Anger Management

I. Catching Anger Quickly

a. Anger Thermometer

b. Anger Warning Signs

II. Anger Management Techniques

a. Taking a Timeout

b. Deep Breathing

c. Stop to Think

III. Common Misconceptions

IV. Additional Resources

If you've ever struggled with anger, you are probably familiar with the feeling of regret that follows an
outburst. You promise yourself: "I'll never let that happen again." But then, it happens again. And again.
Anger takes away our ability to think rationally. After your anger fades, you regain the ability to think
clearly, and you regret what your angry self said or did.

But here's the thing: Anger isn't always a bad thing. When controlled, anger helps us. Anger drives us to
make changes to situations that are bad, it pushes us to stand up for our rights, and it protects us if our
lives are threatened. The problem isn't having anger, it's having too much anger, and expressing it in an
ineffective way.

Anger management teaches us to deal with our anger in a healthy way. Like the name implies, it teaches
us to manage our anger, not extinguish it. Anger management begins with practicing self-awareness--
learning to take a step back and see your anger before it takes over your mind. Next, once you've
learned to catch your anger early, you'll learn techniques to control it.

The Cycle of Anger

worksheet

Catching Anger Quickly

Imagine your brain is like a dam, holding back a large reservoir of water (in this metaphor, the water is
your anger). Sometimes, you notice cracks and small leaks in the dam, which you can easily patch. But if
you don't pay attention, the dam will burst, and there's no stopping the torrential flow of water that will
follow.

If you catch your anger before it explodes, you will be able to control it. If you wait too long, there's little
you can do to stop it. Because of this, learning to catch your anger early will be the most important skill
you learn in anger management.

If you're someone who feels that their anger comes out of nowhere and just snaps, this stage will take
some work. The truth is, your anger doesn't come from nowhere. It grows. Try this exercise to see what I
mean:

Wherever you are, stop and listen to the sounds around you. Can you hear anything that you didn't
notice before? Maybe a refrigerator, air conditioning, or birds chirping? Your brain is constantly filtering
out sounds that are in the background so you can focus on the task at hand.

Similarly, when feelings of stress and anger are common, your brain may filter them out of your
awareness—until you explode. The good news is, you can learn to become more aware of your anger
with a bit of practice.

Anger Thermometer

The anger thermometer is a technique that will help your clients learn about their anger symptoms and
warning signs, and how these progress as anger escalates. We often start anger management with this
tool because our clients are surprised to see that they do have some warning signs that their anger is
growing--they don't just snap.

On the anger thermometer, a "1" represents no anger at all. A "10" represents the maximum level of
anger you have experienced, or can imagine experiencing. Symptoms of anger are recorded on the scale
at the point at which they begin.

I. What is an Anger Thermometer?

II. Anger Thermometer Exploration Questions

III. Using a Completed Anger Thermometer

a. Anger Warning Signs

b. Coping Strategies by Anger Level

An anger thermometer is a 10-point scale where a “10” represents a person’s maximum anger, and a
“1” represents no anger at all. Symptoms of anger–such as balled-up fists, argumentativeness, or
frustration–are recorded on the anger thermometer at the point where they begin.

The anger thermometer is a tool that will help your clients learn about their anger symptoms and
warning signs, and how these change as anger escalates. Before your client can learn to use anger
management skills, they first need to recognize their anger warning signs as they occur.
The Anger Thermometer is a 10-point scale where a “10” represents a person’s maximum anger, and a
“1” represents no anger at all. Symptoms of anger–such as balled-up fists, argumentativeness, or
frustration–are recorded on the anger thermometer at the point where they begin. Ask your client to be
descriptive by listing specific symptoms and triggers along the thermometer.

To learn more about using an anger thermometer, check out our Anger Thermometer Technique Guide.

Tip: Instruct your clients to begin by filling out the two extremes of their anger thermometer. What are
they like at their most angry (“10”) and at their least angry (“1”)? These extremes tend to be the easiest
to fill in, and they set the limits that all other symptoms will fall between.

Anger Thermometer Exploration Questions

Therapists can help their clients complete anger thermometers by using questions and prompts that
help them identify anger symptoms. In the following prompts, the numbers can be replaced with any
number on the scale.

Exploration Questions

• “Tell me about a time you were at a 10 on the anger thermometer.”

• “When you’re at a 6 on the anger thermometer, what sort of things are you thinking about?”

• “How do you feel differently when you are at a 1 on the anger thermometer compared to a 5?”

• “If a stranger saw you when you were at an 8 on the anger thermometer, how would they
describe you?”

• “Try thinking about your symptoms in reverse: What do you lose as you go up the anger
thermometer? For example, maybe you are friendly and talkative at a 1, but not at a 5.”

