COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGE

CONTENTS

1. WHAT IS COMMITMENT?

2. WHAT IS COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGE?

3. COMMITMENT IN ACTION

4. COMMITING TO COMMITMENT

5. WHAT IT TAKES TO KEEP THE COMMITMENT

6. EVIDENCE THAT YOUR COMMITMENTIS WORKING

7. THREATS AGAINST/CHALLENGES TO COMMITMENT

8. CONSEQUENCES OF NON-COMMITMENT

9. CONCLUSION

1. WHAT IS COMMITMENT?

• PLEDGING ONESELF TO A CERTAIN PURPOSE OR LINE OF CONDUCT.

• PERSISTENCE WITH A VIEW TO ACHIEVING A PURPOSE.

• A PLEDGE, A PROMISE OR A DUTY TO SOMETHING OR SOMEONE.

• A DECISION TO ACHIEVE A PURPOSE OR TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK.

• AN INNER DRIVE OR DETERMINATION TO ATTAIN A GIVEN OR SET GOAL.

• IT IS AN INNER ATTITUDE AND NOT AN EXTERNAL FORM.

• IT IS WHAT MAKES FOR SUCCESS IN SPORTS, IN OUR VOCATIONS, AND IN OUR JOBS

• IT IS WHAT WILL MAKE FOR SUCCESS IN OUR MARRIAGE

2. WHAT IS COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGE?

COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGE ENTAILS THE FOLLOWING:

• FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, TILL DEATH DO US PART.

• WE ARE GOING TO STICK TO EACH OTHER FOR LIFE.(GEN2:24)(MATT 19:6)

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• WE ARE DETERMINED TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK. (COL 3:23-24)

• WE HAVE AGREED TO STAY AND WORK IT THROUGH, NOT JUST TODAY BUT FOREVER.

• WE HAVE MADE A CHOICE TO GIVE UP ALL OTHER CHOICES.

• THAT COMMITMENT IS MORE THAN JUST A DECISION NOT TO DIVORCE. IT IS AN

UNDERTAKING TO DO THE DAILY WORK OF KEEPING THE MARRIAGE ALIVE

• COMMITMENT IS WHAT GOD HAS COMMANDED.(MAL 2:13-16),(1COR7:10-11)

• COMMITMENT REQUIRES US TO ACCEPT THAT ONCE WE ARE MARRIED, ENDING THE

MARRIAGE CANNOT BE CONSIDERED AS A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEMS IN OUR
RELATIONSHIP

• IT IS A DECISION TO PUT IN THE REQUIRED DEVOTION AND ENERGY NECESSARY FOR

SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE.

3. COMMITMENT IN ACTION

PUTTING OUR COMMITMENT TO ACTION INVOLVES THE FOLLOWING:

• THOSE THINGS WE DO TO NURTURE OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR SPOUSES

• WHAT WE AVOID TO PREVENT DISTANCE FROM DEVELOPING IN THE RELATIONSHIP
• WHAT WE DO OR AVOID TO PREVENT OUTSIDE FORCES FROM DIVIDING US

4. COMMITING TO COMMITMENT
WHAT ARE YOU UNDERTAKING TO DO WHEN YOU MAKE THAT COMMITMENT?

WHEN WE MAKE THE MARRIAGE COMMITMENT, WE ARE COMMITING TO:

• MAKING GOD THE CENTRE OF OUR MARRIAGE.
• FIDELITY(HEB 13:4, PROV 5:15-20) PROV 6:27-28,PROV 5: 3-6)
• ROMANCE AND INTIMACY
• LOVE(1 JOHN 4:7, JOHN 15:12 1COR 13: 4-8)
• PRAYING TOGETHER
• EFFECTIVE AND MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION(COL 4:6, PROV 15:1, PROV 16:24, PROV
18:21, JAMES 3:5-6;9-10)
• RIGHT ATTITUDE(PHIL 2:4)
• AFFECTION, WARMTH AND ENCOURAGEMENT
• GENTLENESS AND CARE
• WORKING ON THE MARRIAGE(willingness to do everything it takes to stay married for life)
• BRINGING UP OUR CHILDREN IN THE WAY OF THE LORD
• FORGIVENESS OF EACH OTHER
• TRUST AND TRUST WORTHINESS
• TOLERANCE(marriage is not for perfect people, but for imperfect people who need each
other)
• TRUTHFULNESS
• UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE OF OUR SPOUSE (As he/she really is)
• FRIENDSHIP

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• HAVING FUN TOGETHER
• TO ALWAYS TREAT EACH OTHER WELL(MATT 7:12)
• SALVATION THROUGH THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY
• NURTURING AN EXAMPLARY FAMILY LIFE MODELLED ON THE HOLY FAMILY OF JESUS, MARY
AND JOSEPH.

