Taylor 1

Lauren Taylor

Malcolm Campbell

UWRT 1104

26 April 2019

Studio 6: Revision

Starting off, Bruce Ballenger’s Chapter on Revision made me chuckle. Comparing a rough

draft of a paper to a girlfriend felt completely relatable. When I revise my papers, I feel as if I am

wasting my hard work if I change or delete anything that was first put into my draft. However,

Ballenger is right when he states that you are not really “revising” or “re-seeing” your paper if you

are not willing to change what was first put into it. I found it helpful when he stated that revising

is not just fixing grammatical errors. In high school, I always did this and though that as long as

one or two sentences were changed then I was in the clear. This is not how a good writer writes

and fixed their work. My writing will never be good enough for myself, however Ballenger shows

many good ways in order to try to help with this.

In my revising, I never truly think and read from the perspective of my audience. I

understand what I am saying, so it is fine to move on in my work, however is my sentence

structuring understandable to my readers? Ballenger gave me a lot of help in this when he wrote

an outline for explanatory and argumentative essay introductions. I believe that this was the most

helpful thing in his entire chapter as this is my biggest fear as a writer. The other most helpful

thing to me from his chapter was the fact that he said to do more “re-researching”. This sounds

tedious, but when it comes to this paper in particular it seems almost necessary. In writing my

draft, I used the majority of my research that I had found. In order to obtain the best paper I can,

I need to go more into depth in my evidence so that it is not only longer, but has more information
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to back it up. I am not looking forward to this part of revision, however I knew it was going to be

needed in the long run.

Ballenger makes a multitude of other great point and tips in his chapter, yet, I found one in

particular that seemed to be especially boring to me. To me, it is obvious to make your writing

better through the use of others advice. Under to subtitle “Using a Reader”, I found myself

dragging to read sentence after sentence. This advice when it comes to editing a paper has been

addressed to me ever since I started writing in middle school. Many people may not think of this

tactic, but to me it is so over stated that I just did not even want to read this part of his chapter.

Overall, Ballenger’s chapter was helpful in many ways than not. I will take his strategies

of thinking in the reader’s point of view and how to properly word some introductions and

conclusions for specific types of essays into use. I enjoyed his helpful hints and see revising now

more of a difficult task than I thought it was before, however in a positive way. This is a huge

paper that I am constructing, and it is important to make sure that my draft is edited properly and

not just skimmed over with little effort.

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Through the Screen: Are Computers and Smart Phones Holding Children Back?

The world has gone from no phones and computers to those that can only be connected to

a wall to those that are considered “smarter” than most humans. So, what are the boundaries for Commented [TL1]: Smart Phones and computers growing
in history.
these smart phones and computers, especially when it comes to young children? Everyone, in

recent years, have or should have at least questioned this at one point or another considering that

the new generations coming into this world are who will sculpt the future. The early stages of a

child’s life are crucial when it comes to their health and learning how to interact with others. Many Commented [TL2]: Crucial times of child development.

psychologists and other scientists have done extended research on this thought and have found a

multitude of positive and negative results.

Most individuals today find it difficult to be able to predict how the future generation of

children are going to handle face to face interactions once they get older. I personally, wanted to Commented [TL3]: Beginning to look at how to deal with
technologies involvement in life.
go into depth in my research on this topic as I plan to have my own children one day. Not only do

my parents not know what to tell me about how to prepare for technologies involvement in my

child’s life, but I had zero idea before I read multiple articles, journals, and more. According to

the New York Times, children use technology, particularly smart phone and computers, more than

any other generation has before. Not that these advancements are a bad thing, however, recent Commented [TL4]: New generation involving technology
use.
research has shown that they have a high correlation with leading to less involvement in activities

starting at a young age. According to a journal of Child Development, teens and young children

today are beginning to not be prepared for the adult world and think that technology is the real

interactions needed in the world, not face to face. This can be a problem considering that most Commented [TL5]: Adolescents are no longer becoming
well prepared enough for adulthood.
jobs require at least some face to face conversations in order to sell their products, gather

information, come to conclusions, and more. Yes, every child has a different personality ranging
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from shy to extremely social, yet this does not mean that these devices are any help to making an

introvert even more stand-off to others.

