The Four Relationships in My Life and Growing Process

Victoria Schlie

Christian Formation

May 2, 2017
 The Four Relationships in My Life and Growing Process

Relationship with Myself

Because this class has focused on being others-directed so much, I have had to remind

myself that I cannot love or serve others unless I am well (spiritually, mentally, etc.). Part of that

well-being is understanding my own spiritual and personal growth. One of my favorite points in

Whilhoit’s (2008) book was his description of God’s circular curriculum (which repeatedly

brings up the same lessons/trials) rather than a linear curriculum (non-repeating lessons that

build upon the last one) (pp. 119-120). Understanding this made me drastically less self-critical

toward not “getting” a lesson and moving on. I think my most significant battle in my

relationship with myself is hyper-self-criticism, and knowing that repeatedly facing the same

trial or lesson is not a result of my doing something wrong, but of God’s teaching process, gave

me more peace with myself.

Kenneson’s (1999) chapter on self-control also reassured me that I do not have to be

self-critical because I am not the power behind my righteousness. I honestly want to live

correctly and reflect Christ’s perfection for God’s glory, but that desire can easily cause me to

put unachievable standards on my limited ability. I have certainly viewed self-control the way

the Greeks did: self-mastery by the self (p. 224). But knowing that control and reshaping of

desires is a by-product of the Spirit’s work of harvesting the other fruit of the Spirit (p. 228)

actually frees me from the unbearable weight of perfect standards. I can be at peace with myself,

even when I see myself falling short of righteousness, because I know that my faults do not

hinder the Spirit from working in me or Christ from giving me grace. I can focus more on

rejoicing in the ways I see myself reflecting Christ and growing with the Spirit instead of on my

faults and mess ups.

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 Relationship with God

I really grew in my understanding of God in reading the first few chapters of Wilhoit. I

found his rejection of the common view of ‘Jesus as a bridge’ (pp. 27-28) and his explanation of

Jesus as the permanent, eternal means of knowing God very insightful. I think the modern

church, particularly protestants, see Jesus as a one-time Savior, whereas a meaningful

relationship with God means a deep understanding and connection with who Jesus was

(incarnated) and is. This is essential to the Holy Spirit’s formative process of making us a purer

reflection of Christ, who is perfect humanity (pp. 44-45). We spent significant class time near the

beginning of the semester discussing how Jesus’s humanity is our hope as Christians; God came

and lived out what we could not in order to open the door for us to one day follow suit.

Understanding what God intended humanity to be as a reflection of his own character is essential

to understanding God’s interaction with us and His invitations to follow Him (pp. 46-49).

Another concept that really impacted my relationship with God is how the Trinity is a

perfect family. This is less of something we explicitly talked about in class and more of my own

epiphany while we discussed the person and role of the Holy Spirit. Understanding the Trinity’s

perfect combinations of supreme authority and ultimate submission, justice and mercy, and

conviction and comfort gave me such a powerful image of God and what we as a Church are

supposed to be. Each person in the Trinity so loves the others and desires their edification that he

is willing to sacrifice endlessly for them. That beautifully colors my relationship with God,

giving me peace, security, and joy in knowing that my Father and maker is that ridiculously good

and loving.

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 Relationship with Others

It is hard for me to narrow down what specific ways I have grown in my understanding of

others and how I am called to interact because I have learned so much! I especially feel that

Kenneson’s entire book made me sincerely think about how either my harvest or lack of the fruit

of the Spirit affects others around me. In reading each chapter on a different fruit, I saw how the

opposite of each went hand in hand with selfishness and disregard for others. Aggression to

achieve my own goals, self-sufficiency, addiction to satisfy my own desires, and

noncommitment to keep me “free” from others are only a few of these self-centered oppositions

to others-directedness. Therefore, if the opposites all foster egotism, the fruit of the Spirit

naturally diminish the self and seek the wellbeing of others. This was a highlighted point in his

last chapter on self-control: anything to do with the self is last on Paul’s list of fruit because it is

a by-product of the other fruit (p. 227). Treating people well and forming edifying, committed

relationships starts with and is enabled by the Holy Spirit’s formative work in me.

Knowing this, I should be continually looking for the fruit of the Spirit in my

relationships and affirming people when I see it in them. A good gage for how healthy my

relationships are is to ask if the fruit of the Spirit are being produced from it. This is something I

can practice complete honesty with and use to encourage responsibility by holding others

accountable for their behavior and intentions and asking them to hold me accountable for mine.

Relationship with Creation

I think the most significant point of growth in my relationship with creation from this

class has been Kenneson’s chapter on “Faithfulness in the Midst of Impermanence” (p. 179).

How our culture conditions us to treat and interact with the material world bleeds over into how

we treat others and God, usually unnoticed. I liked his push to be more aware of how I am

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treating my material possessions and encouragement of committing to long-term care of material

things to foster that mentality. I definitely think that even if I were to practice being committed to

people, simultaneously viewing the material world as disposable would hinder or taint my

efforts. That mindset and the character that is formed in me cannot be restricted to one area of

my life or interactions; If the character of faithfulness, goodness, and wisdom is developed in

me, that character is proven true by my application of it in any situation and toward anything,

including physical things.

One other point that Kenneson made that struck me (although I could not find where he

said it) was through a question: Is the Orthodox Christian who uses his lips to routinely kiss a

figure of Jesus less likely to use those same lips for impure things? I really liked this point

because what we do with our physical bodies and habits greatly impacts our worldview and

thought process. If my engagements with creation are used as a means of praising God, I set

myself up to do the same in all of my other relationships. Conversely, if my engagements with

creation are used to satisfy disordered desires and promote the self, I cannot expect to fully

submit to the Holy Spirit’s formative work in other areas.