MURDOCH BOOKS

BOOK GROUP GUIDE

CONVERSATION STARTERS
I Miss You When I Blink
Mary Laura Philpott

CONTENTS

• About the book

• About the author
• Praise for the book
• Reading group questions
About the book
Mary Laura Philpott thought she’d cracked the code: Always be right, and you’ll
always be happy.

But once she’d completed her life’s to-do list (job, spouse, house, babies—check!),
she found that instead of feeling content and successful, she felt anxious. Lost.
Stuck in a daily grind of overflowing calendars, grueling small talk, and sprawling
traffic. She’d done everything “right,” but she felt all wrong. What’s the worse
failure, she wondered: smiling and staying the course, or blowing it all up and
running away? And are those the only options?

Like a pep talk from a sister, I Miss You When I Blink is the funny, poignant, and
deeply affecting book you’ll want to share with all your friends, as you learn what
Philpott has figured out along the way: that multiple things can be true of us at
once—and that sometimes doing things wrong is the way to do life right.

About the author

Mary Laura Philpott's writing has been featured in

print or online by New York Times, Washington Post,
Los Angeles Times, McSweeney's, Paris Review and
other publications. She's the founding editor of
Musing, the online magazine of Parnassus Books, as
well as an Emmy-winning co-host of the literary
show A Word on Words on Nashville Public
Television. She lives in Nashville with her family.
Praise for I Miss You When I Blink
“Mary Laura Philpott is a writer, artist, and creator of singular spark and delight. I
adore her, and I love her work. Thank God she has finally written a memoir! By
offering these delightful dispatches from her own life experience, she leaves us
thinking about ourselves — where we've been, where we're going, and who we
really want to be.” —Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic

“Relentlessly funny, self-effacing and charming . . . [It] made me laugh, it made me

cry. I miss is already.” —Ann Patchett, author of Commonwealth

“I've spent my adult life prowling bookshelves for the modern-day reincarnation of
my favourite authors—Nora Ephron, Erma Bombeck, Jean Kerr, and Laurie Colwin—
all rolled into one...Good news: I have finally found their successor.” —Elisabeth
Egan, The Washington Post

“Part memoir, part comforting hug — Mary Laura Philpott has written a
heartwarming collection of essays about the daily grind, creative work and the
pressures of modern adulthood. You’ll love her for it.” —Marie Claire Australia

“A reassuring pep talk from someone who’s been there, full of wry observations
about the expectations and disillusionments of adulthood.” —Buzzfeed

“Philpott’s stories cover the complicated spectrum of womanhood . . With

refreshing, relatable musings on perfectionism and failure, consider it Eat Pray Love
for those without the leisure of a months-long sabbatical to figure their shit out.”
—Elle Australia

“Warm, candid, and wise, Philpott’s book is both an extended reflection on the
pressures of being female and a survivor’s tale about finding contentment by looking
within and learning to be herself. Delightfully bighearted reading.”— Kirkus reviews
Reading group questions
1. “It’s the perfect sentence, but I didn’t write it. My six-year-old did.” What did you
initially think the phrase “I miss you when I blink” meant and what you do you think
of it after reading the book? Do you think it was a good choice of title for this
collection?

2. “For so many people I know, there is no one big midlife smashup; there’s a
recurring sense of having met an impasse, a need to turn around and not only
change course, but change the way you are.” Have you ever felt this way? How did
you get yourself out of it?

3. Mary Laura mentions finding her brilliant college notes about Virginia Woolf and
feeling detached from that person. What is the version of yourself that you miss
most?

4. Are you a perfectionist like Mary Laura? Why do you think so many women define
themselves as perfectionists?

5. Have you ever thought of your life as an endless to-do list? Mary Laura finds
herself checking things off, getting to the end of her “successful adulthood” list, but
feeling more disoriented than ever, like she hasn’t arrived anywhere. How can we
remain goal-oriented without finding ourselves at this impasse? Is being goal-
oriented even something to strive for? Is the impasse inevitable?

6. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to say, ‘I’m just an average person,’ or ‘an ordinary’
person, because I am also a lucky person. I was raised in a loving home and grew up
to have another loving home, and I do not suffer from dire physical, financial, or
situational disadvantages that so many people struggle under. But being fortunate
doesn’t mean you won’t reach a certain point in life—many points actually—and
panic .” How can we recognise the privileges we have while still treating our own
struggles and feelings with respect?

Continued . . .
7. “All of us have one prevalent personality trait, no matter what other qualities we
possess. There’s always one ingredient that flavours everything else about us. The
cilantro, if you will.” Do you think this is true? And if so, what’s yours?

8. Mary Laura writes about the trope of blaming your parents for your flaws: “So
there you have it. When I was growing up, my mother was a hard-ass, and she
turned me compulsive. It’s all my mother’s fault. Or: When I was growing up, my
mother was my cheerleader, and she made me successful. It’s all to my mother’s
credit.” How do you view the effects your parents had on you? Is there another way
to look at this?

9. “In school we’re taught to do our best, but we’re limited by the bounds of what
we understand to be right—and ‘right’ looks different to everyone.” Do people ever
fully learn that lesson? How do you teach kids what’s right and wrong while also
teaching them that right and wrong look different to everyone?

10. Do you believe that the potential selves you could’ve been “exist as surely as my
past selves do and as truly as the real, right-now self does, too”? How did reading
that make you feel?

11. Have you ever found yourself in a conversation about the weather or traffic and
wondered, “Have conversations always been like this?” How do we get into
conversational ruts (with our friends or our partners) and how can we get out of
them? What do you do to break through the small talk?

12. At the end of Mary Laura’s solo retreat in Nashville, she writes in her journal, “I
am too smart to go back to being miserable.” How do you feel about this sentiment?

13. Mary Laura believes you can always start over. Do you? Have you? Will you?