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SCIENCE FICTION
ALL ORIGINAL STORIES • NO REPRINTS!
CONTINTS
THREE-PART SERIAl-lnslaHmant 1
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Name
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LOOK NOW!
OME months back, I related aways, as you can see, can’t be
S the unsettling experience of that easily detected.
a writer who found himself trudg- Then must we remain dupes?
ing up the subway steps behind Not at all!
two men. The first exclaimed that One thing that can’t be shucked
the Sun had been out when they very readily is conditioning.
got aboard and here it was
. . . You’ve had one example. Did the
pouring downtown! “Well,” said “man” who betrayed himself get
the other, “it’s better than noth- flustered and fear exposure? I
ing.” doubt it; we’re accustomed to
on the possibility
I speculated laugh off such flubs as unthinking
that the second speaker was an answers or slips of the tongue,
alien from a world without and any well-trained scout would
weather, or perhaps from an un- exploit that human trait.
Illustrated by EMSH
N Why
weigh?
won’t take you hunting
late-Mesozoic dinosaur.
not?
A
How much d’you
hundred and thirty?
the Cenozoic. I’ll get you a shot
at an entelodont or a titanothere
or a uintathere. The’ve
heads.
all got fine
Let’s see, that’s under ten stone, I’ll even stretch a point and
which is my lower limit. take you to the Pleistocene, where
are, my own
.
pri-
. .
’em out.
vate gun for that work, a Conti- It’s true, lots of people have
nental .600. Does look like a shot- killed elephant with lighter guns:
gun, doesn’t it? But it’s rifled, as the .500, .475, and .465 doubles,
you can see by looking through for instance, or even .375 mag-
the barrels. Shoots a pair of .600 num repeaters. The difference is
nitro express cartridges the size of that with a .375 you have to hit
bananas; weighs fourteen and a something vital, preferably the
half pounds and has a muzzle heart, and can’t depend on simple
energy of over seven thousand shock-power.
foot-pounds. Costs fourteen hun- An elephant weighs let’s see —
dred and fifty dollars. Lot of — four to six tons. You’re plan-
money for a gun, what? ning to shoot reptiles weighing
I have some spares I rent to the two or three times as much as an
sahibs. Designed for knocking elephant and with much greater
down elephant. Not justwound- tenacity of life. That’s why the
ing them, knocking them base- syndicate decided to take no more
over-apex. That’s why
they don’t people dinosaur - hunting unless
make guns like this in America, they could handle the .600. We
though I suppose they will if learned the hard way, as you
hunting parties keep going back Americans say. There were some
in time through Prochaska’s unfortunate incidents. . .
the past. Thus we could help over her, I assumed this was the
finance the operation of the ma- fourth Mrs. James.
chine for scientific purposes, pro- “Miss Bertram,” she corrected ^
vided we got a fair share of its me, with an embarrassed giggle. ^
time. “She’s not my wife,” James ex-
against sex, you understand. Mar- I’m here under false pretenses.
velous institution and all that, but I’m really not much of an out-
not where it interferes with my doorsman and I’ll probably be
living. scared to death when I see a real
“Oh, nonsense,” said James. “If dinosaur. But I’m determined to
she wants to go, she’ll go. She skis hang a dinosaur head over my
and flies my airplane, so why fireplace or die in the attempt.”
shouldn’t she — ”
“Most of us are frightened at
“Against the firm’s policy.” first,” I soothed him, and little
“She can keep out of the way by little I got the story out of him.
when we run up against the dan-
gerous ones.”
“No, sorry.”
“Damn it,” said he, getting red.
W HILE James had always
been wallowing in money,
Holtzinger was a local product
“After all, I’m paying you a goodly who’d only lately come into the
sum and I’m entitled to take who real thing. He’d had a little busi-
I please.” ness here in' St. Louis and just
“You can’t hire me to do any- about made ends meet when an
thing against my best judgment,” uncle cashed in his chips some-
I said. “If that’s how you feel, get where and left little Augie the
another guide.” pile.
“All right, I will. And I’ll tell all He’d never been married but
my friends you’re a goddamn — ”
had a fiancee. He was building a
Well, he said a lot of things I big house, and when it was fin-
won’t repeat. It ended with my ished, they’d be married and
telling him to get out of the office move into it. And one furnishing
or I’d throw him out. he demanded was a ceratopsian
I was sitting in the office think- head over the fireplace. Those are
“We had a row,” he said. “I’m let fly. He missed completely and
through with women. So if there’s the kick knocked him flat on his
no hard feelings, let’s go on from back with his legs in the air.
where we left off.” He got up, looking paler than
“Absolutely,” I agreed, business ever, and handed me back the
being business. gun, saying; “Uh — I think I’d bet-
The Raja and I decided to ter try something smaller.”
make it a joint safari to eighty- When his shoulder stopped be-
five million years ago: the early ing sore, I tried him out on the
upper Cretaceous, or the middle smaller rifles. He took a fancy to
Cretaceous, as some American my Winchester 70, chambered for
geologists call it. It’s about the the .375 magnum cartridge. It’s
best period for dinosaur in Mis- an excellent all-round gun
souri. You’ll find some individual What’s it like? A conventional
species a little larger in the late magazine rifle with a Mauser-type
upper Cretaceous, but the period bolt action. It’s perfect for the
we were going to gives a wider big cats and bears, but a little
his choice was between buying racy but of sound judgment and
one of those and renting one of smooth coordination so you shan’t
our smaller pieces. catch twigs in the mechanism of
We drove into the country to your gun, or fall into holes, or
yokes on the ends with sp>onge- “How much does a head like
rubber padding. I brought it along that weigh?” he asked.
because in such eras you can’t “Depends on the age and the
always count on finding saplings species,” I told him. “The biggest
strong enough for proper poles on weigh over a ton, but most run
the spot. between five hundred and a thou-
The Raja and I cleaned our sand pounds.”
bonehead, to lighten him, and “And all the ground’s rough
tied him to the pole. The flies be- like today?”
gan to light on the offal by thou- “Most of it. You see, it’s the
sands. Scientists say they’re not combination of the open vegeta-
true flies in the modern sense, tion cover and the high rainfall.
but they look and act like them. Erosion is frightfully rapid.”
There’s one conspicuous kind of “And who hauls the head on its
so you can imagine its beak the swamp, the cicads and willows
makes nothing of a human skin. grow so thickly, you have to worm
One made Holtzinger leap into your way among them.
the air when it bit through his There was a sandy ridge on the
shirt. James joshed him about it, border of the swamp that I led
saying: “What’s all the fuss over the party to, for it’s pretty bare
one little bug?” of vegetation and affords a fine
The second night, during the view. When we got to the ridge,
Raja’s watch, James gave a yell the Sun was about to go down.
that brought us all out of our tents A couple of crocs slipped off into
with rifles. All that had happened the water. The sahibs were so
was that a dinosaur tick had exhausted, being soft yet, that
crawled in with him and started they flopped down in the sand
drilling into his armpit. Since it’s as if dead.
as big as your thumb even when The haze is thick round the
it hasn’t fed, he was understand- swamp, so the Sun was deep red
ably startled. Luckily he got it and distorted by the atmospheric
before it had taken its pint of layers —pinched in at various
blood. He’d pulled Holtzinger’s levels. There was a high layer
leg pretty hard about the fly of clouds reflecting the red and
bite, so now Holtzinger repeated gold, too, so altogether it was
“What’s all the fuss over one something for the Raja to write
little bug, buddy?” one of his poems about. Only
James squashed the tick under- your modern poet prefers to
foot and grunted. He didn’t like write about a rainy day in a gar-
being twitted with his own words. bage dump. A few little pterosaur
were wheeling overhead like bats,
E PACKED up and started only they don’t flutter like bats.
on our circuit. We meant to They swoop and soar after the
take them first to the borders of big night-flying insects.
the sauropod swamp, more to see Beauregard Black collected fire-
the wild-life than to collect any- wood and lit a fire. We’d started
thing. on our steaks, and that pagoda-
From where the transition shaped Sun was just slipping be-
spike of B^e ' sticking out the “You stay here,” I tosaid
back of their heads, like the horn James. “This is Augie’s head and
of an oryx, and a web of skin I don’t want any argument over
connecting this with the back of your having fired first.”
their neck.
