Chavrusa resource pack

Preview version
Summer 5768/2008
 ‫בס''ד‬
Tammuz 5768
July 2008

Dear Madrich/a,

One of the most important parts of the fellowships programme is the chavrusa /
chabura sessions that take place a number of times over the course of the programme.

Invariably these sessions are the participants’ first opportunity to have a meaningful
experience of Talmud Torah and will hopefully provide a catalyst to a continued
relationship with Torah study.

As such, some madrichim/ot are often at a loss as to what to learn with their
chavrusas and find the preparation of such sessions to be quite challenging.

We have therefore put together some sample sessions for you, these sessions should be
used as guidelines rather than rigorous class plans. You should feel free to use and
adapt them as you wish. Similarly the speed and amount covered will vary greatly
from chavrusa to chavrusa depending on the experience and skill level of the people
involved.

It is important to remember that the purpose of these chavrusa sessions is not to

impart information, but rather to introduce the participants to the experience of
Torah study. You should therefore not feel under any pressure to move faster than you
are both comfortable with, and should take the time to discuss the points learnt and
to draw practical lessons from them where possible.

As you can see these sessions vary in style, this is because we recognise that which
Chazal say ‘‫כשם שפרצופיהם שונים זו מזו כן דעותיהן שונים זו מזו‬, we
appreciate everyone’s G-d given differences and individuality and as such we have to
develop their connection to Torah suitably.

This pack is a prototype version, and we would greatly appreciate your feedback, both
positive and negative so that we can improve this for future years.

I would like to thank R Yitzchak Coopersmith, R Doniel Baron, Mrs Ora Goldberg, Mrs
Sara Kalmus, Mrs Debbie Paster, R Daniel Rowe and Mr Josh Steele for their
contributions to this publication.

Wishing you much success on this summer’s programmes.

‫בברכה להגדיל תורה ולהאדירה‬.

Rabbi Jonny Roodyn

Jroodyn@aish.org.uk
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 Table of contents

Introduction On being a chavrusa

Section A - Chumash

Session 1 Avraham Avinu and Independence

Session 2 The purpose of the creation of man

Session 3 The relationship between men and women

Section B – Bein Adam Le Chavero (from the

sources)

Session 4 When the judge is ……... you!

Session 5 Revenge is sweet.

Section C – Pirkei Avos

Session 6 Who is the greatest

Session 7 Merely passing through

Section D – Hashkafa

Session 8 Life’s final exam

3
Introduction.

On being a Chavrusa.
TAKEN FROM ‘THE EYE OF A NEEDLE’

By: Rabbi Yitzchak Coopersmith

YOUR GOALS:

Your goal as a chavrusa is to try to facilitate the spiritual growth of the person

with whom you are studying.

This may sound unnecessarily obvious. However, we have found that many

people often end up simply disseminating information rather than helping the

student get more involved with Jewish life.

We have identified three facets of the chavrusa relationship that, for optimum

success, should all be undertaken concurrently.

A. Teach the student what his heart desires.1 Your student should feel that he

is gaining what he wants from the chavrusaship. This may be an understanding

of a particular holiday and its customs, how to daven, or an area of Jewish

philosophy. Avoid imposing your agenda or interests on the student.

B. Use your time together to help him grow, not just learn. Although any

Torah learning is going to affect a student, in order to evoke permanent lifestyle

changes, you must highlight the relevance and truthfulness of Torah Judaism.

1
Avoda Zara 19a
4
Build your chavrusa’s understanding that only through Torah will he achieve true

fulfillment. Try to show him that Torah is Min ha’Shamayim. Remove any

misconceptions that make him think a Torah life will be less satisfying than his

current lifestyle.

To the average person, this may appear a daunting task. However, you do not

have to accomplish these educational goals all by yourself. You can direct your

chavrusa to books, tapes, seminars or outreach professionals.

C. Develop a personal relationship with your chavrusa2. If you become a

friend as well as a study partner, you will have more impact. Share more than

Torah study with him. Share your home, your family, and your time. To really get

comfortable with Torah Judaism, the student needs to see and experience it in

action. Make an effort to have your chavrusa over for Shabbos or Yom Tov.

Create ways to spend time together outside your study time.

People who take a chavrusa sometimes feel frustrated with their lack of progress.

This is because they only undertake the first step of the kiruv process, "Teach the

student…" They must incorporate the other two steps, as well.

ATTITUDES AND EXPECTATIONS

Although your goal should be to stimulate tangible progress in observance, be

careful never to pressure, browbeat or badger your chavrusa into changing. Not

only is this unethical; it is highly ineffective.

The mitzvah of ‫תוכחה‬3 must be done gently, and in a way that does not shame or

embarrass the person. This is not “rebuke!” Give your chavrusa a chance to learn

2
Pirkei Avos 112
3
Rambam, Hilchos Deos 6:8
5
right from wrong. If, during your first session, you bombard him with 613 mitzvos,

thousands of Rabbinical prohibitions and innumerable customs, this is likely to be

your last meeting with him.

Chazal teach us " ‫"תלמוד תורה כנגד כולם שהתלמוד מביא לידי מעשה‬4 , “The study of

Torah is greater than all other mitzvos because study leads to practice.” Change

comes from understanding. When we convey the relevance, beauty, depth and

truth of Judaism and correct damaging misconceptions, the student’s level of

observance will naturally increase. It will flow and develop genuinely from his

newfound clarity.

Torah speaks for itself. We must recognize its power. Out job is to get the

message across clearly. If we do, Torah will make the impact.

Sincere Caring

Most importantly, you must truly care about the person you are teaching.

One Sukkos, on a Jerusalem bus, someone asked a non-religious Jew if he

wanted to perform the mitzvah of shaking the four species. The person quickly

refused.

At the next stop, a second person asked this same fellow if he would like to

shake the four species. The non-religious Jew donned the other man’s yarmulke

and said the proper blessing.

The first man was puzzled by what he saw. "Why," he asked, "was my offer

rejected and the second man’s accepted?"

4
Rambam, Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:3
6
The non-religious Jew told him, “There are two types of Jews. Those who want to

get mitzvos and those who want to give mitzvos. I sensed that you wanted to get

a mitzvah, while he wanted to give a mitzvah.

Be certain that in deciding to become a chavrusa, it is because you want the

pleasure of giving, not getting. If you see your student only as “a mitzvah project,”

he will quickly sense your insincerity.

Patience. The Midrash relates that Rabbi Akiva once passed by a waterfall and

noticed an odd looking rock with a hole bored right through the center. When he

looked up, Rabbi Akiva realized that the rock had been pierced by a continual

flow of drops of water from the waterfall above.

He thought to himself: If water, which is soft, can bore a hole through a rock,

which is hard, all the more so Torah, which is fire, can make an impression on the

heart of man, which is soft.

This realization gave Rabbi Akiva the confidence and motivation to become the

great Sage he grew to be.5

Let us take a lesson from Rabbi Akiva. He realized that despair has no place in

the arena of learning. A drop of water, that appears to have no impact, can

eventually bore a hole through a rock. All the more potent is the impact of Torah.

Although undiscernibly, every drop leaves an impression, until eventually it

causes a breakthrough noticeable to all.

We never know when this breakthrough will happen. But that is not our business.

All we have to do is be patient and keep the drops of Torah flowing.

5
Avos D’Reb Nosson 6:2
7
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Have respect for you students. They are intelligent people, who, through their

experiences, have gathered much wisdom about life. Just because they do not

have a Yeshiva education does not mean they do not have very insightful

comments and opinions. Chazal teach us in Pirkei Avos, “Who is a wise man?

One who learns from every man.”

Teach, don’t preach. A preacher expects his students to blindly accept what he

espouses, not because he has explained his position. A teacher, on the other

hand, shows his students the rationale of his position so they can judge it for

themselves. Unlike the preacher, the teacher wants independent, thinking

students.

Be a teacher to your chavrusa. No intelligent, normal person likes to be preached

at.

Be honest. If you are not sure how to answer a question, don’t panic. Being a

chavrusa does not mean you must know everything there is to know about

Judaism. At times you'll need to seek outside assistance. Do your best to get an

answer by the next time you meet, or bring some other resource, whether a

person, book or tape, to help answer the question. No chavrusaship has ever

ended because the student found his teacher did not know everything.

Create an open atmosphere. It is essential that your discussions take place in a

comfortable, non-threatening environment. Create this kind of atmosphere by

encouraging your student to ask any question, express any doubt and even voice

any criticism. Never allow yourself to feel personally attacked by a question.

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Do not be judgmental or condescending. Many people avoid talking to Orthodox

Jews because they feel they are being looked down upon. Unfortunately, this

perception is sometimes accurate and not merely imagined.

Always remember that you can never judge another person; only G-d can. The

person sitting before you may be a better person and closer to G-d, even though

he is unaware of all the details of observance.

Listen. Listening is a sensitivity which needs to be developed. Wait for cues from

your chavrusa before presenting information. You do not wish to make him feel

pressured to make a stronger commitment to Torah. The student must always be

the one in control.

Being an effective listener means more than just paying attention. Tune in to your

student’s values, needs, likes and dislikes. Try to uncover what it is that has

distanced him from Judaism, as well as what would attract him. Be sensitive to

his facial expressions and tone of voice. Does it say, “I am interested; tell me

more,” or, “I need more time to evaluate what you are saying.” If you present too

much too soon, or step too hard on his perceptions and attitudes, you may turn

him off. So tune in, and be aware of how he's responding.

Don’t’ debate. Do not be “quick on the draw” to destroy your chavrusa’s ideas or

beliefs. If you sense you are offending him, step back and try a softer approach.

Our goal is to build bridges, not barricades. If, for example, your chavrusa says

that assimilation will solve anti-Semitism, you can disagree with him without

ridiculing his opinion.

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What to Teach

Make it relevant. Chazal advise a person to learn what his heart desires.6 If your

student has very clear-cut interests then, by all means, study those subjects with

him. It is most important that the student feels he is benefiting from the

interaction. The student is more likely to find the experience worthwhile if he is

learning what he wants to know.

Avoid making your teaching academic. Don’t treat the Torah as a text book. Treat

it as wisdom, as “Toras Chaim,” – instructions for living. Search out what it is that

G-d is trying to teach us to enable us to accomplish our purpose in life. Try to

show your chavrusa the wisdom and power of Jewish living. As he compares

Torah ideas with those of secular society, he will begin to consider incorporating

Torah values in his life.

Don't give numerous mefarshim on one pasuk. Keep the focus on one point and

get right to the core of the matter. Most beginners will not value knowing what the

Ramban says on a particularly difficult passage in Chumash. The students do not

know who the Ramban is and cannot appreciate his greatness. The only ideas

they will value are those that seem to be immediately relevant to their lives.

How to Teach

If at all possible, try to use either Chumash or Pirkei Avos as texts for your

chavrusaship. They are among the best sources to convey the practical, relevant

wisdom of Judaism. Even if your chavrusa has a different interest, ask him if

he'd like to allot a part of your time together to study one of these texts.

6
Avoda Zara 19a
10
Use questions to provoke interest and a desire for answers. A concept which

comes as an answer to a question is more appreciated than a concept you

introduce on your own. In other words, first create a need for your information.

Then proceed to fill it. This will also involve the student in the learning process

instead of making him a passive audience.

In preparing a passage to teach, ask yourself the following questions:

a. Are there obvious redundancies in the passage?

b. Is it grammatically correct?

c. Are there logical problems?

d. Is there unnecessary information?

e. Are there unnecessary words?

f. Are necessary words missing?

g. Is necessary information missing?

h. Is this how you would have conveyed the idea?

i. What is the Torah trying to teach me?

j. How can I apply this lesson to my life?

k. If I would live by this lesson, how would my life be different?

Before you look to meforshim to answer these difficulties, try to develop your

own explanations. Then see if any of your ideas are validated by the

commentaries. Using an explanation that you discovered on your own will make

your presentation more ardent and forceful, and will make a greater impact on

your student.

Gear your presentation to three or four major ideas that can be understood and

internalized by the student. Don’t overload. Each idea should be accompanied

with illustrations that drive your point home.

11
Your class format should be as follows:

a. Question

b. Answer

c. Illustrate that your answer is true

d. Draw relevant conclusions and implications for the student’s life

e. Repeat A_D for the next point

To the best of your ability, put yourself in your student’s shoes. What are his

issues? From what context does he view the world? The better you do that, the

more you will understand your student and be able to target your information to

hit home.

Educate According to His Way

When teaching secular subjects, our goal is to give the student a grasp of the

ideas and concepts. When we teach Judaism, however, we have an additional

aim: to motivate the student to internalize the concepts and make them part of

his being.

In explaining how to be an effective educator, Chazel tell us, "‫חנוך לנער על פי‬

‫"דרכו‬7 To reach each student, pay careful attention to his personal inclinations.

In an essay called ‫ מידות האבות‬in Michtav M’Eliyahu (Chelek Bais), Rav Dessler

zt”l describes three internal drives that motivate people to action: ‫ גבורה‬,‫ חסד‬and

‫אמת‬.

Rav Dessler explains that each of the Avos embodied one of these

characteristics and made it the dominant theme of his Avodas Hashem.

7
Mishlei 22:6
12
Yaakov’s main drive was Torah. His primary desire was understanding and

comprehension. The 14 years he spent in uninterrupted study at the Yeshiva of

Shem and Ever demonstrates Yaakov’s unquenchable thirst for truth.

In the personality of a secular, twentieth-century Jew, this drive is likely to be

manifest in a strong interest in intellectual pursuits such as philosophy, reading,

intellectual discussions, academic or analytical professions. Spare time would

probably be spent pursuing interests that lead to intellectual development.

Yitzchak’s midah was ‫גבורה‬. His primary motivation was the desire to carry out

his responsibilities. His willingness to be a sacrifice to Hashem was symbolic of

the dedication of every fiber of his being to a greater cause.

The “gevura” driven people are the doers of the world. A secular Jew does not

have a concept of “G-d’s will” as the “right” thing to do. Therefore his energies

and abilities are likely to be invested in causes that appeal to him as morally

imperative and demanding action. These people also have a tendency to be

drawn by “causes” that society deems necessary or fashionable. They look to

society as the arbiter of good and bad.

