w i n d o w a g a i n . C o r m o r a n t s , g u l l s , a d o z e n fanciful v a r i a t i o n s o n
t h e basic d u c k , h a v i n g n o n a m e s in Y i d d i s h . A t a n y m o m e n t a n y
o n e o f t h e m , w i n g s s p r e a d a g a i n s t t h e s u n s e t , m i g h t b e t a k e n for a n
a p p r o a c h i n g P i p e r S u p e r C u b , c o m i n g in l o w from t h e s o u t h w e s t .
Looking at t h e sky was m a k i n g L i t v a k n e r v o u s , too. B u t theirs w a s
not by definition an endeavor t h a t a t t r a c t e d m e n w i t h t h e t a l e n t
for w a i t i n g .
I hope that he is the Tz H-D I really do
"No, y o u d o n ' t , " R o b o y s a i d . " T h a t ' s a lie. Y o u ' r e j u s t i n i t for
the stakes. For the g a m e . "
Following t h e a c c i d e n t t h a t t o o k L i t v a k ' s wife a n d his voice, it
w a s Dr. R u d o l f B u c h b i n d e r , t h e m a d d e n t i s t o f I b n E z r a S t r e e t , w h o
h a d r e b u i l t h i s jaw, r e s t o r e d i t s m a s o n r y i n a c r y l i c a n d t i t a n i u m .
A n d w h e n L i t v a k found himself a d d i c t e d t o painkillers, it was t h e
d e n t i s t w h o h a d s e n t h i m for t r e a t m e n t t o a n o l d f r i e n d , D r . M a x
R o b o y . Y e a r s l a t e r , w h e n C a s h d o l l a r a s k e d h i s m a n i n S i t k a for h e l p
fulfilling t h e d i v i n e l y i n s p i r e d m i s s i o n o f t h e p r e s i d e n t o f A m e r i c a ,
L i t v a k t h o u g h t at once of B u c h b i n d e r a n d Roboy.
It had taken a lot longer, n o t to m e n t i o n every last o u n c e of
chutzpah Litvak had, to work Heskel Shpilman into the plan.
E n d l e s s p i l p u l a n d h a g g l i n g t h r o u g h B a r o n s h t e y n . Stiff r e s i s t a n c e
from c a r e e r m e n a t J u s t i c e w h o v i e w e d S h p i l m a n a n d L i t v a k — w i t h
j u s t i c e — a s a ganglord a n d a h a t c h e t m a n . A t last, after m o n t h s of
false a l a r m s a n d c a n c e l l a t i o n s , a m e e t i n g w i t h t h e b i g m a n a t t h e
Ringelblum Avenue Baths.
A T u e s d a y m o r n i n g , s n o w t w i s t i n g d o w n in s l o p p y helixes,
four i n c h e s o f n e w s n o w o n t h e g r o u n d . T o o n e w , t o o e a r l y for t h e
snowplow. A t t h e corner of R i n g e l b l u m and G l a t s h t e y n , a c h e s t n u t
vendor, snow on his red umbrella, hiss a n d s h i m m e r of t h e r o a s t i n g
box, parallel grooves of his cart wheels framing t h e s l u r r y of his
340 MICHAEL CHABDN

f o o t p r i n t s i n t h e s n o w . So q u i e t y o u c o u l d h e a r t h e c l o c k w o r k
t h u n k i n g i n t h e traffic s i g n a l b o x a n d t h e v i b r a t i o n o f t h e p a g e r o n
t h e hip of t h e g u n m a n b y t h e door. A pair of g u n m e n , those great
r e d bears t h e y k e p t to g u a r d t h e b o d y of t h e Verbover rebbe.
A s t h e R u d a s h e v s k y biks h a n d e d L i t v a k a l o n g from t h e door,
u p t h e c e m e n t s t a i r s w i t h t h e v i n y l t r e a d s , d o w n t h e m i n e shaft
o f a h a l l w a y t o t h e f r o n t d o o r o f t h e b a t h s , t h e fists o f t h e i r faces
all c u p p e d a m i n o r l i g h t . M i s c h i e f , p i t y , t h e g l i n t o f a p r a n k s t e r ,
a t o r t u r e r , a p r i e s t p r e p a r i n g t o u n c o v e r t h e c a n n i b a l g o d . A s for
t h e a n c i e n t R u s s i a n cashier in his steel cage, t h e b u r l y a t t e n d a n t
i n h i s b u n k e r o f f o l d e d w h i t e t o w e l s , t h e s e y i d s h a d n o e y e s a t all,
as far as L i t v a k e v e r k n e w . T h e y k e p t t h e i r h e a d s d o w n , b l i n d e d
b y fear a n d d i s c r e t i o n . T h e y w e r e e l s e w h e r e , d r i n k i n g coffee a t
t h e P o l a r - S h t e r n , still at h o m e in t h e i r b e d s w i t h t h e i r wives. T h e
b a t h s w e r e n o t e v e n o p e n for b u s i n e s s a t t h i s h o u r . T h e r e w a s
n o b o d y h e r e , n o b o d y a t all, a n d t h e a t t e n d a n t w h o slid a pair of
t h r e a d b a r e towels across t h e c o u n t e r to Litvak was a ghost serving
up a winding sheet to a dead man.

L i t v a k s t r i p p e d a n d h u n g u p his clothes on t w o steel hooks.

H e c o u l d s m e l l t h e t i d a l flux o f t h e b a t h s , c h l o r i n e a n d a r m p i t
a n d a ripe salt v a p o r t h a t m i g h t on second t h o u g h t have been t h e
p i c k l e f a c t o r y o n t h e g r o u n d floor. T h e r e w a s n o t h i n g t o w e a k e n
h i m , if t h a t w a s p a r t o f t h e i n t e n t , i n o b l i g i n g h i m t o t a k e off
his clothes. H i s scars w e r e n u m e r o u s , in certain instances horrible,
a n d t h e y h a d t h e i r effect. H e h e a r d a l o w w h i s t l e f r o m o n e o f t h e
t w o Rudashevskys w o r k i n g t h e locker room. Litvak's body was a
p a r c h m e n t scribed by pain and violence on which they could only
h o p e t o m a k e t h e b a r e s t exegesis. H e s l i p p e d his p a d from t h e h i p
p o c k e t of his jacket on its hook.
Like what you see?
T h e R u d a s h e v s k y s c o u l d n o t a g r e e o n a f i t t i n g reply. One
n o d d e d ; t h e o t h e r shook his head. T h e y exchanged responses, to
t h e satisfaction of neither. T h e n t h e y gave h i m u p and sent him
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 341

t h r o u g h t h e m i s t y glass d o o r t o t h e s t e a m r o o m , t o c o n f r o n t the
body they guarded.
T h a t b o d y , t h e h o r r o r a n d t h e s p l e n d o r o f i t , n a k e d as a g i a n t
b l o o d s h o t eyeball w i t h o u t a socket. L i t v a k h a d seen it o n l y o n c e
b e f o r e , y e a r s a g o , t o p p e d w i t h a f e d o r a , r o l l e d t i g h t as a w a d o f
P i n a r d e l R i o i n t o a stiff b l a c k g r e a t c o a t t h a t s w e p t t h e t o e s o f h i s
d a i n t y black b o o t s . N o w it e m e r g e d p o n d e r o u s from t h e s t e a m , a
s l a b o f w e t l i m e s t o n e w e b b e d w i t h a b l a c k l i c h e n o f h a i r . L i t v a k felt
like a f o g b o u n d a i r p l a n e buffeted b y u p d r a f t s i n t o t h e s u r p r i s e of
a m o u n t a i n . T h e belly p r e g n a n t w i t h e l e p h a n t triplets, t h e breasts
full a n d p e n d u l o u s , e a c h t i p p e d w i t h a p i n k l e n t i l o f a n i p p l e . T h e
t h i g h s g r e a t h a n d - r o l l e d m a r b l e d loaves of h a l v a h . L o s t in the
shadows b e t w e e n t h e m , a thick umbilicus of g r a y i s h - b r o w n m e a t .

Litvak lowered t h e u n i n s u l a t e d a r m a t u r e of his frame t o t h e h o t

grid of tiles o p p o s i t e t h e r a b b i . T h e t i m e he h a d passed S h p i l m a n
in t h e s t r e e t , t h e m a n ' s eyes lay in t h e a m b i t of s h a d o w c a s t b y
t h e sundial of his h a t b r i m . N o w t h e y w e r e t r a i n e d on L i t v a k a n d
his v a n d a l i z e d body. T h e y w e r e k i n d l y eyes, L i t v a k t h o u g h t , or
eyes w h o s e e m p l o y e r h a d schooled t h e m in t h e uses of k i n d l i n e s s .
T h e y read Litvak's scars, t h e p u c k e r e d p u r p l e m o u t h on his right
s h o u l d e r , t h e s l a s h e s o f r e d v e l o u r o n h i s h i p , t h e p i t i n h i s left
t h i g h d e e p e n o u g h t o h o l d an o u n c e of gin. T h e y offered s y m p a t h y ,
r e g a r d , e v e n g r a t i t u d e . T h e w a r i n C u b a w a s n o t o r i o u s for i t s
futility, b r u t a l i t y , a n d w a s t e . Its v e t e r a n s h a d b e e n s h u n n e d o n
t h e i r r e t u r n . N o o n e h a d offered t h e m forgiveness, u n d e r s t a n d i n g ,
a chance at healing. H e s k e l S h p i l m a n w a s offering L i t v a k a n d his
w a r - t o r n h i d e all t h r e e .

" T h e n a t u r e of y o u r h a n d i c a p , " t h e r e b b e said, " h a s been

e x p l a i n e d t o m e , a l o n g w i t h t h e s u b s t a n c e o f y o u r offer." H i s g i r l i s h
v o i c e , baffled b y s t e a m a n d p o r c e l a i n t i l e , s e e m e d t o e m e r g e f r o m
someplace o t h e r t h a n t h e k e t t l e d r u m c h e s t . " I see y o u ' v e b r o u g h t
a l o n g y o u r p a d a n d a p e n , in s p i t e of m y clear i n s t r u c t i o n s t h a t y o u
were to carry nothing at all."
342 MICHAEL CHABDN

Litvak held u p t h e offending items, beaded with steam. H e

c o u l d feel t h e w a r p , t h e b u c k l e , i n t h e p a g e s o f h i s p a d .
"You w o n ' t need t h e m . " T h e birds of Shpilman's h a n d s roosted
o n t h e r o c k o f h i s belly, a n d h e c l o s e d h i s e y e s , d e p r i v i n g L i t v a k
o f t h e i r s y m p a t h y , r e a l o r f e i g n e d , a n d l e a v i n g L i t v a k t o s t e w for a
m i n u t e o r t w o in t h e s t e a m . L i t v a k h a d always h a t e d a s h v i t z . B u t
this fixture of t h e old Harkavy, secular and squalid, was t h e only
place that the Verbover rebbe could contrive to do private business
away from his c o u r t , his gabay, his world. " I d o n ' t plan to r e q u i r e
a n y further r e s p o n s e or i n q u i r y from y o u . "
Litvak nodded and prepared to stand. His mind told him that
Shpilman would not have bothered to s u m m o n him to this nude
a n d o n e - s i d e d i n t e r v i e w if h e p l a n n e d t o t u r n L i t v a k d o w n . B u t
h e felt i n h i s g u t t h a t t h e e r r a n d w a s d o o m e d , t h a t S h p i l m a n h a d
c a l l e d h i m d o w n t o R i n g e l b l u m A v e n u e t o d e l i v e r t h e r e f u s a l in all
t h e e l e p h a n t i n e a u t h o r i t y of his person.
"I w a n t you to know, Mr. Litvak, that I have been giving a great
d e a l o f c o n s i d e r a t i o n t o t h i s p r o p o s a l . I h a v e a t t e m p t e d t o follow
its logic from e v e r y angle.
" L e t ' s b e g i n w i t h o u r s o u t h e r n f r i e n d s . If i t w e r e s i m p l y a c a s e o f
their w a n t i n g s o m e t h i n g , s o m e tangible feature or resource . . . oil,
for e x a m p l e . O r if t h e y w e r e p r o m p t e d b y a m o r e p u r e l y s t r a t e g i c
c o n c e r n w i t h r e g a r d t o Russia o r Persia. In e i t h e r case, t h e y clearly
d o n ' t n e e d us. H o w e v e r difficult a c o n q u e s t t h e H o l y L a n d m i g h t
be, o u r physical p r e s e n c e , o u r willingness t o fight, o u r a r m s , can't
m a k e a great difference to their b a t t l e plan. I have studied their
c l a i m s o f s u p p o r t for t h e J e w i s h c a u s e i n P a l e s t i n e , a n d their
theology, and to the extent that I can, based on Rabbi Baronshteyn's
r e p o r t s , I have tried to form a j u d g m e n t of t h e gentiles and their
aims. A n d I can o n l y c o n c l u d e t h a t w h e n t h e y say t h e y wish t o
see J e r u s a l e m r e s t o r e d t o J e w i s h sovereignty, t h e y m e a n it. T h e i r
reasoning, t h e so-called prophecies a n d a p o c r y p h a whose supposed
a u t h o r i t y u n d e r l i e s t h i s w i s h , m a y b e i t all s t r i k e s m e as l a u g h a b l e .
A b o m i n a b l e , e v e n . I p i t y t h e g e n t i l e s for t h e i r c h i l d l i k e t r u s t i n
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 343

t h e i m m i n e n t r e t u r n of o n e w h o n e v e r in t h e first p l a c e d e p a r t e d ,
let alone arrived. B u t I a m q u i t e s u r e t h a t they, in t u r n , p i t y us o u r
o w n t a r d y M e s s i a h . A s a f o u n d a t i o n for a p a r t n e r s h i p , m u t u a l p i t y
is n o t t o b e d e s p i s e d .
"As for y o u r a n g l e i n t h i s m a t t e r , t h a t is e a s y , yes? Y o u a r e a
s o l d i e r for h i r e . Y o u e n j o y t h e c h a l l e n g e a n d t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f
generalship. I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t . I do. You like t o fight, a n d y o u like
k i l l i n g , as l o n g as t h o s e w h o d i e a r e n ' t y o u r m e n . A n d , I d a r e say,
a f t e r all t h e s e y e a r s w i t h S h e m e t s — a n d n o w , o n y o u r o w n b e h a l f —
y o u are long in t h e h a b i t of a p p e a r i n g t o please t h e A m e r i c a n s .
" F o r t h e V e r b o v e r s , t h e r e is g r e a t r i s k . O u r e n t i r e c o m m u n i t y
c o u l d b e lost in t h i s a d v e n t u r e . W i p e d o u t in a m a t t e r of d a y s ,
if y o u r t r o o p s a r e ill p r e p a r e d o r s i m p l y , as s e e m s n o t u n l i k e l y ,
o u t m a n n e d . B u t if w e s t a y h e r e , w e l l , t h e n w e a r e f i n i s h e d , t o o .
S c a t t e r e d t o t h e w i n d s . O u r friends in t h e s o u t h have m a d e t h a t
clear. T h a t is t h e ' s t i c k . ' R e v e r s i o n as t h e fire i n t h e s e a t o f t h e
p a n t s , yes? A r e s t o r e d J e r u s a l e m as t h e b u c k e t o f i c e w a t e r . S o m e
o f o u r y o u n g e r m e n a r g u e for m a k i n g a s t a n d h e r e , d a r i n g t h e m t o
d i s l o d g e u s . B u t t h a t is m a d n e s s .
" O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , if w e a g r e e , a n d y o u a r e s u c c e s s f u l , t h e n w e
have regained a t r e a s u r e of such incalculable v a l u e — I m e a n Z i o n ,
of c o u r s e — t h a t t h e m e r e t h o u g h t of it o p e n s a l o n g - s h u t t e r e d
w i n d o w in m y soul. I h a v e t o shield m y eyes from t h e b r i l l i a n c e . "
H e r a i s e d t h e b a c k o f h i s left h a n d t o h i s e y e s . H i s t h i n w e d d i n g
b a n d w a s e n g u l f e d i n h i s f i n g e r s l i k e a n a x h e a d l o s t i n t h e flesh o f
a t r e e . L i t v a k felt t h e p u l s e i n h i s t h r o a t , a t h u m b p l u c k i n g o v e r
a n d over at t h e lowest s t r i n g of a h a r p . Dizziness. A s e n s a t i o n of
b a l l o o n i n g i n h i s feet a n d a r m s . I t m u s t b e t h e h e a t , h e t h o u g h t . H e
t o o k s h a l l o w t i m i d b r e a t h s o f r i c h b u r n i n g air.
" I a m d a z z l e d b y t h a t v i s i o n , " t h e r e b b e s a i d . " M a y b e as b l i n d e d
b y i t , i n m y o w n w a y , as t h e e v a n g e l i c a l s . So p r e c i o u s is t h e t r e a s u r e .
So i n c a l c u l a b l y s w e e t . "
No. I t w a s n o t , or n o t only, t h e h e a t a n d r i p e n e s s of t h e s h v i t z
t h a t w e r e m a k i n g L i t v a k ' s p u l s e t h r u m a n d h i s h e a d s p i n . H e felt
344 MICHAEL CHABDN

c e r t a i n of t h e w i s d o m of his g u t : S h p i l m a n was a b o u t t o reject

h i s p r o p o s a l . B u t as t h a t l i k e l i h o o d d r e w n e a r e r , a n e w p o s s i b i l i t y
b e g a n t o d i z z y h i m , t o c o u r s e t h r o u g h h i m . It was t h e thrill of a
dazzling move.
" S t i l l , i t ' s n o t e n o u g h , " t h e r e b b e w a s s a y i n g . " I l o n g for M e s s i a h
as I l o n g for n o t h i n g e l s e i n t h i s w o r l d . " H e s t o o d u p , a n d h i s b e l l y
p o u r e d over his h i p s a n d groin like scalded m i l k foaming d o w n t h e
s i d e s o f a p o t . " B u t I a m a f r a i d . I ' m a f r a i d o f f a i l u r e . I ' m afraid o f
t h e p o t e n t i a l for g r e a t l o s s o f life a m o n g m y y i d s a n d t h e u t t e r
d e s t r u c t i o n o f e v e r y t h i n g w e ' v e w o r k e d for t h e s e l a s t s i x t y y e a r s .
T h e r e w e r e e l e v e n V e r b o v e r s left a t t h e e n d o f t h e w a r , L i t v a k .
Eleven. I p r o m i s e d m y w i f e ' s f a t h e r o n h i s d e a t h b e d t h a t I w o u l d
n e v e r let s u c h d e s t r u c t i o n befall us a g a i n .
" A n d , finally, t r u t h f u l l y , I fear t h i s all m a y b e a fool's e r r a n d .
T h e r e a r e n u m e r o u s a n d p e r s u a s i v e t e a c h i n g s a g a i n s t a c t i n g in any
w a y t o h a s t e n t h e c o m i n g o f M e s s i a h . J e r e m i a h c o n d e m n s i t . So d o
t h e O a t h s of S o l o m o n . Yes, of c o u r s e , I w a n t t o see m y y i d s s e t t l e d
i n a n e w h o m e w i t h f i n a n c i a l a s s u r a n c e s f r o m t h e U . S . , offers o f
a s s i s t a n c e a n d o f a c c e s s t o all t h e u n i m a g i n a b l y v a s t n e w m a r k e t s
y o u r success in t h i s o p e r a t i o n w o u l d create. A n d I w a n t Messiah
like I w a n t t o s i n k , after t h i s h e a t , i n t o t h e cold d a r k w a t e r s of t h e
m i k v a h in t h e n e x t r o o m . B u t , G o d s h o u l d forgive m e t h e s e w o r d s ,
I a m a f r a i d . So a f r a i d t h a t e v e n t h e t a s t e o n m y l i p s o f M e s s i a h is
n o t e n o u g h . A n d y o u can tell t h e m t h a t d o w n in W a s h i n g t o n . Tell
t h e m t h e V e r b o v e r r e b b e w a s a f r a i d . " T h e i d e a o f h i s fear s e e m e d
a l m o s t t o e n t r a n c e h i m w i t h its novelty, like a t e e n a g e r t h i n k i n g of
d e a t h o r a w h o r e of t h e c h a n c e of an i m m a c u l a t e love. " W h a t ? "

L i t v a k h e l d u p h i s r i g h t i n d e x finger. H e h a d s o m e t h i n g , o n e
m o r e t h i n g t o offer t h e r e b b e . O n e m o r e c l a u s e for t h e c o n t r a c t .
H e h a d n o i d e a h o w h e w o u l d d e l i v e r i t o r if i n d e e d i t c o u l d b e
d e l i v e r e d . B u t as t h e r e b b e p r e p a r e d t o t u r n h i s m a s s i v e b a c k o n
J e r u s a l e m a n d on t h e c o m p l i c a t e d h u g e n e s s of t h e deal t h a t L i t v a k
h a d b e e n p u t t i n g t o g e t h e r for m o n t h s , h e felt i t w e l l u p i n h i m
like a chess brilliancy, n o t a t e d w i t h d o u b l e exclamation marks.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 345

H e s c r a m b l e d t o o p e n his p a d . H e s c r a w l e d t w o w o r d s o n t h e first
c l e a n leaf, b u t in h i s h a s t e a n d p a n i c , h e p r e s s e d t o o h a r d a n d h i s
pen ripped through the w e t paper.
" W h a t is i t ? " S h p i l m a n s a i d , " Y o u h a v e s o m e t h i n g m o r e to
offer?"
Litvak nodded, once, twice.
"Something more than Zion? Messiah? A home, a fortune?"
L i t v a k g o t u p a n d p a d d e d a c r o s s t h e t i l e floor u n t i l h e s t o o d
just beside t h e rebbe. N a k e d m e n b e a r i n g t h e tales of their r u i n e d
bodies. Each of t h e m , in his way, bereft, alone. L i t v a k r e a c h e d o u t
a n d , w i t h t h e force a n d i n s p i r a t i o n o f t h a t l o n e l i n e s s , a n d w i t h t h e
t i p o f h i s finger, i n s c r i b e d t w o w o r d s i n t h e v a p o r c o n d e n s e d o n a
w h i t e s q u a r e of tile.
T h e rebbe read t h e m and looked up, and t h e y beaded over once
more and were gone.
" M y s o n , " t h e r e b b e said.
It's more than a game, L i t v a k w r o t e n o w , i n t h e office a t P e r i l
S t r a i t , as h e a n d R o b o y a w a i t e d t h e a r r i v a l o f t h a t w a y w a r d a n d
u n r e d e e m e d s o n . I would rather fight to take a prize however doubtful
than wait to see what scraps I may be fed
" I s u p p o s e t h e r e ' s a c r e d o in t h e r e s o m e p l a c e , " R o b o y said.
" M a y b e t h e r e ' s h o p e for y o u y e t . "
I n r e t u r n for p r o v i d i n g t h e m w i t h m a n p o w e r , a M e s s i a h , a n d
financing b e y o n d their wildest d r e a m s , t h e only t h i n g t h a t L i t v a k
h a d ever asked of his p a r t n e r s , clients, e m p l o y e r s , a n d associates in
this v e n t u r e was that he never be expected to believe t h e nonsense
t h a t t h e y believed. W h e r e t h e y saw t h e fruit of d i v i n e w i s h e s in a
n e w b o r n r e d heifer, h e s a w t h e p r o d u c t o f $ 1 m i l l i o n i n t a x p a y e r
dollars spent secretly on bull semen and in v i t r o fertilization. In t h e
e v e n t u a l b u r n i n g o f t h i s l i t t l e r e d cow, t h e y s a w t h e p u r i f i c a t i o n o f
all I s r a e l a n d t h e f u l f i l l m e n t o f a m i l l e n n i a - o l d p r o m i s e ; L i t v a k saw,
at m o s t , a necessary m o v e in an a n c i e n t g a m e — t h e survival of t h e
Jews.
Oh I wouldn't go that far
346 MICHAEL CHABDN

T h e r e w a s a k n o c k a t t h e door, a n d M i c k y V a y n e r p u t in his
head.
" I c a m e t o r e m i n d y o u , sir," h e said in his g o o d American
Hebrew.
L i t v a k s t a r e d b l a n k l y a t t h e p i n k face w i t h i t s p e e l i n g e y e l i d s
and baby-fat chin.
" F i v e m i n u t e s before t w i l i g h t . You said t o r e m i n d y o u . "
L i t v a k w e n t t o t h e w i n d o w . T h e s k y w a s s t r i p e d in t h e p i n k ,
g r e e n , a n d l u m i n o u s g r a y of a salmon's hide. Sure e n o u g h , he saw
a s t a r o r p l a n e t o v e r h e a d . H e n o d d e d his t h a n k s t o M i c k y Vayner.
T h e n h e closed t h e box of c h e s s m e n a n d h o o k e d t h e clasp.
" W h a t ' s at t w i l i g h t ? " R o b o y said. H e t u r n e d t o M i c k y Vayner.
"What's today?"
M i c k y V a y n e r s h r u g g e d ; as far as h e k n e w , i t w a s , b y t h e l u n a r
calendar, an o r d i n a r y d a y in t h e m o n t h of N i s a n . T h o u g h , like his
y o u n g c o m r a d e s , h e h a d b e e n t r a i n e d t o believe in t h e f o r e o r d a i n e d
r e e s t a b l i s h m e n t of t h e biblical k i n g d o m of J u d a e a a n d in the
d e s t i n y of J e r u s a l e m t o b e t h e e t e r n a l capital of t h e J e w s , h e was
n o m o r e s t r i c t or nice in his o b s e r v a n c e t h a n any of t h e o t h e r s . T h e
y o u n g A m e r i c a n Jews at Peril Strait o b s e r v e d t h e principal holidays,
a n d for t h e m o s t p a r t , t h e y k e p t t h e d i e t a r y l a w s . T h e y w o r e t h e
s k u l l c a p a n d t h e f o u r - c o r n e r s b u t k e p t t h e i r b e a r d s in m i l i t a r y
trim. T h e y avoided work and training on the Sabbath, though not
w i t h o u t e x c e p t i o n . A f t e r f o r t y y e a r s as a s e c u l a r w a r r i o r , L i t v a k
c o u l d s t o m a c h t h a t m u c h . E v e n in t h e w a k e of t h e accident, w i t h
his Sora gone, w i t h t h e w i n d w h i s t l i n g t h r o u g h t h e hole she had
left i n L i t v a k ' s life, w i t h a t h i r s t for m e a n i n g a n d a h u n g e r for s e n s e
a n d an e m p t y c u p a n d a b a r r e n dish, Alter Litvak could n o t have
t a k e n a p l a c e a m o n g t r u l y r e l i g i o u s m e n . H e n e v e r c o u l d h a v e fallen
h a p p i l y , for e x a m p l e , a m o n g t h e b l a c k h a t s . I n f a c t , h e c o u l d n o t
abide black hats, and since t h e m e e t i n g at t h e baths, he had kept
t o a m i n i m u m h i s c o n t a c t s w i t h t h e V e r b o v e r s , as t h e y p r e p a r e d in
secret t o be airlifted en m a s s e t o Palestine.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 347

Today is nothing, h e w r o t e b e f o r e h e p o c k e t e d t h e n o t e p a d a n d
w a l k e d o u t o f t h e r o o m . Call me when they arrive
In his r o o m L i t v a k t o o k o u t his d e n t a l plates a n d d r o p p e d t h e m
w i t h a c h i m e of dice i n t o a d r i n k i n g glass. H e u n l a c e d his b o o t s a n d
sat d o w n heavily o n a folding c o t . W h e n e v e r h e c a m e o u t t o Peril
S t r a i t , h e s l e p t in t h i s t i n y r o o m — o n t h e b l u e p r i n t s , it h a d b e e n
s h o w n as a u t i l i t y c l o s e t — d o w n t h e h a l l f r o m R o b o y ' s office. H i s
clothes he h u n g on a h o o k b e h i n d t h e door, his kit he stashed u n d e r
the cot.
H e leaned back against t h e cold wall of p a i n t e d cinder block
a n d looked at t h e wall, over t h e steel shelf t h a t h e l d t h e glass w i t h
h i s t e e t h . T h e r e w a s n o w i n d o w , so L i t v a k i m a g i n e d a n e a r l y s t a r .
A wheeling duck. T h e p h o t o g r a p h moon. T h e sky slowly t u r n i n g
t o t h e color of a g u n . A n d an a i r p l a n e , c o m i n g in low from the
s o u t h e a s t , b e a r i n g t h e m a n w h o w a s , in L i t v a k ' s p l a n , b o t h p r i s o n e r
and d y n a m i t e , tower and trapdoor, bull's-eye and dart.
L i t v a k s t o o d u p slowly, w i t h a g r u n t of p a i n . T h e r e w e r e s c r e w s
in h i s h i p s , w h i c h a c h e d ; h i s k n e e s t h u d d e d a n d g o n g e d l i k e t h e
pedals of an old piano. T h e r e w a s a c o n s t a n t t h r u m of w i r e in t h e
h i n g e s o f h i s jaw. H e r a n h i s t o n g u e a c r o s s t h e e m p t y z o n e s o f h i s
m o u t h w i t h t h e i r feel o f s l i c k p u t t y . H e w a s a c c u s t o m e d t o p a i n
and breakage, b u t since t h e accident, his b o d y n o longer s e e m e d to
belong to him. It was s o m e t h i n g sawed and nailed together o u t of
borrowed parts. A b i r d h o u s e built of scrap w o o d a n d p r o p p e d on a
pole, in w h i c h his soul n a p p e d like a fugitive b a t . H e h a d b e e n b o r n ,
like e v e r y Jew, i n t o t h e w r o n g w o r l d , t h e w r o n g c o u n t r y , at t h e
w r o n g t i m e , a n d n o w h e w a s l i v i n g in t h e w r o n g body, t o o . I n t h e
e n d m a y b e i t w a s t h a t s e n s e o f w r o n g n e s s , t h a t fist i n t h e J e w i s h
belly, b i n d i n g A l t e r L i t v a k t o t h e c a u s e o f t h e y i d s w h o h a d m a d e
him their general.