5. WHAT IT TAKES TO KEEP THE COMMITMENT

COMMITMENT REQUIRES INVESTMENT OF:

• TIME
• MONEY
• EFFORT
• EMOTIONS,
• AND SACRIFICES NECESSARY FOR SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE

6. EVIDENCE THAT YOUR COMMITMENT IS WORKING

YOUR COMMITMENT IS WORKING WHEN YOU
• SPEND TIME TOGETHER
• DO THINGS TOGETHER
• HAVE FREE FLOW OF INFORMATION BEWEEN YOU
• CONVEY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS TO EACH OTHER REGULARLY
• ACCEPT THE PROBLEMS OF YOUR SPOUSE AS MUTUAL PROBLEMS TO BE SOLVED ( THESE
PROBLEMS CAN BE PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, OR BAD HABITS)
• QUICKLY PROCESS BAD FEELINGS OF ANGER, FRUSTRATION OR DISGUST IN ORDER TO
PREVENT THEM FROM SAPPING THE DESIRE TO ACT LOVINGLY TO YOUR SPOUSE.

7. THREATS AGAINST/CHALLENGES TO COMMITMENT

THE FOLLOWING ARE SOME OF THE ISSUES THAT CHALLENGE AND OR THREATEN OUR
KEEPING THE MARRIAGE COMMITMENT:
 INFIDELITY
 SOCIETAL PRESSURE/ EXPECTATIONS
 MEDIA
 FRIENDS
 RELATIONS
 MISTRUST
 FEAR
 INFERTILITY
 BAD HABITS
 SUBSTANCE ABUSE
 VIOLENCE
 FINANCIAL CRISIS
 PROLONGED ILLNESS
 PUT-DOWNS
 ABUSIVE COMMENTS
 RUDENESS
 THOUGHTLESSNESS/FORGETFULNESS
 NEGATIVE INTEPRETATIONS
 CARING FOR A PARENT

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8. CONSEQUENCES OF NON-COMMITMENT
LACK OF COMMITMENT LEADS TO:
• BITTERNESS
• LONELINESS
• ANGER
• HEARTACHE
• EMPTINESS
• JEALOUSY
• HOSTILITY
• LACK OF EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
• LACK OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT
• FAILURE OF COMMITMENT WILL AT BEST LEAD TO A MORBID UNEXCITING MARRIAGE
WHERE THE HUSBAND AND WIFE SIMPLY COHABIT BECAUSE THE CATHOLIC FAITH AND
INDEED GOD ALMIGHTY DO NOT SANCTION A DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE, OR AT WORST
LEAD TO SEPARATION.
• WHEN THERE IS NO LASTING COMMITMENT IN MARRIGE AND A PERSON CHOOSES TO WALK
AWAY FROM A RELATIONSHIP, THE FABRIC OF THE OTHER PERSON’S LIFE AND SOUL WILL BE
RIPPED APART AND LONELINESS AND PAIN WILL FILL AN ACHING VOID WITHIN THEM.

9. CONCLUSION
 COMMITMENT IS A NECESSARY REQUIREMENT FOR SUCCESS IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE AND
MARRIAGE IS NOT AN EXCEPTION.
 GOD WHO INSTITUTED MARRIAGE DOES NOT ACCEPT FAILURE OF MARRIAGE(MATT 19:6
AND MAL 2:13)
 GOD WANTS US TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK
 WE ENJOY OUR MARRIAGE WHEN IT WORKS WELL
 THEREFORE WE MUST KEEP OUR COMMITMENT SO THAT OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE
PLEASING TO GOD AND ENJOYABLE TO US
 MAY GOD BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE WITH LOVE , FULFILMENT AND GOOD GODLY CHILDREN

ANO ANYANWU(FACILITATOR)

BIBLE QUOTATIONS GOOD NEWS BIBLE)

 GEN2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife
and they become one

 MATT 19 :5-6 And God said “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and unite with his wife and the two will become one”. So they are no longer two but
one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together.

