Justin Trifari

Professor Malcolm Campbell

UWRT 1104

23 April 2019

Studio 6: Revision

Bruce Ballenger starts off the chapter with making an analogy comparing first drafts to his high

school girlfriend. I found this analogy to be quite funny because I’m almost positive that

everyone can relate to what he is saying. We as people invest a lot of time and when we do, we

become attached. Ballenger continues to talk about how although we know there are flaws

within our drafts or relationships, we tend to not change them because we invested so much

time into them. Ballenger transitions and talks about why stepping back and revising a paper

can be beneficial. He states that you can see new perspectives and discover gaps within a

paper. I agree with Ballenger that we as people invest a lot in our drafts and we should take the

time to revise it. He furthers his point by addressing how many people revise their writings. He

says most people pick out microscopic things rather than fixing the big problems. During

revision we as writers should ensure we have a clear purpose, a question and answer, and

finally to state one main thing. Ballenger talks about making sure the audience understands

what you are writing. I personally struggled with this within my first draft of the EIP to address

the audience and make it easy to follow. In my final draft I fixed my sentence structure and

made my paper easy to follow and understand. I also made sure to add a better conclusion and

use what Ballenger said to expand upon my research and support my claims further. I agree

with Ballenger that establishing significance is important when writing. In my EIP I made sure to
establish why my topic was important early on in my writing. I found the most important topic

he talked about was Re-researching. This was the most helpful and important to me because it

allowed me to research more extensively and ensure my information was useful within my

paper. I enjoyed Ballenger’s section on quick facts as well. To put it simply I liked how he put

the different types of quick facts and subject specific facts. The one section I disliked was the

using the reader. I understand that it’s important to have people check your work, but the

overall section was boring comparatively to others. To conclude, I feel Ballenger made a lot of

valid points. I loved his use of the analogy with a girlfriend because it made it extremely

relatable. Being able to relate to the author makes it easier and more enjoyable to read.

Part 2

Margin Outline

Fact or Fiction: Is Video Game Addiction Linked to Mental Health Disorders?

The gaming industry is seeing rapid growth due to the continued innovations in

technological advancements. Since technology is easily accessible, younger generations are Commented [MOU1]: Technology is growing rapidly.

being introduced to technology at far higher rates than any age previously. This continued Commented [MOU2]: Kids are being exposed to
technology ay younger ages.

technological advancement leads to better game mechanics, graphics, audio, and overall

playability of the game. With the increase in the playability of a game combined with

generations becoming exposed at younger ages the audience grows and becomes more heavily

involved with what they are playing. With that being said, are video games addictive and can

excessive gaming lead to depression or other major mental health disorders?

To start, according to Medical News Todays, in 2018 the World Health Organization

(WHO) classified excessive gaming as a disorder within the International Statistical Classification
of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD) which is a list of diseases and conditions that are

used by health professionals to make a diagnosis and treatment plan for their patient. The Commented [MOU3]: Classifying video game addiction.

World Health Organization states, “Gaming disorder is characterized by a pattern of persistent

or recurrent gaming behavior (‘digital gaming’ or ‘video-gaming’), which may be online (i.e.,

over the internet) or offline, manifested by: 1) impaired control over gaming (e.g., onset,

frequency, intensity, duration, termination, context); 2) increasing priority given to gaming to

the extent that gaming takes precedence over other life interests and daily activities; and 3)

continuation or escalation of gaming despite the occurrence of negative consequences.” Commented [MOU4]: Defining what video game disorder
is.

