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Sensitivity to Disability Paper: My Experience

By: Melanie Bengtson

Deafness was an ​unfamiliar difference​ to me until I began this project. Other than

the past few months of my life, I have never taken advantage of any opportunity to

communicate with a person who is deaf. My lack of experience caused me to believe

that I just didn’t know how to communicate with those who have differences that are

unfamiliar to me. Before this semester I did not know American Sign Language in the

slightest. I was usually just observing people communicating in ASL from a distance and

I was noticing a feeling of admiration towards them and their abilities to be fluent in a

language that I knew so little about. That admiration stemmed from my lack of

knowledge about the deaf culture and the lack of realizing how sign language to most of

those in the deaf community is just like English to me, normal and not necessarily

something that is admirable. In general, languages have always been fascinating to me

but I have always felt a desire to learn ASL. I wanted to expand my ability to

communicate with the deaf community, even though I never personally knew anybody

who is deaf.

Throughout my life, I had always felt guilty that I had never taken advantage of

any opportunity to communicate with those who use sign language to communicate. I

wanted to stop feeling that guilt and feeling like I am excluding others, and that is one of

the many reasons why I chose to take sign language and Sensitivity to Disability here at

MSU. These recent experiences with the deaf community and reflections on those
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experiences have overall helped me to develop a better understanding of how my brain

works and why it is important to recognize the way that I react the way that I do in

situations involving those with disabilities. In return, this understanding helps me to

make more informed decisions about my actions that follow my initial, and usually

unideal, thoughts caused by my primitive brain, which will overall make a more

successful and satisfactory communication between me and the other people involved.

On the first day of my Beginner Sign Language class, once my professor arrived,

I immediately detected that he was wearing hearing aids and was communicating in

sign language with another woman in our classroom.​ When I saw the hearing aids and

observed the sign language taking place it was still unknown to me whether he was

deaf or if he just has some hearing loss and not profound deafness, but still preferred

using hearing aids. I also wasn’t sure if the woman was his interpreter or not, because

she was just signing to him and not translating yet. At that point in the class period he

hadn’t told our class about himself yet, and ​I started to notice my initial feelings towards

him were mostly curiosity with a little admiration because I wanted to know why he was

wearing hearing aids, and I was admiring the way he signed​, because, like I mentioned

earlier, I have a tendency to admire those who can communicate in sign language. His

differences, from my perspective, were common enough for me not to feel threatened,

but uncommon enough to catch my attention and start a reaction in my brain. I also

started to notice that I was focusing a lot on his deafness, instead of his teaching. I was

rattling off questions about him in my brain that became very distracting. I also started to

separate him from myself and make prejudices about him, such as that his hearing aid
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can make him hear completely, and that if he speaks it will sound different. As soon as I

caught that I was stereotyping his potential speaking, I reminded myself that he may

speak quite clearly. I noticed that after a few minutes I became concerned and panicked

because I felt like I was staring at him and being rude, but then I realized that he was

my professor and I was most likely not the only person staring. It probably be “weirder”

in that situation if I looked away.

Once he started to tell my class more about himself, he mentioned that he is deaf

and that he does not speak verbally, he only communicates in sign. He also mentioned

that he will be using an interpreter for the first part of the class period. I quickly became

very excited to learn more about him. After hearing this fact about him, I also came to

the realization that before that class period, I had never considered the possibility that

my professor could be deaf. The ​lack of doubting​ that my professor was hearing

probably means I was subconsciously expecting him to be hearing. After contemplating

this realization, I began to think about how unique of an experience this semester will

be, to be taught by a professor who doesn’t speak verbally. ​My feelings of excitement

slowly turned into uncertainty when I realized that I have never dealt with this difference

before,​ but I was looking forward to have this experience and finally get rid of that

feeling of guilt for never trying to communicate with a person who is deaf. ​I was

intrigued and curious​ about his methods of communication, because I wanted to know

how I was going to try to communicate with him at some point. I was still curious and a

little bit uncertain because of the fact that I had never communicated with a person who

is deaf before. ​As I am currently reflecting on that day, I realize that I was starting to
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doubt my own capabilities of being able to understand, not necessarily his capabilities to

communicate.​ I started to think ahead to potential communication barriers, such as

asking him questions. He was very patient and understanding with my class and let us

know right away what his preferred methods of communication were in an effort to ease

any uneasiness that my class might have had, which helped me to start to ​focus and

clear my own anxiety​. I was very quickly pleased to find out that learning sign language

without any vocal communication proved to be much more simple than I had originally

thought. I was, and still am, very thankful to have a professor who is deaf because he

has taught me so much more than just sign language, and he has provided me with

opportunities to practice being comfortable with the deaf community, which is something

that I never thought I would get the opportunity to do.

