BEP 345 - Conflict Resolution (Part 2)

Hello and welcome back to Business English Pod. My name’s Edwin, and I’ll be your
host for today’s lesson on resolving conflict in the workplace.

Conflict happens. There’s no way around it. But not everyone has the same attitude
toward conflict. Some people run from it, or refuse to even admit it exists. Other
people acknowledge it but simply hope it goes away on its own. And some people
are able to approach it with confidence, dealing with it openly and honestly.

The first step in conflict resolution is for the people involved to sit down and try to
work it out themselves. But that doesn’t always work, and in many cases it takes a
third party to attempt to find solutions. That third party might be a peer, or
colleague. But mostly it’s a manager or leader. In fact, helping mediate conflict
between people is an important function of a manager.

Effective mediation is a tricky business. You need to help people have the open and
honest conversations that they might not be able to have on their own. Part of that
involves ensuring each person has their turn to speak. One of your aims, of course,
is common understanding, so you may need to encourage empathy and confirm
understanding at different steps along the way.

As a conflict mediator, your ultimate aim it to find a solution. To do that, you’ll want
to have people agree on a common goal. You may also ask them to focus on
positive actions, rather than negative ones. Positive actions are more solution-
focused.

In today’s dialog, we’ll continue hearing about a conflict between Trevor and
Andrew, two retail managers in the same company. Trevor has tried talking with
Andrew about their personal conflict, but they haven’t been able to reach a clear
solution. So their boss Ann has stepped in as a third-party to help resolve the
conflict.

As you listen to the dialog, try to answer the following questions:

1. What does Ann do when Trevor interrupts Andrew at the start of the dialog?
2. After Andrew explains his side of the story, what does Ann ask Trevor?
3. What is the common goal for the solution Ann proposes?

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Vocabulary

Outlet: a store where goods are sold; “Looks like the Gap is closing their outlet on
4th Avenue and opening a new one in the South Park Mall.”

Potential: possible in the future; “Sure, Gary is a great salesperson, but is he a

potential manager? I really don’t think he has the skills.”

Personality conflict: a situation where two people have a bad relationship, not
because of a specific issue but because of basic differences in character or
personality; “There’s a bit of personality conflict between Joe and Ann, so I wouldn’t
put them on the same project team if I were you.”

To resolve (a conflict or problem): to solve or find a solution; “I think this is just a

communication problem that could be resolved with a meeting to clarify the issue.”

Awkward: socially uncomfortable or embarrassing; “It was very awkward running

into my former business partner at the conference, since we were both pretty upset
when we parted ways.”

To poach: to convince someone to leave one organization to join yours; “It’s not
hard to poach good employees from the competition when we offer better pay and
benefits.”

To work out a problem: to deal with or solve a problem; “Our cash flow situation is
terrible, and I think we need to sit down with finance and work out the problem.”

Productive: achieving or producing a lot through hard work; “Employees report that
they’re much more productive when they close their office doors and turn off their
mobile phones.”

To get in someone’s way: to interfere with someone; “I’ve been trying to meet with
Burton and Co’s CEO for months now, but his receptionist just seems to get in the way.”

To assume: to think something is true without clear proof; “Be careful not to assume
your employees are committed to your vision just because they say they are.”

To undermine: to intentionally say or do something that makes someone less

successful, effective, or respected; “Chad is young and overconfident and it drives
me crazy that he keeps trying to undermine my authority in front of the other
junior employees.”

To go through someone: to talk with someone in order to contact someone else or

get something done; “If you need a rush on your order, don’t go through the
website; go through me instead.”

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To identify: to recognize something and say what it is; “Ryan from HR is coming in
this afternoon to help us identify the cause of some of our team’s problems.”

To keep someone informed: to give someone the latest information about

something; “Have a great trip Anna, and just remember to keep me informed about
your progress with the Chinese partners.”

Development: an event that changes a situation; “Norm, you need to get down to
the factory as soon as possible; there have been some big developments in our
inspection.”

To be on the same page: to agree or understand the same thing; “Xavier and I
agreed on the corporate vision when we started out, but now we don’t seem to be
on the same page about anything.”

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Dialog

Andrew: [Fade in] So, yeah, then Lindsay comes to me and says she’s moving to
the Newmarket outlet. Which I found pretty surprising, because…

Trevor: Surprising? My understanding is that she’d already talked to you about

a potential move?

Ann: Sorry Trevor but I just want to give Andrew a chance to speak here. Go
ahead Andrew.

Andrew: Like I was saying, I was surprised… not that she wanted a move in the
first place… I mean, she had a bit of a personality conflict with another
employee, but I understood that to be resolved.