H e w e n t over to t h e steel shelf t h a t was b o l t e d to t h e wall

u n d e r his n o t i o n a l window. A l o n g s i d e t h e d r i n k i n g glass that
held t h e p r o o f of B u c h b i n d e r ' s g e n i u s , t h e r e s t o o d a s e c o n d glass.
348 MICHAEL CHABDN

T h a t o n e c o n t a i n e d a few o u n c e s of paraffin h a r d e n e d a r o u n d a
p i e c e of w h i t e s t r i n g . L i t v a k h a d b o u g h t t h i s c a n d l e in a g r o c e r y
s t o r e n o t q u i t e a y e a r after his wife d i e d , w i t h t h e i n t e n t i o n of
b u r n i n g it o n t h e a n n i v e r s a r y of h e r d e a t h . N o w a n u m b e r of such
anniversaries h a d c o m e a n d g o n e , a n d L i t v a k h a d evolved his o w n
quaint tradition. Every year he b r o u g h t the yahrzeit candle out,
a n d looked at it, a n d t h o u g h t a b o u t lighting it. H e imagined t h e
shy flutter o f a flame. H e e n v i s i o n e d h i m s e l f l y i n g i n t h e d a r k n e s s
w i t h t h e m e m o r i a l candle's light d a n c i n g over his head, scattering
an alefbeys of s h a d o w s across t h e ceiling of t h e t i n y r o o m . H e
p i c t u r e d t h e glass e m p t y at t h e close of t w e n t y - f o u r h o u r s , t h e wick
c o n s u m e d , t h e paraffin c o m b u s t e d , t h e m e t a l t a b d r o w n e d at t h e
b o t t o m in w a x y d r e g s . A n d after t h a t — b u t h e r e his i m a g i n a t i o n
t e n d e d t o fail h i m .

L i t v a k r u m m a g e d i n t h e p o c k e t s o f h i s s u i t p a n t s for his
l i g h t e r , j u s t t o g i v e h i m s e l f t h e o p t i o n , t h e c h a n c e o f finding o u t , if
h e c o u l d b r i n g h i m s e l f t o d o i t , w h a t i t m i g h t m e a n t o s e t fire t o
t h e m e m o r y of his wife. T h e l i g h t e r w a s a steel Z i p p o e t c h e d w i t h
t h e R a n g e r s insignia in w o r n black lines on o n e side, a n d on t h e
o t h e r d e n t e d d e e p l y w h e r e it h a d deflected s o m e o n c o m i n g b i t of
t h e car, o r t h e r o a d , o r t h e c h o k e c h e r r y t r e e , from p i e r c i n g L i t v a k ' s
h e a r t . For t h e sake of his t h r o a t , L i t v a k no longer smoked; t h e
l i g h t e r w a s o n l y a h a b i t , a t o k e n of his s u r v i v o r s h i p , an ironical
c h a r m t h a t n e v e r left h i s b e d s i d e o r h i s p a n t s . B u t n o w i t w a s i n
neither place. H e p a t t e d himself d o w n w i t h the sheepish m e t h o d
o f o l d m a n . H e s t e p p e d b a c k w a r d t h r o u g h h i s day, w o r k i n g h i s w a y
t o t h a t m o r n i n g , w h e n , as e v e r y m o r n i n g , h e h a d s l i d t h e l i g h t e r
i n t o his h i p p o c k e t . H a d n ' t he? All a t o n c e h e c o u l d n o t r e m e m b e r
h a v i n g p o c k e t e d his Z i p p o t h a t m o r n i n g , or laying it on the
steel shelf last n i g h t w h e n h e w e n t t o sleep. P e r h a p s he h a d been
f o r g e t t i n g i t for d a y s . I t m i g h t b e i n S i t k a , i n t h e b a c k r o o m a t t h e
Blackpool Hotel. It m i g h t be anywhere. Litvak lowered himself to
t h e g r o u n d , d r a g g e d his kit from u n d e r t h e cot, and ransacked it,
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 343

his h e a r t p o u n d i n g . N o lighter. N o m a t c h e s , either. O n l y a c a n d l e

in a j u i c e glass, a n d a m a n w h o d i d n o t k n o w h o w t o l i g h t it e v e n
w h e n h e h a d a s o u r c e o f fire. L i t v a k t u r n e d t o t h e d o o r j u s t as
h e h e a r d s o m e o n e a p p r o a c h . A soft k n o c k . H e s l i p p e d t h e y a h r z e i t
candle i n t o t h e h i p p o c k e t of his j a c k e t .
" R e b L i t v a k , " said M i c k y Vayner. " T h e y ' r e h e r e , sir."
L i t v a k p u t in his t e e t h a n d t u c k e d in his s h i r t .
I want everyone in quarters I don't want anybody to see him now
" H e isn't ready," M i c k y Vayner said, a little doubtfully, w a n t i n g
to be reassured. H e d i d n ' t know, had never seen M e n d e l Shpilman.
H e had only heard stories of long-ago b o y i s h miracles a n d p e r h a p s
c a u g h t an acrid whiff of s p o i l e d g o o d s t h a t s o m e t i m e s c u r l e d in t h e
air over t h e m e n t i o n of S h p i l m a n ' s n a m e .
He is unwell but we will heal him
It was n e i t h e r p a r t of t h e i r d o c t r i n e n o r n e c e s s a r y t o the
s u c c e s s o f L i t v a k ' s p l a n for M i c k y V a y n e r o r a n y o f t h e P e r i l S t r a i t
Jews to believe t h a t M e n d e l Shpilman was t h e T z a d d i k Ha-Dor. A
M e s s i a h w h o a c t u a l l y a r r i v e s is n o g o o d t o a n y b o d y . A h o p e fulfilled
is a l r e a d y h a l f a d i s a p p o i n t m e n t .
" W e k n o w he's j u s t a m a n , " said M i c k y Vayner dutifully. " W e
all k n o w t h a t , R e b L i t v a k . O n l y a m a n a n d n o t h i n g m o r e , a n d t h i s
is b i g g e r t h a n a n y m a n , w h a t w e ' r e d o i n g . "
It isn't the man I'm worried about, L i t v a k w r o t e . Everyone in
quarters
A s h e s t o o d o n t h e floatplane d o c k a n d w a t c h e d N a o m i L a n d s m a n
help M e n d e l S h p i l m a n d o w n from t h e c o c k p i t of h e r S u p e r C u b ,
L i t v a k c o n s i d e r e d t h a t if h e d i d n o t k n o w b e t t e r , h e w o u l d h a v e
t a k e n t h e m for o l d l o v e r s . T h e r e w a s a b r u s q u e f a m i l i a r i t y i n t h e
w a y s h e g r i p p e d h i s u p p e r a r m , fished h i s s h i r t c o l l a r f r o m t h e l a p e l s
of his r u m p l e d p i n - s t r i p e d j a c k e t , p i c k e d a s t r i n g of c e l l o p h a n e
f r o m h i s hair. S h e w a t c h e d h i s face, o n l y h i s f a c e , as S h p i l m a n
e y e d R o b o y a n d L i t v a k ; s h e w a s t e n d e r as a n e n g i n e e r l o o k i n g for
cracks, fatigue in t h e m a t e r i a l . It s e e m e d i n c o n c e i v a b l e t h a t t h e y
350 MICHAEL CHABDN

h a d k n o w n e a c h o t h e r , as far as L i t v a k w a s a w a r e , for s l i g h t l y u n d e r
t h r e e h o u r s . T h r e e h o u r s . T h a t w a s all i t h a d t a k e n for h e r t o seal
u p h e r fate w i t h his.
" W e l c o m e , " Dr. R o b o y said, p o s e d beside a w h e e l c h a i r w i t h his
necktie flapping in t h e b r e e z e . G o l d a n d T u r t e l t o y b , a S i t k a boy,
j u m p e d d o w n from t h e plane to t h e dock, T u r t e l t o y b heavy e n o u g h
t o m a k e it r i n g like a s l a m m e d t e l e p h o n e . T h e w a t e r smacked t h e
p i l i n g s . T h e air s m e l l e d of r o t t e n n e t t i n g a n d b r a c k i s h p u d d l e s in
t h e b o t t o m s o f o l d b o a t s . I t w a s a l m o s t d a r k , a n d t h e y all l o o k e d
v a g u e l y g r e e n i n t h e l i g h t o f t h e floods o n t h e s t a n d a r d s , e x c e p t for
S h p i l m a n , w h o l o o k e d w h i t e as a f e a t h e r a n d as h o l l o w . " Y o u a r e
genuinely welcome."
" Y o u d i d n ' t n e e d t o send an a i r p l a n e , " S h p i l m a n said. H e had a
w r y , a c t o r i s h v o i c e , h i s d i c t i o n s t u d i e d , e x c e l l e n t , w i t h a low, soft
u n d e r t h r o b of t h e sorrowful U k r a i n e . " I ' m perfectly capable of
flying on m y o w n . "
"Yes, well—"
" X - r a y v i s i o n . B u l l e t p r o o f . T h e w h o l e b i t . W h o is t h e w h e e l c h a i r
for, me?"
H e o u t s p r e a d his a r m s , laid his feet p r i m l y side b y side, a n d gave
himself a slow once-over, looking p r e p a r e d to be shocked at w h a t
h e found. Ill-fitting p i n - s t r i p e d suit, hatless, tie loosely k n o t t e d ,
o n e s h i r t t a i l h a n g i n g o u t , s o m e t h i n g t e e n a g e in his u n r u l y g i n g e r
curls. I m p o s s i b l e t o see in t h a t s l e n d e r fragile frame, t h a t sleepy
face, a n y h i n t o f t h e m o n s t r o u s f a t h e r . O r m a y b e a l i t t l e , a r o u n d
t h e eyes. S h p i l m a n t u r n e d t o t h e pilot, affecting t o be surprised,
e v e n h u r t , b y t h e i m p l i c a t i o n t h a t h e w a s s o far g o n e as t o n e e d a
wheelchair. B u t L i t v a k saw t h a t h e was p u t t i n g it on to cover his
real surprise a n d h u r t at t h e implication.
" Y o u s a i d I l o o k e d all r i g h t , M i s s L a n d s m a n , " S h p i l m a n s a i d ,
t e a s i n g her, a p p e a l i n g t o her, p l e a d i n g w i t h her.
"You look terrific, k i d , " t h e L a n d s m a n told h i m . She was dressed
in b l u e jeans t u c k e d i n t o high black b o o t s , a man's w h i t e oxford
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 351

shirt, an old Sitka C e n t r a l firing-range j a c k e t t h a t said L A N D S M A N

over t h e p o c k e t . "You look fabulous."
"Ah, y o u ' r e lying, y o u liar."
"You look like thirty-five h u n d r e d dollars t o m e , S h p i l m a n , "
t h e L a n d s m a n said, n o t unkindly. " H o w a b o u t w e leave it at t h a t ? "
"I won't be needing the wheelchair, doctor," Shpilman said
w i t h o u t r e p r o a c h . " B u t t h a n k y o u for t h i n k i n g o f m e . "
"Are y o u ready, M e n d e l ? " Dr. R o b o y a s k e d h i m in his g e n t l e a n d
s e n t e n t i o u s way.
" D o I need t o b e r e a d y ? " M e n d e l said. "If I n e e d t o b e ready, w e
m a y h a v e t o p u s h t h i s b a c k a few w e e k s . "
T h e w o r d s e m e r g e d from L i t v a k ' s t h r o a t like a k i n d of v e r b a l
d u s t devil, a tangle of g r i t a n d g u s t s , u n b i d d e n . A n awful s o u n d ,
like a glob of b u r n i n g r u b b e r p l u n g e d i n t o a b u c k e t of ice.
"You d o n ' t need to be ready," L i t v a k said. "You only need t o b e
here."
T h e y all l o o k e d s h o c k e d , h o r r i f i e d , e v e n G o l d , w h o h a p p i l y c o u l d
have read a comic b o o k b y t h e light of a b u r n i n g m a n . Shpilman
t u r n e d slowly, a s m i l e t u c k e d i n t o o n e c o r n e r o f h i s m o u t h l i k e a
baby carried on the hip.
"Alter Litvak, I p r e s u m e , " he said, h o l d i n g o u t his hand,
scowling at L i t v a k , affecting t o b e t o u g h a n d m a s c u l i n e in a w a y
t h a t m o c k e d t o u g h n e s s and m a s c u l i n i t y a n d his o w n relative lack
o f b o t h q u a l i t i e s . " W h a t a g r i p , oy, i t ' s l i k e a r o c k . "
His own grip was soft, warm, not quite dry, eternally a
schoolboy's. S o m e t h i n g i n Litvak resisted it, t h e w a r m t h a n d softness
of it. H e w a s h i m s e l f horrified b y t h e p t e r o s a u r e c h o of his o w n
v o i c e , b y t h e fact t h a t h e h a d s p o k e n a t a l l . H e w a s h o r r i f i e d t o s e e
t h a t t h e r e w a s s o m e t h i n g a b o u t M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , a b o u t his puffy
face a n d h i s b a d s u i t , h i s k i d - p r o d i g y s m i l e a n d h i s b r a v e a t t e m p t
t o h i d e t h e fact t h a t h e w a s a f r a i d , t h a t h a d p r o m p t e d L i t v a k , for
t h e first t i m e i n y e a r s , t o s p e a k . L i t v a k k n e w t h a t c h a r i s m a w a s a
r e a l if i n d e f i n a b l e q u a l i t y , a c h e m i c a l fire t h a t c e r t a i n h a l f - f o r t u n a t e
352 MICHAEL CHABDN

m e n g a v e off. L i k e a n y fire o r t a l e n t , i t w a s a m o r a l , u n c o n n e c t e d
to goodness or wickedness, power or usefulness or s t r e n g t h . H e
f e l t , s h a k i n g S h p i l m a n ' s h o t h a n d , h o w s o u n d h i s t a c t i c s w e r e . If
R o b o y could get Shpilman u p and r u n n i n g again, then Shpilman
c o u l d i n s p i r e a n d lead n o t m e r e l y a few h u n d r e d a r m e d believers or
t h i r t y t h o u s a n d b l a c k - h a t t e d h u s t l e r s l o o k i n g for n e w turf, b u t a n
entire lost and w a n d e r i n g nation. Litvak's plan was going to work
because there was something about Mendel Shpilman that could
m a k e a m a n w i t h a b r o k e n voice box w a n t to speak. It was against
t h e s o m e t h i n g in S h p i l m a n t h a t s o m e t h i n g in L i t v a k p u s h e d b a c k ,
r e v u l s e d . H e felt a n u r g e t o c r u s h t h a t s c h o o l b o y h a n d i n h i s o w n ,
to b r e a k t h e bones of it.

" W h a t ' s u p , y i d ? " t h e L a n d s m a n said t o L i t v a k . " L o n g t i m e . "

Litvak nodded, and he shook the Landsman's hand. H e was
t o r n , as h e h a d a l w a y s b e e n , b e t w e e n h i s n a t u r a l i m p u l s e t o a d m i r e
a c o m p e t e n t p r a c t i t i o n e r of a difficult t r a d e a n d his s u s p i c i o n t h a t
t h e w o m a n w a s a l e s b i a n , a h u m a n c a t e g o r y t h a t h e failed a l m o s t
on principle to understand.
"All r i g h t , t h e n , " s h e s a i d . S h e w a s s t i l l h o l d i n g o n t o S h p i l m a n ,
a n d as t h e w i n d p i c k e d u p , s h e m o v e d c l o s e r t o h i m a n d p u t h e r
a r m a r o u n d his shoulder, d r a w i n g h i m t o her, giving h i m a squeeze.
S h e s c a n n e d t h e g r e e n i s h faces o f t h e m e n w h o w a i t e d for h e r t o
h a n d o v e r t h e c a r g o . " Y o u g o i n g t o b e all r i g h t , t h e n ? "
L i t v a k w r o t e in his p a d a n d p a s s e d it t o Roboy.
" I t ' s l a t e , " R o b o y s a i d . " A n d d a r k . L e t u s p u t y o u u p for t h e
night."
S h e a p p e a r e d t o c o n s i d e r r e j e c t i n g t h e offer for a l o n g m o m e n t .
T h e n she n o d d e d . " G o o d i d e a , " she said.
A t t h e b o t t o m of t h e long, w i n d i n g stair, S h p i l m a n s t o p p e d to
t a k e in t h e p a r t i c u l a r s of t h e climb a n d t h e p l a t f o r m of t h e inclined
e l e v a t o r , a n d h e s e e m e d t o suffer a q u a l m — a f o r e s h o c k , a s u d d e n
access of u n d e r s t a n d i n g of e v e r y t h i n g t h a t w o u l d from n o w on be
e x p e c t e d of h i m . W i t h a certain d r a m a , he collapsed i n t o Roboy's
wheelchair.
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 353

" I left m y c a p e a t h o m e , " h e s a i d .

W h e n t h e y reached t h e t o p , he stayed in t h e chair a n d allowed

t h e L a n d s m a n to wheel h i m i n t o t h e m a i n building. T h e strain of
t r a v e l o r t h e s t e p h e h a d finally t a k e n o r t h e p l u m m e t i n g l e v e l o f
h e r o i n in his b l o o d s t r e a m w a s b e g i n n i n g t o tell. B u t w h e n they
r e a c h e d t h e r o o m o n t h e g r o u n d floor t h a t h a d b e e n p r e p a r e d for
h i m — a b e d , a d e s k , a c h a i r , a n d a fine E n g l i s h c h e s s s e t — h e r a l l i e d .
H e reached i n t o t h e p o c k e t of his creased suit a n d t o o k o u t a black
and bright-yellow cardboard package.
" N u , I u n d e r s t a n d a m a z e l t o v is i n o r d e r ? " h e s a i d , p a s s i n g
o u t half a dozen fine-looking C o h i b a cigars. T h e smell of them,
even u n l i t a n d t h r e e feet from his n o s t r i l s , w a s e n o u g h t o w h i s p e r
promises to Litvak of well-earned respite, clean sheets, h o t water,
b r o w n w o m e n , t h e q u i e t a f t e r m a t h of b r u t a l battles. " T h e y tell m e
it's a girl."
For a m o m e n t nobody k n e w w h a t he was talking about, and
t h e n t h e y all l a u g h e d n e r v o u s l y , e x c e p t for L i t v a k a n d T u r t e l t o y b ,
w h o s e c h e e k s t u r n e d t h e c o l o r o f b o r s c h t . T u r t e l t o y b k n e w , as
each of t h e m knew, t h a t S h p i l m a n w a s n o t t o b e p r o v i d e d w i t h a n y
d e t a i l s o f t h e p l a n , i n c l u d i n g t h e n e w b o r n heifer, u n t i l L i t v a k g a v e
t h e order.
L i t v a k k n o c k e d t h e c i g a r f r o m S h p i l m a n ' s soft h a n d . H e s c o w l e d
at T u r t e l t o y b , h a r d l y able t o see h i m t h r o u g h t h e b l o o d - r e d b r o t h
o f h i s o w n a n g e r . T h e c e r t a i n t y h e h a d felt d o w n o n t h e d o c k t h a t
Shpilman would serve their needs was t u r n e d a b r u p t l y on its head.
A m a n like S h p i l m a n , a t a l e n t like S h p i l m a n ' s , c o u l d n e v e r serve
a n y o n e ; i t c o u l d o n l y b e s e r v e d , a b o v e all b y t h e o n e w h o w i e l d e d i t .
N o w o n d e r t h e p o o r b a s t a r d h a d b e e n h i d i n g f r o m i t for so l o n g .
Out
T h e y r e a d h i s m e s s a g e a n d filed o n e b y o n e o u t o f t h e r o o m , l a s t
o f all t h e L a n d s m a n , w h o m a d e a p o i n t o f a s k i n g w h e r e s h e w o u l d
b e s l e e p i n g a n d t h e n of t e l l i n g M e n d e l p o i n t e d l y t h a t s h e w o u l d see
h i m in t h e m o r n i n g . A t t h e t i m e L i t v a k h a d a v a g u e i d e a s h e m i g h t
b e a r r a n g i n g a t r y s t , b u t h i s n o t i o n o f h e r as a l e s b i a n c a n c e l e d i t
354 MICHAEL CHABDN

o u t before he h a d t i m e to give it any consideration. It d i d n ' t occur

t o L i t v a k t h a t t h e J e w e s s , i n h e r r e a d i n e s s for a n y a d v e n t u r e , w a s
a l r e a d y l a y i n g t h e g r o u n d w o r k for t h e d a r i n g e s c a p e t h a t M e n d e l
had not yet decided to attempt. T h e Landsman struck a match,
puffed at h e r cigar t o get it lit. T h e n she s a u n t e r e d o u t .
" D o n ' t h o l d it a g a i n s t t h e boy, R e b L i t v a k , " S h p i l m a n said
w h e n t h e y w e r e alone. "People have a w a y of telling m e things.
B u t I g u e s s y o u n o t i c e d t h a t . Please, h a v e a cigar. G o o n . It's a v e r y
good one."
S h p i l m a n p i c k e d u p t h e c o r o n a t h a t L i t v a k h a d k n o c k e d from
his grasp, a n d w h e n L i t v a k n e i t h e r accepted nor refused it, t h e yid
lifted it t o L i t v a k ' s m o u t h a n d fitted it g e n t l y b e t w e e n his lips. It
h u n g t h e r e , e x u d i n g its smells of g r a v y a n d cork a n d m e s q u i t e ,
c u n t i s h smells t h a t s t i r r e d old longings. T h e r e w a s a click, and a
scrape, and then Litvak leaned wonderingly forward and poked the
e n d o f t h e c i g a r i n t o t h e f l a m e o f h i s o w n Z i p p o l i g h t e r . H e felt
t h e m o m e n t a r y s h o c k of a miracle. T h e n h e g r i n n e d a n d n o d d e d
his t h a n k s , feeling a k i n d of g i d d y relief at t h e b e l a t e d arrival of
a l o g i c a l e x p l a n a t i o n : H e m u s t h a v e left t h e l i g h t e r b a c k i n S i t k a ,
w h e r e G o l d or T u r t e l t o y b h a d found it a n d b r o u g h t it along on t h e
flight t o Peril S t r a i t . S h p i l m a n h a d b o r r o w e d it a n d , w i t h his j u n k i e
i n s t i n c t s , p o c k e t e d it after l i g h t i n g a p a p i r o s . Yes, g o o d .

T h e cigar c a u g h t w i t h a crackle a n d flared. W h e n L i t v a k looked

back u p from t h e glowing coal, Shpilman was staring at him w i t h
t h o s e s t r a n g e m o s a i c e y e s , flecks o f g o l d a n d g r e e n . G o o d , L i t v a k
t o l d h i m s e l f a g a i n . A v e r y g o o d cigar.
" G o a h e a d , " S h p i l m a n said. H e p r e s s e d t h e Z i p p o i n t o Litvak's
h a n d . " G o , R e b L i t v a k . L i g h t t h e c a n d l e . T h e r e ' s n o p r a y e r y o u say.
T h e r e ' s n o t h i n g y o u h a v e t o d o o r feel. You j u s t l i g h t i t . G o o n . "
As logic d r a i n e d away from t h e world, never entirely to r e t u r n ,
Shpilman reached into Litvak's jacket pocket and took out the
glass a n d t h e w a x a n d t h e wick. For this trick, L i t v a k could m a k e
h i m s e l f n o e x p l a n a t i o n . H e t o o k t h e c a n d l e from S h p i l m a n a n d set
i t o n a t a b l e . H e s t r u c k t h e flint w i t h a s c r a t c h o f h i s t h u m b . H e
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 355

felt t h e i n t e n s e w a r m t h o f S h p i l m a n ' s h a n d o n h i s s h o u l d e r . T h e
fist o f h i s h e a r t b e g i n t o s l a c k e n i t s g r i p , t h e w a y i t m i g h t w h e n t h e
d a y c a m e t h a t h e finally s e t f o o t i n t h e h o m e w h e r e h e w a s m e a n t t o
dwell. It was a terrifying sensation. H e o p e n e d his m o u t h .
"No," h e said in a voice t h a t h a d in i t , t o his w o n d e r , a n o t e of
the human.
H e snapped the lighter shut and knocked Shpilman's hand aside
with such violence that Shpilman lost his balance, s t u m b l e d , a n d
h i t h i s h e a d o n t h e m e t a l shelf. T h e f o r c e o f t h e b l o w j a r r e d l o o s e
t h e c a n d l e a n d s e n t i t c r a s h i n g t o t h e t i l e floor. T h e g l a s s c r a c k e d
i n t o t h r e e large pieces. T h e cylinder of w a x split in t w o .
"I don't w a n t it," Litvak croaked. " I ' m not ready."
But w h e n he looked d o w n at Shpilman, sprawled on t h e floor,
dazed, b l e e d i n g from a c u t on his r i g h t t e m p l e , h e k n e w t h a t it w a s
already too late.
J u s t as L i t v a k lays d o w n h i s p e n , y o u c a n h e a r a t u m u l t o u t s i d e :
half a c u r s e , glass b r e a k i n g , t h e w i n d huffing o u t of somebody's
lungs. T h e n Berko Shemets comes promenading
b e d r o o m . H e has G o l d ' s h e a d n e s t l e d u n d e r o n e a r m like a nice
into the

roast and the rest of Gold draggling along behind. T h e ganef's

heels p l o w d e e p furrows in t h e c a r p e t . Berko slams t h e d o o r b e h i n d
t h e m . H e has his s h o l e m o u t , a n d it h u n g e r s like a c o m p a s s needle
for t h e m a g n e t i c n o r t h o f A l t e r L i t v a k . H e r t z ' s b l o o d is m a p p e d
a c r o s s B e r k o ' s h u n t i n g s h i r t a n d j e a n s . B e r k o ' s h a t is p u s h e d b a c k
i n a w a y t h a t m a k e s h i s face l o o k all b r o w a n d e y e w h i t e s . T h e h e a d
of G o l d glares o r a c u l a r from t h e c r o o k of Berko's a r m .

