Dear Ms.

Manley,

Upon comparing the draft of my final essay to the draft I turned in when I originally

completed the experimental essay, I am astonished by the little resemblance they have with each

other. Frankly, the original draft of my experimental essay was subpar at best; it followed the

guidelines of the experimental essay, yet the story and content was lacking context. In my final

essay, I created a story which minimized the various plot holes from the original essay and was

more concise than the previous draft. The original storyline featured a girl, named Abby, who

was diagnosed with Psychopathy, was horribly bullied in her algebra classroom, and eventually

killed a large group of her classmates as revenge for being bullied—it made no sense. In my

revised storyline, the protagonist, named Abby, is prescribed a medication to minimize her

psychopathic tendencies, however it has many adverse side-effects like any other medication.

She questions the usefulness of the pill due to its side-effects, leading to her not taking her

medication one morning, allowing for her tendencies to take control. She is consumed by the

psychopathic impulses and ends up engaging in a fight with another student, only for her to be

knocked unconscious on the ground. Of course, hearing a TLDR version of the story makes it

sound as if it is just as confusing as the original draft, but all of the major context issues from the

original were fixed and the story flows significantly better. The story is shortened greatly, with

the final essay ending after the fight between the bully and the main protagonist, as in the

original draft, the more I wrote, the further from reality I became. Overall, I am happy with the
revisions made on my essay, and I feel that in comparison to the initial draft of the essay, it has

improved greatly.

Reflecting upon my work this semester, I am not as impressed with myself as others would be

when judging their own work. I personally felt as if some pieces were rushed or not given a

proper amount of time for (on my end), resulting in a mediocre paper which ultimately did not

impress me. The only times which I didn’t feel this way was with my tribute essay, Queen of the

Classroom, and my example essay, Loveless. With those two, I felt that I was able to spend an

adequate amount of time on each draft, making sure that what I was writing about mattered to

me. For the tribute, I wrote about my third grade teacher Joan Aceto; She was one of Hamden

Hall’s hidden gems, leaving an impact on how I develop as an adult even seven years later. My

example essay followed the same trend of tenderness. I chose a topic which I rarely, if ever, talk

about—sexuality. From a lack of voicing my concerns and dismay associated with my sexuality,

I was able to channel those thoughts into a paper which touched on LGBT high school students

in general. These two papers are my two favorites of the year, as they both seemed to reflect the

hard work I put into the semester as well as who I am as a writer; The other two essays did not

do so good of a job. Amidst submitting drafts late and creating various plot-holes, I felt like I

failed as a writer. The essays bared little to no personal connection to myself, and did not

accurately reflect my writing ability. However, through the edits made on the final essay, the

Experimental essay, I was able to ‘right my wrongs’ and minimize the faulty plot I created prior.

From this semester, I have learned my downfall when it comes to writing: personal connection.

If I feel nothing while writing, I immediately know that this paper, essay, poem, or whatever
form of writing it is, will not match the standards I hold myself to. Although I may have not

created my best work this semester, I have grown into a writer who has the ability to notice when

his writing isn’t as good as it could be. With proper guidance, I hope to grow into a writer who

can immediately identify a what to write about, being able to connect with his idea and feeling

passionate just by the thought of writing it. This semester has brought me numerous steps closer

to achieving my goal.

Sincerely,

Andrew Neubauer