Chapter 1: The Ones with Less

Poverty is everywhere. It is in every country, state, city, etc. It affects so many people.
Sometimes I see homeless people on the side of the street, and I feel bad for them and I wonder

their daily struggle and how they live. When I was in 5th grade, we did a project to help them. It

was called Room in the Inn and we had around 30 to 40 homeless people come in and stay at our

gym for the night. We made them cookies, mac and cheese, pancakes, and more. They were

really nice and apart from the food we made them little gift baskets filled with toothbrushes,

toothpaste, wipes, and other items for them to use. My old school still continues to host Room in

the Inn every year around early December to help out.

The feeling of helping out someone who is in need is great. At the end of the day you

know that you did a good deed for nothing in return. This is one of the things I learned after I

volunteered. When I got home I realized that I was very fortunate to have a home to live in a

great neighborhood. Ever since I did Room in the Inn, I see homeless people in a different way. I

see them as normal people who just need a little more help than us and we are here to help. At

school when I was part of student council, we held a clothes drive for homeless people and a we

donated the items to them. Another year, we made a bunch of food and went out and gave people

on the street food and essential items. Some of these deeds were spontaneous and some of them

were to raise awareness because many people just look away when they are driving or pretend

not to see them and that is what we tried to raise awareness to.

1
Chapter 2: My Home

I have always lived in the same white house. It is home to me. I know all the little hiding
spots that I used to be able to fit in and I know all the little details that make my house my home.

My family is not that big. It is just my mother and my father. I don't have any brothers and sisters

and I kind of like it although there are times that I wish I had someone else in my house. Luckily,

I have a cousin that lives a couple houses down and I consider her a sister. We are always

together. If I ever need anything I go to her and if she ever needs anything, she comes to me. We

are very close and I love that about our relationship.

My house makes me feel safe. It is where I can relax and be with my family without

worrying about the outside world. My identity comes from my home because without it I

wouldn't be close to my family and I would most likely not be the same person I am today. I

learned all my manners at home. It is where I spoke my first words. My home is the place I have

most of my memories. If I didn’t have a home I would probably not be where I am today. I was

raised and taught here. I still remember the day I learned how to spell yellow and it wasn’t at

school it was at home and I liked the word because it had the letter L twice and Y, which was my

favorite letter at the time. Anyways my home means a lot to me because it is where I hold and

have everything emotionally and physically. My home is one of a kind and it is how I aspire my

home to be one day.

2
Chapter 3: My Name

My name is Alexandra Luther. I do not have a middle name. I am labeled as a short girl.
To be more specific, I am four feet eleven inches. People have made fun of my height but I can

honestly say that it has never impacted me. I like my height. It makes me different from a lot of

people. It makes me, me. Although my height is a key factor on how people see me, the first thing

people ask me is what my name is.

My name is Alexandra Luther. It means, defender of man. It is Greek and I like it. When I

was little I did not like it because it was too long so I made everyone call me Alexa and that stuck

with me for my whole life. Without my name, no one would know who I am. I would be no one. I

would have no character or personality. If I had a different name, I would probably perceive myself

differently. For example, if my name was Petra I would most likely be perceived as stronger and

be bolder but if my name was Lucy I would probably be perceived as a sweet and easy going and

a little shy girl. This is why I like my name. It is right in between, and I have characteristics from

both the strong labels and the soft and sweet labels. I don’t know why I prefer Alexa still, but I

feel like it is easier to say. I have been in may situations where I say, "Hey, my name is Alexandra,"

and they pronounce it wrong. I've been called Alexandria, Alexander, etc. Sometimes I will just

go with it, but this was part of the reason I just introduced myself as Alexa.

3
Chapter 4: My First Memory of Florida Part 1

My first memory of a vacation is the time I went to Florida. I was really young and I
was around 4 or 5 years old. We decided that we were going to go and visit my aunt and stay

with her for Christmas. I remember being very excited because I had always wanted to go to

visit my aunt in Miami. We decided to take a road trip with my cousin, aunt, uncle, and my

family (including my dog). We rented a van and dropped off our car at the airport. We then

loaded up the van with our luggage. It was a really long drive and the stops made it even longer

but I was fine and happy. Most of the ride there was me watching movies and playing games. I

remember when we were like 5 minutes away and I was so excited. As we were approaching my

aunt's house I got more and more exited. When we got to the house, my parents unpacked while

we explored and played games.

I remember going to the neighborhood pool a lot. I remember how I would always play

tag, Marco Polo or when we would race back and forth to see who was the fastest swimmer. I

also remember going to the beach which was nice and making sand castles, chasing crabs, and

making sand angels. What I remember so vividly was my New Year's performance and the time I

almost died on a subway. These stories will be told on page 6 and 7, chapter 5 and 6.

4
Chapter 5: My 1 st
Performance Part 2

In the last chapter, I mentioned a trip that we took for Christmas and I shortly talked
about a performance and the time I almost died. Well here is one of the stories that is about my

first ever performance when I was around 4 or 5.

We stayed in Miami for about a week in a half and during that time we discovered a

piano, that was really a keyboard, my aunt had in the living room. So, me and my cousin decided

we would sing and dance and preform in front of our parents so we started to get ready for the

amazing show. First, we had to make sure we had music so we sat down at the piano and we

started to figure out a song. Now that I think about it we only played three notes and the "music"

was really just me and her playing three keys back and forth.

The next step was to make pick a song. I don’t really remember what song it was but I

think it was a Christmas song. After we got the song down we decided that we needed a dance.

We started to "dance" and we started to rehearse. When we were finally ready, we called our

family over to the living and we preformed our show. We dressed up and everything and we just

danced and played the piano the whole time. At the end of our show we bowed and walked off

the "stage" and we were so happy. It was an event that I will never forget.

5
Chapter 6: The Time I Almost Died! Part 3

When we were on our trip to Miami, we took this tour around the city. It was filled with
cool statues, games, and Christmas decorations. There was one point on the tour where we had to

get on a train thing that overlooked the whole city. When we got on I was scared because I am

scared of going fast and heights and this was a combination of both. So, I already had a bad

feeling about this.

We got on the train and we got a good spot to look out of. I really wanted to look outside

but I was just barely too short. I couldn’t see all the way so I decided I would pull myself up on

the railing. Now the railing had a little gap in between the wall and the actual railing just to let

you know. Then I pulled myself up and my hand slipped and my arm was lodged in between the

railing and I couldn’t get it out and I stated to panic. I tried to take it out but my elbow was in the

way. I tugged and I tugged but nothing. I was only hurting myself more. I started to cry and

that’s finally when I got my mom's attention she came over and she just took it out. By the time I

was free the train had already come to a stop and I saw none of the city. I was sad because I

thought I wouldn’t get to see the city but then I realized we had to take it back and I made sure

not to do the same thing and I actually enjoyed the view. So that was the time I almost died.

6
Chapter 7: Blue Bear

When I started Pre-K, I was so scared. I didn’t want to leave my mom and stay with
people I didn’t know. Eventually I slowly started to makes friends and I got more comfortable

with being at school. Every morning I would get to school and one of the first things I did was to

play with Blue Bear.