 COL 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were
working for the Lord and not for human beings. Remember that the lord will give you
as a reward what he has kept for his people. For Christ is the real master you serve.

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 MAL 2:13-16 This is another thing you do. You drown the Lord’s altar with tears,
weeping and wailing because he no longer accepts the offerings you bring him. You
ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because he knows you have broken your
promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and
you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you
would be faithful to her. Didn’t God make you one body and spirit with her? What
was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God’s
people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. “I hate
divorce” says the Lord God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel
thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your
wife”.

 1COR7:10-11 For married people I have a command which is not my own but the
lord’s; a wife must not leave her husband, but if she does, she must remain single or
else be reconciled to her husband; and a husband must not divorce his wife.

 HEB 13:4 Marriage is to be honoured by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful
to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit
adultery.

 PROV 5:15-20 Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone. Children
that you have by other women will do you no good. Your children should grow up to
help you, not strangers. So be happy with your wife and find your joy with the
woman you married – pretty and graceful as a deer. Let her charms keep you happy;
let her surround you with her love. Why should you give your love to another
woman, my son? Why should you prefer another man’s wife?

 PROV 6:27-28 Can you carry fire against your chest without burning your clothes?
Can you walk on hot coals without burning your feet? It is just as dangerous to sleep
with another man’s wife. Whoever does that will suffer.
 PROV 5: 3-6 The lips of another man’s wife may be as sweet as honey and her kisses
as smooth as olive oil, but when it is all over, she leaves you nothing but bitterness
and pain. She will take you down to the world of the dead; the road she walks is the
road to death. She does not stay on the road to life; but wanders off, and does not
realise what is happening.

 1 JOHN 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God.
Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God

 EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for
her.

 1COR 13:4-8 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is
not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil,

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 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

 TITUS 2:4 The older women admonish the young women to love their husbands.

 ROM 12:9 Let love be without hypocrisy.

 PROV 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife but love covers all sins.

 JOHN 15:12 My commandment is this, love one another, just as I love you.

 COL 4:6 Your speech should always be pleasant and interesting, and you should know
how to give the right answer to everyone.

 PROV 15:1 A pleasant answer quietens anger but a harsh one stirs it up.

 PROV 16:24 Kind words are like honey – sweet to taste and good for your health.

 PROV 18:21 What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the
consequences of your words.

 JAMES 3:10 Words of thanksgiving and cursing pour out from the same mouth. My
brothers and sisters this should not happen.

 PHIL 2:4-5 And look out for one another’s interest, not just for your own. The attitude
you should have is the one Christ Jesus had.

NOTES/ARTICLES

 Women need to be loved; men need to be admired.

Men crave approval and admiration.
Let your husband know he is your hero.

 There is no abiding success without commitment.

8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband by Denise Schipani

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 One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can
say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth
comes out in hurtful—not helpful––ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to
express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term,
to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. According to Judy Ford,
psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to
learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at
home.” Here, nine statements that you should never utter to your significant other––and the
words that you should try instead.

1. “You’re just like your father.

“This is just a no-no,” says Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker and author of The Pathway to Love.
“It’s nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family.” If
you’re about to spout a criticism like this, stop and think about what’s behind it: Maybe your father-in-
law is the kind of guy who never cleans up after himself, and your husband’s habit of leaving dirty
dishes around the house is getting to you. According to Ford, you should skip the insult and get right
to a reasonable request, such as: “Hon, when you’re done with your sandwich, can you bring your
dish over to the sink?” That way, you can achieve your goals without hurting him in the process.
Photo: Shutterstock

2. “When are you going to find a new job?”

