Two Hours Something

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This film was restored
by PATHÉ in 2013
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In those days,
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from Scotland to the Gobi,
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from the Turkish hills
to the Hispanic shores,
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one man alone held sway over
the civilized world,
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Caesar!
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Each year,
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mighty Caesar vacationed
in Rahat-Locum,
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a Roman colony in North Africa.
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A QUARTER TO TWO B.C.
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Want some good grass?
It's Phoenician!
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Piss off!
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What's all this? See what's wrong!
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Outta the way!
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Don't rupture yourself!
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Move over!
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Where's the fire?
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If you're in a rush, get a camel!
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Pain in the ass!
I'm workin'!
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No reason to piss everybody off!
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Why bitch?
Ya ain't got a fare.
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Cuz I stop at noon for chow,
asshole!
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Say that again...
Let's see if I get mad.
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Gonna scare me, ya big bag?
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If I come over
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real close
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and look ya in the eye,
got the guts to repeat that?
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- Big bag!
- Me?
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Yeah! Ya know what kind?
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Me? A big bag?
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What's up?
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This dope's blockin' my way.
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Chariot races are held
in the Circus.
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What a clown!
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Shut up!
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I want the street cleared by 3.
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Again!
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I'm sick of this.
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Move along! Don't gawk!
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Close up your stands!
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Caesar's guest is due.
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Clear the street for the procession.
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Close your shops!
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Same thing every day!
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Him and his foreign guests
ruin our sales!
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Always showin' off for bigwigs
from Africa.
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And Gaul!
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Enough!
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Go tell Caesar your troubles.
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He's getting some new lions.
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Big ones!
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And I hear they're hungry!
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We'd better leave.
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Didn't you hear me?
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Clear the street!
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We just told you.
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I'm just gonna grab a bite to eat.
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See to this guy.
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Ok... Ok...
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The Consul will convert
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the Julian Severus Theater
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into a supermarket
to increase government profits...
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- Camparius!
- Americanus!
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Hot tea but hold the sugar!
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I'm on a diet.
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Tax will be the same
for urban and provincial Romans
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enabling them
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to proudly share in the grandeur
of Rome.
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To hell with Rome!
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Arab emirs at the Congress
of Oat-Producing Nations
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today announced a rise
to 18 sesterces
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per quintal of grain.
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Many emirs are arriving
for the festivities
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organized by mighty Caesar in honor
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of Cleopatra.
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Kill the boob tube!
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In Bethlehem...
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It's all bullshit!
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What'll become of us?
The price of oats is up
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and this supermarket
will ruin business!
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So have a glass of champagnus!
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Ya don't care?
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You bet I don't.
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If the supermarket puts you
out of business
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and keeps deliveries from blockin'
traffic, I won't mind!
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Slob!
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Hey, if you're so tough
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use your merchants' union!
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Sounds like a revolt's in the air!
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Paulus is needlin' us.
Seen TV?
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Like everybody!
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We gotta stop 'em!
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Exactly!
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Know what I say?
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Caesar's the big bad wolf
cuz the Romans are lambs!
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Caesar's a lion
cuz the Romans are deers!
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- True!
- Smart words!
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He's smart.
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Smart! But what else?
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So what else, smarty?
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I say we should let Caesar know
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that we're fed up!
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We should pick
a strong-fisted leader
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who'll tell him so!
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That we're sick and tired
and fed up!
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Right! Exactly!
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And it's you!
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What?
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The strong-fisted leader!
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President of the Merchants!
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But...
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We'll go see the Consul
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and let Ben-Hur Marcel
speak for us all!
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And say it's the last straw!
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Be our leader, Ben-Hur Marcel!
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Ben-Hur Marcel's gonna talk to
the Consul!
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Ben-Hur Marcel's gonna speak
for us all!
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What is it?
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- The masses!
- Well?
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They seem to be crabby, Consul.
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I got your message!
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Citizens!
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Do you want lower taxes?
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Work for all?
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An end to inflation?
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We can do nothing for now
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but as soon as we can,
we'll double our efforts!
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Promises, promises!
We want guarantees!
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Guarantees!
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They're being a drag.
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This can't go on!
Rome is a democracy!
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We have rights!
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Who are you?
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Ben-Hur Marcel! Mechanic!
Merchants' President!
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You're their leader?
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Too right, Dwight!
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So speak up!
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Things were fine till Caesar came.
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Then the shit hit the fan!
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Caesar bestrides the world!
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We trot between the giant legs
like midgets.
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On what flesh does Caesar feed
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to become so great?
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Are Rome's walls to gird
but one man?
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So we're fed up with Caesar!
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Me?
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Why not the others?
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You're alone, asshole!
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Listen, Demetrius Cassius
Titus Marcus Et Ceterus...
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My designer miscut my pleats!
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I can't wear this rag
to Caesar's Palace!
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I want him torn to shreds
in the arena!
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A bloody ragdoll!
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Not in front of the guards...
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Screw the guards!
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Toss him in the arena
with a trident in his torso!
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A sword slicing up his entrails!
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His bruised body in a net!
His nose bashed!
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Enough of this!
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You've made me throw
a plumber to the lions...
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Crucify a barber.
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- Indeed!
- Now a dress designer?
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So?
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You're going to damage
my popularity!
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Why did a nice Gallic gal like me
marry a Roman?
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Now what?
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Hail. Demetrius Cassius Marcus Oct...
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Never mind!
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- Well?
- Actually, in front of...
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What's with this make-believe macho?
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I'm the Consul's wife!
I hear all that goes on here.
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Careful or you'll end up
in the arena!
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Enough of that!
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Go on.
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It's your son...
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His son? MY son! What's wrong?
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He's dead! Hurt!
Do something, you Roman!
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Give it a rest, Laetitia!
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My son?
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He was driving a chariot drunk.
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Jupiter be praised.
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The schmuck!
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Bring him to me.
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- The Highway Guards have him.
- So?
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Highway Guards
and Palace Guards don't...
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Free him! And tell
the Highway Guards
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to shape up or I'll put a few
in the arena!
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Finally!
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Go tend to your lace laurels!
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He really stuffs himself!
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3 or 4 every Sunday in the arena!
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Especially Greeks!
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He has a soft spot for Greeks.
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It must be their diet.
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Stuffed grape leaves, souvlaki...
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Greeks are tasty, eh, Lucien?
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It's odd...
Turks eat like Greeks but...
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he's not hot for Turks.
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He doesn't like Spartans much.
Too dry!
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He tears them up.
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He toys with their sandals
but hardly eats a thing.
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Gauls are too pickled.
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He won't touch Biafrans.
That's understandable.
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And Romans?
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He loves them for dessert.
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They're like rum cakes for him
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but he doesn't get many.
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Only skinny common criminals
fed on
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dry bread.
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But you!
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You'll be a feast!
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Look...
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He's spotted you!
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He has a good eye.
He knows who's who!
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We could make a deal.
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Listen,
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you let me knock you out
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and then fall
so I can grab your keys.
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00:15:50.551 --> 00:15:51.301
I'll pay!
220
00:15:51.752 --> 00:15:54.141
Let you escape? You're joking?
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00:15:55.992 --> 00:15:59.640
Now I'm all for making a little cash.
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00:15:59.272 --> 00:16:02.981
Civil servants' pay is low
and fully declared.
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So if ya want extras...
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Having food brought in,
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00:16:08.512 --> 00:16:09.831
some packages...
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But no escape!
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I'd land in the arena in your place!
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00:16:15.912 --> 00:16:19.872
Then again,
Lucien wouldn't touch me.
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00:16:20.872 --> 00:16:22.591
- Right, Lucien?
- See!
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00:16:22.832 --> 00:16:24.424
But the others!
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00:16:24.632 --> 00:16:26.544
The gladiators!
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They're wild animals!
They jab a trident
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down your throat and twist it!
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00:16:32.712 --> 00:16:34.430
They lop off your hands!
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They bash heads with axes!
It hurts!
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00:16:39.833 --> 00:16:42.472
They leave you in the sun
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covered with honey and ants.
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00:16:44.752 --> 00:16:48.632
Camels lick you
while you slowly die,
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lying for hours in the hot sun.
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00:16:53.232 --> 00:16:56.463
Right, I need to clean up the arena
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and scatter some sawdust.
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It's gonna be
a bloody Sunday.
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Spurting blood!
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00:17:04.873 --> 00:17:06.352
Calm down, Lucien!
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00:17:07.793 --> 00:17:09.306
Be patient!
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Sunday he's yours!
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00:17:15.953 --> 00:17:16.783
A plot?
248
00:17:16.993 --> 00:17:18.346
Plenty of them!
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00:17:18.553 --> 00:17:21.750
But we can't check everybody's ID,
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00:17:21.953 --> 00:17:23.784
frisk chariots, arrest students
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00:17:23.993 --> 00:17:27.827
without arousing the masses
who are baying for blood.
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So we'll organize our own plot.
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It'll also unmask rabble-rousers.
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Once Caesar survives
our phony ambush,
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we can arrest plenty of suspects!
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00:17:40.313 --> 00:17:42.828
Brilliant, Consul!
We must hire
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a clever firebrand,
loyal to us,
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of course.
259
00:17:47.833 --> 00:17:50.348
Don't you have an agent
smart enough?
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Leave us!
261
00:17:52.114 --> 00:17:54.700
My men are just cops!
262
00:17:54.273 --> 00:17:56.549
No intelligent ones there!
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00:17:58.834 --> 00:18:00.426
Or use someone very dumb!
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00:18:00.634 --> 00:18:01.623
That'd do.
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00:18:01.834 --> 00:18:03.347
That we can find!
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00:18:04.340 --> 00:18:04.864
Hail, Deme...
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00:18:05.740 --> 00:18:08.908
Stop hailing me all day!
It gets on my nerves!
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00:18:10.994 --> 00:18:11.983
Well?
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I got your son released
from the Highway Guards.
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00:18:17.674 --> 00:18:19.312
Look at that get-up!
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00:18:19.954 --> 00:18:21.307
Go to your room.
272
00:18:24.994 --> 00:18:26.109
Don't smirk!
273
00:18:26.914 --> 00:18:29.906
Next time you'll stay in stir!
274
00:18:34.114 --> 00:18:35.149
And the town?
275
00:18:35.355 --> 00:18:36.947
All going swimmingly.
276
00:18:37.155 --> 00:18:40.191
Their ringleader is in prison.
277
00:18:40.875 --> 00:18:42.991
- People?
- No worries!
278
00:18:43.195 --> 00:18:46.426
The guy was just a mechanic.
279
00:18:47.475 --> 00:18:50.273
It's a pity to feed him to a lion.
280
00:18:50.475 --> 00:18:53.945
He's the only good chariot
mechanic in this damn town.
281
00:18:55.195 --> 00:18:58.870
Why in Hades are we here
except to please
282
00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:00.952
a brainless emperor
283
00:19:01.194 --> 00:19:04.551
who in the meantime is...
Sorry!
284
00:19:04.755 --> 00:19:06.188
My nerves are shot to hell.
285
00:19:06.395 --> 00:19:08.955
Yes, I know...
You may go.
286
00:19:14.195 --> 00:19:18.746
Shitty Jupiter-damned cape
of a half-assed uniform!
287
00:19:19.875 --> 00:19:23.260
The men are fed up
with all this shit.
288
00:19:23.235 --> 00:19:24.554
All this... shit.
289
00:19:24.755 --> 00:19:26.746
That idiot gave me an idea.
290
00:19:29.716 --> 00:19:31.593
What's the mechanic's name?
291
00:19:31.795 --> 00:19:32.750
Ben-Hur Marcel.
292
00:19:32.955 --> 00:19:36.152
Not very Roman,
but it's just as well.
293
00:19:36.956 --> 00:19:39.789
He's the man
for our phony conspiracy.
294
00:19:40.396 --> 00:19:41.953
Everyone heard him.
295
00:19:42.156 --> 00:19:43.660
He's in jail now,
296
00:19:43.276 --> 00:19:45.153
for plotting against Caesar!
297
00:19:45.356 --> 00:19:47.266
Brilliant, Consul!
