Seeking Wisdom From God

It happened a year ago. I was coming upon 12 months of residency in the

desert land of Scottsdale, Arizona
and I had grown tired of leading a dual life. Like having multiple
personalities, my life reflected two very different people – one person
who was living for the Lord and
another who was living for herself.

While I was grateful for God’s faithfulness in early 2016 for leading my
family out of a toxic environment in my home state of Michigan, I was
confused as to why He brought us to Arizona when we had left our hearts
in Texas.

As my family settled in our new home and attempted to adjust to

unfamiliar surroundings, I continued to seek the Lord’s guidance in hopes
of obtaining an answer to my question: Why are we here?

There were days that were easier than others, but for the most part I
longed for the life we had built in Texas. On paper, it made sense for my
family to live there, but for some reason God wanted us in Arizona. I was
getting close to throwing in the towel after a visit to Texas later in 2016
because everything had become even more confusing to me. “We should
be there, NOT here!” I thought. I could envision my life in Texas – it
picked up where we left off several years prior yet was fuller than the
life my husband and I had back then because we now had the addition of
three children.

However, the reality I was facing was an everyday struggle of trying not
to conform to the secular norm that infiltrated my home life in Scottsdale
and was directly targeting my vulnerability. That’s where I found myself
for the entire year of 2016, contemplating and wondering, sometimes
even questioning God’s intention for putting my family in a
place that appeared to be even more toxic than when we resided in my
hometown in Michigan. Yet, when I woke up cold, naked, alone, and
hungover on January 1, 2017,
I felt like I had been struck with a lightning bolt of clarity and reason.
Enough was enough and I didn’t want to continue my dual citizenship of
living for the world and for the Kingdom.

At that moment where the room was spinning around me, I

couldn’t have seen more clearly. 2017 was going to be my year of
seeking wisdom and letting go of myself. It’s funny how God will put a
word on your heart and then will challenge you and strengthen you to
fully understand what it means. It began immediately for me at the start
of 2017 and I took complete advantage of each door that was opened to
a previously closed portion of my soul. Contemplating each life
occurrence and rereading some of the more hard-hitting, vulnerable blog
posts of 2017 on seekinggraceandgratitude.com is proof of how far I
have come as a godly woman and follower of Christ.

I experienced some tough trials in 2017 and while I didn’t always win at
the first attempt, I ended up coming out on
top because I sought the strength and guidance of the Spirit rather than
depending on my own weak and human capabilities. I discovered so
much about myself and dug up a lot of junk from my past that had been
buried deep for years. I learned that I am an extroverted introvert and not
solely an introvert. Meaning, I enjoy social interaction and intimate
settings with close friends or family members, but prefer and desire time
alone, my own personal space, and the ability to unwind at the end of the
day. At thirty-one years of age, I am thankful I learned this about myself
so I can use wisdom going forward in establishing relational boundaries
and socialization limitations.

Similarly, I unveiled a social anxiety that had plagued me for years and I
could never understand why. This revelation led me to realize that I have
a drinking problem when surrounded in large groups of people or with
individuals I do not know very
well. It took two intoxication mishaps in early 2017 for me to finally
learn the reason for why I was over-drinking. The answer was because I
felt an overwhelming anxiety that led me to give into the peer pressure of
drinking more than I could
handle because others were binge drinking or I would drink too much to
numb the powerful feelings of anxiety.

I will forever be impacted by this discovery and for

that, I am eternally grateful. While at the Proverbs 31 She Speaks
conference in July 2017, God exposed some
deep, dark emotions and unrealistic expectations from my childhood that
I had been neglecting to address or consider even existed. After this
eye-opening experience, my friend Allie (who was attending She Speaks
with me) stayed up late with me one night and offered me wise insight
through provoking questions that made me see my whole family dynamic
and upbringing through a different perspective. Again, I have so much
gratitude for both God continuing to provide me with wisdom as well as
Him speaking to me through unexpected resources like my friend and
sister-in Christ, Allie.

