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Hayden McCleary

Wilson

2/27/19

The year was 2013. I was 10 years old, in the middle of an intense battle. “Charizard go!”

I said as my palms were sweating heavily awaiting the result of the attack. Charizard flew in at

Pikachu to hit him with a fireball attack. With a KO in the 4th round, we won. We WON! The

crowd was cheering. The bells were ringing. ​Ding dong ding dong.​ “You are the winner!” That

subtitle played over and over like a broken record in my small 10 year old mind. I had beat the

final challenge on pokemon. I was the best player. I wanted to walk around and flex on all the

lame Pokemon players with my cool badges and exotic pokemon. But there was one obstacle in

my way, soccer practice…. Soccer practice didn’t only take up my time but it required a lot of

effort. As I thought about how to deal with this problem a light bulb lit up inside my head. “I

could just quit” I thought. A giant smile, an almost universe sized smile stretched across my

entire face. I dreamt how many video games I would be able to play and how much fun that

would be. I had been doing soccer for about 6 years. And yet I decided right then and there that I

should drop soccer mid way through the season to focus on more important matters like

Pokemon and Mario. I walked up to my parents and proposed this dilemma, and of course my

more than favorable solution. However, my parents had a different idea. Shutting my idea down

quick, they told me that I could not just quit something and that I need to keep playing.
I was furious I had to go to soccer practice. My ears and nose started pouring out steam

like a forgotten pot on a stove… Okay maybe that’s a little dramatic but I am sure you get the

idea. My parents tried to tell me that I could not quit. They tried to tell me that I already made a

commitment. They said I had to persevere through the rest of the season. I didn’t care. I can’t

quite remember what I did after I received this news, but my guess is I tried doing some sort of

protest hoping my efforts will be rewarded and I would be granted my wish. As you can guess

me not caring about what my parents had to say, and my pointless protest still ended up with me

at the field by 4, it still ended with me at practice.

Throughout the next week I went to my soccer practices. I was mad that soccer was

taking up my time. I didn’t want to try my hardest, but I still went to all the practices that week.

We had a game on Saturday. I ended up scoring 2 goals that game but I didn't really care that

much I just wanted to go home. Throughout the remainder of the season I continued to go to

soccer practice. I continued to play in the soccer games. And yet my mood started to slowly shift

like tectonic plates that pull and push land to form mountains. In fact I actually started to enjoy

some of the games near the end of the season and I wanted to get better. This was a really big

surprise to me because just a couple weeks ago I wanted nothing to do with soccer. The only

thing I cared about was staying inside and playing video games.

During the final games of the season I continued to play and I actually got better I started

scoring more goals and I started to try harder in some of the games. Then the season finally

ended I was very satisfied because I had persevered and tried to get better throughout the season.

I ended up doing soccer for another year.


In reality what I achieved was practically nothing but what lesson I took out of it was

everything. I chose to not quit or more accurately I was forced to not quit. This taught me a

valuable lesson which is to always persevere and never quit throughout anything in life and to

always try my hardest no matter what. After this experience there have been many times where I

have wanted to quit something. But I almost always preserve like when I no longer want to do

homework, or I don't want to continue playing a sport, or I just want to quit because I don't think

I can accomplish what I want. However I chose to not quit. In life we have to not quit, we have

to put things that we may like aside to focus on something that will improve us as people, push

us to success. Think about it our ancestors did not give up they might not have been the

strongest, fastest, smartest, tallest, or even the most adapted person but they made it, they

persevered, they chose to not quit. We are quite literally living proof of that, which is why we

should chose to persevere as well. This is why I chose to write about this seemingly insignificant

event.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors)

Score: 45.5/50

Resubmission Score: 47/50


W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and
well-structured event sequences.
Standard Exceptional (10-9) Proficient (8-7) Emerging (6-1) Not Evident (0)
3.a​. ​Introduction​ - ❏ Effectively hook the ❏ Hook the reader with
Engage and orient the reader with a creative, a compelling hook
reader by setting out a original, and
compelling hook ❏ Effectively sets out a
problem, situation, or
problem, situation, or
observation, establishing ❏ Effectively sets out a observation
one or multiple point(s) problem, situation, or
of view, and introducing observation in a ❏ Establish an insightful
a narrator and/or compelling and/or point of view
characters; create a creative manner
smooth progression of ❏ Establish an insightful, ❏ Introduce a narrator,
experiences or events. original, or creative characters, setting,
point of view and main idea
10
❏ Introduce a ​complex
and/or creative
narrator, characters,
setting, and main idea

3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use ❏ Utilize ​two or more ❏ Utilize narrative


narrative techniques, (teacher discretion) techniques such as
such as dialogue, pacing, narrative techniques dialogue, pacing,
with purpose: description,
description, reflection,
dialogue, pacing, reflection, and
and multiple plot lines, description, reflection, multiple plot lines
to develop experiences, multiple plot lines,
events, and/or etc… ❏ Develop experiences,
characters. events, and/or
❏ Develop experiences, characters in attempt
8.5 events, and/or to convey theme
characters and to
clearly develop a
purposeful theme

3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a ❏ Use ​purposefully ❏ Use appropriately


variety of techniques to narrative techniques techniques such as
sequence events so that such as foreshadowing,
foreshadowing, dramatic irony,
they build on one
dramatic irony, suspense, and/or
another to create a suspense, and/or flashbacks
coherent whole. flashbacks in a ​highly
effective manner​ ​to ❏ Create a smooth
9 create an original plot progression of
structure experiences or events
that is logical and
❏ Create a smooth engaging
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical, ​creative,
and sophisticated ​and
that uses ​highly
engaging devices

3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use ❏ Use precise, detailed ❏ Use precise and


precise words and and ​sophisticated detailed words,
phrases, telling details, words, phrases, and phrases, and sensory
sensory language​ to language to convey a
and sensory language to
engage the reader ​and vivid picture
convey a vivid picture of convey a​ ​vivid picture
the experiences, events,
setting, and/or
characters.

10

3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide ❏ Provide a conclusion ❏ Provide a conclusion


a conclusion that follows that reflects on what is that reflects on what
from and reflects on experienced, observed, is experienced,
or resolved observed, or resolved
what is experienced,
observed, or resolved
over the course of the ❏ Extends the meaning ❏ Extends the meaning
narrative. and purpose to to convey a theme
connect to the
audience ​and​ ​convey a
8
complex and original
theme

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