At a young age, it is known and stated by the New York Times that most, if not all, people

play not only with others, but by themselves as well. As a child, it is crucial to use one’s Commented [TL6]: Social aspects dealing with smart
phones/computers.
imagination. Not only does this help with preventing their own boredom, but it grows connections

between other children their age that later can lead to friendships. As an adolescent is developing,

friendships are what help them create a sense of social skills and communication techniques with

others. If one does not have real world experiences with face to face interactions and just hides

behind a phone screen, how will they know later on know how to properly have a conversation

with teachers, fellow students, and more. The Huffington Post in 2013 stated that the majority of

children use their phones and computers as their resource to play. This leads to them, for the most Commented [TL7]: Children now use devices to play more
than other outdoors or imaginative activities.
part, being stuck inside and not thinking of things to create and do themselves. Instead of going

and making friends they are found to stay away from social activities and dig their face in a screen.

Creativity and imagination are necessary to create the sensory and motor developments of a child

at a young age. If these are not tackled correctly in their prime years as a toddler and young pre-

teen, then this could lead to a lack of social decency as well as behavior disorders.

This leads to the concern that researchers have on the future of child health. Health is not

only physical, but also mental. It has become common today to dismiss the negative emotional Commented [TL8]: Emotional impacts from smart
phones/computers.
effects of smart phone use to a child. The Clinical Psychological Science journal found that those

in grades eight to twelve that have an increased rate of social media use on their phones have had

a higher risk of being in a depressive and suicidal state. Depression is a big concept to think of Commented [TL9]: Depression and suicide can be effects
of too much device usage.
when relating to a child. No mother or father wants to hear that their daughter or son has a risk of

harming themselves just from the fact of using a smart phone. This is a huge health concern that
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most individuals responded to and wanted to act on, according to Feiler, a well-known

psychologist in the world of social media. He has done research to try to find positive ways to

prevent the ability of an adolescent to use their device too often. Through a survey on social media Commented [TL10]: Finding helpful ways to prevent
depression, suicide, and more for children.
done by Feiler in 2016, it was found that the most effective ways to do so can be by putting a cap

on the amount of time a phone or computer can be used by a child, taking the devices away during

times for homework or family time, turning off wifi systems late at night, and more. Every parent Commented [TL11]: Putting caps or certain restrictions on
a child’s phone can help prevent health concerns.
has their own way of dealing with specific issues and there is no right or wrong way to do things,

these are just helpful suggestions that may come in handy if one’s child becomes too attached to

their phone.

Speaking in terms of attachment, Common Sense Media was said to have found that 72

percent of teens feel the need to respond to their notifications immediately. Many will say that Commented [TL12]: Addiction to devices.

they are not dependent on the device, however 59 percent from that same media source admitted

to having the feeling of addiction when on their device. No addiction is in fact healthy and is a Commented [TL13]: Adolescents beginning to feel
addicted to their devices.
major concern. Growing up always having a phone attached to one’s hip can make responding in

the matter of seconds seem crucial. However, it is not. Becoming addicted to a phone can cause

many issues other than just having an “addiction”. If one is constantly on their phone this takes

away from family time, homework, school activities, clubs and sports. Research from Princeton

University in 2000 has shown that the increase of smart phone use causes this and that it will lead

to young children not participating in sports and other active events. Another study done through Commented [TL14]: Overuse of smart phones/computers
can lead to less physical and social activities.
the National Library of Medicine stated that 10 to 20 percent of adolescents have a risk of

becoming technology dependent. This is yet another negative effect that is spouting from over use Commented [TL15]: Children are starting to become
dependent to their devices.
of phones and devices such as computers. according to the Huffington Post in 2013, obesity is a
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concern in the United States already and if the future generations start to become less active than

those currently, it could make the health of society plummet. Commented [TL16]: Overuse of devices is thought to
possibly lead to obesity.
On the other hand, a study was done on adolescent twins in Finland that compared body

mass index to the amount of time that was spent playing video games on a computer. It was found Commented [TL17]: Weight/Health relating to computer
use.
in a 2007 study done by BMC Public Health that there is no correlation to obesity and playing on

a computer, but in fact is just a possible side thought to being overweight. The main things that Commented [TL18]: No correlation to smart phone use
and obesity.
were found to relate to obesity were involvement in physical activities and what is in one’s diet.