Signs of excessive gaming disorder include prioritizing gaming over other activities and

interests, lack of sleep, isolation, and lying to create more time to play video games. This is Commented [MOU5]: Symptoms of video game addiction.

reinforced with Sophia Achab and her colleagues in their study that compared characteristics of

addict vs. non-addict online gamers and how the addicted gamers reported three times more

daily sleepiness, sleep deprivation, and emotional changes. The study was designed to target a Commented [MOU6]: A study that focuses on the effects
of video game addiction on addict vs no-addict online
gamers.
French population of MMORPG gamers aged over eighteen and utilized online discussion

forums visited by gamers. Through the forums, they sent a questionnaire that took forty-five

minutes and consisted of a sixty-three item self-administrated list of questions assessing social

and demographical data, the relationship between gaming and health, gaming and socio-

professional consequences, and clinical criteria screening for IA and online gaming addiction.

Furthermore, gaming disorder is also described within the American Psychiatric

Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). The DSM-5 Commented [MOU7]: Classifying video game disorder
further.

focuses more on what they consider “Significant impairment or distress.” A diagnosis would Commented [MOU8]: The DSM-5 stating that video game
disorder is real.

require experiencing five or more symptoms within a year. These symptoms include anxiety,
sadness, and irritability when not playing video games, inability to reduce playing, deceiving

family members or others on the amount your gaming, jeopardizing your job or relationship,

and preoccupation with gaming. Mark Griffiths is a distinguished professor of behavioral Commented [MOU9]: Additional symptoms of video game
addiction.

addiction at Nottingham Trent University. Griffiths is well known internationally for his work

into gambling and gaming addiction. In one of Griffiths studies, he states that 80% of online

gamers sacrificed some aspect of their lives such as education, sleeping, working, socializing

with friends, family, and partners. Commented [MOU10]: A study that shows gamers who
are addicted to video games sacrificed some aspect of their
lives.
Another study by the University of New Mexico states that 6 to 15 percent of all gamers

exhibit symptoms of gaming addiction. For perspective, if there were 5000 gamers Commented [MOU11]: As study of how many gamers
show symptoms of gaming addiction.

approximately 300 to 750 of them would show symptoms of gaming addiction. On a smaller

scale, this seems pretty minimal but if you take the world population of approximately 7.5

billion people and multiply that number by 15% that would be equivalent to 1,125,000,000

people who show symptoms of gaming addiction. Of the 7.5 billion people approximately 211

million people play video games. With this in mind after multiplying the 211 million people by

15%, we could approximate that 31,650,000 people have shown signs of gaming addiction. Commented [MOU12]: Statistics showing how many
people are affected by video game addiction.

Additionally, both the DSM-5 and the ICD agree there are two different types of

symptoms. These symptoms are classified as physical and emotional. Physical symptoms Commented [MOU13]: Classifying the two types of video
game addiction symptoms.

include migraines due to excessive gaming, fatigue due to lack of sleep, and carpal tunnel due

to high usage of a mouse and keyboard. Emotional symptoms include irritability due to lack of Commented [MOU14]: Classifying physical symptoms of
video game addiction.

sleep, isolation because of gaming too much, and lying to create more time to play video

games. Commented [MOU15]: Classifying emotional symptoms of

video game addiction.
 The main question that arises following much research is, what makes video games so

addicting. According to Dr. Brent Conrad, a clinical psychologist in Halifax, Nova Scotia, there Commented [MOU16]: Focusing on what makes video
games addicting.

are many factors to consider such as no pre-defined ends, in-game rewards are based on

leveling up, social connections, collaboration among other players, harmless online activity, and

rewards being set on variable schedules. A common trend among these factors is related to in- Commented [MOU17]: A study focused on determining
why video games are addicting.

game rewards. In-game rewards promote a sense of self-accomplishment but, to earn the

rewards one must first complete the leveling system in place. As a player increases his level, the

tasks become increasingly harder, and the skill gap becomes wider thus making the game

consume more of the players time. Additionally, setting rewards on variable schedules makes

players log on and play more hours to ensure they don’t miss a chance at earning a specific

reward.

