Why get married in Church?

Sacramental marriage as a path to joy

Fr. José Granados, dcjm
Pontifical John Paul II Institute, Rome
Why get married in Church? In order to answer this question, it is crucial to recall that we
certainly do need a place to get married. Thus, the question “why in Church?” is a question of
comparing different possible places. Is the Church a better place than other places?
Now, the place in which to get married is not only a physical place like an office, a beach or
a temple. The question of “where” to get married refers also to “place” understood as a web of
relationships that surrounds us, in the same way as a home is not made only with bricks, but with
the love of those who care for us.
In this sense, the question of “place” is in fact very important for those who are getting
married. It is said that today we live in a society of “no-places”, that is, a society where it is difficult
to find places connected to our identity. Think of a supermarket, an airport, a highway..., as
examples of the spaces we live in today. Well, when someone wants to get married, this is because
they want to find a place they can relate to themselves, a place where they feel accepted and safe
and where their life can flourish. In this sense, the first place of marriage is the love between the
spouses, their very relationship (one flesh!), upon which they build up their family.
At this point, we can formulate our question anew: does the love between spouses (the new
place they will inhabit) need a larger place, in order to be a stable, deep and fruitful love?
One could, of course, understand marriage as the couple’s business, a question of “you and
me”. However, the fact that a couple wants to get married indicates that they acknowledge the need
of a further place for their love. We certainly want friends, our larger family, a whole society that
support us. We feel that the “place” of marriage does not stand alone, and we look for a larger place
in which our love can be built.
Is the Church a good place in which to build up our marriage? Can we rely on her as a place
in which our love can last and grow? At this point, it is clear that the question is not only about a
place to get married, but also about a place in which to stay married.
Let us look at the kind of place people want to build when they get married. And let us ask
whether the Church is a place that fosters this kind of place people want to build.
First, in marriage we hope to find a place of stability in love. We get married not only
because we love one another, but because we want to be committed to this mutual love. Mutual
commitment helps us to know that we are accepted no matter what. Like the foundations of a house,
commitment dispels fears and allows us to focus on building a lasting relationship.
Now, the Church is the place where we can foster radical commitment in love “all the days
of our life”. For in the Church we find the assurance of God’s commitment in Christ, not only to us
as persons, but also to our love as spouses. Getting married in the Church means establishing as the
foundation of our own commitment the radical love of Jesus for his Church. Moreover, through the
forgiveness of Christ, the Church offers us a place where our love can be healed when wounded.
Ultimately, a commitment for “all the days of our life” is possible only if we are supported by a
greater love, and the Church is a place where the greatest love (Christ’s love) dwells.
Secondly, when people get married they want their relationship to become deeper. They
want a shared place, in which their life and the life of their spouse become one. For marriage is
about sharing a common world, a common view on life, a common narrative.
Now, the Church is the place where God offers us his Holy Spirit, which makes of us one
body. In the Church we are reminded that we are not alone in our own world, but that there exists a
common world in which we are called to share. In the Church we are reminded that, as spouses, we
can be one in the same way as Christ is one with the Church in the one body of the Eucharist.
Finally, people who get married want a place that is open to joyful novelty. For we get
married in order to begin a path of mutual enrichment. The birth of a child is the proof of this
dynamism, that is, of marriage’s capacity to open up a new future beyond our expectations. We
want our marriage to be a place that bears fruit, like a garden does.
But how can our love be open to novelty and growth if we are closed in on ourselves as a
couple? By living our marriage in the Church we enter into a place that, being the dwelling place of
God (1Tim 3,15), contains the source of all novelty. We get married in the Church because we
understand that “it takes Three to get married”, so that our marriage becomes fruitful beyond
ourselves. And it is because of this fruitfulness we experience in the Church that we can transmit to
our children, not only the life of this world, but a promise of eternal life.
Do you need a place for your marriage? Do you want this place to be stable, deep in
communion, open to the growth and novelty of joy? Then come, get married in the Church. Stay
married in the Church. Build up the Church with your love.