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Discipline: “training, activity or regimen that

develops or improves a skill”.

The
Three
Disciplines
Personal Mastery
Charisma
Self-Discipline

Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.


Website: www.kevinhogan.com
Personal Mastery:
Programming Your Mind for the
Distinction of Achievement and
Success

The ability to recognize your strengths


and weaknesses is a key characteristic
of someone who possesses Personal
Mastery.
I have identified two broad categories, and 12 key components to Personal
Mastery, which I will be talking about in this CD set. There will be areas you will
continue to refine and improve upon, throughout the rest of your life. An
important part of Personal Mastery is the ability to recognize what areas you
have strength, and areas that need attention.

While listening to this program, you will want to utilize this manual to take notes
and complete the exercises. This will help you to be completely honest with
yourself and identify the areas of personal mastery that you will need to spend
more time on. When you begin to isolate the areas of strength and weakness, it
is then that you will begin to realize the potential you can get out of this program.

Traits of the person with Personal Mastery

Personal Mastery is a combination of two traits. One is self-confidence, and the


other is competence. Self-confidence is a trait that all people are attracted to and
recognize as desirable. Self-confidence coupled with competence yields an

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obvious sense of Personal Mastery. The person with personal mastery has a
fascinating mix of humility and pride, which allows one to be certain and self-
assured, but not arrogant.

Personal Mastery in a man is something that women are drawn to like a magnet.
There are few other traits that create a sense of certainty in a woman. If a man
has self-confidence and competence, she knows that he can pretty much do
anything in life and, therefore, give her almost anything she wants.

Competent people still have the ability to ask questions and learn. Not knowing
the answers to all of life’s questions gives them an air of humility. The competent
person has learned breadth and depth about the areas where she is excellent in,
and a person with a sense of personal mastery has no need to make others
wrong, just a desire to discover, indeed, what is right.

When you look at some of those people with personal mastery in history, you
discover that depending on their strengths and weaknesses, those people
wanted to be the best at what they did. And when you want to be the best, you
have to question yourself, be open to feedback, constantly put yourself on the
line, challenge yourself, and invite criticism. People with Personal Mastery know
exactly where they are in life, and know where they are going. They have no
delusions about themselves, or other people. They know what it takes to utilize
that unique combination of hard work and wisdom to achieve in life, personal
relationships and mastering emotions and so on.

People with personal mastery don’t have all the answers, but they ask great
questions. They have great flexibility in their behavior and in their communication
with other people, and in their communication with themselves and in controlling
and dealing with their emotions. They have a high level of awareness about how
they are being perceived in their environment by others. They also have a high
awareness of others and how others appear in their environment.

Self-confidence + Competence = Personal Mastery

The person with self-confidence has a certainty about their abilities and skills and
they know that they have what it takes to accomplish their goals. They have the
tools, skills, abilities and resources to make it happen.

12 Areas of Personal Mastery


1. Health

The first gauge of your health is to look at yourself in the mirror – and see what
you actually look like. Your waist size is a good predictor of your health – heart
health, cholesterol, etc. The other is your skin. Are you vibrant, healthy-looking?
Consult a medical professional for help with nutrition issues, and if you need to

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lose weight or begin an exercise program. When you feel better, you are more
exciting to be with for other people. Balance is important. You have to work hard,
but you also need to get the rest your body needs to be healthy and effective.
There are simple things you can do to improve your health. Stop smoking, avoid
non-prescription drugs, drink less alcohol, eat more fruits and vegetables, get
more exercise. People who regularly consult their medical doctor live longer. The
reason is simple. You, along with your doctor, can keep your body “in tune”. If
you haven’t mastered the “waist”, it is hurting you in every area of your life. You
must take control of your health.

Health checklist:

Waist measurement: __________________________________________

Weight: ____________________________________________________

Non-Smoker? _______________________________________________

Moderate Alcohol? ___________________________________________

Avoid Non-Prescription Drugs? _________________________________

Skin: ______________________________________________________

General Health & Nutrition: _____________________________________

Healthy Diet? _______________________________________________

Daily Exercise: ______________________________________________

Regular Doctor Visits: _________________________________________

Current on all Medical Exams? _________________________________

2. Control Emotions

People who cloak and cover up their emotions become sick. People who explode
with anger and are unable to control their emotions also get ill. Balance is the
key.

Mindfulness techniques can be helpful in mastering the negative emotions.


(FARG – Fear, Anger, Resentment, Guilt) A technique that is useful in dealing
with and controlling negative emotions can be found in the book Destructive
Emotions by Daniel Goleman.