Ann: I see. And so… Trevor… if Andrew thought the conflict was resolved but then
Lindsay announces she’s leaving for Newmarket… for your outlet… can you see how
he might feel that something’s going on?

Trevor: I guess I can see how that would be awkward. But perhaps she has other
reasons for the move. In any case, I didn’t poach her. Like I said, she approached me,
and I encouraged her to work out her problems. But Andrew didn’t know that.

Ann: Right. That makes sense… doesn’t it Andrew?

Andrew: Yeah, I suppose…

Ann: Okay and when we talk about solutions here, because that’s really what we
need. Could we say that the goal is being effective and productive, and
not getting in each other’s way?

Andrew: Yes... I just want to do my job. And do it well. So yeah, I guess that’s the goal.

Trevor: I’m good with that. And so… as part of this, it’d be great if you don’t
always assume I’m trying to undermine you Andrew.

Andrew: Okay… and I think it’s best if you don’t talk to my employees
without going through me first.

Ann: Guys… okay, I think it’s better if we can identify what we want to happen,
rather than what we don’t want to happen. You see what I mean?

Trevor: Okay, so how’s this: we can agree to maintain open communication

and keep each other informed of employee developments.

Andrew: Yeah, that sounds good to me. And… I’ll try to be more aware of when I
interrupt you. And I appreciate you doing more to keep me informed on any
staffing issues… [Fade out]

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Debrief

Now let’s go through the dialog again and look at the language and techniques Ann
uses as she tries to resolve the conflict between Trevor and Andrew.

Andrew: So, yeah, then Lindsay comes to me and says she’s moving to the
Newmarket outlet. Which I found pretty surprising, because…

Trevor: Surprising? My understanding is that she’d already talked to you about

a potential move?

At the start of the dialog, we can hear Andrew explaining his side of the story. The
issue centers on the fact that two employees left Andrew’s “outlet,” or store, and
moved to Trevor’s. As Andrew tries to explain how this made him feel, Trevor
interrupts him and questions the fact that Andrew was “surprised.” How does Ann
handle this exchange?

Ann: Sorry Trevor but I just want to give Andrew a chance to speak here. Go
ahead Andrew.

As a mediator, Ann can’t let Andrew and Trevor talk over each other or just argue
back and forth without listening to each other. If Andrew doesn’t get a chance to
tell his side of things, he probably won’t accept Ann’s help.

Notice that Ann simply stops Trevor, and after a quick apology states that she
wants Andrew to have his turn. In this way, Ann shows that she is clearly in control
of the conversation. Let’s run through some more ways of ensuring that each
person has a chance to speak.

• I’d like to make sure you both have a chance to tell your side of the story.
• Sorry Dave, can we let Renee finish her point?
• Okay, now Rob do you want to explain what happened from your perspective?
• Wait a sec Wendy, I’d just like to hear Charlie tell his side first.

Let’s hear Andrew finish explaining his side of the story.

Andrew: Like I was saying, I was surprised… not that she wanted a move in the
first place… I mean, she had a bit of a personality conflict with another
employee, but I understood that to be resolved.

Ann: I see. And so… Trevor… if Andrew thought the conflict was resolved but then
Lindsay announces she’s leaving for Newmarket… for your outlet… can you see how
he might feel that something’s going on?

Andrew explains why he was surprised that Lindsay moved to Trevor’s outlet. But
to Ann, it’s not enough that Andrew has had a chance to explain this. She wants to
make sure that Trevor understands his explanation. Even more than that, she

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wants him to feel empathy for Andrew. Empathy is when we can understand what
other people feel. And getting people to feel empathy for each other can go a long
way to helping resolve a conflict between them.

Ann asks Trevor directly whether he can see how Andrew might feel something is
wrong, given what happened. What are some other ways we can encourage
empathy? Let’s try some more examples.

• Can you sort of see now how Larry might have felt in that situation?
• Just take a minute and try looking at it from her side.
• That would be very upsetting, don’t you think Frank?
• I’d like you both to just think about how the other person saw things.

So can Trevor understand how Andrew feels?

Trevor: I guess I can see how that would be awkward. But perhaps she has other
reasons for the move. In any case, I didn’t poach her. Like I said, she approached me,
and I encouraged her to work out her problems. But Andrew didn’t know that.

Ann: Right. That makes sense… doesn’t it Andrew?

It certainly sounds like Trevor is trying to understand. Still, he has his side of the
story as well, and he is trying to make sure Andrew and Ann understand that he
didn’t try to “poach,” or steal these employees. In fact, he tried telling one
employee to “work out,” or resolve, the problems she had at Andrew’s outlet.

And remember, empathy goes both ways. A mediator has to make sure both people
understand each other’s thoughts or feelings. So before moving on to the next step,
Ann wants to confirm that Andrew understands Trevor’s point of view as well.