Later in the semester, when it finally came time to attempt to communicate with

him, ​I decided before the conversation that it was best to communicate as normally as

possible, being patient and respectful and using accommodations when needed​. The

conversation was short and fairly easy, because ​I had just asked a simple question with

the little sign language that I knew​. Even though the conversation was minor, I still had

some anxiety about it. I do typically struggle with some daily anxiety, so I do get quite a

bit nervous asking a question in class, no matter what the class is, but the unfamiliar

situation added a little more anxiety than usual. After my question was answered, I

made a mental note to remember to try to be more calm the next time that we had to

communicate because, even though I know that having some anxiety is normal, I didn’t

want to stress about something that I realized was very simple. I also really didn’t want it
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to affect my actions because I didn’t want to embarrass him or myself. After a few class

sessions in Sensitivity to Disability, ​I learned how to become more aware of my normal

reactions and analyze those reactions to better prepare myself for the next encounter​,

which helped me to feel more prepared about the interview that I knew I was going to do

quite soon. Even though I felt prepared, I still had some unconfidence deep down that I

was aware of ahead of time and knew to focus on his story and relax when it came time

to interview my professor.

After 6 weeks of class, Samantha and I interviewed my sign language professor,

Jon, with the intention of getting to know more about him and taking advantage of the

opportunity to learn from his experiences from living with a disability. I went into the

interview wanting to have a better understanding of his perspectives of deafness

because he has been deaf his entire life. I also wanted to have a chance to ​practice the

4D approach​ and decide what to do, complete the interview, and debrief about what had

happened since I had already detected the disability during the first day of class. Since I

have had very little exposure to deafness in my lifetime before meeting him, I was really

excited to learn about his perspectives and insights. Samantha and I decided to

interview him after our class period, so throughout the class period beforehand, it was a

little difficult for me to focus on the material being taught because I started to

subconsciously plan out the interview in my head and I noticed that the planning was

causing some anxiety. I had a feeling of wanting to avoid the interview, because I didn’t

want to mess it up, but I kept reminding myself to take it one step at a time and I will be

okay. I also kept reminding myself about the fact that this is my chance to really get to
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know about deafness and become more ​sensitized​ to it, which is what I had always

wanted to do. Specifically, I noticed that I was getting nervous about his reactions to

some of our questions because I didn’t want them to seem invasive and I didn’t want to

offend him. I often feel anxious when I have to engage in a conversation that I have had

some time to plan out beforehand, because then I start to overthink the situation and

predict failure on my behalf. I become worried that I am going to miscommunicate my

ideas and unintentionally offend or upset the person or people that I am speaking to.

This anxiety is mostly stemming from my own personal insecurities, but the anxiety

increases in situations that I am not familiar with, such as speaking with a person who

has a disability. I always recognize the anxiety and remind myself that I will be fine and

that I am not in any danger and that I should not avoid the situation because I can’t

learn when I avoid the situation, and I want to learn as much as I can.

Once the interview got started and we asked a few simple questions, I noticed

that my initial worrying slowly started to fade and I felt slightly more comfortable and

confident, so we started to ask more thought-provoking inquiries about topics such as

how his disability has impacted his life and what positive aspects have emerged from

his disability. Even though I was more comfortable at this point than I was at the

beginning, I still wasn’t completely relaxed and open with asking all of the questions that

I had wanted to, but I kept the idea of those questions in the back of my mind as the

interview proceeded, with the intention of asking them later on before we were finished.

From what I had learned in the readings and from past knowledge regarding respectfully

speaking to those with a disability, I made sure to ask Jon the questions personally, and
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not ask the interpreter about him as if he wasn’t actually present during the interview,

which I think helped him to create a mutual trust that helped us to all to open up a bit

more. I also tried to keep my mind focused on the interview in an attempt to calm my

anxiety. The nervous feeling never fully vanished, but I think that I made a lot of

improvements throughout the interview as I was always aware and in a constant effort

to not let my anxiety hinder my actions, even though my actions were slightly hindered

and I wasn’t able to fully feel comfortable and ask deeper questions. That is something

that I want to work on next time that I have a similar opportunity.

