SELF-AWARENESS

Self-awareness is defined as an awareness of one’s own personality or individuality. The

term “self” often refers to yourself, myself, himself/herself, oneself, and your ownself. This refers
to a person in a prime condition, as entire person or individual. Awareness is defined as having or
showing realization, participation, commitment, and knowledge of one’s values development.

Self-awareness is having a clear perception of our personality, including strengths,

weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self-awareness allows us to
understand other people, how they perceive us, our attitude and our responses to them in the
moment.

As we develop self- awareness we are able to make changes in the thoughts and
interpretations we make in our mind. Changing the interpretations in our mind allows us to
change our emotions. Self-awareness is one of the attributes of Emotional Intelligence and an
important factor in achieving success.

A. “The Johari's Window”

One of the greatest gifts we could give to ourselves is to seek, find, and apply truth in our
life. The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a
model for mapping personality awareness. This is the path to becoming a healthy person.
Aligning ourselves with the truth permits a better person to eventually emerge from within. The
Johari Window helps us to categorize conscious and subconscious areas of our life. The window
works much like a grid. It goes from the obvious and more conscious areas of our life to the less
obvious areas that we may not be aware of.

The Johari Window can be looked at from many angles and provides four basic forms of
the Self (the Public, Private, Blind, and Undiscovered Self).
1. The Public Self - is what you and others see in you. You typically do not mind discussing with
others this part of you. Most of the time you agree with this view you have and others have of
you.

2. The Private or Hidden Self- is what you see in yourself but others don’t. In this part you hide
things that are very private about yourself. You do not want this information to be disclosed for
the reason of protection. It could also be that you may be ashamed of these areas due to
vulnerability to having your faults, weaknesses, and dysfunctions exposed. This area equally
applies to your good qualities that you don’t want to advertise to the world due to modesty.

3. The Blind Self- is what you do not see in yourself but others see in you. You might see
yourself as an open-minded person when, in reality, people around you consider you an
anatomical posterior (wink). This area also works the other way. You might see yourself as a
“dumb” person while others might consider you incredibly bright. Sometimes those around
you might not tell you what they see because they are scared of you, fear offending you, or
might consider it a waste of time. It is in this arena that people sometimes detect that your talk
and your walk don’t match. Sometimes body-language shows this mismatch.

4. The Undiscovered or Unknown Self- is the self that you cannot see nor others around you.
In this category there might be good and bad things that are out of the awareness of others
and yours. The unknown area could also include represses or subconscious feelings rooted in
formative events or traumatic past experiences which can stay unknown for a lifetime.

B. “Stages of Self-Discovery”
Self-awareness is developed through practices in focusing our attention on the details of
our personality and behavior. Having self-awareness allows us to see where our thoughts and
emotions are taking us. It also allows us to see the controls of our emotions, behavior, and
personality so we can make changes we want.

Stage 1 is Self-protection
We are unaware of ourselves and we like it that way, sometimes ferociously so. We don’t
know why we feel like we feel, do what we do or think what we think. We are reactive. We think
other people are “doing it to us.” We get angry, hurt, bitter, resentful, happy, thrilled and overjoyed
by whatever happens to us. What is “out there” defines how we experience life. Our overriding
concern is our own safety and well-being. We are needy, insecure and self-absorbed. ”It’s all
about me attitude.”

Stage 2 is Self-awareness.
We become aware of what is going on inside ourselves, brought on by those outside
triggers. We realize that other people cannot “make” us happy or unhappy. We are choosing. We
are deciding. Because we decide how we respond, we realize that we control how we feel. We
realize that we have “beliefs” and “expectations.” These are the rules of life by which we “judge”
external events and thereby react to them as “good” or “bad.” When we change our beliefs, we
change our experience. We are in control. Our overriding concern is changing ourselves in order
to handle life better. We need a lot from ourselves, but not from others.
Stage 3 is Self-acceptance.
We accept our faults. We are true to ourselves. We let the world see who we are. We live
as if we have nothing to hide and nothing to prove. In so doing, we begin to “forget” about
ourselves. We are comfortable in our own skin. The only problem is, other people don’t
necessarily like this new quality in us. Our authenticity is pushing their self-protective buttons,
dragging them towards a self-awareness they don’t want. The result is often damaged
relationships with people who can’t go where you are going. Sometimes, it’s best to let them go.
Sometimes, you need to change for their benefit, such as for your spouse. This is where we get
pushed into the fourth stage.

Stage 4 is Self-empowerment.
This stage happens when we are willing to intentionally make changes for the benefit of
others. These changes come at our expense. It is an ego-shrinking experience that liberates us.
We begin to know at a deep level that we can handle whatever life throws at us. We are flexible
yet clear about our boundaries. The idea that it’s “not about me” takes root at a deep, visceral
soul level. We get over things quickly and we have a cheerful soul even in the face of great
difficulties.

With this level of inner peace and self-esteem, we become truly present to what is
happening around us. We see past the facades that people publicly present, to the real person
behind the mask. We have no desire to unmask them or change them. We see them, we accept
them and we don’t react to them unconsciously. Our over-riding concern is to be helpful to them
as they need it at this time and stage in their lives. We need nothing from them. We have all we
need from the inside. We have undergone a spiritual transformation.

C. Importance of Self-Awareness to One's Life

1. Self-aware is self-assured
Self-awareness is an important skill to acquire (yes, it is a skill and not an inherent ability)
because it is an attitude that will help you face problems better and get along with people well.
When we are self-aware we have a skill set that can build bridges, so to speak, rather than burn
relationships down. To be self-aware is to be emotionally intelligent. We become someone who
can take life’s turbulence in stride with a smile on your face and peace in your heart. It is an
important key to success.

2. Self-awareness helps us to become open-minded

This means not judging a person or a situation based on personal beliefs, behavior, or
attitude. Accept people without bias and always put yourself on other people’s shoes (without
compromising your own values). In the instances that other people hurt or put you down you will
be able to stand up for your rights and assert yourself with composure.

3. Self-awareness builds empathy

If you have better understanding on how you think, feel, and react to a situation you also
get to understand why people act the way they do. This is empathy. Why do we need to
empathize? For the simple reason that it feels so much better knowing you do not deliberately
hurt other people’s feelings even if you got hurt yourself and that you interact with integrity even if
those whom you are talking to or dealing with are not. At the same time in in the process of
becoming self-aware you also stunt the progress of negative traits like arrogance and self-
righteousness.

Moreover, when you are self-aware you get to build stronger and better relationships with
your family and friends.