298
00:20:00.716 --> 00:20:03.707
She reigns over Egypt
299
00:20:03.916 --> 00:20:06.749
Each pyramid and crypt
300
00:20:06.956 --> 00:20:08.833
Sings the praises
301
00:20:09.360 --> 00:20:13.750
Of her ancestors the Pharaohs
302
00:20:13.676 --> 00:20:16.554
Neath the skies of Egypta
303
00:20:16.756 --> 00:20:20.330
There grows the calyptra
304
00:20:20.236 --> 00:20:23.626
Amid blossoms and rocks
305
00:20:23.836 --> 00:20:26.590
Glide swans and peacocks
306
00:20:33.637 --> 00:20:35.149
Let Asskisserus pass!
307
00:20:35.397 --> 00:20:39.389
Hail to the envoy
of Consul Demetrius!
308
00:20:43.156 --> 00:20:46.340
Keep your own nose, dear Queen.
309
00:20:46.237 --> 00:20:50.115
One too long could change
the face of the world.
310
00:20:51.760 --> 00:20:54.307
Divine Cleopatra,
may the Gods help me
311
00:20:54.516 --> 00:20:56.235
to convince
312
00:20:56.436 --> 00:21:00.349
Your Luminous Majesty
that although
313
00:21:00.556 --> 00:21:04.469
mighty Caesar holds the fate
of the world in his hands,
314
00:21:05.370 --> 00:21:07.153
yet in the provinces
as the Gauls say
315
00:21:07.357 --> 00:21:09.666
"Though smart as foxes,
we're not oxes!"
316
00:21:12.717 --> 00:21:15.629
Rahat-Locum
is not like Imperial Rome
317
00:21:15.837 --> 00:21:18.670
where roads are broad and wide,
318
00:21:18.757 --> 00:21:21.430
suitable for processions.
319
00:21:22.370 --> 00:21:23.470
Asskisserus, you windbag!
320
00:21:23.917 --> 00:21:26.385
Full of hot air!
321
00:21:26.597 --> 00:21:28.235
But, divine Cleopatra!
322
00:21:29.837 --> 00:21:33.386
Rahat-Locum is a tiny town
of narrow alleys
323
00:21:33.597 --> 00:21:36.794
and difficult, twisting,
sandy streets.
324
00:21:37.237 --> 00:21:38.716
Majestic Luminosity...
325
00:21:38.918 --> 00:21:41.829
Your Luminous Majesty should
326
00:21:42.780 --> 00:21:43.988
use the express highway.
327
00:21:44.557 --> 00:21:46.370
Am I dreaming?
328
00:21:47.717 --> 00:21:52.188
Tell your Emperor
the Queen of Egypt makes the laws!
329
00:21:52.878 --> 00:21:57.473
Pyramid builders don't use
express highways
330
00:21:57.678 --> 00:22:00.475
amid Roman delivery chariots!
331
00:22:01.717 --> 00:22:04.550
I'll use Rahat-Locum's main avenue.
332
00:22:04.758 --> 00:22:09.707
If it's not wide enough,
tell mighty Caesar
333
00:22:10.518 --> 00:22:12.713
to raze half the city!
334
00:22:13.838 --> 00:22:14.953
Like this!
335
00:22:15.438 --> 00:22:16.507
Is that clear?
336
00:22:17.238 --> 00:22:18.114
But, Majesty...
337
00:22:18.318 --> 00:22:20.360
Remove this ass
338
00:22:20.278 --> 00:22:21.950
and his building blocks!
339
00:22:22.918 --> 00:22:27.833
I only express the orders of
the Consul who is not too smart.
340
00:22:28.719 --> 00:22:32.108
It's awful having to work
for such a dope!
341
00:22:33.278 --> 00:22:36.475
If I could serve
a sovereign like you,
342
00:22:36.679 --> 00:22:39.909
Luminous Majesty!
Majestic Luminosity!
343
00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:54.954
Musculus!
Bicepsus! Tricepsus!
344
00:22:55.159 --> 00:22:58.309
Dorsus dorsalum! Dorsus pectorus!
345
00:23:05.780 --> 00:23:08.230
Musculus bicepsus!
Tricepsus et pectorem!
346
00:23:09.279 --> 00:23:10.997
Who's the little dark man?
347
00:23:11.199 --> 00:23:12.756
- Dark?
- Pudgy?
348
00:23:12.959 --> 00:23:14.232
The dark pudgy one.
349
00:23:14.439 --> 00:23:15.633
Juvenius, Consul.
350
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:16.874
Juvenius!
351
00:23:17.790 --> 00:23:18.512
He trains badly.
352
00:23:19.390 --> 00:23:20.597
He should be punished.
353
00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:22.596
Indeed, Caesar. You heard?
354
00:23:23.439 --> 00:23:26.192
I'll cast him into the arena
355
00:23:26.719 --> 00:23:27.708
next Sunday!
356
00:23:27.919 --> 00:23:29.637
Caesar's hard but fair.
357
00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:33.878
He must be punished
but not in the arena.
358
00:23:34.519 --> 00:23:36.271
Put him on night duty.
359
00:23:36.839 --> 00:23:39.353
As you wish, great Caesar.
360
00:23:39.559 --> 00:23:43.997
He'll stand guard for a week
at the North Gate
361
00:23:45.199 --> 00:23:46.837
where nights are harshest.
362
00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:51.192
You're the harsh one!
Don't be so severe.
363
00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:55.233
Post him outside my room
tomorrow night.
364
00:23:57.119 --> 00:23:58.633
Do as you're told.
365
00:23:58.840 --> 00:24:01.912
Add a man
in case he goes off duty.
366
00:24:02.120 --> 00:24:03.439
He wouldn't dare!
367
00:24:03.640 --> 00:24:05.277
You schmuck.
368
00:24:05.800 --> 00:24:09.588
Do it or you'll end up
in a lion's belly.
369
00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:11.235
Yes, Consul.
370
00:24:12.360 --> 00:24:15.511
Come with me.
We have serious matters to discuss.
371
00:24:26.280 --> 00:24:30.239
Demetrius, baby,
just who is this Cleopatra?
372
00:24:30.440 --> 00:24:31.429
A savage?
373
00:24:31.640 --> 00:24:34.359
They say she's a woman of power.
374
00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:36.836
Girl-scout type?
375
00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:40.715
No.
Dictatorial but fairly feminine.
376
00:24:40.920 --> 00:24:42.274
How ghastly!
377
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:44.550
But for the good of Rome we must
378
00:24:44.760 --> 00:24:47.274
give her a perfect reception.
379
00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:52.156
What do you think of these?
380
00:24:52.760 --> 00:24:55.513
My costumes for the festivities!
381
00:24:55.721 --> 00:24:57.757
Very gay! I hope it's sunny.
382
00:24:58.761 --> 00:25:00.557
I want fabulous games!
383
00:25:00.760 --> 00:25:03.228
Chariot races, gladiators...
384
00:25:03.441 --> 00:25:08.390
I want gladiators who are big,
handsome and virile and all...
385
00:25:08.721 --> 00:25:12.714
plus 2 or 3 not too big,
not too skinny.
386
00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:14.690
Some pudgies.
387
00:25:14.280 --> 00:25:18.194
As you wish.
But I'd like to talk politics.
388
00:25:19.481 --> 00:25:21.711
Politics!
That bores me to tears!
389
00:25:21.921 --> 00:25:25.720
I'm busy preparing for the Armenian!
390
00:25:25.281 --> 00:25:26.111
Egyptian!
391
00:25:26.321 --> 00:25:28.391
If you say so... Egyptian!
392
00:25:28.601 --> 00:25:32.674
Must I worry about politics as well?
393
00:25:33.121 --> 00:25:37.194
Noble Caesar,
the people are discontent.
394
00:25:38.100 --> 00:25:40.595
People! What are the people?
395
00:25:41.410 --> 00:25:42.475
Plumbers and maids!
396
00:25:42.681 --> 00:25:46.754
Must I reign for the people?
397
00:25:46.961 --> 00:25:49.350
Aside from them
is everyone else happy?
398
00:25:49.561 --> 00:25:51.119
Absolutely.
399
00:25:51.321 --> 00:25:54.518
So let's run the country
with the decent people!
400
00:25:55.241 --> 00:25:56.880
That's impossible.
401
00:25:57.442 --> 00:25:59.750
Revolt is sprouting everywhere.
402
00:26:00.322 --> 00:26:04.235
Each day state officials,
judges, centurions,
403
00:26:04.882 --> 00:26:08.780
tax collectors
are attacked by the Purple Brigades.
404
00:26:08.722 --> 00:26:11.555
Public buildings are damaged daily.
405
00:26:14.121 --> 00:26:15.237
Just look!
406
00:26:16.242 --> 00:26:17.595
The Courthouse...
407
00:26:18.442 --> 00:26:19.954
The Tax Center...
408
00:26:20.722 --> 00:26:22.154
The Circus...
409
00:26:22.362 --> 00:26:24.192
They've all been hit!
410
00:26:24.642 --> 00:26:27.917
The Purple Brigades even smashed
your statue.
411
00:26:28.122 --> 00:26:29.440
Good!
412
00:26:29.642 --> 00:26:31.313
I hated the outfit
I was wearing.
413
00:26:31.522 --> 00:26:33.399
I'll have it redone,
414
00:26:33.602 --> 00:26:38.312
with pleats down the front
and a much fuller cut.
415
00:26:38.522 --> 00:26:39.352
Take measures.
416
00:26:39.562 --> 00:26:41.410
Send me my sculptor.
417
00:26:41.243 --> 00:26:42.721
Political measures!
418
00:26:42.922 --> 00:26:45.834
Be an angel and see to all that!
419
00:26:46.430 --> 00:26:46.793
And also...
420
00:26:47.300 --> 00:26:49.562
Hush! That's enough!
421
00:26:50.283 --> 00:26:54.673
Having an empire's fine
but I want my privacy too!
422
00:26:55.883 --> 00:26:57.919
Have I no right to live?
423
00:26:58.162 --> 00:27:00.390
The state... The Empire...
424
00:27:00.522 --> 00:27:02.353
Listen to me, noble Caesar!
425
00:27:02.562 --> 00:27:06.442
Our economy needs an alliance
with Egypt.
426
00:27:07.362 --> 00:27:09.193
Couldn't you take...
427
00:27:10.242 --> 00:27:12.400
advantage of her visit...
428
00:27:13.430 --> 00:27:15.351
and offer to wed Cleopatra?
429
00:27:16.203 --> 00:27:19.513
Wed? What do you mean?
Marriage?
430
00:27:19.723 --> 00:27:22.362
Only for political reasons!
431
00:27:22.562 --> 00:27:24.281
You wouldn't have to...
432
00:27:25.443 --> 00:27:28.435
What? He's lost his mind!
433
00:27:28.643 --> 00:27:30.440
Me? Wed an Ethiopian?
434
00:27:30.643 --> 00:27:31.791
Egyptian...
435
00:27:32.203 --> 00:27:35.195
Sweetie,
I know you're devoted to me,
436
00:27:35.403 --> 00:27:39.396
fussing over the Empire,
but you need a rest!
437
00:27:39.603 --> 00:27:43.437
I mean, really!
Frankly, you've flipped!
438
00:27:46.430 --> 00:27:50.673
Me with a broad and bawling brats?
A nightmare!
439
00:27:51.843 --> 00:27:53.720
Ciao, Consul baby.
440
00:27:54.963 --> 00:27:56.555
That's too funny!
441
00:27:56.763 --> 00:27:58.754
Go, home, have some herb tea
442
00:28:00.764 --> 00:28:02.242
and go beddy-byes!
443
00:28:02.923 --> 00:28:06.314
I can't get over it!
He said "wed"!
444
00:28:06.723 --> 00:28:09.682
Of all things!
445
00:28:09.883 --> 00:28:13.398
I never heard anything so silly!
446
00:29:01.405 --> 00:29:02.439
What's Caesar like?
447
00:29:02.684 --> 00:29:04.595
They say he's very strong.
448
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:06.319
I mean as a person.
449
00:29:06.964 --> 00:29:08.682
Chic with class.
450
00:29:09.564 --> 00:29:10.680
That helps!
451
00:29:10.885 --> 00:29:13.558
A good host.
