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MORE insidious than harassment that school toughies and cyberbullies De Lima faulted for
technicalities
subject their victims to is emotional bullying that occurs right at home.
MARCH 22, 2017
Psychologist Ma. Lourdes “Honey” Carandang gave this warning after TECHNOLOGY
Taiwanese girl dubbed by
noting that, sometimes, the people whom children are supposed to love and netizens as ‘world’s hottest
trust become the tormentors in the otherwise peaceful confines of their nurse’
MARCH 21, 2017
residence.
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Parents , for example, may not notice but their tone of voice, the way their Experts shocked, as
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sentences are phrased, or the labels they give to their children could have
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invisible wounds that a child carries with him or her for life.
There are also cases when the parent shows obvious favoritism toward a
specific child .
The scars may not be physical and there is no outward bullying involved,
but the preferential treatment could be hurting another child who notices.
“Ito ang aking anak na cute (This is my cute child),” the mother once said,
referring to the son whom she introduced to guests.
“At ito naman ang isa ko pang anak (And this is my other child),” the
daughter quoted her mother when it was her turn to be introduced.
Observing a ‘script’
In many such cases, Carandang said the child who was not praised observes
a “script” in subsequent abusive relationships in which he or she
immediately assumes the “bullied” role Carandang’s patient finds herself
unattractive until now, no matter how many people tell her otherwise.
When such a situation is not properly addressed, the child becomes open to
bullying in places outside the home , like the school or the playground,
“because she is used to (feeling bullied) at home,” Carandang explained.
“We must consider the dynamics. Bullying is about power. The bully has to
have power over another,” she added.
Carandang is familiar
with another situation, in which one parent, say, the
father, bullies the mother in front of their children.
“The son becomes a bully and the daughter becomes a target for bullies.
This is because the children model themselves after the parents. Namulat ka
sa ganoon so ’yun ang mundo mo,” said Carandang.
Resentment
In one such case, Carandang
Marchsaid that while the son and daughter grew up
SECTIONS Wednesday, 22, 2017
angry at the father, “they had greater resentment toward the mother.”
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respect you.”
The law does not include the home. Carandang has come across cases in
which siblings turn against each other.
One case involved a younger sister who provokes the older sister through
teasing.
“Iinisin yung ate tapos pagagalitan ng mother ang ate. A parent has to listen
well because he or she might get it wrong. The older child is punished but
it’s not fair because the younger child gets away with it,” Carandang pointed
out.
A bully, even one at home, is on the lookout for a victim to wield power
over, “because the bully does not really feel the sense of power internally.”
As in bullying cases in school, the bully in the family must also be made
aware that the act is wrong, since there is always the possibility that both
bully and the bullied can transfer their behavior to places outside the home.
“What we don’t see is that the origin (of the behavior) could be the home, so
let’s be aware of how we discipline our children. We have to do away with
putting down or emotionally labeling our children,” the psychologist
stressed.
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