L

TGTR is a youth magazine aimed at providing good solid content written primarily by students and
young professionals on a diverse and relevant range of topics, and presented in a simple and humorous
manner. Unlike other magazines LTGTR provides a refreshing blend of high quality literature and
socially relevant articles which are blatantly honest. The content is neither journalistic nor bookish; rather
you shall find it invigorating and stimulating in an otherwise monotonous world. We don’t just present facts;
we provide opinions and let you choose the ones you like.
LTGTR is “not” a campus magazine. It transcends beyond the boundaries of our college and delves into the
psyche of Indian youth. It is an endeavor to provide a common ground for people to express their own ideas
and opinions. It is an opportunity for people like me and you to find like other minded individuals in a world
where even Facebook and Twitter haven’t been able to reduce our loneliness. Finally it is an attempt to bring
back a culture of reading and writing and prove to you that these things are for the masses and not just for
a few elites.
In a trigger-happy world, in an age where the media is known to sensationalize everything, in a culture
where “making money” is the only truth, LTGTR is an attempt to bring real journalism and writing. It draws
on the ideas of the French revolution “Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite” and combines it with inspiration from
young revolutionaries who used writing as a way to mobilize the masses. In a world where broken hearts,
unfulfilled expectations and death form a major chunk of our thoughts, LTGTR is at attempt to break away
and find meaning in life.
So I can go ahead and without any regrets state, LTGTR is a not just a magazine, it is a movement
of the people. It is a revolution, of sorts, aimed at bringing out the rebels in us, getting them to ask
the right questions and find the right answers.
Finally it is meant to keep you happy and entertain you. It is meant to keep the good times rolling.
 T
o a regular reader of LTGTR it must be pretty clear that a bunch of vela people are the master minds
behind every issue. So it just turned out that in one of our little casual chattering sessions Iyer suggested
that we dedicate this issue to food, nothing really strange there, he totally digs food ( potatoes and
cheese). Now the actual intent was really childish, food lovers attempting to show their love for the culinary
wonder of good food. Reflecting back at that moment and pondering over the articles we have received from
writers for this issue, it seems that we have actually picked up a topic of great social importance.
Food is a basic necessity for survival (fornication, intimacy, friendship, philosophy and all that stuff seems
really trivial on an empty stomach). Come to think of it we, the common populous of the hostels, never
tire from complaining about the crappy food that is dished out to us every day. And in the process of our
redundant chitter chatter we forget about the millions (if not billions) starving to death on the roads. The irony
of the situation is amusing. We have progressed so far in the realm of science that the birth of the universe
is slowly ceasing to be a mystery, yet we fail to alleviate the hunger of our fellow men. “GASTRONOMICAL
DESIRES OF ASTRONOMICAL MAGNITUDES” and “Please sir, I want some more” take up these issues and to
a large extent have done justice to it.
Now leaving all the serious discussion behind we come down to the lighter side of the issue. We have tried
to dish out some interesting trivia about food and restaurants here. We also feature an intriguing article
about the transition of the US from a beer drinking to a wine drinking nation.
Also along with the entire section on food, we have a few articles pertaining to fiction, music, Durga Pooja
etc., all of which should be an interesting read along with a cup of hot coffee on a rainy day. plus we have a
new column “One of India’s billion”, we might not have been able to do justice to the subject so bear with
us. We sincerely hope you like this issue of LTGTR, and if you do please go ahead and join our Facebook page,
also a few comments (criticisms) would help us a lot. Your appreciation and criticism will provide us the much
needed support and motivation to continue with our work.
So until next time…happy reading and binging…
 This is an oft-repeated complaint, and yet it needs
to be voiced, because no solutions have been
discovered yet. It started when I caught some of the
Step Up movie while doing some mindless matinee
television surfing. As I watched the dancers fret over
their showcase dance performance and have dancing
companies come and scout for talent at their art
school, I wonder why we haven’t seen much of that
at home, here in India. Art generally plays second
fiddle to science or inevitably bows down to the craze
of the nation, “engineering”.
I know that movies aren’t exactly a parameter of life,
but it is common knowledge that the West takes art
seriously. We hear about colleges offering a major in
dance or music and many students actually going for
it. There apparently are many scholarships offered
for such programs too. Art is given its rightful place,
and respected as a form of expression that requires
as much creativity and genius as any other field does,
both at the workplace and at home or in society.
I hate to criticize, but can you tell me honestly if you
haven’t heard conversations like this before in and
around your neighborhood?
Aunt/Uncle/Parent : “So tell me beta ,what are your
plans for the future?
Son/Daughter/some teenager :”Yeah, I’ve always
been interested in painting or photography or some
visual medium like that .”
 Parent :”Woh sab toh theek hai beta, but let’s get
serious. What do you plan to do for a living??
Kid:”Yes, I mean it seriously. I’ve found I’m good at
it, it’s not just some new hobby.
Parent: “I don’t understand why you always go off
on a tangent like this. Can’t you be a grown up about
your career? Look at [Fill in name of elder sibling
here].Look he’s a doctor now! Can’t you...”
And so it goes. I’ve been a victim of it myself, when
I wanted to major in Economics or English Literature.
The worst part of it is no one is wrong here. You can’t
blame a parent for wanting to look out for their kids.
In an extremely competitive land of the Indian junta,
you sometimes have just one opportunity to make
it big, and they just don’t want you to mess that up.