"You should shit blood and p u s , " Gold intones. "You should
get scabies like J o b . "
Berko's gun swings a r o u n d to get a look at t h e y o u n g yid's
b r a i n in its b r e a k a b l e container. G o l d s t o p s s t r u g g l i n g , a n d t h e g u n
r e s u m e s its one-eyed inspection of A l t e r Litvak's chest.
" B e r k o , " L a n d s m a n says. " W h a t ' s t h i s c r a z i n e s s ? "
Berko heaves his gaze t o w a r d L a n d s m a n like a great b u r d e n .
H e o p e n s his lips, closes t h e m , d r a w s a b r e a t h . H e seems t o have
s o m e t h i n g i m p o r t a n t t h a t h e w a n t s t o express, a n a m e , a spell, an
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 357

equation t h a t can b e n d t i m e or u n k n i t t h e strings of t h e world. O r

m a y b e he's t r y i n g t o k e e p from c o m i n g u n k n i t himself.
" T h a t y i d , " h e s a y s , a n d t h e n softer, h i s v o i c e a l i t t l e h u s k y ,
"My mother."
L a n d s m a n h a s m a y b e s e e n a p h o t o g r a p h o f L a u r i e J o Bear.
H e manages to scare u p a v a g u e m e m o r y of teased black b a n g s ,
p i n k i s h g l a s s e s , a w i s e a s s s m i l e . B u t t h e w o m a n is n o t e v e n a g h o s t
t o h i m . B e r k o u s e d t o t e l l s t o r i e s a b o u t life i n t h e I n d i a n e r - L a n d s .
B a s k e t b a l l , seal h u n t s , d r u n k s a n d u n c l e s , W i l l i e D i c k s t o r i e s , t h e
s t o r y of t h e h u m a n ear on t h e table. L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t r e m e m b e r
any stories a b o u t t h e mother. H e supposes t h a t he always k n e w
t h e r e h a d t o be s o m e k i n d of cost t o Berko in t u r n i n g h i m s e l f inside
o u t t h e w a y h e d i d , s o m e k i n d of h e r o i c feat of f o r g e t t i n g . H e j u s t
n e v e r b o t h e r e d t o t h i n k o f i t as a l o s s . A f a i l u r e o f i m a g i n a t i o n , a
w o r s e s i n in a s h a m m e s t h a n g o i n g i n t o a h o t p l a c e w i t h n o b a c k u p .
O r m a y b e it w a s t h e s a m e sin in a different f o r m .

" N o d o u b t , " L a n d s m a n says, t a k i n g a s t e p t o w a r d his p a r t n e r .

" B a d guy. W o r t h a b u l l e t . "
" Y o u h a v e t w o l i t t l e b o y s , B e r k o , " B i n a says i n h e r f l a t t e s t t o n e .
"You have E s t e r - M a l k e . You have a f u t u r e n o t t o t h r o w away."
" H e d o e s n o t , " G o l d s a y s , o r t r i e s t o say. B e r k o p u t s a d e e p e r
squeeze on h i m , a n d G o l d gags, t r y i n g t o t u r n over, t o gain p u r c h a s e
w i t h his feet.
L i t v a k scrawls s o m e t h i n g in t h e b a c k of t h e p a d w i t h o u t t a k i n g
h i s e y e s off o f B e r k o .
" W h a t is i t ? " B e r k o says. " W h a t d i d h e s a y ? "
No future here for any Jew
" Y e a h , y e a h , " says L a n d s m a n . " W e g e t i t a l r e a d y . "
H e g r a b s t h e p e n a n d t h e p a d a w a y f r o m L i t v a k . H e flips o v e r
t h e last p a g e a n d w r i t e s , in A m e r i c a n , D O N ' T B E A N IDIOT! Y O U R
A C T I N G LIKE M E ! H e tears o u t t h e sheet of paper, t h e n tosses t h e
p a d a n d p e n b a c k t o L i t v a k . H e h o l d s t h e s h e e t u p in front of
B e r k o ' s face so t h a t h i s p a r t n e r c a n r e a d i t . I t ' s a fairly p e r s u a s i v e
358 MICHAEL CHABDN

a r g u m e n t . B e r k o l e t s g o o f G o l d r i g h t as t h e y i d is t u r n i n g a b r u i s e d
c o l o r all over. G o l d d r o p s t o t h e floor, g a s p i n g for b r e a t h . T h e g u n
i n B e r k o ' s fist w a v e r s .
" H e k i l l e d y o u r sister, Meyer."
" I d o n ' t k n o w if h e d i d o r n o t , " L a n d s m a n says. H e t u r n s t o
Litvak. "Did you?"
L i t v a k shakes his head a n d starts to w r i t e s o m e t h i n g o u t on
t h e pad, b u t before he finishes, a c h e e r goes u p in t h e o u t e r r o o m .
T h e heartfelt b u t self-conscious w h o o p of y o u n g m e n w a t c h i n g
s o m e t h i n g g r e a t o n t e l e v i s i o n . A g o a l h a s b e e n s c o r e d . A girl
p l a y i n g b e a c h v o l l e y b a l l h a s fallen o u t o f h e r b i k i n i t o p . A m o m e n t
later, L a n d s m a n hears t h e cheer echoing, t h e s o u n d of it carried
t h r o u g h t h e o p e n w i n d o w o f t h e p e n t h o u s e as if o n a w i n d f r o m
far a w a y , t h e H a r k a v y , t h e N a c h t a s y l . L i t v a k s m i l e s a n d p u t s d o w n
t h e p a d a n d p e n w i t h a s t r a n g e finality, as if h e h a s n o t h i n g left t o
say. A s if h i s w h o l e c o n f e s s i o n w a s l e a d i n g t o — w a s m a d e p o s s i b l e
b y — only t h i s m o m e n t . G o l d crawls t o t h e door, d r a g s it o p e n , a n d
t h e n s t a g g e r s t o his feet a n d i n t o t h e o u t e r r o o m . Bina goes over t o
B e r k o a n d h o l d s o u t h e r h a n d , a n d a f t e r a m o m e n t B e r k o lays t h e
gun across her palm.

In t h e o u t e r r o o m of t h e p e n t h o u s e , t h e y o u n g believers h u g
o n e a n o t h e r a n d j u m p u p a n d d o w n in t h e i r suits. T h e i r y a r m u l k e s
t u m b l e f r o m t h e i r h e a d s . T h e i r faces s h i n e w i t h t e a r s .
O n t h e b i g t e l e v i s i o n s c r e e n , L a n d s m a n g e t s h i s first l o o k a t
an i m a g e t h a t will soon b e s p l a s h e d across t h e front p a g e of e v e r y
n e w s p a p e r in t h e w o r l d . All over t o w n , p i o u s h a n d s will clip it
a n d t a p e it t o t h e i r front d o o r s a n d w i n d o w s . T h e y will frame
it a n d h a n g it b e h i n d t h e c o u n t e r s of their shops. Some hustler,
i n e v i t a b l y , w i l l w o r k t h e t h i n g u p as a f u l l - s i z e p o s t e r , t w o feet b y
t h r e e . T h e h i l l t o p in J e r u s a l e m , c r o w d e d w i t h alleys a n d houses.
T h e b r o a d e m p t y m e s a of p a v i n g s t o n e . T h e j a g g e d j a w b o n e of
b u r n t t e e t h . T h e magnificent p l u m e of black smoke. A n d at t h e
b o t t o m t h e l e g e n d , i n b l u e l e t t e r s , A T L A S T ! T h e s e p o s t e r s w i l l sell
a t t h e s t a t i o n e r s ' for b e t w e e n t e n d o l l a r s a n d $ 1 2 . 9 5 .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 359

"Sweet God. W h a t are they doing? W h a t did they do?"

T h e r e is a l o t t h a t s h o c k s L a n d s m a n a b o u t t h e i m a g e o n t h e
t e l e v i s i o n s c r e e n , b u t t h e m o s t s h o c k i n g t h i n g o f all is s i m p l y
t h a t an object eight t h o u s a n d miles away has been a c t e d u p o n b y
J e w s from Sitka. It seems t o v i o l a t e s o m e f u n d a m e n t a l law of t h e
e m o t i o n a l p h y s i c s t h a t L a n d s m a n u n d e r s t a n d s . S i t k a s p a c e - t i m e is
a c u r v e d p h e n o m e n o n ; a y i d c o u l d r e a c h o u t i n a n y d i r e c t i o n as far
as h e w a s a b l e a n d e n d u p o n l y t a p p i n g h i m s e l f o n t h e b a c k .
" W h a t a b o u t M e n d e l ? " h e says.
" I g u e s s t h e y w e r e t o o far a l o n g t o s t o p , " B i n a says. " I g u e s s
they just went ahead without h i m . "
I t ' s p e r v e r s e , b u t for s o m e r e a s o n , t h e t h o u g h t m a k e s L a n d s m a n
feel s a d o n M e n d e l ' s behalf. E v e r y t h i n g a n d e v e r y o n e , f r o m n o w o n ,
will b e g o i n g a h e a d w i t h o u t h i m .
For a couple of m i n u t e s Bina stands t h e r e w a t c h i n g t h e boys
c a r r y o n , h e r a r m s f o l d e d , h e r face w i t h o u t e x p r e s s i o n e x c e p t a t t h e
corners of her eyes.
T h e w a y she looks r e m i n d s L a n d s m a n of an e n g a g e m e n t p a r t y
t h e y w e n t t o y e a r s a g o , for a f r i e n d o f B i n a ' s . T h e b r i d e - t o - b e w a s
m a r r y i n g a m e x i c a n , a n d as a k i n d o f j o k e , t h e p a r t y h a d a C i n c o d e
M a y o t h e m e . T h e y h u n g a p a p i e r - m â c h é p e n g u i n from a t r e e in t h e
yard. Children were blindfolded and sent forth, a r m e d with a stick,
to deal t h e p e n g u i n blows until it b r o k e open. T h e children beat t h e
p e n g u i n w i t h savagery, a n d t h e n t h e c a n d y c a m e s h o w e r i n g d o w n .
I t w a s j u s t a b u n c h o f w r a p p e d toffees, p e p p e r m i n t , b u t t e r s c o t c h ,
t h e kind y o u r g r e a t - a u n t could b e relied u p o n t o s u p p l y from a
d u s t y c r e v i c e o f h e r h a n d b a g . B u t as i t r a i n e d f r o m t h e sky, t h e
c h i l d r e n s w a r m e d w i t h a b e s t i a l joy. A n d B i n a s t o o d t h e r e w a t c h i n g
t h e m w i t h her a r m s folded a n d a pleat at t h e c o r n e r s of h e r eyes.

She passes Berko b a c k his sholem a n d u n h o l s t e r s h e r o w n .

" S h u t u p , " B i n a says, a n d t h e n in A m e r i c a n , " S h u t t h e fuck u p ! "
Some of t h e y o u n g m e n have taken o u t their Shoyfers a n d are
t r y i n g t o call p e o p l e , b u t e v e r y o n e i n S i t k a m u s t b e t r y i n g t o c a l l
people. T h e y show one another the error messages they are getting
360 MICHAEL CHABDN

o n t h e i r t e l e p h o n e s ' s c r e e n s . T h e n e t w o r k is b u s y . B i n a g o e s o v e r
t o t h e television a n d kicks its c o r d . T h e p l u g snaps o u t of t h e wall.
T h e television sighs.
S o m e d a r k fuel s e e m s t o d r a i n f r o m t h e y o u n g m e n ' s t a n k s w h e n
t h e t e l e v i s i o n g o e s off.
" Y o u a r e u n d e r a r r e s t , " B i n a says g e n t l y , n o w t h a t s h e h a s t h e i r
a t t e n t i o n . " G o over and p u t your h a n d s on t h e wall. Meyer."
L a n d s m a n p a t s t h e m d o w n o n e b y one, c r o u c h i n g like a tailor
m e a s u r i n g a n i n s e a m . F r o m t h e six a l o n g t h e w a l l , h e c o l l e c t s e i g h t
h a n d g u n s a n d t w o e x p e n s i v e h u n t i n g k n i v e s . As h e finishes w i t h
each o n e , h e tells h i m t o sit d o w n . H i s t h i r d search recovers t h e
B e r e t t a t h a t B e r k o l e n t t o h i m b e f o r e h e left for Yakovy. L a n d s m a n
h o l d s i t u p for B e r k o t o enjoy.
" L i t t l e c u t i e , " Berko says, k e e p i n g his b i g s h o l e m level.
W h e n L a n d s m a n is t h r o u g h , t h e y o u n g b e l i e v e r s t a k e t h e i r
s e a t s , t h r e e o n t h e c o u c h , t w o i n a p a i r o f a r m c h a i r s , o n e in a d i n i n g
c h a i r p u l l e d from an alcove. All at o n c e , s i t t i n g in t h e i r chairs, t h e y
look y o u n g and lost. T h e y are t h e r u n t s . T h e ones t h a t have been
left b e h i n d . T h e y t u r n as o n e , faces f l u s h e d , t o t h e d o o r o f L i t v a k ' s
b e d r o o m , l o o k i n g for g u i d a n c e . T h e d o o r t o t h e b e d r o o m is c l o s e d .
Bina o p e n s t h e door, t h e n p u s h e s it wide w i t h a toe. She stands,
l o o k i n g i n , for a full five s e c o n d s .
"Meyer. Berko."
T h e b l i n d r a t t l e s in t h e w i n d . T h e b a t h r o o m d o o r s t a n d s o p e n ,
t h e b a t h r o o m d a r k . A l t e r L i t v a k is g o n e .
T h e y look in t h e closet. T h e y look in t h e shower. Bina goes
o v e r t o t h e r a t t l i n g b l i n d a n d j e r k s it h i g h . A s l i d i n g glass d o o r
s t a n d s o p e n , w i d e e n o u g h t o a d m i t an i n t r u d e r or an escapee.
T h e y go o u t o n t o t h e roof a n d look around. T h e y search behind
t h e a i r - c o n d i t i o n e r u n i t , a n d all a r o u n d a w a t e r t a n k , a n d u n d e r
a t a r p t h a t conceals a pile of folding chairs. T h e y peer over t h e
c o r n i c e s . T h e r e is n o s h a t t e r e d p o r t r a i t o f L i t v a k d r a w n i n oils o n
t h e surface of t h e p a r k i n g lot. T h e y go b a c k d o w n t o t h e p e n t h o u s e
of t h e Blackpool.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 361

I n t h e m i d d l e o f h i s c o t lie L i t v a k ' s p e n a n d p a d a n d a n i l l - u s e d
g u n m e t a l Z i p p o . L a n d s m a n picks u p t h e p a d t o read t h e last w o r d s
t h a t L i t v a k w r o t e before h e laid it d o w n .
I didnt kill her she was a good man
" T h e y s m u g g l e d h i m o u t , " B i n a says. " T h o s e b a s t a r d s . T h o s e
b a s t a r d U.S. A r m y R a n g e r f r i e n d s o f h i s . "
B i n a calls t o t h e m e n d o w n a r o u n d t h e h o t e l ' s d o o r s . N o n e o f
t h e m s a w a n y o n e l e a v e n o r a n y t h i n g u n u s u a l , for e x a m p l e , a s q u a d
of coal-faced w a r r i o r s on r a p p e l l i n g cables b e i n g l o w e r e d from a
Black H a w k .
" B a s t a r d s , " s h e says a g a i n , i n A m e r i c a n t h i s t i m e , a n d w i t h
greater heat. "Fucking Bible-thumping Yankee motherfuckers."
" L a n g u a g e , lady, j e e z ! "
" Y e a h , w h o a , t a k e it easy, t h e r e , m a ' a m . "
S o m e A m e r i c a n s in s u i t s , a n u m b e r of t h e m , t o o m a n y a n d
t o o b u n c h e d u p for L a n d s m a n t o c o u n t a c c u r a t e l y , c a l l i t s i x , h a v e
a r r a n g e d t h e i r s h o u l d e r s in t h e d o o r w a y t o t h e o u t e r r o o m . Big
m e n , w e l l fed, l o v i n g t h e i r j o b s . O n e w e a r s a s n a p p y o l i v e - d r a b
d u s t e r a n d an a p o l o g e t i c smile u n d e r his w h i t e - g o l d hair. L a n d s m a n
almost doesn't recognize h i m w i t h o u t t h e p e n g u i n sweater.
" O k a y , n o w , " says t h e m a n w h o m u s t b e C a s h d o l l a r . "Let's
everybody t r y to calm d o w n . "
" F B I , " says B e r k o .
" C l o s e e n o u g h , " says C a s h d o l l a r .
 • § 4 1 (F
a n d s m a n pisses away t h e n e x t t w e n t y - f o u r h o u r s in t h e h u m
of a c h a l k - w h i t e r o o m w i t h a m i l k - w h i t e carpet on t h e seventh
floor o f t h e H a r o l d I c k e s F e d e r a l B u i l d i n g o n S e w a r d S t r e e t .
I n t e a m s o f t w o , six m e n w i t h t h e v a r i e g a t e d s u r n a m e s o f
d o o m e d c r e w m e n in a s u b m a r i n e m o v i e r o t a t e in a n d o u t of t h e
r o o m i n f o u r - h o u r s h i f t s . O n e is a b l a c k m a n a n d o n e a L a t i n o ,
a n d t h e o t h e r s a r e fluid p i n k g i a n t s w i t h h a i r c u t s t h a t o c c u p y t h e
neat interval between astronaut and pedophile scoutmaster. G u m
chewers, overgrown boys with good manners and Bible-school
s m i l e s . I n e a c h o f t h e m a t m o m e n t s L a n d s m a n sniffs o u t t h e d i e s e l
h e a r t o f a p o l i c e m a n , b u t h e is baffled b y t h e f a i r i n g s o f their
s o u t h e r n a n d g e n t i l e g l a m o u r . D e s p i t e t h e s m o k e screen of b a c k
t a l k t h a t L a n d s m a n p u t s u p , t h e y m a k e h i m feel r a t t l e t r a p , a t w o -
stroke old beater.

N o one threatens him or tries to intimidate him. Everyone

addresses him by rank, taking care to pronounce Landsman's
n a m e t h e w a y h e p r e f e r s . W h e n L a n d s m a n t u r n s surly, flippant,
or evasive, t h e Americans display forbearance and schoolteacher
poise. B u t w h e n L a n d s m a n d a r e s t o give o u t w i t h a q u e s t i o n of his
o w n , an e x t i n g u i s h i n g silence r a i n s d o w n like a t h o u s a n d gallons of
w a t e r d r o p p e d from a p l a n e . T h e A m e r i c a n s will say n o t h i n g a b o u t
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 202

t h e w h e r e a b o u t s or situation of D e t e c t i v e S h e m e t s or I n s p e c t o r
G e l b f i s h . T h e y h a v e n o t h i n g t o say, e i t h e r , a b o u t A l t e r L i t v a k ' s
vanishing act, and t h e y appear never to have h e a r d of Mendel
Shpilman or N a o m i L a n d s m a n . T h e y w a n t to k n o w w h a t L a n d s m a n
k n o w s , o r t h i n k s h e k n o w s , a b o u t U.S. i n v o l v e m e n t in t h e a t t a c k
on the Q u b b a t As-Sakhrah, and about t h e p e r p e t r a t o r s , principals,
ancillaries, a n d v i c t i m s of t h a t a t t a c k . A n d t h e y d o n o t w a n t h i m
t o k n o w w h a t t h e y k n o w , if a n y t h i n g , a b o u t a n y o f t h a t . T h e y h a v e
b e e n so w e l l t r a i n e d i n t h e i r a r t t h a t t h e y a r e d e e p i n t o t h e s e c o n d
shift b e f o r e L a n d s m a n r e a l i z e s t h a t t h e A m e r i c a n s a r e a s k i n g h i m
t h e same r o u g h l y t w o d o z e n q u e s t i o n s over a n d over, i n v e r t i n g a n d
r e p h r a s i n g a n d c o m i n g at t h e m from o d d angles. T h e i r q u e s t i o n s
a r e l i k e t h e f u n d a m e n t a l m o v e s o f t h e six d i f f e r e n t c h e s s p i e c e s ,
endlessly r e c o m b i n e d u n t i l t h e y n u m b e r w i t h t h e n e u r o n s in t h e
brain.

A t r e g u l a r i n t e r v a l s L a n d s m a n is p r o v i d e d w i t h t e r r i b l e coffee
a n d a series of increasingly rigid a p r i c o t a n d c h e r r y D a n i s h . A t o n e
p o i n t h e is s h o w n i n t o a b r e a k r o o m a n d i n v i t e d t o i n h a b i t a sofa.
T h e coffee a n d D a n i s h r o t a t e i n a n d o u t o f t h e c h a l k - w h i t e r o o m o f
Landsman's brain while he j a m s his eyes s h u t a n d p r e t e n d s t o nap.
T h e n i t is t i m e t o g o b a c k t o t h e s t e a d y w h i t e n o i s e o f t h e w a l l s ,
t h e l a m i n a t e t a b l e t o p , t h e s q u e a k of vinyl u n d e r his ass.
"Detective Landsman."
H e o p e n s his eyes a n d sees w o o z y b l a c k m o i r e o n brown.
L a n d s m a n ' s c h e e k b o n e is n u m b f r o m t h e p r e s s u r e o f t h e t a b l e t o p
against it. H e hoists his head, leaving b e h i n d a p u d d l e of spit. A
sticky filament c o n n e c t s his lip t o t h e table, t h e n snaps.
" I c k , " says C a s h d o l l a r . H e t a k e s a l i t t l e p a c k a g e o f K l e e n e x o u t
of t h e r i g h t p o c k e t of his s w e a t e r a n d slides it across t h e t a b l e t o
L a n d s m a n , past an o p e n box of D a n i s h . C a s h d o l l a r has on a n e w
sweater, a d a r k gold cardigan w i t h front panels of coffee-brown
suede, leather b u t t o n s , suede patches on the elbows. He's sitting
u p r i g h t on a m e t a l chair, n e c k t i e k n o t t e d , cheeks s m o o t h , b l u e eyes
s o f t e n e d b y a t t r a c t i v e j e t - p i l o t w r i n k l e s . H i s h a i r is t h e p r e c i s e
364 MICHAEL CHABDN

g o l d o f t h e foil i n a p a c k a g e o f B r o a d w a y s . H e s m i l e s w i t h o u t
e n t h u s i a s m o r c r u e l t y . L a n d s m a n w i p e s h i s face a n d t h e m e s s h e
m a d e on t h e table d u r i n g his nap.
"Are y o u h u n g r y ? W o u l d y o u like a d r i n k ? "
L a n d s m a n says h e w o u l d l i k e a g l a s s o f w a t e r . C a s h d o l l a r r e a c h e s
i n t o t h e left p o c k e t o f h i s s w e a t e r a n d t a k e s o u t a s m a l l b o t t l e o f
m i n e r a l water. H e tips it o n its side a n d rolls it across t h e table to
L a n d s m a n . H e is n o t a y o u n g m a n , b u t t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g b o y i s h l y
serious a b o u t t h e w a y he aims t h e b o t t l e a n d launches it and steers
it w i t h b o d y English to its destination. L a n d s m a n uncaps t h e bottle
a n d t a k e s a s w a l l o w . H e d o e s n ' t r e a l l y c a r e for m i n e r a l w a t e r .
" I u s e d t o w o r k for a m a n , " C a s h d o l l a r says. " T h e m a n w h o h a d
this j o b before me. H e h a d a lot of c u t e catchphrases he liked to
d r o p i n t o a conversation. It's kind of a c o m m o n trait a m o n g people
w h o d o w h a t I do. We c o m e o u t of t h e military, you know, we
c o m e o u t of t h e b u s i n e s s w o r l d . W e t e n d t o like o u r c a t c h p h r a s e s .
S h i b b o l e t h s . T h a t ' s a H e b r e w w o r d , y o u k n o w . J u d g e s , C h a p t e r 12.
A r e y o u s u r e y o u a r e n ' t h u n g r y ? I can get y o u a b a g of p o t a t o chips.
C u p of noodles. T h e r e ' s a m i c r o w a v e . "
"No, t h a n k s , " L a n d s m a n says. " S o . S h i b b o l e t h s . "
" T h i s m a n , m y p r e d e c e s s o r . H e u s e d t o say, ' W e a r e t e l l i n g a
story, Cashdollar. T h a t ' s w h a t w e d o . ' " T h e voice he adopts to
q u o t e h i s f o r m e r s u p e r i o r is b i g g e r a n d n o t as f o l k s y as h i s o w n
p r i m t e n o r twang. M o r e p o m p o u s . " ' T e l l t h e m a story, Cashdollar.
T h a t ' s all t h e p o o r s u c k e r s w a n t . ' O n l y h e d i d n ' t s a y ' s u c k e r s . ' "
" P e o p l e w h o d o w h a t y o u d o , " L a n d s m a n says. " M e a n i n g w h a t ?
S p o n s o r t e r r o r i s t a t t a c k s o n M u s l i m h o l y places? S t a r t in w i t h
t h e C r u s a d e s all o v e r a g a i n ? K i l l i n n o c e n t w o m e n w h o n e v e r d i d
a n y t h i n g b u t fly t h e i r s m a l l a i r p l a n e s a n d t r y t o h e l p s o m e b o d y
o u t of a j a m o n c e in a while? S h o o t defenseless j u n k i e s in t h e
h e a d ? E x c u s e m e , I f o r g e t w h a t i t is y o u d o , y o u p e o p l e w i t h y o u r
shibboleths."
" F i r s t of all, D e t e c t i v e , w e h a d n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h M e n a s h e
Shpilman's death." He pronounces Shpilman's Hebrew name
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 365