After the interview was finished, Samantha and I had a conversation about how it

went. We both agreed that we felt a little uncomfortable at first, but that feeling faded

throughout the interview. Later that night when I was writing down my thoughts while

they were still fresh in my brain, ​I debriefed and reflected on the details of the interview,

what actions were made, and why those actions were made.​ I made sure to analyze

and question everything that I did during these interactions with Jon. For example, I

thought about how I had originally detected the difference and if I had accurately

detected that difference, not misjudged it. I was a little hesitant at first to put a set label

on the difference because I didn’t have enough information to know for sure, but I did

notice differences and assumed that he had some sort of hearing loss. ​I realize that I

did notice my feelings and anxiety fairly quickly in the initial detecting stage, and that

helped me to get over my thought bump and ease that anxiety and have a more open

mind.​ I did my best to get over my anxiety and it never fully disappeared, but it was

never severe enough to prevent general success. Working to get over that thought
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bump also helped me to move into the deciding stage because I figured that it would be

unideal to decide what to do when my judgement was clouded by anxiety, so once I got

over the thought bump I was more prepared and willing to start deciding on what to do.

Having a clear and calm mind aided me into making decisions that were easier to

execute with my actions, which overall made for a better, and more successful

experience. Even though this interview was successful and it taught me a lot, I wish that

I had gotten over my anxiety completely and was able to ask more challenging

questions. I want to be able to feel more comfortable and open than I already was. I

realize that the 4D approach is not supposed to guarantee me complete comfort in

these situations, but rather aid me in practicing the way I understand my reactions and

actions, and it did just that.

After debriefing my own actions, I decided to reflect on the differences of this

interview in comparison to those that I have conducted in the past. First of all, I was

interviewing someone who I was not already familiar with. In the past, I have only ever

interviewed close friends or family members, or in most cases I have been the person

being interviewed. This experience was the first time that I have interviewed someone

that I did not know well. I think that overall the interview went well and that even though

I had a few moments of anxiety and uncomfortableness, I overcame those moments

and completed my initial goal of learning about him and his experiences and

perspectives, while also teaching myself about my reactions and actions. After reflecting

on the unfamiliarities of the interview, I thought about the unexpected moments of the

interview and how I mentally and physically reacted to those moments. During this I was
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also able to make comparisons with other interviews in the past. For example, probably

the most prominent difference was that Jon answered in a language that I do not know

fluently, and we had to use an interpreter. This was not a difficult difference to

overcome, as Jon had requested an interpreter to come during the interview after he

accepted our request to interview him. In this situation, the disability was not very

significant because we were still easily able to communicate effectively and complete

our goal. ​On a scale of one to five, the disability difference in this situation would be

about a two because there is a difference in the communication, but it only requires

simple accommodations to be fixed.​ If there was no interpreter present, an effective

interview would have been a lot more difficult to complete, but it wouldn’t have been

impossible, because there are other ways of communication. Even though I knew that

the language barrier wasn’t going to be an issue, I still was slightly nervous about

conducting an interview with an interpreter. This reaction was because of the

unfamiliarity with the experience. Once I became more comfortable with the situation

and the interpreter, that anxiety went away. While this interview was within my comfort

zone, I still had some minor personal anxiety obstacles to overcome, but I proceeded to

the best of my abilities and the interview overall was a success.

I have noticed that after having Jon as my professor for the past few weeks, I

have started to become more habituated to his differences. I now realize that I am

understanding almost everything he is saying in sign language and I am now becoming

very comfortable with the fact that our class periods are very quiet because he doesn’t

speak when he teaches.​ I have detected that my class has habituated to it, too. As a
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class, we are collectively asking more questions and participating more while learning

the material. I hadn’t realized that I don’t notice the disability in class anymore until I

was interviewing him about having a disability. The disability isn’t significant in class

because we have effective ways of communication and it doesn’t hinder our learning or

his teaching. If anything, his disability has taught us more because it has taught us

about the deaf culture as well as teaching us about having a disability in general. His

deafness has also allowed me to practice certain concepts from Sensitivity to Disability

that will also help me with various differences that I may encounter throughout my life.

Being aware of and accepting my primitive brain’s initial reactions of being doubtful

towards myself while also being overly eager about getting to know him has helped me

to become more relaxed about this experience while also being more positive and

encouraging towards myself. We must be able to examine our reactions to be able to be

aware and shape our actions.

I am still currently practicing my 4D approach daily, and I am working specifically

to ​sensitize​ myself to the deaf culture. I have been practicing by approaching my

professor and asking questions in class to find out where my anxiety comes from and

work to relax myself to have a better outcome. I have also attended an event on

campus that was focused on deaf culture and etiquette to have more knowledge on how

to respectfully communicate with those who are deaf. Sensitivity to Disability has helped

me to develop necessary skills that will help me to more comfortably communicate with

those who have differences that are very unfamiliar to me, or even very familiar to me.

Specifically, completing this interview and paper has helped me to reflect on myself and
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my brain and begin practicing my self-awareness to be able to execute my actions more

respectfully and successfully.