In a family where financial troubles loom large, and
insecurity becomes the topic of discussion at the
dinner table, people tend to veer others towards
tries and tested careers like engineer, doctor, banker,
etc.
Ironic isn’t it though? That this kind of prejudice
should exist towards art in an era where our nation’s
pride, A.R.Rahman wins global recognition for his
music? Where reality shows are held every hour of
the clock to discover the next singing or performing
sensation? Where Carnatic singers’ concerts are
booked solid during the “Kutcheri” season? Where
millions of dance schools select students from
hopefuls every year and introduce them to the
professional industry?
What’s the problem then? Is it a fear of the unknown,
a instinctive desire to stick to family tradition? Or a
mere battle of wills? Whatever the reason maybe,
the result is that kids have to lock up their precious
ballet flats and ghungroos, or give away their electric
guitar, and erase a shining dream from their eyes
as they stick to the…what is it? The “conventional”
route.
We’ve got to do some attitude improvement folks.
Unless you want to unknowingly extinguish a spark
even before it got a chance to burn brightly.
So, the bottom line is... I’m hungry. For
once, can you serve me a plate full of art,
with science as a side dish for a change?
 I
have a confession to make. This is not 1838 when
Oliver Twist was written (and the above quote)
and I am not talking about hungry Oliver and his
orphaned friends in a seedy, third rate orphanage.
This is India in 2010. So what, I care to ask. Is it any
better?
Don’t go fooling yourself. You (and I) have 3 square
meals a day (even hostelites), and we can afford the
occasional pizza, ice cream and booze. But here are
some statistics. Proven data, no sympathy pleas (yet).
43% of children in India are malnourished, accounting
for 32% of the world’s malnourished children.
To buy food amounting to 2200 Kcal a day and
sufficient vitamins, minerals etc, a person needs
money. About 40% of India lives on less than $1 a
day. For infants and pregnant or lactating mothers,
one needs to be extremely careful. Enough vitamins
and minerals in the diet. For adolescent girls, enough
iron.
One may argue that the Indian government has
taken its steps. The Right to Food act. Offshoots of it
being the midday meal scheme for schoolchildren and
(a highly flawed) Public Distribution System, ridden
with corruption. But possibly the state of the hungry
is far too daunting a problem for any government to
face. So rather than being cynical, the question we
must ask ourselves is, what can be done?
In a study I am carrying out for a project on nutrition
in Maharashtra, I have been extremely fortunate to
come across a village that is a model of excellence
in implementation of Anganwadi (childcare centres),
and the midday meal scheme. This particular village,
Kasaramboli, is plagued by a lot of problems-
environmental, water shortage, power cuts- as
no doubt most villages in this country are. Their
Anganwadi is a half completed structure with a Shiva
temple covering half of an 800 sq ft unit area. Yet their
menus are exemplary. More nutritious than our own
breakfasts here. Peanut and rava ladoos (laddus) for
breakfast, sprouts and chapattis for lunch. Within the
government budget. The children are happy. Parents
are happy. The sarpanch is happy. - 43% of children in India are
It’s not such a rosy picture in most other places. malnourished.
The midday meal scheme is constantly plagued by - Indians account for 32% of the
the problem of higher castes refusing to touch food world’s malnourished children.
cooked by lower caste women. Menstruating women
have been questioned in Tamil Nadu by Brahmins. - About 40% of India lives on less
Hindus refuse foods cooked by Muslims. In all of than $1 a day.
these places, panchayats and the sarpanch of the
villages should be extensively counseled and benefits
offered to the villages implementing the schemes
properly and peacefully. The only problem being- the
sarpanch usually gains more by funneling off some of
the grain for the system for his own house.
We need to focus on bringing high nutrition foods
into the reach of our starving children. Multinationals
with their money and glamorous processed food?
Maybe- but what are the long term health implications
for us as a country? Do we want to become another
United States, with the obesity, diabetes and heart
disease? Is that what we aspire to?
India as traditionally eaten good food- chapattis,
dal, rice, veggies, fish, jiggery based sweets, milk. We
need to find a way to get good, nutritious foods to
the majority of our population. To stop people from
dying of hunger on the streets. Feed the pregnant
women. Perhaps most importantly- set our midday
meal scheme straight so that children can get both
education and food.
Never in the history of mankind, has the task of
feeding so many rested in the hands of so few. And
the ratio can only get worse. To make sure that we as
a nation get proper nutrition, along with all its allied
benefits- better health, better productivity- is critical.
And unless we act now, the task of feeding the 500
million hungry can only get more daunting. Food for
thought, anyone?
Vaibhav Jain is student of IHM, Aurangabad and has a deep passion for food. Apart from having a fine
taste for cuisines, he also is passionate about movies, music and soccer.
5. Thai Cuisine - The foods are characterized by the use of fresh herbs and
flavors, such as lime juice, lemon grass and fresh coriander. Rice is the main
component in Thai foods as well. You will often come across nam pla, a strong
fish sauce, shrimp paste and noodles. If you’re looking to get a kick of out your
lunch, you should try the raw beef, fermented fish paste or deep fried insect
larvae mostly present in the Northeast, where eating insects in fairly common.
4. Indian Cuisine - One of the world’s most
sophisticated and diverse cuisines. The Indian
food served in restaurants worldwide is North
Indian, also known as Mughlai or Punjabi.
There are other 3 categories of Indian cuisine:
South, East and West.