“Keep your voices down,” I AMES grunted while Holt-
said.The duckbill, like the other J zinger clamped his ’scope to
ornithopods, are wary beasts be- his rifle. We crouched our way up
cause they have no armor or the spit, keeping the sand ridge
weapons against the theropods. between us and the duckbills.
The duckbill feed on the margins When we got to the end where
of lakes and swamps, and when a there was no more cover, we crept
gorgosaur rushes out of the trees, along on hands and knees, mov-
they plunge into deep water and ing slowly. If you move slowly
swim off. Then when phobo- directly toward or away from a
suchus, the super-crocodile, goes dinosaur, it probably won’t notice
for them in the water, they flee you.
to the land. A hectic sort of life, The duckbills continued to
what? grub about on all fours, every
—
Holtzinger said: “Uh Reggie, few seconds rising to look round.
I’ve been thinking over what you Holtzinger eased himself into the
said about ceratopsian heads. If cocked his piece,
sitting position,
I could get one of those yonder, and aimed through the ’scope.
I’d be satisfied. It would look big And then
enough in my house, wouldn’t it?” Bang! bang! went a big rifle
“I’m sure of it, old boy,” I said. back at the camp.
“Now look here. I could take you Holtzinger jumped. The duck-
on a detour to come out on the bill jerked up their heads and
shore near there, but we should leaped for the deep water, splash-
horns are too much for them. But few feet, we couldn’t see a thing.
they love a dead or dying one. It opened out as we got in under
They’ll hang round a dead cera- the trees, which shaded out some
topsian for weeks, gorging and of the brush. The Sun slanted
then sleeping their meals off for down through the trees. I could
days at a time. They usually take hear nothing but the hum of in-
cover in the heat of the day any- sects and the scuttle of lizards
how, because they can’t stand and the squawks of toothed birds
much direct hot sunlight. You’ll in a treetop. I thought I could
find them lying in copses like this be sure of the theropod smell, but
or in hollows, anywhere there’s told myself that might be imagi-
shade.’’ nation. The theropod might be
“What’ll we do?” asked Holt- any of several species, large or
zinger. small,and the beast itself might
“We’ll make our first cast be anywhere within a half-mile
through this copse, in two pairs radius.
as usual. Whatever you do, don’t “Go on,” I whispered to Holt-
get impulsive or panicky.” I zinger, forI could hear James
looked at Courtney James, but and the Raja pushing ahead on
he looked right back and then my right and see the palm-fronds
merely checked his gun. and ferns lashing about as they
“Should I still carry this disturbed them. I suppose they
broken?” he wanted to know. were trying to move quietly, but
“No; close it, but keep the to me they sounded like an earth-
safety on till you’re ready to quake in a crockery shop.
shoot,” I said. It’s risky carrying “A little closer,” I called, and
I put my thumb on mine and bigger than any rex ever hatched.
stepped to one side to have a It must have stood twenty feet
clear field. high and been fifty feet long. I
The clatter grew louder. I could see its big bright eye and
raised my gun to aim at about six-inch teeth and the big dewlap
the height a big theropod’s heart that hangs down from its chin to
would be at the distance it would its chest.
appear to us out of the greenery. The second of the nullahs that
There was a movement in the cut through the copse ran athwart
foliage —
and a six-foot-high bone- our path on the far side of the
head stepped into view, walking palmetto clump. Perhaps six feet
solemnly across our front from deep. The tyrannosaur had been
left to right, jerking its head with lying in this, sleeping off its last
each step like a giant pigeon. meal. Where its back stuck up
I heard Holtzinger let out a above ground level, the ferns on
breath and had to keep myself the edge of the nullah masked it.
from laughing. Holtzinger said: James had fired both barrels over
“Uh— the theropod’s head and woke it
“Quiet,” I whispered. “The up. Then James, compound
theropod might still — folly,
to
ran forward without reload-
his
That was as far as I got when ing. Another twenty feet and he’d
But the tyrannosaur was already the copse, the tyrannosaur was
turning away and I suspect the already at the far end of the
ball just glanced along the ribs. glade. I took a quick shot, but
The took a couple of
beast probably missed, and it was out
steps away whenI gave it the of sight before I could fire an-
other barrel in the back. It stag- other.
gered on its next step but kept We ran on, following the tracks
on. Another step and it was nearly and spatters of blood, until we
out of sight among the trees, had to stop from exhaustion.
when the Raja fired twice. The Their movements look slow and
stout fellow had untangled him- ponderous, but with those tre-
self from James, got up, picked mendous legs, they don’t have to
up his gun and let the tyranno- step very fast to work up con-
saur have it. siderable speed.
The double wallop knocked the When we’d finished gasping
brute over with a tremendous and mopping our foreheads, we
smash. It fell into a dwarf mag- tried to track the tyrannosaur, on
nolia and I saw one of its hind- the theory that it might be dying
legs waving in the midst of a and we should come up to it. But
V shower of incongruously pretty the spoor faded out and left us at
pink-and-white jDetals. a loss. We circled round hoping
Can you imagine the leg of a to pick it up, but no luck.
bird of prey enlarged and thick- Hour later, we gave up and
ened until it’s as big round as went back to the glade, feeling
the leg of an elephant? very dismal.
enough to lose one hunter through I’ll just say the tyrannosaur ate
your stupidity without risking an- you, too.”
other one?” The Raja and I were standing
been preparing a pretty
I’d with our guns broken open, under
warm wigging for James, but his our arms, so it would take a good
attack so astonished me, I could part of a second to snap them
only bleat: “We lost
?”
— shut and bring them up to fire.
“Sure,” he said. “You put us in Moreover, you don’t shoot a .600
front of you, so if anybody gets holding it loosely in your hands,
eaten, it’s us. You send a guy not if you know what’s good for
up against these animals under- you. Next thing, James was set-
gunned. You — ting the butt of his .500 against
“You stinking little swine,” I his shoulder, with the barrels
began and went on from there. pointed at my face. Looked like
I learned spent his
later he’d a pair of blooming vehicular
his time working out an elaborate tunnels.
theory according to which this The Raja saw what was hap-
disaster was all our fault Holt- — pening before I did. As the beg-
zinger’s, the Raja’s and mine. gar brought his gun up, he stepped
Nothing about James’s firing out forward with a tremendous kick.
of turn or panicking or Holt- Used to play football as a young
zinger’s saving his worthless life. chap, you see. He knocked the
Oh, dear, no. It was the Raja’s .500 up and it went off so the
fault for not jumping out of his bullet missed my head by an inch
way, etcetera. and the explosion jolly well near
Well, I’ve led a rough life and broke my eardrums.
can express myself quite elo- The butt had been punted
quently. The Raja keeptried to away from James’s shoulder when
up with me, but ran out of Eng- the gun went off, so it came back
Illustrated by WEISS
FIAT TIGER 37
“The spaceabout’s light-reflecting passed on ” —
Captain Bligh’s
properties have been heterodyned voice took on a reverent hush and
to yohr personal retinal pattern he removed the top of his head,
only. Be assured that you are the considerably startling the Presi-
only man on world that can
this dent until he realized that it was
see it moment.”
at the present actually a cap of some sort —
“That’s a You have no
relief. “to that great macro-universe up
idea how the papers would jump yonder to which we must all go
on something like this.” He ges- one day.”
tured to a chair. “Won’t you sit
down?”
“Thanks, but I’d rather stand. T he throat
President cleared his
embarrassedly. Cap-
No leg you see. You’re
joints, tain Bligh put his cap back on
probably wondering how I hap- and continued his explanation.
pen to be here.” “Tigers are,to be
therefore,
“Well, I don’t think I should found on every world and familiar
commit myself by giving you a to every intelligent race. Since
definite answer immediately on they still possess many of the
that,” said the President cautious- potentials of their departed mas-
ly- ter-strain,they have been bred
“No matter,” said Bligh. “I will and conditioned to a variety of
explain anyway. I happen to be uses. One of the most widespread
in a round -the-Galaxy race at of these is as neural governors
the moment —
the Sunbeam is a on the feeders that meter out
stripped-down hot-warp. Unfor- fuel to the warp engines. The
tunately, as I was passing your fuel feedmust be controlled with
solar system, I got a flat tiger such delicacy that no mechani-
and had to pull in for repairs.” cal process can be devised fine
“I beg your pardon?” queried enough. I have four warp engines
the President. “Did you say a on my Sunbeam and therefore,
flat tiger?” naturally, four tigers; one petty
“Excuse me,” said Bligh. “I tiger and three tigers second
should have explained. The tiger class.”