" M e n - a s h y . " " I w a s as s h o c k e d a n d p u z z l e d b y t h a t as a n y b o d y . I

n e v e r m e t t h e fellow, b u t I k n o w h e w a s a r e m a r k a b l e i n d i v i d u a l
w i t h r e m a r k a b l e a b i l i t i e s , a n d w e a r e v e r y m u c h w o r s e off w i t h o u t
him. H o w about a cigarette?" H e holds o u t an u n o p e n e d package of
W i n s t o n s . " C o m e on. I k n o w y o u like t o s m o k e . T h e r e y o u g o . " H e
produces a package of m a t c h e s a n d passes t h e m w i t h t h e W i n s t o n s
across t h e table.
" N o w , as for y o u r s i s t e r , h e y , l i s t e n . I a m so v e r y s o r r y a b o u t
y o u r sister. N o , I really a m . F o r w h a t it's w o r t h , a n d I s u p p o s e
that's not a lot, you have m y sincere apology on that. T h a t was a
b a d call m a d e b y t h e m a n w h o p r e c e d e d m e i n t h i s j o b , t h e f e l l o w
I w a s j u s t t a l k i n g a b o u t . A n d h e p a i d for i t . N o t w i t h h i s life, o f
course." Cashdollar bares his big square teeth. " M a y b e you wish he
had. But he paid. H e was w r o n g . T h e m a n was w r o n g a b o u t a lot of
things. For one, h u h - u h , sorry." H e gives his h e a d a g e n t l e shake.
"But we aren't telling a story."
"No?"
" H u h - u h . T h e s t o r y , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , is t e l l i n g u s . J u s t l i k e
it has d o n e from t h e b e g i n n i n g . W e ' r e p a r t of t h e story. You. M e . "
T h e b o o k of m a t c h e s c o m e s from a place in W a s h i n g t o n , D . C . ,
c a l l e d H o g a t e ' s S e a f o o d , a t N i n t h a n d M a i n e A v e n u e , SW. T h e v e r y
r e s t a u r a n t , if h e r e m e m b e r s h i s h i s t o r y , i n f r o n t o f w h i c h D e l e g a t e
A n t h o n y D i m o n d , p r i m e o p p o n e n t of t h e Alaskan S e t t l e m e n t A c t ,
was run d o w n by a taxicab while chasing an e r r a n t r u m b u n into
the street.
Landsman strikes a match.
" J e s u s ? " h e says, l o o k i n g u p c r o s s - e y e d over t h e flame.
"Jesus, t o o . "
" J e s u s is o k a y w i t h m e . "
" I ' m glad. H e ' s okay w i t h m e , too. A n d Jesus w a s n ' t keen
on killing, on h u r t i n g people, on d e s t r u c t i o n . I k n o w t h a t . The
Q u b b a t A s - S a k h r a h w a s a fine o l d p i e c e o f a r c h i t e c t u r e , a n d I s l a m
is a v e n e r a b l e r e l i g i o n , a n d o t h e r t h a n t h e f a c t t h a t i t ' s c o m p l e t e l y
m i s t a k e n on a f u n d a m e n t a l level, I have n o q u a r r e l w i t h it p e r
366 MICHAEL CHABDN

se. I wish there was some way to do this job that didn't require
taking such actions. But sometimes there isn't. A n d Jesus k n e w
t h a t . ' W h o s o shall offend o n e of t h e s e l i t t l e o n e s w h i c h believe in
me, i t w e r e b e t t e r for h i m t h a t a m i l l s t o n e w e r e h a n g e d a b o u t h i s
n e c k , a n d t h a t h e w e r e d r o w n e d in t h e d e p t h of t h e sea.' R i g h t ? I
m e a n , t h o s e a r e J e s u s ' w o r d s . T h e m a n c o u l d b e fairly h a r s h w h e n
he needed to be."
" H e was kick-ass," Landsman suggests.
"Yes, h e w a s . N o w , y o u m i g h t n o t c r e d i t t h e fact, b u t the
e n d t i m e s a r e c o m i n g . A n d I for o n e v e r y m u c h l o o k f o r w a r d t o
s e e i n g t h e m c o m e . B u t for t h a t t o h a p p e n , J e r u s a l e m a n d t h e H o l y
L a n d h a v e t o b e l o n g t o t h e J e w s a g a i n . T h a t ' s w h a t i t says in t h e
B o o k . Sadly, t h e r e is n o w a y t o d o t h a t w i t h o u t s o m e b l o o d s h e d ,
unfortunately. W i t h o u t a c e r t a i n a m o u n t of d e s t r u c t i o n . T h a t ' s
j u s t w h a t is w r i t t e n , y o u k n o w ? B u t I a m t r y i n g v e r y h a r d , u n l i k e
m y i m m e d i a t e p r e d e c e s s o r , t o h o l d all t h a t d o w n t o t h e a b s o l u t e
m i n i m u m . F o r J e s u s ' s a k e a n d for t h e s a k e o f m y o w n s o u l a n d
all o u r s a k e s . T o k e e p t h i n g s r u n n i n g c l e a n . H o l d t h i s o p e r a t i o n
t o g e t h e r u n t i l w e have it s o r t e d o u t over t h e r e . Lay us d o w n s o m e
facts on t h e g r o u n d . "

" Y o u d o n ' t w a n t a n y b o d y t o k n o w y o u ' r e b e h i n d it. You p e o p l e

who do what you do."
" W e l l , b u t , t h a t ' s k i n d o f o u r M O , if y o u k n o w w h a t I m e a n . "
"And you w a n t m e to keep m y m o u t h s h u t . "
" I k n o w it's asking a l o t . "
" J u s t u n t i l y o u lay t h e s e facts d o w n o n J e r u s a l e m . M o v e s o m e
A r a b s o u t a n d s o m e V e r b o v e r s i n . R e n a m e a few s t r e e t s . "
"Just u n t i l w e get s o m e of t h a t good old critical mass going.
S t r a i g h t e n o u t s o m e of t h e noses this has p u t o u t of joint. A n d
t h e n g e t b u s y , y o u k n o w . F u l f i l l i n g w h a t is w r i t t e n . "
L a n d s m a n takes a swallow of mineral water. It's w a r m and
tastes of t h e inside of t h e p o c k e t of a cardigan. " I w a n t m y gun
a n d m y b a d g e , " h e says. " A n d t h a t ' s w h a t I w a n t . "
" I l o v e p o l i c e m e n , " C a s h d o l l a r says w i t h o u t m u c h e n t h u s i a s m .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 367

" I really d o . " H e covers his m o u t h w i t h o n e h a n d a n d takes a

contemplative breath through his nostrils. H i s h a n d sports a
manicure, b u t one thumbnail has been gnawed. "It's going to get
awfully I n d i a n a r o u n d h e r e , mister. J u s t b e t w e e n y o u a n d m e . You
get your gun and badge back, you d o n ' t stand to hold on to t h e m
for v e r y l o n g . T r i b a l P w o n ' t b e h i r i n g t o o m a n y J e w b o y s t o s e r v e
and protect."
"Maybe not. But they'll take Berko."
" T h e y aren't taking anyone w h o doesn't have the paper."
" O h , y e a h , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h a t ' s t h e o t h e r t h i n g I w a n t . "
" Y o u ' r e t a l k i n g a b o u t a lot of paper, D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n . "
"You need a lot of q u i e t . "
" I n d e e d I d o , " C a s h d o l l a r says.
C a s h d o l l a r s t u d i e s L a n d s m a n for a l o n g s e c o n d o r t w o , a n d
L a n d s m a n u n d e r s t a n d s from a c e r t a i n a l e r t n e s s in t h e m a n ' s eyes,
a l o o k o f a n t i c i p a t i o n , t h a t t h e r e is a g u n c o n c e a l e d s o m e w h e r e o n
C a s h d o l l a r ' s p e r s o n a n d a n i t c h i n h i s finger t o g o w i t h i t . T h e r e a r e
m o r e d i r e c t ways of k e e p i n g L a n d s m a n ' s m o u t h s h u t t h a n b u y i n g
h i m off w i t h a g u n a n d s o m e d o c u m e n t a t i o n . C a s h d o l l a r g e t s u p
from t h e chair a n d r e t u r n s it carefully t o its p l a c e u n d e r t h e table.
H e starts to w o r k his t h u m b i n t o his t e e t h b u t t h i n k s b e t t e r of it.
"If I could just get m y Kleenex back?"
L a n d s m a n tosses t h e package, b u t it goes awry, a n d C a s h d o l l a r
fumbles t h e catch. T h e p a c k a g e of Kleenex splats d o w n i n t o t h e box
o f s t a l e D a n i s h , l a n d i n g i n a s h i n y p a t c h o f r e d jelly. A n g e r o p e n s
a seam in C a s h d o l l a r ' s p l a c i d gaze, t h r o u g h w h i c h y o u can see t h e
b a n i s h e d s h a d e s o f m o n s t e r s a n d a v e r s i o n s . 7#i? last thing he wants,
Landsman remembers, any hint of a mess. C a s h d o l l a r t w e e z e s a
K l e e n e x f r o m t h e p a c k a g e a n d u s e s i t t o w i p e t h e p a c k a g e off, t h e n
tucks t h e rest back i n t o t h e safety of his r i g h t p o c k e t . H e fidgets
t h e b o t t o m b u t t o n of his sweater b a c k t h r o u g h its b u t t o n h o l e , a n d
in t h e b r i e f t u g o f w o o l e n w a i s t b a n d o v e r h i p , L a n d s m a n s p o t s t h e
b u l g e of t h e s h o l e m .
"Your p a r t n e r , " h e tells L a n d s m a n , " h a s a g r e a t deal t o lose.
368 MICHAEL CHABDN

A v e r y g r e a t d e a l . So d o e s y o u r e x - w i f e . A fact t h a t t h e y b o t h
r e c o g n i z e all t o o w e l l . M a y b e i t ' s t i m e y o u c a m e t o t h e same
conclusion about yourself."
L a n d s m a n c o n s i d e r s t h e t h i n g s t h a t r e m a i n his t o lose: a p o r k p i e
hat. A travel chess set a n d a Polaroid p i c t u r e of a dead messiah. A
b o u n d a r y m a p of Sitka, profane, ad hoc, encyclopedic, c r i m e scenes
a n d low dives a n d c h o k e b e r r y b r a m b l e s , p r i n t e d on t h e tangles of
h i s b r a i n . W i n t e r fog t h a t b l a n k e t s t h e h e a r t , s u m m e r a f t e r n o o n s
t h a t s t r e t c h e n d l e s s as a r g u m e n t s a m o n g J e w s . G h o s t s o f I m p e r i a l
Russia t r a c e d in t h e o n i o n d o m e of St. Michael's C a t h e d r a l , and
o f W a r s a w i n t h e r o c k i n g a n d s a w i n g o f a café v i o l i n i s t . C a n a l s ,
fishing b o a t s , islands, stray dogs, canneries, d a i r y r e s t a u r a n t s . T h e
n e o n m a r q u e e of t h e Baranof T h e a t r e reflected on w e t asphalt,
c o l o r s r u n n i n g l i k e w a t e r c o l o r as y o u c o m e o u t o f a s h o w i n g o f
W e l l e s ' s Heart of Darkness, w h i c h y o u h a v e j u s t s e e n for t h e t h i r d
t i m e , w i t h t h e girl of y o u r d r e a m s o n y o u r a r m .

" F u c k w h a t is w r i t t e n , " L a n d s m a n says. " Y o u k n o w w h a t ? " A l l

a t o n c e h e feels w e a r y o f g a n e f s a n d p r o p h e t s , g u n s a n d sacrifices
a n d t h e infinite g a n g s t e r w e i g h t of G o d . H e ' s t i r e d of hearing
a b o u t t h e p r o m i s e d l a n d a n d t h e i n e v i t a b l e b l o o d s h e d r e q u i r e d for
i t s r e d e m p t i o n . " I d o n ' t c a r e w h a t is w r i t t e n . I d o n ' t c a r e w h a t
s u p p o s e d l y g o t p r o m i s e d t o s o m e sandal-wearing idiot w h o s e claim
t o f a m e is t h a t h e w a s r e a d y t o c u t h i s o w n s o n ' s t h r o a t for t h e s a k e
of a h a r e - b r a i n e d idea. I d o n ' t care a b o u t r e d heifers a n d patriarchs
a n d l o c u s t s . A b u n c h o f o l d b o n e s i n t h e s a n d . M y h o m e l a n d is i n
m y h a t . It's in m y ex-wife's t o t e b a g . "
H e sits d o w n . H e lights a n o t h e r cigarette.
" F u c k y o u , " L a n d s m a n c o n c l u d e s . " A n d fuck J e s u s , t o o , h e w a s
a pussy."
" T i c k a l o c k , L a n d s m a n , " C a s h d o l l a r says softly, m i m i n g t h e
t w i s t of a k e y in t h e hole of his m o u t h .
 • § 4 2 g»

W h e n L a n d s m a n s t e p s o u t s i d e t h e I c k e s B u i l d i n g a n d fits h i s
h a t t o h i s v o i d e d h e a d , h e finds t h a t t h e w o r l d h a s s a i l e d i n t o
a fog b a n k . T h e n i g h t is a c o l d s t i c k y s t u f f t h a t b e a d s u p o n
t h e s l e e v e s o f h i s o v e r c o a t . K o r c z a k P l a t z is a b o w l f u l o f b r i g h t
mist, smeared here and t h e r e w i t h t h e p a w p r i n t s of s o d i u m lamps.
Half-blind a n d cold in his b o n e s , h e t r u d g e s along M o n a s t i r S t r e e t
to Berlevi S t r e e t , t h e n over to M a x N o r d a u S t r e e t , w i t h a k i n k in
his b a c k a n d an ache in his h e a d a n d a s h a r p t h r o b b i n g p a i n in his
d i g n i t y . T h e s p a c e r e c e n t l y o c c u p i e d b y h i s m i n d h i s s e s l i k e t h e fog
in h i s e a r s , h u m s l i k e a b a n k o f f l u o r e s c e n t t u b e s . H e feels t h a t h e
suffers f r o m t i n n i t u s o f t h e s o u l .

When he drags himself into the lobby of the Zamenhof,

T e n e n b o y m h a n d s h i m t w o l e t t e r s . O n e is f r o m t h e b o a r d , i n f o r m i n g
h i m t h a t t h e h e a r i n g i n t o his c o n d u c t in t h e d e a t h s of Z i l b e r b l a t
and Flederman has been scheduled for nine A . M . tomorrow
m o r n i n g . T h e o t h e r l e t t e r is a c o m m u n i c a t i o n f r o m t h e h o t e l ' s n e w
o w n e r s h i p . A M s . R o b i n N a v i n of t h e J o y c e / G e n e r a l i H o t e l G r o u p
has w r i t t e n t o inform L a n d s m a n t h a t e x c i t i n g c h a n g e s are afoot in
t h e c o m i n g m o n t h s for t h e Z a m e n h o f , t o b e k n o w n as o f J a n u a r y 1
as t h e L u x i n g t o n P a r e S i t k a . P a r t o f t h e g e n e r a l e x c i t e m e n t s t e m s
f r o m t h e fact t h a t L a n d s m a n ' s m o n t h l y l e a s e h a s b e e n t e r m i n a t e d ,
370 MICHAEL CHABDN

e f f e c t i v e o n D e c e m b e r 1. A l l t h e p i g e o n h o l e s b e h i n d t h e f r o n t d e s k
c o n t a i n l o n g w h i t e e n v e l o p e s , e a c h o n e s l o t t e d w i t h t h e s a m e fatal
b e n d s i n i s t e r i n t w e n t y - p o u n d l a i d . E x c e p t for t h e pigeonhole
labeled 208. N o t h i n g in t h a t one.
"You heard about what happened?" Tenenboym says after
L a n d s m a n has r e t u r n e d from his e p i s t o l a r y j o u r n e y i n t o t h e b r i g h t ,
gentile future of t h e H o t e l Zamenhof.
" I saw it o n t h e t e l e v i s i o n , " L a n d s m a n says, t h o u g h t h e m e m o r y
feels s e c o n d h a n d , f o g g e d - o v e r , a c o n s t r u c t t h a t h i s i n t e r r o g a t o r s
implanted through persistent questioning.
" A t f i r s t t h e y s a i d i t w a s a m i s t a k e , " T e n e n b o y m says, g o l d
t o o t h p i c k j i g g l i n g in a c o r n e r of his m o u t h . " S o m e A r a b s m a k i n g
b o m b s in a t u n n e l u n d e r t h e T e m p l e M o u n t . T h e n t h e y said it was
deliberate. T h e ones fighting the other ones."
"Sunnis and Shiites?"
" M a y b e . S o m e b o d y got careless w i t h a rocket launcher."
"Syrians and Egyptians?"
" W h o e v e r . T h e p r e s i d e n t w a s on, saying t h e y m i g h t have to go
in. Saying it's a holy c i t y to e v e r y b o d y . "
" T h a t d i d n ' t t a k e l o n g , " L a n d s m a n says.
H i s o n l y o t h e r p i e c e o f m a i l is a p o s t c a r d a d v e r t i s i n g a d e e p
discount on lifetime membership at a gym where Landsman
w o r k e d o u t for a f e w m o n t h s a f t e r h i s d i v o r c e . T h e s u g g e s t i o n w a s
m a d e at t h e t i m e t h a t exercise m i g h t help his moods. It was a good
s u g g e s t i o n . L a n d s m a n c a n ' t r e m e m b e r if i t p r o v e d c o r r e c t o r n o t .
T h e c a r d d e p i c t s a fat J e w t o t h e left a n d a t h i n J e w t o t h e r i g h t .
T h e J e w t o t h e left is h a g g a r d , s l e e p l e s s , s c l e r o t i c , s t r a g g l y , w i t h
cheeks like t w o spoonfuls of sour cream, and t w o b r i g h t , m e a n
l i t t l e e y e s . T h e J e w t o t h e r i g h t is l e a n , t a n n e d , a n d t r i m - b e a r d e d ,
relaxed, self-confident. H e looks a lot like o n e of Litvak's y o u n g
m e n . T h e J e w of t h e future, L a n d s m a n thinks. T h e unlikely claim
is m a d e b y t h e p o s t c a r d t h a t t h e l e f t - h a n d J e w a n d t h e J e w o n t h e
right are one and the same person.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 371

" D i d y o u see t h e m o u t in t h e n e i g h b o r h o o d s ? " T e n e n b o y m says,

the golden pick clicking against a bicuspid. " O n t h e television?"
L a n d s m a n shakes his head. " I imagine t h e r e w a s d a n c i n g ? "
"Such dancing. Fainting. Crying. A mass orgasm."
" N o t on an e m p t y s t o m a c h , I b e g you, T e n e n b o y m . "
" B l e s s i n g t h e A r a b s for fighting with each other. Blessing the
m e m o r y of M o h a m m e d . "
" T h a t seems cruel."
" O n e of these black hats was on t h e r e saying h o w he's going to
m o v e o v e r t o t h e L a n d o f I s r a e l , g e t h i m s e l f a g o o d s e a t for w h e n
Messiah shows u p . " H e removes t h e t o o t h p i c k and surveys its tip
for a h i n t o f t r e a s u r e , t h e n r e t u r n s i t , d i s a p p o i n t e d . " A s k m e , I s a y
p u t all t h o s e n u t j o b s o n a g r e a t b i g a i r p l a n e , s e n d t h e m all t h e h e l l
over there, a black year on t h e m . "
" T h a t w h a t y o u say, T e n e n b o y m ? "
" I ' l l fly t h a t a i r p l a n e m y s e l f . "
Landsman stuffs the letter from the Joyce/Generali Hotel
G r o u p back i n t o its envelope a n d slides it across t h e c o u n t e r t o
T e n e n b o y m . " T o s s t h a t for m e , w o u l d y o u ? "
" Y o u h a v e t h i r t y d a y s , D e t e c t i v e , " T e n e n b o y m says. " Y o u w i l l
find something."
" Y o u b e t I w i l l , " L a n d s m a n says. " W e ' l l all find s o m e t h i n g . "
" U n l e s s s o m e t h i n g finds u s first, a m I r i g h t ? "
" W h a t a b o u t you? T h e y going to let y o u k e e p y o u r j o b ? "
" M y status remains under review."
" T h a t sounds hopeful."
"Or hopeless."
" O n e or the other."
L a n d s m a n t a k e s t h e e l e v a t o r o t o t h e fifth floor. H e w a l k s d o w n
t h e corridor, his overcoat slung on a crooked fingertip from o n e
shoulder, loosening his necktie w i t h t h e o t h e r h a n d . T h e d o o r to his
r o o m h u m s its simple lyric: five-oh-five. It means nothing. Lights
i n t h e fog. T h r e e A r a b i c n u m e r a l s . I n v e n t e d i n I n d i a , a c t u a l l y , l i k e
372 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e g a m e of chess, b u t d i s s e m i n a t e d b y Arabs. Sunnis, Shiites.

S y r i a n s , E g y p t i a n s . L a n d s m a n w o n d e r s h o w l o n g it will t a k e t h e
v a r i o u s c o n t e n d i n g factions in Palestine t o figure o u t t h a t n o n e of
t h e m w a s r e s p o n s i b l e for t h e a t t a c k . A d a y o r t w o , m a y b e a w e e k .
J u s t l o n g e n o u g h for t e r m i n a l c o n f u s i o n t o s e t i n , L i t v a k t o g e t h i s
boys in place, C a s h d o l l a r t o send in t h e air s u p p o r t . N e x t t h i n g y o u
k n o w , T e n e n b o y m ' s w o r k i n g as t h e n i g h t m a n a g e r o f t h e J e r u s a l e m
Luxington Pare.
L a n d s m a n gets i n t o b e d a n d takes o u t t h e pocket chess set. H i s
a t t e n t i o n flits a l o n g t h e l i n e s o f f o r c e , h o p s f r o m s q u a r e t o s q u a r e
in p u r s u i t of t h e killer of M e n d e l S h p i l m a n a n d N a o m i L a n d s m a n .
L a n d s m a n f i n d s , t o h i s s u r p r i s e a n d relief, t h a t h e a l r e a d y k n o w s
w h o t h e k i l l e r i s — i t is t h e S w i s s - b o r n p h y s i c i s t , w i n n e r o f t h e N o b e l
Prize, a n d m e d i o c r e chess player A l b e r t Einstein. Einstein w i t h his
fog o f h a i r a n d h i s e n o r m o u s s w e a t e r - j a c k e t a n d h i s e y e s l i k e t u n n e l s
r e a c h i n g d e e p i n t o t h e d a r k n e s s o f t i m e itself. L a n d s m a n p u r s u e s
A l b e r t E i n s t e i n across t h e m i l k - w h i t e , c h a l k - w h i t e ice, h o p p i n g
from s q u a r e t o s h a d o w e d s q u a r e across relativistic chessboards of
c u l p a b i l i t y a n d a t o n e m e n t , across t h e i m a g i n a r y land of p e n g u i n s
and Eskimos that the Jews never quite managed to inherit.

H i s d r e a m m a k e s a k n i g h t m o v e , a n d w i t h c h a r a c t e r i s t i c fervor,
his little sister, N a o m i , begins t o explain t o L a n d s m a n Einstein's
famous p r o o f of t h e E t e r n a l R e t u r n of t h e J e w a n d h o w it can be
m e a s u r e d o n l y in t e r m s of t h e E t e r n a l Exile of t h e Jew, a p r o o f
t h a t t h e g r e a t m a n d e d u c e d from o b s e r v i n g t h e w o b b l e in t h e w i n g
o f a n a i r p l a n e a n d t h e d r i f t o f a d a r k b l o o m o f s m o k e r i s i n g from
t h e slope of an ice m o u n t a i n . L a n d s m a n ' s d r e a m calves o t h e r slow
iceberg d r e a m s , a n d t h e ice h u m s w i t h fluorescence. At some point
t h e h u m m i n g t h a t has p l a g u e d L a n d s m a n a n d his people since t h e
d a w n o f t i m e , w h i c h s o m e i n t h e i r f o o l i s h n e s s h a v e m i s t a k e n for
t h e voice of G o d , g e t s t r a p p e d in t h e w i n d o w s of r o o m 505 like
s u n l i g h t in t h e h e a r t of an iceberg.

L a n d s m a n o p e n s h i s e y e s . I n t h e s e a m s o f t h e Venetian b l i n d s ,
d a y l i g h t b u z z e s l i k e a t r a p p e d fly. N a o m i is d e a d a g a i n , a n d t h a t
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 373

fool o f a n E i n s t e i n is i n n o c e n t o f all w r o n g d o i n g i n t h e S h p i l m a n
c a s e . L a n d s m a n k n o w s n o t h i n g a t a l l . H e feels a n a c h e i n h i s
a b d o m e n t h a t h e t a k e s a t first for s o r r o w b e f o r e d e t e r m i n i n g , a
m o m e n t l a t e r , t h a t w h a t h e ' s f e e l i n g is h u n g e r . T h e d e s i r e , i n f a c t ,
for s t u f f e d c a b b a g e . H e c h e c k s h i s S h o y f e r for t h e t i m e , b u t t h e
b a t t e r y has died. T h e day clerk reports, w h e n L a n d s m a n calls
d o w n t o t h e d e s k , t h a t i t is 9 : 0 9 A . M . , T h u r s d a y . Stuffed cabbage!
E v e r y W e d n e s d a y n i g h t is R u m a n i a n i g h t a t t h e V o r s h t , a n d M r s .
K a l u s h i n e r a l w a y s h a s s o m e t h i n g left o v e r t h e n e x t m o r n i n g . T h e
o l d b a t s e r v e s t h e finest s a r m a l i i n S i t k a . A t o n c e l i g h t a n d d e n s e ,
favoring h o t p e p p e r over s w e e t - a n d - s o u r , drizzled w i t h fresh sour
c r e a m , t o p p e d w i t h sprigs of fresh dill. L a n d s m a n shaves and
d r e s s e s i n t h e s a m e b l o w n s u i t a n d a t i e f r o m off t h e d o o r k n o b .
H e is r e a d y t o c o n s u m e h i s o w n w e i g h t i n s a r m a l i . B u t w h e n h e
gets downstairs, he glances at the clock over t h e mail slots and
r e a l i z e s t h a t h e is n i n e m i n u t e s l a t e for h i s h e a r i n g b e f o r e the
review committee.

