The Practice Of

MINDFULNESS
Will Change You
This is a gift of Dhamma and must not be sold. You may make photo-
copies for your own use or to give away to friends. Reprinting the whole
or part of this book is NOT allowed. Distribution in electronic form or
putting the whole or part of this book on the Internet is NOT allowed.

Copyright © Ashin Tejaniya 2007

NAMO TASSA BHAGAVATO
ARAHATO
SAMMA SAMBUDDHASSA

Homage to Him, the Blessed One,

the Worthy One,
the Perfectly Self-Enlightened One
FOREWORD

U Tejaniya suggested that I write my spiritual autobiography

as an inspiration to other practitioners. After giving it some
thought, I went back to him with the counter-suggestion to gath-
er the stories of many yogis. I felt that my own story could not
speak to everyone, and that offering a collection of short stories
from people of disparate ages and nationalities would reach a
much wider audience.
All of the following accounts were written by yogis who have
practised at Shwe Oo Min Meditation Centre. Most wrote their
contributions themselves, and others told me their stories while
I took notes. After I had edited or written down their accounts,
they reviewed the final version and I changed anything the yogi
was not happy with. (All Americans were ‘filtered through’ a US
spell check, all others through a UK one.)
I asked each contributor to share some basic biographical
data and then answer two questions: “Why did you start medi-
tating?” and “How has meditation changed your life?” In order
to encourage people to be as open as possible, we decided to
keep the contributions anonymous.
We hope that these personal accounts will encourage you to
continue on the path, and will also give you some ideas on how
to improve or intensify your practice. You might consider pass-
ing this booklet on to a member of your family or to a friend.
Many yogis find that members of their family and their ‘old’
friends often do not quite understand why they are spending
so much time just trying to become more mindful. Who knows,
they might get inspired to give the practice a try!

Walter Köchli (compiler and editor)

 PROFILE

• 66
• Male
• Caucasian
• Born in Canada
• Resident in USA
• Religion of origin: Protestant Christian
• College education
• Retired business man
• Practice of meditation: 11 years

What started me meditating?

I think this is a profound question! Indeed, it really cannot be

answered in a simplified way. However, if I must think of one
answer, it was my wife’s discontent with her own spiritual prac-
tice. It was her discontent that started us, together with three
other couples, on a search for another path of spirituality that
would add more meaning to our lives.
We were fortunate to be living in the San Francisco Bay Area
where there was and is a cornucopia of religious practices. We
looked at areas as diverse as contemplative Christianity and guru
devotism. Along the way we became acquainted through books
with the work of Thich Nhat Than and Jack Kornfield. Later, we
spent time on retreats with both of them.
According to a Buddhist saying, when the student is ready,
the teacher appears. I was ready and the Dhamma spoke to me
loud and clear. With the exception of the last two years, daily
8 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

meditation practice has been part of my life. I will say that, al-
though I have not always meditated faithfully, I have tried to
live a meaningful life. In my last sit I was wondering if maybe
the Dhamma found me.

What has changed in my life?

Without a doubt I have become a kinder, more gentle, more
thoughtful person. I have for the most part been a generous per-
son, but I feel generosity now permeates my life more deeply.
My marriage to my wife of 43 years is a happier one. I am more
aware of my actions and how they affect myself and others.
From a career standpoint, after having found the Dhamma, I
retired within one year. Over years of practicing I have become
a happy, well-adjusted person who is able to handle most ob-
stacles in life with equanimity.
 PROFILE

• 58
• Female
• Vietnamese
• Buddhist
• BA in French literature
• Nun
• Practice of meditation: 23 years

Why did I start meditating?

W hen I was 35 years old I very deeply realized that all life
is suffering. I had never been interested in ‘conventional’
life, and I had no interest in getting married and having children.
From very early childhood I had liked spending time at our
monastery, which I frequently visited with my grandmother. I
always wanted to stay there and I was very sad when we had to
go back home.
However, we moved to a different town when I was about 8.
I immersed myself in school and play, and forgot all about reli-
gion. When I was 19 my mother became very ill and the Chinese
doctor said she would die. I went to our small shrine room to
pray, and I promised to become a nun if my mother survived.
She fully recovered, but I forgot all about my promise until many
years later. By this time I had seen a lot of suffering and had real-
ized that life was inherently unsatisfactory.
10 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

When I was 35 my sister suggested we visit a temple together.

