Dudley, Porcius, “The Blimp”, Dursley

⧫ Number 4 Privet Drive ⧫ Little Whinging, England ⧫ 555-657-FOOD ⧫ eatmorcake@gmail.com ⧫

⧫ (alternate contact:ihatedieting.gmail.com) ⧫

Objective: Become taste tester for Mr. Dark’s Pandemonium Show, to be young and have digestive
system handel sugar again

Work Experience:
Huge Bully Physical Endurance Teacher, Location 1985-1991
Helped other students improve their physical endurance, fitness and general awareness. Subjects
learned how to doge quickly, listen for footsteps, run faster, be motivated for physical fitness, discover their magic
abilities, identify voices and movement before the person is in sight, among other things.

Lazybones Official TV tester, Privet Drive Birth-

Now
Using past experience, carefully analyses television broadcasts. Helps work out programs and when
to air different shows. Is particularly knowledgeable about cartoons, children’s interests and their reactions to
poor planning on the company's part.

Spoiled Brat Material manager and Quality control, Harold's ice cream and candy shop 1997
Exceptional at picking up lost candy. Baring incident during the summer, with a strange piece that
caused him to hallucinate a large tongue, had no lasting side effects from candy(except fatness). Excellent at
not wasting products. Single Handedly ate 3 boxes of candy and 4 tins of ice cream after they had expired to
save the company from wasting materials. Often taste-tested new candy.

Education:
Smeltings Middle School Class of 2023
St. Grogory's Primary School GPA: 3.52/4.0
Honors Courses/Electives
Anger Control
Stop Wasting Things - Recycle instead!
Academic Clubs/Organizations
Harry Hunting
Punching things
Boxing
Picking on little kids
Hot-dog eating contest

Honors & Achievements:

Boxing Champion, Smeltings Middle School 1978

Special Skills:
★ Afraid of wizards ★ Tests toys for child endurance
★ Attempts to make up even if he can’t ★ Is very musely