Blue Bear was my buddy. I loved him so much. Blue Bear was a giant blue stuffed

animal. I remember one time me and my friend were sitting with a bunch of stuffed animals and

she was taking Blue Bear into another place of the room and I went to rescue him. I ran across

the room and snatched him out of her hands. She got mad at me and I felt bad but I remember not

really caring at the time because I loved that bear so much.

One day my mom came to pick me up at my classroom and I was playing around while

she talked to my teacher and my friend was also there. We were playing with the stuffed animals

and she got mad at me because I was hogging the bear for a long time and I said that he was

mine. She got made so I decided to be sneaky. I told her she could have the bear and I gave it to

her. She got happy and I started to say that I loved another stuffed animal so much and that it

was my new favorite. Later she forgot about Blue Bear and started to find interest in the other

stuffed animal I had. She asked me if she could play with it and I said no. She got mad and I told

her she could have it on one condition. She had to let me have Blue Bear in exchange for the

other stuffed animal. She agreed and when I got to kindergarten, I never saw it again.

7
Chapter 8: My Ring

My ring is so important to me. I wear it all the time. I got it at Pandora and it is called a
princess ring. I got it for a special reason. It is shaped as a crown and I love it.

The story begins long ago when I first met Abby Randolph. She became my best friend

instantly. We got each other and we would always hang out. We then started talking to Nico and

Lizzy, which ended up becoming our other best friends. Abby, Lizzy, and I got really close and

we did everything together. We went to the movies, we hung out, we had sleepovers and we

were just inseparable.

In 7th we were closer than ever. We went to football games together and slept over at each

other's houses. One day Abby came in crying and Lizzy and I were worried. She told us that she

was moving to Virginia. We were so upset. It felt like we were getting ripped apart because we

were. We asked her why and she said that it was because her dad got a new job. So, we all

decided to get the princess ring so that we would always have something to remember each other

by. I still wear the ring to this day because it is a part of our friendship and a part of my life

where I was the happiest. I love this ring so much and I still talk to Abby and she also wears it

every day. I'm glad that at least I still see Lizzy a lot but I do really miss Abby.

8
Chapter 9: My Blanket

I crocheted a blanket all by myself. I chose to do this to distract myself from other stuff
that was going on in my life at the time. I love this blanket so much because I did it all on my

own.

Because I made this blanket by myself, I love it. It is an item that when I see it I think of

independence. No one helped me make it. It showed my determination. When I started to make it

I was confident and ready. As I started to lose interest I slowly stopped ad I forgot about it. For

some reason, every time I was upset I would remember it and start on it again. That’s how I

actually got it done. I there was something going on at home I would pull it out and work on it. I

hate when people touch it and use it because it has sentimental meaning to me and it was all my

work.

I remember that I would save up my money to buy the yarn because I was determined to

make it all by myself. I remember that both of my parents wanted to help me but I would reject

their help. I am so proud of my blanket because it is cute, warm, and made by me.

My blanket is blue, white and pink all mixed together. It is warm and fuzzy with little

pompoms at each corner. No one has used my blanket except for me and I plan to keep it that

way. It is like my safety net and when I'm scared I wrap myself in it and I feel better.

9
Chapter 10: My Fish

I love my pets. I have a cat, two dogs, two birds, and a fish. I got my fish about a year
and a half ago and he has lived a great life. I am attached to him because he was my first pet that

has been my responsibility. All my other pets have always been only part of my responsibility

but with my fish its different.

His name is Spaxzy that x and y are silent. I chose his name because he used to look like

he was having a spaz attack every time he got close to the corner of his tank. I remember the day

I got him. He was smaller and looked sad in the little container he came in so I chose him. I got

him a pretty good size tank and some nice plants and a little cave. I thought he wasn’t going to

make it past 6 months but he's almost two years old.

Having this fish has made me responsible because I don’t want to kill it so I have to clean

it weekly and make sure its water is good. He is red and blue but he is starting to get white

patches that just mean that he is getting older. I love him so much even though he doesn’t talk

and I can't touch him. He follows my finger and one time when I was cleaning his tank he almost

jumped out. He is all alone in his tank because Beta fish are really territorial and defensive. They

can't live together if they are both males because they could kill each other. I feed him every day

at the same time and he has gotten into the habit to swim at the top when it's almost feeding time.

I really love him.

10
Chapter 11: My Dog

Ever since I was little I always wanted a dog because I saw that one of my cousins had a
big husky and from there on I wanted a dog. My parents on the other hand, didn’t really want

another pet since we already had a cat so when I asked they weren't that exited, but they didn’t

say no. I remember I asked many times until one day my mom told me to put on my coat and I

thought that we were about to go eat. When we got in the car I asked where we were going, and

they said that we were going to get a dog. I got so excited.

We went to the mall, because at the time there was a pet store in the mall, and we looked

around and we didn’t really connect with any dog there, so we went somewhere else. I don’t

remember what other places we went to, but I know we went to a couple of other places. We

finally contacted a woman who was selling 3 little chiwawas. We connected with the littlest one

and he looked so cute. From that point we knew that he was the one, so we got all the papers and

he was officially ours. I remember that we drove all the way to Ashland city for him so all the

way back I was holding him. He was very small and to this day he is still small. A lot of people

say that they are annoying and happy, but he is quiet and calm. He did get a little bigger as he

grew up but as I said he is still small. He bonded a lot with my mom since she cuddled with him

and I just bothered him and woke him up a lot, but I still love him. Today he is 11 years old, but

he is still playful.

11
Chapter 12: My Hamster

On December 24, 2017, a new member was added to our family. His name is Charlie
and he is a hamster.

Before I explain the day I got him, I will give you a backstory. So, when I was younger I

had a hamster named Tutu and I loved him a lot but since I was little I wasn’t responsible enough

for him, so my mom would clean him and take care of him and when he died my mom said I

couldn’t have another one. At the time I was really upset so I didn’t want one but as I grew up I

started to regain an interest in hamsters again. For the past 2-3 years around the holidays I would

ask for a hamster and I would get the same response which was no with a whole speech of how I

wasn’t ready for a hamster.

This year, I started asking around Thanksgiving and as expected I got the same answer

I've been getting, and I then decided I would stop asking. Fast forward to December 24. I got up

and we ate breakfast. Everything was normal and then my dad asked me to go to the store with

him and I didn’t want to go but after a lot of back and forth, I went. When we got to PetSmart I

was really confused and then I was told that my Christmas present was a hamster. I was so

excited. So that was how I got Charlie.

12
Chapter 13: Advocate

In history, my teacher gave us a worksheet to work on and we had to define the word,
advocate. I kind of knew what it meant but I looked it up anyway. It means to publicly support a

cause. That made me think about what I am an advocate for.

I have been thinking about it and I think that I am an advocate for victims of sexual

assault. I support them, and I would love to be a part of something to help them. In English, I am

reading a book about a girl who is raped. I finished the book and I have a deeper understanding

of the emotions and feelings sexual assault casts on a person. Right now, I am writing a report on

how we can help sexual assault victims and how we can raise awareness on the topic.