3. Chinese Cuisine - is now eaten by a third of
the world’s population every day. The cuisine
is easy to create, economical and tasty. Most
of the food is prepared in bite-sized pieces
because the Chinese culture regards knives
and forks as weapons. Usually, every person at
the table is given a bowl of rice while the other
dishes are shared by everyone at the table.
2. Italian Cuisine - One of the oldest in the
world, the Italian cuisine brought potatoes,
tomatoes pepper or maize on the list of
ingredients. An Italian meal is structured into
several sections: antipasto (the appetizer),
primo (pasta or rice dish), secondo (meat
course), dolce (dessert). Italy is also famous
for over 400 kinds of cheese, including the
famous Parmigianino Reggiano, and 300 types
of sausages.
1. French Cuisine - It can be called in the 21st century “haute cuisine”. Pastries
are a large part of French cooking. Cheese and wine are also a major part of
the cuisine, being perhaps the most famous of all. The modern restaurant has
its roots in French culture so restaurants are bountiful. In Paris alone, there are
over 5,000 places to eat, with prices and menus to suit anyone’s taste.
 N
o. This isn’t a ‘review’ on the condition of the
Mess. I had written one last year, but hadn’t
posted it on my blog for the simple reason
that my blog didn’t exist back then. As a matter of
fact, it came into this world around nine months after
the self-respect and dignity of a certain ‘party’ (used
in the ‘legal’ sense) were tampered with (Any person
in the right state of mind should understand both
these to be totally independent events).
Anyway, back to the topic. You can’t expect too
much from a mess (it’s a ‘mess’ after all). But eating
in a mess (or the Mess in this case) teaches you to
find joy in little things like detecting the presence
of paneer in a paneer parantha. However, soon the
monotony sets in , leaving you yearning for ‘real
food’. The lure of ‘food’ has a pretty strong influence
on the laziness of people; this has been practically
observed among people who feel too lazy to walk
across the ‘football ground’ to the new mess, but
do not hesitate to visit places like Aalankrita or KFC,
provided they aren’t bankrupt (though they do tend
to occasionally stumble upon some generous soul).
Eventually, however, some people (the Curdivore, a
‘leguminophobic’, may be considered a satisfactory
example) build up enough patience or endurance if
you may call it so, to sustain themselves until they go
home during a ‘long’ vacation or when the semester
ends.
Talking of quality of food, picturise ten filthy rich
fellas feasting on fantastic, fabulous food ,‘finishing’
their meal leaving behind enough food to provide
a good meal for five other people. You must have
received at least one e-mail showing pictures of
terribly malnourished people struggling for even the
tiniest morsels of food. You may not have forwarded
the e-mail to others, but the message certainly
provides some food for thought.
When experts proudly mention the huge amounts
of crops cultivated, why doesn’t the common man’s
observations and experiences agree with it? The
reason, as is easy to figure out, is wastage. No one
really seems to give two hoots about it. Ordering
amounts which are twice the volume of your stomach
and discarding half of it. Being clueless about how a
“few” crore rupees worth of food-grain rots away or
vanishes into thin air. Knowing about the shortage
of storage space and still going gaga over excellent
yields (which eventually rot away)… Pathetic.
We may not be “shedding every value our mothers
taught”, but sometimes we do tend to forget simple
things like finishing all the food in your plate. If you
aren’t sure whether you’d like it, don’t take such
gargantuan amounts. Sense and simplicity…!!
Small contributions by a large number of people
can create a bit of hope.
Happy eating.
 I
n essence beer is just grain wine. We can see that
the people who fall between the age group of 20-
25 years, who are just out of college are generally
beer drinkers. Beer is more famous amongst men
than women because beer has an image problem. It
is thought that an individual after drinking a couple
of pints feels like 6”10 and bullet proof. People think
that it is an unhealthy drink and beer drinking leads
to gain in waist dimension also commonly known as
the “beer belly”. But actually a glass of dark beer is as
healthy as that of a red wine glass. It has been seen
that out of the age group of 20-25 years (women),
only 14% women drink beer and 54% men love their
ales. Women do not like drinking beer much because
of the bitterness imparted by the hops. Not all beers
are same, there is a beer for everyone. For women
Belgian beer is more suitable because the taste of the
hops is very mild. But still beer is a favourite beverage
as it quenches thirst, goes, goes well with almost any
food and one can enjoy several beers without going
drunk due to the low alcohol percentage, and they
are priced in such a manner that anyone earning an
average wage can enjoy it. Chefs around the world
have started beer and food pairing. In America
Chefs are pairing roast beef (dry) with British style
pale ale. Chefs have even paired soups with beer. An
American Chef has paired the Indian National soup
Mulligatawny with a Scotch Ale.
People in the age group on 25-35 years are matured
drinkers who love their wines, whiskies and cocktails.
Nowadays it’s seen that global professionals are
drinking more of wine than any other alcoholic
beverage because of health reasons, since drinking
wine is considered healthy. Drinking a moderate
amount of wine helps reduce weight as it cuts fat,
reduces forgetfulness, boosts immunity and prevents
bone loss. People have started drinking more wine
also because of disposable income, availability of
good quality New World wines at a price which is
affordable amongst the masses. Wine consumption
has also seen an increase due to the easy availability of
it in online stores. Online wine industry is really doing
good specially amongst the millennial generations as
they are heavy internet users. According to an article
in the Global Wines and Spirits, in the United States
of America only 6% of the consumer had bought wine
from the web site of a winery in the year 2003. In
the year 2007 the percentage of online buying went
to 17%. Wine is a very vast subject. Today people
are drinking good wine as they are better educated
about the subject then what people were about two
decades back, hence the increase in consumption.