When I heard the word ‘temple’, I felt very inspired and decided
that I wanted to lead a spiritual life. I went to live at a monastery
in order to dedicate my life to the practice of meditation, in or-
der to gain enlightenment – the only way out of suffering. After
three months at the monastery I became a novice nun. A few
years later my parents moved to France but I decided to stay in
Vietnam and took full ordination.

Has meditation changed my life?

After several years of practice I heard a talk given by a Vietnam-
ese teacher who had studied and practised in Myanmar. His un-
derstanding of Vipassanā meditation was rather different from
what I had been taught, and it made a lot more sense to me.
He emphasized observation of feelings and other mind activi-
ties rather that just observing bodily movements. I asked him for
some guidance and later moved to a monastery where I could
practise in this way.
However, I felt I was not making much progress, so in 2001
I moved to Myanmar in order to continue to deepen my medita-
tion at the centre where that Vietnamese teacher had practised
himself. This turned out to be one of the best decisions in my
life. The emphasis on observing the mind (cittānupassanā) really
helped me to make progress. I realized that I had been meditat-
ing in a rather mechanical and dull way before, but here I started
to understand how the mind works and I have become very in-
terested in the practice. Keeping up an interest in the practice is
really important in order to make further progress.
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 11

I have been living at this meditation centre ever since. I have

a great respect for my teacher who has always guided me skil-
fully in my practice, and I am very grateful for all I have learned.
Probably the most important understanding I have acquired here
is that it is essential to see and accept things as they are. Accept-
ing whatever is happening as natural phenomena, and seeing my
wrong views and attachments, has been very liberating. Since I
am no longer so attached to views and opinions I do not get an-
gry or greedy so often anymore, and when I get angry or greedy
I do not get carried away since I now understand why this is
happening. I have understood that it is my attachment to views
or opinions which causes suffering, and whenever I can see this
clearly, the mind can let go of anger or greed completely.
However, even though I have clearly made some progress
and my mind has become much calmer, more content and bal-
anced, I also know that there is much more I need to learn.
 PROFILE

• 26
• Male
• American
• Degree: Bachelor of Music
• Religion by birth: Roman Catholic
• Buddhist
• Practice of meditation: 4 years

What brought me to meditation?

T his is a seemingly simple question to which indeed there is

a straightforward answer. One of my very close friends par-
ticipated in a ten-day silent meditation retreat and upon hearing
about his experiences and seeing his enthusiasm, my interest was
stirred and I knew that it was something I needed to experience
for myself. That is the fairly straightforward explanation of my
formal introduction to the Dhamma. Reflecting on this question,
however, has brought to light a much broader and more thor-
ough perspective and has been a quite interesting and insightful
process.
It has been about four years now since I started practicing
Vipassanā (mindfulness meditation). Over these years, as my in-
terest in the Dhamma has deepened, I have also had the chance
to look back and notice a number of indicators that my life was
heading in this direction. Of course, it is only in hindsight that
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 13

these incidents and tendencies have taken on an obvious mean-

ing.
I remember at times when I was a young boy my mother
would say: “Life is not all fun and games”. She usually told me
this when I was making a fuss about doing a homework assign-
ment or some other irritating matter. The way I interpreted this
was that I had to suffer - at least sometimes. Although I would
usually half-heartedly agree, I could not really accept it. I de-
cided that I would live a life of fun and games despite of what
everybody else thought. It might sound a bit funny now, but at
the time I felt this very strongly. I simply could not understand
why there should be some unwritten rule condemning people to
suffer for no reason, and I was determined to prove it wrong. For
the time being though, I grudgingly continued to do my home-
work and other daily responsibilities. Apart from that I really
had a very happy childhood.
I was born into a Roman Catholic family yet none of us was
particularly religious. We attended church on Christmas and Eas-
ter but that was about it. I took some after school classes during
grade school to learn about Roman Catholicism, which left me
rather skeptical of organized religion. I was not keen on blindly
accepting the word of the bible or a priest. On the other hand, I
was quite drawn to meditation even from a very young age. I re-
member being deeply and strangely moved after seeing a movie
in grade school that showed the main character meditating. I can
recall that image to this day. There was also an occasion when
I persuaded my mother to buy me an introductory meditation
book. Among other things, it taught me how to do body-scan
meditation. I made a habit of practicing this exercise before go-
14 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