Avraham embodied the trait of Chesed, through which he expressed his primary

drive: pleasure. Avraham understood that the greatest possible pleasure is

closeness to G-d, “Ahavas Hashem,” and that the best way to attain that

pleasure is to emulate G-d – by giving pleasure to others.

People with chesed drives are the pleasure seekers. In pursuit of spiritual

pleasures, the “Chesed” personality is often drawn to transcendental meditation,

communing with nature, holistic living, environmental radicalism and mysticism.

Without the balanced approach to spirituality that Judaism supplies, these

people tend to be less grounded and practical than others. Furthermore, lacking

13
the sophistication to achieve truly sublime pleasure, many of these people

misdirect their energies and spend their lives fruitlessly seeking “an experience”

in all sorts of temporal, illusory pleasures.

As their offspring and spiritual heirs, each of us is born with a drive similar to

either Avraham, Yitzchak or Yaakov. Understanding these drives and how they

operate within people will help us teach students “according to their way” and

attract them to the personal benefits they will gain from Judaism.

Determining a person’s orientation is not a simple thing to do. However, with a

little guidance and concentrated effort, it is possible to become adept at this in a

relatively short time.

In order to determine the inclination of your student, you must become an active

listener. Once you are mentally attuned to this, you will find that people volunteer

a lot of clues in everyday conversation about what drives them. The ways they

spend their time, conduct their lives and choose their professions are all

valuable indicators of specific predilections. Answers to direct questions about

what motivated people to make various major choices in their lives (i.e.

profession, spouse, etc.) will also help identify their primary motivations.

Teach Him According to His Way

In order to successfully incorporate the advice of our Sages, “Educate according

to his way,” try to be on the lookout for the student’s particular drive. Then point

out different ways Judaism satisfies that drive.

For the “Torah” personality (drive for understanding), demonstrate the wisdom

and depth uniquely available in the Torah. Torah is the blueprint of creation and

14
the source of all understanding. To understand the Torah is to understand the

world.

For the “Gevura” personality, (drive to do “the right thing”), focus on the

responsibility to learn about Judaism and to know whether the Torah is true, in

order to determine what obligations one has to himself, his children and his

community. You can also point out our responsibility to our ancestors, who

sacrificed so much to insure that their children and grandchildren would remain

Jewish.

For the “Chesed” personality, accentuate the pleasures and beauty of the Jewish

lifestyle, the warmth and sense of “belonging” in the community, and the spiritual

pleasure and fulfillment available through Torah.

Remember to factor in these drives when you try to interest the students in a

particular activity, whether it be inviting him for Shabbos or bringing him to a

class. Explain how the activity will be satisfying in terms of his particular

interests. Keep these drives in mind when you suggest types of programs or

people to appeal to the student.

Note of Caution: People are sometimes skeptical about using personality

identification systems because they seem superficial and open to abuse. Indeed,

instead of using a system as a way to broaden one’s understanding of people,

some readers misinterpret it as a definitive and all-encompassing

characterization of a person. Rather than relating to the unique qualities inherent

in each individual, they try to fit each person into the textbook caricature.

Obviously, this is an improper use of the system and is certainly not our goal in

presenting it. This system is meant only as a beginning tool. While Chazal tell us

that the existence of three distinct traits is a very real phenomenon, we must

15
always take into account the many influences and complexities that shape the

interests and characters of the people we are dealing with.

16
Session 1

Avraham Avinu and Independence

Goal: Seeing how important it is to become independent of the ideas, habits, beliefs,
which have formed you. This is important for two reasons:

a. It is important because it is a crucial element of being good. Without this trait

it is impossible to grow, learn, or to do teshuva.
b. It is crucially important for students progress toward observance that they be
willing to change, to separate themselves emotionally from the expectations
of friends and family, and to live and believe in ways foreign to themselves
and to others.

Secondary goal: Beginning to undermine the confidence of secular student that they
are reasonable and we the religious are fanatics. Instead they begin to recognize the
many ways in which their own lives are unexamined.

Tertiary goal: Building credibility for the Torah and teaching students to appreciate its
brilliance and relevance.

II. Beginning to learn:

1. Give them an introduction to what they are about to read including the following
elements:

a. Abraham was the first Jew. Before him there were no Jews.
b. Abraham did not grow up as a Jew. He lived in the part of the world, which is
now Iraq in a society that was idolatrous.
c. Led by his perception of the order and beauty of the world Abraham came to
the conclusion that there must be a G-d.
d. Abraham taught his contemporaries that idolatry was false. Because this was
threatening to the society in which Abraham lived he was persecuted.
e. It is after all of these events, which are not recorded in the text of the Torah
but are reported by the Talmud, that the story we are about to read occurs.

17
-‫דתְך ָ ומִבֵית אבִיך ָ אֶל‬
ְ ַ‫לְך ָ מֵארְצ ְך ָ ומִמול‬-ְ ‫אבְר ָם ל ֶך‬-‫וַיֹאמֶר ה’ אֶל‬ ‫א‬

‫שמֶך ָ וֶהְי ֵה‬

ְ ‫דל ָה‬
ְ ַ ‫שך ָ ל ְגוי ג ָדול וַאֲבָרֶכ ְך ָ וַאֲג‬
ְ ‫ע‬
ֶ ֶ‫וְא‬ ‫ב‬ .ָ ‫שר ארְאֶך‬
ֶ ֲ‫הָאר ֶץ א‬
‫שפְחֹת‬
ְ ִ‫מבָרְכ ֶיך ָ ומְקַלֶל ְך ָ אאֹר ו ְנִבְר ְכו בְך ָ כֹל מ‬
ְ ‫וַאֲבָרְכ ָה‬ ‫ג‬ .‫בְרָכ ָה‬
‫דבֶר אֵל ָיו ה’ ו ַיֵל ֶך ְ אִתו לוט וְאבְר ָם‬
ִ ‫שר‬
ֶ ֲ‫ו ַיֵל ֶך ְ אבְר ָם כַא‬ ‫ד‬ .‫דמָה‬
ָ ֲ‫הָא‬
‫שר ַי‬
ָ -‫קח אבְר ָם אֶת‬
ַ ִ ‫ו ַי‬ ‫ה‬ .‫חר ָן‬
ָ ‫מ‬
ֵ ‫שנ ָה בְצ ֵאתו‬
ָ ‫עים‬
ִ ְ‫שב‬
ִ ְ ‫שנ ִים ו‬
ָ ‫חמֵש‬
ָ -‫בֶן‬
‫הַנֶפ ֶש‬-‫שר רָכ ָשו וְאֶת‬
ֶ ֲ‫שם א‬
ָ ‫ר ְכו‬-‫כ ָל‬-‫חיו וְאֶת‬
ִ ‫א‬-‫לוט בֶן‬-‫שתו וְאֶת‬
ְ ִ‫א‬
‫עבֹר‬
ֲ ַ ‫ו ַי‬ ‫ו‬ .‫ען‬
ַ ָ ‫ען ו ַיָבֹאו ארְצ ָה כ ְנ‬
ַ ַ ‫חר ָן ו ַיֵצ ְאו לָלֶכ ֶת ארְצ ָה כ ְנ‬
ָ ְ‫עשו ב‬
ָ -‫שר‬
ֶ ֲ‫א‬
‫ז‬ .‫ענ ִי אז בָאר ֶץ‬
ֲ ַ ‫עד אֵלון מור ֶה וְהַכ ְנ‬
ַ ‫שכ ֶם‬
ְ ‫עד מְקום‬
ַ ‫אבְר ָם בָאר ֶץ‬
‫שם‬
ָ ‫הָאר ֶץ הַזֹאת ו ַיִבֶן‬-‫עך ָ אֶתֵן אֶת‬
ֲ ְ ‫אבְר ָם וַיֹאמֶר ל ְזַר‬-‫ו ַיֵר ָא ה’ אֶל‬
‫אֵל ו ַי ֵט‬-‫דם לְבֵית‬
ֶ ‫ק‬
ֶ ִ‫שם הָהָר ָה מ‬
ָ ִ‫עתֵק מ‬
ְ ַ ‫ו ַי‬ ‫ח‬ .‫ח ל ַה’ הַנִרְאֶה אֵל ָיו‬
ַ ֵ‫מִזְב‬
.’‫שם ה‬
ֵ ְ‫קר ָא ב‬
ְ ִ ‫ח ל ַה’ ו ַי‬
ַ ֵ‫שם מִזְב‬
ָ -‫דם ו ַיִבֶן‬
ֶ ‫ק‬
ֶ ‫מ‬
ִ ‫עי‬
ַ ָ‫אֵל מִי ָם וְה‬-‫אהֳלֹה בֵית‬
.‫ע הַנֶגְבָה‬
ַ ‫סע אבְר ָם הָלוך ְ ו ְנ ָסו‬
ַ ִ ‫ו ַי‬ ‫ט‬

1 Now G-d said unto Abram: 'Get out of your country, and from your kindred, and from
thy father's house, unto the land that I will show you. 2 And I will make of you a great
nation, and I will bless you, and make thy name great; and be thou a blessing. 3 And I
will bless them that bless you, and him that curses you will I curse; and in you shall all
the families of the earth be blessed.' 4 So Abram went, as the G-d had spoken unto him;
and Lot went with him; and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out
of Haran. 5 And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their
substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had made in Haran; and they
went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came. 6 And
Abram passed through the land unto the place of Shechem, unto the Plain of Moreh. And
the Canaanite was then in the land. 7 And the G-d appeared unto Abram, and said: 'Unto
your seed will I give this land'; and he built there an altar unto G-d, who appeared unto
him. 8 And he removed from thence unto the mountain on the east of Beth-el, and pitched
his tent, having Beth-el on the west, and Ai on the east; and he built there an altar unto
the G-d, and called upon the name of the G-d. 9 And Abram journeyed, going on still
toward the South.

18
Why do you think G-d told Avraham to leave behind his land, country, and family?

There are two possible directions in which the response may go:

a. G-d is testing Avraham. If they suggest that G-d is testing Avraham you
question why G-d would test him. They will say because "He wants to see if
Avraham really trusts Him. You will want to point out that G-d already knows
who Avraham is and that the point of a test is not for G-d but for Avraham,
giving Avraham the opportunity to grow and realize his potential. This is very
important because you are beginning to underline the idea that G-d loves us
and everything that He does is for our good.

"Fine it's a test, but why test him in this way?"

b. Sometimes the class will jump straight to this point. Someone will suggest
that G-d wants Avraham to start fresh in a new place. You ask why that's so
important. After you have given them a chance to suggest explanations here
is the place for your own mini-lecture.
1. Point out that G-d's command to Avraham is repetitive: "Leave your
land, your birthplace, your father's house." If you leave your land you
definitely leave your father's house. Explain that the intent of the
command is not only that Avraham should physically leave these
behind but that he should leave them emotionally and psychologically
as well.
2. Point out that we are shaped by many factors: We are Jews, late 20th
century, upper middle class, educated etc. All of these have made us
who we are. If we want to be ourselves we have to strip these
elements away.

Illustrations:

a. Everyone knows that fashion changes rapidly. Men's clothing, women's

hemlines are continually changing. People's beliefs and values also change
very rapidly. Before the Civil War everyone south of the Mason-Dixon line was
pro-slavery and everyone north of the Mason-Dixon line was anti-slavery. It
isn't that bad people go south and good people go north. In the industrial
19
 north where slavery was not necessary economically everyone was convinced
that slavery was evil. In the south where slavery was the foundation of the
economy good and honest people were convinced that slavery moral.
b. For thousands of years everyone was convinced that monarchy was the ideal
form of government and that democracy was foolishness. No one any longer
believes in monarchy. How can it have been so obvious to everyone what now
is obvious to us is false.
c. 40 years ago abortion was considered murder. Now it's taken for granted that
enlightened people are pro-choice.
d. Final and most powerful example: There was an experiment done at Yale
University some years ago by Dr. Stanley Milgrom. Dr. Milgrom told the
experiment's subjects they were participating in an experiment on how
punishment affected people's ability to learn. They were introduced to a man
who they were told would attempt to memorize a list of words (in fact this
man was Milgrom's collaborator in the experiment.) Every time this man
made a mistake in memorization the real subject of the experiment was
asked to push a button giving increasingly strong electric shocks (in fact of
course no actual shock was given.) The great majority of subjects continued
to give electric shocks to the point where they believed they had killed the
student.

Punch line: The experiment demonstrates that you don't have to be evil or sadistic to
put people into gas chambers. You have to be completely normal and just not be
independent enough to ask whether what you're doing is moral or not. G-d's
command to Avraham was to become independent.

Follow-up: G-d tells Avraham if he follows his command he will be a blessing to the
world. The Jewish people have been a blessing to the world because they have given
the world the idea of conscience. The Jews are continually championing the rights of
the underdogs and of the downtrodden.

Follow-up 2: This is the traditional understanding of anti-semitism. People hate the

Jews because they represent conscience. In a collection of some his conversations
called Table Talk Hitler is quoted saying: "The struggle for world-domination is
between me and the Jews. All else is meaningless. The Jews have inflicted two
wounds on the world. Circumcision for the body and conscience for the soul. I come
to free mankind from their shackles.

20
Follow-up 3: Unless you examine what you believe and why you believe it, it will be
an accident whether you turn out to be a good or an evil man. Even if circumstances
don't put you into a position of great evil see Follow-up4.

Follow-up 4: In every line of work there are common business practices which are
totally taken for granted and yet everyone knows they're wrong: lying, taking home
office supplies, personal calls on office time and office phones etc. etc. illustrate from
whatever your line of work and ask students for examples from their own
experience.

III. Questions your class may ask:

a. What is the difference between blindly following your society and blindly following
G-d? Don't people justify the most awful and immoral things by saying they're doing
G-d's will?

Answer: (1) You are absolutely right. Everyone is obligated to consider how they
know that what they believe is right. It's an obligation for orthodox Jews just as
much as it's an obligation for christians or for people who are secular. This is an
extremely important point because it demonstrates that we are open minded,
reasonable, and self-critical. (2) An independent person doesn't insist on doing what
he wants to do. He does what is right, whoever told him to do it, or even if it goes
against what everyone tells him. Someone who insists on constantly disobeying his
father for example isn't independent at all because he needs to constantly assert his
freedom to do what he wants. If there is a G-d an independent person would listen to
G-d. Whether in fact there is a G-d or not is another question.