— Felts Tigris Longipilis or what “Ah — yes,” the President re-
you know as the Siberian tiger — plied. “But you said that this
is a discarded mutant variform tiger was flat.”
of a race which was formerly dis- “Exactly.My tigers and others
tributed ever3Twhere throughout like them have been bred and
the Galaxy, but which has since trained for their work. It is a
ended its physical existence and very exacting job, as you can
think an injection
” — dent dabbed at his mouth with
“Not at all. A gaseous drug has his handkerchief and put it away
the great advantage that when again.
the trip is over, or at any moment “I am only, you must under-
when the situation may require stand,. executive head of this one
the tiger may exhale and with-
it,
FIAT TIGER 41
feur named Joe Smith. balance by this thing. Morion.
He would remain Joe Smith Maybe — ”
not leave the White House; and The President looked at him
the secret of his existence would with hope beginning to revive in
be passed on by word of mouth his eyes.
as a strictly administrative secret “Morion!” he said. “You don’t
from one President to the next. mean — ”
whole story. Morion got up and former President that was hang-
looked out the window onto the ing there and revealed the front
White House lawn. But, of course, of a wall safe. His fingers spun
he saw nothing. the dial, the safe opened and he
“What would you like me to removed an old-fashioned wall-
do, sir?” he said, returning to his phone with a handcrank, from
seat. which a long cord led back into
“Three days,” said the Presi- the depths of the safe. He car-
dent. “I know it sounds ridicu- ried the phone to the desk and
lous —
but would there be any set it down.
possible chance of arranging a “Would you lock the door, Mr.
meeting of the Four of us inside President?” he asked courteously.
of three days?” Hardly were the The President went to do so,
words out of his mouth when he hearing behind his back the shir-
realized how incongruous they ring ring of the phone as Morion
sounded. “No, no, of course not,” turned the bell crank for one long
he said. “I’m thrown a little off ring and three shorts. There was
FLAT TIGER 43
Morion Stanchly, nodding soberly. of the humans seated around the
“I will be honored to attend President’s desk and Bligh stand-
your meeting,” said Captain ing facing them all.
Bligh, waving a cheerful tentacle “To start the ball rolling,” said
as he busily connected pieces of our President, “may I say that .
FIAT TIGER 45
chamacallits? Wouldn’t there?” ber of the Confraternity?”
“Well, yes,” said Bligh. “Bound “Not at all, not at all,” Bligh
to be, I suppose. There’s some hurried to assure him. “There’s
races that can hear an electron every conceivable kind of in-
scratch its nose in the next spiral telligence and culture in the Con-
nebula. Still, maybe they didn’t fraternity. All kinds of life-forms.
think it important to mention it. All kinds and types of intelli-
Different people, different ways, gences.”
you know. It takes all kinds to There was a moment’s silence.
make a universe.” “Then what —
” demanded the
“Well, dammit!” said the Prime up unexp>ect-
Secretary, sp>eaking
Minister. “Isn’t there any organi- edly and gutturally on his own,
zation with the job of finding new “do they have in common be-
cultures?” tween them?”
“Oh, yes — Exploration,” re- “Love,” replied Bligh blissfully.
plied Bligh. “But they’re mostly “Their mutual love and affection.”
a bunch of hobbyists in actual There was another short si-
fact, you understand. I mean — lence.
no great purpose in finding an- “Love each other, eh?” grunted
other new culture when there’s the Prime Minister.
so many around to begin with. “Yes,” said Bligh, “just as they
They might be poking around will love you humans if you be- '
here; and then they might decide come a part of the Confraternity.”
to poke around there. Lots of
places, you know, where a new A LL FOUR national represen-
race might pop up.” tatives withdrew into another
This announcement seemed to conference. Little telepathic
throw the meeting temporarily snatches of conversation reached
into silence. Thenthe Secretary the mind of Captain Bligh —
of the Certain Party leaned over “The U.N., of course — but the
and whispered in the ear of the circumstances — decadent capi-
President of the United States, talistic emotion — —
now, my dear
who drew the other two into a fellow, be reasonable ” but he
huddle, which ended with them very politely ignored them.
all resuming their places and the The President broke from the
President facing Bligh again. huddle and once more ap-
“I ask for all of us,” said the proached Bligh.
President, “whether you are truly “Naturally,” he said, “none of
representative of the intelligence us here disparage love as a de-
and culture of the normal mem- sirable acquisition, where one
FLAT TIGER 47
ing from your movies, your books Bligh. “A mere matter of love
and magazines — extended logically to include all
“Ahem!” said the President, living creatures. A moment’s ad-
clearing his throat abruptly. justment by a metabolic ordina-
“Well, now, I must admit you tor, completely painless. Click-
paint an attractive picture. Cap- snap and it’s over and you are
tain. If you’ll excuse us again for all energy eaters.”
a minute — “Eaters of what?” said the
Captain Bligh waved a grace- President of France.
fully assenting tentacle, and the “Energy. My dear sirs,” said
four humans withdrew into an- Captain Bligh. “You surely would
other huddle. After a few mo- not wish to continue with your
ments of animated conversation, present diets. How could you eat
they returned to Bligh. something you love? And love,
“I have been deputed to say, like charity, begins at home.
for all of us,” said the President Moreover —
” he went on —
of the United States, “that while, “how could you expect the rest
as have mentioned before, there
I of the Universe to accept you
is nothing official about this little otherwise? Consider the similarity
meeting or ourselves, certainly of shapes. For example, what a
there seems to be no conceivable Red-eyed Inchos would think on
reason why we humans should arriving to set up a modern
not respond with affection to af- weather control system for your
fection freely given by others.” planet, if he should see one of
“My dear sir!” cried Bligh, de- you sitting down to —” the Cap-
lighte.d. “How well you put it. I tain shuddered —
“a roast turkey,
was sure you would agree.” His except for a slight difference in
gaze took in them all. “It was size, the exact image of himself.
inevitable. While I’m not a par- Similarly with a Lullar and a
ticularly perceptive being, as be- barbecued pig, or a Brvandig and
ings go, it seemed to me that I a baked sturgeon.”
could see Love and Affection hov-
ering around you an aura.
all like
How right I was. Gentlemen, the After a moment, the
dent of the United
Presi-
States
Universe is yours, just as soon cleared his throat.
as you make your adjustment.” “Perhaps —” he suggested, “a
“Adjustment?” said the Prime strictly vegetarian —
Minister. “Mr. President,” said Bligh, in-
“Of course. But a mere baga- terrupting with dignity, “I am
telle. A nothing,” said Captain myself only one of uncounted
FLAT TIGER 49
TSYLANA
By JAMES E. GUNN
To find a thief in a society where crime
does not exist, there is only one answer
—manufacture a thief to catch the thief I
A
2:30 P.M. on Monday, so close to one that I fidgeted ner-
October 21, 2055, I be- vously in my chair, facing the
came a deviant — I left screen.
my job half an hour early. wasn’t feeling well, true
I —
I called my Department Direc- but it was all in my head.
tor and told him I wasn’t feeling The Director looked at me
well. It wasn’t exactly a lie or I shrewdly. His name was Foreman;
couldn’t have told it, but it was he had a dark face and black,
TSYLAN 51
said, taking a kindly interest. well-run world or a well-ordered
“This might be psychosomatic.” personality.
