What is Personal Relationship?
They disregard or ignore their children’s needs,
-it refers to close connections between people, formed
by emotional bonds and interactions.
-these bonds often grow from and are strengthened by
mutual experiences
Family – The Bureau of the Census defines family as
“two or more persons who are related by birth,
marriage, or adoption and who live together as one
household”
Friends – can be thought of as a close tie between two
people that is often built upon mutual experiences,
shared interest, proximity, and emotional bonding.
Partnerships – romantic partnerships, including
marriage, are close relationships formed between two
people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy,
and romantic love. We usually experience this kind of
relationship with only one person at a time.
How are attachments developed?
 Attachment theory is a concept in
developmental psychology that concerns the
importance of “attachment” in regards to
personal development.
 Specifically, it makes the claim that the ability
for an individual to form an emotional and
physical “attachment” to another person gives
a sense of stability and security necessary to
take risks, branch out, and grow and develop
as a personality.
 3. Attachment – is a deep and enduring
John Bowlby
-Psychologist John Bowlby was the first to coin the
term. His work in the late 60s established the
precedent that childhood development depended
heavily upon a child’s ability to form a strong
relationship with at least one primary caregiver.
Generally speaking, this is one of the parents.
Attachment styles as defined by Ainsworth, Blekar
and Wall 1978
1. Secure Attachment - is classified by children
who show some distress when their caregiver
leaves but are able to compose themselves
and do something knowing that their caregiver
will return.
Children with secure attachment feel
protected by their caregivers, and they know
that they can depend on them to return
2. Avoidant Attachment – parents of children
with an avoidant/anxious attachment tend to
be emotionally unavailable or responsive to
them a good deal of the time.
and can be especially rejecting when their child
is hurt or sick.
3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment – is when the
infant feels separation anxiety when separated
from their caregiver ad does not feel reassured
when the caregiver returns to the infant.
Anxious-avoidant attachment is when the
infant avoids their parents.
Disorganized attachment is when there is a
lack of attachment behaviour.
3 Brain Systems of Love: Lust, Attraction, and
Attachment
1. Lust – it is our sex drive or libido and it is in
part driven by the hormones testosterone and
estrogen.
Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates
us to partake in sexual activity.
This desire to be involved in sexual activity is
there regardless of whether someone has a
sexual partner or not.
2. Attraction – Attraction is distinguished from
lust because it involves focussing our attention
to a particular person or desire.
Lust on the other hand is our libido; it is the
underlying urge for sexual gratification.
Attraction is also in part driven by different
hormones than is lust, with adrenaline,
dopamine and serotonin playing key roles.
emotional bond that connects one person to
another across time and space
(Ainsworth,1973; Bowlby, 1969)
The Rozenberg Quarterly mentions several theories on
attraction
1. Transference effect- Transference is a
phenomenon characterized by unconscious
redirection of feelings from one person to
another.
2. Propinquity Effect – is the tendency fro people
to form friendships or romantic relationships
with those whom they encounter often,
forming a bond between subject and friend.
Occupational Propinquity, based on a person’s
career, is also commonly seen as a factor in
marriage selection.
3. Similarity – the state of being similar; likeness,
resemblance
-an aspect, trait, or feature like or resembling
another or another’s
 4. Reprocity – in social psychology, reciprocity is a
social rule that says people should repay, in kind,
what another person has provided for them; that
is, people give back the kind of treatment they
have received from another
5. Physical Attractiveness – is the degree to which a
person’s physical features are considered aesthetically
pleasing or beautiful.
The term often implies sexual attractiveness or
desirability, but can also be distinct from either.
FIVE major traits underlie personality, according to
psychologist. These are:
1. Introversion/Extroversion
2. Conscientiousness
3. Extraversion
4. Agreeableness
5. Neuroticism
LOVE AND INTIMACY
Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love
1. Intimacy – an intimate relationship is an
interpersonal relationship that involves
physical and/or emotional intimacy.
Physical intimacy is characterized by
friendship, platonic love, romantic love or
sexual activity.
2. Commitment – a promise to do or give
something: a promise to be loyal to someone
or something: the attitude of someone who
works very hard to do or support something.
3. Passion- is a very strong feeling about a person
or thing.
Passion is an intense emotion, a compelling
enthusiasm or desire for something.
Rozenberg Quarterly
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
2. Temptation of Alternative partners
3. Investments made by the couple in the
relationship
FOUR Behaviors married couples may do that can
predict a divorce or separation
1. Criticism
2. Denial of the existence of conflict
3. Contempt
Responsibilities in a Relationship:
1. Be responsible for what you think and say to
the other person
2. Be responsible for what you think and say to
your family
3. Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial
4. Respect the other party or parties involved
5. Be ready to provide support when needed
FIVE Elements of Intimacy
1. Trust – means “knowing the person is going to
do what is best for them and the other”. It is
about looking at who a person is, not who you
wish or hope they’re going to be.
2. Honour – means “treating the other person
and oneself with respect”, not ditching them
or ourselves. Honour has to be based on who
the person is, not who you wish they would be.
3. Gratitude – According to this philosophy,
gratitude is what recommended instead of
love. Whereas love so very often leads to
judgment, gratitude and judgement cannot co-
exit. If there’s judgment in your point of view
about your partner, gratitude cannot exist.
One of the reasons that love leads to so much
judgment is that is has so many definitions.
This leads to conflict, confusion, and
misunderstandings in relationships.
4. Allowance – means “everything is just an
interesting point of view”. Nothing can be
right, wrong, good, bad, positive or negative
without our judging it to be so.
Judgement kills allowance, just as it kills
attitude.
Allowance is receiving who your partner is
without judgement – but it also includes an
awareness of who they are, whether they are
willing to see that or not.
5. Vulnerability – is like being the open wound
that hasn’t cured. Vulnerability means allowing
your partner to see all of you without barriers.
Vulnerability is being willing to allow your
partner to see everything, without any
demand that he or she does anything about it.