PREFACE

The best feeling that I know of is the

moment of insight and I hope that the reader may find
his or her moment of insight while reading this.
 A boy And A Girl

Boy: I kind of a have a thing for depressed and troubled girls. You know girls who are broken in
some way. (Answering the question of what’s your type from the girl)

Girl(laughs): what do you mean?

Boy:You know one thing that i have realised about myself is my need to be the hero in relationship.
You know like here’sa damzel in distress and i need to save her from her miseries. I don’t think it’s
the right mindset plus there is another dark underpining to that mindset. I believe that people who try
to save others have unconscious desire to be saved .it’s the same kind of idea that the people who try
to help others most have an expectation that the others will behave as same as they and help them as
much as they do to others. By extension you can say that the way people behave infront of others
have an expectation of seeing the same behaviour from others.

Girl: yeah i got your point. Honestly i fought the other side of this same mindset. I think i also saw
myself as a victim for most of my life. I agree that being a victim and being a saviour go hand in
hand in same person.

Boy: So how are you fighting this mindset?

Girl:Well it starts with acceptance. There can be no change before we can accept that there is a fault
in us and i believe that as soon as you accept it, the fault gets weaker. Like half the work is done.
Apart from that, to know the causes of any kind of behaviour also makes it handle better.

Boy: yeah i get what you mean like my need to be a saviour in a relationship came from my
relationship with mother.she frequently put fingers upon others for the way she has been. She have a
victim mentality. So i had to be the opposite of that, i had to be the saviour in our relationship. So it’s
like being a saviour was the only way i knew to be in a relationship with woman.

Girl: yeah something like that.

Boy: so what’s your type?

Girl: i don’t think i have a type.

Boy: i believe that everyone have a type the only difference is that some have observed it and some
havn’t got chance to do so. so what have you observed.

Girl: well i think understanding in a relationship is the most important. I noticed one thing that
some people understands you better than others. So i would say a guy who understands me and i
understands him.
Boy: I read somewhere that the more you understand yourself the more you can understand others.

Girl: yeah so i can say a boy who understands himself would be the right kind for me.Girl: so what

have you been trying to change your mindset of being a saviour in a relationship?

Boy: I have been working on another kind of mindset. It goes something like i am trying as hard as i
can to solve my problems, to get rid of my shortcomings,pitfalls and insecurities but it’s just too
much for me. Will you help me make sense of it. Of getting a girls perspective on my problems and i
do believe that some girls do know how to sort a guy out.

Girl: how you mean?

Boy: OK, let me explain my line of thought. First i read somewhere that woman test men and men
test ideas. What the author meant by this line is woman have a way of knowing a man and to
understand what he is going through and help him get him out of it. Another line you might have
heard is that there is a woman behind every successful man. I guess i am just referring to the
importance of woman in a man’s life.

Girl:ok i get what you mean, i think woman can be much more one person oriented. it’s the same
kind of idea that it’s primarily woman’s responsibility to raise children. So woman can care in a
more wholesome way.

Boy: In what kind of relationship do you believe in?

Girl: I guess i used to believe in knight in the shining armour would come and save me kind of
relationship. But as i am becoming more and more mature the thinking is becoming more and more
mature and practical .it’s not a fairy tale anymore. Things like giving each other space and have their
own separate life is also important. The bottom line is that life in a relationship should be better than
being apart, not the other way around.

Boy: ok, so lets move on with questions.

Boy:Glass half full or half empty?

Girl: who should answer first?

Boy: let me go first. I do believe that a guy should open up first in a relationship. Glass half full in
my case, always.

Girl: people have told me that i am kind of pessimist person. So glass half empty. Where do you
think it comes from, i mean optimist and pessimist?

Boy: i read somewhere that both of these perspective are there to motivate us. I mean humans have
a tendency to look into the future and think how it will all turn out. Now at this point yhe ones who
are optimist see future as being good, expectation of good keeps them motivated to persue their
needs. While the pessimist look into the future and think how can it go wrong but the thing is that
this keeps them motivated to not let that happen. it’s like two sides of coin, the coin being the
motivation.