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First, figure out why you want him to find a new job so badly. Do you dislike how much time he spends
away from home? Do you think he can or should be further ahead career-wise? Is he not bringing
home a healthy-enough salary? “Before you say anything that could be hurtful to him, think about
what your own issues are,” says Ford. Be particularly careful that you're not attacking his ability to
support you and the kids: “Part of how a man evaluates himself is by how well he can take care of his
family,” says Ford, so insulting him in this sensitive area can be a serious blow. To avoid this, have
regular talks about both of your jobs, career ambitions and budget concerns. If you have an issue with
how much money he’s making, “it’s an opportunity to talk about your lifestyle and how you want to
live,” she adds. The aim is to avoid putting him on the defensive, and instead work together to create
the life you both want. Photo: Shutterstock

3. “My mother warned me you’d do this!”

Something must have seriously infuriated you, because what you’re doing here is letting him know
that there are others in your “camp.” “You are trying to validate your ‘side’ of an argument, as though
you’re marshalling an army to your side,” says Orlov. But that’s never a good idea because it’s telling
him that you’re not on his side, or on the side of your relationship. Though you should never let the
opinions of others’ dictate your relationship, if there is some kernel of truth to a concern that your
mother raised, think about how to address that. “Maybe your mother said ‘he’s too cheap,’” says
Orlov. “Say to him, ‘why do you sometimes seem reluctant to spend money on things we need?’”
Without ganging up on him, that could open up a discussion about money worries that stem from his
childhood, for example. “Room is now cleared for creative problem-solving,” says Orlov. And if you’re
just lashing out? Hold your tongue and focus on the root of what’s making you mad. In the end,
coming to a solution together will make you feel better than unleashing hurtful words. Photo:
Shutterstock

4. “Just leave it––I’ll do it myself!

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This is hurtful in two ways. First, it gets at your husband’s elemental need to be a provider, supporter
and capable person in the house. Second, it’s just plain demeaning for any adult to hear that his
efforts are sub-par. Do this too often and your husband might think, “I can never do anything right or
anything that’ll please her,” says Ford. A better choice is to pick your battles. If he’s in the middle of a
task and you think that he’s doing it wrong, evaluate whether it really matters, keeping in mind that,
just because he’s doing something differently than you would doesn’t mean that he’s doing it wrong—
he is, after all, an adult too. Sure, if he’s about to hurt himself or someone else or break something,
kindly step in. But if he’s just loading the dishwasher in a way that drives you nuts? Let it be. Photo:
Thinkstock

5. “You always... [fill in the blank]” or “You never... [fill in the blank]”

“These are two phrases I advise couples never to use,” says Ford, “because they set up an instant,
negative tone; they halt communication and they put the other person on the defensive.” These
blanket statements can make your husband feel unfairly attacked, and chances are he’ll just fire back
with all the times he did help. If there are legitimate problems you’d like to address (he really does
tend to leave his tools all over the garage floor or often forgets to put gas in the car after driving it),
avoid generalizing and try to focus on the issue at hand while also communicating how his actions
make you feel: “When you come home with an empty tank of gas, I feel like you don't care about the
next person who has to drive the car—which is usually me.” Then add the phrase “would you be
willing...,” suggests Ford. Try: “Would you be willing to fill up the car when it gets below a quarter
tank?” Most men are willing to do most anything that’ll make you happy––it’s all in how you ask.
Photo: Shutterstock

6. “Do you really think those pants are flattering?”

Are you trying to hint that he’s putting on weight? Because saying the above, says Ford, is not getting
anything concrete across. You may think that you’re subtly conveying the message, but instead you’re
insulting his looks without showing any genuine concern for his health. Instead, start with something
you like about how he looks: “When you wear that blue shirt, it really makes me appreciate your
gorgeous blue eyes.” Then broach the topic of his weight gain by framing the comment so it’s about
his health, not looks: “Honey, what do you think about us both starting after-dinner walks?” When
you’ve softened up your approach, you have more room to make other, helpful suggestions. Photo:
Thinkstock

7. “Ugh, we’re hanging out with him again?