Many might try to argue this as other research from Princeton University in 2000 has shown that

use of computers leads to some children not involving themselves in sports and exercise, but there

are a multitude of studies that show both sides. Commented [TL19]: Overuse of devices can lead to less
involvement in physical activity.
Not only is obesity a huge physical health concern, but smart phone and computer

dependence can also lead a young influential child to have more serious psychological problems. Commented [TL20]: Mental issues formed by smart
phones/computers.
In 2013, a Huffington Post article brought to attention the decline that has occurred in recent years

of imagination based on the fact of children being on their devices more than going outside and

playing. It states here that the effects of this can be as dangerous as leading to the development of Commented [TL21]: Children starting to use their devices
more than going outside to play.
autism, sleep deprivation, anxiety, and more. These are serious issues for a child to develop at

such a young age. Studies are being done to try to find solutions to prevent these issues. The

main priority that almost all researchers are finding is that no child should be allowed to access

technology at any age younger than two. The American Psychological Association backs this

statement up as the first five years of a child’s life can either be detrimental or prosperous based

on how much time they are allowed to have in front of a screen. Commented [TL22]: First five years of development are
the most crucial.
This all seems scary and overwhelming, but it is not uncontrollable. The American Commented [TL23]: Prevention of overuse of devices by
children.
Psychological Association shares many possible ways to try to prevent a child from obtaining any
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side effects from smart phone and computer use. They state that a child under eighteen months Commented [TL24]: Possible ways to prevent overuse of
technology.
should only be allowed to video chat and not have any other interactions with a device screen. It

is also stated that any child from the age two to five should have a limited amount of time with

their device of around one hour a day. After the age of six, these researchers have found that it is

especially helpful to put limits on a child’s phone and computer for what media sources that they

can use and how long that they can be on them. This is all just like the research found from Commented [TL25]: Putting limits on phones can help
prevent the overuse of technology.
psychologist Feiler. There is a consistent observation of how one can prevent a child from

becoming dependent, anti-social, and unhealthy when relating to the use of smart phones and

computers. There is a common misconception in the world today that the development of children Commented [TL26]: Health effects from technology
overload.
is soon to be ruined, but it is all about limitations. Any child can grow to have negative traits;

however, it is up to their parents and those around them to teach them how not to gain these

qualities.

Everything must be put into moderation. Technology is also a great thing for the Commented [TL27]: Conclusion to not scare people from
using their devices at all.
developing child. From online applications that help with learning to websites that teach children

how to read and speak proper grammar, these devices are not all that bad. Continuing with the

findings from the American Psychological Association in 2015, a child is vulnerable to learn what

is right to use and what is not right to use on the internet. Parents should allow their children to Commented [TL28]: What is right and wrong when it
comes to use of smart phones/computers.
learn through the use of applications, but in a controlled way. One must talk to their child about

what is allowed and not allowed to be accessed and what good online behavior looks like. People

have questioned if technology should even be used before the age of ten, and it should be. Teachers,

schools, clubs, and more all use smart phones and computers to communicate and help adolescents

grow. With all of this being said, I now feel better prepared for what to expect for when I have Commented [TL29]: Technology is important to help with
certain things, however in a controlled environment.
my own children and how to raise them in this technology focused world.
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I. Smart Phones and computers growing in history.

a. Crucial times of child development.

II. Beginning to look at how to deal with technologies involvement in life.

a. New generation involving technology use.

b. Adolescents are no longer becoming well prepared enough for adulthood.

III. Social aspects dealing with smart phones/computers.

a. Children now use devices to play more than other outdoors or imaginative

activities.

IV. Emotional impacts from smart phones/computers.

a. Depression and suicide can be effects of too much device usage.

b. Finding helpful ways to prevent depression, suicide, and more for children.

c. Putting caps or certain restrictions on a child’s phone can help prevent health

concerns.

V. Addiction to devices.

a. Adolescents beginning to feel addicted to their devices.

b. Overuse of smart phones/computers can lead to less physical and social activities.

c. Children are starting to become dependent to their devices.

d. Overuse of devices is thought to possibly lead to obesity.

VI. Weight/Health relating to computer use.

a. No correlation to smart phone use and obesity.

b. Overuse of devices can lead to less involvement in physical activity.

VII. Mental issues formed by smart phones/computers.

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a. Children starting to use their devices more than going outside to play.

b. First five years of development are the most crucial.

VIII. Prevention of overuse of devices by children.

a. Possible ways to prevent overuse of technology.

b. Putting limits on phones can help prevent the overuse of technology.

c. Health effects from technology overload.

IX. Conclusion to not scare people from using their devices at all.

a. What is right and wrong when it comes to use of smart phones/computers.

b. Technology is important to help with certain things, however in a controlled

environment.