Nouvelle cuisine, etc.
452
00:29:13.804 --> 00:29:17.274
10,000 miles for pickled dormice
in strawberry jam!
453
00:29:19.485 --> 00:29:21.839
For the grandeur of Egypt,
454
00:29:22.245 --> 00:29:24.553
I hope we win the chariot races.
455
00:29:42.525 --> 00:29:43.275
Leave us!
456
00:29:46.485 --> 00:29:47.520
Come.
457
00:29:51.765 --> 00:29:52.834
Sit down.
458
00:30:00.450 --> 00:30:01.444
ID file...
459
00:30:01.845 --> 00:30:04.757
"Ben-Hur Marcel.
32. Merchant Union President."
460
00:30:06.725 --> 00:30:08.124
A subversive group?
461
00:30:08.326 --> 00:30:11.955
We're only merchants who organize
462
00:30:12.166 --> 00:30:16.158
special 2-week sales
with prizes and so on.
463
00:30:16.645 --> 00:30:17.634
They say
464
00:30:17.885 --> 00:30:19.444
you're a rebel
465
00:30:20.600 --> 00:30:22.122
who criticizes the Empire
466
00:30:22.566 --> 00:30:25.444
and that you're ready
to strike at Caesar.
467
00:30:26.605 --> 00:30:29.881
It happened once...
cuz they pushed me.
468
00:30:30.860 --> 00:30:31.518
Never mind.
469
00:30:31.766 --> 00:30:33.390
I like that.
470
00:30:34.725 --> 00:30:36.204
I need a man like you.
471
00:30:38.446 --> 00:30:41.279
You know of plots against Caesar?
472
00:30:41.486 --> 00:30:45.100
Being in business,
I hear folks talk.
473
00:30:45.766 --> 00:30:49.998
Some say, "Kick him out on his ass!"
474
00:30:50.206 --> 00:30:53.118
Or "Let's crucify him!"
475
00:30:53.326 --> 00:30:55.442
"Perch him on a pyramid!"
476
00:30:56.206 --> 00:30:59.323
But I've never heard of a plot.
477
00:30:59.526 --> 00:31:00.925
You'll organize one.
478
00:31:01.126 --> 00:31:02.195
A plot?
479
00:31:03.566 --> 00:31:05.523
You and your merchants
480
00:31:06.870 --> 00:31:08.476
will plan a conspiracy for me.
481
00:31:08.687 --> 00:31:09.836
A conspiracy?
482
00:31:10.726 --> 00:31:12.800
Against Caesar!
483
00:31:13.487 --> 00:31:16.206
I'm not interested.
484
00:31:16.846 --> 00:31:18.677
It's not my thing.
485
00:31:18.886 --> 00:31:21.878
Makin' fun of Caesar and sayin'...
486
00:31:22.860 --> 00:31:25.523
"That shit-face?
When he coughs, it's a fart!"
487
00:31:26.887 --> 00:31:30.799
That's one thing but...
I mean... Sorry.
488
00:31:31.700 --> 00:31:31.803
Sorry...
489
00:31:32.647 --> 00:31:34.239
No conspiracies!
490
00:31:34.447 --> 00:31:39.362
You must have specialists
who'd love to do it.
491
00:31:39.927 --> 00:31:41.758
We're amateurs!
We'd slow you down.
492
00:31:41.967 --> 00:31:44.820
You have no choice.
493
00:31:45.470 --> 00:31:49.120
You do it or it's...
Sunday with Lucien!
494
00:31:50.207 --> 00:31:52.880
In that case, I can handle it fine.
495
00:31:54.700 --> 00:31:55.918
Some conspirators meet
496
00:31:56.127 --> 00:31:59.500
nightly in the catacombs.
497
00:31:59.207 --> 00:32:03.246
If our friend Ben-Hur Marcel
were to contact them...
498
00:32:03.447 --> 00:32:05.483
Good idea! You'll go there
499
00:32:05.727 --> 00:32:07.763
and infiltrate the terrorists.
500
00:32:08.607 --> 00:32:10.245
Then report to us
501
00:32:10.487 --> 00:32:11.237
and I'll decide.
502
00:32:11.447 --> 00:32:15.999
Yes but...
what if they don't want me?
503
00:32:16.728 --> 00:32:17.877
Lucien!
504
00:32:18.327 --> 00:32:20.795
I see. Ok...
505
00:33:15.328 --> 00:33:16.443
Here we are.
506
00:33:16.648 --> 00:33:17.717
What do I owe you?
507
00:33:18.968 --> 00:33:20.117
8 sesterces.
508
00:33:24.128 --> 00:33:25.380
Thanks.
509
00:34:06.489 --> 00:34:07.478
Ok, Lucette?
510
00:34:07.689 --> 00:34:09.247
Some guys are kooks!
511
00:34:25.370 --> 00:34:26.643
Well, baby?
512
00:34:27.329 --> 00:34:28.365
How much?
513
00:34:28.569 --> 00:34:30.845
20 in the chariot, 25 out.
514
00:34:31.490 --> 00:34:31.880
Son of a bitch!
515
00:34:32.900 --> 00:34:33.000
Pardon me?
516
00:34:33.210 --> 00:34:35.120
Givin' me a hard time?
517
00:34:35.329 --> 00:34:37.127
I don't give it away!
518
00:34:38.209 --> 00:34:40.360
Yeah... Ok.
519
00:35:04.250 --> 00:35:06.718
You're cute
but I can't take anymore!
520
00:35:08.690 --> 00:35:10.900
Going, dolls?
521
00:35:10.210 --> 00:35:12.166
We're washed out!
522
00:35:12.810 --> 00:35:14.380
From the baths!
523
00:35:14.250 --> 00:35:16.820
Time for bed, Crocus!
524
00:35:16.291 --> 00:35:17.689
See you, sweetie!
525
00:35:17.970 --> 00:35:20.531
A closet queen with a mask!
526
00:35:20.770 --> 00:35:21.600
Hi, you!
527
00:35:21.810 --> 00:35:23.163
Hi, Reginus!
528
00:35:25.690 --> 00:35:26.440
Good crowd?
529
00:35:26.691 --> 00:35:28.408
Wild! Come in!
530
00:35:28.611 --> 00:35:30.328
Here already, baby?
531
00:35:35.900 --> 00:35:38.969
Here we do as we please!
No one'll deck us!
532
00:35:41.331 --> 00:35:45.449
We hug and squeeze
In our homosexualis discothecus
533
00:35:47.771 --> 00:35:52.300
Let the disco play!
Come shake your plexus!
534
00:35:54.211 --> 00:35:58.489
It's all very gay
In the Homo-Disco-Texus!
535
00:37:02.292 --> 00:37:06.523
Citizen! Got 2 or 3 sesterces
for a drink?
536
00:37:06.732 --> 00:37:09.326
How do I get into the catacombs?
537
00:37:09.532 --> 00:37:10.965
The door's not far.
538
00:37:11.172 --> 00:37:15.609
Careful! Some odd guys
hang out there.
539
00:37:43.973 --> 00:37:45.405
'Night, dolls!
540
00:37:45.613 --> 00:37:46.568
'Night, Ma!
541
00:37:47.693 --> 00:37:49.172
Take care.
542
00:37:52.493 --> 00:37:53.926
Hello, you!
543
00:37:55.213 --> 00:37:59.205
Hi, ladies'n'gents!
I'm lookin' for friends.
544
00:37:59.412 --> 00:38:01.400
But I don't know...
545
00:38:01.213 --> 00:38:03.430
They said I'd find...
546
00:38:03.253 --> 00:38:07.211
They're here to plan
something special.
547
00:38:07.453 --> 00:38:09.364
Yes, it's special!
548
00:38:09.573 --> 00:38:11.404
I don't know if...
549
00:38:11.653 --> 00:38:13.324
it's in the catacombs.
550
00:38:13.533 --> 00:38:14.488
Well, it's...
551
00:38:14.733 --> 00:38:17.566
downstairs.
Care to take a peek?
552
00:38:18.653 --> 00:38:19.403
Come in!
553
00:38:20.253 --> 00:38:23.131
What's wrong, kitten? Shy?
554
00:38:23.333 --> 00:38:26.450
No, but they said it was a secret.
555
00:38:26.693 --> 00:38:28.843
It's not secret!
556
00:38:29.530 --> 00:38:31.966
It's just discreet.
But everyone knows.
557
00:38:33.133 --> 00:38:35.169
Cops come here too!
558
00:38:37.733 --> 00:38:41.282
Hello, fellas! Hi, men!
559
00:38:41.494 --> 00:38:45.420
Go on in!
What a dodo!
560
00:39:19.574 --> 00:39:22.168
What'll it be, kitten.
Champagne?
561
00:39:22.374 --> 00:39:23.409
Right.
562
00:39:26.654 --> 00:39:28.804
Shit! Here, kitten!
563
00:39:53.694 --> 00:39:54.444
'Evening!
564
00:39:54.654 --> 00:39:55.724
Hi!
565
00:39:57.575 --> 00:39:59.540
Are they all conspirators?
566
00:39:59.775 --> 00:40:00.843
Pardon?
567
00:40:01.540 --> 00:40:03.171
They're all conspirators?
568
00:40:03.375 --> 00:40:04.364
What?
569
00:40:05.495 --> 00:40:06.769
They all are?
570
00:40:08.150 --> 00:40:08.970
Sure!
571
00:40:11.375 --> 00:40:13.130
And you too?
572
00:40:14.150 --> 00:40:15.209
You're one too?
573
00:40:15.695 --> 00:40:17.491
Isn't that obvious?
574
00:40:18.895 --> 00:40:21.534
Come on.
I can't hear...
575
00:40:25.215 --> 00:40:28.930
You don't look like one.
576
00:40:29.550 --> 00:40:31.853
I haven't been for long.
577
00:40:32.550 --> 00:40:33.886
I'm not really one yet.
578
00:40:34.575 --> 00:40:37.329
I want to but I don't know
where to begin.
579
00:40:37.536 --> 00:40:40.766
It's easy!
I can show you the ropes.
580
00:40:42.150 --> 00:40:46.611
That's kind. This wasn't my idea
but a guy forced me into it.
581
00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:50.849
But now you're willing
to participate?
582
00:40:51.376 --> 00:40:54.490
Sure!
But I'm not really active.
583
00:40:55.616 --> 00:40:58.500
Can't passive roles be fun too?
584
00:40:58.496 --> 00:41:01.408
Let the others do all the work.
585
00:41:02.255 --> 00:41:03.655
That'd suit me!
586
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:07.168
But I could give a helping hand.
587
00:41:07.376 --> 00:41:10.527
It's just I don't have the knack.
588
00:41:11.936 --> 00:41:13.654
Don't worry.
589
00:41:13.856 --> 00:41:15.926
Everything will be made easy for you.
590
00:41:17.336 --> 00:41:19.850
That'd be nice!
591
00:41:21.160 --> 00:41:21.846
Shall we dance?
592
00:41:22.560 --> 00:41:22.806
Sure.
593
00:41:23.160 --> 00:41:24.510
Come on.
594
00:42:01.496 --> 00:42:03.169
What's wrong?
595
00:42:03.377 --> 00:42:05.287
They can't stand.
596
00:42:05.776 --> 00:42:08.860
This fool made them smoke!
597
00:42:09.560 --> 00:42:13.255
My arrival was scheduled for 5 PM.
598
00:42:13.657 --> 00:42:15.900
It's 2 AM!
599
00:42:15.297 --> 00:42:16.935
I know, my Queen!
600
00:42:17.136 --> 00:42:18.968
What does our guide say?
601
00:42:19.176 --> 00:42:22.805
Oh, him!
Hasch-Minafer!
602
00:42:24.137 --> 00:42:28.500
Cleopatra's the most beautiful!
She's the best!
603
00:42:29.257 --> 00:42:33.910
What have I done to Osiris
to deserve this?
604
00:42:33.297 --> 00:42:35.970
Draw and quarter him at once!
605
00:42:36.817 --> 00:42:41.766
I can't alone but once the guards
wake, I'll do my best.
606
00:43:25.418 --> 00:43:26.373
Like it?
607
00:43:26.578 --> 00:43:28.967
Nice...
