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Divorce on Children
Divorce rates rose a dramatic 79 percent in is now about 11 percent lower than in
the United States between 1970 and 1977. 1979.
Although these high rates have since de • There are about 1,250,000 divorces per
clined, a high proportion of marriages still year in the United States.
end in divorce. In the 1970s, children were • Every year, over 1 million children un
considered to be better off living with one der age 18 are involved in a divorce.
parent than to live with both parents amidst
conflict, abuse, or both. Indeed, there is con The Phases of Divorce
siderable evidence from numerous research Divorce is much more complex than it ap
studies that indicate a conflict-ridden mar pears on the surface. Ending a marriage rela
riage is not in the best interest of the chil tionship is not a one-time event that occurs
dren. Sometimes, divorce is the best course in a courthouse; it is a process. Usually, a
of action. However, even under the best of series of events and behaviors on the part of
all circumstances, few would argue that chil one or both spouses erodes the positive feel
dren are not affected by divorce. ings toward one or the other or both. Over a
The greatest focus of divorce’s effect on period of time, one or both of the marital
children has been on the weeks, months, and partners becomes convinced that the rela
the first few years following the divorce. But tionship is intolerable, or at least is not
what about the long-term effects of divorce? working.
For example, those preschool children who The divorcing couple, as well as the en
experienced the divorce of their parents in tire family, experiences a variety of abrupt
the 1970s and early 1980s have now reached changes which impact nearly every aspect of
young adulthood. What has been their life their lives. Divorce is most often an ex
experience over the last 20 to 25 years, and tremely painful series of events. According to
how did the divorce impact those experi one expert, divorce occurs in six phases:
ences? This publication summarizes the The emotional divorce centers around
findings of several recent studies related to the problem of the deteriorating marriage.
this question. This phase usually takes place over a period
of time, which varies from couple to couple.
The Reality of Divorce The positive feelings of love and affection
Regardless of personal values, community are displaced by increasing feelings of anger,
standards, or religious teachings, divorce is frustration, hurt, resentment, dislike, or
a fact of life, as shown by these facts: hatred, and the perception that the positive
feelings are gone forever. The attributes that
Distributed in furtherance • 2 of 5 children will experience the di attracted the couple to each other become
of the Acts of Congress vorce of their parents before they reach less important in the presence of these nega
of May 8 and June 30, 1914. age 18. tive feelings.
Employment and program
opportunities are offered to • About 25 percent of all children will
The legal divorce is based on grounds for
all people regardless of spend some time in a step-family.
the divorce. Even if “no-fault” divorce laws
race, color, national origin, • A couple’s marriage lasts about 7.2
exist, one or both divorcing spouses usually
sex, age, or disability. North
Carolina State University, years prior to divorcing. states reasons why the other is at fault. The
North Carolina A&T State • Divorce rate leveled in the 1980’s and law usually recognizes incompatibility as
University, U.S. Department
governments cooperating.
North Carolina
Cooperative Extension Service
NORTH CAROLINA STATE UNIVERSITY
COLLEGE OF AGRICULTURE & LIFE SCIENCES
adequate reason for divorce. This phase of the divorce divorce. Others exert considerable pressure on children
process involves the legal documentation that the at the time of separation or divorce, and still others in
couple is no longer married to each other. fluence the children following divorce.
The economic divorce deals with money and prop
erty. For many divorcing couples, this is the most vola Prominent Risk Factors:
tile phase of divorce. Emotions often run high when it
comes to dividing material goods accumulated during Gender—Boys are more at risk than girls, primarily be
the marriage. If the couple cannot negotiate a fair prop cause mothers are awarded custody more often that fa
erty and asset settlement, the court will mandate what it thers. It is difficult because the same-gender parent, the
considers a fair distribution to each of the divorcing father, is no longer living in the home. The absence of
persons. the male role-model makes it more difficult for boys to
The co-parental divorce deals with custody, single adjust to divorce.
parent homes, and visitation. This is also a very emo
tional part of the divorcing process. Traditionally, Age—Younger children are at risk short-term due to
mothers were automatically given custody of their chil confusion surrounding the divorce and the loss of the
dren unless they were proven to be unfit. Today, most parent no longer living in the home. Younger children
custody decisions are made on a case-by-case basis, and are less able to make sense of all the changes that are
the child or children are placed with the parent deemed occurring. Preadolescent and adolescent children are
capable of providing the overall best environment for more at risk over the long-term, because in the short
them. It is common for the non-custodial parent to pay term their close alignment with their peers represses
monetary child support payments to the custodial par their feelings regarding their parents’ divorce.
ent. Sometimes, the court awards joint custody in
which both parents have more or less equal responsibil Socioeconomic status—Standard of living often changes
ity in the raising of their children. In such cases, the dramatically following divorce. Less money can mean
children may spend equal amounts of time living with some of the children’s needs may not be met.
each of the two parents.
