Dividing household responsibilities in couples

Marriages are made in heaven but maintainance is required here on Earth.The maintainance part of
marriage is no less than that of a big organization. To be precise marriage in itself is an enterprise
like a partnership firm requiring management of funds and resources for various activities. Often as
this enterprise is not an official one, things can get haywire when it comes to dividing the
responsibilities.

Today the woman of the household is not just a homemaker but is an enterprising personality who
multitasks between professional and personal commitments with grace. No longer is woman a
dependent on the spouse for financial needs , infact is a great contributor to the same.The growth of
todays women has been so revolutionary that men have been unable to keep pace with it. Infact the
unemployment factor and job dissatisfaction is more in men. This also leads to hurt in ego of men.

This institution of marriage can come to a standstill if the partners( in this case husband and wife) do
not perform their responsibilities at an optimum level. In the last 5 years , speaking to so many
couples who were considering separation, I have noticed that the major concern of either of them is
lack of financial management and proactiveness in the relationship with respect to household
responsibilities.

Though it seems simple but household responsibilities like paying rentals, bills, laundry,emi’s ,
Savings,Investments, travel and other factors really need allocating tasks to avoid mismanagement,
miscommunication , failure and gradually marital disputes.

The ideal way to do this unfortunately does not exist but surely there are so do’s and don’ts which
can be followed for effective execution.

Firstly, it is important to sit across a table one day preferable a Sunday with a notepad. Have a cup of
tea together. Ideally both the husband and wife are aware of the limitations of others and expertise
of ownself. If not , give time to this and write It down. Both have different skillset, value systems ,
definations and visions with respect to different household responsibilities. The aim is efficiency,
consistency and result.

Now why this is important is because the household machinery can come to a standstill if the
efficiency of both of its partners goes for a toss. This will not lead to an individual personal loss but
the loss of the organization and ultimately both get affected by it. Because its both of yours house,
both of yours kids, combined finances, family goals, health goals etc. If ones gets affected , it affects
the other person too , sooner or later. The personal profit or loss of the directors or partners of an
organization is based on the combined and organizational profits or loss and marriage is no different
to this anology.

Unfortunately due to both husband and wife working full times, there arises lack of efficiency in
carrying out these tasks. Time is a big factor here. The ideal way to manage time effectively is by
filling the gaps. Travelling time could be used to pay bills online, shop groceries etc. Health goals can
be achieved by hitting the gym late night. Cooking is a tedious task after a hectic day, so can be
managed alternatively by husband and wife. Also if finances permit a maid can be installed. Repair
works can be managed on public holidays. Sundays should be strictly kept reserved for “we time”
and to cherish togetherness. According to me women are better financial managers but again it
Dividing household responsibilities in couples
differs from couple to couple. The salaries should be pooled into one an then expenses should be
taken care of. Never ever should salaries be compared. Everyone has scope of growth.

Mr Deepu and Wife Naina , a couple who came to me for counselling, shared their experience with
me. Initially they had a lot of fights because both belonging to different value systems and
upbringings. They had different definations of cleaniness, investments, and responsibility allocation.
But post counselling they told me that now it has become easy as they work like a team, Support
each other, value each other’s contribution, appreciate each other and rarely find flaws. We have
become like an alternative parent child to each other correcting whenever required, smilingly replies
Naina.