Revision Memo

A. Summarize the feedback you’ve received from your Peer Edit.

For the revision of my review essay, I had Roei Ovadia and Vince Howe peer edit my
paper. To begin, Vince told me that my review was very explanatory and successfully
proved my views toward the memoir. However, he told me there were minor grammatical
errors that needed to be fixed, as well as my second body paragraph was a little repetitive.
But for the most part, he told me that my draft was quite developed. Next, Roei began by
noting some grammatical errors that were interfering with the flow of the essay.
Moreover, he explained that I should find an alternative to describing Rose Mary since
“lousy” did not seem appropriate in this context. Also, he told me to lessen the use of the
word “eventually” because it was becoming a little repetitive. Next, he told me to make
my verbs in present tense, not past, since this is a review essay. Nonetheless, he liked my
view on the story and how my usage of the quotes from the memoir was very fitting with
my reasoning.

B. What has changed?

Moving into my final draft, I took these recommendations into consideration, and began
adjusting the grammatical errors. Also, I removed some redundancies that were not
adding much more depth to what was already stated. Furthermore, I restated my thesis
statement in the conclusion, since it was missing in my first draft. Lastly, I made all the
verbs go from past tense to present because this was the suitable verb tense for this
particular type of essay. In short, I removed a couple of grammatical errors and
redundancies, restated my thesis, and switch the verb tense from past to present in order
to make the essay flow more smoothly.

C. What points to look at, and specific questions and concerns regarding this draft.

Main points to look at: One of the main points I would like you to consider while
reviewing this essay is how the mentality of “sink or swim” was the ultimate factor that
contributed to the individual successes of the Walls’s children. Also, I want you to see
how my interpretation of the story was supported with the quotes, which proved my
reasons. Lastly, I want you to consider how my organization of this review essay was set
up in an orderly manner, in which the reader first gets a background of the story and then
examples proving my thesis.

Questions: Was my opinion towards the memoir clear? Did the thesis statement set up the
main idea of my review? Was my review convincing enough for the audience to consider
reading this memoir?