UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOUR OR INTIMIDATION:

RESPONDING WHEN COLLEAGUES CROSS THE LINE

By Dr. Barbara Lent
Associate Dean, Equity and Gender Issues, Schulich School of Medicine and Dentistry

General Guidelines For Dealing With Intimidation Or The Abuse Of Power

As early as possible, identify what might be going on regarding the use/abuse
of power.
Document what was said and done whenever you feel uncomfortable. At the
least, it will help you clarify and deal with it. If the situation gets worse, your
notes will be important for any complaints you need to make. You will likely
minimize or forget what you don’t record.
Seek support from peers as well as from in-house resources such as human
rights/equity advisors, Associate Dean of Equity, administrators or
counsellors. In most cases you can keep control over how the situation will be
handled. Harassment and intimidation can affect your self-esteem,
performance and health. It may be discriminatory and illegal. It makes for a
poor environment for work and education.
Whenever possible, team up with others affected and with resource people to
deal with the complaint. Increase your sense of control by finding out about
policies that can protect you.
Assume that you will need to deal with intimidation or harassment at some
point in your career. Prepare yourself by reading about and practicing the
skills you will need. Find out from others what you need to strengthen:
boundary setting, assertiveness, nonverbal skills, being clear, etc.
Recognize that intimidation or harassment tends to get worse the longer it is
ignored. You need to take some responsibility for protecting yourself by
direct confrontation, or getting third party help, or even notifying the
organization after you are safely gone.

(adapted from materials originally developed by Dr. Dorothy Shaw, UBC)

Strategies for Handling Intimidation or Harassment:

1. Initial responses for most situations

• admit to yourself that it is happening and that you may need to do something
• decide how much responsibility and risk you wish to take in this situation
• behave respectfully and professionally, even if the other person does not
• maintain eye contact and steady breathing
• briefly acknowledge the person’s concern, frustration or other emotion
• identify the issue that the person is concerned about and verbally check out its
accuracy

2. How to limit intimidation and verbal abuse

• respond to the concern rather than to the “bait” (insults, tone of voice,
irrelevant items)
• deflect persistent verbal abuse by responding in “computer mode” ie. a neutral
and verifiable observation about the concern being expressed
o “Most people find it difficult to be kept waiting.”
o “Sometimes it is hard to ignore people’s appearance.”
o “Patients sometimes want a more personal relationship with their
doctors.”
o “Student errors cause problems for others.”
• defuse personal attacks by not playing the game, ie. use a “boring baroque”
response: “I take after my own doctor in that respect; he was always late for
appointments, etc.”
• if the behaviour does not improve, set your boundaries.
o “I can listen better if you lower your voice”
o “Let’s stick to the issue.”
o “I’m uncomfortable hearing personal comments about other students.”
o “I’ll come back in 15 minutes when we can talk about this.”
• if your limits are ignored, clarify the situation. “Are you willing to speak to
me calmly/ drop the sexual references/ let me respond?”, and be ready to act
on the answer. Leave if you feel unsafe.
• if there is a significant difference in power and/or a risk of retaliation, go to a
third party for advice rather than confronting the harasser on your own. You
will have better protection once an advisor or administrator is involved and
you have documented the behaviour.

3. How to limit unprofessional or offensive behaviour

• Recognize that staying silent or ignoring the behaviour will be interpreted as
approval
• address the behaviour rather than attacking the person, or you will escalate the
problem
• confront the behaviour by naming it and stating your reactions to it,
particularly if the person is willing to be influenced by you and does not really
intend to intimidate/ abuse
• describe the impact on yourself, using “I” language rather than “you”
statements eg “I feel very uncomfortable”; “I don’t like your language”; “I
feel awkward about your request”
 • focus the discussion back to the appropriate topic, using a “broken record”
approach if needed: “do you have any suggestions for my work; can I bring
you anything to help shorten the wait”
• make a clear statement of expectations, with examples: “I’d like you to treat
me more professionally, specifically to keep your voice down and let me
complete my sentences”
• set limits and act on them: “please stop talking about sex; I’m not staying any
longer”
• write a letter giving quotes or descriptions of the behaviour, describing how
you felt, and stating your expectations for future conversations. Keep a copy.
• ask for tedious explanations of the “meaning” of offensive humour (as if you
“didn’t get it”
• take detailed notes of what was said; bring the notes to a third party when
seeking advice.

4. How to reinforce professional standards without risking everything

• make sure you are clear about your own values and standards
• clarify where your responsibility lies and who/what else should be involved
• set boundaries on your own professional behaviour by referring to your
values, or if necessary to external policies and standards: “I’m not willing…;
the College of Physicians and Surgeons does not allow…” “Program
policy….
• confront the other person’s standards only if you have the power to influence
them….involve more senior authority in cases where you could be abused or
retaliated against
• combine diplomacy and confrontation, e.g. be soft on the person and hard on
the behaviour by pointing out the contradiction; “I’ve always admired your
standards, so it makes me wonder if you realize the awkward position in
which your request places me”, “you say you care about me, yet you are
asking me to violate my professional standards”
• join others who are ready to ask for change or to consult a third party; avoid
relying on people who complain at length but will not act; negative gossip or
venting may come back to haunt you.

5. How to deal with retaliation and threats

• many threats arise out of frustration at not being heard - if you always listen
and check out the person’s concerns, you may be able to shift to a more
constructive discussion
• most harassment policies forbid retaliation for making a complaint, but it will
be up to you to document problems and ask for protection
• don’t threaten a harasser: you may be dealing with an expert who has more
power than you and has already shown a willingness to abuse it
• carefully document anything that seems like a threat or retaliation, following
up with details of the actions, the impact on your work, and your own efforts
to get safe
• try to protect yourself before anything happens - speak to supportive
administrators, transfer to a different supervisor, get a written statement of
how you will be evaluated
 • when you are threatened (and feel physically safe), repeat the threat back to
the person and ask if that is what they meant, adding a tone of incredulity:
“you’ll improve my assignment only if I arrange a date with my classmate for
you?” “You’ll refuse to complete our assignment for this committee unless I
recommend you for chair?”
• if you are blind-sided, buy time by saying that you need a while to consider
the matter; then go for advice to someone who is able to support you in a
confidential and knowledgeable way.

Resources for active listening, self-talk, assertiveness and conflict resolution skills

Nicarthy G, Gottlieb N, & Coffman S. You Don’t Have To Take It! Emotional Abuse at
Work Seal Press, 1993.

Stone, D. Difficult Conversations Guinness Publishing, 2000

Haden Elgin S. Gentle art of verbal self defense at work. Barnes and Noble Books 2003

Horn S. Tongue Fu! How to Deflect, Disarm and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict Griffin
2001
Horn S. Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative and Unpleasant
People from Running. VHPS Trade 2003

Namie G, Hughes M, Namie R. Bully Proof Yourself at Work: Personal Strategies to

Stop the Hurt from Harrassment The Work Doctor 1999