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When you experience a negative emotion, you can step back and look at the
emotion, walk around it and become aware of how the emotion is affecting you
and your body. Negative emotions cause stress on the body, and that feeling can
be overwhelming. When an emotional event occurs, the unconscious part of the
brain responds about a half a second before the thinking part of the brain
responds. In that very brief time period is when control can be lost. A person with
personal mastery has the ability to recognize this moment and decide how to
then respond to the emotion.

Write down below how you tend to respond when experiencing the emotion, and
then write down how you would like to respond to the following emotions:

Hurt: ______________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Inadequacy: ________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Fear: _____________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

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Anger: ____________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Resentment: ________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Guilt: _____________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

3. A Sense of Purpose

A person with self-mastery knows that they have meaning in their life. The
person who has self-mastery knows that they are on a mission. They may have
more than one mission in life. They know that they can have more in life,
accomplish more, and do so much more than people think.

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When you have meaning in your life, you know that it benefits you along with
benefiting others. 20 years ago, my grandmother gave me a great piece of
advice. You’ve heard of the 50-50 rule. But, she said that when you get married,
it should be 90-10. You put 90% of your attention on the other person, and 10%
on yourself. And the other person does the same thing for you. When you have
personal mastery, you know that what you are doing in your life is benefiting
others greatly.

Spirituality can give you meaning in your life. Maybe the meaning in your life is
how you choose to benefit the people around you. The police officer benefits
people around them by keeping others safe. He receives the benefit of being
able to offer this service, and to be the authority figure.

As a speaker, I can give to others the belief in themselves that they can have
meaning in their life and make a difference to others. I receive the benefit of the
adrenaline rush of speaking in front of a room full of people. I know my purpose
is to make a difference.

Meaning in life comes from how you serve mankind. How will you serve
mankind? How are you serving others in your life?

What is the meaning in your life?

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

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4. Have a Life Plan

A person with self-mastery has a life plan. They design their life and live it. The
meaning in your life will help you to develop your life plan.

When you have a life plan, you are aware of the goals in your life, all the things
that can go wrong and a plan to take care of difficulties as they occur.

Write down where you are today, the meaning in your life today, and how you are
accomplishing the goals you now have.

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Next, draw a “map” showing where you want to go in life.

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List what you want to accomplish, and who you want to help in your life.

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

5. Be a Creator

A creator is someone who is constantly giving birth to ideas, concepts, thoughts


– things that can benefit themselves and other people today, tomorrow, and in
the future. When you are a creator, people are drawn to you. People who create,
develop and synthesize ideas have asked all the right questions, and taken
feedback and made them better than before. That is a sign of personal mastery.

Start creating something in the area of your life that you are passionate about,
that has meaning for you. Be productive in that area.

When you produce, it gives you a sense of power, certainty and strength. It gives
others around you the sense of certainty about you. Others want to be around
people who have personal mastery.

6. Strength in Personal Relationships

The person with personal mastery has strength in the area of personal
relationships. People are different. We are all driven by the same basic desires.
We all need food, shelter, and clothing. We all need to connect and we all need
love. Beyond these basic desires, we are all different. That means that
communication can break down, and often does. As communication breaks
down, relationships suffer. When communication is put back together skillfully,
relationships are built, strengthened and fostered.

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The quality of your relationships is, really, the quality of your life. When your
relationships are good, then your emotions will begin to improve. When your
emotions improve, your relationships improve.

People around you are moved by your eMOTIONs. There is a difference


between being with people who are passionate and compassionate and people
who are inert. Passionate people will be more emotional and more expressive.
Compassionate people have a strong sense of justice. Relationships can benefit
from this because others will look at you as a guidepost, a marker. People with
personal mastery develop the sense of justice, compassion and virtue and stand
for what is right. People who feel empathy for others – are able to express that
feeling. People are drawn to others who are passionate, compassionate and
empathetic.

7. Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to see a result before it happens, to begin a plan to


get there, to believe that it’s going to happen and continue to work on it, and then
finish it, and maintain what you have done.

A person with self-discipline is someone who thinks of the idea, begins the
process to create, sees it through, allows it to be finished, and then allows as
many people as possible to benefit from that idea.

Self-discipline has the common thread of having an end result that benefits
yourself and others.

People will not respect you if you do not have self-discipline. When you tell
people a plan, and then do not follow through, you’ve lost respect.

The reason that follow through does not occur typically is centered on the small
details. The person with self-mastery will see the problems in advance and fix
them before and as they happen. Remember the following formula to keep you
on course:

See, Believe, Begin, Continue, Finish, Maintain

This does not mean that you will be perfect. There will be lots of mistakes along
the way. That is expected and unavoidable. Don’t let the little details and small
mistakes (or big mistakes) stop you. If you want to have personal mastery, you
develop your own self-discipline so that you set out to do A to Z and never quit.