I feel like being an advocate for something makes your life more meaningful. If you have

something to support, then you are going to want to help it which means you take time out of

your day to help someone else. I believe that one of the secrets to life is that people change

people. When I support a victim of sexual assault I may have the power to inspire someone else

to join me. Hence people change people. This is how change happens. You can't change the

whole world in a day or a week. It can take years or centuries to change the whole world but

standing up for what is right and advocating for it is always a great place to start.

13
Chapter 14: One of Those Days

Today is one of those days where you don’t want to do anything. It's one of those days
where you just want to lay in bed and watch a movie or your favorite tv show. Today I don’t

want to do any of my homework.

Today is a Monday. On top of it being a Monday it is a rainy Monday. On days like this I

feel like everyone is at home just having a chill day because it that type of day. Now if it was a

sunny day then this would be a different story. Today is boring but I'm okay with it because even

though I would rather be outside with my friends these days are needed to relax.

Today I woke up to the sound of soothing rain. I woke up at nine which was a nice time

to wake up. I looked outside, and it was raining which meant a chill day. I took a long shower

and put on some comfy clothes. The I made breakfast and went back to my room and I watched a

movie. After I finished the movie, I went to the living room and I played with my pets. Days like

these are supposed to be chill. The rain is soothing. I start to listen to my book while I lay in bed

and I get thrown into a completely different world where I am not me. I am a bystander in the

book. After I stop listening to my book I get up and I doodle or work on my bullet journal for the

rest of the day because it’s a good day to do nothing really.

14
Chapter 15: My Bullet Journal

Somethings in life get rid of stress and anxiety. My bullet journal is one of them. In case
you don’t know, a bullet journal is like a planner that you make. You use your creative side and

write exactly what you need in it and it fits your lifestyle and the way you like things. So, for me

I like things such as my school subjects to each have a box or check list next to it, so I can do

that in my bullet journal. So, when I have free time or when I am really stressed I work on it and

color it or add more stuff to it and it relieves my stress.

I think that it makes me focus all of my energy into doing that one task and it helps me

forget about my stress while at the same time I can plan out what I am going to focus on in

school. At the beginning of the month I make a calendar of the month, so I can visualize what

my month will look like. This helps me not stress about upcoming events or projects. Ever since

I started doing this I have noticed that I feel better and it leads to me having a clear head and

better days. Even when I am not stressed out, I can work on it while listening to music and it

calms me down and it takes me to another little world where creativity flows as fast as water and

I don’t have to worry about what will happen tomorrow because it is already planned out. I

definitely would recommend someone with anxiety or someone who likes to be in control to

make ne because it really helps, and I have become a better student because of it.

15
Chapter 16: My Daily Routine

Every day for the past 14 years has started the same. I wake up. After I wake up, I pray.
I pray for a good day and for my family and friends to be safe. I also pray for the strength to do

good and to have the courage to impact. After I pray, I get up and I get dressed. Usually I already

have what I am going to put on, so it is easy for me. Then I brush my teeth and go eat if I am

hungry. If it is a school day I go to school and if it is not, then I go with the flow.

I have lunch around twelve and I come back home around 3. I do any homework that I

need to do after school. It depends what time of the year it is, but I may play a sport after around

four. I get back home, and I eat dinner. After dinner I go to my room and I finish any other work

I must do, or I watch Netflix. I then take a shower because I like taking showers at night rather

than in the morning. As I let my hair dry, I work on my bullet journal or I write. This time is for

me to relax and get in tune with myself because I think that it is important to be in control of

your mood and life that way you are confident and ready for any challenge. Anyways, after I am

relaxed I listen to music and clean my room if I need to. Then I play and feed my pets again.

After that I watch videos or facetime my friends and I talk to them. When I am done, I lay down

and pray and I eventually fall asleep. This is what I do every day and I think that I am going to

change it because as I was writing this it made me think of new things that I could do.

16
Chapter 17: A Good Day & A Bad Day

My good day is different than your good day and my bad day is also different than your
bad day because we are different but that is okay. I am going to explain what a bad and good day

is to me.

A good day is a winter day. A good day to me is being with my friends and coming back

home and it being calm. A bad day is being at home and being bored and getting in an argument

with my mom. Of course, there would be even worse days, but I want to tell you about a regular

bad day. A good day to me is where I have laughed so much that my ribs hurt. A good day is a

day where I am confident in who I am. A bad day, on the other hand, is a day where I don’t see

any of my friends. It is where I am forced to hold in my thoughts. A bad day is where I don’t feel

confident. A bad day is where a cloud of anxiety starts to rain on me.

The thing with both bad and good days is that they go hand in hand. Without the bad days

they aren't any good days and without any good days, every day is boring. Another thing that

both days include is that they both end at the end of the day. The most important thing I have

learned over the past years is that if I want a good day I can have it. A day is a day. It can be bad

or good. It is up to you to change it. If your day starts bad you have the power to change it

because it is your day, so you have the power to change it.

17
Chapter 18: School

Most of my life has consisted of school. I started going to school when I was 4 and I
went to pre-k. I didn’t like it at first because I was away from my mom, so I would cry.

Eventually I started to make friends and I started to like school.

As I grew up, I started to like school because I was with my friends and most grade levels

were easy for me because I tend to be one of those kids who "gets it." Elementary school was

okay, but I had a lot of going on, so I really didn’t see it how I see it now. When I was little I was

shy, and I didn’t like being around people that much, so I would often keep to myself and just

hang around my close friend. As I entered middle school I was no longer shy, and I started to

make more friends. By 7th and 8th grade I was a social butterfly. School was my place where I

wasn’t alone, and it was where I could me myself.

School for me has always been great as far as grades so I never have had to really worry

about them. In class I would pay attention, but I would also goof off and since I was so close

with my teachers I wouldn’t get in trouble. This is one of the reasons I love my old school. I

know every teacher and have great relationships with them. If I ever needed something, they

would be there for me. If a teacher was about to leave it would be one of the saddest things for

the whole school. In 7th grade, one of the best teachers I have ever had, was about to leave. The

whole community was sad because he taught so many kids and was loved all around. I will never

forget him because he changed they was I learned for the better.

18
Chapter 19: Future Ideas

My bullet journal started as a joke. In eighth grade I decided that I was going to make a
planner that fit me and my daily needs since all the other planners that I had used didn’t work for

me. One day I was looking for different types of journals or planners and I discovered bullet

journals. I bought a notebook and I started decorating it how I wanted. The one I have now

includes a full calendars, a key, future events, and many other things. I decided that since my old

bullet journal was filled up I would start a new one. Making and writing it in decorative fonts

makes me less stressed and helps me focus. I think that the more I write and decorate the better I

will be. I love the process of writing and drawing and trying to make it cute so that it will make

me motivated.

I want to start a new one soon and make it very colorful. I think that it is a great way to

keep my creativity flowing. I want to make one for school and make sure I keep up with it. I

strayed to outline how I’m going to make it and I’m exited to start. I hope I have it done by the

beginning of my sophomore year.

So far I have had 2 bullet journals and the first one is not really nice because I was just

getting used to it. My second bullet journal looks better but I had a lot of mess ups that make it

look worse. I hope that my new bullet journal will be better and I really want to keep up with it at

school. The only thing is that I would have to update it every week and sometimes I just don’t

have time. I also want it to be colorful and interactive. I want it to have stickers and cute borders.