Using a Completed Anger Thermometer

Anger Warning Signs

Oftentimes, people feel that they “snap,” instantly going from having no anger to having a full-blown
outburst. Using an anger thermometer can help your clients recognize their anger warning signs. Anger
warning signs are the earliest symptoms of anger, which often go unnoticed, but can be used to alert a
person when their anger is growing.

Anger Warning Signs

Use this worksheet at the beginning of anger management treatment to help educate clients about their
physical and behavioral responses to anger. We recommend taking time to help your client identify their
earliest warning signs of anger that might be less obvious and more difficult to recognize, so they can
cut off aggression before it has an opportunity to take over.

The worksheet text reads: "Sometimes anger can affect what you say or do before you even recognize
the feeling. This is especially true if you feel angry all the time. You may become so used to the feeling of
anger that you don't notice it, sort of like how you can hear the sound of an air condition or the
humming of a refrigerator but block it from your mind. Even if you aren't thinking about your feelings,
they influence how you behave. The first step to managing anger is learning to recognize your personal
warning signs that tell you how you feel."

Anger Warning Signs

worksheet

It’s important to help your client take note of even the most subtle warning signs (the ones that appear
when your client is below a “5” on the thermometer). Be thorough when completing the lower half of
the anger thermometer, because recognizing these symptoms can be the deciding factor in stopping
anger, or letting it grow out of control.

Anger warning signs are different for everyone, but often include some of the following. What are your
client’s early anger warning signs?

becoming argumentative slightly raising voice going quiet or "shutting down"

sweating becoming defensive feeling hot

nagging about the problem pacing using personal attacks

Coping Strategies by Anger Level

Use the completed anger thermometer to plan coping strategies according to anger intensity. At what
point should someone use a relaxation skill, and at what point should someone simply walk away? What
coping skills should be used in the case of extreme anger, when a situation has grown out of control?

Coping Skills: Anger

worksheet

For example, if a person’s “3” on the anger thermometer is “becoming argumentative”, a good coping
strategy may be to practice deep breathing. It is likely safe to practice a relaxation skill at this low level
of anger, and deep breathing is an incompatible behavior with arguing (you cannot argue while
practicing deep breathing).

However, if the situation escalates to a “5” and is at risk of escalating further, it may be best for the
person to walk away. At an “8”, it is probably more appropriate to make a plan to call a friend, or resort
to a safety plan.

Keep in mind that the best coping strategies vary from person to person, but using an anger
thermometer provides an excellent framework for discussion.

Anger Activity for Children: What is Anger?

Anger management for children usually begins with basic psychoeducation. Kids who haven't had a lot
of experience talking about emotions can have a hard time labeling their feelings, recognizing triggers,
and connecting the consequences they've experienced back to their anger. For these reasons, plenty of
time should be spent discussing each of these topics before jumping into anger management skills.

This anger management activity worksheet uses kid-friendly language to describe anger and normalize
the emotion. The included activities are designed to help children think about how they behave
differently when they are angry, learn about their triggers, and then come up some alternate ways of
behaving when they're mad.

For another great resource on childhood anger, check out Seeing Red on Amazon:

To learn more about how to use an anger thermometer, read our complete guide on the subject:

Anger Thermometer

technique guide

Anger Thermometer

worksheet
Anger Warning Signs

After completing an anger thermometer, you will have learned several of your anger warning signs.
These are the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that will tip you off that you're starting to feel angry,
before you've snapped. If you had a hard time coming up with your own anger warning signs, try asking
someone you know well. You might be surprised at how many of your own anger warning signs they've
noticed, but you haven't.

So, what's the point of knowing anger warning signs? Like we mentioned before, the key of anger
management will be to catch your anger early. These warning signs are like an alarm system that will tell
you: "STOP. Going further down this path will not help." The alarm system will tell you that you need to
take a step back from the situation and use an anger management technique.

Take a look at the anger thermometer you completed, or our anger warning signs worksheet, and pick
out five warning signs that you'll have an easy time noticing. Write them down, and review this list every
single day. For real, you have to review it. Every time you review the list, your brain will become more
aware that these things are not background noise that should be filtered out.

Anger Warning Signs

worksheet

Anger Management Techniques

When you've managed to catch your anger early, you'll have the opportunity to start using anger
management techniques. First, know that there are no magical skills that will bring your anger from an
"8" to a "1" with the snap of your fingers. They do take work. However, the anger management
techniques we are going to share are strongly supported by research, and they will help if you practice
them.

Anger Management Skills

worksheet

Take a Timeout

This one might seem obvious, but it can be a lifesaver when used well. Learning to take a timeout can be
especially helpful for couples or families who get into fights where everyone is angry. You already know
how to take a timeout (just walk away; take a break!), but we have a few tips to make this technique
become a game changer.

