In most cases, divorce happens because a spouse is tired of dealing with problems in the

marriage. Divorce is the number one way 50% of those married choose to handle their
marital problems. But, is divorce a solution to marital problems or, just another way of
introducing more problems into an already stressful situation?

There are pros and cons to divorce. When in the throes of a bad marriage I would
venture to say that most think about the pros and don’t consider the cons until a divorce
is filed and they are either in the middle of nasty divorce litigation or, divorced and
living the, sometimes, negative consequences of their choice to divorce.

Based on personal and professional experience, below are the pros and cons of divorce.
Consider both before jumping, feet first into the family court system.

Pros of Divorce

1. If you are living in a violent situation divorce and the family court is your out. If ever
you should divorce, there is no better reason than domestic abuse.

2. She didn’t cheat once, she has given new meaning to the term “serial cheater.” In that
case, bid her “au revoir.” You deserve better and will be better off!

3. He calls you names, controls when and where you are allowed to do anything. He is a
bully, who needs that? Divorce him and find some peace of mind.

4. You two have different expectations of marriage. What he wants from the marriage is
on the other end of the spectrum from what you want. Meeting in the middle isn’t going
to happen and you will only end up resenting each other. Divorce will free you up to
find someone who is more “like-minded.”

5. Not everyone views sex as an important part of the marriage contract. Those who are
married to folks who don’t consider sex important can live in a special kind of hell. If
sex is high on your list of marital priorities but is low on hers’, you have no moral
obligation to remain married to someone who is withholding that intimate connection.

6. There are many pros to divorce. It can free you from an emotionally unsustainable
situation and free you up to build a healthy, rewarding life either on your own or with a
new person.

Cons of Divorce

1. Divorce will have a negative impact on your children. You can lessen the impact on
your children by making their needs for security your main priority during and after
your divorce. But, make no mistake, divorce is as hard, if not harder on children as it is
for parents.
2. Your finances will suffer during and after divorce. If you are a father you will pay
child support and, in some cases, spousal support. If you are a woman, your income will
drastically decrease leaving you to struggle to make ends meet.

According to marriage researchers Drs. Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher,

“Divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to
maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce. About one in five
women fall into poverty as a result of divorce. Three out of four divorced mothers don’t
receive full payment of child support. Most men experience a loss in their standard of
living in the years after a divorce, as well, a loss generally about 10%–40%, depending
on circumstances.” It isn’t a pretty picture!

3. It can take years to heal from the emotional pain caused by divorce. Regardless of the
problems in the marriage you have developed an emotional and physiological
attachment to your spouse and the family as a unit. You are detaching yourself from a
way of life and it only makes sense that, whether you wanted the divorce or not, it will
take time to work through very confusing emotions.

4. Divorce not only changes the relationship with your spouse, it changes relationships
you have with friends and family. Are you close to your spouses’ family? Don’t expect
that to continue. Expect friends and family to take sides, choose one spouse over the
other and leave someone out in the dark. Its human nature and divorce always come
with the loss of close friendships and familial relationships.

There are two sides to divorce, the good side, and the bad side.

Please consider both before moving ahead with your plans to divorce due to marital
problems that may have a better solution.
In today's society, divorce is more the norm than ever before. There are as many causes for
divorce as there are people who divorce. Divorce itself is both a cause and an effect. There are
many factors that contribute to divorce, such as lack of money, drug and/or alcohol abuse,
immaturity of one or both parties, sexual indiscretion, the ease of getting a divorce, and various
others. Divorce is the effect of a marriage that is faced with difficulties that seem insurmountable,
an inability to get along, one or both partner's growing apart, substance abuse, a culture that
condones divorce, legal ease of getting a divorce, the inexpensiveness of getting a divorce and
other factors.
Commitments do not last. A couple stays married until times get hard or another person
is found more attractive, or any number of other reasons. The bottom line is the lack of
commitment in most cases. This general lackadaisical attitude toward the sanctity
of marriage is a major cause of divorce.
Many people cite money as the cause of divorce. In fact, the statistics of a survey
conducted by Citibank on the divorce in the United States suggested that more than fifty percent
of divorced couples cited money problems as the cause of their
divorce (34). Money has a role in society and in marriage. Lack of money causes discord
between a married couple. This can be referred to as financial incompatibility, which is based on
the views that each partner has of the partnership of marriage from a
financial viewpoint (Anonymous 34). The student studying divorce's causes and effects
should pay special attention to this proposed cause of divorces since more than half of the
divorces are caused by this factor. He/she should also think about the effects of divorce on a
couple's financial situation, and how divorce does not solve financial problems, but instead, the
divorce must be paid for, and the divorced couple must now set up two household...
 The topic of divorce would seem to require no introduction. Divorce refers to the
often messy and painful end of a marriage. For better or for worse, divorce is a very
common event these days. Most everyone has been touched by it, either by going
through it themselves as a spouse or a child, or knowing someone who has gone
through it as a spouse or as a child. Despite widespread familiarity with the effects of
divorce, the details of the divorce process are less well known. In this section, we
discuss the important concepts and procedures involved in the divorce process with
the sincere hope that educating people regarding this information will help minimize
pain.

