My talk today is about Balance

My name is Mady and I’m a sophomore philosophy major from Minneapolis, Minnesota
but I like calling Chicago my home. Here at Loyola, I have been in Wind Ensemble, Hall Council,
Student Alumni Ambassadors, and have been a student worker in the music department. Along
with that, I have held multiple leadership roles in my co-ed service fraternity Alpha Phi Omega
and I’m currently starting work at an internship. Since I am usually very busy, I’ve become an
expert at iCal and my agenda book is very important to me. In my extremely limited free time I
enjoy listening to music, biking, watercolor painting, and hanging out with friends. My life is a
full-time balancing act. It’s a job in itself to find free time to do those things that make me
happy, because without them I would probably go crazy.

To start my talk, I’ll read you a quote from Buddha: “When you realize how perfect everything
is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky”

I chose to start with this quote because this is what balance is to me. When you feel at
peace with your surroundings and realize that everything happens for a reason. I’m very excited
to be able to talk to you about balance today because I have my own definition, but balance can
look like something different to everyone and nobody’s definition is wrong.
My definition comes from happiness…relaxation… clarity, and harmony. These are also
things I often struggle with internally. If you imagine a compass, a balanced needle shows True
North, a quivering needle may send you the wrong way. For me the quivering of the needle
reflects imbalance. It’s hard to move towards my deepest desires if my emotional or mental
state doesn’t allow the needle on the compass to show my true north.
In the past I have always thought of myself as a pretty happy person, I prided myself on
“not letting anything get to me”, but I realized that this attitude was easy in high school, not so
much suited for college. I began my first year hanging out with a few people that I got along
with good enough, after all, I needed somebody to go get dinner with. After a few weeks I
noticed that something was happening, the other girls in the group were pushing me out.
Suddenly the group was getting dinner without me and I was given side glances when we were
hanging out. This gave me all sorts of nervousness and stress I had never had to cope with
before. I went to kindergarten through high school with the same group of fairly nice people. So
it was shocking for me to interact with people who were blatantly exclusive and rude. It made
me feel anxious, sad, introverted (which I am usually not), and most importantly I felt
unbalanced. It got worse in this group, and one weekend everything went South, fast.
I ended up in a state of mental and emotional torment from being around these people,
I made myself so sick that my mom even suggested that I go to the ER. For some reason, I chose
to wait out the headache and pain and went to the Wellness Center the next morning. They
told me that no medication could help, but that being stressed or depressed can actually impact
your immune system and make you more prone to illness, which is probably what happened. As
a “prescription” they recommended I saw a mental health counselor. I was reluctant at first
because I didn’t think that that’s what I needed, I wanted a quick fix like pill that would solve
everything. But my inner compass pushed me to come to the right decision and I went to see a
mental health counselor at the Wellness Center. Loyola focuses on staying true their Jesuit
values, like cura personalis or care for the whole unique person, for me I found that staff like
those at the Wellness Center really do care about your academic, social, spiritual, and mental
needs. For me this care looked like 8 free counseling sessions through the Wellness Center,
however this specialized care can look different for different students. The sickness went away
over the next couple of days and that’s when I had my first meeting with my mental health
counselor. She was a third year grad student at Loyola and we connected instantly. She was so
kind and after my first session I didn’t want to wait until the next week to see her again. She
helped me understand that everything was going to be okay. In the sessions I realized that I
didn’t have anyone to confide in so far away from home, she was that person for me while I
was settling into this new college environment still looking for friends. It felt really good having
someone to tell things to, I didn’t feel as sad or alone. Over the course of time that I was in the
sessions, I had found a new group of friends, and they are still some of my best friends to this
day. One of them even convinced me to some on a 360 retreat. My counselor was an excellent
resource when I thought I had nobody and continued to help even after I found a reliable
couple of friends. It took a long time for me to recover from those first few toxic people in my
college experience, but I feel thankful to have been provided with the resources I needed to get
through it. That wave of sickness showed me that my inner compass wasn’t sure where it was
going yet, but that experience led me to realize I need close friends in my life in order to have
balance.
Having reliable friends is one of my greatest blessings. During my first year, as I said, it
took me some time to find what I was looking for in a friend. I thought I could get along with
anyone, but I realized that one of my deepest desires is to be valued for who I am. I want to be
able to make people laugh and smile. If I can make someone’s day a little brighter, I feel as