Also with the opening of a lot of customer-friendly
wine stores and well educated seller. Today there
are a lot of expert wine making consultants who has
helped in the production of good quality wines.
Ayanjit Phukan is a 3rd student at Insitute of Hotel
Management, Aurangabad.
 All my bags are packed I’m ready to go
I’m standin’ here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin’ it’s early morn
The taxi’s waitin’ he’s blowin’ his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
There’s so many times I’ve let you down

J
So many times I’ve played around
ohn Denver was known as the uncrowned king
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing
of country music. He took the music scene by
Every place I go, I’ll think of you
storm in the early 1970’s. Preferring to play
Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you
acoustic songs, his smooth vocals and melodic music
When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring
captured the hearts of millions. His untimely demise
in the 90’s left a void that no country singer since has So kiss me and smile for me
been able to fill. Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Leaving On a Jet Plane is one of Denver’s most
Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
famous songs .It was used as the soundtrack of
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
the Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler flick, Armageddon . It
Oh babe, I hate to go
depicts a man bidding farewell to his lover.
“There’s so many times I’ve let you down
Now the time has come to leave you
So many times I’ve played around One more time let me kiss you
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing” Close your eyes I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
Despite all the mistakes they’ve made in the
When I won’t have to leave alone
relationship, he wants her to know that he still loves
About the times, I won’t have to say
her. Their past differences are inconsequential,
and they forget about them and focus on the only So kiss me and smile for me
meaningful time, the present. Tell me that you’ll wait for me
He’s about to leave home and is unsure as to when Hold me like you’ll never let me go
he’ll return. Before doing so, he professes his undying Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
love to her, saying that even though he may never be Don’t know when I’ll be back again
back again , she would always be in his heart. Oh babe, I hate to go
Other must listen songs by John Denver Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
1- Country Roads Don’t know when I’ll be back again
2- Sunshine on my Shoulders Oh babe, I hate to go
3- Rocky Mountain High
Bones turn to coal or a heap of ashes,
But memories grow fresher in our hearts.
Deep in our conscience are scars and gashes
Brought upon by the stabs of wrongdoing’s
darts.

Sublime questions pour down into our minds

And are heated on the fire of reason.
As each answer vapourises, it binds
Our moist thoughts to betrayal and treason.

Doubt plays its role on an uncertain stage,

Creating a confusing masterpiece.
Anger, ironically, plays a sage-
Silent, in deep thought, with mistrust-his niece.

Splitting up the mind in numerous ways,

Doubt is unable to harm hearts of love.
The purity of our untouched souls, says:
“Follow the path to yourself, and above.”
 A
nd so begins the journey back to hell, he
thought, as he stared into the distance
through the window. He tried desperately
to cling on to the memories of the last 3 days, to
store in the some corner of the brain the sights and
sounds he had witnessed. He wished his brain was a
computer hard disk, where he could just copy paste
it all. That silly, exuberant and childish smile he had
on his face for the last three days had been wiped
off completely. Now it was just a blank expression,
focused on something that he dreaded. He wished
he wasn’t going back, he wished time would freeze
and never move again.
His thoughts drifted towards what he had to face
after going back. It wasn’t just the fact that he
wouldn’t have this much fun ever, but more so the
fact that there was no fun in going back. He would
just go back to monotonous routine that he had
followed for the last few years, a routine in which
time had no meaning and life had no purpose. You
just got up, ate, did the minimum amount of work
necessary, ate again and went back to sleep. His
being there or not wouldn’t really change anything in
the world he thought.
It wasn’t as if he was being unreasonable, he didn’t
want life to be one big party. He knew and understood
the importance of doing meaningful and challenging
work, of responsibilities that he would eventually
have to shoulder. But he wasn’t even doing those
things. It was like he and everyone around him was
dead. No, he definitely did not want to go back.
But life rarely does what we want it to. And even then,
there’s no escape from reality. We can’t just let go
of all the social obligations, of all the responsibilities
and just have fun. He thought about all the work that
was pending when we returned. He tried to prioritize
and plan as to how he would go about finishing of it
but his heart just wasn’t in it. Every few seconds his
thoughts would be interrupted by memories of the
last few days. A smile would creep up to his, and then
would disappear just as quickly. Then the despair
returned and it felt as if it wouldn’t ever end. He had
never known such darkness.
*****
He awoke with a start as the train lurched to a stop.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts and to try
and forget the disturbing thoughts and dreams that
punctuated his nap. He looked around; all his friends
were still deep in slumber. He wondered what went
on in their heads, whether they ever felt the same
things that he did, whether they felt the same
insecurities he did. He was so lost in his thoughts
that he didn’t realize the train had started moving
again. He realized why he was so afraid, or rather
reluctant, to go back. It wasn’t because of all the
work, or lack of it, or because there was no fun. Some
people had a lot of fun in their daily lives. That one
missing ingredient in his life was people, people he
could trust and share his feelings with, people who
supported and encouraged him, people who shared
his interests. He missed his home, his friends, and his
family and especially he missed her. He remembered
the last conversation he had with his dad.