Let’s practice some more ways of confirming understanding.

• So, just to be sure, does that make sense to both of you?

• Are we clear on what happened then?
• Okay, so we all understand the situation, right?
• I just want to make sure everyone is on the same page before we go
any further.

Now let’s get back to the dialog, as Ann moves on to talk about solutions.

Andrew: Yeah, I suppose…

Ann: Okay and when we talk about solutions here, because that’s really what we
need. Could we say that the goal is being effective and productive, and
not getting in each other’s way?

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Talking about what we think and how we feel about a conflict is – in some cases –
the easy part. The real question is what are we going to do about it? And when we
look for a solution, it’s a good idea to set a common goal for that solution. Ann asks
Trevor and Andrew whether their goal might be to be effective and productive. In
other words, she is suggesting they find a way to work well together without
interfering with each other or “getting in each other’s way.”

Let’s run through a few more ways of seeking a common goal for a solution.

• It seems that what we need here is to figure out a better system of communication.
• Can we say that the goal in this is to have more productive meetings?
• As a goal, maybe we can look for a way for both of you to feel appreciated.
• So what we’re aiming for here is clearer roles and responsibilities.

Do Andrew and Trevor accept the goal that Ann has proposed? Let’s listen.

Andrew: Yes... I just want to do my job. And do it well. So yeah, I guess that’s the goal.

Trevor: I’m good with that. And so… as part of this, it’d be great if you don’t
always assume I’m trying to undermine you Andrew.

Andrew: Okay… and I think it’s best if you don’t talk to my employees
without going through me first.

Yes, Andrew and Trevor accept the goal of being effective and productive. And
they’re eager to suggest more specifically what that involves. Notice that Trevor
asks Andrew not to make assumptions. And Andrew wants Trevor not to talk to his
employees without speaking with Andrew first.

What do you do when people start telling each other not to do certain things?

Ann: Guys… okay, I think it’s better if we can identify what we want to happen,
rather than what we don’t want to happen. You see what I mean?

The best solutions are phrased in positive terms. That is, solutions are about what
you want to happen, not what you don’t want to happen, as Ann emphasizes. A
good solution should not be just a bunch of rules against certain behaviors.

What are some other ways we can focus on positive actions when discussing
solutions? Let’s practice a few more examples.

• Let’s talk about what we should do, rather than what we shouldn’t do.
• I’d like you both to define what you will do differently in the future.
• Rather than focusing on the negatives, let’s say what we want to happen.
• How can we change that statement into a positive one?

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Now let’s hear Andrew and Trevor attempt to rephrase things as positive actions,
rather than negative ones.

Trevor: Okay, so how’s this: we can agree to maintain open communication

and keep each other informed of employee developments.

Andrew: Yeah, that sounds good to me. And… I’ll try to be more aware of when I
interrupt you. And I appreciate you doing more to keep me informed on any
staffing issues…

By the end of the conversation, Trevor and Andrew are now talking about what they
are going to do differently. That includes “keeping each other informed,” or letting
each other know about what happens with employees. It also means Andrew will be
more aware of how he communicates.

Now let’s practice some of the language we learned in today’s lesson. Imagine you
work as a manager, and you have two employees who are experiencing conflict.
They have developed negative attitudes toward each other, which is impacting the
whole team. Your purpose is to resolve the conflict. You’ll hear a cue from one of
the employees, then I’ll give you a suggestion for what you can say in response.
We’ll guide you through each step in the practice and provide an example answer
for each response.

Ready? Let’s give it a go.

Cue 1: I guess I didn’t realize I was being so negative.

Start by asking if he can see how that would make Kelly feel bad.
Answer:

Cue 2: Yeah, I guess I can understand that.

Now confirm that he understands that this is affecting the whole team.
Answer:

Cue 3: I can see that now, for sure. It’s definitely not a good situation.
Next, set “keeping a positive team atmosphere” as a goal for a solution.
Answer:

Cue 4: That’s fine with me, as long as Kelly doesn’t complain too much.
Finally, say that it would be more helpful if he could state that more positively.
Answer:

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Answer 1:And can you see how that might make Kelly feel bad?
Answer 2: All right, and you understand that this is affecting the whole team, right?
Answer 3: Okay, so as a goal, we can say we want to keep a positive team atmosphere?
Answer 4: I think it would be more helpful if you could state that more positively.

Now let’s practice some of the vocabulary we’ve covered in this lesson. In a
moment, you’ll hear a series of sentences with a word replaced with a beep. Repeat
each sentence, including the missing word.

For example, if you hear:

Example Cue: Let’s meet to see if we can work out this <beep>.