You can feel like the loneliest person in the world when you are contemplating
divorce. It's therefore important to keep divorce in perspective so that it doesn't crush
you:

Divorce is common
The first thing to know about divorce is that it is common and nothing to be ashamed
of. According to recent statistics, the rate of divorce in the United States (0.40%) is
approximately half the rate of marriage (0.78%), suggesting that approximately 50%
of all marriages - an enormous number! - are ending in divorce. While the actual
meaning of these figures is arguable (given that it may be unfair to try to predict who
will divorce in the future based on who is divorcing today), there is no disputing the
fact that a great number of Americans have divorced and will divorce in the future.
Divorce is so common it has become an industry unto itself with lawyers and
matchmaking companies being just a few of the groups deriving economic benefit
from the process. Under the social pressure of so many divorces, the stigma that
used to be attached to divorce is largely gone. It continues to be painful to divorce,
but with so much company, it is no longer a lonely isolated place.

 Divorce is an ancient institution

The second thing to know about divorce is that it is an old and venerable institution.
People have been getting divorces as long as people have been getting married.
The ease with which a divorce can be obtained, the social stigma attached to
divorce, and the amount of control religious and political powers have exercised over
divorce have varied significantly over time and cultures. On the one hand, some
accounts suggest that Islamic law at one point allowed a man to divorce his wife by
simply stating the phrase "I divorce you" three times. On the other hand, other
accounts suggest that the sixteenth century English king Henry XIII went so far as to
cause the Anglican Church to be created (or at least become fully recognized) so as
to gain permission for a divorce which the Catholic Church had denied him.

Less than 50 years ago, divorce was only widely available in the United States on a
"fault" basis; it could only be obtained by demonstrating to the state's approval that
one of the partners was acting badly enough to warrant release of the other partner.
Acceptable grounds for fault divorce varied from state to state, but usually included
abuse, adultery, and abandonment. The difficulty of gaining divorce, and a cultural
climate that stigmatized divorce combined to keep divorce rates low. Since the
1960s most states have adopted "no-fault" divorce laws that allow couples to divorce
without proving wrongdoing. Due in part to this reform and probably to other cultural
changes, the divorce rate has risen, and being divorced is no longer looked down
upon.
 Divorce doesn't have to be awful
The third thing to know about divorce is that it isn't always awful. With the availability
of no-fault divorce options, the process of divorce is no longer necessarily
adversarial. Partners are now free to proceed with divorce as calmly and rationally
as they can manage. Certainly divorce is frequently born out of marital conflict and
proceeds as a knockdown, drag-out fight for possessions, child custody and pride.
But modern divorce can also take place amicably, consciously and without a court
battle. Marriage therapy can help conflicted partners to repair their marriage, or, if
that is not possible, to separate on as positive terms as is possible. Arbitration is
available to help partners successfully divide their possessions without recourse to
the courts. The quality of the divorce any given couple will end up experiencing will
be deeply influenced by the quality of relationships the partners can maintain with
each other, and with professional helpers they work with during the separation
process.

 Divorce is a legal process separately from an emotional one

The fourth thing to know about divorce is that it is at once an emotional journey, and
a legal process, and that it is best to keep these two aspects of divorce separate
when that is possible. Marriage is a legal contract recognized by the state conferring
rights, privileges and responsibilities. From a legal perspective, divorce is a process
of disengaging partners from the legal marriage contract and making sure that those
things the spouses are responsible for (including children and property) are properly
accounted and cared for. The very rational and purposeful legal process of divorce
contrasts mightily with the chaotic and emotional aspects of divorce which involve
coming to grips with rather massive life changes as significant and shattering as any
family death and which may involve significant grief, anger, sadness and pain. We'll
be dealing with the emotional and legal aspects of divorce separately in this
document.

