Chapter 1: Misunderstood

Concept Definition Extra Notes & Resources

What are the A. The Legal Culture:
three cultures  Any country that a TCK
of a TCK? has legal standing in
 Passport Country
 Can be multiple countries
B. Geographic Culture:
 Any culture that a TCK
has lived in
 “40 percent of TCK’s
surveyed had lived in four
or more geographic
cultures; 10 percent had
lived in six or more
cultures” (Crossman, p. 2,
2016).
C. Relational Culture:
 The culture of shared
experiences
 The culture created
between people who relate
to one another
What is the Cross Cultural Experience:
Cross-Cultural  Cross-cultural is a culture
Experience that is not naturally your
own culture.
 The TCK experience is
unique because it is a
place that they know can
never be home because
they will more than likely
go back home to their
passport country or move
to another country at
some point.
 There is a lack of
permanency.
How do 20 an A. Changes in Travel:
21st Century  21st century TCK’s have
TCKS Differ the ability and freedom to
travel more easily.
 They see extended family
more frequently than
TCK’s in the 20th century.
  The length of time spent in
one place at one time is
shorter because of the
changes in travel.
B. Changes in Education
 International Schools
have come into play
 The majority of 20th
century TCK’s attended
boarding school where as
only 10 percent of 21st
century TCK’s attend
boarding school
 Education can be
continued in a common
language all around the
globe.
C. Changes in Friendship:
 Friendships across the
globe have become more
and more common
 TCK’s in the 20th century
had core friends in the
location that they were
living in, where as 21st
century TCK’s have friends
all across the world.

What are key  There are challenges to

challenges to any childhood, and
the TCK specific challenges that
TCK’s face because of their
high mobility.
 However, “80% of TCKs
surveyed said they were
glad to be TCKs; only 2%
wished that they had not
lived abroad” (Crossman,
p.20, 2016).
Misunderstood A. Misunderstood by Family: https://www.abc.net.au/n
in relation to  There is a culture gap ews/2018-09-08/what-
TCK’s between TCKs and their means-third-culture-
family whether that be kid/10205100
extended family or
parents. Parents cannot
ignore this gap.
  TCKs will inevitably have https://tnextphase.wordp
an identity that is ress.com/2015/01/06/thir
influenced and shaped by d-culture-kids-a-
several different places;
hidden-minority-of-the-
they need their parents to
21st-century/
accept and support their
identity, rather than
being frustrated because
they are not fully
encompassed by the
culture of their family or
passport country.
B. Misunderstood by Friends
 TCKS have experiences
that are hard for a
majority of kids to
understand, leaving them
in a place where they are
constantly explaining.
This is exhausting for TCKs
 Not being able to share
and have friends fully
understand the
experiences they have had,
leaves TCKs feeling lonely
as well.
 Leaves TCKs believing that
no one is able to
understand who they are,
what they feel, what they
have experienced, etc.
C. Building Understanding:
 No matter what
experiences are shared or
not shared, everyone can
share and relate to
emotions or feelings that
others experience. Connect
with TCKs on this level.
 Genuinely take the time to
hear TCKs stories and let
them tell their stories
 Like any student, they
want to be known. Take
the time to let TCKs share
about what is important
to them, what they love,
and the experiences that
have shaped who they are
today.
 Chapter 2: Misunderstood
Concept Definition Extra Notes &
Resources
Parent’s 1. Mission Work Mission Work:
employment-  What is it: families https://www.failedmissiona
pros and cons overseas with a religious ry.com/podcast/2018/5/20/
of each type group. missionary-kids
 Pros:
mentioned
o Most often, these https://www.theodysseyonli
families are ne.com/5-things-you-
provided with good should-know-about-
organizational missionary-kids
support.
o
 Cons:
o Children can feel
resentful towards
parents because
they have not
chosen to live
overseas nor have,
they chosen to be
apart of their work.
o Lack of space to be
themselves and
express opinions
that may not fit the
missionary mold.