By t h e t i m e L a n d s m a n comes s c r a b b l i n g like a d o g o n slick

tile d o w n t h e c o r r i d o r of t h e A d m i n i s t r a t i o n m o d u l a r , i n t o r o o m
102, h e is t w e n t y - t w o m i n u t e s l a t e . H e finds n o t h i n g b u t a l o n g
v e n e e r t a b l e w i t h five c h a i r s , o n e for e a c h m e m b e r o f t h e r e v i e w
b o a r d , a n d h i s c o m m a n d i n g officer, s i t t i n g o n t h e e d g e o f t h e t a b l e ,
legs d a n g l i n g , c r o s s e d a t t h e a n k l e , h e r p o i n t y - t o e d p u m p s a i m i n g
s t r a i g h t for L a n d s m a n ' s h e a r t . T h e five b i g h i g h - b a c k e d leather
chairs are empty.
Bina looks like hell, only hotter. H e r s e a g u l l - b r o w n suit is
rumpled and misbuttoned. H e r hair appears to be tied back with a
plastic d r i n k i n g straw. H e r p a n t y h o s e a r e l o n g g o n e , h e r legs b a r e
a n d d a p p l e d w i t h pale freckles. L a n d s m a n recalls w i t h a s t r a n g e
pleasure t h e w a y she w o u l d trash a laddered pair of stockings,
s h r e d d i n g t h e m into a p o m p o n of rage before tossing t h e m i n t o
the can.
" S t o p l o o k i n g a t m y l e g s , " s h e says. " C u t i t o u t , M e y e r . L o o k
at m y face."
374 MICHAEL CHABDN

L a n d s m a n complies, s t a r i n g r i g h t d o w n t h e bores of her double-

b a r r e l e d g a z e . " I o v e r s l e p t , " h e says. " I ' m s o r r y . T h e y k e p t m e for
twenty-four hours, and by the t i m e — "
" T h e y k e p t m e for t h i r t y - o n e h o u r s , " s h e says. " I j u s t got
out."
" S o f u c k m e a n d m y w h i n i n g , for s t a r t e r s . "
"For starters."
" H o w was it b y y o u ? "
" T h e y w e r e so n i c e , " B i n a says b i t t e r l y . " I t o t a l l y f o l d e d . T o l d
them everything."
"Same here."
"So," she says, g e s t u r i n g to the room around them with
u p t u r n e d h a n d s , like she j u s t m a d e s o m e t h i n g disappear. Her
j o c u l a r t o n e is n o t a g o o d s i g n . " G u e s s w h a t ? "
" I ' m d e a d , " L a n d s m a n tries. " T h e board sprinkled m e with
quicklime and plowed me under."
"As a m a t t e r o f f a c t , " s h e s a y s , " I g o t a call o n m y m o b i l e t h i s
m o r n i n g , i n t h i s r o o m , a t e i g h t - f i f t y - n i n e . A f t e r I m a d e a t o t a l ass
o f m y s e l f a n d s c r e a m e d m y h e a d off u n t i l t h e y l e t m e o u t o f t h e
F e d e r a l B u i l d i n g , so I c o u l d g e t d o w n h e r e a n d m a k e s u r e I w a s in
that chair behind you, on time and ready to stand up and support
my detective."
"Urn."
"Your hearing was canceled."
Bina reaches into her bag, r u m m a g e s around, and comes out
w i t h a g u n . S h e a d d s i t t o t h e b a t t e r y c o m p r i s i n g h e r rifled g a z e
a n d t h e toes of her p o i n t e d shoes. A c h o p p e d M - 3 9 . A manila tag
dangles on a s t r i n g from its b a r r e l . She arcs it t o w a r d L a n d s m a n ' s
head. H e manages to catch t h e gun b u t fumbles the badge holder
t h a t c o m e s flying a f t e r i t . T h e n c o m e s a l i t t l e b a g w i t h L a n d s m a n ' s
clip. A n o t h e r brief search of h e r b a g p r o d u c e s a m u r d e r o u s - l o o k i n g
f o r m a n d its t r i p l i c a t e h e n c h m e n . "After y o u g o a h e a d a n d b r e a k
y o u r h e a d o n t h i s D P D - 2 2 5 5 , D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , y o u will have
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 375

b e e n r e i n s t a t e d , w i t h full p a y a n d b e n e f i t s , as a n a c t i v e m e m b e r o f
t h e D i s t r i c t Police, Sitka C e n t r a l D i v i s i o n . "
" I ' m back on the j o b . "
" F o r , w h a t is i t , five m o r e w e e k s ? E n j o y . "
Landsman weighs the sholem like a Shakespearean hero
c o n t e m p l a t i n g a s k u l l . " I s h o u l d h a v e a s k e d for a m i l l i o n d o l l a r s , "
h e says. " I ' l l b e t h e w o u l d h a v e c o u g h e d i t u p . "
" G o d d a m n h i m , " B i n a says. " G o d d a m n t h e m a l l . I a l w a y s k n e w
t h e y w e r e t h e r e . D o w n t h e r e in W a s h i n g t o n . U p t h e r e over o u r
heads. Holding the strings. Setting the agenda. O f course I k n e w
t h a t . W e all k n e w t h a t . W e all g r e w u p k n o w i n g t h a t , r i g h t ? W e a r e
h e r e o n s u f f e r a n c e . H o u s e g u e s t s . B u t t h e y i g n o r e d u s for so l o n g .
Left u s t o o u r o w n d e v i c e s . I t w a s e a s y t o k i d y o u r s e l f . M a k e y o u
t h i n k y o u h a d a l i t t l e a u t o n o m y , i n a s m a l l w a y , n o t h i n g fancy. I
t h o u g h t I w a s w o r k i n g for everyone. Y o u k n o w . S e r v i n g t h e p u b l i c .
U p h o l d i n g t h e law. B u t r e a l l y I w a s j u s t w o r k i n g for C a s h d o l l a r . "
"You think I should have been discharged, don't you?"
"No, Meyer."
" I k n o w I g o a l i t t l e t o o far. P l a y t h e h u n c h e s . T h e l o o s e - c a n n o n
routine."
"You think I'm a n g r y because t h e y gave you back your badge
and your gun?"
" W e l l , n o t so m u c h t h a t , n o . B u t t h e h e a r i n g b e i n g c a n c e l e d . I
k n o w h o w m u c h y o u like t h i n g s d o n e b y t h e b o o k . "
" I d o like t h i n g s d o n e b y t h e b o o k , " she says, h e r voice t i g h t . " I
b e l i e v e in t h e b o o k . "
"I know you d o . "
"If you a n d I h a d played it b y t h e b o o k a little m o r e , " she says,
and s o m e t h i n g dangerous seems to well u p b e t w e e n t h e m . "You
and your hunches, a black year on t h e m . "
H e w a n t s t o tell it t o h e r t h e n : t h e s t o r y t h a t has b e e n t e l l i n g
h i m for t h e p a s t t h r e e y e a r s . H o w , a f t e r D j a n g o w a s h u s k e d f r o m
her body, L a n d s m a n s t o p p e d t h e d o c t o r in t h e hall o u t s i d e the
37G MICHAEL CHABDN

o p e r a t i n g r o o m . Bina had i n s t r u c t e d L a n d s m a n to ask this good

d o c t o r w h e t h e r t h e r e was some use, some aim or study, to which
the half-grown bones and organs might be put.
" M y wife w a s w o n d e r i n g , " L a n d s m a n b e g a n , t h e n faltered.
" W h e t h e r t h e r e w a s any visible defect?" t h e d o c t o r said. " N o .
N o t h i n g a t all. T h e b a b y a p p e a r e d t o b e n o r m a l . " H e r e m a r k e d , t o o
l a t e , t h e l o o k o f h o r r o r b l o o m i n g o n L a n d s m a n ' s face. " O f c o u r s e ,
that doesn't mean there was nothing wrong."
" O f c o u r s e , " L a n d s m a n said.
H e n e v e r saw t h i s d o c t o r again. T h e u l t i m a t e fate of t h e little
body, of t h e b o y L a n d s m a n sacrificed t o t h e god of his o w n d a r k
hunches, was something he had neither the heart nor the stomach
to investigate.
" I m a d e t h e s a m e f u c k i n g d e a l , M e y e r , " B i n a says b e f o r e h e c a n
confess t o her. " F o r m y s i l e n c e . "
" T h a t you get to keep being a cop?"
"No. T h a t you do."
" T h a n k s , " L a n d s m a n says. " B i n a , t h a n k s a l o t . I ' m g r a t e f u l . "
S h e p r e s s e s h e r face i n t o h e r h a n d s a n d m a s s a g e s h e r t e m p l e s .
" I ' m g r a t e f u l t o y o u , t o o , " s h e says. " I ' m g r a t e f u l for t h e r e m i n d e r
o f j u s t h o w m e s s e d u p all o f t h i s i s . "
" M y p l e a s u r e , " h e says. " G l a d I c o u l d h e l p . "
" F u c k i n g M r . C a s h d o l l a r . T h e m a n ' s h a i r d o e s n ' t m o v e . It's like
it's w e l d e d to his h e a d . "
" H e s a i d h e h a d n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h N a o m i , " L a n d s m a n says. H e
p a u s e s a n d n i b b l e s o n his lip. " H e said it w a s t h e m a n w h o h a d t h e
j o b before h i m . "
H e t r i e s t o k e e p h i s h e a d u p w h i l e h e says i t , b u t a f t e r a m o m e n t
h e finds h i m s e l f l o o k i n g at t h e s t i t c h e s of his shoes. Bina reaches,
h e s i t a t e s , t h e n gives his s h o u l d e r a s q u e e z e . She leaves h e r h a n d on
h i m for all o f t w o s e c o n d s , j u s t l o n g e n o u g h t o r i p a s e a m o r t w o
in L a n d s m a n .
"Also h e d e n i e d a n y i n v o l v e m e n t in S h p i l m a n . I forgot t o ask
h i m a b o u t L i t v a k , t h o u g h . " L a n d s m a n looks up, and she takes her
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 377

h a n d away. " D i d C a s h d o l l a r t e l l y o u w h e r e t h e y t o o k h i m ? Is h e o n
his w a y t o J e r u s a l e m ? "
" H e tried to look mysterious a b o u t it, b u t I t h i n k he was j u s t
w i t h o u t a c l u e . I o v e r h e a r d h i m o n h i s cell p h o n e , t e l l i n g s o m e b o d y
t h e y w e r e b r i n g i n g in a forensic t e a m from S e a t t l e t o go over t h e
room at t h e Blackpool. M a y b e t h a t was s o m e t h i n g he w a n t e d m e
t o h e a r . B u t I h a v e t o s a y t h e y all s e e m e d n o n p l u s s e d a b o u t o u r
f r i e n d A l t e r L i t v a k . T h e y s e e m t o h a v e n o i d e a w h e r e h e is. M a y b e
he took t h e m o n e y and ran. H e could be halfway to M a d a g a s c a r by
now."
" M a y b e , " L a n d s m a n says, t h e n , m o r e slowly, " m a y b e . "
" G o d help me, I sense another h u n c h c o m i n g o n . "
"You said y o u ' r e grateful t o m e . "
" I n a b a c k h a n d e d , i r o n i c a l way. Y e a h . "
"Look, I could use a little backup. I w a n t to have another look
at Litvak's r o o m . "
" W e c a n ' t g e t i n t o t h e B l a c k p o o l . T h e w h o l e j o i n t is u n d e r s o m e
kind of secret federal l o c k d o w n . "
"Only I don't w a n t to get into the Blackpool. I w a n t to get
under it."
"Under it?"
"I heard there m i g h t be some, well, some tunnels d o w n t h e r e . "
"Tunnels."
"Warsaw tunnels, I heard they're called."
" Y o u n e e d m e t o h o l d y o u r h a n d , " s h e says. " I n a d e e p d a r k
nasty old t u n n e l . "
" O n l y i n t h e m e t a p h o r i c a l s e n s e , " h e says.
 • § 4 3 0*

t t h e t o p of t h e stairs, Bina takes a key-ring flashlight from

 h e r c o w h i d e b a g a n d passes it to L a n d s m a n . It p r o m o t e s or
p o s s i b l y allegorizes t h e services of a Yakovy funeral
T h e n she moves aside s o m e dossiers, a sheaf of c o u r t d o c u m e n t s ,
home.

a wooden hairbrush, a mummified boomerang that may once

h a v e b e e n a b a n a n a i n a Z i p l o c , a c o p y o f People, a n d c o m e s u p
w i t h a s l a c k b l a c k h a r n e s s s u g g e s t i v e o f s a d o m a s o c h i s t i c sex play,
e q u i p p e d w i t h a kind of r o u n d canister. She plunges her head into
t h e m i d s t of it a n d involves her hair w i t h t h e black webbing. W h e n
s h e s i t s u p a n d t u r n s h e r h e a d , a s i l v e r l e n s flares a n d w a n e s , r a k i n g
L a n d s m a n ' s face. L a n d s m a n c a n feel t h e i m m i n e n t d a r k n e s s , c a n
feel t h e v e r y w o r d " t u n n e l " b u r r o w i n g t h r o u g h h i s r i b c a g e .

T h e y go d o w n t h e steps, t h r o u g h the lost-articles room. T h e

t a x i d e r m y m a r t e n l e e r s a t t h e m as t h e y p a s s . T h e l o o p o f r o p e o n
t h e d o o r o f t h e c r a w l s p a c e d a n g l e s . L a n d s m a n t r i e s t o r e c a l l if h e
r e t u r n e d it t o its h o o k before his inglorious r e t r e a t last T h u r s d a y
n i g h t . H e s t a n d s t h e r e , r a c k i n g h i s m e m o r y , a n d t h e n h e gives u p .
" I ' l l g o first," B i n a s a y s .
She gets d o w n on her bare knees and works herself into the
c r a w l space. L a n d s m a n h a n g s back. H i s t h r o b b i n g p u l s e , his d r y
t o n g u e , h i s a u t o n o m i c s y s t e m s a r e c a u g h t u p in t h e tiresome
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 379

h i s t o r y o f h i s p h o b i a , b u t t h e c r y s t a l s e t t h a t is h a n d e d o u t t o
e v e r y Jew, t u n e d t o receive t r a n s m i s s i o n s from M e s s i a h , r e s o n a t e s
at t h e sight of Bina's ass, t h e long i n d e n t e d arc of it like s o m e k i n d
of m a g i c a l p h a b e t letter, a r u n e w i t h t h e p o w e r t o roll away t h e
s t o n e s l a b b e h i n d w h i c h h e h a s e n t o m b e d h i s d e s i r e for h e r . H e is
pierced b y t h e k n o w l e d g e t h a t n o m a t t e r h o w p o t e n t a spell it still
c a s t s o v e r h i m , h e w i l l n e v e r a g a i n find h i m s e l f p e r m i t t e d , w o n d e r
of w o n d e r s , t o b i t e it. T h e n it v a n i s h e s i n t o t h e d a r k n e s s , a l o n g
w i t h t h e r e s t o f h e r , a n d L a n d s m a n is left s t r a n d e d . H e m u t t e r s t o
himself, r e a s o n s w i t h h i m s e l f , d a r e s h i m s e l f t o g o i n a f t e r h e r , a n d
t h e n Bina says, " G e t in h e r e , " a n d L a n d s m a n o b e y s .
S h e s p a n s a n a r c o f t h e p l y w o o d d i s k w i t h h e r f i n g e r t i p s , lifts i t ,
a n d p a s s e s i t t o L a n d s m a n , h e r face f l i c k e r i n g w i t h t h e g l o w o f h i s
flashlight a n d w i t h a p r a n k i s h s o l e m n i t y h e has n o t seen in years.
W h e n t h e y w e r e kids, h e w o u l d climb t o h e r b e d r o o m in t h e n i g h t ,
s n e a k i n g in a n d o u t t h e w i n d o w t o s l e e p w i t h h e r , a n d t h i s w a s t h e
face s h e w o r e as s h e e a s e d u p t h e s a s h .
" I t ' s a ladderl" s h e says. " M e y e r , y o u d i d n ' t g o d o w n t h i s ? W h e n
you came here that night?"
" W e l l , n o , I w a s k i n d of, I w a s n ' t r e a l l y — "
" Y e a h , o k a y , " s h e says g e n t l y . " I k n o w . "
She lowers herself d o w n o n e steel cleat at a t i m e , a n d again
L a n d s m a n g o e s a f t e r h e r . H e c a n h e a r h e r g r u n t as s h e l e t s h e r s e l f
d r o p , t h e m e t a l l i c s c r a p e o f h e r s h o e s . T h e n h e falls d o w n i n t o t h e
d a r k n e s s . She c a t c h e s h o l d of h i m a n d half s u c c e e d s in k e e p i n g h i m
o n h i s feet. T h e l a m p o n B i n a ' s f o r e h e a d s p l a s h e s l i g h t h e r e , h e r e ,
here, m a k i n g a h a s t y sketch of t h e t u n n e l .
It's a n o t h e r a l u m i n u m p i p e , r u n n i n g p e r p e n d i c u l a r t o t h e o n e
they j u s t c a m e d o w n . L a n d s m a n ' s h a t b r u s h e s against t h e arc of
it w h e n he s t a n d s e r e c t . It e n d s b e h i n d t h e m in a c u r t a i n of d a n k
black e a r t h a n d r u n s s t r a i g h t away from t h e m , u n d e r M a x N o r d a u
S t r e e t , t o w a r d t h e B l a c k p o o l . T h e a i r is c o l d a n d p l a n e t a r y , w i t h a n
i r o n t a i n t . A floor o f p l y w o o d h a s b e e n l a i d , a n d as t h e y c l u n k a l o n g
it, their lights pick o u t t h e i m p r i n t s of t h e b o o t s of passing m e n .
38D MICHAEL CHABDN

W h e n t h e y reckon themselves to be a b o u t halfway across M a x

N o r d a u , t h e y meet another pipeline r u n n i n g away to the east and
w e s t , l i n k i n g t h i s t u n n e l t o t h e n e t w o r k laid a g a i n s t t h e likelihood
of future annihilation. T u n n e l s leading to tunnels, storehouses,
bunkers.
L a n d s m a n co n s id ers t h e c o h o r t of yids w h o arrived w i t h his
father, t h o s e w h o w e r e n o t b r o k e n b y suffering a n d h o r r o r b u t
rather somehow resolved. T h e former partisans, the resisters,
C o m m u n i s t g u n m e n , l e f t - Z i o n i s t s a b o t e u r s — t h e r a b b l e , as t h e y
w e r e s t y l e d i n t h e n e w s p a p e r s o f t h e s o u t h — w h o s h o w e d u p in
Sitka after t h e w a r w i t h t h e i r v u l c a n i z e d souls a n d fought w i t h Polar
B e a r s l i k e H e r t z S h e m e t s t h e i r brief, d o o m e d b a t t l e for c o n t r o l o f
t h e D i s t r i c t . T h e y k n e w , t h o s e b o l d a n d d e v a s t a t e d m e n , k n e w as
t h e y k n e w t h e flavor o f t h e i r t o n g u e s in t h e i r m o u t h s , t h a t t h e i r
saviors would one day b e t r a y t h e m . T h e y walked into this wild
c o u n t r y t h a t h a d n e v e r s e e n a J e w a n d s e t a b o u t p r e p a r i n g for t h e
d a y w h e n t h e y w o u l d b e r o u n d e d u p , s e n t p a c k i n g , forced t o m a k e
a stand. T h e n , one by one, these wised-up, angry men and women
h a d b e e n c o o p t e d , p i c k e d off, f a t t e n e d u p , s e t a g a i n s t o n e a n o t h e r ,
or defanged b y U n c l e H e r t z a n d his endless o p e r a t i o n s .

"Not all o f t h e m , " Bina says, h e r voice, like Landsman's,

c a r o m i n g off t h e a l u m i n u m w a l l s o f t h e t u n n e l . " S o m e o f t h e m
j u s t got comfortable here. T h e y s t a r t e d to forget a little bit. T h e y
felt a t h o m e . "
" I g u e s s t h a t ' s h o w i t a l w a y s g o e s , " L a n d s m a n says. " E g y p t .
Spain. Germany."
" T h e y w e a k e n e d . I t ' s h u m a n t o w e a k e n . T h e y h a d t h e i r lives.
Come on."
T h e y follow t h e p l a n k s u n t i l t h e y c o m e t o a n o t h e r p i p e t h a t
o p e n s o v e r h e a d , a l s o fitted w i t h c l e a t s .
" Y o u g o first t h i s t i m e , " B i n a says. " L e t m e c h e c k o u t y o u r ass
for a c h a n g e . "
L a n d s m a n hoists himself u p to t h e lowest cleat and t h e n m o u n t s
t o t h e top. A s w a t c h of w e a k light shows t h r o u g h a b r e a k or hole
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 381

in t h e lid t h a t c a p s t h i s e n d o f t h e p i p e . L a n d s m a n p u s h e s a g a i n s t
t h e h a t c h and it shoves back, a t h i c k sheet of p l y w o o d t h a t d o e s n ' t
b u d g e or buckle. H e p u t s his shoulder i n t o it.
" W h a t ' s t h e m a t t e r ? " B i n a says f r o m b e n e a t h h i s f e e t , h e r l a m p
w o b b l i n g i n t o his eyes.
" I t w o n ' t m o v e , " L a n d s m a n says. " T h e r e m u s t b e s o m e t h i n g o n
it. O r — "
H e feels for t h e h o l e , a n d h i s h a n d b r u s h e s a g a i n s t s o m e t h i n g
cold a n d rigid. H e recoils, t h e n his fingers r e t u r n to w o r k o u t t h e
sense of an iron rod, a cable, pulled t a u t . H e shines his light. A
r u b b e r i z e d c a b l e , k n o t t e d a n d fed t h r o u g h t h e f i n g e r h o l e f r o m t h e
t o p side, t h e n d r a w n t i g h t a n d lashed to t h e t o p m o s t cleat of t h e
ladder underneath.
" W h a t is i t , M e y e r ? W h a t d i d t h e y d o ? "
" T h e y t i e d i t s h u t b e h i n d t h e m so t h a t n o b o d y c o u l d f o l l o w
t h e m b a c k d o w n , " L a n d s m a n says. " T i e d i t w i t h a n i c e b i g p i e c e
of s t r i n g . "
 g a n e f w i n d has b l o w n d o w n from t h e m a i n l a n d to p l u n d e r t h e

 S i t k a t r e a s u r y o f fog a n d r a i n , l e a v i n g b e h i n d o n l y c o b w e b s
a n d o n e b r i g h t p e n n y in a v a u l t of p o l i s h e d b l u e . A t 12:03 t h e
s u n has a l r e a d y p u n c h e d its t i c k e t . Sinking, it stains t h e cobbles
a n d s t u c c o of t h e p l a t z in a violin-colored t h r o b of light t h a t you
w o u l d h a v e t o b e a s t o n e n o t t o find p o i g n a n t . L a n d s m a n , a c u r s e
o n h i s h e a d , m a y b e a s h a m m e s , b u t h e is n o s t o n e .
Driving onto Verbov Island, coming west on Avenue 225, he and
B i n a c a t c h s t r o n g whiffs a t e v e r y c o r n e r o f t h e b u b b l i n g t z i m m e s
t h a t is c o o k i n g u p all o v e r t o w n . T h e s m e l l b l o w s m o r e i n t e n s e a n d
r i c h e r w i t h b o t h j o y a n d p a n i c o n t h i s island t h a n a n y w h e r e else.
Signs a n d b a n n e r s a n n o u n c e t h e i m m i n e n t proclamation of the
k i n g d o m o f D a v i d a n d e x h o r t t h e p i o u s t o p r e p a r e for t h e r e t u r n
t o E r e t z Y i s r o e l . M a n y o f t h e s i g n s l o o k s p o n t a n e o u s , s p r a y e d in
d r i p p i n g c h a r a c t e r s o n b e d linens a n d sheets of b u t c h e r paper.
I n t h e s i d e s t r e e t s , c r o w d s o f w o m e n a n d h a n d l e r s yell a t o n e
another, t r y i n g to hold d o w n or hyperinflate t h e price of luggage,
concentrated laundry soap, sunscreen, batteries, protein bars,
b o l t s of t r o p i c a l - w e i g h t wool. D e e p e r i n t o t h e alleys, L a n d s m a n
i m a g i n e s , in t h e b a s e m e n t s a n d d o o r w a y s , a q u i e t e r m a r k e t b u r n s
l i k e a b a n k e d fire: p r e s c r i p t i o n d r u g s , g o l d , a u t o m a t i c w e a p o n s .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 383

T h e y drive past h u d d l e d g r o u p s of s t r e e t - c o r n e r geniuses s p i n n i n g

c o m m e n t a r y on w h i c h families are t o b e given w h i c h contracts
w h e n t h e y reach t h e H o l y L a n d , w h i c h of t h e wiseguys will r u n
the policy rackets, the cigarette smuggling, the gun franchises.
F o r t h e first t i m e s i n c e G a y s t i k t o o k t h e c h a m p i o n s h i p , s i n c e t h e
W o r l d ' s F a i r , m a y b e for t h e first t i m e i n s i x t y y e a r s , o r so i t feels t o
L a n d s m a n , s o m e t h i n g is a c t u a l l y h a p p e n i n g i n t h e S i t k a D i s t r i c t .
W h a t t h a t s o m e t h i n g will t u r n o u t t o be, n o t even t h e m o s t learned
of t h e s i d e w a l k r e b b e s has t h e f a i n t e s t idea.
B u t w h e n t h e y reach t h e h e a r t of t h e island, t h e faithful replica
o f t h e l o s t h e a r t o f o l d V e r b o v , t h e r e is n o h i n t o f t h e e n d o f e x i l e ,
r a m p a n t price gouging, messianic revolution. D o w n at t h e wide
e n d of t h e p l a t z , t h e h o u s e of t h e Verbover r e b b e s t a n d s l o o k i n g
s o l i d a n d e t e r n a l as a h o u s e i n a d r e a m . S m o k e h a s t e n s l i k e a
r e m i t t a n c e from its lavish c h i m n e y , o n l y t o b e w a y l a i d b y t h e w i n d .
T h e morning's Rudashevskys loiter darkly at their posts, and on
t h e r i d g e of t h e h o u s e , t h e black r o o s t e r p e r c h e s , coattails flapping,
with his semiautomatic mandolin. Around the platz, women
d e s c r i b e t h e o r d i n a r y c i r c u i t s o f t h e i r day, p u s h i n g s t r o l l e r s , t r a i l i n g
g i r l s a n d b o y s t o o y o u n g for s c h o o l . H e r e a n d t h e r e t h e y s t o p t o
k n i t a n d unravel t h e skeins of b r e a t h t h a t t a n g l e t h e m t o g e t h e r .
Scraps of n e w s p r i n t , leaves, a n d d u s t get u p i m p r o m p t u games
o f d r e y d l in t h e a r c h w a y s o f t h e h o u s e s . A p a i r o f m e n i n l o n g
c o a t s l e a n s i n t o t h e w i n d , m a k i n g for t h e r e b b e ' s h o u s e , s i d e l o c k s
s w i n g i n g . F o r t h e first t i m e t h e t r a d i t i o n a l c o m p l a i n t , t a n t a m o u n t
to a creed or at least a philosophy, of t h e Sitka Jew—Nobody gives
a damn about us, stuck up here between Hoonah and Hotzeplotz—strikes
L a n d s m a n as h a v i n g b e e n a b l e s s i n g t h e s e p a s t s i x t y y e a r s , a n d n o t
t h e affliction t h e y h a d a l l , i n t h e i r b a c k w a t e r o f g e o g r a p h y a n d
history, supposed.