 Divorce is not the end of the world

The final thing to know up front about divorce is that divorce is not the end of the
world. Divorce is a crisis involving a very real end, but it is also a very real new
beginning. Divorce is the end of a chapter of life, but not the end of life itself (even
though it may feel that way). In the midst of the divorce crisis are seeds of
opportunities for remaking life into something again enjoyable new and creatively
good. It is important to keep this hopeful and true message in mind as the process
unfolds.
Divorce is always a dreadful experience in a persons life, especially a childs. When
parents divorce, children are not always acknowledged during the termination and
settlement process. This oversight can lead to problems with the child’s perception of
day to day life. The impact divorce has on a family is far more noticeable to the
children of the family than to the parents. As a child, there are many circumstances or
situations that affect a view, opinion, attitude, and/or memory. Children have many
daily struggles of their own to cope with, such as peer pressure and learning exactly
who they are. Adults and parents sometimes forget what it is like to be a child
dealing with some of the childhood pressures that children face, especially in today’s
society. Many parents do not realize how something like divorce could possibly affect
their children as much as it does them. In any case, most children are strongly
affected by divorce. Some react and handle the situation differently than others, but
all experience some kind of emotional change.

Divorce can cause many different emotions to arise that children may be unfamiliar
with, and those behaviors may cause some behavioral changes. Feeling angry and
sad are some common feelings of children dealing with divorce (Schor, 2004).
Children have a hard time comprehending why their mother and father are arguing
and cannot figure out why they are deciding to separate. The family needs to try
their best to explain to the child why they are separating, while comforting the child
as much as possible (Schor, 2004).

“Much research has been conducted to study the effects of divorce on children.
While there are some basic truths these studies reveal, the fact is that each child is
unique and may react differently from other children” (Sember, p. 9). A child may
have certain emotional reactions to separation and divorce, including sadness,
embarrassment, concerns about being cared for, regression, maturity, and physical
symptoms. It is believed that reactions to a divorce can be similar to the reactions of
losing a loved one.

According to Pickhardt, “There is a fear of rejection: ‘If my parents can stop loving
each other, can they stop loving me?’ There is fear of the future: ‘What will happen to
me now?’ There is fear of abandonment: ‘If my parents can leave each other, they can
also leave me.’ ‘In the face of these uncertainties, a child may regress by acting more
immature and dependent in order to receive more attention and caretaking support.”

The fighting that occurs between parents can cause children to react negatively and
they can begin to show aggression towards others. Children can also begin to act up
in class and become defiant towards authority, which usually results in their grades
dropping. Often children have difficulties learning to cope with their feelings and feel
like they are on an emotional rollercoaster (Ford, 2005). They’re also often stuck
between a battle zone and as result can suffer psychological problems. Feelings of
hopelessness may take over for many kids because they have no control or input to
what is going on in their lives (Ford, 2004).
Divorce itself is inevitably an unpleasant situation, but it has been seen that children
with siblings tend to cope better than any single child household in most instances,
especially in cases where thoughtless parents take the unpleasant route of trying to
‘split up’ the children in an effort to hurt the other party. Effectively, children with
siblings develop best with the divorce, single children trailing behind, with split
siblings ultimately taking the worst mental beating out of the lot. The reasons for this
may not at first be obvious, but let us take a moment to review the family dynamic
itself and just what divorce does to the relationship of siblings.

A once intact family is effectively torn in two with the legal action of divorce, children
are torn in their views in loving both mother and father, and ultimately they mourn
for what is almost literally the death of the family dynamic itself. It is no longer the
‘normal’ life of mother, father, and children, but now a complicated life split between
the children and their parents, possibly further complicated by a step family or the
constant tension between mother and father.

In this situation a sibling becomes a sort of buffer zone, an emotional barrier

between the pain and loss of the divorce and a happy family life. The sibling
represents something concrete, a brother or sister that will (or should) remain. An
individual who shares in the same pain and can be used as a more than viable coping
mechanism, perhaps one of the only truly healthy coping outlets available to a child
going through the divorce process.

Starkly in the opposite direction one can see the further damage caused when
divorcing parents choose to split their off springs like they have their various
possessions. Here, the

child(ren) need not only cope with the loss of mom or dad, but must also wrestle
with the torment of being removed from someone who has been a lifelong
companion. Instead of being given a viable outlet in the shape of a brother or sister
this child(ren) is removed from most everything he or she has known in one solid
legal swoop.