But a bit sissyish.
608
00:43:30.658 --> 00:43:32.455
He's so funny!
609
00:43:32.658 --> 00:43:35.218
- Make yourself comfortable!
- I'm fine.
610
00:43:35.418 --> 00:43:36.737
Thirsty?
611
00:43:36.938 --> 00:43:38.257
Champagne.
612
00:43:51.578 --> 00:43:52.727
It's good.
613
00:44:17.619 --> 00:44:20.656
We need to decide who does what.
614
00:44:21.579 --> 00:44:22.807
Sit down.
615
00:44:32.379 --> 00:44:33.892
Relax.
616
00:44:34.979 --> 00:44:37.618
Let's not rush things.
617
00:44:37.819 --> 00:44:39.537
We've plenty of time.
618
00:44:39.779 --> 00:44:42.213
I'd rather work fast.
619
00:44:42.419 --> 00:44:44.171
Pick the right moment and...
bang!
620
00:44:44.419 --> 00:44:46.171
You're hot stuff...
621
00:44:46.419 --> 00:44:48.535
The 1st part is hard but...
622
00:44:48.739 --> 00:44:51.651
once we begin,
we have to go all the way.
623
00:44:52.419 --> 00:44:54.410
And no improvising!
624
00:44:54.619 --> 00:44:57.258
Just a little?
625
00:44:57.499 --> 00:45:00.571
With an ordinary customer, maybe.
626
00:45:00.779 --> 00:45:03.977
But with Caesar,
it has to be done just right.
627
00:45:05.739 --> 00:45:06.728
You know?
628
00:45:08.660 --> 00:45:09.410
I see you do.
629
00:45:17.620 --> 00:45:18.370
This can go.
630
00:45:23.580 --> 00:45:26.651
True,
Caesar is an exceptional person,
631
00:45:26.860 --> 00:45:29.931
yet he's a man like all others.
632
00:45:30.140 --> 00:45:34.497
In certain realms,
he must be treated only
633
00:45:34.700 --> 00:45:37.817
as a man and nothing more.
634
00:45:38.780 --> 00:45:40.850
For Man...
635
00:45:41.600 --> 00:45:42.573
Man is weak,
636
00:45:42.780 --> 00:45:43.690
my young patrician.
637
00:45:43.900 --> 00:45:46.414
True, it's not his fault
638
00:45:46.660 --> 00:45:49.150
but a question of mentality.
639
00:45:49.260 --> 00:45:52.809
But once Man is aware
of his weakness,
640
00:45:53.200 --> 00:45:55.694
aware of his frailty
641
00:45:55.900 --> 00:45:59.529
and aware of his ugliness...
642
00:45:59.740 --> 00:46:04.655
For he is ugly!
Man is ugly!
643
00:46:04.860 --> 00:46:06.977
- You do agree?
- Yeah!
644
00:46:07.420 --> 00:46:09.615
Oh, thankless Nature
645
00:46:09.820 --> 00:46:12.972
who had Man modeled
646
00:46:13.180 --> 00:46:17.253
in the image of strength
rather than grace!
647
00:46:17.460 --> 00:46:21.613
All that is male
is force and ugliness.
648
00:46:21.820 --> 00:46:24.510
Walls. Rocks. Swords!
649
00:46:24.261 --> 00:46:27.590
Whereas all that is female
650
00:46:27.261 --> 00:46:30.253
is gentleness and tenderness.
651
00:46:30.460 --> 00:46:33.419
Flowers. Rivers. Music!
652
00:46:33.620 --> 00:46:36.977
You're too young,
my young patrician,
653
00:46:37.181 --> 00:46:41.971
to have known Woman
in all her splendor.
654
00:46:42.181 --> 00:46:44.297
Sure, but I get by.
655
00:46:49.181 --> 00:46:51.570
What poet,
656
00:46:51.821 --> 00:46:54.460
with tragic lucidity,
657
00:46:54.661 --> 00:46:59.497
will describe the male
in all his horror?
658
00:46:59.701 --> 00:47:01.453
It's a horror.
659
00:47:02.221 --> 00:47:04.190
All of this is a horror!
660
00:47:04.221 --> 00:47:07.850
Head! Arm! Leg! Horrors!
661
00:47:08.610 --> 00:47:11.940
- A man's leg is ghastly, isn't it?
- Yeah!
662
00:47:12.981 --> 00:47:15.655
Is an arm beautiful?
663
00:47:15.862 --> 00:47:18.853
And breastless torsos!
664
00:47:19.610 --> 00:47:20.734
They're unbearable!
665
00:47:20.941 --> 00:47:23.900
Oh, heinous partition!
666
00:47:24.101 --> 00:47:26.741
Oh, infamous distribution!
667
00:47:26.942 --> 00:47:30.536
Only Woman
was given all by the Gods!
668
00:47:30.981 --> 00:47:35.134
Woman is a copy of Man,
669
00:47:35.341 --> 00:47:39.160
but we are only a caricature!
670
00:47:39.222 --> 00:47:43.852
For we men are...
671
00:47:46.222 --> 00:47:47.655
We are...
672
00:47:49.502 --> 00:47:51.458
We are ugly!
673
00:47:51.782 --> 00:47:53.818
We're so ugly!
674
00:47:54.502 --> 00:47:58.859
Now you see that though
his power be great,
675
00:47:59.743 --> 00:48:01.610
Caesar is nothing but...
676
00:48:01.263 --> 00:48:04.778
Caesar is nothing but
a poor little guy
677
00:48:05.822 --> 00:48:07.970
Poor little guy!
678
00:48:07.342 --> 00:48:11.540
Don't exaggerate!
He's still Emperor of Rome.
679
00:48:11.742 --> 00:48:14.337
He's not just anybody!
680
00:48:14.543 --> 00:48:16.818
He's guarded! It'll be hard
681
00:48:17.230 --> 00:48:18.661
to stab him in the mug
682
00:48:18.903 --> 00:48:20.256
or blow up his ass!
683
00:48:21.143 --> 00:48:23.532
But who'd want to do that?
684
00:48:24.303 --> 00:48:26.497
Stab his face
685
00:48:26.703 --> 00:48:28.102
or blow up his behind?
686
00:48:28.343 --> 00:48:30.600
Who? Us!
687
00:48:30.943 --> 00:48:33.252
Aren't we plotting to kill Caesar?
688
00:48:33.823 --> 00:48:34.892
Am I dreaming?
689
00:48:35.663 --> 00:48:38.814
It'll be hard to corner him.
690
00:48:39.230 --> 00:48:43.175
But once we get him, we can choose
691
00:48:43.382 --> 00:48:47.217
poison, stabbing,
drowning in his bath,
692
00:48:47.423 --> 00:48:51.257
smothering or whatever we decide.
693
00:48:51.503 --> 00:48:53.175
Later we forget we ever met!
694
00:48:53.383 --> 00:48:54.578
Yes!
695
00:48:54.783 --> 00:48:56.615
Centurion! Guards!
696
00:48:56.863 --> 00:48:58.570
- Help!
- Caesar!
697
00:48:58.303 --> 00:49:00.210
Arrest him!
698
00:49:00.223 --> 00:49:03.533
This hoodlum wants to kill me!
To the dungeons with him!
699
00:49:03.743 --> 00:49:05.620
It's not me...
700
00:49:05.263 --> 00:49:06.173
Mr. Caesar!
701
00:49:06.383 --> 00:49:09.560
To the arena! To the lions!
702
00:49:10.630 --> 00:49:12.861
Hold me up, angels.
I feel dizzy!
703
00:49:13.630 --> 00:49:14.781
He wants to kill me
704
00:49:15.240 --> 00:49:17.150
with a sword!
705
00:49:17.784 --> 00:49:21.459
Put me on the cushions!
706
00:49:22.464 --> 00:49:24.694
I'm going to faint!
707
00:49:24.904 --> 00:49:27.417
Give me some air, baby!
708
00:49:34.184 --> 00:49:37.950
Watch the arch!
We can't go under it.
709
00:49:37.583 --> 00:49:39.414
It's too low.
710
00:49:42.264 --> 00:49:45.335
What'll I look like now,
711
00:49:45.544 --> 00:49:47.694
arriving at Caesar's court this way?
712
00:49:47.904 --> 00:49:50.623
All the Roman Empire is watching me.
713
00:49:50.863 --> 00:49:52.582
Not at this hour.
714
00:49:56.384 --> 00:49:59.570
We can't get through there either.
715
00:50:03.264 --> 00:50:04.140
There!
716
00:50:04.264 --> 00:50:05.856
I told you so!
717
00:50:12.864 --> 00:50:17.380
Smear honey on these bearers
and throw them to the ants!
718
00:50:17.585 --> 00:50:18.335
I'll do it.
719
00:50:18.584 --> 00:50:20.973
Once we find some honey.
720
00:50:23.424 --> 00:50:24.938
Bravo!
721
00:50:25.145 --> 00:50:27.738
Where's the principal street?
722
00:50:27.944 --> 00:50:29.600
For who?
723
00:50:29.264 --> 00:50:31.142
- For everyone!
- For me,
724
00:50:31.385 --> 00:50:35.935
the principal street has
the most bars
725
00:50:36.144 --> 00:50:38.613
but that one's the chic street.
726
00:50:40.785 --> 00:50:42.820
Where are they going?
727
00:50:43.250 --> 00:50:44.617
Straight ahead!
728
00:50:44.825 --> 00:50:46.258
By Osiris! Straight!
729
00:50:46.505 --> 00:50:50.100
They don't understand a thing.
Shit!
730
00:50:51.585 --> 00:50:55.464
Not straight! Turn!
731
00:50:56.385 --> 00:50:58.103
Turn!
732
00:50:58.305 --> 00:50:59.818
Turn!
733
00:51:02.145 --> 00:51:04.898
Drawn and quartered!
734
00:51:05.145 --> 00:51:08.455
And thrown to the pigs!
735
00:51:20.386 --> 00:51:21.454
Patrician,
736
00:51:21.705 --> 00:51:23.582
could you help Cleopatra?
737
00:51:23.785 --> 00:51:25.264
Certainly!
738
00:51:25.505 --> 00:51:27.541
Just do as I say.
739
00:51:27.786 --> 00:51:31.665
Forward! Straight ahead!
740
00:51:31.865 --> 00:51:36.144
- The wall!
- Now turn! Stop!
741
00:51:37.946 --> 00:51:39.140
Imbeciles!
742
00:51:39.385 --> 00:51:40.501
Morons!
743
00:51:40.706 --> 00:51:42.104
It's fate.
744
00:51:42.306 --> 00:51:45.590
To hell with fate!
745
00:51:47.986 --> 00:51:50.295
This is too much!
746
00:51:51.866 --> 00:51:53.902
I spent 3 hours doing
747
00:51:54.146 --> 00:51:57.695
my toes, hair and nails.
All for Egypt!
748
00:51:57.906 --> 00:52:01.570
I rehearsed my arrival a month!
749
00:52:01.266 --> 00:52:03.939
Now I look like shit!
750
00:52:07.386 --> 00:52:09.741
Don't worry, divine Cleopatra.
751
00:52:09.946 --> 00:52:12.255
Nobody saw you.
752
00:52:14.786 --> 00:52:16.150
Right?
753
00:52:16.586 --> 00:52:20.560
We're lucky in our misfortune,
my Queen.
754
00:52:20.266 --> 00:52:22.257
Great Roman patrician,
755
00:52:22.506 --> 00:52:24.497
where is Caesar's palace?
756
00:52:25.466 --> 00:52:27.935
I can't go there in this condition!
757
00:52:28.147 --> 00:52:31.218
How can I?
My chariot's a wreck!
758
00:52:31.427 --> 00:52:33.861
Don't worry, divine Cleopatra.
759
00:52:34.106 --> 00:52:37.702
I got a pal
who specializes in chariots.
760
00:52:37.907 --> 00:52:39.898
If you'll get in my taxi...
761
00:52:46.306 --> 00:52:47.626
My monkey and 2 falcons!
762
00:52:47.826 --> 00:52:49.545
Yeah. I know...
763
00:52:52.587 --> 00:52:56.421
Don't worry.
I'll see to everything.
