Your 3-Step Charm Finder

Introverted Alpha

What is “charm” anyway?

According to the dictionary, ​charm is the power or quality of giving delight or arousing
admiration.

What is ​natural c​ harm? Natural is what comes instinctively to a person; what is innate.

Combining that with the definition of charm above…

Natural charm is your innate qualities, your instinctive power, that gives delight or
arouse admiration.

YOU HAVE THAT INSIDE OF YOU.

Then why aren’t you naturally charming the socks off of everyone you meet?

Because if you don’t understand your own inner natural charm, if you’re not relishing it, then
others literally CANNOT understand or relish it either.

Whatever we put our attention on about ourselves is what others notice.

So if you’re putting zero attention on your own natural charm, then others cannot see you in that
way nearly as well as if you are ENJOYING focusing on your own natural charm.

So how do you focus on something?

By getting to understand it, to really know it, inside and out.

That is what we are about to do today in this single most important exercise at Introverted
Alpha, period.

ALL our clients start with this (and so do our smart readers). ;)

How do you find your natural charm?

By understanding your deepest values and your most attractive qualities, which at Introverted
Alpha we call your Values and Factors.

To understand these, we want to consider the definition of a value and a factor.

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A value is what you consider to be most important in life. Note that a value can be aspirational,
too. You don’t have to be executing on it perfectly already in order to hold it dear as a value.

So remember that in the exercise below. Simply choose what speaks to you most, what is most
important to you in your heart. Then there is always room to grow into it as we go.

A factor: the literal definition of a factor is the circumstance, fact, or influence that contributes to
a result or outcome.

How and why are we using Values and Factors? Here's how: We're using what's already
wonderful about you.

It’s the most important thing. It’s elemental to attractiveness, and that's why it's surprising that
we weren't finding it much or at all, really — certainly not in this form — in the dating advice
industry.

As you know, a lot of the advice out there is on fitting a certain mold and being a certain way —
being gregarious or the center of attention — regardless of whether that actually matches your
Values and Factors or not, if it’s actually consistent with who you are as a man or not.

So instead of going that route, we are starting with what's already wonderful about YOU
specifically.

What you'll find as you go through this Charm Finder exercise is that you are actually pretty
extraordinary.

You may not even know the half of that yet.

So it’s really exciting for you to discover what's already wonderful about you so you can
leverage that to your benefit.

As far as why we're doing it this way, what's wonderful about you is elemental to your
attractiveness, so it just makes logical sense.

When you’re living according to your Values and Factors, it ensures that you come across
genuinely.

When everything that you’re saying, doing, thinking, and feeling is congruent with your Values
and Factors, you come across in the best light, and honestly you become irresistible.

What are your values? Let's explore.

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 Step One: Find Your Attractive Values
Step 1A​​ is choosing your favorites from the following list.

Write down what resonates with you as we go through the list. Later, we will narrow it down to
your top values. For now, just write down the ones that resonate with you the most.

Acceptance
Adventure
Affection
Aliveness
Ambition
Beauty
Belief
Benevolence
Bliss
Bravery
Calm
Character
Chillness
Community
Compassion
Confidence
Connection
Contribution
Courage
Creativity
Delight
Desire
Determination
Ease
Effectiveness
Elegance
Empathy
Enjoyment
Entertainment
Enthusiasm
Eroticism
Excitement
Exuberance

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Fierceness
Flow
Focus
Freedom
Fun
Functionality
Generosity
Genuineness
Gentleness
Goodness
Grace
Groundedness
Happiness
Healing
Honesty
Honor
Hope
Humor
Innocence
Intelligence
Integrity
Joy
Kindness
Laughter
Lightness
Logic
Love
Loving Kindness
Loyalty
Manliness
Mercifulness
Moral Strength
Nature
Newness
Nobility
Noteworthiness
Openness
Originality
Passion
Peace
Perseverance
Persistence
Perspective

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Play
Pleasure
Positivity
Power
Practicality
Productivity
Quirkiness
Relaxation
Reliability
Resourcefulness
Respect
Romance
Sacrifice
Seductiveness
Sensuality
Service
Sexiness
Sharing
Specialness
Strength
Straightforwardness
Tastefulness
Thoughtfulness
Trustworthiness
Truth
Unwavering Spirit
Usefulness
Victory
Volition
Wellbeing
Youthfulness
Zaniness

Just felt like we needed a Z to round out our list here. :)

Step 1B​​ is narrow your list of words that resonate with you down to 10. If you have more than
20 values that you wrote down from that list, it might help to group them into their own
categories before you choose your final five.

