Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP submission: question I received made to what I impacts my paper:

(Note which WP) (from initially wrote:
whom/where?)

WP1: Writing Project Tommy: Including a What’s on Today’s Adding a title gives
1 title would make the Menu? the reader a sense of
paper better what the essay will be
about before they
start reading. It gives
the essay a better
sense of creativity as
well.

WP1 In the world of Needs to make Removed Rather than using my

writing, genre takes introduction more whole introduction
on somewhat of a concise and focused Added: Look no defining what a genre
different form, being on the topic of further than your is, I decided to focus
used as a word to restaurant menus. local McDonalds or directly on my chosen
classify different cozy breakfast cafe genre. This makes my
forms of writing. and you’ll find a introduction more
According to Lisa perfect example of a cohesive.
Bickmore’s “Genre in genre the moment
the Wild”, genre is you walk in. Menus
defined as being display the various
characteristic, types of food items
containing written or that are offered in
spoken acts of restaurants all across
language, and being the world. The way
recurrent. the menus are
Furthermore, presented vary with
according to each restaurant you
“Navigating Genres” go to and the food
by Kerry Dirk, genres itself will certainly
are described as a vary depending on
tool to help people the kind of restaurant
accomplish goals. it is
Genres are recurring
responses to certain
situations; a sort of
template we can use
to address whatever
the situation may call
for.

WP1: The genre of Bocchino: When I Although they all The argument being
restaurant menus are finish reading the share the overarching made in the essay is
produced in a way to intro, I still don’t purpose of generating now more explicitly
specifically reflect know what the profit for the stated in the thesis.
their exigence and argument is regarding restaurant, each menu The conventions are
purpose, and as a the relationship is specially produced also more specific.
result, every menu between the context in order to
won’t simply be a of the restaurant successfully reach
repetition of one menus and their that purpose in their
another, but rather a conventions. own unique way
unique representation through the menu’s
of the restaurant form, visual aesthetic,
through the menu’s and language.
form, context, and
content.

WP1: Individual Bocchino: The Created a paragraph The essay will have
examples of the genre individual analyses of focused on the an entire paragraph
did not connect to the different samples convention of “form” focused on the way
each other of your genre are well of restaurant menus menus are structured.
done but they need to This way the
be tied together. examples can be
listed and explained
based on their form
within the paragraph,
giving the analysis
better structure.

WP1: Needs new Need to analyze the Created another The new paragraph
analysis for revised different samples paragraph focused on specifically about the
thesis through the the visual aspects of visuals of the menus
conventions in the menus allows for the
revised thesis analysis to be more
specific rather than
being broad when
analyzing something
like content. Adds
better structure to the
essay as well.

WP1: Needs a Need to create a new In addition to the The addition of a new
separate paragraph paragraph for the visual aspects, the paragraph explaining
analyzing the language convention language component the language within
language within menus play menus strengthens
their own role in my argument
drawing the attention
of consumers.

WP1: Each food item Tommy: Make these As with most fast The revision makes
is listed with details sentences more food restaurants, each these sentences flow
of its ingredients and cohesive and give a food item is listed much better and the
the price and a specific reason why with its price, a addition of human
picture of the food as the altered image of picture, and details of nature gives a
well. The inclusion of food will incite its ingredients. In specific reason for
a picture is important hunger. many cases, the how the picture
as the image visually image is altered to be incites hunger
attracts the customer. more appealing to the
Although the image customers. The sight
may be altered in of visually appealing
order to make the food will
food look better than automatically incite
it actually does, the hunger simply due to
visual aspect will human nature,
automatically draw in therefore encouraging
the customer and customers to buy the
possibly incite food.
hunger.

WP1: Original Bocchino: Supposed This can be seen from An additional

example from PB not to have 4 examples of the menu of The example is added,
included in WP1 the genre Habit Burger Grill. therefore
The menu states that strengthening the
their burgers are evidence for the essay
made with “100%
fresh ground beef”
and that they only use
“100% trans-fat free
vegetable oil”.