He had been feeling really down that day and didn’t
know who to turn to. So he picked up his phone
and called home. Almost always his mom would
pick up the phone but for some absolutely absurd
reason his dad picked up the phone that day. He
didn’t remember the entire conversation but he
remembered how different it had been. For once he
had let it all out; a burst of emotional release and
his dad had neither scolded nor chided him. He had
listened and consoled and advised. His father had
done what his best friends had done for years, been
there for him. And it was all that mattered. No one
could solve his problems, not overnight anyways. But
the fact that someone cared enough to listen and
support was all he needed at that time. His father had
always been a strict man and he had spent his entire
childhood in fear of him. It was always to his mom
that he confided all the small things that bothered
him. He had never thought of his father as someone
who would listen to all his personal problems. He
wondered when the change had come out. It had
to be in the last few years but there was no defining
moment. It happened gradually without either of
them having the slightest knowledge of it. This was
perhaps what they called growing up. But he still
wished he had been able to witness the transition
of their relationship turning from a master-slave to
guide-friend one.
There still is one thing I can’t tell him, he thought. within him. He wondered how many such transitions
His thoughts then turned towards her and it felt he would last.
as if that’s all he really wanted to think about. She
entered his thoughts so naturally it felt hard to
believe he didn’t even know her a couple of years
back. But then what would he say to his father even
if he could talk about it. He didn’t even know where
they stood, what relation was. He knew she was the
single most important person for him in life, but what
if she just considered him a friend. Even that thought
frightened him. He couldn’t stand the agony of it. He
spent hours talking to her, they both poured out their
hearts to each other but they never could gather the
courage to say what they meant to each other. He
felt so lonely at times. Even in a crowd, all he wished
was for her to be with him. He felt she liked him back
too, but couldn’t be certain until she said so. And
what after that, even if they both did like each other
what would they do. A nominal distance of 1000
kms separated them and then there was the small
matter of their families not approving. It all seemed
so difficult yet he forgot all that when they were
together, even if it was on the phone. He thought of
her smiling face as he dozed off. This time sleep was
much more peaceful.
*****
As the station approached, he got up to pack the
last of his belongings. With a heavy heart he got up
and moved towards the exit. He reflected upon the
journey and all the introspection. Somehow, and he
didn’t know how, it was all connected. The holiday, the
reality, his loneliness, her, everything was somehow
connected. He just couldn’t pinpoint how. He tried to
steel his mind and prepare himself for the long battle
ahead. He tried to put all the depressing thoughts out
of his head but somewhere the darkness still lurked.
His last thought as he exited the train was that even
though the holiday had brought him a few days of
respite from reality, it had taken something from
 I
did tell myself that I’d write an article, but on
what? Should I try my luck in the tried and tested
avenue of “LIFE @ BITS”? No, thy shalt reserve
such a radical choice of topic for later. An article
about love and loss, where unthinkably, the guy falls
in love with the girl on the second sight because he
apparently doesn’t believe in love at first sight? Nah. A
feel-good article? But India ain’t shining, it’s whining.
What about philosophy where I could blabber my
baseless thoughts out only to finally conclude that
things are beyond human comprehension? Wait a
minute. Why not “The Non-Conformist in Me”? But
the rebel ain’t the rebel anymore. Corporate linguists
have over used this topic to the extent that it has
ironically become clichéd!
Then, out of vacuum, came the idea germ soaring
past my immune system into my mid-cerebellum
vortex. BINGO! I was just watching a serial named
“House M.D.” (I’d recommend it, if you’re wondering
whether it’s worth watching rather than reading this
article!).The protagonist of the serial is a natural at
one particular form of human expression that will
form the crux of this article from now on. I think I’d
be fulfilling a childhood dream and living the fantasy
of at least one Ed board member for sure by writing a
short article on my favourite form of human humour
-“SARCASM”
Sarcasm is God’s greatest gift to mankind, rather
man-not- so-kind. It is the art of giving people dog
poop wrapped in pretty chocolate wrapper. Tone is
the soul of sarcasm. The mental calculations involved
in making your vocal chords function in the precise
manner, to bring the effect, are pancreas-boggling.
Sarcasm without tone is like a toilet without a flush
– it just stinks. The longer people remain oblivious to
your sarcastic comment, the higher you score on the
sarcometer. It’s an oh-so- complex technique highly
intellectual mortals use to express their innermost
emotions of pure evil upon oh-so- lucky listeners.
It is equipped with an absolutely foolproof “Dude,
what can I do if your highly evolved brain took it that
way” excuse. Some people call sarcasm a lower form
of lying. I’d say sarcasm is in fact the highest form
of telling the truth to the average man, without the
hassle of getting personal. While practicing sarcasm,
remember one thing: Don’t worry about what people
think. They don’t do it very often.
Let me take you guys to anecdote land so as to make
you truly learn the inner most realms of this fine
art in the land of India(Run standard “Mystic India”
background music in your minds, please.).This story
is a standard textbook example of Indian sarcasm, so
don’t be alarmed if you feel I’ve stolen it from your
life.
I was sitting in B 301 with my hands folded in prayer.
Prob N Stats test scores were to be given in a few
moments. My jolly good friend (let’s call him Gokul
just for the heck of it) prances into the room and
jumps into the seat next to me. The Teacher comes
and starts distributing papers. I receive my score
first.”45/60” the paper reads.
Before I can begin the hopeless process of total
rechecking, Gokul’s mouth spurts out, ”How much
did you get ?”.
I answer in a slightly subdued , yet satisfied tone,”45”.