The community divorce involves the changes of The degree to which the child was drawn into marital
friends and community that every divorcing person ex conflict. The more a child is part of the parental con
periences. Married couples tend to socialize with other flict, the more confusion, frustration, anger, and loyalty
married couples. After divorce these two individuals no conflicts he or she is likely to experience.
longer fit comfortably in the couples’ environment. For
economic reasons, one or both of the divorcing persons Relationship with each parent before the divorce. If
may have to move to a less expensive part of town or to pre-divorce relationships with parents were positive and
a smaller house or apartment. nurturing, the risk for post-divorce problems is reduced.
The psychic divorce manifests the problem of re If problems with parent-child relationships existed be
gaining individual autonomy. This simply means that fore the divorce, those problems will likely become
each of the two divorcing persons has to adjust to living worse following the divorce.
alone. Each loses the part of his or her identity that was
established as being a part of a married couple. Daily Parents’ inability to separate their roles as parent and
decisions and activities are now carried out as an indi spouse. Divorcing spouses who cannot peaceably make
vidual, rather than as an individual who is part of a decisions about their children’s welfare and negotiate
couple relationship. issues related to the children, put those children at in
Some of these phases may take several years to creased risk for problems.
complete, and some people never finish certain phases.
The children have to process through each stage right Continual open conflict between spouses. The greater
along with their parents. the conflict between the parents, the greater the risk for
children to experience emotional turmoil.
Children at Risk
A child’s perception of divorce will be largely deter The perceived loss of the non-custodial parent. Unless
mined by age and gender, as well as the child’s history extra care is taken by both parents to nurture the rela
of stress and coping. When stressful events outweigh tionship between the non-custodial parent and the child,
available protective factors, even the most resilient a child may feel loss and even abandonment.
child can develop problems. A growing body of infor
mation suggests that certain factors may make some
children more at risk for maladjustment than other chil
dren. Some are unalterable and some existed before
Short-term Effects of Divorce on Children Many of these short-term effects can adversely affect
long-term development in that they build up over time.
Almost everyone agrees that divorce affects all the chil The intensity and longevity of each problem is deter
dren in the family at some time and to some degree. mined by these characteristics related to positive post
Some effects of divorce emerge rapidly following sepa divorce adjustment:
ration and some of these increase over the first years
following divorce and then decline; still other may • Parental ability to resolve post-divorce conflict and
emerge later. anger.
Various factors lead to negative effects on children. • Ability of the custodial parent to successfully resume
For example, children are almost inevitably burdened the parenting role.
by greater responsibilities and feel less cared for. It is • Ability of the non-custodial parent to maintain a
possible that when a marriage ends, especially if it ends mutually satisfying relationship with the child or
in angry conflict, parents can experience a decline in children.
their deep feelings for their children and the extent to • Personality characteristics of the child and the abil
which they voluntarily undertake responsibilities for the ity to develop coping skills.
children. • Ability of the child to find and use support systems.
Another factor is that the non-custodial parent, • Diminished depressive or angry responses by the
usually the father, tends to progressively disengage child.
from his children over the years following a divorce, • The age and sex of the child.
both geographically and emotionally. A nurturing
father-child relationship is crucial for children’s long Long-term Effects of Divorce
term development. Without such a relationship, chil Findings from several research studies indicate that cer
dren may experience emotional frustration and confu tain effects of divorce are quite persistent even when a
sion. wide range of pre-divorce conditions is considered. Con
The gender of the custodial parent may play a part sider some of the summary statements from a few of
in determining the impact of divorce on children. There these studies:
is some evidence that children tend to show more prob
lems if they are in the custody of a parent of the oppo “Research suggests that problematic par-
site sex than a parent of the same sex.