21
‫‪Sess ion 2.‬‬

‫‪The Purpose of the Creation of Man‬‬

‫שמַים וְאֵת הָאר ֶץ‪ .‬ב וְהָאר ֶץ הָיְתָה תֹהו‬ ‫שית בָר ָא אלקים אֵת הַ ָ‬ ‫א בְר ֵא ִ‬
‫על‪-‬פ ְנ ֵי הַמָים‪ .‬ג‬‫חפ ֶת ַ‬ ‫ח אלקים מְר ַ ֶ‬ ‫על‪-‬פ ְנ ֵי תְהום וְרו ַ‬
‫שך ְ ַ‬
‫וָבֹהו וְחֹ ֶ‬
‫וַיֹאמֶר אלקים יְהִי אור וַיְהִי‪-‬אור‪ .‬ד ו ַיַר ְא אלקים אֶת‪-‬הָאור כ ִי‪-‬טוב‬
‫קר ָא אלקים ל ָאור יום‬ ‫שך ְ‪ .‬ה ו ַי ִ ְ‬
‫דל אלקים בֵין הָאור ובֵין הַחֹ ֶ‬ ‫ו ַיַבְ ֵ‬
‫חד‪.‬‬‫קר יום אֶ ָ‬ ‫ער ֶב וַיְהִי‪-‬בֹ ֶ‬ ‫קר ָא ל ָיְל ָה וַיְהִי‪ֶ -‬‬‫ָ‬ ‫שך ְ‬
‫וְלַחֹ ֶ‬

‫ז‬ ‫דיל בֵין מַים לָמָים‪.‬‬ ‫ע בְתוך ְ הַמָים וִיהִי מַבְ ִ‬ ‫קי ַ‬ ‫ו וַיֹאמֶר אלקים יְהִי ר ָ ִ‬
‫ע ובֵין‬ ‫קי ַ‬
‫חת לָר ָ ִ‬ ‫שר מִתַ ַ‬ ‫דל בֵין הַמַים אֲ ֶ‬ ‫ע ו ַיַבְ ֵ‬
‫קי ַ‬ ‫עש אלקים אֶת‪-‬הָר ָ ִ‬ ‫ו ַי ַ ַ‬
‫שמָים וַיְהִי‪-‬‬ ‫ע ָ‬
‫קי ַ‬ ‫קר ָא אלקים לָר ָ ִ‬ ‫ע וַיְהִי‪-‬כ ֵן‪ .‬ח ו ַי ִ ְ‬ ‫קי ַ‬ ‫על לָר ָ ִ‬
‫שר מֵ ַ‬
‫הַמַים אֲ ֶ‬
‫שנ ִי‪.‬‬ ‫ֵ‬ ‫יום‬ ‫קר‬ ‫וַיְהִי‪-‬בֹ ֶ‬ ‫ער ֶב‬ ‫ֶ‬

‫חד וְתֵרָאֶה‬ ‫שמַים אֶל‪-‬מָקום אֶ ָ‬ ‫חת הַ ָ‬ ‫מתַ ַ‬

‫קוו הַמַים ִ‬ ‫ט וַיֹאמֶר אלקים י ָ‬
‫קר ָא‬ ‫קו ֵה הַמַים ָ‬ ‫שה אֶר ֶץ ולְמִ ְ‬ ‫קר ָא אלקים ל ַיַבָ ָ‬ ‫שה וַיְהִי‪-‬כ ֵן‪ .‬י ו ַי ִ ְ‬ ‫הַיַבָ ָ‬
‫שא‬ ‫ד ֶ‬ ‫שא הָאר ֶץ ֶ‬ ‫ד ֵ‬‫יַמִים ו ַיַר ְא אלקים כ ִי‪-‬טוב‪ .‬יא וַיֹאמֶר אלקים תַ ְ‬
‫על‪-‬הָאר ֶץ‬ ‫שר זַר ְעו‪-‬בו ַ‬ ‫שה פְר ִי לְמִינו אֲ ֶ‬ ‫עץ פְר ִי עֹ ֶ‬ ‫ע זֶר ַע ֵ‬
‫שב מַזְר ִי ַ‬ ‫ע ֶ‬ ‫ֵ‬
‫שה‪-‬‬ ‫עץ עֹ ֶ‬ ‫ע זֶר ַע לְמִינ ֵהו ו ְ ֵ‬ ‫שב מַזְר ִי ַ‬ ‫ע ֶ‬ ‫שא ֵ‬ ‫ד ֶ‬
‫וַיְהִי‪-‬כ ֵן‪ .‬יב וַתוצ ֵא הָאר ֶץ ֶ‬
‫ער ֶב וַיְהִי‪-‬‬ ‫שר זַר ְעו‪-‬בו לְמִינ ֵהו ו ַיַר ְא אלקים כ ִי‪-‬טוב‪ .‬יג וַיְהִי‪ֶ -‬‬ ‫פְר ִי אֲ ֶ‬
‫שי‪.‬‬
‫של ִי ִ‬
‫ְ‬ ‫יום‬ ‫קר‬‫בֹ ֶ‬

‫דיל בֵין הַיום ובֵין‬ ‫שמַים לְהַבְ ִ‬ ‫ע הַ ָ‬ ‫קי ַ‬

‫מאֹרֹת בִר ְ ִ‬‫יד וַיֹאמֶר אלקים יְהִי ְ‬
‫ע‬
‫קי ַ‬‫שנ ִים‪ .‬טו וְהָיו לִמְאורֹת בִר ְ ִ‬ ‫דים ול ְיָמִים ו ְ ָ‬
‫ע ִ‬
‫הַל ָיְל ָה וְהָיו לְאֹתֹת ול ְמו ֲ‬
‫שנ ֵי הַמְאֹרֹת‬ ‫עש אלקים אֶת‪ְ -‬‬ ‫על‪-‬הָאר ֶץ וַיְהִי‪-‬כ ֵן‪ .‬טז ו ַי ַ ַ‬ ‫שמַים לְהָאִיר ַ‬ ‫הַ ָ‬
‫קטֹן‬ ‫של ֶת הַיום וְאֶת‪-‬הַמָאור הַ ָ‬ ‫הַגְדֹל ִים אֶת‪-‬הַמָאור הַגָדֹל לְמֶמְ ֶ‬
‫שמָים‬ ‫ע הַ ָ‬‫קי ַ‬
‫של ֶת הַלַיְל ָה וְאֵת הַכוכָבִים‪ .‬יז ו ַיִתֵן אֹתָם אלקים בִר ְ ִ‬ ‫ממְ ֶ‬ ‫לְ ֶ‬
‫דיל בֵין הָאור ובֵין‬ ‫על‪-‬הָאר ֶץ‪ .‬יח וְלִמְשֹל בַיום ובַל ַיְלָה ולְהַבְ ִ‬ ‫לְהָאִיר ַ‬
‫עי‪.‬‬‫קר יום רְבִי ִ‬ ‫ער ֶב וַיְהִי‪-‬בֹ ֶ‬ ‫שך ְ ו ַיַר ְא אלקים כ ִי‪-‬טוב‪ .‬יט וַיְהִי‪ֶ -‬‬ ‫הַחֹ ֶ‬

‫על‪-‬הָאר ֶץ‬ ‫חי ָה ו ְעוף י ְעופ ֵף ַ‬ ‫שר ֶץ נֶפ ֶש ַ‬

‫שר ְצו הַמַים ֶ‬‫כ וַיֹאמֶר אלקים י ְ‬
‫שמָים‪ .‬כא ו ַיִבְר ָא אלקים אֶת‪-‬הַתַנ ִינ ִם הַגְדֹל ִים וְאֵת‬ ‫ע הַ ָ‬
‫קי ַ‬ ‫על‪-‬פ ְנ ֵי ר ְ ִ‬‫ַ‬
‫שר ְצו הַמַים לְמִינֵהֶם וְאֵת כ ָל‪-‬עוף כ ָנ ָף‬ ‫שר ָ‬‫שת אֲ ֶ‬‫רמֶ ֶ‬ ‫חי ָה הָ ֹ‬
‫כ ָל‪-‬נֶפ ֶש הַ ַ‬
‫לְמִינ ֵהו ו ַיַר ְא אלקים כ ִי‪-‬טוב‪ .‬כב וַיְבָר ֶך ְ אֹתָם אלקים לֵאמֹר פ ְרו ור ְבו‬
‫קר יום‬ ‫ער ֶב וַיְהִי‪-‬בֹ ֶ‬
‫מל ְאו אֶת‪-‬הַמַים בַיַמִים וְהָעוף יר ֶב בָאר ֶץ‪ .‬כג וַיְהִי‪ֶ -‬‬ ‫ו ִ‬
‫שי‪.‬‬ ‫חמִי ִ‬ ‫ֲ‬

‫‪22‬‬
-‫חי ְתו‬ַ ְ ‫חי ָה לְמִינ ָה בְהֵמָה וָרֶמֶש ו‬ ַ ‫כד וַיֹאמֶר אלקים תוצ ֵא הָאר ֶץ נֶפֶש‬
-‫חי ַת הָאר ֶץ לְמִינ ָה וְאֶת‬ ַ -‫עש אלקים אֶת‬ ַ ַ ‫ כה ו ַי‬.‫כ ֵן‬-‫אֶר ֶץ לְמִינ ָה וַיְהִי‬
.‫טוב‬-‫דמָה לְמִינ ֵהו ו ַיַר ְא אלקים כ ִי‬ ָ ֲ‫רֶמֶש הָא‬-‫הַבְהֵמָה לְמִינ ָה וְאֵת כ ָל‬
‫דג ַת הַי ָם‬ ְ ִ‫דמותֵנו וְיר ְדו ב‬ ְ ִ ‫דם בְצַלְמֵנו כ‬ ָ ‫שה א‬ ֶ ‫ע‬
ֲ ַ ‫כו וַיֹאמֶר אלקים נ‬
.‫הָאר ֶץ‬-‫על‬ ַ ‫הָרֶמֶש הָרֹמֵש‬-‫הָאר ֶץ ובְכ ָל‬-‫שמַים ובַבְהֵמָה ובְכ ָל‬ ָ ַ‫ובְעוף ה‬
‫דם בְצַל ְמו בְצֶל ֶם אלקים בָר ָא אֹתו זָכ ָר‬ ָ ‫הָא‬-‫כז ו ַיִבְר ָא אלקים אֶת‬
‫ כח וַיְבָר ֶך ְ אֹתָם אלקים וַיֹאמֶר לָהֶם אלקים פְרו‬.‫קבָה בָר ָא אֹתָם‬ ֵ ְ ‫ונ‬
-‫שמַים ובְכ ָל‬ ָ ַ‫דג ַת הַי ָם ובְעוף ה‬ ְ ִ‫שהָ ור ְדו ב‬ ֻ ְ‫הָאר ֶץ וְכִב‬-‫ור ְבו ומִל ְאו אֶת‬
-‫כ ָל‬-‫ כט וַיֹאמֶר אלקים הִנ ֵה נָתַתִי לָכ ֶם אֶת‬.‫הָאר ֶץ‬-‫על‬ ַ ‫שת‬ ֶ ֶ‫חי ָה הָרֹמ‬ ַ
-‫בו פְר ִי‬-‫שר‬ ֶ ֲ‫עץ א‬ֵ ָ‫ה‬-‫כ ָל‬-‫הָאר ֶץ וְאֶת‬-‫פ ְנ ֵי כ ָל‬-‫על‬ ַ ‫שר‬ ֶ ֲ‫ע זֶר ַע א‬ ַ ֵ ‫שב זֹר‬ ֶ ‫ע‬ ֵ
‫עוף‬-‫חי ַת הָאר ֶץ ולְכ ָל‬ ַ -‫ ל ולְכ ָל‬.‫ע זָר ַע לָכ ֶם יהְי ֶה ל ְאכְל ָה‬ ַ ֵ ‫עץ זֹר‬ ֵ
‫שב‬ ֶ ‫ע‬
ֵ ‫יֶר ֶק‬-‫כ ָל‬-‫חי ָה אֶת‬ ַ ‫בו נֶפ ֶש‬-‫שר‬ ֶ ֲ‫הָאר ֶץ א‬-‫על‬ ַ ‫שמַים ולְכֹל רומֵש‬ ָ ַ‫ה‬
‫טוב מְאֹד‬-‫שה וְהִנ ֵה‬ ָ ‫ע‬
ָ ‫שר‬ ֶ ֲ‫א‬-‫כ ָל‬-‫ לא ו ַיַר ְא אלקים אֶת‬.‫כ ֵן‬-‫ל ְאכְל ָה וַיְהִי‬
.‫שי‬ ִ ‫ש‬ ִ ַ‫קר יום ה‬ ֶ ֹ‫ב‬-‫ער ֶב וַיְהִי‬ ֶ -‫וַיְהִי‬

1 In the beginning G-d created the heaven and the earth. 2 Now the earth was unformed
and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the spirit of G-d hovered over
the face of the waters. 3 And G-d said: 'Let there be light.' And there was light. 4 And G-d
saw the light, that it was good; and G-d divided the light from the darkness. 5 And G-d
called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. And there was evening and there
was morning, one day.

6 And G-d said: 'Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the
waters from the waters.' 7 And G-d made the firmament, and divided the waters which
were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was
so. 8 And G-d called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was
morning, a second day.

9 And G-d said: 'Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and
let the dry land appear.' And it was so. 10 And G-d called the dry land Earth, and the
gathering together of the waters called He Seas; and G-d saw that it was good. 11 And G-
d said: 'Let the earth put forth grass, herb yielding seed, and fruit-tree bearing fruit after
its kind, wherein is the seed thereof, upon the earth.' And it was so. 12 And the earth
brought forth grass, herb yielding seed after its kind, and tree bearing fruit, wherein is the
seed thereof, after its kind; and G-d saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening and
there was morning, a third day.

