Assignment I: Personal Narrative Essay

Through the Looking Glass Onion

Written by Preme Namfar

Every tween who freshly turned teenager usually question everything around them, but why
bother, as those questions will be forgotten and not answered. Unless you can see your future,
and you know what would you do to change the reality of being a grown-up in their 30s? Just
like the movie '13 Going on 30' per se, but in a weirder but still mundane way. The
experience that everyone else but I may perceive as a so-called "cliché" life perspective; for
me, everything is just weird, and every day is a more bizarre adventure. So, this is "my
story," or may I say, "my story about my big sister," Through the Looking Glass Onion, and
What I Found There.

Our family is an upper-middle-class living in the suburb. My parents are both a respectable
figure in the Thai social circle, and naturally, the daughters of the family are both brats. At
the age of 3-7, I was pretty close to my family. I used to look up to my older sister until I feel
like everything she did before has overshadowed my identity and my individuality.

Born with the way older siblings, 20 years older to be exact, made my life hard to manage
sometimes. We both went to the same private school, and of course, we share the same
parents; I have been compared to her all the time, and I try to remind people that we are
different individuals. But the more I tried to run away from the fact that we are so much
alike, the clearer it shows. Because I know that sincerely, "I want to be exactly just like her
but not under her shadow."

My sister and I used to spend a lot of time together. She is the source of my pop culture
knowledge. She makes me admire The Beatles and their history. I love how she told me the
story behind each song and how much we enjoy watching The Beatles cartoon from the
sixties together. That is pretty much why I chose to call this essay "Through the Looking
Glass Onion," as it contains both her favorite things that I knew of; The Beatles' song 'Glass
Onion' and the sequel to 'The Adventure of Alice in Wonderland'; Through the Looking
Glass by Lewis Carroll. And I am also the sequel of her life story.

We used to laugh, cry, and complain about our parents together. And we recently get our
bond that fades away for years back. I love the nostalgic effects we have on each other, and
finally, I feel like I get to know myself through her. As we both feel the same way, we feel
like we don't belong here in Thailand; we even think and prefer speaking in English, and we
both want to break free. Well, she did for a while, then I was born. From what she told me,
my parents want me to get to know her.

She told me that she felt like she was never good enough, and our parents don't appreciate her
accomplishments. She thought I get a free pass for everything without the same pressure,
little that she knows the pain and stress for me might even be more significant because I don't
even know what the future holds for me. And I guess that is because my parents are afraid
that they are going to broke me down like they did my sister.

Although my parents don't pressure me to study as hard or do anything by myself as she did
when she was my age, every day, I am struggling and confused. Being too easy on me seems
to just the fact that I don't know what should I achieve to make the distinguish effect on my
family and make me "me."
When I was way younger, I saw my sister sat alone in the kitchen and cried many times, and I
thought it might be because of the "onion." But now since she also cries in her bedroom, I
know she has her mental health problem, I guess that she has depression. Since she looked at
the world different from what it is and sold herself short, I planned to keep my head held high
and smile through everything, but that was short-lived. I don't want to be sad, but I am too
tired to laugh, so I kept my face neutral, and it works out for me well.

My sister cares way too much, so I decided to "not care" about anything. After these years of
"not caring," my sister and I get our bond back, and I can see now through her little glass
onion eyes how her perception hurts as bad as wearing an onion monocle and have the other
eye blinded. Our parents clearly can't understand us; I knew that since forever. And we only
have each other. At least I consider myself a little bit luckier than her as she born first and
became their experiment as new parents. For me, they both have more time, more money, and
experience. I have my sister to fight with sometimes, and she understood how much it bores
me when no one in the family or even friends understands the culture reference made in the
conversation.

Our dad is brilliant, and our mother is very witty, but they are from different decades from us.
Although my sister is also from another decade from me, her days are an applicable lesson I
like to learn from, and she updated herself frequently enough for me to feel the relevancy
between us. And I finally cracked the logic of her Glass Onion, not in the Nihilism way but
the fact about things I would do if I were her.

When my sister was my age, she was the cheerleader, and she thrives on every subject she
studied because of our dad always tell us we need to get good grades. The peer pressure in
the school where we both went to is peculiar because it filled with snotty little brats with
privilege. And she suffered her way through Junior High and High School there. And when I
arrived, the teachers all hawking me and have some expectation on me because of my sister's
so-called "legacy." And I hate every minute of it. I am not as good at Math or Science, and I
never want to be a cheerleader or do anything much with the school activities. Once my sister
told me it was the most miserable, nay, the worst years of her life, and she would have gone
abroad or studied online if she can.

"Everything there is just nonsense and pointless," she said to me, "the prestigious of the
school we went to is like a big fat lies with a price tag." That was a massive part of our bond
growing back, we haven't had a real talk for a couple of years, and I am glad to have my
sister's support in my decision to start focusing more on building the art portfolio and study
online.

My sister isn't a lost cause or a screwup. She made a lot of money and have a successful
career but still very miserable. She wants to be an artist or a dancer, and no one gave her that
chance. So I am glad to have her in my corner to say to our parents to let me be, and
everything will turn out okay.

Like Lennon's Glass Onion song lyrics meant for the people who tried to find some sort of
hidden meaning in The Beatles songs, in today's society perspective, many things are over-
planned and overanalyzed. My sister was overthinking things when she was my age, and she
gave me the chance to achieve my dream the way she never has a chance to. She can't turn
back time, but I feel like I saw the future and possibilities, and I will give her a glimpse of
"the life that could have been" via my life story through my kaleidoscope eyes. It is time for
her to see herself through me and be happier with the colorful dreams that I have. Because
what I found in the Looking Glass Onion is myself with a different life choice, and I bet it is
vice versa for my sister.