Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Good mornin!
(Good mornin!)
A pioneer adventure
Down the trail
To Oregon
[FATHER, spoken]
Grandpa?
[GRANDPA, spoken]
What? My legs hurt.
[FATHER]
By God's command
We dare to land in-
[GRANDPA]
Wisconsin!
[FATHER, spoken]
We're going to Oregon, Grandpa.
[GRANDPA, spoken]
Well, I want to go to Wisconsin!
[FATHER]
The promised land will not wait for us
We leave our home with faith and trust
We'll find the place of our destiny
And spread our family seed
[ALL]
Aauuhhmm....
[FATHER]
Now our journey begins
In the 1800s
In a little city in Missouri
Before we start
You decide on the names
Of all the people in our wagon party
[MOTHER]
Carefully choose each name
Cause this is more than a game
[ALL]
It's more than a game
Oh, yeah, it's more than a game
No two shows will ever be the same
[MOTHER]
My first pioneer will be President Polk
I know he'd be a good leader of the wagon
[FATHER]
Good job now, dear, that's what we're goin for
You'd be extra careful not to kill him
[SON]
I think I would use my mom and dad's names of course
So I'll make sure they'll never get divorced
[FATHER]
That might be too much information
But hey, it's great to have a personal connection
[DAUGHTER]
I would make my family rich
They'd be bankers from New York
[FATHER, spoken]
Good.
[SON]
Richie, Johnny, Emily and Peter and Sue
Their bank fell down and now they're poor
[FATHER]
That's great kids
Keep up the good work
[MOTHER]
Hey, Grandpa
What would your names be?
[GRANDPA]
Oh, well let me tell ya:
Dick-suck, Dickface, Hairytit, and Dr. Buttnugget
[FATHER, spoken]
Grandpa, the hell is that supposed to mean?
[GRANDPA, spoken]
What?
They're names!
[FATHER, spoken]
Hairytit?
Grandpa, you're seeing a bad example for our pioneers here
You're going to make them think it's a good idea to name their wagon party stupid things
[GRANDPA, spoken]
Well, they should
[ALL]
We are gone to Oregon
It's the greatest family vacation
It'll bring us together
Couldn't think of nothin better
Hey! Time for some family fun
On the trail to Oreg-un
[FATHER, spoken]
Okay pioneers, what do you say?
What would you like to name me, your wagon leader?
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Jack Bauer!
[FATHER, spoken]
Jack Bauer?
I like the sound of that!
(sung)
I'm Jack Bauer, a farmer from Illinois
All my skills will be useless on the trail
My beautiful family is counting on me
A lot of pressure, I can't afford to fail
(spoken)
Alright pioneers, now what would you like to name your wagon mother?
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Slippery-When-Wet!
[FATHER, spoken]
Oh, that is Slippery-When-Wet
That is super sexy
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Yeah!
[MOTHER]
I'm Slippery-When-Wet and I'm a mother of two
Could've been a banker, guess a farmer will do
Why did you get to choose?
[FATHER, spoken]
Well honey, I don't know if you know this but, uh, I wrote the show
That's just how this one goes
[MOTHER, spoken]
Yeah, but we're not going to get very far as a bunch of fucking farmers
[FATHER, spoken]
Alright, honey!
Well, no wagon party is complete without a litter of youngins
The eldest of which is Slippery-When-Wet and Jack Bauer's teenage daughter
What would you like to name her?
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Mouthface!
[DAUGHTER, spoken]
Mouthface? I'll take it!
[FATHER, spoken]
And what about our all-American son with a face of an apple pie?
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Craphole!
[SON, spoken]
Craphole? That sounds nice!
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Yeah!
[SON]
Craphole, yeah that's me
I'm seven and I'm male
[DAUGHTER]
Mouthface, is what my friends call me
I'm lookin for love on the trail
[SON, spoken]
Ew gross!
[DAUGHTER, sung]
I hope you're bit by a snake!
[SON]
I hope you break your back!
[FATHER]
Hey, I found wild fruit!
[SON]
Pay attention, Dad!
[DAUGHTER]
We gonna stop at the forts?
[FATHER]
I forgot to shave
[MOTHER]
Did we bring enough food?
[GRANDPA]
Can I write on Grandpa's grave?
[MOTHER]
Everyone just behave!
[FATHER]
Because it's only a game
[ALL]
It's only a game
I guess it's only a game
The Trail To Oregon is nothing but a game
[FATHER, spoken]
Alright, pioneers - let's get a move on
[GRANDPA, spoken]
Hey, wait a minute you shicken-kit son of a bitch!
You forgot my name!
[FATHER, spoken]
How could I forget?
What would you like to name our lovely grandpa?
["AUDIENCE", spoken]
Titty-mitty!
[GRANDPA, spoken]
Titty-mitty?!
I like that name
[FATHER, spoken]
Of course you do
[ALL, sung]
It's time to run to Oreg-un
It's too late to change the show now
You could go next door
And see something professional
We wouldn't blame you a bit
If you're sitting through this Ore-shit