2. Foreign Service – military Foreign Service:

personnel and diplomatic https://pathtoforeignservice
staff. .com/growing-overseas-
 What is it: diplomatic due-foreign-service/
corps and military
personnel
 Pros:
o Because they live in
an expat bubble,
there is a strong
support and
community for these
families.
 Cons:
o Pressure to be
patriotic
 o Fewer connections
are made to where
they are living.
o Military families
are known to be
frequent movers.
o Pressure to be their
best at all times
because appearance
and act
appropriately
matters.

3. International Business
 What is it: Families from
specific companies or
industries living and
working within another
country.
 Pros:
o Own social circle or
group identity
o Well supported and
cared for when
looking at the
entire salary
package not just the
monthly income.
 Cons:
o Income is not
always the same as
their international
classmates because
much of what they
have is paid for by
the company.
o Lack of training for
families to connect
and learn the
culture of the
country they are
living in.
o Most likely group of
kids to know little
to nothing about
being a TCK and
 the resources that
are available to
them.

4. Teachers in International
Schools
 What is it: Educators that
have moved their families
and children overseas to
participate and teach in
an international school.
 Pros:
o Education is often
covered for children
at the
international
school.
o There is a natural
support group and
community formed
between teachers
and families of
international
schools
 Cons
o These kids fight a
daily financial gap
between themselves
and the kids they
attend school with.

5. Unaffiliated
 What is it: Families who
move abroad without a
sponsor
 Pros:
o They often don’t
travel as often,
allowing them to
really invest in the
place they are in if
they choose to do so
o There are lots of
different clubs and
programs available
all around the
 world to connect
and get plugged
into community
 Cons:
o Most likely group of
TCK’s to feel
misunderstood or
isolated
o Lack community

6. Non-Governmental
Organizations
 What is it: families
overseas with an
organization that is
neither missional nor
governmental
 Pros:
o Vocational calling
to be where they are
and serving in the
capacity, they are
in.
o High income and
job benefits
o Engaged in the
local community
o Support is often
provided for these
families when they
go back to their
passport country.
 Cons:
o Lack community in
a similar way to
families that go
overseas
unaffiliated to an
organization
o These kids don’t
always feel like they
fit into the TCK
group or identity.
International 1. Local School: http://www.afsa.org/op
Education –  A school that uses the host tions-educating-
what types of country’s curriculum and
foreign-service-kids
 schools are is intended primarily for
available and nationals.
what are the  Allows TCKs to be more
pros and cons connected to the host
country.
of each type
 Because it is in the
language of the host
country, being a foreign
student can be
challenging if the student
is not fluent in that
language.
 Primary school aged
children adapt well and
more quickly to local
school.
2. International School:
 Uses the curriculum of
another country and is
primarily staffed by
expats.
 High academic standards
and high tuition
 Can be a financial
burden if it is the only
option available for TCKs
and not covered by the
employer.
 Full of TCKs allowing TCKs
to have a community of
kids who understand their
circumstances and life.
 Academic rigor can be
difficult for some students
to keep up with.
3. Christian International
School:
 Highly attended by Mks.
 Similar to that of an
international school but
with a faith-based
foundation.
 The faith aspect of the
school can feel forced for
students attending that
 do not share the same
beliefs.
 Not always the most
advanced in academic
courses offered or sports
programs.
4. Homeschool:
 Provides stability in
education because it can
continue no matter how
much traveling or moving
takes place.
 Flexibility in schedule for
the family.
 Children who are
homeschool often lack
social interactions with
kids their own age.
 Homeschooling can be
done by the individual
family, through a
homeschooling
program/curriculum or by
a group of families who
share the burden of
teaching.
5. Boarding School:
 Provides structure,
academic support and
stability for children.
 Moving away from family
can be challenging at a
young age.
 Can be a benefit for
extroverted children
whose families live in
remote countries.
 Provides social
interactions with peers for
TCKs.
Multicultural 1. Parents from different
families cultures:
 Bicultural kids- kids with
parents from two different
cultures.
 Children in these family’s
struggle finding identity
as a mixture of both their
parents’ home country
and culture.
2. Immigrant Expats
 Have three major cultural
influences: Parents
original culture, the
family’s new passport
culture, and the culture
they spend time in as an
expat.
 They are both
immigrant and expats.
 Emotional distance can
come between children
and parents if they
aren’t emotionally
connected to their
parents’ ethnic
background.
 Excellent chameleons as
they switch their
language, speech,
attitude, and body
language depending
on which culture they
are within.
3. Returning Immigrant
Expats:
 Immigrants who return to
their homeland.
 TCKs in these families are
expected to quickly
become at home in the
new country however it
feels far from that.
  These families often do
not have the same rights
they had before leaving
the country.
4. Cross Cultural Adoption
 Can feel normal in an
expat community
 The child may be adopted
from the host country and
still living in their place
of birth or they may be
adopted from a different
country or finally they
may be adopted from the
passport country.
 Its important for these
children to take the time
to learn about their story:
place of birth, parents,
siblings, orphanage or
any other physical
connections they may
have in their home
country.
How do The following are things that
bicultural help bicultural kids find
TCKs find identity:
Identity 1. Language spoken most
often at home
2. The language in which
they attend school
3. The language in which
classmates speak natively
4. Country in which the
curriculum is in
5. Predominant
language/culture of the
community they spend time
in
4. Country they look most
native in
5. Parents home country that
is visited most often
 6. the place they have most
contact with extended family
7. Negative experiences they
have or haven’t had in
parents home country.