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There’s nothing wrong with your guy having a friend whose company you don’t love—no one says
spouses are required to adore each other’s friends, especially that one college pal who likes to
pretend he and your hubby never left the frat house. What is wrong is insulting your man’s choice of
friends. Your disdain may also suggest that you’d prefer to pick his friends for him—and no one wants
to be told who they should be pals with. A better choice: “Oh, honey, you know I don’t always enjoy
doing the same things as you and George, so why don’t you plan a guys’ night instead?’” suggests
Ford. Remember, there’s no marriage rule that says you two have to do everything together; he might
actually be relieved to have a little guy time with his pal that doesn't involve him having to worry if
you’re having fun or are offended by his friend’s jokes. (And keep this in mind: If a friend is really
awful, your husband is much more likely to see that on his own, over time, whereas if you nag him to
drop the dolt it may never happen.) Photo: Paul Bradbury / Getty Images

8. “Please watch the kids. But don’t do this, take them here or forget that...”

This is a classic nervous-new-mom move: When you’re in anxiety mode, it can be hard to let go of
childcare tasks (even though you would love to have more help). It’s also an attitude that can become
a habit no matter how long you’ve been a mom, leading to some very unhealthy feelings: You may
become resentful because he doesn’t pitch in, but you don’t always give him room to, either. At the
end of the day, no husband is going to be inspired to be a better, more hands-on and involved dad if
his every effort is shot down, says Orlov. “If he always feels like he’s wrong, he’ll only start to
disconnect emotionally.” So let Dad be Dad. Trust that he knows as well as you do how to keep a child
clean, safe and fed—even if his definitions of those tasks are slightly different than your own. That
said, if there are things he needs to know, like how to use the stroller or what the pediatrician’s phone
number is, definitely give him the rundown. Photo: Shutterstock

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A GIRL AND A WOMAN.

*A girl knows how to demand but

a woman knows how to contribute.

*A Girl complains too often while

a woman observes for a while,
and then calls her man's attention
to the matter arising.

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 * A Girl can spend 5k on ice cream
but a woman can manage 5k to
cook for a week.

*A girl will want to keep up with

trends but a woman will want to
consider her man's progress.

*A girl will never ask how he

manages but Caring after him is a
woman's priority.

*A girl will measure her man's

worth by the weight of his pocket
but a woman will measure her
man's worth by his level of
Wisdom, the fear of God in him
and how disciplined he can be
towards finances.

*A girl is naturally selfish,

stubborn, and Short sighted while
a woman is sacrificial, loyal, future
oriented and family minded.

*A girl wants everything now but

A woman waits until they can
both attend to their needs as at
when possible.

*A girl is not considerate but a

woman helps her man to plan.

"Who can find a virtuous woman?

For her price is far above rubies. (Proverb 31.10)".

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few
things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or
other media. Sadly,...... your church may not even tell you.
Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be
and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must
be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life
devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

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To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him
on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of
him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it
transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.
You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on
the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off
the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys:
Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please only if you don’t
know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her
feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She
won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a
“secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to
focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind
these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as
your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That’s what she
wants.

To you all:
If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again.
Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your lives each day. Dwell on the strengths, push out
thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive–choose to love.

Here’s that part you are not going to hear often:

If you find yourself “not happy”, having lost attraction, disinterested, etc., you are not permitted to
even think about a divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don’t think for a minute
that “the children will be better off out of this”, because they won’t.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a
Holy God, family and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don’t feel like
it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can’t live up to it, don’t get married. Decide up front that your
marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your “marriage house” has
no door.
Do not share intimate thoughts or feelings with anyone of the opposite sex. Do not find yourself
alone for any length of time with such either.
Divorce is not a “private option”. It will affect multiple families for many generations. When you
“separate what God has joined” you permanently injure far more than just yourself.
Guard your marriage as fiercely as you would guard your own life. Treat your spouse as an extension
of your flesh, just as God sees you. Treat your spouse like other family members. You know, “you
gotta love ‘em, they’re the only family you’ve got”.I want you to be happy, I surely do. But I will pray
for you to be holy.

Proverbs 19:14 - "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the
LORD."
Proverbs 20:6-7 - "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? The
righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him."

God bless you saints...