I’ve experienced this while playing the well-known game World of Warcraft. In this Commented [MOU18]: My experience with video game
addiction.

game, you are able to collect mounts and other items to increase your item level and engage in

player vs. player (PvP) and player vs. enemies (PvE) gameplay. player vs. player is combat

between two or more online players in events or places such as duels, battlegrounds, and

arenas. Whereas, player vs. enemies are combat between in-game artificial intelligence in

places such as dungeons, and raids where you complete quests and fight mobs. Item level Commented [MOU19]: Defining the two types of combat
within the video game.

indicates the usefulness of an item and mounts are used to traverse around the open world

more efficiently. I spent hours on end trying to acquire the headless horseman mount. The

headless horseman mount was only available during the hallows end holiday in World of

Warcraft which lasts for only 13 days. Additionally, it was set on a fixed drop rate of .05%. A

fixed drop rate is classified as a set percentage at which an item or reward could be acquired.
Overall, to obtain the mount one has to complete the dungeon which on average takes 45

minutes, not including queue time. Then pray your .05% chance of obtaining the item happens.

For perspective out of the 12 million World of Warcraft players, only 600,000 people are likely

to obtain the mount based on the fixed drop rate which doesn’t include time. And finally, this Commented [MOU20]: Showing how video games cause
addiction.

can only be obtained during the Hallows End holiday which lasts a maximum of 13 days.

Additionally, with no pre-defined ends, the game can expand forever thus allowing the

gaming companies to earn more money and the players to enjoy new experiences. Gaming

companies utilize what they call DLC. Ben Stenger, a deputy editor for MakeUseOf, reinforces Commented [MOU21]: Explaining what DLC is.

this notion when he states, “From expansion packs to microtransactions, DLC has been around

for over a decade and allows developers to introduce more content into their games. As a

consequence, this makes it hard to properly finish a game since new content could show up at

any time.” An abundance of games utilizes DLC these include Call of Duty, World of Warcraft,

and Destiny. They introduce new content such as maps, guns, camos, reticles, and supply drops.

Kate Cox, a writer for the Consumerist states, “According to the Wall Street Journal, video game

makers are bringing in billions of dollars a year in these post-purchase add-ons, with at least

one major distributor raking in more than $1 billion annually on its own.” Gaming companies Commented [MOU22]: Showing how much money video
games make off DLC.

utilizing no pre-defined ends showcases the disregard they have on people who experience

videogame addiction.

Understanding that video games are addicting is important to understand how it causes

depression and other mental health disorders. Caitlin Gibson, a writer for the Washington Post, Commented [MOU23]: How do video games case
depression?

stated that in 1998, a study showed that video games raised the level of dopamine in the brain

by approximately 100%. Dopamine commonly referred to as the “Feel-Good” hormone is a Commented [MOU24]: A study that focuses on the effects
of dopamine on the brain.
neurotransmitter that helps regulate movement, learning, and show emotional responses such

as motivation, euphoria, and concentration. This amount of dopamine released repeatedly

creates withdrawal and cravings due to changes in the amount of dopamine being released to

the dopamine receptors while not gaming. Charles Hymas, a writer for The Telegraph, stated,”

Fortnite and other addictive video games can have a similar effect on children’s brains as drug

abuse or alcoholism, MRI scans reveal.” This is important because people who experience Commented [MOU25]: Study on the effects of video game
addiction on children’s brains.

depression struggle to feel happiness and pleasure among leisurely activities. One cause of this

is video game addiction as it allows for an unhealthy amount of dopamine to be expended into

the dopamine receptors. Another problem is that human brains aren’t fully developed until the

age of 25. With that in mind, people as young as 13 whom experience video game addiction

develop a reward or impulse system much faster than others. This would lead to an uneven

distribution between the developed reward system and its necessary counterpart the self-

control system. This would lead the individual to exhibit more impulsive and risky behavior.

Video game addiction is often viewed as a disorder that only affects teenagers.