8. Beliefs and Values

Someone with self-mastery is someone who has specific beliefs that are critical
in life. They believe they are doing that which is right. If a person is doing

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something that they know is wrong, their behaviors will reflect that belief. They
will fail. When you have self-mastery of your beliefs, you will take care of those
who need to be taken care of. You will always do the right thing. A sense of
certainty and justice will.

To do everything in life to not have to rely on others give you a sense of self-
mastery.

9. Self-confidence

You cannot pull off having the certainty that you need in accomplishing things
without the trait of self-confidence. With self-confidence, you know that you will
always do the best you can, and you are certain that you can “do it”, whatever it
is, and if you can’t do it, you will find someone who can.

Self-confidence is contagious. The self-confident person has a very strong sense


of enthusiasm. The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek term meaning “God
within”. If you had God within you, wouldn’t you feel strong, certain, safe and
secure? When you feel a little unsettled, and second, safe. Here’s why. When
are so self-confident and certain that you are doing that which is right, that
knowledge comes from history. In the past, you’ve done 10,000 things before,
8,000 of them worked, 2,000 of them didn’t, and, therefore, you know you have
the odds in your favor. And you have taken along with you the knowledge from
those experiences. If something starts to go wrong, you just fix it.

That attitude, that set of beliefs and values at first startles people because it can
be overwhelming and then, like love, it envelops people and they realize that you
have it together – that, meaning personal mastery.

You are not arrogant thinking that your way is the best way. But, you feel that
your way is probably the best way today. You are always willing to change and
improve midstream at any point. Have a plan, work the plan, be willing (and in
fact expect to) change midstream with the feedback that comes to you. People
who can do that have self-confidence.

Good examples of people with self-confidence are Elvis Presley, Paul


McCartney, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Self-confidence acts upon other
people, making them feel your certainty, and energy. The charismatic power of
self-confident people can make others feel good inside. You want to be self-
confident. You will find that your self-confidence is contagious.

10. Persistence

When I wrote the book Irresistible Attraction, I asked dozens of women about
relationships. I asked the question, “How would you feel if someone kept calling
and asking you out over and over, and you said no, but they kept calling.” And

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most women answered, “I’d be mad, I wouldn’t go out with him.” But, then I
asked, “How did your current spouse/partner gain your confidence/trust?” Many
women admitted at this point, “Well, he kept asking until I said yes”!

People admire persistence. Do you know what persistence means? It means you
will eat, you will survive, you will live, you will never be poor. The person who is
persistent is the person who doesn’t quit.

Persistence is one of the core aspects of self-mastery. Refusing to give up is part


of their nature. A person with persistence doesn’t doubt that they will succeed,
they just know that it will take time.

Persistence means absence of doubt. You have pre-ordained something in your


mind, and you are like a heat-seeking missile. You keep going until the target is
hit.

11. Certainty

Certainty is where you are the “source”. Certainty is where you are the go-to
person, the best, the expert. When you say X, the answer is X until you are
shown otherwise.

When you have certainty, other people want to be involved with you in some
way. When you have certainty, you will succeed. People latch onto this
personality aspect, just like self-confidence. Certainty means you given a lot of
thought, you’ve studied it, analyzed it, and you’ve decided that this is the best
option.

Certainty can sometimes come across as arrogance. Be careful about this. Here
is the distinction. Arrogance implies that you are right about everything. Certainty
means, “I’m right about this”. Nobody is right about everything. People with
certainty in their area of excellence become the go-to person. Certainty in an
area of excellence shines. You can be an expert in your field or area of
excellence.

12. Competence

Competence means that you have achieved a level of intellectual balance. That
means that you know that the most likely result of your behaviors is going to be
X. But, you are constantly reaching for a better way, attempting to improve.

Competence means that you will get the job done. Competence means that you
ask great, tough questions. You know how to figure out what questions to ask.
Then, answers become easier.

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Competence is one of the two core components of self-mastery. A sixteen-year
old driver has no competence. They can have lots and lots of self-confidence, but
have not developed competence. You do not want to hire the sixteen-year-old
driver to drive a truck for your company. The 35-year-old woman is a much more
responsible driver than the 16-year-old boy. The 35-year-old woman has
competence. She is a more responsible driver by far.

Competence means you figured it out, you mastered it, you asked questions and
figured out the answers. You tried and corrected until you learned and mastered
it. You paid attention to feed-back.

Competence is having a proven track record. You need to come to the point
where your unconscious mind has taken over the task. Become a master of
unconscious competence. The only way to do this is to accomplish it over and
over and over again until you do not have to consciously think about it as you do
it. And then making yourself go to the next level, and challenging yourself.