" W h o e l s e is g o i n g t o w a n t t o l i v e i n t h i s c h i c k e n c o o p ? " B i n a
says, e c h o i n g h i s t h o u g h t i n h e r o w n f a s h i o n , z i p p i n g h e r o r a n g e
parka u p past her chin. She slams t h e d o o r of L a n d s m a n ' s car a n d
trades ritual glares w i t h a g a t h e r i n g of w o m e n across t h e lane from
384 MICHAEL CHABON

t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n ' s s h o p . " T h i s p l a c e is l i k e a g l a s s e y e , i t ' s a

w o o d e n leg, y o u c a n ' t p a w n i t . "
In front of t h e s o m b e r b a r n , t h e bachelor t o r m e n t s a rag w i t h
a b r o o m h a n d l e . T h e r a g is s l o s h e d i n s o l v e n t w i t h a p s y c h o t r o p i c
odor, a n d t h e b o y has b e e n exiled t o t h r e e hopeless islands of
a u t o m o b i l e grease on t h e c e m e n t . H e jabs and caresses the rag with
t h e e n d o f h i s p o l e . W h e n h e t a k e s n o t e o f B i n a , h e d o e s so w i t h a
s a t i s f y i n g m i x t u r e o f h o r r o r a n d a w e . If B i n a w e r e M e s s i a h c o m e
t o r e d e e m h i m in an o r a n g e p a r k a , t h e expression on t h e pisher's
face w o u l d b e m o r e o r less t h e s a m e . H i s g a z e g e t s s t u c k t o h e r , a n d
t h e n h e has t o d e t a c h it w i t h b r u t a l care, like s o m e o n e r e m o v i n g
his t o n g u e from a frozen p u m p .
" R e b Z i m b a l i s t ? " L a n d s m a n says.
" H e ' s t h e r e , " says t h e b a c h e l o r , n o d d i n g t o w a r d t h e d o o r o f t h e
shop. " B u t he's really busy."
"As b u s y as y o u ? "
T h e b a c h e l o r g i v e s t h e r a g a n o t h e r d e s u l t o r y p o k e . " I w a s in t h e
w a y . " H e m a k e s t h e c i t a t i o n w i t h a flourish of self-pity, t h e n aims
a c h e e k b o n e at Bina w i t h o u t i m p l i c a t i n g any of his o t h e r features
o f h i s face i n t h e g e s t u r e . " S h e c a n ' t g o i n t h e r e , " h e says firmly. " I t
isn't appropriate."
" S e e t h i s , s w e e t n e s s ? " Bina has fished o u t h e r b a d g e . " I ' m like a
c a s h gift. I ' m always a p p r o p r i a t e . "
T h e bachelor takes a step backward, and the m o p handle
d i s a p p e a r s b e h i n d h i s b a c k as if s o m e h o w i t m i g h t incriminate
h i m . " A r e y o u g o i n g t o a r r e s t R e b I t z i k ? " h e says.
" N o w , " L a n d s m a n says, t a k i n g a s t e p t o w a r d t h e bachelor, " w h y
would we w a n t to do that?"
O n e t h i n g a b o u t a Yeshiva bachelor, h e k n o w s his w a y a r o u n d
a question.
" H o w s h o u l d I k n o w ? " h e says. " I f I w a s a f a n c y - p a n t s l a w y e r ,
tell m e , please, w o u l d I b e s t a n d i n g o u t h e r e s l o p p i n g a r o u n d w i t h
a rag on the e n d of a stick?"
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 385

Inside the shop, they have gathered around the big m a p table,
I t z i k Z i m b a l i s t a n d his crew, a d o z e n s t r a p p i n g J e w s in y e l l o w
coveralls, their chins u p h o l s t e r e d w i t h t h e n e t t e d rolls of their
b e a r d s . T h e p r e s e n c e o f a w o m a n i n t h e s h o p flits a m o n g t h e m
l i k e a b o t h e r s o m e m o t h . Z i m b a l i s t is t h e l a s t t o l o o k u p f r o m t h e
p r o b l e m s p r e a d o u t o n t h e t a b l e before h i m . W h e n h e sees w h o h a s
c o m e w i t h t h e l a t e s t t h o r n y q u e s t i o n for t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n , h e
n o d s a n d g r u n t s w i t h a s u g g e s t i o n o f h u f f i n e s s , as if L a n d s m a n a n d
B i n a a r e l a t e for t h e i r a p p o i n t m e n t .
" G o o d m o r n i n g , g e n t l e m e n , " Bina says, h e r voice w e i r d l y fluting
a n d u n p e r s u a s i v e in t h i s b i g m a l e b a r n . " I ' m I n s p e c t o r G e l b f i s h . "
" G o o d m o r n i n g , " says t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n .
H i s s h a r p a n d f l e s h l e s s face is i l l e g i b l e as a b l a d e o r a s k u l l . H e
rolls u p t h e p l a n or c h a r t w i t h p r a c t i c e d h a n d s , ties it in a l e n g t h of
c o r d , a n d t u r n s t o s h e a t h it in t h e r a c k , w h e r e it d i s a p p e a r s a m o n g
a t h o u s a n d of its fellows. H i s m o v e m e n t s a r e t h o s e of an old m a n
t o w h o m h a s t e is a f o r g o t t e n v i c e . H i s s t e p is h e r k y - j e r k , b u t h i s
hands mannered and accurate.
" L u n c h is o v e r , " h e t e l l s t h e c r e w , t h o u g h t h e r e is n o t a t r a c e o f
food t o b e s e e n .
The men hesitate, forming an irregular eruv around the
b o u n d a r y m a v e n , r e a d y t o shield h i m from t h e secular t r o u b l e t h a t
s t a n d s h u n g w i t h a c o u p l e of b a d g e s in t h e i r m i d s t .
" M a y b e t h e y ' d b e t t e r s t i c k a r o u n d , " L a n d s m a n says. " W e m i g h t
need to talk to them, t o o . "
" G o w a i t in t h e v a n s , " Z i m b a l i s t tells t h e m . " Y o u ' r e in t h e
way."
T h e y start across t h e s u p p l y area to t h e garage. O n e of t h e c r e w
t u r n s back, p r e s s i n g d o u b t f u l l y at t h e roll of his b e a r d .
" S e e i n g as h o w l u n c h is o v e r , R e b I t z i k , " h e s a y s , " i s i t all r i g h t
w i t h y o u if w e h a v e o u r s u p p e r n o w ? "
" E a t y o u r b r e a k f a s t , t o o , " Z i m b a l i s t says. " Y o u ' r e g o i n g t o b e
u p all n i g h t . "
386 MICHAEL CHABON

" L o t o f w o r k t o d o ? " B i n a says.

"Are you kidding? It's going to take t h e m years to pack u p this
mess. I'm going to need a cargo container."
H e goes to t h e electric tea k e t t l e and begins to set u p t h r e e
glasses. " N u , L a n d s m a n , I h e a r d m a y b e y o u lost t h e use of t h a t
b a d g e o f y o u r s for a l i t t l e w h i l e , " h e says.
" Y o u h e a r a l o t , d o n ' t y o u ? " L a n d s m a n says.
"I hear what I hear."
" H a v e y o u e v e r h e a r d t h a t p e o p l e d u g t u n n e l s all u n d e r t h e
U n t e r s h t a t , j u s t in case t h e A m e r i c a n s t u r n e d on us a n d decided to
stage an aktionV
" I ' d s a y i t r i n g s a b e l l , " Z i m b a l i s t says. " N o w t h a t y o u m e n t i o n
it."
" S o y o u w o u l d n ' t h a p p e n t o possess, b y any chance, a plan of those
tunnels? Showing how they run, where they connect, et cetera?"
T h e old m a n still has his b a c k t o t h e m , t e a r i n g o p e n t h e p a p e r
e n v e l o p e s t h a t h o l d t h e t e a b a g s . " I f I d i d n ' t , " h e says, " w h a t k i n d
of a b o u n d a r y m a v e n w o u l d I b e ? "
" S o if, for w h a t e v e r r e a s o n , y o u w a n t e d t o g e t s o m e b o d y , say,
i n t o or o u t of t h e b a s e m e n t of t h e H o t e l Blackpool on M a x N o r d a u
Street w i t h o u t being seen. C o u l d you d o t h a t ? "
" W h y w o u l d I w a n t t o d o t h a t ? " Z i m b a l i s t says. " I w o u l d n ' t
b o a r d m y m o t h e r - i n - l a w ' s C h i h u a h u a in t h a t fleabag."
H e u n p l u g s t h e k e t t l e before t h e w a t e r has boiled a n d soaks t h e
tea bags o n e - t w o - t h r e e . H e p u t s t h e glasses on a t r a y w i t h a p o t of
j a m a n d t h r e e s m a l l s p o o n s , a n d t h e y s i t d o w n a t h i s d e s k in t h e
corner. T h e tea bags s u r r e n d e r their color unwillingly to the tepid
water. L a n d s m a n hands around papiroses and lights them. From
t h e vans c o m e t h e s o u n d s of m e n s h o u t i n g , or laughing, L a n d s m a n
isn't quite sure.
Bina walks around the workshop, admiring the mass and variety
of s t r i n g , s t e p p i n g carefully t o avoid a t u m b l e w e e d of k n o t t e d wire,
gray rubber with a blood-red copper stump.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 387

" E v e r m a k e a m i s t a k e ? " Bina asks t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n . "Tell

someone he can carry w h e r e he's n o t allowed t o carry? D r a w a line
w h e r e no line needs to be d r a w n ? "
" I d o n ' t d a r e t o m a k e m i s t a k e s , " Z i m b a l i s t says. " C a r r y i n g o n
t h e S a b b a t h , it's a serious violation. People s t a r t t h i n k i n g they
can't rely on m y maps, I'm t h r o u g h . "
" W e still d o n ' t have a ballistic fingerprint on t h e g u n t h a t killed
M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , " B i n a says w i t h c a r e . " B u t y o u s a w t h e w o u n d ,
Meyer."
"I did."
" D i d i t l o o k l i k e i t w a s m a d e by, say, a G l o c k , o r a T E C - 9 , o r a n y
kind of an a u t o m a t i c ? "
" I n m y h u m b l e o p i n i o n , " L a n d s m a n says, " n o . "
"You spent a lot of q u a l i t y t i m e w i t h Litvak's c r e w and their
firearms."
"And loved e v e r y m i n u t e . "
"Did you see a n y t h i n g in their toybox that was not an
automatic?"
"No," L a n d s m a n says. " N o , I n s p e c t o r , I d i d n o t . "
" W h a t does that prove?" Zimbalist says, e a s i n g his tender
b o t t o m d o w n o n t o t h e inflatable-donut c u s h i o n of his d e s k chair.
" M o r e importantly, why should I care?"
"Aside from y o u r g e n e r a l , p e r s o n a l i n t e r e s t in s e e i n g j u s t i c e
d o n e i n t h i s m a t t e r , o f c o u r s e , " says B i n a .
" A s i d e f r o m t h a t , " Z i m b a l i s t says.
" D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n , do you t h i n k Alter L i t v a k killed Shpilman
or ordered him killed?"
L a n d s m a n l o o k s r i g h t i n t o t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n ' s face a n d s a y s ,
" H e didn't. H e wouldn't. H e didn't just need Mendel. T h e yid had
s t a r t e d t o believe i n M e n d e l . "
Z i m b a l i s t b l i n k s a n d fingers t h e b l a d e o f h i s n o s e , t h i n k i n g t h i s
over, as if i t is t h e r u m o r o f a n e w b o r n c r e e k t h a t w i l l f o r c e h i m t o
r e d r a w o n e of his m a p s .
288 MICHAEL CHABDN

" I d o n o t b u y i t , " h e c o n c l u d e s . " A n y b o d y else. E v e r y b o d y else.

Not that yid."
L a n d s m a n d o e s n ' t b o t h e r t o a r g u e . Z i m b a l i s t r e a c h e s for h i s
t e a . A v e i n of r u s t t w i s t s in t h e w a t e r like t h e r i b b o n in a glass
marble.
"What would you do if something you had been telling
e v e r y b o d y w a s o n e of t h e lines o n y o u r m a p , " Bina says, " t u r n e d
o u t t o b e , say, a c r e a s e ? A h a i r . A s t r a y p e n m a r k . S o m e t h i n g l i k e
t h a t . W o u l d y o u tell anyone? W o u l d y o u go t o t h e rebbe? W o u l d
you admit that you made a mistake?"
"It would never happen."
" B u t if i t d i d . W o u l d y o u b e a b l e t o l i v e w i t h y o u r s e l f ? "
" I f y o u k n e w y o u h a d s e n t a n i n n o c e n t m a n t o p r i s o n for m a n y
y e a r s , I n s p e c t o r G e l b f i s h , for t h e r e s t o f h i s life, w o u l d y o u b e a b l e
t o live w i t h y o u r s e l f ? "
" I t h a p p e n s all t h e t i m e , " B i n a says. " B u t h e r e I a m . "
" W e l l , t h e n , " t h e m a v e n says. " I g u e s s y o u k n o w h o w I feel. B y
t h e way, I use t h e t e r m ' i n n o c e n t ' v e r y loosely."
"As d o I , " says B i n a . " N o d o u b t a b o u t i t . "
" M y w h o l e life, I k n e w o n l y o n e m a n I w o u l d u s e t h a t w o r d t o
describe."
" Y o u ' r e a h e a d o f m e , t h e n , " B i n a says.
"Me, t o o , " says L a n d s m a n , m i s s i n g M e n d e l S h p i l m a n as if t h e y
h a d b e e n , for m a n y y e a r s , t h e b e s t o f f r i e n d s . " I a m v e r y s o r r y t o
say."
" Y o u k n o w w h a t p e o p l e a r e s a y i n g ? " Z i m b a l i s t says. " T h e s e
geniuses I dwell among? T h e y ' r e saying Mendel's coming back.
T h a t i t ' s all h a p p e n i n g j u s t t h e w a y i t w a s w r i t t e n . T h a t w h e n
t h e y g e t t o J e r u s a l e m , M e n d e l is g o i n g t o b e t h e r e , w a i t i n g for
t h e m . Ready to rule over Israel."
Tears start to r u n d o w n t h e b o u n d a r y maven's sallow cheeks.
After a m o m e n t Bina r e m o v e s a h a n d k e r c h i e f from h e r bag, clean
a n d p r e s s e d . Z i m b a l i s t t a k e s i t a n d l o o k s a t i t for a m o m e n t . T h e n
he blows a g r e a t tekiah on his shofar of a nose.
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN
m
" I w o u l d l i k e t o s e e h i m a g a i n , " h e says. " I w i l l a d m i t i t . "
Bina hoists her b a g to her shoulder, a n d it r e s u m e s its s t e a d y
mission to drag her down. "Get your things together, Mr.
Zimbalist."
T h e o l d m a n a p p e a r s s t a r t l e d . H e puffs h i s l i p s as if t r y i n g t o
l i g h t a n i n v i s i b l e cigar. H e p i c k s u p a l o o p o f r a w h i d e t h o n g l y i n g
on his d e s k , ties a k n o t in it, a n d p u t s it d o w n a g a i n . T h e n h e p i c k s
i t u p a n d u n t i e s i t . " M y t h i n g s , " h e says finally. " A r e y o u s a y i n g I ' m
under arrest?"
"No," B i n a says. " B u t I w o u l d l i k e y o u t o c o m e d o w n so t h a t w e
c a n t a l k s o m e m o r e . Y o u m i g h t w a n t t o call y o u r l a w y e r . "
" M y l a w y e r , " h e says.
"I t h i n k you took Alter L i t v a k o u t of his hotel r o o m . I t h i n k
you've d o n e s o m e t h i n g w i t h h i m , p u t h i m on ice, possibly killed
h i m . I ' d l i k e t o find o u t . "
"You have no evidence," Zimbalist says. "You're just
guessing."
" S h e h a s a l i t t l e e v i d e n c e , " L a n d s m a n says.
" A b o u t t h r e e f e e t , " says B i n a . " C a n y o u h a n g a m a n w i t h t h r e e
feet o f r o p e , M r . Z i m b a l i s t ? "
T h e maven shakes his head, half irritated, half a m u s e d , his
poise a n d his bearings regained. " Y o u ' r e j u s t w a s t i n g m y t i m e a n d
y o u r s , " h e says. " I h a v e a h u g e a m o u n t o f w o r k t o d o . A n d y o u , b y
your own admission, by your own theory, have not found whoever
i t w a s t h a t k i l l e d M e n d e l e . So w i t h all d u e r e s p e c t , w h y d o n ' t y o u
j u s t w o r r y a b o u t t h a t , all r i g h t , a n d l e a v e m e a l o n e ? C o m e b a c k
w h e n y o u ' v e c a u g h t t h e s u p p o s e d a c t u a l killer, a n d I'll tell y o u
w h a t I k n o w a b o u t L i t v a k , w h i c h a t t h e m o m e n t , b y t h e w a y , is
officially a n d e v e r l a s t i n g l y n o t h i n g . "
" I t d o e s n ' t w o r k t h a t w a y , " L a n d s m a n says.
"All r i g h t , " says B i n a .
"All r i g h t ! " Z i m b a l i s t says.
L a n d s m a n l o o k s a t B i n a . "All r i g h t ? "
" W e c a t c h w h o e v e r killed M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , " Bina says, " y o u give
390 MICHAEL CHABDN

u s i n f o r m a t i o n . Helpful i n f o r m a t i o n a b o u t L i t v a k ' s d i s a p p e a r a n c e .
If he's still alive, y o u give m e L i t v a k . "
" Y o u h a v e a d e a l , " t h e b o u n d a r y m a v e n says. H e t h r u s t s o u t h i s
r i g h t claw, all s p o t s a n d k n u c k l e s , a n d B i n a s h a k e s i t .
L a n d s m a n , feeling s t u n n e d , gets u p a n d shakes h a n d s w i t h t h e
b o u n d a r y m a v e n . T h e n h e follows Bina o u t of t h e s h o p i n t o t h e
w a n i n g day, a n d h i s s h o c k i n t e n s i f i e s w h e n h e finds t h a t B i n a is
c r y i n g . U n l i k e Z i m b a l i s t ' s , h e r s a r e t e a r s o f fury.
" I c a n ' t b e l i e v e I did t h a t , " s h e s a y s , a v a i l i n g h e r s e l f o f a t i s s u e
f r o m h e r e n d l e s s s t a s h . " T h a t is t h e k i n d o f t h i n g you w o u l d d o . "
" P e o p l e I k n o w k e e p h a v i n g t h a t p r o b l e m , " L a n d s m a n says.
" S u d d e n l y a c t i n g like m e . "
" W e ' r e l a w officers. W e u p h o l d t h e l a w . "
" P e o p l e o f t h e b o o k , " L a n d s m a n says. "As i t w e r e . "
"Fuck you."
" D o y o u w a n t t o g o b a c k i n t h e r e a n d a r r e s t h i m ? " h e says. " W e
can. W e have t h e cable from t h e t u n n e l . We can hold h i m . Start
from t h e r e . "
S h e s h a k e s h e r h e a d . T h e b a c h e l o r o n h i s m a p o f s t a i n s is s t a r i n g
at t h e m , h i t c h i n g u p t h e seat of his black serge trousers and taking
i t all i n . L a n d s m a n d e c i d e s h e ' d b e t t e r g e t h e r o u t o f t h e r e . H e p u t s
h i s a r m a r o u n d h e r for t h e first t i m e i n t h r e e y e a r s a n d u s h e r s h e r
o v e r t o t h e S u p e r S p o r t , t h e n g o e s a r o u n d t o h i s s i d e a n d c l i m b s in
behind the wheel.
" T h e l a w , " s h e says. " I d o n ' t e v e n k n o w w h a t l a w I ' m t a l k i n g
about anymore. N o w I'm just making this shit u p . "
They s i t s i l e n t l y as L a n d s m a n w r e s t l e s w i t h t h e perennial
d e t e c t i v e p r o b l e m of b e i n g obliged to state t h e obvious.
" I k i n d o f l i k e t h i s n e w c r a z y , c o n f u s e d B i n a a n d a l l , " h e says.
" B u t I feel I h a v e t o p o i n t o u t t h a t w e h a v e n o r e a l l e a d s o n t h e
S h p i l m a n case. N o witnesses. N o s u s p e c t . "
" W e l l , t h e n , y o u a n d y o u r p a r t n e r h a d b e t t e r f u c k i n g get m e a
s u s p e c t , " s h e says. " H a d n ' t y o u ? "
"Yes, ma'am."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 391

"Let's go."
H e s t a r t s t h e i g n i t i o n , p u t s t h e S u p e r S p o r t in gear.
" H o l d o n , " s h e says. " W h a t ' s t h a t ? "
Across the platz, a big black four-by-four pulls u p a r o u n d t h e
east side of t h e rebbe's house. T w o R u d a s h e v s k y s get o u t of it. O n e
goes a r o u n d t o open t h e rear gate of t h e vehicle. T h e o t h e r w a i t s
at t h e b o t t o m of t h e side steps, h a n d s k n o t t e d loosely b e h i n d h i m .
A m o m e n t later, t w o m o r e R u d a s h e v s k y s c o m e o u t of t h e h o u s e ,
h u m p i n g several h u n d r e d cubic m e t e r s of w h a t a p p e a r s t o b e h a n d -
p a i n t e d F r e n c h l u g g a g e . Q u i c k l y a n d w i t h l i t t l e r e g a r d for t h e l a w s
o f s o l i d g e o m e t r y , t h e f o u r R u d a s h e v s k y s m a n a g e t o fit all o f t h e
t r u n k s a n d bags i n t o t h e b a c k of t h e four-by-four.
O n c e t h e y have a c c o m p l i s h e d t h a t feat, a b i g c h u n k of t h e h o u s e
i t s e l f b r e a k s off a n d falls i n t o t h e i r a r m s , w e a r i n g a g o r g e o u s f a w n -
colored alpaca coat. T h e Verbover rebbe does n o t look u p , or back,
o r a r o u n d a t t h e w o r l d h e r e b u i l t a n d is n o w a b a n d o n i n g . H e l e t s
the Rudashevskys do their q u a n t u m origami on h i m , folding h i m
a n d his canes i n t o t h e backseat of t h e four-by-four. T h e y i d j u s t
joins his luggage a n d rolls on.
Fifty-five s e c o n d s later, a s e c o n d four-by-four p u l l s u p , a n d t w o
w o m e n in l o n g d r e s s e s , h e a d s c o v e r e d , a r e h e l p e d i n t o t h e b a c k
a l o n g w i t h t h e i r c i t y of b a g g a g e a n d a n u m b e r of c h i l d r e n . T h e
p r o c e s s is r e p e a t e d w i t h f e m a l e s a n d c h i l d r e n a n d b l a c k f o u r - b y -
f o u r s for t h e n e x t e l e v e n m i n u t e s .
" I h o p e t h e y h a v e a v e r y b i g a i r p l a n e , " L a n d s m a n says.
" I d i d n ' t s e e h e r , " B i n a says. " D i d y o u s e e h e r ? "
" I d o n ' t t h i n k so. I d i d n ' t s e e B i g S h p r i n t z l , e i t h e r . "
H a l f a second later, Bina's Shoyfer rings.
" G e l b f i s h . Yes. W e d i d w o n d e r . Yes. I u n d e r s t a n d . " S h e s n a p s
t h e p h o n e s h u t . " D r i v e a r o u n d t h e b a c k o f t h e h o u s e , " s h e says.
"She saw your car."
L a n d s m a n guides t h e Super S p o r t t h r o u g h a n a r r o w alley a n d
i n t o a c o u r t y a r d b e h i n d t h e r e b b e ' s h o u s e . A p a r t from t h e car, t h e r e
is n o t h i n g t h a t w o u l d h a v e b e e n o u t o f p l a c e a h u n d r e d y e a r s a g o .
332 MICHAEL CHABDN

S t o n e flags, s t u c c o w a l l s , l e a d e d g l a s s , a l o n g h a l f - t i m b e r e d gallery.
T h e flags a r e s l i c k , a n d w a t e r d r i p s f r o m a r o w o f p o t t e d f e r n s t h a t
h a n g from t h e u n d e r s i d e of t h e gallery.
"She's coming out?"
Bina d o e s n ' t answer, a n d after a m o m e n t , a blue w o o d e n d o o r
o p e n s i n a l o w w i n g o f t h e g r e a t h i g h h o u s e . T h e w i n g is s e t a t
a c r o o k e d angle t o t h e r e s t of t h e b u i l d i n g , a n d it sags with
p i c t u r e s q u e a c c u r a c y . B a t s h e v a S h p i l m a n is s t i l l d r e s s e d m o r e o r
l e s s for a f u n e r a l , h e r h e a d a n d face w r a p p e d i n a l o n g , s h e e r v e i l .
S h e d o e s n ' t cross t h e g a p of p e r h a p s e i g h t feet s e p a r a t i n g h e r from
t h e car; s h e j u s t s t a n d s o n t h e d o o r s t e p w i t h t h e faithful b u l k of
S h p r i n t z l R u d a s h e v s k y l o o m i n g in t h e s h a d o w s b e h i n d her.
Bina rolls d o w n t h e w i n d o w on her side. "You aren't leaving?"
s h e says.
"Did you catch him?"
Bina doesn't play games or act stupid. She j u s t shakes her
head.
" T h e n I'm not leaving."
" I t m i g h t take a while. It m i g h t take longer t h a n w e really
have."
" I c e r t a i n l y h o p e n o t , " says M e n d e l S h p i l m a n ' s m o t h e r . " T h a t
m a n Z i m b a l i s t is s e n d i n g h i s i d i o t s i n t h e i r y e l l o w p a j a m a s o v e r h e r e
t o n u m b e r e v e r y s t o n e i n t h i s h o u s e so t h a t i t c a n b e d i s a s s e m b l e d
a n d t h e n r e a s s e m b l e d in J e r u s a l e m . If I ' m still h e r e in t w o w e e k s ,
I ' m g o i n g t o b e sleeping in S h p r i n t z l ' s g a r a g e . "
" I t w o u l d b e m y v e r y g r e a t h o n o r , " says w h a t is e i t h e r a v e r y
g r a v e t a l k i n g d o n k e y or S h p r i n t z l R u d a s h e v s k y from b e h i n d t h e
r e b b e ' s wife.
" W e w i l l c a t c h h i m , " B i n a says. " D e t e c t i v e L a n d s m a n j u s t s w o r e
m e an o a t h t o t h a t effect."
" I k n o w w h a t h i s p r o m i s e s a r e w o r t h , " M r s . S h p i l m a n says. " S o
do you."
" H e y ! " L a n d s m a n says, b u t she has a l r e a d y t u r n e d a n d gone
b a c k i n t o t h e c r o o k e d little b u i l d i n g from w h i c h she e m e r g e d .
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 393

"All r i g h t , " B i n a s a y s , c l a p p i n g h e r h a n d s t o g e t h e r . " L e t ' s g e t

started. What do we do now?"
L a n d s m a n taps t h e wheel, considering his promises and their
w o r t h . H e w a s n e v e r u n f a i t h f u l t o B i n a . B u t t h e r e is n o d o u b t t h a t
w h a t b r o k e t h e m a r r i a g e w a s L a n d s m a n ' s lack of faith. A faith
n o t in G o d , n o r in Bina a n d h e r c h a r a c t e r , b u t in t h e f u n d a m e n t a l
p r e c e p t t h a t e v e r y t h i n g befalling t h e m from t h e m o m e n t t h e y m e t ,
good a n d b a d , was m e a n t t o be. T h e foolish c o y o t e faith t h a t c o u l d
k e e p y o u flying as l o n g as y o u k e p t k i d d i n g y o u r s e l f t h a t y o u c o u l d
fly.
"All d a y I ' v e b e e n c r a v i n g s t u f f e d c a b b a g e , " h e says.
 • § 45

F
r o m t h e s u m m e r o f 1 9 8 6 t o t h e s p r i n g o f 1 9 8 8 , w h e n t h e y defied
t h e w i s h e s of Bina's p a r e n t s a n d m o v e d in t o g e t h e r , L a n d s m a n
s n e a k e d i n a n d o u t o f t h e G e l b f i s h h o m e t o m a k e l o v e w i t h her.
E v e r y n i g h t u n l e s s t h e y w e r e q u a r r e l i n g , a n d s o m e t i m e s in t h e
t h i c k of a q u a r r e l , L a n d s m a n climbed t h e d r a i n p i p e and t u m b l e d
in t h r o u g h Bina's b e d r o o m w i n d o w t o share h e r n a r r o w b e d . Just
before d a w n she w o u l d send him back d o w n again.
T o n i g h t i t t o o k h i m l o n g e r a n d c o s t h i m m o r e effort t h a n h i s
v a n i t y w o u l d care to a d m i t . As he passed t h e halfway m a r k , j u s t
a b o v e M r . O y s h e r ' s d i n i n g r o o m w i n d o w , L a n d s m a n ' s left loafer
s l i p p e d , a n d h e d a n g l e d free a n d t h r i l l i n g o v e r t h e b l a c k v o i d o f
t h e G e l b f i s h b a c k y a r d . T h e s t a r s o v e r h e a d , t h e Bear, t h e S n a k e ,
exchanged places w i t h t h e r h o d o d e n d r o n and the wreckage of
the neighbors' sukkoh. In regaining a purchase, Landsman tore
t h e leg of his t r o u s e r s on t h e a l u m i n u m b r a c k e t , his old e n e m y
i n t h e s t r u g g l e for c o n t r o l o f t h e d r a i n p i p e . F o r e p l a y b e t w e e n t h e
lovers c o m m e n c e d w i t h Bina balling u p a tissue to blot t h e c u t on
L a n d s m a n ' s shin. H i s shin w i t h its b l o t c h e s a n d freckles, w i t h its
s t r a n g e midlife b l o o m of b l a c k hair.