Another reason why I love making my bullet journal is because I get to practice my handwriting

and my cursive which is another thing I love to do.

19
Chapter 20: New Friends

Since I’ve been at Big Picture, I have made new friends. I think some of them are going
to last a long time and maybe even carry on to college. I know some of my friends are leaving

next year which is going to be sad but I will still keep in contact with them. I have friends that I

know are staying next year and the year after and the year after and I am trying to keep and

maintain those relationships.

My new friends are great. I like laughing and that’s what they do. Sometimes they can be

bad but it’s ok. I feel like everyday I get closer and closer with my friends and everyday I gain

trust and I get more comfortable with them. At the beginning of the year I think that I thought

that I was just going to have a couple school friends and nothing more but as I got used to my

new school and as I gained trust, I now think that these friendships will last. I FaceTime a lot of

them and it makes me happy.

On the other hand, I have made relationships that I know will not last. Unfortunately I

know that some of my “friends” right now will not carry on next year. It’s not a bad thing it’s

just that I don’t think it would be a good idea to continue the relationships because they will only

get worse.

From the beginning of the year to the end of my freshman year I have seen a change of

my friends group a lot. At first I stayed with 3-4 friends and I didn’t really want to explore. Later

on in the year I decided I would talk to new people just to see what was out of my bubble and

turns out it was a great idea. I now have many friends who make me happy.

20
Chapter 21: Dreams

When I was little, I would always dream and I remember them always being good
dreams. I never really had nightmares. As I grew up, I started to have nightmares. My first

nightmare that I remember was very scary at the time mostly because I was little. And this is

what happened.

In my nightmare I remember that I was at the airport. I don’t know where I was going but

I was with my mom. I was walking with her and then she had to get the tickets so she let go of

my hand. Then all of the sudden I was by myself and I was just walking around. I walked around

for a long time and then all of the sudden there was an earthquake. At least that’s what I thought.

Then out of nowhere a giant black cat with green and yellow eyes starts to chase me. I remember

that I screamed in my dream and apparently also in real life. The cat kept running and shaking

the ground.

This was my first nightmare that I had ever had. I never really remember any of my

dreams now but this one was very scary at the time. Now all I really dream about is things that

are happening right now in my life. Sometimes I don’t even remember my dreams. Ever since I

was little I always thought that dreams were some kind of message from my subconscious or

from something else. Recently I haven’t been dreaming but when I do I try to remember things

little details and many times I have noticed that whatever I dream about it happens in the future.

This doesn’t happen all the time but I have noticed that it has happened months after and then I’ll

have déjà vu.

21
Chapter 22: I don’t get it...

There is a lot of stuff I don’t get. Sometimes I don’t get certain subjects in school but
that’s not what I mean by “I don’t get.” I don’t get why people cheat. I don’t get why people do

drugs. I don’t get why people get blacked out drunk. I don’t get why people commit suicide.

I know that a lot of times these things are addictions but I don’t understand what made

them have to get into drugs or alcohol. I really don’t understand why people cheat on other

people. Like if you are in a relationship then you should be committed to it. I don’t get why one

person in the relationship had to go out of their way just to have a separate relationship with

another person when really that person could have just broken up with the person they were

“committed to.”

Another thing that I don’t get is why drugs control millions of people yet it could make

you loose your job or your families or maybe you could go to jail. Just for this one substance you

could ruin your life. I don’t understand why you would like to take the risk of loosing everything

and potentially loosing you life just to “escape reality.”

I know that a lot of people have mental illnesses or addictions but I still don’t understand

the people that do it for fun or that do it just because. I really can’t stand a person who is high on

weed or on pills and I really can’t stand someone who is drunk or blacked out drunk.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I just really can’t understand but I have always found it dumb

and I have never found a purpose for it. It’s not going to fix any issues that you have but instead

it will create and that’s what I don’t understand.

22
Chapter 23: Where to go?

Ever since I was a little kid I have always wanted to go to Australia. I was always so
interested in seeing new environment and animals that Australia has. Recently I have wanted to

go to New York or Philadelphia because I really love the cold weather in the snow. Another

place that I would consider going to would be Canada Because it is also called but it has a lot of

French influences. I have also considered going to a New Zealand because I have heard that it is

very beautiful.

When I grow up I want to move out of Nashville and probably go to one of the northern

states. I have been thinking of moving towards Maine because it is by Canada and by New York.

I know I don’t want to live in New York because there is too many people and there is a lot more

crime. I like Maine because it’s close to the coast but there is also a lot of mountains and winters

are very snowy.

A lot of my friends want to stay here or go down south. Like my friend Lizzy wants to

stay here and go to beauty school and then stay here and become a cosmetologist. I have another

friend who lives in Virginia and she wants to come down to Alabama State and then stay there. I

guess it’s mostly because they lol the summer and they would be close to their families but I still

want to go up north. One of our family friends has a daughter and she wanted to go to New York

or somewhere up north just like me. She went up to New York in the winter and when she came

back she said that she didn’t want to live there anymore because it was too many people and to

much snow. I want to go and visit like she did that way I can decide if it’s somewhere I want to

go in the future.

23
Chapter 24: Ruby

Rubies are my favorite stones. It’s my birthstone. I was born in July and I am a Cancer.
My cousin is very interested in birthstones, zodiac signs and constellations, I spent a lot of time

with her therefore I started to get into it and I found out that my planet was the moon. I think

that’s why I love the moon so much.

When I was little my favorite colors were neon green and then blue. So when I

understood that my birthstone was red I didn’t like it. I always wanted other stones and never

really liked my stone. Now it’s a whole different story. Now I love my rubies. I also like the

color red.

In the future I really want a ruby necklace along with a ruby ring. I’ve been looking for

one but all of them are to big and have other stone with it . I just want one ruby so it looks simple

but cute. I think that the older I get the more minimalist I get. Maybe I’ve always been like this

but I don’t really like to have a lot on me. I feel like less is better.

I think that red and black complements me. It’s even Big Pictures colors so I think that

has to mean something. When I was little I didn’t like the color red because it reminded me of

blood or someone bad because it was a strong color. Now I think that’s why I like it. Its strong

on its own. When it’s combined with black it pops and it makes it look even stronger which I

love. I noticed that blue and green never really complemented me and I hated that because I

loved those colors. Now red is my color and I like it.

24
Chapter 25: Random thoughts I have in the car

Almost every time I’m in the car I get random thoughts or I make up random stories
that just come out of nowhere. I’m going to tell you about some of the random thoughts I have

had.

One time while I was in the car a train was passing by. I started to think about where it

was going. Then I thought about what it was carrying. I kept thinking about the movie, The Polar

Express and I thought of the train. I just kept thinking and thinking.

Another time I was thinking about what blood was made up of. I also thought of how we

got blood and I know it might sound dumb but like I said they were just random thoughts.

Sometimes I just think of trees since most of the car ride to school consists of trees. I really just

blank out.

I never realized that I do this until a couple of weeks ago but now that I think bout it I do

it all the time. Even when I’m not in the car. For example I could be in class with nothing to do

and I will look at a pencil and it will trigger a memory or a story. Then that thought chains to

another thought and I blank out.

