Using Body Language To Influence Others

The 8 Aspects of Body Language
Nearly all body language behaviours and non-verbal cues include one or more of eight primary
elements. It is these elements alone or in combination, that communicate so powerfully to the people
around you. Some might be quite familiar to you, while others might be a bit more surprising.
Regardless, as you read through this article you are almost guaranteed to think of many examples of
how each element appears in your own non-verbal communication patterns.
The Eight Primary Elements of Body Language
The eight primary elements of body language are commonly listed as follows:
Face – Your face is a major source of expression when communicating with others. It can smile, frown,
remain neutral, show anger, show disgust, indicate you want to speak, and show interest.
Eyes – Your eyes are often the first piece of body language others see or notice. They can be used to
make visual contact, avoid visual contact, express feelings based on intensity and length of eye contact,
and the like.
Posture – Your posture includes how you hold your head, shoulders, legs, arms, and hips. Each of these
parts of your body work separately as well as together to send non-verbal cues. Examples include tilting
your head, slumping your shoulders, turning your hips sideways, and the like.
Gestures – Your gestures can be related to verbal communication or unrelated to verbal

communication. For instance, you might wave at another person as a way of saying ‘hello’, but you do
not have to actually say the word out loud for the message to be clear. Or, you might use hand gestures
to emphasise a key point during a speech or presentation; in this case, your gesture is related to the
verbal communication.
Voice – Your voice is used to verbalize language, but is an integral part of your non-verbal
communication. For instance, your tone of voice, volume, emotion, pace, and the like, all influence the
messages you send as part of your body language.
Movement – Your movement, whether using your entire body or just part of your body, is both flexible
and commanding. For instance, moving toward another person may send a message of dominance or
assertiveness, while moving away from another person may send a message of avoidance, submission,
or simply bringing the interaction to a close.
Touch – This is one of the most powerful elements of body language. It is capable of communicating so
many different messages, and can also be interpreted in so many different ways. Touch is usually
divided into four main categories: friendship, professional, social, and intimacy.
Appearance – Your physical appearance includes clothing, neatness, body shape, and anything else that
provides visual messages and cues to other people. For instance, you dress conservatively and formally
for a funeral, but casually and informally for a backyard barbecue.
As you can see, there are a huge number of variations that can be created within each element of body
language, and even more that occur when you combine two or more elements. All of these elements
connect together into body language in ways that are both conscious and unconscious. Learning about
the key elements of body language and increasing your awareness of them will help you in all aspects of
communication in all aspects of your life.
Body language is an incredibly powerful tool for influencing other people in many different ways. Most
of us use it to exert influence quite unconsciously most of the time but we also may use it quite
deliberately at other times. The greater your awareness and understanding of body language and its
uses, the greater responsibility you have to use that information in positive and appropriate ways.
The Influence of Body Language on Other People
The list of ways to influence others with your body language is long, so there’s no way to examine the
entire list within the context of this article. However, let’s look at some of the most common ways to
influence others in your daily life.
Dominating someone else – Dominant body language communicates to someone else your expectation
that you are of a higher status or have more power. For instance, if you have a conversation with
someone who is seated but you remain standing, you have the dominant position and can use it to
influence the outcome of the conversation. Or, if you are disciplining a child you may use your height to
lean over the child, gesture with your hands, lean in very close, or move your entire body close enough
to get the child to lean or step back.
Seeking approval from someone else – You use body language quite extensively when seeking approval
from someone else. For instance, if you want approval from your boss you will smile more often, nod
your head in agreement, use deferential body positioning, and the like. If you want approval from a
spouse or intimate partner, you’ll touch that person using your hand, shoulder, or body, and possibly tilt
your chin down and to the side as you speak.
Teaching someone else – When you want to teach something to another person, you use body language
in a couple of different ways. First, you demonstrate whatever it is you’re trying to teach. This might
take the form of showing the right body position on a bicycle, pointing in the direction you want the
person to go or gesturing with your hands while giving a verbal explanation. Second, you use body
language to encourage and praise the other person, such as a pat on the back, a touch on the shoulder,
clapping your hands, smiling, and the like.
Telling someone else to leave you alone – This is a very powerful use of body language; you use it with
strangers, friends, family, co-workers, and anybody else who is encroaching on you in some way. For
example, if a co-worker is talking to you when you want to get back to work, your body language will
signal an end to the conversation. You may take a step or two away, turn your body slightly away, break
eye contact, etc. If the person is attempting a level of intimacy that makes you uncomfortable you may
lean back, turn your head, or even physically push the person away from you.
10 Reasons Eye Contact Is Everything in Public Speaking
When you're in front of an audience, strategic eye contact has the power to change how people think of
you. Here's why:
If there is one simple thing you can do to enhance your impact as a presenter, persuadeothers to see
things as you see them, and make it more likely your audience will say yes to your idea, it is sustained,
purposeful eye contact with one person at a time.
All it takes to start reaping the rewards of assertive eye contact is a little practice every day. Are you
willing and able to give it a try?
You should be. In a study done last month in the journal Environment and Behavior, researchers at
Cornell University manipulated the gaze of the cartoon rabbit on Trix cereal boxes and found that adult
subjects were more likely to choose Trix over competing brands if the rabbit was looking at them rather
than away.
"Making eye contact even with a character on a cereal box inspires powerful feelings of connection,"
said Brian Wansink, a professor at Cornell's Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management.
So, if you want to connect with your audience, look people in the eye, one at a time.
Here are 10 reasons why presenters should look at people, one at a time, when addressing an audience
of any size.
1. Focusing your eyes helps you concentrate. When your eyes wander, they take in random,
extraneous images that are sent to your brain, slowing it down.
2. When you fail to make eye contact with your listeners, you look less authoritative, less
believable, and less confident.
3. When you don't look people in the eye, they are less likely to look at you. And when they stop
looking at you, they start thinking about something other than what you're saying, and when
that happens, they stop listening.
4. When you look someone in the eye, he or she is more likely to look at you, more likely to listen
to you, and more likely to buy you and your message.
5. When you look a person in the eye, you communicate confidence and belief in your point of
view. One of the most powerful means of communicating confidence and conviction is
sustained, focused eye contact.
6. Sustained, focused eye contact makes you feel more confident and act more assertively. It may
feel weird at first, but when you practice, it becomes a habit that gives you power.
7. When your listeners see your eyes scanning their faces, they feel invited to engage with you.
They feel encouraged to signal to you how they feel about what you're saying--with nods,
frowns, or skeptical raisings of their eyebrows.
8. As a result, your listeners are transformed from passive receivers to active participants. Your
monologue takes the form of a dialogue, albeit one in which you speak words while they speak
with gestures and facial expressions. Your speech or presentation is suddenly a conversation.
9. However, to have a successful dialogue with your audience, you must respond to what your
listeners are signaling. So, for instance, when you see skepticism, you might say, "I know it
seems hard to believe, but I promise you, the investment makes sense. The data bears it out. "
10. Finally, when you look someone in the eye for three to five seconds, you will naturally slow
down your speech, which will make you sound more presidential. In fact, you will find that you
are able to pause, which is one practice that has helped President Obama become a powerful
and effective orator.
Looking into the eyes of others may make you feel as if you are staring at them, but you are not doing
any such thing. You are simultaneously being assertive and empathetic, because you are asserting your
opinion and then watching their faces to understand their response.
With practice, you will master this important skill and turn it into a behavior that will serve you well in all
areas of your life.
The Importance of Eye Contact and How to Improve It 0
BY STEVE MUELLER LAST EDIT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2016 CONSCIOUS LIVING
Making good eye contact is an art that is difficult to master. In fact, keeping a well-balanced ratio of eye
contact is astonishingly difficult. On the one hand, eye contact that is too intense can quickly come
across as an overly dominant stare. On the other hand, however, not being able to maintain eye contact
may be perceived as disinterest, disrespectful, or even social anxiety. If you seek to improve your
communication skills, mastering eye contact is one important area to address. By learning the fine art of
eye contact, you will not only leave a better impression during discussions but you will also find that it
helps you to present your ideas more convincingly. In the following, you will discover why eye contact is
so important and how you can improve eye contact.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who did not at all look you in the eyes when they were
talking? It somehow feels a little awkward and irritating when someone does not at all look at you when
they are speaking. In fact, it often feels as if they are talking to someone else because they never look at
you.
As any speaker will tell you, when you address a large number of people from a stage, you try to make
eye contact with people in the audience to communicate that you’re accessible and interested in them.
Simon Mainwaring
It is important to note, however, that there are certain gender differences when it comes to eye contact.
It is very common that men do not look at their counterparts as often as women do when they are
speaking. Maintaining a high level of eye contact simply does not feel too natural when we men are
speaking. Instead, keeping the eyes unfocused every now and then while speaking may often help us to
better focus on the arguments we want to convey. At the same time, it helps us to collect our thoughts.
Eye contact
Eye contact is a fine art but it can be mastered.
However, just because eye contact does not come naturally to many of us, does not mean it should be
neglected. In fact, it is an important skill to develop. Maintaining a balanced level of eye contact will
help you to build trust with those you’re speaking to. At the same time, by keeping eye contact you will
be perceived as a better listener and in many cases also as someone who engages the audience in a
more skillful way. Even further, keeping a higher level of eye contact during a conversation can greatly
help you to be regarded as more qualified, attractive, competent, trustworthy, and confident.
The importance of eye contact and how to improve eye contact
Let’s begin by having a quick look at the reasons why eye contact is so important.
The importance of eye contact
Excellent communicators regard their eye contact skills as an important asset. But why is it that the
ability to maintain eye contact is so highly regarded? Why do so many people seem to pay more
attention to what the eyes of a person say than listening to what the person expresses with their words?
In general, by maintaining a healthy but confident level of eye contact during an interaction, you can
greatly improve the quality of that conversation. Not only will the person you’re speaking to feel a
greater level of connection with you but they will also consider you as a more competent and
trustworthy individual.
In this sense, the way you make eye contact with other people can greatly influence the outcome of
these interactions. If you are unable to maintain even the slightest level of eye contact, the results of
your interactions may possibly suffer from it. At the same time, if you skillfully manage to maintain eye
contact – without staring aggressively – you will most likely be more successful in conveying your ideas.
A) Eye contact signals attention
If you’ve ever spoken to someone who did not at all look at you while you were speaking, you know how
irritating it feels like. It clearly signals you that the other person is not at all interested in you and what
you have to say. In short, speaking to someone who does not look at you feels like you’re talking to a
wall.
Maintaining eye contact whenever people speak does not only signal that you’re paying attention to
what they say but also that you are interested in what they have to say. By looking at others when they
speak, they become your full center of attention. It will show your counterpart that you respect them
and that you are interested in what they say. Doing so will simultaneously make them respect and
appreciate you a lot more.
B) Eye contact conveys confidence and trustworthiness
Admittedly, it takes confidence to maintain eye contact with the person you’re speaking to. This is
especially true when you are giving a presentation. In most situations, the temptation to let your eyes
wander around is quite appealing.
By maintaining eye contact, others will be more likely to perceive you as a competent and trustworthy
person. Everyone around you knows just as much as you do how difficult it can be to maintain a high
level of eye contact. That’s the reason why others will greatly appreciate it when you are able to keep
the eye contact when you speak.
At the same time, others will be more likely to perceive you as someone who is convicted of what you
say and will feel that you believe in your ideas.
C) Eye contact helps you to create a bond with others
Maintaining eye contact, no matter if you speak or listen, helps you to better connect with others. It will
signal them that you are open and that you have nothing to hide – or at least that you are speaking the
truth. Doing so will help you to establish trust with other people, which helps you to quickly form a bond
with them.
D) Eye contact engages others
When you do not look others in the eyes when you speak, it can come across as if you are having a
monologue. Your counterparts will feel as if you’re not interested in having a real dialogue with them.
You can avoid all this by maintaining eye contact when you speak. Doing so invites your listeners to
actively participate in the discussion. The eye contact you maintain with them will also encourage other
people’s nonverbal feedback about that which you’re saying.
In short, keeping eye contact will encourage your listeners to become active participants in the
conversation.
E) Eye contact makes you more confident
As astonishingly as it sounds, keeping eye contact when you speak will make you feel more confident
about yourself. At the same time, the way you behave and speak will become more assertive and
convincing.
Naturally, becoming more confident by looking others in the eyes is not something that happens
immediately. In the beginning, keeping a higher level of eye contact will feel a bit awkward. But as soon
as you are getting used to it, you will become less nervous, which in turn allows you to be more
confident.
Another positive side-effect of maintaining eye contact when you speak is that it will slow your speech
down in a natural way. Instead of hastily trying to get your voice heard, you will speak slower, leading
others to perceive you as more skilled, experienced, or authoritative.
How to improve eye contact
The good thing about eye contact is that it can be learned just like any other skill. If you feel that you are
struggling to maintain eye contact in conversations – especially when you’re talking – the following will
be of great help to you. Admittedly, it takes a little practice to be able to confidently hold eye contact
with someone you’re speaking to. But if you are willing to practice and strengthen your eye contact skills
regularly, you will be able to see encouraging improvements in your day-to-day life.
Improving your eye contact skills is not even difficult. In fact, you can affect positive changes quite easily
in a relatively short time.
1. Maintain the right balance