You can say:

Example Answer: Let’s meet to see if we can work out this problem.

After each response, we’ll provide the correct answer. Let’s begin.

Cue 1: Please be sure to keep me <beep> of any changes to the report.

Answer:

Cue 2: Fresh Foods has just opened a new <beep> in Seattle.

Answer:

Cue 3: Our office is so small everyone keeps getting in each other’s <beep>.
Answer:

Cue 4: Jerry, I think we should sit down and try to <beep> this conflict.
Answer:

Answer 1: Please be sure to keep me informed of any changes to the report.

Answer 2: Fresh Foods has just opened a new outlet in Seattle.
Answer 3: Our office is so small everyone keeps getting in each other’s way.
Answer 4: Jerry, I think we should sit down and try to resolve this conflict.

We’ve reached the end of this lesson, the second in our series on conflict resolution.
We’ve learned how to ensure each person has a turn to speak, how to encourage
empathy, and how to confirm understanding. We’ve also looked at setting common
goals for a solution and keeping the focus on positive actions.

Thanks for listening and see you again soon!

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Language Review

A. Review Quiz

For each question, you must choose the sentence that best fulfills the given
language function or purpose.

1. What might you say to ensure that each person has a turn when trying to
resolve conflict?

a) Okay, is that everything? Should we move on now?

b) Sorry Dave, but could you repeat that please?
c) Just hold on please Dan, I want to give Hannah the chance to finish.

2. How might you encourage empathy between two people experiencing conflict?

a) Can you see how that might make Gus feel that he’s not valuable?
b) I want you to imagine just for a second that things were different.
c) Are you telling me you can’t understand what he’s saying?

3. What can you say to confirm understanding before moving on in a conversation?

a) Could you just tell me how you see the issue?

b) Seems right to me. How about you?
c) Okay, so are you both clear on what actually happened?

4. How could you set a common goal for a solution to a conflict?

a) I want you both to try working this out together.

b) So, can we say that what we’re aiming for is better teamwork?
c) What I’d like to do here is talk through the issue and find a solution.

5. How can you ask people to focus on positive actions as part of a solution?

a) Can you just tell me what else you would like Tim to avoid doing?
b) I tend to think we have reason to be optimistic here.
c) Okay, let’s talk about what we want to happen, rather than not want to happen.

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B. Vocabulary and Idioms

Fill in the blanks with words from the box below. Be sure to put any verbs in the
right tense.

work keep page

assume way undermine

1. In every meeting, Jack tries to _____________ my ideas by asking stupid or

difficult questions.

2. I’m happy to let you manage this file on your own, but please just
_____________ me informed of any big changes.

3. I was surprised that you didn’t take the job because I just _____________ that
you wanted to live in LA again.

4. If we can’t _____________ out this problem on our own, we should call in

someone to help us.

5. Once Debbie gets moving on a project, you’d better not do anything to get in
her _____________.

6. So, are we on the same _____________ now about this new policy or should
we go through it again?

Study Strategy

The ultimate goal of conflict resolution is to find solutions to problems, or figure out
how to do things differently. A good solution is designed to achieve a certain goal,
and a mediator has to help identify that goal, then keep people focused on positive
actions.

Start by thinking of a few problems that your colleagues or employees are

experiencing with each other. Make a few notes about each problem, then write
down what you think would be a good goal for a possible solution. What positive
actions would be part of reaching that goal? Write those actions down too.

Now, with a colleague or friend, imagine you are trying to help mediate a conflict
between the colleagues or employees whose problems you identified. Your partner
will act as one of those people. Start by identifying a goal for the solution to the
problem. Your partner can make a negative statement about what that solution
might involve. For example, he or she might say “that means she can’t email me on
weekends.” Next, you can ask your partner to turn it around into a positive
statement. Continue with the other problems that you’ve identified. When you’re
done, switch roles and let your partner try.

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Answers

Listening Questions

1. When Trevor interrupts, Ann tries to make sure Andrew has a chance to finish
speaking.
2. Ann asks Trevor if he can understand how Andrew might feel.
3. The goal that Ann proposes is to be productive and effective.

A. Review Quiz

1. c; 2. a; 3. c; 4. b; 5. c

B. Vocabulary and Idioms

1. In every meeting, Jack tries to undermine my ideas by asking stupid or

difficult questions.

2. I’m happy to let you manage this file on your own, but please just keep me
informed of any big changes.

3. I was surprised that you didn’t take the job because I just assumed that you
wanted to live in LA again.

4. If we can’t work out this problem on our own, we should call in someone to
help us.

5. Once Debbie gets moving on a project, you’d better not do anything to get in
her way.

6. So, are we on the same page now about this new policy or should we go
through it again?

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