Maybe it’s because I get bored but I could be in class writing notes down and I’m doing

my work but not thinking about it. Kinda like a robot. Maybe I am one. No I doubt it. It would be

kind of cool. You wouldn’t really need to know or do anything. See I just did it again I just kept

typing and I thought of robots and that was a good example of what I do.

25
Chapter 26: My Only Goal

I have wanted to find a way to learn more. I have been thinking about why we only can
use 10% of our brain. Why can’t we use our brain to the full capacity? I’ve been thinking a lot

about this. I wasn’t to explore my mind and other people’s mind. I want to learn how others learn

and think how others think. I want to see other people’s perspectives and figure out why people

act the way they do.

I think the brain is so powerful. I think that it has the capacity to do so much more than

what we do with it today. The brain fascinates me so much. It controls everything. It controls our

emotions and it developes chemicals to make us feel those emotions. The neurons in our brain

make connections for us to think and react to situations. What if we had the full capacity of our

brain. What could we do? How would we communicate? Would we even have to communicate?

What if we got so smart that we could communicate with our brains. I feel like it could

happen because even today sometimes when you have a bond with someone you can know what

each other is thinking without even talking.

It’s mind blowing how much our brain does for us. Everyone thinks that our heart

controls our emotions but it really only pumps blood into our body. Our mind controls what we

do, how we feel, how we interact with others, how we think, etc. Sometimes I wonder why I find

so much interest in the human brain but I think it’s because I don’t understand it. It’s interesting

to me and that’s why I want to learn more about it and how it works.

26
Chapter 27: Emotions

Emotions are weird to me. Like what are they? Where do they come from? What are

they made up of? How do they react to make us feel a feeling or emotion? Are they chemicals? If

they are, then why can’t we just make chemical pills to make us feel automatically fulfilled with

ourselves?

Emotions are a big part of our lives. Without them who would we be? It’s one of the only

things that distinguishes us from robots. They include: sadness, happiness, frustration, anger, joy,

confusion, worry, etc. Where do they come from? Are they in our brain? If so, then why can’t we

control them? Why can’t we automatically be happy or sad or angry etc?

I want answers. I want to learn how they work and where they come from but I don’t just

want to read about them. I find that boring. I want to learn about them hands on. I think they are

very interesting because they have actually lead people to make drastic changes to their lives.

How can an emotion determine if we want to marry someone. How can an emotion break our

hearth? Why can’t we push them away? Why can’t we just not have certain emotions?

Emotions can be good or bad. We just need to learn how to control them. I can control

my anger or my sadness but I have notices that a lot of people can’t. A lot of people explode into

rage or tears. They do it to reales the emotion in a healthy way but how come we all can’t just be

able to control them and choose when we feel them and how we feel them. I want to know the

chemical reactions that make up all the emotions and how they mix together.

27
Chapter 28: my random story

So one day there was a pig. His name was Charlie and he loved apples. Everyone knew
Charlie and thought he was the funniest pig ever. His owner Barry loved Charlie so much that he

built him a house that was filled with his favorite toys and apples.

One day Charlie decided to go one a walk so he did. He walked over to his friends house

but they weren’t home so he went to a dogs house but once again she wasn’t there. Charlie

walked to the park and laid in the mud. He looked up and just wondered where everyone was. He

then realized that there was a party for his owner so he headed over with some flowers. Barry

was very grateful and thanked Charlie. When the party was over they cleaned up and went to

bed.

The next day, Charlie looked outside and saw that it was railing so he stayed inside.

Charlie read books then went to sleep while reading them. Charlie asked Barry to come and read

it to him but Barry was asleep so Charlie decided that he would go and sleep with Barry. So all

day they slept and then when they woke up at night and they realized that they were hungry so

they decided that they were going to make spaghetti and mac & cheese and pizza that way that

they would be full.

After they ate they decided they would play game. They played the game all night and in

the morning they woke up in the living room asleep. They had so much fun and they were so

glad that it was a rainy day because otherwise they would have not had the experience that they

did on their rainy day.

28
Chapter 29: Questions

What is the meaning of life?

Why are we here?

If I didn’t exist, what would change?

How do we see colors?

How do people grow?

What is the chemical compound that makes us happy?

If we knew when we would die, would that change how you lived?

Would we ever be able to go to other galaxies?

Would we care if people from other galaxies came?

Who would be smarter?

What is smart?

What is knowledge?

How do we learn?

Will we ever stop hurting?

Why do we help one another?

What’s a psychopath?

29
Chapter 30: What is love?

I don’t know what love is. I don’t think I have ever seen it. I think I’ve felt it but I
haven’t seen it. What makes love? Are there different types of love?

So the love between a child and a parent… is that real love? Is there a difference between

that love and the love of a friend?

Does unconditional love exist? Does conditional love exist? I think that conditional love

exist but I think that no one can love someone unconditionally. Everyone gets on each other’s

nerves so that means that unconditional love isn’t real right?

What’s the difference between love and lust? How do people fall in love? How does love

feel? How do you know that you are in love? Can you see others in love?

Sometimes I confuse myself but when it comes to love I tend to not understand where it

comes from or how it happens. I’ve been loved I think, and I think I’ve loved someone, but I

don’t know if I still love them. Idk if they still love me. I don’t think they do. I think you need to

fuel the fire but ours died. Actually, it didn’t die. He killed it.

Is love bad or good. Is love like an addiction? Can it cause addiction? Do people love

something or someone so much that they get addicted to it? I think people can be an addiction. If

you are constantly with someone you develop feelings, right? Maybe not because I know an

example that would discredit my theory.

I want to learn what love is.

30
Chapter 31: ideka

Idontevenknowanymore. I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know how life works. I
don’t know how we are born. I mean I do but I don’t know how we just randomly get chosen to

enter a family.

I don’t know how people type so fast. I don’t know how people like olives. I don’t know

how taste works. I don’t know how our brain works. I don’t know how people are so smart I

don’t know how people depend on each other.

I don’t even know anything. If you think about how much I know and how much the

world holds… I know nothing. I don’t know how to speak German. I don’t know how to stop

procrastinating. I don’t know how people stay up really late.

I don’t know how to build a building. I don’t know how to think critically. I don’t know

how the world works yet. I don’t know how to defend myself. I don’t know what to do in serious

situations. I don’t know how to stop a panic attack. I don’t know if this makes sense.

I don’t know how all the nerves in our body. I don’t know what happens after we die. I

don’t know how to drink. I don’t know how to feed a cow. I don’t know what to do if there was a

fire. I don’t know what to do if there was a hurricane. I don’t know what being high feels like. I

don’t know what being color blind feels like. I don’t know how my brain process this.

I don’t know how many planets there are I don’t know what it is like to lose someone in

your family due to cancer. I don’t know how to go to Oregon. I don’t know what I’m doing. I

don’t know where I am mentally. I don’t know what I want to do when I’m older.

31
Chapter 32: Colors

I have learned that people have colors. I took a personality test and I got purple. I don’t
know if that is accurate though. I tend to overthink my answers and I end up getting a result that

isn't accurate of me.

There are many colors, but the main ones are blue, red, purple, yellow, orange, green, and

pink. I also learned that there are chameleons. This means that some people can adapt to other

people’s color. For example, if there is one person who is an orange color and there is a

chameleon, then they can change into an orange color even if they are naturally a blue color. I

think I might be a chameleon.