CD 2 includes your self-hypnosis portion of this program. I will assist you at


installing the information into the circuitry of your unconscious mind. Enjoy the
process as you achieve self-mastery in your life.

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Charisma!
(Beyond Irresistible Attraction)
The missing ingredient in business
success and personal relationships

Have you ever met someone (or many people) with whom you immediately connected?
Have you ever said, "He is really something, I'd like to get to know him." Now you can.
At some level you recognized something very charismatic about that person. Sometimes
they recognized that same something in you but then over time or maybe immediately,
nothing happened and you went your separate ways. Connecting with people is more
than just physical attraction, though to be sure that is important and very real.
Connecting with people really is when one person sees another and recognizes their
kindred spirit.

It's virtually impossible to achieve true greatness as a lover, a teacher or a


salesperson without being seen as charismatic to other people. In business, the
ability to get along with others is something that corporate executives pay a great
deal of money for! Today in the new millennium corporations spend billions of
dollars per year to enhance communication skills of their employees. No one can

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get along with everyone, but those who can build rapport with the majority will
always be more successful on average than others. What they fail to do is invest
in building charismatic people. Fundamental error number one.

One of my favorite motivational speakers is Zig Ziglar. Zig always said, "You can
get everything in life if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
You are going to learn how to talk with other people so you can help them on
their way to success. You are going to discover new ways to communicate with
others verbally and even more important, non-verbally. This program will help
you become your own magical genie.

Connecting charismatically with people is a naturally-given talent that has been


made weaker through negative life experiences. Starting today that is all going to
change. As you walk through and experience life each day, you will come into
contact with many people. Look at each person you talk with or make eye contact
with and allow them freedom to be whoever they want to be with you. Give them
the security to know that they can be open with you. You will not judge them.
Finally, allow them to be inter-connected with you and separate from you. If you
do this, you will begin to become a magnet for other people.

People are attracted to the people who make them feel secure, free
and happy. This is true in business and in personal relationships!

How do we accomplish such a monumental task of helping people feel secure,


free and happy? We all are so different. Different things seem to make people
feel secure, for example. We have so many different needs, desires and
interests. It's not easy knowing what will make a person feel more free and at
ease. In fact, we often don't know what to say when we in the presence of groups
of strangers so we tend to simply look at the ground and avoid eye contact as we
pass by. What specifically do we need to do to generate this love, this happiness,
this sense of security with other people? Even when we know people, it is
remarkably difficult to talk to them about certain issues and topics that are most
important to us.

How do we talk about sex with our spouse or significant other? How do we talk
about religion with the relatives? How do we talk politics with our friends? How do
we communicate with those we love in an honest way and STILL keep the
relationship intact? It isn't easy but it can be done. (We will deal with all of these
questions!)

If you are like most people you probably wonder why we all communicate so
differently from each other. You probably would like some people to open up to
you more and others to listen to you. Maybe most importantly, you probably
already realize that as people we are more than animals, more than thinking
machines and that there is something about us that makes us special. Finally, as

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 15


important as our uniqueness is, there is also a collective quality that makes us
feel as if we are related somehow to...everyone.

This program will also help you communicate to each person you meet in such a
way that will recognize their specialness and their interconnectedness with you.

There are reasons that we communicate the way we do.

• We are all, in part, a product of our genes.


• We are all, in part, a product of our environment including our peers and
families.
• We are all, in part, a product of our unique experiences. (Traumas, Life
Events, etc.)
• We all have defensive attitudes that both help and harm us in
communication. We all want love.
• We all have suffered emotional pain.
• We don't want to get hurt anymore.

Did you know that each word that is said to a person either strengthens or
weakens the physical and emotional well being of that person? Your words
and intentions are so powerful that you can change the state of being and
the state of mind of virtually everyone you come into contact with.

We must all become conduits for nurturing ourselves and others. This trait is one
driving force that makes successful people so successful. We can only do this
through communication. A good source for learning more about this is the book A
General Theory of Love by three medical doctors Lewis, Amini and Lannon.

For most people in the world our predominant forms of communication are verbal
and non-verbal communication. There are, however, other forms of
communication including reading textual documents like this manual and the very
powerful communication in the realm of kinesthetics...touching.

What you say and how you say it not only affects the experience of other people,
but yourself as well. There is very little that you can say to someone that will ever
be perceived as "neutral." Almost all communication is accepted at the conscious
or unconscious level as "positive" or "negative." What this means for you and I as
we talk to others is really quite profound. As we create positive and negative
"energy" for other people, we accept the same creation for ourselves. (Jesus said
it this way, "What you sow, also shall you reap.") In other words if the words and
intentions we give to others are filled with positive energy then the effect on
ourselves is virtually identical to that which was given. (Another famous quote,
"The love you take is equal to love you make...")