 Bicultural kids can

find identity by
embracing both
countries that their
parents are from
 Learn more about their
heritage from each
country
 Celebrate holidays form
both parents home
countries.
Non-  Non-traditional families:
Traditional TCKs that come from
Families families of divorce,
blended families or single
parents.
 TCKs within these families
feel very isolated because
it is uncommon among
most Families living
internationally.
 Children from these
families may not be able
to see both parents
regularly
 Single parents may
struggle more because
living overseas takes away
all community and
support that they have for
their children
Relationships 1. Full Immersion in the Host
with the Host Country:
Country  Speak host country’s
language, attend local
school, have local friends,
and mostly eat local
foods.
  This can be how many
people from family’s home
countries envision life for
all people living within
another country.
 Easier when a TCK looks
like they could be a local.
2. One host country:
 When Families are able to
plant themselves deeply
within a host country and
minimize moves, a deep
attachment and affection
for the host country often
follows.
 The host country feels like
home while the home
country feels more distant.
 A return visit to the host
culture at some point can
help TCKs in these
circumstances process
their childhood as an
adult.
3. Multiple Moves:
 These kids are constantly
starting over.
 Learn how to make great
impressions from first
interactions but are hard
to really get to know
 Family unit becomes the
one constant.
 Leaves a sense of
restlessness for these kids.
4. Latecomers:
 Latecomers are TCKs that
made their first
international school in
Highschool
 They may not identify
themselves as a TCK
 Cling to passport country
identity and look forward
to their return there.
  Struggle developing a
connection to the host
country.
5. Hating the host country:
 Often comes as a result of
kids not processing their
feelings or the difficulties
about the move that was
made.
 The hatred, when not
dealt with, can become
part of a TCKs identity.
 Space to communicate
feeling is a necessity.
 Chapter 3: Misunderstood
Concept Definition Extra Notes & Resources
Transition  Transition: the process of
handling the emotional
fallout of physical
changes.
 Change happens
immediately, transition is
a process over time.
 A constant state of
transition is what leads to
the TCKs mindset or belief
that everyone leaves.
 Some TCKs will begin to
anticipate transition and
put up walls as a
protection for themselves.

Loss  TCK’s experience a lot of

loss throughout their lives
 Loss of valued skills: when
transition takes place
TCKs may be put into a
place where they feel
incompetent
Grief  Grief is a natural process
for healing
 Some people pre-grieve,
where they grieve in
advance to the actual loss
occurring.
 Others post-grieve,
meaning they grieve after
the loss has happened.
 Another round of grief
often takes place when the
change becomes normal.