Balance is of great importance when it comes to eye contact. Effective eye contact is curious,
appropriate and balanced. When you overdo it, it’s perceived as aggressive and/or overly dominant. If
you stare at people when they speak, you can make them quite uncomfortable.
Always ask yourself what kind of eye contact is appropriate in the particular situation you are
confronted with. You don’t want to hold too much eye contact as this can look pretty creepy. As general
rules of thumb, consider these eye contact guidelines:
When you’re listening: maintain eye contact 2/3 of the time
When you’re talking: maintain eye contact 1/3 of the time
In general, a higher level of eye contact is greatly wanted and appreciated when other people are
speaking to you. It shows them that you’re respectfully keeping attention and that you are interested in
what they have to say. At the same time, you want to avoid staring too intensively at them while they
speak.
Instead of continuously staring them in the eyes, allow your sight to move away every once in a while.
Show them that you are reflecting or thinking about what they are saying by shortly looking away and by
giving nonverbal cues. Doing so will help you to avoid making your counterpart feel uncomfortable and
shows them that you’re not just listening but also thinking about what is being said.
The situation is different when you speak. You can take eye contact pauses while speaking in order to
collect your thoughts. This is acceptable as long as you don’t exaggerate. Staring too intensively in the
eyes of a listener may come across as somehow irritating, e.g. as if you are talking down to them.
2. Learn to overcome fear and nervousness
It’s quite natural to feel uncomfortable when you’re not used to keeping a high level of eye contact
when you speak. This is nothing to be ashamed about. The good news is that you can learn to overcome
nervousness and discomfort when looking others in the eyes.
The key to overcoming these awkward sensations lies in diligent practice. Gradually increasing the
amount of eye contact you keep while speaking will help you to slowly but surely adapt to the unfamiliar
experience. In this sense, you are progressively desensitizing yourself to the way it feels when
maintaining a higher level of eye contact.
By taking one step at a time, or rather one look after another, you will quickly increase the duration of
eye contact that is comfortable to you. In the beginning, you may want to increase the duration of eye
contact from one second to two seconds to three and so on. Keep in mind that you don’t have to
accomplish this gradual desensitization in a week or so. Take yourself time and progress at a pace that
feels natural. All that matters is that you make a conscious effort to gradually increase the duration of
eye contact.
3. Focus on one eye
Have you ever talked to a person who repeatedly shifted their attention from one of your eyes to the
other every second or so? It somehow felt a little awkward, didn’t it?
In fact, it can be quite irritating if someone is not focusing on one of your eyes but is instead actively
switching from one eye to the other. Needless to say, it is quite uncomfortable to maintain eye contact
with someone who appears to be watching a tennis match on your face. It somehow creates a hectic
atmosphere and is not at all comforting.
When you’re looking at someone, pick one eye and keep looking at it without switching between the
eyes. You can feel free to switch eyes every once in a while – just make sure that it is not done too
frequently. Similarly, don’t try to compensate for the fact that you can never look at both eyes of a
person by staring at the bridge of a person’s nose. If the people you are talking to are sitting close to
you, they will quickly realize that you’re not looking them in the eyes.
4. Maintain the right duration of eye contact
Always make sure that you are not staring at the other person. You certainly don’t want to overdo it.
More eye contact is not always better. In fact, it can be quite creepy to talk to someone who does not
even once look away from you. It’s even more unnatural to listen to someone who maintains eye
contact the entire time they are speaking.
When it comes to the right duration of eye contact, try to maintain a healthy balance. Keep the eye
contact for about 5 to 10 seconds. After that, look away shortly to gather your thoughts or to think
about what was being said and reestablish the eye contact again.
It’s all about finding a natural balance between maintaining eye contact and looking away shortly. At the
same time, the duration of your eye contact also greatly depends on the situation you’re confronted
with.
5. Practice, practice, practice
As already mentioned, you can make quick improvements by practicing regularly and by gradually
increasing your level of eye contact. Some excellent people you can practice with are your family
members and your friends. These are the people who won’t mind if you struggle a little bit here and
there when you’re speaking while simultaneously maintaining eye contact.
All it takes is practice and the conscious effort to keep looking at other people’s eyes when you speak.
You will surely fall back into old patterns every once in a while. For this reason, try to pay close attention
to your eye movements as you speak. When you notice that your eyes have been scanning the
environment for far too long, simply refocus them in order to reestablish the eye contact.
6. Break eye contact to the side
Avoid situations in which you look down when breaking the eye contact. This signals submission, guilt,
disagreement, lower status or even shame. At the same time, breaking eye contact by looking up may
be perceived as a sign of dominance or boredom. That’s also something to be avoided.
Break your eye contact by looking sideways in order to avoid these negative nonverbal signals.
7. Practice in front of a mirror
An excellent way to train your ability to maintain a high level of eye contact when you speak is to
practice in front of a mirror. It can be a fantastic exercise by means of which you become quickly
accustomed to looking other people right in the eyes when speaking. At the same time, you can practice
in a comfortable atmosphere without any pressure.
In this sense, practicing in front of a mirror is perhaps the most effective technique to accelerate your
eye contact skills.
8. Practice by watching news anchors
Another helpful method to practice your eye contact skills is to use news anchors on the TV as your
practice partners. Doing so helps you to practice your skill of maintaining eye contact when another
person is speaking to you. It also gives you the opportunity to train your ability to maintain a healthy
ratio between maintaining eye contact and looking shortly away.
9. Make use of little tricks
In the beginning, you may feel quite uncomfortable during your attempts of trying to increase the
duration of eye contact you keep with other people. But worry not, there are a couple of tricks you can
make use of in order to overcome these initial difficulties.
First and foremost, you don’t necessarily have to look another person right in the eyes. Especially if they
are not right in front of you, you may find it quite helpful to look not directly in the eyes but somewhere
nearby. In almost all cases, the other person won’t even realize that you are not looking straight into
their eyes. This can greatly help you to be more confident when you speak. However, keep in mind that
you want to find a spot that is really close by to their eyes. Otherwise, they will notice.
Another helpful trick is to begin your practice exercises with your listening skills. It is by far easier to
practice your eye contact skills while listening to another person. Once you feel pretty confident and
comfortable with the level of eye contact you establish with others when listening to them, begin the
rest of the training exercises.
THE DOS AND DON’TS OF MAKING EYE CONTACT