This does not mean that if you communicate lovingly with everyone, that
they will love you. It means that if you communicate with love and integrity

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with all those that you come into contact with, that YOU will gain from the
love and integrity from what you share.

Many millions of people are completely unable (with their present resources and
understanding) to communicate in any way other than with a tone of hostility, for
example. Your loving communication with an overtly hostile person will not likely
result in the desired response. In fact, so many people have lost touch with their
inner self that they are a detriment to society. These people often spend vast
amounts of their life in prisons for crimes of violence against others. The
difference is that their physical experience has led them for a multitude of
reasons, to be careless in their actions toward themselves and others. The shell
that encases that crying soul is so stone- cold that the pleading of the soul for
attention and security is only understood at the conscious level as partaking in
anti-social behavior. It is a sad and desperate state to be in.

Your true and inner self really needs to ultimately communicate honestly, with
intention, with integrity, courage and confidence. We all need acceptance, and if
you accept others as they are, you become a people magnet. In fact, you and I
need both freedom and security. Your friends and family are craving for
acceptance. They are cut from the same cloth that you and I are cut. Like you,
your friends, family and fellow workers need your love, your kindness and your
acceptance. All of us want and need love. All
The charismatic of us want and need to be cared for. All of us
communicator is that way want to be independent. All of us want to feel
because he is in tune with safe and secure.
all of these feelings and
states of mind. He has a The charismatic communicator is that way
powerful, "other because he is in tune with all of these feelings
awareness." and states of mind. He has a powerful, "other
awareness."

You probably don't know this, but I don't spend all of my time doing corporate
sales trainings and hanging out with Playboy Playmates. Ten hours of my week I
still work in my office as a psychotherapist. I often utilize a powerful healing
modality called hypno-analysis. People fly from all over the world to see me for a
very few issues. In general, my practice is limited to seeing people who are
chronically ill with chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia and especially tinnitus
(ringing in the ears). Of course I see people for other issues including, anxiety,
depression, PTSD and eating disorders, but focus my time on my specialty
areas.

People fly past thousands of psychotherapists and hypnotherapists because they


have heard that I not only work with people who suffer from these brutal
problems but that I have experienced them and for the most part overcome them
myself. I've never had to place an ad for the work I do. Word of mouth just

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spreads the good news of the work I do like wildfire through groups of people
who share these common problems.

One element of communication I have discovered to be critically important is to


listen. Listening for me is not a passive process. By this I mean, I don't wait for
people to finish talking and then talk myself. In my practice I listen and write
down questions and follow up questions on my note pad to constantly elicit more
and more information about the person, their suffering, their internal experience,
how others react to their illness and so on. In fact, in my first session with a client
I might talk for 15 minutes out of two hours total session time. The reason is
simple. People are sick, in part, because no one really cares to listen to them. I
have found people feeling significantly better after leaving my office after a
simple case analysis and not even having begun therapeutic "interventions." The
reason? I really listen. I'm so curious and care so much about the people who I
see that they know that they have a supporter in me. I'm someone who not only
cares but I am an advocate for their health and welfare. I am a warrior for their
future happiness and health. They know that I am really working with them to get
better.

When you look around at your family and friends I want you to consider being an
advocate for their happiness, health and welfare. How specifically can you listen
better without feeling the need to add your own personal stories to theirs? How
specifically can you create a "safe place" for communication with those you love?
You see, we actually have to think about how to do this consciously because life
hasn't always been good to us and we have had some experiences along the
road that diminish our ability to communicate well. We tend to start out pretty well
at birth but then things start to happen.

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What is charisma?

Charisma is a special quality conferring extraordinary powers of leadership and


the ability to inspire veneration (worship/desire).

Charisma is also personal magnetism that enables an individual to attract or


influence people.

Who do we see as charismatic?

JFK Madonna
Elvis Tina Turner
Clinton (’92) Beatles
Marilyn Mariah Carey
Hitler ! Oprah
Apostle Paul Princess Diana
Johnny Carson Princess Grace

Rapport ==Î Process ==Î Content

Communication Turn-ons

1. Show sincere interest and fascination in them!


2. Accept without criticism.
3. Touch by women
4. Eye contact by women
5. Men – self-confident – not obsequious
6. Communicate same beliefs and values with self-confidence.
7. Personal Mastery

Turn-offs

1. “I” Language
2. Braggadocio
3. Talking about ex’s
4. Any topic where the listener has no frame of reference

End CD 1

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 19


Learn to Defuse Conflict

The ability to defuse conflict gives a unique feeling to others. A person who has
this quality allows others to feel comfortable and secure.

