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INTRODUCTION "RESUME BLUNDERS" - Johnny Miller

WHAT IS "CONTRACTS .
MANAGEMENT" ? .
12 PRACTICAL REASONS
TO USE WRITTEN
In my contracts management career, I have
AGREEMENTS WITH
SUPPLIERS written numerous resumes.
CONTRACT LEGALESE

Also, I have reviewed many resumes of

REDUCTION TIPS

60 PRACTICAL
CONTRACT DRAFTING
TIPS
people looking for a job. A resume is a
COMMERCIAL
summary of your qualifications, professional
CONTRACTS
MANAGEMENT BEST
experience, accomplishments, skills,
PRACTICES
education, and professional affiliations. The
50 TIPS FOR YOUR
STATEMENT OF WORK primary purpose of a resume is to get
(SOW)

JOHNNY'S SOW
your foot in the door. It is often said
TEMPLATE that a resume does its job successfully if
SERVICE LEVEL
AGREEMENT TEMPLATE
it does not exclude you from further
INTERNATIONAL SALES consideration for employment. Set out
AGREEMENT CHECKLIST
below are 57 amusing examples of actual
and hypothetical resume statements (that I
CHECKLIST FOR JOINT
COLLABORATIVE
AGEEMENTS

115 ISSUES IN
have collected over the years) that would
COMMERCIAL SERVICES
AGREEMENTS
probably exclude you from further
RISK MANAGEMENT
consideration:
CHECKLIST FOR OUTSIDE
COUNSEL AGREEMENTS

SEVERABILITY 1. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

40 INDEMNIFICATION
CLAUSE REVIEW TIPS

US PATENTS: 30
FACTORS TO CONSIDER

40 NON DISCLOSURE
AGREEMENT REVIEW 2. Here are my qualifications for you to
overlook.
TIPS

14 IMPORTANT,
PRACTICAL, AND USEFUL

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INVENTORSHIP ISSUES

START-UP ENTITY
INTELLECTUAL
PROPERTY DUE
DILIGENCE CHECKLIST 3. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
4 STEP NEGOTIATION
CHECKLIST

P-4 PREFERRED
PROVIDER PARTNERING
PROGRAM

OFF SHORE
OUTSOURCING OF
4. I am very detail-oreinted.
COMMERCIAL
CONTRACTS
MANAGEMENT

BUSINESS INSURANCE
BROKER AGREEMENTS

JOHNNY'S CERTIFICATE 5. My intensity and focus are at inordinately

OF INSURANCE REVIEW
CHECKLIST high levels, and my ability to complete
TX BUSINESS TYPE projects on time is unspeakable.
TX LLC CHECKLIST

TX CORP CHECKLIST

STATE BAR OF TEXAS

6. It's best for employers that I not work
CLIENT REVIEWS
with people.
AVVO

ARTICLES

57 RESUME BLUNDERS

YOGI-ISMS

UECKER-ISMS
7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and
BASEBALL IS DIFFERENT
motivated.
CLIENT ACCESS ONLY
PAGE - PASSWORD
PROTECTED

8. Insufficient writing skills and thought

processes have slowed down some.

9. Seek challenges that test my mind and

body, since the two are usually inseparable.

10. My experience in horticulture is well-

rooted.

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11. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed

the family dog for years.

12. I am a rabid typist.

13. I was proud to win the Gregg Typting

Award.

14. I have a bachelorette degree in Political

Science.

15. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude;

excellent memory; effective management
skills; and very good at math.

16. Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of

high school.

17. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while

maintaining composer.

18. Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as

job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
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19. Worked as a Corporate Lesion.

20. Special Skills: Speak English.

21. I am interested in applying what I learnt

in college.

22. Served as assistant sore manager.

23. Will not relocate. But if I can get a job

out-of-state, it is not a problem for me to
move.

24. Increased sales and closed business.

25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent

travel.

26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics

challenged on a daily basis.

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27. Special skills: Thyping.

28.Reason for leaving last job: Bounty

hunting was outlawed in my state.

29. I procrastinate - especially when the task

is unpleasant.

30. My ruthlessness terrorized the

competition and can sometimes offend.

31. I can play well with others.

32. Seeking a party-time position with

potential for advancement.

33. Consistently tanked as top sales producer

for new accounts.

34. Education: Graduated from predatory

school with honors.

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35. Instrumental in ruining entire operation

for a Midwest chain store.

36. Never been fired, although it could

happen anytime now.

37. Work best with kids five and under.

38. Proven ability to track down and correct

erors.

39. Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.

40. As indicted, I have over five years of

analyzing agreements.
.
.

41. I demand a salary commiserate with my

extensive experience.

42. Received a plague for employee of the

Year.

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43. Develop and recommend an annual

operating expense fudget.

44. Have extensive experience in turkey

manufactures as well as new product
development and implementation.

45. I am accustomed to speaking in front of

all kinds of audiences. I make points as well
as I can.

46. While in military, was instrumental in

creation of a treat detection system.

47. Previous experience: Administrative

Assitant. Required high detail orentation and
acuracy.

48. Previous rank: Senior instigator.

49. Looking for an employer that believes in

prompting from within.

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50. I have recently sold my home and I now

live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate
quickly.

51. Interests: Music, dancing computers.

52. Objective: To obtain a position where I

can make a difference, infecting others with
my professionalism, enthusiasm and
dedication.

53. Strengths: Impersonal skills.

54. Special interests: I like any projects that

are fun.

55. Other: Drafted in the Army in 1776.

56. Thank you for your consideration. Hope

to hear from you shorty!

57. Referees available upon request.

In preparing a resume, many issues must be

carefully considered. Be accurate in spelling,

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punctuation, grammar, word choice,

design, and proof-reading.

Don't be a resume blunder victim.

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