by Margie Palatini • illustrated by Barry Moser

Simon & Schuster 2002

This script adaptation of Earthquack! by Margie Palatini

is for non-profit use only.

EARTHQUACK!
by Margie Palatini

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
NARRATOR
CHUCKY DUCKY
LUCY GOOSEY
VICKIE, NICKIE & RICKIE CHICKIE
BREWSTER ROOSTER
SUE EWE
SAM & PAM LAMB
NANNY GOAT
BILLY THE KID
IGGY PIGGY
MERLE SQUIRREL
HERMAN ERMINE
(Alias -- wormy weasel)
JOEL & LOWELL MOLE
 EARTHQUACK!
by Margie Palatini

ACT I
Scene 1

CHUCKY DUCKY FINISHING HIS MORNING SWIM . . .

NARRATOR: Little Chucky Ducky had just finished swimming his morning laps. He
dried off his bill, wiped off his two webbed feet, and was letting the
water roll off his back, when suddenly . . .

He heard the ground grumble. (sound effect)

He felt the ground rumble. (chucky off balance)
And then, with a stumble, Chucky Ducky went down in a tumble!
(duck falls)

CHUCKY: Oh, good golly! The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling! Why,
it’s a quake! I have to warn my friends!

NARRATOR: Without a minute to waste, Chucky Ducky waddled and flapped and
waddled across the meadow, where he saw Lucy Goosey.

CHUCKY: (quacks) The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling! It’s a quake!

LUCY: (looks suspiciously at duck) Are you sure?

CHUCKY: Of course I’m sure. I heard what I heard. I felt what I felt. I saw what I saw
---- And I saw it!

NARRATOR: And then, suddenly . . . right below their four webbed feet . . .
They heard the ground grumble. (sound effect)
They felt the ground rumble. (chucky, lucy off balance)
And before they knew it, Chucky Ducky and Lucy Goosey were taking a
tumble!
LUCY: (honks) The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling!

CHUCKY: (quacks) I tell you it’s a quake! We have to warn our friends.

SCENE 2

THE BARNYARD

NARRATOR: Without a minute to waste, Chucky Ducky and Lucy Goosey waddled and
flapped and flapped and waddled up to the barnyard. And who should
they meet scratching and hatching, but Vickie, Nickie, and Rickie Chickie!

CHUCKY: (quacks) The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling! It’s a quake!

VICKIE, NICKIE AND RICKIE: (in unison) Is this some kind of cheap trick?
(make ‘cheep’ sound when saying word cheap)

CHUCKY: I heard what I heard. I felt what I felt. I saw what I saw --- and I saw it!

LUCY: (honk) Me too!

NARRATOR: And then, suddenly . . . right below their four webbed feet and six little
chicken legs . . .
They heard the ground grumble. (sound effect)
They felt the ground rumble. (all unsteady)
And before they knew it, they were all taking a tumble!

VICKIE, NICKIE, RICKIE: (cheeps) The earth is crumbling!

LUCY: (honks) The earth is crumbling!

CHUCKY: (quacks) I tell you it’s a quake! We have to warn our friends!
 SCENE 3

THE COOP

NARRATOR: Chucky Ducky, Lucy Goosey, and Vickie, Nickie and Rickie Chickie
flapped and waddled and waddled and flapped in a troop up to the coop where they saw
Brewster Rooster.

CHUCKIE: (quacks) The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling! It’s a quake!

LUCY: (honks) Sound the alarm!

BREWSTER: (calm. takes comb - from top of head -- thru feathers) (in haughty tone)
Excuse me. But I only doodle-doo once a day. Read my job description.

CHICKS: (in unison) But you just gotta crow!

CHUCKY: (quacks) Yes! Yes! I heard what I heard. I felt what I felt. I saw what I
saw--- and I saw it!

LUCY: (honks) Me too!

CHICKS: (cheep in unison) We three!

NARRATOR: And then, suddenly . . . right below their four webbed feet, six little
chicken legs, and two big drumsticks . . .
They heard the ground grumble. (sound effect)
They felt the ground rumble. (all unsteady)
And before they knew it, they were all taking a tumble!

BREWSTER: (squawks) The earth is crumbling!

CHICKS: (cheep in unison) The earth is crumbling!

LUCY: (honks) The earth is crumbling!

CHUCKY: (quacks) I tell you it’s a quake! We have to warn our friends!
(All characters nod in agreement.)