Where do you look when someone is speaking to you? Into their eyes? At their mouth? Their hands?
Behind them?
We’ve all been told to look people in the eye. It’s a sign of respect. It shows you are paying attention. It
connects the two of you. It is friendly, shows competence, projects honesty. It’s an essential skill that
should be developed personally and encouraged and taught to our children.
But along with the skill of actually looking someone in the eye, we need to be aware of when to look
someone in the eye . . . and when to avoid making eye contact.
A study published last week in Psychological Science suggests that sometimes it is better to look away
like when you are in an argument, or when you are trying to convince someone of something they are
skeptical of. In those cases, eye contact can feel confrontational and manipulative, and, the study
shows, you’ll be less likely to change someone’s mind if you make eye contact during those times.
In light of this news, let’s take a quick minute to review and re-evaluate some dos and don’ts of making
eye contact.
Do make eye contact when you want to project confidence and competence. Job interviews are a good
time to keep your head up and your eyes engaged.
Don’t look someone in the eye when you are challenging their opinions. They’ll be more resistant to
change and, ironically, less likely to see things from your perspective.
Do look your friends in the eye when they are spilling their stories. Eye contact in that situation can
create intimacy and forge a stronger connection. It also demonstrates sincerity and genuine concern.
Don’t make eye contact when arguing with those close to you. It can feel confrontational and elevate
the tension in the emotional atmosphere. Focus on their mouth instead, or sit next to each other or at
an angle rather than head-on.
Do look someone in the eye if you want to be their friend. Making eye contact can show that you are
warm and honest, that you are a likeable person who is willing to open up to them.
Reader Approved
How to Look People in the Eye
Three Parts:Practicing in ConversationPracticing at HomeGiving the Right ImpressionCommunity Q&A
Making good eye contact is a surprisingly difficult yet essential part of good communication skills. If you
want to improve your ability to look people in the eye, you can practice making eye contact on your own
and in conversations to give the right impression. Doing so can make you a better listener, make you a
more effective speaker, and help you to cultivate a more convincing presence.
Part
Practicing in Conversation
Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 1
Try and relax as much as possible. As with anything else, the more you think about what you're doing,
the more self-conscious you'll become and the more awkward you'll feel. Your nervousness can then be
misinterpreted as dishonesty, and you'll lose ground on the good progress you've made.
Typically, making eye contact is more difficult as the person you're talking to is more authoritative or
intimidating. Unfortunately, these are also typically the times you'll need to show confidence in order to
gain the full attention of your audience, making it more important than ever to relax.
If you're going into an important conference or interview, do some breathing exercises beforehand to
get your heart rate to slow and let the oxygen relax you. A few big, full, deep breaths can do a lot to
calm you down.
Focus on one eye. It's actually physically somewhat difficult to keep your eyes locked on both of another
person's eyes. It's more common to actually focus on one, or on a spot on the face, rather than trying to
look at both eyes at once.
If it helps, try moving back and forth between the two eyes, rather than staying focused on one. Keep
focused on one for 10 seconds or so, then switch to the other.
Find a nearby spot to fix your gaze. Looking at the bridge of the nose, an eyebrow, or just below the eyes
will give the illusion of eye contact, without the intimidation of making actual eye contact. The other
person won't be able to tell the difference, and you'll be able to focus on more important listening skills
to be a good conversationalist.
Break your gaze to nod, or make other gestures while listening. You need to break your gaze every now
and then, and it helps to be making another gesture when you do, rather than just looking away because
you feel uncomfortable. It's good to break eye contact when you're laughing, or to nod and smile. This
looks natural and comfortable, as well as providing you a needed break if necessary.
Try to keep your eyes focused while you talk as well as listen. It's one thing to look while you're listening,
but it's much more difficult to keep eye contact while you're also trying to think of things to say. Don't
be afraid if you have to break your gaze occasionally, but try to keep your face and eyes forward and up
as you're talking.
Looking up when you're talking is sometimes thought to suggest that you're lying, while looking down is
sometimes thought to signify confusion on your part. For this reason, it's usually best to look straight
ahead, even if you're feeling uncomfortable and can't keep your eyes making contact. Look at the other
person's ear, or chin, or anywhere but up or down.
Score
0/3
Part 1 Quiz
Why should you break your gaze every once in a while during a conversation?
To rest your eyes.
It looks more natural.
So you can nod and smile.

It makes you seem more relaxed.
Report problem with this question
Part
Practicing at Home
Use practice sessions to remind yourself to make eye contact. A big part of making eye-contact is just
remembering that you're supposed to. If your natural inclination is to stare down at your shoes, try to
practice when you're alone to realign your natural response to gaze down by focusing your eyes on
faces. This can be done on television, in the mirror, or in a variety of other ways.
Practice on the television. One of the most readily available ways of practicing your eye-contact is to do
it when you're alone, watching television. Focus on making eye contact with the characters on the
screen and practicing the same skills to transfer them to your real-life conversations.
Obviously eye-contact with faces on television will feel very different than making eye contact with real
people. The point of the exercise is to practice the skill, not to approximate the feeling.
Try watching video blogs. If you don't have a television, try looking up YouTube vlogs and other videos in
which people make eye-contact with the screen. This can make the eye-contact feel a lot more real.
These videos are widely available and free, and are actually somewhat better at approximating what it's
like to make eye contact during a conversation.
Try video chatting. If you have a close friend who you enjoy talking to, try using Skype or use another
type of video chat to practice your eye contact. This is usually somewhat easier than in person, since
you've got a computer screen between you.
Practice looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Again, it won't feel the same as making eye contact
with another person, but you can practice training your eyes to drift toward the eyes you see back in the
mirror, rather than deflecting them, if you practice looking at your gaze in the mirror. Just taking a few
minutes before or after a shower can help you train yourself to make eye-contact, rather than avert
your eyes.[1]
Learn to fake eye contact if you have a disability or condition that makes it hard. Autistic people, people
with anxiety disorders, and others may find eye contact frightening or overwhelming. Don't sacrifice
your ability to have a pleasant conversation.
Look at an area near their eyes, such as their nose, mouth, or chin.
If they notice that you aren't making eye contact (which is unlikely), say something like "Eye contact is
difficult for me. I find that I can listen to you better if I don't have to look directly into your eyes."
Take it slow. You don't have to transition from feeling awkward and as if you've got shifty eye contact to
suddenly drilling eye-lasers into the people you're having conversation lists. In fact, this can actually be
somewhat disconcerting. You're probably already making some degree of eye-contact, but if it's
something that you're trying to work on, take it slowly.
If you make one extra effort to lock eyes during a conversation each day, call it a success. You don't have
to sit through extra-long conversations made up entirely of locked eyes to feel like you're making
progress.[2]
Score
0/3
Part 2 Quiz
How can you practice making eye contact at home?