ing to bed and, although I did not really understand what I was
doing, it felt very natural and enjoyable.
During high school my search for meaning in life became
a more conscious and directed undertaking. I was thirsting for
transcendental experiences that would expand my perception
and view of the world and reality. I came to seek this through
music and, for better or worse, the use of drugs. I had already
been playing guitar, trombone, and piano for a number of years,
but it was in high school that I really dove in. Sports soon fell by
the wayside as I immersed myself fully in music, especially gui-
tar. When that mixed with marijuana or psychedelics I started to
have the expanded mental states and mystical experiences I had
been searching for – or so I thought. It was a period of experi-
mentation, excitement and wonder. I really thought I had found
what I had been looking for.
This buzz carried over into college, at which point smoking
marijuana and cigarettes had already become a heavy addiction.
At the same time I was becoming a quite accomplished jazz gui-
tarist, playing with really good musicians professionally in Bos-
ton and New York. The drugs I was taking started losing their
initial awe-inspiring powers, which led me to drinking and more
serious drugs. Getting drunk and high became a daily necessity,
and by around the third year of college I was living the classic
romanticized lifestyle – sex, drugs, and rock and roll – except
for me it was sex, drugs, and jazz. I was living the life! All this
time I managed to keep up good social and family relations, and
I always made the dean’s list. For many years I was able to keep
all these overindulgences well hidden from my family and those
people that I did not think should know about them. In a sense I
was leading a double life.
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 15

Although I was having a lot of fun, there was also part of

me that had begun to realize how much I was harming myself
and that this was not what I really wanted. There was a grow-
ing sense of emptiness and discontentment with my life and the
world, yet I did not really know what I wanted anymore since I
was always numbing myself and consequently never had a clear
mind. It was a lot easier to just convince myself that everything
was OK, and this kind of worked for a while.
Things only started falling apart when I began to have doubts
about becoming a professional musician. The joy I experienced
from playing music had become more and more fleeting, in part
because of the great pressure I put on myself to keep improving.
I saw how attached I was to music as a source of happiness and
as a type of high in itself. Being a musician had also become an
integral part of my self-identity. When this began to crumble, I
proceeded to fall into a state of serious internal conflict and con-
fusion. It was becoming painfully clear that music was not going
to bring me to what I was seeking. Yet, at the same time I had
no idea what else to do and I was well over halfway through my
musical education. Not having the confidence or stability at the
time to open up, I kept this all bottled up within myself and tried
my best to keep up appearances.
This quickly became a source of chronic anxiety and depres-
sion. I was at a loss for how to deal with the situation and as a
result became even more heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol.
By this point I had completely stopped practicing guitar and was
doing whatever I could to keep my mind off the internal struggle
I was experiencing. It had become clear to me that things had to
change, yet I was paralyzed with fear and uncertainty. I feel a lot
16 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

of gratitude towards a friend who I was living with at the time.

