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Darnell Boulware

Professor Hellmers

English 1201

26 April 2019

Toxic Masculinity

Men and women go through many personal struggles daily​.​ ​Both have to find ways to

​ omen can deal with

deal with these struggles even if it is too just put the conflict behind you​. W

some of these struggles by talking to their friends about them​,​ maybe seeing a therapist and even

just crying about their whole day​.​ This is a norm​, s​ omething that is typical​,​ that is okay with

​ o one would laugh or even joke about a woman emotionally dealing with a bad day​,
everyone​. N

most would even try to comfort the women​.​ Men​’​s way of dealing with their struggles are a little

bit different​.​ They tend to take it out on others​, g​ et depressed​, ​ keep all of their emotions inside

​ hen men try to express themselves in any of the

and also separate themselves from loved ones​. W

​ ade fun of and even called names​. T​ his is

ways women do normally they are either laughed at​, m

​ oxic masculinity can affect a man​’​s mental health​/​emotions​,

one form of toxic masculinity​. T

self esteem and relationships whether that be with a lover or loved ones​.​ ​If not taken seriously a

man could take his own life or ruin many others including his own​.
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Emotions are both felt by men and women​.​ Even though people think females have more

emotions than males researchers have found that this statement isn​’​t true​. “​This study suggests

men feel emotion just as much as women​,​ sometimes more strongly​,​ but are less willing to

express these emotions openly due to expectations put in them by society​”​(Rasmussen 230)​.

This another form of toxic masculinity formed by society because growing up everyone is taught

​ his makes everyone believe that

women will be more emotional than men in any relationship​. T

​ ho is full of emotion​,
the man is supposed to be strong and emotionless to counter the women​, w

in the relationship​. I​ nstead of relationships being a balance of emotions and care between

partners​ , ​sometimes men neglect their own emotions because society says they have to​,​ ​to

sustain a healthy relationship​.​ ​This actually does the opposite making the man into a volcano of

emotions​,​ ready to erupt at the smallest of disagreements between partners or the man will

distance himself from his partner seeming completely emotionless and unable to understand
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one​’​s emotional needs in a relationship​.

Figure 1 Shows all the effects on Men’s mental health in the diagram ( Hawkeye 1)

​ en aren​’​t encouraged by
All feelings should be expressed whether it be tears or words​. M

society do either​.​ One college professor ​“​describes it as a pattern of concealing emotions amid

confusion and insecurities about conforming to a cultural script of masculinity that​,​ ironically​,

encourage self sabotaging​,​ rebellious nonconformity​”​(Dobmeier 95)​.​ Which means society

encourages the manly act of holding your emotions in check even if in the process you are

sabotaging yourself or even your relationship​.

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​ atching and learning how

While growing up boys tend to steer clear of their emotions​. W

they should deal with the things they feel by watching older role models like their dad​.​ If they

don​’​t have a dad they tend to pick the first older man they stay in steady contact with​.​ Like they

​ he Fight Against ​“​Toxic Masculinity​”,​ ​“​masculinity is made toxic when boys don​’​t
say in​, T

have proper males communicating and talking to them regularly​.”​(​Monaghan 3​) So even if a

boy has a father or father figure if they don​’​t speak to them regularly about their emotions or

troubles the boy goes through​,​ then boys learns those things aren​’​t communicated by men​. O
​ nce

​ oung men
this lesson is learned it tends to mess up the emotional development of the boy​. Y

learn what not to do with their emotions and feelings but never learn what to do​.​ ​Adolescent men

​ his translates to
then find things like anger and separation as ways to deal with their problems​. T

when they get older they use the same coping methods they used in their youth but this time in

relationships and at work​.

Fathers and older men tend not to share their problems because they see ​“​their distress as

shameful and tend to hide their symptoms​”.​(​Van 4​)This isn​’​t good for people that see them as

role models but more importantly it is not good for a man​’​s mental health​. M
​ en will hesitate

before seeking help for their mental issues because society norms have told them to be tough​,

like a man​.​ Instead of seeking help from others for their problems they hold on to these problems
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​ ou can make the argument that women also go through these

even if it makes them go numb​. Y

same issues which they do​,​ but they don​’​t have to go against social standards to get help like

​ en won​’​t communicate because they are scared of being judged​.

men​. M

Judged by society​, j​ udged by their friends most importantly judged by their own mental

standard of how a man should react to emotion and feelings​.​ Take crying for an example​, m
​ en

just aren​’​t supposed to do it​.​ Of course some situations are excused like death or laughter but

most are not​.​ From a young age boys are taught to not to cry when they get hurt or are feeling

sad​,​ of course this can stunt a young man​’​s emotional development​. L

​ earning not to cry teaches

​ ike in​,
boys that once they become men it is not okay to show others you are having problems​. L

,​they say ​“​In this new cultural milieu​,​ male tears represented an embarrassing loss of self

control​”​(Zimmerman 1) because tears associated with Femininity​. M

​ en not being able or willing

to show emotion can lead to suicide​,​ violent crime​,​ antisocial behavior​,​ and abuse​.