Unresolved  No time frame for grief; it

Grief takes time
  When people suppress
grief, it results in
unresolved grief and can
become an emotional
burden that is carried
from place to place and
relationship to
relationship.
 Other than suppressing
grief, unresolved grief
can also occur when
people do not have space
to grieve.
 Simply telling someone it
is going to be okay does
not allow space for
grieving to take place,
resulting in unresolved
grief.
Grieving Well  There are benefits and
lessons that can be
learned through the
grieving process.
 Something that helps TCKs
feel space to grieve is
when Parents model their
own grieving.
 Talk with the kids about
the feelings of the
transition, the new
country and the people
they miss.
 When a child begins to
share, its important that
parents or those around
them do not try to take
their grief and make it
about themselves. Let
them have the space and
permission to just feel
what they are feeling.
Five Stages of 1. Denial:
Grief  Pretending that a loss
does not matter.
2. Anger:
 Happens when
recognition that the loss
does actually matter.
 This should not become a
part of who they are
daily, but rather just a
temporary part of
processing.
3. Bargaining:
 The stage of trying to fix
what feels broken
 May spend a lot of time
during this stage in
contact with friends and
family from the place
where the loss took place.
 This is the beginning step
for dealing with a loss
well.
4. Depression:
 The stage in which grief
can now take place
 Sadness about the loss
can be seen
 It will pass, when
grieving well. A deeper
sense of despair or
hopelessness may point
towards a depression that
needs to be treated.
 Sadness is what the other
stages of grief have been
building towards.
 There may be a sense of
giving up that takes
place at this stage.
5. Acceptance:
 When one accepts the loss
that has taken place this
does not mean that the
memories from the past or
 what was loss is now
forgotten or ignored.
 “Acceptance is an active
integration of the loss
into the full context of my
life” (Crossman, 2016, p.
180).
 Acceptance happens
overtime
 It involves embracing the
new life and
opportunities from the
transition.
 Chapter 4: Misunderstood
Leaving and  Goodbyes are hard for
Being left everyone.
 There are two people
having to process the
goodbye: the one leaving
and the one being left
behind.
 TCKs have to continuously
say goodbye to friends
and family, it is an
emotionally exhausting
way to live.
o Because of this,
sometimes they will
give up on
welcoming new
people or on
building new
friendships for fear
of having to say
goodbye once
again.
Good  Goodbyes are exhausting, https://communicating
Goodbyes but when done well they acrossboundariesblog.c
can be the first step to om/2014/06/03/honor-
adjusting to life in a new the-grief-honor-the-
place well.
goodbye/
 Before leaving, parents
and adults should
encourage their children
to partake in healthy
goodbyes.
 Resolving conflict in
relationships before
leaving is a way to say
goodbye well.
 Consider what you would
want someone to know if
it was your last time to
ever see them can create
 closure in relationships
and goodbyes.