Throughout the first nine months of 2017, I continued to

question God’s intentions for bringing my family to Arizona. At the time,
we had been desert residents for a
year and a half and I still felt like I had no idea why God would uproot
my family and move us to Scottsdale. After spending six weeks
vacationing in West Michigan (in both my and my husband’s
hometowns), I was even more confused but chose to open my heart to the
present opportunities God had set before me. It was during this time that I
felt the Lord was lighting a fire within me to pursue ministering to my
community, specifically to my neighborhood back in Scottsdale.

I spent a good month praying about starting a women’s group and ended
up consulting a handful of neighbors until it seemed all signs pointed to
“yes.” As a relatively new resident of
the neighborhood and a Midwestern transplant, I was terrified but trusted
in the Lord and believed He put this desire in my heart for a reason. It has
been five months since that group began and not only have I developed
relationships with
some incredible followers of Christ but also I have been deeply
encouraged and inspired by the depth, vulnerability, and authenticity of
these women. These are the types of relationships our souls crave and I
feel very blessed to have them in my life.

On September 1st, I found out I was expecting my fourth child. I was

surprised but not shocked. I had felt the Lord nudging my husband and
me to pursue expanding our family and so we had prayed about it but had
not been actively trying to
conceive nor adopt. We had faith that if God wanted us to grow our
family, then He’d allow for it to happen organically and on His time. I
was overcome with joy after taking the pregnancy test but little did I
know that this pregnancy would bring me
so much emotion. This tiny human growing inside of me has made me
not just consider but also appreciate the important things in life – God,
family, and health. As a melanoma survivor and a victim of a 15-month
breast cancer scare, I have always put value on my health and have
prioritized God first and family second.

However, over the last few months I have felt everything come
full circle and have received clarity on the path God has me on. It was
seeking wisdom that brought me to this point.
It’s a fresh, new year, with a blank slate of hope and possibility. In about
a month, my family will have established two years of residency in
Arizona. It should have come as no surprise then that God had chosen to
end 2017 by giving me one last gift of wise revelation – He has finally
revealed His purpose for sending my family to Arizona. While I am not to
the point of disclosing the “why” behind my family’s relocation to the
southwest, I trust that God’s Spirit will speak to me in 2018 and will
allow me to write about the flood of emotions and unexpected sense of
redirection I am currently encountering.

I had made a commitment to seek wisdom throughout 2017 after God

place the word “wisdom” on my heart last January and He certainly did
not disappoint. I am more mature and wise in my faith as well as so much
closer to the Lord. As I look
forward to what the year may bring, I am planning to honor the 2018
word God has put on my heart – “grace.” I truly believe in the
significance of the little nudges God gives us and the desires or
convictions He puts in our hearts. I find it is no
coincidence that He wants me to seek and apply grace to every aspect of
my life in the year 2018. I mean, come on. I am having my fourth child in
May! It would be crazy if God didn’t want me to focus on grace this year!

Wherever you are in your season of life or in your faith journey, I pray
you will be encouraged by God’s faithfulness. My year of seeking
wisdom in 2017 came after experiencing the five most challenging years
of my life. During the five consecutive years I encountered multiple trials
and tribulations, my faith and trust in the Lord never wavered. In my
heart of hearts, I deeply believed that everything I had
encountered during those years was all part of God’s ultimate plan.

Because I believed this and clung to the truth written in Philippians 4:6-7,
I was able to recognize and accept that God’s plan ultimately shaped my
life’s purpose. I hope you will be encouraged to seek wisdom for the
journey God has you on. As well, I pray you will ask for the Holy Spirit
to provide you with both strength and patience as you surrender control
and allow the Lord to do His work within your life. It won’t always be
easy, but it is always worth it!

God bless you and have a blessed 2018!

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives
generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Proverbs 4:6-7 “Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love
her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get
wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”