NARRATOR: So, Brewster Rooster let out a crow.

BREWSTER: (loudly) Cock-a-doodle-dooooooooooo!”

(enter ) SUE EWE, with lambs, SAM and PAM

SUE: So? (looks around) What’s new?

(enter NANNY GOAT with baby goat, BILLY THE KID rubbing eyes and cranky)
NANNY: (grumbles) “Yes, what’s the big to-do?”

(enter IGGY PIGGY, still eating corn on cob, napkin under chin)
IGGY: (snort) Yeah, you’re interrupting my lunch,

CHUCKY: (quacks) The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling! I tell you it’s a
quake!

SAM, PAM AND SUE: (in unison) Oh, it can’t be that baa-aa-aad.

MERLE SQUIRREL: (munching from bag of nuts, makes aside to pig)

It sounds nutty to me.

CHUCKY: But I heard what I heard. I felt what I felt. I saw what I saw --- and I saw it.

IGGY: (grunts. wipes chin) Hogwash!

NARRATOR: And then suddenly . . .

They all heard a grumble. (sound effect)
They all felt a rumble. (all unsteady)
And then, one by one ---
they all went down in a tumble!

IGGY: (oink) Run for the hills!

(all run left)
MERLE: (squeal) No, take to the trees!
(all run right)

LITTLE BILLY: (nays and points) The doorway! The doorway, you ninnies!

SCENE 4

THE BARN . . .

NARRATOR: So they listened to the kid and ran to the door of the big red barn.
They huddled and cuddled, and hoped they were safe from any more
rumbling, grumbling, and most of all crumbling.
(all huddle together, eyes wide, listening)

Now several yards away . . .

(enter from side - weasel from behind bush)
under a sticky thicket, watching all the commotion, was one very
hungry weasel.

WEASEL: (peeks out from bush. Licks lips.) Mmm-mmmm-mmmm. Lamb chops.
Bacon. Roast Goose. Chicken and squirrel stew. Yum yum!
(weasel grins and eyes widen as he gets idea)
My pantry is pretty paltry, but I have an idea that will get their goat,
and give me one big banquet buffet!

NARRATOR: So, the sneaky weasel climbed out from the sticky thicket, made out a
menu for the month . . .
(weasel writes out menu)
and then . . .
cleverly disguised himself in his long white winter coat.
(weasel puts on coat, looks at himself in hand held mirror and grins)

WEASEL: (running to barn and animals all excited and shouting)

The earth is crumbling! The earth is crumbling!
CHUCKY: (quacks -- surprised someone believes him) You know about the quake?

WEASEL: (grins to audience) I heard what I heard. I felt what I felt. I saw what I
saw -- and I saw it!

BREWSTER: (suspicious. wings on hips. looks weasel in the eye) I’ve never seen
you around before. Who exactly are you?

WEASEL: (brushes off coat, confidently. smiles slyly) Name’s Herman Ermine.
As it happens, I’m an expert in rumbles and crumbles. In fact, I have a
quakeproof hideaway not too far from here. You’ll be much safer if you
come with me.”

(characters rush from doorway to follow weasel)

ALL: Yes! Yes! We want to be safe!

NARRATOR: So off went Chucky Ducky, Lucy Goosey, Vickie, Nickie and Rickie
Chickie, Brewster Rooster, Sue Ewe with her lambs, Pam and Sam,
Nanny Goat, Billy the kid, Merle Squirrel and Iggy Piggy.
(group follows weasel)

SCENE 5
THE WOODS . . .

NARRATOR: Into the deep . . . dark . . . thickest thickets of the woods the group
trooped. After a ways and a while, the weasel stopped.

WEASEL: (he sneers and points) Down here.

CHICKS: (chicks take a peek.) (cheep in unison) “But that just looks like a hole.”

NANNY: A deep dark hole.

SAM AND PAM: And it looks like such a long wa-a-a-ay down.

WEASEL: (putting arms around lambs) Come now. Don’t be sheepish.

(weasel goes over to chucky who is peering down hole and is just about to give him
a push when . . . )

NARRATOR: Suddenly . . .
There was a grumble. (sound effect)
Then a rumble. (all unsteady)
And the ground around the weasel started to crumble!
First a trip. (weasel trips)
Then a stumble. (weasel stumbles by bushes)
Right through the thicket --- and out of this white winter coat!
(weasel’s coat gets caught on bush. he is discovered! all react in amazement.)