Look at your eyes in the mirror for an hour a day.
Practice not breaking eye contact with characters on TV.
Watch a variety of video blogs.
Part
Giving the Right Impression
Practice other good listening skills. During the conversation, if you focus completely on what that person
is saying, you can worry less about making eye contact correctly. Nodding, repeating important bits of
information, using open body language, and other active listening skills are just as important to a
conversation, if not more so, than good eye contact. To listen actively, it's important that you:
Sit forward in your chair
Nod along
Listen closely and repeat important information
Process what's being said
Don't just wait for your turn to speak
Respond accurately to what is said
Find a happy medium. When you are listening, you should have eye contact for 80% of the time and the
other part should be short breaks and a little head movement to say without saying that you are
listening. Be calm and don't over think it to keep things as natural as possible.
Avoid staring. Eye contact is good, but a dead-eyed, laser-locked gaze is just creepy. Stay relaxed and
don't stare. Remind yourself that you are hoping to have a pleasant conversation with this person, and
there will be no need to be anxious or worried.
Show eye magnetism. Try not to look away instantly when something else calls for your attention. If
somebody calls you, don't look away as if you just got rescued from a boring conversation. Instead,
slightly hesitate before looking at your caller.
Looking away then quickly looking back is also a good idea. Remember though, important disruptions
such as dangerous or priority interruptions warrant instant attention.
Smile with your eyes. Keep your eyebrows relaxed, or your eye contact can look suspicious or
intimidating, even if you're doing a good job remembering it. Try to keep your eyes open as much as
possible, avoiding a squint, which can communicate that you dislike what the other person is saying, or a
furrowed brow, which can communicate anger..
Go to the mirror and look at your eyes while you smile, and while you frown, or grimace. See the
difference in what your eyes do? Practice keeping your eyes like you're smiling, even if you're not.
Always make eye contact in job interviews. Eye contact and good listening is especially important when
you are at a job interview, but also any time you want to communicate attentiveness and respect.
Potential employers might think that you're hiding something or you're not confident if you struggle to
make eye contact, which can hurt your chances.
Make eye contact on dates. Eye contact communicates interest and respect, two things that you want to
make sure you establish on any good date. When you're out with someone you're interested in, try
making eye contact as much as possible. Windows to the soul.
Making eye contact can also be a great way of judging your partner's interest, but don't jump to
conclusions. If you see your partner struggling to keep eye contact, it might be because they can't wait
to go home, or because they're just as nervous as you.
Make eye contact when you want to prove a point. If you're having an argument or other heated
discussion, it can be tempting to want to avert your eyes. This communicates a lack of confidence, or a
deferral to the person you're having the conversation with, which is something you hope to avoid. If
you're in any kind of disagreement, locking eyes is an assertive gesture that helps you to communicate
the confidence that what you say is true.[3]
If someone is trying to intimidate you, they want you to look away. Frustrate them by refusing. Stare
right back.
Expert Reviewed
How to Improve Your Posture
Four Methods:Improving Your Standing and Walking PostureImproving Your Sitting PostureMaintaining
Good Posture While SleepingUsing Exercise to Improve Your PostureCommunity Q&A
Though improving your posture is no easy feat, having good posture can help you look and feel better. If
you find yourself slouching a lot, take steps to work on your posture in all parts of your life, from walking
to sleeping. Though improvement takes time, you can use brain tricks to help you remember to correct
your posture, as well as try out a few exercises to strengthen your muscles.
Method
Improving Your Standing and Walking Posture
Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 1
Find your center by standing up straight and tall. Keep your chin level with the ground, your shoulders
back, and your stomach in. Let your arms fall naturally at your sides.[1]
Place your feet about shoulder-width apart, the same stance you would use for working out.
Imagine a string holding you up. As you stand tall, imagine a string is coming from the ceiling, pulling you
upwards. Keep your lower back inline, and don't move to your tiptoes.[2] Visualization techniques like
this one can guide your sense of the proper position you should be in.
Use a wall to teach yourself correct posture. Stand with your back against a door or wall. Just touch the
wall with the back of your head, your shoulders, and your butt. Your heels should be 2 to 4 inches (5.1 to
10.2 cm) away from the wall. Slide your hand behind your back to check for space.[3]
You should be able to slide your hand behind your back but only by a little bit. If you have more space
than that, pull your bellybutton back towards your spine to help flatten your back a little.
If you can't slide your hand behind your back, arch your back so that you can.
Try to hold this position as you move away from the wall, rechecking as needed.
Have someone tape an X on your back to help correct your posture. Make an "X" from your shoulders to
your hips. Add a straight line of tape across your shoulders closing the top of the X. Wear this during the
day to help retrain your back.
This technique works really well if you hold your shoulders back before taping.
Use a tape meant for skin, such as a medical tape.
Instead of tape, you can buy a posture corrector online.
Keep your weight on the balls of your feet. When you rest on your heels, your natural tendency will be
to slouch. Instead, stand up straight, shifting your weight forward a bit.[4]
Now rock back so that your weight is on your heels. Notice the way your entire body shifts into a
"slouchy" posture with this single motion.
5
Walk as if you have a book balanced on your head. Imagining a book on your head will help you keep
your head up and your back straight. If you're having trouble imagining it, try a real book for a few
minutes.[5]
Have a good standing posture while moving. Walking with good posture is simply an extension of
standing with good posture. Keep your head up, shoulders back, chest out, and eyes looking straight
ahead while you walk.
Avoid pushing your head forward.
Pick supportive footwear for standing and walking. Choose shoes that have ample padding to help you
hold yourself upright. In addition, make sure they have good arch support. Good posture starts with
your feet.[6]
Avoid shoes with high heels, as they can change your body's alignment.
If you're standing for long periods, add padding to the floor for additional comfort.
Method
Improving Your Sitting Posture
Make sure your back is at a right angle to your thighs. Maintain your thighs at a right angle to your
calves. Keep your shoulders straight and squared, your head upright, and your neck, back, and heels
aligned.[7]
Align your back with the back of the office chair. This will help you avoid slouching or leaning forward,
which you may find yourself doing after sitting too long at your desk.
Check your posture by sitting on your hands. Put your hands under your sit bones while you are sitting
on the floor. Make sure that your palms are facing down. Adjust your position until you can feel the
weight centered on each of your palms. This is your optimal seated position.
Adjust your legs and keep your feet flat while sitting. Your feet should be flat on the floor, facing
forward. Don't cross your legs or ankles. Make your thighs parallel to the floor.[8]
If your feet don't touch the floor, use a footrest.
Find a supportive chair to help you maintain good posture. Use a chair that's ergonomically designed for
proper support, meaning it supports all of your back, even the curve at the bottom. Also, make sure it's
designed for your height and weight.[9]
If you can't get a new ergonomic chair option, try using a small pillow for lumbar support in the small of
your back.
Adjust your computer monitor to help with your posture. If you work on computers at an office, angle
the monitor slightly upward so that it forces you to sit up. However, don't set it so high that you push
your chin out to see it.[10]
You may need to move your chair up or down if you can't angle the monitor properly.
Adjust your chair and your position so that your arms are flexed, not straight out. Aim for roughly a 75-
to 90-degree angle at the elbows. If they are too straight, you're too far back, and if they are more than
90 degrees, you're either sitting too close or you're slouching.
Make adjustments to your seat to maintain good posture while driving. Adjust your seat to maintain a
proper distance from the pedals and steering wheel. If you're leaning forward, pointing your toes, or
reaching for the wheel, you're too far away. If you are bunched up with your chin on top of the steering
wheel, you're too close.[11]
Use lumbar support for the curve of your back when possible. Adjust the head rest so the middle of your
head rests against it. Your head shouldn't be more than 4 inches (10 cm) away from the headrest while
driving. Keep your back against the seat and your head against the head rest.
Your knees should be at the same level as your hips or slightly above.
Good posture is also important for safety in the car. Your car's protective systems protect you best when
you are sitting properly in the seat.
Take standing breaks when you're sitting for long periods. Even if you're using perfect posture while
sitting, you need to stand up and stretch or walk every hour or so. Just walking around the room or
getting out of your car for a few minutes can help.[12]
If you tend to get engrossed in your work, set an alarm to remind yourself to take a break.
In addition, these breaks are also good for your health as your body needs movement throughout the
day.
Method
Maintaining Good Posture While Sleeping
Provide support for your back with pillows while sleeping. No matter whether you sleep on your back,
stomach, or side, adding pillows can help provide support. Basically, you want to add a pillow anywhere
there's a space between your body and the mattress.[13]
For instance, if you sleep on your stomach, which is the worst position for your back and posture, place
a flat pillow under your stomach to provide support. Choose a flat pillow or no pillow for your head.
If you sleep on your back, place a small pillow behind your knees, and choose a supportive pillow for
your head.
If you sleep on your side, place a pillow between your knees and pull them up towards your chest. Pick a
pillow for your head that keeps your spine straight, or use a full body pillow.
Turn your body as 1 unit when laying down. Avoid turning at your waist while you are in bed. Instead,
keep your back straight and your stomach muscles tight, and turn your whole body when you want to
reposition yourself.

3
Sleep with good posture by choosing a comfortable mattress. While you may have heard that one
mattress or another is best for a healthy back, the truth is whatever works for you is best. Choose one
that lets you rest comfortably and wake up pain free.[14]
Remember to replace your mattress every decade or so.
If your mattress isn't providing the support you need, add a board between the box springs and
mattress, which should keep it from sagging.[15]
Method
Using Exercise to Improve Your Posture
Improve your core muscles with deep abdominal stretching. Lie on your back, with your legs bent to
about 90 degrees at the knee and your feet on the floor. Pull your bellybutton up towards your chest
and hold it for 10 seconds.[16]
Your core muscles are essential to support your posture, so the more you can work them, the better
your posture will be.
Repeat 8 times, and practice it daily.
Breathe normally during this exercise, as you are training your core to be able to maintain this position
during normal activities in daily life.
Do a shoulder blade squeeze. While sitting in a chair, sit up straight and squeeze your shoulder blades
together. Hold for a count of 5, and then release. Repeat this 3 or 4 times daily.[17]
Train your muscles for better posture with strength training. Exercises that strengthen the muscles
across your upper back and shoulders help you maintain good posture. Try the following strength
exercise, with or without hand weights:
Start by squaring your posture. Extend both arms straight out in front of you with your palms up. Bend
your forearms toward your shoulders, trying to touch your shoulder blades with your fingertips.
Do 10 repetitions with both arms, then alternate 10 reps for each arm by itself.
Pretend you're a penguin to stretch your shoulders. While you wait for a web page to load or the bread
to toast, place your elbows at your side, and touch your shoulders with your hands, creating your
"penguin wings." Keeping your hands on your shoulders and your ears aligned, raise both elbows (count
1, 2) and lower them back down (count 1, 2).
Do as many reps as your wait allows. You'll be surprised how many stretches fit into 30 seconds.
Use stretching for a sore neck or back. Tilt or stretch your head in all 4 directions over your shoulders
(forward, back, left, right), and gently massage your neck. Avoid rolling your head in a circle, as it may
cause further strain.
For another exercise, get on your hands and knees. Curl your back upwards, like a cat, and then do the
opposite, dropping your stomach down and curling your back downwards.
Repeat the exercises a few times each day. Doing them in the morning helps your body stretch out the
muscle lethargy from sleep. Doing periodically throughout the day will help to raise your energy level.
Practice yoga to increase flexibility and help with posture. Yoga is excellent for posture and for your
health in general. It can also improve your balance. Yoga works your core muscles, making them
stronger and helping you to keep a proper body alignment.
Yoga will also help by teaching you how to hold an erect posture while sitting, standing, and walking.
Look for classes in your area, or scout YouTube for instructional videos.
f you want to work on developing your communication skills, practice making eye contact and speaking
slowly and clearly whenever you talk to someone. Try practicing in front of a mirror, and take breaks to
look up words you don't know in a dictionary. You can also watch videos of public speakers and pay
attention to how they animate their voice so they don't sound monotone. For more ways to improve
your communication skills, like using hand gestures and body language, scroll down!
Did this summary help you?YesNo
Part
Understanding the Basics of Communication Skills
Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 1
Know what communication really is. Communication is the process of transferring signals/messages
between a sender and a receiver through various methods (written words, nonverbal cues, spoken
words). It is also the mechanism we use to establish and modify relationships.
Have courage to say what you think. Be confident in knowing that you can make worthwhile
contributions to conversation. Take time each day to be aware of your opinions and feelings so you can
adequately convey them to others. Individuals who are hesitant to speak because they do not feel their
input would be worthwhile need not fear. What is important or worthwhile to one person may not be to
another and may be more so to someone else.
Practice. Developing advanced communication skills begins with simple interactions. Communication
skills can be practiced every day in settings that range from the social to the professional. New skills take
time to refine, but each time you use your communication skills, you open yourself to opportunities and
future partnerships.
Score
0/3
Part 1 Quiz
True or False: Communication only focuses on speech and talking.