“I resent that,” I snapped, feel- I crossed the publichall to the
ing my circulation speed up and elevator that was waiting and
my face grow warm. “My child- stopped, shocked. There was al-
hood was just as scientific as ready someone in the elevator —
yours.” a small, round, middle-aged stran-
He had used a nasty word and ger with a silvery thatch of hair
he knew it. I realized immedi- cut short. His astonishment at my
ately that he had used it deliber- careless intrusion on his privacy
ately for shock value and my
its was obvious, but he recovered
reaction had confirmed his snap quickly.
diagnosis. As I was stepping back, mum-
“Of course. Norm,” he soothed. bling my apologies, he said gently,
“Everyone’s was. Just call a me “Wait, brother.” I waited. “You’ve
cautious old fool and see an an- got troubles, brother,” he went on
alyst for my sake. Okay?” with impersonal kindness. “See
That was different. It was an an analyst! Don’t wait another
order and I naturally would obey twenty-four hours! Meanwhile, be
it. “Okay,” I said quickly, not giv- my guest.”
ing him a chance to specify what Overwhelmed by his benevo-
analyst and when. lence, I accepted his offer and
rode with him to the publicfloor
WAITED in the privacy of in silence. As we parted he handed
I my office until the publicroom me a yellowed piece of stiff paper
registered empty and walked and said cryptically, “If life ain’t
through quickly to the public- dandy, see Andy.”
door. Automatically, I punched After his silvery head had dis-
the time clock. My premature appeared in the crowd outside, I
departure would show up in the looked at the paper. It said:
statistics, but for the first time in
my life I didn’t care.
“Norm has departed from the ANDREW Q. REDNIK
norm,” thought, and chuckled.
I Freelance Analyst
I hadn’t laughed like that since and
I was a child, and I stopped sud- Public Headshrinker
denly. It was a bad sign. The
basis of humor is surprise and
disappointed expectation; neither I shrugged, crumpled it in my
of them have any place in a hand and looked around for a
TSYLANA 53
My home was a conventional “I’ve just uncovered a crime
side-by-side duplex. I entered the wave,” I said miserably.
common and went my quar-
into Disappointment wip>ed her
ters and sat down at my desk. I smile away and then her features
waited long enough for my wife assumed a prop>er expression of
to notice that I was home — in tender attention. “What’s crime?”
case she was entertaining a lover she asked.
— and then I punched for com- I was ready; I had asked the
panionship. Computer. “An action that threat-
Ordinarily a wife is the last ens the structure of society and
person a man would choose, but is condemned by law.”
I had to talk to somebody. “Like invasion of privacy?”
In a moment, the screen bright- she said brightly.
ened. My wife’s face appeared in “Worse, Naida,” I groaned.
it. “Much worse.”
It seemed concerned; at an- “What could be worse than
other time, I would have worried invasion of privacy?”
about causing it. Naida was a “Theft,” I said in a low, harsh
good wife, mated to me intellec- voice.
tually and emotionally, and beau- “Theft?”
tiful in my eyes. “Taking something that doesn’t
“Norm!” she exclaimed. “What’s belong to you.”
the matter? You’re home twenty- “But I don’t see how that could
five minutes early.” be worse than invasion of pri —
“If you aren’t occupied,” I said “Invasion of privacy,” I inter-
formally, “I’d like the pleasure rupted with inexcusable impa-
of your company.” tience, “can be thoughtless or
“So early?” she asked, her eyes accidental. Theft demands intent;
wide and startled. it indicates a basic perversion of
“How could the child consent? All right,” I added hastily, “I’ll
just given the reward to the child I sighed again. “Yes, dear.”
for compassionate behavior and Every month she applied, and
had left him
enjoy it in to every month she was turned
privacy. His angry wails brought down. She had the wrong psy-
her back. The reward was gone. chological profile for the nursery;
Someone walking past had snatch- she couldn’t help smothering the
ed it from the baby’s hands. The children with sticky, indiscrimi-
child was furious; his social de- nate mother love and creating all
velopment received a setback that sorts of fixations and complexes
will take years to overcome. Al- in them. The analysts would
TS YIAN A 55
sooner have admitted a hooded last Monday. The next day, a
cobra. child’s walker was stolen from
“Candy from a baby!” she said, a nursery on the other side of
switching back with mercurial town. Wednesday, a sack of mar-
ease. “That’s terrible! But it bles disappeared from the East
doesn’t seem so very serious.” Side. Thursday, a football was
I massed my thoughts for a left overnight on a playing field;
frontal assault on the fortress of it wasn’t there in the morning.
her understanding. “Society is a On Friday, it was a teen-ager’s
delicately balanced mechanism. convertible; on Saturday, the vir-
Societies in motion can absorb ginity of a girl who was strolling
and dampen harmful vibrations, through Central Park.”
but our society is at rest. One “But that’s silly! All he had
anti-social act makes it quiver; to do was ask!”
one anti-social individual can “Of course. But that wouldn’t
throw the whole thing out of have satisfied him.”
alignment. Naida frowned thoughtfully.
“We aren’t organized to handle “It sounds exactly as if the thief
crime. We haven’t had a theft were growing up.”
for seventy-five years — I asked “Sunday, he grew up,” I
the Computer. There aren’t even groaned. “He stole ten million dol-
any laws against it. Incipient lars from the First National
criminals are nipped in the nur- Bank.”
sery. We’re like a long-isolated
community
with
coming in contact
an infectious disease for N aida seat,
sank back
shocked. “How
in the love-
could he
which we have lost our immunity. do that?”
The way the Polynesians did, we “No human were pres-
tellers
may succumb to measles and ent to check on the computer at
smallpox.” the bank. When a routine series
Naida’s eyes opened wide in an of drafts on the city’s general
expression I had always found fund, signed with signatures iden-
tremendously attractive; now it ticalwith those of the City Treas-
irritated me. “Goodness!” she ex- urer, were presented at a public
claimed. “We aren’t in danger of cash booth, the money, in small,
that, too?” untraceable bills, was delivered
“No, no! It was just a compari- without question. The discrep-
son. ancy was discovered this morn-
I stopped to gather together ing.”
my scattered thoughts. “That was “How do you know it wasn’t
EVEN MOSES
HAD NEUROSES
I would have turned right
around and gone back down those
thirty-seven flights of stairs, but
Rednik was the only freelance
analyst listed in the directory.
That was the disadvantage of
nonconformity. It was also the ad-
vantage, I reflected with scrupu-
lous fairness. Without Rednik, I
would have been helpless; no oth-
er analyst would risk the uncer-
tainties and inevitable frustra-
tions of freelance existence.
There was an inner door. It
was closed. There was a sign on
it, too: Sit down and consider tinct,snow-capped volcano.
your symptoms. The analyst will “Rednik?” I asked.
be with you in a moment. “It ain’tSanta Claus, brother.”
I started searching for the chair “Who?”
with the fewest splits in the bot- “Never mind,” he said. “You
tom. Before I had it picked out. wouldn’t remember.”
TSYLAN 59
“Naturally” alytic regulations. It would mean
“What’s natural about it?” my license if anyone found out.”
‘Why would you come to
else “If you don’t do it,” I said
me? If it were in your profile, it somberly, “it may mean the end
would be done and forgotten.” He of the world.”
sighed. “That’s the one trouble He frowned at me specula-
with this world: there’s no one tively. “As bad as that?”
capable of handling the unexpec- “Every bit.”
ted. But then, if there were, it He slapped the desk deci-
wouldn’t be this kind of world at sively. “I’ll do it.”
all.” “Why?” I asked bluntly, sur-
“Are you saying that there’s an prising myself. Already my
advantage in being unadjusted?” psychological profile must have
“That depends on what you changed under the frustrations of
mean by advantage. If you mean the resolved situation, for my
happiness — no. If you mean question was a glaring invasion of
power — there’s always an ad- privacy.
vantage in being different, if you
can handle it. In the country of "OUT Rednik took no offense.
the normal, the neurotic man is He waggled a roguish finger
king.” He squinted at me shrewd- at me. “Ah-ah!” he chided. “Now
ly. “You want to be king?” you are trying to analyze me. Be
“Of course not!” I protested, of- patient.” He chuckled suddenly.
fended. “I’m happy the way things “Get it? Don’t be an analyst! Be
are —
except for one little prob-- a patient!”
lem. I don’t want to change any- I didn’t think it was the least
thing; I want to keep things from bit funny.
being changed. But I’ve got to He chuckled again. “You’ll get
find somebody, and when I find your chance. But if you must
him, I’ve got to be able to do have a reason, let us say for now
whatever is necessary.” that I’m bored.”