764
00:53:08.307 --> 00:53:10.250
Not too rough a ride?
765
00:53:18.307 --> 00:53:19.706
Looks like he's out.
766
00:53:29.588 --> 00:53:30.657
I'm a mess!
767
00:53:30.868 --> 00:53:32.586
You're ok.
768
00:53:33.188 --> 00:53:34.630
The bathroom?
769
00:53:34.268 --> 00:53:35.462
That way...
770
00:53:43.988 --> 00:53:45.306
What is it?
771
00:53:45.508 --> 00:53:46.907
- That!
- What?
772
00:53:47.108 --> 00:53:50.942
My grandpa! Pharaoh Sesostris
Amenofis Nyopartiefet...
773
00:53:51.708 --> 00:53:53.983
called Sesostris for short.
774
00:53:54.188 --> 00:53:55.416
Listen to this.
775
00:53:55.628 --> 00:53:59.701
"I place this portrait in the babe's
cradle on the Nile.
776
00:53:59.908 --> 00:54:04.538
"Blessed be the finder.
The boy will be Pharaoh of Egypt!"
777
00:54:04.788 --> 00:54:08.258
The baby placed in the cradle
on the Nile
778
00:54:08.468 --> 00:54:10.857
was my brother Aminemefet!
779
00:54:11.680 --> 00:54:13.184
Grandpa raised me.
780
00:54:13.389 --> 00:54:17.381
7 years earlier,
he'd put my brother in a foster home.
781
00:54:24.788 --> 00:54:27.349
Take this baby
782
00:54:27.548 --> 00:54:30.461
to Palestine.
He's the future Pharaoh.
783
00:54:32.429 --> 00:54:37.104
I want him wet-nursed
by my old Hebrew friends,
784
00:54:37.308 --> 00:54:40.983
Rachel and Simon Goldenberg.
785
00:54:53.149 --> 00:54:53.979
Great Pharaoh,
786
00:54:54.589 --> 00:54:59.424
why does your grandson have to be
suckled by a Hebrew nurse?
787
00:54:59.628 --> 00:55:01.506
Politics.
788
00:55:02.309 --> 00:55:05.857
Though he is not of Jewish blood,
he will be of Jewish milk!
789
00:55:07.269 --> 00:55:09.988
Just after Aminemefet got there,
790
00:55:10.189 --> 00:55:13.898
Herod massacred all boys
under 6 months of age.
791
00:55:14.109 --> 00:55:18.388
He feared the King of the Jews
would take his throne.
792
00:55:25.229 --> 00:55:29.268
Rachel set my brother
afloat on the Nile.
793
00:55:29.469 --> 00:55:30.788
Don't be so pushy!
794
00:55:30.989 --> 00:55:33.742
Get in line like everyone else!
795
00:55:33.949 --> 00:55:36.862
They persecute us too, ya know!
796
00:55:40.300 --> 00:55:42.497
We never heard of him after that.
797
00:55:42.950 --> 00:55:45.941
I must learn why this portrait
is here.
798
00:55:46.149 --> 00:55:50.665
Your mechanic must know
what's become of my brother.
799
00:55:52.350 --> 00:55:54.102
Who are the others?
800
00:55:54.310 --> 00:55:56.699
Nobody!
There's no conspiracy!
801
00:55:56.910 --> 00:55:58.946
Caesar invited me in.
802
00:55:59.149 --> 00:56:00.822
For a drink?
803
00:56:01.300 --> 00:56:04.180
Yes! How could I know
it was Caesar?
804
00:56:04.390 --> 00:56:08.990
His noble face
is on all our banknotes!
805
00:56:08.310 --> 00:56:10.778
He wore a wig and mustache!
806
00:56:10.990 --> 00:56:13.584
I didn't recognize his kisser.
807
00:56:13.790 --> 00:56:18.227
Let me yank out
his nails and 4 or 5 teeth.
808
00:56:18.430 --> 00:56:20.148
I'll break an arm or two!
809
00:56:20.350 --> 00:56:23.422
No, I work with my hands!
I'm not an egghead like you.
810
00:56:23.630 --> 00:56:26.640
Lucien loves tender broken arms.
811
00:56:26.270 --> 00:56:28.784
Lock him up!
We'll go and search
812
00:56:28.990 --> 00:56:31.504
his garage for accomplices!
813
00:57:01.631 --> 00:57:03.542
Come out. You're surrounded!
814
00:57:04.551 --> 00:57:07.429
Give up!
We're here in force!
815
00:57:08.471 --> 00:57:11.224
Ben-Hur's in jail!
You're under arrest!
816
00:57:11.430 --> 00:57:13.991
May we know why?
817
00:57:14.711 --> 00:57:18.590
For conspiracy against Caesar
and Cleopatra!
818
00:57:19.791 --> 00:57:22.624
I am Cleopatra.
Queen of Egypt.
819
00:57:24.751 --> 00:57:27.824
And why not Caesar's wife
while you're at it?
820
00:57:28.710 --> 00:57:30.824
I am Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt!
821
00:57:31.320 --> 00:57:32.828
I demand the honors
822
00:57:33.710 --> 00:57:34.425
worthy of my rank.
823
00:57:34.631 --> 00:57:38.386
Cleopatra in a garage
at 6 AM? Sure!
824
00:57:39.231 --> 00:57:41.871
And where're your chariot
and your tiara?
825
00:57:42.710 --> 00:57:46.300
Her tiara is in her chariot
with a monkey and 2 falcons.
826
00:57:46.232 --> 00:57:48.187
A monkey and 2 falcons!
827
00:57:48.391 --> 00:57:51.543
Yes. A monkey and 2 falcons.
828
00:57:53.232 --> 00:57:57.270
Run this drunk in,
along with the dame!
829
00:57:58.111 --> 00:57:59.864
I spent a whole day
830
00:58:00.720 --> 00:58:02.905
on skin care,
a bubblebath and massage.
831
00:58:03.112 --> 00:58:07.867
I went to town, I even spring-cleaned
for that Indian!
832
00:58:08.720 --> 00:58:08.822
Egyptian!
833
00:58:10.232 --> 00:58:11.381
She's Egyptian.
834
00:58:11.592 --> 00:58:15.620
Egyptian! Indian!
What's the difference?
835
00:58:16.192 --> 00:58:19.264
All I know is she's late.
836
00:58:19.832 --> 00:58:23.871
That idiot's going to
screw up my party!
837
00:58:24.472 --> 00:58:27.782
Can't you find out where she is?
838
00:58:28.513 --> 00:58:30.980
You and your Rosetta-stone cops!
839
00:58:32.712 --> 00:58:34.111
My nerves!
840
00:58:34.912 --> 00:58:36.610
They're shot!
841
00:58:36.272 --> 00:58:39.709
And I was attacked
in my room at 2 AM
842
00:58:39.912 --> 00:58:42.188
by a bloodthirsty terrorist!
843
00:58:42.392 --> 00:58:44.907
Your door has 24-hour guards!
844
00:58:45.113 --> 00:58:46.465
Yes but...
845
00:58:46.672 --> 00:58:49.505
What?
What are you insinuating?
846
00:58:50.313 --> 00:58:51.951
Have you finished?
847
00:58:52.152 --> 00:58:55.827
Keep your remarks to yourself.
That's not the problem.
848
00:58:58.113 --> 00:58:59.307
Where's Cleopatra?
849
00:59:01.633 --> 00:59:04.305
Hail, Demetrios!
Hail, Caesar!
850
00:59:06.272 --> 00:59:07.388
And Cleopatra?
851
00:59:07.593 --> 00:59:09.549
Still no news, Consul.
852
00:59:11.472 --> 00:59:13.191
Such incompetence!
853
00:59:13.392 --> 00:59:16.783
The Queen of Egypt
is roaming a land
854
00:59:16.993 --> 00:59:19.143
we claim to control
855
00:59:19.353 --> 00:59:24.108
in a chariot with camels,
a monkey and 2 falcons
856
00:59:24.313 --> 00:59:26.304
and nobody's noticed her?
857
00:59:26.993 --> 00:59:29.188
A monkey and 2 falcons?
858
00:59:30.330 --> 00:59:30.783
Yes!
859
00:59:31.330 --> 00:59:34.230
860
00:59:34.433 --> 00:59:38.346
Even a gross Gaul knows
Cleopatra always has
861
00:59:38.553 --> 00:59:40.987
a monkey and 2 falcons with her.
862
00:59:41.233 --> 00:59:42.825
A monkey and 2 falcons?
863
00:59:43.330 --> 00:59:44.182
Yes!
864
00:59:44.433 --> 00:59:46.390
865
00:59:47.433 --> 00:59:50.266
Is he retarded or what?
866
00:59:50.473 --> 00:59:52.271
At a garage
867
00:59:52.513 --> 00:59:55.665
we just picked up a dame
who says she's Cleopatra
868
00:59:55.874 --> 00:59:58.946
and her pal spoke
about a monkey and 2 falcons.
869
00:59:59.994 --> 01:00:03.304
A garage?
She said she's Cleopatra?
870
01:00:03.514 --> 01:00:04.913
Yes, noble Consul.
871
01:00:05.113 --> 01:00:05.909
You arrested her?
872
01:00:06.114 --> 01:00:07.229
Of course.
873
01:00:07.433 --> 01:00:08.423
Is it her?
874
01:00:08.634 --> 01:00:09.669
I don't know.
875
01:00:09.874 --> 01:00:11.830
He doesn't know!
876
01:00:12.340 --> 01:00:14.594
Everyone knows
we've lost Cleopatra.
877
01:00:14.794 --> 01:00:17.354
He finds one but he can't tell
878
01:00:17.554 --> 01:00:20.273
a Queen of Egypt
with a monkey and 2 falcons
879
01:00:20.514 --> 01:00:22.311
from a local whore!
880
01:00:22.513 --> 01:00:24.391
A woman in an evening gown
881
01:00:24.634 --> 01:00:26.670
at 6 AM...
882
01:00:26.274 --> 01:00:30.187
At 6 AM? Such taste!
883
01:00:30.394 --> 01:00:31.224
Where is she?
884
01:00:31.434 --> 01:00:32.913
The arena prison.
885
01:00:33.114 --> 01:00:35.548
By Jupiter! My chariot!
886
01:00:38.914 --> 01:00:40.666
Where'd you get this?
887
01:00:40.875 --> 01:00:43.866
It was in my cradle.
888
01:00:44.740 --> 01:00:45.507
By Osiris!
889
01:00:46.194 --> 01:00:49.311
I was found abandoned
on the Nile.
890
01:00:49.515 --> 01:00:51.107
It was in the cradle.
891
01:00:51.314 --> 01:00:54.671
Ben-Hur Gaston,
my adopted dad,
892
01:00:54.874 --> 01:00:56.432
taught me to be a mechanic.
893
01:00:56.635 --> 01:00:58.865
He put that on the wall.
894
01:00:59.750 --> 01:01:01.953
But you never read it?
895
01:01:02.154 --> 01:01:05.465
Hieroglyphics
are Greek to me.
896
01:01:05.675 --> 01:01:09.145
If this papyrus
was in your cradle,
897
01:01:09.355 --> 01:01:11.709
you're my brother!
898
01:01:11.914 --> 01:01:12.949
She's kiddin'?
899
01:01:13.154 --> 01:01:15.464
No. The papyrus says it's true.
900
01:01:15.675 --> 01:01:17.825
You read papyrus?
901
01:01:18.350 --> 01:01:20.913
It says
you're her brother named...
902
01:01:21.115 --> 01:01:22.389
Aminemefet!
903
01:01:22.594 --> 01:01:24.267
- Your brother?
- Yes
904
01:01:24.715 --> 01:01:28.390
and heir
to the throne of Egypt!
905
01:01:30.235 --> 01:01:31.668
Your resemble Grandpa!
906
01:01:31.875 --> 01:01:34.753
Stop shittin' me!
You're my sis?
907
01:01:34.955 --> 01:01:35.705
Yes!
908
01:01:35.915 --> 01:01:37.473
Shit!
909
01:01:37.675 --> 01:01:41.429
A brother and sister!
What a feast, Lucien!
910
01:01:56.156 --> 01:01:57.224
Coming!