T h e y lie t h e r e o n t h e i r s i d e s , a c o u p l e o f a g i n g y i d s stuck
t o g e t h e r like p a g e s of an a l b u m . H e r s h o u l d e r b l a d e s dig i n t o his
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 335

c h e s t . T h e k n o b s o f h i s p a t e l l a s a r e n o t c h e d a g a i n s t t h e soft m o i s t
backs of h e r k n e e s . H i s lips can b l o w softly across t h e t e a c u p of h e r
ear. A n d a p a r t o f L a n d s m a n t h a t h a s b e e n t h e s y m b o l a n d t h e s i t e
o f h i s l o n e l i n e s s for a v e r y l o n g t i m e h a s f o u n d s h e l t e r i n s i d e o f h i s
c o m m a n d i n g officer, t o w h o m h e w a s o n c e m a r r i e d for t w e l v e y e a r s .
A l t h o u g h , it's t r u e , his t e n u r e inside her has g r o w n p r e c a r i o u s . O n e
good sneeze could p o p h i m loose.
" T h e w h o l e t i m e , " B i n a says. " T w o y e a r s . "
" T h e whole time."
" N o t once."
" N o t even."
"Weren't you lonely?"
" P r e t t y lonely."
"And blue?"
" B l a c k . B u t n e v e r b l a c k *or l o n e l y e n o u g h t o k i d m y s e l f that
h a v i n g sex w i t h a r a n d o m J e w e s s w a s g o i n g t o m a k e m e feel a n y
less."
" A c t u a l l y , r a n d o m sex o n l y m a k e s i t w o r s e , " s h e says.
"You speak from e x p e r i e n c e . "
" I f u c k e d a c o u p l e o f m e n i n Yakovy. I f t h a t ' s w h a t y o u w a n t t o
know."
" I t ' s s t r a n g e , " L a n d s m a n says u p o n r e f l e c t i o n . " B u t I t h i n k I d o
not."
"A c o u p l e o r t h r e e . "
"I don't need a report."
"So, n u , " she says, " s o y o u j u s t b e a t off?"
"With a discipline you m i g h t find surprising in a y i d so
unruly."
" A n d w h a t a b o u t n o w ? " s h e says.
" N o w ? N o w is m a d n e s s , " h e says. " N o t t o m e n t i o n u n c o m f o r t ­
a b l e . P l u s I t h i n k m y l e g is s t i l l b l e e d i n g . "
" I m e a n t , " s h e s a y s , " w h a t a b o u t n o w , d o y o u feel lonely"
"You're kidding, right? Squashed into this bread box?"
H e b u r i e s h i s n o s e i n t h e t h i c k soft r a s p o f B i n a ' s h a i r a n d t a k e s
3BE MICHAEL CHABDN

a d e e p b r e a t h . R a i s i n s , vinegar, a salt whiff of t h e sweat of her

nape.
" W h a t does it smell like?"
" I t s m e l l s r e d , " h e says.
"It does n o t . "
" I t smells like R u m a n i a . "
" Y o u s m e l l l i k e a R u m a n i a n , " s h e says. " W i t h s h o c k i n g l y h a i r y
legs."
"I've become such a geezer."
"Me, too."
" I c a n ' t even c l i m b stairs. M y hair's falling o u t . "
" M y a s s is l i k e a t o p o g r a p h i c a l m a p . "
H e confirms this information w i t h his fingers. R i d g e s and
d e p r e s s i o n s , h e r e a n d t h e r e a p i m p l e i n h i g h relief. H e threads
his h a n d s u n d e r a n d over her waist and reaches a r o u n d to weigh
a b r e a s t i n e a c h h a n d . A t first h e r e t r i e v e s n o m e m o r y o f t h e i r
f o r m e r size or e s t a t e t o c o m p a r e t h e m w i t h , a n d h e panics a little.
T h e n h e d e c i d e s t h a t t h e y a r e t h e s a m e as t h e y h a v e a l w a y s b e e n ,
s p a n n e d exactly b y his p a l m a n d his o u t s t r e t c h e d fingers, formed
from s o m e m y s t e r i o u s c o m p o u n d of g r a v i t y a n d give.
" I ' m n o t g o i n g b a c k d o w n t h a t d r a i n p i p e , " h e says. " I c a n t e l l
you that much."
" I said y o u could j u s t t a k e t h e stairs. T h e d r a i n p i p e was your
idea."
" I t w a s all m y i d e a , " h e says. " I t w a s a l w a y s m y i d e a . "
" D o n ' t I k n o w i t , " s h e says.
T h e y lie t h e r e for a l o n g t i m e w i t h o u t s a y i n g a n y t h i n g m o r e .
L a n d s m a n c a n feel t h e s k i n b e s i d e h i m s l o w l y filling w i t h d a r k w i n e .
A few m i n u t e s l a t e r , B i n a b e g i n s t o s n o r e . T h e r e is n o d o u b t t h a t
h e r s n o r i n g has n o t c h a n g e d in t w o years. It has a d o u b l e - r e e d e d
h u m , t h e b u m b l e b e e c o n t i n u o of M o n g o l i a n t h r o a t - s i n g i n g . It has
t h e slow g r a n d e u r of a whale's respiration. L a n d s m a n begins to
drift across t h e surface of h e r b e d a n d of t h e s u s u r r a t i o n of Bina's
b r e a t h . In h e r a r m s , in t h e scent of h e r on t h e b e d l i n e n s — a s t r o n g
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 397

b u t p l e a s a n t s m e l l l i k e n e w l e a t h e r g l o v e s — L a n d s m a n feels safe for

t h e first t i m e i n a g e s . D r o w s y a n d c o n t e n t . H e r e y o u g o , L a n d s m a n ,
h e t h i n k s . H e r e is t h e s m e l l a n d t h e h a n d o n y o u r b e l l y t h a t y o u
t r a d e d for a l i f e t i m e o f s i l e n c e .
H e sits u p , w i d e a w a k e a n d hateful t o himself, c r a v e n , m o r e
u n w o r t h y t h a n e v e r o f t h e fine k i d s k i n w o m a n i n h i s a r m s . Y e s ,
all r i g h t , L a n d s m a n u n d e r s t a n d s , so g o s h i t i n t h e o c e a n , t h a t h e
m a d e not the right b u t the only choice. H e u n d e r s t a n d s t h a t the
n e c e s s i t y o f c o v e r i n g u p for t h e d a r k d e e d s o f t h e b o y s i n t h e t o p
d r a w e r is o n e t h a t n o z z e s h a v e b e e n m a k i n g i n t o a v i r t u e s i n c e t h e
d a w n o f p o l i c e w o r k . H e u n d e r s t a n d s t h a t if h e w e r e t o t r y t o t e l l
s o m e o n e , say D e n n i s B r e n n a n , w h a t h e k n o w s , t h e n t h e b o y s in
t h e t o p d r a w e r w o u l d find a n o t h e r w a y t o s i l e n c e h i m , t h i s t i m e o n
t h e i r o w n t e r m s . So w h y is h i s h e a r t r u n n i n g l i k e a j a i l b i r d ' s s t e e l
c u p a l o n g t h e b a r s of his r i b cage? W h y d o e s Bina's f r a g r a n t b e d
s u d d e n l y feel l i k e a w e t s o c k , a p a i r o f u n d e r p a n t s r i d i n g u p o n
h i m , a wool suit on a h o t afternoon? You m a k e a deal, t a k e w h a t y o u
c a n g e t , m o v e o n . G e t o v e r i t . So d i s t a n t m e n i n a s u n n y c o u n t r y
h a v e b e e n l u r e d i n t o k i l l i n g o n e a n o t h e r so t h a t w h i l e t h e i r b a c k s
a r e t u r n e d , t h e i r s u n n y c o u n t r y c a n b e b o o s t e d a n d f e n c e d . So t h e
fate o f t h e S i t k a D i s t r i c t h a s b e e n s e a l e d . So t h e k i l l e r o f M e n d e l
S h p i l m a n , w h o e v e r i t w a s , is w a l k i n g a r o u n d free. S o , so w h a t ?

L a n d s m a n gets o u t of t h e b e d . D i s c o n t e n t m e n t g a t h e r s like
ball l i g h t n i n g a r o u n d t h e c h e s s b o a r d in t h e p o c k e t of his c o a t . H e
unfolds it a n d c o n t e m p l a t e s it a n d t h i n k s , I m i s s e d s o m e t h i n g in
t h e r o o m . N o , h e d i d n ' t m i s s a n y t h i n g ; b u t if h e m i s s e d s o m e t h i n g ,
it's g o n e b y now. O n l y h e d i d n ' t m i s s a n y t h i n g in t h e r o o m . B u t h e
m u s t have missed something.
H i s t h o u g h t s are a t a t t o o needle i n k i n g t h e s p a d e on an ace. T h e y
are a t o r n a d o going back and forth over t h e same d a m n pancaked
trailer. T h e y n a r r o w a n d d a r k e n u n t i l t h e y d e s c r i b e a t i n y black
circle, t h e hole at t h e b a c k of M e n d e l S h p i l m a n ' s h e a d .
H e r e - c r e a t e s t h e s c e n e i n h i s i m a g i n a t i o n , as h e s a w i t t h a t
n i g h t w h e n T e n e n b o y m k n o c k e d on his door. T h e freckled e x p a n s e
398 >>>>> MICHAEL CHABDN

of pale back. T h e w h i t e u n d e r p a n t s . T h e b r o k e n m a s k of t h e eyes,

t h e r i g h t h a n d t u m b l e d f r o m t h e b e d t o b r u s h t h e floor w i t h i t s
fingers. T h e c h e s s b o a r d on t h e n i g h t s t a n d .
L a n d s m a n lays t h e b o a r d o n B i n a ' s n i g h t s t a n d , i n t h e p a l e o f
d i m l i g h t f r o m t h e l a m p , a y e l l o w p o r c e l a i n affair w i t h a b i g y e l l o w
daisy on t h e green shade. W h i t e facing t h e wall. B l a c k — S h p i l m a n ,
L a n d s m a n — f a c i n g t h e m i d d l e of t h e r o o m .
M a y b e it's t h e c o n t e x t at o n c e familiar a n d s t r a n g e , t h e p a i n t e d
b e d s t e a d , t h e daisy l a m p , t h e daisies on t h e wallpaper, t h e dresser
in w h o s e t o p d r a w e r she u s e d t o k e e p h e r d i a p h r a g m . O r m a y b e
i t ' s t h e l i n g e r i n g t r a c e s o f e n d o r p h i n i n h i s b l o o d s t r e a m . B u t as
L a n d s m a n s t a r e s a t t h e c h e s s b o a r d , s t a r i n g a t a c h e s s b o a r d , for
t h e f i r s t t i m e i n h i s life, feels g o o d . I t feels p l e a s u r a b l e , i n f a c t .
S t a n d i n g t h e r e , m o v i n g t h e pieces in his m i n d , s e e m s t o slow or at
least t o d i s l o d g e t h e n e e d l e i n k i n g over t h e black s p o t in his b r a i n .
H e f o c u s e s o n t h e p r o m o t i o n a t b 8 . W h a t if y o u c h a n g e d t h a t p a w n
to a bishop, a rook, a queen, a knight?
L a n d s m a n r e a c h e s for a c h a i r t o t a k e W h i t e ' s p l a c e a t t h e b o a r d ,
t o s i t d o w n i n h i s i m a g i n a t i o n for a f r i e n d l y g a m e a g a i n s t S h p i l m a n .
T h e r e ' s a chair at the desk, painted to match the daisy-green bed,
in t h e c o r n e r of Bina's r o o m . It's r i g h t a b o u t w h e r e t h e fold-down
d e s k w o u l d b e in r e l a t i o n t o t h e b e d in S h p i l m a n ' s r o o m at t h e
Z a m e n h o f . L a n d s m a n lowers h i m s e l f i n t o t h e green chair, eyes on
the board.
A k n i g h t , h e decides. A n d t h e n Black has to m o v e t h e p a w n
a t d 7 — b u t t o w h e r e ? H e s e t t l e s in t o p l a y it o u t , n o t b e c a u s e of
s o m e forlorn h o p e t h a t it m i g h t lead h i m t o t h e killer, b u t b e c a u s e
h e r e a l l y n e e d s , all o f a s u d d e n , t o p l a y t h e g a m e o u t . A n d t h e n , as
if t h e s e a t is w i r e d t o a d m i n i s t e r a c h a r g e , L a n d s m a n l e a p s t o h i s
f e e t . H e y a n k s t h e g r e e n c h a i r o n e - h a n d e d i n t o t h e air. F o u r r o u n d
i n d e n t a t i o n s in t h e low-pile w h i t e c a r p e t , faint b u t d i s t i n c t .
H e a l w a y s a s s u m e d t h a t S h p i l m a n , as t h e r e c e p t i o n c l e r k s all
r e p o r t e d , n e v e r h a d v i s i t o r s , t h a t t h e g a m e h e left b e h i n d w a s
a form of chess solitaire played from m e m o r y , from t h e pages
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 399

o f Three Hundred Chess Games, m a y b e j u s t a g a i n s t h i m s e l f . B u t if

Shpilman did have a visitor, m a y b e that visitor pulled u p a chair
to sit d o w n at t h e b o a r d across from his o p p o n e n t . Across the
c a r d b o a r d chessboard from his v i c t i m . A n d t h a t p h a n t o m p a t z e r ' s
c h a i r w o u l d h a v e left i n d e n t a t i o n s i n t h e c a r p e t . N o d o u b t b y n o w
t h e y h a v e f a d e d o r b e e n v a c u u m e d over. B u t t h e y m i g h t b e v i s i b l e
in o n e of S h p r i n g e r ' s p h o t o g r a p h s , b o x e d u p in s o m e s t o r a g e r o o m
at t h e forensic lab.
L a n d s m a n steps i n t o his trousers, b u t t o n s his shirt, k n o t s his
tie. H e takes his coat from t h e d o o r a n d , c a r r y i n g his shoes, goes
t o p u l l t h e c o v e r s m o r e s n u g l y o v e r B i n a . A s h e b e n d s t o s w i t c h off
t h e b e d s i d e l i g h t , a r e c t a n g l e o f p a p e r falls o u t o f h i s c o a t p o c k e t .
It's t h e p o s t c a r d he received from t h e g y m t h a t h e used t o f r e q u e n t ,
w i t h i t s offer o f a l i f e t i m e m e m b e r s h i p g o o d for t h e n e x t two
m o n t h s . H e studies t h e glossy side of t h e card, w i t h its e n c h a n t e d
Jew. B e f o r e ; after. F a t ; t h i n . S t a r t h e r e ; f i n i s h t h e r e . W i s e ; h a p p y .
C h a o s ; order. Exile; h o m e l a n d . Before, a n e a t d i a g r a m in a b o o k ,
its grid carefully c r o s s h a t c h e d at t h e black s q u a r e s a n d a n n o t a t e d
l i k e a p a g e o f T a l m u d ; after, a b a t t e r e d o l d c h e s s b o a r d w i t h a V i c k s
inhaler at b8.

L a n d s m a n feels i t t h e n . A h a n d l a i d o n h i s , t w o d e g r e e s w a r m e r
t h a n n o r m a l . A quickening, an unfurling like a b a n n e r in his
t h o u g h t s . B e f o r e a n d after. T h e t o u c h o f M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , m o i s t ,
electric, conveying some k i n d of s t r a n g e blessing on L a n d s m a n .
A n d t h e n n o t h i n g b u t t h e cold air of Bina Gelbfish's childhood
bedroom. T h e flowering O'Keeffe v a g i n a on t h e wall. T h e stuffed
Shnapish sagging on a bookshelf beside Bina's w r i s t w a t c h and
her c i g a r e t t e s . A n d Bina, s i t t i n g u p in b e d , p r o p p e d o n an elbow,
w a t c h i n g h i m , sort of t h e w a y she w a t c h e d t h o s e kids go after t h a t
hapless penguin pinata.
" Y o u still d o t h a t h u m m i n g t h i n g , " s h e says. " W h e n you're
thinking. Like Oscar Peterson, only with no piano."
" F u c k , " L a n d s m a n says.
"What, Meyer?"
4DD MICHAEL CHABDN

" B i n a ! " I t ' s G u r y e h G e l b f i s h , t h a t o l d w h i s t l i n g m a r m o t , from

across t h e hall. A n a n c i e n t t e r r o r m o m e n t a r i l y seizes L a n d s m a n .
" W h o is t h e r e w i t h y o u ? "
" N o b o d y , Pa, go t o s l e e p ! " A g a i n she says, in a low whisper,
"Meyer, what?"
L a n d s m a n s i t s d o w n o n t h e e d g e o f t h e b e d . B e f o r e ; after. T h e
exaltation of understanding; then understanding's bottomless
regret.
" I k n o w w h a t k i n d o f a g u n k i l l e d M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , " h e says.
"All r i g h t , " B i n a says.
" I t w a s n ' t a c h e s s g a m e , " L a n d s m a n says a f t e r a m o m e n t . " O n
t h e b o a r d i n S h p i l m a n ' s r o o m . I t w a s a problem. It seems obvious
n o w , I s h o u l d h a v e s e e n i t , t h e s e t u p w a s so freaky. S o m e b o d y c a m e
t o see S h p i l m a n t h a t n i g h t , a n d S h p i l m a n p o s e d h i m a p r o b l e m .
A t r i c k y o n e . " H e moves t h e pieces of t h e p o c k e t chess set, his
g r a s p o f t h e m s u r e , h i s h a n d s t e a d y . " W h i t e is all s e t u p t o p r o m o t e
h i s p a w n , see. A n d h e w a n t s t o p r o m o t e i t t o a k n i g h t . That's
called u n d e r p r o m o t i o n , b e c a u s e usually, y o u w a n t to get yourself
a q u e e n . W i t h a k n i g h t here, he has t h r e e different ways to m a t e ,
h e t h i n k s . B u t t h a t ' s a m i s t a k e , b e c a u s e it leaves B l a c k — t h a t was
M e n d e l — w i t h a w a y t o d r a g t h e g a m e o u t . If y o u ' r e W h i t e , y o u
have to ignore the obvious thing. Just make a dull move with the
b i s h o p , h e r e a t c 2 . Y o u d o n ' t e v e n n o t i c e i t a t first. B u t a f t e r y o u
m a k e it, every m o v e Black has leads directly to a mate. H e can't
move without finishing himself. H e has n o good m o v e s . "

" N o g o o d m o v e s , " B i n a says.

" T h e y c a l l t h a t Zugzwang" L a n d s m a n says. " ' F o r c e d t o m o v e . '
I t m e a n s B l a c k w o u l d b e b e t t e r off if h e c o u l d j u s t p a s s . "
" B u t y o u a r e n ' t allowed t o pass, are you? You have t o do
something, don't you?"
"Yes, y o u d o , " L a n d s m a n says. " E v e n w h e n y o u k n o w i t ' s o n l y
going to lead to y o u g e t t i n g c h e c k m a t e d . "
L a n d s m a n c a n s e e i t s t a r t i n g t o m e a n s o m e t h i n g t o h e r , n o t as
e v i d e n c e o r p r o o f o r a c h e s s p r o b l e m , b u t as p a r t o f t h e s t o r y o f
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 4DI

a c r i m e . A c r i m e c o m m i t t e d a g a i n s t a m a n w h o f o u n d h i m s e l f left
w i t h n o g o o d m o v e s a t all.
" H o w ' d y o u d o t h a t ? " she says, u n a b l e t o s u p p r e s s c o m p l e t e l y
a m i l d a s t o n i s h m e n t at t h i s e v i d e n c e of m e n t a l fitness o n his p a r t .
" H o w ' d you get the solution?"
" I saw i t , a c t u a l l y , " L a n d s m a n says. " B u t a t t h e t i m e I d i d n ' t
k n o w I w a s s e e i n g i t . I t w a s a n ' a f t e r ' p i c t u r e — t h e wrong picture,
a c t u a l l y — t o t h e ' b e f o r e ' p i c t u r e in S h p i l m a n ' s r o o m . A board
where W h i t e had three knights. O n l y chess sets don't c o m e w i t h
t h r e e W h i t e k n i g h t s . So s o m e t i m e s y o u h a v e t o u s e s o m e t h i n g e l s e
t o s t a n d i n for t h e p i e c e y o u d o n ' t h a v e . "
"Like a penny? O r a bullet?"
"Any k i n d of t h i n g a m a n m i g h t have in his p o c k e t , " L a n d s m a n
says. " S a y a V i c k s i n h a l e r . "
 * § 46

T
h e r e a s o n y o u n e v e r d e v e l o p e d a t c h e s s , M e y e r l e , is b e c a u s e y o u
d o n ' t h a t e t o lose b a d l y e n o u g h . "
H e r t z S h e m e t s , s p r u n g f r o m t h e h o s p i t a l w i t h a n a s t y flesh
w o u n d a n d t h a t Sitka G e n e r a l smell on h i m of onion b r o t h and
w i n t e r g r e e n s o a p , is l y i n g o n t h e c o u c h i n h i s s o n ' s l i v i n g r o o m , h i s
t h i n s h a n k s s t i c k i n g o u t of his pajamas like t w o u n c o o k e d noodles.
E s t e r - M a l k e h a s a t i c k e t for B e r k o ' s b i g l e a t h e r a r m c h a i r , w i t h B i n a
a n d L a n d s m a n in t h e cheap seats, a folding stool and t h e armchair's
leather o t t o m a n . Ester-Malke looks sleepy a n d confused, h u n k e r e d
d o w n i n h e r b a t h r o b e , h e r left h a n d f i d d l i n g w i t h s o m e t h i n g i n
t h e p o c k e t t h a t L a n d s m a n f i g u r e s for l a s t w e e k ' s p r e g n a n c y t e s t .
B i n a ' s s h i r t is u n t u c k e d , a n d h e r h a i r is a m e s s ; t h e effect p a r t a k e s
of shrubbery, s o m e k i n d of o r n a m e n t a l hedge. Landsman's face
i n t h e p i e r g l a s s o n t h e w a l l is a n i m p a s t o o f s h a d o w s a n d scurf.
O n l y Berko S h e m e t s c o u l d look s h a r p at this little h o u r of the
m o r n i n g , p e r c h e d o n t h e coffee t a b l e b y t h e c o u c h , c l a d i n a p a i r
of r h i n o c e r o s - g r a y p a j a m a s , n e a t l y c r e a s e d a n d cuffed, his initials
w o r k e d over t h e p o c k e t in m o u s e - g r a y crewel. H a i r c o m b e d , cheeks
e t e r n a l l y i n n o c e n t of w h i s k e r or blade.

" I a c t u a l l y p r e f e r l o s i n g , " L a n d s m a n says. " T o b e h o n e s t . I s t a r t

winning, I get suspicious."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 4D3

" I h a t e i t . M o s t o f all I h a t e d l o s i n g t o y o u r f a t h e r . " U n c l e H e r t z ' s

v o i c e is a b i t t e r c r o a k , t h e v o i c e o f h i s o w n g r e a t - a u n t c a l l i n g o u t
from b e y o n d t h e grave or t h e Vistula. H e ' s t h i r s t y , t i r e d , rueful,
a n d in p a i n , h a v i n g refused any m e d i c a t i o n s t r o n g e r t h a n aspirin.
T h e inside of his h e a d has g o t t o b e r i n g i n g like t h e s l a m m e d h o o d
o f a car. " B u t l o s i n g t o A l t e r L i t v a k . T h a t w a s a l m o s t as b a d . "
U n c l e H e r t z ' s eyelids flutter, t h e n settle over his eyes. Bina claps
her h a n d s , o n e - t w o , a n d t h e eyes snap o p e n .
" T a l k , H e r t z , " B i n a says. " B e f o r e y o u g e t t i r e d o r g o i n t o a c o m a
or s o m e t h i n g . You k n e w S h p i l m a n . "
" Y e s , " H e r t z says. H i s b r u i s e d e y e l i d s h a v e t h e v e i n e d l u s t e r o f
p u r p l e q u a r t z or t h e w i n g of a butterfly. "I k n e w h i m . "
"You m e t him how? A t t h e Einstein?"
H e starts to nod, t h e n tilts his head to o n e side, c h a n g i n g his
m i n d . " I m e t h i m w h e n h e w a s a boy. B u t I d i d n ' t r e c o g n i z e h i m .
W h e n I s a w h i m a g a i n . H e h a d c h a n g e d t o o m u c h . H e w a s a fat
l i t t l e boy. N o t a fat m a n . T h i n . A j u n k i e . H e s t a r t e d c o m i n g a r o u n d
t h e E i n s t e i n , h u s t l i n g c h e s s for d r u g m o n e y . I w o u l d s e e h i m t h e r e .
Frank. H e wasn't the usual patzer. From t i m e to time, I don't know,
I w o u l d l o s e five, t e n d o l l a r s t o h i m . "
" D i d y o u h a t e t h a t ? " E s t e r - M a l k e says, a n d t h o u g h she k n o w s
n o t h i n g a b o u t S h p i l m a n at all, she s e e m s t o have a n t i c i p a t e d or
guessed at his answer.
"No," h e r f a t h e r - i n - l a w says. " S t r a n g e l y , I d i d n ' t m i n d . "
"You liked h i m . "
" I d o n ' t like anybody, E s t e r - M a l k e . "
H e r t z licks his lips, l o o k i n g p a i n e d , s t i c k i n g o u t his t o n g u e .
Berko gets o u t of t h e chair a n d takes a p l a s t i c t u m b l e r from t h e
coffee t a b l e . H e h o l d s i t t o h i s f a t h e r ' s l i p s , a n d t h e i c e j i n g l e s i n t h e
tumbler. H e helps H e r t z to drain half of it w i t h o u t spilling. H e r t z
d o e s n ' t t h a n k h i m . H e lies t h e r e for a l o n g t i m e . Y o u c a n h e a r t h e
water sluicing through him.
" L a s t T h u r s d a y , " B i n a says. S h e s n a p s h e r f i n g e r s . " C o m e o n .
You w e n t t o his r o o m . A t t h e Z a m e n h o f . "
404 MICHAEL CHABON

"I w e n t to his r o o m . H e invited me. H e asked m e to b r i n g

M e l e k h G a y s t i k ' s g u n . H e w a n t e d t o see it. I d o n ' t k n o w h o w h e
k n e w I h a d it, I never told h i m . H e seemed to k n o w a lot a b o u t m e
t h a t I never t o l d h i m . A n d h e t o l d m e t h e story. H o w L i t v a k was
p r e s s i n g h i m t o play t h e T z a d d i k again, t o r o p e in t h e black hats.
H o w h e ' d b e e n h i d i n g from L i t v a k , b u t h e t i r e d of h i d i n g . H e h a d
b e e n h i d i n g h i s w h o l e life. So h e l e t L i t v a k find h i m a g a i n , b u t h e
r e g r e t t e d i t r i g h t away. H e d i d n ' t k n o w w h a t t o d o . H e d i d n ' t w a n t
to keep using. H e didn't w a n t to stop. H e didn't w a n t to be what
h e w a s n ' t , h e d i d n ' t k n o w h o w t o b e w h a t h e w a s . So h e a s k e d m e
if I w o u l d h e l p h i m . "

" H e l p h i m h o w ? " B i n a says.

