Three ways to demystify disappointments at work

1. Uncover the missing stories

The first step in making sense of confusing experiences at work is to find out if there are any
perspectives that others are choosing not to share, and if so, why? Also, try to understand if
there are any stories people have told that have been discounted or have gone unacknowledged.
Once you identify a potentially missing story, go directly to the person who can tell you about it
and invite an open conversation.

2. Look for reasons behind actions

Various logical forces prompt us to speak and act in certain ways. You might feel, based on your
past experiences, that you “should” act in a certain way. Knowing the backstory to someone’s
approach can affect interactions. This is why it’s so important to uncover the invisible reasons for
different behaviors.

3. Seek to understand, not judge

When someone acts in a way you don’t expect or want, you can make some pretty quick — and
often negative — assumptions. By staying neutral in your attitude, you won’t waste energy
blaming others for undesired outcomes, taking ill-fated action, or lamenting a past you can’t fix.
Instead, focus on the tangible shift you want to create. What do you want to be different? What
do you need to understand better in order to make it happen? It’s difficult to “mentalize” — or
intentionally reflect on what other people are thinking and what they’re likely to do next — but
it’s crucial.