911
01:01:57.915 --> 01:01:59.640
Who's there?
912
01:02:00.515 --> 01:02:01.709
The Consul!
913
01:02:07.236 --> 01:02:08.146
Is that her?
914
01:02:08.356 --> 01:02:09.629
Absolutely.
915
01:02:11.760 --> 01:02:13.305
Divine Cleopatra!
916
01:02:13.515 --> 01:02:16.871
Forgive me. I throw
myself at your feet.
917
01:02:17.750 --> 01:02:19.660
An incredible error.
918
01:02:19.276 --> 01:02:21.312
A police screw-up.
919
01:02:21.516 --> 01:02:23.746
They're fools led by a fool!
920
01:02:23.956 --> 01:02:25.250
I agree.
921
01:02:25.236 --> 01:02:28.785
Divine Cleopatra,
how may I be forgiven?
922
01:02:28.996 --> 01:02:32.330
Begin by letting us out of here.
923
01:02:32.236 --> 01:02:34.330
Certainly!
924
01:02:34.916 --> 01:02:36.144
Move it!
925
01:02:36.356 --> 01:02:37.709
He means you!
926
01:02:47.276 --> 01:02:48.948
My chariot!
927
01:02:49.156 --> 01:02:51.795
Make way for Cleopatra!
928
01:02:51.997 --> 01:02:54.226
Not you.
What are you doing here?
929
01:02:55.277 --> 01:02:57.870
Let me present my brother...
930
01:02:58.760 --> 01:03:00.875
Pharaoh Aminemefet!
931
01:03:01.760 --> 01:03:03.829
If you don't mind, Mr. Commoner!
932
01:03:05.876 --> 01:03:06.707
And him?
933
01:03:06.917 --> 01:03:08.235
My chief general!
934
01:03:10.770 --> 01:03:11.191
Divine Cleopatra...
935
01:03:19.437 --> 01:03:23.660
Back to canned cat food,
Lucien!
936
01:03:39.997 --> 01:03:41.316
Are you nuts?
937
01:03:42.717 --> 01:03:44.753
7! Red!
938
01:03:46.957 --> 01:03:50.347
The Romans really know
how to have fun!
939
01:03:51.517 --> 01:03:53.348
Politics keep us too busy.
940
01:03:53.557 --> 01:03:54.751
And money!
941
01:03:54.958 --> 01:03:57.392
And the Oat-Producers' Congress!
942
01:03:57.597 --> 01:04:00.873
We've no time to play!
943
01:04:01.770 --> 01:04:02.636
Very true!
944
01:04:02.837 --> 01:04:06.113
Who'd defend our interests
except us?
945
01:04:06.318 --> 01:04:10.277
We need an agent who's young,
946
01:04:10.477 --> 01:04:12.594
dynamic and trustworthy
947
01:04:12.798 --> 01:04:14.992
to be our Western sales rep!
948
01:04:15.437 --> 01:04:18.396
We need a guy to stand up for us.
949
01:04:18.597 --> 01:04:19.713
An energetic guy.
950
01:04:19.918 --> 01:04:23.466
The merchants have
Ben-Hur Marcel.
951
01:04:23.677 --> 01:04:25.873
So let's ask Ben-Hur Marcel!
952
01:04:26.780 --> 01:04:27.352
He's a civilian.
953
01:04:27.558 --> 01:04:29.788
No, he's a pharaoh!
954
01:04:36.158 --> 01:04:38.672
That's the last straw!
955
01:04:38.878 --> 01:04:42.750
I repainted
the royal apartments,
956
01:04:42.278 --> 01:04:45.907
washed the mosaics,
got new rugs and flowers
957
01:04:46.118 --> 01:04:48.313
and she stays in a garage!
958
01:04:48.518 --> 01:04:50.668
She's at her brother's.
959
01:04:50.918 --> 01:04:52.909
What a political change.
960
01:04:53.119 --> 01:04:56.554
If Ben-Hur Marcel is Pharaoh,
you'll deal with him.
961
01:04:57.359 --> 01:05:00.237
Cleopatra's visit is meaningless.
962
01:05:00.438 --> 01:05:02.474
You won't need to wed her.
963
01:05:05.238 --> 01:05:08.867
What a relief!
It's easier to get along with...
964
01:05:09.780 --> 01:05:11.751
a pharaoh than a pharess, eh?
965
01:05:11.958 --> 01:05:13.187
What's he like?
966
01:05:13.399 --> 01:05:15.700
Sort of pudgy.
967
01:05:15.278 --> 01:05:16.632
Really?
968
01:05:16.839 --> 01:05:20.228
Listen, sweety,
the country's future
969
01:05:20.438 --> 01:05:24.717
and politics come before
personal interests.
970
01:05:24.919 --> 01:05:27.831
So I'll see this pudgy boy.
971
01:05:28.390 --> 01:05:29.791
I'll go see him.
972
01:05:29.999 --> 01:05:33.753
I mean, I'll go see
the young Pharaoh.
973
01:05:45.719 --> 01:05:46.629
That?
974
01:05:46.839 --> 01:05:48.272
Yes, Caesar.
975
01:05:48.479 --> 01:05:52.740
I'll get grease all over me!
976
01:05:54.959 --> 01:05:56.438
Let Caesar pass!
977
01:06:05.439 --> 01:06:07.430
Tell me, young patrician...
978
01:06:12.920 --> 01:06:13.670
What?
979
01:06:13.880 --> 01:06:16.109
It's him! The killer!
980
01:06:16.360 --> 01:06:19.795
Guards, seize him! Careful!
981
01:06:20.400 --> 01:06:21.552
He's armed!
982
01:06:22.000 --> 01:06:23.433
Not again!
983
01:06:23.679 --> 01:06:24.589
What is this?
984
01:06:24.799 --> 01:06:27.740
He tried to kill me!
985
01:06:27.320 --> 01:06:30.720
He told me to!
986
01:06:30.279 --> 01:06:32.475
You told him what?
987
01:06:32.680 --> 01:06:34.318
Me? Nothing!
988
01:06:34.519 --> 01:06:35.554
You'd better hold your tongue!
989
01:06:35.800 --> 01:06:38.917
You can't talk to Pharaoh that way!
990
01:06:39.120 --> 01:06:40.109
Seize this man!
991
01:06:43.320 --> 01:06:45.914
What is all this?
992
01:06:46.120 --> 01:06:48.554
Guards, seize that one too!
993
01:06:51.400 --> 01:06:52.951
You can't. He's my pal!
994
01:06:53.160 --> 01:06:54.354
Seize him!
995
01:06:55.680 --> 01:06:59.700
This is incredible!
996
01:06:59.280 --> 01:07:01.748
Guards, seize these guards!
997
01:07:03.160 --> 01:07:05.880
What?
Guards, grab these guards!
998
01:07:15.481 --> 01:07:16.708
What's going on?
999
01:07:16.920 --> 01:07:18.832
It's weird, my Queen.
What's going on?
1000
01:07:27.801 --> 01:07:29.837
Mighty Caesar, I presume?
1001
01:07:30.880 --> 01:07:31.916
Obviously.
1002
01:07:32.120 --> 01:07:33.395
Where did she spring from?
1003
01:07:33.640 --> 01:07:37.713
I am accustomed
to warmer welcomes.
1004
01:07:37.961 --> 01:07:39.792
She's divine Cleopatra!
1005
01:07:41.320 --> 01:07:44.392
Glad to greet you,
divine Cleopatra.
1006
01:07:44.641 --> 01:07:45.869
About time!
1007
01:07:46.920 --> 01:07:49.435
The pleasure's all mine, Caesar.
1008
01:07:49.641 --> 01:07:51.359
This is my brother,
1009
01:07:51.601 --> 01:07:53.398
Pharaoh Aminemefet.
1010
01:07:53.841 --> 01:07:55.752
Impossible! He's the one!
1011
01:07:56.100 --> 01:07:58.834
He told me to do it.
Believe me now?
1012
01:07:59.281 --> 01:08:02.637
He could tell
everyone how he met you!
1013
01:08:02.841 --> 01:08:03.990
So?
1014
01:08:05.241 --> 01:08:06.151
Yes. That's true.
1015
01:08:06.401 --> 01:08:08.392
Would you like a drink?
1016
01:08:08.601 --> 01:08:10.479
No. Thank you, divine one.
1017
01:08:10.721 --> 01:08:14.310
I just came to officially
invite you
1018
01:08:14.241 --> 01:08:16.675
to the Circus Games
on Sunday.
1019
01:08:16.922 --> 01:08:19.151
With pleasure, mighty Caesar.
1020
01:08:19.601 --> 01:08:22.320
The contestants are
prime quality.
1021
01:08:23.281 --> 01:08:24.873
I hear your gladiators
1022
01:08:25.122 --> 01:08:26.270
are very good.
1023
01:08:26.481 --> 01:08:30.316
I hear your chariot driver
is very skilled!
1024
01:08:34.842 --> 01:08:37.710
Don't let me interrupt you.
1025
01:08:38.162 --> 01:08:41.518
There may be a change
to the program.
1026
01:08:41.722 --> 01:08:45.310
Askisserus knows
Egyptian customs and,
1027
01:08:45.242 --> 01:08:47.312
in international games,
1028
01:08:47.522 --> 01:08:50.320
the Pharaoh, when present,
1029
01:08:50.561 --> 01:08:51.836
heads the Egyptian team.
1030
01:08:52.420 --> 01:08:52.996
Exactly.
1031
01:08:53.202 --> 01:08:58.151
So Ben-Hur Marcel... Aminemafet
will represent your country.
1032
01:08:58.362 --> 01:08:59.556
Normally, yes.
1033
01:09:01.442 --> 01:09:02.761
Very good!
1034
01:09:03.200 --> 01:09:06.233
I'm honored
but that doesn't suit me.
1035
01:09:06.442 --> 01:09:08.160
Sunday I'm busy
1036
01:09:08.362 --> 01:09:10.796
and I can't take
a union man's job.
1037
01:09:11.200 --> 01:09:12.321
You've no choice.
1038
01:09:12.562 --> 01:09:14.154
It's the custom.
1039
01:09:14.762 --> 01:09:17.481
The custom? That's a bummer!
1040
01:09:20.283 --> 01:09:23.797
On patrol and sentry-duty,
1041
01:09:24.420 --> 01:09:26.955
a Roman guard sweats
under his armor.
1042
01:09:27.202 --> 01:09:30.638
Armpitus!
The trooper's deodorant
1043
01:09:30.843 --> 01:09:33.118
for soldiers of taste.
1044
01:09:33.323 --> 01:09:36.281
Live today
from the Rahat-Locum Circus.
1045
01:09:36.483 --> 01:09:40.770
We're here for the Circus Games
being given by Caesar,
1046
01:09:40.323 --> 01:09:43.519
Master of the Western World,
1047
01:09:43.723 --> 01:09:45.998
for Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt,
1048
01:09:46.203 --> 01:09:48.717
5'8", 104 pounds,
1049
01:09:49.402 --> 01:09:52.395
out of Amenofistofelet
of the 18th Dynasty
1050
01:09:52.603 --> 01:09:54.241
by Adtorsis.
1051
01:09:56.203 --> 01:09:58.797
21 on the Gallic chariot!
1052
01:10:10.430 --> 01:10:12.921
She rules Egypt!
Each pyramid and crypt
1053
01:10:13.124 --> 01:10:16.100
Sings praise to her ancestors
1054
01:10:16.203 --> 01:10:19.513
Cleopatra!
1055
01:10:20.283 --> 01:10:23.356
Beneath the sky of Egyptus
Grows the eucalyptus
1056
01:10:23.603 --> 01:10:26.436
Amid blossoms and rocks
Glide swans and peacocks
1057
01:10:26.684 --> 01:10:30.199
Cleopatra!
1058
01:10:30.404 --> 01:10:33.395
Emperors! Caliphs!
In hieroglyphs
1059
01:10:33.603 --> 01:10:36.402
Let her name be writ
Should Champollion find it
1060
01:10:41.563 --> 01:10:44.522
One day in Egypt
And thereafter transmit
1061
01:10:44.723 --> 01:10:47.761
This inscription:
She's glad to be Egyptian
1062
01:11:13.124 --> 01:11:14.100
What's this?