There are three ways to defuse conflict.

Agree

Or

Acknowledge

Or

Ask how they came to that opinion

Jesus said, “Agree with your adversary quickly.” There is a lot of truth to this
concept. How can someone argue with you when you’ve told them you agree
with them? The argument goes ‘poof’!

You can acknowledge the other person’s opinion as valid. State something
similar to, “I can see how you might feel that way.” Or “I know that you feel X, I
feel Y, and it’s okay that we both have our own opinions on this topic.”

To defuse any hostility, you can ask how the person came to their opinion. It will
get them thinking about the logic of their opinion, as opposed to how they are
feeling in the moment.

Charismatic people are focal to the group. They are able to communicate with all
people in the group, whether or not they agree with each person. Look each
person in the eye, acknowledge and speak to each person, drawing out
responses.

Multi-focal
a. Create synergy (Beatles)
b. Competition

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 20


24 Keys for Long-Term Charisma

1. External focus toward others


2. Talk about others
3. Talk about relevant issues of others
4. Avoid “I” language
5. Personal resource revelation only with prodding
6. Look appropriate to setting
7. Care about each person in group
8. Walk with certainty
9. Exude self-confidence
10. Personal mastery
11. Master of specialization
12. Make other people feel special
13. Controlled enthusiasm
14. Alter other people’s states of mind
15. Facially expressive
16. Body communicates well
17. Tell stories about others’ successes
18. Understate themselves
19. Don’t judge others. Tolerant of group they are leading
20. High expectations for group
21. Encouraging – motivational
22. Look as good as you can
23. Make the world disappear around others
24. Their acceptance makes you feel comfortable inside

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 21


19 Tips & Techniques for Social Success

1. Surround yourself with people. Observe and interact.


2. Law of Expectancy
3. Social Reconnaissance. Scan scene for details to guide your actions.
Direct focus, observe, listen actively.
4. Tune into people’s emotions.
5. Draw attention to the setting – not yourself.
6. Aggressive communicators make attempts but fail to fit in because
they throw out a statement that disrupts conversation. They say how
they feel instead of focusing outward.
7. Don’t be interesting – be interested.
8. Enter gracefully into conversations. Timing is everything. Where is
the lull in conversation? Have you listened to others’ feelings and
thoughts, opinions and ideas?
9. Ask questions that elaborate or make more clear what others have
said.
10. Throw topics out with general appeal.
11. Don’t dominate.
12. Handle failure – (Grand Ole Opry).
13. Feedback represents one opinion!!!
14. Control your emotions.
15. Let go of self-consciousness. Arrive early to become comfortable in
setting.
16. Stop conflicts from escalating (AAA).
17. Listen, communicate, persuade.
18. Change a subject artfully!
19. Humor. Not jokes! Humor.

How do you incorporate all this information? Take one tool each day, and focus
your attention on one specific item. Write one item on a note-card that you can
carry with you and look at during the day to remind you to focus on that particular
quality for the day, and how you can bring that quality into your life. Charisma is
not an overnight process. But these qualities are things you can acquire.

A charismatic individual is special because they are an “other-oriented” person,


who genuinely cares about others. This can be you!

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 22


Self-Discipline:
Wiring the Core Skill of Achievement
Permanently into Your Mind with Self-
Hypnosis
Self-discipline is one of those pieces of the puzzle
which holds everything good that happens in life
together and without which you can’t have
success at all.
Self-discipline is what allows you to wake up in the morning juiced, knowing what
you’re going to do, and not dreading the day, for the most part. And, if there is
something dreadful ahead in your day, self-discipline can make you focused so
that getting through difficult times can be better for you. Doing unpleasant things
can be come a habit (an unconscious wiring in the brain), something you just do.
That’s what self-discipline can do for you.

The accompanying self-hypnosis CD will program you into an unconscious


relationship with the new habit pattern of self-discipline.

There are only two ways you can develop self-discipline. It is not in-born.
Through habit or necessity, thought patterns can develop into self-discipline.

The Unconscious Mind

The power of the imagination is quite remarkable. You have the ability to
program your brain to get you in front of the success or the person, or the “thing”
you want or need in your life. Whatever you want to have happen in your life, if
you can see it in your imagination, you can focus and make it happen.

If you focus on failing at projects, you will probably put yourself into that failure
situation. If you focus on succeeding, your brain will most likely tend to succeed.

Your brain is a remarkable structure. The brain is indeed, what Maxwell Maltz
talked about in Psycho-cybernetics, a target seeking mechanism. The brain can
only accept so much conscious information at one time. All the rest gets filtered
in on an unconscious level.