Leaving  Graduation = goodbyes

School  Though goodbyes happen
for all when graduation
hits, there is a finality
that TCKs experience
because breaks and
vacations will not bring
all of their friends back
together once again.
 Take time to listen to the
fears TCKs have in saying
goodbye and leaving.
 Celebrate the
accomplishment and the
goodbye by partaking in
local community
activities
The  There isn’t always time to
Unexpected – say goodbye when
Tragedy and unexpected tragedies take
Crisis place and relocation
happens quickly or
unexpectedly.
 Being away from “home”
can also make processing
tragedies difficult
because there is an
isolation a family may
feel from the situation.
 But in either case, the
same needs and tasks we
may take from a family in
our own country, when
they are experiencing
tragedy, are the same
needs and tasks we can
take from families
abroad.
 o Meal trains, taking
care of day to day
tasks such as
shopping or
running errands,
childcare or
outings, etc.
Repatriation  Repatriation = when a http://www.thirdcultur
TCK returns to their emama.com/6-tips-for-
“home” country tcks-returning-
 Though it may be “home”, home/#.XAMJsGhKg2w
TCKs often experience the
same transition as they
do when traveling to
another host country.
o The passport country
does not necessarily
mean that it feels
like home
 It can be harder to move
back to a passport country
because now they are a
local but feel like a
foreigner.
o There is a greater
outcast feeling when
this happens
 When traveling home with
parents, parents will be
traveling back to their
roots, but children will
still be traveling to a
place that they do not
have roots in.
 Many times, a cultural
translator is helpful in
these situations. Someone
from the home culture
that can help a TCK
understand and learn
the culture of the home
culture. When coming
 home for college or
university, many TCKs
find this in a significant
other.
Home  A temporary repatriation
Assignment period, most often
experienced by
missionaries and MKs
 This time can be
extremely lonely for
children because they
travel frequently, meet a
lot of new people, and live
in the shadows of their
parents.
 Building relationships is
also difficult during this
time because they know
that it is a short and
temporary period that
they will be in this
situation.
o Leaves TCKs feeling
like they are
“biding time”
Four Stages 1. Isolation:
of Starting  In a transition, TCKs are
suddenly surrounded by
Again
people who grew up
differently and therefore
have different
perspectives than they
hold.
 They feel that those
around them do not
understand
 During this stage, a TCK
may feel like they want to
give up and start over
and they may slide into
depression.
 TCKs need to be
encouraged to continue
to try and build
 relationships and to give
people time to listen and
understand them.
2. Investment:
 A hard and difficult
stage for TCKs to
experience, but one that
is vital to their enjoyment
in the country they are
in.
 Investment takes time,
friendships take time,
and TCKs have to learn to
give the process of
investing time. One way
to encourage this is to
remind TCKs of how often
and how many hours
they have spent with
friends back in their host
culture and then to
encourage them to give
people in their passport
country the same time.
 TCKs have to learn to also
listen to the stories of
those around them.
Everyone’s believes that
their own story is
important.
3. Enjoyment:
 TCKs experience
enjoyment when they are
engaged in the culture
and community around
them.
 Some ways to know if a
TCK is engaged, is that
they begin to identify a
sense of comfort and
connections to the place
that they are in.
 If they do not further
these relationships and
root themselves into the
location that they are in,
 they will continue to
experience a lack of
belonging.
o TCKs must not stop
at this stage.
4. Settling:
 Settling is about the
attitude rather than the
action. When a TCK
settles into a new
location, they live in an
attitude that their
location is permanent
rather than just
temporary.
 This can seem illogical
for TCKs because of the
high mobility they
experienced during their
childhood.
 Settling also requires an
ownership of a single
place rather than
claiming several places
at home, which is
difficult for TCKs because
they feel as if they are
betraying others when
they take ownership of
one place.
 But settling does not
mean that one can never
move again, but rather it
is accepting the idea of
staying.
o Settling is like a
planted tree, it
takes root and
grows in one place,
but it is still
capable of being
moved and taking
root in a different
location if the time
comes to do so. But
in the meantime, it
is rooted and will
not blow away in
the wind because it
has taken
permanency in its
current place.
 Chapter 5: Misunderstood
Concept Definition Extra Notes & Resources
Common  TCKs share common
Threads – experiences throughout
Explain and their childhood that
apply to TCK leads to common beliefs
and actions.
lives
 Many of the common
threads that they share
are a result of how they
respond to and deal with
the constant change that
they experience in life.
Nomadic Life  Home is not easily defined
by the TCK but rather they
have connections
throughout the world.
 TCKs have difficulty
answering the question,
where are you from
because it is a very
complex question that
many expect a single
word answer to.
 Many TCKs, because of the
complexity of home,
describe home as being
more people centered
rather than place
centered.
Patriotism  Because TCKs did not
grow up in their passport
country, there is a
connection to multiple
countries and places that
they hold.
 TCKs need permission to
have patriotism for more
than one place rather
than having patriotism
as exclusive to one place.
 o This gives TCKs
freedom to express
their connection to
more than one place
without feeling like
they are betraying
another place.
Language  One common way that
and Identity TCKs find identity is
through the language(s)
that they speak.
 Many TCKs are fluent in
more than one language
because of their life
overseas
 Education may not be in
their passport language,
but rather in a different
language all together.
 Through their learning of
different languages, they
also learn many different
accents.
o When returning to
their passport
country this can be
a place where TCKs
are misunderstood
and made fun of
because their
pronunciation is
not the same as
those around them.
Cultural  TCKs have to learn to
Chameleons quickly adapt to different
cultures around them.
Because of this they
quickly can become
chameleons, fitting and
blending in quickly but
also being misunderstood
because their outside
 persona is different than
their feelings.
 Learning to adapt to the
cultures around them
give TCKs a gift in being
empathetic to many
different people and their
stories and makes them
great advocators for
people who are mistreated
or unheard.
 But, learning to blend in
leads to a greater feeling
of isolation and a feeling
like no one around
understands or knows
who they really are.
Pressure to  TCKs, though they often
Excel do not notice until going
off to university, grow up
in a community that
values academics and
intelligence.
 Because of this value,
there is an unspoken
pressure to excel in school
and to be mature beyond
their years.
o The result is a gap
between emotional
maturity and
intelligence. TCKs
can express thought
exceptionally well
but they lack the
ability to effectively
communicate
feelings.
Anxiety  TCKs carry a lot of anxiety
because of the variety of
experiences that they have
had growing up.
  As adults and parents
around TCKs it is
important to
acknowledge these
concerns and fears rather
than dismissing them.
o For example, TCKs
may fear moving
back to their
passport country
where homes are not
surrounded by walls
and fences because
in the countries
that they grew up in
walls and fences
were sources of
protection and
safety. This leads to
a great sense of
anxiety
 TCKs also experience
anxiety and fear in
failure within the
classroom. There are
expectations that they
have placed, often on
themselves that lead to
stress and anxiety for
TCKs in school.
Expressing  TCKs have difficulties
the inner Life expressing emotions.
 Studies have shown that
expression through art or
storytelling has been of
great help to these kids.
 TCKs need help knowing
how to appropriately
express emotions, they
have academic language
but don’t have the
 language needed to
express their own feelings.
 Modeling storytelling can
provide a safe space for
TCKs to open up about
what they are feeling and
experiencing.
 TCKs also share feelings
discreetly, and if those
hints go unnoticed it
takes much longer for
TCKs to feel like someone
is a safe space to open up
to.
o You must pay
attention to the
hidden messages
that TCKs share with
you and ask them
deeper questions
when hints are
given.
o Listen to TCKs well!