“Ah!” Rednik said wisely. “The “Bored? Then you aren’t in the
rabbit wants to become a tiger.” right job.”
“A what?" “Or perhaps I’ve been in the
“A manhunter!” right job too long.”
“Oh. Yes.” I glanced nervously at my
His stubby fingers beat out a watch. “Well, let’s get started.
nervous rhythm on the desk. I’ve got only two hours for lunch.”
“You know what you’re asking me “We’ve started already. Don’t
to do. This is against all the an- you feel repressions lifting their
from the desk and settled himself “What are you talking about?”
comfortably on the couch. Fold- I demanded indignantly. “Kinder
ing his hands across tiis chest, he perfected analysis a hundred
said, ‘Walk around back there years ago.”
where I can’t see you.” Wordlessly, he motioned to-
“But I’m the one who’s sup- ward the sign on the ceiling:
posed to lie on the couch!” Don’t second-guess the analyst!
“That’s analysis, when you get “I’m beginning to dislike you,”
your repressions removed!" he I growled.
snapped, raising up on one elbow He beamed at me. “Fine. Soon
to scowl at me. “This is reverse it will blossom into loathing.”
analysis. Now walk around back On
the way back to Statistical
there!” Center, I followed a lone pigeon
Annoyed, I went behind the for two blocks. It finally got
couch while he got comfortable. alarmed and flew away.
“The first thing I can remem-
ber,” he began in a distant, remi-
niscing voice, “was when I was T he sessions continued daily.
Every day for a week, Red-
four years old. Isaw my father nik lay comfortably on his red-
kissing my mother and I ran over leather couch, rambling inco-
to them and hit my father. I herently over an implausibly
kept yelling, ‘Let her go! You’re long and eventful existence, inci-
hurting her! I hate you! I hate dent by incident, in disgusting de-
you!’ After that, relations be- tail, while I paced the floor behind
TSYLAN 61
thief,poring over the daily sum- Finally I became completely
maries in spite of a growing dis- anti-social: Imoved her and her
taste for the Computer, numbers belongings into my own quarters
and graphs. But I couldn’t find and sealed up her half of the du-
another isolated statistic; the thief plex.
held his hand. Oddly enough, Naida seemed to
I repeatedly asked myself a bloom under this boorish treat-
question that had no answer: ment. She smiled constantly.
What is there to steal when a Often, as she went about her daily
a man has stolen ten million tasks,pushing buttons, selecting
dollars? menus, she would laugh and sing.
W'as I wrong? I wondered. Women are inexplicable.
VTas the thief satisfied, tna com- At the same time, I began de-
pulsion worked out? Was all my veloping strange interests in other
torment in vain? women. The first time, I saw a
There were no answers to girl on the street and obeyed an
these, either. impulse to follow her. I followed
At home, I became brusque her halfway across town before
and tyrannical. I broke in on she turned and asked pleasantly,
Naida unexpectedly with the tor- “What is you want?”
mented hope of finding her with “You,” I said bluntly.
a lover; when I was disappointed, She was too well raised, of
as I always was, I stormed at course, to frustrate a fellow hu-
her jealously anyway. When she man being. Only much later did
was gone, I switched a couple of I realize that I hadn’t even
wires in her intercom so that it learned her name.
transmitted continuously, wheth-
er the receiver was turned on rROM a man who was satis-
or not. After that, I sat for hours fied with little, I became a
watching her move about her tortured creature dissatisfied with
quarters unaware. abundance. Often I was unhappy.
I found myself growing pas- Sometimes I was miserable. And
sionately in love with my own once or twice I felt the poignant
wife. stab of an ecstasy I had never
It was a vastly unsettling ex- dreamed.
perience. My only consolation was that
When I was at work, I called I was sacrificing myself for my
her several times a day. When I world. It had better be worth it,
was home, I summoned her curtly I thought bitterly.
TSYIAN 63
nowhere to go, unchanging be- late getting back to the office
cause there was no reason for and Foreman spoke sharply to
change. me.
“Finally He was tempted to It was completely frustrating.
create a little sin and therewith
He gave his creatures change, A GAIN and again, I went back
misery, ecstasy and free will. For to Rednik’s office, climbing
without sin, there is no free will; the thirty-seven flights of stairs
without evil, there is no choice.” with painful persistence, but the
I stared at him vacantly. I place was as deserted as the rest
couldn’t stop thinking about a of the building. The only change
man named Kinder. “It’s a lie,” I was a slowly deepening layer of
said. “That would make you about dust on the signs, the desk and
a hundred and thirty years old. the red-leather couch.
Nobody lives that long.” It was a constant irritation.
Rednik sighed. “One hundred But soon there was no time for
and twenty-seven, boy. You didn’t that. The annual Examinations
listen good. And that isn’t un- were at hand. For three nights,
usual in this era of the integrated I did not sleep. I twisted in my
personality. Lots of people will pneumatic crib, trying to think of
live that long. Doctors used to be something I could do, but all I
familiar with diseases they called could think of was a foolish
psychosomatic. Today it works phrase that kept running through
the other way around: the mind my mind on anap>estic feet: In
makes the body well instead of the country of the normal, the
sick. Well, boy, good-by,” he said neurotic man is king.
abruptly. “The treatment is But I wasn’t a king. I was so far
over.” from being king that I was going
“You mean I’m finished?” I to lose my job, such as it was. I
exclaimed. couldn’t even find the thief I had
“No. I’m finished. You’ve just set out upon this cruel road to
begun. You have frustrations catch, for whom all this torment
enough. Frustrations are like rab- had been necessary.
bits, you know. From now on, they And then, the night before the
will breed themselves.” Examinations, I sat up straight
“But —”I began, and the next in my crib and shouted: “That’s
moment he was gone. it!”
TS YLAN A 65
TURN AROUND AND GO BACK TO thought: Had the Computer un-
THE FIRST CORRIDOR PAINTED RED derstood me?
AND FOLLOW IT TO THE END.” There was one outcome of the
I sank wearily into the cubicle’s Examinations that nobody talked
padded chair. It was lucky I had about: elimination. It was a sort
the answers; I was in no condition of artificial selection of desired
to figure them out for myself. characteristics.
There was a slot for my pro- I shuddered and forced myself
file card. As soon as I had pushed to go on. The next question had
the card into it, the Examina- appeared and I had to answer it.
tions began. On
the screen in So went, question after ques-
it
front of me, the following ques- tion, for three days, eight hours a
tion appeared: day. After a few hours, the brain
became so numb that the instinc-
T here are many types of tive response was the only one
pleasure and we do not all like possible.
the same Of the following
things. But I had the answers — the
choose the one which
activities, right answers, I prayed. After a
would please you the most: while, I stopped reading the ques-
1) Eating a delicious meal tionsand checked off numbers.
2) Finishing a difficult job I slipped once. I waited ner-
TSYLANA 67
to commit the ultimate theft — rotic man is king.”
I’m going to steal your life.” “I don’tunderstand,” I said.
“You can’t get away with it.” “How did you slip through?
“Of course I can. Who would You’re what happ>ened to me.
question me if I said you suddenly What happened to you?”
went mad and blew yourself up?” “Who knows? Rednik said it
I dived to the floor as the frag- But they would have to wait
ments flew over my head. their turn.