WP1: Each idea was Need to tie each With the use of Ties my point back to
somewhat paragraph back to the language from the thesis
disconnected from thesis menus, customers are
the original argument informed of certain
deals, promotions, or
advertisements that
draw their attention to
the restaurant. The
 use of catchy phrases
and easily
remembered names
add to the restaurant’s
long lasting
impression on the
customer as well,
helping the restaurant
successfully achieve
their purpose of
gaining profit.

WP1: Furthermore, Need to change the According to her The evidence fits
according to way the evidence is article “Navigating better into the revised
“Navigating Genres” presented in order to Genres”, Kerry Dirk essay.
by Kerry Dirk, genres fit with the revised references Amy
are described as a essay Devitt, a professor
tool to help people specializing in the
accomplish goals. study of genre theory
as saying, “Genres
have the power to
help or hurt human
interaction, to ease
communication or to
deceive…”

WP3: Did not include Bocchino: You An example of this Providing my essay
concrete examples of answer all the can be seen in the with the example of
children’s stories questions asked in the story “Goldilocks and Goldilocks and the
reflection but your the Three Bears”. The Three Bears allow
discussion of the protagonist in this readers to better
genre conventions of story is Goldilocks, a understand the
children’s stories young girl who conventions of
would benefit from comes across a house children’s stories
having concrete belonging to a family
examples of the of bears. She makes
conventions you conscious decisions
describe. to trespass upon their
home, eat their food,
and sleep in their
beds. In doing these
things, she ignores
the potential negative
 consequences of her
actions.

WP3: Did not include Bocchino: You For instance, the Similar to adding the
concrete examples of answer all the story “The Ugly example of
children’s stories questions asked in the Duckling” revolves Goldilocks and the
reflection but your around a young Three Bears, adding
discussion of the duckling being born the example of the
genre conventions of uglier than his fellow Ugly Duckling to my
children’s stories ducklings. After essay helps to
would benefit from facing many improve readers’
having concrete difficulties regarding understanding of the
examples of the his appearance, the convention being
conventions you ugly duckling grew explained.
describe. up and came to
realize that he was
never a duckling in
the first place, but
rather a beautiful
swan.

WP3: Did not explain Bocchino: The story In addition to Explaining why I
reasons for including in your translation is translating the article, included pictures in
pictures. really engaging but I included pictures to the translated story
reading it brought up go along with the improves the
some questions that story itself. reflection as a whole
your reflection would Considering my because it thoroughly
benefit from translation was a describes my
discussing. For children’s story, it translating process
example, why did would be reasonable from the original
you choose the to have images to go article to the
pictures you did? along with the words children’s story
on the page. I chose
specific images to
provide visual
context to the content
I had within my story.
For example, reading
about ancient
Egyptian hieroglyphs
and then seeing a
picture of it allows
readers to make a
better connection
between the two,
 therefore improving
understanding of the
concept.

WP3: Began story Bocchino: How did I got rid of the Removing the
with a prologue you decide on the prologue heading and prologue made the
organization with a split it up into two organization of the
prologue and then paragraphs that story much more
part 1 and might there simply open up my simple. Having a
be a better way to story. prologue and a part 1
organize it? just over complicated
the structure of the
story.

WP3: However, when Bocchino: The paper This was not Integrating the quote
writing performing might also benefit surprising due to the into the body of the
the translation, it was from having the ideas fact that the genres of essay rather than at
important to keep in from the course academic articles and the end allows for
mind the different readings better childrens’ stories better flow of ideas
purposes of my integrated into the consist of many
primary and body of the paper differences in their
secondary text. Each rather than left for the purpose and
text is a different end. conventions.
genre and as a result According to
have different “Navigating Genres”
purposes. According by Kerry Dirk we
to “Navigating must “think about
Genres” by Kerry genres as tools to
Dirk we must “think help people to get
about genres as tools things done.”
to help people to get
things done.”

Added course
readings at the very
end