Divorce brings about a lot of legal issues, which include child custody, visitation,
holiday issues, and child support. There are a few different types of custody
arrangements. There is joint custody with visitation, which means that you share
custody with the other parent. You are supposed to make all decisions together that
may affect the child, and both parents must agree to the visitation schedule. Second,
there is sole custody with visitation which is where one parent makes most of the
decisions and does not need the other parent’s approval. Lastly, shared custody is
where the child’s time is split evenly between both parents. Both parents are
responsible for all decisions and neither parent is considered residential. But
regardless as to what type of custody agreement is decided, the child(ren) are the
one(s) who will be the most affected by this decision.
Once a custody agreement is made then the non-custodial parent is granted
visitation. Visitation is important so that the child can spend time equally with both
parents. This sometimes requires splitting holidays. Holidays are probably the worst
part about visitations because children are use to spending the holidays together as
a family, but as children age the visitation schedules change to accommodate both
the child and the parents. This is simply because an infant shouldn’t be expected to
adhere to the same schedule as an older child. For example, infants may have a
harder time adjusting because it is more important for them to stick

to a schedule; frequent and short visits from the other parent is best. Also, sticking to
feeding and nap times is important, otherwise, the baby can be extremely cranky.
Toddlers have difficulty with separation anxiety from either parent. Transitions should
be made gradually as toddlers often display aggression by biting or hitting.
Preschool aged children begin to realize that their parents don’t live together
anymore and start to ask questions and they can also begin another type of visitation
schedule, such as weekend visits. Elementary aged children need more time for
homework after school and it is important for both parents to help the child stay
organized so that they are able to turn in their assignments on time to their teacher.
Children from 8-12 are considered “tweens” and may start to take sides or try to act
perfect in hopes that their parents will get back together. It is ok to let them know
that nobody is perfect and that nothing can bring you and the other parent back
together. You child will have more homework and more friends so it is important to
fit this into the schedule as it continues to change through that child’s life. Teenagers
may experience the worst symptoms from the divorce. They often discredit marriage
and refuse to get close to another person in that way or they blame themselves for
the separation. In some cases they feel that they had to grow up quickly because
they felt the need to assume the role of the other parent. It may also be difficult for
teens to stick to a schedule because friends are more important now and they may
also have jobs of their own that they are scheduled for. Dating also begins to
become a factor in the scheduling conflict. The teen should be able to go out on
dates as long as both parents agree, but there also needs to be a restriction on the
number of outings so that both parents are able to spend the appropriate amount of
time with their son/daughter. You shouldn’t expect this to go perfectly, but do offer
the teen to give their input on the situation and try to all come to a compromise.

Most days you experience with your child may be good days, so you should enjoy
these days while they last because there may come a time when something happens
and your child tells you that they hate you and would rather live with the other
parent. This is just another part of trying to adjust. If most times are bad then it may
be time to readjust your position. You may need to try to change some things
including the visitation schedule.

Divorce not only affects the child(ren) emotionally but it also plays a major role in
many other aspects of their lives. Two of the strongest and most widely held beliefs
about the family life today are that marriage should be a lifelong commitment and
that parental divorce has serious negative effects on children. These convictions are
held with such value that many people are alarmed by the high divorce rate in the
United States. The divorce rate is very high in the United States, where about 50% of
all first marriages formed in the early 1990s ended in divorce (U.S. Bureau of the
Census 1998). According to the Heritage Foundation, “Each year, over 1 million
American children suffer the divorce of their parents and most children will see their
parents’ divorce before they turn 18 (Fagan and Rector, 2000). What are the major
impacts being seen in these children? What are the effects on these children?

One area where divorce has a major impact on children is in their academic
progress. In 2002, USA Today did a study that used a government-sponsored
database that examined 10,000 adolescents (Crouch. 2002). This study found that
the psychological damage to the child builds before the divorce but dissipated
afterwards, but academic progress continues to weaken. It speculates that these
children fall behind academically and then are not able to catch up once this
happens. They lose self-esteem and motivation. There have been many studies
done and the conclusion is the same. One study found that students from intact
families outperform those students from divorced families and have higher grade
point averages. Another one found that teens from single-parent homes are twice as
likely to drop out of high school. I found it interesting that one study found that
parental divorce affected female high school students more that it affected male high
school students.

