Psychology & Behavioral Health 4th ed. (2015). (Paul Moglia, Ed.).Emotional abuse (pp. 647-650).

Amenia, NY:Salem Press at Greyhouse Publishing.

Emotional abuse

Type of psychology: Clinical; Counseling; Developmental; Psychopathology; Psychotherapy

All abuse is about power and control, and the abuser uses tactics to exert power and control

over his or her victims. Emotional abuse is any kind of non-physical abuse imposed from one

person to another. Victims of emotional abuse are subjected to repeated threats, manipulation,

intimidation, and isolation that cause them to feel anxiety, fear, self-blame, and worthlessness.

They can become convinced that no one else cares or wants them. Frequently they stay in

abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. In contrast to physical

violence, emotional violence is not easily identified because it is not readily evident. Emotional

abuse can sometimes predict physical violence.

Key Concepts
• Abuse.
• Cycle of violence
• Interpersonal violence (IPV).
• Violence

INTRODUCTION

Emotional abuse is a form of interpersonal violence that encompasses all forms of non-

physical violence and distress caused through non-verbal and verbal actions. Emotional abuse is

deliberate and manipulative and is a method of control. It often occurs in conjunction with other

types of abuse, but it may also occur in isolation. Like other types of abuse, emotional abuse

most often affects those with the least power and resources.

Emotional abusers have a need to dominate and feel in charge of their victims.

Threatening or coercive tactics like intimidation, humiliation, harassment, embarrassment, social

isolation, verbal assaults, insults, threats, financial control, work restrictions, and disregard for

victims’ needs are all means to exert power and control over them. Occasional abusive behavior

does not intimate an abusive relationship, but the frequency and duration of emotional abuse

episodes and the actions that lead up to emotional abuse determine if it is an ongoing pattern

of abuse.

Whether obvious or subtle, emotional abuse eventually results in victims feeling

powerless, hurt, angry, worthless, and afraid. Abusers choose who they will abuse. They do not

threaten or abuse everyone; they abuse those closest to them. Abusers choose when to abuse. It is

planned. In public, abusers may do well keeping themselves in control. Their outbursts of

abusive behavior are conserved for private altercations. Abuse is not a random act of loss of

control; abusers can and do stop when it is to their benefit.

Emotional abusers often struggle with the same emotions as their victims. Frequently,

abusers were victims of emotional abuse that caused them to feel the same sense of

powerlessness, hurt, fear, and anger. Consequently, offenders generally seek people who are

helpless or who do not acknowledge their own feelings, perceptions, or viewpoints which then

allows abusers to feel securely in control of their victims.

Tactics of emotional abuse ensure abusers maintain control of their victims. Such tactics

include the following: isolation from family and friends that increases victims’ dependence on

their abuser; threats of personal harm, harm to loved ones, or self-harm that keep victims fearful

to leave; intimidation with acts of aggression like destroying personal property, facial and

physical gestures, harming pets, or displaying weapons that insinuate violent repercussions to

make victims conform to the wishes of their abuser; and humiliation, verbal criticism, name-
calling, shaming, and public insults that destroy self-esteem and leave victims powerless and

controlled. Eventually, victims of emotional abuse lose all sense of self.

Emotional abuse is often longer lasting than physical abuse because it is a gradual

destruction of victims’ confidence and sense of self-worth. Victims may be fearful to talk to

anyone about the abuse because they have been convinced by their abuser that no one will

believe them or they are threatened with severe consequences if they do.

Though physical injuries mend over time, emotional injuries can impact victims for a

lifetime. Victims’ perceptions of their situation become unrealistic. They may not acknowledge

or recognize the emotional abuse, and they develop coping mechanisms like denial and

minimization of their abuse as means to accommodate for it. Victims’ reports of emotional abuse

reveal that their abusers controlled the company they kept, where they went, when they made

family contact. They also threatened to take their children. Women, especially, reported that they

were made to feel ashamed, belittled, or humiliated by their abuser.

Emotional abuse, like other forms of abuse, occurs in cycles. There are three phases in

the cycle of violence:

Phase I -Tension building phase, Phase II – Violence phase, and Phase III- Honeymoon

phase. Over time the cycle of violence may change as the honeymoon phase shortens, and the

tension and violence phases increase.

A decision to leave an abusive situation takes time and even repeated episodes of abuse before

victims can leave. The amount of time depends on a victim’s insecurities and concerns for others

in the immediate environment who may feel the repercussions of a victim’s leaving.

Phase I, or the Tension building phase, is when the abuser is extremely demanding,

critical and moody, becomes more controlling, and makes threats. Money issues, children, or
work are common triggers. The victim minimizes the problem in an effort to control the

situation, withdraws as tension builds, and may attempt to pacify the abuser by giving in. As the

tension intensifies, the victim has less and less control or ability to mollify the situation as it

transitions into Phase II.

Phase II, or the Violence phase finds the abuser spiraling out of control as he or she feels

control over the victim dwindling. The abuser’s threats increase, tension peaks, and physical or

extreme emotional abuse follows. The violent incident is unpredictable, because it is not the

victim’s behavior that triggers it. It is usually triggered by an external event or the abuser’s

emotional state of mind. The abuser blames the victim for making “it” happen. The victim has

lost control altogether and is helpless during this escalation. Sometimes victims instigate Phase II

to “get it over with” so they gain some control again.

