Sanskriti Rawat Book review- Seeing like a Feminist

B-1 -Nivedita Menon

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None
of us want to be calm waters all our lives.” - Jane Austen

How often do we read or hear a woman being described as ‘ravishing’, ‘sizzling’, ‘luscious’, ‘inviting’,
‘irresistible’, ‘seductive’? How often do we compliment a woman for the being person she is rather than
how ‘beautiful’, ‘pretty’ or ‘well-mannered’ she is? The socially constructed notion that ‘womanness’ or
being a ‘good woman’ is something all women should strive to achieve and maintain, it’s a given fact, in
the kind of society we live in. In a patriarchal society, those women who seek or gain power through
their attractiveness are often those who are most dependent on men's resources. Value constructs such
as “Nice woman” or “good woman” operates as normative restrictions by limiting women’s personal
freedom and laying ‘groundwork’ for a circumscription of women’s potential for power and control in
the world. Women who wear make up in the workplace are seen as heterosexual, healthier and more
competent than those who do not. Women who don’t show interest in men are labelled “lesbians” or
“homosexuals” or “dangerous” to a certain extent. The society is worried a lot on what a woman should
know (cooking, taking care of children, doing the household chores, being attractive and satisfying for
her husband) rather than on what a woman wants to be, how she wants to be and who she wants to be.
Reliance on normative means of “social control” is likely to vary depending on how contested the
gender terrain is. Feminism is a word that is the most incorrectly and conveniently interpreted by almost
everyone in today’s arena. Being a feminist is misunderstood to be a condition in which women hate
men, to try to bring them down in every domain of life. This assumption or interpretation exists in a
society which is patriarchal and wherein being a woman is considered to be following a ‘specified’ type
of norm and behaviour.

The book “Seeing like a Feminist” by Nivedita Menon is not a guide for being a feminist; rather
it’s an eye opener. This book discusses some real life cases to how’s and whys of feminism. Menon starts
with a comparison of social order’s maintaining with nude make-up. She also compares a “feminist’s
gaze” with the reveal formatting function of Microsoft word. According to Menon, “recognizing the
hierarchical organisation of the world around gender is the key to maintaining social order.” She also
believes that male and female are different realities, which is something that we all witness in our day-
to-day interactions. The book is systematically divided into chapter that cater to some very important
issues such as “Family”, “Body”, “Desire”, “Sexual violence”, “Feminists and women” and “Victims or
Agents?”. The topics/issues range from the division of labour within sexes, issues of the LGBTQ
community, marriage, sex work, abortion, marital rape, domestic violence and the critical nuances of the
words “choice”, “freedom”, “body”, “agency” etc.

Family, as seen by Menon, is an institution with a legal identity. She shared a story of a village in West
Bengal, where a girl named Moni was beaten, threatened, tonsured and stripped naked for dressing and
behaving like a boy. It’s sad how family as an institution is based on inequality, perpetuating patrilineal
forms of property and descent. It’s not new how there always remains an anxiety around maintaining

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and protecting the institution of marriage; how explicitly children are asked to maintain gender
appropriate looks and behaviour from such an early age. Gender roles are not new in our society. They
have been constructed for ages and year after year, these roles and norms are passed on from one
generation to the next, without questioning, reflecting and looking at the consequences. Gender roles
are imbibed or internalised in us through socialisation. In the movie Bombay Talkies, there is a similar
depiction of these gender roles and how deep rooted they are. A 12-year old boy aspires to be a
Bollywood dancer and for that, he dresses like a girl, has a body language and expressions like that of a
‘girl’ and this made his father really mad at him. Just like the story of Moni, there are numerous
incidents where a boy is told to act like a ‘boy’ and a girl is told to behave like a ‘girl’. These are the
control mechanisms of our society.

Another interesting reference made by Menon is that of the movie “Mrityudand” in which these
questions were asked from a mother of a new born child- “Who’s the father?”, “Whose caste does this
child bear?”, “To whose property can he lay claim?” etc.

Marriage, in an Indian society has always been the coming together to two families but there always
have been some given facts; it should be a heterosexual bond, perpetuating patriarchy and gender roles.
One of the best lines I liked in this book is “If marriage is the end of life, how can it also be the goal of
life?” Menon mentions a very important point in the first segment of the book, which is the idea of a
love that refuses to be tamed within the rules of caste and community and heterosexuality. She also
critiques Valentine’s day by stating how the idea of ‘romance’ is less about ‘love’ and more about
‘buying’ and ‘selling’ of a token of love.

The second segment of the book deals with sexual division of labour wherein Menon states that women
are responsible for the reproduction of labour power, i.e. housework. Also, there is a mention of some
gender-specific occupations that are constructed by the society we live in, for example the feminization
of nursing and teaching professions and how they are propagated in the minds of children right from the
start so that they internalise these and perpetuate in the coming generations without even questioning
or thinking rationality about the reason behind them. Menon talks about how women learn to limit their
ambitions when they are very young. She also talked about the monopoly on “women’s work” by men,
once its professionalised, for example, the profession of a chef. Here comes the role of “assumptions”
that are there in the society, for instance, a woman does the housework for ‘love’ or a woman takes
care of her baby for ‘motherly love’. Menon also uses a lot of post scripts in many cases, to keep it more
communicative and interactive. She shares her own experiences and connects them to the bigger
picture.

Later in the book, Menon talks about the distinction between sex and gender and how it is
intrinsic to feminism. Right from childhood, boys and girls are trained in appropriate gender-specific
forms of behaviour, play, dress and so on. She mentions the famous line of the book, The Second Sex
written by Simon de Beauvoir, “One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.” She also states Judith
Butler’s argument in the book “Gender Trouble” in which she states that bodies are ‘forcibly’
materialised over time by the reiterative, repeated practices of gender performance. A very interesting
part of Menon’s argument is that of the hegemonic understanding of the human body. She states how

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menstruation is treated as a disability, both socially and culturally. She further makes the readers
imagine a hypothetical situation if men could menstruate in a patriarchal society and how that would be
a mark of boast and masculinity. There is a web series called “A man’s world”, in which a similar idea is
portrayed that what will happen in society where men would menstruate, men would be supposed to
be the submissive ones and the ‘victims’ in a female-dominated society. This series is a satire and a kind
of an awakening wherein a parallel world is drawn for people to critically look at the way women are
treated in the society and how where feminism stands in the entire picture. There is also a very
appropriate and alarming depiction of marital rape, which is also talked about by Menon, in this book.

Towards the end of the book, Menon intrigues the readers on reflecting on the difference
between ‘women’ and ‘feminists’. This is very important for people to understand how all feminists are
not women; any one can identify as a feminist. Here, I would like to link the definition of feminism
discussed by Menon in the starting of this book, which clarifies that feminism is NOT about women
having more rights or empowerment than men, rather, it is meant for equality amongst all that is what
feminism really strives for. In the end, I would like to urge everyone to read this book as it not only
about the hardships faced by women but about our perspective towards certain issues and how we
need to broaden it, amend it and fight it if necessary. I would like to end this by mentioning a short
poem that has been composed by me:

A woman loves to be loved;

Not because she’s a woman
But because she’s a person.
A woman wants to be heard;
Not because of the way she looks
But because of the way she thinks.
A woman wants to be understood;
Not because she’s always right,
But because she has her own point of view.
A woman wants to be touched;
Not only on her skin,
But on her soul as well
A woman wants to be free;
Not only extrinsically
But intrinsically as well
A woman loves; cares; understands;
Speaks; listens.
She just wants you to stop
Assuming and stereotyping.