• If you have frequent fights with your partner, come up with a plan for timeouts. Decide ahead of
time how you will call a timeout, what you both will do, and how long it will last. Can either person
shout "TIMEOUT!" at any time? Plan calming activities that everyone can do separately (go for a walk,
watch TV, listen to music, and so on).

• Call a timeout early on. Better early than never. If your anger escalates too high, a timeout will
be the last thing on your mind, and this simply won't work.

• Practice taking timeouts, even if you don't actually need one. This might feel silly at first, but its
importance cannot be emphasized enough. If you don't practice, there's no way you'll remember to call
a timeout in the heat of the moment.

• If you are still angry after the timeout, take another one. There's no point in rushing back into a
bad situation because some arbitrary amount of time has passed.

Unfortunately, there are times in life when a timeout won't be an option. If you're at work, your boss
probably will not be comfortable with you shouting "TIMEOUT!" and walking out of the room. Teenagers
can have success using this technique in school if they and their parents have a conversation with their
teacher first. Teachers are usually open to working out a plan to help a student learn to manage their
anger, rather than disrupting class.

Deep Breathing

Breathing exercises are a core component of any anger management training. They are simple, very
effective, and can be used anywhere at any time. Deep breathing works by countering the fight or flight
response (our body's response to a threat, which contributes to anger), regulating our central nervous
system, and distracting our thoughts. Here are the steps:

Instructions: Deep Breathing

1. Sit comfortably in your chair. Place your hand on your stomach so you are able to feel your
diaphragm move as you breathe.

2. Take a deep breath through your nose. Breathe in slowly. Time the breath to last 5 seconds.

3. Hold the breath for 5 seconds. You can do less time if it's difficult or uncomfortable.

4. Release the air slowly (again, time 5 seconds). Do this by puckering your lips and pretending that
you are blowing through a straw (it can be helpful to actually use a straw for practice).

5. Repeat this process for about 5 minutes, preferably 3 times a day. The more you practice, the
more effective deep breathing will be when you need it.
Deep breathing should be used in the moment when you notice your anger growing, but like all of the
skills we've discussed, practice is a must. Plus, the positive effects of deep breathing are long-lasting.

Deep Breathing Exercise

video

Stop to Think

Sometimes, if you can catch your anger early enough, just stopping to think will be enough. Changing
your thoughts about the situation will also change how you feel, and in turn, what you do. Here are
some questions to ask yourself, in the moment, to help take a step back.

"How am I feeling, and why? Am I feeling hurt on top of my anger?"

"What will happen that's bad if I continue down this path?"

"What will happen that's good if walk away?"

"How might the other person be seeing this situation?"

"Two hours from now, how will I be wishing I had handled this situation?"

"Will this be important a day from now? A week from now? A year from now?"

Try practicing this skill now. Think back to the last time you were angry, and ask yourself each of these
questions. You can also practice by asking yourself the same question about other emotions, such as
sadness or anxiety.

Common Misconceptions

Anger management folk wisdom has its fair share of both good and bad advice. Let us clear up a few
common misconceptions about what it takes to control your anger.

• Researchers have found that catharsis, such as punching a pillow, is a very bad idea. It's true
that you will feel better in the moment, but there's one big problem. When you hit something, and feel
better, your brain catches on. Next time you are angry, your brain will faintly say to you: "hit
something". Every time you do this, the voice becomes louder. Someday, it won't be a pillow you're
punching.

• You don't have to "get it out". This doesn't mean you should let your anger simmer until you
explode. This means that yelling at the cause of your anger and acting aggressively won't help. Instead,
use the skills you've learned to manage your anger.
• "People say what they really mean when they're angry." Not a chance! People say what they
think will hurt another person, or what will allow them to control a situation.

• "If I don't say what I'm thinking, I'm being dishonest, and I'll be even more angry later."Again,
not a chance! It can be tempting to speak your mind when you are angry. It can feel downright vital.
However, when we are angry, our judgement is severely flawed. The rational portions of our brain are
overruled by the impulsive portions. Save what you want to say for later.

Additional Resources

Check out these additional books and worksheets if you would like to continue learning about anger
management.

Relaxation Techniques

worksheet

An Interactive Guide to Anger Management

book

Fair Fighting Rules

worksheet
The Cycle of Anger

Show your clients how their anger can be triggered, and how it escalates, using the Cycle of
Angerprintout. This anger worksheet uses the CBT model to explain how anger grows from irrational
thoughts, and leads to a difficult-to-break cycle of growing frustration.

The Cycle of Anger diagram depicts anger as beginning with a trigger, which leads to negative thoughts,
emotions, physical symptoms, and a behavioral response. This tool can be useful alongside a thought
log, as a group conversation piece, or as a relatable way to explain the CBT model to clients who struggle
with anger.