A second area where divorce has a major impact on children is their housing
arrangement. The level of home ownership among people who have divorced is
much lower than those who have married and never divorced. According to the
Census Brief published by the U.S. Department of Commerce in September of 1997,
more than a quarter of America’s children now live with one parent. They did a study
with divorced and never-married mothers and found that divorced parents are more
educated and less likely to live in rental homes, and are less likely to be poor in
comparison to the never-married mothers. It appears from this study that being a
single parent divorcee has a slight advantage over a never-married mother. This
study also showed that four million children live in the homes of their grandparents.

The third area where divorce has a major impact on children is the income level of
the custodial parent. Following divorce, custodial parents, mostly mothers, generally
have less income than most two-parent families. One of the ways that lower income
may impact children is through disruptions that may result from less money. Many
divorced families change residence, which may result in changing schools, childcare,
friends, and other supportive relationships. In short, less money due to these
disruptions may lead to more problems for children because of the stress that
change creates.
The fourth area where divorce has a major impact on children is the economic losses
that it creates. Studies have shown that custodial mothers often face dramatic
economic losses following divorce, leading to feelings of stress that adversely affects
parenting. Researchers believe that divorce is disruptive for children largely because
the custodial parent faces a significant amount of economic stress in the time period
immediately following the divorce (Furstenberg 1990). These economic losses may
produce major transition periods for the child like moving, changing schools or living
with other household members, which can adversely affects the child’s well being.

It is important to remember that not all of the effects mentioned in the studies above
will be experienced by all children of divorce and those problems that do emerge can
be made less intense with further education, nurturing, good communication, and
lots of love.

Divorce not only affects the child(ren) emotionally but it takes a toll on the parent-
child relationship. In the wake of a divorce, most custodial parents expresses differing
degrees of anger, disorder, decreased expectations from their child(ren), and a
decline in the aptitude to separate the child(ren)’s needs and actions from those of
the adults involved. Studies have shown that approximately 15% of children
interviewed at the 10 year follow-up point in a 15 year study showed significant
effects from taking on the role of holding a custodial parent together psychologically
(Eloeff, 2008).

Children dealing with divorce are often left with a lot of questions because they are
going through something they have never experienced before. It is important to
answer every question that might arise in order for the child to better understand
what is going on. Change is hard and the fear of the unknown can be difficult for
children to handle on their own. Both parents need to try to make this new
adjustment period as comfortable for the children as possible (Schor, 2004).
Everyone’s life is impacted by divorce and children often have a hard time adjusting
to change. “For all too many kids, nonresidential parents eventually will come to play
a greatly diminished role in their lives. It doesn’t have to be this way, and with
sensitivity, planning, and common sense, parents can sidestep many common
visitation problems” (Neuman, p.272). So therefore, it is up to the parents to help
their child(ren) to cope with the divorce and try to prevent this from happening.
There are two general channels that can be taken to help the child(ren) deal with the
divorce experience. They are parental effort and outside help.

During parental effort, it is important to communicate with your child(ren) that you
love them and that you don’t hate them even if you don’t normally do those things,
but it is important for your child(ren) to feel reassured. Avoid talking to your
child(ren) about the divorce situation or any financial woes that you may be
experiencing. It is best for your child(ren) to continue to be neutral to both parents.
You should also not use your child(ren) as a messenger to see what the other parent
is up to. This can make your child feel stressed and feel like they are betraying their
other parent. Also, don’t make promises you can’t keep. It only disappoints them and
causes them not to trust you. Children need to be reassured; just because the
marriage is over doesn’t mean that they aren’t a family anymore. “Children must be
told and told again: ‘Divorce means your parents have lost love for each other and
do not want to live together anymore. However, divorce in no way changes our love
for you” (Pickhardt, p. 84). Both parents need to try to avoid bad mouthing the other
parent in front of the child(ren). This may prevent the child from feeling stressed out
about double loyalties. You need to keep a sense of normalcy for your child so that
they can feel that their lives have some stability after such a drastic change in their
living situations. “One of the best ways to help a child feel rooted, protected, and
loved, is to have rules” (Pickhardt, p. 25). It is important to create the rules together
so that the child has the same boundaries at either home and that the other parent
doesn’t appear to be better because the child has no responsibilities when they stay
with them. The parents should keep the lines of communication open with their
child(ren) and never stop attempting to make contact with their child(ren). They
should also maintain an interest in what is going on with the child(ren); know who
they’re hanging out with and how they’re doing in school and extracurricular
activities. Most children want to make both parents happy, and it is up to the parents
to make this an easy task.