1063
01:11:14.204 --> 01:11:15.353
What's what?
1064
01:11:16.204 --> 01:11:17.762
This mad circus?
1065
01:11:17.964 --> 01:11:20.842
But it's your circus!
1066
01:11:21.440 --> 01:11:23.478
What're these sideshows doing,
1067
01:11:23.724 --> 01:11:25.954
these things in my circus?
1068
01:11:26.205 --> 01:11:28.160
It's advertising!
1069
01:11:28.764 --> 01:11:29.595
What?
1070
01:11:30.364 --> 01:11:33.356
I ordered a grandiose celebration!
1071
01:11:35.565 --> 01:11:39.274
Caesar, the coffers are empty.
1072
01:11:39.485 --> 01:11:41.282
We had to find a solution.
1073
01:11:43.404 --> 01:11:47.717
Pardon me for involving you
in such a farce.
1074
01:11:47.924 --> 01:11:50.678
Tomorrow, I'll have it all moved.
1075
01:11:51.405 --> 01:11:54.636
Never mind.
We're all in the same boat.
1076
01:12:09.605 --> 01:12:11.994
Stay alert!
Watch for my signal.
1077
01:12:12.845 --> 01:12:15.400
Are you in love, ladies?
1078
01:12:15.565 --> 01:12:18.523
Make your gladiator glad!
Wear Frivolitus!
1079
01:12:21.850 --> 01:12:23.280
Ready to go, boys?
1080
01:12:23.485 --> 01:12:27.114
We'll eat those Romans alive.
1081
01:12:27.325 --> 01:12:30.636
We'll make mincemeat
of the Egyptians.
1082
01:12:30.845 --> 01:12:33.154
How's Ben-Hur Marcel?
1083
01:12:33.365 --> 01:12:35.322
Fine! But a bit tired
1084
01:12:35.525 --> 01:12:38.562
from tuning up his chariot.
1085
01:12:40.205 --> 01:12:43.595
- Have you seen it?
- No, not yet.
1086
01:12:43.806 --> 01:12:45.000
You should.
1087
01:12:45.206 --> 01:12:47.719
It concerns you most of all.
1088
01:12:47.926 --> 01:12:50.520
- Worth a detour?
- And how!
1089
01:12:50.765 --> 01:12:54.122
Divine Cleopatra,
mighty Caesar, hail!
1090
01:12:54.605 --> 01:12:58.750
Ladies and gentlemen of Rome,
foreign friends,
1091
01:12:58.686 --> 01:13:00.721
today's games
offered by mighty Caesar
1092
01:13:01.486 --> 01:13:03.203
to divine Cleopatra
1093
01:13:03.406 --> 01:13:06.443
will allow us to designate
but one victor!
1094
01:13:06.645 --> 01:13:09.604
First event, the chariot race!
1095
01:13:12.926 --> 01:13:16.123
The chariots are ready to start!
1096
01:13:18.686 --> 01:13:20.995
They're coming onto the track.
1097
01:13:21.366 --> 01:13:23.927
I'll give you
their names and numbers
1098
01:13:24.126 --> 01:13:26.560
before the draw.
1099
01:13:26.766 --> 01:13:30.203
The Greek entry driven
by Efistalopoulos
1100
01:13:30.406 --> 01:13:32.477
for King Simonides' stables
1101
01:13:32.726 --> 01:13:36.765
has been scratched
and will be replaced by chariot 2.
1102
01:13:37.767 --> 01:13:41.554
Now they're off
and it's an admirable sight!
1103
01:13:41.806 --> 01:13:44.810
A remarkable ballet
1104
01:13:44.327 --> 01:13:48.350
of machines, men and horses
in perfect harmony!
1105
01:13:48.246 --> 01:13:51.683
The haughty herd of
hammering hooves
1106
01:13:52.127 --> 01:13:54.516
makes the dust dance like stars
1107
01:13:54.727 --> 01:13:57.360
in the sparkling air
1108
01:13:57.286 --> 01:13:58.845
of the multi-hued arena.
1109
01:13:59.447 --> 01:14:02.359
What's going on?
The chariots are lining up
1110
01:14:02.967 --> 01:14:05.356
before mighty Caesar,
1111
01:14:06.700 --> 01:14:09.682
5'9", 180 lbs, son of Nero,
grandson of Caligula,
1112
01:14:09.886 --> 01:14:12.924
a fine line that has given
the empire so many leaders.
1113
01:14:13.167 --> 01:14:15.806
Ladies and gentlemen,
1114
01:14:16.700 --> 01:14:19.795
in all my 40 years
with Imperial Roman TV,
1115
01:14:20.700 --> 01:14:23.124
I have never seen such a thing!
1116
01:14:25.368 --> 01:14:27.278
What's wrong with them?
1117
01:14:27.487 --> 01:14:28.476
Mighty Caesar,
1118
01:14:28.727 --> 01:14:30.206
consider the race over.
1119
01:14:30.407 --> 01:14:32.318
We abandon the competition.
1120
01:14:32.527 --> 01:14:34.324
We cannot race
against Ben-Hur Marcel.
1121
01:14:34.568 --> 01:14:38.300
He is our master.
We ask you to declare him
1122
01:14:38.248 --> 01:14:39.760
the winner.
1123
01:14:39.967 --> 01:14:41.559
This is absurd!
1124
01:14:41.767 --> 01:14:45.840
Firstly, where is
this Ben-Hur Marcel?
1125
01:14:57.247 --> 01:14:58.647
My brother's good!
1126
01:14:58.847 --> 01:14:59.802
Not bad!
1127
01:15:00.480 --> 01:15:01.925
The chariot is illegal.
1128
01:15:02.967 --> 01:15:05.277
It meets Egyptian specifications.
1129
01:15:06.728 --> 01:15:08.810
Now!
1130
01:15:09.567 --> 01:15:14.840
The Arab world
respects Egypt's rules.
1131
01:15:14.288 --> 01:15:16.677
So we beg you, mighty Caesar,
1132
01:15:16.888 --> 01:15:19.766
to declare Aminemefet the winner!
1133
01:15:20.848 --> 01:15:21.758
They can't!
1134
01:15:21.968 --> 01:15:25.643
They can. They control all
the energy, you idiot!
1135
01:15:25.848 --> 01:15:26.963
What?
1136
01:15:27.168 --> 01:15:30.604
The consul means
we should be diplomatic
1137
01:15:30.808 --> 01:15:32.560
with our powerful guests.
1138
01:15:32.768 --> 01:15:36.762
But they're going
too far... Really!
1139
01:15:36.969 --> 01:15:38.196
What do I do?
1140
01:15:38.408 --> 01:15:39.841
Declare him the winner.
1141
01:15:40.888 --> 01:15:43.402
I declare Ben-Hur Marcel...
1142
01:15:43.648 --> 01:15:45.161
Aminemefet...
1143
01:15:46.969 --> 01:15:50.119
Aminemefet the winner!
1144
01:16:17.609 --> 01:16:21.780
Divine Cleopatra,
mighty Caesar, Romans,
1145
01:16:21.329 --> 01:16:22.239
foreign friends,
1146
01:16:22.449 --> 01:16:24.679
Aminemefet of Egypt
1147
01:16:24.889 --> 01:16:28.199
has won the chariot race.
1148
01:16:28.410 --> 01:16:29.808
But now he must confront
1149
01:16:30.249 --> 01:16:33.798
gladiators, animals and other stuff.
1150
01:16:34.490 --> 01:16:36.404
Gladiators, to your places!
1151
01:16:39.930 --> 01:16:44.605
The gladiators
the young Pharaoh will face are,
1152
01:16:44.809 --> 01:16:48.768
if I may say so,
the crème de la crème
1153
01:16:48.970 --> 01:16:51.563
of the Empire's fighters.
We are about to see
1154
01:16:51.809 --> 01:16:55.563
the myrmidon Placius,
trained by Valerian,
1155
01:16:55.769 --> 01:16:59.460
the Thracian Mauritius who beat
1156
01:16:59.289 --> 01:17:02.281
Homo Placus Miserias Ventris
1157
01:17:02.490 --> 01:17:05.926
in 1 minute 27 seconds 6 tenths,
1158
01:17:06.169 --> 01:17:08.558
and the fantastic, colossal
1159
01:17:08.930 --> 01:17:12.605
and indeed scary Secutor
Flavian Magister,
1160
01:17:13.900 --> 01:17:16.968
of whom they say
"Even when absent, he terrifies!"
1161
01:17:19.290 --> 01:17:23.442
Those about to die
in agonizing convulsions,
1162
01:17:23.690 --> 01:17:26.450
writhing in pain
in a pool of blood...
1163
01:17:27.500 --> 01:17:28.390
Skip the details.
1164
01:17:29.130 --> 01:17:31.485
Those about to die salute thee!
1165
01:17:32.331 --> 01:17:34.764
Fate will now designate
Aminemefet's opponent.
1166
01:17:35.490 --> 01:17:38.163
Divine Cleopatra! Mighty Caesar!
1167
01:17:38.530 --> 01:17:40.805
Aminemefet's fate lies
1168
01:17:41.500 --> 01:17:42.642
in your hands!
1169
01:17:44.100 --> 01:17:45.807
Divine Cleopatra...
1170
01:17:46.930 --> 01:17:48.489
The honor is yours!
1171
01:17:54.910 --> 01:17:56.100
5 and 2, 7.
1172
01:18:02.331 --> 01:18:04.200
6 and 3, 9.
1173
01:18:06.510 --> 01:18:09.407
Caesar, what opponent do you choose?
1174
01:18:11.570 --> 01:18:13.926
I'll give him a tough one.
1175
01:18:16.510 --> 01:18:16.927
Secutor!
1176
01:18:18.491 --> 01:18:21.324
Caesar has chosen Secutor.
1177
01:18:54.651 --> 01:18:55.971
He looks in shape.
1178
01:18:56.171 --> 01:18:57.923
The short guy?
I'll waste him.
1179
01:18:58.371 --> 01:19:00.488
Yeah, you'll waste him
1180
01:19:00.892 --> 01:19:03.963
but next Sunday some guy'll
waste you!
1181
01:19:04.411 --> 01:19:08.451
Weird job you do,
getting beaten up all the time.
1182
01:19:08.651 --> 01:19:10.370
Caesar doesn't give a damn.
1183
01:19:11.492 --> 01:19:12.766
What's going on?
1184
01:19:13.291 --> 01:19:15.203
Ya got no coverage!
1185
01:19:15.412 --> 01:19:18.131
No social security!
1186
01:19:18.371 --> 01:19:19.691
No Medicare!
1187
01:19:19.891 --> 01:19:23.430
And because you die out there,
not even a pension plan.
1188
01:19:24.920 --> 01:19:26.830
I'd change jobs.
1189
01:19:27.372 --> 01:19:29.602
What you say is true.
1190
01:19:31.531 --> 01:19:33.602
Ya ought to fight back.
1191
01:19:34.132 --> 01:19:35.406
Ya need a guy
1192
01:19:36.292 --> 01:19:38.440
to defend your interests!
1193
01:19:38.372 --> 01:19:40.440
He's hard to find.
1194
01:19:40.252 --> 01:19:41.480
Come here.
1195
01:19:50.853 --> 01:19:52.470
Hey, fellas!
1196
01:19:52.292 --> 01:19:54.249
That's enough!
1197
01:19:55.332 --> 01:19:56.606
What're you up to?
1198
01:20:05.172 --> 01:20:08.642
Mighty Caesar.
I've talked to my comrades.
1199
01:20:09.373 --> 01:20:12.808
We feel our labor classification
is unjust.
1200
01:20:13.372 --> 01:20:17.525
From now on,
we want official gladiator status
1201
01:20:17.733 --> 01:20:20.371
with social and fiscal advantages.
1202
01:20:20.893 --> 01:20:23.929
If not, we strike.
Right, guys?
1203
01:20:25.373 --> 01:20:27.409
They're punch-drunk!
1204
01:20:28.332 --> 01:20:29.925
Go fight!
1205
01:20:30.573 --> 01:20:31.722
I'll give you
1206
01:20:32.293 --> 01:20:34.409
what you want but fight!