And, as indicated earlier, inter-parental conflict
ent-child relations associated with divorce
has powerful direct effects on children’s functioning. A persist throughout the life course.”
rule of thumb is the greater the conflict between divorc (Amato and Booth,1996).
ing parents, the greater the number of problems the
children will experience. “One cannot predict long-term effects of
Specific short-term effects may include the
divorce on children from how they react at
following: the outset.” (Wallerstein, 1989).
It would have been easier to be a regular —Marry and have children early
—Divorce
family members, what can parents do to help minimize • Do not expose children to casual relationships
the negative effects of the disrupted family on their with members of the opposite sex. If a serious
children? How can they help make the new family relationship develops, introduce the person
structure as positive as possible? slowly into the children’s lives.
First of all, parents need to know that not all of the • Before starting a second family, remember obli
negative effects mentioned in the studies will be experi gations to the first family.
enced by all children of divorce. And those that are
present can be made less intense with education, nur Summary
turing, good communication, and lots of love. Research studies conducted over time, especially
At least two general avenues to helping children Wallerstein’s 10-year follow-up, suggest that some ef
process the divorce experience are available: outside fects of divorce are long lasting. A significant number
help and parental effort. An example of outside help of the young adults in the follow-up study appeared
might be an intervention program for children. An burdened by vivid memories of the marital break-up, by
ideal prevention program would accomplish several feelings of sadness, continuing resentment at parents,
things, including: and a sense of deprivation. Without judging or moral
izing, the weight of the research shows that if it were
• Helping children to resolve divorce-related anxi an ideal world, children fare better in nurturing two
eties, confusion, and blame. parent families than do those in single-parent and step
• Helping children to express anger in divorce families.
related situations.
• Helping parents agree on visitation and custody.
• Helping parents to respond appropriately to
References
children’s divorce-related concerns.
Amato, Paul R. & Booth, Alan (1996). A prospective
• Helping ex-spouses develop good post-divorce study of divorce and parent-child relationships. Jour
parental relationships and parent-child relation nal of Marriage and the Family, 58(2), 356-365.
ships.
• Helping parents resolve issues of anger and dis Amato, Paul R. & Keith, B. (1991). Parental divorce
appointment. and adult well-being: A meta-analysis. Journal of Mar
• Establishing support systems of friends and rela riage and the Family, 53, 43-58.
tives.
Aro, Hillevi M. & Palosaari, Ulla K. (1992). Parental Kelly, Joan B. (1988). Longer-term adjustment in chil
divorce, adolescence, and transition to young adult dren of divorce: Converging findings and implications
hood: A follow-up study. American Journal of Orthop for practice. Journal of Family Psychology, 2(2), 119
sychiatry; 62(3), 421-429. 140.
Black, Aaron E. & Pedro-Carroll, JoAnne (1993). Role Wallerstein, Judith S. (1991). The long-term effects of
of parent-child relationships in mediating the effects of divorce on children: A review. Journal of the Ameri
marital disruption. Journal of the American Academy can Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychia
of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 32(5), 1019-1027. try, 30(3), 349-360.
Furstenberg, Frank F. & Teitler, Julien O. (1994). Re Wallerstein, Judith S. and Blakeslee, Sandra (1989).
considering the effects of marital disruption: What hap Second chances: Men, women, and children a decade
pens to children of divorce in early adulthood? Journal after divorce. New York: Ticknor & Fields.
of Family Issues, 15(2), 173-190.
Wallerstein, Judith S. (1985). Children of divorce: Pre
Hetherington, E. Mavis (1989). Coping with family liminary report of a ten-year follow-up of older children
transitions: Winners, losers, and survivors. Child De and adolescents. Journal of the American Academy of
velopment, 60, 1-14. Child Psychiatry, 24(5), 545-553.
Hetherington, E. Mavis; Cox, Martha; & Cox, Roger Wallerstein, Judith and Kelley, Joan (1980). Surviving
(1985). Long-term effects of divorce and remarriage the break-up: how children and parents cope with di
on the adjustment of children. Journal of the American vorce. New York: Basic Books, Inc
Academy of Child Psychiatry, 24, 518-530
Prepared by
D. Wayne Matthews
Human Development Specialist
5,000 copies of this public document were printed at a cost of $xx or $xx per copy.
Published by
North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service
Distributed in furtherance of the Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914. Employment and program opportunities are offered to
all people regardless of race, color, national origin, sex, age, or disability. North Carolina State University, North Carolina A&T State
University, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and local governments cooperating.
8/98—5M—JMG FCS-482
E98-35338