By category, we mean similar words that have to do with each other.

For example, you can group together words like adventure, aliveness, desire, power,
exuberance, fierceness, passion, seductiveness, sensuality.

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Once you create a few categories like just like that, and from there, it can become easier to
choose your top ten.

When you group your words into categories, a new word might even emerge from the words in
your categories.

Step 1C: ​Narrow your values down to the top five. From your list of 10, choose your top five
values. Once you have them, order them from first to last in order of importance to you
personally.

This is a more intuitive and subjective process. It really is just something that you have a feel
for, like which value should lead the pack? Which value is your number one value of all five? It's
not easy! It's a fun challenge.

Step 1D: ​Write “I am” before each, and ask yourself, “What does this value mean to me?”

Either record yourself talking, or write your answers free-form. The format we use when working
with clients 1:1 is an outline of each of their values, where we then fill in the description of what
each word means to them.

A full paragraph should come as an answer for each value. If you end up with less than a few
sentences for each, you can ask yourself additional questions like,

“Why is that important to me?”

“How do I feel when I’m immersed in this value?”
“What’s an example from our life that illustrates this value?”

Now it's time to find your factors.

Step Two: Find Your Attractive Factors

Step 2A​​ in this process is choosing what's familiar to you from this list.

Alright, what sounds familiar to you here? Write down the words that you feel describe you.

Great eyes
Nice hair
Great smile
Handsome face
Strong nose

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Nice cheekbones
Nice ass
Strong legs
Solid stature
Well-groomed
Great posture
Strong arms
Manly hands
In-shape body
Stylish
Unique style

What's sounds familiar from this list of character traits or talents?

Honest
Forthright
Loyal
Persistent
Diligent
Ambitious
Strong
Integrity
Perseverant
Creative
Intelligent
Funny
Quirky
Fun
Energetic
Strategic
Focused
Problem-solver
Resourceful
Positive

And what sounds familiar from these ways of relating?

Empathetic
Caring
Kind
Thoughtful
Loving
Protective

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Providing
Curious
Great listener
Encouraging
Chill
Easy to be with
Easy to talk to
Relaxed
Open
Playful
Accepting
Pleasant
Friendly

Step 2B ​is narrow it to 10. Just like with the values, narrow down your factors to your top 10.

Step 2C​​ is narrow the list down to five qualities. Write those down, and it's okay if it's a bit edgy.

When we do this process with 1:1 clients they often have their looks listed first, since that’s
what’s listed first in the exercise. And so when we go through it, we’ll ask them, “Okay, what's
your number one factor, and what's most fun about having that?”

So when their looks are listed first, and especially if “great body” or “nice ass” is at the top of the
list, it’s so amazing because we literally get to ask them in our first or second conversation ever,
“What's most fun about having a great body,” or, “What's most fun about having a nice ass?”

Ha! It’s our favorite. It gives us a laugh because they feel self-conscious about it, but it’s great
though, because the more comfortable we can be with what's attractive about us, then the
better. So acknowledging what’s attractive about you builds confidence in such a fun and easy
way.

Step 2D:​​ Write your Values and Factors as a list side-by-side. Looking at them all together,
appreciate the words as individuals and as a whole. They represent what you uniquely bring to
the table.

Step 2E:​​ For each factor ask yourself, “What is most fun about being x?”

Just as you did with your values, record yourself talking or write your answers free-form. Also
just like the values, there should be about a paragraph worth of information for each factor. If
you're only ending up with a few sentences or less, then ask yourself questions like,

“Why do I enjoy having this factor?”

“What's an example of me illustrating this factor in my life?”

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“What's a specific time that I was complimented on the factor?”
Or, “What's the time that I noticed this factor inside myself and felt really good about it?”

You really can't focus on them too much or ask too many questions because these are you!
They’re what women who are drawn to you are going to notice about you.

The more you notice them, the more you have them top of mind. The more you have them top
of mind, the more apparent they become to other people. And the more apparent they become,
the easier it is for someone to be attracted to you because of them.

How does this all tie into chemistry?