As for the outside help avenue, this is a route to take when the parental effort is not
helping. Counseling and/or an intervention program can help improve matters by
being a neutral third party. They help in accomplishing things like, helping children
to express their anger, as well as helping the parents to better understand how to
appropriately respond to the concern’s that the child(ren) may have. Parents should
consider seeking professional help when their child is having problems accepting
reality about the divorce or seem to be going through some serious behavioral
changes. Meeting with a psychiatrist or a counselor who specializes in divorce can be
very beneficial for everyone involved. It doesn’t matter which route is used to help
them get through the divorce process as long as the child(ren)’s best interest is kept
as the top priority during and after the divorce.

All in all, children can be severely traumatized by divorce. Many of the effects felt can
be long lasting or some may go away within a few weeks. If the divorce is nasty or is
prolonged due to a custody battle, then the effects can last a lifetime. Children face
many issues when going through a divorce. There are issues with self-esteem, loss of
sense of security, the “sleeper effect”, and it even has an effect on birthdays and
holidays. These problems can last forever in a child, even into adulthood.

When children have to go through a divorce, they deal with issues regarding their
self-esteem. They may feel like they caused the divorce themselves. The child(ren)
may also feel like they did something wrong to where mommy or daddy doesn’t
want to be with them anymore. If these issues are not addressed early on, they can
be long lasting and when developing, the older child will have low self-esteem. This
can lead to poor grades in school, little to no friends, using drugs, and trouble in the
streets.

Another issue children deal with when going through a divorce is in the area of
security. The child(ren) may develop fears that both parents will abandon him or her.
There may also be fears about what is to come. What will happen from here? Where
does the child(ren) end up? These are thoughts about security that may come during
a divorce. In addition, the absence of one of their parents can make the child(ren)
feel extremely lonely. This can also last a lifetime if not dealt with early on. It can lead
to the child(ren) growing up feeling scared and worried. He or she may have
relationship problems and may not be able to trust anyone and can also lead to
depression.

Some studies suggest that there is a “sleeper effect”. This is the idea that a child that
goes through a divorce and recovers rather quickly. Then, because of denied feelings
at the subconscious level, they will have a resurgence of fear, anger, guilt, and anxiety
which doesn’t kick in until well into adulthood. These feelings tend to arise when a
young adult is attempting to make important life decisions, such as marriage.

Another effect divorce has on children is dealing with holidays and birthdays. This
will last a lifetime, because birthdays and holidays will have to be split, if this is the
agreement. If there is time-sharing in place, or an agreement has been made, the
child may have to spend every other birthday with the mother and father. With
holidays, there may be time-sharing involved, where the child spends half the
holidays with the father, and the other half with the mother. This can certainly last
into adulthood, because the family will not be together, and there may have to be
time split between the two parents’ homes.

Some children are affected more by divorce than others. However, all children will be
affected by a divorce no matter what. The things that parents do and don’t do will
greatly impact exactly how much a child is affected by the divorce. In addition, the
child’s gender, age, psychological health, and maturity will also all affect how a
divorce impacts a child. Dealing with the divorce as best as possible will help lessen
the effects on a child and make it easier to get through. Only time will tell how much
it has actually affected the particular child in a particular circumstance.

Of course, as we all know, divorce is a painful process for everyone involved; the legal
act of breaking apart a family is taxing on both the heart and mind, but we see this
most in children. Divorce rates are high and our children are suffering. Everyone
should take their children’s feelings into consideration when going through a divorce
because the child’s life is impacted as well. It is very important that parents help their
children adjust to all the changes going on in their life and address any behavioral or
psychological problems the moment they arise.
Legalizing divorce in the Philippines: What
you need to know
Kristine Joy Patag (philstar.com) - March 20, 2018 - 4:47pm
MANILA, Philippines — March 19 marked a monumental day for advocates of divorce.

In a vote of 134-57, the lower house of Congress approved on third and final reading House Bill
7303 or "An Act Instituting Absolute Divorce and Dissolution of Marriage in the Philippines."

Seen as a "pro-women legislation," the bill aims to legalize divorce in the Philippines—the only
other country aside from the Vatican City where it is illegal to do so.

The proposed measure pushed by progressive party-lists in Congress also saw support from two
unlikely allies: opposition lawmaker Rep. Edcel Lagman (Albay), the main sponsor of the bill, and
House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez, one of its co-authors.

Here's what you need to know about moves to legalize divorce in the Philippines.