He had a strangely peaceful chuckled. In the country of
I
expression on his face when he the normal, the neurotic man is
died. Rednik had taught me this: king.
the truth can be more deceptive But for some obscure reason, I
than a lie. couldn’t relax. I couldn’t under-
TSYLANA 69
stand why. I had found my thief measures I had taken to find him
and punished him. I had power and to protect myself would cre-
and the promise of more power. ate imbalances which would lead
What more could a neurotic inevitably to my destruction.
want? My world was no longer the
What about Rednik-Kinder? I country of the normal. Society
thought. What was he doing? was on the move again, picking
Was he lying on a couch some- up speed before the winds of pas-
where, working his twisted magic blowing across unknown seas
sion,
on some new patient? Was he toward some unknown destina-
creating another neurotic to come tion.
after me? There was one saying Rednik-
I open the switch of the
flipped Kinder had forgotten to tell me:
officecommunicator. “Attention, Uneasy lies the head that wears
everyone. In view of the emer- the crown.
gency, office hours will be until — JAMES E. GUNN
four o’clock today.” I called Per-
sonnel. “I want two strong men
with quick reflexes and high loy-
alty indexes. And I want all pub-
lic records searched for a free-
at all.”
There, thought, that should
do it!
I
Science & Fantasy
But I still couldn’t relax. I Fiction
twisted in my
pneumatic crib
that night until Naida snuggled We carry a full line of all cur-
rent American science fiction, as
up to me and said, “What’s the
well as a large stock of scarce
matter, darling? Can’t you sleep?” out-of-print books in this field.
I pushed her away roughly. Back issues of science fiction
magazines available.
“No!”
I knew what I lacked security. :
STEPHEN'S BOOK SERVICE
There was no security for a neu- 71 THIRD AVENUE
(B«l. nth t 12lh SlTMlt)
rotic. If he had security, he would N*w York N«w York
3,
not be a neurotic.
Open Monday Thru Saturday
Even if I found Rednik-Kinder 9:30 A. M. to 6:00 P. M.
and got rid of him somehow, it
(Phone CRomorey 3-5990)
woudn’t do me any good. The
that did fit well under the as- Euler supposed only one internal
sun in the center, just as Halley
had done.
Some thirty years after Euler’s
death — Leslie was still alive —
the idea of a hollow Earth erupt-
ed with a great deal of noise and
really became piopular for a few
decades, at least in America.
What happened and how it
WEREWOLF BOOKSHOP
Shannon Rd., R.D. 2, Box 86F Verona, Penna.
Little
Red
Schoolhouse
By ROBERT F. YOUNG
onnie
R avoided the
towns. Whenever he
came to one, he made a
wide detour, coming back to the
tracks miles beyond it. He knew
winding through them. Ronnie re-
membered the brook best of all.
In summer, he had waded in it
many times, and he had skated
on it in winter; in autumn, he had
that none of the towns was the watched the fallen leaves, like
village he was looking for. The Lilliputian ships, sail down it to
towns were bright and new, with the sea.
white streets and brisk cars and Ronnie had been sure that he
big factories, while the village in could find the valley, but the
the valley was old and quiet, with trackswent on and on, through
rustic houses and shaded streets fields and hills and forests, and no
and a little red schoolhouse. familiar valley apeared. After a
Just before you came to the while, he began to wonder if he
village, there was a grove of had chosen the right tracks, if the
friendly maples with a brook shining rails he followed day af-
lllustrated by JOHNS
After a while, the first star out some time before — a long
came out. time, even — and had passed
through the terminal while he was
¥T E WAS surprised when he sleeping.
came to the big broad-shoul- It was a logical explanation,
dered building. He did not recall but Ronnie was reluctant to ac-
having seen it during his ride on cept it. If it was true, then the
the stork train. That was odd, be- valley was still a long way off,
cause he had never left the win- and he wanted the valley to be
dow once during the whole trip. close, close enough for him to
He paused on the tracks, gaz- reach it tonight. He was so hun-
ing at the towering brick facade gry, he could hardly stand it, and
with its tiers and tiers of small he was terribly tired.
barred windows. Most of the up- He looked miserably at the big
p>er windows were dark, but all hulking building, wondering what
of the first-floor windows were to do.
ablaze with light. The first-floor “Hello, Ronnie.”
windows were different in other Ronnie almost collapsed with
respects, he noticed. There
too, fright on the tracks. He peered
were no bars on them and they around him into the shadows. At
were much larger than the higher first he saw no one, but after a
ones. Ronnie wondered why that while he made out the figure of a
should be. tall man in a gray uniform stand-
^
I
HEY
entered the building The principal’s office was un-
through an entrance to the like anything Ronnie had ever
left of the archway and walked seen before. Its hugeness made
down a long bright corridor lined him uncomfortable and the
with all green cabinets to a brightness of its fluorescent lights
frosted glass door at the farther hurt his eyes. All the lights
end. The lettering on the glass seemed to be shining right in his
said: EDUCATIONAL CEN- face and he could hardly see the
TER 16, H. D. CURTIN, PRIN- man behind the desk.
CIPAL. But he could see him well
The door opened at the truant enough to make out some of his
officer’s touch and they stepped features: the high white forehead
into a small white-walled room and receding hairline, the thin
even more brightly illumined cheeks, the almost lipless mouth.
than the corridor. Opposite the For some reason, the man’s face
door was a desk with a girl sitting frightened Ronnie and he wished
behind it, and behind the girl was that the interview were over.
another frosted glass door. The “I have only a few questions to
lettering said: PRIVATE. ask you,” the principal said, “and
The girl looked up as the tru- then you can be on your way
ant officer and Ronnie entered. back to the valley.”
She was young and pretty — al- “Yes, sir,” Ronnie said, some
most as pretty as Miss Smith. of his fear leaving him.
“Tell the old man the Meadows “Were your mother and father
kid finally showed up,” the truant unkind to you? Your real mother
officer said. and father, I mean.”
get brighter and brighter. cer out of the office, his heart
“Are you in love with Miss singing. seemed almost too
It
Smith?” easy, almost too good to be true.
The question startled Ronnie, Ronnie didn’t understand why
not so much because he hadn’t they had to take the elevator to
expected it, but because of the get to the valley. But perhaps
tone in which it was uttered. they were going to the roof of the
There was unmistakable loathing building and board a ’copter, so
in the principal’s voice. Ronnie he didn’t say anything till the
felt his neck grow hot, and then elevator stopped on the sixth floor
his face, and he was too ashamed and they stepped out into a long,
to meet the principal’s eyes, no long corridor lined with hundreds
matter how hard he tried. But the of horizontal doors so close to-
strange part of it was, he didn’t gether that they almost seemed
understand why he was ashamed. to touch.
The question came again, the Then he said: “But this isn’t
loathing more pronounced than the way to the valley, sir. Where
before: “Are you in love with are you taking me?”
Miss Smith?” “Back to school,” the truant
“Yes, sir,” Ronnie said. officer said, the warmth gone from
Silence came and sat in the his voice. “Come along now!”
LITTLE RED SCHOOLHOUSE 89
130NNIE tried to hold back, “You shouldn’t talk like that.”
but it wasn’t any use. The “I’ll talk the way I please,” the
truant officer was big and strong gaunt woman said. “You don’t
and he dragged Ronnie down the hear them crying, but I do. C-24
long antiseptic corridor to a re- belongs back in the twentieth cen-
cess in which a gaunt woman in a tuty and should have been thrown
white uniform was sitting behind out of the curriculum long ago!”
a metal desk. She took Ronnie’s arm and led
“Here’s the Meadows kid,” he him away. The truant officer
said. “The old man says to change shrugged and returned to the ele-
the plot to 24-C.” vator. Ronnie heard the metal
The gaunt woman got up wear- doors breathe shut. The corridor
ily. Ronnie was crying by then was very quiet and he followed
and she selected an ampoule from the woman as though in a dream.
a glass cabinet beside the desk, He could hardly feel his arms and
came over and rolled up his legs, and his brain had grown
sleeve and, despite his squirming, fuzzy.
expertly jabbed the needle into The gaunt woman turned off
his arm. into another corridor and then
“Save your tears till later,” she into another. Finally they came
said. “You’ll need them.” She to an open door. The woman
turned to the truant officer. “Cur- stopped before it.
tin’s guilt complex must be get- “Recognize the old home-
ting the best of him. This is the stead?” she asked bitterly.
third 24-C he’s prescribed this But Ronnie hardly heard her.
month.” He could barely keep his eyes
“The old man knows what he’s open. There was a bed in the
doing.” shelflike cubicle beyond the hori-
“He only thinks he knows what zontal door, a strange bed with all
he’s doing. First thing you know, sorts of wires and dials and
we’ll have a whole world full of screens and tubes around it. But
Curtins. It’s about time someone itwas a bed, and for the moment
on the Board of Education took a that was all he cared about, and
course in psychology and found he climbed upon it gratefully. He
out what mother- love is all lay his head back on the pillow
about!” and closed his eyes.