Your values and your factors are what people notice about you. When you're aware of them —
much less celebratory of them — you effortlessly turn other people's attention towards those
very qualities that are most attractive about you as well.

It also feels great to be around you when you're enjoying yourself.

How do you internalize your Values and Factors?

Step Three: Internalize Your Vibe through Routine-Based

+ Opportunity-Based Habits
What are routine-based habits and opportunity-based habits?

I'll show you what we mean by each of these.

Step 3A: Create routine-based habits.

One great way to do this is to write your Values and Factors on a sticky note or save them on
your phone. You can write them down and take a picture, and you can make that picture your
lock-screen background.

Then every single morning for at least one month — you can do it longer than that, and we
encourage you to do it longer — but at least for one month, repeat them as sentences in the
mirror with eye contact.

So you have your Values and your Factors, your 10 words as “I am” statements, and you can
look yourself in the mirror and say, “I am diligent. I am benevolent. I am a playful.” etc., all the
way down your Values and Factors.

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When you look at yourself, you know you don't have to force it or make yourself believe. Just
nice and easy, with eye-contact.

When you do this over and over, you will feel more comfortable and at ease saying these things
to yourself. And if you feel uncomfortable talking to yourself, just remember that of all the people
who have ever been and will ever be in your life, your number one relationship is with you.

You are the most important person to yourself. You know yourself better than you know anyone
else, and no one else can never know you the way that you know you.

So connecting with yourself in the mirror is a great way to underscore that relationship.
Especially by focusing on your Values and your Factors, which is really a wonderful thing to do,
it lays the foundation for other people seeing those same qualities in you as well.

Our clients who have done this regularly are the ones that get complimented more frequently
and earlier than the clients who are not as diligent about this.

It really is such a clear correlation between saying your Values and Factors every single day,
and making a ritual out of it versus not.

It is very important that you build this habit into your life.

Step 3B: Create opportunity-based habits.

Go through your list of values, and choose one value that you want to experience more of.
There's really no “right way” to do this. It's just your instinct, your intuition, and just a sense that
you get when you look at your values.

One of them is going to pop out to you as the one that you want to focus on more than the
others.

Every client we’ve done this with 1:1 has an easy time choosing his #1 value. It always pops up
to him.

He always sees it, and he feels confident about it from the moment that he tells me which one
he's chosen.

Throughout your day, find at least one opportunity (ideally many more, but at least one) where
you can express more of that particular value that you have chosen.

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The key is to immerse yourself in it in a playful way. If you find yourself getting too serious about
it or getting too weird about it, just remember that you're doing this for fun. This is just for you,
and it's just for fun.

One of our most successful clients really took this to another level by appreciating especially his
factor of a handsome face.

He was growing a beard and every time he looked in the mirror – any mirror – he noticed his
beard and he felt like such a badass.

Not long after we started working together, he noticed that on Casual Friday at his work, where
he would often wear a t-shirt.

One week he wore his favorite yellow t-shirt that he wore to Casual Friday all the time, and
women in his office were telling him, “Oh you look so sexy in that shirt. Have you been working
out?”

Of course he’d been working out. He's always been working out, and he wore that shirt a million
times, but the women in his office didn't really notice it until he noticed himself as attractive, and
then it just showed through effortlessly and they noticed it too.

You can think about it like if you feel really nervous, when you're thinking about that
nervousness and then you look nervous, you seem nervous to other people too. They can tell
that you’re nervous.

Same thing if you’re feeling happy. If you’re feeling happy, then you’re looking happy, and
people notice that. People pick up on it. They’ll even say to you, “You seem happy.”

This is something that you can’t force. Instead, it’s a genuine expression of what you are
dwelling on. That’s when it works.

So dwell on awesome stuff! If you're feeling really happy about your amazing body, your
handsome face or kindness or sense of humor or whatever — that’s what people are going to
notice about you.

Now that you’re all set with the Charm Finder, have a hell of a time being you!

You are about to enjoy being in your own skin more than you have ever enjoyed it in your entire
life.

Other people will pick up on that, and you’ll be NATURALLY CHARMING.

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You will have tapped into your innate qualities, your instinctive power, that gives other people
delight or arouses attractive women’s admiration.

There is so much more to come at Introverted Alpha. This is the first, not-to-be-underestimated
step. :)

Introverted Alpha​ | Team@IntrovertedAlpha.com

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