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 23


So, be aware of the kinds of information you are programming your brain with.

If you watch a lot of TV, become aware of the kinds of programming you are
putting in front of your brain. Whatever you are focusing on, that is the kind of
programming you are “training” your brain to be familiar with, and you are
“training” your brain to respond in this same way. It doesn’t matter how much you
consciously are paying attention to the show or the storyline – but it is the
general idea of what you are making familiar to your brain. The programming that
goes in to the brain – is what becomes familiar to that person.

What you put in your mind – will influence not only the choices you make, but the
directions that you move in life on the unconscious level – which is way more
powerful than the conscious mind.

The conscious mind is the part of you that makes you diplomatic at work, and
stops you from calling your boss a jerk, and those kinds of behaviors.

The unconscious mind is the part of you that will do the behaviors that will get
you a promotion at work (or fired), that will get all the results in your life – good
and bad. You need to program your brain so that you will simply do the behaviors
that will bring you success. You need to make them so second-nature to you,
that you will just do them. Focus of attention is critical to this.

Self-Discipline creates action-oriented


focus.
If you look at something you want and think about it, that is good. But, if you look
at an idea, a concept, a person, and then you develop a plan to bring that idea,
person, concept or business plan into fruition; if you actually take physical action
and teach the physical nervous system how to get it, you will increase the
likelihood of success.

I don’t normally like to plug other programs, but in this case, there are two
programs available which can assist you in building self-discipline. They are both
available at www.store.kevinhogan.com:

Psychology of Wealth Accumulation Vol. 1-6 deals with self-sabotage in life


and, especially, the areas of success, wealth, habits. This package will help you
overcome self-sabotage. The best way for you to overcome the self-sabotaging
behaviors in your life is to work through this 6-CD program. It is thorough and has
many exercises that will take you through the necessary steps.

If you are having challenges in relationships, and if life seems to be presenting


the same challenges to you, you will want to get the program called Lifestorms:
12 Obstacles to Achievement. It will help you in recognizing and doing what’s

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 24


necessary to move through and beyond the issues holding you back in your
personal life and relationships with others.

This self-discipline program will start to take hold in your brain immediately. But, I
guarantee you that 30-odd years of self-sabotaging behavior will overcome any
self-discipline program at some point. You will get farther with a program like this
which will make focused action happen in your life, But, if you have self-
sabotaging behaviors (if you get close to success or the end of a project and you
find yourself not completing them, or finding excuses not to finish them) you will
need to deal with those issues. That part is up to you.

3 steps to creating action-oriented focus.

Most people wake up in the morning and they find that they have so much going
on, they develop inertia. All the events spin around like a hurricane in their life.
There are the children’s events, the lawn needs to be cut, the dry cleaning needs
to be picked up. And there are 2 hours of work left over from last night. The best
way to deal with this is to look ahead, grab a piece and begin with that. Out of the
hurricane of paper, events, and things that are flying around, you need to grab a
piece.

When you grab that thought – that one idea out of the hurricane, as I call it,
you’ve actually taken a big step. We all have so many irons in the fire, but when
you have self-discipline, you have a plan, a strategy to complete that one step.

With that idea (or any idea, thought, or project), there are 3 steps to success:

1 – Turn an idea into a plan.

2 – Turn your plan into an action.

3 – Take your action and turn it into fruition and success.

This plan works with just about every idea, thought, or plan you might have. Take
for example, the idea of planting a garden this year. You have reached out and
grabbed the idea out of your brain, “I am going to plant a garden this year.” Your
first step then, is to turn this idea into a plan. “I will decide what to plant, and
purchase all the necessary items I will need to plant my garden.” Your next step
is to actually turn your plan into reality by completing the actions necessary to
plant your garden.

Every step along the way requires self-discipline. Without self-discipline, you will
stop before you get to step 3 – action. And if you stop before step 3, there is only
one consequence – failure.

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 25


Self-discipline is wired in both sub-consciously and consciously. It is best to
check in with your self-discipline level every day. You need to be able to
consciously check your level of focus and make adjustments as needed.

Focus on the outcome. Are you taking actions toward your goals every day?
Activity doesn’t necessarily count. Anyone can be busy. Are you taking action to
meet your goals and bring your ideas and projects to fruition?

A Word About Balance

There’s a lot of lost time to make up for in our lives. Let’s just say that you are 40
pounds overweight. It takes time in your life to become 40 pounds overweight. It
will take time to get back into shape. Allow yourself that time to come into
balance again. You’ve heard about having “balance” in your life. I will tell you a
little bit about balance – if you allow yourself to attempt too much at one time,
you will fail. If you will first take the 40 pounds off, and then create balance in
your life, you will win.