Having gone through a similar crisis himself, he encouraged me
to get my act together and helped me gain some clarity and per-
spective on the situation. In a space somewhere between desper-
ation and hope, I signed up for my first ten-day silent Vipassanā
retreat.
I arrived there in bad shape; I had been up partying until 5
a.m. the night before the course started. I lied about my alcohol
and drug addiction and of course suffered from severe with-
drawal symptoms during the first half of the course. There were
some fleeting but memorable moments of peaceful concentration,
but for the most part I simply experienced very dull, agitated,
and unwholesome states of mind. As hellish as it was though,
I realized that I had found something special. I somehow made
it through the course and left knowing that I had found what I
had been looking for. However, I was still not ready to commit
myself. Back at college I immediately resumed my old lifestyle,
but for some reason things started getting out of control; I was
becoming less and less functional, and after about three months
I hit rock bottom. It had become so bad that my parents saw
how serious my situation was. I took a semester off, moved back
home, and I also signed up for my second ten-day retreat.
Moving back to my parents’ marked the end of my drink-
ing and drugging days. It was a very challenging and emotional
time. I meditated a lot, read books on Dhamma and developed
more and more faith in my practice. Deep in my heart, I knew
that this was the path for me. It felt strangely familiar and at the
same time it was all so logical, so true. My family and friends
were a bit apprehensive about my excitement – to them it must
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 17

have simply looked like I was swinging from one extreme to the
other. On the other hand, they were clearly open to the possibil-
ity that it was actually helping me. My second retreat ended up
lasting for about two months. It was truly the beginning of a new
life. I was so inspired and found a completely new source of en-
ergy with which I threw myself wholeheartedly into the practice
and study of the Dhamma. By now I was utterly convinced that
I had found my path.
At the beginning of the next semester I returned to college to
complete my degree. It was a challenging time for me to try to
integrate my new lifestyle in a setting where until recently I had
lived such a destructive life. I was sharing a house with seven
other musicians, none of whom were meditators, and who often
rehearsed in the basement until late at night. Yet, my resolve to
stay sober and keep practicing was very strong and this situation
ended up being a really positive challenge. In those months, I
learned what it meant to take refuge in the Dhamma – it became
my base of security and balance and I developed a lot of grati-
tude for having been given such a wonderful tool for my life. I
sat for hours every day, often late into the night with this loud
music coming up from the basement. It was a difficult time but
also a time of rapid growth.
Since my graduation I have spent a lot of time living and
practicing in meditation centers in both America and Asia. In be-
tween retreats I have worked in education as a substitute teacher
and as a teacher’s aide working with children with disabilities.
I am very fortunate to have found the Dhamma before being
tied down to a career, because it has allowed me a lot of time to
do retreats and get a firm foundation in the practice. This was
18 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

necessary for me after indulging in such a destructive lifestyle.

I have also been very fortunate to have full acceptance and sup-
port from my family since they clearly saw the value and benefit
meditation has had in my life.

What changes have taken place because of my practice?

It is a bit hard to even know where to begin because my life
is so radically different than it was before I meditated. At the
same time, I realize that I am only a beginner and feel I have
only touched the tip of the iceberg in relation to the profound
transformation of consciousness that is possible through persis-
tent and skilful practice of mindfulness meditation. The most
obvious change was that I stopped using drugs and alcohol and
undertook to follow the traditional five Buddhist precepts. I am
convinced that my practice of the Dhamma made my transition
to a life of sobriety much easier than such a big life change is for
most people. As I realized and valued the importance of self-
awareness more and more, it became obvious that the use of any
intoxicants was very counterproductive and this made them less
and less appealing. After having been numbed for so long, the
initial development of awareness felt like waking up from a life-
long dream. I started seeing the processes at work ‘behind the
scenes’ in the mind which propelled my physical, verbal, and
mental activities. I also experienced a huge range of emotions
that I had not addressed for so long, and this often gave me the
feeling that I was riding an emotional roller coaster.
In the past I had not consciously followed any ethical pre-
cepts although I basically considered myself a good person. It
was pretty rare that I intentionally did something to hurt another
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 19

person. I was definitely more inclined to the ‘peace and love’