Like a bolt from the blue, he behaves ultra-shocked
and says, ”Wooo...! You guys are the ultimate genius
of the campus re! What do you eat to become such
a prodigy? Many people LIKE ME are flunking, while
you with a 45. Please teach me also no re! People like
me can only manage to learn .0001 % of what you
know. Today I’m pakka coming to your room at 7:00
p.m. Okay?”
Next comes innocent Gokul’s paper. Before I can ask
him his score, he continues, “So appointment fixed
,right?”.
I say “Fine. I’ll help you as much as I can. How much
did you get, by the way?”
In a dissatisfied tone, Gokul says “Only 58. It’s not
fair. I did the problem correctly. I just skipped a few
steps. Please help me identify those steps that are
important. Great minds like you only can identify
1. The unshaven look sucks. The only guy who can
pull it off here is already committed.
2. Moustaches give you the ‘fatherly’ look. You will
most certainly not get kissed.
3. Take a bath. Dirty is not the new sexy.
4. Don’t hang out with 10 guys as hairy and loud as
you. Nobody will even care to look.
5. Before commenting on a girl’s looks, get yourself
a mirror.
them.”
The logical portion of my mind went into self-
destruct mode, on the spot. I mean, there is a
LIMIT. Was Gokul being obscenely sarcastic without
knowing it? Was he ignorant of his natural talent or
was the wise guy just sharpening his skills with me as
the scapegoat?
A few hours later, my Facebook status read, “Sarcasm
is a deadly weapon. It’s apparently aimed at nothing,
but it ends up hitting everything!”
Thus we come to an abrupt end of this article with
a few path-breaking conclusions. Sarcasm will be
voted “Best Form of Humour” and become the new
world order by 2020. Indians have great potential
at becoming masters at this art by 2015. They
have raw talent, but THEY JUST DON’T KNOW IT.
Sarcasm Coaching Centres are what I would strongly
recommend, keeping in mind our honourable
mentality.
Finally, Sarcoidosis is an auto-immune disease
which causes permanent inflammatory symptoms.
Try getting it. It’s mighty fun to have squiggly wiggly
lumps in your liver!
6. Check your zipper. Always.
7. Hanging out your underwear in full public view
(read old Meera Bhavan) is hideous.
8. We know what you share and watch on DC++.
Don’t brag about it.
9. There are 3 of you for every 1 of us. Do the math.
10. Guys in Goa, Pilani, and just about anywhere else
are hotter. It’s a fact of life. Get used to it.
 T
he best part about being Bengali
is not the fish or Roshogollas or
football or the ‘intelligentsia’ label
or the fact that we share our heritage
with two Nobel laureates, Oscar winning
filmmakers, well-loved musicians and
performers, critically acclaimed authors,
(Wow, the list is long. We’re just that
awesome!) it’s Durga Puja.
It’s that time of the year when Bengalis
draw themselves away from drawing
room debates to put on their best clothes,
so that they can continue it at a social
gathering out in the open. There’s plenty
of gossip to be exchanged, opinions to
be shared, imposed and refuted and
then there’s always the food. The food
is incomparable, heavenly almost. Don’t
ever think otherwise! We’re not labeled
as ‘cultured’ people for nothing! We just
need an excuse to put up plays, dance
dramas and musical performances for the
non-philistines.
But that’s the whole issue. It’s become
more of a lifestyle event than a religious
one. I know festivals are a good excuse to
socialize and have fun, but it’s being robbed
of its spiritual aspect. At the Puja Pandal,
people just give the idol a passing glance,
maybe stand in front of it for a few minutes and
then walk away. Some people don’t even deign
to do that. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone, as
I’m not exempt from such transgressions as well.
All I’m asking is what does Durga Puja mean to
us Bengalis now? In this age? Has it lost its true
symbolism amidst the frivolity?
But no matter what the neo Bengali does
nowadays at the Pandal, be it smoking or
targeting someone’s bald pate (trust me; I’ve
seen that, done by adults, no less!), deep down
he will always feel a special connection with this
festival. It’s a heritage that has been passed on
through generations and it can’t be destroyed so
easily.
Something tugs at your heartstrings when you
see the idols brought down from the pedestal
for immersion. The divine aura radiate by them is
somewhat lessened when you can see the straw
poking out from the unpainted backsides of the
idol. It drives home the point that they are really
nothing more than mud and clay. But as you see
them floating away like discarded waste, in an
almost sorry-like manner, you can’t help saying
one thing, “Come again, Mother”
Aabaar Esho Ma.
 H
e rolled the cigar between his slim long fingers.
He twirled it around twice and slipped it between
his lips. He walked to the window and lit the
cigar. He took a luxurious drag, a spark of fire leapt into
his cold brown eyes as he watched the pandemonium
on earth. It had been told that a confrontation would
ensue. Now, it was time.
Fire rained upon the dry earth, parched it, razed all and
sundry. Blood flowed as rivers. Mankind was bent on
obliterating itself; with it rip the fabric of creation. God’s
greatest creation was now the devil’s to toy with. Man’s
free will had taken him to the brink of destruction and
beyond. Judgment day was upon man.
He trotted into the blinding brilliance of the haven.
The exotic life all around withered at his very touch. His
a aura of triumph and malice cast a shadow over the
paradise, distorting the very existence of divinity. He
slithered to the abode of the creator. He had decimated
his father’s creation; now all that was left was to savor
the nectar of triumph.
“How have you been son?”