14 And G-d said: 'Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day
from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days and years; 15 and
let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth.' And it
was so. 16 And G-d made the two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the
lesser light to rule the night; and the stars. 17 And G-d set them in the firmament of the
heaven to give light upon the earth, 18 and to rule over the day and over the night, and to
23
divide the light from the darkness; and G-d saw that it was good. 19 And there was
evening and there was morning, a fourth day.

20 And G-d said: 'Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let fowl fly
above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.' 21 And G-d created the great sea-
monsters, and every living creature that creepeth, wherewith the waters swarmed, after its
kind, and every winged fowl after its kind; and G-d saw that it was good. 22 And G-d
blessed them, saying: 'Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let
fowl multiply in the earth.' 23 And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.

24 And G-d said: 'Let the earth bring forth the living creature after its kind, cattle, and
creeping thing, and beast of the earth after its kind.' And it was so. 25 And G-d made the
beast of the earth after its kind, and the cattle after their kind, and every thing that
creepeth upon the ground after its kind; and G-d saw that it was good. 26 And G-d said:
'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the
fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and
over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.' 27 And G-d created man in His
own image, in the image of G-d created He him; male and female created He them. 28
And G-d blessed them; and G-d said unto them: 'Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish
the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of
the air, and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.' 29 And G-d said:
'Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed, which is upon the face of all the
earth, and every tree, in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed--to you it shall be for
food; 30 and to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing
that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is a living soul, [I have given] every green
herb for food.' And it was so. 31 And G-d saw every thing that He had made, and, behold,
it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

24
SOURCES

Day One: G-d creates light.

Genesis 1:4 G-d saw that the light was good.
Third Day: G-d creates waters and dry land.
Genesis 1:10 And G-d saw that it was good.
Fourth Day: G-d creates luminaries – sun, moon, stars.
Genesis 1:18 And G-d saw that it was good.
Fifth Day: G-d creates fish and birds.
Genesis 1:21 And G-d saw that it was good.
Sixth Day: G-d creates animals.
Genesis 1:25 And G-d saw that it was good.

G-d creates man.

Genesis 1:31 And G-d saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good.

QUESTION: Everything else is called ‘good’ but after the creation of man, G-d
says it was ‘very good’. Why? What does the ‘very’ mean?

Midrash Rabba on Genesis 1:31: If not for the Yetzer Hara, man would not
build a house, get married, have children or do business.
------------------------------------------------

G-d commands Adam.

Genesis 2:17: But of the tree of Knowledge of Good and Bad, you must not
eat.

QUESTION: What is this tree? What does it represent? What is ‘good and bad’?

--------------------------------------------------
The serpent.

Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was cunning beyond any beast of the field that
Hashem, G-d, had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did, perhaps, G-d say: You shall
not eat of any tree of the garden?’

QUESTION: What does the serpent represent? What tricks does he use to
persuade Eve to eat from the tree?

---------------------------------------------------

Eating from the tree.

Genesis 3:6: And the woman perceived that the tree was good for eating and
that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable as a means to
25
wisdom, and she took of its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her
and he ate.

QUESTION: What changed when they ate it? What does ‘eating’ represent? What
did she perceive about the tree?

----------------------------------------------------

The first commandment.

Genesis 2:16: And G-d commanded the man, saying, ‘Of all the trees of the
garden you should freely eat.’

QUESTION: What does this tell us about the goal of life?

DISCUSSION: This verse, and not ‘do not eat from the tree’ was the first
commandment given to man. This tells us that the world was created for us, to use
it for our needs. Only secondary to this is ‘do not eat from the Tree of Knowledge
of Good & Evil’. This gives a whole new view of creation. Rather than being
created and placed in a world of prohibitions, we see that actually we were placed
in a world of ‘all the trees of the garden’ and encouraged to partake. Why, then,
was there still that one tree we couldn’t eat from?

-----------------------------------------------

26
NOTES

Read through and briefly discuss all the sources first, considering the leading questions
and probably developing more questions as you go. The more questions the better! Leave
the main explanation part until after the last source has been read, when questions have
been created and everyone is listening for answers.

MAIN DISCUSSION:

Points to bring in:

• Man’s creation was ‘very good’ because the world was created for man. (But we
still haven’t said what man is meant to do with it.)
• Initially, man was a 100% spiritual, good being, and bad/negativity/non-
spirituality was external to man (represented by the serpent).
• The serpent alters G-d’s words to Eve to make them seem more restrictive than
they are (‘all the trees’, ‘you shall neither eat of it nor touch it’) and introduces
doubt (‘did, perhaps, G-d say’, ‘lest you die’).
• When they ate from the tree, ‘bad’ was internalised to them. (Eating =
internalising.) They had experiential knowledge of both good and bad – hence the
name of the tree.
• Thus man has 2 opposing urges – to do good/rise spiritually and not to do
good/sink spiritually. (Yetzer hatov & hara – find a way you’re comfortable with
referring to these in English – Evil Inclination is not so user-friendly.
• The ‘good’ of ‘it was very good’ refers to man’s yetzer hatov. The ‘very’ of ‘it was
very good’, refers to the yetzer hara, which increases the goodness because it
enables mankind to have a constant battle, to use our free will to grow, constantly
strive to improve ourselves, which is the purpose of creation. (This is what the
Midrash Rabba on Bereishis means.) The ‘very’ denotes excess or plenty – the
more man’s efforts to acquire much power, strength, property, and wealth
(motivated by his yetzer hara, jealousy, desire, etc) the more man achieves and the
more goodness. (Obviously, goodness is only achieved if it’s channelled the right
way.)

------------------------------------------------

Points to have on hand and use if relevant:

• The question may arise as to why we make so much fuss over just one word –
very. This could be a good time to point out that G-d doesn’t waste words in the
Torah & that here is a prime example of how we learn things from it.

• The question may arise as to why G-d does not call the 2 nd day ‘good’. I believe
this is because the concept of division, dissention, etc was created on that day
with the separation of the water and land. Although this is a necessary part of
creation as a whole, for the purpose of man’s growth (yetzer hara v. yetzer tov,
free will, etc), it is the opposite of unity and as such could not be called ‘good’.

27
• The question may arise as to why we weren’t supposed to stay like Adam, 100%
spiritual – or – why didn’t we start like we are now, with free will? You could
explain how the whole Torah is an instruction manual for life, and this and
everything else that is recorded in the Torah is for us to learn from. Clearly, to see
what mankind is here for, the part of the instruction manual to look in is the part
where mankind first appears. Later sections explain finer points of how to achieve
that goal, and you could cite examples.

• The question may arise as to how something called ‘bad’/‘ra’ can be the best
(‘very good’) part of creation and it’s whole purpose. This could be a good time to
talk about how that which seems negative is really good if we can only see it in
the right way, how challenges are a chessed from G-d, a test designed just for us
to help us grow to the max, etc.

28
Sess ion 3

The Relationship between Man and Woman

SOURCES

‫עזֶר‬ֵ ‫לו‬-‫שה‬ ֶ ‫ע‬ ֱ ֶ‫דם לְבַדו א‬ ָ ‫טוב הֱיות הָא‬-‫יח וַיֹאמֶר ה’ אלקים לֹא‬
‫עוף‬-‫דה וְאֵת כ ָל‬ ֶ ‫ש‬
ָ ַ‫חי ַת ה‬ ַ -‫הָאֲדָמָה כ ָל‬-‫ יט ו ַיִצ ֶר ה’ אלקים מִן‬.‫כ ְנֶג ְדו‬
‫לו‬-‫קר ָא‬ ְ ‫שר י‬ ֶ ֲ‫לו וְכֹל א‬-‫קר ָא‬ ְ ִ ‫י‬-‫דם לִר ְאות מַה‬ ָ ‫הָא‬-‫שמַים ו ַיָבֵא אֶל‬ ָ ַ‫ה‬
‫הַבְהֵמָה‬-‫שמות לְכ ָל‬ ֵ ‫דם‬ ָ ‫קר ָא הָא‬ ְ ִ ‫ כ ו ַי‬.‫שמו‬ ְ ‫חי ָה הוא‬ ַ ‫דם נֶפ ֶש‬ָ ‫הָא‬
‫ כא‬.‫עזֶר כ ְנֶג ְדו‬ ֵ ‫מצ ָא‬ ָ -‫דם לֹא‬ ָ ‫דה ול ְא‬ ֶ ‫ש‬ָ ַ‫חי ַת ה‬ ַ ‫ולְעוף הַשָמַים ולְכֹל‬
‫סגֹר‬ְ ִ ‫חת מִצַלְעֹתָיו ו ַי‬ ַ ‫קח א‬ ַ ִ ‫שן ו ַי‬
ָ ‫דם ו ַי ִי‬ָ ‫הָא‬-‫על‬ ַ ‫דמָה‬ ֵ ְ ‫ו ַיַפ ֵל ה’ אלקים תַר‬
‫דם‬ ָ ‫הָא‬-‫קח מִן‬ ַ ָ ‫ל‬-‫שר‬ ֶ ֲ‫הַצֵל ָע א‬-‫ כב ו ַיִבֶן ה’ אלקים אֶת‬.‫שר תַח ְתֶנ ָה‬ ָ ָ‫ב‬
‫עצָמַי‬ ֲ ֵ‫עצ ֶם מ‬ ֶ ‫עם‬ ַ ַ‫ כג וַיֹאמֶר הָאָדם זֹאת הַפ‬.‫דם‬ ָ ‫הָא‬-‫שה וַיְבִאֶהָ אֶל‬ ָ ִ‫לְא‬
‫כ ֵן‬-‫על‬ ַ ‫ כד‬.‫זֹאת‬-‫חה‬ ָ ‫ק‬ ְ ֻ ‫שה כ ִי מֵאִיש ל‬ ָ ִ‫קר ֵא א‬ ָ ‫שר ִי לְזֹאת י‬ ָ ְ‫מב‬ִ ‫שר‬ ָ ָ‫וב‬
‫ כה‬.‫חד‬ ָ ֶ‫שר א‬ ָ ָ‫שתו וְהָיו לְב‬ ְ ִ‫דבַק בְא‬ ָ ְ ‫אִמו ו‬-‫אבִיו וְאֶת‬-‫אִיש אֶת‬-‫עזָב‬ ֲ ַ‫י‬
.‫ששו‬ ָ ֹ‫שתו וְלֹא יתְב‬ ְ ִ‫דם וְא‬ ָ ‫ערומִים הָא‬ ֲ ‫שנ ֵיהֶם‬
ְ ‫ו ַיִהְיו‬

18 And the LORD G-d said: 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him
a help meet for him.' 19 And out of the ground the LORD G-d formed every beast of the
field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call
them; and whatsoever the man would call every living creature, that was to be the name
thereof. 20 And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every
beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him. 21 And the
LORD G-d caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his
ribs, and closed up the place with flesh instead thereof. 22 And the rib, which the LORD
G-d had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And
the man said: 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called
Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were
both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed

Adam identifies the animals:

29
 Genesis 2:20: And Adam assigned names to all the cattle and to the birds of
the sky and to every beast of the field; but as for Adam, he did not find a helper
against him.

QUESTIONS: Why was this exercise necessary? What did Adam realise about
himself and the animals?

----------------------------------------------

G-d ‘decides’ to make a woman:

Genesis 2:18: It is not good that Adam be alone. I will make a helper against
him.

QUESTIONS:
Did the all knowing G-d make a ‘mistake’ here, did He not ‘realise’ that it
wouldn’t be good for Adam to be alone, or that Adam wouldn’t find company among the
animals? Why didn’t He create Adam and Eve together at first?
What on earth is a ‘helper against him’? How can something ‘against’ him
be a help? Surely ‘against’ would be a hindrance!

--------------------------------------------------

The creation of woman:

Genesis: 2:22: Then G-d built the rib/side that He had taken from the man
into a woman.

QUESTIONS: Why is the word ‘built’ (vayiven) used to describe the making of
woman? Why did woman come from man’s rib or side?

--------------------------------------------------------

The ideal relationship between men and women:

Genesis 2:24: Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and
cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

QUESTIONS: We see that this is basically how normal society operates. What
motivates people to leave their parents, where they have unconditional love and care, and
live instead with partners who expect much more from them?

--------------------------------------------------

The creation of man:

30
 Genesis 1:27: So G-d created Adam in His image, in the image of G-d He
created him; male and female He created them.

QUESTION: First Adam is called ‘him’ and the next minute Adam is called
‘them’. What is Adam?

31
NOTES

Read through and briefly discuss all the sources first, considering the leading questions
and probably developing more questions as you go. The more questions the better! Leave
the main explanation part until after the last source has been read, when questions have
been created and everyone is listening for answers.

MAIN DISCUSSION:

Points to bring in:

• The last source prompts immediate attention – the ‘Adam’ that was first created
was male AND female. TOGETHER! It contained both male and female parts and
as such was totally self-sufficient. Yes it was! This really is what it was! (That’s
pretty surprising if you’ve never heard it before!)

• Adam saw that all the animals had mates, and realised that in all the world there
was no equivalent to himself, & consequently felt lonely, felt a lack.

• Adam therefore first had to experience the ‘not good’ of being alone, to feel the
lack, to appreciate having a mate. This is the lack that every single human being
feels when alone, that causes them to search for a partner.

• Alone Adam was totally self sufficient. In separating ‘Adam’ into two parts, G-d
created the opportunity for man to contribute to woman what she lacked and vice
versa.

• A helper against him: where 2 people are the same, they reinforce each other in
those areas. But for help with weaknesses a person needs someone who’s strong
where they’re weak. A stingy person needs to see a lot of generosity to learn how
to be generous. A strict person would grow through a relationship with a more
flexible one. A very factual, intellect-driven person can benefit from knowing how
a more sensitive, emotion-driven person operates, and vice versa. Woman is made
to have strengths where man has weaknesses and vice versa.

• There are physical ways in which the female body is the opposite of the male. In
particular, if this was not the case, reproduction would not be possible. This is
certainly a way in which woman is ‘a helper who is opposite to him’. (knegdo =
against or opposite). You could go further and discuss the male component of
reproduction which is microscopic, momentary, and outside of themselves, versus
the female contribution which is larger, takes longer, and internal to her. The point
to get across is that this is also reflected in character traits of man and woman. If
you’re able to discuss this without blushing, it’s a very powerful point.