H e r t z p u r s e s his lips, gives a s h r u g , a n d his gaze sidles t o w a r d a
d a r k c o r n e r o f t h e r o o m . H e is n e a r l y e i g h t y y e a r s o l d , a n d b e f o r e
this he has never confessed to anything.
" H e s h o w e d m e t h a t d a m n e d p r o b l e m of his, t h e m a t e in t w o , "
H e r t z says. " H e s a i d h e g o t i t off s o m e R u s s i a n . H e s a i d if I s o l v e d
it, then I would u n d e r s t a n d h o w he felt."
" Z u g z w a n g , " B i n a says.
" W h a t ' s t h a t ? " E s t e r - M a l k e says.
" I t ' s w h e n y o u h a v e n o g o o d m o v e s , " B i n a says. " B u t y o u s t i l l
have to move."
" O h , " says E s t e r - M a l k e , r o l l i n g h e r e y e s . "Chess."
" I t ' s b e e n d r i v i n g m e c r a z y for d a y s , " H e r t z says. " I s t i l l c a n ' t
g e t a m a t e in fewer t h a n t h r e e m o v e s . "
" B i s h o p t o c 2 , " L a n d s m a n says. " E x c l a m a t i o n p o i n t . "
I t t a k e s H e r t z w h a t feels t o L a n d s m a n l i k e a l o n g t i m e , w i t h h i s
eyes closed, t o w o r k it o u t , b u t at last t h e old m a n nods.
" Z u g z w a n g , " h e says.
" W h y , o l d m a n ? W h y w o u l d h e t h i n k y o u w o u l d d o t h a t for
h i m ? " B e r k o says. " Y o u b a r e l y k n e w e a c h o t h e r . "
" H e k n e w m e . H e k n e w m e v e r y w e l l , I d o n ' t r e a l l y k n o w how.
H e k n e w h o w b a d l y I h a t e losing. T h a t I c o u l d n ' t let L i t v a k b r i n g
a b o u t t h i s f o o l i s h n e s s . I c o u l d n ' t . E v e r y t h i n g I w o r k e d for all m y
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNION 405

l i f e . " T h e r e m u s t b e a b i t t e r t a s t e i n h i s m o u t h ; h e m a k e s a face.
"And n o w look w h a t happened. T h e y did i t . "
" Y o u g o t in t h r o u g h t h e t u n n e l ? " M e y e r says. " I n t o t h e h o t e l ? "
" W h a t t u n n e l ? I w a l k e d i n t h e f r o n t d o o r . I d o n ' t k n o w if y o u ' v e
noticed, Meyerle, b u t it's n o t exactly a h i g h - s e c u r i t y b u i l d i n g you
live i n . "
T w o or t h r e e long m i n u t e s u n w i n d from their spool. O u t on
their closed-in balcony, G o l d y a n d P i n k y m u t t e r a n d curse and
h a m m e r at their b e d s like g n o m e s at t h e i r forges d e e p b e n e a t h t h e
earth.
" I h e l p e d h i m fix h i m s e l f u p , " H e r t z says finally. " I w a i t e d till
h e w a s u n d e r . Way, d e e p d o w n u n d e r . T h e n I t o o k o u t G a y s t i k ' s
g u n . I w r a p p e d i t in t h e p i l l o w . G a y s t i k ' s . 3 8 D e t e c t i v e S p e c i a l .
R o l l e d t h e b o y o v e r o n t o h i s belly. B a c k o f t h e h e a d . I t w a s q u i c k .
T h e r e was no pain."
H e licks h i s l i p s a g a i n , a n d B e r k o is t h e r e w i t h a n o t h e r c o o l
swallow.
" T o o b a d y o u c o u l d n ' t d o as g o o d a j o b o n y o u r s e l f , " B e r k o
says.
"I t h o u g h t I was d o i n g t h e r i g h t thing, t h a t it w o u l d p u t a s t o p
to L i t v a k . " T h e old m a n sounds plaintive, childish. " B u t then t h e
bastards w e n t ahead a n d decided to t r y it w i t h o u t h i m . "
E s t e r - M a l k e t a k e s t h e lid f r o m a g l a s s j a r o f m i x e d n u t s o n t h e
t a b l e b e s i d e t h e c o u c h a n d stuffs a h a n d f u l i n t o h e r m o u t h . " D o n ' t
t h i n k I ' m n o t t o t a l l y d i s t u r b e d a n d h o r r i f i e d b y all o f t h i s , f r i e n d s , "
s h e says, h o i s t i n g h e r s e l f t o h e r f e e t . " B u t I ' m a t i r e d l a d y in h e r
first t r i m e s t e r , a n d I ' m g o i n g t o b e d . "
" I w a n t t o s i t w i t h h i m , s w e e t n e s s , " B e r k o says. H e a d d s , " I n c a s e
he's faking a n d he tries to steal t h e television once w e ' r e asleep."
" D o n ' t w o r r y , " B i n a says. " H e ' s a l r e a d y u n d e r a r r e s t . "
Landsman stands by the couch, w a t c h i n g the old man's chest
r i s e a n d fall. H e r t z ' s face h a s t h e h o l l o w s a n d f a c e t s o f a flaked
arrowhead.
" H e ' s a b a d m a n , " L a n d s m a n says. " A n d h e a l w a y s w a s . "
4QG MICHAEL CHABON

"Yes, b u t h e m a d e u p for i t b y b e i n g a t e r r i b l e f a t h e r . " B e r k o

s t a r e s a t H e r t z for a l o n g t i m e w i t h t e n d e r n e s s a n d c o n t e m p t . T h e
old m a n looks like s o m e k i n d of d e m e n t e d s w a m i in t h a t b a n d a g e .
" W h a t are you going to do?"
" N o t h i n g , what do you mean what am I going to do?"
" I d o n ' t k n o w , y o u h a v e t h a t t w i t c h y t h i n g h a p p e n i n g . You look
like y o u ' r e going to do s o m e t h i n g . "
"What?"
"That's what I'm asking you."
" I ' m n o t g o i n g t o d o a n y t h i n g , " L a n d s m a n says. " W h a t can
I do?"
E s t e r - M a l k e walks Bina a n d L a n d s m a n d o w n t h e hall to t h e
front d o o r of t h e a p a r t m e n t . L a n d s m a n p u t s on his p o r k p i e hat.
"So," E s t e r - M a l k e says.
"So," say Bina a n d L a n d s m a n .
" I n o t e t h a t t h e t w o of y o u are leaving t o g e t h e r . "
" Y o u w a n t u s t o l e a v e s e p a r a t e l y ? " L a n d s m a n says. " I c a n t a k e
t h e stairs a n d Bina can r i d e d o w n in t h e elevator."
" L a n d s m a n , l e t m e t e l l y o u s o m e t h i n g , " E s t e r - M a l k e says. "All
t h e s e p e o p l e r i o t i n g o n t h e t e l e v i s i o n in Syria, B a g h d a d , E g y p t ?
I n L o n d o n ? B u r n i n g c a r s . S e t t i n g fire t o e m b a s s i e s . U p i n Yakovy,
d i d y o u see w h a t h a p p e n e d , t h e y w e r e d a n c i n g , t h o s e fucking
m a n i a c s , t h e y w e r e so h a p p y a b o u t all t h i s c r a z i n e s s , t h e w h o l e
floor c o l l a p s e d r i g h t o n t o t h e a p a r t m e n t u n d e r n e a t h . A c o u p l e o f
l i t t l e girls sleeping in t h e i r b e d s , t h e y g o t c r u s h e d t o d e a t h . T h a t ' s
t h e k i n d of s h i t w e h a v e t o l o o k f o r w a r d t o now. B u r n i n g cars a n d
h o m i c i d a l d a n c i n g . I h a v e n o i d e a w h e r e t h i s b a b y is g o i n g t o b e
b o r n . M y m u r d e r i n g , s u i c i d a l f a t h e r - i n - l a w is s l e e p i n g i n m y l i v i n g
r o o m . M e a n w h i l e , I ' m g e t t i n g t h i s v e r y s t r a n g e v i b r a t i o n from t h e
t w o o f y o u . So l e t m e j u s t s a y t h a t if y o u a n d B i n a a r e p l a n n i n g t o
g e t b a c k t o g e t h e r , e x c u s e m e , b u t t h a t ' s all I n e e d . "

L a n d s m a n c o n s i d e r s t h i s . A n y k i n d o f w o n d e r s e e m s likely. T h a t
t h e J e w s w i l l p i c k u p a n d s e t sail for t h e p r o m i s e d l a n d t o feast o n
giant grapes a n d toss their beards in t h e desert wind. T h a t the
 THE Y I D D I S H POLICEMEN'S UNION 407

T e m p l e w i l l b e r e b u i l t , s p e e d i l y a n d i n o u r day. W a r w i l l c e a s e , e a s e
a n d p l e n t y a n d r i g h t e o u s n e s s will b e universal, a n d h u m a n k i n d will
be t r e a t e d to t h e regular spectacle of lions a n d lambs cohabiting.
E v e r y m a n will b e a r a b b i , e v e r y w o m a n a h o l y b o o k , a n d e v e r y s u i t
will c o m e w i t h t w o p a i r s of p a n t s . M e y e r ' s seed, e v e n now, m a y b e
wandering through darkness toward r e d e m p t i o n , striking at the
m e m b r a n e t h a t separates t h e legacy of t h e yids w h o m a d e h i m
from t h a t of t h e y i d s w h o s e e r r o r s , griefs, h o p e s , a n d c a l a m i t i e s
w e n t i n t o t h e p r o d u c t i o n of Bina Gelbfish.
" M a y b e i t w o u l d b e b e t t e r if I t o o k t h e s t a i r s , " L a n d s m a n
says.
" Y o u g o r i g h t a h e a d a n d d o t h a t , M e y e r , " says B i n a .
B u t t h e n w h e n h e finally m a k e s i t all t h e w a y d o w n , h e f i n d s h e r
a t t h e b o t t o m , w a i t i n g for h i m .
" W h a t t o o k y o u so l o n g ? " s h e says.
"I had to stop a time or two on the way."
"You need to quit smoking. Quit again."
" I d o . I w i l l . " H e fishes o u t h i s p a c k a g e o f B r o a d w a y s , fifteen left
to b u r n , a n d arcs it i n t o t h e l o b b y t r a s h can like a d i m e c a r r y i n g a
w i s h i n t o a f o u n t a i n . H e ' s f e e l i n g a l i t t l e g i d d y , a l i t t l e t r a g i c . H e is
r i p e for t h e g r a n d g e s t u r e , t h e o p e r a t i c m i s t a k e . M a n i c is p r o b a b l y
the word. "But that's not what held m e u p . "
"You're really h u r t . Tell m e you're n o t really h u r t , walking
a r o u n d so t o u g h a n d m a c h o w h e n y o u n e e d t o b e i n t h e g o d d a m n
h o s p i t a l . " S h e r e a c h e s for h i s w i n d p i p e w i t h t h e f i n g e r s o f b o t h
h a n d s , r e a d y , as e v e r , t o c h o k e t h e life f r o m L a n d s m a n t o s h o w h o w
m u c h she cares. "Are y o u h u r t badly, y o u i d i o t ? "
" O n l y i n m y s o u l , s w e e t n e s s , " M e y e r says. T h o u g h h e s u p p o s e s
i t ' s p o s s i b l e t h a t Ran" Z i l b e r b l a t ' s b u l l e t c r e a s e d m o r e t h a n h i s s k u l l .
"I j u s t had to s t o p a couple of times. T o t h i n k . O r n o t to t h i n k , I
d o n ' t k n o w . E v e r y t i m e I l e t m y s e l f t r y t o , y o u k n o w , breathe, j u s t
for t e n s e c o n d s , w i t h t h e a i r full o f t h i s t h i n g w e ' r e l e t t i n g t h e m
g e t a w a y w i t h , I d o n ' t k n o w , I feel l i k e I ' m s u f f o c a t i n g a l i t t l e b i t . "
Landsman s i n k s o n t o a sofa w h o s e b r u i s e - c o l o r e d cushions
408 MICHAEL CHABON

g i v e off a s t r o n g S i t k a o d o r o f m i l d e w , c i g a r e t t e s , a c o m p l i c a t e d
s a l t i n e s s t h a t is p a r t s t o r m y s e a , p a r t s w e a t o n t h e l i n i n g o f a w o o l
f e d o r a . T h e l o b b y o f t h e D n y e p e r is all b l o o d - p u r p l e v e l v e t a n d
gilded c r u s t , b l o w n - u p h a n d - t i n t e d p o s t c a r d s of t h e great Black
Sea r e s o r t s i n T s a r i s t t i m e s . L a d i e s w i t h t h e i r l a p d o g s o n s u n s t r u c k
p r o m e n a d e s . G r a n d h o t e l s t h a t n e v e r h o u s e d a Jew.
" I t ' s l i k e a s t o n e i n m y belly, t h i s d e a l w e m a d e , " L a n d s m a n
says. " J u s t l y i n g t h e r e . "
Bina rolls h e r eyes, h a n d s on h e r hips, glances at t h e door. T h e n
she comes over and drops her bag and plops d o w n beside him. H o w
m a n y t i m e s , he w o n d e r s , can she have e n o u g h of h i m , already, and
still have n o t q u i t e e n o u g h ?
" I c a n ' t r e a l l y b e l i e v e y o u a g r e e d t o i t , " s h e says.
"I know."
"I'm supposed to be the brownnose around here."
"Tell me about it."
" T h e ass licker."
"It's killing m e . "
" I f I c a n ' t r e l y o n y o u t o t e l l t h e b i g s h o t s t o f u c k off, M e y e r ,
why do I keep you around?"
H e tries t o explain t o her, t h e n , t h e c o n s i d e r a t i o n s t h a t led h i m
t o m a k e his o w n p e r s o n a l v e r s i o n of t h e deal. H e n a m e s s o m e of
t h e small t h i n g s — t h e c a n n e r i e s , t h e violinists, t h e m a r q u e e of t h e
Baranof T h e a t r e — t h a t it pleased h i m t o cherish a b o u t Sitka w h e n
he was coming to terms w i t h Cashdollar.
" Y o u a n d y o u r g o d d a m n e d Heart of Darkness" B i n a says. " I ' m
not sitting t h r o u g h that movie ever again." She shrinks her m o u t h
d o w n to a hard m a r k . "You forgot s o m e t h i n g , asshole. O n your
s w e e t l i t t l e list. You w e r e o n e i t e m s h o r t , I'd say."
"Bina."
" Y o u h a v e n o p l a c e for m e o n t h a t l i s t o f y o u r s ? B e c a u s e I h o p e
you k n o w you're at the fucking t o p of m i n e . "
" H o w is t h a t p o s s i b l e ? " L a n d s m a n says. " I j u s t d o n ' t s e e h o w
that could be."
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 4D9

"Why not?"
" B e c a u s e , y o u k n o w . I failed y o u . I l e t y o u d o w n . I feel l i k e I j u s t
l e t y o u d o w n so b a d l y . "
"In what way?"
" B e c a u s e of w h a t I m a d e y o u do. T o D j a n g o . I d o n ' t k n o w h o w
you can even stand to look at m e . "
"Made m e ? Y o u t h i n k y o u made m e kill o u r b a b y ? "
"No, Bina, I — "
" L e t m e tell y o u s o m e t h i n g , M e y e r . " She g r a b s his hand,
d i g g i n g h e r n a i l s i n t o h i s s k i n . " T h e d a y y o u ever h a v e t h a t m u c h
control over m y behavior, it will be b e c a u s e s o m e b o d y ' s asking
you, should she get the pine box or a plain w h i t e s h r o u d ? " She
d i s c a r d s h i s h a n d , t h e n r e t r i e v e s i t a n d s t r o k e s a t t h e fiery l i t t l e
m o o n s she carved i n t o his flesh. " O h my God, your hand, I'm
sorry. Meyer, I ' m sorry."
L a n d s m a n , o f c o u r s e , is s o r r y , t o o . H e h a s a l r e a d y a p o l o g i z e d t o
her several t i m e s , alone a n d in t h e p r e s e n c e of o t h e r s , orally a n d in
w r i t i n g , formally in m e a s u r e d p h r a s e s a n d in u n t r a m m e l e d s p a s m s :
Sorry I'm sorry I'm so, so sorry. H e h a s a p o l o g i z e d for h i s c r a z i n e s s , h i s
e r r a t i c b e h a v i o r , h i s g l o o m s a n d j a g s , for t h e y e a r s o f r o u n d - r o b i n
e x a l t a t i o n a n d d e s p a i r . H e h a s a p o l o g i z e d for l e a v i n g h e r , a n d for
b e g g i n g h e r t o t a k e h i m b a c k a g a i n , a n d for b r e a k i n g d o w n t h e d o o r
t o t h e i r o l d a p a r t m e n t w h e n s h e d e c l i n e d t o d o so. H e h a s a b a s e d
himself, a n d r e n t his g a r m e n t s , a n d g r o v e l e d at h e r shoes. M o s t
of t h e t i m e Bina h a s , g o o d a n d c a r i n g w o m a n t h a t she is, offered
L a n d s m a n t h e w o r d s h e w a n t e d t o h e a r . H e h a s p r a y e d t o h e r for
r a i n , a n d s h e h a s s e n t c o o l s h o w e r s . B u t w h a t h e r e a l l y r e q u i r e s is a
flood t o w a s h h i s w i c k e d n e s s f r o m t h e face o f t h e e a r t h . T h a t o r t h e
blessing of a y i d w h o will n e v e r bless a n y o n e again.

" I t ' s all r i g h t , " L a n d s m a n says.

S h e g e t s u p a n d g o e s o v e r t o t h e l o b b y t r a s h c a n a n d fishes o u t
L a n d s m a n ' s p a c k a g e of Broadways. F r o m h e r coat p o c k e t she pulls
a d e n t e d Z i p p o , bearing t h e insignia of t h e 7 5 t h R a n g e r r e g i m e n t ,
a n d l i g h t s a p a p i r o s for e a c h o f t h e m .
4ID MICHAEL CHABDN

" W e d i d w h a t s e e m e d r i g h t a t t h e t i m e , M e y e r . W e h a d a few
facts. W e k n e w o u r l i m i t a t i o n s . A n d w e called t h a t a choice. B u t w e
d i d n ' t have any choice. All w e h a d w a s , I d o n ' t know, t h r e e lousy
facts a n d a b o u n d a r y m a p of o u r o w n l i m i t a t i o n s . T h e t h i n g s w e
k n e w w e c o u l d n ' t h a n d l e . " She takes h e r Shoyfer o u t of her b a g
a n d h a n d s i t t o L a n d s m a n . " A n d r i g h t n o w , if y o u ' r e a s k i n g m e ,
a n d I k i n d of g o t t h e idea y o u w e r e , y o u also d o n ' t really have any
choice."
W h e n h e j u s t s i t s t h e r e , h o l d i n g t h e p h o n e , s h e flips i t o p e n a n d
d i a l s a n u m b e r a n d p u t s i t i n t o h i s h a n d . H e r a i s e s i t t o h i s ear.
" D e n n i s B r e n n a n , " says t h e c h i e f a n d s o l e o c c u p a n t o f t h e S i t k a
b u r e a u o f t h a t m a j o r A m e r i c a n daily.
" B r e n n a n . It's M e y e r L a n d s m a n . "
L a n d s m a n h e s i t a t e s again. H e covers t h e m o u t h hole of t h e
phone with a thumb.
"Tell h i m to get his big head d o w n here and w a t c h us arrest your
u n c l e for m u r d e r , " B i n a says. " T e l l h i m h e h a s t w e n t y m i n u t e s . "
L a n d s m a n tries t o w e i g h t h e fates of Berko, of his uncle H e r t z ,
of Bina, of t h e J e w s , of t h e A r a b s , of t h e w h o l e u n b l e s s e d a n d
homeless planet, against the promise he made to Mrs. Shpilman,
a n d t o h i m s e l f , e v e n t h o u g h h e h a d l o s t h i s b e l i e f i n fate a n d
promises.
" I d i d n ' t h a v e t o w a i t for y o u t o d r a g y o u r l a m e n t a b l e h i d e
d o w n t h o s e l o u s y s t a i r s , " B i n a says. " Y o u k n o w t h a t . I c o u l d j u s t
have walked out the g o d d a m n e d door."
" Y e a h , so w h y d i d n ' t y o u ? "
" B e c a u s e I k n o w y o u , M e y e r . I c o u l d see w h a t w a s g o i n g t h r o u g h
y o u r m i n d , s i t t i n g u p t h e r e , l i s t e n i n g t o H e r t z . I c o u l d see y o u
h a d s o m e t h i n g y o u n e e d e d t o say." She p u s h e s t h e p h o n e b a c k t o
h i s l i p s a n d b r u s h e s t h e m w i t h h e r s . " S o j u s t g o a h e a d a n d say i t
already. I ' m t i r e d of w a i t i n g . "
For days L a n d s m a n has been t h i n k i n g t h a t h e missed his chance
w i t h M e n d e l S h p i l m a n , t h a t in t h e i r exile at t h e H o t e l Zamenhof,
 THE Y I D D I S H PDLICEMEN'S UNIDN 4M

w i t h o u t even realizing, h e b l e w his o n e s h o t at s o m e t h i n g like

r e d e m p t i o n . B u t t h e r e is n o M e s s i a h o f S i t k a . L a n d s m a n has
n o h o m e , n o future, n o fate b u t Bina. T h e land t h a t h e a n d she
w e r e p r o m i s e d was b o u n d e d only b y t h e fringes of t h e i r w e d d i n g
canopy, b y t h e dog-eared c o r n e r s of t h e i r c a r d s of m e m b e r s h i p in
an i n t e r n a t i o n a l f r a t e r n i t y w h o s e m e m b e r s c a r r y t h e i r p a t r i m o n y
in a t o t e b a g , t h e i r w o r l d o n t h e t i p of t h e t o n g u e .
" B r e n n a n , " L a n d s m a n says. " I h a v e a s t o r y for y o u . "
 AUTHDR'S NOTE

a m g r a t e f u l for t h e h e l p o f t h e f o l l o w i n g p e o p l e , w o r k s , w e b s i t e s ,
institutions, and establishments:
The MacDowell Colony, Peterborough, New Hampshire;
Davia N e l s o n ; Susie T o m p k i n s Buell; M a r g a r e t G r a d e a n d t h e staff
of M a n k a ' s Inverness L o d g e , I n v e r n e s s , California; P h i l i p Pavel a n d
t h e staff o f t h e C h a t e a u M a r m o n t , L o s A n g e l e s , C a l i f o r n i a ; B o n n i e
Pietila a n d h e r fellow d e n i z e n s of Springfield; Paul Hamburg,
l i b r a r i a n for t h e J u d a i c a C o l l e c t i o n s , U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a ; A r i Y.
Kelman; T o d d Hasak-Lowy; Roman Skaskiw; the Alaska State
Library, Juneau, Alaska; Dee Longebaugh, O b s e r v a t o r y Books,
Juneau, Alaska; Jake Bassett of t h e O a k l a n d Police D e p a r t m e n t ;
M a r y E v a n s ; Sally W i l l c o x , M a t t h e w S n y d e r , a n d D a v i d C o l d e n ;
Devin M c l n t y r e ; Kristina Larsen, Lisa Eglinton, a n d C a r m e n D a r i o ;
E l i z a b e t h Gaffney, K e n n e t h T u r a n , J o n a t h a n L e t h e m ; C h r i s t o p h e r
Potter; Jonathan Burnham; Michael McKenzie; Scott Rudin;
Leonard Waldman, Robert Chabon, and Sharon Chabon; Sophie,
Zeke, Ida-Rose, and A b r a h a m Chabon, and their mother; The
Messiah Texts, R a p h a e l P a t a i ; Modern English-Tiddish Yiddish-English
Dictionary, U r i e l W e i n r e i c h ; Our Gang, J e n n a J o s e l i t ; The Meaning
of Yiddish, B e n j a m i n H a r s h a v ; Blessings, Curses, Hopes and Fears:
Psycho-Ostensive Expressions in Yiddish, Benjamin Matisoff; English-
414 AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yiddish Dictionary, A l e x a n d e r H a r k a v y ; American Klezmer, Mark

S l o b i n ; Against Culture: Development, Politics, and Religion in Indian
Alaska, K i r k D o m b r o w s k i ; Will the Time Ever Come? A Tlingit Source
Book, A n d r e w H o p e I I I a n d T h o m a s F. T h o r n t o n , e d s . ; The Chess
Artist, J. C . H a l l m a n ; The Pleasures of Chess, A s s i a c (Heinrich
F r a e n k e l ) ; Treasury of Chess Lore, Fred Reinfeld, ed.; Mendele
(http:// shakti.trincoll.edu/~mendele/index.utf-8.htm);
C h e s s v i l l e ( w w w . c h e s s v i l l e . c o m ) ; Eruvin in Modern Metropolitan
Areas, Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer (http://www.aishdas.org/
baistefila/eruvpl.htm); Yiddish Dictionary Online (www.
yiddishdictionaryonline.com); and Courtney Hodell, editor and
r e d e e m e r of this novel.

T h e H a n d s of Esau b r o t h e r h o o d was founded b y and appears

h e r e w i t h t h e kind p e r m i s s i o n of its g r a n d c h a i r m a n and president
for life, J e r o m e C h a r y n ; t h e Z u g z w a n g o f M e n d e l S h p i l m a n w a s
d e v i s e d b y R e b V l a d i m i r N a b o k o v a n d is p r e s e n t e d i n h i s Speak,
Memory.
This novel was written on Macintosh computers using
Devonthink Pro and Nisus Writer Express.