“Oh! Very well actually, banishment from your paradise
has been an interesting experience and I have to say I
have come to like the warmth of the lake of fire. Also
twisting and corrupting men has been a very amusing
task, pathetic creatures that they are.”
“I see you have sown the seeds of chaos on earth.”
“Chaos would be an understatement. My flames are
the fires that consume earth; I have raised the lake of fire
from the very depths of hell to destroy your imitation of
paradise. I figured expanding out would really help, it
getting cramped down there.”
“You seen to believe that the race of men has decayed
beyond salvation. I have to say you remain a naïve little
brat.”
“That might be true, but man was doomed the very day
Adam fell to my whispers and defied the one restriction
you placed on him. “
 An awkward silence ensued, as two mighty powers
inspected each other with an inexplicable air of ease.
There was no real hostility, but the silence would have
weighed heavy on any bystander crushing him with an
incomprehensible fear. Satan broke the silence.
“If you’re wondering why I’m bent upon destroying “You speak as if you have traversed beyond my
man, it has got nothing to do with your little test perception of the universe. You speak as if you have
of loyalty. I have long transcended the realm of now the ability to create from your own will, to
vengeance, surpassed the humiliation of being asked conjure everything from nothing.”
to bow down to a lump of clay. I know I’m superior
“Creation is an act of independent thought, of free
to man in all aspects and that what really matters
will, of all the things pure and naïve that you stand
to me now. Now it’s all just senseless destruction
for. You faith in man, faith of the fact that his faith in
unshackled by chains of reason and logic, it is my most
you will persevere, is my loophole. Banal, mundane,
artistic creation.”
fear driven social creature that he is, all that he needs
“Burn son, burn the race of men, and every time they to be shown is that there is a power more potent
will rise from the ashes purified by your flame.” that his ‘almighty’. And then my flames will rise to
“Don’t kid yourself. My flames are now mine. They are consume your utopian havens, and I will drag you to
no longer the holy flame from which you conceived me. the depths of my hell, to an exile far worse that my
They are now the flames of my malice. It’s the flame own. So wait father, wait patiently for your son to
that will char humanity, and shred it of its very reason surpass you.”
and will. My flames are now my tool of destruction,
not your test of loyalty and perseverance.”
ID: 2008A1PS467H
Zodiac: Pisces
Music: Soft music, Sonu Nigam, KK. Fav song is Tum Se Hi (Jab We Met)
Sports: Athletics, Badminton.
Fav. Sportsman: Sachin Tendulkar
Fav Movies: 3 Idiots, Jab We Met
Cuisine: Punjabi, Dal Makhani, Paneer, Chinese
Concept of Masti: kuch bhi ulti-fulti baat. Gossiping, watching movies - 2 to 3 in a day.
When you’re sad: Listen to songs.
Concept of friendshp: Someone I can share anything and everything with.
First crush: 11th class, Mr.Mittal (not Tarun). He was a tuition friend.
Ideal Partner: Handsome, Intelligent, With a good sense of humor, caring etc…the list goes on.
Ideal Date: Candelight dinner with instrumental music in the background.
Life @ BPHC: Have become more confident and responsible towards life. Started washing my clothes on my
own now. Earlier was a proper teacher’s pet, sincere and all that; now I have started enjoying life.
Your Idols: Abdul Kalaam, my brother (works for Delloite in the US now)
People you respect in the campus: PKT and AKG Sir.
Person you would like to see in a swimsuit: Shahid Kapur.
How would you describe yourself: Silent, emotional, introvert, care about people, hate criminals…!!!
Superstitious
What Apurva had to say: Reliable, trustworthy, introvert, religious and very good taste in general.
What changes would you like to see in BPHC: Better faculty, more facilities like restaurants etc.
Fashion: Whatever is comfortable. Like Indian casuals, salwar suits, lehengas, traditional clothes.
Memorable Moments: 1. When I stood second in my class in 10th CBSE boards.
2. My first birthday on campus, 20th March
Most Embarrassing Moment: Got scolded by JRD without any reason. There was confusion between
Manu Gupta and Bhanu Gupta and so I got scolded.
Ambition In Life: Enjoy Life!!
Future Plans: Get a job in either chemical or software industry
Message to BPHC: Lite Tisko
Something you really want to do: Take a world tour, especially go to Switzerland
Id No: 2008B5AA341H
Hometown: Madurai
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Fav. Color: Blue
Hobbies: Basketball, Rubik’s Cube, Ambigrams
Music: Tamil Songs. En Kaadhale (Duet). AR Rahman
Sports: Basketball. Other sports I like are cricket, fooseball :P
Fav Sportsman: LeBron James (Miami Heat). Other than that Sourav Ganguly.
Movies: Like ancient war movies, touchy romantic movies. Favorites include Gladiator, Minnale, Roja. Fan of
Kamal Hassan and Asin
School -> College: New experience. Not Bad!
Life @ BPHC: Very Boring
Concept Of Masti: Roaming around city. Window shopping. Basketball with friends.
Changes you’d Like In BPHC: Basketball courts and Tennis courts to come up soon. Teachers should not
expect us to come to classes. Better teachers in CDCs
First Crush: 3rd standard class teacher.
About Me: TallDarkHandsome. Close to my friends only. Love sports.
What his friends say about him: No one knows his secret identity. Sentimental and comic.
Ideal Partner: Good looking, mind frequency should match. Should preferably be female. Sporty. The
thinner the better.
Ideal Date: Movie followed by dinner followed by a walk in a park
People you respect: My father. BB Arjun. All my friends in general.