“The old man’s a graduate psy- “That’s a good boy,” he heard
chologist,” the truant officer said. the woman say just before he
“You mean a graduate psycho- dropped off. “And now back to
path!” the little red schoolhouse.”
5 Star Shelf
THE OCTOBER COUNTRY by into a fascinating bon vivant.
Ray Bradbury. Ballantine Books, “The Small guaranteed
.Assassin,”
Inc., $3.50 to frighten pregnant women
out
of two full months, is another
T T’S BEEN over two years since I recall from a previous anthol-
the last collection of Brad- ogy, as is “The Crowd,” a chiller
bury shorts appeared and that’s that kept me a pedestrian on a
much too long. Here we have holiday weekend. These can cer-
nineteen of them, lots of rich tainly stand repetition.
reading. I have no way of telling The quality of the other stories
which are from where and when, is somewhat uneven. There are
since I am doing this review from wonderfully evocative mood tales
galleys. such as “The Lake,” “The Wind”
I remember having read the and “The Emissary.” I don’t
zany “Watchful Poker Chip of think there’s anyone writing fan-
H. Matisse,” the story of the tasy today who can send me back
transformation of a brutal bore to my boyhood with such ease
*** SHEIF 97
more than eight hundred build- According to publicity, Mrs.
ings per square mile. Due to Kreisheimer is the widowed
their knowledge of handicrafts mother of four sons and two
and their lack of dependence on daughters. That makes it painful
so-called luxuries, the Mennonites for me to say that I admire her
and Amish survived with hardly for her effort, but cannot cheer
any difficulty and numbered mil- its result.
lions of converts two generations The author envisages a not-
later. too-distant future world in which
Two Mennonite youths, cousins “Mazuria,” patently America, is
cursed with imagination and curi- the most powerful nation on
osity, disobey their fathers’ edicts Earth. The President’s personal
and attend a religious revival, to secretary, a nice career girl, is
see a trader stoned to death be- very obviously cultivated by a
cause he is supposedly from suave, handsome, wealthy airline
“Bartorstown,” a legendary strong- whose company has blos-
official
hold of evil pre-Destruction somed from a very recent begin-
knowledge. ning to the largest in the country.
After stealing the dead man’s He obtains easy access to the
radio, they are torn between an President, but unfortimately be-
understanding of the need to stay gins to fall in love with Miss
Man’s destructive nature by Secretary, who doesn’t suspect
maintaining artificial curbs on that he is a complete dupe, or
dangerous information and the dope, of the Communists.
realization that stagnation is The Communists are refresh-
death. Their quest for “Bartors- ingly original in their plans to
town” and knowledge makes for hamstring the various nations of
a story of true stature. the world, but they would require
the unwitting help of a whole
THE WHOOPING CRANE by army of gullible career girls. I
H. C. Kreisheimer. Pageant Press, can’t believe there are that many.
$2.50
SECRET OF THE MARTIAN
•'I'HIS slender volume somehow MOONS by Donald A. Wollheim.
-* became overlooked during The John C. Winston Co., $2.00
this column’s transition period. I
was under the impression that A NOTHER in the Winston
Groff Conklin had written it up, series of juveniles, this con-
so that accounts for this review tinues Wollheim’s personal “Sec-
of an item published last June. ret” series. Does he have science
Some assignment for a man who wanted to help win the war that
wasn't a war! What did cows have to do with the Cow-dye enemy?
Illustrated by EMSH
W
tauk, but
of our
E HAD
missile
flight
had a guided-
scare on the
down from Mon-
it turned out to be one
at once.
and you could hear
forty people taking a
But
deep breath
its IFF radar rec-
ognized us at the last moment.
It veered off, spun around and
nosed away, hunting a Caodai —
through the windows of the trans- not that there was much chance
W HILE
the
my coffee,
the corporal behind
counter was bringing
I noticed a coin-in-the-
ers coming through.”
I got out of the way.
pK>rt had landed and a
A trans-
file of
slot typewriter standing idle. So short, wiry-looking Caodais was
I arranged with the Wac T/5 at coming down the ramp, hands
the stationery stand for paper clasped atop their heads, armed
and three sheets of carbon and, SP guards covering them. I
when I had finished the coffee, looked at them curiously. It was
got busy with my compliance the first time I had seen the
letter. I typed: enemy in the flesh and they didn’t
look much like the posters in the
PROJECT MAKO heads at training camp. These
(Adv. Res. Unit 8-86)
6th June, File No. were a little too dark, I thought,
X-SaT-32880515 to be from Indochina; perhaps
Frcxm: Lieutenant (j.g.) Logan
Warren MOELLER from the satellite states in the
(SaT) D. USN-S (R). Near East.
To: Officer in Charge, Pro- “Row’d you like to come up
jectMAKO (Adv. Res.
against those babies in a fight?”
Unit 8-86).
Via: Direct. asked an Air Force captain stand-
Subject; Compliance with orders.
Reporting for duty. ing by my side.
Reference: (a) COMINCH - B63 - “I often have,” I said, and went
Pers, X-SaT, dated 3d
June.
back to the telephone booth. I felt
1. In compliance with orders, I a little ashamed of myself for
am reporting for duty.
snubbing him. Still, it was true
Logan Warren Moeller.
(s)
enough —we had our share of
It always pays to get a little engagements aboard Spruance
have had guns; even more impos- that he was in sloppy uniform
sible that any of them could have and seemed a little extra careful
leaned past the guards at the not to breathe on me.
waiting room doors and fired “Killed him, hey?” he ex-
without the guard noticing it. claimed, impressed. “You don’t
The only people who might say!”
have had any information the — But the ’copter looked ship>-
Navy yeoman who had been be- shape enough, in its freshly
side him and the medical officer painted Navy markings, and the
from the field —
were closeted chief seemed to know what he
inside the office, and there was was doing as he took off.
an S.P. guard outside the closed We aimed at one of the tower-
office door who obviously didn’t ing cumulo-nimbus down the
know anything and wouldn’t tell shore, a mountain of a cloud —
you if he did. boiling puffs of whipped cream
It was a pretty exciting intro- piled over one another, the frayed
duction to Florida. It got even thunderhead anvil teetering at
more exciting, in a way, a few the top.
moments later. There was a The CPO pointed at it with his
screeching siren outside and three chin.
Army officers wearing the Intel- “Gonna have a storm. Lieu-
ligence insigne came leaping up tenant. We get one every after-
the steps two at a time. They dis- noon about this time. But don’t
appeared into the closed office worry, Charlie’ll beat it in.”
and stayed there. “Good,” I said crisply.
That disposed of the faint pos- “Sure we will,” he told me re-
sibility that it had been a natural assuringly. He took one hand off
death. Peculiar, I thought, that the steering column to scratch
they should have got Intelligence and peered at me, leaning slightly
there in such a hurry. forward and cocking his head.
But I didn’t know quite how “Say, Lieutenant,” he said ami-
p>eculiar it was. ably, “do you ever go to the
races?”