WEASEL: Uh-oh. I think I made a fumble.

BREWSTER: Well, what a weaselly little fellow! (waves coat in triumph)

Thank goodness we are safe!

ground grumbles. (sound effect) all unsteady.

CHUCKY: (quacks) But I tell you, it’s still a quake!

sound effects of grumbles. more rumbles.

ALL: (honks, cheeps, squawks, oinks, baa’s, nays, squeals. Very disorganized)
Yes! It’s still a quake! It’s a quake! It’s a quake!

(two heads poke up from dirt)

MOLES: (in unison) It’s not a quake.

ALL: (look at one another. unbelieving.) It’s not a quake?

MOLES: (shake heads. blink in sunlight) It’s just us. Joel and Lowell Mole.

ALL: Joel and Lowell --- Mole?

LUCY, BREWSTER, CHICKIES: (honk, squawk, peep) You mean, the earth isn’t
grumbling?

IGGY, MERLE: (oink, squeal) You mean, the earth isn’t rumbling?
NANNY, BILLY, PAM, SAM, SUE: (annoyed nays, baa-aas) You mean the earth
isn’t crumbling?

CHUCKY: (quacks. Looks at others) . . . No quake?

(moles stumble out of their holes and shake their heads. unfold large map of U.S. with red-
lined directions this way and that.)

JOEL AND MOLE: (in unison) We don’t know anything about grumbles, rumbles
crumbles or quakes. We’re just looking for our cousin, Garret
Ferret.
(shows photograph)
JOEL: Does anybody know the way to San Jose?
(moles show map)
LOWELL: We think we took a wrong turn at the Lincoln Tunnel.

(animals all give surprised looks and reactions)

NARRATOR: Wrong turn indeed!

So they all showed Joel and Lowell which way to go . . .
(all point, give directions. moles leave. all shake heads at duck
as they head off stage one by one.)
And out of the woods, and back to the barnyard went Iggy Piggy,
Merle Squirrel, Nanny Goat, Billy the kid, Sue Ewe and her lambs
Sam and Pam, Brewster Rooster, Vickie, Nickie and Rickie Chickie,
Lucy Goosey and . . .
that little quack, Chucky Ducky . . .
Who right from the beginning --- was all wet.

(chucky shrugs and gives last quack.)

SET SUGGESTIONS:
Backdrops
(Use one or two pieces of large foam core or cardboard. students (stage hands), can
hold from behind, and bring on and off, accordingly as scenes change.)
chuckie’s ‘lake’
barnyard
chicken coop
the doorway of the barn
bush and bushy thickets
long thin (12” high) of brown paper, stretched from one side of ‘stage’ to other, held by
students on both ends. when ‘rumbling takes place’ they move ‘ground’ back and forth
to show movement of ‘quake’.

COSTUMES:
costumes need not be literal. have fun and give characters individual personality
through their clothing.
Duck: yellow top/pants. bill. large orange shoes or sneakers.
Goose: (white top, skirt. bill. webbed feet as above.)
Chickies: yellow tops, skirts, pants. beaks. yellow sneakers or shoes. bandanas,
hats, etc.
Rooster: white/and black clothing. red baseball cap with comb on top. red bow tie.
Sheep/Lambs: something fuzzy, white, gray, black. hats, shoes, purses, etc.
Goat: ‘grandma’ or ‘nanny’ outfit. long skirt. apron.
Billy: big oversized diaper. baby hat. Or/ big oversized cowboy hat, ‘bandana bib’.
Pig: pink t-shirt. snout. pink ears. tail. napkin-bib. corn on cob.
Squirrel: grey or brown clothing. bushy tail.
Weasel: brown clothing. Long white coat. (‘villianess’ moustache)

PROPS:
beach towel (for chuckie)
comb (brewster)
atomizer (brewster)
corn on cob (iggy)
bag of nuts (merle)
baby bottle or binky. blanket or teddy bear. holster w/water pistol. (billy the kid)
cereal boxes covered w/artwork labeled ‘chicken feed’ (chickies)
knitting needles and yarn attached to own clothes. (sue ewe)
miner hats w/lights (moles)
large map of u.s.
menu (weasel)

SOUND EFFECTS: large stiff cardboard, ‘miked’ will ‘grumble’ when shaken
off stage.