mentality. Taking up the practice of meditation and following
the five precepts, however, has allowed me to take a much closer
look at those basic principles of morality, and I realized that there
is much room for improvement. When leading the sort of double
life I had described earlier, I often had to lie and to stretch the
truth, and consequently had habitually deceived others. I did not
think of it much at the time, but now I experienced guilt about all
this. The inherent wrongness and the suffering that follows any
breach of the speech precept have become painfully clear to me.
As a result, I have become much more conscious of my speech
and I always try to be truthful and honest. As I am developing
more sensitivity in this area, I am also becoming more aware of
even subtle and slight violations.
The same goes for the other precepts. I can now see clearly
the danger of taking intoxicants. They easily lead to letting down
your guard and therefore you are much more likely to break the
other precepts. Nowadays I would not even consider killing a
mosquito – something I would never have thought twice about
before taking up meditation. Through experience I have learned
that keeping the five precepts is essential for the development
of a clear, calm, and peaceful mind. Following these straight-
forward principles has allowed me to live a more guilt-free life
and has at the same time protected me from harming others and
myself. Keeping these precepts has helped me to lead a happier
life.
Practicing mindfulness has shown me that happiness is re-
ally my own responsibility. As my teacher says: “The mind is
not yours, but you are responsible for it”. Happiness definitely
20 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

comes from within. Learning to appreciate the truth of this has

at times seemed to be a double-edged sword. On the one hand,
it is very liberating because it empowers me to cultivate my own
happiness and know that ultimately nothing outside of myself
can take this from me. On the other hand, it puts a heavy burden
of responsibility on me because I can no longer blame the outside
world when I experience suffering. I still find myself blaming
others at times, but it is happening less often.
I have also seen that there are different types of happiness. In
the past I really only knew the happiness gained from indulging
in the pleasures of the senses – including the mind sense door,
i.e. the pleasure gained from intellectual stimulation. Through
meditation I have been able to experience more sublime types of
happiness: the happiness of concentration (i.e. a calm and peace-
ful mind) and the happiness of understanding something about
the nature of reality. It is difficult to describe these types of hap-
piness to someone who has not experienced them. Of course, I
still manage to find plenty of happiness through the senses and
at times get swept away, but I am more inclined to let go of them
and allow the other types of happiness to develop and mature.
I can say without doubt that the happiness and contentment I
have experienced through meditation have far surpassed any-
thing I experienced before in my life.
One quality that has become more prevalent is equanimity or
balance of mind. I used to always seek pleasant experiences and
go to great lengths to avoid unpleasant experiences. Mindfulness
has helped me understand the nature of life and its unavoidable
ups and downs. Equanimity has afforded me the opportunity
to accept, appreciate, and learn from the vicissitudes of life. I no
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 21

longer run away from my suffering so quickly, but rather try to

gently observe it, befriend it and learn from it. This has fostered a
much deeper sense of meaning and has enabled me to feel more
alive and more engaged in my life. When I experience equanim-
ity, it is an experience of mental freedom because in these mo-
ments my actions are not motivated by mental defilements.
Along with awareness and wisdom, equanimity creates a
space in which I can make decisions more skillfully and act less
impulsively. It has also revealed the underlying tendencies and
motivations of the mind that are so often fuelled by judgmental
attitudes and wrong views. Being able to watch the mind from
a detached yet alert perspective is helping me to see that every-
thing that arises in the mind is conditioned and impersonal. I
have learned that any anxieties or neuroses I experience are the
result of identification with these conditioned mental phenom-
ena. When there is wisdom present the identification ceases, and
the anxieties and neuroses no longer affect me.
It is actually a bit frightening if I think of how little aware-
ness I had of the quality of my mind before I started meditating.
I was really living in a fog, unaware of the harm that mental
defilements caused others and me. It has become clear to me that
when I harm others, I harm myself, and that when I help oth-
ers, I help myself. Developing wholesome qualities has, among
other things, been a contributing factor in my decision to study
medicine. Practicing medicine is a livelihood that will enable me
to help and serve others.
Another thing that needs mentioning is the development of
patience. I grew up in New York where productivity, efficiency,
and multi-tasking seem to be the most revered qualities in a per-
22 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