1207
01:20:35.853 --> 01:20:37.525
Get it in writing!
1208
01:20:38.293 --> 01:20:40.249
We want that in writing!
1209
01:20:40.813 --> 01:20:43.202
The Consul must meet your union rep.
1210
01:20:43.653 --> 01:20:46.930
The Consul must talk
to our union rep!
1211
01:20:49.333 --> 01:20:53.246
And who is
your union representative?
1212
01:20:53.453 --> 01:20:54.682
My colleagues and I
1213
01:20:54.933 --> 01:20:58.840
have democratically elected
Ben-Hur Marcel.
1214
01:20:58.334 --> 01:21:01.643
That pudgy thing'll drive me crazy!
1215
01:21:02.540 --> 01:21:04.450
I'm fed up!
1216
01:21:04.573 --> 01:21:08.430
Guards!
Force the gladiators to fight!
1217
01:21:08.653 --> 01:21:11.327
- Well?
- No hassle! Go!
1218
01:21:16.773 --> 01:21:18.173
No, mighty Caesar!
1219
01:21:18.413 --> 01:21:19.846
We won't budge.
1220
01:21:20.940 --> 01:21:22.972
As the Roman security force,
we're made to do the dirty work.
1221
01:21:23.174 --> 01:21:24.526
That's why we're hated.
1222
01:21:24.734 --> 01:21:28.248
We beat up students,
we beat up workers,
1223
01:21:28.454 --> 01:21:30.729
but we won't beat up strikers.
1224
01:21:33.654 --> 01:21:36.900
We're working for Ben-Hur Marcel
from now on!
1225
01:21:36.254 --> 01:21:37.767
Long live Ben-Hur Marcel!
1226
01:21:41.694 --> 01:21:43.730
I don't feel at all well.
1227
01:21:43.934 --> 01:21:45.845
My gala is a bust!
1228
01:21:46.540 --> 01:21:49.171
My arena, plastered with soap ads!
1229
01:21:49.375 --> 01:21:52.969
My guards turned
into sandwich-men!
1230
01:21:54.140 --> 01:21:56.972
I'm covered with ridicule!
1231
01:21:57.814 --> 01:22:00.203
They'll still be laughing
in the 20th century!
1232
01:22:00.455 --> 01:22:02.809
Get hold of yourself, mighty Caesar!
1233
01:22:03.140 --> 01:22:05.733
I'm sick of that pudgy thing!
1234
01:22:05.935 --> 01:22:08.768
Get rid of him.
Rid me of him!
1235
01:22:09.134 --> 01:22:12.410
If you love me, get rid of him.
1236
01:22:15.935 --> 01:22:17.573
Calm down!
1237
01:22:17.774 --> 01:22:20.335
Your wild beasts won't betray you.
1238
01:22:20.534 --> 01:22:22.525
They don't want welfare benefits!
1239
01:22:22.734 --> 01:22:23.724
They don't?
1240
01:22:23.935 --> 01:22:27.210
Straighten up!
Be the mighty Caesar!
1241
01:22:27.415 --> 01:22:30.851
At times, it's very hard.
1242
01:22:32.175 --> 01:22:33.324
Ok...
1243
01:22:34.455 --> 01:22:39.165
Gladiators, is that your last word?
1244
01:22:39.615 --> 01:22:40.843
Absolutely!
1245
01:23:00.416 --> 01:23:03.540
What do I do?
1246
01:23:03.255 --> 01:23:04.609
Explode or what?
1247
01:23:05.336 --> 01:23:07.895
I'll hang on. I'm Emperor.
1248
01:23:08.975 --> 01:23:10.806
Aminemefet, the winner!
1249
01:23:14.215 --> 01:23:15.694
Romans!
1250
01:23:26.655 --> 01:23:30.251
Respect for democratic principles
forces me
1251
01:23:30.456 --> 01:23:33.129
to yield to popular demands.
1252
01:23:33.696 --> 01:23:36.733
But the games are not over!
1253
01:23:36.935 --> 01:23:39.291
The wild beasts are waiting!
1254
01:23:40.376 --> 01:23:43.652
Aminemefet has won
the gladiator event.
1255
01:23:43.856 --> 01:23:46.131
He'll now face a wild beast.
1256
01:23:47.416 --> 01:23:50.214
Divine Cleopatra!
Caesar! Your play!
1257
01:23:56.456 --> 01:23:57.366
A double 5!
1258
01:24:01.896 --> 01:24:04.808
I love your hair.
You use a rinse?
1259
01:24:05.170 --> 01:24:06.415
It's natural.
1260
01:24:06.616 --> 01:24:10.131
But I use cyclamen-juice shampoo.
1261
01:24:10.377 --> 01:24:13.334
I must try it.
Isn't it nice, Tatoous?
1262
01:24:13.537 --> 01:24:15.160
Not bad, my Queen.
1263
01:24:16.976 --> 01:24:18.568
Well?
1264
01:24:19.336 --> 01:24:22.135
A double 6!
I get to choose.
1265
01:24:23.497 --> 01:24:26.249
What is Divine Cleopatra's choice?
1266
01:24:29.170 --> 01:24:30.520
The lion!
1267
01:24:30.257 --> 01:24:32.611
Cleopatra has chosen the lion!
1268
01:24:39.657 --> 01:24:41.568
Yes! It's him!
1269
01:24:41.816 --> 01:24:45.173
Lucien the Lion!
Like 9 out of 10 beasts,
1270
01:24:45.377 --> 01:24:47.732
Lucien prefers Caninus!
1271
01:24:47.977 --> 01:24:51.333
Caninus! The big feast
in a little can!
1272
01:25:03.577 --> 01:25:07.331
For silky fur, use Hairsheenus!
1273
01:25:07.537 --> 01:25:10.416
The shampoo with that jungle aroma!
1274
01:25:15.538 --> 01:25:19.736
We're on TV live! For free!
1275
01:25:20.537 --> 01:25:23.814
Caninus, a feast for your pets!
1276
01:25:24.617 --> 01:25:26.414
That lion's eaten so much,
1277
01:25:26.778 --> 01:25:27.732
he can't get
1278
01:25:27.978 --> 01:25:29.490
off his ass!
1279
01:25:46.458 --> 01:25:48.335
Even the lion...
1280
01:25:48.538 --> 01:25:50.176
Even the lion...
1281
01:25:50.418 --> 01:25:52.693
Cleopatra! Caesar!
1282
01:25:52.898 --> 01:25:55.366
I never saw this happen before!
1283
01:25:56.498 --> 01:25:59.120
So... Aminemefet, the winner!
1284
01:25:59.578 --> 01:26:01.808
Aminemefet, the winner!
1285
01:26:08.258 --> 01:26:12.331
That does it.
Poison me! I want to die!
1286
01:26:12.538 --> 01:26:15.600
Give me hemlock,
with a little sugar.
1287
01:26:22.338 --> 01:26:25.809
You must congratulate the victor!
1288
01:26:26.190 --> 01:26:27.213
Never!
1289
01:26:27.418 --> 01:26:29.773
It's the tradition.
You must embrace the winner.
1290
01:26:29.979 --> 01:26:32.333
Embrace him?
No, that's not possible.
1291
01:26:32.538 --> 01:26:33.938
I'd rather die!
1292
01:26:34.138 --> 01:26:37.336
Come on, embracing a pudgy fellow
won't kill you.
1293
01:26:39.339 --> 01:26:40.488
A pudgy one?
1294
01:26:53.139 --> 01:26:55.160
He does seem rather nice.
1295
01:26:55.219 --> 01:26:56.937
I said so before!
1296
01:26:57.899 --> 01:27:01.608
I must look like
I was hit by a sphinx!
1297
01:27:01.819 --> 01:27:02.968
A mess, eh?
1298
01:27:03.219 --> 01:27:04.971
Look at my crown...
1299
01:27:05.179 --> 01:27:07.409
I get so upset with myself.
1300
01:27:10.190 --> 01:27:12.215
Come on up!
1301
01:27:33.259 --> 01:27:37.811
Congratulations,
valiant young Pharaoh!
1302
01:27:38.200 --> 01:27:41.330
And I love your outfit too.
1303
01:27:41.779 --> 01:27:43.258
Very attractive!
1304
01:27:44.990 --> 01:27:45.977
Here's the trophy
1305
01:27:46.179 --> 01:27:50.173
that will always remind the world
of your great victory.
1306
01:27:50.380 --> 01:27:51.778
Thank you.
1307
01:28:00.900 --> 01:28:02.538
No, that's enough...
1308
01:28:11.381 --> 01:28:12.369
Friends...
1309
01:28:13.180 --> 01:28:14.329
My friends!
1310
01:28:15.980 --> 01:28:17.254
Long live Ben-Hur Marcel!
1311
01:28:17.941 --> 01:28:20.579
My message to you is
but 1 word.
1312
01:28:21.501 --> 01:28:23.809
Reconciliation!
1313
01:28:28.860 --> 01:28:32.910
You all think Caesar is shit.
1314
01:28:34.460 --> 01:28:35.370
Ya think
1315
01:28:35.621 --> 01:28:38.215
the Consul and his men are shit.
1316
01:28:39.741 --> 01:28:42.813
Emirs, cops and the army are shit.
1317
01:28:44.301 --> 01:28:46.132
They think you're shit!
1318
01:28:48.180 --> 01:28:50.297
And both sides are right!
1319
01:28:50.500 --> 01:28:53.299
Cuz ya let 'em take ya for shit!
1320
01:29:00.101 --> 01:29:02.251
Since we're all shit, why fight?
1321
01:29:42.461 --> 01:29:44.737
- Stop drinking, dear.
- But, mommy...
1322
01:29:44.941 --> 01:29:46.693
And don't mommy me!
1323
01:29:51.502 --> 01:29:54.221
Being a mechanic wasn't my calling.
1324
01:29:54.421 --> 01:29:56.940
I just followed my dad.
1325
01:29:56.302 --> 01:29:58.862
Being Pharaoh suits me fine!
1326
01:29:59.422 --> 01:30:02.653
Rubies are nice
but can't go with everything.
1327
01:30:03.102 --> 01:30:08.510
8 days in Mesopotamia,
I didn't bathe even once!
1328
01:30:11.782 --> 01:30:13.818
A little lamb?
1329
01:30:16.342 --> 01:30:18.140
Dancing girls?
1330
01:30:23.222 --> 01:30:24.980
Coffee?
1331
01:30:24.302 --> 01:30:26.134
- Now that...
- A drop of coffee, yes.
1332
01:30:36.743 --> 01:30:39.540
You must tell me
who does your gowns...
1333
01:30:44.423 --> 01:30:48.541
Bethlehem is jammed
with tourists
1334
01:30:48.742 --> 01:30:51.973
and it's impossible
to find an inn room.
1335
01:30:52.182 --> 01:30:54.936
A carpenter and his pregnant wife
1336
01:30:55.302 --> 01:30:58.852
were forced to sleep in a stable
1337
01:30:59.630 --> 01:31:03.693
where the woman gave birth to a son.
1338
01:31:03.942 --> 01:31:05.695
Such crap on TV!
1339
01:31:05.903 --> 01:31:08.530
A kid in a stable!
Big deal!
1340
01:31:09.463 --> 01:31:11.772
Look! Isn't he sweet?
1341
01:31:11.983 --> 01:31:13.701
Wait till he grows up!
1342
01:31:13.903 --> 01:31:15.621
At least it's a boy!
1343
01:31:15.823 --> 01:31:17.654
Can't they show sports?
1344
01:31:17.863 --> 01:31:20.138
A kid born in a stable
in Bethlehem!
1345
01:31:20.343 --> 01:31:22.255
That's gonna change the world?
1346
01:31:23.983 --> 01:31:24.893
What did I say?
1347
01:31:25.543 --> 01:31:28.774
How'll a kid born in a stable
change things?
1348
01:31:37.504 --> 01:31:40.575
The divine child is born!
1349
01:31:40.784 --> 01:31:44.174
Play your cassettus and transistory!
1350
01:31:44.384 --> 01:31:47.296
The divine child is born!
1351
01:31:47.504 --> 01:31:50.461
Let's videotape some History!

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