Most Memorable Moments: 1. A basketball match. I scored 28 points but still we lost the match. I got
selected for state team.
2. Winning BITS got talent.
Most Embarrassing Moment: Finals of Mr. Waves, got voted out.
Something you really want to do: Drive a Lamborghini
Future Plans: Pursue a MBA.
Message to BPHC: Stay hungry, stay foolish
Concept of Friendship: Learn from us.
 F
or the first chapter of the column “One in a
billion” we went out and interviewed P.V.M
Pillai, retired hawaldar CRPF, who is currently
the security in-charge BITS Pilani Hyderabad campus.
The hardened discipline and air of confidence we
relate to a former military man was clearly visible in
his demeanor. The atmosphere of the interview was
light hearted. Irrespective of the question we put to
him, he never got emotional and provided us with
lucid, crystal clear answers.
Mr.Pillai hails from Hyderabad, though he has been,
in his own words, everywhere from “Kashmir to
Kanyakumari”. Despite our insistent probing, he did
not speak much about his early childhood or family
life.
With a hint of regret, he told us that his initial plan
was to join the police forces. But due to opposition
from his parents with regards to his post in the
state police forces, he was forced to drop out. On
his brother’s insistence, he joined the CRPF. When
asked whether his family was not concerned about
his safety,, his only reply was that to them, it was all
about the money. There, he went through rigorous
training which included running 22kms daily with
heavy weapons, drills like long jump, high jump and
trench crawling. This training took a heavy toll on is
body. There is a glint in his eye when he speaks of his
work with arms like the LMG (Light Machine Gun),
INSAS Rifle, AK-47, and various pistols and grenades.
 Like most people, he was more comfortable talking about his professional life rather than his personal life.
He worked in Punjab as the part of a 22 member platoon which had duties like escorting VIPs etc. The platoon
had once had an encounter with terrorists. Suspecting terrorist activity in a village, the platoon was ordered
to guard it. During the course of duty there, terrorists open fired at the platoon. One militant was killed by a
friend of his on the spot. They then managed to force the terrorists into a hut and blew it up with grenades.
The platoon was awarded medals by renowned personnel.
Another blood curling encounter he had with terrorists was in Jheera, Kashmir (Ushapur District). A terrorist
van attacked their check post. His group attacked the van, punctured the tires and then killed the three
militants. One of his platoon members was awarded the Rashtrapati Medal for bravery. He also had another
encounter with militants in Assam ( Darang dist.).
He left CRPF due to personal reasons. As he recollected the moment, a hint of sadness crept into his eyes.
It was a sentimental moment of him, as he had been very attached to his job and colleagues. After leaving
CRPF Mr.Pillai worked as the Security In-charge in ICICI Bank Hyderabad. He then switched to security training
and finally joined BITS Hyderabad Security Department under NISA.
Even though Mr.Pillai has been away from the frontline for some time now, he still takes an active interest
in the developments in the issues regarding the army. He strongly believes that the army needs to be more
disciplined and carefully tackle issues like terrorism and naxalism, as small mistakes can lead to serious
casualties. He also believes that the army is not to be blamed for the dismal situation in Kashmir. The problem
he believes is the mindset of the local people.
Before ending the interview we asked for his opinion on the campus and the students. Quoting his own
words:
He signs off by saying, “The campus and students are good. Some of them are mischievous, but without that
the college is not complete.”

“The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to
dinner without giving an excuse.”
-- Jules Renard
(1864 - 1910)

“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
-- Orson Welles

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”

-- Buddy Hackett
Prasanna Giridhar I want a race horse named “my face” just so I can hear people shouting “come on my
face”!!
Tanmay Ze Shah “Don’t just sit there; undo something.”
Swagat Yadav Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking
about not thinking.
Vikram Raghu My friends can eat,sleep,talk,write,chat and study while MESSAGING. FREAKS!
Ashish Piplani hates the people who select “Can’t Say” in an Opinion Poll!
Abhijit Kane “whenever wages rise above subsistence levels, they are eaten away in an orgy of procreation”
Abhinav Pandey Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex....:P:P:P
Harshit Rastogi Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.
Tanmay Ze Shah In India, its slightly different. Here every God has His day.
Leeon Passi Announcement at Dandia Night in BPHC : Please make 2 big “straight” circles :/ ..... !!
Kamala Neetu Kasimahanthi many things change in life: school...college...job...new responsibilities come
up....new acquaintances....new relations develop...but some things never change..... a mom’s love for her
child, love between the siblings..... thanks to god who made some relations soo beautiful :)
Nibhrit Vij<<What do you call a mushroom that comes into a bar and buys everyone a drink?........A ‘Fun-gi’
>> GOD I HATE THIS JOKE
Leeon Passi All-nighters are entirely overrated. Take risks.
Tanmay Ze Shah He changed his name just to fool his enemies into believing that he cant. His real name is
infact, RajniCan.
Nibhrit Vij Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. ‘No’ is the answer.
Raman Sood Dukandaar: is bori par mat baithna,fatjayegi !!! Grahak: kyun,iss main gubbaray hain? Dukandar:
nahi.....”kEEL” hain!!!
Aditya Sahai Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter.
Biswa Prasanna Mishra 38 27 36...mindblowing..........hold on, m just tokin abt d Indian medal tally..... :P
Prasanna Giridhar pop pop popsicle. ice ice icicle. test test...o wait, nevermind...