True. Communication only focuses on conveying information through speaking.
False. Communication can also include written words and nonverbal cues.
Part
Engaging Your Audience
Make eye contact. Whether you are speaking or listening, looking into the eyes of the person with
whom you are conversing can make the interaction more successful. Eye contact conveys interest and
encourages your partner to be interested in you in return.
One technique to help with this is to consciously look into one of the listener’s eyes and then move to
the other eye. Going back and forth between the two makes your eyes appear to sparkle. Another trick
is to imagine a letter “T” on the listener’s face ,with the crossbar being an imaginary line across the eye
brows and the vertical line coming down the center of the nose. Keep your eyes scanning that “T” zone.
Use gestures. These include gestures with your hands and face. Make your whole body talk. Use smaller
gestures for individuals and small groups. The gestures should get larger as the group that one is
addressing increases in size.
Don’t send mixed messages. Make your words, gestures, facial expressions and tone match. Disciplining
someone while smiling sends a mixed message and is therefore ineffective. If you have to deliver a
negative message, make your words, facial expressions, and tone match the message.
Be aware of what your body is saying. Body language can say so much more than a mouthful of words.
An open stance with arms relaxed at your sides tells anyone around you that you are approachable and
open to hearing what they have to say.
Arms crossed and shoulders hunched, on the other hand, suggest disinterest in conversation or
unwillingness to communicate. Often, communication can be stopped before it starts by body language
that tells people you don't want to talk.
Appropriate posture and an approachable stance can make even difficult conversations flow more
smoothly.
Manifest constructive attitudes and beliefs. The attitudes you bring to communication will have a huge
impact on the way you compose yourself and interact with others. Choose to be honest, patient,
optimistic, sincere, respectful, and accepting of others. Be sensitive to other people's feelings, and
believe in others' competence.
Develop effective listening skills: Not only should one be able to speak effectively, one must listen to the
other person's words and engage in communication on what the other person is speaking about. Avoid
the impulse to listen only for the end of their sentence so that you can blurt out the ideas or memories
your mind while the other person is speaking.
Score
0/3
Part 2 Quiz
Which of the following is true when it comes to engaging your audience?
Avoid eye contact, as this can be distracting.

Avoid using gestures, as they can be distracting.
Develop effective listening skills. Listen to the other person's replies, and discuss what he or she is
talking about.
Don’t worry about being sensitive towards your audience; focus only on your beliefs, no matter how
hurtful they may be.
Part
Using Your Words
Enunciate your words. Speak clearly and don’t mumble. If people are always asking you to repeat
yourself, try to do a better job of articulating yourself in a better manner.
Pronounce your words correctly. People will judge your competency through your vocabulary. If you
aren’t sure of how to say a word, don’t use it. Improve your vocabulary by reading new words in daily
routine. Look in the dictionary to help you learn how to pronounce a new word.
Use the right words. If you’re not sure of the meaning of a word, don’t use it. Grab a dictionary and start
a daily habit of learning one new word per day. Use it sometime in your conversations during the day.
4
Slow your speech down. People will perceive you as nervous and unsure of yourself if you talk fast.
However, be careful not to slow down to the point where people begin to finish your sentences just to
help you finish.
Develop your voice. A high or whiny voice is not perceived to be one of authority. In fact, a high and soft
voice can make you sound like prey to an aggressive co-worker or make others not take you seriously.
Begin doing exercises to lower the pitch of your voice. Try singing, but do it an octave lower on all your
favorite songs. Practice this and, after a period of time, your voice will begin to lower.
Animate your voice. Avoid a monotone and use dynamics. Your pitch should raise and lower periodically.
Radio DJ's are usually a good example of this.
Use appropriate volume. Use a volume that is appropriate for the setting. Speak more softly when you
are alone and close. Speak louder when you are speaking to larger groups or across larger spaces.
Edit Article
How to Communicate Effectively
Six Parts:Creating the right environmentOrganizing your communicationsCommunicating with

speechCommunicating with body languageCommunicating effectively in conflictConversation
HelpCommunity Q&A
No matter your age, background, or experience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. The
greatest leaders of all time are also fantastic communicators and orators. In fact, communications is one
of the most popular college degrees today; people recognize the value of a truly efficient communicator.
With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, you'll be able to get your point across in no
time.
Part
Creating the right environment
Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 1
Choose the right time. As the saying states, there is a time and a place for everything, and
communicating is no different.
Avoid starting discussions about heavy topics in the late evening. Few people will be thrilled to be faced
with sorting major issues like finances or long range scheduling when they are the most tired. Instead,
deliver messages and conduct discussions about heavy topics in the mornings or afternoons when
people are alert, available, and more likely to be able to respond with clarity.
Facilitate an open, intimate conversation. Choose the right place, one that provides freedom for the
communication to open, flower, and come to maturity. If you need to tell someone something that isn't
going to sit well (such as news of a death or a breakup), don't do it in public, around colleagues, or near
other people. Be respectful and mindful of the person by communicating to them in a private place. This
will also provide space to open the dialog into a wider and a more involved mutual understanding and
ensure that the two-way process is functioning properly.
If you are presenting to a group of people, be sure to check the acoustics beforehand and practice
projecting your voice clearly. Use a microphone if needed to ensure that your audience can hear you.
Remove distractions. Turn off all electronics that could interrupt the conversation. If the phone rings,
laugh it off the first time, then turn it off immediately and continue talking. Do not allow external
distractions to act as crutches that sidetrack your concentration. They will distract both you and your
listener, and will effectively kill the communication.
Part
Organizing your communications

Organize and clarify ideas in your mind. This should be done before you attempt to communicate any
ideas. If you are feeling passionate about a topic, your ideas may become garbled if you haven't already
targeted some key points to stick to when communicating. Key points will act as anchors, bringing focus
and clarity to your communication.
A good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on those.
That way, if the topic wanders off course, you will be able to return to one or more of these three key
points without feeling flustered. Writing the points down, if appropriate, can also help.
Be crystal clear. Make it clear what you're hoping to convey from the outset. For example, your purpose
could be to inform others, obtain information, or initiate action. If people know in advance what you
expect from the communication, things will go more smoothly.
Stay on topic. Once you start to convey your three main points, make sure everything you're saying adds
to the message you intend to communicate and strengthens it. If you have already thought through the
issues and distilled the them to the essentials, it is likely that helpful pertinent phrases will stick in your
mind. Do not be afraid to use these to underline your points. Even confident, well-known speakers reuse
their key lines again and again for emphasis and reinforcement. Remember to keep the overall message
clear and direct.
Thank your listener(s). Thank the person or group for the time taken to listen and respond. No matter
what the outcome of your communication, even if the response to your talk or discussion has been
other than you had hoped, end it politely by properly respecting everyone's input and time.
Part
Communicating with speech