• Woman was built from Adam’s ‘tzela’, variably translated as a side or a rib. Either
way it was from an internal part of Adam, since ‘vayisgor basar tachtena’.
Therefore we learn that woman sees things from an internal perspective, is

32
 internal in many ways, see above point. Woman was ‘built’ – vayiven – from the
same root as bina, internal form of understanding. This is backed up by the
previous point. This is also reflected in her ability to produce sons (banim –
another related word) (Kli Yakar)

• The leaving of parents to cleave together is therefore because of the lack and the
‘not good’ inherent in being alone, the fact that men have strengths where women
have weaknesses and vice versa, thus they feel each others’ absence and
complement each other when together.

------------------------------------------------

Points to have on hand and use if relevant:

• With regard to naming the animals, you could discuss how Hebrew words are
more than just sounds we associate with a particular object or thing, as they are in
other languages. In Hebrew, a word identifies the essence of a thing. E.g. dog,
celev – c’lev, an animal motivated by its heart.
• You could discuss what it is to have a soul, which strives for spirituality, and a
body with urges, which strives for the opposite. When naming, and therefore
identifying the essence of the animals, Adam realised that they were motivated
only by an instinct for survival – food, warmth, reproduction – physical, bodily
urges. On the other hand, he was motivated also by a desire to be good – a
spiritual urge, a soul.
• The question may arise as to why woman was given the ‘inferior’ role of helper.
While it’s valid to argue the value of chessed etc, it might be clearer to point out
that helpers are not always inferior – such as maids, servants, cleaners – but can
be superior with greater knowledge/ability which enables them to help – such as
doctors, car mechanics, psychologists, mothers, G-d.

33
Sess ion 4

When the Judge is ………………… YOU!!!

Starting from the Torah1. Let us examine the following verse from
Vayikra:

‫דר פ ְנ ֵי‬
ַ ְ‫דל וְלֹא תֶה‬
ָ ‫שא פ ְנ ֵי‬
ָ ִ‫שפ ָט לֹא ת‬
ְ ִ‫עו ֶל בַמ‬
ָ ‫עשו‬
ֲ ַ‫ספר ויקרא פרק יט (טו) לֹא ת‬
:ָ ‫עמִיתֶך‬
ֲ ‫שפֹט‬
ְ ִ‫דק ת‬
ֶ ֶ ‫ג ָדול בְצ‬

“Do not commit a distortion of justice; do not favor the poor

nor honor the powerful, with fairness you must judge your
fellow man.” )Vayikra 19:15(

‫א תנו רבנן בצדק תשפוט עמיתך שלא יהא‬/‫תלמוד בבלי מסכת שבועות דף ל‬
‫אחד יושב ואחד עומד אחד מדבר כל צרכו ואחד אומר לו קצר דבריך‬

Our Rabbis taught: “With fairness, judge your fellow man” - one party
should not stand [in court] while the other sits; one party shall not be
entitled to speak all he wants while the other is told to curtail his
words. Talmud Bavli, Shavuos 30a.

‫ מצוה קעז ובו גם כן שכל איש מצווה‬- ‫ מצות עשה‬- ‫רמב"ם ספר המצות‬
‫לדון דין תורה כשיהיה יודע בו ושישבית הריב שבין בעלי דינים ובבאור אמרו אחד דן‬
‫את חבירו דבר תורה שנאמר בצדק תשפוט עמיתך‬

Also included in [the commandment] is that each person must

adjudicate Torah law when he has the opportunity, and that he should
put disputes between litigants to rest. And [our Rabbis] explained that
the [obligation] for one to judge his colleague is a Biblical imperative,
as it says, “With fairness judge your fellow man.” Maimonides, the
Book of Mitzvos, Positive Commandment #177.

a( The Talmud offers an interpretation which relates to

every day life:

‫א‬/‫תלמוד בבלי מסכת שבועות דף ל‬

‫ד"א בצדק תשפוט עמיתך הוי דן את חבירך לכף זכות‬

34
 Another interpretation: “With fairness, judge your fellow
man” – one should judge his friend favorably. Talmud
Bavli, Shavuos 30a.

‫שאילתות דרב אחאי פרשת שמות שאילתא מ ד"ה‬

‫שאילתא דאסיר שאילתא דאסיר להון לדבית ישראל למיחשד חד‬
‫על חבריה אלא לידייניה לכף זכות דתניא הדן את חבירו לכף זכות דנין‬
‫אותו מן השמים לכף זכות‬

Jews are forbidden from regarding one another with

suspicion and must judge each other favorably, in
accordance with the statement of the sages: “One who
judges his friend favorably is judged favorably from
heaven.”

We have seen three very different interpretations of this verse:

)1( Guidelines for judicial fairness
)2( A general obligation to administer justice
)3( Judging favorably on a personal level

The Identity of the Individual Matters Consider the following

passage from Pirkei Avos )Ethics of our Fathers(, one of the books of
the Mishna.

‫קנ ֵה‬
ְ ‫ ו‬,‫שה ל ְך ָ ר ַב‬
ֵ ‫ע‬
ֲ ,‫חי ָה אומֵר‬
ְ ַ ‫ע בֶן פְר‬
ַ ‫ש‬
ֻ ‫ י ְהו‬. . . )‫משנה מסכת אבות פרק א (ו‬
:‫דם לְכ ַף ז ְכות‬
ָ ‫דן אֶת כ ָל הָא‬
ָ ‫ וֶהֱוֵי‬,‫חבֵר‬
ָ ָ ‫ל ְך‬

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Perachya said that one should make a master for
himself, acquire a friend, and judge every person favorably. Avos 1:6

The Rambam explains the passage as follows:

‫ מסכת אבות פרק א משנה ו והוי דן את כל‬- ‫רמב"ם פירוש המשניות‬

‫ ענינו כשיהיה אדם שלא תדע בו אם צדיק הוא אם רשע ותראהו‬.‫האדם לכף זכות‬
‫שיעשה מעשה או יאמר דבר שאם תפרשהו על דרך אחת יהיה טוב ואם תפרשהו על‬
‫ וכשיהיה בלתי ידוע‬...‫ קח אותו על הטוב ולא תחשוב בו רע‬,‫דרך אחרת יהיה רע‬
‫והמעשה בלתי מכריע לאחד משני הקצוות צריך בדרך החסידות שתדין לכף זכות‬
:‫איזה קצת שיהיה משני הקצוות‬

35
“Judge every person favorably.” When you come across a person whom
you do not know to be righteous or wicked, and you see him perform
an action or say something that can be interpreted as positive or
negative, assume the positive and do not think negatively of him. And
when you do not know the person and there is no decisive
interpretation of the action, it is praiseworthy to judge toward the
favorable extreme. Rambam, Commentary on Avos 1:6

The Mishna seems to be telling us: If I do not know whether the

person is known to be righteous or wicked, or if I do not know
him at all, it is praiseworthy to give the person the benefit of the
doubt if there is any way to do so.

This approach is also followed by other medieval commentaries, such

as Rabbi Yona of Gerona:2

‫ תשובה והוי דן את כל האדם‬.‫רבינו יונה אבות פרק א משנה ו ד"ה והוי דן‬
.‫ זה מדבר על אדם שאין יודעין בו אם הוא צדיק אם רשע‬.‫לכף זכות‬

And judge each person favorably. This refers to a person not known to
be righteous or wicked. Rabbi Yona of Gerona, Commentary on
Avos 1:6

What if the person is not a stranger, but someone who I know

well? Do I still have to give him the benefit of the doubt?

A. Righteous Person Take, for example, the case of the Tzadik, a

person who is known to be righteous.

‫ מסכת אבות פרק א משנה ו אבל אם יהיה‬- ‫רמב"ם פירוש המשניות‬

‫האדם נודע שהוא צדיק מפורסם ובפעולות הטובות ונראה לו פועל שכל עניניו מורים‬
‫שהוא פועל רע ואין אדם יכול להכריעו לטוב אלא בדוחק גדול ואפשר רחוק הוא ראוי‬
,‫שתקח אותו שהוא טוב אחר שיש שום צד אפשרות להיותו טוב ואין מותר לך לחשדו‬
.‫ועל זה אמרו ]שבת צז[ כל החושד בכשרים לוקה בגופו‬

But, if a person is publicly known to be righteous, and is known for

good deeds, and he does something that appears in all respects to be
a negative action that can only be interpreted as a positive act with
great difficulty by making an unlikely assumption, it is appropriate to
assume that the act was a positive one. Since such an interpretation is
technically possible, it is forbidden to suspect him. And, as the Talmud
says, one who suspects a righteous person will be punished. Rambam,
Commentary on Avos 1:6
2

36
B. Wicked Person When the person is known to be a wicked person,
or Rasha, the converse is true:

‫ מסכת אבות פרק א משנה ו וכן כשיהיה רשע‬- ‫רמב"ם פירוש המשניות‬
‫ויתפרסמו מעשיו ואחר כן ראינוהו שיעשה מעשה שכל ראיותיו מורות שהוא טוב ויש‬
‫בו צד אפשרות רחוק לרע ראוי להשמר ממנו ושלא תאמן בו שהוא טוב אחר שיש בו‬
‫אפשרות לרע‬

And similarly, when the person is wicked, and his wicked deeds are
publicly known, and we observe him doing something that appears in
all respects to be a positive action, and which can only be interpreted
as a negative action with great difficulty by making an unlikely
assumption, it is appropriate to be wary of him, and not to believe that
the action is positive, since there is the possibility that it is negative.
Rambam, ibid.

Summary of Rules To summarize, the identity of the individual in

question matters:3

a) We must always give the Tzadik the benefit of

the doubt, if at all possible.

b) We must always suspect the Rasha, even if he

appears to be doing something good.

c( If the person is unknown, it is praiseworthy, but

not required, to give him the benefit of the
doubt.

3
Defining a Tzadik or Rasha

Q – Tzadik, righteous person, and Rasha, wicked person sound like extreme
categories. How do we go about defining who must be judged favorably and
who should be judged negatively?

A – For purposes of B’tzedek Tishpot, we do not use a classic definition. We

instead determine status according to specific behaviors. A person who
excels in a particular area is a Tzadik, with respect to that area. A person
who is negligent in a particular area is considered a Rasha, with respect to
that area. Interestingly, one can be a Tzadik in one area and Rasha in
another.

For example, a person may be a Tzadik with regard to honoring to his parents, but
the same person may be considered a Rasha in monetary matters.

37
Why Does Background Matter? If it is proper to judge people
favorably, what difference does the person’s background make? Why
should the identity of the protagonist matter?

The Sheiltos recounts:

‫שאילתות דרב אחאי פרשת שמות שאילתא מ ד"ה שאילתא דאסיר‬

‫ומעשה ברבי עקיבא בן יוסף שהיה מושכר אצל רבי אליעזר בן הורקנוס ועשה עמו‬
‫שלש שנים כשבא ליפטר ממנו בערב יום הכפורים אמר לו תן לי מעותיי ואלך‬
‫ואפרנס את אשתי ואת בניי אמר לו אין לי מעות שאתן לך והיה רואה מעות בידו תן לי‬
‫בהמה אמר לו אין לי בהמה שאתן לך והיה רואה בהמה בתוך ביתו תן לי תבואה‬
‫בשכרי אמר לו אין לי תבואה שאתן לך והיה רואה תבואה בתוך ביתו אמר לו תן לי‬
‫כרים וכסתות בשכרי אמר לו אין לי כרים וכסתות שאתן לך והיה רואה כרים וכסתות‬
‫בתוך ביתו תן לי קרקע בשכרי אמר לו אין לי קרקע שאתן לך והיה רואה לו קרקע‬
‫מה עשה רבי עקיבא הפשיל כליו לאחוריו והלך לביתו בפחי נפש‬

Rabbi Akiva worked for Rabbi Eliezer ben Hurkenos for three years. On
the eve of Yom Kippur, Rabbi Akiva was preparing to leave and bring
his wages home to his wife and children.

Rabbi Akiva asked Rabbi Eliezer for payment of his wages. Rabbi
Eliezer replied that he had no money to give, although Rabbi Akiva saw
that he had money.

“Pay me in livestock,” suggested Rabbi Akiva. “I have no livestock to

give you,” replied Rabbi Eliezer, although Rabbi Akiva saw that he had
livestock.

“Pay me in grain,” suggested Rabbi Akiva. “I have no grain to pay

you,” replied Rabbi Eliezer, although Rabbi Akiva saw that he had
grain.

“Pay me in pillows and blankets,” suggested Rabbi Akiva. “I have no

pillows and blankets to pay you,” replied Rabbi Eliezer, although Rabbi
Akiva saw that he had pillows and blankets.

“Pay me in land,” suggested Rebbi Akiva. “I have no land to pay you,”

replied Rabbi Eliezer, although Rabbi Akiva saw he had land.

Dejected, Rabbi Akiva slung his meager possessions over his shoulder,
and returned home.

38
‫מה עשה רבי אליעזר בן הורקנוס המתין עד שיצא חג הסוכות ונטל משואות שלשה‬
‫חמורים אחד של יין ואחד של שמן ואחד של כל מיני מגדים ומעות בידו והלך לביתו‬
‫של רבי עקיבא והניח לפניו ואכלו ושתו והוציא המעות ונתן לו‬

What did Rabbi Eliezer ben Hurkenos do? A few weeks later, after
Sukkos, he traveled to visit Rabbi Akiva, with three donkeys - one
carrying wine, one oil, and one food and delicacies. He also came with
money in hand. Rabbi Eliezer placed the food in front of Rebbi Akiva,
and they feasted. Rabbi Eliezer then took out the money and paid
Rabbi Akiva.

