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Conversational Intelligence® for Coaches 2016 // ciqcoach.com

WE-kepedia
The journey of Co-Creation
with Conversational
Intelligence for Coaches ®

Discover the core concepts and fundamental terms

that allow you to gain a deeper understanding of
Conversational Intelligence® and how to apply it
to your own practice.

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WE-kepedia
Power-with others
Closing the distance between yourself and others by engaging in conver-
sations that enhance and validate both people’s power.

When we share mutually in building our relationship, both parties

experience the positive power of the exchange. Power-with conversations
create and broaden the ability for people to reach higher levels of
performance and achievement together.

Co-creating
Co-creating is hardwired into our DNA. Co-creating is working together
with others and realizing mutual support and value. It is the basis of
building strong community. Co-creating is sharing ideas, listening without
judgment, and developing ideas together with others. We are social
beings. The need for co-creation is essential to our well-being and growth.
Co-creation catalyzes growth in relationships, ideas, communities, and
shared meaning. When we engage with others in conversations that
influence our minds, hearts and sprits we are co-creating.

Trust
When I trust I believe that you will not harm me (physically, emotionally,
or professionally). I trust that we can work together. I trust in working
together we are stronger and more productive than we are working as
individuals. I trust that you have my best interests at heart (you care
about me). I trust that as we work together we will come to share the
same vision of the future, will be in sync and will support each other in
achieving mutual success.

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Distrust
Distrust is when I am afraid to share what’s on my mind for fear you’ll
make me feel small or will use it against me at a later time. I don’t believe
you and I can work together, much less understand each other. Even if
we could do both those things, I don’t believe we could really help each
other to be successful. I feel that you and I see the world very differently;
there are countless places where our conversations end in disconnect.

Bridging Reality Gaps

Each of us has expectations for the future. These expectations and
aspirations, define our reality – our hopes and dreams for how we want
our future to evolve. When we envision the future differently than others
we can find ourselves in conflict – we all have these Reality Gaps. By
focusing on have co-creating conversations, we build a framework for
bridging divergent perspective and points of view and drive toward
richer outcomes for shared success.

Deconstructing Conversations
Conversations are an exchange of ideas and thoughts. Words carry
meaning – they are the symbols, ideas and pictures we are trying to
communicate to others. Deconstructing enables us to analyze, take apart,
interpret and understand the meaning of conversations – their impact on
others and to ‘make sense of’ what both parties are intending to commu-
nicate.

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Reframing
Framing is the meaning we give to something. Each frame carries
meaning. When we reframe, we assign a new meaning to or context, thus
seeing a situation in another light. A frame can refer to a belief, what
limits our view of the world or expands our view of the world. By
changing the frame, new concepts and possibilities can develop.

Redirecting
Redirecting is guiding others during a conversation to take a different
path in their thinking. It could be directing someone to a new place, to a
new context, to a new purpose, to a new thought, or to connecting
thoughts. When we redirect, we point to a new possibility, new relation-
ships, new ideas, new ways of doing something, which has the ability to
change mindsets.

Refocusing
Refocusing is putting attention on something different. Refocusing can
enable us to see things in greater detail, or to step away and see things
from a broader perspective. Focusing and refocusing can enable someone
to gain a new perspective on something, take in more details or general-
ize the details. When we refocus, we can see things in a new light, which
has the ability to change our mindset.

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Priming
Priming is the impact a stimulus has on what comes next. Something that
is positive coming before an event can give the event a more positive
interpretation or experience, and the reverse is true with negative events.
Priming can be incidental or intentional and does have an impact on how
we experience an event, a conversation or a situation. Priming happens
by association and can determine meaning.

Double-Clicking
Double-clicking was used originally with ‘pressing a computer mouse
twice’ to open up a folder or document. In conversations it is a metaphor
to explain clicking twice on words used in conversations to open up the
meaning others may hold inside. Meaning is stored in deeper structures
in our brain, and as one double-clicks it reveals the deeper meanings held
by others. Through double-clicking we can better understand how others
see the world, and gain understanding of their perspective, their deeply
held beliefs, and their points of view.

Oxytocin
Oxytocin is both a hormone and a neurotransmitter associated with
bonding behaviors. New research in neuroscience suggests that oxytocin
may play a dominant role in the brain and the heart as a regulator of our
need for social contact.[Paul Zak, from the Claremont Graduate Universi-
ty, senior author of the study, Trust Hormone Associated with Happiness]
Some scientists call oxytocin the “cuddle hormone,” because it can create
feelings of wellbeing as comforting as a mother’s hug. Oxytocin, which is
a peptide with nine amino acids, is produced within the brain, particular-
ly in the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus, as well as in the ovaries
and testes.

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Mirror Neurons
Researchers at the University of Parma, in Italy, isolated certain areas of
the primate brain that fired up when a simple task was performed, and
discovered that exactly the same brain activity occurred when that simple
task was observed in someone else. The initial discovery had dramatic
implications for the importance of observation and imitation in learning.
But in time researchers have expanded the scope of this work even more
widely, to include our human capacity for bonding and empathy. Mirror
Neurons, located right below the Prefrontal Cortex, are firing off expand-
ing our bridges of empathy and insight into others.

Amygdala Hijacking
The older brain is prone to take on the service of protection, while the
newer brain is in service of growth – but we can’t get to growth if our
environment is sending us signals to protect. Once we sense a threaten-
ing experience – a cocktail of brain chemicals sends us into a protecting
posture ensuring safety from any and all people and things in our
environment that might cause us harm. When this mindset takes over - it
orchestrates our behavior and interactions with others – this is called an
Amygdala Hijack. When we are in high states of fear and our adrenalin is
high, adrenalin modulates or stops the production of oxytocin – our
hormone for bonding.

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