though I’ve done my job. It takes a little leap of faith sometimes, but a little bit of kindness can
go a long way.
I think the best way to find quality friends is to be yourself and start conversations. I’m
that person in class who will talk to whoever is around that’s willing to listen. I find that more
often than not, someone will laugh at my jokes. There’s a cheesy saying that you’ve probably
seen on a t-shirt somewhere that actually holds some value for this, that is: “your vibe attracts
your tribe.” Dumb and cringy: yes. A good way to make friends: also yes. Finding people that I
could relax and be myself around helped me restore a sense of happiness last year. It was really
important for me to have people to talk to, that in itself helped me find that harmony that I had
lost during the beginning of the school year. It took me until after I had stopped surrounding
myself with bad people to realize I cherish relationships and happiness as a huge part of what
brings balance to my life.
The attitude it takes to feel good does not happen all at once, and for me it has not
been easy and is something I am always working on. I have discovered practices that help me
feel better when I am not feeling balanced. On my 360 retreat, my small group leader talked
about how journaling helped her on her faith journey in college. I had always wanted to keep a
journal but in the past had never followed through or knew what to write. When I got back to
campus from my 360 retreat, I went to target and bought a journal, and immediately started.
As I got comfortable with it, I realized I could reflect on the activities throughout my day and
find those meaningful moments that make me who I am and make me happiest. My inner
compass that I learned about at 360 was clearer than ever. Something that I learned about
myself is that I need time to relax and debrief after a busy day or week. I realized how nice it
was to slow down and pick out the parts of my life I had the ability to change and improve. For
instance, I was get extremely tired and irritable, but it was because I was waking up at 7 for my
8 am class. I realized that unlike high school, if I planned correctly, I didn’t have to wake up until
10 am for class. Getting enough sleep is a terrific way to practice self-care. When I feel irritable,
distracted or burnt out, I take a minute to collect myself and breathe. By Journaling I can find
the root causes of my stress and try to find a solution to what I am being worried by. Though
some stressors will always be present, it’s nice to think there are some that have the potential
to be solved with a little bit of self-love.
Even after I have gotten comfortable with writing, I will still get lost in the chaos and my
sense of balance still wavers when I have an overwhelming number of things to do. Something I
have started doing since coming to college is mindfulness meditation as well as yoga.
I met my best friend Taylor, who is also my big in my service fraternity through late
night yoga, we would go every Wednesday night to decompress from studying and life in
general. This past year we have gone to restorative yoga at Halas every weekend, it is a great
way to slow things down and prepare for the week ahead. It is the most rewarding feeling to
take the time to slow down and have a moment to yourself. Because making yourself happy
and healthy is the greatest gift you can give you. I love spending time with my friend Taylor in
this setting because we share the space physically but are worlds apart in our heads. It is time
spent together yet separate, which itself has become a very important part of our friendship,
we have a mutual understanding and trust in the practice of yoga that brings us closer together.
Taylor also introduced me to meditation. She leads group meditation practices in our
frat and I was instantly hooked after the first one. Like yoga, mindfulness meditation helps the
mind calm down and relieve all tension and stress from the body. To me, this feeling is almost
euphoric. I found that simple breathing exercises could calm me down before a big exam or
whenever I feel out of balance. By gently pushing worries out of my mind and focusing on
breathing and existing in the space, I am able to root my mind in good intentions that will not
fog my consciousness. Otherwise it feels good to just sit with myself and find my center. Like
yoga, I like being able to open my eyes at the end and feel happy that I took the time to find my
inner peace. Taking time to breathe, unwind, or relax for a minute will never feel like wasted
time. It makes me focused and ready to seize the day. To bring it back to the beginning, when
the needle on my compass feels like it’s all over the place, mindfulness and clarity can make my
intentions feel true.
When my brain is clear of distractions it is easier to study, fall asleep, and think about
my “wants”, rather than just my “needs”. The “wants” my life have often led to the big
decisions I’ve had to make. When I feel calm and balanced, rather than scatter-brained and
stressed, it’s been easier to follow those “wants” towards my deepest desires. Whether it is
rewarding myself with self-care after a tough day or picking a career, I always try follow those
“wants” because I’ve come to understand that they’ll lead me to my deepest desires. It is
relieving when I do something to make my day a little better, because “que sera, sera”,
“whatever will be, will be”. The only thing I can do is try to make myself as happy as possible.
When your mind is clear, it is easier to enjoy the little things in life. When you follow your inner
compass towards your deepest desires, dare I say, you might even “tilt your head back and
laugh at the sky”.
Thank you.