‫אמר לו בני חייך כשאמרת לי תן לי מעותיי ואמרתי לך אין לי מעות שאתן לך והיית‬
‫רואה מעות בידי במה חשדתני אמר לו אמרתי שמא שדות וכרמים נזדמנו לו בזול‬
‫וביקש ליקח מהם כשאמרת לי תן לי בהמה בשכרי ואמרתי לך אין לי בהמה שאתן לך‬
‫והיית רואה בהמה בתוך ביתי במה חשדתני אמר לו אמרתי שמא מושכרות הם ביד‬
‫אחרים כשאמרת לי תן לי תבואה בשכרי ואמרתי לך אין לי תבואה שאתן לך והיית‬
‫רואה תבואה בתוך ביתי במה חשדתני אמר לו אמרתי שמא רוב פירותיו אינן מעושרין‬
‫כשאמרת לי תן לי כרי' וכסתו' בשכרי ואמרתי לך אין לי והיית רואה כרים וכסתות‬
‫בתוך ביתי והיית רואה לי קרקע במה חשדתני אמר לו אמרתי שמא הקדיש רבי כל‬
‫נכסיו לשמים‬

“Did you suspect me when I refused to pay you in money, even though
you saw that I had money?” Rabbi Eliezer asked Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi
Akiva replied, “I assumed that you had found a bargain real estate
investment, for which you had earmarked the money.”

“Did you suspect me when I refused to pay you in livestock, even

though you saw that I had livestock?” came the next question. Rabbi
Akiva replied, “I assumed that you had leased your livestock to
others.”

“Did you suspect me when I refused to pay you in grain, even though
you saw that I had grain?” Rabbi Eliezer asked. Rabbi Akiva replied, “I
assumed that most of your grain had not been yet been tithed )and
therefore could not be used to pay me(.”

“Did you suspect me when I refused to pay you in pillows and blankets
and land, when you saw that I had them?” was the next question.
Rabbi Akiva replied, “I assumed that you had pledged all of your assets
to the Temple.” )Since they were consecrated, Rabbi Eliezer could not
use them.(

Why did Rabbi Akiva conjure up such wild assumptions? Is that

what we are supposed to do?

39
 Unbelievably, the continuation of the story shows that Rabbi
Akiva guessed right!

‫אמר לו העבודה כך היה הורקנוס בני לא היה עוסק בתורה והקדשתי כל נכסיי‬
. . .‫לשמים כדי שיעסוק בתורה עד שבאתי אצל חכמים והתירו את נדרי‬

“That is exactly what happened!” explained Rabbi Eliezer. “My son,

Hurkenos, was not studying Torah, and to set him straight, I
consecrated my property to the Temple [gifting away the inheritance
that would have been his]. I later went to the Sages, and they annulled
my commitment, [so now that everything has returned to my
possession, I can pay you].”

JUDGING REASONABLY

Interpreting What People Do Sometimes, we misjudge the people

closest to us. It is important to realize that family members, business
associates, and friends are the people who care about us the most.
They are generally not out to get us.

We tend to give ourselves plenty of leeway. What if, at a moment of

pure honesty, we made a list of everything we know we do wrong – and
just changed the name at the top to our friend’s name. Would we really
want anything to do with that friend? Yet we don’t disown ourselves.
We assume the best, and that, despite all of our faults, we are still
decent people.

Shouldn’t we do the same for others? The commandment of B’tzedek

Tishpot teaches us that we should.

40
Session 5.

REVENGE IS SWEET

‫עמִיתֶך ָ וְלֹא‬
ֲ ‫ח אֶת‬
ַ ‫ח תוכ ִי‬ַ ֵ ‫חיך ָ בִלְבָבֶך ָ הוכ‬ִ ‫שנ ָא אֶת א‬
ְ ִ‫ספר ויקרא פרק יט (יז) לֹא ת‬
:‫טא‬
ְ ‫ח‬
ֵ ‫על ָיו‬
ָ ‫שא‬
ָ ִ‫ת‬
:’‫עך ָ כ ָמוך ָ אֲנ ִי ה‬
ֲ ֵ ‫מךָ וְאהַבְתָ לְר‬
ֶ ‫ע‬
ַ ‫בנ ֵי‬
ְ ‫את‬ֶ ‫תטֹר‬ ִ ‫תקֹם וְלֹא‬ ִ ‫(יח) לֹא‬

Vayikra 19:17-18. Do not hate your brother in your heart. You shall
surely reprove your colleague and do not bear sin on his account. Do
not take revenge and do not bear a grudge towards the
children of your nation. And you shall love your friend like yourself
– I am G-d.

‫ (יומא כג) אמר לו השאילני‬- ‫רש"י על ויקרא פרק יט פסוק יח (יח) לא תקום‬
‫מגלך אמר לו לאו למחר אמר לו השאילני קרדומך אמר לו איני משאילך כדרך שלא‬
.‫השאלתני זו היא נקימה‬

Rashi on Vayikra 19:17-18. Do not take revenge: [the Talmud in

Yoma 23 states] nekama, revenge, is where one says to his friend "lend
me your trowel" and the other says "no", and the next day he [the
latter] asks "lend me your spade" and the other says "I will not lend to
you the way you did not lend to me."

‫ואיזו היא נטירה א"ל השאילני קרדומך אמר לו לאו למחר אמר לו השאילני מגלך‬
‫אמר לו הא לך ואיני כמותך שלא השאלתני זו היא נטירה שנוטר האיבה בלבו אע"פ‬
:‫שאינו נוקם‬

And what is netira - bearing a grudge? [when one says to the other]
"lend me your spade" and [the other] responds "no" and the next day
[the latter] says lend me your trowel and the former says "Here- take it
– for I am not like you who did not lend to me." That is bearing a
grudge for he preserves [netira literally meaning preserving] the hate
in his heart even though he does not avenge.

‫כי האדם מרגיש‬... ‫ בפרטי מדת הנקיות‬- ‫ספר מסילת ישרים פרק יא‬
‫ כי היא מנוחתו‬,‫ והנקמה לו מתוקה מדבש‬,‫מאד בעלבונותיו ומצטער צער גדול‬
...‫לבדה‬

…for a person is very sensitive to embarrassment and it causes him

great emotional pain. . . Revenge is sweeter than honey to him for only
it can calm him down…

41
‫ אל תשנא את אחיך בלבבך‬,‫רמב"ן על ויקרא פרק יט פסוק יז ויאמר הכתוב‬
‫ ולא תשא עליו חטא‬,‫ אבל תוכיחנו מדוע ככה עשית עמדי‬,‫בעשותו לך שלא כרצונך‬
‫ או ישוב ויתודה על‬,‫ כי בהוכיחך אותו יתנצל לך‬,‫לכסות שנאתו בלבך ולא תגיד לו‬
.‫חטאו ותכפר לו‬

Ramban on Vayikra 19:17. The verse says “Do not hate your
brother in your heart” on account of his doing something against your
will. Instead, engage him in discussion – and ask: “why did you do that
to me?.” “and you shall not bear sin on account of him” through
burying your hatred of him in your heart and not telling him, since
through your engaging him in discussion he’ll apologize to you, or
repent and confess his sin which,[giving you the opportunity to forgive
him.

‫רמב"ן על ויקרא פרק יט פסוק יז ואחרי כן יזהיר שלא תנקום ממנו ולא תטור‬
‫ ולפיכך‬,‫ כי יתכן שלא ישנא אותו אבל יזכור החטא בלבו‬,‫בלבבך מה שעשה לך‬
:‫יזהירנו שימחה פשע אחיו וחטאתו מלבו ואחרי כן יצוה שיאהב לו כמוהו‬

Ramban on Vayikra 19:17. And after [the obligation to express

one’s hurt feelings] the Torah warns not to take revenge from him, and
not to preserve in one's heart that which he did to you, for it is possible
that one would not hate the other but would nonetheless recall the
affront to him in his heart. The Torah therefore warns one to erase his
friend's offensive act and sin from his heart, and then afterwards
commands one to love his friend like himself.

‫ הלכות דעות פרק ז (ז) הנוקם מחבירו עובר בלא תעשה‬- ‫רמב"ם יד החזקה‬
‫שנאמר לא תקום ואע"פ שאינו לוקה עליו דעה רעה היא עד מאד אלא ראוי לו לאדם‬
‫להיות מעביר על מדותיו על כל דברי העולם שהכל אצל המבינים דברי הבל והבאי‬
‫ואינן כדי לנקום עליהם ]כיצד היא הנקימה אמר לו חבירו השאילני קרדומך אמר לו‬
‫איני משאילך למחר צריך לשאול ממנו אמר לו חבירו השאילני קרדומך אמר לו איני‬
‫משאילך כדרך שלא השאלתני כששאלתי ממך הרי זה נוקם אלא כשיבוא לו לשאול‬
‫יתן בלב שלם ולא יגמול לו כאשר גמלו וכן כל כיוצא באלו וכן אמר דוד בדעותיו‬
[:'‫הטובות אם גמלתי שולמי רע ואחלצה וגו‬

Maimonides, Laws of Knowledge 7:7. A person who takes revenge

on his colleague violates a negative commandment, as it says "do not
take revenge." And even though he is not subject to lashes on account
of it, it reflects an exceedingly negative attitude. Instead, it behooves
a person to transcend his inclinations when he [is offended] with
respect to everything in the world, for everything is, to those who
understand, vapor and nonsense, and not worth avenging…

42
‫שר‬ ֶ ֲ‫דם וְיתֵן אֶל לִבו כ ִי כ ָל א‬ ָ ‫דע הָא‬ ַ ֵ ‫שי‬ֶ .‫שי הַמִצ ְו ָה‬ ֵ ְ ‫שר‬ָ ִ‫ מצוה רמא מ‬- ‫ספר החינוך‬
‫דם מִי ַד‬ ָ ‫ ומִי ַד הָא‬.‫שם בָרוך ְ הוא‬ ֵ ַ‫על ָיו מֵאֵת ה‬ ָ ‫שתָבוא‬ ֶ ‫סבָה‬ ִ ‫ הוא‬,‫עד ר ַע‬ ַ ‫קר ֵהו מִטוב‬ ְ ‫י‬
‫דם‬ ָ ‫ער ֵהו או יַכְאִיבֵהו א‬ ֲ ַ ‫שיְצ‬
ֶ ְ ‫על כ ֵן כ‬ַ ,‫שם בָרוך ְ הוא‬ ֵ ַ‫דבָר בִלְתִי ר ָצון ה‬ ָ ‫חיו לֹא יהְי ֶה‬ִ ‫אִיש א‬
‫שבותָיו ל ִנְקֹם‬ ְ ‫ח‬
ְ ַ‫שית מ‬ִ ָ ‫ וְלֹא י‬,ְ ‫על ָיו בְכ ָך‬ ָ ‫שם יתְבָר ַך ְ גָז ַר‬ ֵ ַ‫ וְה‬,‫עונותָיו גָר ְמו‬ֲ ‫דע בְנַפ ְשו כ ִי‬ ַ ֵ‫י‬
‫שלום‬ ָ ַ‫על ָיו ה‬ָ ‫דו ִד‬ָ ‫שאמַר‬ ֶ ‫ וכ ְמו‬,‫סבֵב‬ ַ ְ‫עון הוא הַמ‬ ָ ֶ‫ כ ִי ה‬,‫עתו‬ ָ ָ ‫סבַת ר‬ִ ‫ כ ִי הוא אֵינו‬,‫מִמֶנו‬
‫עי בֶן‬ ִ ְ‫שמ‬ִ ְ‫טאו וְלֹא ב‬ְ ‫ח‬ֶ ְ‫ענ ְיָן ב‬ ִ ָ‫ תָל ָה ה‬.ָ ‫ב טז יא) הַנ ִיחו לו וִיקַל ֵל כ ִי אמַר לו יְי‬-‫(שמואל‬
.‫גֵר ָא‬

Sefer Hachinuch Commandment 241. Among the roots of the

commandment is that a person should know and contemplate that all
that befalls him, whether good or bad, is destined to befall him from G-
d. . . It is impossible for any person to do anything to him without G-
d's will. Therefore, if someone pains or harms another person, the
recipient should know that his own sins caused it, and G-d decreed that
it be so, and he should not permit his thoughts to consider seeking
revenge from the other since that other person is not the reason for
the bad that has befallen him, but instead, his own sin brought it
about. As King David may he rest in peace said [when faced with
personal insults directed against himself] "Let him curse, for Hashem
said so to him." He assumed that the [curse] derived from his own
misdeeds and not on Shimi Ben Geira [who cursed him].

,‫דם‬
ָ ‫טמות מִל ֵב בְנ ֵי א‬
ֵ ‫ש‬
ְ ַ‫עבִיר הַמ‬ֲ ַ‫שבִית ר ִיב ולְה‬ ְ ַ‫על ֶת רַבָה לְה‬ ֶ ‫ו ְעוד נִמְצ ָא בְמִצ ְו ָה זו תו‬
:‫שלום לָהֶם‬ ָ ְ ‫שם יתְבָר ַך‬ֵ ַ‫שה ה‬
ֶ ‫ע‬ ֲ ַ ‫שים י‬
ִ ָ ‫שלום בֵין אֲנ‬ָ ‫ובִהְיות‬

There is also great utility in this commandment to put disputes to rest

and to eradicate seething ill will from man's heart. And when there is
peace among people, G-d will make peace for them.

‫ [ו]לפי שהיצר הולך‬.‫ בפרטי מדת הנקיות‬- ‫ספר מסילת ישרים פרק יא‬
‫ומרתיח את הלב ומבקש תמיד להניח לפחות איזה רושם או איזה זכרון מן הדבר‬

Mesilas Yesharim Chapter 11 – Details of the Trait of

Cleanliness. Since the evil inclination makes one’s heart boil, it
constantly wants to leave some impression or memory of the [wrong
another has done to a person].