1
Set the listener at ease. You want to do this before launching into your conversation or presentation. It
can help sometimes to begin with a favorite anecdote. This helps the listener identify with you as
someone who acts like them and has the same everyday concerns.
Be articulate. It is important to deliver your message clearly and unambiguously so that the message
comes across in a way that every listener can understand. Your words are remembered because people
instantly understand what it is that you are saying. This requires delivering your words distinctly and
using simpler words rather than more complex ones.
Enunciate clearly. Speak at a volume level that is guaranteed to be heard and that doesn't come across
as too quiet or disengaged. Take special care to properly enunciate key points so that you avoid any kind
of misunderstanding. If mumbling is a defensive habit that you have fallen into due to fear of
communicating, practice your message at home in front of the mirror. It is sometimes best to discuss
what you want to communicate with those you feel comfortable with. This helps solidify the message in
your own mind. Be aware that any practice or refinement of your wording will help you to build
confidence.
Be attentive when listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest. Listen actively.
Remember that communication is a two-way street and that while you are talking, you are not learning.
By actively listening, you will be able to gauge how much of your message is getting through to your
listener(s) and whether or not it is being received correctly or needs to be tweaked. If your audience
appears to be confused, it is often helpful to ask the listener(s) to reflect back some of what you have
said, but in their own words. This can help you to identify and correct mistaken views of what you have
intended to communicate.
Validate people's feelings. This will encourage them to open up, and help them feel better if they're
upset.
5
Be vocally interesting. A monotone is not pleasing to the ear, so good communicators use vocal color to
enhance communication. Norma Michael recommends[1] that you:
Raise the pitch and volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another.
Increase your volume and slow the delivery whenever you raise a special point or are summing up.
Speak briskly, but pause to emphasize keywords when requesting action.
Part
Communicating with body language
Recognize people. Sure, you don't necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in
your group, but they're nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. This means
that they are connecting with you. So reward them with your acknowledgment!
Be clear and unambiguous with your body language, too. Use facial expressions consciously. Strive to
reflect passion and generate listener empathy by using soft, gentle, aware facial expressions. Avoid
negative facial expressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. What is or isn't negative depends on the
context, particularly the cultural context, so be guided by your situation.
Be quick to identify unexpected behavior that suggests a cross-culture collision, such as a clenched fist, a
slouched posture, or even silence.[2] If you don't know the culture intimately, ask questions about the
communication challenges you might face before you start to speak with (or to) people in an unfamiliar
cultural context.
Communicate eye-to-eye. Eye contact builds rapport, helps to convince people that you're trustworthy,
and displays interest. During a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other
person's eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time. Take care not to overdo
it.– Use just as much eye contact as feels natural, about 2-4 seconds at a time.[3]
Remember to take in all of your audience. If you're addressing a boardroom, look every member of the
board in the eye. Neglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you
business, admission, success, or whatever it is you endeavor to achieve.
If you're addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to two
seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. This helps individual members of the audience
feel personally valued.
Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. In some cultures it is considered to be unsettling, or
inappropriate. Ask about this in particular or do the research in advance.
Use breathing and pauses to your advantage. There is power in pausing. Simon Reynolds says that
pausing causes an audience to lean in and listen. It helps you to emphasize your points and allow the
listener time to digest what has been said. It also helps to make your communication come across as
more compelling and it makes your speech easier to absorb and become comfortable with.[4]
Take a few deep breaths to steady yourself before you begin communicating.
Get into the habit of solid, regular breathing during a conversation, This will help you to keep a steady,
calm voice and will also keep you more relaxed.
Use pauses to take a breather from what you are saying.
Consider how your gestures come across. Use hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands
are saying as you speak. Some hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points (open
gestures), while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and tend to shut down the
conversation or listening (closed gestures). It also helps to watch other speaker's hand gestures with an
eye for how they come across to you. Emulate those you see that are effective and engaging. Notice
that the most effective gestures are natural, slow, and emphatic.
Keep a check on your other body signals. Be alert to your wandering eyes, your hands picking at fluff,
your constant sniffling, shuffling, rocking, and the like. These small gestures add up and are all
guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message.
Have someone record your talk, then take the time to view your speech delivery in fast forward. Any
repetitive gesture or unconscious habit will stand out like a sore thumb and will be somewhat comical.
Once you have targeted such a behavior, it will be easier to modify your unintended body language and
monitor its reappearance.
Part
Communicating effectively in conflict
Place yourself on even ground. Do not stand or hover over the other person. This creates a power
struggle and pushes the conflict to another level. If they are sitting, you should sit with them.
Listen to the other party. Let them say how they feel. Wait until they are completely finished talking
before beginning to speak yourself.
Speak in a calm, level voice. Don't yell or make accusations about the other party or their actions.
Let them know you have heard their point and understand their side. Take the time to make statements
like, "If I understand correctly, you are saying,..."
Don't try to finish the argument at all costs. If the person walks out of the room, don't follow them.
Allow them to do so and let them return when they are calmer and ready to talk.
6
Don't try to get the last word in. Again, this could lead to a power struggle that escalates and never
ends. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree and move on.
Use "I" messages. When you're phrasing your concerns, try to start your sentences with "I..." and state
clearly how their actions make you feel. This will make the other person more receptive to your
complaints and more empathetic. For instance, instead of saying "You're sloppy and it drives me crazy,"
try "I feel that different levels of messiness might be a problem for us. Clutter is something that seems
to work its way into my mind and limit what I feel I can do. Frankly, messiness seems to unsettle me
more than it probably should."
Edit Article
How to Communicate Effectively
Six Parts:Creating the right environmentOrganizing your communicationsCommunicating with

speechCommunicating with body languageCommunicating effectively in conflictConversation
HelpCommunity Q&A
No matter your age, background, or experience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. The
greatest leaders of all time are also fantastic communicators and orators. In fact, communications is one
of the most popular college degrees today; people recognize the value of a truly efficient communicator.
With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, you'll be able to get your point across in no
time.
Part
Creating the right environment
Choose the right time. As the saying states, there is a time and a place for everything, and
communicating is no different.
Avoid starting discussions about heavy topics in the late evening. Few people will be thrilled to be faced
with sorting major issues like finances or long range scheduling when they are the most tired. Instead,
deliver messages and conduct discussions about heavy topics in the mornings or afternoons when
people are alert, available, and more likely to be able to respond with clarity.
Facilitate an open, intimate conversation. Choose the right place, one that provides freedom for the
communication to open, flower, and come to maturity. If you need to tell someone something that isn't
going to sit well (such as news of a death or a breakup), don't do it in public, around colleagues, or near
other people. Be respectful and mindful of the person by communicating to them in a private place. This
will also provide space to open the dialog into a wider and a more involved mutual understanding and
ensure that the two-way process is functioning properly.
If you are presenting to a group of people, be sure to check the acoustics beforehand and practice
projecting your voice clearly. Use a microphone if needed to ensure that your audience can hear you.
Remove distractions. Turn off all electronics that could interrupt the conversation. If the phone rings,
laugh it off the first time, then turn it off immediately and continue talking. Do not allow external
distractions to act as crutches that sidetrack your concentration. They will distract both you and your
listener, and will effectively kill the communication.
Part
Organizing your communications
Organize and clarify ideas in your mind. This should be done before you attempt to communicate any
ideas. If you are feeling passionate about a topic, your ideas may become garbled if you haven't already
targeted some key points to stick to when communicating. Key points will act as anchors, bringing focus
and clarity to your communication.
A good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on those.
That way, if the topic wanders off course, you will be able to return to one or more of these three key
points without feeling flustered. Writing the points down, if appropriate, can also help.
Be crystal clear. Make it clear what you're hoping to convey from the outset. For example, your purpose
could be to inform others, obtain information, or initiate action. If people know in advance what you
expect from the communication, things will go more smoothly.
Stay on topic. Once you start to convey your three main points, make sure everything you're saying adds
to the message you intend to communicate and strengthens it. If you have already thought through the
issues and distilled the them to the essentials, it is likely that helpful pertinent phrases will stick in your
mind. Do not be afraid to use these to underline your points. Even confident, well-known speakers reuse
their key lines again and again for emphasis and reinforcement. Remember to keep the overall message
clear and direct.
Thank your listener(s). Thank the person or group for the time taken to listen and respond. No matter
what the outcome of your communication, even if the response to your talk or discussion has been
other than you had hoped, end it politely by properly respecting everyone's input and time.
Part
Communicating with speech
Set the listener at ease. You want to do this before launching into your conversation or presentation. It
can help sometimes to begin with a favorite anecdote. This helps the listener identify with you as
someone who acts like them and has the same everyday concerns.
2
Be articulate. It is important to deliver your message clearly and unambiguously so that the message
comes across in a way that every listener can understand. Your words are remembered because people
instantly understand what it is that you are saying. This requires delivering your words distinctly and
using simpler words rather than more complex ones.
Enunciate clearly. Speak at a volume level that is guaranteed to be heard and that doesn't come across
as too quiet or disengaged. Take special care to properly enunciate key points so that you avoid any kind
of misunderstanding. If mumbling is a defensive habit that you have fallen into due to fear of
communicating, practice your message at home in front of the mirror. It is sometimes best to discuss
what you want to communicate with those you feel comfortable with. This helps solidify the message in
your own mind. Be aware that any practice or refinement of your wording will help you to build
confidence.
Be attentive when listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest. Listen actively.
Remember that communication is a two-way street and that while you are talking, you are not learning.
By actively listening, you will be able to gauge how much of your message is getting through to your
listener(s) and whether or not it is being received correctly or needs to be tweaked. If your audience
appears to be confused, it is often helpful to ask the listener(s) to reflect back some of what you have
said, but in their own words. This can help you to identify and correct mistaken views of what you have
intended to communicate.
Validate people's feelings. This will encourage them to open up, and help them feel better if they're
upset.
Be vocally interesting. A monotone is not pleasing to the ear, so good communicators use vocal color to
enhance communication. Norma Michael recommends[1] that you:
Raise the pitch and volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another.
Increase your volume and slow the delivery whenever you raise a special point or are summing up.
Speak briskly, but pause to emphasize keywords when requesting action.
Part
4
Communicating with body language
Recognize people. Sure, you don't necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in
your group, but they're nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. This means
that they are connecting with you. So reward them with your acknowledgment!
Be clear and unambiguous with your body language, too. Use facial expressions consciously. Strive to
reflect passion and generate listener empathy by using soft, gentle, aware facial expressions. Avoid
negative facial expressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. What is or isn't negative depends on the
context, particularly the cultural context, so be guided by your situation.
Be quick to identify unexpected behavior that suggests a cross-culture collision, such as a clenched fist, a
slouched posture, or even silence.[2] If you don't know the culture intimately, ask questions about the
communication challenges you might face before you start to speak with (or to) people in an unfamiliar
cultural context.
Communicate eye-to-eye. Eye contact builds rapport, helps to convince people that you're trustworthy,
and displays interest. During a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other
person's eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time. Take care not to overdo
it.– Use just as much eye contact as feels natural, about 2-4 seconds at a time.[3]
Remember to take in all of your audience. If you're addressing a boardroom, look every member of the
board in the eye. Neglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you
business, admission, success, or whatever it is you endeavor to achieve.
If you're addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to two
seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. This helps individual members of the audience
feel personally valued.
Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. In some cultures it is considered to be unsettling, or
inappropriate. Ask about this in particular or do the research in advance.