son, and patience seems to have been thrown out of the window.
Before I practiced mindfulness, I simply was swept away by this
fast pace of life. If things did not go according to schedule or
even if I had a long wait at a traffic light I would easily get very
agitated. Anytime I had to do anything that seemed to be a has-
sle, I would try to get it done as quickly as possible (and suffer
a lot of aversion in the process) so that I could get back to what
I wanted to do. I would usually fulfill all my responsibilities but
it was rarely done wholeheartedly because I just wanted them
out of the way quickly so that I could reward myself by getting
high. Anyone who has had an addiction will know the process
of craving and aversion and the stress and agitation that goes
along with it.
Meditation is teaching me to appreciate patience, a quality
that is very important on the spiritual path. This relatively small
understanding has effected a very big and positive change in my
life. I do not get agitated or angry as often as I used to and, when
I do, it is not as intense and does not last long. I have learned to
simply observe impatience when it is there, to not identify with
it, and then it usually dissipates much more easily. Developing
more patience has been a real blessing.
The last thing I want to mention is gratitude. Before I prac-
ticed Dhamma, I did not really feel gratitude for anything. This
is perhaps not entirely true but I certainly took a lot for granted,
and the sort of gratitude I had was pretty different from the grat-
itude I am talking about now. The Buddha said that the gift of
the Dhamma excels all other gifts. I feel this is true. I really feel
a deep sense of gratitude for being freely given such a precious
tool to use in my life. I am confident that I have found the path
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 23

that leads to truth and liberation and this gives life a deep sense
of meaning, purpose, and direction amidst all the seemingly
trivial pursuits of the mundane world. The feeling of gratitude is
not just limited to Dhamma though. I have become more grateful
to my parents, my friends, my teachers, and to all the positive
forces working in my life. This type of heartfelt gratitude brings
immense happiness in itself. If I had received no other benefit
from meditation besides this sense of gratitude, it would still
have been worthwhile.
Vipassanā meditation is a meditation that is based on change
and so, naturally, my experience and understanding of the prac-
tice is something that is ever evolving and changing. Had I writ-
ten this a year ago or in a year from now, much of it might be
different. I have tried to represent truthfully what is meaning-
ful to me now and how meditation relates to my life. I hesitate
even to call it meditation anymore because this tends to catego-
rize it and calls up all sorts of preconceived notions and ideas
in people. I know that my own understanding and reasons for
practicing have changed quite dramatically over the years and I
imagine this process will continue. I no longer make a distinction
between my life and my practice, as the practice really permeates
every aspect of life. One of my teachers calls meditation an ‘art of
living.’ I like this very much.
I hope this account of my experience with mindfulness medi-
tation proves to be helpful and perhaps even inspiring to you.
If you already meditate, I wish you all the best and if you have
never tried meditation, I would like to encourage you to give it a
try. It is not something to be missed.
 PROFILE

• 46
• Female
• Born in Asia
• Attended a Roman Catholic school
• Buddhist
• Resident in North America
• High school, university, and graduate studies
in North America
• Worked in both private and public sectors
in North America
• Practice of meditation: 6 years

Why did I start to practice meditation?

T here were a number of reasons that made me turn to medi-

tation. The most basic one was that after working too hard
in a fast-changing and highly competitive industry I felt really
burned out. Also, despite all of my achievements academically
and professionally, I experienced a kind of emptiness inside. I felt
dissatisfied with life itself and occasionally suffered through epi-
sodes of mild depression. Therefore, I began to wonder whether
there was some better way to lead my life, whether it was pos-
sible to avoid these constant ups and downs. I had also often
wondered about the meaning of life itself. Questions like: ‘Why
am I here?’ and ‘Where am I going?’ were always at the back of
my mind. Despite reading and looking into subjects as complex
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 25

as quantum mechanics, I had never been able to find satisfying

answers to these questions.
A friend told me about an intensive Vipassanā meditation re-
treat. I decided to give it a try. At that time, I knew nothing about
Buddhism and meditation. The course was quite interesting, and
I found meditation quite natural. During the last two days I ex-
perienced strong surges of energy in my body. I found this both
weird and wonderful, but I did not mention it to anyone.
I continued practicing at home and started having those expe-
riences during every sit. They started worrying me and so I told
a friend about them. He advised me to consult a female teacher
who had been trained in the Theravada and Tibetan traditions.
She told me that I had too much concentration and taught me
how to develop more awareness and not get involved in these
experiences. That really helped and I learned to balance effort
and concentration.
A few years later I read a book on mindfulness meditation.
The author stressed that direct observation of the mind was the
key to inner freedom. I managed to find out where he had gained
this understanding: A meditation center in Myanmar. I took six
weeks leave and went to practice there. I have been practicing
this kind of meditation (cittānupassanā) ever since, and this is
the third long retreat I am doing here.