‫ יאמר דרך משל‬,‫ ישתדל להשאיר זכרון מועט‬,‫ואם לא יוכל להשאיר זכרון גדול‬
‫ לפחות‬,‫ אם תרצה ליתן לאיש הזה את אשר לא רצה הוא לתת לך כשנצרכת‬:‫לאדם‬
‫ לפחות לא תטיב לו טובה‬,‫ או אם אינך רוצה להרע לו‬,‫לא תתנהו בסבר פנים יפות‬
‫ לפחות לא תעשהו‬,‫ או אם תרצה גם לסייעו הרבה‬,‫גדולה ולא תסייעהו סיוע גדול‬
,‫ אם מחלת לו שלא תראה לו לאויב‬,‫ או לא תשוב להתחבר עמו ולהיות לו לריע‬,‫בפניו‬
‫ אך לא תראה לו כל כך חיבה גדולה‬,‫ ואם גם להתחבר עמו תרצה‬,‫די בזה‬
‫ וכן כל כיוצא בזה ממיני החריצות שביצר מה שהוא משתדל לפתות את‬,‫כבראשונה‬

43
‫ ואהבת‬:)‫ (ויקרא יט‬,‫ על כן באה התורה וכללה כלל שהכל נכלל בו‬.‫לבות בני האדם‬
‫ כמוך‬,‫ בלי תחבולות ומזימות‬,‫ כמוך בלי חילוקים‬,‫ כמוך בלי שום הפרש‬,‫לרעך כמוך‬
:‫ממש‬

And if it can’t leave a significant memory, it will at least try to leave a

trace memory, and will say to person, for example "if you want to give
that person that which he did not want to give you when you needed it,
at least don’t give it to him pleasantly,” or “if you do not want to harm
him, at least don't do him any major favors or give him meaningful
assistance, and even if you want to do so, at least do not do so in front
of him" or "if you forgive him in such a manner that you do not appear
his enemy, that should suffice. And even if you want to reconnect with
him, don't do it with the same affection that you originally had," and all
similar intrigues of the evil inclination in his attempts to tempt the
hearts of people. Therefore the Torah came and set forth a general
principle which includes everything: Love your colleague like yourself –
like yourself exactly, without distinction, like yourself without provisos,
without strategies and agendas – like yourself exactly.

‫ אין במשמע שאם בא ישראל אחד‬,‫ספר החינוך מצוה של"ח ואולם לפי הדומה‬
‫ שאי אפשר להיות‬,‫והתחיל והרשיע לצער חבירו בדברים הרעים שלא יענהו השומע‬
‫ ובאמת לא‬,‫ ועוד שיהיה בשתיקתו כמודה על החירופין‬,‫האדם כאבן שאין לה הופכים‬
‫ אבל תצוה אותנו‬,‫תצוה התורה להיות האדם כאבן שותק למחרפיו כמו למברכיו‬
‫ ובכן ינצל אדם‬,‫ ושלא נתחיל להתקוטט ולחרף בני אדם‬,‫שנתרחק מן המדה הזאת‬
‫ ואין‬,‫ זולתי השוטים הגמורים‬,‫ כי מי שאינו בעל קטטה לא יחרפוהו בני אדם‬,‫מכל זה‬
:‫לתת לב על השוטים‬

However, it does not appear that if one Jew came and acted wickedly
to cause pain to his friend that the listener may not respond, for it is
impossible for a person to be like a stone which cannot be overturned,
and his silence might be construed as his admission to the insults, and
in truth, the Torah did not command a person to be like a rock to
remain silent in the face of one insulting him the way one would
remain silent when hearing another bless him. Instead the Torah
commanded us to distance ourselves from this trait, and to avoid
starting a dispute to insult people, and in this manner one will be
saved from all this, since nobody other than fools will insult one who
isn't a person involved in disputes, and one should not heed fools.

44
Session 6.
Who is the Greatest?

'‫א‬:'‫משנה מסכת אבות ד‬

‫די‬ ַ ְ‫ מִכ ָל מְלַמ‬,)‫שנֶאֱמַר (תהלים קיט‬ ֶ ,‫דם‬ָ ‫ הַלומֵד מִכ ָל א‬,‫חכ ָם‬ ָ ‫ אֵיז ֶהו‬,‫בֶן זומָא אומֵר‬
‫ טוב‬,)‫שנֶאֱמַר (משלי טז‬ ֶ ,‫ הַכובֵש אֶת יצ ְרו‬,‫ אֵיז ֶהו ג ִבור‬.‫חה ל ִי‬ ָ ‫שי‬ִ ָ ‫דותֶיך‬ ְ ‫ע‬
ֵ ‫שכַלְתִי כ ִי‬ ְ ִ‫ה‬
‫שנֶאֱמַר‬ ֶ ,‫חל ְקו‬ֶ ְ‫ח ב‬
ַ ֵ‫שמ‬
ָ ַ‫שיר ה‬ ִ ‫ע‬
ָ ‫ אֵיז ֶהו‬.‫עיר‬ ִ ‫של בְרוחו מִלֹכ ֵד‬ ֵ ‫אֶר ֶך ְ אפ ַים מִג ִבור ומ‬
,ְ ‫ וטוב ל ָך‬.‫ בָעולָם הַז ֶה‬,ָ ‫שר ֶיך‬
ְ ‫ א‬.ְ ‫שר ֶיך ָ ו ְטוב ל ָך‬
ְ ‫ע כַפ ֶיך ָ כ ִי תֹאכ ֵל א‬
ַ ‫ יְג ִי‬,)‫(תהלים קכח‬
‫די‬ ַ ְ‫ כ ִי מְכַב‬,)‫שנֶאֱמַר (שמואל א ב‬ ֶ ,‫ הַמְכַבֵד אֶת הַבְר ִיות‬,‫ אֵיז ֶהו מְכֻבָד‬.‫ל ָעול ָם הַבָא‬
:‫קלו‬ ָ ֵ ‫אֲכַבֵד ובֹז ַי י‬

Ben Zoma said, “Who is wise? One that learns from all people, as it
states, ‘From all my teachers I have become wise )Psalms 119:99(’.
Who is strong? One who conquers his inclination as it states,’ better is
the one who is slow to anger, the strong man and ruler of his spirit,
then the one who conquers a city )Mishlei 16:32(.’
Who is rich? One who is happy with his lot as it says, ‘ when you eat
the fruits of your labor, you shall be happy and it shall go well with you
)Psalms 128:2(.’ Happy in this world and it shall go well with you in the
world to come.
Who is honorable? One who honors his fellowmen, as it says, ‘those
who honor me will I honor and those who despise me shall be
degraded )Samuel 1, 2:30).’”

Who is wise? He that learns from everyone. Who is

powerful? He that governs his passions. Who is rich? He
that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
Benjamin Franklin

WHO IS WISE?

• Our sages teach that the key to wisdom is humility, and the one thing that blocks our
potential for wisdom is arrogance.
• Who do you picture the humblest person on earth? You would probably imagine him as
small, bent over, soft spoken. The Torah described Moses as the humblest man who ever
lived. Moses, who stood up to Pharaoh in Egypt, secured the release of the Jewish
people, scaled Mount Sinai, spoke to G-d face-to-face, and led the Jews through the
desert and to the borders of Israel.

45
 • How could a man who obviously possessed extraordinary qualities of leadership and
strength be described as the humblest who ever lived? Humility is recognizing that we
have tremendous skills, talents, and accomplishments -- but knowing that they are all
from G-d. The humble person is not the lowly, hunched-over. It is the person in touch with
his greatness, who knows that the greatness has a Source.
• We all know that G-d is behind the scenes and is the source for all. But sometimes we forget.

STORY

A man came over from Europe with five dollars in his pocket. After perseverance and hard
work, he stands beside his successful factory and boasts, "Look what I built from nothing. I
came here with five dollars in my pocket, and look what I made!"

That night his factory burns down. The man rushes to the scene, looks up to the Heavens
and shakes his fist. "G-d, how could you do this to me?"

We make the mistake of thinking that on the way up it is we who built the success. But
when things go wrong, we blame G-d.

That is arrogance.

• Humility is power because it means knowing that I don't have all the power, that there are
things more important than me. When we rely only on ourselves, we are limited. But
when we connect to the Source of it all, we are tapping into unlimited resources,
unlimited potential, unlimited power. Now we can do anything.
• Wisdom does not belong to the person who has memorized the most Torah. Wisdom
belongs to someone who, through humility, is open to learning from every person he
meets.

Everyone has unique talents, skills, and life experiences that

you can benefit from. When G-d sends someone your way, find
out how you can learn from him or her and you, too, will be on
the road to wisdom.

WHO IS BRAVE?

• Who do we think of as brave? we think of people like the race car driver who travels at
160 miles per hour, or the mountain climber who scales Mount Everest, or the sky diver
who jumps out of a plane.
• Our sages don't cite such feats when discussing bravery. Rather it is the one who
conquers his Yetzer Hara -- our self-destructive tendencies. What is this "Evil

46
 Inclination"? Is it a little devil with a pitchfork perched on one shoulder -- while an angel,
in opposition, sits on the other? Not exactly.
• Within all of us exists an inner dialogue, not between good and evil, but between body
and soul. The soul is connected to G-d and wants to do what is right, while the body
wants to do what is easy. To live for what our soul wants takes effort. The one who stands
up and makes that effort exemplifies true bravery.

THE FIERY FURNACE

Abraham, our forefather, had many tests in his life, and our sages say that each one was
more difficult than the last. At one point, the evil King Nimrod threw Abraham into a fiery
furnace because of Abraham's beliefs. (With Divine intervention, he survived.)

Later, G-d tells Abraham to leave his home and go to another land, the Land of Israel.

But if the tests were progressively harder, that means moving to an unknown land was
more difficult than risking death in a fiery furnace! How so?

With Nimrod, Abraham was willing to make that one ultimate gesture and give his life for
G-d. That was one level of pure sacrifice and commitment. But leaving his homeland to go
to another land was an even greater level. Because greater than giving one's life for G-d is
living each day for G-d.

• Real bravery is getting up each day and making the effort to do what is right. That means
standing up and fighting against what is holding us back in life, what is preventing us from
realizing our true potential.
• Pinpointing that enemy, making the effort, and ultimately being victorious calls upon our
personal courage. Your soul wants to get out of bed and accomplish great things with the
day. Your body wants to sleep. Your soul wants to take time to learn wisdom; your body
wants to tune out and watch TV. Your soul wants commitment and responsibility; your
body wants to run away.

Your true essence is your soul. Harness the unlimited energy it

possesses and you will come to know what courage is all about.

WHO IS RICH?

• We all know of very wealthy people who are terribly unhappy, and quite ordinary people
who are very happy.
• Happiness is the art of taking pleasure in what you have. Unhappiness is the art of
focusing on what you don't have.

It's a glorious summer day. All our friends and family decide to go on a picnic. We pack up
a delicious lunch and travel to a picture?perfect spot by a lake. The children frolic and play

47
together. Adults stroll by the waterfront, breathing in the fresh air. Birds sing, and a soft
breeze lovingly complements the warm sunshine. An occasional cloud drifts by, a small
island in the deep blue sky.

You unpack the wicker?basket lunch of homemade breads, salads, meats, fruits, and
drinks. The picnic table is spread with a red and whit gingham cloth. Matching napkins
adorn every plate.

But wait -- something is missing! You frantically search the lunch basket, turning it over,
shaking it furiously. "The mustard! We forgot to pack the mustard!" You collapse,
devastated. The picnic is ruined. Who can enjoy a picnic of meats without mustard? You
pack up and head for home.

• Crazy? Of course! But this is what we do every day. Each morning we wake up, G-d has
given us back our souls. We can breathe, think, move, feel. We are sheltered, and we
have food. We have family, and we have friends. And yet we spend a lot of our time
worrying, being anxious, and complaining -- about the weather, about the guy in front of
us who's driving too slowly, about the noisy neighbors, about a local politician, about five
extra pounds, about the lousy paint job.
• About the mustard: We are all looking for the mustard. Instead of counting our blessings
and appreciating all that we have, we are continually focusing on what we don't have.
• Imagine someone offered you 5 million dollars for one of your eyes. What would you say?
Forget it! But think for a moment. If you wouldn't give up one eye for 5 million dollars, that
means you are walking around every day with at least 10 million dollars!
• We all have our "I would be happy if..." stories. "I would be happy if I met the right
person... bought my own house... got a promotion... won the lottery..." . But G-d wants us
to be happy right now. We are to take pleasure in all that we have, whether it is a lot or a
little. If you are not happy with your portion in life, then it doesn't matter how much is in
your bank account. It will never be enough. You can be a miserable millionaire.

Don't let your desire for the mustard blind you to the beauty and
richness all around you, every moment, every day.

WHO IS HONOURABLE?

• In our society, whom do we honor? The basketball player who makes millions of dollars
because he can put a ball through a hoop. The rock singer. The movie star. We applaud
them when they perform, and yet when they grow older they are often ignored.
• What happened to the honor? Because it was based on superficial and meaningless
qualities, it disappeared.

48
 • Judaism teaches that honor is the realization that everyone is created in the image of G-
d, and thus deserves to be treated with importance. Honor values people for their
essence, for what is precious. This applies even if they seem ordinary or, as seen in the
following story, annoying.

STORY

The great sage of the Talmud, Rabbi Hillel, was known to be highly developed in character
and to possess extraordinary patience. Two students made a wager that they could annoy
him to the point where he would lose his composure. The goal was to make Rabbi Hillel
angry.

They plotted and planned, and at last put their scheme into action. The time was late
Friday afternoon when everyone was very busy with last-minute preparations for Shabbat.

The first young man approached Hillel's house and pounded on the door.

When Hillel opened the door, the young man began to ask a nonsensical question. Hillel
listened patiently and answered, "My son, I believe this is the answer to your question."
And then he proceeded to answer the silly inquiry as best he could.

They wished each other "Good Shabbos," and the boy departed, while Hillel went back to
his preparations.

Two minutes later, the other student banged on the door. The same scenario was
repeated: a crazy question, and a patient reply from Hillel. "My son, I believe this is the
answer to your question."

Two minutes later the first student was back. The students repeated the ridiculous
scenario time and time again until the Sabbath arrived, but they were never able to
witness even a glimmer of impatience from Hillel.

The key to his incredible patience can be seen in how he addressed the students. Each
time he began, "My son..." Hillel looked at every Jew as if he were truly family, and focused
on what was special about each one. We never give up on our children, even when they
make mistakes time and time again, and Hillel applied this same treatment to every person
who came his way. The person who lives life seeing the virtue in others is looked upon
with such high regard.

Our sages also say, "Who is honored? The one who runs from honor."

A man once went to his rabbi distressed. "I don't understand. According to the sages,should be
honored. I am living my life running from honor, and yet no one honors me."

"That is because while you are running," the rabbi answered, "you are always looking over your
shoulder."

49
Sess ion 7.

Merely passing through.

