Vipassana...or not?

“Anicca, Anicca, Anicca. Observe all sensations, rising and falling, falling and rising...and
passing away. "

So went the Master's refrain.

I had recently completed an intensive Vipassana silent meditation retreat in the green, wooded
and rejuvenating environs of the Vipassana Center at Kelseyville, Northern California with the
magical companionship of several species of twittering birds, numerous male and female deer
and their nimble offspring.

Vipassana, an ancient meditation technique taught by the Buddha as the ultimate means of
gaining supreme liberation from the shackles of mundane reality, had been lost in the mists of
time till S. N Goenka, a wealthy Indian businessman stumbled upon revered master Sayaji U Ba
Khin in Burma. After experiencing the incredibly potent effects of the technique, Goenka
became an ardent meditator, and was designated to disseminate the teachings to the world. The
primary center or headquarters of Goenka’s organization was established at Igatpuri,
Maharashtra, which over the years spread to almost all major cities of the world.

In the standard ten day courses that were offered, one was taught to deconstruct the activity of
the mind using the inward and outward flow of the breath as an anchor, and to simply observe
the constant flow of thoughts, feelings and emotions without allowing them to stick or linger.

One did this by deploying the concept of 'Anicca' or Impermanence, the realization that all states
of mind and body were transitory, fleeting and therefore not real or substantial and that by sitting
with one's breath for extended periods of time, one could see how the concept of the 'Self' was
merely an aggregate of acquired and accumulated layers of conditioning and delusion.

Anicca, Dukkha, Anatta — Impermanence, Suffering and Egolessness — were the three
essential characteristics of things in the Teaching of the Buddha. If one understood Anicca, one
would know Dukkha as its corollary and Anatta as ultimate truth.

Impermanence (anicca) was the essential fact which could only be experienced and understood
by actual consistent practice as an ever changing process within oneself.

Focusing on the breath was the first part of the course, known in the Pali language as 'Shamatha'
or Insight. After Shamatha followed the actual practice of Vipassana itself which consisted of
laying one's entire attention on each separate anatomical part of the body, starting with the crown
of the head and slowly moving downwards, inch by inch, limb by limb, sensation by sensation ;
That which arose was to be simply observed, none to be judged, avoided or desired. This
technique was also referred to as body 'sweeping' or 'scanning'.

Every time the mind slipped or wandered, one was to bring it back, gently but firmly, much like
a wayward pet.
Sitting with dozens of other meditators in the vast Dhamma hall, the thoughts swam around in
my head like amorphous, itinerant jellyfish. As was to be expected, strong sensations of anger,
lust and repressed memories arose. The trick was to simply accept them with equanimity, which
was easier said than done. The 'life stuff', plans, anxieties, fears, neuroses, all reared their heads
like a giant Hydra emerging from the churning waters of the mind.

In the following days, the atmosphere of total silence, no physical contact with other meditators,
and complete immersion in Shamatha-Vipassana was so pervasive that my mind became
sensitive to the lowest of sounds and slightest of movements. The daily routine of waking up at
5.00 am, getting to the meditation hall, and going to bed at 9.00 pm after Goenkaji's video
discourse came to be second nature to everyone.

After nine days of this, on the tenth day we were finally allowed to speak to each other and
mingle. The words came out but seemed unnecessary and superfluous, like we had somehow
violated a pristine, sacred state of Being. In spite of not having spoken to each other until then,
we felt like we had known each other forever, having breathed the same air and shared the same
mental and physical space for ten long and intense days.

I was now back in the city, faced with a wide array of distractions. A blonde walking by now
looked like a stunning banshee, beckoning me to dash myself on the rocks of Desire.
I greeted my old friends, the demons on my shoulder and back, the Valkyries of loneliness,
desolation and fear. Vipassana was my trusted blade, my Excalibur by which I had to behead the
monster.

Clearly, I was back in the battle zone