I tend to adapt to people’s energy or vibe. It also might be because I am a cancer, but I

don’t really know. I like being able to adapt to people’s energy because it makes me understand

them better and it also makes me connect with them because in a way I feel what they feel.

When I took the test to see what color I was, I got purple, but I don’t really think that I

am purple. I think that I started overthinking or I started to pick the ones that I personally wanted

to be or am striving for.

Now I just wonder what color other people are. I wonder what color my friends are. I

wonder what color my parents are. I wonder what color my teachers are. Maybe if I figure that

out I could understand why some people act the way they do.

32
Chapter 33: Goals

I have set new goals. My goal is to learn. That is all I want to do. I want to learn from all
the relationships around me and I want to learn about things that I would never think of learning

about. I want to learn about things that are considered weird or boing.

My “fear” is to be ignorant. I want to be able to talk to anyone about anything. I want to

be able to share my ideas and be able to chime in to any conversation. I want to be able to think

in a higher level.

Along with this, I want to have everyone around me be like me. I want to be able to have

long conversations about new stuff. I hate having dry meaningless conversation with people. I

feel like I am wasting my time and loosing brain cells. I feel like that is what makes you my

friend. If you can hold a conversation with me then I will love talking to you and I would end up

wanting to be around you. My friends right now are like this. The people I talk to everyday are

people that challenge my thinking

If there was a career path where you literally just learned about everything then I would

gladly take that job. When I grow up, I want that. I want to be cultured and experienced. I crave

knowledge. That’s all I want. I want that vibe around me. I want that feeling of understanding. I

want that rush that you get when you understand something. I want the Ah Ha moment. I love

that feeling.

33
Chapter 34: I understand

I understand. I understand people. I get it. I get why people do certain things. I get that a
lot of people have different ways of copping. I get all of this. I understand that certain feelings

suck. I also know that people get stuck but just because you are stuck doesn’t mean that you

can’t get unstuck. A lot of people go through a period where they don’t know who they are. They

don’t know what to do. They do things that they would never think of. It sucks. But I get why a

lot of people get stuck.

I understand why people have certain traits or act a certain way. I don’t think that people

get that about me. I think a lot of people underestimate me. I feel like a lot of people expect me

to not get it. But I get it. I have had experiences where I would know. I have had a lot of times

where I might of felt the same. There has been a lot of trama but people don’t realize it. I know

when I’m going through a rough patch. I know when I’m not okay. But I also know how to make

myself feel okay. I know what makes me happy.

I feel like for many people, they haven’t had any support. So they don’t know how to

react to a feeling. They get into a hole. Sometimes the hole is really deep. It sucks. It’s painful. It

hurts then Mmmmm and others. Some don’t ever get out.

I hope everyone gets out. I hope everyone is safe. I hope it goes away. Whether it’s pain

or sadness or disappointment, I hope it goes away. I hope that everyone gets better and continues

life. I hope that when they get out they can look back and think about how much the pain shaped

them and I hope they use the pain to help and inspire others.

34
Chapter 35: Trust
I have a hard time trusting someone. I sometimes can’t. I don’t know why. Honestly I
think that it isn’t the worst thing. It has only been a problem in relationships. In friendships it just

makes me not as connected with the person which could be an issue but for some friendships I

don’t want them to know everything about me. I feel to vulnerable when I talk about myself. I

think that people would not understand. I’m kind of scared of that because people can miss

construed what I say.

I have only had a problem with it in one relationship. I couldn’t get my thoughts out. I

felt to vulnerable and I didn’t trust the other person. For them it kind of made them not know

about me and for me it left me feeling like I wasn’t being taken serious or that the other person

didn’t care.

Whenever that person would ask me if I was okay I would always say yeah and flip it on

them to avoid having to explain how I felt. With that person I felt that if I shared my feelings

with them that I would not be taken seriously. I felt like I would be judged. I couldn’t.

I think that it sucked for that person but it sucked a lot for me. I couldn’t get my feelings

out because there was always that barrier. The barrier was created by me though.

It is so weird to me how I can’t trust certain people but yet I can spill everything out to

someone else. The people I should trust the most I don’t and the people who I do trust

completely I can count on one hand. It’s kind of scary to me. What if those people leave me?

What if those people end up telling everyone else. That’s when I start to feel anxious about

telling people how I feel.

35
Chapter 36: Goodbye

Goodbye to my pets. Goodbye to part of my happiness. Goodbye to the things that I

thought would fill the hole in my heart.

I never thought that I would have to say goodbye so early. For my hamster it was not

even a year and for my birds it had been a couple years, but I had just discovered how the cycle

of life worked. They had just had babies. Not only one but two. It hurt.

Goodbye to my best friend. I know you will come back soon and if you don’t then I’ll see

you someday. Hopefully you’ll call or text or come back. Hopefully you aren’t gone. Hopefully I

won’t get bad news. Goodbye to my best friend. The person who knows me the best. The person

who I told everything to. The person who I have learned so much from. You are my person. We

have so much more to do together but I know you have to go therefore goodbye.

Goodbye to the person I used to be. Goodbye to the person who wanted to feel like they

had to everything to feel wanted or loved. Goodbye to the person who was overly sensitive about

anything.

Goodbye to anyone who I have lost. Goodbye to my friends that I have lost. Goodbye to

anyone who has left my life.

I say all of this because I felt like I never got the chance to say goodbye. I never got to

dismiss this feeling and I never got to express how I feel about these events and these people.

36
Chapter 37: Spilling my thoughts

I just realized that I am not a family person. I am so independent. I feel like I don’t need
my family honestly. It kind of sucks but at the same time I think it’s okay.

I feel like so many people don’t really get how I think but I can’t explain it to them. It’s

weird. I tend to view thing on the positive side. I’m also so chill and laid back that so many

people think that I’m shy but in reality, I am a very social person.

I wonder why you can’t choose your own destiny. Also, why can’t we all be happy. Why

can’t we choose the right things?

2018 has been a really hard year on me mentally and emotionally. I feel like I have

learned so much this year than in any year as far as mentally and socially. I don’t know why but

it feels like every year has its own year. Last year there was a lot of change, but this year had

definitely been a year of growing and maturing and also getting through the struggles that life

throws at you.

I hate being told what to do when it’s a command. This most likely doesn’t make sense,

but I just hate being commanded. It makes me feel like a dog. It just makes me feel like I am a

little servant that the person can just command and step on without consequences.

I hate that I can’t express my feeling through any type of communication. Like I can’t

really fully express myself through writing or speech and it really annoys me because it makes

me frustrated.

37
Chapter 38: My best mistake

I lost myself. I put myself in a situation where I should of knew better. I put myself in a

situation where I got hurt but I could have avoided it. I fell. Ever since I was little, I always said

that I would never be able to be hurt like that, but it happened. I fell and it made my heart break.

I lost myself. I don’t regret it though and I wouldn’t want to change what happened because I

wouldn’t have learned what I learned.