‫מסכת אבות פרק ג‬

--‫ ואין אתה בא לידי עבירה‬,‫ הסתכל בשלושה דברים‬,‫א עקביה בן מהללאל אומר‬,‫ג‬
,‫ מאיין באת‬:‫ ולפני מי אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון‬,‫ ולאיין אתה הולך‬,‫דע מאיין באת‬
‫ ולפני מי אתה עתיד ליתן דין‬.‫ למקום רימה ותולעה‬,‫ ולאיין אתה הולך‬.‫מליחה סרוחה‬
.‫ לפני מלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא‬,‫וחשבון‬

Pirkei Avos, Chapter 3 Mishna 1

"Akavia the son of Mehalalel said, consider three things and you will not come
to sin. Know from where you have come, to where you are heading, and before
Whom you will give justification and accounting. From where have you come -
from a putrid drop; to where are you heading - to a place of dirt, worms and
maggots; and before Whom will you give justification and accounting - before
the King of kings, the Holy One blessed be He."

A man went into the house of the Chofetz Chaim, a great Rabbi. He looked
inside he saw a nearly empty one-bedroom apartment. The traveler asked the
Chofetz Chaim, "Aren't you the great Chofetz Chaim? How can you live like
this? Where are all of your possessions?" The Chofetz Chaim turned to the
traveler and posed the same question. "Where are all of your possessions? All
you have with you is a suitcase." The traveler answered, "Well, I am just
passing through," to which the Chofetz Chaim responded, "I too am just
passing through. This world is a temporary journey to the next world”.

"How do we know what level we can achieve?".

"Let me tell you a story," the Netziv continued, "a story about myself. When I
was a boy I was far from being considered a genius. While I struggled with my
studies, there were several students in my class who were quite outstanding.
Some of these boys had agile minds and were able to grasp vast amounts of

50
material quickly. Others were blessed from an early age with an ability to delve
deeply into the material. But I was considered to be quite an average student.

"Therefore, when I got older," he continued, "it was obvious to all-including

myself-what my future would be. In those days only the most brilliant young
men could go on to learn at yeshiva, so when my father told me that it was time
for me to conclude my studies and learn a trade, I readily agreed. But then
something happened that made me change mind. Would you like to know what
that was?"……..

"One night I had a dream," the Netziv said, "and in this dream I seemed to see
my whole life passing before my eyes. I had lived out my days as a simple
shoemaker, and when the time came to present myself before the Heavenly
Court I humbly stated the simple merits I had in my favor. Throughout my life I
had davened regularly and given tzeddaka and tried to get in a little learning
when I wasn't too exhausted from plying my trade.

"When I was finished speaking, I was handed a sefer and asked to read from
the title page. The book was not familiar to me, so I struggled with the words.
'Haemek Davar,' I read out slowly, 'by Rav Naftali Tzvi Yehuda Berlin.'

"I looked at the Heavenly Court in wonder, and said, 'But I am Naftali Tzvi
Yehuda Berlin. I didn't write this sefer.' Then I heard a voice speaking to me,
and the voice said just two words, 'Why not?'

"When I woke up, my mind was in a great turmoil," the Netziv continued. "I
could still see this sefer before my eyes, with my name written in clear letters
on the first page. I now knew I had it in me to become a scholar and write this
sefer-and I also knew that if I became a shoemaker the book would be lost
forever. Yet how could I convince my parents to give me another chance? All I
could do was beg them to let me continue learning, and in the end they listened
to my pleadings.

"You shouldn't think, however, that from that day on my studies suddenly
became easy," the Netziv concluded. "The difference was not in my ability to
grasp the material, the difference was in my belief that my struggles to improve
and progress were worthwhile. I knew I was on the right path and once I knew
that, there was no problem so difficult that it could make me lose hope. With
just a little 'further research,' I was sure that I would one day reach my goal."

We don’t al have dreams like this, but we can set our goals higher to achieve
more in out lives

A rich man died, leaving 1 billion dollars. He left two wills, directing that one be
opened immediately and the second be opened at the Shloshim (30 days after
his death).

51
Among the instructions left in the first will was a request the he be buried with a
certain pair of socks that he owned. His children immediately brought the
socks to the Chevra Kadisha (burial society). They refused, reminding the
family that it's against Jewish law, They pleaded, explaining that their father
was a very pious and learned man, and he obviously had a very good reason to
make this request.

They remained firm in their refusal. The family frantically asked the Rabbis,
they answered "Although your father left that request when he was on this
world, now that he's in the world of truth, he surely understands that it is in his
best interests to be buried without the socks."

The man was buried without his socks.

30 days later, the second will was opened, and it read something like this:

My dear children. By now you must have buried me, without my socks. I wanted
you to truly understand that a man can have 1 billion dollars, but in the end, he
can't even take along one pair of socks!

Points to consider
1. Think of a time when you were in a situation that you were about to do
something you know is wrong and you are not sure if you should do it,
what do you think about to help you make your choice?
2. Think about the difference that having police on the street makes us
keeping the law. What difference does it make to our lives if we have to
give accounting for our deeds or not.
3. Have you ever been to a graveyard? How did it make you feel about your
mortality?
4. We all come from the same, go to the same and give accounting to the
same boss. What does that say about our lives as individuals?

52
Session 8.

Life's Final Exam4

We are living in a society that enjoys game shows. Who wants to be a
millionaire for example. We enjoy the idea of being tested under pressure. Will
I have the right answer? If I do, will I be able to articulate it. Many people
'cram' for these tests. Contestants will try to study the almanac in hopes of
being asked a question that they have the answer for.

The fact is, in pressure situations the best bet that someone will come up with
the answer is the person whose life is somehow bound up with the information.
In Trivial pursuit they have different editions - they have a Star Wars edition. If
you are a Star Wars fanatic and you have seen the movies hundreds of times
etc., than you will enjoy the game, since the answers come readily.

We intuitively see this concept in our lives. We know that we will come to a
time when we will evaluate our lives, and that evaluation will be questions.
Questions that we will ask ourselves, and questions that others will ask about
us. The answers we know won't be the result of cramming. When someone asks
if I was generous, I want people to be able to answer - of course, and how will
they know, because at the last minute I decided to leave in my will all kinds of
money to charity? That final act will not determine the answer that I would
want to answer myself or have others answer about me.

We need to live our lives with the awareness that life has a final exam, and
that in order to pass it we need to be preparing our whole lives.

What you feel would be the questions on life's Final exam?

Let me read to you what the Talmud says will be the final exam, and than I
would like to discuss each question in detail. Now I'd like us to take a journey
into the future. After 120 years all of us will reach the next life, and of course
in order to enter into Gan Eden- paradise we will need to pass an entrance
exam.

Take a moment and focus on this question, because I would like to do a survey.
If we were the court what questions would we ask? Let's see if we can come up
with some suggestions and we'll work together to narrow it down to the top
two questions. (Really we could stop the class here and since everyone is in
basic agreement that these two questions are the ones that we better have the
right answer for, well now we can make a commitment this year to working on
making sure we have the right answers.)

4
Taken from a Rosh HaShanah schmooze, 2000, by Rabbi Mitch Mandel

53
However the Torah does not believe in surprise exams. And so the Talmud tells
us (tractate Shabbos 31a,and in the Yerushalmi at the end of Kiddushin) the
final exam that we will all have to take. These are three of the questions that
we will be asked, I think that we might be surprised initially by the questions,
however I believe that with a little study we will see that these in fact are the
questions that do tell us how we lived our lives.

1. "Did you conduct your business affairs honestly?"

This is the first question?! What about: Did you believe in G-d? Did you Love
your Friend like yourself...?

In the Torah portion of Noach we are told two stories. One concerns Noach and
the flood which wipes out humanity and the other is the story of the Tower of
Babel, where humanity builds this tower and the result is a scattering of the
people. What were the people trying to do with this tower? They wanted to
fight G-d. To establish that they were their own authority. The result of the
united effort against G-d is they are scattered. What precipitated the flood, we
are told that the world was totally corrupted morally, but the final push was
that the people were stealing from each other, that was their way of life. At
that point G-d wipes them out. The lesson is clear. To go against G-d is terrible,
but there is still some hope, because at least you are together. But once
stealing becomes acceptable, dishonesty in money matters becomes the norm,
than there is no hope, and we start all over.

Let's be very clear about one thing. Judaism is not about poverty. We believe in
the material world, in business. The question that will be asked is did you
conduct your affairs with honesty, the assumption is that of course you running
a business, that you are involved in the material world.

Why though does the Talmud ask this question specifically with money and
business? This question of honesty. Is there something that moves us towards
dishonesty in this area of life more so than other areas?

In ethics of the Sages we are told the following: "Jealousy, Desire and Honor
remove a person from reality." Remove a person from truth.

The "Green Eyed" monster - jealousy is most easily awakened by...green -

money and materialism. This drive to compare our lot with others is
unbelievably powerful, and the easiest lot to compare is the tangible - material
world. We most easily judge our own position in life by where we are at in
relation to others. In the material world we can easily see where we stand in
relation to others. How much do they have, how much do I have. The more I
have the better I am compared to...Jealousy will push us to justify our business
dealings, so that no matter what we come out ahead.

54
King Solomon tells us "A person who lusts after money can never have enough
money". The desire for the material world is endless. What compounds the
problem by keeping the desire acute and always active is the constant
bombardment of very smart sophisticated and seductive marketing that pushes
our buttons to the point where the only thing we see is that neon sign blinking:
"I have GOT to have that!!

We become addicted to things. More, More, More. Drug addicts to support their
habit will justify all action to acquire. You say come on, that's different. Well,
when we lie a little bit on our taxes, when we deal in business and say 'this is
business, that's the way it's done" Just so we have a little bit more so we can
purchase the next 'hit'.

We all crave recognition. We all want to be noticed. The drive for honor is a
constant, and it manifests itself in so many ways. The clothes we wear, the car
we drive, and even the type of business we are in, so much of what we do is
about recognition. In our society recognition is all wrapped up with How much I
have and how I made it.

In the end these three passions - jealousy, desire, and honor move us to act in
ways that in reality demean and destroy the self that we are trying to
maintain, the integrity of our own personal commitment to honesty is
compromised.

The first question of whether we were honest in business is really the question.
Did you maintain your commitment to being a person of integrity, even in the
face of the most powerful passions? Did you remain connected to your essence
- your spiritual character? If the answer is yes than the world of Truth, the
world where these passions don't exist because that world transcends the
physical. Than you are welcome into that world.

2. "Did you set aside time to study Torah?"

We are not asked did we study Torah, the question is did you set aside time to
study Torah. What's the real question behind the question?

The question behind the question is: Was gaining wisdom a priority?

Let's look at our day timers - what do we set aside consistent time for? Those
things that we see as important.

What is so important about Torah? Torah is called Toras Chaim - instructions for
living. When you purchase a product, a new Palm it comes with an instruction
manual so that you can get the most out of the product in the most efficient
way. Life has been giving to us by the Creator; the manufacturer did not forget
to supply us with an instruction manual, the Torah.

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Let me ask you what is the one thing that every human being wants to be?
Whether it's Bill Gates, Mother Teresa, Hitler, Arafat....

We all want to be GOOD. We all justify what we do to fit into our conception of
what goodness is, but the drive is the same. We want to be good.

You would not want to have surgery done by someone who is learning how to be
a surgeon through 'on the job training'. Hopefully you would not want to be
that surgeon as well, you need instructions. The same applies to being good.
Attempting to be good with 'on the job training', means we will cause others
and ourselves a lot of damage. Everyday we are faced with moral issues, in
business, in relationships, in parenting, in what we choose to take pleasure in,
the entertainment we seek. Everything can potentially have a moral core. If we
rely on instinct, great let's get an untrained lawyer who relies on instinct. Let's
rely on society - great, just a bunch of people like me collectively relying on
...what.

Wisdom is about learning how to accomplish the goal we all seek - to be a good
person. You want to be in shape - you have to work out every day, you want to
make money, you have to go to work every day. Consistency brings us to our
goals. Consistency defines our priorities. What we set aside consistent time for
is what we feel is important.

We need to bring to our consciousness what we know deep inside as being

important, as being a priority - being good.

We suffer because we forget that this is a priority.

Think about the following. For those who are parents this might be more
immediately relevant, but I believe we can all relate to this question: Out of
the following which is the most important thing you want for your children: To
be happy? To be rich? To be successful? To be good?

Our Torah is instructions for living, it is in actuality a manual on how to be a

good person. You want to enter the world that is all good, you need to know
what it means and live the meaning of being good.

Let me give you one practical example that relates to both questions we have
so far presented, "Were you honest in business matters?" "Did you set aside time
to study Torah?" (Explain the law of Ganavas Das with regards to shopping.)

The third question really brings up a whole attitude to really enjoying life.

3. "Did you taste everything that was permissible?"

Most people don't finish the second half of the question - 'that was permissible'
and most people don't really know how to 'taste' in the first place.

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The 'permissible' part we have already dealt with somewhat, the notion that all
of life contains the possibility of a moral decision, we need to know what is
permissible. Just because it 'tastes good' doesn't mean we should partake.
Drugs can 'taste' good, sex feels good...etc.

Let's talk about tasting though. Judaism says we should take pleasure in the
world. How do we taste the world in such a way that it is most pleasurable?

Shvil Zahav - moderation, discipline and objectivity

Bracha - source and steps.

This awareness of the source, and the objectivity to see the world as a means
will allow us to pass this final exam and enter the next life. A life where
pleasure is eternal, where pleasure is in the intimacy of being totally
connected to the source of all pleasure - the Creator.

This final exam is not something we can cram for; it is a way of life.

When we are true to ourselves by being committed to integrity and honesty in

the face of temptation and passion - we live this life to its fullest and we enjoy
eternity as well.

When we have our priorities straight and we recognize the essence of what we
seek - to be good. Than we live this life consistent with whom we are, and we
are able to live the next life of total goodness.

When we enjoy the gift of life and all the pleasures it contains with the
knowledge of what is the right pleasure, and the awareness that this physical
world is only a means to connecting to the source of all pleasure, than we
maintain the objectivity to truly enjoy this world and we will easily move into
the next world.

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