Maya Holton

Billy Garner
English 134
17 April 2019
My English Experience

Throughout my entire life, I never felt as if I excelled in one singular subject in school. I

still managed put a lot of effort into my work and to get good grades but nothing really came that

easy to me. When I got into high school, I realized that I would need to choose some advanced

placement courses to take in order to help my grades stand out for college. I had to evaluate what

I liked to do and came to the realization that I probably should take AP classes for a subject that

was most tolerable to me, which was English. Although I never really loved English or was

passionate towards the subject, I felt as if it came easy to me in some aspects. I loved reading

works of good literature and writing essays to assess the novels, poems, and short stories we

were assigned. I remember in my freshman year English class we were assigned to read Oedipus

and I became instantly fascinated in the different types of literature. It was my first experience of

reading a unique genre of literature and my eyes were opened to massive library of various types

of genre that I could explore. Oedipus was truly the first book that had fully immersed my

interest in the words and acted as an escape for me. I loved how I was able to become fully

interested in the storyline, forgetting about all other worldly responsibilities. Reading this book

sparked my curiosity in literature and left me wanting to read more. This was different from the

other genres I had previously read due to the mythical aspect and fiction story line. Because of

this new found love and interest I felt towards literature, I was able to get through my first two

years of honors and advanced english courses with ease. But the feeling of ease was quickly

replaced with difficulty and worry when faced with the challenge of weekly timed in-class essays
and major research papers my junior and senior year. English, a class that had come so easily to

me, became my most dreaded period in a short amount of time.

My junior year of high school was the beginning of when my opinion changed. I was

required to write an in-class essay every week. Not only was I put under a time restraint but I

was also given a random topic without any previous knowledge or research. This environment

caused me to be uneasy and ultimately led me to not performing my best. Week after week, I

continued to maintain a negative mentality towards my in-class essays, which led me to believe I

was a bad writer. Having this thought about my abilities further limited me and effected my

growth as a writer and student. My doubtful attitude towards my skill also reflected in my work

when it became time for the AP tests. Although I passed these tests, I reviewed my work and

noticed that I passed solely due to my multiple choice questions and not because of my essays.

This further contributed to my dislike for writing and English. After taking AP English my junior

year, I questioned my skills as a student and began to get worried as college applications

approached. I also doubted whether or not I was good enough to be in an AP English course my

senior year. But with much thought, I decided to give my writing one more shot.

My senior year advanced placement English class went similarly. I was required to write

three large research papers about topics I could not choose. This led me to be uninterested in my

research and writing. Again, I was left disheartened and defeated by my English class

assignments. And although I finished my papers to the best of my abilities, my opinion on

writing had been altered severely. My assignments became a meaningless grade to me and

something that I wanted to get over with. Writing had also become a negative thing in my life

and I dreaded it. The classes I had taken had completely stripped me of any positive feelings

towards writing and other kinds of literature analysis. My new opinion caused me to even
question what I wanted to major in for college and what I wanted to do as a career. I had to

reevaluate what I was skilled at and what I enjoyed at school. After thinking about what I truly

found pleasure in at school, I realized that my interest was still in English but not the English that

I had been forced into in high school. I realized this as I turned my focus away from writing and

back towards my interest in reading various genres of literature. I spent my second semester of

senior year immersed in new books ever week and soon began to realize that I did really enjoy

English. I replaced my dislike for writing with a stronger passion for reading and allowed myself

to view my skills in a different way. I realized that reading brought me joy and began to focus on

that ability rather than writing. I also realized that I do enjoy writing when I am able to control

variable aspects, such as the topic and other various creative freedoms. My new interest and love

for reading also allowed me to recognize the power of words which ultimately helped me in my

writing abilities. Overall, I enjoy the creative side that English classes allow and encourage deep

intellectual thoughts and opinions.

Ultimately, my high school English experience taught me that english and writing is

something that I actually like to do despite the challenges. I began to focus more on reading,

which ultimately opened my view to new and different aspects within the English subject. My

experience also helped me immensely as a writer and student and I am grateful for improved

literature skills I learned because of it. My battle with my English classes has also allowed me to

be more open to other subjects and expand both my own skills and my perception at what I am

skilled at. All in all, I learned a lot about myself both academically and personally through my

struggles at school.