It’s crazy how you have to go through things to gain experience and to learn. I think the

best experiences bring pain which has to mean that the wisest person has hurt the most. I hate

hurting. I hate seeing others in pain. I hate that there is so much pain, but I know that there will

never be a way to take it all away. My mistake was that I got too involved and I fell too fast. I

also think that I was seeking approval in someone who one wasn’t a good person or had good

values. I put aside my values and that was my actual mistake. My values are innocent, and they

are true to who I am, and I completely put them aside for someone who wasn’t worth it and for

someone who hurt me more than they lifted me up and for someone who genuinely made me

worse.

I wish I didn’t get hurt but that’s not how life works. I know I am going to get hurt and it

kind of scares me because in that moment, I didn’t know I was being hurt. I thought that I was

supposed to feel like this. I thought that I was the reason why it wasn’t working out and I thought

everything was my fault. At least I learned and I grew which is now all that matters.

38
Chapter 39: My New Best Friend

Damian is my new best friend. We met a couple of months ago and we started talking
every day. He is from Venezuela and moved here when he was ten. He was forced out of

Venezuela because of the situation that is currently happening there. He told me that it is

unfortunate but at the end of the day it was the best for him.

The other day when we were on the phone and were just talking about life. It was a great

conversation that made me realize a lot of things for both me and him. It’s crazy how you can get

to know someone so fast and be comfortable with them. He is genuinely a great guy with a big

heart. He has an eighteen-year-old brother and a cat. He is about to turn sixteen.

Recently a couple days ago he found out that his friend had just died from cancer and he

texted me and we had a whole conversation about how life is so short and how sometimes it

sucks but that he doesn’t want to die. He wants to live and that was a different experience. I told

him about everyone around me and explained why his want to live was shocking to me. He is a

pretty normal person. He reminds me of the people from my old school and its nice. I told him

about Luke, my friend who has a cancer, and we related on a lot of things like when we visit

each other and when we leave and say goodbye knowing that it might actually be the last time.

I am glad I have opened up to him and he has opened up to me. I am glad I met him and

that we have started to have a relationship.

39
Chapter 40: More Than Like

More than a like isn’t love. It could be in-between. More than a like is the process of
getting to love sometimes. Love is a very powerful word. I admit that I have used the word love

very loosely. Recently, I have stopped saying I love you or any other form of that because I

realized that most of the time, I don’t love them.

I know that me saying that I don’t love someone can sound harsh, but I feel like if I say it

I may be leading the person on. In the past, if someone walked by and casually said hi then

walked away saying okay love you, I would respond and say okay love you too. Now I don’t

really know what to say. In fact, I notice that a lot of people do and say that, and it shocks me.

Maybe it is because I think that I shouldn’t really be loved or that I am just not loved but I’ve

noticed that a lot of people say that.

I don’t know how to respond because for the majority of the people who do say that, I

feel like it’s more than a like but not a love. In the past I’ve said I loved someone, but I didn’t

even know what love was. Now that I realized that situation, I came to the conclusion that I

didn’t love them. I had love for them maybe, but I didn’t love them. It was more than a like

though.

There are few things or people that I love, and I think that I have realized and kind of

started over with the people that I love. Because of this, I kind of feel bad not saying it back to

some people but it’s better in the long run for them and for me.

40
Chapter 41: Sophomore Year

This year has had many ups and downs. Overall the downs have turned into ups. I have
learned a lot about people and about myself. This year has been a turning point in my life. I feel

like I have matured a lot in the way that I think and the way that I feel. Without this year, I feel

like I would have still been so naive and so oblivious to so many situations.

Sophomore year has taught how to balance my feelings and my responsibilities. Before

this year I thought I was pretty set on life, and of course life hit me with a lot of struggles from

losing people to gaining toxic people. Overall, I overcame all of those struggles and I am

honestly so proud of myself. I have gained so much experience and I learned that my overall goal

in life is to help people and to be happy. I know I will have so many more struggles, but I feel

like I have the skills to cope with them now.

To be honest, I never thought I would have ever experienced everything I did this year.

At the beginning of sophomore year, I thought I was going to learn a lot and that I was going to

thrive, but that wasn’t the case for most of this year. I am so grateful for everyone who was in

my life this year and also for everyone who left. I learned many valuable lessons this year that I

will use for the rest of my life. I would love to thank everyone and tell them how much they

impacted my life. Without them I wouldn’t have grown or learned, and I also wouldn’t have

turned into the person I am today. I have so much more to learn and I am so excited to be back

on the right track and it feels good to be able to look back and truly realize that everything

happens for a reason.

41
Chapter 42: My Job

I have a job. It is at a daycare for a church. I love it. I genuinely have learned so much
from it and I love it. My friend had worked there for a couple of months and she asked me if I

wanted to work there too. At first, I didn’t want to because I thought I didn’t like children, but I

agreed to do a shadow day.

The shadow day was actually really fun, and I decided I would work there. I had a

meeting and signed a bunch of paperwork and I got the job. My first day was also fun, mostly

because the three-year-olds are really funny and have a lot of energy. There is a boy named

David who said he was hungry, and we asked him what he wanted, and he said, “chick-a-lay.”

We all started laughing and we all started saying it. There also is a little boy named Trip and we

call him Trippie Redd, which is a rapper.

On a deeper level, I have learned that I want a kid of my own. One day I was at work and

a little boy came up to me and started asking me a bunch of questions and I realized that you

could literally mold a kid and pour everything you know into them, and I really want to do that

with one of my own. Working with children has made me so much happier and working in

general, has given me something that I look forward to doing because I love being with the

children, and it gives me a purpose. My job is a great environment and it has taught me patience

and it has taught me how to interact and help kids.

42
Chapter 43: My Phone

My phone is something I use every day. I have a love hate relationship with it because I
sometimes view it as an addiction but sometimes, I view it as a resource or entertainment. I know

that a lot of people also think like this because your phone is now an every day item that helps

you.

Technology has really helped society, but we also know that it can harm us. Our phones

could do both. It opens a lot of opportunities like being in contact with people, but it can also put

you in contact with the wrong type of people.

My phone sometimes distracts me from thing that I need to do, but without it I feel like I

would be at a disadvantage. My phone is black and has sticker on the back of my phone that I got

from Troy’s notebook. My phone doesn’t have a lot of pictures because honestly, I think pictures

are too time consuming and I would rather live in the moment. Taking pictures for a lot of people

is an addiction and they justify it with saying that if you don’t have a picture of it then it didn’t

happen, which I don’t like or agree with.

If someone took my phone away, I think I would be okay without it. I know some people

who literally couldn’t live without their phone and I kind of think it is sad because I think that

those people aren’t living in the moment or in real life.

43
Chapter 44: Loosing & Moving On

Loosing someone sucks. There really isn’t any other way I could describe it. I had
someone who was so selfish come into my life, but I didn’t know that at the time. At first,

everything was fine, and we connected. As time went on, I learned that he is a very toxic person.

I should have stuck to my morals and values, but I was naive and wanted approval, I guess.

If you are reading this, I want you to know that you should never change for anyone. If

you need to move on from a relationship you need love yourself. Don’t get under someone like

everyone says because it not going to help you.