However, this is simply not true. According to the BBC in 2010 South Korean prosecutors Commented [MOU26]: Looking into how video game
addiction affects more than just kids.

charged a couple with negligent homicide for allowing their child to starve to death while

playing the well-known MMORPG, Prius Online. Another tragic case involved a 28-year-old

South Korean man dying of heart failure due to exhaustion after playing a 50-hour StarCraft

session in 2005. Although these events are uncommon, it would be ignorant to ignore them. Commented [MOU27]: A case related to adults being
affected by video game addiction.

Both cases showcase how video games create a false reality that leads to neglect of personal

health and well-being of individuals and others around them.

 Moreover, there are ongoing debates over if violent video games are linked to mass

shootings and other violent acts such as school shootings. ABC News reported that Texas Lt. Commented [MOU28]: Video games and their link to mass
shootings.

Gov. Dan Patrick argued that violent video games have created people who are “Desensitized to

violence.” His argument was defended by the American Psychological Association (APA) which

passed a resolution in 2015 declaring that “Scientific research has demonstrated an association

between violent video game use and both increases in aggressive behavior, aggressive

cognitions, and decreases in prosocial behavior, empathy, and moral engagement,” among

other findings. Many people worry about the rates at which children are playing video games. Commented [MOU29]: How video games can lead to mass
shootings. And their effects on the brain.

According to the APA in the United States alone, 90% of children play video games. The APA

also states that 85% of videogames within the market contain some form of violence. Commented [MOU30]: Study on kids that play video
games.

Understanding that violent video games could be associated with things such as mass shootings

show the effects that video games have on the brain and how it impacts youth and adults

around the world.

However, not all scientist and doctors believe that video game addiction should be

classified as a disorder within the ICD and DSM-5. Some doctors state that there isn’t enough Commented [MOU31]: Dissecting the opposing’s views
argument.

evidence to establish that gaming disorder is a disease. The World Health Organization also

stated that the disorder only affects three percent of gamers. It’s also important to note that

the symptoms provided by both the ICD and DSM-5 are extremely vague and could lead to

misdiagnosis of a person. Romeo Vitelli, a writer for Psychology Today, states, “In China, for Commented [MOU32]: Understanding the symptoms are
vague.

example, military-style "boot camps" for the treatment of video game addicts have become

extremely popular with parents sending their children to be "cured," often after weeks or

months of grueling treatment.” These “boot camps” utilize running, push-ups, antidepressants,
and sedatives to help fight against gaming addiction. Sedatives are drugs taken to induce a Commented [MOU33]: Boot camps are utilized to cure
video game addiction.

calming feeling, or sleep-inducing effect and antidepressants are drugs that are used to relieve

symptoms of depression and other anxiety disorders. Additionally, the cost of sending kids to

this camp is extremely expensive with one family spending around 170,000 yuan which is equal

to $25,328.52 U.S. dollars. Although this is an extreme example you can’t deny that boot camps Commented [MOU34]: A misdiagnosis could cost a lot of
money.

similar to the ones in China will continue to grow and spread worldwide becoming more

problematic, then they are now. Overall, the lack of reliable evidence and a small percentage of

those affected lead the doctors to debate the validity of video game addiction being classified

as a disorder.

Scientists and doctors also state that playing video games can improve cognitive skills. Commented [MOU35]: Playing video games can contribute
to development of cognitive abilities.

Cognitive skills are core skills your brain uses to think, learn, reason, remember, and pay

attention. These skills learned while playing video games include, coordination, enhanced

memory, improved problem-solving skills, improved brain speed, improved multitasking skills,

and improved social skills. Peter Gray, an author for Psychology Today, states, “Green &

Bavelier (2012) found that action video gaming improved performance on the ability to locate,

quickly, a target stimulus in a field of distractors—a test that has been found to be a good

predictor of driving abilities.” Moreover, studies showed that video games improved job Commented [MOU36]: Study that shows video games
improving cognitive skills.

performance, especially for jobs that require good hand-eye coordination, attention, working

memory, and quick decision making. A study by Dr. James Rosser, Jr. and his colleagues

concluded that video game skill correlates with laparoscopic surgical skills. Laparoscopy is a

surgical procedure in which a fiber-optic instrument is inserted through the abdominal wall to

view the organs in the abdomen or to permit a surgical procedure. Knowing that playing video
games can improve the cognitive skills necessary to perform an important task such as a

laparoscopy reinforce the fact that video games are important to an individual’s growth.

