In Buddhist teaching, happiness can only be recognized against the background

of suffering. To be really happy, we should cultivate understanding and

compassion. It is by getting in touch with the suffering that understanding
comes and compassion arises. But sometimes when we suffer so much, we just
can’t forgive. Or we don’t want to forgive. We are afraid that if we forgive
someone for his cruel act, our suffering won’t be adequately heard. So we let
these acts of cruelty continue. In the midst of our pain and fear, we remember
everything except that the other person caused us to suffer because he has so
much suffering in his heart. Without understanding and compassion, which are
the fruits of the practice of calming and deep looking, the endless cycle of
resentment, anger, fear, despair and suffering will continue to turn; and we will
continue to suffer, one generation after another..The practice of forgiveness is
the practice of understanding and compassion. Understanding is the substance
of true love and true compassion. If love is in our heart, every thought, word,
and action can bring about a miracle..
Forgiveness (kshama in Sanskrit) is a central concept in Buddhism, and
understanding forgiveness is essential to nirvana, the ultimate state of
compassion and wisdom all Buddhists hope to attain. In contemporary Buddhist
settings, forgiveness is interpreted in several ways. One is as a way of letting go
of our expectations and disappointments in others—in other words, letting go of
our attachment to a different past. Another interpretation is as an extension of
lovingkindness. The act of forgiveness changes the relationship. It does not go
back to what it was before. Something necessarily comes to an end. Consider
what happens with a bank loan. As long as we owe money to a bank, both are
tied together. When the bank forgives the loan and writes it off, we are free to
live our life without the threat of collection, foreclosure, or court action, and the
bank frees itself from any further obligation to collect on the debt .The
language of forgiveness operates in strange ways, When God forgives
our sins, which are regarded as debts incurred to God, it does not
mean that our relationship with God is over. On the contrary, it means that the
relationship has been restored. But this restoration is possible only because of
God’s grace.
Once Buddha was in an assembly, a gentleman walked furiously towards him.
He thought Buddha was doing something wrong. As soon as he came near
Buddha, all his other thoughts disappeared, but his anger was still there. No
words would come out of his mouth, so he spat on Buddha’s face. Buddha
simply smiled. When Buddha did not react or say anything, and just smiled, this
man could not sleep the whole night. It was the first time in his life he met
somebody who would just smile when he spat on his face.The next day he came
and fell at Buddha’s feet and said, “Please pardon me, I don’t know what I
did.”Buddha said, “Forgive? But I am not the same man to whom you did it”.
The Ganges goes on flowing, it is never the same Ganges again. Every man is a
river. The man you spit upon is no longer here, much has happened in these
twenty-four hours! The river has flowed so much. So I cannot forgive you
because I have no grudge against you. So to me right now, to this person who is
here, you are wonderful. You have never done anything wrong.”So That is
compassion. Compassion is not making somebody a culprit! and then saying,
“Okay, I forgive you.” According to buddha Your forgiveness should be such
that the person who is being forgiven does not even know that you are forgiving
them. They shouldn’t even feel guilty for a mistake. That is the right type of
forgiveness. Buddhists believe that to not forgive gives rise to suffering.
It is taught that those who cannot let go of a real or imagined wrong
against them are unable to free themselves from hate and that they will
suffer because of this.. Forgiving others as well as ourselves, is an
important step on the path towards a better life and towards
enlightenment. Giving up hatred and forgiving the harm done to us by
others allows us to move on and to achieve peace of mind. To forgive
does not mean we condone the misdeeds of another. We can dedicate ourselves
to make sure they never happen again. But without forgiveness the world can
never be released from the sorrows of the past.When we practice forgiveness
individually, we start by recognizing that we have all betrayed and hurt others,
just as we have knowingly or unknowingly been harmed by them. It is
inevitable in this human realm Sometimes our betrayals are small, sometimes
terrible. Forgivenessis a way to let go of the pain we carry. This is illustrated by
the story of two ex-prisoners of war who meet after many years. When the first
one asks, “Have you forgiven your captors yet?” the second man answers, “No,
never.” “Well then,” the first man replies, “they still have you in prison.”

Finding a way to extend forgiveness to ourselves is one of our most essential

tasks. Just as others have been caught in suffering, so have we. If we look
honestly at our life, we can see the sorrows and pain that have led to our own
wrongdoing. In this we can finally extend forgiveness to ourselves; For most
people, the work of forgiveness is a tender process. Practicing forgiveness, we
may go through stages of grief, rage, sorrow, fear and confusion. Forgiveness
acknowledges that no matter how much we may have suffered, we will not put
another human being out of our heart. Forgiveness is a stance you may have to
make unilaterally, within yourself, but there is the possibility that the other side
will be inspired by your example to stop slinging mud as well. That way, both
sides will benefit.
The Buddha recommends three tactics to help you deal with any lingering
feelings that this strategy might leave you on the losing side
1) The first is to remember that we’re all in the process of dying, and you
don’t want thoughts of vera ( bad karma in Pali is called vera) to get in
the way of a skilful death. The narrative that “He wronged me, and I
won’t feel at peace until I get back at him” is not one you want to focus
on as death approaches
2) The second tactic is to develop thoughts of infinite goodwill “free from
vera, free from ill will.”
3) The third tactic is to take on the five precepts: no killing, no stealing, no
illicit sex, no lying, and no taking intoxicants. Ever. At all. As the Buddha
notes, when you hold to these precepts in all your encounters with others,
regardless of who they are or what they’ve done, you give universal
safety from danger and vera.
There is a Buddhist tale, for example, of Angulimala, a serial murderer.
Angulimala brutally killed and many people, and eventually planned to kill
his own parents. When Angulimala was about to kill his mother, the Buddha
intervened, advising Angulimala to stop killing, for anger and violence were
not of right living. Amazed by the Buddha’s words, Angulimala asked if he
could become a disciple, despite the fact that he was a murderer. The
Buddha accepted him, and Anguli-mala became a devoted monk. The
Buddha did not absolve Angulimala of his wrongdoing. By emanating
forgiveness, he helped Angulimala come to an understanding of the vanity of
his anger and violence.
Living a life of compassion and forgiveness is part of loving-kindness,
which benefits all people, not just the one who has been forgiven. It is
important to note that Buddhism makes a strict distinction of compassion
from what it calls grasping love and attachment. Love, when seen as desire,
necessarily leads to suffering. In this way, love is seen as a need to attach
oneself to others in order to achieve a sense of security and belonging .
Instead, Buddhism encourages love and compassion in the sense of openness
and fearlessness. True compassion and love have no territorial bounds - they
are freely offered and received
The four noble truths discovered by Siddartha were 1) the world is wretched
and full of suffering, 2) this suffering is the result of desires, 3) it is possible
to stop desires and end suffering, and 4) there is a specific path for doing
this. The most important part of Buddhist path is meditation. Meditation
encourages and fosters an awakening mind and compassion.
Conclusion
In essence, Buddhism reminds as that nobody is perfect, and everyone is
continuously changing and progressing in the journey of spiritual growth.
Therefore, we should not be quick to judge others and take things
personally, but realize where they are coming from and handle them with
a compassionate attitude, no matter if they have treated us badly in the
past.