4
Use breathing and pauses to your advantage. There is power in pausing. Simon Reynolds says that
pausing causes an audience to lean in and listen. It helps you to emphasize your points and allow the
listener time to digest what has been said. It also helps to make your communication come across as
more compelling and it makes your speech easier to absorb and become comfortable with.[4]
Take a few deep breaths to steady yourself before you begin communicating.
Get into the habit of solid, regular breathing during a conversation, This will help you to keep a steady,
calm voice and will also keep you more relaxed.
Use pauses to take a breather from what you are saying.
Consider how your gestures come across. Use hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands
are saying as you speak. Some hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points (open
gestures), while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and tend to shut down the
conversation or listening (closed gestures). It also helps to watch other speaker's hand gestures with an
eye for how they come across to you. Emulate those you see that are effective and engaging. Notice
that the most effective gestures are natural, slow, and emphatic.
Keep a check on your other body signals. Be alert to your wandering eyes, your hands picking at fluff,
your constant sniffling, shuffling, rocking, and the like. These small gestures add up and are all
guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message.
Have someone record your talk, then take the time to view your speech delivery in fast forward. Any
repetitive gesture or unconscious habit will stand out like a sore thumb and will be somewhat comical.
Once you have targeted such a behavior, it will be easier to modify your unintended body language and
monitor its reappearance.
Part
Communicating effectively in conflict
1
Place yourself on even ground. Do not stand or hover over the other person. This creates a power
struggle and pushes the conflict to another level. If they are sitting, you should sit with them.
Listen to the other party. Let them say how they feel. Wait until they are completely finished talking
before beginning to speak yourself.
Speak in a calm, level voice. Don't yell or make accusations about the other party or their actions.
Let them know you have heard their point and understand their side. Take the time to make statements
like, "If I understand correctly, you are saying,..."
Don't try to finish the argument at all costs. If the person walks out of the room, don't follow them.
Allow them to do so and let them return when they are calmer and ready to talk.
Don't try to get the last word in. Again, this could lead to a power struggle that escalates and never
ends. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree and move on.
Use "I" messages. When you're phrasing your concerns, try to start your sentences with "I..." and state
clearly how their actions make you feel. This will make the other person more receptive to your
complaints and more empathetic. For instance, instead of saying "You're sloppy and it drives me crazy,"
try "I feel that different levels of messiness might be a problem for us. Clutter is something that seems
to work its way into my mind and limit what I feel I can do. Frankly, messiness seems to unsettle me
more than it probably should."
Expert Reviewed
How to Have Good Communication Skills
Three Parts:Holding a ConversationManaging Nonverbal CommunicationLearning to Assert

YourselfCommunity Q&A
Being able to communicate effectively with others is one of the most essential skills a person can have.
From engaging with family and friends, sharing your ideas at work, or approaching a new romantic
interest, communication is absolutely fundamental. If you feel like your communication skills fall short of
your expectations, then there are some strategies you can use to improve them.
Part
Holding a Conversation
Image titled Be More Family Oriented Step 5
Start a conversation with someone. Starting a conversation with someone can be the hardest part of
communicating for some people, but it doesn’t have to be. There are some simple strategies you can
use for starting a conversation with someone, even if you don’t know the person very well. Some things
you might try include:[1]
Remarking on the weather or some other aspect of your surroundings. Try to say something positive,
such as “What a gorgeous fall day!” or “This is my favorite café!” or “There are so many people here!
How exciting!”
Pay the person a compliment. If you have a way to compliment the person on something, then this is
also a good option. Try saying something like, “I love your dress! It is such a beautiful color!” or “I really
enjoyed your presentation!” or “Your dog is so cute!”
Ask a question. Asking a question is also a great way to get a conversation started. Try asking something
like, “What did you think of the keynote speech?” or “What is your favorite thing to order here?” or “Do
you know how to get to the art museum?”

2
Master the art of small talk. In order to become a good communicator, you must be a conversationalist
at the most basic level. This means you need to have a plan to navigate surface-level interactions. Learn
small talk by using the match, shift, and pass back formula.[2]
Match the stride of what the other person is saying. For example, you’re standing in a long line and the
person in front of you turns and says “I sure hope we aren’t waiting long. I need to pick my toddler up
from daycare.” You can match the person by showing you’re listening and addressing what was said:
“Oh, you have a toddler? Fun! I have two kids myself.”
Shift the topic (or add more to the current topic) to keep the conversation moving in a productive
direction. Let’s say the person says “Yes, my toddler is my only. She’s quite a handful.” You could
respond with “I bet. Mine are older now, but I miss them at that age.” Or, you could say “My sister has a
toddler. He’s in the repeating-everything-he-hears phase!”
Pass back by inviting the person to keep the conversation going. You might add to either of the earlier
statements. “I’m sure you have tons of adorable stories, huh?”
Image titled Develop Critical Thinking Skills Step 5
Consider what topics are appropriate for the situation. In some cases, sticking with small talk and
neutral topics might be best, but there are times when you may consider transitioning to a deeper
conversation. Consider the situation to determine what kind of discussion and topics might be
appropriate.
For example, if you are at a work function talking with coworkers, then you might want to stick with
work-related topics and small talk.
If you are at a wedding, baby shower, or some other positive event, then you might want to avoid
discussing anything too deep and serious, such as death or the afterlife.
However, if you are at a funeral or having coffee with a close friend, then discussing death or the
afterlife might be appropriate.
You might also consider how well you know and trust the person you are talking to. Do you feel that the
person will keep your information confidential? Do know whether or not the person will judge you?
Image titled Recognize the Warning Signs of Suicide Step 4
Know how to transition small talk into a deeper conversation. Once you have gotten better at small talk,
you want to progress to transforming a surface-level discussion into something more. If you are
interested in the person and think the two of you are making a connection, you can go beyond the initial
introduction and surface-level discussion into something deeper. Key points to remember for going
deeper in a conversation are:[3]
Be willing to show vulnerability. “You know I was really nervous to come here tonight.”
Engage in self-disclosure by using connections to something the other person shared. “I can relate to
what you were saying about having to look after yourself. My parents died when I was very young” or “I
get what you mean about life getting in the way of your goals. I had some problems performing at
school last year that caused me to repeat some classes.”
Ask open-ended questions that allow for detailed answers. “What brings you here tonight?” rather than
“Are you having fun?”
Maintain a two-way street by balancing how much you talk with how much you listen.
Image titled Flirt With a Pretty Girl Step 5
Talk about things that interest the other party. If you want to become a better communicator, your
focus has to be less on yourself and more on the people you’re speaking with. You wouldn’t want to go
on all night about your hobbies and interests if the other parties don’t share them. Find connection
points that allow you to get the other person talking.[4]
People love to talk about themselves. Show interest in your conversation partner by asking an open-
ended question, giving positive feedback, or complimenting the other person. For instance, say
something like “You are really good at playing guitar. What got you interested?”
Image titled Treat Your Girlfriend Step 3
Practice active listening. One of the most important skills used by great communicators is active
listening. This means that you are not listening to prepare a response. Instead you are demonstrating
that you hear what the other person is saying and making an effort to confirm that you understand the
message before replying. The components of active listening include:[5]
Making eye contact with the speaker to show you have his or her attention
Smiling or making appropriate facial expressions depending on the message
Turning your body towards the speaker
Minimizing distractions
Clarifying to be sure you understood (“Are you saying…?”)

Reflecting what was said by using emotion to verify that you understood correctly (“It sounds like you’re
very upset by this situation.”)
Providing feedback by sharing your thoughts or opinions on the message
Image titled Get Along with People Who You Don't Like Step 11
End the conversation in a graceful manner. At some point the conversation will come to an end. This
may be because of running out of things to discuss or simply because you need to move on with your
day. To end a conversation gracefully, pay attention to the other person’s cues and then say something
to officially close the conversation.
Watch for cues that the conversation is over. Pay attention to the other person’s body language. If the
person has gone silent and is looking around the room or starting to face away from you, then the
conversation may be over.
Say something to draw the conversation to a close before moving on. If the conversation seems to be
over, then try saying something like, “I have to head out, but I enjoyed talking with you! Thanks for the
pleasant conversation!”
Part
Managing Nonverbal Communication
Image titled Live Life Step 11
Be aware of your body language. Communication goes beyond words to how you use different elements
of your body to send a message. When you are trying to communicate with others, you must take both
verbal and nonverbal factors into consideration to ensure that you get your message across.[6]
In general, you want to convey open body language by orienting towards the person, keeping your arms
and legs uncrossed, and making eye contact with the other person.
Other things to consider would be making appropriate facial expressions and gestures to further get
your message across. Space and touch can also be used to communicate. For instance, you may stand
closer to a person with whom you have a more intimate relationship while you would provide ample
space in business or professional settings.