'T’HE HELICOPTER from Pro- “I haven’t had much oppor-
ject Mako finallypicked me tunity lately. I’ve just come from
up. The pilot, a short old CPO, a forward area.” I was almost
rick said briskly: “Draw the cur- He turned and paused in the
tains, man. It’s getting dark!” doorway of my quarters, looking
as you’ll get briefed, that is. Until ally Caodais; officially, they were
then, you’ll have to cool your “unidentified vessels in inter-
heels for a while.” dicted area.” But it was funny
“That’s all right, sir. It’ll give how the Caodai patrols never
me a chance to look around the sank any “unidentified” Asian or
station.” African shipping, any more than
“The devil it will, Moeller!” the U.N. fleet bothered the Amer-
he said sharply. “Everything on ican. I suppose that if either side
the project is classified Top Sec- had intercepted a European
ret and Need-to-Know. You’ll get ship, it would have been quite
the word, when the time comes, a problem for the commander —
from the commander, not before.” if there had been any European
Back on the cruiser, there had thing: Our troops were killing
been plenty to do. I was posted theirs all the way from the Pjrre-
to Spruance as a computer officer, nees to the White Sea in local
since I’d majored in cyt>ernetics; “police actions.”
but as long as I was in a forward Well, it really wasn’t a war,
area, I wanted to fight. They rot in the old-fashioned sense.
were glad to accommodate me. For one thing, it wasn’t country
There is almost always a place against country, the way it used
for a man who wants to fight in to be when things were simple.
pretty, Florida was; I thought The shack had one curious fea-
about maybe some day, my wife ture, considering that a cow was
SLAVE SHIP ni
lowing inside it —
it had only “Sir, I
—
a regular human-azed door. “On the double!”
There were windows, but I could- I saluted, said crisply: “Aye-
n’t see through them. I could aye, sir!” I left.
hear all right, though.
—
That cow sounded unhappy
sick, perhaps, or wanting to be TWO HOURS
showed up in
later,
his
Kedrick
two-room
milked, though it was only the suite and he wasn’t in a very good
middle of the afternoon. “Moo- frame of mind. I leaped to atten-
oo,” it went, and then, in a lower tion as he came dripping in the
key with a sort of grant at the door.
end: “Moo-oo-oo!” Then the first He said furiously, “At ease,
one again, and the second, in an Moeller!” He peeled off his
alternation too regular to be be- slicker and threw on the tiled
it
is it that the photograph one car- spid. For me, it has always been
The cars that moved along the The world was black and silent.
boulevards had their marker Even the pain was gone.
lights, dim and downward - cast
but clear. And yet I was finding V
ithard to get my bearings.
Something was sawing at my ^fCTILL ALIVE, for God’s
mind. sake! Suppose we ought to
It was the hormone shots, I let him sleep it off?”
thought, with a feeling of relief. I blocked someone’s slapping
I was still a little sensitive, per- hands away from my cheeks and
haps, from the esping. What I opened one eye.
needed was a good meal and to Ringed around me were half
sit down for a while. It would a dozen faces, looking down a —
make me as good as new. couple of nurses, a doctor or two,
But where was a restaurant? and a j.g. with a thin black mus-
TheCOMSOLANT
hairy-bodied
at was
officer
in uni-
“I’ll tell you what we do,” he
B arney
“Who
shrugged morosely.
knows? There isn’t
me and shook his head sadly
when I bought my tickets, but I
any war on.” didn’tmind much, because what
“Come on,” I insisted. “What’s I was thinking of was not horses
the score?” and parimutuel betting but war
‘Who knows?” he repeated. and Elsie.
“You can see for yourself, things I sat out the sixth race in a
are happening. Up until last canteen imder the grandstand
year, COMCARIB had never lost and read a newspaper. I could
a capital ship in coastal waters. hear the crowd screaming and
Since then —
well, never mind stamping overhead, but the news-
how many, but we’ve lost some. paper thundered louder than
Are things getting worse all over they, if only you read between
or is it just local? I don’t know. the lines. Eight-Year-Olds Face
We send out a squad of scout Student Draft. How long had we
torpedoes three times a day and been putting school kids in imi-
I guess we average twenty con- form? Had it started while I was
tacts a week. on Spruance? The age limits had
“By the time the big boys get been lower and lower, that much
to where the torpedoes have I knew —
but eight-year-olds?
made a contact, there’s nothing Caodais Protest Ankara Loot-
there, usually. Sometimes not ing, Threaten Reprisals Against
even the scout But you look in Hostages. I read that one thor-
the papers and you find nothing oughly. There had been trouble
about it of course. Once in a at the Caodai legation in Turkey
into savage irony. “You were re- “Well, take a couple of drinks
called because the project would and get a night’s sleep.” He
like you to do a little work for a shook his head wearily. “Trou-
change. New equipment and new ble! The Glotch and the stock-
officers are in. We’re going to ade getting set to explode and
start to roll and you’ve got to wet-nursed jaygees spilling their
attend a briefing at oh-eight-hun- guts with espers ” He was—
dred tomorrow. As a matter of talking to himself, not me.
fact, Moeller, we didn’t find out I saluted and
hit the sack.
about your crazy trick with the I hadn’t fully understood the re-
esper until a mailgram came in ference to the stockade, but I
from COMCARIB half an hour didn’t let worry keep me awake.
ago. There was a censor’s gig- I dreamed very happily of
sheet on you and the commander Elsie until the messman tapped
hit the roof.” on my door at 0700.
That was improbable, I
thought, remembering Lineback.
I appeared to be dismissed, so T here were
officers at
fifteen of us
the briefing, six of
I a rather stiff-armed
started them brand-new, arrived on the
salute. It attracted Kedrick’s at- morning plane. Commander
tention. Lineback spoke only long enough
“What the devil’s the matter to introduce a — civilian!
with your neck?” he demanded. We all looked at him with
I touched the bandages. “What considerable interest. His name
you call the Glotch, sir,” I said, was Schwende and he was at
and told him my adventure. It least fihy —
well over the com-
took a lot of passion out of him. pulsory military training age, of
He was staring pensively at noth- course. But he was a civilian,
ing when I finished. and he was out of uniform, and
“Is that all, sir?” I asked posi- Lineback referred to him as
tively, after a moment. “doctor.” He was quick and con-
‘What?” He
roused himself. cise and he told us, at long last,
“Oh, I guess so, Moeller. This what all of us were doing at
is a crazy business.” Project Mako.
“Yes, sir,” I agreed. We are going to do research
He seemedvery tired all of a in animal communication.
sudden. “You’re dismissed. Go There wasn’t anything new
pop a couple with your girl about that, but we were going to
and — ”
add some new wrinkles. Dairy
“Look here, I choose a task. You worriedly for only a second, then
see the cardboard cup on the tried another direction, at ran-
floor? Once it had coffee in it. dom. Silence. Then another, and
I drank the coffee; I forgot the this time it was straight for the
cup. I shall require Josip to pick cup. Click, click until the dog
it up and put it in the waste- was standing right at the cup,
basket. Neatness is important, is touching with his nose.
it
So read farther
I —
on animal He didn’t miss a chord. “Is
communication, this time. I found better, Logan, that you consider
Semyon’s mother’s “invention” in instead the analogy of onoma-
the literature —
also way back topoeia!”
in the early ’fifties. I found sam- Well, that stopped me — until
ple vocabularies for cow, for dog, I looked it up and then it —
even for rabbit and duck. stopped me in a different way.
Some of the “words” were kind Onomatopjoeia the formation of :
friends with a few very simple And suppx>se that animal barks
caws. and posturings were language as
And some of the beasts, nearly well . . .
mute, got considerable meaning What the devil did the Navy
across without any sound at all. want of me, anjway?
Take the duck’s train-switching
wiggle of the tail feathers, for TT WAS black night; the stars
instance. Translation: “I love were bright —
and the Project
very much, honey, let’s get mar- Mako alarm bell was ringing
ried.” General Quarters.
I suspected, that
at about I leapod out of bed like a grig
point, that some of the early re- on a griddle. It was the first GQ
<<
-1
again. All these scouts came off though she wasn’t clear why, that
the same assembly lines and were they were pretty close inshore.
made out of the same inter- V3
changeable parts, but it is aston- T T WAS an exciting prospect. ’I
ishing how much the feel can I tasted the implications of it
Ihad four missiles, sure. And Please send your free Literary Aptitude I
first installment. Why should the Navy put a big-ship man on a dairy farm? What do
cows hove to do with the Cow-dye enemy? The Glotch —
that hideous burning death
will pin you to your seat just as hard as SLAVE SHIP does — but any harder should be
punishable by lawl
DeWitt Miller ... for only a trickster of a novelet could hold anyone os deviously
straightforward (or should it be straightforwardly devious?) as Swenson. Taken separately,
Swenson's principal qualities aren't sins — he drinks beer and he dispatches spaceships.
But what he does to competing lines is a caution!
OmHfbas
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