Suicide can be caused by many things but researchers have linked all of the reasons back

to one thing​, s​ elf esteem​. S

​ elf esteem defined by researchers ​“​ the conviction that one is

competent to live and worthy of living​.”​(​Rasmussen 220)​ Men tend to set goals for themselves

​ o they base these goals off their

based off their own idea of what man should be​. S

fathers​,​society norms and role models​.​ When they don​’​t achieve or feel like they aren​’​t going in
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​ en sometimes
the right path for these goals many men take a heavy blow to their self esteem​. M

try to find a path to life through education or work because that is what most are taught at a

​ ot by being told but by examples like ​“​ no matter what happens in your day you
young age​. N

always have to go to work the next day is the main thing my dad taught me​”​(Mattila 5 )​. T
​ his is

important because this lesson is taught by just following a father figure into what an ideal man is

​ hen young men learn that they are supposed to live life through work or
supposed to do in life​. T

school to get better work​.​ So if a young man fails at both their self esteem takes another major

hit while they also become confused and lost on what they are supposed to do in life​.

In the research of 10 suicides in Pennsylvania of young adult men aging between 22​-​35

each victim had a major problem occur close to their suicide​.​ Loved ones of the deceased almost

all had the same story about the deceased trying to either devote their lives to work or into the

​ he two subjects that weren​’​t in a relationship and didn’t

person they were in a relationship​. T

​ oth are toxic methods of dealing

have jobs both just separated themselves from all loved ones​. B

​ o toxic that both methods lead the deceased to have lower

with sadness and other emotions​. S

self esteems and in the end were main reasons why they each took their own life​.

The relationship with school and the young adult man has decreased over the past 20

​ ne of the main reasons a college student gave for dropping out was he was
years​. O
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“​uncomfortable with conforming with the social norms of peers​”​(Duffel 31)​. ​These norms

included drinking or smoking all the time, which are the ​“​normal​”​ college things males have to

either accept or separate themselves from other entirely​.​ Also when a male hits an academic wall

it​’​s harder to talk or speak about it because all boys were raised to be ​“​tough like a man​”​ and

fight through adversity​.

Society has made men to believe they are supposed to be big and strong and be able to

protect their women​.​ Even the show Big Bang theory has shown that geeks take longer to get

females attention because they don’t have the typical male look​.​ ​“​ The show demonstrates that

people who are gifted in science and math also love comic books​, h​ ave no social skills and no

sense of humor​,​ and cannot get a girl no matter what​”​(Salter 2)​.​ This is showing men that if they

aren​’​t society​'​s idea of a man it will take them forever to find a female partner because society

​ he show is fantasizing the version of male

versions of men can get a girl whenever they please​. T

​ ales then start trying to

that is all brawn and no brains that can have any female he would like​. M

fit this version of society males and if unsuccessful feel like they have no chance of being apart

of a good relationship or they find it hard to communicate with women if they aren​’​t the big

muscular type of male​.

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Once men are society versions of males they believe they are deserved the time of any

​ his is one reason males

female on the planet since they fit the perfect description of society​. T

​ nce they are denied they feel anger because the believe they
commit sexual assault to females​. O

have done all they have needed to fulfill any females dreams​.​This is another form of toxic

masculinity because you don​’​t deserve anyone​'​s times just based off of your looks​.​The White

Ribbon Campaign was created just for that reason to focus violence against women around the

discussions of toxic masculinity​.

​ his is how most show

Men are encouraged to be violent and aggressive in relationships​. T

​ y being violent men feel dominant in the relationship because that

society how manly they are​. B

is what society tells them they need to be​.​ In an article the author says ​“​i​n the most primitive

way possible​,​ violence is how men can express how ​“​dominant​”​ and ​“​strong​”​ they are​”.​(Burke

​ iolence in relationships are also mentioned in popular music and books​,​ showing how
267)​ V

mainstream violence has become​. I​ n music respect for women is to a minimum showing that

women don​’​t deserve much​.​ This causes unhealthy relationships by men not respecting their

partner because it is popular or an society norm to do so​.