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Pope Francis's Message about the Family
"There is no perfect family. We have no perfect parents, we are not perfect, do not get married to a
perfect person, neither do we have perfect children. We have complaints about each other. We are
disappointed by one another. Therefore, there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the
exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without
forgiveness the family becomes a theater of conflict and a bastion of grievances. Without forgiveness
the family becomes sick. Forgiveness is the sterilization of the soul, cleansing the mind and the
liberation of the heart. Anyone who does not forgive has no peace of soul and communion with God.
Pain is a poison that intoxicates and kills. Maintaining a wound of the heart is a self-destructive
action. It is an autophagy. He who does not forgive sickens physically, emotionally and spiritually.
That is why the family must be a place of life and not of death; an enclave of cure not of disease; a
stage of forgiveness and not of guilt. Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow produced pain; and
healing, where pain caused disease."

From Facebook

Nuggets of wisdom from a Man to his fellow Men:-

My view on how to treat women.

1.Don't compare your wife to other women. You don't know what their husbands are going through.
2. NEVER expose your wife's weakness to your family or friends or run to them whenever you have issues.
Problems are best solved between you and your woman. ...

3. Don't think you are man so you can use intimidation, shout or violence to communicate your moods.
Agreesive men don't make a happy home.

4. Speak gently and calmly to your wife. Never raise your voice at her, it demeans her and shows you think she
is stupid.

5. Do your responsibilities as man...don't leave everything to your woman.

6. Never blame your wife if she doesn't take care of the home everyday. She is swamped with house work and
helping you raise the kids.

7. Don't be wasteful spending money on drinks, friends and extended family. The wife and children are your
first responsibility.

8. Sex is also important to women. Her pleasure should be considered before your own.

9.Never compare your wife to your ex-girlfriends. If you loved them so much why didn't you marry
them instead of your wife.

10. Never shout down your wife or challenge her in front of the children. The children are watching.
They won't listen and obey her too.

11. Tell your wife she's beautiful even if you know she's looking normal. Women love compliment.

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 12. Don't forget that women also want attention and someone to share their thoughts with. Never
be too busy for your wife.
13. A prayerful man is a better equipped husband. Pray always for your wife and family. Don't leave
the prayers to your wife.
14.Treat your wife like a queen. Buy her gifts, take her shopping and once in a while, cook for her.
15.Please don't forget these anniversary dates (Your Wedding ,Engagement, the first time you
kissed). I beg you. These dates mean a lot to women. (Don't ask me why). I also don't know.
16. Your mother should not have the final say in your marriage. You married your wife, not you and
your mother. Let her talk in her own husband's house.
17.There are 5 days each month that you have to say "I'm sorry", "yes baby" and "I love you" more
than 7 times a day. That's when she is having her period.

From Whatsapp

THE MARRIAGE RULES AND REGULATIONS ( PART ONE )

1. If you want to experience a happy and lasting marriage, wake up every morning and ask yourself:
"What can I do today to put a smile on my spouse's face?"

2. Be patient with your spouse when he or she is facing difficult moments. This is when he or she
needs your support and encouragement, not correction and criticism.

3. Face your problems, don't Facebook them.

4. Husbands: Your wife didn't come with a remote control. Touch her and let her know that you're
still attracted to her.

5. Your tongue can bless or break your marriage.

6. Be such a good spouse, a true friend and loving companion that whenever your spouse is away,
he or she cannot wait to come home to be with you. No one wants to come home to a battle field.

7. Don't prioritize friends over spouse. Let your friends know that when it comes to your marriage,
your spouse is #1.

8. Cellphones, Facebook and WhatsApp can bless or break marriages. Used within the proper
parameters of marriage, these can greatly enhance communication between husband and wife.

9. A married person must be very cautious about having a friend of the opposite sex. Ideally your
spouse should be your best friend. Pouring out your heart and sharing your emotions and feelings
with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse is emotional unfaithfulness; it displaces
your spouse from her rightful position in your heart.

10. Your spouse doesn't have to compete for your emotional attention with anyone. Most sexual
encounters outside marriage are preceded by casual innocent friendships and inappropriate
emotional intimacy.

11. True love says, "You may disappoint me, frustrate me or annoy me more than I ever thought
possible. But I choose to spend every disappointing, irritating and annoying minute of my life with
you."

12. Don’t cause your spouse to be a detective or secret agent. Let your life be an open book to your
spouse. There is no business your spouse shouldn't know about. Be open and honest. Secrets
destroy marriages.

