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Working with Difficult People

with Chris Croft

Working with Difficult People with Chris Croft

1.

Is it you?

2.

Are they just different to you?

3.

The faults that we find most annoying in other people are the ones we also have ourselves.

4.

The person who annoys us most—because they are different to us—is often the one we need to work with because they complete our weaknesses.

5.

You have to change either what you think or what you do.

6.

Does it matter?

7.

You can’t change people, but you can change how they behave towards you.

8.

The choice is between living with their behaviour and containing it, or trying to change them.

9.

Are they aware of it? If not, make them aware of it.

10.

Do they want to change?

11.

What’s in it for them to change their behaviour?

12.

What are your objectives? Calmly stick to getting them.

13.

Detach and don’t be drawn in—it’s their problem, not yours.

14.

Don’t reward bad behaviour or it will continue—or even get worse.

15.

Don’t cave in to aggression or get angry in return.

16.

Start with a statement of understanding.

17.

Consider fogging, either as a full response or as a start before you ask them to change.

18.

If you are suddenly verbally attacked, then it’s OK to take time out to think and come back later once you have planned a response.

19.

Withdraw and resume later if you suspect that they might change their position once they have had time to reflect on your proposal.

20.

Ask for concrete and defined changes, not general ones.

21.

Remember that if you can change their behaviour, then you have also helped everyone else who comes into contact with this person.

22.

Point out the behaviour at the time, and as a habit.

23.

Ask them what they want to happen, even if you already know what you think should be done differently.

Working with Difficult People with Chris Croft

even if you already know what you think should be done differently. Working with Difficult People

24. Asking is always better than telling. (For example: “How is your mood today?”)

25. Offer them a choice of solutions.

26. Make their behaviour cost them.

27. Set up demarcation so that their problem doesn’t affect you.

28. If they deny doing it, suggest you could point it out next time they do it.

29. Don’t ask your boss for help too often.

30. Don’t use the argument “It’s the rules/policy/procedure.”

Working with Difficult People with Chris Croft

Don’t use the argument “It’s the rules/policy/procedure.” Working with Difficult People with Chris Croft 2 of