After intensive research, I concluded that gaming addiction is real and is directly related

to other mental health disorders. My research shows clear correlation between video game Commented [MOU37]: Re-stating my main point.

addiction and mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. With scientific evidence Commented [MOU38]: Addressing my red results and my
stance.

and a multitude of cases, there is sufficient information to prove that video game addiction is a

growing problem. While researching, I also noticed that gaming addiction isn’t strictly related to

younger audiences. This is important as most people refer to video game addiction as a

problem for the youth. This is not true, and there are several cases in my research that

showcase its effects on adults.

Furthermore, I want to clarify I don’t agree with everything the ICD and DSM-5 state

about video game addiction. I agree with the opposing sides views that the symptoms classified Commented [MOU39]: Considering the other sides
argument.

within both of these documents are extremely vague. Vague symptoms lead to widespread

misdiagnoses of people. Through my research, I understand the magnitude of problems related

to a misdiagnosis of videogame addiction. Additionally, I support doctors’ concerns with the

validity of video game addiction since it affects a minuscule amount of people worldwide.

As research furthers and new studies form, more information will be readily available to

shape the minds of non-believers. I believe there will be a clearer understanding of video game Commented [MOU40]: Final remarks.

addiction and what symptoms should be used to help make a diagnosis on a patient. With the

ongoing cases and increase in technological advancements, I believe video game addiction

should be taken more seriously.

 I. The Gaming industry is seeing rapid growth due to the increase in technological

advancements.

a. Technology is growing.

b. Audiences are being exposed to technology at young ages.

II. Classifying video game addiction

a. Video game addiction is a disorder within the ICD.

b. Symptoms of video game addiction.

III. Signs of excessive gaming

a. Excessive gaming symptoms.

b. Study that compares addict vs. non-addict online gaming.

IV. Classifying video game addiction further.

a. The DSM-5 classifies video game addiction.

b. Study that focuses on online gamers and sacrificing some aspect of life.

c. Classifying more symptoms of gaming addiction.

V. Study of gamers showing symptoms of video game addiction.

a. Statistics of people that show symptoms of video game addiction.

VI. Classifying two types of video game addiction.

a. Physical symptoms.

b. Emotional symptoms.

VII. What makes video games addicting?

a. Study that focuses on what make video games addicting.

b. What factors make video games addicting.

VIII. My experience with video game addiction.

a. Video game I played.

b. Different types of combat within video games.

c. Showing how video games can be addicting.

IX. Explaining what DLC is.

a. Stating how much money video games make based of FLC.

X. How video game addiction causes depression.

a. Study that showed the levels of dopamine in the brain.

b. Studies showing effects of video games on the brain.

c. Effects of video game addiction on young kids.

XI. Video game addiction affects people other than kids.

a. Two different cases of adults being affected by video game addiction.

XII. Video games and their link to mass shootings.

a. How video games can lead to mass shootings.

b. Video games and their effects on the brain.

c. Studies on the number of kids that play video games with and without violence.

XIII. Discussing the other side of the argument.

a. Insufficient evidence.

b. Vague symptoms.

c. “Boot Camps” implemented to treat video game addiction.

d. Amount of money video game addiction can cost people.

XIV. Scientist believe video games improve cognitive abilities.

 a. Video games enhance cognitive abilities.

XV. Conclusion

a. Re-stating my point.

b. Addressing my end results and my stance.

c. Considering the other sides arguments.

XVI. My final remarks