1. What options are available for Filipinos who want

to get out of marriage?
Currently, the only legal recourse available to Filipinos who want to exit a failed union is through
an annulment or a petition for legal separation. These two options have different grounds and
end results.

Under the Family Code of the Philippines, a marriage may be annulled if any of the following
grounds exist: lack of parental consent, psychological incapacity, fraud, marriage by force or
intimidation, inability to consummate the marriage and if one party has contracted a sexually-
transmissible disease. The 1987 Family Code was introduced under the presidency of Corazon
Aquino.

Those seeking annulment must undergo a mental exam, testify in court and sometimes even
claim they or their spouse entered the union while afflicted by a psychological disorder. The
process can cost at least P250,000 and take anywhere from one to 10 years given
the congestion in Philippine court dockets.

Meanwhile, a petition for legal separation requires any of the following grounds: repeated
physical abuse from partner, coercion to change religious or political affiliation, attempt of
respondent to corrupt petitioner or their child to engage in prostitution, respondent meted with
imprisonment of more than 6 years, drug addiction of spouse, lesbianism or homosexuality,
bigamous marriage, sexual infidelity or perversion, attempt against the life of spouse and
abandonment without justifiable cause for more than a year.

If the petition is granted, the couple may live separately from each other. The conjugal
partnership is also dissolved, but the marriage bonds are still in effect.

Annulment also allows remarriage but legal separation does not.

2. Why is there no divorce law in the Philippines?

 Across the globe, the Philippines and the Vatican are the
only states without divorce but allow the annulment of marriages. The Vatican is an independent
state headed by the pope, who also heads the Catholic Church. The Philippines, meanwhile, is a
predominantly Catholic country. Majority of couples also opt to marry in church.

A week before the Divorce Bill got the approval of the lower house, the Catholic Bishops'
Conference of the Philippines issued a statement calling for "more reasoned debates on the
issue."

The CBCP warned that lawmakers packaged divorce as an "easy option," which may result in
marriages and families breaking up more easily.

"We merely ask that they consider the possibility that divorce, while it may indeed provide quick
legal remedies for some seemingly 'failed marriages,' might end up destroying even those
marriages that could have been saved by dialogues or the intervention of family, friends, pastors
and counselors," Archbishop Romulo Valles, president of the CBCP, said.

The CBCP, however, cannot participate in the bill's interpellations. Some also raised the
separation of the Church and State as enshrined in the 1987 Constitution.

Gabriela Women's Party Rep. Emmi de Jesus in a statement after the bill hurdled the lower
house reiterated calls for its legalization.

"Ang pagpasok sa kontrata ng kasal, na kinikilala ng estado ay isang karapatan. Karapatang

may karampatang obligasyong kailangan tuparin ng dalawang panig. Dapat naroroon ang
pagmamahalan, paggalang, suporta at iba pang factors na magbibigay ng kaligayahan at
kalusugan sa kanilang relasyon," she said.

(Entering the contract of marriage, that is recognized by the state, is a right. A right that has
corresponding obligations which must be met by both sides. There should be love, respect,
support and other factors that ensure a happy and healthy relationship.)

"Kapag may paglabag sa mga obligasyong ito, na kung minsang umaabot pa sa puntong
nakataya na ang buhay at katinuan sa pagitan ng mag-asawa, marapat lamang na kilalanin din
ng estado ang karapatan na wakasan ang kontrata at karapatang umalis sa relasyon."

(If there are violations of these obligations, that sometimes even endangers the life and sanity of
the couple, it is just for the state to also recognize their right to end the contract and exit the
failed relationship.)
Gabriela Women's Party has been pushing for the legalization of divorce since the 13th
Congress when it first secured seats in the lower chamber.

Muslims in the Philippines, however, are not covered by the ban on divorce. Presidential Decree
No. 1083, signed by the late strongman Ferdinand Marcos Sr., provides that a couple married
under the Muslim laws "have the right to divorce."

3. How did the divorce bill fare in past

administrations?
This was the first time that a proposal to institute divorce in Philippine laws reached the plenary
of the lower house.

Rep. Edcel Lagman (Albay) is the main sponsor of the bill. It was approved on March 19.

The divorce bill was first introduced during the 13th Congress in 2005. Bills pushing for divorce
was also filed by lawmakers for the 14th, 15th and 16th Congress.

For the 15th Congress, then-Rep. Rufus Rodriguez (Cagayan de Oro) and Rep. Marlyn
Primicias-Agabas (Pangasinan) sponsored House Bill 4368 that seeks to "harmonize" the Family
Code "with recent rulings of the SC on divorce obtained by the alien spouse in another country."
The House plenary approved the said bill on Sept. 26, 2012, and was received by the Senate on
the same day.