Family Bonds  Families are one of the

only consistent people in a
TCKs life, therefore the
bond created between
them is great.
 It is helpful to create
regular family traditions
that can be completed no
matter the location, this
helps TCKs to have a sense
of normalcy no matter
where they are.
 TCKs, because they have a
third culture that is
shared through
experiences, often have
some of the strongest
relationships with siblings
because they have shared
most experiences together.
o This makes the
process of moving
away much more
difficult for a
sibling than it is
when losing a
friend.
 Chapter 6: Misunderstood
Concept Definition Extra Notes & Resources
Life after  TCKs grow up with a life https://communicating
living that is fluid, constantly acrossboundariesblog.c
abroad changing, and that does om/2014/05/22/some-
not allow for a sense a thoughts-from-adult-
permanency
tcks-to-those-who-
 After they move home,
raise-them/
TCKs are often known to
be people who still look for
change and quickly http://tckresearcher.net
become anxious when in /Cottrell%20ATCK%20co
one place for too long mmitment.pdf
 Ultimately, whether
they choose to settle or
choose to continue to
move around, TCKs are
looking to answer the
one question that has
been a part of their
entire story: WHAT or
WHERE is HOME?
Person or  TCKs often fall into two
Place categories as they begin
to navigate life as an
Adult TCK
 Some will look for a home
as a place, looking to
settle down and stay put;
something that they
longed for during their
childhood.
o These TCKs will often
look for permanency
in their lives
 Other Adult TCKs will look
for a person as there
home. This may be a
significant other, it may
just be friendships that
are cherished.
 o These ATCKs are
often still anxious to
move around
frequently, enjoying
the thrill of
constant change.
 No matter what categories
a TCK may fall into when
moving into adult life,
one thing stays the same:
the time that they spent
overseas changed them
and shaped them into the
person that they are
today.
Hope  “For you formed my
inward parts; you knitted
me together in my
mother’s womb. I praise
you, for I am fearfully
and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very
well.” (Psalm 139:13-14).