In what ways has meditation changed me?

Mindfulness meditation has changed my views, my behavior,
and the way I relate to my family, my friends, and my work. I
have also become happier and more content. The latter is mainly
the result of learning to let go. Some things that used to really
26 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

bother me no longer cause stress. For example, I used to become

very agitated whenever there were any changes at work – any
managerial, organizational, or job assignment changes. My mind
would be filled with worries such as ‘Am I going to be laid off?’,
‘Is the new boss going to be any good?’, and ‘Am I going to be as-
signed a boring job?’ These thoughts would go round and round
in my head and make me feel depressed. Thanks to the under-
standing gained through meditation, I now can accept change as
part of life. Why worry when I have no control over the changes?
Who knows – the changes could be for the better!
I have also become significantly less attached to my posses-
sions because I now understand that, in a sense, I do not really
own them. Not long ago my car was vandalized. When some-
body told me about it, I did not get upset about it at all. In the
past, such an incident would have made me very upset and an-
gry and it would have taken me days to calm down again.
I have become more open to accepting other people’s views
and opinions. I realized that often other people’s views are just
as valid as mine and that I can often learn something by fully
taking in their views. As a result, my relationships with other
people have improved considerably.
The practice of mindfulness has also helped me to become
less emotional. I can now stay calm and react much more ap-
propriately in adverse or high-pressure situations. Reacting very
emotionally nearly always makes things worse. A calm mind al-
lows me to deal skillfully with all the challenges and difficulties
in life.
I have become less greedy too. Observing greed – any kind of
desire – has made me realize the danger in getting carried away.
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 27

In the past I would, for example, buy all sorts of unnecessary

items. Now that no longer appeals to me; I even let go of want-
ing to always get the latest electronic gadgets. Now I simply go
and buy what I need and then leave. I am not even interested in
doing window shopping anymore. I also used to enjoy going out
for a good meal, but this desire too has simply gone. ‘Good’ or
‘bad’ is no longer important in this respect. Now the decision is
based on whether I actually need the food and – just as impor-
tant – whether it is healthy.
Becoming old is also no longer the kind of threat it used to
be. Ageing is part of life. Why worry when it just keeps happen-
ing whether I like it or not? Many people spend a lot of mon-
ey for creams, vitamins, and all sorts of articles or treatments
that promise to make them look younger. It all seems a waste of
money, time, and energy to me. Even death no longer instills the
kind of fear in me that it used to. I can now accept death as just
another natural occurrence, as an inevitable part of life.
Mindfulness meditation has become part of my life. When
I am on retreat I can practice more intensively and have time
to look at specific problems at length. Over the past two years I
have been integrating my practice more and more into daily life,
and I now feel that life has become my practice. For me the prac-
tice of mindfulness is the only refuge I can truly rely on.
Last but not least I have learned to be much more relaxed, to
be more accepting of whatever happens as a result of my actions.
I still work hard and give my best but I am no longer so worried
about the results. If the results are good, fine, if not – well, I tried
my best.
 PROFILE

• 45
• Male
• Chinese
• Buddhist
• Studied: Science
• Work experience: owner and manager
of a textile trading business
• Practice of meditation: started meditating at 13,
regular and intensive practice for the past 15 years

Why did I start meditating?