Girl: well that is quite insightful. ok, next question.

Boy:are you a people person?

Boy: i am.
Girl: how do you know?

Boy: well, i think i have learned a lot from just watching people and see what is going on their life
and i think i have a quality of putting myself in other person’s shoes and understand their situation. it
all seems rewarding to me.

Girl: i am too. I mean i have some really good friends. I can understand them and their situation.
many times people comes to me to get a second opinion on life situations and decision. I proud
myself on this quality of mine.

Boy: Favourite line of a movie and novel ?

Boy:There is a movie perks of being a wall flower and the line is “ we only accept the love we think
we deserve”.

Girl: have you find it to be true in real life?

Boy: yeah i think so. There was a girl in college and i completely fell for her. But in the end we
didn’t worked out and the main reason was that i had a very negative self image. So somewhere
deep inside i just didn’t believe that i deserve her love. There were other complexities as well but
they would resolved themselves.

Girl: My favourite line is from the movie fault in our stars and it says “pain demands to be felt”.

Boy: how have you related to this line?

Girl: I think people are generally afraid of pain and will do just about anything to keep their mind
distracted. A lot of it comes from out society, like everyone want to project a image of happy and
satisfied life and expect everyone to do the same. Pain is considered as unwanted state of mind
rather than something which is a natural part of life.

Boy: There is another problem, human beings are kind of afraid of feeling any kind of strong
emotion alone. let’s take the case of death of a loved one, then we all meet and cry together but if
some tragic thing happened to us alone and you do not have someone by your side to feel the pain
alongwith you, then you kind of never feel the pain,you never get that outlet.

Boy: favourite line of a novel is from the book “on being a person” and i don’t remember the
lineexactly,the writer of the book is a psychologist and he basically talks about his mindset when
seeing patients,so he says that he never looks for changing patients even if it’s for their good. All he
tries to do is provide them a relationship using which they can change themselves. One of the
assumption behind this mindset is that all people have a capacity to bring good change in their
mindset and that all people try to so but their are some obstacles in their way of change and he
considers his role to be of removing the obstacle and then expecting that the change will come
init’sown. One reason i liked that mindset is that we are all at some point in our lives try to change
someone with which we are in a relationship and i simply think that it is a mistake or you can say
that it doesn’t work. It would work better if we just try to solve the problems of the person,
removing the obstacles and believe that the change will come on its own.
Boy: what is the most unfair advantage a person could have?

Boy: I once read somewhere that life is unfair but it’s unfair for everyone. everyone have something
happened to them which was unfair.

Girl: i agree.

Boy: one thing that you are looking forward to?

Boy: I am looking forward to a relationship with a girl. See i have never been in a relationship.

Girl: I am looking forward to peace of mind. Lately i have gone through a lot. I am growing tired of
it all.

Boy: One relationship advice you would like to give?

Boy: Don’t hurry. Nothing good ever gets away. I read that somewhere.

Girl: Don’t misunderstand her.

Boy:It’s interesting that you mentioned that. Actually i have done that mistake. Why do you think
we misunderstand people?

Girl: Any person is a complicated being. Every person has a world of his own. Their perception,
beliefs, biases. So knowing someone is a inherently time taking process. The problem arises when
we take shortcuts, though unknowingly, to fill a gap in our understanding of a person. One thing that
we do to fill the gaps is project our thoughts and beliefs unto others. It’s like you said the more we
about ourselves, the more you can understand others because then you would know if which things
you are projecting and how the other person really is.so how you misunderstand her?

Boy: I have this fear of rejection or you can say i had a hard time believing that a girl could like me.
so one day i was talking to her and we came across a question that if you have to say one word to
describe your life what would it be, she said waiting. Now i didn’t asked her in what way she meant,
what i did was guess. So this girl had a friend, the story that i made was she is waiting for him to
come into his life. I thought that she must be in love with her and he didn’t liked her back in that
way. Later i realised that was all in my head. Plus there was another belief that i had that made me
think that. That belief was that a girl and a guy cant be friends. So i thought that they seemed really
close together so they must be more than friends. It was all misunderstanding on my part.