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13. Pride destroys marriages. You are human and you make mistakes. Swallow your pride, admit
wrong and take responsibility for your actions.

14. Admit wrong and take responsibility for your actions. Don’t seek to justify your mistakes or
push blame to someone else. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and say, “I am sorry, I
was wrong please forgive me.

15. If you want your spouse to trust you be trustworthy. Be where you said you would be. Do what
you said you would do. Keep no secret. Tell nothing but the truth always.

Couples are healthier, wealthier… and less trim by Linda Geddes

They say that marriage isn’t a word, but a sentence. For the most part however, it seems to be
a cushy one. Quite aside from the massive party, shiny ring and tax breaks, science has
revealed numerous other benefits to getting hitched. For instance, just last week a study was
published suggesting that being married boosts your chances of surviving cancer. “Generally
speaking, people who are in stable marriages have better health compared to those who have
never been married, but it’s not so much about being legally married as the benefits of being
in a stable, long-term relationship,” says George Ploubidis, reader in population health and
statistics at University College London.

Your familiarity with someone else’s body has benefits in terms of their health status

Kaye Wellings, London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine

So what else is good about being paired off? Here’s our guide to the upside of settling down.

Physical health
Numerous studies have associated marriage with a lower risk of disease, from diabetes to
cardiovascular and respiratory problems – particularly if you are a man. “Married people tend
to smoke less, drink less alcohol, and eat more healthily,” says Ploubidis. “Having a joint
income also helps, and relationships can provide a buffer against the stresses of major life
events.”

Cohabitants, on the other hand, seem to drink and smoke more, yet they are still buffered
against some of the negative consequences, Ploubidis and his colleagues have found.
“Possibly this is because they eat more healthily or have greater levels of social support,” he
says.

But this is only likely to be true of happy unions. Separate research has revealed that
individuals in conflict-ridden relationships have higher levels of inflammation, which is
associated with many age-related diseases, weaker responses to vaccination and slower
healing rates, compared with happy couples.

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Longevity
Being happily married can also boost your chances of living a long life. When researchers
combined the results of numerous studies, they found that husbands and wives were 10-15%
less likely to die prematurely than the population as a whole.

Possibly it’s because if you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ve got someone else looking
out for your health. “Your familiarity with someone else’s body has benefits in terms of their
health status: you could be looking at their back and see a mole that needs attention, or there
was a case a while ago where the man was touching his wife’s breast and felt a lump,” says
Kaye Wellings of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. “And if one person
stops smoking, generally the other one stops as well.”

However, critics of these studies point out that many count people who are divorced or
widowed as unmarried, even though they might have spent many years as part of a couple.
Instead they point to results from the Terman Life-Cycle Study, which started in 1921 and
followed 1,528 men and women for as long as they lived. Here, those that lived the longest
were those who got married and stayed married – and those who never married in the first
place.

Once again, the quality of the relationship probably matters. A 2014 study published in the
Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health revealed that people who experienced
frequent conflicts with their partner were twice as likely to die during the study period than
those who rarely experienced conflict.

Wealth
They say you can’t put a price on love, but that hasn’t stopped economists from trying.
People who get married and stay married have roughly double the wealth of those who never
marry – or four times the wealth if you consider their combined household income, research
by Jay Zagorsky at Ohio State University suggests. In part, this is because increasingly, both
halves of the couple work, meaning two salaries. Couples can also take advantage of
economies of scale, buying one car that they share and maintain, rather than two, for instance;
and it can occasionally mean that one partner picks up the slack while the other goes for a
promotion, or works hard to score a bonus, for instance.But it’s also true that wealthy, and
highly educated individuals are more likely to marry in the first place. Recent data from the
Marriage Foundation suggests that wealthier couples are four times more likely to get
married than people from poorer backgrounds – perhaps no surprise when you consider the
average cost of a wedding is £20,500

And if you get married and then divorce, Zagorsky’s research suggests you’ll end up
financially worse off than if you’d never married in the first place.