Phase III, or the Honeymoon phase, brings about a transformation in the abuser who is

now remorseful, apologetic, and showers the victim with attention, expressions of love, and

promises that “it” will never happen again as he or she manipulates the victim into forgiveness

and draws the victim back into the relationship. Though confused, the victim often feels guilty

and responsible for the incident, minimizes it, and forgives the abuser.

RISK FACTORS

Research regarding risk factors for emotional abuse is limited. Some general, identified

risk factors for emotional abuse include lower socio-economic status, anger, fear, physical or

mental disability, dependence, authoritarianism, low self-esteem, personality disorders, marital

conflict, isolation, substance abuse, cognitive decline, and discrepancies between partners’

education and occupation levels.

 Risk factors for being an abuser include having problems controlling temper, extreme

jealousy, fear of abandonment, history of being abused, unrealistic expectations of relationship,

antisocial personality, risk taking personality, irresponsibility for own actions, animal cruelty,

threats of violence, low self-esteem, relationship codependence, compulsiveness, substance

abuse, personality disorder, and power and control issues.

Risk factors for being a victim of abuse include having low self-esteem, intense need for

affection, history of being abused, substance abuser parents, codependence, depression, isolation,

substance abuse, difficulty expressing emotions, validation of self through relationship, and

selflessness. The majority of identified victims are women; however, men have been emotionally

abused in both domestic and institutional settings.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

Generally, people who are in abusive relationships are afraid or fearful of their partners,

conform to whatever their partners want, let their partners know their every move, are contacted

frequently by their partners when they are out with them, comment on their partners’ jealousy

and temper, have imposed restrictions regarding contact with family and friends, have restricted

access to transportation and money, experience very low self esteem, and are withdrawn,

depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

Emotionally abused children frequently have compromised psychological, social, and

moral development, are usually aggressive, exhibit antisocial behaviors, act older than their age,

are unhappy, frightened and distressed, are low achievers, frequently miss school, have poor

academic performance, experience difficulty making friends, have impaired ability to feel and

express emotions, show signs of physical neglect, and may complain of vague physical
symptoms. Adults who were emotionally abused as children are more likely to have difficulty

establishing relationships, misinterpret social cues and others behaviors, and experience

mental health problems.

Abusers humiliate, chastise, publicly mock, demean opinions, ideas, suggestions, or

needs of their victims, trivialize victims’ successes and accomplishments, control finances and

how money is spent, stress mistakes victims may make, show no empathy for their victims, deny

or blame victims for their (abuser’s) abusive behaviors, problems, and difficulties, believe they

are never wrong, are intolerant of perceived lack of respect, and use manipulative or threatening

tactics (sulk, withdraw, body language, facial expressions, play victim) to punish victims or force

them to comply.

CONSEQUENCES

Emotional abuse not only can result in psychological issues, but it can also cause physical

issues like frequent headaches or back, leg, and stomach problems. Long term effects of

emotional abuse can lead to depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, and difficulties in

interpersonal relationships. Sadly, it also continues the cycle of abuse, as many abused

individuals become abusers themselves.

TREATMENT AND PREVENTION

Without intervention, frequency and severity of abuse usually increase over time.

Treatment depends on the dynamics of the abuse. Abuse resulting from family dysfunction may

benefit from access to appropriate community services like nurse and social worker home visits

to provide help to change behaviors or prevent abuse in high-risk families.

Abuse resulting from mental illness, substance abuse, or physical disabilities may benefit

from social services and professional mental health interventions. Separating victims and their
abusers may be necessary to secure victims’ safety and wellbeing. Leaving the environment is

essential if there is any indication that abuse is escalating or physical violence may follow.

Counseling for both abusers and victims of abuse can provide channels for discussion and

mitigating solutions to end the cycle of violence.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult and dangerous. Having a place to go for

protection, help, and support is important. Usually such places are with family or friends.

However, if they are not available, then local shelters or other organizations that provide

assistance for safely leaving an abusive relationship should be sought. For emergency situations

resources include the following:

911 for all emergencies

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.

SAFE (7233)

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (2-24453)

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Krumins, G. (2011). The Detrimental Effects Of Emotional Abuse. Bloomington, IN:Author

House.The author describes her personal experience as a victim of emotional abuse, how to
identify, understand, manage, and heal from the experience, and what authorities, communities,
families, and friends should know to assist.

O’Hagen, K. (2006). Identifying Emotional and Psychological Abuse: A Guide For Childcare
Professionals. Philadelphia, PA: McGraw-Hill. The author identifies emotional and
psychological development and abuse among children and adolescents that are highlighted in
case studies that provide information about how to assess their emotional and psychological
wellbeing.

Testa, A. (2007). The Bully In Your Relationship: Stop Emotional Abuse and Get The Love You
Deserve. Philadelphia, PA: McGraw-Hill. The author provides a guide to identifying types of
bullies and victims of bullies and taking action to change through work that rebuilds victims’
power and control regarding bullying relationships.