Girl: It was your time interacting with a girl, so it’s expected that you made some mistakes. I
believe that you get good at relationship with time and effort like everything else. The important
thing is realising the mistakes.

Boy: OK, so the next question is: one thing that you like about your self?

Boy: It’s related to being the people person that i am. I have learnt a lot from the people that have
come in my life. I try to look for good qualities in other people, predominately male, from which i
can learn. But there is a downside to it. Seeing good in others sometimes turns into idealising
others. When it turns to that a whole lot of complication arises. One is you try to change yourself
the way they are. I read somewhere that trying to be like them is a way of retaining there love but
the problem is you lose your individuality or don’t develop it.
Girl: I am a very emphathetic person. I like to help out people. A lot of my friends call me in their
hour of need, when they need to get second opinion on some personal issue, so i also like that
quality of mine.

Boy: one thing that you would like change about yourself?

Boy: I remain too eager to blame myself for things that i am not responsible for. Girl:

what’s that means?

Boy: lets talk about that some other time.

Girl: Ok

Boy: your answer.

Girl: It matters to me what others thinks about me. Of what opinions what they form about me.

Boy: I also do think that way. A lot of person think that way and then there are others who don’t
think that way. I wonder where such sort of thinking comes from?

Girl: I think it arises from the need to please others. A need to be accepted. So we are continously
checking if we are accepted and if we are not then we need to put efforts into pleasing others. It
comes from what kind of upbringing we had. If we had demanding parents who needed more from us
or didn’t appreciate us much for what we were doing then we make a habit of trying to do more for
their love.

Boy: One guilty pleasure?

Boy: I sometimes picture myself dancing like a hero when listening to bollywood songs and wooing
girls.

Girl: LOL

Girl: I do that too. I sometimes fantasize how some guy is dancing with me like a professional
dancer, sometimes lifting me in the air, so sometimes holding me low. That kind of stuff. Making
me feel special and all.

Boy: Do you daydream?

Boy: yes, i sometimes daydream about talking to my crush. How i am saying all the right thing at
the right time. Like at one moment i am really funny and then really romantic at other time. At
times i am reciting some lines from songs which makes really happy.

Girl: what lines do you find yourself reciting in daydream?

Boy: tum saamne baithe ho to hai kaif ki baarish

vo din bhi the jab aag bares ti thi khata se

Girl: good line, that would make her feel special for sure.
Girl: i also do sometimes. I imagine how good life would be if i have some things which i wanted
from life, like a good relationship.

Boy:Why do we like songs?

Boy: i read it somewhere, it is equally true for a song as well as a novel. It goes something like if you
truly relate to some line from a novel or a song, it means that that line was already inside you, means
you already knew what the song or novel have conveyed, it’s just you knew it unconsciously and
what the artist have done is to make it conscious.

Girl: i get what you mean. The artist have merely expressed the feelings that were inside you. He or
she have given it an expression, an outlet.

Boy: Concept of marriage?

Boy: The commitment that no matter what i am not going to leave you is the crux of the marriage. I
think that gives you a security, there is a freedom in that security. It lets you be who you actually
are. If some problem arises from being who you are then you can resolve them, i mean you have to
resolve your issues if you want to live together. I am in favour of the whole marriage thing.

Girl: yeah, contrast it with just a relationship with no commitment. Then what happens if you hit a
wall, if you came across some issues then you can just leave. This hinders personal growth. There is
no scope of change. I agree with you on that.

Boy: Difference between love and infatuation?

Boy: There is a line from a song, it says “lovers hold on to anything and everything”. This kind of
explains it all. In infatuation there is a tendency to overlook the faults of other person and just look
on the positives, a tendency to idealise the other person but in love we have much clearer idea of the
other person actually is.

Girl: Infatuation is more a result of hormones and sexual instinct while love goes much deeper than
that. I read somewhere that when in love you come across a kind of wiseness in yourself that you
never thought you had . It is an outpouring of everything good in you.