The person who I lost, was someone who I thought that I was always going to have in my

life, and it was someone who I said I loved. After everything that happened made me realized

that I was in lust not love. I know this for a fact. I did have love for him, but I wasn’t in love. I

knew this in the relationship but I thought that with more time I would develop love for him but

they didn’t because I think that I knew in the back of my mind that it would never work out and

that he wasn’t someone I should even be with but I continued. I don’t know why I did but I did,

and it was such a huge mistake.

Moving on was hard because he was my best friend and knew a lot about me. It was hard

to see him with someone else but then I realized that he was toxic and that he wasn’t making me

a better. In fact, he was bringing be down and he mentally was abusing me. Now I feel bad for

that girl, but I wish her the best

44
Chapter 45: Music

I love music. I think that it is a great way to express yourself. I am not musically
talented, but I do enjoy listening to other people’s music and I like hearing different types of

music.

Music has helped me think about things. It has helped me create. It has helped me calm

down. I listen to music every day. I listen to music at school and at work. I listen to music in

class and in the car.

Everyone has music they like. I grew up around Spanish music and I used to not like it,

but now I do. Now I listen to rap and like uncategorized music.

My parents also like music and they grew up listening to all type of music. My friends

listen to music but all of them have different types of music tastes.

If the world didn’t have music, the world would suck. I wouldn’t want to be in a world

without music. I feel like there would not be an escape for me or a way to express myself. I feel

like a lot of people also feel like this.

The world has so many types of music. I don’t like metal or screamo music because it

kind of scares me, but I do like Trippie Redd and Carti.

Music defines a lot of people so I am very glad that music exists. Also with out music a

lot of people would be famous or be where they are now.

45
Chapter 46: Feelings

I am kind of confused right now. I feel like I should be happy but I’m not. I’m not sad
though. I don’t know how I feel.

When I talk to certain people, I get happy but when I am just alone, I don’t know how to

describe what I feel.

I am ready to leave Big Picture. I am ready to leave certain people there. I am sad to

leave like one person there, but I know that I won’t lose contact with that person.

I don’t have those types of feelings for anyone right now. I am just living. I have had

some feelings come back up but then they went away when I realized that they were stupid. I

don’t know how to explain how I feel right now.

I want to go to Florida and chill there with my best friend. I also want to go to Alabama

and chill there too. I just want to hang out with my friends, I guess. I feel like sometimes I get

put to the side or I just am not thought of, but I don’t know. I care but at the same time I don’t.

I feel like the color gray. I don’t know what that means but I was trying to find a neutral

color because I don’t know how I feel. I am listening to a playlist that Damian made. I forgot you

don’t know who that is. Hehe. You probably will never know. Sucks to suck. Anyways I still

don’t know how I feel. Maybe a little stressed? I don’t know.

46
Chapter 47: Random

So one day there was a pig. His name was Charlie and he loved apples. Everyone knew
Charlie and thought he was the funniest pig ever. His owner Barry loved Charlie so much that he

built him a house that was filled with his favorite toys and apples.

One day Charlie decided to go one a walk so he did. He walked over to his friends house

but they weren’t home so he went to a dogs house but once again she wasn’t there. Charlie

walked to the park and laid in the mud. He looked up and just wondered where everyone was. He

then realized that there was a party for his owner so he headed over with some flowers. Barry

was very grateful and thanked Charlie. When the party was over they cleaned up and went to

bed.

The next day, Charlie looked outside and saw that it was railing so he stayed inside.

Charlie read books then went to sleep while reading them. Charlie asked Barry to come and read

it to him but Barry was asleep so Charlie decided that he would go and sleep with Barry. So all

day they slept and then when they woke up at night and they realized that they were hungry so

they decided that they were going to make spaghetti and mac & cheese and pizza that way that

they would be full.

After they ate they decided they would play game. They played the game all night and in

the morning they woke up in the living room asleep. They had so much fun and they were so

glad that it was a rainy day because otherwise they would have not had the experience that they

did on their rainy day.

47
Chapter 48: Why I Am Leaving

I am no longer motivated. So, I am leaving. I can’t wait to leave. I have been. Looking
forward to leaving since third quarter. I really dislike not being pushed or motivated and that is

where I am right now.

I am going to do online school which I am very excited to do because I will learn at my

pace and I can learn where ever I want. I am also going to be able to drive.

I am leaving because of someone as well but they aren’t the majority of the reason of

why I am leaving. I just feel like this person is way to suffocating and it makes me frustrated. My

mom also doesn’t like this person and I don’t like this person either. I think she needs to retire

and maybe focus on other things. She doesn’t have the passion to teach and be with kids. She

wants to fit in with the kids and its not working. She also throws a lot of slick shots and its

annoying.

I am so happy to be leaving. I will be so much happier and more motivated and an overall

good person. I mean I am, but I will be a better person because I am leaving. I can’t wait to

actually learn and to actually be able to do the things I want. I want to enjoy learning and Big

Picture just isn’t doing it for me and its okay, but I am not going to waste my time anymore.

48
Chapter 49: My Golden Goal

I have wanted to find a way to learn more. I have been thinking about why we only can
use 10% of our brain. Why can’t we use our brain to the full capacity? I’ve been thinking a lot

about this. I wasn’t to explore my mind and other people’s mind. I want to learn how others learn

and think how others think. I want to see other people’s perspectives and figure out why people

act the way they do.

I think the brain is so powerful. I think that it has the capacity to do so much more than

what we do with it today. The brain fascinates me so much. It controls everything. It controls our

emotions and it developes chemicals to make us feel those emotions. The neurons in our brain

make connections for us to think and react to situations. What if we had the full capacity of our

brain. What could we do? How would we communicate? Would we even have to communicate?

What if we got so smart that we could communicate with our brains. I feel like it could

happen because even today sometimes when you have a bond with someone you can know what

each other is thinking without even talking.

It’s mind blowing how much our brain does for us. Everyone thinks that our heart

controls our emotions but it really only pumps blood into our body. Our mind controls what we

do, how we feel, how we interact with others, how we think, etc. Sometimes I wonder why I find

so much interest in the human brain but I think it’s because I don’t understand it. It’s interesting

to me and that’s why I want to learn more about it and how it works.

49
Chapter 50: Goodbye

Goodbye! This is my final chapter as a student at Big Picture. Yay! I am so ready to

move on to bigger and better things. I want to thank Mrs. Val for all her help and I will still keep

in contact with her. I want to thank my friends that made me not leave sooner. All of them are

leaving though so… I want to have a great life. Hopefully I figure out what I want to do.

Goodbye to all the toxic people who need help. I want to thank y’all though because I

wouldn’t have learned how to deal with snakes if it wasn’t for y’all.

I hope this school learns how to manage the children in it. I hope they get a better staff

and better kids with hopes and dreams to be someone in life. I hope the drug circle stops and I

hope and wish everyone the best.

Goodbye to whoever I was. I am so glad of the end result. I am going to strive to do

better and to focus on the positive.

Goodbye to Big Picture and to the staff and teachers who made me feel like they were

using me instead of teaching me. Goodbye to everyone. I wish you guys the best.

I don’t really know what else to say because I just want to enjoy summer and live my life

to the fullest and not be controlled by people who just see me as another kid, and not see me as

someone who could actually offer a lot of valuable input into a lot of things. Also goodbye to

everyone who didn’t recognize me for thing that I deserved.

50