Women are scolded for having too many sexual partners​.​ Men are praised like gods in

society for absurd amounts of sexual partners​.​ This is toxic for relationships because men won​’​t
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even date women they know have a had a lot of sex even if they have had more​.​ This leaves

certain women as undesirable to males which is toxic because men are pressured to have as many

sexual partners as possible​.​ If men don​’​t strive for this goal set by society they are seen as not

normal or not manly enough​.

In conclusion toxic masculinity doesn​’​t just hurt males mental health​/​emotions and self

esteem​. I​ t also hurts all men​’​s relationships whether that be with a lover or anyone they come

into contact with​.​ If society and men take the time to learn and understand what toxic

masculinity harms on a day to day basis they will be able to reach out to men worldwide and

give them all a chance to vent their issues​.​ Once all men feel comfortable to reach out and talk

about their emotions rather than using harmful methods to deal with them​,​ that is when toxic

masculinity will slowly start to be erased​.​ Without all of society​’​s views changing what a man is

“​supposed​”​ to be men will always feel trapped in a box of how they are supposed to act and if

this continues men will continue to have lower graduation rates​,​ higher suicide rates​,​ and divorce

rates will continue to increase​.

Work Cited

Dobmeier, Robert A., et al. “Reentry Needs: Men Who Are Young, Hispanic, Older, or With

Mental Illness.” ​Adultspan Journal,​ vol. 16, no. 2, Oct. 2017, pp. 93–105.
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Rasmussen, Mette Lyberg, et al. “The Role of Self-Esteem in Suicides Among Young Men.”

Omega: Journal of Death & Dying, vol. 77, no. 3, Aug. 2018, pp. 217–239.

Limbers, Christine A., et al. “Eating Disorders in Adolescent and Young Adult Males:

Prevalence, Diagnosis, and Treatment Strategies.” ​Adolescent Health, Medicine and

Therapeutics,​ 2018, p. 111.

Burke, Jeffrey D., et al. “Functional Outcomes of Child and Adolescent Oppositional Defiant

Disorder Symptoms in Young Adult Men.” ​Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry​,

vol. 55, no. 3, Mar. 2014, pp. 264–272.

Mattila-Holappa, Pauliina, et al. “Attachment to Employment and Education before Work

Disability Pension Due to a Mental Disorder among Young Adults.” ​BMC Psychiatry,​

vol. 16, May 2016, pp. 1–12.

Van Droogenbroeck, Filip, et al. “Gender Differences in Mental Health Problems among

Adolescents and the Role of Social Support: Results from the Belgian Health Interview

Surveys 2008 and 2013.” ​BMC Psychiatry​, vol. 18, Jan. 2018, p. 1–N.PAG

Shin, Yu-Bin, et al. “Development of an Effective Virtual Environment in Eliciting Craving in

Adolescents and Young Adults with Internet Gaming Disorder.” ​PLoS ONE,​ vol. 13, no.

3, Apr. 2018, pp. 1–13.

Monaghan, Peter. “The Fight Against ’Toxic Masculinity.” ​The Chronicle of Higher Education,​

no. 16, 2017, p. 8. ​EBSCOhost​,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsggo&AN=edsgcl.521459033&site=

eds-live.
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Duffell, Nick. “How Do We Detox Toxic Masculinity? Nick Duffell Describes How Therapeutic

Groupwork Can Offer a Creative, Holding Space Where Men Can Connect with Their

Hearts.” ​Therapy Today,​ vol. 30, no. 1, Feb. 2019, pp. 30–33. ​EBSCOhost​,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ccm&AN=134316142&site=eds-live.

Salter, Anastasia, and Bridget Blodgett. ​Toxic Geek Masculinity in Media : Sexism, Trolling, and

Identity Policing​. Cham : Palgrave Macmillan, ©2017, 2017. ​EBSCOhost​,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cat01128a&AN=scc.b1823082&site=e

ds-live.

Zimmerman, Callie. “Toxic Masculinity: Why Big Boys Don’t Cry.” ​Teen Ink,​ vol. 27, no. 5,

Jan. 2016, p. 29. ​EBSCOhost​,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=pwh&AN=112088896&site=eds-live