M y parents first sent me to a monastery when I was about 13

years old. I had a very kind teacher and I found medita-
tion interesting mainly because I liked experiencing a calm and
concentrated mind. I occasionally practised at home, and my
parents kept sending me back to the monastery whenever I had
been naughty or had got into some kind of trouble. But staying
at the monastery was not a punishment for me at all; I always
enjoyed my stays there. I liked exploring meditation deeper and
I also learned a lot about the Dhamma from my teacher. I en-
joyed developing calm and concentrated mind states and I was
also very interested in discovering how the mind worked. I often
stayed at the monastery for several months at a time and I always
took temporary ordination as a novice monk. Back in the ‘world’
again I sometimes practised mindfulness but – from about 15 – I
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 29

also started drinking and taking drugs more and more regularly.
So I kept going from one extreme to the other, from the wild
life ‘out there’ to the disciplined life in the monastery and back
again. When I was 20 years old my teacher wanted me to be-
come a permanent monk (bhikkhu) but I refused and ran away
– I found life at the monastery too boring in the long run.
Then, at 27, I had what you might call an early mid-life crisis.
I returned home from an 8-month stay at the monastery but for
some reason no longer enjoyed the worldly life. At this time, my
parents also told me not to return to university but to take over
the running of our family business instead.
Despite this new challenge, I never felt happy anymore and
was all the time very agitated. Life felt pointless, and I fell into
a deep depression. This was the third time in my life that I had
become very depressed: the first time I somehow snapped out of
it again for no apparent reason and the second time I became so
very angry at some stage that I managed to overcome the depres-
sion. This time was very different though, this time it lasted for
nearly three years. I became more and more depressed. Nothing
seemed to help. Taking drugs made me even more depressed,
and I neither had the will nor the energy to meditate. I spent
more and more time on my own, going to secluded spots in the
mountains or on the beach. I revisited many places where in the
past I had been happy, but that never made any difference to my
state of mind, it never uplifted my spirits. The depression simply
followed me wherever I went.
Finally, about half a year into the depression, I realized that
I could not escape it, that I needed to face it and try to work
with it. I wanted to find out why I was depressed. So I started
30 | The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You

meditating again. I did some formal sitting meditation, but my

main practice was to try to be as continuously aware as I could
throughout the day. I therefore closely watched whatever was
happening in the mind.

Has meditation changed my life?

First I only saw negative feelings, negative emotions, and nega-
tive thoughts. Fortunately, I had the skills necessary to watch
them. I soon noticed that whenever I was fully aware, the mind
was a bit relaxed and it was also a bit free from all the negativi-
ties. This of course gave me hope and encouraged me to continue
practising. I was also really desperate, and this seemed the only
way forward.
One day, after practising for about three or four months, the
depression suddenly completely lifted – but just for a few split
seconds. This brief but very strong experience convinced me that
cultivating awareness throughout the day was the only way out.
It gave me a lot of confidence, and practicing mindfulness be-
came my main concern in life.
I occasionally went on a short retreat at my teacher’s monas-
tery and I also frequently went to see him in order to discuss my
practice and to ask him for further advice. During all this time
I continued to run my business and lead a normal life. I com-
pletely gave up consuming any kind of drugs, including alcohol,
and I have never taken any again since.
As a result of my patient and continuous practice my mind
became steadily calmer and more balanced, and I gained more
and more knowledge and understanding. At the same time, the
 The Practice Of MINDFULNESS Will Change You | 31

depression gradually and slowly lost its grip on my mind un-

til one day – when I was 30 and about three years after it had
started – it was completely gone.
This long process of continuous learning completely changed
the way I perceived the world and myself. I found it very easy
to deal with all the worldly problems that people ordinarily get
so stressed about. I also continued to learn; my mindfulness had
become natural and I continued to acquire more and more un-
derstanding and wisdom. I was at peace with myself, I learned
how to get on harmoniously with other people, and my business
became more and more successful.
At 36 I started feeling a strong desire to once again go to prac-
tise at my teacher’s monastery. I had a strong interest in exploring
the mind further under his guidance and to do so in an intensive
way. I thought about it for a year before deciding to once again
become a temporary monk for one rainy season and then return
to lay life. During this time, however, my understanding and
wisdom grew rapidly, and I also felt no longer any attachment
to my family or my business. I realized that only the continuous
development of wisdom gives true meaning to life. I felt a very
strong calling to continue practising intensively and decided to
remain at the monastery. I have been a monk ever since, fully
dedicating my time to practising and sharing Dhamma.