Then Gabriela Women's Party Rep. Luzviminda Ilagan also filed a bill to amend the Family Code
and introduce divorce. The bill was referred to the Committee on Revision of Laws on Jan. 26,
2011.

Five similar bills on divorce were also filed during the 16th Congress. The Ilagan-sponsored bill
has been pending with the Committee on Population and Family Relations since May 20, 2014.

4. What are the pertinent details of HB 7303?

House Bill 7303 aims to make divorce more accessible to a wider range of couples seeking
liberty from irreparable marriage.

It provides that the "State shall assure that the court proceedings for the grant of absolute
divorce shall be affordable and inexpensive, particularly for court assisted litigants and
petitioners."
 The proposed measure also pushes for a pro-women
legislation as the bill notes that in most cases of irreparable marriages it is the wife who is
entitled to liberation from an abusive relationship.

The status of the children of divorced couples also takes precedence. A joint petition for divorce
should include a plan for parenthood that details support, parental authority, custody and living
arrangements of the common children.

For the legitimate and adopted children of divorced spouses, they will retain their legal status
after the petition for divorce is granted. A child born or conceived within 300 days after filing for
divorce is also considered a legitimate child, except when the basis for divorce is marital infidelity
of the wife.

The bill also proposes that divorced spouses shall have the right to remarry.

It also prioritizes filing of Filipinos working abroad.

One of the grounds under the proposed bill is when "one of the spouses undergoes a gender
reassignment surgery." Other grounds include:

 reasons stated under legal separation and annulment under the Family Code
 separation of spouses for at least five years
 legal separation by judicial decree for at least two years
 psychological incapacity
 irreconcilable marital differences

The bill also seeks to penalize a spouse found guilty of coercing his or her partner into marriage.
The respondent will face imprisonment of five years and a fine of P200,000.

5. So what's next for the divorce bill?

The Senate is due to receive the bill approved by the lower house. But it is expected to face a
tougher passage there with several senators publicly stating their opposition.

Senate President Aquilino "Koko" Pimentel III, a party-mate of President Rodrigo Duterte, had
earlier said that he is more inclined to add more grounds for annulment than push for divorce.

Should the two chambers of Congress approve the same version of the bill, it would be elevated
to Malacañang for the signature of the president. Duterte, however, might veto a Congress-
approved divorce bill as he has been vocal of his disapproval of it. During the March 2016
presidential debates, Duterte has thumbed down divorce.

Hours before the voting at the lower house, presidential spokesperson Harry Roque
reiterated Duterte's stance against it.

The 72-year-old Philippine leader has separated from his estranged wife through annulment long
before he was elected president. — with a report from AFP
There are certain requirements to be met when getting married, like age limits,
fulfillment of informed consent, and so on. Annulment seeks to nullify marriage by
finding unmet requirements from a couple. Annulment seeks to prove "A
requirement was not met, therefore this marriage is void. It never existed."

Divorce is an entirely different matter.

It seeks to CUT marriage off, for reasons other than requirements not being met, like,
"irreconcilable differences". There should be no problem with it, as it seeks to
improve a person's life by ridding him of despair from a failed marriage.

However, it has a fundamental moral flaw: anyone who performs divorce should be
considered untrustworthy.

Marriage is contractual, as evidenced by the signed papers and the vows before a
judge/religious leader. In business, people who can't fulfill contracts are deemed
untrustworthy, that much is true. You can cancel a contract, as a client, or as an
entrepreneur, but would you still make deals with each other after being unable to
fulfill a contract? A contract is a strong bind, you know. Naturally, you wouldn't want
to. Your trust for the client/firm would drop significantly.

Same goes for people who divorce. "But I didn't know he was like that!", "But he
changed so much these past few years!" What happened to "for better or for worse"?
That's just irresponsible.

Sure, it is indeed true that these flaws are sometimes overlooked when in love, but, it
is still your mistake if you have a lapse in judgment.

I admit, it might happen to me too.

Now then, to the Philippines. People here might not be able to phrase their thoughts
like I did, but I think we share the same context. Filipinos lean heavily on their
morals, as we all know.

The thing about divorce is that people who do it can't stick to their word, and can't
live up to their promises. We try to avoid that. To legalize divorce would be allowing
people to become irresponsible.

Be responsible right from the beginning.