Less loneliness
The health benefits of long-term relationships also seem to extend to mental health: married
people report less depression, and they’re also less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Of
course, people who are prone to depression and substance abuse may also be less likely to

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form long-term relationships in the first place. But partnering up does have the benefit of
providing a shoulder to cry on when things get tough; a problem shared is a problem halved,
after all.That’s not to say that singledom necessarily condemns you to a life of loneliness and
depression, however. One reason why the benefits of marriage seem so much greater for men
than women could be that women often have larger social networks outside marriage, and
these already give them valuable support. If you’re single, maintaining strong friendships
could provide a similar emotional prop.

Happiness
You get married and live happily ever after, right? Generally speaking, research supports the
idea that married people are happier. But perhaps happier people are more likely to get
married in the first place. Happy people tend to be more sociable, and they’re therefore more
likely to meet someone they’d like to form a long-term relationship with in the first place.
Getting married also seems to cause a temporary blip in happiness levels: one study that
tracked 24,000 German couples over 15 years found that although marriage increased
happiness in the short term, as time wore on, individuals’ happiness levels eventually returned
to their premarital state.

However, a recent study that combined British data with data from the Gallup World Poll
concluded that marriage really does make individuals happier in the long run. The effects
were particularly vivid during middle age, when people feel the toll of family demands,
career stress and wondering where on earth their life is going. Here, married people
experienced a shallower dip than singletons.

Sex life
Surely single people have more sex though? In fact, people who are married or cohabiting
have sex roughly twice as often as those who are single, says Wellings, who is also co-lead of
the National Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle Study (Natsal). But it is true that the frequency of
sex declines the longer a couple have been together. “After taking account of age and
relationship type, those whose relationship has lasted less than two years have sex twice as
frequently as those for whom it has lasted six years or more,” Wellings says. American
research echoes this trend. For instance, a 2010 survey of 5,865 Americans found that 61% of
singles reported not having had sex within the past year, compared with 18% of married
people.What about quality of sex? This is harder to get data on, but Natsal has recorded levels
of sexual satisfaction among interviewees. Here, it seems that absence really does make the
heart grow fonder: 65% of men and 67% of women who live with their partner report being
sexually satisfied, compared to 83% and 80% of those who are in a steady relationship, but
live apart. This compares to 46% and 44% of men and women who have never lived with a
partner (and 39% and 35% of those who are single now but previously lived with someone).

Obesity
So couples are happier, wealthier, live longer lives and are having more satisfying sex than
single people. No wonder they’re so smug. But at least singletons have one thing to feel
superior about: they’re likely to be fitter and slimmer. Married men are 25% more likely to be
obese or overweight than their unmarried counterparts, one recent US study found – though

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there was no significant difference for women. Another study found that unmarried men and
women spend an extra 1hr 36min per fortnight exercising on average, compared to married
individuals. Some of this may be due to the demands of raising children – although curiously,
the gap between the married and the never-married was greater for men. Perhaps it is true that
married people are more inclined to let themselves go.

A GOOD MAN

A good man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will
reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things
she never thought she could do. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and
invincible person alive.
Lessons Learned In Life April 17, 2016

SUGGESTED READING

1. FOREVER MY LOVE- MARGARET HARDISTRY (HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS, EUGENE,

OREGON)
2. THE TOTAL WOMAN – MARABEL MORGAN (HODDER AND STOUGHTON LTD
ENGLAND)
3. SECRETS OF AN IRRESISTIBLE WOMAN – MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND (HARVEST
HOUSE PUBLISHERS, EUGENE, OREGON)
4. WHY MEN DON’T LISTEN & WOMEN CANT READ MAPS – ALLAN & BARBRA PEASE
(ORION BOOKS LTD ENGLAND)
5. THE TOTAL MAN – DAN BENSON (NIFES PRESS JOS)
6. MARRIAGE AS GOD INTENDED – SELWYN HUGHES (KINGSWAY PUBLICATIONS)
7. WINNING YOUR WIFE BACK BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE – GARY SMALLEY, GREG SMALLEY,
DEBORAH SMALLEY (THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS)
8. CONNECTING:52 GUIDELINES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK - HAROLD J
SALA(BEULAHLAND PUBLICATIONS, BENINI CITY)
9. MEN AND MARRIAGE – FRED HARTLEY(BETHANY HOUSE PUBLISHERS)

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