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Aubrey Saturno

Professor A. Granillo

English 103

10 April 2019

Knowing the Unconcious

With closed eyes, rocked by the smooth sway of the train, a euphony surges into ears,

emanating from white buds. Music has accompanied individuals in various scenarios for longer

than can be remembered. It has been used to express emotions and connect with one another by

molding different elements into one. Being a big part of the media, music has allowed

individuals to understand different aspects of their lives and has allowed for multiple

interpretations through an analysis of the lyrics that may or may not be a reflection of issues in

this world that are commonly experienced by people. Through critical theory, people can learn

more about themselves and their world, which can help them view media with careful evaluation.

Billie Eilish’s song “idontwannabeyouanymore” shows familiarity through its obvious self-

deprecating words, but through careful inspection, it serves as a reminder of how people’s

behaviors and thinking are governed by their defenses. Using Psychoanalytic concepts such as

the unconscious, defenses, and core issues, the song exemplifies the destructive thinking that

people possess; thus, “idontwannabeyouanymore” connects its audience to one another and the

artist while simultaneously encouraging fans to explore the deeper part of themselves.

Being a teenager herself, Billie Eilish’s song is mostly geared towards an audience of

teenagers through relatable lyrics that is rhetorically packed with pathos. Through consideration

of the social climate amongst teens nowadays, there is a huge emphasis on mental health. Part of

this emphasis is urging others to share the ways in which they express their repressed feelings
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through media, in forms of songs, artworks, and many more. By starting with the words, “Don’t

be that way / Fall apart twice a day / I just wish you could feel what you say,” Billie Eilish

establishes that she is talking to herself, which showcases the dynamics of her thinking to the

audience and creates a relatable situation (Eilish 00:00:16-31). The relatable situation is created

as an emotional appeal is established towards the audience, directly hitting them the comfortable

nature of self-criticization, which also reflects the self-deprecating feeling that many teenagers

experience.

On the first listen, it is apparent that the song consists mostly of the artists’ self-

deprecation, an obvious underlying theme throughout. In fact, this theme is present in most

music, as again, songs are forms of expressions for many artists. It understandable how the

audience might view the song as only something Eilish created as a form of expressing herself.

However, having an initial view of the song being about only criticizing one’s self prevents the

audience from recognizing that it exhibits Billie Eilish’s process of discovering her unconscious,

repressed thoughts and acknowledging its effect on her own behavior. In fact, the song starts to

explore the understanding one’s unconscious, which is “the storehouse of those painful

experiences and emotions, those wounds, fears, guilty desires, and unresolved conflicts” (Tyson

12). Billie expressed the things she is learning about herself towards her audience and highlights

these same characteristics that indicate her destructive way of thinking towards herself. She

slowly begins to learn how to uncover her repressed feelings, which have controlled her

experiences that have “hung onto [her] in disguised, distorted, and self-defeating ways” (Tyson

13). Exploring her unconscious, Eilish demonstrates examples of her defenses and core issues in

the song.
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In understanding one’s defenses and core issues, understanding anxiety must come first.

According to Encyclopedia Brittanica, anxiety is “a consequence of the repressed energy…

[which] includes feelings of fear, guilt, and shame” (“Psychoanalysis”). In order to be aware that

one is influenced by their defense mechanisms and their core issues, there must be a conflict that

would break the defenses. Experiencing anxiety is beneficial in a way that it allows people to

explore themselves and confront themselves of their repressed feelings. Thus, it can be implied

that in order for Billie to showcase some of her defenses, there should be signs of anxiety present

in the lyrics. The song addresses the presence of anxiety in some lines when Billie Eilish sings:

“Hands, hands getting cold / Losing feeling’s getting old” (“idontwannabeyouanymore”

00:01:42-48). Anxiety lives off the people’s intense worrying. Addressing that her hand is

turning cold and that she is losing feeling can be viewed upon as side effects of worrying. Both

can qualify as symptoms of anxiety. Simply talking about simple physiological effects that can

be attributed to anxiety, Billie Eilish shows how much she is aware of her own circumstances.

Showing how her self-deprecation affects her, the song displays the process of understanding

one’s own unconscious. It also shows the artist getting anxiety and also hints at her own

awareness of her problem with herself. Recognizing this process can help the audience to be

aware of their anxiousness and then their defenses. Having awareness of said things gives the

audience the chance to open themselves up more easily and the opportunity to better change their

minds into thinking that defenses do not make them weak but rather strong.

The defenses that are prominent in the song are selective perception and avoidance. In

Psychoanalytic theory, defenses are “represented against the conscious acknowledgment of a[n]

[anxiously driven] thought” (Freud 8). They govern the way people act by allowing repressed

feelings to stay hidden because of the fear of confrontation with oneself. The first defense
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evident in the song is selective perception, which is “hearing and seeing only what we feel we

can handle” (Tyson 15). In the song, Billie Eilish displays selective perception when she sings:

“Don’t be that way / Fall apart twice a day / I just wish you could feel what you say”

(“idontwannabeyouanymore” 00:00:16-31). Though at first, the words seem to be a form of self-

criticization, it can be viewed upon as a form of selective perception because Eilish only

expresses the things that she can handle—one that she has already internalized—which is falling

apart most of the time and being numb. Being her own critic creates a safe zone for herself and

demonstrates that she must have the upper hand in calling herself out on her own terms so that

she can “handle” it.