Planning Ahead is Key – Making up for Lost Time

When people go deeply into debt, they can get into big trouble. 1 of every 100
homes in America files for bankruptcy every year. These people won’t be able to
buy anything for a very long time for the same price that you and I will. If we want
to purchase a new vehicle for $25,000, we go and buy it. If you’ve filed for
bankruptcy, that same vehicle will cost upwards of $40,000, including the high
interest rates they will be slapped with.

We have higher interest rates because so many people do end up filing for
bankruptcy. Because people don’t deal with things in advance – they do not use
the 3-step plan above, they end up filing for bankruptcy. They are not thinking of
how to take an idea (get out of debt), and turn it into a plan (start paying down
the debt with a self-disciplined plan), and take the action necessary (do it!) Then,
the people with self-discipline end up having to pay more for interest, product
cost, etc. We want to develop self-discipline ourselves, and help others also
develop self-discipline.

So, the key is to plan ahead by getting yourself out of long-term debt, or losing
the 40 pounds of overweight. Get yourself in the position where you can come to
balance in your life. You need to return to equilibrium.

Self-discipline works one way. Self-discipline gets you to where you are going. It
took an enormous amount of self-discipline to get 40 pounds overweight. It took
an enormous amount of self-discipline to become $40,000 in debt. It took an
enormous amount of self-discipline to mess up the partnership, business deal, or
the relationship. Self-discipline gets you to where you are going – you must take
the reins and decide where you are going and how you will end up.

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 26


We are going to get you to succeed the same way that you failed. With self-
discipline.

When you have situations of lack of self-discipline, such as taking a vacation on


a credit card – and not paying it off when you get back, you are basically taking a
piece of your life and committing self-discipline “suicide”. You are saying, “I am
going to participate in this behavior and I will pay for it later.” Then, when you
begin to work harder later to pay it off – someone (with good intentions) will say,
“you are working too hard – you are out of balance.” You need to recognize when
others may be placating you and you need to recognize when you need to follow
through with your self-discipline. You need a rigid determination to have a
focused objection and outcome for you to reach for your best interest for you and
your family to have those things that you want.

Negative emotions can be used for leverage!

A lot of times when people find that they have not followed through on something
– it is due to a fear they have. This is related to self-sabotage and is discussed in
detail in the Psychology of Wealth Accumulation, and we don’t have time here
to delve more deeply into that issue. The action you will need to take in these
kinds of times is to move ahead, move forward, and not let anything stop you
from beginning to feel success and reach it.

Develop a “nothing can stop me” mentality. Know the difference between a
rational fear and an irrational fear. When you have an irrational fear – when you
get upset with someone if they tell you that you can’t do it, you don’t deserve it,
or whatever reason, use that emotion and do it anyway. You know when you
have the drive, the desire, and the resources to complete a project. Use that
emotion for leverage to help follow through. Do it in spite of your detractors.
There will be those who express doubt.

Use negative and positive emotions as fuel for your self-discipline.

At Cause Vs. Reactionary

You can either be “at cause” toward life, or you can react to what happens to you
in life. The “at cause” person is the one who has self-discipline. The response or
reactionary person is constantly being moved by a stimulus. They react to what
happens, and depend on that feeling to propel them forward in life. They do not
have a plan, an action, an outcome. They do not have self-discipline, and without
change, they never will. Proaction takes thought and cause. That is the person
with self-discipline and those are the people who will succeed.

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 27


There are six areas in your life where you can be “at cause”:

1. Body

2. Attitude

3. Management of Time

4. Money

5. Outcomes

6. Relationships

Self-discipline is “fight”. It is a rigid determination to go until the outcome is


reached. Being at cause includes having the ability to set the outcomes you want
and proceed until success. If something happens to knock you off course, you
need to make the adjustments necessary to get back on course.

If you take anything out of this CD at all, I want it to be this,

You are at cause in your life.

Self-discipline allows you control.

There are four important things self-discipline allows you to control in your mind:

Emotions (positive and negative)

Thinking (rational thought)

Conscience (ethics, morals, values)

Imagination (idea factory)

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 28


The 3 Questions to ask to get on course.

1. What fear is at the root of my inaction?

2. What success is possible here?

3. What failure could happen in a disaster scenario? What will I do then, and how
will I specifically fix it?

CD 2 includes your self-hypnosis portion of this program. You must listen to this
CD every day for 24 days to install the information into the circuitry of your
unconscious mind. Enjoy the process, and begin to reap the rewards of being “at
cause” in your life!

 2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 29