2
Use a tone of voice appropriate for the context. Your voice is also significant in conveying your message
to others. Like the saying goes: It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Taking pauses to emphasize
important points, changing your volume, and speaking faster or slower depending on the context, will all
determine how you come across to listeners.[7]
For example, you might use your voice to make sounds of understanding like “uh-huh” or to
demonstrate contemplation like “hmm…”
Image titled Die with Dignity Step 20
Consider individual differences and preferences. When there are differences in culture, race, religion,
age, or gender between speakers, these variables must be taken under consideration to ensure
communication is appropriate. Know in advance the standards and expectations of the parties you are
speaking with to be respectful of group differences.[8]
For example, in many cultures, it is proper for younger individuals to address senior members of a group
as “sir” or “ma’am”. Keep in mind such group expectations and include these standards in your
communication.
Read non-verbal communication. Just as you want to be mindful of your own nonverbal communication,
it’s equally important to consider that of those you are speaking with. To become an effective
communicator, watch for nonverbal signals as you talk with others. These may include:[9]
Eye contact. If someone is interested, then they will usually make eye contact with you.
Facial expressions. Is the person frowning? Smiling? Seemingly bored? These expressions can help your
to determine how the person might be feeling.
Posture. An interested person might face you and lean in towards you, whereas an uninterested person
might face away from you or lean away from you.
Part
Learning to Assert Yourself
Image titled Develop Critical Thinking Skills Step 18
1
Have knowledge of your core needs and values. A major part of being assertive is knowing how to
effectively express your needs and opinions. Nonetheless, you must first be aware of these to be able to
share them with others.
Gain insight into your values by making a list of your top priorities in life. This list may include examples
like family, honesty, money, and recognition. Once you have made your list, rank the items from ‘most
important’ to ‘least important’.
Figure out your needs by thinking about what kinds of things motivate you to take positive action. At the
same time, these things also have the power to cause frustration and stress if you are lacking them.
Examples of needs might be belonging, control, and security among others.[10]
After you have developed your core needs and values, you can use these to help you assert yourself. For
example, if you value your education and a friend wants you to cut class to help her pick out a new
outfit for her date, then you might assert yourself by saying something like, “No, I can’t help you with
that. My education is important to me and I don’t want to miss class.”
Image titled Enjoy Each Day Step 2
Gain the courage to say “no.” Being able to tell someone “no” is a very powerful factor in assertiveness,
but also in confidence-building. It does not serve you to spend your life saying “yes” to every favor or
expectation. This is passive behavior. Try these strategies to assert yourself and decline the requests of
others.[11]
Use body language to carry your message. Make eye contact, stand with your shoulders back and chin
up, and speak loudly so that the other person can hear you.
Develop a formula. For example, each time you want to say “no” you can start by saying how you would
love to but the request does not suit you or conflicts with existing plans. “I would love to participate in
the fundraiser but I have too many obligations right now.”
Refrain from apologizing. You have an innate right as a person to say “no.” Do not feel pressed to
apologize, because that sends the message that you are doing something wrong.
Image titled Be Mature Step 14
State your opinions without attacking those of others. Be aware of what you think, feel, want, need, or
prefer about various aspects of your life. When you know these things you automatically feel more
confident communicating your opinions to others. To do this use “I” statements that allow you to
express yourself without attacking anyone else.[12]
For instance, you might say “I really liked the movie. The main character was so cool to me.” Then, ask
for the opinion of someone else and listen to it without interrupting or expressing disagreement.
Accept compliments and criticism graciously. This may seem contrary to assertiveness, but it’s not.
Assertive people understand that their ideas and opinions are just as important as everybody else’s.
Also, they are aware that opinions are only opinions, not facts. Therefore, if someone shares feedback
about you, you can have the inner confidence to accept it graciously without dismissing a compliment or
becoming upset by criticism.[13]
Use compromise sensibly. In most cases where two people disagree, there is some wiggle room. When
you encounter a situation where your opinion or idea differs from someone else’s, try to find the
common ground. Look for ways you can find mutual understanding.[14]
For example, consider how much you care about the issue at hand. If you don’t care as much as the
other person, it may be easier for you to bend to their side of things.
Edit Article
How to Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills
Three Methods:Making an Effort to SocializeProjecting ConfidenceMaking ConnectionsCommunity Q&A
Human connection is important for everyone. Some people are highly motivated by this connection and
want to be popular with many people. In order to achieve this, you will need to have good
communication skills. You should learn to socialize, be confident in yourself, and connect with people
effectively to be truly popular.
Method
Making an Effort to Socialize

Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 1
Look approachable. When you are in public or at a social event, you want people to feel comfortable
initiating a conversation with you. Avoid isolating yourself in the back of the room or staying on a cell
phone the whole time. Instead, acknowledge the people around you by saying ‘hello’ or smiling when
they notice you. You should also make an effort to keep your arms and legs uncrossed, as crossing them
makes you look protective and unapproachable.[1]
Be friendly. Simply being polite is not the same as socializing. You need to actively move the
conversation forward. Engage others beyond just saying ‘hi’ or introducing yourself. Ask them questions
about themselves and answer any questions they have about you.[2]
For example, if you meet someone at a social event and exchange introductions, you could follow that
introduction with a question like “So, what brings you here tonight?”
Lighten the mood. When you are nervous, it is likely that the other person (or people) that you are
talking to are just as nervous. You can ease the tension by using some light humor, or even pointing out
that it’s uncomfortable. If you do tell a joke, make sure that it is a friendly, non-offensive joke.[3]
For example, jokes that single out or make fun of a particular group of people or ideas is likely to offend
someone around you.
Practice regularly. The best way to get good at socializing is to practice. Start with close friends and
family, and then slowly move outside your comfort zone. The more time you spend socializing with
other people, the more confident you will become in your ability to do it well.[4]
For example, start by socializing with your friends at school. Then, move to having a conversation with
someone in the cafeteria that you don’t know that well. Finally, you could move to having a
conversation with a stranger at something like a school basketball game.
Method
2
Projecting Confidence
Keep good posture. Popularity is very dependent on your confidence level. If you have poor posture, it
sends the message to others that you have low confidence. To fix this, stand or sit up straight and keep
your arms and legs uncrossed. This will show that you are confident and approachable.[5]
Being confident will show people that you like yourself. This makes them feel like they can trust you and
that they will like you, too.
Make eye contact. Another clear sign of confidence is the ability to maintain eye contact with another
person. When you are speaking or listening to someone, look them in the eye. Avoid distractions like cell
phones or other people walking by. If you are speaking to multiple people, make sure to make eye
contact with each person.[6]
For example, if you ask your teacher a question, make eye contact with them.
If you are speaking in front of your class, make eye contact with each person before you are finished
speaking.
Speak clearly. To speak in a confident way, you will need to speak loud enough for anyone listening to
hear you. A conversational tone is perfect if you are speaking to one person across the table, but if you
are speaking to a crowd you will need to project your voice. Use concise sentences to get straight to
your point and avoid filler words like “Um” and “Uh.”[7]
An example of a concise sentence would be “I think that everyone should ski at least once.” Something
like “Well, skiing is fun, but I don’t know if people really know that,” is not concise.
Take care of appearance. To be confident, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin. Practice good
hygiene habits such as regular bathing and brushing your teeth. Be sure that you dress appropriately for
the occasion, as well. Being over or underdressed can cause you to feel uncomfortable around others.[8]
For example, you wouldn’t wear a suit and tie to a Superbowl party with friends (usually). You also
wouldn’t wear a T-shirt to a wedding (usually).
Method
Making Connections
Listen to other people. When someone else is talking, you should be paying close attention. Focus on
what they are saying and the meaning behind their words instead of thinking about what you want to
say next. Maintain eye contact with the person, and give subtle gestures like leaning forward or raising
your eyebrows to show that you are interested.[9]
This is known as active listening. A key component is to listen more than you talk.
Offer help. One good way to make connections with people is to help them. Making yourself available to
someone else is a great way to bond with someone you don’t know. This is crucial to being popular,
since you will need to expand your circle of friends quite a bit to reach such an elevated social
status.[10]
For example, you could offer to help a new friend clean up after their birthday party.
You could also offer to help someone study or let them see your notes from a class.
Ask for help. In addition to helping other people, you can bond by letting them help you. Avoid being
needy or pushy, but ask someone you’ve met recently to help you with a small task. They will feel valued
and appreciated by the request.[11]
For example, you could ask a new acquaintance to help you move your desk around the room.
Avoid asking for money. This can make people question your intentions.
4
Avoid spontaneous reactions. Connecting with other people requires thoughtful, considerate
communication. This means that you should really think about what you are going to say to the other
person, especially if you are upset for some reason. A spontaneous reaction to a comment or action by
the other person could make them upset with you. It could also make other people feel like you are too
quick to fly off the handle.[12]
For example, if someone says something you find insulting, you should not immediately start screaming
at them. Instead, take a deep breath and explain to them calmly why their comment was inappropriate.
You might say something like “I think that you should consider how something like that might make
other people feel. I was very uncomfortable with what you said.”

Using Body Language To Influence Others

Hochgeladen von

Dokumentinformationen

Originaltitel

Copyright

Verfügbare Formate

Dieses Dokument teilen

Dokument teilen oder einbetten

Freigabeoptionen

Stufen Sie dieses Dokument als nützlich ein?

Sind diese Inhalte unangemessen?

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Using Body Language To Influence Others

Hochgeladen von

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

The 8 Aspects of Body Language

The Eight Primary Elements of Body Language

Gestures – Your gestures can be related to verbal communication or unrelated to verbal

The Influence of Body Language on Other People

10 Reasons Eye Contact Is Everything in Public Speaking

The Importance of Eye Contact and How to Improve It 0

BY STEVE MUELLER LAST EDIT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2016 CONSCIOUS LIVING

Eye contact is a fine art but it can be mastered.

The importance of eye contact

A) Eye contact signals attention

B) Eye contact conveys confidence and trustworthiness

D) Eye contact engages others

E) Eye contact makes you more confident

How to improve eye contact

1. Maintain the right balance

When you’re listening: maintain eye contact 2/3 of the time

When you’re talking: maintain eye contact 1/3 of the time

2. Learn to overcome fear and nervousness

3. Focus on one eye

4. Maintain the right duration of eye contact

5. Practice, practice, practice

6. Break eye contact to the side

7. Practice in front of a mirror

8. Practice by watching news anchors

9. Make use of little tricks

THE DOS AND DON’TS OF MAKING EYE CONTACT

How to Look People in the Eye

Three Parts:Practicing in ConversationPracticing at HomeGiving the Right ImpressionCommunity Q&A

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 1

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 2

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 3

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 5

To rest your eyes.

It looks more natural.

So you can nod and smile.

Report problem with this question

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 6

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 7

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 8

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 9

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 11

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 12

How can you practice making eye contact at home?

Practice not breaking eye contact with characters on TV.

Watch a variety of video blogs.

Report problem with this question

Giving the Right Impression

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 13

Sit forward in your chair

Listen closely and repeat important information

Process what's being said

Don't just wait for your turn to speak

Respond accurately to what is said

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 14

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 15

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 16

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 17

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 18

How to Improve Your Posture

Improving Your Standing and Walking Posture

Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 1

Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 2

Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 3