A second identifiable defense that is seen in the song is avoidance. Avoidance allows for

people to “stay away from people or situations that are liable to make [them] anxious by stirring

up… repressed experience[s] or emotion[s]” (Tyson 15). Billie’s avoidance is very prominent

when she sings: “Show, never tell / But I know you too well” (“idontwannabeyouanymore”

00:00:35-40). Her words are obvious signs of avoidance as she talks about refraining herself

from talking about her problems and only making them noticeable through her actions and

behavior. Additionally, saying that she knows herself too well shows that she is self-aware of her

unconscious, which is the idea behind psychoanalysis. Afterward, she continues with: “Got a

mood that you wish you could sell” (“idontwannabeyouanymore” 00:00:43-47). The specific

lyrics further exemplifies avoidance because Eilish is saying that she wants to get rid of a mood

that bothers her. Since she is already in the process of uncovering her unconscious, it becomes

more overwhelming for her to be confronted with her long-held repressed feelings. She tries to

place the overwhelming feeling somewhere else where she cannot hide it and wishes that she

could sell it instead. Showing the struggle of handling one’s own unconscious emotions inspires
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the audience to face their repressed feelings by aiming to understand their own unconscious mind

and their core issues.

By understanding the core issues that they have, the audience are given the opportunity to

explore feelings that they might have been afraid of exploring in the past. When the audience

members are inspired by the artist to work towards the same goal of understanding themselves,

then they will slowly start to learn how to build themselves up without relying on anyone.

Furthermore, they are more in check with their emotions which allows them to work through

emotionally “threatening” situations without panicking or choosing to be closed off again.

The song also displays the concept of core issues by using Billie’s words to highlight her

own. Core issues are “the deeply rooted, psychological problems that are the source of our self-

destructive behavior” (Tyson 16). In the song, Eilish hints at her own low-self esteem, fear of

intimacy, fear of abandonment, and an insecure sense of self, which are interconnected and can

be caused by one another. The lyrics: “If ‘I love you’ was a promise / Would you break it if

you’re honest?” exemplifies her fear of intimacy and fear of abandonment

(“idontwannabeyouanymore” 00:01:08-14). She fears to get close to people because she does not

believe that she is worthy of love. She thinks that anyone who tries to “love” her will just break

their promises of loving her. The line also shows her fear of abandonment as she “breaking” the

promise, to her, signifies that a broken promise means leaving. Lastly, all of her displayed core

issues in the song are ultimately connected to her low self-esteem. She sings: “Tell the mirror

what you know she’s heard before / I don’t wanna be you anymore”

(“idontwannabeyouanymore” 00:01:16-35). The words tell the audience that she is sick of

herself and does not want to be herself anymore. She reveals that it is a persistent thought. She

also asks a resonating question, “Was I made from a broken mold?”

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(“idontwannabeyouanymore” 00:01:50-02:00). By asking that question, which is a product of her

low self-esteem, Eilish tries to find justification for her core issues. The words “broken” and

“mold” resonates with the audience’s emotions as well because those are two words that people

tend to associate themselves with as well. They want a perfect “mold” for themselves but are not

able to succeed because of the mold being “broken”. Connecting all of it, the fear of intimacy

and fear of abandonment might have emerged from Billie’s lack of self-esteem. People might

love and adore her, but in reality, she fears that her fans’ love and adoration for her are

temporary because she does not believe that she is worthy of it. Additionally, the song actually

addresses some people’s insecure sense of self that is prominent through her. The title itself

exemplifies this core issue. Even though the song is about Billie Eilish hating herself, it is

actually an underlying question for everyone who tries to be like her. She questions why people

would aspire to be like her when she does not like herself in the first place. This shows that the

people who are trying to be like Billie, have an unstable sense of themselves.

The media has become an important aspect of people’s lives for many years, directly

influencing them in ways that can be tangible and intangible. Being a big part of the media,

music has accompanied individuals in various scenarios whether it is sleeping, cooking,

performing, or even exercising. It has been used to express emotions and connect with one

another by molding different elements into one. Billie Eilish’s song “idontwannabeyouanymore,”

is one of the many songs out there that impacts people in many ways. Its elements showcasing

the artist’s discovery of the Psychoanalytic concepts of the unconscious, defenses, and core

issues, further encourages the audience to explore their own unconscious thoughts, defenses, and

core issues as well. Instead of being a song that everyone can relate to or be mainstream,
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“idontwannabeyouanymore” offers different dynamics of self-understanding that people can

learn from and start doing for themselves.

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Works Cited

Billie Eilish. “idontwannabeyouanymore.” dontsmileatme, Interscope Records, 2017. Apple

Music.

Freud, S. The Origin and Development of Psychoanalysis, 1998. Pdf.

Tyson, L. Critical Theory Today: A User-Friendly Guide, 2015. Print.

“Psychoanalysis.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 22 Feb. 2019,

www.britannica.com/science/psychoanalysis.